#this is one of those movies where it’s like whoever wrote this is crazy smart

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

Sky High is a movie that should be viewed at least once a year, so for the best several months anytime there is a lull or you meet a new person you can start off with “CAN YOU BELIEVE that Sky High did not get a sequel or a follow up series or anything!”

[httpteddybear]

Cherry | Harry Styles

SUMMARY; After Harry gets his heart broken once again, he swears off love, until Y/n and her dog bring him a delicious gift and their friendship along with it.

WARNING(S); Cursing, disgustingly adorable fluff, a v cute cameo from my real dog Peachy!! (send her some kisses), slow burn, angst if you squint

WORD COUNT; 7.8k

AUTHORS NOTE; Hey, this is for @tiostyles Fine Line challenge, give her a follow! Also, this is my first time publishing my writing so I’m so so sorry if it’s terrible. Forgive me if it's written badly. I wrote this on Tumblr so sorry if it looks funny or anything. Also pls give all the love to my dog peachy she loves attention. (thanks to @lostincalum​ @h0tsos​ for reading a bit of this) Happy Reading!!

“I don’t know what to say to you except I’m sorry.”

Harry was everything but okay. He’d just found out that the girl he had pined over for months obviously didn’t feel the same. Now Harry was a smart man. He knew the ins and outs of his career and who he should and shouldn’t let into his life, which is why he was so baffled that he’d chosen the wrong person to let into his heart. She’d met Gemma and Anne, even a few of his cousins, and they’d all loved her. It was quite heart wrenching because even though she’d just told him the number one thing that would end a relationship, he still loved her.

“J-Just don’t call him baby, okay?”

—

It’d been almost two months since he’d seen Camille and his life wasn’t really alright. He wasn’t fully over her, she was incorporated into his daily life. His clothes, his thoughts, his eating habits, his favourite tv shows, everything. Somehow everyone found out within a matter of days what had happened, so he got an earful from Jeff. Then he got the sympathy from his family.

The only thing worse than both of those was the pity. When he went to get coffee the barista said she “hoped he was okay.” While giving him his coffee, and then Harry had seen a group of fans and the first thing that was said to him was “you poor baby.” That had set him off. Because even though it was tough, he was not a baby. He could do his own laundry and make his own food. He was not dependent on Camille for any of that, it was just nice to have someone by his side in a non-platonic way. Don’t get him wrong, he still put on a smile as they belittled him a bit. It was what he did.

So currently Harry was sitting on his couch, watching Disney movies. He felt more comfortable in his London home than the one in L.A. so he gathered his essentials and hopped on a plane. He was in a big knit sweater and some sweats. He felt content as ever. He had sort of swore off love when the Camille situation happened, so this feeling of contentment was nice. Inside his home he didn’t really have to worry about prying eyes or people judging him, so wrapped in large clothes looking very small was okay. It was okay outside of home too, but he always had a knack for looking somewhat presentable. He liked to be pretty. As did everyone but it made Harry feel like he was on top of the world. If he had the courage to wear a dress he damn sure would.

As Harry was finishing up he’d decided it was time for a cat nap. So that’s what he did. He didn’t bother to take off his clothes, just lazily pulling himself up the stairs and into his room before crashing down on his bed, pulling the duvet over his feet and up to his neck before rolling to his right side. He’d always been a side sleeper. From what his mom said, at least.

—

“Peachy! Who’s my good girl? Who’s my best girl?”

Somehow peach had found the other shoe Y/n was looking for, and that warranted some love. Y/n smiled as the Samoyed licked her happily. They were about to go on a walk to explore the new neighborhood. Y/n had judged moved into an adorable two-bedroom, one-bath, yellow house. Y/n was the epitome of someone you’d find living in that type of house. With her vanilla perfume, big fluffy Samoyed dog, and overall happy personality, the homeowner thought she was the perfect candidate to rent to.

Going on her way, Y/n decided she’d take a walk somewhere she hasn’t driven through, her best option was essentially a rich community, but she didn’t care. Her dirty shoes hit the pavement alongside Peach, watching as her dog sniffed everything in sight. Turning the corner, she found the cutest little bakery, and her excitement showed. Walking up to the brick building, she’d immediately seen the sign in bold. “NO DOGS.” Frowning, Y/n looked around. She started to walk to the pole she was going to tie peach too, but then she heard squeals.

“Mommy! Doggie!”

It didn’t bother her, so she rerouted.

“Hi miss, is it okay if my dog loves on your little munchkin? She’s very sweet and I’ve heard your child’s excitement.”

The mother smiled at how kind the girl was before nodding. Y/n brought peach over, and she was overjoyed to see the tiny child immediately clutching on.

After a few moments of her chatting with the mother, her stomach decided to make itself know. So she politely excused herself cursing at her stomach for ruining an adorable moment. Tying peach to the grey pole, she trotted inside the bakery. It was mostly empty minus the couple sharing a moment by the window and the assumed college student typing away.

“Hi, welcome to Wall Street Bakery! What can I get you?”

Y/n had to scan over the menu, they had everything from cackle to scones, so it was a difficult choice. But she’d finally agreed on a cup of whipped cream, for peach, and a half a dozen cupcakes. She didn’t know what she’d do with the extra, but she’d figure it out. Pulling nineteen pounds from her purse, she told the girl to keep the change, and she was on her way.

Peach had, as expected, ate all the whipped cream from the medium size cup. Y/n had a single cupcake before she was stuffed, in her defense, she had four slices of pizza, so this was just a tiny snack for her. She didn’t know why she ordered six, but she knew she’d find something to do with the remaining. She and peach started to walk again, taking all kinds of turns and twists, but not enough to lose their tracking. Suddenly Y/n came to a beautiful White House. It looked elegant, so she stopped to admire.

In her mind it wasn’t really creepy, she was just admiring the luxury. The more she looked the clearer everything became. Including the figure in the window of the second story. He sat idle, maybe reading or listening to music, she couldn’t quite tell. He looked dainty, fragile even. So Y/n knew where the five cupcakes would go. She swiftly pulled out a sticky note and a pen and got to work.

‘Hopefully, this sweetens up your day!’

-Y/n :)

—

Harry was listening to music. Mainly Stevie Nicks if we’re honest. He’d decided that today was going to be a relaxing day, which means that going to the studio was out of the agenda. Jeff was okay with it, stating that he had to have a meeting with someone else anyway. So Harry had a fully free relax day. So social media, television, and laziness were his full schedule. Harry had almost gotten caught up with his timeline then his stomach rumbled. He got up, going downstairs. He walked through the living room, still hearing Disney Channel from the tv. Finally getting to the kitchen, he started looking.

Now, after countless walk between the cabinets and the fridge, Harry just gave up. He decided to be a tiny bit productive by getting the mail. Harry slipped his feet in the weirdly angled slippers by the door and walked outside. Harry looked like a proper dad right now, clad in pajama sweat pants, a robe with no shirt under, and fuzzy slippers. As soon as he got outside he saw a pastel pink box with a yellow sticky note on it. Harry wasn’t crazy, but maybe this was something from Camille. Maybe a box of his favourite red velvet cupcakes that her mom made, or maybe a truce. He tried not to get his hopes up. He also wasn’t stupid. So there was no way he was opening that box inside. Just in case.

So, carefully, he grabbed the sticky note from on top of the box. His eyes scanned the letters as a small smile came to his face. Whoever this was, seemed nice and trustworthy, from what he could gather from the tiny paper. So he opened the box, just having to take the small piece of tape that was on the box. Inside we’re a mix of vanilla and chocolate cupcakes, and while it wasn’t red velvet, they looked pretty promising. Again, Harry didn’t know this stranger, and he was a bit of a skeptic when it came to random gifts on his doorstep. But for an unknown reason, he felt inclined to just trust his gut. He was getting far too hangry to worry about death.

He picked up a chocolate cupcake and bit off about half in one bite. Trust and believe that he moaned at the taste. When you deprive yourself of sweets for a healthy diet, a bite into any kind of sweet felt like you were on acid in cake land. So Harry forgot all about the mail and swiftly took the box inside, kicking the door closed with his foot. Now he was almost one hundred percent sure that his whole day would be filled with the sweet-savory taste of these cupcakes.

Harry was very grateful for y/n the cupcake giver, whoever they may be.

-

Y/n felt like she was doing well in life, not astronomically good, but well. She didn’t have any major issues, she was generally acceptable by society. Well, her generation society, cause, of course, some piercing, tattoos, weight, and anything seemly not normal to grandmas around the world was a sin. She got okay grades in school and had a nice job. She had enough money for a tiny yellow house, a dog, and of course herself, so in her mind, she was doing more than good. but for some reason, not having a significant other was the biggest problem for anyone who found out. Y/n had boyfriends, girlfriends, flings, she dabbled in just about anything she felt, but for the past three years, getting her and her pet a life was the most important thing at the time. Now, y/n wasn’t opposed to having someone around. Maybe the cute girl at the coffee shop, her curly hair, dark skin contrasting against striking blue eyes, and pearly white smile was enough to give y/n butterflies as she finished her scone that day. Or the cute boy in the window, there was just something about him. Y/n liked him enough to give him five beautiful delicious cupcakes, so that should say something.

Pop culture was something that y/n was very interested in. Every now and then she’d find herself drooling over Calum Hood on her feed or staring at a paused shot of Zendaya in Euphoria for twenty-three minutes. She loved seeing people grow and she could even say that she was a fan. In fact, if you showed her the music video for Best Song Ever, she’d probably burst in your face with “Niall, do the shimmy, do the shimmy, do the shimmy, and Zayn pirouette and Louis do the splits, and Liam you stay exactly where you are because you are PERFECT,”

Y/n loved things like that, it was amazing to see people get credit when they deserve it. Sure she was heartbroken when My Chemical Romance broke up, maybe she cried for two hours when One Direction broke up, but she got over it. She could proudly listen to Welcome to the Black Parade without crying and she even kept up with Niall and Harry, not like she used to, but she tried to like a picture every now and then. Y/n was a go with the flow kind of girl, she moved on from things quickly and saw the good in things. which is why she was very confused seeing #camillerowecancelled all over her timeline. it was hard to not click on it, but y/n was having a good day and she did not need to indulge in things like that, she left that behind when she deleted Wattpad in 2014.

“Ma’am?”

Y/n nearly forgot that she was at a pet store, social media does that.

“Oh! Yes, hi. I was just looking to see if you guys had any Huskies or Pitbulls?”

Y/n was on a mission to get Peach a friend. She felt bad that the 6-month-old puppy had to be all alone while she was at work, so the only option was getting another dog to keep her company. Peach got on well with just about every dog, so it wasn’t a life-changing decision, she just had to find a dog that Peachy would get on well with. 

The worker showed her and Peach to the dog area and just left, for that she was thankful. She had always talked to Peach and she intended to ask her about the dogs she got excited about but she was sure the worker would’ve thought she was crazy. So she walked around a bit, looking at dogs and talking to Peach. Then, she nearly dropped her phone. She ran to the glass swiftly, looking at the tiny pup. It was a Husky-Chow Chow mix, and she knew she already loved her, she had no name yet either. Peach saw y/n get excited and started wagging her tail. soon enough, a puppy was on in front of her and peach couldn’t be happier to see the mini bear-like dog.

“She’s only about eight weeks old, and a lot of work, are you sure?”

Y/n couldn’t believe the audacity of the question. Of course, she wanted a tiny bear scampering around, going on adventures with her and peach. So she signed about thirty papers as quick as she could. She came to the name paper and the question hung in the air. What did she want to name the tiny bear? With Peach, she got a few days to be creative, and the samoyed was just peachy, so she named her Peach. Y/n searched her brain for names until she couldn’t think anymore. Then she squealed. She does that a lot.

Now, Y/n was on her way home, little Pipkin in her lap,  peach sat in the passenger seat as she jammed out to Lana Del Rey. Pip seemed to be having the time of her life, happy to be out of the confined cage. Y/n was, as you’d say, living her best life. She really didn’t have a care in the world. No one could really blame her. Y/n was pretty sure she just scored the cutest dog in all of London.

“Summertime and the living’s easy!”:

Y/n made it home in record time, she's pretty sure she was speeding, but Peach seemed very excited so she wanted them to be able to interact. She put Pip’s tiny leash and harness on, which was proved to be useless. Pip just kept tangling herself in Y/n’s legs and nearly got trampled by Peach. So, Pip got off scot-free just being carried. Peach was sniffing the tiny animal as soon as Y/n stepped in the door.

“Peachy, hold on I promise I’ll put her down in a sec.”

After getting settled, Y/n carefully set Pipkin on the ground, going to the couch to watch the two dogs interact. Peach sniffed Pipkin and vice versa, both faces have been in the butt of the other in addition to their own. They ran around the house for a bit, then the yard. They ate together for the first time, Peach even tried to share her food. They got on well, just like Y/n had predicted, so she decided it was time for a group walk. Y/n put a pastel hoodie over her tiny black camisole crop-top and exchanged her slides for converse, then they were out the door.

Pip seemed to walk better with Peach as Y/n helped guide. She went the same way as yesterday, finding she liked the scenic route even if it was longer. She walked passed the coffee shop, even smiling at the cute curly-haired girl. She passed the bakery this time, she wasn’t feeling sweets today. She walked quite a bit, even taking a few selfies of all three of them. Y/n was excited. She and Peach had a new companion. It might also be the rush of the fact that she's pretty sure the cute window boy is out in his lawn. She tried to keep cool, even almost went to the other side of the street but peach wasn’t gonna let that happen. It seems already Pip has become a rebel because she stayed with Peach. Y/n trained them, but they weren’t like Army dogs, so she let them practically pull her until two houses before his. She fixed herself up a bit, checking that her posture didn’t resemble the hunchback of Notre Dame. 

She got closer and she could already feel the butterflies swirling in her tummy. Peach and Pip must’ve felt it too, because closer they got, the closer to Y/n the dogs got. Especially Pip, but I’m sure its just cause she’s very tiny compared to the man, his hand could probably fit Pip in its palm. Y/n contemplated talking to him, which she did until she was nearly up in his face. When she saw him clearly, oh boy. Butterflies were an understatement. it was like a swarm of fuzzy bumblebees was tickling every part of her tummy. Y/n can definitely confirm that curly hair and bright eyes were essentially her type as of now.

“The boy from the window!”

If Y/n wanted to die before it was nothing compared to now. she literally wanted London to swallow her and her dogs until they were in the middle of nowhere with no proof of their existence. Pip and Peach weren’t bothered, sitting idle in the sun. The gate blocked out a bit of Y/n’s beet-red face, not as much as she would have wished.

-

Harry had decided to go outside. It was a pretty nice day for London, the sun was even out. So after copious amounts of sunscreen, some more presentable clothing, just in case of a fan, and some slides, he was on his way to his larger than the normal front yard. He planned on being out for a bit, so he brought snacks and drinks too. His mother taught him the habit. She always had some sort of snack in her purse and she almost always had those mini water bottles.

He lived in a pretty secluded part of London, but he still wanted to be prepared if a fan came up to him. Harry didn’t want to sound like an ass but more often than not, he didn’t want to take pictures. He was all for living in the moment. After always having a camera on you for about six years, you’d get sick of it too. It's not that he didn’t like meeting fans, he loved it. They made him who he was, but almost every one of them wanted a picture to document that they met him. It's albeit sad, the fact that if you just said that you met him, everyone would ask for proof. Trust does get a bit tainted from fame. 

Harry was almost ready to go inside, he was near sunburnt, and if he didn't get inside his mom would scold him. Now some people might think that he's an adult and that he doesn't need to listen to her. Harry thinks different. His mom is such a kind soul but if you make her mad enough to scold you, oh she’ll scold you. Harry didn't like the feel of the cold aloe vera either. He’d kept it in the fridge, it was mean to cool you down and soothe you, but that's maybe a five minute cool. His had been in the fridge for about two months. Then, he saw a fluffy cloud walking alongside a very tiny bear, so he stayed. Even to just get a closer glance at the dogs.

Now imagine this, you’re on your lawn, waiting for two dogs to pass by, but they stop at your gate. You’re curious and, in this case, you think it might be a fan. what would be the face you made if the first thing that person said was,

“The boy from the window!”

It took him a minute to even process the words the girl just spoke, he was on autopilot walking to his gate and unlocking it. He went up to the girl, she looked sweet, she was very pretty and looked like she could model but also like she had just run three miles, her face was very red. Harry didn’t mention it. Instead, he said,

“Pardon?”

He couldn’t tell who was redder. that was an idiot thing to say, he could see it now if this angel really was famous, the headlines would probably be at his neck, making jokes about how he had shit pickup lines, but he did. That probably warranted cheating in his mind.

-

Y/n couldn’t believe she was about to explain that she was being a creep but she didn’t know what else to say, she couldn’t just let the silence sit but holy shit, she was talking to Harry Styles. Her stomach said barf on his feet but her mind said to play it cool, she chooses the latter.

“I, uh, yesterday, I saw you sat in the window, and you looked a bit sad, at least from where I was standing, so I left five cupcakes at your doorstep. I’m Y/n.”

Y/n saw his face shift, but his eyes showed immediate confusion. 

“How’d you get through the gate?”

Way to go y/n, you trespassed. You finally meet a boy, well, see a boy, and you fuck it up by trespassing? yay.

“I- It was actually open a bit and you looked sad. Listen, I'm sorry but please don't send me to jail. Pip and Peachy need me to feed them and I need my tiny house I beg you just like punch me instead I sw-”

Y/n couldn’t help herself. From her perspective she made a damn good case, cause no one could take the person who has two dogs to jail, Well, they could, but morally? yeah right bitch.

“Hey, don’t worry, yeah? just let me pet your dogs and we’ll call a truce.”

Y/n didn’t think this could get any better. She met Harry Styles, and he likes her dogs. Not gonna lie, Y/n thought he was a cat person, sure he could be a ray of sunshine, but he had major resting ‘step a centimeter too close to me and I’ll kill you’ face. Her need to scream right now was a ten on a scale of one to nine. Sure she kept her composure and would until she got comfortable, but if she was alone, she’d break a glass. One Direction among, various other artists, shaped her taste in music all through high school. She listened to No Control pretty much every day of freshman year, it was on her morning playlist.

Y/n zoned out, caught up in her thoughts, but when she did come back from the wave of nostalgia, she saw possibly a once in a lifetime moment. Her dogs, snuggled up into harry, as he sat there in all his handsome glory.

“I completely forgot to introduce m’self. I’m Harry.”

he held a kind smile, it didn’t fully reach his eyes, but it was genuine.

“I know who you are, congratulations on the new song, by the way.”

He didn’t miss a beat before asking,

“Would you like a picture?”

Y/n honestly didn’t know what to do. Would saying no be too rude? ‘Cause she did not have the energy to pull out her phone. 

“Oh, no thanks, actually.”

He seemed, almost relived? It was confusing. Y/n didn’t meet celebrities on the regular, but she was almost one hundred percent sure that he would have thought she was rude. 

After talking and letting Harry pet her dogs a bit more, she, unfortunately, had to go. She let him know, they exchanged hugs, and she said a sorrowful goodbye to Harry. It was weird, sometimes she forgot that people she looked up too were just like her at some point. maybe playing with a Tamagotchi or beating one of their friends at BopIt. It truly was a ‘rags to riches’ story for so many famous people.

Y/n finally got home, after taking a few pit stops, letting Peach and Pip do what they needed to do. She was relieved to see her tiny yellow house, it held a lot of character for one, Y/n even went as far as naming it Lanana. It was a dumb combination of lemon and banana, re; her house colour. Second, her feet were pretty much throbbing. Pip was acting like she was dying from walking and Peach immediately lied on the floor. Y/n also found the rug to be pretty comfortable as she lied on it, staring at her surroundings.

Her cacti seemed to be doing well, probably cause it was fake. It seemed fairly clean, so she didn’t have to worry about that tomorrow. her tapestry of corgis seemed to have come down on one side, but other than that her walls looked genuinely okay, she has yet to put a hole in them. and her books on the coffee table were still unmoved. Y/n didn’t really read them, but who has books on their coffee table that they actually read? The ceiling was pretty bland though, maybe she’d buy something to put on it. 

Y/n rolled over and pulled out her phone. her eyes were probably going to hurt later. Whenever she started scrolling, it didn’t matter which app, she had trouble stopping. But she’d get up eventually, if not, Peach would probably maul her if she didn’t get her peanut butter covered meds. Y/n debated going on twitter, but she didn't really want to see anything on there, opting for Instagram, she got into a comfortable position and started scrolling.

-

Harry was very, very frustrated. He had gotten a sunburn and that scold from his mom. Anne went on for about fifteen minutes about how he’d get skin cancer and how he’ll feel like leather by the time he’s fifty. She had good intentions, but Harry had thin patients. He did keep it under wraps, he had too. It’d be a whole other scolding if he got snappy with his mum. He actually talked to her for ten minutes, more or less, about what was going on in his life and etcetera before his mum called it a night.

He kept thinking about you, well you and your dogs. Sure human interaction was appealing, puppy interaction was essential. Had you been anyone else, excluding his mum and a few friends, Harry would have called security. He just chose to trust his gut and the dogs that you were with.

It was a rare feeling that harry got around dogs. Not like the love you give your significant other, it was less intimate. More like the love you give a child or someone you love very much. Harry almost considered getting a dog. Big or small the creatures were loyal, always waiting for you to get home and following you through the house. They were very reliable and dependant on their owners. Harry thought that was something he needed. Someone to depend on him, keep him grounded and let him know he was wanted. He had wanted a dog up until he realized that he was too busy. He was always busy now. Getting ready to release a new album, having to give his all for it to be what he imagined. He barely had time to himself, a pet would be too much to handle.

Had Harry realized a singing career would jeopardize his opportunity to get a dog, he would have never auditioned in the first place. Harry always had a love for animals. Now, when you hear that you take into account people's fears, with Harry, you didn’t have to. By the age of three, he was trotting up to garden snakes, helping to untangle them from whatever twig they were stuck in. He helped spiders outside and whatever you can think of that someone would fear, he’d do it. Not because he was brave, because if you told him to try and run over a tiny stream in-between the grass, he wouldn’t hesitate to tell you no and throw a fit. Harry was just gentle, in a lot of aspects. 

He was gentle when he broke up with people, he was gentle when his bunny was getting ready to pass away, he was gentle when his sister was stressed looking for colleges, he was just gentle. which came with a lot of selflessness. Everything was Harry’s fault, in the sense that he blamed himself for a lot of things. He still blamed himself for Camille. Her falling out of love wasn’t his fault, she made that clear, but he couldn’t help but nitpick his flaws. The was he sometimes zoned out while she talked, or when he had a meeting but she had an off day, he felt terrible leaving Camille alone.  Harry was off.

He wasn’t broken, he felt okay, there was no metaphorical hole in his heart. Harry was fine. Except for when he wasn’t. The nights of alcohol and screaming led to nothingness. No more screaming, no more soft cuddles in the early hours. Harry was indifferent about it.  On the one hand, he was glad. He had calm peaceful nights and his liquor cabinet was almost always full again. On the other hand, his bed felt awfully empty. He still slept on his side, it felt like she was still lingering. Even with the million times, he washed the sheets, she still felt like she was right there.

Harry hoped he’d get over her.

-

Y/n was running detrimentally late. She’d gotten the best job interview and guess what? She got up an hour too late. By the eighth time she snoozed, she realized she had to be up. So she did some shitty ‘natural’ makeup, threw on a blazer, a cami under it, and the matching pants. She still looked bomb, Y/n would never doubt that. Especially when her confidence needed to be high. So now that Y/n was pulling up to get coffee, she’d regretted getting up so late.

The drive-thru was packed, everyone getting their own coffee. Y/n opted to go inside, coffee was like her push to get through the day and a Trenta should be enough to keep her somewhat lively. She still had to wait in a line inside, but this one was shorter. She tapped her thigh and scrolled through Instagram until she was at the counter. The barista was cute, having cool dyed hair was something Y/n gravitated towards, she could never get her hair a crazy colour, having to work serious jobs all the time. She always had to stick to somewhat natural. She’d rebelled at some point in middle school with bright, neon red hair. Then she’d stuck to natural colours, neon didn't look that good on her.

–

She picked up her coffee, taking a sip before starting her journey to her car. Well, she was, then the universe decided she needed a cute cliche.

“Oh! shit, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t even looking an-”

–

“and I just bumped into you, I’m sorry oh god.”

Harry recognized Y/n, and he wanted to say hi. Apparently, his version of hi was coffee spilled all over her shirt. He didn’t mean to, but the profuse apologizing was kind of cute.

“It’s fine love, saw you ‘nd thought I’d say hello.”

Harry caught Y/n blush at that. Albeit she got flustered over the tiniest things. She was quite cute now that Harry wasn’t distracted by dogs. She had a very nice style, besides the fact that there was now a stain on her camisole. She nearly matched the cafe chairs with her pants and blazer. It was cute.

She was cute.

–

To say Y/n was shocked was an understatement. For once a cute guy wanted to talk to her and she didn’t have to pine over him for months first. It was nearly a miracle. Y/n was a nice girl but confidence wasn’t always her strong suit. She couldn’t just talk to people, no no, she usually had to make an idiot of herself first. With the looming failure over her head and her heart racing, it made it very hard for Y/n to make new friends.

“Oh, for sure, uh I’m in a bit of a sticky situation.”

He held a finger up, signaling her to wait. He was discouraged she’d think he was weird and leave. But after coming back outside, a hand full of towelettes, he saw she was still there. Y/n took the damp fabric, wiping her blazer a bit, the only place the stain was visible was her blazer. Thank god for her camisole being black otherwise Harry would be able to tell she wasn’t wearing a bra. Sure she likes attention but not wearing a bra was solely hatred. Primarily Y/n had underwire bras, they were like hell around your boobs. So she opted out, it wasn’t like she expected to see Harry. He’d probably already noticed, it’d gotten considerably cold. He hadn’t said anything though, so there wasn’t much to dwell on.

Y/n patted herself down, thankfully getting most of the coffee stench out of her clothing. She’d forgotten all about why she was wearing a blazer or her interview. Y/n had her priorities all off, of course, Harry was more important than her interview, logically no, but Y/n wasn’t thinking with her head. Who would?

Harry was trying to decide whether or not he should ask for her number, was it too soon? What if he looked too desperate? The press would eat that up, he could already hear a tacky headline being typed. Y/n didn’t look like the type of girl that would care about that type of stuff. Desperate was surely socially constructed. Harry was obviously in too deep, who cared about any of that? he was gonna go for it.

Y/n was starting to see a difference in her blazer as the stain dried. Harry seemed spaced out, literally. He looked like he was on Mars. Harry looked like he was gonna say something, as he looked Y/n in the eyes for the first time.

She was gorgeous. Sure he’d dated models and beautiful women, but this was like home-brewed, authentic beauty. Her hair looked so soft, it was the type of hair that matched a lions mane, one he could imagine all over the pillow next to him. He liked Y/n, she was cute. After seeing her a few times Harry was almost drawn to her. She had an expensive personality. Not the kind of snobby, rich expensive, but rich with delicacies. She was kind to strangers she spoke to, and her dogs fit right with her, almost giving her a throne of cute, fluffy, kindness. The music in the coffee shop was heard outside, Harry swayed his body a bit to the beat.

“So, since we’ve run into each other a few times, I guess the universe thinks we’re soulmates.”

Harry didn’t need to rip off the bandaid, Y/n had just done it for him. Her smooth words flowed to him like silk, sure maybe Harry was getting a bit stalkerish, but it was all with good intention. If Y/n could be confident enough to say that and smile on, surely getting her number shouldn’t be that hard.

“So, ehm, I was wondering if I could ‘ve your number?”

Y/n was properly freaking out. Who wouldn’t? Harry looked at her with the most adorable gleaming eyes and just how could Y/n ever say no to that? He was her type but elevated. He had the bad boy vibe, but a heart of gold. Y/n liked to think of him as a milk dud oddly. But he and the mild dud alike had a hard, chocolate exterior, but sweet, chewy, caramel insides. He was ethereal. 

“Yes, yeah absolutely.”

-

It was now about a month after that. Harry and Y/n were going strong in the friend zone. Every time Harry asked Y/n out she was busy and vice-versa. Somehow the universe had gotten them together, but now it was like it vanished. All the work was now in their hands. It wasn’t as if having a date with one another was work, it wasn’t. Frankly, they really did enjoy each other's company, even through texts. But it was their literal work. 

Y/n couldn’t get a day off to save her life. Her boss was a bit of a dick. On top of it, most days off were spent graciously on the couch, feet propped up, and two dogs cuddling into her, all three intrigued by SpongeBob and Squidward arguing. Harry was in the middle of finishing up his album, so most of his time was spent at the studio. His days off were spent in L.A. It was rare that he was in London, sometimes he had to beg for a break. Thankfully he had jeff who sort of understood. So sure breaks were rare, but Harry spent so much time trying to work his hardest that he was keeping himself from it at this point. 

Harry had done enough waiting. Y/n seemed right up his alley. Her personality wasn’t too overbearing or too happy, she was a perfect state of nirvana. A calming aura came where ever she went and Harry could almost feel it through his screen. He and Y/n texted about anything. It could be a meme she sent him at three am, in turn, he’d laugh but tell her to get to bed. Or he’d send her minuscule things, like the stuff he sees in his everyday life that reminds him of her. Was Harry fully over his ex? No, but he’d get there. For you, Harry would at least try. Everyone had understood he was hurt but Anne pushed him to be happy for him, so that's what he was doing.

He’d texted Y/n about setting up a little get together, he didn’t want to call it a date, thinking maybe he’d scare her off. Y/n was persistent though, responding with ‘So it’s a date.’ It wasn't even a question, she’d just said it out in the open in hopes that Harry would be okay with it. He was. If Y/n could’ve seen his face when he read it she’d probably get a good laugh because as soon as he processed the text his lips curled up, bringing his mouth into a toothy smile. It felt nice to have someone paying attention to him again. He’d seen a few fans on his drive, waving as one cried, she immediately apologizing for being an ugly crier. There was something about finally getting a date and talking to the fans that put him in a fantastic mood. 

He was currently sitting in traffic, just coming back from seeing his mum. The surroundings were a bit bleak, all the houses were either White, Gray, or Black. Harry loved colour. He loved being able to express himself with pleasing ones that coordinate. Sure when he was little he’d throw on a raincoat but put shorts on, but having a stylist most of his life helped. His style was like a grandpa in a twenty-year-old’s body. Not that he cared, but it was a bit of an improvement from young British bloke who thinks he’s cool. Traffic started moving and Harry took his foot off the break, shifting gears to get moving. What was he doing? Well he, was on his way to get a particular bubbly nirvana girl. He and Y/n had planned the date about a week ago and agreed that they’d do something as soon as he got home. She insisted that he went home and relaxed, but Harry was stubborn, assuring her that he’d be fine. 

They had yet to plan where they were going, Y/n had talked about just going out and figuring it out when they ‘cross that lightbulb’ and he agreed. He neared the street that Y/n had given him and his mind was getting the best of him. Not every girl was the same but what if? There was always a possibility that it could happen again. Was his heart ready to risk it? Not fully, but one date couldn’t damage him that much. Harry always had a strong heart. When someone pushed him off the slide in primary school he’d said he fell. In Secondary school when his crush Rachel traded him for someone older, he’d let it go. He was strong and he could handle this. Y/n didn’t seem like she was like that.

He pulled up outside of her house, smiling at the bright colour. It was very her. Her windows were bright and open, he could see a small succulent on the ledge inside. She had a well-kept yard and the grass was as vibrant as ever. Considering it was London it could be hard to maintain a yard or even a garden, the weather was always temperamental. He heard the door open, watching as she stepped out from behind the white door. She looked beautiful, clad in some spandex shorts that fit her bottom nicely and a big sweater. It looked like a merch sweater of some sort. 

Y/n had a cute little bounce in her step, her hair bouncing a bit too. She and Harry had been on the best terms. They texted almost every day following him getting her number. She got to know him a bit better. She paid attention to a lot, she was an observer. The way he typed and formed sentences was very pleasing to the eye, at least he didn’t have terrible grammar. She reached the car, giving him a smile as she got in the car.

“How are y’love? Hair looks nice.”

Y/n smiled, attention to detail was always nice. They had also joked multiple times about her secretly being a lion cause she’d sent him a selfie after a particularly long day at work the day before. You could see the tangles and how frizzed it was. Harry thought it was adorable.

“Thanks, I’m good, at least it's brushed this time, right?”

He laughed. It was a nice sound.

“Any thought to where you’d like to go?”

Y/n hummed, thinking a bit.

“I was thinking ice cream, it’s rare that London has had this many sunny days, I’m wondering if we should be scared.”

They both laughed, agreeing on ice cream.

“Y’want the aux?” Harry offered.

“Yeah, thanks.”

Y/n hooked up her phone, going to Spotify and smiling as Hey Jude played through the speakers. She and Harry sang along ridiculously off-key and talked the entire drive to the tiny ice cream shop. Harry stopped the car and got out. So far, Y/n wasn’t bad. In fact, she was great. Her happiness radiated through the car, he bets it's hard to be in a bad mood around her. She’d opted for no makeup and Harry liked that. He loved girls with and without makeup but it was a gesture he appreciated, even if it wasn’t for him. 

Y/n looked up at the options, she didn’t particularly care for a lot of it, she didn’t want to eat something that had too much sweetness, she’d get a tummy ache. Harry had ordered Moose Track ice cream while Y/n ordered Ben and Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake. This was typically her go to unless she was sad, then she buried her sorrows in Cherry Garcia.

They didn't even sit down before they were chatting. Conversation flowed easily between them. They could go from talking about their day to talking about childhood. It was nice, there was no pressure to come up with a topic. If there was silence as they at it was comfortable, the ice cream shop wasn’t very full, it is on the outskirts of London, so they didn't have to worry about paparazzi. They talked about their favourite bands, people they looked up to, fashion choices, just about everything that came to mind. It was nice, Harry and Y/n singing to their heart's content to the Queen flowing through the shop, Y/n even getting up and using her spoon as a mic. Harry hadn’t felt this nice in a while.

“Then he turned and there was a garden snake and I’ve never heard a fifty-year-old man scream at a higher pitch than him.”

Y/n finished off her story, she and Harry had been laughing their asses off for about an hour, they’d been there for about two. 

“This is nice, love hanging out with you.”

Harry’s words held sentiment that made Y/n’s heart burst. 

“Same.”

Y/n replied, laughing as he made faces at her. This was easy. No pressure, nothing was forced, it was genuine first date bliss.

“Oops.”

Harry smirked as he took his spoon, putting a bit of chocolate on her nose,

“Harry.”

Y/n whined dragging out his name. He laughed, leaning forward. He kissed the ice cream off her nose watching as her cheeks tinted pink, it was adorable.

“You asked for it.”

next thing Harry knew there was ice cream on his nose now too, except she didn’t kiss it away, opting to take her finger and wipe it. bringing the finger to her mouth she laughed, making a face resembling the grinch as she licked her thumb. They didn’t want to leave, Harry would pay to have time freeze and keep this moment present forever. Sadly he couldn’t. They got up, going to the register.

“I’m paying.”

Y/n stated, dismissing Harry’s protests. 

Harry had dropped Y/n off, and there was no doubt he wanted to keep her around. He had his doubts but the small time that they had in the ice cream shop was phenomenal. Was Harry fully over his ex? No. But that was okay. He didn’t have to rush, he’d be just fine getting over her with Y/n’s help. He didn’t need a therapist or a new girlfriend, he needed someone to show him that he could have better. Y/n was better. As long as you two kept talking Harry was sure he’d be over it in no time.

y/n; so plans for our next date? ;)

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

LINDSAY SCHOOLCRAFT – An Interview with the Artist

Hi Lindsay, welcome to Femme Metal Webzine, how are you and how life is treating you right now?

I’m good, thank you. Life is going pretty well. Really really well, actually.

The last time I interviewed you was back with Mary and the Black Lamb, we can totally affirm that a lot of water is passed under the bridge, so, considering that this band is part of your musical background, how Mary and the Black Lamb show up in your debut full-length “Martyr”?

Oh my gosh! [Laughs] Wow, what? It has been 11 years since we released the album “The City Sleeps”. Unfortunately, Mary and the Black Lamb is no longer a band and that is ok. But it’s just crazy to look back and think about it. When I came to that project, I was one of the main songwriters and I was writing “Martyr” as a solo artist and I felt that the song “Stranger” from Mary and the Black Lamb would fit the sound of this album. So, that song was written between me and the keyboard player Matt Kelley  and I got his permission, of course I treated him really fair and I made sure that he received his royalties. We went ahead and we brought it to Rocky and my producer Tyler and we just worked on it. I’m so happy how it did come out and so, it’s Matt. I’ve been slowly pushing to my solo album and I think it will be the last album on which I’ll do recreation of old songs but I want to do songs like “Stay Away” because I really love it. However, I’ll try and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. I’ll take maybe two more songs from Mary and the Black Lamb because I feel like those songs deserve an update and it might work very well and if they don’t work, it’s ok. At least, I can say to myself that I did try. My songs are like my babies and I always feel like they deserve a fair chance, you know? [laughs] And they have to grow up with me [laughs].

So, we have talked about Mary and the Black Lamb and I’m gonna focus on the production of your debut album “Martyr”: how was it? When did you start collecting the first ideas and planning for it?

Oh man, well, we actually started making it without a plan. Unfortunately, next time we will have it and everything started at the beginning of June 2016 when Rocky Gray contacted me with the serious intent to collaborate together. So, we worked on the first two songs: the first was The Cure‘s cover of b and it did turn out really good, we are really proud of it and then  “Warn Me” and “Remember” followed. Back than, both songs sounded quite differently from now. At the beginning, they were just simple ideas but I like that because Rocky sends it like that  and then, you have room to build the melody and the lyrics. I love working with him and he’s on board for the next album too, which is good. In the end, there was no plan and we kept on writing together and then I took my old phone into the night from my first DP. At one point, probably at the end of 2017, we had 17 songs and we took the decision to stop because it turned out to be too much and we had just to pick 13 songs which includes 2 bonus tracks and went ahead to finish this album. It was intense because there were other people involved like Spencer Creaghan who played the strings and also, he wrote the strings sections for songs that may or may not be on the album. We didn’t want to waste anyone’s time cuz’ we are all very busy people. So, at the end we strategically decided to adapt everything and finish with the guest vocals on which different singers have participated. That was it. It was concluded and mastered at the beginning of 2018 but due to my commitments with Cradle of Filth and not finding a record label, there are a lot of delays. It’s fine because I make it work anyway. However, it was a long process and I’m hoping that, for the next album it won’t be long as between the beginning (the production). I think this time we’ll have a clear plan and we’ll just focus on the 13 songs that we have and just that. For sure, we won’t waste any time and it was a big learning curve for me, for my producer Tyler and all my team. Now that we know how we work together, we also have a system and it should not go as long as before.

You have been recently nominated as a Juno Award artist. How does it feel to have reached such a milestone? And how this event will reflect on you and your music?

It’s a dream come true. I was not expecting it. I didn’t know that was going to happen but it did and when I found out, I just couldn’t stop crying. I was so happy, I’ve been through a lot in the past months. Not necessarily good things, that’s ok, they come and go and when this happened, it was such a huge honour because I had been dreaming of it since I was a teenager. I didn’t want to win but just get a nomination and the fact that happened is totally unreal to me.

Beside being an amazing vocalist, you are also an amazing harpist. Now, I would like to focus on your musical background: considering that you enrolled at the Royal Academy, how much did your academic upbringing impact your music?

I started singing when I was a little kid and a big influence on me was Disney, well a 90s child that is going to happen and I was also singing in a choir at school. The first time I learned about harmony was very interesting and I was such a young child. I didn’t start taking serious music until High School and at the time, I was in a punk band and I was taking bass lessons and singing too, even if not so very well. Then, I decided at the age of 21 to start taking music seriously and that when I found about the Royal Conservatory of Music where I went studying classical piano, classical voice and I was learning my theory and I did for about 3 – 4 years while in the meantime I reached a certain level. After, I was considering the option of going back to University at the age of 25, though I did my final application when I was 26. I got into University and I did my first semester and I was chosen for the minor “Classical composition and conducting for orchestra” and my major was “Opera Singing” but it got cut short because I was called by Cradle of Filth. Eventually, one day I may go back to my education. Nevertheless, for now, I’m taking the time to learn the harp from a few people and I would love to go back to study theory. On the other hand, the business and other things in my life have been very intense. I’m on the right path, so, once business is settled maybe I’ll come back to learn more about theory which I would love to do. It’s still a goal of mine in life.

“Martyr” was released via Cyber Proxy Independent. Does it have to be considered your own imprint or are you taking in consideration other external deals?

So, it’s my own little record label composed by me and my laptop in my corner of my room. [Laughs] it’s nothing crazier, still it feels nice that I have that. The reason that happened was because there were a lot of things I was going through like getting distribution, getting the CDs in the European and North American stores, filing the royalties and there’s even more that I do independently with my assistant. All these actions justified a label’s name, so we did come that. Actually, the origin of the name is due to the fact I’m a huge fan of cyberpunk and my favourite anime is Ergo Proxy. I know, the name was just last-minute and we didn’t put a lot of thought into it [laughs] and we just made up the name. Simply, that was it. We were kinda like “We’re Cyber Proxy Independent which is literally me and my assistant in my bedroom named after all my favourite anime” and we just kept going and that’s that. Anyway, it’s just a name in order that people have something to refer to my music, I guess.

You know, if we talk about distribution and licensing, will you consider some external deals?

Yes, what I have to do is that I have to wait until the end of Juno‘s because with a nomination there’s a lot of opportunities for me of which I’m very happy. For example, I have a better chance to have my music featured in movies and TV and it does represent one of my biggest dreams and I would love to do that. Whoever if I win, I don’t care if I win or not, if Kobra and the Lotus, if The Agonist or The Striker and the Single Mother, I’m happy for whoever wins. I’ve always kept the attitude that in the heavy metal world community we always support each other. If I win, owning the title completely changes everything and I’ll have increased opportunity to reach out to a wide audience. In the end, I’m just waiting to see what happens and I’m just being smart.

I think that being appointed just a nominee changes because the name is out, they know how you are and people start raising their heads…

Oh yeah, Canada is a big deal and because of that I gained a few fans. It’s crazy.

Yeah, I know because at the time back in the 80s artists like Alannah Myles, Rush, Autograph and Bryan Adams…

Oh, I love Alannah! Yeah, oh man, I don’t know if Bryan Adams‘s gonna be there and I hope, he’s and I would love to meet him. I hope that Billie Eilish and The Weeknd show up because I love them both. It’s crazy. it’s just crazy. So, this year at the Juno’s is the 49th edition and Jenn Arden, who has been an huge influence on me as a singer-songwriter, of course she’s one of those dark folky types of music really famous in Canada, she’s getting inducted in the Canadian Music Hall of Fame and that’s simply huge. Also, the Canadian musical legend Ann Murray is getting inducted. I think my dad is more excited for that than I am [laughs]. Well, my dad has met Jenn Arden and I really hope to meet her too. There are a lot of women in the Canadian music industry like Sarah McLachlan, Avril Lavigne, Chantal Kreviazuk. They all proved to be such an inspiration that they pushed me forward towards my artistic percorse as a singer-songwriter. Even if it was a bit stressful to get ready with the outfit for the red carpet, I’m just so honoured. We’ll make it there and we’ll make it work. [Laughs]

We know that we have recently split up with Cradle of Filth and the intent of this question isn’t delving into the situation, per se but what did you learn about this experience and how did you improve you as an artist?

What I’ve learned while I was in Cradle of Filth is that it totally pushed me on a more professional level when it comes to handling the touring and the business side of things. It was an amazing opportunity and I’m so grateful that it did happen. I still have so much love and respect the band and the boys. You know, we’re still friends and it’s good. On a final note, it taught me which are my strengths and my weaknesses, so in this case I know where I should improve. Unfortunately, it’s not an easy industry and in my case I’m very lucky because I have a group of good friends who are in the industry and we all understand what’s going on. Although, when it comes to mental health in this industry, I don’t think there’s enough support and respect towards people who suffer from it. Sadly, this industry has taught me too, whatever the situation a lot of good things happened and one of them for sure is to live honestly, to live the truth and to be truthful to what I believe in and to what I want to put into the world. I think I’m ok and I’m grateful for that experience, so to say.

Now all this mental health issue raises a question: in which way, we can start spreading awareness in this industry? Because you know I like writing, I like doing interviews and both you and me, we share a similar history. From an artistic point of view, what can we do?

What we can do is be kinder to each other and when a person in a band, in a community is suffering, it’s nice to reach out and support one another. I think it’s something that can save lives by acknowledging that we are only humans and we are not money music machines. We’re not robots and recognizing that comprehension when we reach a limit because you have been working too hard and you need a break is important. Nowadays, we live in a period and age where there are a lot of expectations towards the touring musicians and where it is required to hold from 3 to 5 different job titles. It’s not healthy and it’s not fair. Fine, it saves money and in the beginning, you have to do it for a few years after that, please consider the mental health and wellbeing of the other band members too because if you don’t start hiring people for these positions, there’s an enormous chance for a burn out. It’s a terrible experience and lately, it comes down to respect and kindness. Naturally, this industry is stressful but we are all in it together and we should all take care of each other. If we lose that idea, we just lose one another.

It sounds really good but tangibly speaking, what can we do for example starting spreading information? It’s something that is really interesting but how can we be much more proactive towards it?

There’s now a hotline for musicians in the United Kingdom where they call in if they’re having mental health problems. I think we need more support like that. Recently, I have read this article about this girl that is actively fighting for women’s equality at Download when it comes to the woman being on the stage and I don’t necessarily think that is needed because there are plenty of women working there. However, what is really needed for example is having a tent in the backstage where women can go when they don’t feel safe or what we should have access to is counselling. I think festivals should start offering a private tent with counselling and if someone needs to go talk about their problems, grieve, cry or have a safe space. Surely, that would make the biggest difference and save lives because touring is not so easy. You miss weddings, you miss funerals and there’s so much that happens to touring musicians and they are just expected to suck it up, carry on and deal with it. It’s wrong because it’s time to start providing more services to musicians to have a place to go. It’s time to put the business aside and acknowledge their feelings. It’s time to be heard and know that they are cared about, all this will make a huge difference.

Well, it’s something interesting, if you ask me, we can join forces together and see if that can work out because it’s something that no one has ever thought about and I find quite frustrating…

I agree. We have lost so many lives lately in the metal community. Some due to health and some other due to some related circumstances, but part of it is because of the drug and alcohol abuse to numb the pain while you have to work. I think if we just start to be kinder and respectful to one another while we set in motion to help everyone’s suffering, we can save a lot of lives so they don’t continue down the dark path and they don’t feel unseen and unheard. I bet what don’t have that this possible to achieve.

This was a complicated question and it does make it difficult to change topic. However, I had a question about your upcoming project Antiqva with Ne Obliscaris‘s Xenoyr. How did it come together and which are the latest updates?

Oh man, that was a drunk decision [laughs]. In 2015, we started to talk about the fact that I would like to do something musically different that wasn’t neither Ne Obliscaris nor Cradle of Filth. But, however something along the lines of traditional black metal that meets the classical sound with strings, choirs and Gregorian chantries. Oh my god, the whole massive idea and I was already composing some stuff which at the end it wouldn’t work out for Cradle of Filth at all. He is just Mr.Darkness like Dark Aestical all the time, always incredibly writing poetry into his lyrics, he’s such a creative source. Definitely, he’s one of my muses. We have just started working on things. Oh man, when I wrote these first demoes, I sent them straight away even though they were so bad. At the time, I was just working with what I had and now, it turned into such a massive project. I’m very grateful because the relationship that I have with the other two songwriters Justine Ethier  which she plays drums and we collaborate together on the orchestrations; and Fabian who’s known as Urzom from Negator which he plays the guitar and he collaborated on the writing and arrangements). Between the three of us, we have such a deep connection and friendship. It’s such a beautiful experience and I never really believed in the spiritual aspect of that gathering together and having the magic among other musicians when you write, however, we have definitely that. It’s really amazing and I feel really grateful to have that. Instead about the latest updates, It’s going good and we have to finish writing a few more songs to have a full album . Then, we are going into the studio in April to record the first single and all this, it’s just for getting the things started which is exciting. I’m really looking forward to it, I love the single, I love the songs we chose. The fans are already excited even though they have listened to anything and they have so much faith in us. I know what I want and I already have the ideas quite clear about the whole plan. It’s good that we’re starting with one song and surely, we will be included on the new album. By then I hope to have more funding to record a live string section and hire the required musicians. We’re just so excited and it has been challenging ‘cuz all the members all over the world and we have to keep up on communication and organisation. We do that very well and of course, they have me and Cyber Proxy. Now that I have established this label, I’ll take care of this band in the best way possible through the help of my team too. I think Antiqva has a good start and I’m happy for that opportunity. I love everyone in the band and I love working with them. They are so talented and they are such good people. So, I think that hopefully by 2022 all the engines will be set in motion for the album and playing festivals, everything depends on how quickly we get through the single [laughs]. But, I don’t wanna rush it, it’s a project of passion, it’s definitely a calling in life. I love doing my solo work, I’m so proud of it and whatever comes from “Murder” I enjoyed. It’s like my baby, my first child while with Antiqva is something that I wanted to do since I was a little kid because at the time I used to write classical music in my head but I didn’t have neither the knowledge nor the tools on how to translate out my mind in a tangible way. Now, I do and I have so much dark classical music in my head that I just want to give to the world. I think we are doing an OK job because I showed to some friends what we have written and they just burst into tears. So far so good but it’s a very slow process and I don’t like how slow it is. I feel like I’m waiting and waiting but I have definitely taken the initiative with the band to super plan our future and to do the best in keeping up with the tour deadlines and to take care of one another. You know, we have been all through a hard time in the industry and we’re not treated very well. This band also represents a brand new start because we’ll set our boundaries and we’ll get treated in the way we deserve. We’ll always try to take care of eachother and always do that, I love this because that can be a huge motivation for longevity with this project. You know, I’m approaching all this with a lot of optimism and positivity, even though I know that a black metal is about [laughs].

My last question is about your next plans: in order to promote your solo album, do you have any concert planned for 2020?

So, the problem is that touring these days is very expensive and it costs a lot of money. We’ve been trying to get some opportunities but how much it costs to go, it’s an insane amount of money and as a record label, I’m trying to be realistic about finances. However, it has been an opportunity for me to tour with just my harp and I love doing those harp tours and those acoustic tours because they are my favourite. I’ll announce some information on that later while right now, what I’m doing is celebrating my 10th as a solo artist by recording an ambient harp album and with that I’ll cover my entire catalog. I’m aiming to release this special full-length this summer. I’m looking forward to it, it will be a little different and it’s not gonna be like on “Murder” on which I dedicated a lot of promotion and I featured a lot of extras. It’ll be quite a soft launch and it’s something I want to do for my fans. Then, from there we’ll start working on the second album, there’s no schedule or deadline for that. But, I think once we dedicate the right amount of time, it’ll go very quickly because a lot of the music has already been composed. So, I have just to fix some lyrics and change some parts in the songs. It’s gonna be amazing because I’ll work with my team again, they are such talented and fun people. Also, I brought with me my guitarist Cody Johnston because it’s a really good songwriter and hopefully, he’ll have much more space on the album. Once again it will be a big project but we’ll start before Christmas. More than anything, the focus of this year is to make myself happy and take care of my health which so far, it’s going good. I just hope to continue.

This was my last question. Please be free to say hi your fans and our readers. Lindsay, I really thank you for this interview. It was a real pleasure. This is your space.

Thank you. That’s amazing that you gave me my first writing job in the industry. How long was that? Maybe 12 years ago and I thank you, because it all started with you, thank you I found my way to Eve’s Apple, because of Eve’s Apple I found my way in Cradle of Filth. You have been so supportive of my career from day 1. Thank you to you and Femme Metal Webzine. Also, I would like to send you a quick thank you to my team that helped you to launch my album. Last but not the least, I want to say thank you to my FANS who didn’t give up on me and they are still supporting my career despite my departure from Cradle of Filth. The fact that people want to stick around and see what I’ll do next that just means so much and I’ll promise that I’ll work very hard and I won’t let you down.

[nbhd-daily]

Jesse Rutherford’s Blonde Ambition

After seeing success as the lead singer of standout band The Neighbourhood, the 26-year-old So-Cal native decided it was time to try things on his own. &, Rutherford's first solo album, perfectly embodies the personality of the man who was born to be blonde. It's funny, poppy, loose yet precise, and more than anything, honest.

office met with Rutherford at his hotel in New York City a day before his flight back to California to perform in front of a sold out crowd alongside the band that helped him find his voice. Rutherford was open and reflective. He's as transparent as you'd hope any musician would be. He knows the key to success as a musician is being your best and most honest self at all times, all while making great music.

Interview by Khufu Najee

Photos by Mitchell Connell

I want to start off by saying I love the album.

Thank you.

I was in LA with my girlfriend when I first heard it and on that same morning, I actually dyed my hair blonde.

Yo (laughs). That’s sick.

True story.

So cool. It looks great, by the way.

Thank you, man. But that leads me to my first question. "Born To Be Blonde." What was the inspiration for that song? I know you were very specific about starting the album with that song. What went into that thought process?

The general statement just kinda means be whoever you wanna be. It’s just kind of a twist on how to say that or my particular way of saying it. I felt like it was a chance for me to be as stupid and as smart as I am — or as I think I might be — all in one go. I don’t know. It just kind of happened. It was a poem. It was a poem that I wrote while The Neighbourhood was recording our Wiped Out album. It was just a poem. I wrote it one day and or one night. I don’t even remember. I just know it was during that process cause I was blonde at that point and I was really psyched about it. It was just the way it made me feel I guess. Wrote it down. Maybe 75% of it came from that initial poem. The last 25% — the bridge and shit — was written in the studio as I was recording it. But I tried doing it a couple times. It was going to be a Neighbourhood song a long time ago. Nothing ever happened to it.

It’s very interesting how often I hear a good portion of songs that we hear on someone’s new album are actually old.

Yep. And that comes with age and with time. It’s crazy you say that cause I’ve thought about that a lot recently too and it’s given me a new hope with writing music because I probably have hundreds of songs that are not released and now I know sometimes I can go back in the fucking Rolodex. Oh okay. Wrote it in 2013. It’s 2018. Now they're ready for it. That’s how it goes sometimes.

You have to be ready to let it go.

You have to be on time. You can’t be early in this game. That doesn’t get you anywhere. At least from my experience. I feel like there have been moments where I’ve been like well I did that first and then something else happens and someone else does it. And maybe they did it at a better time. Maybe they had it more refined. Maybe it was better than the version I had. Or the type of song. Or the type of sound. Sometimes you gotta wait for the right time.

The 2014 mixtape with the band. Two features I want to ask about. You had Gerald and Kossisko. Two really good friends of mine.

Oh, you grew up in the bay?

Yeah, man.

Dope.

So, I’m curious. How did the Bay Area connection come about?

(Laughs).

It's always a good answer when they laugh before answering.

Well, Kossisko, 100s at the time, that was through our friend Matthew. Kirk, who has a label now, runs it with Matthew’s partner label.

What’s the label?

Bad Habits.

Okay.

And Matthew, he’s like my LA homie. He’s like my first LA friend. When I was like 19 trying to rap and putting my shit on the internet, he was the first dude from the city — cause I’m from the suburbs outside the city — he was like the first dude from the city to be like, yo, you’re tight, come hang out with me and my friends. And those friends ended up being 4e, who helped me produce the mixtape and then helping The Neighbourhood do our Wiped Out album. It was a long process. That was, you know, six or seven years ago. It was a while ago. I met Kossisko through him.

He’s a good dude, man.

Yeah, dude. He’s smooth too.

Staying on collaborations, on that same mixtape, you had Danny Seth. And I noticed on this new album, you had MD$, both of whom are big on the music scene in London. How did that connection come about?

Danny was also through Matthew.

Of course he was. Danny lived in LA for a bit, yeah?

Yeah, and Matthew was fucking with him for a minute. I could give you Matthew's number if you want (laughs). He’s in with everyone.

Collabs are important. How did you go about choosing who to work with on this album?

Well, I met Dylan Brady, who produced the majority of the project. I think I was playing a show and Kirk came out. Kirk met with Dylan. I think we were in St. Louis, where Dylan is from and he just walked in and I saw him. I know this may sound very surface but I basically just judged a book by the cover. Like, clothing and how you present yourself, matters. Dylan walked in and he just had this steez that I’d never seen before and I was like there’s something about this guy. Then I ended up hearing his music and it was so ambitious and unique and at the time I was trying to figure out how to find my own lane and find my own sound and do my solo thing. So we got in the studio together, we had a week in Paramount in LA, five days, and we ended up doing seven songs, and about four or five ended up on the record. It was a solid week for sure. He’s a great producer. He can really do anything. He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever seen before. He’s a fucking machine, dude. He’s nonstop. Dylan kinda kicked it off. We started with this sound. I worked with Daytrip a couple times before when they were back in LA and we did a couple records but nothing that was my favorite. They were amazing doing what they do but I wasn’t pleased with what I was doing on the songs.

The mind of a perfectionist, man.

Right? But then they randomly sent me a 30-pack and I was like this is fun. So I went through them, picked ten that I liked, recorded on about four or five really quickly and two of them ended up being on the album. MD$, that was just another random session when they were in LA.

MD$ is fire, dude. That’s good music.

They make really good music.

London, for the most part, is known for Grime Rap. When you think rap in London, you think grime. But what they do isn’t grime. It’s so dope and so different.

Very musical.

Very musical. Absolutely. I really want to meet the dude.

He’s a mystery. You never saw him?

No.

He’s cool. He has a swag to him for sure.

How old were you when you decided on music?

I started playing drums when I was in the eighth grade. High school came around and I met this guy who became my buddy. I grew up in a suburb where it’s like hard core punk kinda shit and I just wanted to be a part of that. But my balls took forever to drop and finally when they did I started singing. Voice is still pretty high so they only dropped so far (laughs). But I would say around 17 is when I took it seriously.

And around that age is when you knew this was what you were going to do with your life?

Yeah. Especially once I stopped doing hard core and started making really bad pop rap. I had to start somewhere though (laughs). I’ve never really thought twice about thinking twice. This is all I’ve ever done. And luckily it’s worked. It’s always felt so good. It’s the only thing I’ve ever felt natural at. I’m not that great at video games. I’m not that great at fucking school, all the cliche shit that everybody says.

Knowing what you know now, what would you tell that younger self?

Don’t get those tattoos on your right arm (laughs). Save that real estate because you’re going to want some other shit some day. Maybe don’t get any of the tattoos so early. But 17 year old me, looking at 26 year old me, with like neck tattoos and shit, would be like "yo this guy is so sick what the fuck.” I know that really surface level but I think the boxes you in. If I’m in the whitely tatted lane, then okay. I did it to myself. Other than that, just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s working.

Are you familiar with the word synesthesia?

No.

It’s basically a condition, although I don’t know why they call it that cause it almost gives it a bad connotation. But, Lorde has it, Frank Ocean, few other artists. Basically, you can taste, smell, see colors, in ways other people can’t. It’s amazing.

Me and my team talk about that all time time. We try to relate things to colors when it comes to Neighbourhood music and my own music. We try and connect songs to seasons. Some songs always seem to fit with certain seasons. Day or night. That’s a big one.

Very true. I have music I only listen to at night time. Or when the sun isn’t shining.

That’s the struggle of being asked to play a festival, when you make night music, but they give you the noon slot. How do you like the sun, yo? Yeah, this dark ass song is going to sound great while this bright ass sun is turning my pasty skin bright red.

What color would you say your music is?

I feel like I have to just say rainbow because it has to be the opposite of rainbow because The Neighbourhood has always done the black and white thing. But I don’t know. I really do like yellow. I think yellow is a really cool color. And it doesn’t even have to be bright yellow. Just a nice warm yellow that kinda has some warmth to it.

I’m not going to ask you who your musical inspirations are cause I think that shit is corny as fuck but I am curious where do you draw inspiration from? Are you the kind of dude who has a movie playing on silent in the studio at all times?

No. I’m terrible at watching movies. I need to start watching more. I just started on Apocalypse Now.

Started. Didn’t finish?

Not yet. I’m about half-way through. It's a slow process for me. But inspiration… It’s funny cause I do like Spongebob (laughs) but I feel like a sponge. I just absorb a lot of shit around me. Sometimes I can’t even pinpoint it. It’s just like shit that’s coming at me. Between the different styles and sounds of music that I like and what’s fucking constantly stewing in my head. I just feel like I can do all these different types of music, so I need to do it. And sometimes I fail. And sometimes I think, from what I’ve seen from the internet and from what fans tell me, I think I nail it sometimes. With this project especially, the title alone, just using &. Calling it that left it open to anything. Cause you can’t just have that and nothing else. There has to be something before and something after and you know that. So that alone it’s just like, I’m a sucker for that kind of shit. I just love hooks. I want everything to be a hook. A photo, to a fucking pair of shoes, the title of something, hooks only. I did a book two years ago I called that. It’s a collection of photos I took with my friend, ended up turning it into a book. I’ve always called that book the Bible of Jesse. In that book, there’s no words. All pictures. Just me wearing a whole bunch of shit. It’s all over the place. But that’s how I felt. That’s who I am. I think a lot of people are like that. Especially young people. With the internet how are you just gonna be one thing in this shit?

You have to do everything. It’s the norm now.

You have to. Remember when Drake came out. And he was singing and rapping? People were confused. But now? You can’t not do that (laughs). It’s all that. Which is great. It’s fucking incredible. I feel like now more than ever music is ready for me. You know what I mean? And I’m ready for it. I don’t feel old, I just feel grown enough to just be like, oh yeah I can do all this shit. I’ve been doing this shit for years. It’s just about catching the right moment and knowing what to do. Last time I caught the moment I didn’t know how to hold onto it. I never know how it’s gonna work anymore. I never know what song is going to work. You said you love Barbie and Ken. I was terrified to put the song out because it’s so, so opposite to the character of Jesse Rutherford from The Neighbourhood is known for.

Well, that’s what a solo project should do, innit? Show that other side?

I think so. I hope so.

[cedar-king]

Little Thieves

*coughs* Well, took me only over half a year to finish this little chapter. :'D Big sorry for that, but I was out of the fandom in general for a few months, but now I'm (maybe) back! The chapter is a little bit bumpy, since I wrote it over a long stretched time, but I still hope you like it.

Marianne had been in her new home for a week now and it was safe to say that she had herself settled in.

Everything that a good household needed - like electricity, water and internet -  was running, her stuff was all unpacked, broken bulbs were replaced and her refrigerator was full of stuff, some more healthy than others. She didn't worry about the heater. It may be just early spring and it surely was colder in Scotland than she was used to, but Marianne simply put on another sweater. 

Since her low school-qualifications weren't much worth here in Scotland, Marianne had already asked in a few of the stores for a part-time job. The biggest grocery market finally had given her a chance and had appointed a few training days next week to see if she could be helpful. Should she get the job she had something to hold her over water for the next few months, after all she had to pay no rent. But she would try to save up money for a car. In the next big city was a school and Marianne hoped to get a graduation that would help her to start a career. In which direction she had no idea yet.

But that could wait. For the moment Marianne only wanted to enjoy her new life, being her own person again, doing the things she always had liked to do.

Like martial arts.

As a child Marianne had been fascinated by all the martial-art movies and wanted to learn for herself. It had been one of the few activities her father had approved of, since she could defend herself should she ever get in trouble. She took classes for Taekwondo and even earned the blue belt, until she got together with Roland. He had convinced her that she hadn't needed to defend herself, since it would be his job now. Another thing that she had let him take away from her. 

Immediately after the break-up she picked up her classes again, to vent her anger and also started to take Tai Chi classes at the suggestion of her martial arts teacher. It was a good way to gain a bit of self-discipline and it helped her to control her anger much better. Sadly she hadn't found a studio in her new region yet, but she still could look up for new things on the internet and in the meantime simply repeated the exercises she already knew. And doing this while being on the fresh air in her new garden filled her with so much peace and satisfaction. 

Another thing that Marianne always wanted to try out was baking on her own. 

She was by far no talent in the kitchen. Most of her attempts on cooking had resulted in almost calling the firefighters and so her family and even Roland always had tried to put much distance between her and kitchens. 

In the end she only wanted to try out baking, because it had been activity she always had done with her mother, when Marianne was still a child. She had helped her mother to bake the most delicious cakes and since she had written down all her receipts, Marianne wanted to give it a try.

For her first attempt she had chosen a strawberry cake. Sweet memories of the taste and the countless times she had baked it with her mother filled Marianne's head, but after a few seconds melancholy replaced those. With a sigh she put the book with the receipts aside and put the freshly baked cake, which to her delight it hadn't burned and actually smelled quite good, on the sill of an open window. Her mother had always put a cake outside in the evening, so it could develop it's full flavor during the night. And with the healthy sottish air Marianne was sure that her strawberry care would be absolutely tasty. 

So it was no wonder that she was pretty excited the next morning to finally taste her creation. Marianne was about to take the cake from the windowsill when she noticed that something was off: A lot of the strawberries were missing and the icing was full of little...footprints? Did a mouse or something like that stole a few of the strawberries? She had no idea what the foot or paw-prints of a mouse would look like, but since she lived so close to the forest it was logical that maybe some sort of critter was the thief. With a groan Marianne put the cake on the kitchen-table and scraped the icing of the cake where the prints were. It was a bit sad, but the rest of the cake was still edible. And to her delighted surprise it indeed tasted good. So she wasn't a complete failure in the kitchen.

Quickly the missing strawberries and footprints were forgotten and Marianne got more occupied as soon as she passed the training days in the grocery market and started to work there from every morning to afternoon. At the weekends she would always try out another cake with a different topping, mostly berries and fruits. And every time she took the cake from the windowsill, where it had stood overnight, the fruits were missing and those prints were back.

It became more and more annoying, so Marianne started to place mousetraps with berries and cheese as bait. But to her big confusion there were of no use. In fact they were always disabled and the bait was missing. 

Whatever was stealing her toppings seemed to be a smart kind of critter. Normal traps wouldn't help her much, but how about a more hidden one? 

On her next cake she put slowly drying glue instead of the typical icing. Maybe it wouldn't be edible, but this way the little thief would get stuck and Marianne could finally get behind the identity of it. While she was decorating the cake with strawberries -clearly the favorite of the thief, since they were always completely missing- she mused about what to do with the critter. Killing was no option for her and so she cleaned a big jar, which she wanted to use to capture the animal. Depending on what it was she probably would give it to the local animal shelter or bring it to the other end of the forest. Marianne just hoped she could enjoy a whole, not ruined cake from then on.

~~ Several hours later~~

It had become nighttime. Marianne had turned off all lights on the house, just as usual when she went to sleep. But instead of laying in her bed, Marianne slouched on a chair, hidden behind the kitchen counter and played some games on her phone. The small light source of the device shouldn't scare the thief away and she needed to keep herself occupied. Her mind tended to wander to places or persons she didn't want to be reminded of. At first she had texted with Dawn, told her about her recent workdays and that she had a little problem with a topping-thief. Of course her sister found the whole situation very amusing and even suggested that maybe a Fairy was the thief. They had joked a bit more about the identity of the thief, until Dawn had to get off the phone and Marianne had to occupy herself with something else.

When it became past midnight Marianne was about to call this a night and try again tomorrow, when she heard a very quit buzzing sound. Carefully she peeked over the counter and spotted something hovering over the cake on the windowsill. The moonlight from outside provided her with just enough light to recognize a little creature with four wings, two arms and legs.

Maybe some kind of insect she didn't know? The transparent wings reminded her of those from dragonflies. 

Marianne squinted her eyes to see it better.

No, insects didn't look like some kind of little person. Not that little people would exist in the first place.

She rubbed her eyes, maybe Marianne was just more tired than she had thought to be. But the little insect person was still there and had now landed on her trap-cake. 

And got stuckt, just as she had planned it.

Despite the fact that Marianne was still utterly confused about what actually was that thing on her cake, she went on with her plan. Grabbing the jar she sneaked to the windowsill and didn't waste another second.

"Got you!" she exclaimed with a laugh, when she put the jar over the creature. But in the same moment...

"The bloody hell?"

Marianne was later proud that she didn't squeaked in surprise, but only took in a sharp intake of air and jumped back a step.

"Who is there?" she asked into the dark kitchen. She was sure she just had heard a dark male voice...coming from the windowsill.

Oh, come one, now she totally went crazy. The weird insect couldn't be the one who had talked. But she hadn't heard anyone enter her home, nor did she left on her tv or other devices that could play a tone. And so far she never had people running around outside at this hour.

Well, no need to speculate. If there was someone else in the kitchen she would see it in a moment.

"You have five seconds to leave my house, before I get you. And believe me you don't want that, I'm in a very bad mood right now." There was no answer, but she still hoped that whoever had talked would be go on the run. 

Slowly she walked to the light switch, always looking around if someone would suddenly pounce her. Right now Marianne regretted not to have a baseball bat or something similar with her. 

When she switched on the light, there was indeed no one inside the kitchen besides her...and the thing in the jar. 

There were coming swearings from it, the same voice as before. Maybe she was hearing ghosts?

And certainly she was seeing ones. Because the creature, even with the wings and seemingly scales on its body, was no insect. It really looked...humanoid, even with his action-figure size. 

Marianne walked closer to the jar and knelt before it, so that she was on eye-level with the glass. Now she noticed the - albeit clawed - five-fingered hands, which touched the glass, and the long and pointy face, which was currently twisted into an angry snarl. When it turned it's face to her, she could see the most human aspect about it...the most beautiful pair of blue eyes she had ever seen. 

There was silence between them. Marianne simply didn't know what to say, let alone comprehend what she was actually seeing. 

"This can't be for real," she was muttering mostly to herself, but the little guy seemed to catch it too, since his expression turned to annoyance and just confirmed that he was the voice from before.

"If ye are going to faint, it would be very kind to take that jar with ye."