#this is really random and so dramatic and cheesy but yknow jsut take it JDHGJg

[tanjhero-a]

Unsatisfied

(Kyoujurou Rengoku x GN!Reader)

A/N: this is based off a dream I had, actually. It motivated me enough to actually write and complete a story. It’s a bit... dramatic, tbh, but it’ll have to do. 

Word Count: 3,000+

Unrequited Love, Sexual Themes (this fic is not NSFW), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending

Your life revolves around being unsatisfied. 

You are the third sibling- the youngest sibling- and more often than not, you lived in your sisters shadows. The oldest is a snobby, mean artist who abandoned you and your other sister years ago. The second oldest is Shiho, a beautiful prostitute who you lived with. 

And even though you hate the sister who abandoned you, you think you probably hate Shiho the most.

It was a classic Cinderella tale, but perhaps a bit more dirty. You were not as pretty or as talented or as clever as Shiho and this was made clear to you- it was clear that your place was below her, living in her shadow and cleaning up her literal and figurative messes as you were more or less the janitor of the prostitute house you lived in.

You lived only to be unsatisfied. Because this- this life you’re living? What on earth is satisfying about it?

There- once- was an answer to that question. The answer came in the form of a man who was as bright as the sun and warm like it, too. You had been out in town, coming back from the river nearby where you had washed the laundry when you met him. He had actually run into you on accident in the street- making you stumble and fall over- the clean clothes once again soiled as they hit the dirty ground. 

And when you glared up at the offender- you faltered your nasty selection of words and choked on your tongue. 

Because who could be mad at someone so beautiful?

His name is Rengoku Kyoujurou. A mouthful of a name for a mouthful of a man- he wasn’t plain or uninteresting in the slightest. And he was kind, too, and you knew this because he immediately flushed with embarrassment and helped you up off the ground before picking up your clothes and actually helped wash them again. 

You’ve never met someone like him before. 

—-

“There are many clothes in this pile!” Rengoku had commented, squatting next to you beside the river as he scrubbed vigorously. “Do you have a big family?”

A part of you was flattered he wanted to know that about you. Most people didn’t want to know anything about you. “Of a sort… It’s more like a shared household… but we’re sort of like family.” It’s the best way you can describe it. The other girls in the house were always considerate of you, and so was the house mother. You suppose that’s better than nothing.

“Well, it’s certainly kind of you to wash all their clothes! It’s good to have some family rather than none at all, I think!” The man cheerily declares as he puts the clean clothes in the basket and reaches for more soiled ones. 

Your heart stung at his kind words. Was that really true…? You suppose it’s easy for him to say that. But you smile and nod at him anyway. 

—-

And even though he caused you to stay out late and rewash dirty clothes, you had fun! And that was a first- because when was the last time you felt this happy? Rengoku was a lovely man who made you laugh and smile, and he was gentlemanly enough to even walk you home after you were done washing.

If he was surprised or disgusted by where you led him, he didn’t show it- and for that you were grateful. It was clearly a prostitute house but he didn’t say a thing besides smile at you and once again apologize for running into you.

And that’s when the dream ended.

Your sister had come out then, an angry look on her face as she stormed over to you and asked ‘where have you been? Do you see how late it is?’

To anyone else, it might have seemed like she was worried for you. But you knew that wasn’t the case.

Rengoku did not, though- because he fell into the party of ‘anyone else’. You saw his eyes widen at the spectacle that was your sister. You saw him smile as he introduced himself gently to her, explaining the situation and how he was to blame.

And you saw your sister hide all her venom as she smiled back like a snake, assuring him that it was no problem and she was just worried about her dear sibling for not coming home. 

That is when the dream ended, because Rengoku stopped looking at you, and only looked at her, just like everyone else. 

And that is not the end of the story, either, because the man came back. He found you as you were mopping the entryway, and you were quite dumbfounded that he was here in the first place. 

You asked him warily if he was here for a session. His laughter was genuine as he assured you- no, that wasn’t why he was here- but he actually wanted to see you.

A lie if you ever heard one. But your lonely, desperate self believed in it as you eagerly sat down with him and let him make you smile and laugh once again. 

—-

“Your brother sounds like a wonderful kid,” you smiled at Rengoku’s story. He lit up a thousand times brighter when he spoke about his brother, Senjurou. “It’s wonderful he has a big brother like you to rely on.”

“Well, I do my best,” he smiles. “I’m sure your sister is the same way!” 

You hum, fingers twitching in your lap. “Yes, well…” And then you perk up. “You forgot to tell me about the time he made gyoza! You mentioned that earlier!”

Rengoku, bless him, takes the bait and starts a long winded tale of how his brother made gyoza and oil went everywhere. It was wonderfully funny and made you laugh despite the tight feeling in your chest.

—-

And once again, Shiho came walking by, afterglow making her skin glimmer and shine. As beautiful and lovely as ever, she captured Rengoku’s attention again, and Shiho swiped him right from under your feet. 

His visits become semi-frequent. He’ll come to your little house, chat with you in the entryway, and then he goes out with Shiho into town or into her room. It was only a matter of time before he started to do that.

It was only a matter of time before you had to start cleaning his messes, too, along with all the others. 

You, of course, knew better than to fall for Rengoku, but you did it anyway. So each time he came to see you- you cherished those moments. You were genuinely happy! 

But whenever Shiho came and you had to watch them flirt and dance together, an ugly, intense feeling of jealousy and hatred curled in your gut. 

Lately, you’ve been ignoring him. Whenever you see his bright hair walking down your street, you quickly hide away in another room and busy yourself with chores. It’s not like it matters- it’s not like he misses you like you so desperately miss him. It’s not like he’d even notice you were gone- the man never comes for you anyway. No one does. 

You live only to be unsatisfied.

—-

It’s another harsh night for you. Rengoku came by a few hours ago- you had been conveniently busy in a closet- and he was quickly whisked away by Shiho. Every so often as you clean the halls, you walk by her room and hear the sounds.

You pretend you don’t know what’s happening as you keep cleaning, keep doing your job. 

It’s been getting harder to ignore Rengoku, but easier as well. You figure that the longer you pretend he’s not here, the sooner he will escape your heart. 

The grip you have on your broom is tight- almost enough to splinter and break the wood until a hand touches your shoulder and surprises you enough that the broom drops to the ground. 

“Oh! I didn’t mean to startle you,” it’s Rengoku. Of course it is. You warily look away from him as you mumble ‘it’s alright’, picking up your broom. “I’m glad I saw you before I left. It’s been some time since we’ve talked!” 

“I suppose so,” you choke out between frowning lips. You do your best to avoid his fiery gaze. “It’s late, and you’re probably tired. I wouldn’t want to keep you.” Your shoulders hunch as you try to walk away. 

The smell he carries makes your stomach lurch and flip. Enough so that you may even vomit- but you don’t get the chance to run away just yet. His hand once again clasps your shoulder. It’s warm, you notice, and you hate that. 

“Are you alright?” 

And the words shock you, almost. You finally look at him- and you see his worried features. The twitch in his brow, the look in his eye. And it hurts.

Why would he be worried for you? 

Suddenly angry, you smack his hand off your shoulder and scowl at him. “What makes you think I was ever alright to begin with?” You hiss, and your anger startles Rengoku enough where his eyebrows shoot up and he takes a step back from you, his mouth hanging open. 

That hurts, too. Everything hurts. Him being worried for you, being shocked by you, just… Rengoku. 

He makes you hurt. 

“Just leave me be, Rengoku. Please.” That’s all you can say before you quickly retreat, tail between your legs as you disappear from his sight. Your lip wobbles as eventually your pace turns into a run- running so fast so you can hide away in your room and pretend like you don’t exist for a little while. 

Instead- you run right into the house mother. You’re already in tears and you gasp in shock from running into her, instantly taking a step back as you shamefully bow your head and apologize. “I’m so sorry, mother- I’m so-”

“My dear- what’s wrong?” The house mother asks you, grabbing your arms gently with care. 

And you break in that gentle hold, letting out so many emotions that should have escaped long ago. 

—-

You tell the house mother everything once she was able to lead your sobbing self into the privacy of her room. You tell her about how you hate your sister- how you hate living here- how you love Rengoku but you hate him, too. 

“You’ve been holding yourself back for so long,” she sighs as she wipes your tears with a small cloth, cupping your face in her hand. Her eyes are shining with empathy for you as her lipstick stained lips frown at the sight of you. “You are not like your sister. You don’t have to stay here. If you want to run away from it all and carve your own path… I wouldn’t blame you, nor stop you.” Her head tilts. “Is that what you want?” 

Is it? You’ve never thought about it before. You’ve never thought about running away- being alone- because it never seemed like an option. “Do… do you think I could do it?”

“You can do anything, dear,” the house mother tells you softly. “The only thing stopping you is your fear.”

—-

Your fear is, to put it simply— immense. 

The fear of running into the unknown, being fully alone and independent- scared you to no end. What if you failed? What if your life got worse? You can’t possibly imagine life being worse than it is now, but you know it’s still a possibility. 

Because all things considered, you have a roof over your head and warm food waiting for you when you need it. That might change if you decided to escape your safety net. 

In the end, you decide that running away is cowardly. It’s around a month later of debating and thinking heavily on your choice before you finally make it. 

No, you would not run. You wouldn’t run at all, even from Rengoku. Instead, you would finally be honest. 

You would speak to Rengoku and confess your feelings. You would try to speak with Shiho and see if you can convince her to help you move away from this house. Because, yes- you want to leave- but you cannot do it alone. 

Unfortunately, you speak to Shiho first. You discovered quickly that this was the wrong decision. 

Once you tell her about your feelings for Rengoku and your cruel jealousy- your petty, ugly feelings that had you feeling depressed and unsatisfied- she threw a fit. You suppose you deserve it for being so selfish. 

Selfish, unworthy, cruel, heartless, unthankful! 

Those were the things Shiho screamed at you as she tore your clothes and tossed you outside. 

Needless to say, you didn’t have her support. 

It wasn’t all bad. You still had the lending hand of the other prostitutes that lived in the house and the mother— when Shiho had stormed off, they brought you clothes and food and encouragement. 

Maybe this is what Rengoku meant, all those months ago when you first met. You might not be a conventional family by any means or bound by blood, but these girls had your back and believed in you more than your real family ever did. 

At least you had them— it was definitely better than having nothing at all. Just like he said. 

Truthfully, you worry for the man. You do not know the extent of his feelings for your sister- you hope he is smarter than you and never thought about falling in love with her. While your sister is charming and beautiful, you know she is only a snake in disguise, slithering in the dark, waiting to strike. She doesn’t care about anyone other than herself. 

You hope he doesn’t buy whatever lie she inevitably feeds him when he asks where you went. Because you know Rengoku will ask. Despite how you lashed out at him, despite the fact that he never looks your way anymore and despite all your self deprecating thoughts, you know Rengoku cares. He will notice you’re gone. 

That’s the belief you cling to, anyway. 

—-

One of the prostitutes was kind enough to give you pocket money. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to find a place to spend the night. You spend all the money she lent you on cheap inns- you starve yourself all the while because you definitely don’t have enough money for food. 

You’ve applied to several different jobs, but the responses so far were negative. Who wants to hire the cleaner of a prostitute house? Not many. 

It’s another night. You’re in the middle of wandering the street, holding the small, pathetic coin purse you were given tightly in your hands- when you bump into somebody. 

You don’t look up. You give the person a weak apology as you continue walking forward- but the voice stops you. 

“___?” 

The coin purse in your hand drops. 

“Rengoku?” 

It’s as if time stops when you meet his eyes again. It’s felt like it’s been so long- so long since you’ve seen those beautiful eyes. 

...a few moments pass, and Rengoku gives you a soft, worried look as he smiles. Slowly he bends over, picks up your coin purse and gently places it back in your palm. “You should really stop dropping things around me.” It’s a weak joke, but you laugh anyway. 

“I-I’m sorry. You surprised me.” You clutch the purse tightly once more, over your heart. “...Thank you.” 

He shakes his head. “Where have you been? I tried to ask around, but no one had answers.” 

Figures. The girls are trying to protect you, your sister is probably pretending you don’t exist. Your body deflates a little bit at the look he gives you. 

“...Around,” you weakly shrug. “I don’t really think you’d enjoy the details, but I don’t work at the house anymore. Trying to find something new.” 

Rengoku’s eyes shine. “I would,” he urges. “I would enjoy the details. Can you have tea with me?” 

It’s just a friendly invitation, but your heart flutters nonetheless. Which is pathetic- you’d think your crush on Rengoku would have whisked away by now. “Mm,” you nod. “I would like that… very much.” 

—-

That’s how you end up in a quaint, cute little tea house, sitting at a table across from a man who is much too good for you. A man who is finely dressed in warrior’s clothes and a clean, neat haori. Compared to you and your dirty, cheap yukata- you really don’t look like you’re supposed to be seated together. 

Rengoku insists he will pay, which you are thankful for. You don’t know if it’s because he can tell you are living off the few coins you have or if it’s because he’s just gentlemanly like that, but you appreciate the gesture regardless. 

Despite how burning hot it is, you drink an entire cup as soon as the tea is delivered to your table. It’s been awhile since you’ve had anything pleasant and hot, you don’t mind how it scalds your tongue. 

“So,” Rengoku watches you from across the table. “Tell me everything.” The way he tilts his head and stares at you tells you that he doesn’t just want a poor explanation on why you moved. 

He wants everything. 

“Are you still seeing Shiho?” 

The question throws him off guard. He clearly wasn’t expecting you to completely avoid his question with another question- one that is so personal, as well. “Not at the moment, no. She seemed… upset at me. I don’t know why, so I haven’t been back since I learned about your disappearance.” 

“Do you care for her?” 

His face twists as he grows silent. You frown. 

“...It’s okay to say you do.” 

“I’m not sure if it runs that deep,” Rengoku tells you, his hands placed on top of the wooden table and folding together. “She is beautiful and lively, but I don’t know much about her. She is a prostitute, after all. Our relationship was never truly intimate.” 

You nod. His answer… relaxes you a bit. It makes it easier for you if you know that he doesn’t love a woman like her. 

“My sister is cruel,” you start simply. “I have always been her little slave. Regardless of what I wanted, I had to follow in her shadow and do as she pleased. The only reason I worked at the whore house was because it’s where she led me. I had nowhere else to go.” Your eyes wander to your tea cup. It’s empty, but the porcelain is beautiful. “I’ve been… so sad, my entire life. I was never truly happy. But then I-“ you choke a bit and clear your throat, lick your lips. “I met you… and I was happy. And that’s the truth, Rengoku.” 

You finally meet his gaze then, trying your best to smile at him. “I was so happy to talk with you. You spoke to me like I was a person- like I mattered. And then… You saw Shiho, and a seed in my heart grew.” You place a hand over your chest. “Making me jealous… resentful. Angry. Because I loved you so much, and you didn’t love me. But you were right there. You were always right there, sleeping with someone that I-“ your voice cracks again as you begin to weep. “Someone that I hate more than anything in this world. So I had to leave.” 

You don’t bother to look at him. Your eyes close, your head tilted down as a hand tries to cover and hide your tears away from him. The two of you sit in a tense silence, but you expected that to be the case. You had confessed a lot to him. 

A sniffle leaves you, eventually, and you hear a deep sigh from across you. But you’re too afraid to look up- you can’t , especially not when you can tell he’s starting to stand. 

He’s going to leave. He’s going to leave because you are gross and disgusting and he hates you-

But… once again, that warm hand touches your shoulder- so, so gently. And when you finally uncover your eyes, you see Rengoku sitting himself right beside you as he keeps his hand on you, a kind smile on his lips. 

“It’s alright. Come here.” 

His arms open, and you let yourself fall into them and wrap your arms tightly around his body. He holds you securely against his chest, cooing in your ear as he rubs your back. 

Truthfully, it’s embarrassing to be held and consoled in a public place like this. But you try not to pay that part any mind. 

“I’m sorry I have caused you pain,” Rengoku whispers in your ear. “I never meant to- I truly enjoyed my time with you. I never meant to become an obstacle or a reason your life became difficult. Forgive me.” The words are honest and soft. 

“You helped me, Rengoku,” you sniffle again as you shake your head. Slowly you untangle from him, hands moving up to cup his cheeks. It takes a lot of courage, holding him like this and meeting his eye, but you do it anyway. Even if your hands are trembling. “I don’t regret meeting you or loving you. Loving you gave me the push I needed to fix my life. If anything- I am sorry for using you in such a way. It shouldn’t have happened this way- you don’t need to be involved in such a personal issue.” Your forehead gently presses against his and you close your eyes. “But I am still glad. I’m glad you came. Thank you, Rengoku.” 

His warm hands place themselves on top of yours. “Where will you go now?” This question… you purse your lips as you lean away from him, biting your cheek. It seems to be enough of an answer for him as his hold tightens. “You don’t have anywhere to go, do you?” 

You cannot lie. “...No. But I will find something, eventually.” 

Rengoku’s head shakes in your hold before he places your hands away, setting them in your lap. But he doesn’t let go. “You should come with me. It’s the least I can offer, and you deserve a roof over your head. Food in your belly.” 

Before you can even reject the offer, his hand raises and pinches your face. He’s smiling cheekily at you, a glimmer in his eye. “Don’t think about saying no. I’m not going to accept it! Don’t you want to meet Senjurou?” 

“...” you bite your lip. “...I can help make gyoza.” 

Rengoku laughs, his head thrown back as his laughter bounces off the tea house’s walls, and you realize how much you missed that sound.