#this is so cringe i was hesitant to put this on my cringe sideblog

[oldfriendsseniortwittersanctuary]

Who the Baldur's Gate 3 characters would s-rank playing Fire Emblem Three Houses

Astarion: He chooses Black Eagles, since he's a huge supporter of women's wrongs, and naturally he sides with Edelgard, because, again, huge supporter of women's wrongs. That being said, the character he attaches to is Dorothea. Dorothea is his girl. She goes to every fight, gets all the best equipment, gets all the stat boosters (regardless of how little sense it makes) and by the end she is practically solo-ing the game. Naturally, he s-ranks her.

Gale: He goes Blue Lions, because "Dimitri seems like such a nice boy." He learns from Astarion that you can end up marrying one of your units, but the idea of marrying one of his students (even post timeskip) makes Gale very uncomfortable. Fortunately, he finds a faculty character he likes and wants to s-rank. Unfortunately, he learns far too late that you cannot s-rank Seteth as a male Byleth. He ends up s-ranking Shamir because she's the only other female faculty member he had enough support rank with. He likes Shamir well enough, but that's not who he had his heart set on.

Wyll: Also chooses Blue Lions. He knows who he wants to s-rank early, but about mid-way through his playthrough learns from Gale that you cannot s-rank Seteth as a male Byleth. He also learns from both Astarion and Gale that characters can get paired ending with each other, and he starts REALLY getting into shipping his team together. He has full on shipping charts. In the end, there's really no room for his Byleth in his Shipping Plans, so he remains single (also he's a little bitter about the Seteth thing)

Karlach: Goes Golden Deer, because she thinks Claude is funny. By and large she doesn't take the game too seriously, and doesn't really care about who she's going to s-rank. Initially she thought she would s-rank Claude, but decides on Seteth instead so Wyll can watch their paired ending.

Shadowheart: Black Eagles girl. She's not super into anything in the game at first, but once she realizes what Edelgard's Deal(tm) is? Oh she is the biggest Edelstan. Going on Faerun Twitter screaming about how Edelgard Did Nothing Wrong. That kind of Edelstan. Obviously she s-ranks Edelgard.

Lae'zel: Edelgard is only one of the three lords she can stand, so Black Eagles it is. The thing, she isn't very good at the game and refuses to get any help (and insists on playing the game on a higher difficulty than she should), so it is slow and painful going for her. Also, she gets bored of the monastery segments and starts never exploring the monastery. This unfortunately means that she misses that one event with Edelgard and is locked into the church route. This disgusts her so much she just stops playing.

Jaheira: She doesn't really know how to play the game, so Karlach guides her through it. Naturally, Karlach has to rep her team, the Golden Deer, so that's the route Jaheira plays. And she doesn't care who she s-ranks, so Karlach chooses for her (decides on Claude.) Honestly, this is mostly just Karlach playing the game for Jaheira.

Halsin: Also has Karlach helping (and goes Golden Deer because of that) but does start playing on his own soon enough. He's not really interested in whole "s-rank" thing, but discovers that you can s-rank Alois, which piques Halsin's curiosity, because Alois is, ya know, married. So he chooses Alois to see if polyamory is in the game. It's not. He's a little disappointed, but oh well.

Minsc: He accidentally breaks the switch in half :(

[readbetweentherealms]

Clasps my hands together. Twiddle my thumbs. So it's been a while, huh?

I took a little bit of an accidental hiatus for ... a year or two? Two years? Yeah. Anybody remember between realms? I remember between realms

And I'm thinking about revamping it! Again. I started this project when I was like 16, and I feel like it kinda shows? Not necessarily in a bad way, but the direction I was taking it in just doesn't feel reflective of who I am anymore. So I'm starting it over again lol

It's entirely possible that I Won't. Do Anything. So don't be surprised if my chronic writer's block is not actually suddenly cured. But I'm tentatively back babyyy

More miscellaneous thoughts under the cut

I'm gonna be changing a lot of things, including probably most of the plot! It wasn't that great anyway I'm gonna be honest But I love these characters. I want to keep playing with them. And! I'm gonna keep this blog, part of me is tempted to make another sideblog for a cleaner slate but it wouldn't feel entirely... genuine? Or something. I might cringe at my earlier work now, but it might be valuable to be able to easily look back at where this started. You know? You know

Some of the changes I want to make to BR include...

I want Darien to have a larger role. This is actually changing Back to the earlier idea I had, where he and Maxim are like, partners in monster hunting. I don't know why I changed that but I'm putting it back. I also want him to be older, like in his 40s maybe? It'd make more sense for what I want to do with him

I'm not sure about having Maria as the narrator. I might take from Leigh Bardugo's writing style and swap povs around or something, we'll see (I read six of crows and it did something to my brain hi)

A lot of ideas I had about religion have changed since I started BR! This will definitely be reflected. The specifics are ummm Personal but it's such a central theme in this story & its world that you're going to notice, and I don't really want to write a book that I don't agree with LOL

I want to lean more into the horror aspect of it, as well as just heavier themes in general. For a long time I was hesitant to make my writing Too fucked up because I was worried people wouldn't like it, but this is My Thing and I want it to be fucked up! I think it would benefit from not holding back. I might also make it funnier, though. These aren't mutually exclusive

What else. Fucking uh... those are the big ones. Other than that I just have a lot of little bits and pieces I'm not satisfied with anymore. Ya 👍

[nightssideblogofshame]

Yknow sometimes i hesitate to put shit here yknow, like "oh do i really wanna let people know im cringe? Do i really wanna let people know im horny?"

And then i remember this is my sideblog so if youre following it then thats your problem this is my shameless shame corner cheers

[squidkid15]

Intro Post I guess

Hihi! I go by Squid, she/they are both fine. I’m sorta new to whumpblr, and whump as a term, but I’ve always been a fan beating up my scrunklies so whump as a concept isn’t too new to me, just the word.

I do mostly draw the whump things, (but I write some too) and I’ll do some retagging for just my general whump art, for now you can find most of it under ‘#techno whump’ & ‘#doodles’. 

I regret to inform you that I’m both Furry and Cringe (im not sorry tho) so all my go-to whumpees are fluffy lil bastards. You’ll probably see them in my doodles and drabbles. 

Not sure what all else to put here, but my ask box is always open! Need to hook up with more whump buddies, so don’t hesitate to poke me. 

Also if you’re part of the OG crew that followed me for things other than whump, I've got a not-whump sideblog that’ll have all the rest of my usual nonsense. There’s a chance I’ll swap over which is a main and which is a sideblog but we’ll see. For now I’m doing it backwards. Trust me, the fact that I’m separating whump and not-whump in the first place is impressive for me. 

Also I tagspeak a LOT, always check my tags on whatever is on my blog because 9/10 I say something. 

Favorite Tropes

Non-human whumpee (told you, furry)

Immortal whumpee

Muzzles & collars (still furry)

Pet whump/dehumanization

Whumpee & caretakers swap places for each other

Creepy/intimate whumpers

Lab whump

Drugging

Blood loss

Like actually anything that makes whumpee slowly lose consciousness/awareness like mmMDMMDSMFD

“Keep your eyes on me, stay awake”

Mind control/loss of control

Squicks

Eye gore

Emeto/vomiting/etc

More realistic whump? Idk exactly, I stumbled on it once and it squicked me out but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why

[mellowheartthecat]

Maddening Mission Chapter 1

Writing is already hard, but its even harder if you’re writing with OCs you made and you feel embarrassed bout it cause you feel its cringe yes i know cringe culture is dead but i still feel it ok. Its even worse when you’re having them go to a person who you really don’t know’s au.

Yeah, anyway this takes place in @coolfireguy73  ‘s monster/cryptid tf2 au. After I read through the info I immediately thought of a gag and immediately got the motivation to make this. Check out my sideblog if you want more info on my OCs and the world they come from.

Next

Silence.

That is what Beastmaster imagined the others would hear. She sometimes wished it was the same for her. However, her brain doesn’t filter out sound, so she hears it all. The blowing of the air conditioner. The tap-taps of Seeker playing his gameboy. The subtle creek of the pilots chair as Bomber relaxes into the seat. She sighed and put on her noise protection headphones.

Sometimes she wished they could play music, but alas they only block out sound. She doesn’t like when she’s alone with her thoughts, as they tend to wander to dark places. She wondered why Tank, the leader of her group of mercenaries, split the team in two this time, and especially wondered why she was put in charge. Oh well, she thought. I might as well do what I am asked to. She knew she wasn’t a good leader, history proved that, but she’d at least try. She relaxed on the chair. She rechecked the mission’s vague description on her coms watch.

HELP WANTED: Monsters lurk in this city. I’m one of the few survivors. Help me turn them back.

She still did not understand what it meant. It would be a bit before this little ship could reach the universe of the mission. She rechecked the supplies she brought. Binoculars, 6 Healer’s Brew, a couple energy tonics for herself, a canister of water, and a ferro rod. She really hoped that this would be one of those easy missions.

How wrong she was.

--

They got to their destination. Even seeing the place through the windshield visibly unnerved the other two. Seeker was the one to break the silence.

“Bloody hell, what happened...” Nobody could answer. The poster of the job did warn about this, but reading and seeing are two different things.

Bomber landed the ship in an abandoned parking lot. The other two were a bit hesitant to open the hatch. Beastmaster sighed and opened it up and stepped outside. The other two followed.

“So,” she spoke up. “How are we going to find our client?” The other two shrugged, looking tense. Beastmaster grumbled. “Alimsalla’s sake, you are mercenaries! You kill for a living! Pull your shit together!”

“We know that!” Bomber protested. “But this place, it feels like a graveyard. Something’s horribly wrong happened here. There’s so many souls not put to rest.” Bomber has a special gift that allows him to hear and communicate with spirits. He’d said in the past that he wouldn’t be exploding things if he didn’t have that gift. Beastmaster grunted.

“Do not act like you are a saint that cares.” She paused long enough for Seeker to add commentary.

“Yeah, mate, why would you even mention that, you blow people up for a living. But, eh, looking at this place, I can’t exactly blame him. Honestly, yeah, I feel the same. You think Tank would be too mad if we just cancelled the mission?”

“No, we are not doing that.” Beastmaster sighed. “Besides, we are far from normal, we do dangerous jobs like this often. You would not be complaining if Tank was in charge. Calm yourself.” She held out her hand and summoned her trusty bird named Turkey. Nearly everyone from her multiverse has a soul animal that they can summon at will and at any size, in exchange for their energy. Without Turkey and her other creatures, she would not be here. Turkey looks around suspiciously.

“Lads.” Seeker’s panicked tone stopped them in their tracks. “We got company.” They turned to where he was facing. In the distance there was a man in a suit, ominously watching them. The three mercenaries drew their weapons; Beastmaster drew her shortsword, Bomber grabbed a grenade, and Seeker grabbed a knife. “I don’t think he’s a friend.”

“We will never know unless we communicate.” Beastmaster cautiously began approaching. “Do you happen to be our client?” The man simply stood there, staring at her. When she got close enough to see that in his eyes was nothing but a black void she knew that this wasn’t their client, this is one of the monsters the client warned about in their request. Clones of the man start pouring out of every tree, alley, anywhere with cover. Beastmaster quickly sidestepped back to get to the group. She estimated there was around 40 of them. “It was a trap! There is no hesitating now, everyone for themselves!”

She sheathes her blade and quickly jumped on Turkey and took to the skies, while Bomber chugged the grenade and dove behind a barricade. Seeker pulled out another knife for his other hand and ran around, piercing each clone’s gut as he passed. Beastmaster summoned a long crab with an arm cannon, and held it like a rocket launcher. She muttered some Arkarian and it fired a shot of concentrated water, dissipating many of the clones. However, more clones just kept coming, replacing the ones they killed. They all knew they couldn’t win. Without a word, she flew the bird down and landed behind the barricade with Bomber.

“We must get out of here. Get on my bird, it will go get Seeker. Help him on, then it will come back for me.” She muttered some more Arkarian and the crab she was holding fired another water shot.

“Are you sure? I don’t even know how to ride that thing!” Bomber pulled the pin and chucked another grenade.

“Yes I'm sure. Now hurry! There's not much time. I'll hold them off for as long as I can.” The crab fired another water shot.

“Okay, okay.” He chucks a final gernade and heads over to her bird. “Uh, c’mon birdie, lets get moving.” The bird grunted as he clumsily got on. Her bird took to the skies and left her there. Now is the time to truly give it her all. She put the crab down on the barrier and instructed it to keep firing. She knew it would take a minimum of around 30 seconds to get the two and head back to her, she had to hold them off. She summoned a beast that resembles a large mole and instructed it to attack as she pulled her blade and sliced at some clones herself. Even with all of this, she knew they were closing in. She looked over and saw Seeker getting on Turkey. She summoned a horse-deer hybrid while desummoning the crab and the mole. She quickly got on and rode through a gap between the clones, kicking off a couple that stubbornly held on. She whistled loudly to alert Turkey, who flew to be alongside her. She desummoned the horse as she leaped off and grabbed onto her bird’s talons. As they flew away, she looked back and saw the creature disguised as a man staring back.

--

They landed near the outskirts of a forest. Beastmaster desummoned Turkey. They sat there for what felt like an eternity, at a loss of words.

“So uh...” Seeker broke the silence. “You mates got any idea what the FUCK just happened??” Beastmaster shrugged in response.

“I am not sure. I have never seen anything like it.” She felt a little lightheaded. Drat, she thought. I used too much energy. Summoning her beasts, or Soul Creatures as they are actually called, uses the body’s own energy. It even costs a small amount of energy for them to even move, let alone fire blasts of ‘water’. Naturally, having several out to fight was quite draining. She reached into her bag to get an energy tonic.

“We’ve all never seen anything like it.” Bomber laid down a few moments after saying that. “I’m going to need a bit, I’m not used to riding on a bird...”

“I am glad that at least the nervousness went away as soon at the fight started.” The woman chuckled, then downed the tonic.

“‘Course it did,” Seeker responded. “We know where the bloody enemy is, we can bloody do what we do best.” He stabbed the air with the two knifes he was holding onto for dear life the whole flight there. Then he stopped and thought about something. “...Hang on. Just bloody realized something. How the hell are we gonna beat them if we can’t kill them?” They all think for a bit.

“Well,” Bomber pipes up. “Maybe they can be bargained with?” Beastmaster shrugs.

“Perhaps some, but not all. I have just realized something.” The other two turned to listen. “While there was not much emotion in the eyes of that thing, I could tell at least this; he was not killing us for no reason. He was acting like an intelligent wild animal. We were its prey.” She paused. “And since they act like wild creatures, the best way to earn their trust is through their stomach. Especially for the ones that are not competing as well for resources.”

“Er...” Seeker did not seem convinced. “Are you seriously saying that we tame them like bloody dogs??” Beastmaster sighed as she stood up.

“I truly wish it was that easy.” She put the empty tonic away and tossed Seeker the ferro rod. “Get a fire started. I will go get something for us to eat.”

“You sure?” Bomber looked around. “We’re out in the open.”

“Yes I am sure.” Do not move too far. If you need me contact me via your coms watch.” She headed into the depths of the forest.

The forest was eerily silent. Every animal in it ran at the slightest sound. She knew something was not right. She took a deep breath and let her ears guide her. She did not hear any large animals, she would have to settle with something small like a rabbit or a squirrel. Which would be fine with her, since the others would not even touch the organs with a 10 foot pole. She chuckled internally. She heard the light crunch of leaves in the distance. Sounded like something big. Maybe they will have deer tonight. Wait, no, not a deer. It only has two legs... And it’s approaching.

She realized she was not the only one hunting in that forest that night.

--

“Man, how long is she gonna take?” Seeker, who was sitting on his ass doing nothing, grumbled out loud. Bomber sighed.

“She just went in there 15 minutes ago. Can you be patient for once?”

“Hell no. I’m the fast one in the bloody team, I gotta get things done fast, y’know?” He pulled out one of his many knifes and flipped it around. Bomber dropped the twigs he was gathering in front of him.

“Light a fire, will you?” Seeker nodded.

“Yeah, sure.” He scraped the ferro rod with a knife and lit the twigs up. “So uh, what the bloody hell was up with that guy?” Bomber sat down and shrugged.

“No clue. And, uh, being honest, I didn’t really get what Beastmaster was going on about either.” Seeker got up.

“Bloody right. Some sort of animal? No bloody way. He was more like a bloody zombie, he was all like ‘araraugghh let me kill you i want to eat your corpse’“ He fake stumbled over to Bomber and fake attacked him, acting like a zombie. Bomber chuckled and pushed him back with one hand.

Then they heard a gunshot in the distance. A bullet lodged itself in the ground about a foot to the right of them. They looked at the bullet hole.

“Uh oh.” Seeker spoke the mind of the duo.

--END OF CHAPTER--

Finally, done with this. This story has been sitting in my drafts for like over a month now, i’ve just been forgettin about it. Anyway, I dunno when I’ll make chapter 2.

And before you ask no i will probably not finish my other fic until deltarune chapter 3 comes out and reignites my interest in that fandom.

Read about the fic here: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/coolfireguy73

[blue-shaded]

1-50 because I really wanna get to know you but I’m too scared to PM you!

oh fuckI did not see that coming…But please dont be scared to pm me!WARNING LONG ASS FUCKING POST INCOMING.1. What’s your sexual orientation?Bisexual2. What are you obsessed with right now?Animal Crossing. Duh..3. Ever done any drugs?Yes4. What piercings do you want?None. Because I’m allergic to some metals but I think to some people they can look very cool!5. How many people have you kissed?Uh… About 106. Describe your dream home.Small, With a little garden, in a somewhat small city in a friendly neighborhood with some parks or nature nearby. Lots of windows! Plants! Cool wallpapers and a nice wooden floor, Kitchen is very important!7. Who are you jealous of?No one? Really? 8. What’s your favorite show to binge?Right now I’m watching Lucifer on Netflix but I do enjoy me some good movie marathon or anime show binge.9. Do you watch porn?Let’s be real here who doesn’t. Not regularly but sometimes yeah?10. Do you have a secret sideblog?No I do not.11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?Let’s just pretend that this ask is in a situation where Corona isn’t happening because then nowhere ofcourse.. But without corona I’d defenitely be teleporting to somewhere nice in Canada probably.. For some nice peace and quiet, being away and enjoying a different culture for some time.12. What’s one of your fantasies?That my self-confidence could last forever. This is an IRL thing and doesn’t reflect how I act on the internet but this is entirely selflove related in how I like to just chat with friends, have a nice day at work, have a good time with roommates and just enjoy what’s going on in life at that moment.13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?No. because again, I’m allergic to some metals and I genuinely wouldn’t want it in that place.14. How would you spend a million dollars?Spend some on new shoes probably, take my friends out for dinner or buy them something nice, donate a good chunk of it into charity and put the rest into savings.15. Are you in a relationship?No, Not at the moment.16. Do you follow porn blogs?No.17. Are you angry with anyone right now?Not really? I’ve been angry at some people for a couple months but it all kinda blew over.18. What tattoos do you want?I’m gonna be hella stereotypical here but I’ve wanted a bow and arrow on my ankle or foot for the longest time.19. If you could change your name, would you?What would you change it to?I wouldn’t change my name.20. What is something you’re obsessed with?Animal Crossing. Duh.Also with coffee, pink things, good food, shoes, selfcare, taking on adventures in life.21. Describe your best friend.Always there, even when I act like a total bitch we just understand eachother so well and we have a LOT in common. Also her sense of fashion and style is fucking amazing and I can always count on them if I want to hype about something videogame or music related.22. Tag someone you think is hot.Someone with, or without boobies.23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?EditorsTwenty One PilotsWaterparksSleeping with SirensSuper Whatevr24. What are three places you want to travel?Canada, Egypt, Iceland25. Describe your perfect Friday night. Playing some videogames or boardgames with friends/roommates, watching YouTube videos by myself, or hanging out in the backyard with fun people until late night.26. What’s your favorite season? Spring27. What’s your pet peeve? Human made Loud noises (specifically babies) and obnoxious people who have nothing but their fake personalities to rely on.28. Who is the funniest person you know? One of my roommates29. What’s the most overrated movie? Every single fucking romcom in existance.30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. Absolutely no one.31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?Paper books!32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?Animal crossing.33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?Comfy baggy jeans, corduroy pants, comfy sweaters, cool graphic shirts, pastel colored hoodies, colorful shoes and every single version of Dr. Martens that exists.34. What’s your coffee order?Pitch. fuckin, black. With as many espresso shots as they’ll allow me to.35. Do you have a crush on anyone?Not right now. Maybe low key-ish but nothing big.36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?Maybe? I guess I kinda have a feeling of the carelessness that came with it and the feeling of freedom attached to being with him at the time but him as a person? He can get lost.37. Have any tattoos?No.38. Do you drink?Yes.39. Are you a virgin?No.40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?No.41. How many followers do you have?16442. Describe the hottest person you know.Isn’t this basically question 22?43. What’s your guilty pleasure?Shameless playing the heaviest metal I know while baking cookies.44. Do you read erotica?No that shit is cringe.45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?We went to an amusementpark and coincidentally it turned out my parents and the entire family was going to THE SAME PARK at THE SAME FUCKING DAY.46. How many people do you follow?3547. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?Genuinely?? I don’t even want to get married.48. Describe your ideal partner.Unbiased and trustworthy. That’s all I ask.Also some mutual interests would be nice.49. Who do you text the most?My best friend!50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?Sunny, not too hot, with a small breeze.God.. Thanks for the ask but again please don’t hesitate to DM me ever.