#this is over 2100 words btw . i've written essays significantly shorter than this . it's 5.5 pages double spaced .

[neurodiversebones]

so almost everyone in the squint squad has established childhood trauma (brennan, booth, sweets), what was all of their mental health like when they were younger? how did they cope? i hope you're doing alright!!!

OH i really adore this question !!! i <3 angst potential and i love these mf's sad backstories . gonna be honest, this is darker than most things i've posted before. it's mostly based on my own experiences and the experiences of a lot of my close friends- i'm gonna put a trigger warning for mention of abuse, self harm, eating disorders , substance abuse (drugs and alcohol), and suicide under the read more . please take care of yourselves !!! nothing is given graphic detail, but use your judgement and please don't read if it'll trigger you . i love you !!!

this evolved past just . their younger years and kind of became their Journeys with their mental health . i have a lot of thoughts pls ask me more about this omg :-))

i wrote so fucking much about this btw . i didn't know i had that many thoughts about this until i started writing and couldn't stop . my brain is Buzzing with angst for them .

brennan : brennan's mental health was always a little rocky, since she really struggled with loneliness in school, and didn't have many friends . as a kid, she never really understood why people didn't like her. she knew there was something different about her, but she couldn't see why people were so mean to her- the bullying lasted pretty much from the time she started school to graduation, and it was hell. a lot of adults didn't believe her or want to help her, and so she spent a lot of her childhood thinking that it was her fault she felt so alone. she didn't get to experience friendships as a kid, and despite learning being her favourite thing in the world, school was never a safe place for her.

however , once her parents left it got a Lot worse- the abandonment, and subsequent abuse she experienced in foster care, is what triggered her to develop ptsd. she was in some really bad homes- we get a few of the details in canon (like the family that locked her in the trunk of a car for breaking a dish), but there was always more. some were outright violently abusive, like that one, some were neglectful, and some, while not actively horrible, made it very clear that they didn't care much for her and she wasn't really a part of their family. she struggled with a lot of depression and hopelessness in her teen years because of this- the abuse was really difficult to deal with, and she turned to self harm and an eating disorder as a way to give herself some control over the situation. she spent almost all her time hiding away in her room studying, so between that and the constantly chaotic living situations, nobody even noticed what she was doing to herself. a social worker made her do therapy once, but she refused to speak the entire session, and continued to do so until she was allowed to quit. it hurt her, that nobody cared enough to notice that she was hurting herself, but she didn't want to ask for help because she refused to rely on anyone else after she'd already been abandoned once.

this, along with passive suicidality, followed her into adulthood, especially because she refused to address the problem or seek help. even for a good part of canon (really, up until season 6), we see her struggle with her mental health, struggling to understand the trauma she experienced as well as struggling to comprehend that even with all of that in her past, she can have positive relationships. her friendships helped her a lot though !! her friends at the jeffersonian were pretty much the first time in her life she wasn't... alone. this, along with actually finally seeking out help (therapy and meds), helped her to recover so she could finally feel Alive again (a big motivation for her was so that she could be a good mom to christine and hank <3) .

booth : we know from canon that booth has ptsd and experienced suicidal thoughts in his childhood . the trauma of the abuse from his dad fucked him up a lot- when he was a kid, he didn't really let it show, since he was in survival mode. he tried to be the best he could, be charming and happy and smart, both to avoid the abuse and to make sure nobody found out, since it was guaranteed that would make it worse. once he and jared were finally able to escape it and go live with their grandfather, it was the first time he actually let himself feel those feelings, and it was bad. his trauma manifested through anger- he wanted to hurt his dad for the torture he put them through, but he couldn't, so he took it out on himself instead. i think he struggled a lot with self harm in his youth and teen years, and continued to struggle with suicidal thoughts. he attempted, once, in highschool, but just woke up the next morning and pretended everything was fine. none of his friends ever knew he was hurting, most of them didn't even know about what he'd gone through as a kid. but his grandfather found the note in his room that day and talked to him about it when he got home, and he cried for probably the first time in years. that's what got him to finally accept help- he didn't realize how bad it was until that conversation.

another thing that was really triggering for him was alcohol- he was a football player, and all his friends were party boys. they drank a lot, and he usually avoided it. the most he ever had was a single beer, since he was terrified of losing control and being like his father. there was one time he got wasted- it was at a party, and he stumbled home that night. jared was in the kitchen, getting something to eat . booth was about 16 then, so jared was only 12 or 13. jared saw that he was drunk, and completely froze in fear, completely having a flashback. this fucked booth up- he was absolutely terrified of drinking from there on out, and was pretty much 100% sober until he was out of college.

angela : angela's mental health was pretty good until her late teen years (around 16). she had good friends, lots of hobbies, and she was really close with her dad. we don't know what happened to her mom, but i suspect it wasn't anything good- either she died when angela was young, or left. angela had some Issues with that, but it wasn't a huge deal for most of her life, since it had almost always been just her and her dad. when she was about sixteen though, things got rough- this is when her bipolar started, and it was really hard. she would cycle really rapidly in between manic and depressive episodes, and had some really terrifying mixed episodes as well (which can be really dangerous). she started getting more self destructive too- she developed an eating disorder around this time (bulimia), and started engaging in a lot of reckless behaviour that she could excuse by being a "party girl". she would binge drink, experiment with drugs, have reckless sex, etc. people worried about her, but she didn't even understand how dangerous any of it was until she hit rock bottom right at the end of her junior year. she was wildly depressed, and could barely get out of bed- her dad pulled her out of school, and she spent the last month of the school year just trying to get better. he cancelled a bunch of tour dates just to be with her and help her recover, and with a lot of help, things did start to get better.

her senior year, she didn't feel like going back to the place that had her so ill. and so she did her final year through homeschool, and spent it on the road with her dad. this was the best decision she ever made- it's where she fell in love with art, painting all the beautiful things she saw and learning to express how she was feeling through creation rather than destruction. when she goes to college the next year , she's in a MUCH more stable place and although she still struggles, she's much better at coping.

hodgins : hodgins started struggling with his mental health at a pretty young age (like, early middle school), but because of his families status, it was frowned upon to talk about. he didn't understand what was going on with him, just that he was so, so angry and sad all the time. he thought that something was wrong with him, that he was broken in some way, but he knew instinctively that it was something he wasn't supposed to talk about. he realized he was trans sometime around this age too, which really impacted his mental health- his dysphoria was really bad at this time, since there was nothing he could do about it. he had to keep his hair long, wear the "girls" uniform at school, act like a "proper lady" when his family was around. there was so much anger and sadness inside of him that he just didn't understand or know what to do with, which lead to a long battle with self harm that continued into his adulthood. his parents were aware of this, they just... wanted to ignore it until it went away.

when he was an older teenager, there was more he could do- he chopped all his hair off, which infuriated his parents, and was constantly in detention in school for refusing to wear the "proper" uniform. he wouldn't respond to his deadname, only jack, which got him in a lot of shit both in school and at home. he was already hurting himself as a way to rebel against this, but turned to drinking and drugs as another way to say "fuck you" to his family and the life he never felt like he belonged in. he fell in with a rougher crowd, since they were the only ones who understood and accepted him, and got into a bunch of trouble as a teen. he doesn't like to think back on those years. through university, he cleaned up his act a little, but really only on the outside. he was still wildly depressed, drinking, and so goddamn angry. it wasn't until he found his passion in school that he really started to care about his life- but once he found it, he realized he really did want to live. it was still really fucking hard, but he started to try to get better. he stayed mostly no-contact with his family, and started engaging in life more, trying to find hobbies and friends and have relationships that didn't revolve around just suffering and surviving together.

cam : cam grew up with a big pressure to be the perfect child placed upon her- she was the oldest daughter, and spent her whole childhood being "the smart one". she was really popular too, and from the outside looked like she had everything. but she really struggled with loneliness, and didn't feel like she fit in anywhere due to her undiagnosed autism and the pressure to constantly mask. the pressure of keeping up with her friends, of having perfect grades, of getting into the perfect school, of making her parents proud... caught up with her a lot once she was in her mid-late teen years. her eating disorder started around 15, and it offered her a huge sense of control in a world where she didn't feel like she had much- it was the easiest way to get away with hurting herself too. and it got her the approval and praise she wanted so badly- she looked like she was being healthy, and everyone praised her for how "good" she looked. it helped her fit in.

speaking of fitting in, her loneliness and the pressure to mask was really hard in highschool. sure, she had lots of friends, but she didn't feel like she connected with a single one of them. she knew there was something different about her, but she just couldn't figure out what it was. and so, she did everything in her power to try seem "normal". her friends were big party-goers, and so she would be too. she would drink... a somewhat concerning amount at parties. it was the only time she wasn't stressing about looking "right", about acting "normal". she was fun, and bubbly, and people liked her. boys liked her, her friends were too drunk to care that she was so obviously different to them, and she wasn't worried for once in her life. it doesn't help that alcohol and restrictive eating disorders is a known Really Bad Combination.

her ocd was also a big part of why she needed so much control in her life- her ocd started in childhood, around age 9. people thought she was just an anxious kid and a bit of a drama queen, but it was really scary for her. she had a lot of intrusive thoughts about the people around her getting hurt, and so her compulsions were really urgent and terrifying because she was so scared of things being her fault. in her teen years, her ocd fed into her ed a lot, but it also isolated her even further- she was so scared of being ostracized that she never enjoyed herself and . it sucked, to be the person who was always smiling but never really felt happy.