#this is probably my clearest failure on that count yet

[crowns-of-violets-and-roses]

There's an old probably apocryphal tale about Lyndon Johnson that was popularized by Hunter S. Thompson which goes like this:

This is one of the oldest and most effective tricks in politics.  Every hack in the business has used it in times of trouble, and it has even been elevated to the level of political mythology in a story about one of Lyndon Johnson’s early campaigns in Texas.  The race was close and Johnson was getting worried.  Finally he told his campaign manager to start a massive rumor campaign about his opponent’s life-long habit of enjoying carnal knowledge of his own barnyard sows. “Christ, we can’t get a way with calling him a pig-fucker,” the campaign manager protested.  “Nobody’s going to believe a thing like that.” “I know,” Johnson replied.  “But let’s make the sonofabitch deny it.”

Tumblr keeps making me think of this anecdote. There's a group of users on here who constantly demand if anyone mentions BDSM positively or even neutrally they caveat it by saying they aren't talking about abuse or if a man likes to call his boyfriend daddy they demand he disclaim that he doesn't support incest or if a trans girl likes to wear cat ears she needs to deny that she isn't into bestiality.

The point of this isn't that they actually believe it themselves or even a lot of the time it isn't about convincing other people that it's true but just to tar people by creating the association between two unrelated things by demanding that people constantly deny it.

[buttsonthebeach]

For the director’s commentary thing: The entire Ch 15 of Reckoning. The juxtaposition during Solas’ lead up to having to go back to the roll of Fen’Harel got me so emotional. The contrast between hating/loving the power and detachment that comes with what much be done. I’d love to know more about what you feel his thought process would be after the events, the temptation of just existing neutrally after unleashing so much hell on these asshats. It’s awesome, please give me more!

AHH yes this is a good one!! Thank you for this ask! Commentary below the cut!

I do have to start with Ellana, because rereading this opening had me laughing:

Ellana was certain that war was mostly paperwork.

Paperwork, and a worry that gnawed its way into her bones. A burrowing insect like the kind that destroyed aravels and trees. Tiny and unstoppable and devastating.

If her time as Inquisitor started to convince her of these things, her time as High Commander of Enasan only solidified it.

(High Commander was a stupid title, and she hated it, but she also understood its political necessity. She outranked all of the field commanders, but while her role was primarily political, she was not royalty. Enasan was a republic. She'd lobbied to be called regent, but was overruled.

"Regent makes it sound like you are waiting for something," Arlanal pointed out. "Like you are waiting to step aside."

I am , Ellana thought.)

But while her time as Inquisitor had at least featured long stretches in the field, where she could loose her frustration and fear through her arrows, this war had been nothing but talk for her. Aside from that initial foray to the mountain pass where the first true battle of the war took place, she had not been in the field for more than an hour or so at a time. And even those forays were spent at a distance from the fighting, watching through a spyglass. And they were blisteringly quick visits. Ellana never thought she would dislike the Crossroads, but she hated how quickly she would go from her office in the capital to some outpost or fortification or battlefield. At least when she was Inquisitor she had the leisure of those long rides, or hikes, just her and her companions, where she could shed as many of the layers of her title as she dared.

Now there was no reprieve.

This whole fic was an exercise in “how far can I push my characters out of their element” in a lot of ways, and I think this is probably one of the clearest moments where you see that for poor Ellana. I also have to say that her internal commentary on the title High Commander is a direct nod to me figuring out what her title would be, since President sounds far too modern, but it still couldn’t be a title associated with royalty. I started with “Commander in Chief” and then worked back to something that sounded more fantastical.

(Also, poor Ellana, trying to wriggle her way out of every title she has ever been given. That’s why I bring it back in the epilogue, and say that the titles Mamae, vhenan, Hahren Ellana, and Mamaela are the only ones she truly accepts)

Once I established the idea of paperwork, of how different this war was from the other wars Ellana fought in, how helpless she feels, I could keep coming back to that idea to build up the sense of tension within her, as I did right before she blows up at Solas: 

She’d flung the paper but it was not an arrow. It did not fly straight and true. It did not give her the physical release of her bow. The physical release that had been lost to her for two decades and more. The sense that she could fight. That she could pick up a weapon and do something about the dangers that surrounded good people, people who did not deserve it. That she could protect people.

Now all she had was another stupid title, and paperwork.

Then I had to make sure that she was so tunnel-visioned on all of those issues that she wasn’t paying attention to any of Solas’s more subtle cues that he is also suffering under their personal helplessness. Ellana is usually very attuned to the emotions of other people, and Solas by this point is usually far more open with her, so it was interesting to write those short little exchanges where she comes in, vents, and he only has two or three words for her, and she isn’t thinking straight enough to understand why that is. It was so important to me to show that even a good marriage, even one that has lasted a long time, still has failures in communication.

I’m also following a very typical writer’s trick that I learned in my upper level fiction class in college, which is to do things in threes to get maximum impact, which is why we get three snippets of Ellana venting and frustrated and Solas seemingly unaffected before we hit the scene where she finally loses her temper:

Solas snorted. “Would you be served by my anger?”

She wanted to strangle him.

“At least I would not feel alone in my anger if you seemed to feel - something!”

But as she said the words, she turned, and saw his face, and it was the face of the man she loved. And it was raw with pain and rage.

“I would think that you, of all people, would know not to accuse me of having no feelings just because I am hiding them.” His words had an edge she hadn’t heard in - gods, in years.

She was a fool. A temperamental fool, no better than the squabbling youth who’d been hauled before her Keeper for picking fights with other youths who picked on her for the darkness of her skin.

Ellana’s temper is something we see less and less of as she gets older in the series, and it was also important to me to point out that as she is subjected to this immense pressure and helplessness, she’s going to start resorting to behaviors she used in the past, even as far back as her childhood.

I also did my best to show that Solas is cracking here through how I wrote his dialogue - he ordinarily speaks very smoothly, in long, well-thought out sentences, but here I broke up his thoughts frequently, showing his agitation:

“You hand me papers like the one you handed me tonight,” he did not look at her as he said it, but she winced at his choice of words. As she always was, she was embarrassed by her loss of temper already. “And I see the number of the People we lost, and I think of how many I could have saved with a single spell. I am not all that I once was, but I am not helpless, and yet this war has made me feel only that. And yet none of this is your problem, and so I should bear it, and see this through - but - vhenan - if we lose this war - if we lose our daughter - while I sat by and did nothing -”

He’d turned back to face her as he said the last of those words, and there was no mask at all anymore. There was only her bondmate, as sad and lost and angry as she was. Her frustration with him loosened more. She was not as alone as she thought. Solas did not have the paperwork (the fucking paperwork ) or the responsibilities she did. But he carried the same helplessness. They were together in that. She stepped close to him, and pulled him down, and kissed him hard.

"Let's go," she said when they parted. "And let's stop being helpless."

And at the end of the section we get one more repetition of paperwork as the symbol of everything Ellana hates - I didn’t count, but I think that is also the third one, tying back in to that rule of threes - and oh my god I just realized that I themed this entire chapter around the word helpless as well which ties directly back to The World Turned Upside Down and Ellana’s role as Eliza. Wow. I didn’t even realize I was doing that.

As far as the next scene goes, where we switch to Solas’s POV, I was drawing on two main things - the idea of Solas as a weapon, which it seems like he was to Mythal, and which Ellana is now seeing him as, and the scene from 300 where Gorgo sends Leonidas to Thermopylae with the words “come back with your shield, or on it.” I always loved that scene because you can see the love in their eyes, but neither of them can acknowledge it physically or verbally, because they are political leaders, and because it’s not actually what Leonidas needs in that moment. He needs to be treated like another Spartan.

That’s how we got to this line:

“Come back to me,” she said, her voice quiet but her tone firm as steel. “That’s an order, Dread Wolf.”

And Solas, smart cookie that he is, does not miss what she really means here:

For more than twenty years now he had been the peacemaker, the partner, the father, the scholar. But Ellana had not called him vhenan, or even Solas , as he left. Ashara was not there to call him Papae . No. Ellana had called him Dread Wolf. And that was who he would be today. He would again where the mask of Fen’Harel, He Who Hunts Alone, the Bringer of Nightmares. Because that was what his people needed of him once again.

It felt better than he wanted to admit.

In terms of tension building, we get several more instances of the rule of three here - first with three times that the altar to Mythal has mattered in this series: Flemeth showing up in DA:I, shattering the last of Ellana’s faith in the gods, Solas and Flemeth meeting at the end of DA:I, and then Solas and Ellana meeting there during Body of Knowledge when she has considered leaving him. Then we get another repetition of three with one of my favorite headcanons/pieces of Solas meta, which is that Solas’s life is shaped by three women in this series: Mythal, Ellana, and Ashara.

Then we get three repetitions of the phrase “Go. Hunt. It is time for justice,” with the final repetition catching even Solas off guard, as he says he thinks the last word might actually have been vengeance. That ties into a great piece of meta we’ve heard about Mythal - that while she did once represent justice, she may have been corrupted over the millennia into vengeance.

I relied on all three of those repetitions, each of which is also somehow related to three, to build and then release the tension of Solas finally arriving at Shalasan and unleashing hell. Of course, we’re also relying on several things I’ve set up throughout the fic and even back into the previous fic - like how Solas knows it is not really Mythal within him, just as it is not really Falon’Din within Ashara - but on a sentence level, those were the tools I relied on to make that scene happen.

I also have to shout out my two deliberate Hamilton references here, for fun: “You cannot be everywhere at once, Dread Wolf” and “Why are you telling me this?”. I am a sucker for sneaking them in everywhere :)

Oh man, I missed the second part of what you asked! In terms of his thought process after, I think Ashara is the thing that immediately grounds him and reminds him he can’t give into this side of himself totally. That’s why it was important to me that she is the first person who goes and sees him, that he leans on her just as much as she leans on him in that moment. He can risk the rest of the world seeing him as a monster, but he can’t risk his daughter seeing him that way, so he always has to come back.

Thank you for the ask!!! it was such fun to go back through that chapter.