#this is one of the reasons why i said this would be the angstiest out of the 7 aus lol

[starlightandsouls]

Yours To Have, Yours to Break

Summary: What if instead of Nesta, Cassian found out about Azriel and his secret lover. What will happen when the hearty general, in his anger of being left out, causes his brother's happiness to fall apart? How will he atone for his mistake?

A/N: Of course I had to make my comeback with the angstiest angst to ever angst. And that too by turning my fluffiest fic into pure pain. I guess you can say that this this is a spin off of Yours to Keep and Cherish. Also... I know I dropped off the face of the earth but life happens guys. I'm sorta back and here's a fic to make up for it.

Disclaimer: If you're an Elain fan, I would recommend you not read this. I would hate to ruin your day. I do not hate Elain. This is just an idea I got from all the soap dramas I've been seeing recently. Don't kill me please.

Also this shit and not edited. But I was so desperate to post something that I honestly don't care. Hope y'all like it. And yes there will be a part 2

Cassian POV:

As the General of the Night Court’s armies, Cassian had many duties: training soldiers, commandeering battalions at the borders, coming up with war strategies, buying romance novels for his mate and her friends. He wasn’t sure when the last one made its way on his list of responsibilities, or who put it there, but there it was. And who was Cassian to deny his mate?

So that’s how the Lord of Bloodshed found himself standing aimlessly in the middle of the Rainbow, scratching his head, with a list in his hand. Nesta had sent him off to find the newest edition of a Sellyn Drake novel but he hadn’t the slightest idea where to find it. His mate had instructed him to visit a particular bookshop named “The Quill”, being sure that they would have the newest book. Unfortunately, because luck had named him its nemesis at birth, the bookshop was closed for the day. He had asked around and apparently the owner had just left an hour prior to his arrival. Of course, they had.

That is why he had been wandering around the Rainbow, walking into one bookshop after the other, but somehow not one of them had the book Nes wanted. What are the odds of that? How is it possible that only one bookshop in the entire city had this specific book? And why did it have to be closed today? Cassian knew returning empty handed would not only incur the wrath of his beloved mate, but also her Valkyrie sisters. And given the fact that he himself had been teaching them some new disarming techniques, he had no desire to become their training dummy.

While he did not intend on stopping his hunt, he was quite parched. As the summer season approached, afternoons in Velaris became increasingly sweltering. A chilled glass of wine would do just the trick to cool him down, and also relax his nerves. Just as he was deciding on which bar to stop at, he remembered a conversation he had had with Mor the other day. She had told him about a café she had discovered that served the best margaritas during lunch time. Honestly, she hadn’t stopped raving about it for almost a week. What the hell. He was already out in town, might as well try a new place. If it turned out to be good, he could bring Nesta to placate her in case he couldn’t find her book.

Mind made up, he took off to the air, the subtle breeze as he did so, instantly making him feel better. Gliding through the clouds, the twists and turns with wind, were always a guaranteed way of cooling down.

Said café was perched on a hill overlooking the Sidra. He took in the view and the lush gardens outside the café as he landed, and started to walk in. The interior was just as beautiful as the exterior; the décor a blend of elegance and coziness. Oh yeah, he was definitely bringing Nesta here for a date.

He had just given his order to a waitress who looked way too giddy writing it down. Thank the Mother Nesta wasn’t here. Or someone might as well have lost a hand.

Although this is one of the reasons why he didn’t like coming to restaurants and bars alone. Not having company meant he didn’t have anyone to share his stories and jokes with. So, as he waited for his order to arrive, he sat back and took in the people around him; a habit that looked casual enough but was one instilled in him during his years training in the Illyrian camps.

He had been admiring the view from the balcony in the corner when his order arrived. Smiling a thank you, he took a sip from his margarita and damn was it good as Mor had said. He made a silent note to himself to thank her for the recommendation. He was in the middle of another deliciously cold sip, when something caught his eye in the corner of the room, causing him to choke.

What. The. Fuck.

Cassian was sure he looked like a blubbering fish with how his jaw dropped open and his eyes bulged out their sockets. He had to be dreaming or hallucinating from the heat. Yes, that must have been it, the heat had surely gotten to his head. For Cassian could think of no other explanation for the sight in front of him.

His brother, the Shadowsinger of the Night Court, torture extraordinaire, was sitting hand in hand with a beautiful young woman, smiling like a love-sick fool and… eating macarons? Since when did Azriel like deserts? Or the more pressing question: who the hell was he sitting with? Cassian knew his brother liked to keep his lovers secret, but deep down his gut told him this was no mere fling, or one-night stand. For starters, Azriel was smiling like a puppy drunk on love, while bringing the lady’s hand up to his lips to kiss. Cauldron. Just as Cassian had somewhat stopped gawking like a fish out of water, he saw the lady lean over and whisper something across the table, causing Azriel to throw his head back and let out a hearty laugh.

Although he couldn’t explain why, but at that moment Cassian felt a sharp hurt go through him. For he could not remember the last time Azriel had laughed like that with them. Damn it, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had seen Azriel smile nearly as much as was doing now at any family function.

Before he could even begin to process what had unfolded before him, he saw Azriel pay the bill for their food and the couple walked out hand in hand. Immediately Cassian was on his feet, ready to follow them. If someone had asked him why he did what he did at a later moment, he would not have been able to explain himself. At that moment, Cassian was driven only by curiosity and a minor note of hurt too-why had his brother hid this from them?

Rushing out after paying the bill, Cassian saw the happy couple walk down the cobblestone path, once again arm in arm, with the woman leaning against Azriel. Another thing that shocked Cassian: how the hell had Azriel not noticed him by now? Those pesky little shadows normally informed his brother of every detail of his surroundings; Azriel’s own heightened senses and observational skills were what made him the Spymaster of this court. So, for him to not notice Cassian so obviously trailing behind them at a distance, was a testament to how captivated his brother was by the woman on his arm.

At one-point Cassian thought that his brother would winnow with his partner and he would lose them, but the couple continued their stroll without a care in the world. He continued to trail behind them while also maintaining somewhat of a distance. Azriel may not be as hyper vigilant as always, but he wasn’t blind by any means- and Cassian was no small man either.

“Breakfast was delightful, darling. We should plan another afternoon here, what do you think?” he heard the woman comment.

“Of course, but I am oh so very tired. I think I need a few days alone at home with my nightingale to recharge,” Azriel replied with a smirk.

Cassian balked on the inside: okay Mr. I Don’t Need To Resort To Poetry.

“We could always have breakfast here again on Saturday. It is our two-year anniversary, and I intend on spending the day however my nightingale wishes. I think the café can be a brilliant start to our day,” Azriel offered, laughing as the woman swatted his arm at the previous comment.

Reaching the end of the path, Azriel grabbed the woman in his arms and winnowed away, leaving behind a thoroughly perplexed Cassian.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Cassian was convinced he must have stood there for another half an hour before coming to his senses. He then took off to the House of Wind, ready to face his mate and the Valkyries’ collective wrath. And his assumption had been right; the three women had blown up when they saw him return empty handed and had proceeded to go on twenty-minute-long rant. For the life of him, Cassian could not have repeated a single word they had said. Because he had not listened to a single word, at least not while paying attention. As their rage had quelled, Cassian had simple gotten up and walked to his room, ignoring the questioning looks from his mate.

While Nesta was still in the library with the girls, Cassian had retreated to bed. And that is where he was now: sitting in bed, staring at a wall, completely at a loss for words. He could not even begin to process what he had seen, let alone understand what he was feeling. For some reason he could not get over how openly Azriel had laughed with that woman, how alight his eyes had seemed. It was as if the Shadowsinger was glowing with happiness, as paradoxical as that sounds.

And it’s not like Cassian wasn’t happy for his brother-quite the contrary. He was just hurt that Azriel had chosen to hide something like this from him for two years. Two years. The words clanged around his head like the sharp tolling of a bell. Azriel had this from them for two goddamn years. And he had a sinking feeling that if he had not discovered the two of them today, he would not have found out for quite some more time.

But why? Keeping casual flings a secret was no big deal. They all had had ventures they didn’t tell anyone, he was sure of it. But if the couple were celebrating their two-year anniversary, then it must be serious. Cassian could tell his brother was committed just by how he had been looking at the woman. And if Azriel truly was serious about this woman, why would he hide it from them? His family?

That is the part that pierced his heart. Up until this day, Cassian had thought the two of them to be rather close. Sure, Rhys and Az clashed from time to time because of their own attitudes, but he liked to think that Azriel and him had always been close. Azriel was his best friend for Cauldron sake. Whenever he had had issues with Nesta at the beginning of their relationship-and he had plenty- Azriel had been his confidante, the one he went to for advice. His brother had been there for him at the highs and lows of his journey with Nesta.

So why hadn’t he let Cassian do that for him? Why had his brother chosen secrecy when he could have confided in Cassian? It’s not like he wouldn’t have supported them. He knew his brother was secretive and shy, but it was one thing to hide things about his work and another to choose to hide such a major part of his life from his brothers.

They were brothers, they were supposed to support each other, to stand by one another, not keep secrets and tell lies. All of a sudden Cassian saw the past two years in a different light. He recalled all the times Azriel had shown up to breakfast with an unusually cheery mood, all the times he had been rushing to leave family dinner, all the times he had skipped their get togethers with the strangest excuses. How long had this been going on? And for how long had they been so painfully oblivious?

Did Azriel not trust them? No, that can’t be it. Did Azriel think he could not open up to them? Each explanation he came up with seemed less plausible than the last. As he continued to spiral, Cassian began to question whether the two were as close as he thought them to be.

Why. Why. Why.

“You know if you stare at the wall any longer, you’re going to burn a hole into it.”

Nesta. He hadn’t even noticed when she had come into the room, and judging by her amused look, Cassian assumed she had been there for some time. Pushing off the wall she had been leaning against, Nesta walked over and sat by him on their bed.

“I’ve been calling your name for the past five minutes, where’s your mind at?” Nesta asked while pushing some stray strands of hair behind his ear.

Shit. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just tell Nesta something he himself wasn’t supposed to know. If he hadn’t walked into that café by chance, Cassian would have been none the wiser about this whole situation. For whatever reason Azriel was keeping his relationship secret, he didn’t think it his place to reveal it.

“It’s nothing, Nes. Just thinking about Wind Haven. I’m supposed to head up there next week and I already know Devlon’s going to be a pain in the ass,” Cassian tried to divert.

“Since when have you started getting so worked up over Devlon? He’s going to whine and throw a fit, but ultimately he is going to have to do what you say. You’re worried about something else. What is it?” his ingenious mate inquired. How her intuition was so good he’d never know, honestly sometimes he thought of handing over the mantle of General to her, with how good she was.

“C’mon. You know you can tell me whatever is bothering you,” Nesta pushed while grabbing his hand in her own and damn did he melt at that.

“Alright. If I tell you, you cannot tell anyone else.”

Nesta sat up straighter at that, ears perked with curiosity, eyes wide open and eager.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Nesta answered while nodding.

“I’m serious about this Nes. You can’t tell anyone, not even Emerie or Gwyn. No one,” Cassian reiterated, trying to get his mate to understand how serious it was.

“Alright, alright. I won’t tell anyone, I swear.”

Cassian sighed before revealing what was very much not his secret to reveal,

“Azriel has a girlfriend.”

“Wait-what?”

“Az has a girlfriend,” Cassian repeated.

“No, I heard you the first time. But…how…when??? Why hasn’t he told anyone?”

“I have no idea, Nes,” Cassian replied while falling back against the headboard. He once again took to staring at the wall; confusion and hurt running rampant through him again, echoing the same question again and again.

Why had Azriel kept this a secret from them? From him?

“When did he tell you?” his mate inquired.

“He didn’t,” Cassian chuckled, “I stopped at that new café by the Sidra to get some drinks to cool down while I was out for your books. I saw them together there.”

A beat of silence passed between them before Nesta barged on with her questions,

“You seem…upset about all this?”

“I am. Not at the fact that he has a girlfriend, Cauldron no. It’s about time the idiot found someone. It’s just…why didn’t he tell us? Why keep it a secret?”

“Maybe…it’s new? You know Az. Maybe he just wants some time to figure things out himself before he tells you all,” Nesta reasoned.

Cassian let out a bitter laugh before spitting out,

“It is very much not new. The two were planning their two year anniversary at the same restaurant this weekend. Two goddamn years, Nes. He’s been lying to us for that long.”

He wrenched his hand from hers at that. Cassian knew he was being unfair and unreasonable, but he was angry. Maybe he had no right to be but one does not think clearly when in the clutches of fury.

As his previous confusion and hurt settled, they left behind only anger in their wake. That is what he felt right now. Anger. At Azriel, for lying to them all this time, for hiding something so significant. Did he not consider them brothers?

Before he could succumb to the ravages of anger, his darling mate was there to pull him back, as she always did.

“I can feel all that you know. Don’t let your anger override what you know to be true. This relationship of Azriel…it has nothing to do with us. We’re not entitled to anything regarding it just because we’re his family.”

“Oh so what I’m just supposed to ignore the fact that he’s been lying to us about his whereabouts and plans for the past two years, when he could have just told us?”

“No I am asking you to trust Azriel. You know your brother, Cass, probably more than anyone else. You know that he has a reason for everything he does and you know that he would never do anything to hurt his family intentionally. If nothing else, trust in that.”

Cassian sighed a defeated sigh. His mate was right, as she always was. For whatever reason Azriel had decided to keep this relationship a secret, Cassian would have to trust in it. And when the time came, he hoped his brother would feel comfortable revealing the truth himself.

……………………………………..................................................

Little did Cassian know, that despite the fact that he had made Nesta swear not to tell Azriel’s secret, he had unintentionally revealed it to a third. For outside their bedroom clutching books she had meant to return, stood Elain. Elain, who had almost torn the books with how hard she was clutching them. Elain, who’s hands quivered with rage.

This is why Azriel had been ignoring her. All these months she had been trying to get his attention and he had always slipped away. Because of this?? Some common girlfriend?

No matter. Elain would get him back. How could he ignore her for some commoner? Who deserved his love more than her?

As she walked away, already planning her schemes, a wicked thought went through her mind, a precaution in case she couldn’t convince Azriel:

If I can’t have him, no one can.

...............................................................................................

Azriel POV:

The past few days had been the happiest he had ever been. Although Azriel wasn’t quite sure how fair that judgement was. Each hour he spent with his nightingale, he deemed his happiest. And it has been two years of such blissful happiness. Two years together at each other’s side that they were celebrating today.

He had already arrived at the same café they had breakfast a few days ago and was now anxiously awaiting his beloved girlfriend. Honestly, he would have preferred that the two arrive together, not wanting to spend a minute away from his nightingale. But alas, not everything had to be as he wished. As soon as she had woken up, his nightingale had slipped out from his arms (something he had still not forgiven) and had rushed to her book shop. According to her, she had some urgent delivery that she just had to be there for. Therefore she had promised him that she would meet him directly at the café.

That left him, sitting in their favorite spot in the café, with his head swiveling to the door every time it opened, hoping his nightingale had arrived. It wasn’t like she was late, it’s just that he too early, wanting what he hoped would be a great start to a celebration filled day.

“Oh, Azriel!”

He heard his name be called, but his heart instantly dropped, that voice did not belong to his nightingale. Turning around he saw…

“Elain? What are you doing here?”

“What a coincidence, Az! I was just out for some errands and thought I would get myself a drink. I’m absolutely parched! Thank the Cauldron for this lovely café!” Elain replied in an unusually high pitched voice.

“Yes, how lovely…” he trailed off, gaze flicking to the door. He knew his girlfriend would be arriving soon and he would much rather Elain not be here for that… for a plethora of reasons.

“Well, what are the chances of meeting you here Az? And look, you’re alone too! Why don’t we have lunch together, it feels like we haven’t caught up in forever.”

“Actually I’m meeting some…”

He never got to finish his sentence. If someone asked him later what happened, Azriel wasn’t sure he would be able to explain it. One second Elain was smiling at him, trying to grab his hand, the next her gaze turned cold, flicking to something behind him. The next thing he knew, within a matter of seconds, Elain had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and smashed her lips to his.

What. The. Fuck.

Azriel didn’t even process what had happened, didn’t even realize that she was kissing him. Elain. Was. Kissing. Him.

The last thought jolted him out of his state of shock and he pushed her away. Not caring for who saw or heard, he yelled,

“What the fuck Elain? You can’t just grab people like that! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Oh c’mon Az. It was barely a peck. I had barely begun to enjoy it,” Elain replied with a callous smirk.

All of a sudden he did not recognize her; he didn’t recognize the cruelty in her eyes, the indifference in her expression. Where was the kind hearted woman he considered a friend? And who was standing in front of him in her place? When he didn’t say anything, still riddled with shock, Elain continued,

“Well no matter. It may have been short but it achieved it’s purpose,” Elain replied slyly. She inched closer and grazed her hand up his arm and whispered, “if you want to continue, I would gladly indulge you, Azriel.”

He didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with her, why she was doing this, in a crowded café no less. But Azriel was way too uncomfortable to try to find out. He wrenched his arm away from her and was about to give her a piece of his mind when he saw it again: Elain’s gaze flickering to something behind him with a wicked smirk on her face. One of victory.

Hoping against hope it wasn’t what he feared it was, Azriel turned around. And it was like time itself had stopped. For there, at the entrance of the café, with tears streaming down her face, stood his girlfriend, his nightingale. A millennia could pass and Azriel would not forget the raw pain, the betrayal shining in her eyes amidst the tears.

No. No. No. No. No. This is not happening. This cannot be happening.

He took one step toward her, to explain, to make her understand he had no fault in what she had seen. But before he could, his nightingale turned around and left the café.

Not knowing what to do, Azriel followed after her to see her almost running away from him.

“Love! Please! Listen to me, its not what it looks like,” Azriel begged, anguish lacing every word.

“Oh please Azriel. Do you know how typical you sound right now?” He did, Cauldron he did. But she had to understand…

“Darling I would never hurt you like that. I don’t even know why she was there… or how… but you have to understand… she kissed me! I pulled away… I would never do that to you,” Azriel let out. He knew his fragmented thoughts probably didn’t make much sense. But panic and fear were making it difficult to come up with something cohesive.

“Really, Azriel? You don’t know what she was doing there?! For Cauldron sake, Azriel! I know you called her there. You know, if you wanted to break up with me, you should have done it yourself like a man. You didn’t have to use her for it!” his nightingale spat at him.

What? Break up with her? Break up with the one blessing the Mother had bestowed upon him? What the hell was she talking about?

“Love… I don’t…”

“You don’t what? Huh? Have any need for me anymore? Well you don’t have to worry about me getting in the way, please go enjoy your life with your darling Elain?” His girlfriend yelled, throwing out Elain’s name like it was poison.

Vaguely he sensed Elain coming up behind them. How did she catch up with them? His love spat out a wry laugh, before saying,

“Look, she’s here to get you Azriel. Go be with your love.”

Before he could refute it, Elain jumped in,

“Its okay, Azriel. I told her everything. She’s not in the way anymore. We can be together now!”

“Elain, have you lost your mind? What the hell are you doing? Why are you doing this? You-”

“Cut the act Azriel. Go. Enjoy your life.”

And with that his nightingale walked away for good, taking the shattered pieces of his heart and soul with her.

… … … … … … … … … … … …

Azriel stood in that spot like a blubbering fish for Cauldron knows how long. He was smarter than this. He was quicker than this. He knew that. But for some reason his mind felt addled, like it was submerged in some murky fog. He couldn’t think straight for some reason.

What the fuck had just happened? Did it truly happen? No, it had to be a nightmare. It had to be. He didn’t just lose the love of his life. He didn’t. He wouldn’t be able to bear it.

Azriel had almost convinced himself of his own delusion, when Elain’s rustling snapped him out of his daze. The woman had the gall to walk away after everything she just did. Not so fast. He grabbed her by the arm and yelled in her face, propriety and etiquette long forgotten,

“WHAT THE FUCK ELAIN? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?”

She wrenched her arm back and held her head up high when responding, as if she just had just committed some honorable deed,

“I did what I had to. You were never there Azriel. I always tried to talk to you… but you were never there. And to find out that it’s because of her! Some commoner! I couldn’t bear it. But she’s not here anymore, Azriel, we can be together!”

“What?! Are you hearing yourself Elain? I don't love you! Not like that, I never have-”

“BUT I LOVE YOU! WHY ISN’TTHAT ENOUGH!” Elain screamed back.

“You’re out of your mind. You… how did you even find out?”

“Cassian told me,” Elain replied calmly, her demeanor immediately changing. There was something seriously wrong with her.

But her words were what caused his world to stop spinning.

“What?”

“Cassian told me. He saw the two of you together the other day and told me that I would find you here today as well.”

His mind was reeling. Cassian knew too? How? He had been so careful with everything? How had it slipped past him so easily?

Elain patted his shoulder one last time before saying,

“We’re meant to be together, Azriel. I love you so much that I’ll ignore this commoner you were sullying yourself with. She might have left you. But I’m always here for you with open arms.”

And then Elain left, simply and quietly. As if she had not sentenced Azriel to a life without the one happiness he had salvaged for himself in this cruel world.

..........................................................................................

Cassian POV:

Cassian had been sharpening his blades in the training arena, waiting for the Valkyries to arrive, when he felt the wards shift. Someone had winnowed in. Before he could question who it was, he saw Azriel standing at the entrance.

Despite Nesta’s words, his immediate reaction at seeing his brother was one of annoyance. He doubted Azriel was here to confess so the continuing secrecy bothered him even now.

Any rant or anger that Cassian was planning on letting out, disappeared as he neared his brother. Azriel had tears streaming freely down his face, shoulders shaking from the sobs.

“How could you?”

Was all his brother let out. Cassian was at a complete loss for words. His brave stoic brother was falling apart before him and Cassian knew neither cause nor cure. His lion hearted brother who had bared five centuries of pain and trials and had never let out even a wince. And now… It seemed like something was tearing Azriel apart into shreds.

“Az, what’s wrong? I-

“How could you?” Azriel repeated, his sobs getting more and more violent. And each falling tear fell like acid on Cassian’s heart. All previous annoyance was replaced by an overwhelming urge to soothe and comfort.

“How could you? What did I ever do to you?” Azriel cried out again.

“Az… brother… I have no idea…”

“Oh don’t act stupid. Don’t act like you don’t know about my girlfriend!”

Oh. That is what this was about? Azriel knew that he knew? But why was he so upset about it? Cassian didn’t think him finding out warranted such a reaction-

“You knew and you send Elain there to ruin everything!”

What? Elain? What did she have anything to do with this?

“You ruined everything! My nightingale… she’s gone… she won’t even talk to me… She won’t look at me… And it’s all your fault!” Azriel let out in between hiccups of tears.

Cassian knew he had to intervene before Azriel spiraled into a full panic attack.

“Brother, calm down. Alright, yes I saw the two of you at the café, but I only told Nesta, I swear on it. I have no idea what you’re talking about, or what Elain has to do with anything.”

Azriel moved further away from him. The utter betrayal shining in his eyes made Cassian want to bury himself in the darkest corner of the world. He did not know what his fault was but he was ready to spend eternity atoning for it if it meant Azriel would no longer be in the pain he was so clearly in.

“DO NOT LIE TO ME!” Azriel roared, leaving Cassian stunned, “ You did this! You couldn’t bear it, could you? You couldn’t stand the fact that I was happy so you sent Elain to ruin everything. You always do this, you always have to take everything away from me!”

Before Cassian could ask for an explanation or beg for forgiveness for a crime he did not know, Azriel had winnowed away.

Alone, his mind was working on overdrive. What did Elain have to do with anything? Cassian was no fool. He had long been aware of the youngest Archeron sister’s affections for his brother. But he also knew his brother had never reciprocated those affections, had always seen Elain as nothing more than a friend.

How did she know about Azriel’s relationship? Nesta could not have told her. Despite how close the two sisters were, his mate had sworn to him and he knew Nesta enough to know that she did not go back on an oath. Had Elain somehow overheard them? And if she had, what could she possibly have done to cause Azriel so much pain?

So many questions were whirring through his head, not one of them had a coherent answer. But amidst the chaos, a singular thought rang the loudest, and it was one that pierced Cassian’s heart:

What have I done?

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: Honey Cut by Sierra Simone

5/5. Releases 6/18/24.

vibes: WEAPONIZED LONGING, the perfect angst recipe, the man Lana Del Rey was singing about but much better, We Can't Discuss Our Feelings Because My Feelings Are Hard

Heat Index: 10/10

Isolde Laurence is in a bind (literally, at points). She's about to marry Mark Trevena (the cold, dangerous man who deflowered her and promptly crushed her heart) in an arrangement that will enable her to seduce him and offer his secrets to her uncle, a high-ranking cardinal. However, on her way to do so, she's fallen in love with Mark's romantic, pining bodyguard Tristan. And Tristan--who very much loves her back--is also in love with Mark, thanks to a preexisting whirlwind affair he put a stop to upon finding out about the engagement. Isolde is determined to, if nothing else, guard her heart against her new husband. And, for personal and practical reasons, honor the agreement they made years ago: once they exchange vows, they'll be faithful to each other.

Easier said than done.

But Isolde herself is deadlier than she seems, and in the midst of a thorny triangle, she may end up crushing not only Tristan's heart, but her own... and maybe even Mark's. If he has one.

Well, this was my most-anticipated release of the year, and BY GOD did it live up to expectations. This is an ongoing series (you must read Salt Kiss before starting this one, and in my opinion? You should ABSOLUTELY also read the prequel novella, Salt in the Wound, as it lays the groundwork for Mark and Isolde's relationship) and of course, I don't want to count chickens before they hatch, but... If Sierra pulls the ending off--which I totally believe she will; she's yet to let me down--this could end up being her best series yet. And that is a LOT coming from me, someone who worships at the altar of New Camelot (and Thornchapel, for that matter).

The thing about the way Sierra writes triads--and nobody does it better--is that they all feel unique. You might think that Mark, Isolde, and Tristan would have a lot in common with New Camelot's Ash, Greer, and Embry. They're MMF, they're based on Arthurian myth, these people literally know each other (Sierra: I owe you my life for that cameo). But the dynamic is completely different--and in this installment especially, quite darker. I didn't see Mark's darkness as much in Salt Kiss (Salt in the Wound... perhaps more so, which gives you some insight into the differences between his individual dynamics with Isolde versus Tristan) but here? Um. She portrayed the conflict within him and his ruthlessness perfectly... While also letting us even further into the vulnerability she hinted at in Salt Kiss.

Mark can be a difficult character for readers to humanize, I think, because we haven't had his POV yet. It's easy to sort of dismiss him as this frosty, stern alpha who doles out pain while also dealing with plenty of his own (on the inside, because Mark is clearly very uncomfortable with feeling a feeling). Where she makes it brilliant is through these moments of BOYISHNESS. We got sneak peeks of boyish Mark in Salt Kiss, but here? Oh my god. The grins, the poking at Tristan, the GOOFY HOT FACETIME SEX WITH ISOLDE??? It's so human, and dropping those sneak peeks in makes his pain even more palatable.

And the thing is that you do get that pain. Because Sierra also doesn't shy away from the agony of a love triangle and, yes, cheating in this book. I often find that MMF is used in a sort of like... "Why choose? Heehee it's all okay because everyone wants each other" get out of jail free card. Sierra really doesn't do that ever, but this is the hardest she's gone in on "these people are cheating, and it HURTS the person they're cheating on, and it HURTS them". No punches are pulled here. This is one of the angstiest books I've read, and as an angst hound, I loved every second of it.

The ending? I am going to be in actual PAIN until Bitter Burn (out early next year, SHIT). There was a moment in the last few pages of this book that made me gasp. In part because I really didn't think she'd go there on multiple levels. This is a book of huge swings, and for me, every single one worked.

Quick Takes:

--I have been very vocal about how much the one time Mark called Tristan "puppy" in a cut scene (Beg Me, which you should absolutely read if you can--I think it's on Sierra's website) has not left my head since. Guess what? It's just a regular nickname now. He says it SEVERAL times in this book, in prime moments. And I was extremely happy.

--You can for sure read this series on its own, but I will say that this book in particular "spoils" a good bit of New Camelot. In the same way that any romance in the same universe or series of standalones sort of spoils others, but if you want to read chronologically without any giveaways, you should read that series first. And in general, read it even if you do read Lyonesse first. Because it's gorgeous.

--I can't emphasize enough how happy Isolde and Mark's dirty Facetime calls made me. Like. At the end of the day, Mark is just like any other man with a hot young wife, desperately trying to get a peek over his phone. While someone else peeks, perhaps.

--Isolde's such a fantastic heroine. Broken and devoted to God and maybe lowkey a zealot, while also craving physical and emotional pain and release and Tristan's soft heart and Mark's cold one all at once. She's the kind of heroine we very rarely get to read about in romance. If I'm being honest, I was a little worried about how the dynamics would balance here, as so much of the last book was Mark and Tristan on their own, and then the remainder was Tristan and Isolde on their own. (Which is another reason why you should read Salt in the Wound first, in my opinion.) But God. The dynamic of the three, the dynamic between Mark and Isolde, just blew me away. Two black cats circling each other, Mark perhaps a little more reticent to open up to Isolde than Tristan because he recognizes something of himself in her.

While at the same time, I found that Tristan and Isolde's relationship deepened. I always fully believed in their agonized love for Mark, and their desire to stay loyal to him. Yet I also completely believed that they couldn't possibly stay away from each other, not permanently.

--Mark's backstory? I foresaw some surface level stuff, but not the parts that mattered. Those kind of blew my mind.

The Sex:

I mean, it's Sierra Simone, so it's creative and very much a part of the character development. One of the sex scenes in this book was so... it was really one of the best she's ever written. But also? DEVIOUS. Sierra, you did not have to do us like that. However, I'm glad you did.

There are so many different "flavors" of sex in this book--super kinky, kinda vanilla (or as vanilla as these people can get), happy, angsty, sad, passionate, light, funny.

You can expect, among other things: restraints, impact play, cum play, breeding, biting, public sex (a lot of that), car sex, edging, voyeurism, pain play, cum licking.......... all that shit. And more!

Look, dude. Read this book if you've read the other books. If you haven't read the other books, read those and then read this book. I can't recommend it enough. This is angsty, passionate, heady romance at its best. Hot and emotionally complex and well-written. Sierra's prose! It's what romance should be; she sets the pace, and we all must chase it.

Thanks to Candi Kane PR for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[topsyturvy-turtely]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you for tagging me @gregorovitchworld! 💚

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

13 🙃

2. what's your current ao3 word count?

73.611 (not that bad i guess but i wish it was more)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

only bbc sherlock for now but i am thinking of writing for good omens too :)

4. top five fics by kudos?

-> Rosie's Elephant in the Room

-> Human Urges

-> JOHNLOCKed in a Closet

-> Let Me Fix You

-> Halloween

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yes! i respond to every single one (unless it is only an emoji... but even then i do it most of the time)

why? because i fucking LOVE connecting with my readers! and i wanna make them keep commenting on fics. because comments are so fucking important!!! they are what keep us writers going!

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

aaah probably Missing (but that will be happy again!)

so in the end it is THE LONELIEST

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

JOHNLOCKed in a Closet, i'd say

8. do you receive hate?

thank goodness i don't!

9. do you write smut?

nope. i write some subtle sex scenes, but never long ones or intensely described. i just don't feel comfortable with it.

10. do you write crossovers?

nope. seems too complicated to me 😂 i don't really read them either so ig i don't have the urge to write them. ooh, wait i wrote a short freebatch/star wars/johnlock kind of crossover once. prompt: "geeking out over something" (day 14 of my otp challenge! that i might have ignored for about a year now... whoopsie)

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

3 times that i know of. novelhd dot com is a bitch. they stole JOHNLOCKed in a Closet (JLiaC), Strawberries and Cigarettes (S&C), and my oneshots on wattpad. it is fucking heartbreaking and really made me lose some trust in humanity as well as my motivation to write for a long time... DO NOT STEAL FICS!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

no, because i don't feel comfortable with it. probably because of the shit that happened to me described above.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope, but i would be up for the challenge:)

14. what is your all-time favorite ship?

the answer is obviously johnlock lol.

15. a wip you doubt you will ever finish?

all my wips. no idk. i've got lot of wips and i will never completely give up on them. maybe just forget them, haha.

16. writing strengths?

writing about feelings, dialogue, inner monologues, two-person interactions

17. writing weaknesses?

well, smut lol. writing long intense plots (i am a fluff writer xD) - but i hope to get better at it. i have big hopes for Missing.

18. will you write a dialogue in another language?

never say never! but only after i have checked up with someone who speaks/knows said language well!

19. what was your first fandom?

*sigh* bbc sherlock, my babes. ;)

20. what's your favorite fic you have ever written?

first thought of day 9: hugging of my otp challenge. it's an alternative ending to TLD. it's a bunch of big emotions, big words and and big moments. - ghost mary actually is one of the big reasons they finally get together!!!

tagging (if you have already been tagged, feel free to ignore this and/or tag me in the post you already answered those questions): @totallysilvergirl @lisbeth-kk @gaylilsherlock and man who else??? anyone! anyone who wants to join the fun!

[leffee]

question for you. What episodes do you think hold the angstiest potential for each pet?

For example: what episode do you think has the most angst potential for Russell etc. It could be an episode that centers around the pet you're talking about, or it doesn't have to be :D

(Am I making sense rn?)

Ok, so per your request I'm only including season 1 and 2 episodes since you haven't seen anything after that for now

Vinnie - "Sunil's Sick Day" - so many choices but I decided to go with this episode. Imagine after all that happened in the episode Vinnie thinks about it all and realizes that technically Sunil got mad at him for nothing. Because in the episode they argued about him breaking Sunil's wand but... the wand was never broken in the first place and Sunil knew that. So once Vinnie realizes that he is so distraught. Did Sunil, his beloved best friend whom he can't live without make up a reason to be mad at him? Why...? Does Sunil secretely not like him and wanted an excuse to be away from him? Lots of doubts appear here. And don't even get me started if he found out Sunil said about him and I quote "Between you and me he's not that good of a dancer." Oof, big big angst potential here.

Pepper - "Sweet Pepper" - pretty much everything you said in this one long post about this episode. The rest of the girls just tried to change her so much and even when Captain liked the way she acted normally they told her not to act like herself. What? Why? Listen, I believe Zoe could act like that but Penny and especially Minka? Nuh-uh. And don't even get me started on the whole "You handed me the picture of a pretty skunk," which implies she doesn't exactly think of herself as pretty. Her angst possibility in this episode basically boils down to it all making her feel worthless and like she needs to change to be loved, drastically change.

Zoe - "Eve of Destruction" - honestly she was really hard, not because it was hard to pick an episode out of many, just because I couldn't think of any episode that has angst potential for her. In the end we have this. Imagine her and Madame Pom went through with this whole modeling content and Madame would somehow be declred a winner. She already lost to her years ago and now again? It's Zoe, and it's something she cares about - modeling, of course she's not gonna be happy. Not to mention how other pets idolized Madame Pom, I mean Vinnie and Penny saw her opinions on their dancing as the most important, and the rest of them admired her pictures and such, yeah, Zoe wouldn't be too happy if that stuck for longer. ...Why do they never act this way with her? Is she not special?

Minka - "Bad Hair Day" - might be kinda obvious but yeah, definitely holds a lot of angst, just canonically. Her friends straight up used her for money, yikes! Aside from the whole thing with her wanting to paint for herself and not for money or fame she could definitely start thinking her friends are only around her for possible monetary value. Not because they like her, but because she can give them money.

Russell - "Russell Up Some Fun" - first scenes of this episode is everyone else criticizing how he is naturally to the point he decided to change himself completely, of course it's huge angst mine. It's basically the same thing as "Sweet Pepper", just Russell feeling the need to change himself drastically so others like him. Not to mention at the end when they begged him to return to being his normal self it could definitely make him feel like others only want him to act his usual way because it benefits them, not because they like it. Do they even like him...?

Sunil - "Lights, Camera, Mongoose!" - bruh, they were so rude to him at the beggining ("Good job, David Copperfied" okay, Vinnie). At least they had a reason. Not a very good one but it's something. Still, if I were him I wouldn't be this happy about returning to them at the end of the episode especially after getting a taste of how appreciated he could be. I bitch about them doing nothing when Vinnie went missing but now that I think about it they didn't do anything about Sunil going missing in this episode either! They barely even acknowledged it before Blythe returned. Also why does Sunil go missing so much in this show smh.

Penny - "So Interesting" - I genuinely feel so bad for her whenever I rewatch this episode, I mean the beginning. Thinking there's nothing interesting about her, oof. The fact that they kept being like "There's gotta be something interesting about you!" like that's just rude, they're basically calling her boring in such a rude way not to mention the pressure. Imagine she never made up that story because she wasn't a good story teller or maybe because of that pressure that would be stressing her out. She would have to live thinking others think she's boring and being so insistent everyone has something super exciting about them. With her sensitivity especially she definitely would be super hurt and I don't blame her. Can't she just have no interesting story involving her but still be liked by them? Doesn't she have any good qualities that make others want to be her friends...?

[afrenchwriter]

20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @andromeda4004, thank you dear 🥰 Always an interesting game to play, share, and reflect!

How many works do you have on ao3?

17

What's your total ao3 word count?

313,513

What fandoms do you write for?

I launched my AO3 account with a Red Dead Redemption fanfic, and then I discovered Good Omens, and then... well, you know how it goes with this fandom ❤️ That being said, I also had fun exploring the seas during the golden age of piracy (Our Flag Means Death) and the lands of a Norse God (Loki).

Top five fics by kudos:

For His Eyes Only (GO - James Bond AU, M rated, 69K)

Getting Closer (GO - fluffy post-S1 fic, G rated, 3K)

To the End of the Ocean (OFMD - post-S1 fic, M rated, 71K)

Whatever Comes After (RDR - canon divergence AU, M rated, 84K)

Ties & Other Obsessions (Loki - 5+1 fic, T rated, 4K)

Do you respond to comments?

Always! I treasure each and every one of them ❤️ But I have to confess that these past few months have been a bit hard (not much energy, unfortunately), and I'm still trying to catch up on all the lovely comments I've received.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Mmh, good question... I'm afraid I don't know how to do that 🙃 Even the last fic I wrote for the GO historical minisode event (Shadow & Light) was supposed to end on an angsty note, and at the last minute, I decided to add a happy epilogue! But if we're talking bittersweet ending, then it would be Sharp Endings & New Beginnings, a post-S2 Loki fic... If you've seen the show, then you know 🌳

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hard to say, considering my previous answer 😇 but all the long fics listed above have a very happy ending!

Do you get hate on fics?

I did, once, on my OFMD fic... It was a shock, but also an interesting experience: it pushed me to question my narrative choices (and, in the end, confirm them).

Do you write smut?

I do... And I have a second AO3 account dedicated to it 😎 (I wonder how many people will reach this part of the tag game and find this out, eheh)

Craziest crossover:

None for now... (For His Eyes Only cannot be considered a crossover since Crowley is basically James Bond 😎).

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! @pavel-pedro has started to translate To the End of the Ocean in Russian... and whether it will be one day finished or not (I know how time-consuming such a work can be!), I'll forever be grateful for the gesture ❤️

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I'm currently co-writing a fic, actually, with my lovely friend @sabotage-on-mercury: a GO/Fleabag AU! We're taking our time for all sorts of reasons, but we want to make sure we deliver quality content, considering the source materials!

All time favorite ship?

The Ineffable Partners, of course. How can you beat a relationship between two beings who have known each other for millennia and have gone through all sorts of ups and downs, down here and out there?

Or, as Neil would say: why? Love ❤️

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

*insert awkward look monkey puppet meme* I don't know, man... I have too many WIPs piling up lately, and not enough energy to work seriously on any of them... I do hope I'll finish all of my GO WIPs someday. But the one WIP I doubt I'll ever come back to (although it makes me sad because the outline I have for this story is WILD) is the sequel of my long RDR fic, called What We Owe to Each Other.

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told several times that I'm good at capturing a character's voice, and that makes me really happy. I'm a huge cinephile and good dialogues, "natural" dialogues, are so important - I'm glad to be able to consider this as one of my strengths! I would like to say developing a plot, too - I love writing long fics and exploring characters' arcs - but I think I'm still too close to the source material for now to consider it a real strength... Room to grow!

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm a slow writer; I need to develop my ability to use imagery and metaphors; and I need better organization when it comes to writing drafts and editing the whole thing!

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Well... I'm French and I write my stories in English + I work as a translator, so... Yes to dialogues in other languages, always (then translated, of course)!

First fandom you wrote in?

I'm not exactly sure, but it must have been between those three: Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, and Artemis Fowl (ah, teenage years!).

Favorite fic you've written?

That's a hard one... Whatever Comes After will forever have a special place in my heart since it's the fic that 1/ brought me back to writing 2/ helped me prove to myself that I was able to complete a long story. Senses & Sensitivity was my first fic for the GO fandom, and 1/ it made me feel confident to write more for the Ineffable Partners 2/ I made some great connections thanks to it (hello @hasturswig! ❤️). I don't think I've ever had more fun than when I was writing For His Eyes Only (and the enthusiastic comments along the way really helped! ❤️). But, to finish, I'd like to mention When All Is Said and Done, a GO fanfic in the South Downs that just poured out of me after the S2 finale... It really made me experience the magic of writing again.

If you've reached the end, thank you for reading! Feel free to ask me anything... And to consider yourself tagged if you want to play this game, too! ❤️

[samuelroukin]

twenty questions for fic writers!

tagged by @meyerlansky thank you 🙏

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

18..

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

294,445

3. what fandoms do you write for?

right now just cod 😔 i gotta write the third turn fic but the brainrot is strong

4. top five fics by kudos

limerence (i'll be your animal)

no face, no case

baptized in gunpowder

bliss in suffering

bite (this is war)

5. do you respond to comments?

sometimes it takes me a while bc i get Anxiety but i try to respond to all of them, it means so much that someone would take the time and i'd feel horrible not at least saying thanks

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably and i'm glad the world is ending bc well. nothing like knocking out the guy you just had weird sex with to make your escape.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

genuinely couldn't pick one, i think they all end on a pretty happy note? i don't always resolve Everything but i leave them in a spot where they can work out the details later if necessary lol

8. do you get hate on fics?

not to my face! i can think of a million reasons why i would, but everyone's been really niceys

9. do you write smut?

me??? write smut?? never.

10. craziest crossover:

i don't have any, and they're not really something i'm interested in so i'm unlikely to ever write one

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so, i'm not a big name author so unless it's just ai scraping i don't think anyone would bother

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope, not as far as i know! i do have one reader that used google translate bc they don't speak english tho

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope, most i've done is discuss ideas and Options which is really fun, but i don't think actual co-writing is for me

14. all time favorite ship?

i don't think any ship i've liked has ever had the grip on me that soapghost has 💀

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

at this point it's looking like part three of the simleb fics but i WILL get to it. i will. i can't abandon my boys. there's also the one with gaz overhearing soapghost and relaying the details to price which i still like but it needs Something and i couldn't put my finger on it

16. what are your writing strengths?

smut. i think i'm alright at setting tone as well, and i like to think i'm ok at building up tension

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i'm terrible at dialogue and pacing. set descriptions too, i never know how much detail to put in vs letting readers fill in the blanks. i also don't really know how to describe it but i feel like my fics read less like a book and more like a script. and i get pointlessly, annoyingly wordy to say something that could be said in like two sentences lmao. add to that abuse and misuse of punctuation marks and it really is a mess lmao

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i don't like it generally speaking unless it's a word or two. i've used it once or twice tho dkjfhjkhst. it depends on the Why i guess, but if they're speaking another language together (as in one or more characters understand what's being said) i think it's better to be like 'he switched to dutch' and then use italics to go "Okay, this is what's happening, don't let them catch on." instead of writing the language

19. first fandom you wrote in?

i think it was death note? maybe something for a band before that, i'm not sure tbh

20. favorite fic you've written?

miannach my beloved 🙏 it's not perfect but i had a lot of fun with the magic and the crack taken seriously while still also being a little funny, plus it has one of my fave smut scenes i've written

tagging @bayonettotheheart @brotherdusk @meduseld @c4tto626 @ferindencadash only if u want ofc 🫡

[sapphicdib]

hey random thought but I was looking at the overseer description on the rain world wiki and it said that the green overseers only spawn in outer expanse and subterranean and that got me thinking

unlike spearmaster who had srs watching over them through the red overseer (until pebbles zap it outta existence) Hunter didn’t have any overseer watching over them

That means that Nsh wouldn’t know for sure if Hunter succeed in the mission because Hunter never made it back home, either succumbing to the rot or passing on through the void sea and Siggy wasn’t watching his cat unlike Suns

Nsh probably thought that once Moon wakes up, she could message the entire local group again however, Moon’s collapse left her in a state where she couldn’t communicate with the other iterators even after her revival

I mean, to cut slack for Nsh. Pebbles did put the entire region into lockdown (see five pebbles dialogue for when gourmand first enters the cann) so he probably couldn’t get in with Hunter but still

from Nsh’s perspective moon’s fate is uncertain. His hunter’s fate is uncertain.

Maybe he saw the little messenger going through subterranean which meant that Hunter probably succeeded. Maybe the last he has seen if his slugcat was before the Hunter entered the region and Hunter hasn’t returned home yet nor did Moon showed any signs of activity.

Maybe his plan worked and the keys were delivered. He wouldn’t know for sure…

basically all I’m saying is that Nsh feels like the person who would had definitely thrown more (hopefully non-cancerous) slugcats towards Moon instead of tossing Hunter and the angstiest option for why he didn’t was because he thought his plan fail as Hunter will never go home in the base game and Moon couldn’t communicate her revive

UGH YES!!! i hc that you can still see sig’s overseers sometimes in subterranean/outer expanse is because she’s still…well, desperately searching. at first for a sign of hunter, and then for a sign of moon when he realizes hunter’s probably not returning, or perhaps a way to get into the facility to see if his plan even worked.

part of the reason i think hunter was so sick is just because by the time sig made her, his facility wasn’t in the best shape, and he was rushing, desperate to save moon. in the note she sends her it literally says “excuse the unorthodox delivery method, equipment eroding etc etc”. i truly do not believe sig is “bad at making slugcats” or “didn’t follow suns’ instructions” because his dialogue PROVES THAT HE CAME UP WITH THE CONCEPT FIRST. (sorry that shit grinds my gears when ppl brush sig off as either stupid or malicious when it comes to hunter) because like…this mission is SO important to her. why the hell would he make hunter sick, therefore limiting her time to get to moon and possibly causing her death before she could reach her goal?

hunter’s last wish in the void sea is to be back in sig’s arms. if he were truly malicious/didn’t show respect for her messengers, why would hunter want to return? so yeah, seeing his overseer out in the outer expanse, searching for hunter or a sign of moon being alive just ;-;

i don’t rlly think she sent more messengers after that, mainly bc he knows any slugcats he makes after hunter will likely meet the same fate due to the erosion of her equipment/the fact he thinks “there will be nothing left of moon by the time one is ready”. sig just breaks my heart because she tried and tried and tried, reaching out as far as he could, and still never knew if his plan even worked. i’m gonna stop here bc if i keep talking i am going to be writing a goddamn essay that would be better than anything i ever turned in in university LMFAO i have so many goddamn Feelings about no significant harassment rain world.

also me n ghost are actually doing an rp that’s kind of like this lmfao, and in it the reason hunter gets sick is because sig basically works herself so hard she ends up damaging his structure and the sudden power failure/shutdown affects his experiments. (obviously that has no basis in canon and is more just us writing fanfiction about what could have possibly happened)

anyways after all that angst, here is a screenshot from my game where sig’s overseer showed up and sees moon bringing sluppy hunter home :’) in my dreams i can pretend she made it back LMFAO

[kiwiana-writes]

20 question for fic writers

Thanks @stereopticons and @welcometololaland for the tags, even if it is distracting me from hockey lmaooooo

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

221. No, that's not a typo.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

729,286! However there's a few collabs in there, per my spreadsheet where I obsessively track these things my *personal* wordcount for works on AO3 is 600,080 (so I guess I crossed 600k with this morning's kinktober! That's fun.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now it's Red, White & Royal Blue. I still have my toes in Schitt's Creek, and I've written for Happiest Season and The Last of Us on AO3 as well.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest) [Red, White, & Royal Blue] - the actor AU, aka MJ Nerds Out About Shakespeare For 65,000 Words. And y'all love it, apparently 😅

We always walked a very thin line [Happiest Season] - It remains forever fascinating to me that my rage-fuelled fuck-that-ending thing I smashed out in like 3 hours after watching that film is still the most-kudosed work in the entire fandom. I guess other people shared my annoyance lol.

We were supposed to find this [Red, White, & Royal Blue] - The soulmates/solemates fic and my first fic in this fandom??? That somehow blew all my SC fics out of the water kudos-wise??? Go figure lmao.

Meet me out at the end of my rope [Schitt's Creek] - angstapalooza, my beloved.

When you care enough to send the very best [Schitt's Creek] - this being in the top five (and my second-highest SC fic) is eternally fascinating to me. A fully epistolary fic with Patrick as a greeting card writer for Hallmark?? I mean sure, it's a cute concept, but this is another one of those 'wrote it in an afternoon and y'all love it apparently' fics.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! Sometimes I feel bad that my responses aren't always, like, enough. But I massively appreciate people taking the time to comment so I'm always gonna respond!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably the one that ends with MCD lmaooooo

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most everything I write has a happy ending, but it's probably the RWRB Actor AU? Both the end of the main story and the epilogue end on massive joy

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah. Particularly kink stuff (please be cool on tomorrow's y'all) but also some massively panphobic bullshit on some Schitt's Creek fics. And one or two people who have beef with me lmao. I'm liberal with my use of the 'delete comment' button haha.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It's been said about me that I might write a bit of smut from time to time, yes. (Though, contrary to my reputation, especially in SC, E-rated is actually only 37% of my total works.) The filthy-yet-tender kind. The let's-examine-where-kinks-come-from kind. The sex-positive kind. The let-people-be-horny-freaks kind.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't, but I would if the right idea presented itself!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of...

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! My partner in crime @ships-to-sail and I have co-written two uhhhhhh somewhat tonally different fics: The afterlife fic that was a huge treatise on grief and how the people in our lives shape us, and the one where Patrick is a snowman who comes to life complete with sparkly Twilight dildo dick. Something something range.

The Jake/Rachel series has each individual fic as a solo write, but the series is an internally consistent collaboration with @sarahlevys

And there have been a few projects where I've written a section or a chapter as part of a larger collaborative work: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Don't have one. I love a whole bunch for a whole bunch of different reasons.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Technically I guess the series is a WIP, but I honestly don't know if I'll ever get to the end of the show for kink!verse. (Never say never 😭 but right now I can't see it happening.)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fuck off stop making me be nice about myself.

Um, character voice? Both dialogue and narration. I think I'm good at getting a handle on the way characters speak and think, and when I'm on my epistolary bullshit I tend to put a lot of thought into how they text etc as well (for fandoms where we don't see that in canon haha).

Also I'm apparently really good at making readers feel their feelings. Love y'all ❤️

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot lol. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there's a reason y'all keep seeing me thank @ships-to-sail for the outline on anything with any substance.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Not opposed to it, but have a horror of google translate fail. So beyond, like, a word here or there, I wouldn't do it unless I could reach out to a fluent speaker and make sure it's right. My second language is functionally useless to me in a fandom context lol.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HP. Fuck JKR for tainting all my memories of that time.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Hey remember my answer to #1? That makes this mean.

I have a different answer every time. Been a bit dysphoric lately so today I'm gonna say it's nonbinary Alexis Rose lol.

Tried to skip people I'd seen have done it or been tagged already but was probably unsuccessful, sorry if some of y'all are feeling spammed: @affectionatelyrs @celeritas2997  @daisymae-12 @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heartitinthesilence @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @hypnostheory @inexplicablymine @myheartalivewrites @sherryvalli @smc-27 @tintagel-or-cockleshells and anyone who wants to play ❤️

[tgtbata]

tagged by @nigeltde-fic to art-ify these questions for writers and i would never deny her:

How many works do you have?

if i estimated correctly, i have over 350 posts with at least one drawing each on this tumblr account. which gave me a heart attack tbh, that's so many haha. there's some more my art floating around the internet elsewhere like on the terrebus account.

What fandoms do you draw for?

the main one currently is supernatural, before that it was the terror and before that it was football (the soccer kind) rpf. but i still do all of 'em! there are some others i play with like sherlock holmes, fdtd or mtw.

What are your top 5 drawings by notes?

using a random internet tool to rank posts:

dean/cas phallic angel blade (2492 notes)

sam/dean rebar kiss (1569 notes)

possum!dean (1510 notes)

blanky & tuunbaq dinner date (1492 notes)

dean with tattoos (1475 notes)

conclusion: big destiel still rules tumblr

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i usually do when it feels like something directed at me, like asks/dms or replies on twitter and tumblr. not so much when it's tags on tumblr or qrts on twitter - those feel more like the other person is talking into the void and not to me directly lol

What is a piece of art you drew with the angstiest ending?

hard to define 'ending' in the context of art - it supposes a sort of narrative structure not every of my drawings has. maybe this one. because, in the words of the rolling stones, you can't always get what you want.

What's the piece of art you drew with the happiest ending?

i guess this defines happy ending but i also had to think of this one, just because i can hallucinate the story that it took for them to get to that cocktail sippin' ending.

Do you get hate on art?

yes, sometimes lol i've had people fighting wars in my twitter replies when i posted cas/jack art. wah wah wah he's his dad. wah wah wah they're brothers. wah wah wah kill yourself. ridiculous and irrelevant. i do still think fondly of some replies i get though, like the one that was in russian and said 'such a talent and only for the sake of lust... sad.'

Do you draw smut?

yeah, but it's one of the things i want to get better at.

Do you draw crossovers? What's the craziest one you've draw?

not really. i want to draw an spn/fdtd crossover but that's not super crazy

Have you ever had art stolen?

reposted without credit, if that counts.

Have you ever collaborated on art before?

yes, having one person do the lineart and one do the colouring. it's a fun exercise to make you consciously realise your own art processes

What's your all-time favorite ship?

wincest is up there, of course. holmes/watson is simply a staple. humboldt/bonpland because mtw shaped me in my adolescence. i don't like to define THEEE favourite though because there's different ships for different flavours and that's great.

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

does it count as a wip if i haven't even started creating it lmao! if yes - a longer story s4 sam/dean dean/cas piece set to dessa's 551. if that sounds insane, it's because it is.

What are your drawing strengths?

i think depicting connection between two characters and portraying a sense of want/love/doubt even through a distance between them.

What are your drawing weaknesses?

stiff poses and inability to draw without reference. also backgrounds and feet :(

First fandom you drew for?

football rpf. the reason i started drawing regularly at all haha

Favorite art you've drawn?

probably this one. it just... worked out, from idea to product, and it feels smooth and it makes me happy :)

thank u for tagging me, nige!!

[annerbhp]

20 questions for fic writers!

@runawaymarbles tagged me, but she said I could do it anyway if I liked.

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

114

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

1,436,497

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The big ones were Stargate and Harry Potter and The Untamed. I've also dabbled briefly in CSI, Leverage, Firefly, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Last of the Mohicans.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

It's all HP fic, which I think speaks both to the size of that fandom, but also that I started writing for that fandom as I moved to AO3.

The Changeling (HP, Ginny) The Armistice Series (going to cheat and put these all together, HP, Harry/Ginny) we can't control (watch me unfold) (HP, Harry/Ginny) gone was any trace of you (HP, Harry/Ginny) half awake and almost there (HP, Harry/Ginny)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do try to respond to comments, because each and every one of them mean a lot to me. But I am not always great about it. I think I kind of respond in giant bursts? So there are times when I just don't, often because I am totally focused on getting the next chapter out or something, but then I will just sit down on day and just mass respond to a lot. I could always be better at it though.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Interesting. I am in no way afraid of angst, but I usually like to at least have a hopeful ending, if not a wildly happy pay off ending. I'm not sure I've ever done a full tragedy ending. Outside some one-off comment fic or ficlet posted here or there.

I think down here among the wreckage (Sam/Jack, SG-1) is my most infamously angsty fic of all time, and I never completely got to finish it? So it ends pretty darn angsty. Though maybe Beneath the Stains of Time (boy, I used to love a good apocafic!)

my kingdom come undone (Untamed, wangxian) is pretty darn angsty too, I suppose.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hopefully almost all of them? Though, I suppose I mostly like to exist in the "here's some pay off after angst, but I'm never gonna say everything is all good because it never is" area.

Maybe Life is What Happens which is sort of a coda to who Harry/Ginny could have ended up being?

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Occasionally, but not that often. I've only gotten something I would consider straight up hate speech twice, and those just get immediately deleted. Otherwise it's mostly someone telling me what they don't like. Some people really hated The Changeling. And some people really think I hate Hermione for some reason and hated that. Oh, boy and now I'm remembering the time I mentioned the mere possibility of a different pairing (Sam/Daniel) than my usual ship at the time (Sam/Jack) and got a lot of hate about that!

9. Do you write smut?

Not in the beginning, no. I distinctly remembering @holdouttrout and I being like "how can people write smut! I could never!" and then not so long later we had a good time coming back and laughing at ourselves and each other as we wrote smut. Lol. Good times, Trout!

These days, yes, I am known to sometimes write smut. I don't do a lot of PWP, but I think smut can be a great part of storytelling and character development. I'm not sure I'm any good at it, and it's probably the kind of writing I am least confident in, but I'm usually willing to try a hand at it.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Very occasionally I have. Mostly in response to a challenge or a fest or some sort of organized event. It can be fun to just take two things you like and brainstorm what it would possibly look like to smoosh them together. I think the biggest crossovers I ever wrote were a SG-1/Firely one (Raggedy Edge) and a SG-1/House MD one (Unexpected). Both were fics I wrote for someone else. (Man, I have this SG-1/Leverage fic that I always wanted to write but doubt I ever will. I think I had Maggie as one of Jack's cousins or something.)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. People have occasionally posted one of my fics in weird archive or something. But no one's ever tried to claim one of my stories as their own.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, a few! I know there are a few languages for The Changeling. Though I'm not sure if any were ever finished. I've had a few requests for various things over the years. And then I put up a "feel free to do without asking" disclaimer, so who knows!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, that is not something I've ever done. I'm always impressed by that. And some of the best fics I've ever read have been team written. (A Narrow Bridge by @frameofmind9 and Jo Lasalle, it's AMAZING.) I find it such an interesting and impressive idea. Not sure I'd be able to do it, but it's interesting!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I feel attacked. What kind of a question to ask a shipper. Well, there is always what takes up all my brain space in the moment, which is Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian in The Untamed. But Sam/Jack (SG-1) was my first and will always own a part of my brain.

It's interesting too, because there are ships I adore, ships I love to read about, and ships I love to write about. And those three don't always align. I think Sam/Jack and Wangxian have been the two biggest ships for me that touch all three of those at once.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Excuse me as I open my writing folder and gesture at everything all at once. Okay, I'll be nicer to myself. I am in a space where I feel like I will never finish anything ever again, but I will have faith!!

There's really too much. So many HP fics that I am sad that I will probably never get to. There's a time travel fic, there's a Harry never went to Hogwarts AU, oh, man, the zombie fic. So many.

There's a ton of SG-1 fics I left half-imagined, but it's been a decade since I stopped writing for that fandom, so I'm more distant from it now.

I want to finish them all!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm. This is hard. Probably because saying nice things about ourselves is hard and feels like being egotistical or something. Lol. I think I really like weaving various plot lines, themes, and character development, probably because that is the thing I love doing and so have spent a lot of time experimenting and practicing. I think I also have an ability to trust my instincts with what is working and what isn't, even if I'm stubborn about ignoring it sometimes. Can being stubborn as hell being a writing strength. Because that, honestly.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have very little discipline. People who can outline something and then just knock a draft out are amazing to me. I am very slow and only tend to write when I'm in the mood. I think I can also be overly sensitive to unsolicited criticism. And in some cases solicited criticism from someone I haven't built trust with. That might mostly be the giant case of imposter syndrome I lug around with myself. So I might be sensitive, but I've been trying to build my skills in hearing it and reacting appropriately in a constructive way. I feel like brevity is another problem! Just look at this darn post!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Honestly, I don't attempt it. If someone is speaking a different language, I am more likely to just put the dialogue in italics or something, if whoever the POV is understands that language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stargate SG-1. At least the first I ever wrote and shared. I think I wrote fanfic in my head for decades before realizing what it even was. (Let's say that I had quite the crush on Wesley Crusher and fantasized ways some OC self-insert might be able to marry him while also being adopted by Picard. Ah...the early 90s. What a time to be alive.)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Wow, and I thought some of these earlier questions were rude. 😂

I'm going to cheat and say that whatever i am currently working on is always my favorite.

Also, I really liked who i am at the end of the day which is so obscure that no one ever read it. (I think it has like 2 comments and one of them was @runawaymarbles being nice to me. <3 )But I just love a lot about it. Sometimes I daydream about removing the serial numbers and turning it into it's own thing.

Tagging @pepperf, @holdouttrout, @narukoibito, @mylittleredgirl, and YOU that person who wants to do this.

[smilingformoney]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

no one tagged me in this but I saw @hirukochan do it and decided to steal it

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Eight

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

425,915 (most of them Soul of Ice, obviously)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter but specifically Snape, and Alan Rickman characters

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

See, this won’t work so well because I have eight stories, but if we could have chapter kudos it’d be a much more interesting exercise to see my five most popular chapters. Anyway:

Soul of Ice

Happy Ending

Soul of Ice One-Shots

Professor Snape II

Morality is an Illusion

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Not unless I have something to say, maybe I should?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely Three Secrets considering you die at the end.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I want to say Happy Ending for the title lol but really it’s Soul of Ice, which so nearly had a heartbreaking ending but I couldn’t do that to my babies!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, the Snapedom is generally very positive! And who could hate Dad Snape?!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’ll write pretty much any smut, but I prefer it to be part of a wider context, hence why I don’t write a lot of one-shot smuts. The one-shots I do write are pretty freaky though 😎

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, I’d get too lost in the lore trying to explain why the crossover was happening 😂

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, y’all remember when this happened?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, nobody is insane enough to try and translate my whopper of a fic 😂

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I don’t see how it’d work personally, although I am big into using people as soundboards. Soul of Ice would be very different without @sevsnapes and For the Love of Books wouldn’t even exist without @snowblossomreads

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

doctorrose, though I’ll probably never write for them. Any form of Snape/Happiness is a-ok in my book but Snephy is obviously my favourite form of that.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I’m gonna finish them all! I promise! Eventually!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characters. The most common compliment I get is that people like my OCs, Abbie in particular.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m always conscious that my narration isn’t very descriptive. It feels very “he did this and she did that, then they did this and that.” I do try to go back and flourish it a bit but I struggle to be anything other than literal in my descriptions. eg, if I had to describe a table I’d be like, “The table was a rectangle with four legs. It was made of wood.” 😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If I felt the need to do that for whatever reason I’d probably do it like, “Insert dialogue here,” she said in German.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER TOLD THIS STORY ok so I was like 9 or something like that and I wrote a snamione story but my mum found out and made me stop because Hermione was like 13. So I did stop but I didn’t just ghost the story, I made a post that my mum said I couldn’t write it anymore but that Hermione finds out Snape is getting married so she gets together with Ron instead. I don’t remember much of what I actually wrote, only that it started with Hermione noticing that Snape had very sad eyes. I’m pretty sure this was before the last book came out so I clearly knew what was up!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Soul of Ice, always and forever. (I count Professor Snape II as being part of it.)

Tags: @sevsnapes @giosnape @mamawolfsmith87 @snowblossomtumbles @thestephanieflora

[steddie-island]

20 questions for writers

Tagged by @puppy-steve ❤️

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

24! Which doesn't feel like a lot but up until last October, my count was 1. 😌

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

42,730

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Steddie primarily, but I do RP Ineffable Husbands and occasionally Destiel.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Just Because We Get Around

Mutually Beneficial (I'm super proud of this one, and it's really cool that it's gotten enough attention to be so close to the top of the list!)

With Extra Nuts

Dustin's Dad

Vixen (Which is the most surprising one on this list for some reason lol)

5. Do you respond to comments?

It might take me a bit but I always try to! If people take the time to leave comments I want them to know that I appreciate it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't think I have any with an angsty ending. Potentially Don't go where I can't follow, which is less than a thousand words but it might be the fic that I'm the proudest of.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them are pretty soft and schmoopy honestly. I could say Forever Yours (Faithfully) but I'm going to go with the most tooth-rotting one which is Nothin' but the kitchen sink.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, thank god. 😬

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

😈 I'm going to say all kinds? Soft and sweet, down and dirty. I want people ridden hard and put away wet.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I almost said I don't but I'm literally working on a Baron x Eddie fic. 😂

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I got into fandom by RP'ing, and I actually have a couple of them that we've been polishing up to post.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Destiel was my ride or die for a long time. It's how I met my spouse and a few of our friends. Like SPN was a shitshow, and Steddie has taken over the brainrot, but damn if destiel wasn't there for me when I needed it.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Honestly I've had a hard time getting any words to go recently. Right now it feels like A leg to stand on is just going to rot in my WIP folder forever, even though it was just supposed to be PWP (what the fuck guys.) I think realistically, though, if I don't finish anything it's going to be the long fic that I've had outlined for months and also haven't touched. Like I have a playlist for it and I know what I want to do but actually getting words into a doc? Ha. Ha. Haha.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at writing angst. Even though I don't write a ton of it. I'm good at changing the tone between one sentence and the next (and that is why don't go where I can't follow is my favorite fic of mine.)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

My pacing is off sometimes, I always have to have spouse read and be like "Does this work?? Do I need something else here instead??" As much as I love Scream for me I feel like the ending kind of got rushed in my excitement to post it. 😅

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It's something I would love to try but I would want to be really careful and not be an author who writes a character who speaks mainly in english, just throws out a random word or phrase of another language to say "See? It's diverse they DO speak another language!" lol. I would definitely want to not just rely on google translate and actually talk to someone who could tell me my sentences made sense.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

RP, it was SPN. But the first fic I published was for Frasier (it's called "Passionfruit", it's Niles and Daphne. Frasier is such a niche little fandom on ao3 but I wrote that in just a couple of hours and I was so fucking proud of myself. And like, it's hot. 😌

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I said it up there ^^ but I think it has to be Don't go where I can't follow. Again, less than 1,000 words but it's a little story with a lot of punch to it, and I will admit that I go back and read it regularly. 😌

Thank you for the tag, this was fun!!

No pressure tags for @pearynice @wynnyfryd @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @pennyplainknits and literally anyone else who wants to do this. ❤️

Full pressure tag for @v3llichor because I'm your wife and you have to. 😘

[thisonesatellite]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by the amazing and infinitely talented @voylitscope. Thank you so much! 💕💕💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

37.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

607,929

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now primarily stucky /MCU.

i got started with CS /OUAT (which i no longer write for), and have also ventured into dramione /HP (where i will go again as soon as i have some time).

i also wrote one Leverage fic, which --- guys, i don't know what happened there. It just knocked on my door and demanded to be written. 🤷‍♀️

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

This is interesting. i would have thought the OUAT fics would grab all top 5 spots, because they've been around the longest, but actually---

we build our lives out of chaos and hope - dramione

Burn To Shine - stucky

The Unexpected Life - CS

break me - CS

if you live by the word, you die by the pen - CS

If you're counting by fandom, well -- i mean, i have exactly five stucky fics so far. That's the top five right there. 😂 (There will be more soon, and then we can see who grabs the brass rings.)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

ALWAYS. Always always always. i love comments. They make my day.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

OK. Like. i don't write angsty endings, OK? i may or may not put my characters through the fucking wringer during a fic, but i ALWAYS HEA them, you feel me.

Having said that, i think militae species amor est (CS) is the one with the least openly stated fluff at the end. (Then again, the title is a quote i ripped off Ovid which means "love is a kind of warfare". Take from that what you will. 😂)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh, all of them? i happy end HARD, ok?

If you're going to make me pick, for stucky it's probably a tie between Burn To Shine and a handful of dust. (So far. There will be others.)

For all of my fic across fandoms, it's everybody knows (CS). Which is also by far the most complex emotional character arcs for an OTP i've ever wrapped around an impossibly complicated plot line. And angst abounded here. Such abounding. The ending had to make up for it and consequently will rot every last one of your teeth.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far. i once had someone tell me in great detail why they didn't like my writing style, but while i did wonder why they bothered to read my fic in the first place if my style wasn't for them, i don't count it as hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ah. The eternal question. No, i don't. i don't know how. i don't think there's anything wrong with smut at all, but i can't write it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i don't write crossovers. Lots of AUs, but no crossovers. i don't like to cross the streams. 😂

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that i know of, knock on wood.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! My lovely and wonderful friend @mariakov81 translated her birthday fic ad extremum terrae into Ukrainian. i may have cried when she told me.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes. The Sword and The Heart - with the amazing and talented @ohmightydevviepuu. It was one of the hardest and yet one of the most rewarding experiences of my writing life and i strongly recommend the process to every writer out there. The things you will learn about yourself and your writing are immeasurable, and you will emerge a better writer for it.

Also, it was so much fun.

(All the credit here goes to @ohmightydevviepuu, whose patience was infinite every time i went and did A Thing with the plot and the characters. She is the reason we have a fic at all.)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

i think stucky will always have a place in my heart. (So will many others, some of which i don't even write for, but stucky is my fave, i think.)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

None. i am a very linear writer. i write one fic at a time. Therefore i never have any additional WIPs cooking, and so i do finish everything i start.

i know. So annoying. 😂

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character development, realistic dialogue, action. (Also probably plot underpinned by emotion. While i'm patting myself on the back here.)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

SMUT. i cannot write it (as stated above). Which means there will always be a sense of the explicit lacking in my fic, and i'm sorry for that. But i can't change it.

And certain popular tropes--- some of them perennial favorites--- do nothing for me, so i am also unable to write them.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i have utilized the fact that i speak more than one language, and have several good friends who speak other languages, in some of my stucky fics. But i will say that sometimes it's hard to keep true to the characters in a different language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Once Upon A Time (OUAT). It's the one that started it all. i was never going to write, you know. And then, one day, i--- did.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

OMG. You're going to make me choose? Between all the blood, toil, tears, and sweat on every page? Yes, i'm being dramatic.

My favorite fic (IF i HAVE TO PICK ONE) is probably we kill the flame (CS). It plays in my favorite sandbox -- cyberpunk dystopia -- and i built an entire world for it. In painstaking detail.

My favorite stucky (so far) is probably despite all my rage - for much the same reasons: World building and cyberpunk dystopia. Also because it has my favorite Sam and Clint.

Honorable mention has to go to Burn To Shine (stucky), which introduced me to the pure and unadulterated fun that is Grumpy!Bucky (who is now my favorite chew toy), as well as the disaster muppet combo that is Scott and Clint, and we build our lives out of chaos and hope (dramione), because i went on a thinly-veiled political tear halfway through it and still cannot believe i got away with it.

.

Absolutely zero pressure tags for @sparkagrace , @cable-knit-sweater, @buckybarnesdeservestobehappy, @wistfulcynic, @ohmightydevviepuu, and @mxaether 💕

[quill-pen]

A Christmas Confession pt. 2 (Married!ScroogeXReader)

Yeah, y'all are gonna have to let me know how you feel about the song in this one. I've debated on whether to stick some musical numbers in the fic to kind of keep up the atmosphere from the movie that this is a world where people will just randomly break out in song and it's just a normal Tuesday, but I don't know. Musical numbers are really not meant to be in writing like that. Songs, sure--Tolkien comes to mind--but not musical numbers. It's just so hard to make them flow well. Ugh. I don't know. Let me know what you think.

Pairing: Ebenezer Scrooge x F!Reader

Warnings: ANGST--oh, we got ANGST--the ANGSTIEST of ANGST. AND pining--more pining. AND SO. MUCH. CRYING. Seriously, this bitch is dehydrated after this. What else we got? Love confessions, forceful kisses, kisseskisseskisses (seriously, how are these people breathing?) some innuendo, face-smushing and nuzzling, some self-deprecation, Ebenezer being an absolute sweetheart of a husband, RO-FREAKING-MANCE, Prudence being called a "dumb mutt" (it's said lovingly, and with context, it's valid), AAAAAANNNNNNDDDDDD... a song and dance number (seriously, this one is a warning--I am not a dancer nor am I convinced song and dance numbers should be in writing like this)

Summary: With children put away, the adults will play! Or at least some adults will. Other adults--mainly Ebenezer and you--still discover just how much you mean to each other.

A/N: As promised--PRUDENCE!!!

Part 1

When you and Ebenezer had finally made sure all the children were tucked snug in bed and had come back to the sitting room, the Cratchits and Huffmans were in the middle of a rousing game of Snap! and hardly seemed to notice your return.  Even old Prudence was trying to get in on the game, squeezing in between Harry and Hela as she watched on, panting heavily and wagging her tail with her tongue lolling in a giant Mastiff grin.  

“I thought we’d just put the children to bed,” you remarked to Ebenezer with a wry smirk.  Really, the adults were being almost as loud and rowdy with the game as the children had been throughout the night!  Everyone was certainly in excitable spirits this evening! 

The man chuckled and shrugged.  “I suppose when the cat’s away,” he said, arms crossed over his chest as he reclined against the wall.  His slate-blue eyes focused on the game, and he seemed to be enjoying it quietly from afar just as much as he would have if he actually participated in it.  He did so seem to enjoy just taking in things at this time of the year, just reveling in the sights and sounds and sensations of it all, as if he were experiencing them all for only the first time.  You supposed, in a way, he was, considering everything he’d told you about his past up until the last couple of years.  How he’d changed from a miserable, cantankerous, stingy, covetous old miser into the cheerful, charming, kind, generous, all-around lovely, and wonderful man you knew now, you still didn’t understand.  When you’d pressed him for details on it, he’d simply told you it was all too fantastical to believe--that he still didn’t believe it himself sometimes.  Oh, well, it didn’t really matter the reason (although you did have a burning curiosity as to why he credited your late father for being the catalyst of it all).  Whatever it was you were just happy it had happened because you quite liked this Ebenezer.  Your Ebenezer.

My Ebenezer… the thought lingered in your mind in a heady way.  He wasn’t yours--not truly.  If he was really yours you would be sleeping in the same bed instead of separate rooms; sharing kisses and secret whispers and other things that married couples shared.  If he was really yours there would have been something more than a signed sheet of paper and a ring that bound the two of you together, something primal and absolute in nature--God-given.  But there wasn’t, as much as you craved for there to be.  Even so, you couldn’t help but think of him as yours anyway, because it hurt too much to live in the reality of your situation all the time; the fantasy of thinking him yours helped keep the edge off.

Speaking of fantasies, you were half in the middle of one now, staring at him.  It was the first chance you’d had all evening to truly get a good look at the man what with all the running about after children and making your Christmas hostess debut.  Salt-and-pepper hair brushed, slicked, and sculpted back, Ebenezer was dressed in his finest attire: a matching deep blue tailcoat and cravat over a brilliant green, swirling jacquard waistcoat, and pristine white starch-collared shirt; crisply ironed dark green trousers; and black shoes polished to an absolute sheen.  All of it tailored to him perfectly (Particularly the trousers, you thought).  He looked sharp and clean and festive and--as far as you were concerned--like the most handsome man in all of England: a Yuletide Adonis.  But as fine as he looked in all his holiday attire, you found your mind wandering.  And wondering.  Wondering… just what Ebenezer might look like… without that coat… that waistcoat… that cravat… that shirt… and those trousers.  With his perfect coiffure, all teased up and flyaway.  On second thought, maybe it would be nice to leave the cravat--might make for good leverage.  You could have chastised yourself: Such sinful, unladylike places for a woman’s mind to go!  Oh, you were starting to feel warm….

“I win!”

You snapped out of your desirous thoughts with a start, gaze flying away from Ebenezer (who seemed to have not caught you staring, thank Heaven) to your guests.  Harry was currently bouncing up and down, laughing and swinging his arms in the air in triumph.  As if she had been teamed with him, Prudence was jumping around with him, her deep bark resounding enthusiastically around the room.  

Laughing heartily, Ebenezer finally made his way into the room and over to his nephew.  “I say, good show, everyone!” he exclaimed, clapping the younger man on the back.  “What shall we play next?  The night is very young!”

“Oh, might we play blind man’s bluff?” Hela piped up excitedly.  “It’s my favorite!”

“All right, why not?” Ebenezer said.  “But I feel I must warn you, I am very good at Blind Man’s Bluff.”

“And I call that a bluff,” Ethel snickered good-naturedly.

Ebenezer gave her a comically pained expression, clutching dramatically at his chest.  “Woman, you wound me!”  That started the whole group to guffaw.  

“All right,” you called out.  “Blind man’s bluff it is.  But we need to make a bit more room in here; I don’t want to be calling the ambulance on Christmas Eve because somebody split their head open tripping over a footstool.”  With hands on your hips, you pointed a look at beloved but altogether clumsy Harry.

“What?” Harry asked innocently.

“Right then,” Ethel said.  “We’ll let the gentlemen move the furniture.  Ladies, why don’t we help ourselves to some refreshments while we’ve the time?  I don’t know about you young maids, but I’m goin’ to need a little somethin’ to boost my energy afore we go scamperin’ about.”

“I am rather peckish,” Hela agreed.

You, Ethel, and Hela all made your way out of the sitting room to be out of the men’s way as they worked and went into the dining room where the snack foods and drink still graced the table, and would grace it for the rest of the night.  A little Christmas Eve buffet.  You remember how the cook had looked at you when you’d told her that’s what you wanted like you were insane.  (“It’s just not how things are done in England, Ma’am.”)  But in the end, it looked like it was working out.  Certainly, nobody seemed to be complaining.

You were just serving yourself up some wassail when Ethel sidled up to you.  “And just where has your mind been tonight, bud?” she asked, her tone teasing.  

You looked at her in genuine confusion.  “I’m sorry?”

The older woman smirked knowingly, an eyebrow raised.  “I saw you,” she said pointedly.  “Standin’ there, gawkin’ and gappin’ like a lovestruck schoolgirl at Ebenezer all decked out in his togs tonight.”  A sinful glimmer sparked in her blue eyes and her smile turned wicked.  “But I’m willin’ to bet it wasn’t him in his togs you was daydreamin’ about was it?”

Your face immediately flushed a bright, crimson red, only made redder by the fact that Hela giggled.  Oh, you were feeling hot again, but this time not in a good way.  “You both saw me?” you squeaked out, positively mortified.

“Of course, we saw!” Hela laughed with a beaming grin.

“We women who’s been in love before always notice when another woman’s in love.”

“In love,” you repeated with a dry chuckle.  “Is that was this is?  Yes, of course, it is, when all I can think about, all I can see, all I can hear, smell, taste, breathe, feel and hope to want and have is that devilishly wonderful man.”  You instinctively twisted your wedding ring and looked down at it.  The golden band housed both yours and Ebenezer’s birthstones as well as the stone of the month you married; hidden inside the circle, nestled against your skin would be the beautifully scripted words ‘Come what may’--a reminder that, whatever happened in this marriage of convenience with regards to your future where your uncle and inheritance were concerned, you and Ebenezer would both be in it.  Together.  A friend supporting a friend.

The delicate little ring sat so perfectly on your ring finger, so simple yet so fine and elegant and beautiful in its simplicity--just like you liked it.  Just like Ebenezer knew you liked it.  You still couldn’t believe the man had gotten it so perfectly right without even consulting you.  Yes, you’d been friends for a while by that point, and he’d known you quite well; but designing a wedding ring without the input of the woman it was intended for was always a gamble, even one so low maintenance as you.  But somehow Ebenezer had just known.  He always seemed to just know with you.  About everything.  Unfortunately, that only made your unreciprocated feelings for him all the deeper and more painful.

You felt tears prick at your eyes and you tried to blink them back.  “I thought love was supposed to be wonderful,” you trembled, looking at both women in desperation.  “So why am I hurting so much?”

You must have sounded even more pathetic than you thought, because the next thing you knew, Hela was sweeping you up into a big, tight hug and murmuring comforting things into your ear.  You just clutched at her, looking for any sort of contact to empty the heartache into.

“I feel crazy,” you admitted after Hela let you go.  “I mean it--I feel like an absolute mad woman.  I’m married to the man, he’s a long way off from dead, I know there's no other woman, we are best of friends, he cares a great deal for me and takes care of me--even spoils me--adores my siblings like his own, we aren’t fighting--in fact, we’re quite happy in our lives together--and, in the end, our marriage will lead to my gaining my inheritance and finally being out from under my uncle’s thumb.  But even with all that, I feel utterly miserable.”

“And why do you think that is?” Ethel prodded gently, a motherly hand on yours.  

You shook your head, tears still stinging your eyes.  “Because… I love him,” you answered softly.  “I love him more than life itself.  But he… he doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

Much to your shock, horror, and chagrin, the two women burst into uproarious laughter.  

“Oh, my poor, poor child!” Ethel gasped, wiping her eyes.  “I didn’t know you were blind!”

“What?” you asked incredulously.  You didn’t much relish the concept of being laughed at.

“Can you really not see it, Y/N?” Hela asked.  “Truly?”

“See what, pray?”

“Ebenezer!” Ethel cut back in, giving you that sly smile again.  "He's positively besotted with you, lovey!"

You blinked at the Cratchit woman, trying to see if she was having you on. "Ha-ha–no. I think not."

"You think not?" Ethel said. "Why?"  It was a challenge.

"Why do you think he is?" you challenged back.

"I have functioning senses, pet."

"Pardon me?"

“We've all seen the way he looks at you, Y/N,” Hela offered, wrapping a sisterly arm around your shoulders. "As if you're the only woman in existence."

“And the way he smiles at you or whenever your name comes up," Ethel continued, “like your the source of all joy itself!”

Hela went on: “No one could miss how he speaks to you.”

“In all the time since he changed, I’ve never heard him call anyone ‘Sweetness’ except for you,” Ethel declared.  "Not even your Millie!"

“That’s simply because of our friendship,” you insisted. 

“Is it?” Ethel pressed, ever bullheaded.  “Only because of your friendship?”

You scowled a bit at the woman.  “I don’t think I need to remind you that Ebenezer’s and my friendship runs a bit more deeply than most,” you firmly stated, “as well as a bit… unconventionally.”

“You don’t say!” Ethel gasped sarcastically.

“But it does not mean that we are in love with each other,” you continued on, scowl deepening.  “Yes, while I’ve come to love Ebenezer because of it, it seems quite clear to me that he continues to see me as nothing more than a friend.”

“Oh, it seems quite clear to her,” Ethel pointed out, giving Hela a pointed look while jutting a thumb at you.  The Indian woman tittered.

You rolled your eyes in complete exasperation.  “That’s it,” you deadpanned, throwing back the last bit of your punch and walking away.  “I’ve had enough of being laughed at for one evening.”

“Can’t help you much, if you wish to think yourself unloved, sweet,” Ethel called after you.  “Just keep in mind what we said!”

You stormed out of the dining room and through the hall back towards the sitting room, slowing down when you heard the jolly singing of Christmas carols accompanied by Prudence’s howling.  Creeping to the door of the sitting room, you quietly and carefully peeked inside.  The men had moved the more trip-hazardous pieces of furniture while leaving the bigger pieces in place to serve as barriers for the game.  Now, they were simply having a jolly old time singing, Harry dancing around with Prudence by the front paws.  All their voices were raised high in song, but Ebenezer’s rose above them all, rich and full and beautiful and full of emotion as always.  Again your heart contracted in love pains for the man who was your husband, yet not your husband.  Why?  Why did he have to be just so. Damn.  Perfect?!  Any sort of flaw would have helped to dull the hurt, but here he was, apparently completely without faults!  Oh, why did this have to happen to you?!

Pulling back behind the door, you sidled away until you could press your back up against the wall.  And there you stayed, listening to your husband-in-name-only and friends singing, your aching heart thudding in your chest to the point you felt your entire being vibrating from it.  Again you began to twist the ring on your finger.  Again you looked at it, this time pulling it off your finger to gaze closely at the script inside.  Could ‘Come what may’, possibly mean something more than your and Ebenezer’s friendship?  Could Ethel and Hela be right?   Could Ebenezer be hiding feelings of love from you, just as you were hiding yours from him?

You wondered….

No.  Ebenezer didn’t hide things from you.  He was above that.  And he had to know you felt something for him because, again, with you, he always knew.  So if he felt something for you in turn, why would he not come out and say it instead of hiding it? What would be the point if he knew you felt the same?  That could only mean he was trying to spare you from being hurt, by pretending as though he realized nothing about your feelings.  By acting like a close friend would normally act.  He was trying to make it easier for you–the rejection.  In reality, he was just making it that much harder.  

With a heavy sigh, you slipped your ring back on.  The little weight it provided was both sad and comforting at the same time.  You pushed off the wall and moved towards the windows, using them as a mirror as you checked yourself over.  You tidied your hair, straightened your dress, and took deep, long breaths to try and calm yourself.  It was Christmas Eve and tomorrow was Christmas.  You had company--most of which were children–and tomorrow you would have more.  You weren’t going to turn into a blubbering mess over things that couldn’t be helped--that wouldn’t be a good hostess.

“Ah-ha, Y/N!”

You turned from the window and smiled at Bob and Harry.  “Ready?” you asked them.

“Yes!”  Harry exclaimed.  “All ready for the game!”

“I’ll go let Hela and Ethel know,” you said.

“No, we’ll go,” Bob said.  “We want to get something to eat and drink before we start anyway.  You go help Ebenezer with the blindfold--he’s to be the first blind man.”  With that, the two of the hurried off down the hall.

Your stomach dropped out.  You and Ebenezer alone?  You helping him tie a blindfold on?  Presumably, having to be fairly close to him in order to do so--particularly his face?!  Oh, this was not a good situation for you right now--not good at all!

All at once, the cause of your dilemma came walking out of the sitting room, Prudence clicking loyally along at his heels.  Ebenezer was scowling now, fiddling with this cravat, trying to work it loose.  “Damn… bloody… tie,” he muttered.

You couldn’t help the smile that curled your lips or the little giggle that escaped you.  The sight tickled you so; watching him do battle with his own necktie.  And his expressive eyes and brows were almost comically grouchy.

Ebenezer then directed his scowl at you, but there was a definite playful twinkle in his eye.  “And just what might you find so funny?” he demanded.

You smirked at him.  “You,” you admitted.  “You’ll strangle yourself if you’re not careful.”

“And you find that funny, do you?”

“No.  But the way you’re wrestling that tie as if it owes you money, I do.”

“Well, perhaps instead of laughing at my predicament, you would be so kind as to find it within yourself to help me.”  The man was smirking himself now.

You stopped laughing at that.  Immediately you were right back to where you had been, realizing you were going to be close to Ebenezer--very close--and panicking over it.  “Uh-Y-yes,” you stammered, swallowing hard.  Your mouth felt so dry.  “O-Of course.”  Slowly you approached him, feeling as if you were in a daze.  Did he notice?  Oh, please God, don’t let him notice!  Please don’t let him realize the state I’m in!

Ebenezer, now smiling pleasantly as ever, loomed before you. Like a tree. A great, attractive, charming spruce tree of a man.  You came to a stop directly in front of him. He towered over you, the top of your head just reaching his chin. That beautiful, strong, sculpted chin….

Suddenly that chin was coming closer as he bowed down a bit for you to reach his cravat.  "Is that better?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you," you murmured tonelessly.  You reached up and took hold of the cravat and began working your fingers through the knot.  You tried to focus solely on that. Not the fact that you were so close to Ebenezer you could feel his body heat. So close you swore you could hear his heartbeat.  You tried to forget the fact of how close his face was to yours–just a bit above and angled towards you–his warm breath caressing your skin. You tried to ignore that you could feel his eyes on you, tried to ignore that you could smell a mixture of his cologne and his natural scent.  Mother of God, what a heavenly smell!  A man's smell!  Ebenezer's smell.   You fought against the urge to go weak in the knees. Good God, why am I so feeble?

"You look absolutely lovely."

You froze, his silky cravat nearly untied and threaded between your fingers.  Eyes wide, you snapped your face up to his, heart leaping into your throat.  E/c stared into slate blue.

Ebenezer looked just as surprised as you as if he hadn't intended to say that.  But he had, and there was no backing out now.  "I-I don't believe I told you that this evening," he went on, trying to explain the sudden statement.  "And… well… y-you look lovely, Y/N. Very lovely indeed." He cleared his throat and tore his gaze from yours, lips pulling together in a thin line.  His cheeks and ears were tinged the slightest shade of pink. 

"Oh," you said, a bit dazedly. Your eyes fell back to the cravat. "Thank you."  You finished your work and smoothly slipped the tie from his neck, the smooth, body-warmed material seeming to slither into your hand.  You know, technically, you're undressing him, the concept slipped out of the dark, wicked crevice of your mind before you could stop it.  You felt yourself flush all over from both horrified embarrassment and–God help you–flaming desire.  Without a doubt you were your own worst enemy in this!

"Not that you don't normally look lovely," Ebenezer suddenly continued on from his previous statements. His voice was rushed, his tone jittery.  His eyes darted to look everywhere but at you.  "You always look lovely–there is no question of that! It is just that you look particularly lovely this evening. And… well…" he cleared his throat again and forced himself to look at you, "... you look lovely."

A corner of your mouth twitched into a slight smile, Ebenezer's sweet, nervous charm working its way through the veil of panic.  The man could be positively adorable sometimes. "Thank you, Ebenezer," you repeated, your voice sounding more like you this time.

Evidently, your smile and tone were noticeable, because Ebenezer's own lips quirked into a soft smile as well, the nervousness fading from his eyes.  He remained blushing though; that only made him more endearing in your view.

There came an annoyed huff from somewhere around both your legs.  And then-

“Whoa-oof!”

You froze, eyes wide in alarm at the predicament you suddenly found yourself in:  Ebenezer had just quite literally toppled into you!  Your hands were pressed flat to his chest as they’d shot up and out to try and stop his fall, and his hands had come to find purchase on your low waist as he’d instinctively reached out to find something to grab onto a save him from falling on his face.  Speaking of face, his face was against yours, his angular nose slipped right in aside yours, pressing into your cheek.  Your lips just barely ghosted against each other, startled pants of breath mixing together and warming your faces (though that definitely wasn’t the only reason your face was so hot).  You stared pop-eyed directly into each other's eyes.  To top it all off, you were just ever so slightly bent over backward with Ebenezer bowed over you as if the man were taking you into a dip.  And you stayed like that.  For how long, you didn’t know, but you both just stayed, unsure of what to do, or how to react.

A little whine caused you both to look away from each other (though only your eyes moved) and down to see Prudence sitting there between you.  Her loveable brown eyes seemed to sparkle as she looked between you and Ebenezer, her lolling Mastiff grin as wide as ever.  Ridiculous to think it as it was considering she was a dog, you knew immediately that Prudence had done this on purpose.  After all, you’d come to the conclusion a while ago that the dog wasn’t exactly an ordinary dog.  And due to all of that, you had even less of an idea of how to react to this.

“Prudence…” Ebenezer growled warningly, his brow furrowing against yours.

His lips brushed a bit more firmly against yours as he spoke, his growl vibrating his firm chest beneath your palms.  The reaction in you to these sensations was immediate and startling: your breath hitching into a small gasp; a warm mist floating into your mind that blocked out every other thing except the man before you; a great heat flushed throughout your body, warming you to the very center of your being, leaving you feeling lightheaded; your already hammering heart sped up to a flutter; your stomach lurched and twisted and twined in sickeningly beautiful ways; your eyes fluttered to half-mast.  You felt like you could die, cry, and fly all at once, and Ebenezer hadn’t even kissed you yet.  Without thinking, you curled your splayed fingers into the lapels of his coat and gently tugged at him.

The man’s eyes came back to yours and immediately melted into softness upon finding your half-lidded gaze.  Whether he realized what he was doing or not, his grip on your waist tightened ever so slightly.  That caused you to quietly whimper, which in turn caused him to pull you closer.  His hair coif draped down and tickled the side of your face.  His heart--his wonderfully good heart--beat out a strong, steady rhythm against your palm.

Your eyes slipped closed in reverie at the deepening touch.  “Ebenezer…” the whisper of his name escaped your lips before you realized it.

“Y/N,” he returned, voice husky and rumbling even as it was quiet in tone.  He gently pulled you even closer, angling his face so that his lips pressed and slid against your mouth and cheek--not in a kiss just yet, but a sort of nuzzle, flat and flush and warm.  And it felt completely divine: soft and smooth as velvet against your sensitive skin.  Except for his muttonchops, which left a delightfully ticklish twinge behind as the hair brushed against you.  Lightning sparked along your nerves.

You opened your eyes just a bit to look up beneath your lashes to see that his eyes were now closed, looking to be in as much of a trance as you.  God above, he looked heavenly; felt heavenly too.  You felt the slightest hint of pursed, pillowy lips on your cheek, again not kissing yet, just caressing your flesh.  The man was working his way up to it and, by God, you were going to let him!  His process was going too well to interrupt him now--magic was happening!

Slowly Ebenezer pull you into him and straightened the two of you up, his face still pressed to yours, lips against your cheek, your temple, your brow.  He slid them languidly down the bridge of your nose before lifting them off your skin.  The tip of his nose still nudging yours, he opened his eyes and met gaze again.  You’d never seen those slate-blue beauties so liquidy before, the black centers expanded and endless.  The tall man said nothing, but merely let his gaze drift from your eyes down to your mouth and back again, silently asking permission.

God, you wanted to give it!  You wanted nothing more than for him to sweep you into his strong, warm arms and claim your lips and mouth for his own.  You longed to feel him, taste him--longed for it more than you longed for breath.  (If he could have been your breath, that would have been a godsend.)  But… you didn’t give permission.  You couldn’t bring yourself to.  Because you didn’t know for sure what all of this was, what it meant, what it could possibly mean and lead to.  What you did know was if you did give permission, if you let him kiss you, you would be committing an irrevocable act by giving your heart wholly to this man.  He practically had it already, and that was painful enough; but if he took the whole thing and it came to pass that this… display was nothing more than an excess of Christmas cheer mixed with good food and drink you would be shattered beyond repair.  And it would have been better to die than be a walking husk.

Your heart throbbing with love and want and hurt, you forced yourself to turn your face from his.  “Don’t.”

“Y/N?”

Good God, the softness in his voice, his obvious confusion as to why you were pulling away when you so clearly wanted it--it stabbed you right in the gut.  But you had to turn him away.  You had to stop this--to try and protect yourself at least a little bit.  You let him go, pushing away from him.  “Please, don’t.”

He gently reached for you, looking hurt.  “Y/N, please.”

You jerked back from his touch.  “Don’t!”  The tears back in your eyes and spilling down your cheeks this time, you rushed across the hall to the front doors.  I’m dying!  You were sure you were dying--your chest felt like it was going to cave in and you couldn’t breathe because of it.  You felt so incredibly hot like you were being roasted alive.  Air--I need air!   

Throwing open the door, you burst out into the frigid London night and practically stumbled down the stairs.  When you reached the cobblestones your legs gave out from under you and you collapsed into a snowdrift with a muted fwoomp!, the fluffy snow fwooshing up around your skirts to create your own, personal flurry.  You gasped.  Then you retched and coughed, your stomach heaving violently.  Nothing came up, but you retched again and continued to dry heave and gasp for air.  God in Heaven, you felt like hell!  But you could feel the crisp, coldness of the air and snow around you now, and that loosened the tightness in your chest so you could breathe again.  When you weren’t trying to gag up your innards, that is.

“Y/N!” Ebenezer’s horrified voice reached your ears.  Both it and Prudence’s bark sounded muffled through the ringing din in your head, but you heard them all the same, and you felt Ebenezer’s presence come to kneel beside you in the snow.  A warm cloak was draped over your shuddering shoulders.  “Love, are you all right?!”  A hand pressed to your forehead; a wet, black nose sniffed you over in investigation.  “Mother of God, you’re burning up!  We need to get you to the hospital!”   He made to stand, but you grabbed his hand, keeping him with you. 

“I’m all right,” you croaked, eyes on the ground as you still tried to wrestle your breath back.  

He wrenched out of your grip and brought both his hands to hold your shoulders.  “You are clearly not all right!” he insisted, giving you a little shake for emphasis.  “You’re ill, my dear--violently ill!  You could be suffering from cholera--or maybe scarlet fever with as red as you are--or something worse!”

Your head was starting to clear out, the ringing fading away.  You managed to look up at the panicking man and give him a feeble glare.  “Ebenezer, I’m fine,” you said as insistently as you could.  “I’m not ill.”  A whining Prudence pressed her cold nose against your cheek, her gentle eyes worried.  You turned to her, wrapping your arms around her neck and burying your face in her warm ruff.  “You dumb mutt,” you muttered meekly.  “You put me in this position.”

“Well, there must be something wrong,” Ebenezer continued, standing upright in indignance, “because I don’t believe you would be having this violent a reaction to simply not wanting to kiss me.” 

You pulled your face from the Mastiff’s fur and looked up at the man to see his face flushed.  Whether it was from his panic over you,  his anger at your denial of medical aid, or the fact that he had just admitted he’d meant to kiss you, you didn’t know.  Your eyes slipped from his to Prudence again, focusing on her soft, golden-brown fur as you stroked it.  “No,” you agreed softly.  “This didn’t happen because I don’t want to kiss you.”  You stopped petting Prudence and grasped at the cloak, pulling it closer and tighter.  Biting your lip, you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to hold back the absolute storm of tears that you knew was coming.  It had all been building for so long; now everything was about to break loose and turn what should have been the happiest and most beautiful night of the year into an utter disaster.  And all because you just couldn’t keep your emotions in check.  Damn it all, you were so pathetic! 

A choked sob escaped you and you buried your face in the velvetiness of the cloak. 

Once again, Ebenezer was kneeling back at your side, his arms coming around you and pulling you to his chest.  He gently tried to hush you.  “Shhh,” he whispered against your ear.  “Hush now, Darling--I have you.  It’s all right.”

“It’s not all right!” you spat bitterly, face still hidden in the cloak.

“Then tell me, Y/N--tell me so that I might make it right.”  His long, large fingers combed over your hair as he pressed a tender kiss to your hairline.  “Please, tell me, Sweetness.”  He dared to slip a finger beneath your chin and lift your head just enough so he could meet your eyes, which he did so beseechingly.  “Please.”

You stared at him through silent tears for a moment, so many things swirling around inside you that you didn’t know where to start on what to say.  How could you possibly tell him when there was so much?  “How do you not know?” the question finally squeaked out of your throat.  Your vision swam as tears welled up in your eyes, ready to overflow in a torrent.  “When you always seem to just know when it comes to me… how could you not know, Ebenezer?  You knew with my ring; you knew with my wedding dress; you’ve known with every single thing you’ve ever gotten me or done for me or said to me.  H-How can you possibly not know… about this?  How can you not see what you’re doing to me?”

Ebenezer looked both baffled and fearful.  “How can I not know what, Y/N?” he asked urgently.  “What am I doing to you?”

You closed your eyes tight and swallowed hard, tears burning down your cheeks.  God, help me.  “It’s not that I didn’t want to kiss you, Ebenezer,” you started slowly, your voice raspy.  You dared to open your eyes and look at him again.  “I did want to.  I do want to.  God above, ever since you proposed I’ve wanted nothing but to kiss you every day so damn badly it hurts!  Kiss you and…” you felt your cheeks burn in a way that had nothing to do with your tears, “... and more.”  

Ebenezer remained silent, all his attention on you as if he were hanging on to every word falling from your lips.  Well, I least he was going to let you get it out, and not cut you off in the middle with his rejection.  There would be some catharsis in that at least.  

“I-I know it’s… unladylike to say such things.  But I’m not a Lady. … So I suppose the only reason I haven’t said or done anything before now is entirely due to cowardice.”  You took a deep breath and pulled your gaze from the man’s and looked down at your hands as they fiddled with a loose thread at the hem of the cloak.  You knew you wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye when you finally confessed your secret.  You wouldn’t be able to handle the sight of rejection before the word of it came.  “The truth is… I love you, Ebenezer Scrooge.  I love you and I’ve been in love with you for a long while--though I can’t rightly say when it happened; I know it was before we married. … I think even before you proposed.”  You just dared flicker your gaze up to see the man still knelt there, his expression completely stunned.

“The point is, I love you,” you rushed on, looking down again.  “I love you and I don’t want an annulment after I’ve gained my inheritance.  In fact, I don’t ever want to leave or be without you, Ebenezer.  You make my world better just by being a part of it.  Being around you makes me indescribably happy.  Hearing your voice, seeing your smile, listening to your laugh, touching your hand, feeling your arm around me, having you look at me--you are all I could have ever asked for or wanted in life!  Ebenezer, I love you and I want you--all of you, now and forever--as my friend, as my lover, as my husband, fully and truly in every possible sense of the word.  There could never be another for me.  And I know I can hardly hope to dream that you would feel the same way for me and that we could have something more than what we do, and I know that I will probably ruin what we do have by saying these things now--but it simply hurts too much to keep silent any longer!  So if I’ve ruined our friendship now, I’m sorry but-” 

You were suddenly wrenched up off the cobbles and cut off by a pair of lips smashing into yours.  Ebenezer clutched you flush to him, his arm around your waist, holding you with a grip so tight it was like he was afraid you might try to run or fly away from him.  He had one hand tangled into your hair at the back of your head, holding you in place as he angled his face to kiss you as deeply as he could, his nose digging into your cheek.  The kiss was full of tears--both his and yours--searing, and desperate, his hold crushing and painful; and it all felt completely amazing!  It was all you could do to hold onto the man to stay upright and not melt away into a puddle of ecstatic mush.  In that moment you became completely his; his name branded on you very soul.

When he finally broke the kiss, your nose hurt from being smushed into his cheek, your ribs hurt from being crushed to his chest, and you were sure your lips were going to be swollen from the force he’d used, but you didn’t care.  All you cared about was what you had just felt in that kiss, and what you had felt was everything you’d just emptied out of the very depths of your soul being reciprocated back to you.  “Ebenezer…” you breathed against his lips.

“I love you,” the man whispered back, voice cracking with emotion.  Tears trickled from eyes full of sheer passion, devotion, and joy as he gazed almost worshipfully at you from beneath incredibly long, dark lashes.  “God be praised--I love you, Y/N.  More than any words could ever describe.”

“I love-”  You were cut off again by another passionate kiss and you just as eagerly gave into it as the first time, wrapping your arms around Ebenezer’s neck to pull him down closer.  This kiss didn’t hurt quite as much, but it burned just as hotly.  Lights were dancing behind your eyes  as your heart raced, you stomach filled to the brim with thousand of butterflies  His lips felt so perfect, so soft and smooth, burning and soothing at the same time as they caressed yours.  Every once in a while his teeth would nip at your lips, or his tongue would graze ever so slightly against you until at last you pulled him in deeper, opening your mouth for him to explore.  You explored his in turn, groaning at the taste of him as he did with you.   You’d been kissed before, but you’d never experienced anything like this.  It was like Ebenezer’s kisses were made only for you--like his lips and mouth and tongue were made only for you--like he was made only for you.

Several long, blissful seconds ticked by as the two of you stood in each other’s embrace, lips and tongues tangled together, dancing, caressing, molding your mouths into a most perfect union accompanied by a chorus of quiet gasps, moans, and growls.  Had anyone walked by, they would have thought the two of you positively indecent, but neither you nor Ebenezer would have cared.  You wouldn’t have even noticed anybody else.  As far as the two of you were concerned, there weren’t any other people in the entire world; even sweet old Prudence was left quite forgotten bounding and bouncing for joy around you.  There were just the two of you, your love, and the snow falling gently around you.  It was absolutely magical!

When the two of you finally parted again, you were both left panting and flushed.  Slipping your arms down from his neck and around his back, you nuzzled into the steel-haired man’s chest, the softest and happiest of smiles pulling up your swollen lips.  You sighed dreamily: “Oh, Ebenezer….”   His scent filled your nostrils, making your head swim even more than it already was.  You were weightless, floating--absolutely floating.  And you never wanted to stop.

“Y/N,” Ebenezer murmured.  He pressed gentle kisses to your head, his arms wrapped securely around you with hands gently caressing your back, shoulders, and arms.  Adoration for you and only you seeped out of every pore in the man’s body, making you feel as warm and toasty as though were you snuggled up under a thick blanket before the hearth rather than out in the middle of a snowy winter night.  “I never thought I would be able to feel this way about anyone ever again,” he whispered almost to himself.  He closed his eyes and nuzzled into your hair with a gentle smile, inhaling deep and long as though he wished to fill his lungs with your scent just as yours were filled with his.  He chuckled softly, chest rumbling beneath your head.  “Yet here I am, so utterly, impossibly, hopelessly in love with you, I fear I may either die on the spot or soar up and through the heavens forever after hearing that you feel the same way.”

With a giggle, you lifted your face to his again.  “Well, please don’t die,” you gently teased, lifting a hand up to brush a stray hair from his face.  “But you can only go soaring so long as you take me with you.”  You trailed delicate fingers around his left ear, down his cheek, and over his lips

The man leaned into your touch, kissing your fingertips.  “You’ll have to steady me,” he told you.  “I’m afraid I’m not much good at soaring.”  He said it like he actually knew that to be a fact.

“Of course, I’ll steady you,” you assured him, reaching your other hand up now as well to hold his face between them.  You gave him a smile filled with all the love and devotion you had for him.  “I will always steady you, Ebenezer--so long as you guide me.”

“Of course, I’ll guide you,” Ebenezer declared.  He reached up to stroke a callused thumb along your right cheekbone, wiping away what remained of your tears.  “Wherever I go, I will be sure that you are there by my side, step for step--my life partner, my steadying hand…” if it were possible, the look in the man’s slate-blue eyes became softer, “... my wife.”

Your stomach did somersaults; your heart swelled to the point you felt it would burst from your chest and rise into the night sky like a hot air balloon.  ‘Wife’: Ebenezer had called you his wife!  The word brought a fresh wave of tears to your eyes and a lump formed in your throat.  “Truly?” you whispered, almost afraid this was all too good to be true.

As if sensing your fear, Ebenezer cupped your cheek in his large palm and bowed his face to yours, his nose touching yours as he gazed into your eyes with sincerity.  “Truly,” he answered.  “I promise you--with all my heart and soul, Mrs. Scrooge.”

‘Mrs. Scrooge’....  A squeaky cry, escaped you as the tears began to fall again.  You pressed a trembling hand over your quivering lips.

Looking concerned, Ebenezer hugged you closer to him.  “Darling?”

You shook your head, dismissing his worry.  “I’m fine,” you stated, voice muffled in your palm.  “I’m fine, Ebenezer, truly, it’s just… that’s the first time I’ve been called ‘Mrs. Scrooge’ since we married and… and to hear it coming from you is… I…” you dropped off into a fit of unintelligible sobs, unable to find the right words or the ability to say them even if you had.  This….  This was everything you could have ever hoped for and never thought you would have!

With a warm, rumbling chuckle, Ebenezer cradled the back of your head in his palm and kissed your furrowed brow.  “I know, Sweetness,” he soothed.  “I know.  Believe me--it feels the same to say it.”  Smiling, he bowed his head until his lips were right by your ear and whispered rather huskily and with emphasis, “Mrs. Scrooge.”

Whatever last hold you had on yourself, with that it dissipated.  Completely overcome with emotion, you threw your arms around your husband’s neck, tangled your hands in his hair, and all but yanked him down to your lips for another kiss, a wet and sobbing mess as you were.  He didn’t seem to mind the mess you were and kissed you very eagerly back, hands groping at your shoulders and the small of your back

When you parted, you pressed your face into the crook of your husband’s neck, sobbing away the last of your happy tears in privacy.  You were so happy--so terribly, terribly overjoyed!  You hadn’t known happiness such as this existed.  Surely this is what it must have felt like to enter into Heaven. Maybe you were in Heaven.  Maybe both you and Ebenezer had perished from the cold and were now in Heaven together.  For all eternity.  You swore you could hear a heavenly orchestra playing right now, hauntingly beautiful, tender music ringing through the Christmas Eve night, riding on the gentle breeze with the snowflakes.  You were so overcome with joy, you swore you could sing to it, mad as it sounded.

Apparently, you weren't the only one:

“Never knew I could feel like this…” Ebenezer’s voice lifted in song softly beside your ear, “... like I’ve never seen the sky before.”  He pulled out of your embrace and took a step back, eyes cast heavenward and reaching a hand up as though to touch the velvet blackness above. After a second he looked back at you with an adoring smile and reached out to stroke and hold your left cheek.  You nuzzled into his palm, bringing a hand up to hold his hand closer.  The man crooned on: “Want to vanish inside your kiss.  Every day I love you more and more.”  Slipping your hand into his hand, he pulled you into him again and pressed your palm to his chest.  “Listen to my heart--can you hear it sing?  Telling me to give you-” he spun away from you, eyes wide and shining, arms stretched out as he turned in a circle encompassing your surroundings,”-everything!  Seasons may change--winter to spring.”  His arms slowly fell and he turned back to you, stepping up to bring you close in his arms again, gaze gentle once more.  “But I love you…” he gazed deeply into your eyes, “... until the end of time.” 

There seemed to be a swell in the music on the air, and Ebenezer moved with it, sweeping you up into a graceful, sweeping waltz around the yard and into the street, singing on: “Come what may….  Come what may….  I will love you… until my dying day.”  The music in the air seemed to quieten and Ebenezer paused in the waltz, simply relishing in the experience of holding you--his wife, the woman he loved--close.  He pressed his forehead to yours and you both closed your eyes, enjoying each other’s presence.

That stirring deep inside your soul had grown stronger and more noticeable with each passing moment.  Now it had finally gained enough power to break free, rising up out of your throat in melody: “Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place.”  You shifted closer to your husband, and stretched a leg out behind you and around in a circle, daintily skimming the toe of your shoe over the surface of the snow.  “Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace.”  You reached up and cradled Ebenezer’s sculpted jaw in your hands and gazed lovingly at him.  “Suddenly my life doesn’t seem such a waste--it all revolves around you….”

Smiling, Ebenezer swept you up into dance again, and you both continued on, harmonizing with each other: “And there’s no mountain too high-” your husband hoisted you up with one arm onto his hip as you braced one hand on his shoulder and your knees on his thigh, second hand raised skyward, “-no river too wide!”  You dropped down and spun out from Ebenezer until your arms were stretched to the max and you were held together just by the tips of your fingers.  Then you stepped closer together and looped your arms together as you faced one way and he the other, ever gazing into one another’s eyes, carouseling around.  “Sing out this song and I’ll be there by your side!”  Ebenezer grabbed your hand and you twirled around him in a large arc, he acting as the anchor.  “Storm clouds may gather--stars may collide…” you spun back into him and he caught you in both arms, dipping you low before bringing you back up to hold again and sing, “... but I love you-” 

You lovingly traced your thumb across Ebenezer’s lips, “-I love you…”

“-until the end-” “... until the end of-” “-of time.”

Your husband carried you off into the sweeping waltz again as the music in your souls swelled anew.  “Come what may….  Come what may….  I will love you… until my dying day!”  Ebenezer hoisted you up with one arm again, both of you facing opposite directions again as he spun you, one of your arms braced across his shoulders for support the other trailing through the air, making snowflakes swirl.  “Come what may….  Come what may….  I will love you…” 

You slowly slipped back down into the circle of your man’s arms, wrapping your arms around his neck and nuzzling your nose against his, basking in the lovelight of his gaze.  “Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place….” 

The music swelled to a crescendo and Ebenezer scooped you up into the air one final time.  His arms wrapped around your thighs as he spun and gazed up into your face, your hands braced on his broad shoulders yet again.  “Come what may…!  Oh, come what may…!  Oh!  I will love you… until my dying… day!”

You collapsed into Ebenezer with another kiss, your arms tight around his neck, his tight around your waist and back as he held you up.  

The sound of applause startled you apart: You looked over your husband’s head as he shifted around to look.  A scorching hot blush burned your face red.  You had an audience: the Cratchits, the Huffmans, and all of the staff that hadn’t taken the night off you offered were standing there at the top step of the entrance.  And they were cheering!  Some of the more tenderhearted of the bunch were even dabbing at their eyes with hankies.  (Harry, however, was in an all-out bawl, hunched over Hela’s shoulder as she patted his back while he wept tears of joy.)  Previously forgotten Prudence was bounding around you and Ebenezer, barking and grinning away, her tail fanning the air such as it never had before

“Oh, bloody hell….” Ebenezer muttered his face as crimson as yours (which really was a rather lovely shade on him, honestly).  He squeezed you closer as you hid your face in his neck and scowled at the others for their intrusion.   

The others really didn’t seem to care.  It was impossible to be scared of the old Scrooge Scowl when the man was red as a cooked lobster and had just been caught singing and dancing a love song with his young wife in the snow.

“Well, it’s about bloomin’ time!” Ethel exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in an emphatic manner.  “What did I tell ya?  “Only because of our friendship” my arse.  Now come back inside, you waltzin’ lovebirds, afore you catch your deaths of cold!”

With that, your audience all began to retreat back inside, leaving the two of you to pull yourselves together.

Ebenezer slowly set you back on your own feet, but his arms remained around you, a warm hand rubbing comforting circles between your shoulder blades.  “Are you all right, my love?”

Your face still hidden in his chest, you began to shake with laughter.  “I’m more than all right,” you answered, pulling your face from its hiding place to meet your husband’s attentive gaze.  “Much, much more than all right.”

The man’s eyes sparkled with happiness at that declaration, his mouth pulling into a beaming smile.  “I take it you’re happy then?”

You nodded.  “So terribly happy, I could burst.”

“Excellent.  I intend on trying my level best to keep you that way.”

If it had been at all possible for your already overflowing heart to swell more, it would have.  A gentle prick stung the corner of your eyes, but your tear ducts had just about cried themselves out for the night.  Reaching up, you ran your hands through Ebenezer’s soft hair before twining your fingers into the thick, silver locks at the back of his head.  You noted the way he quietly moaned (in fact almost purred) in contentment as you did this.  That would be a handy detail about your husband to keep in mind--very handy indeed….  “I love you, Ebenezer Scrooge.”

His arms tightened around you.  “And I love you, Y/N Scrooge.  Until the end of time.”  Unexpectedly he swooped you up into his arms bridal style, making you squeal before pressing his lips to your smiling mouth once more, growling into your mouth as you gave an experimental tug on his hair.  Then he carried you across the cobblestones, up the steps, and through the doors of the house--your house, together.  A true and very much in love married couple at last.  It was going to be the greatest and happiest of all Christmases.

[skelingtonsderek]

AO3 Tag Game

I was tagged by Cici. Thanks CICI!! @magically-with-magic

How many works do you have on ao3? 93

What’s your total ao3 word count? 1,084,555

What fandoms do you write for? Currently and mostly Justified. Here is the breakdown Justified (47) Teen Wolf (TV) (29) Original Work (4) Sherlock (TV) (3) Grimm (TV) (3) James Bond (Craig Movies) (2) Torchwood (1) Doctor Who (1) Fullmetal Alchemist (1) The Walking Dead (TV) (1)

Top five fics by kudos? What Did You Expect With A Mouth Like That? - Teen Wolf - Stiles/Everyone - Kudos: 1,944 When You Are No Longer Usefull - Teen Wolf - Chris Argent/Stiles Stilinski; Chris Argent/Original Male Character(s); Allison Argent/Scott McCallAllison Argent & Stiles Stilinski - Kudos: 780 The Hard Part - Teen Wolf - Chris Argent/Stiles Stilinski - Kudos: 635 We Have Worn Out The Meaning Of Our Clothes - Teen Wolf - Chris Argent/Stiles Stilinski - Kudos: 590 Every Nickname Has A Reason - Teen Wolf - Chris Argent/Stiles Stilinski - Kudos: 479 But I’m not gonna count it cause it’s part of the Apparel Series that We Have Worn Out The Meaning Og Our Clothes is the first of. The Killing Type - Teen Wolf - Chris Argent/Stiles Stilinski - Kudos: 464

Do you respond to comments? Yes. Every time if I can help it. Maybe not immediately but as soon as I can.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Could Use Some - Justified - Boyd Crowder/Raylan Givens - character death Most of the time I write, if not happy, then hopeful endings. I’ve got a tons where someone or multiple people die but this is the only one where it’s misery from start to finish.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The one I personally feel the happiest/most hopeful at the end of? Same as the one I receive the most thank you notes for having written when people finish it. TT_TT TW fans are soooo sweet (to me) (personally) (as long as I don’t write Sterek breakup fic again) Rinse Cycle The one the characters themselves are the happiest at the end of? Happy Campers. Sorry folks I don’t make the rules. Just cause they’re insane serial killers doesn’t mean they aren’t really happy to be where they’re at.

Do you get hate on fics? The closest I’ve gotten was Sterek shippers being upset that Sterek wasn’t endgame even though I TAGGED IT THOROUGHLY that it was not Sterek endgame and warned repeatedly that it wouldn’t be nice to Sterek.

Do you write smut? Haha. Yeah.

Craziest crossover? I’ve not technically written any crossovers

Have you ever had a fic stolen? There was an issue a really long time ago of some website reposting my stuff without permission and claiming it as original work but I’ve never seen someone in any fandom take my stuff. Don’t really get why they would. You’re not exactly going to rise to meteoric fame with it. I was, for a while, making it a hobby of dropping fic of people’s favorite pairing into their inbox anonomously as a gift that I explicitly said they could claim as their own if they wanted but that was a separate thing.

Have you ever had a fic translated? I’ve had people ask if they could but I’ve not seen if they did.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not in-fandom but I have done collaborative short stories with friends and such before. Or popcorn stories. Writing with friends is fun and great actually.

All time favorite ship? I’m a multishipper but I can tell you the ones that I think are really fun in a couple of fandoms I enjoy. Teen Wolf: Chris Argent/Stiles (as you can see from the above list of pop fic) Stiles Stilinski/Jackson Whitmore; Lydia Marten/Allison Argent ; Scott McCall/Allison Argent ; Scott McCall/Erica Reyes ; Erica Reyes/Vernon Boyd ; Scott McCall/Erica Reyes/Allison Argent ; Isaac Lahey/Scott McCall ; Lydia Marten/Stiles Stilinski ; Derek Hale/antidepressants Grimm: Monroe/Nick Burkhardt ; Nick/Monroe/Rosalee/Juliet/Hank/Adalind ; Nick Burkhardt/Adalind Shade ; Hank Griffin/Juliet Silverton ; Eve/Eve Justified: Boyd Crowder/Raylan Givens ; Raylan Givens/Tim Gutterson ; Frances Givens/Mags Bennett ; Dickie Bennett/Dewey Crowe ; Raylan Givens/Ava Crowder ; Raylan Givens/Ava Crowder/ Boyd Crowder

Leverage: Parker/Hardison/Elliot Star Trek: Spirk. Longer list than I intended… whoops.

What’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Look. I came back and finished a fic after a six year hiatus where I wrote literally nothing at all. Maybe it’s not now. Maybe it’s not ten years from now. But so long as I have air in my lungs, I’ll come back eventually.

What are your writing strengths? I was gonna make a joke about “volume” but I think Willow might hunt me down if I said something disparaging here so I would say I pride myself on making the blocking and sequence of action easy to follow (unless the point is that you’re not supposed to be able to follow it). I like to make it so action can be traced and that if something is picked up, it’s put down, you know?

What are your writing weaknesses? I am literally incapable of picking just one description. If a run on sentence could be a person, it’s fucking me unkindly.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? Do your best. Try to be respectful. Everyone fucks up but that doesn’t mean trying should be off the table. Take feedback gracefully about it.

First fandom you wrote in? Hhhhhh I think Sherlock was the first?

Favorite fic you’ve written? I'm not sure I have any favorites. I will say that I am so unaccountably pleased by how One More Sweet Boy To Be Butchered By Men came out that I get stage fright when I go to work on the sequel.

Zero pressure, only if you want to tags: @willowmckinley @gaylanrivens @norgbelulah @im-not-thinking-confetti-cannons

[kayetra-spade-queen]

Knowing how really shitty Arjun and Sankat's relationship is during the entire series until Sankat finally trying to be more caring, I think I'm gonna start another ramble on how their story could be and how will it progress.

As a story writer, I have the power to make the most angstiest shit known to mankind, yet it will be sweet also.

Like I said; "Peace is temporary, angst is forever."

Keep in mind, these are purely fanfiction in my part, and I have a lot of speculations regarding Sankat's personal story. There are also some aspects of their characters that never happened in the show, but it appears here because they give me vibes that they have a lot more underneath.

Learning the Foundation of Sankat's Feelings

Learning to one's feelings and how did they form is important.

From my previous ramble, I concluded that Sankat might've acted the way he is due to probably not being treated fairly at home (we never really got any info about him and his own family).

Arjun might've learned this somehow, whether it was just suddenly brought up, or purely coincidental. Or it came randomly during a conversation with his parents. Either way, Arjun will know about it sooner or later, and it'll give him a bigger picture on why Sankat always acts the way he is, especially on him.

Learning How to Start A Process of Healing Slowly

In classic Arjun-fashion, Arjun would definitely will somehow manage the situation effortlessly without anyone knowing or even realizing there was an issue in the first place. Arjun is truly a caring person, especially when it comes to family, and treated friends as such also. The big brother aura is immense.

Let's put it like this; the siblings are out and about to find some entertainment. They found something, and rushed towards that place. Sankat slows down to let the siblings have their fun, but Arjun realized Sankat isn't following their pace. Then without thinking twice, he pulled Sankat, and dragged him with them to the place they wanted. This will give Sankat a sense of inclusion.

Keep in mind actually, the fact that both Arjun and Sankat isn't the most expressive people when it comes to their real emotions, different from Tanya who's easily carried away by her emotions. However, their reasons in keeping their emotions in a bottle was for completely different reasons;

Arjun: he hides his emotions so people don't get worried about him. Many people relied on him, so most likely in Little Singham-style, Arjun was putting aside his own feelings for the favor of someone else. He gaslit himself thinking he can do what people asked him if he just put his feelings away. It's kinda like how Arjun is during TOB; he was hiding under a façade to hide what he really feels, because to him, he can't save his home if he's too driven by his emotions instead of his senses.

Sankat: unlike Arjun however, Sankat was more about keeping an image. He was perceived as "strong" and "intimidating". Those kinds of things gave Sankat a sense of worth and confidence, and that in turn became his source of ego and arrogance. In Sankat's eyes, being emotional means he's being weak, he's losing the views people see him, so he avoided showing other emotions as much as possible.

That said, Arjun is definitely more emotional between them. But Arjun had quite the understanding on the whole "hiding under a façade" thing, so understanding Sankat was an easy task.

Arjun being the more emotional one between the two of them definitely played a part here. He had that sense of understanding that is hard to put into words.

The smallest things, like being included into something, feeling that his presence actually mattered is a good way of a healing process.

Letting In on Each Other's Perspectives

Communication between the two of them is an absolute must. The thing that will be very tricky is that Sankat is the type of person who will misunderstood something, and just ran with it until he was told otherwise by force.

What I think how this'll work without any hiccups is that, they have to be in a peaceful environment; no one around, just them both surrounded by peaceful nature. I believe the environment your in affects of how you will react or feel in certain situations. So I believe if they're in somewhere peaceful without any disturbances, the reactions will not be so... Explosive, per se.

Arjun is definitely gonna be the first person who's gonna open up first. I'm more than positive that Arjun had some sort of savior complex, so he opens up how it's difficult to put up with the expectations as a crown prince and as a warrior, a sense of duty, and the guilt if he feel like he didn't do enough. Arjun will gonna be the person who cries that he himself won't even realized, but the tears rolls away anyways while he still smiles like he still put up another façade, but his eyes betrayed him.

Then that would be cue for Sankat to be open. Sankat had better control on his emotions, for better or for worse. So his responses are more calm and collected with nothing spilling too much to the point he won't notice.

I think another reason why they differs in their levels of secrecy is that Sankat doesn't have anyone to prove like how Arjun is. Arjun always have eyes on him, and although it had been the source of his characteristics of being an enjoyer of limelight, it's like the "a blessing and a curse" situation for him. Sankat doesn't experience that (although he does crave for attention).

This will be a good lesson for Sankat that not everything he sees is all glamour and glory. Arjun had constantly been under pressure, something that Sankat never experienced before because he never received that kind of attention, especially he won't be trying to prove to something to the point that it creates expectations that'll crush him mentally.

This also became a good chance for him to learn that there are other people who will actually care for him and love him just the way he is without trying to desperately to get attention from people who wouldn't even look at him.

"Your home is more than the place you're born at", is probably what Arjun's words are gonna be for Sankat.

"Your burden shouldn't be yours alone to carry", and this will probably be the words Sankat is gonna give for Arjun.

Overall Character Analysis and What They Needed as A Person

Arjun is a person who tries to answer all the expectations to the point he became a mess. He is too scared to let anyone down, too scared to not do his job perfectly. What Arjun needed is knowing that he doesn't have to do everything alone and do everything perfectly, and knowing that people are more than willing to lend him a hand whenever he needed.

Sankat is a person who is desperate for any kind of recognition from the people around him, to no avail. He was too focused on a certain area, that he completely ignored the other areas that are willing to welcome him with open arms. What Sankat needed is the understanding that he doesn't need to put all of his attention in a specific place, as there are other places that are willing, or even wanting him to be around.

That's all for now. If there's anything more, I'll probably add later.