#this is so self indulgent i'm so sorry
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˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚🦋˚ ༘♡ ⋆。
thinking about steve and plus size reader....
thinking about how steve can't keep his hands off of you, can't stop touching you and kissing you all over, feeling your warmth and your curves beneath his lips and his hands. it drives him crazy, you drive him crazy. he loves it. he loves you.
it starts as something simple really. he comes up behind you while you're working away in the kitchen. gentle hands on your hips, his face in the crook of your neck. a deep inhale as he loosens his grip on your hips and runs his hands up your sides and then down again, lowering to your waist. a low groan against your skin, a small "god. you're beautiful, honey" that vibrates down your spine. gentle nipping kisses on your neck as his other hand presses against your lower tummy, hand spread out as wide as he can get it so he can feel all of you under his palm. the hand on your waist is gripping tight. his kisses travel up from the side of your neck to your soft jawline, soft soft soft lips against the skin. "my beautiful girl" murmured against your cheek, lips pressed there next. his hands continue to roam, one hand slipping up your shirt to feel your tummy without the barrier, soft fingers tracing your stretchmarks gently. he traces each one from the bottom curve of your belly all the way up to the underside of your breast, his hand resting there for a moment. "you're all mine, hm?" he murmurs into your ear, pressing his body against your back. his body is warm against yours, but it's not helping the cold shivers that run through you as his hands touch you. "all for me" he growls, his grip tightening on you, getting a soft exhale of his name out of your mouth. his grip becomes possessive on you, his hand running back down your stomach sloooow so slow, until both of his hands can grip your plush hips, rocking you back into his body. "y'so pretty,"
#this is so self indulgent i'm so sorry#but i literally woke up this morning thinking about him and HAD to write this#and between you and me there is a severe lack in steve and actual plus size reader stuff so i feel like changing that :D#as someone who is actually plus size#steve harrington x curvy reader#steve harrington x plus size reader#steve harrington fuff#steve harrington comfort#steve harrington blurb#steve harrington x fem reader#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x plussizereader#steve harrington x you#kay writes
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i. i've been thinking about this lantern rite scene so much... zhongli looks so hskdjsldjlsdj here ok i couldn't help myself leave me alone hnggg i love him i love him i love h- and like. what if.
what if you're also invited to the feast because obviously zhongli is invited so naturally, he brings you, his spouse, as his plus one...
and in this scene you're just so mesmerized by your husband, you're staring. very blatantly, i might add. food forgotten, mouth half open, chopsticks in the air, the food you were about to put in your mouth already fallen down onto your plate. you hear "our consultant truly is impressive" from hu tao and you inwardly agree. he truly is impressive. magnificent. a sight to behold. with a chiseled jaw and a pair of the prettiest eyes, skin carved by the gods and soft silky hair, kissable lips and fluttering eyelashes-
and then zhongli, sensing your stare, glances towards you. your eyes meet. you blush. he gives you a tiny smile, eyes softening at the edges. you proceed to silently scream into your palms.
bonus: meanwhile, lumine who was sitting beside you giggles in amusement. paimon's feels herself losing her appetite.
goodness, as always, this couple is far too lovey-dovey for their own good...
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#zhongli#zhongli x reader#this is so self indulgent i'm so sorry#actually no i'm not sorry zhongli's spouses where yall at#me whenever zhongli is shown in the scene: STOP THAT AUTOPLAY STOP THAT AUTOPLAY#also me: proceeds to spend the next minute staring at zhongli :D#ok back to work now hdkdjsndsldn#rin writes#rin releases a plot bunny into the wild
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been thinking about ablaze with all the people you’ve been again like i can’t reread it at this point anymore but also like. i genuinely think it’s one of the best things i’ve ever made despite being over a year old and like. don’t get me wrong i love so much of what i’ve done this year i’ve grown so much as a writer and game maker but like. truly i don’t know if i’m ever gonna make something like that again ykwim?? it’s just such a special piece to me
#s.txt#this is so self indulgent i'm so sorry#but i just got a comment on it for the first time in like a year (thanks rowan!!!)#and got punted into my feelings about it#listen. i love burn with me i think it's some damn cool shit that i've done#but if you only ever read one thing of mine please please PLEASE#let it be ablaze
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An important thing to note about kids' shows centered around colorful horses and the magic of friendship: happy endings are not uncommon.
(Batman MLP AU)
#I’ll take ridiculously niche and self-indulgent art for 200 alex#can you guys tell who my favorite batman villain is yet#Also HOW ABOUT THAT SOLO COMIC ANNOUNCEMENT !? WHAT!?#Anyway hi batman tag. Want to look at horses again? I'm so sorry.#my art#digital art#batman#mlp#mlp fim#crossover#two face#harvey dent#gilda gold#gilda dent#bruce wayne
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𝑩𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑮𝒊𝒓𝒍 🎀🍰
characters; SatoSugu (Gojo Satoru + Geto Suguru) x Reader
cw; none! pure FLUFF! the two dummies being completely lovesick and mopey over their pretty spoiled angel! birthday trope, completely SELF INDULGENT (since it's my bday todayyy <3)
Your lumbering eyes blink heavily to the flaunting streaks of the peeking sun seeping through your bedroom shades. A heavy distinctive weight of multiple objects weighs all over and around your sleeping form, a low grumble tittering off from your supple lips.
Gradually stirring awake from your deep slumber, you glance down at your chest to a note with a beautifully fully blossomed peony taped to the feeble paper. Blinking, you sit upright and take the note into your hands, carefully holding the gorgeous, flourishing flower and reading over the neatly familiar font written in perfect alignment.
Good morning and happy birthday beautiful :)
Sorry that me and Satoru are not there to hold you in our arms and spoil you with endless kisses and affections, but we had to do some...shopping for your surprise for tonight. (I really didn't want to spoil anything about it but I guess I kind of did...)
As you can tell, Satoru had bombarded you with boundless hoards of gifts on you. He was dead set on drowning you in a heap of stuffed animals, jewelry and your favorite type of throw blankets. He's utterly ridiculous, but he loves you incessantly so I suppose that makes up for it haha.
A tender smile seeps onto your cheeks, glancing up and around the bundled stock of adorable stuffed animals, fluffy throw blankets and fancy expensive boxes that you'd presumed to be the priceless jewelry Satoru had hauled for you. Your heart flutters warmly, frantically at the adoring thought.
A bit much don't you think, Toru?
"Oh 'Toru..." you giggle softly under your breath, your softened eyes scrolling back onto the heart felt letter in your free hand.
We should be back home in a few hours or so, so please enjoy your comfortable day lounging about my love. We'll bring home some snacks on our way back.
Oh, and my gift for you (minus the flower of course, because I think I remembered you saying that Peonies were your favorite some time ago) is in in the living room. I hope you like it angel :)
Again, happy birthday princess.
Much love from your goofballs - Suguru + Satoru.
Your heart continues to patter wildly against your chest, smiling ever so giddily to yourself as you glimpse over the mount of gifts hoarding over you. Gently placing the adoring letter on your nightstand, you gently caress the soften petals of the elegant flower, gingerly bringing it to your lips and tending a ghost like kiss to the sweet scented flora. Inhaling the candid natural scent of it's aroma.
"Oh my silly thoughtful boys" you murmur lightly, feeling your eyes swell with happy tears, your heart fluttering happily to the thought of the two idiots you grew to know and love over the years, spoiling you.
Feeling the enthralling excitement swarm in the depths of your stomach, you carefully rise from your gift-cluttered bed and stand onto your toes. Stretching out your limbs, you felt the soft silk of your blush pink night gown grace over the upper plain of your exposed thighs. A tingling, lulling sensation peppering all over your awakening skin.
Still holding onto the flower in your hand, you gleefully make your way into the living room. Stopping immediately at the frame of your bedroom door as your pupils dilate with vast enchantment and wonder.
With your ceiling littered with heart shaped balloons of soft pink, rose gold and white, the dining room table neatly decorated with two tall standing candles, silverware and dishes adroitly placed and pink rose petals lightly scattered along the sleek table cloth and your dishes - you couldn't help the overwhelming warmth resonating deep within your heavy chest.
Those thick, kindred tears welling back at the corners of your blurry irises.
"Suguru..." you hardly whispered out with a soft gasp, blown out watery irises carefully skimming along the beautifully decorated room from their courteous hard work.
Light footing of your delicate steps drew you close to the breath taking scenery displayed out before you. Daintily, you brush the pad of your fingers along the silken table cloth and rose petals that swarmed over your dining room table. Thoroughly, admiring every detail and care they took to prep this, just for you.
Your eyes spot another note in the middle of the table, folded in half and nestled against one of the standing candles.
You carefully take it and open the smaller note.
I hope everything is to your liking angel, I wanted to make everything as perfect as I could for you :) I hope it's not too much.
(Satoru says he helped pitched in, doesn't want to seem like he didn't put in any effort or whatever haha)
Happy birthday sweet girl, dress up nice tonight, we're cooking and tending to you thoroughly tonight. Tonight will be all about you sweetheart.
- Suguru G.
Oh, so he wants you to collapse from a cardiac arrest from all the cuteness and what not?
Grasping onto the small, gracious note and hugging it close to your chest (where your heart rests), you couldn't help the familiar overwhelming feeling of sheer bliss and joyous enlightenment embellish all over your body. Filling your heart and soul with boundless love and adoration.
Tears swiftly cascading down the soften plush of your blossoming cheeks. Breaths catching tightly at the perch of your lungs, heart still restlessly plummeting to the endearing thought of your boyfriends going out of their way to woo you with such enchanting gifts and basking wonderment.
You couldn't help the over joyous feeling coursing through you, titillating excitement pouring through your veins as you rush to your bathroom to get ready for the enticing night!
#this made me sooo happy <33#I'm glad I wrote this!#so cuteee#my two dumbdumbs <3333#Satoru so totally would drown you in boundless gifts!#that man is going to spoil you ROTTEN (even if it's not your bday!)#and Suguru...omfg SUGURUUU THE ROMANTIC THAT YOU ARE (...in my head because I'm THAT delulu HUSH LMAO)#this was utterly self indulgent sorry! but it IS for everybody! SPECIFICALLY FOR MY FELLOW JULY BDAY BABIESSS 😚🫶🏼💗#satosugu x reader#satosugu#geto suguru x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jjk
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#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#caoimhee thirfaen#bg3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 spoilers#bg3 patch 5 spoilers#bg3 epilogue#bg3 epilogue spoilers#this is so self indulgent im sorry#i just cant get over the little boop oh my goooood?!?!?!?#for a sec i thought the kiss was bugged again#and was abt to get mad#until i realized that gale is just teasing#so i'm guessing this is one of the datamined kisses then huh#aka 'dont tease me'#mygifs#(also can u tell what caoimhee's fav color is lmao)
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A little gift (part 2, no one asked for it but screw it)
Shadow Milk Cookie x reader fic (Chapter 2 - Theater of Lies)
Author's note: Made a part 2 cause I'm not done with my idea, I still have something else related to the story that I wanna show you (if you're interested, of course) Also, thank you for the wonderful comments in the first part, I'm glad you liked it! I hope you like this next part as much as the last one. Now, on with the show!
Part 1
Part 2 (you are here)
Part 3
A lot has happened since you got that hat: Elder Faerie died trying to buy you some time, and White Lily became the new guardian of the Seal, which made Shadow Milk Cookie changed the performance... into a quiz show! You were jumping up and down excitedly since you were eager to answer his questions (maybe that way he'll notice you for sure!). You sat down and took a deep breath before the quiz started, everyone else was standing up and steeling themselves, ready for any tricks he might pull on them. Everyone was feeling on edge after all of the recent events, and they felt very concerned and confused about the way you reacted to everything: You barely showed worry when Shadow Milk Cookie turned the whole kingdom into his personal circus, you showed remorse when Elder Faerie died but moved on quickly as soon as Shadow Milk started talking again, and now you're excited about a deadly quiz show, what the heck was wrong with you? Everyone turned to the stage when they heard Shadow Milk speak, but Wizard's gaze lingered a bit, he was gonna find out what was making you feel this way.
"Now, for the first question! Out of these False Heroes, which one is only half a Cookie? Choose your answer carefully and don't forget: time is ticking!" started Shadow Milk, as he pulled out five poorly-drawn cardboard cutouts of the Ancients, it made you giggle a bit seeing those goofy cutouts. Wizard Cookie was keeping an eye on you as you sat there, thinking.
"Half a Cookie? Isn't that... White Lily Cookie?" you pondered whether you should give your answer or not because you didn't want to put your friends in danger if you got it wrong (and you didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of him). Suddenly, you hear someone else answer.
"None of them!" yelled out Gingerbrave proudly, thinking he beat Shadow Milk at his own game.
"...oh crumbs." you thought to yourself.
"WRONG!!! Let the punishment ensue! Now... Who wants to be crumbled first?" announced Shadow Milk so loudly that it startled you. You gasped in fear of what might happen to you and your friends, and Gingerbrave (that dummy was gonna get you all crumbled!!).
"The right answer is... All of them" Pure Vanilla spoke up before anything else could happen. Thankfully, that was the answer he was looking for, so you sighed in relief, gave Gingerbrave a glare and moved on to the next question. Wizard noticed you do this, he was taking note of any changes in behavior you exhibited.
"Out of these three Cookies... Who is the biggest liar? Remember, your time is running out! So don't think for too long!" said Shadow Milk as he took out Pure Vanilla's and White Lily's cardboard cutouts and an amazingly detailed cutout of himself (you could tell how much he loved himself by the amount of effort he put into it compared to the others, it made you chuckle a bit).
"Ooh, a trick question! Ok, it can't be Shadow Milk because that would be too obvious, it might be White Lily because she lied about her being Dark Enchantress, but... how is Pure Vanilla a liar?" you thought to yourself as you wondered why Pure Vanilla was part of the choices, until you heard someone speak up.
"This is easy! It's Shadow Milk Cookie, who else!" said Wizard Cookie, so sure of his answer that he doesn't even realize that it's too easy! You started sweating and fidgeting your non-existent fingers until you heard a third Cookie speak.
"Oh no, that's... too easy..." commented Strawberry Cookie, at least someone had common sense. You got lost in your thoughts, thinking about the horrible punishment Shadow Milk had prepared for all of you!
"Well then, are you ready? What's your answer?" speak of the devil, Shadow Milk came back to hear your team's final answer.
"Come on, just repeat after me! 'Shadow...'" started Wizard Cookie, you were sooo gonna strangle him and Gingerbrave after you're done here cause like... DO THEY HAVE DEATH WISHES OR SOMETHING?!
"The biggest liar is... me, Pure Vanilla Cookie." his voice snapped you out of your silent frenzy, what was he doing?? Surely he had a good reason to call himself a liar now more than ever. Fortunately for you and unfortunately for him, that was the right answer (tho you didn't like the implications of it), another breath of relief is taken, then you give Wizard a glare, and prepare yourself for the next question.
...No, you know what? You were so angry at Wizard Cookie that, in a fit of rage, you took your hat from your head and threw it at him. Oh no!! What have you done?! You tried to apologize, but Wizard, who's been holding you suspect for having strange behavior concerning the Beast of Deceit, took it and came to the conclusion that maybe it was that stupid hat that was doing something to you, so the best course of action was to get rid of it entirely by turning it into ashes via a lightning bolt he casted on it after placing it down on the ground.
"NO!!!" you shouted as you ran to the place where your hat used to be, now turned into a pile of ash and dust. You picked up the ashes from the ground, hands trembling and tears building up in your eyes, your breath shaking and your voice breaking as you squeaked out your response.
"WHY?! Why did you do that??" you exclaimed as you threw ash at Wizard Cookie, who blocked your attack from his face but still coughed from the smell of it in the air.
"It was for your own good, that hat was controlling you, couldn't you see that?!" said Wizard Cookie in an unpleasant angry tone that even he wasn't proud of. He sighed in a tired manner and continued.
"Look, I'm sorry about what I did, but you have to understand that these are dire circumstances we're facing, so we need you to come to your senses so we can finish this and leave as soon as possible, alright?" he said with a softer tone to try to make you feel better. All you could do was get up, wipe away your angry tears and look away.
"Fine." you said, holding back more tears from flowing on your cheeks. Your face was red from the surge of emotions, so you took a few deep breaths to calm down.
But privacy isn't a thing for Shadow Milk Cookie, he saw and heard everything. There was steam coming from his head, his slit eyes were so small that they looked like toothpicks, his face might turn into a different color because of how furious he was! How dare that shorty ruin your perfect gift, he worked so hard to get it to you, and now it was nothing but a pile of cinder. He swore that he would exact his revenge on that so-called wizard and his friends, a devious grin grew on his face as he remembered his final question for them.
"Don't you worry, my little star, your darling jester will take care of this." declared Shadow Milk in his head, as he prepared everything for the last question... and final showdown.
#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#cr kingdom#crk#shadow milk cookie#shadow milk crk#shadow milk x reader#x reader#crk x reader#crk x you#cookie run x reader#cookie run x you#cookie run x y/n#cookie run kingdom x reader#beast yeast#crk beast yeast#bro while I was writing this the power went out and I got so scared. thankfully I was writing on my pc so it autosaved#keep in mind that I made this based on my first experience going through the chapter#so things might feel off for you#i think this is becoming self-indulgent I'm sorry 😅
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meet-cute !
tags. fluff. sakura haruka x gender-neutral!reader.
cw. none!
a/n. it's my first time writing so feel free to give your opinions on my mailbox. :]
“c'mon, just get down here you damn cat. ” sakura grumbles while trying to reach for the hissing kitten on the tree branch.
when sakura decided to go on an early morning patrol, he passed by this meowing cat that was stranded on a tree branch in a playground. sakura felt bad for the small kitten so he decided to help it, only thing is, sakura isn't really good with cats.
which led to this laughable situation. sakura has his arms reached out for the kitten but it just keeps hissing at him. if suo and the others see him like this, they definitely won't let him live this down, he thought.
he wants to leave it but he's worries that it might get hurt when it jumps down, can kittens get hurt after jumping off a tree?? he said in his mind.
begrudgingly, he climbs up the tree and tries to reach for the kitten, who scoots away from him while hissing.
as you were walking on your way to school, you see a black and white hair colored boy climbing a tree, and he seems to be reaching for a kitten.
“is he crazy? he's definitely scaring it more by reaching for it like a claw from a claw machine” you softly scoffed.
sakura finally manages to grab a hold of the kitten but it suddenly jumped off his grasp and on to his face, scratching it, which causes him to fall down the tree.
“ oh my god, are you okay!?” you yelled while rushing to him.
you crouched down and looked down at the boy who's covering his face while mumbling curses,
“ uhm, are you okay .. sir?” you asked
sakura took his hands away from his face and opened his eyes, he looked at you with the sun hitting the back of your head. he got surprised on seeing a person so close to his face that he abruptly sits up, causing the two of you to head bump each other.
“ow! what is wrong wit- oh my god, you're face!” you yelped while holding your forehead
“huh?! what's wrong with my face?!” sakura looked at you
“it's bleeding!” you reached for the mini first-aid in your bag, “c'mon, i'll disinfect it.” you reached for his wrist and pull him on to a near bench.
both of you are now sitting on a bench, and you're busy disinfecting the scratches on his face.
why is his face so red? does he have a fever or something? you thought looking at the boy who was as red as a tomato.
“do you have a fever?” you asked him
“n-no .. ” he mumbled, looking away
“okay then ..” you smiled, “there, i'm done disinfecting it, now i just need to add some ointment, okay?”
sakura nods, why are you being so nice time, he's a random stranger for god's sake, he thinks while looking at you preparing the ointment. he wanted to deny you treating him but you were gripping on his wrist and looking at him with your pretty eyes that he just couldn't reject you.
“this might sting a bit” you say as you gently add ointment to the scratches, “and .. i'm done!”
“you'll be okay now” you smiled at him which causes sakura to blush even more.
“thank you, i guess ..” he mumbles
“you're welcome, oh and i'm (your name) by the way, nice to meet you!” you reach out your hand to give him a handshake.
“i'm s-sakura haruka” he hesitantly gives you a handshake, “pleasure to meet you.” he blushes.
sakura .. what a pretty name, it suits his pretty face, you thought. you reach for your phone and looked at the time, shoot i'm gonna be late.
you packed your things and stood up, “i'll be going now, get well soon, sakura!” you beamed at him, waving while jogging away
“y-yeah .. bye” he waved, still sitting on the bench.
i hope i get to meet them again, you both thought to yourselves.
afterwards, sakura went to school, and his friends were shocked to see his face. nirei kept asking him if he's okay, while the others just laughed at him as he explains what happened. (he leaves out the part where you helped him, he's shy.)
#🐈⬛ unorambles#it's so bad i'm sorry#self indulgent#i love him#HE'S JUST SO CUTE#just imagine him trying to reach for a kitten#such a cutie#haruka sakura#sakura haruka x reader#wind breaker#wind breaker x reader#sakura x reader#sakura fluff
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It's them...the creachur
Also a turnaround for Rainer's tattoos
#battle droids deserved better so I made one that is actually happy :)#and I also have never seen a SW hybrid that isn't half human before so I made a chiss zabrak#so this is all super self indulgent I'm sorry#the B1 is named Paz and their friend is Rainer btw#idk if I'll post more about them or my other OCs so sorry if they don't make any sense xd#star wars#my art#clone wars#star wars oc#paz#rainer
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x
#daniel ricciardo#autumn posts#I saw his smile at the end and HAD to gif#also omfmgmfmgm the hella close shot 😵💫💦#sorry to be a h o r n dog on main ignore me hehe but 🫠💫 his tongue 😳✨#I'm unwell 😵💫 nothing pure to say 🙂↔️#self indulgent gif set#dr#eating tw#also now I want dim sum ahhh the penguin red bean buns are so cute
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i think.
i think zhongli just instinctively knows when you feel down or are putting up a front.
he sees the strain in your smiles. the unshed tears lining your eyes. the way you sniffle a little as you try to hold back tears. the way you blink repeatedly and try to pass it off as 'an eyelash got into my eye'. the subtlest hitch of your breaths and the slightest tremble of your voice. the way you stare off at a distance and unable to meet people's eyes when you talk.
he knows, because he listens and he watches. he knows, because he commits the smallest ticks and the most minuscule things about you into his memories.
he knows, and he wishes you would never have to act in front of him. that you'd trust yourself to him at your most vulnerable. that even if you don't want to talk about it at the moment, he's fine with just being there, cradling you in his arms as he waits for your tears to dry.
for every birds exhausts themselves eventually and needs a nest to return to when it tires of soaring in the skies.
and he'll gladly build you a nest; a home and a safe haven, just for the two of you.
#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact#zhongli#zhongli x reader#rin releases a plot bunny into the world#this is so self indulgent i'm sorry
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And this one is for meeee :^)
#this is very self indulgent. i'm going to tag this still. sorry#infamous if#orion quinn#nairi#background is a blurred stock picture because i am not going to bother drawing it for myself lmao#did a cute sketch though :^)))#RAHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH......boyfriends...................#q
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Heeyy a bit of a self indulgent ask here but I had a phobia/trauma trigger today and it caused me to have a messy sobbing panic attack. Do you have anything on how Homelander would deal with his s/o having a panic attack like that? almost completely inconsolable. I know this is self serving and indulgent and I’m sorry for over sharing homelander is a comfort character for me and you write him exquisitely. If you’re not comfortable with this just ignore
Homelander was sixteen when he had his first panic attack. He'd flown further and faster away than he'd ever had the freedom to and collapsed in a dense woodland, sobbing and rocking his body against the cool forest floor.
He'd pulled his hair so hard it should have come loose, grit his teeth so tightly they should have cracked, and choked so badly on his own constricting throat that it should have caved in.
They didn't. He's invulnerable, after all. As solid as marble.
It was the first attack, but not the last.
That's how he recognizes it so quickly in you.
"Hey," he says, ears attuned to the rabbit-like pound of your heart. "Heyy, hey, it's okay. I'm right here, you see me? Hey." He's only just found you, he doesn't know yet what your trigger was, but he can ascertain that later.
Your staccato breaths and sharp sobs, the sea salt smell of tears streaking your cheeks, are nearly enough to rouse his own panic by proxy. He needs it to stop. He needs you to stop. He cares about you too much for you to scare him like this.
"Hey, you hear me?" He asks, cupping either side of your face. You can't answer through it. Your tongue is gnarled with panic and you're sobbing so hard he fears you'll choke yourself on it. He's not even sure you see him.
He takes you into his arms, one moving smoothly around your waist while the other cups the back of your head. He holds gently at first, grip gradually tightening, compressing your body against his in the hopes that the hammer of your heart will meet and match the steady beat of his own.
"Sssshhhhhhh," he shushes by your ear, lifting you just enough to keep you on your feet, but take from you the weight of your own body.
"I've got you. Whatever it is, it's okay. It's okay. I've got you. M'gonna take care of it, alright? Ssshh," he says, rocking you the same way he used to rock himself in the corner of the bad room, soothing himself with the thump of his own skull against those sterile white walls.
He knows it's working when you slip your arms around him in turn. He continues to hush you, whispering more honeyed assurances in your ear, the core sentiment always the same.
I'm here. You're safe. I love you.
It's everything he can think that he always wanted to hear in these moments of raw, horrifically human weakness.
Eventually, your breaths begin to even out, though your heart continues to thunder in his ears, still convinced that the danger hasn't yet vanished. He tries not to take that personally and scoops you up the rest of the way into his arms.
"That's it, just like that," he coos, pressing a firm kiss to your forehead. "Breathe. Breathe. Good... Light as a feather now, okay? Like you can fly," he tells you, sharing the greatest comfort he's ever known. His only real escape has always been his weightlessness, the ability to shed gravity at will. He uses his strength in an attempt to share even a sliver of that sense of freedom with you.
Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. All he knows is that your heart starts to slow alongside the flow of your tears. He kisses your wet cheeks, the bridge of your nose, your forehead. He whispers praise and love with each one, voice barely above a whisper.
"I'm sorry," you choke out. He's appalled that would be your first instinct.
"Don't," he says firmly, though his voice is still low. "Don't. I can carry it for you. Carry you. What's the point of super strength otherwise?" He murmurs, a smile playing at the edges of his lips.
You almost smile back, and that's enough for him. He kisses the crease between your brows until it smooths, and the highs of your cheeks until the tears dry up, and your lips until they're ready to speak again.
He'll hold you for as long as it takes your body to realize the threat was only ever in your mind, and that there isn't a thing in this goddamn world he would ever let hurt you.
#i'm so sorry you experienced that today my darling ilu#i hope this helps i tried to get it out asap#he would take such good care because he knows what it's like to be fucked up by your own body#you don't ever have to apologize to me i promise#i'm all for self-indulgence and comfort#you're welcome and safe here!!!#homelander x reader#homelander x you#x reader#darling anon#ask and you shall receive#my writing
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Ep. 7, polyamory
(Full comic ↓)
#lil’ doodle#lil' comic#paper wires and clockwork train hit me over like a train today#i'm so sorry#dhmis teachers#colin the computer#tony the talking clock#paige the sketchbook#shrignold the butterfly#☆they're married fr#dhmis colin#dhmis sketchbook#dhmis tony#dhmis shrignold#paperwires and clockwork#paper wires and clockwork#uhm. wdym self indulgent.#no im not???#no hablo ingles que es eso
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i like to make fun of murderbot for being all "i hate everyone, i don't care about anything or anyone, fuck off" while simultaneously caring very much about the people around it and the situations it finds itself in. i love how it "accidentally" ends up caring quite a lot about the friends it makes along the way. but i think something that i tend to forget is that murderbot actively decides to care - at least at some point in its story.
idk, as a person that struggles with depression, this paragraph from artificial condition really resonates with me. prior to all systems red, murderbot had contracts. it had routine and it had protocols. it knew what it had to do to just get by, how to perform so no one would notice it had disabled its governor module. it was deeply depressed, yes, but it was functioning (for lack of a better word). in artificial condition, murderbot's routine is gone. it cannot go on in that state of numbly going-from-contract-to-contract, putting in as little effort as possible, consuming media to cope. that option is gone because it escaped (and note that escaping the company was not an active choice, it kinda happened to it). murderbot has two options now: it can either gather all its energy; actively do something new and difficult and distressing; change something in its life and try. or it can let the numbness and the emptiness take over and stop trying. if murderbot wants to survive as a rogue secunit, it has to try. no matter how difficult that is. the wording in that paragraph really hits home for me. the way the non-caring sees an opportunity to slip in and to take over. does murderbot even care? does anything really matter? is anything really worth the hassle? wouldn't it be so much easier to just let your mind slip away a little, to go numb, to be passive, to watch media and wait for things to happen to you? wouldn't it be nice to stop thinking and struggling and feeling complicated things? to stop making an effort? you've been dealing with a lot lately and maybe it's time to just shut down. maybe you'll just take a little break. just slip deeper into this chair and start the show. time flies when you're not paying attention. trying is exhausting. who cares if you don't do the things you wanted to do, you were supposed to do. it'll be fine. let's just ignore those things for now. just let the non-caring take over. just stop thinking. you can deal with the aftermath later. just watch your shows. who cares. but murderbot cares. it decides to care. it decides to fight with all it has and i think that is so brave. and i think in the later books caring is less of an active decision for murderbot. once you start caring, it's easier to keep going than to stop; and murderbot, for all its "i'm a grumpy rogue secunit, leave me alone" behavior, knows just how important caring is. so it's not that it doesn't know what's happening; rather, it lets itself care. tl;dr: caring is not the default for murderbot, it's just the more difficult of two options. and it decides not to take the soft option. it decides to struggle. it decides to care. and so it does.
#sorry i'm rambling i'm a little depressed rn (hah) and i've been thinking about murderbot again#at least writing this got me out of the adhd/depression paralysis :) yeah this might be self-indulgent so what#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#𓄿#i just love martha wells' writing for things like that#and i love murderbot as a character so very much#also i'm pretty sure some of this could be read in a way i did not intend#i'm not trying to say that depressed people have the option to just not be depressed#or that it's as easy as going “okay well i can either care or not care... i guess i should care! done!”#listen i know it's not like that; i know that first hand#but murderbot had just enough energy and fight in it to try and it had people in its life that cared about it and helped it#and it managed to get out of that deep dark hole#and we see it struggling with trauma etc in the later books#things are not magically better#just yeah#okay imma add#tw depression#tw suicide#(this is not about suicide though; this is about sitting on the couch while the dishes and the laundry pile up#and watching netflix because getting up and taking care of yourself and calling a friend or going outside are too difficult)#(but i can see how this might hit a little close to home if that is something someone's struggling with&better safe than sorry)#also sending lots of love to everyone who this resonates with
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