#this is pretty old writing so it'll be interesting to try to guide it towards the modern lore i made for maxim!
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"A Spinning Feeling: Prologue - Divinity; a New start"
Selfship Story - Starring Maxim
Story under the Cut
Loneliness.
Ever since his wish in death became reality, ever since Maxim became a God, did he discover true loneliness.
To feel lonely around other's is one thing, to know everything - Be Everything, and Nothing - is another.
He sighed as he sat down into his chair, feeling mentally tired from the long walk around his realm. The endless etheric void was calming, though most times it only amplified the lonely feeling he felt throughout his existance, even now. He only looked around the empty void, only seeing the few pieces of cartoony furniture he made to make his realm feel less Dead and Empty, as he sighed once more.
"…I've become God, but at what bloody cost…"
He muttered to himself, sinking deeper into the chair.
"…I guess i could try to do… Something… but if i was to do that i'd have to make completely sure my influence wont be over the entire world i choose to go to."
"If i had influence over everything… well, i'd basically have to write everything myself and how well would that go? another perfectly dull world ill return to its prime state sooner or later… Only step im willing to take in that direction, is making some… minor miracles, money, or a home, or the like, not to waste time…"
He mused on still to himself, trying to think out loud.
"….though where would i even go, if i wanted to try any of this…?"
He took a moment to look at the toony television, which was nearby, in front of him, as he hummed softly in thought. A beach, some giant drill, and a pink figure with long hair… he disliked that these mental visions couldnt be any more clear, but he already knows where to begin.
He sighed, standing up from the seat, taking a few steps before immidiatelly falling down unto the floor with a wet slap, turning into a jet-black puddle in miliseconds, staying as such for a few seconds, before slowly emerging as his original form, a form he felt unsure with - he hated it, but felt comfortable in it, it made him feel so much pain yet its the only way he could have recieve any kind of comfort he could have gotten in his life - the form he was sure he wouldnt return to for a very long time;
The Form of a Human.
He looked at his form… and its just as he remembers it. He stood at 6 feet tall, his skin was nearly pale from how much he stayed indoors when alive, His eyes were blue as the sky he used to look up to while stuck in thought, His hair was short, with a brown hue. His Face was roundish, and his nose crooked, a slight red spot resided on his cheek, due to how much he used to scratch the area. Overall, he was a tall, regular guy with a bit of plush on him. It will take him quite a while until he gets used to it properly again… not being able to shift the length of your arms and legs will be hard to get used to. After that, all that's left to do is to bleed through the fabric of reality, into the world he chose as his new home… for as long as this "human life" can work out for, anyway.
He walked around his realm in his human form, trying to get used to it fully again, his mannerisms, gestures, expressions - he had to look as human as possible if he wanted this to work, since if he made even one slip up, it could cost him everything he worked for this. He could not allow that to happen under any circumstance.
He decided it would only be Fair to take his time a bit to… Devolve, into a human mindset. Of course, he couldnt actually devolve his own mind - thats genuinely impossible - so he tried to not act as he has for the last few eons, and tried to act as he did when alive.
Innocent. Tired. Kind. Depressed. Amusing. Sadistic. Honorable. Truth-telling. So on, So forth.
"This preperation will take one hell of a while,"
Maxim hummed to himself,
"but im sure it will all work out swimmingly soon enough."
Time will Tell.
Soon enough did he find himself sinking through fabric of reality - mayhaps a bit soon to go to the world of choice, but better to take this chance than just keep 'training' to be human; Best to try being human "on the field".
It was only a matter of time that he awoke in Beach City - Suprisingly, at the crater of where once was a certain Gem Injector. It was only fair to try to explore, mayhaps get a few minor problems out of the way as well.
This was going to be… Difficult. But surely interesting.
#Writing#Maxim#Selfship#time for a fic babyyy!!#hope y'all will like it lmao#this is pretty old writing so it'll be interesting to try to guide it towards the modern lore i made for maxim!
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Bittersweet Tragedies
Pt. 1 // Dead to Me
A/N: The first part of a series of writings based on Melanie Martinez songs, and my own want for Dabi interacting with a child ^^; The reader will have many more interactions with him as time goes on (and maybe even some interactions with heroes)
The vigilante Phantasma was no more. Leaving you and your little sister motherless.
You always felt cold, something you got from your father, but this cold was penetrating in a way you could only describe as being stabbed.
Over and over.
Phantasma was an outlaw, and no one missed those. They were the villains of the hero world. Someone people didn’t tend to miss, someone you werent supposed to root for. So when you returned home to your sister with the news, you knew she would only find comfort in you. No one else would mourn your mother.
For a whole night, you both lay in her bed, curled up and clinging to each other, craving a warmth you knew would never return. But after that, you knew you had to be the one to step up to the plate.
You were 23 and your sister the fragile age of six. Without you, what would she have?
"Kiko."
She lifts her head, eyes still red from hours of crying. Yukiko wipes her eyes.
"Y-Yea?"
"We're going to be okay." You assure her, placing a hand on her back. "I'm gonna call one of mommy's friends so we can get some help. Do you want to go with me?"
"But.." She sniffles. "I have school."
"Ah. Alright. Come, let's get ready for school, I'll take you." You wait for her to sit up before helping her get dressed, using a damp napkin to wipe away the trails of tears on her cheeks. Fifteen minutes later you stand outside of her school, the bell already ringing for her to get to class, your hand cold without hers to warm it.
With nothing left to do you take your mother's phone out and click on a familiar icon. A weasel.
Holding the phone to your ear, your chest lightens as the line is picked up.
"Hey Uncle Kagero, I.. I need some help."
---
Walking beside Kagero Okuta, or Giran as he prefered to be called for business purposes, made you uneasy. It wasn't him personally, in fact, he was one of your favorite people that came into your life because of your vigilante mother. No, this unease was due to the man following the two of you.
Twice was his name. He argued with himself, which unnerved you. Men in general made you nervous, especially the ones that yelled.
"Sorry about my friend here, he's going through a rough patch." Giran removes the cigar from his mouth, waving it around as he guides you through tight alleyways. "It's not his fault, he's just-"
"AN ANIMAL! Heroic! Suave! STOP THAT EH?! Amazing."
"Like that." He snorts.
You shake your head. "It's fine." In any case, you move just an inch closer to the older man.
Giran was an old friend of your mothers, someone she went to for information or for new tech. Often times she took you with her to see him, and often times he would give you whatever he had on him at the time. Ranging from lollipops to broken parts of machinery. It fascinated you as a child, seeing him pull out all sorts of items from his pockets.
Now you saw him in less of an innocent light, but you didnt hate him either. Work was work.
Speaking of.
"What kind of work were you thinking when you said you could find me a job?"
"Nothing terrible." He inhales deeply, exhaling a mouthful of smoke. "You like to dance, right?"
"More or less."
"Something like that. I know a guy who pays good money for people with quirks like yours. It'll keep you and Kiko fed."
A job that relied on your quirk.. Well, it wasn't the worst news you could have heard. And if it would keep your sister comfortable, you would do it.
The three of you stop in front of a rundown bar, the windows boarded up and it's sign hanging haphazardly to the left.
"So, why are we here?"
"To meet the gang! TO DIE! Shigaraki wants to meet you! SHUT UP!"
You turn around to look at Twice. "Shigaraki? The League of Villains guy?" You'd heard of him through the news. The attack on the USJ was still spoken of despite it being weeks ago. "I didnt realize his base would look like.. This."
The man narrows his eyes, looking ready to tear you in half before he stops and taps his foot on the floor. "It's fucked up- but give it a shot! It's cool inside! UGLY AS fuck." He ends in a small voice, hugging himself as he rushes in through the doors. You could hear him say something, presumably to the rest of the people inside.
A hand is placed against your back. You look to your right, seeing Giran look down at you before nodding towards the door.
"In you go kid."
Nodding, you step up to the now open doors and find yourself in a rather well taken care of room. It was a bar with crystal scones and furniture you werent expecting to see in a place that looked like it's outside survived a nuke.
Several people waited inside, either standing or sitting. With one look, you instantly knew who the leader was. But with another look, you couldn't help your eyes being glued to another man.
He had his head resting on crossed arms, his skin held together by staples. He was asleep, but it didnt stop you from looking at him a second more before turning to the leader.
Shigaraki.
Standing in the center of them all was a person who could turn you to ash without breaking a sweat. You would be nervous were it not for Giran's presence. You trusted him enough to know he wouldn't let you die tonight.
"So, you're the one Giran has been talking about." His voice grates against your ears. "The amplifier."
Amplification. Emotional or physical. Your quirk was.. Useful. Amplifying calm, strength, passion, happiness, nearly anything. It had its uses.
"We've already worked out the details. Should you come through on your end." He saunters forward, stopping just short of you.
From where you stood, staring up at him, trying to look past the hand covering his face, you had the from feeling that this bargain would force you to toe the line your mother had danced on for decades.
Vigilante? Or villain.
"Amplify his healing."
Shigaraki points to the now awake man covered in deep purple scars. The man's eyes burned into yours, a bright, blazing blue.
He flashes you a smirk as he moves off of the seat. Unlike Shigaraki, he stays where he is by the bar, but not too close to the alcohol lining the shelves.
You fidget nervously. "Just his healing?"
Shigaraki narrows his eyes, his fingers curling into a slow fist. "Just. Healing."
"Will it be a problem babe?" The man chuckles. "I thought we were getting someone impressive."
While his voice was pleasing to the ears, it wasn't enough to discourage your annoyance.
"It's just fine, pretty boy."
He lifts a brow, the smirk on his face widening, pulling at the staples on his face.
He opens his arms as blue flames engulf him head to toe, skin taking on a deeper hue as it begins to burn. "Give it your best shot babe."
Oh how you wanted to amplify his pain receptors. Oh how you wanted to wipe the smug expression off of his face.
But Yukiko needed you to get this job.
Your pupils dilate as you focus solely on the flaming man before you. Your body takes over as you feel the barest trace of energy radiating from him, tugging on it as you allow your quirk to latch onto him and do its work.
His expression changes ever so slightly as his skin stops it's burning and reverts back to its previous appearance. It wasn't healed fully, but it most definitely was not getting any worse.
"Interesting." Shigaraki speaks from beside you. A little too close for your liking.
You step closer to Giran who puts a hand on your shoulder. "I told you they could do it." He ducks his head slightly. "Good job kid."
Shigaraki nods absentmindedly, already mumbling plans that you already knew you wanted no part of. But you already signed away that piece of you.
Whatever he wanted you to do, you would do. For Kiko.
"Consider yourself hired." He acknowledges you after his compatriot puts out his flames, said companion now making his way to you. "Dabi will be your guard. Treat them well." Shigaraki adds, tapping Dabi on the arm with two fingers.
"Of course." Dabi stands in front of you, looking down at you with that same smug smirk. "Looks like you’re stuck with me babe."
No.
No.
You step forward, ignoring the smell of ash wafting from him. "You've got it all wrong."
He cocks a brow.
"You are stuck with me."
His grin only widens.
#bnha#mha#bnha x reader#mha x reader#dabi x reader#bnha dabi#mha dabi#bnha dabi x reader#mha dabi x reader#bittersweet tragedies#bittersweet tragedies pt 1
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Archived Writing. 06/28/2020
Card pulled: The Queen of Pentacles.
This Minor Arcana card tells you to approach issues in a sensible, practical, no-nonsense manner and you will be successful. She tells you to set goals and work towards them steadily. As a person, the Queen of Pentacles represents a mature female or feminine person who is generous and usually wealthy or financially independent, has an affinity for the finer things in life and is good in business. She is a social butterfly with high social status and is pleasant, charming, loyal, socially poised, organised, down to earth and practical. She is a wonderful, nurturing mother and a good cook or hostess. People feel welcome in her home, secure in her company and able to confide in her.
Ha. Interesting things. Also, I lefitimately started typing and then everything started to flow back into me. I smoked pot, and pulled a card before I started. I got Olivea to bring me down the e-reader, cause i thought maybe reading the next chapter in the shadow work book would connect me in, and once I started writing, I wouldn't be able to stop.
But nope. Card comes and kicks my ass, and once the click happens, then it just spirals into the depth of how connected everything is, if you just are aware enough to notice.
So before I get to the card, I have to talk about yesterday (It'll all make sense, come full circle so to speak)
I got high on acid with Erin last night. I remember being really excited and strangely not nervous at all, even though I haven't really spent deep alone time with Erin. Erin has always been a more social friend of mine. I guess aside from birth and all that. But something had me giddy about spending the night high with Erin.
I know part of this was because I like being someones guide. And man, it was so good to be her guide. I literally want to guide every single person I know. I packed all kinds of things, and came prepared for most things I could predict would happen. God, what an incredible honor it is to be in that space with someone. For someone to trust you and your judgment and the level of your character to the point that they feel safe to explore that space with you. Such an intimate space. GAH. So many connections even as I write this.
Its always so hard to sit and try to write down all the work I did. All the things I unlocked, all the things I downloaded.
I like the way she moves on acid. How her body feels no pain. how fluid she is in movement. It's a different level of beauty when her everyday is so much more rigid than that space. I will be into whatever music gets her connected to her body. To watch her enjoy the body she's in. To love it. To crave being in her own body. Its the only space I have seen that in such an authentic state. And I'd take that space any day she would let me.
I like the way he eats. When I think of eating, theres so many spaces that fill that craving for me. Its not just physically eating, but its the way he feasts on life while in that space. Although watching him eat is its own experience. Amplified by being high on drugs. I remember chop, and I remember the old spaghetti factory. I remember hotel binges, and the table after a night on the farm.
I spent my 20's finding the space I wanted to spend my 30's in. I think this was a much bigger realization than I originally let it be as a thought. Cause as the night went on, I had so many moments where I realized the amount of work I have put in to create the space and the connections I have. I found really incredibly interesting and intelligent people. People smarter than me, all ages, all walks of life. And I've been able to create some pretty unbelievable moments within sharing space with these people, each in their own way.
I'm a tunnel.
📷
(This was the best kind of picture I could find with what I'm about to try to describe, so bear with me.)
I've always talked about being a phase for people. How people are with me for a certain amount of time, and then they move into the life they are supposed to live. I'm like a gas station in a way.
And its not that what I'm about to describe is much different than that, even though its entirely different in my opinion. LOL
I had this very real vision I suppose, of what I was, of who I was, of the space I provide for other people. I'm a tunnel. You actually said the word passage, and I really liked it too. But I envelope around people. Its like I'm not in one space, but all spaces. Its the same with being a guide for highs and stuff. Its a whole thing that I do. Its almost like my energy source stretches out from the centre and creates this space for people. Safety. LOL. Its a whole thing. Where they feel safe to explore themselves, to be themselves. Gah, how incredible. So maybe I am the center. In a way. Maybe thats where I source from, but I'm all around. LOL
And you! You always talk about how protective of people you are. How you always want to help people if you can. Even if its detrimental to you at times. And this is also going to sound kind of weird. So also bear with me. Not that you DONT protect me. You do. But I wonder how/if the way you are with me would change if it was... phrased in this way. (I don't know a better way to describe this.) You're not just protecting me. By protecting me, you protect everyone I help. Me being in my most safe and full space amplifies out in exponential amounts. And creates this space for a lot of the people you hold close to you as well. I am able to go so much further than when I'm not in flow with you. When were restricted, its all restricted. And when were not, it flows so constant that we never worry about anything. It's always started with you and I.
With the moon in Virgo and Neptune retrograde in Pisces, we are feeling pushed in two directions. We are daydreaming, being imaginative and artistic, but Virgo wants us to productive and analytical. To find balance work on the energy from our Root Chakra. Walk barefoot, listen to Mother Nature and connect with your ancestors. Also give yourself permission to do whatever is calling you even if it isn’t productive. It’s ok to take a break and rest
Be on the floor. Reintroduction. Reconnection. Naked. Bare
Walk barefoot. Listen to Mother Nature. Being on the ground. Root chakra. Huh. LOL. I just relisted a bunch of things that I already listened. But all of these are so connected to each other. To connecting to our roots. As much as we started heavily physical, it was obvious that we also were incredibly overtaken by our energetic space, and it was a huge reason that it kept us here. Huh.
We talk about sex as one of the things that kept us connected, and kept us coming back. But there was so much energy in our sex. Was that what we were attracted to? Was it both?
The root of us. To lay bare on the floor. To meet each other on the same plane. To develop from the ground up. To start at the most basic. Just bodies. Just souls. Just us.
All of my dreams are with you.
My submission. What is expected of me, vs what I am offering. Mantra. Collaring, vs ink. Branded
I think I have a different understanding of what submission means as a whole. There are certain things that I enjoy. There are certain things that scare me, and there are certain things that I dont. I guess. Green yellow and red lights.
Maybe it was because I was always a top hiding as a bottom. But submission is more than just taking care of me and my needs because I'm the smaller or the softest or whatever. Submission is an agreement to not only meet my needs, but meet yours as well. Its a commitment with the knowledge of what is expected of me. And its my choice to agree to it. It was never forced on me. I chose it. But I always resisted in some way. I always fought back. Held back. You took my submission from me. I made you fight for it. I wouldnt just hand it over to you.
And I dont want to do it this way anymore.
Accepting all. Kneeling before you. With your hand on my head. Leaned into you. Presenting myself. Remaining accountable. Investment. Focus.
I want to consciously choose every day to be yours. To do the things that make you happy, while doing the things that keep me in the most authentic space for me. To let go. Of control. Of the pain. Of the past.
I don't think a collar is enough for me. I think about ink. I think about potentially being branded. Almost like a cow I guess. LOL. Maybe branding me with ink. Instead of scarring me. hm. Think about this more. The difference between ink and a scar. Texture vs art. Primal vs Man made. Scars can fade. Would it be blue?
I want to find us. To find a mantra of sorts. A set of words when strung together makes me feel you. Makes me small. Makes me remember. Or a question you ask me with a specific answer. A question I could repeat in my own mind. Hear your voice, and feel the answer. The relief, the release. The shift.
Building a house. What acid feels like. Feeling alive.Charging spaces. Energetic conversation.
Stepping into my new self. Struggle from sleep, getting jewlery. Making the choice.
The greenest green I've ever seen. Jewlery. Meaning.
The card, and how it all comes together. I'm on the right path. Keeping growing right where I am, the way that I am. Successful female. Work independently and in your own way. Self approval. Seeing myself as the Queen. Of pleasure. Of pentacles. Who I allow everyone to see. Who I allow him to see. For them to see.
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