#this is one of my favourite lyrics of them. that single sentence.

[moonchild-in-blue]

Thinking about Higher and that line:

And you need a melody, I only need the silence

As if Vessel is reminding us that this is his purpose - to sing and to worship Sleep, because he has to. No matter how much he wants peace, how much he wants to break free from Them, to live a normal life, he will always come back to this. To Sleep. As if his very existence's worth is measured only by the music he offers to Them.

It's also a weary sigh of admittance. He's aware of the discrepancy between him and Sleep, between the love he desperately seeks in Them, yet doesn't find, and the love he willingly gives away, and is ravenously consumed by Sleep, again and again.

'Cause I am a fire and you are dry as bone You are taking your time You are killing me slow (...) With all that you believe You still refuse to shelter me 'Cause I am a danger and you're A long way from home

I think it's interesting how he's constantly comparing himself to predators, to the things that hurt, and yet he's the one who's being preyed on, who's being burned. As if that subversion of roles is Vessel declaring how overwhelming Their power over him is; no matter how powerful or intense his love for Sleep is, it pales in comparison to Sleep's divine existence. As if loving Them both ignites his passion and drains his very being.

Because he could hurt Them if he wanted. Because the biggest betrayals come from those closest to you. And Sleep lives beneath his flesh, lodged in his mind, his heart. He knows their weaknesses, he has seen the ugly parts of them and took them to himself. Yet chooses not to - or rather, he prefers not to, but he plays along anyways.

And we are exhausted by all this pretending We just can't resist the violence

The price of absolute devotion is what fuels Sleep's attention, and for a man desperate for the slightest hint of comfort and care, this is enough - this is everything. So if fighting the one he loves is the condition to receive their love, then he'll spill blood and tear skin to keep their favour. Because the pain he endures under Sleep's touch is nothing comparing to the pain of being denied their affection. So he learns to welcome the violence, because the aftermath will always bring him close to them.

(There's something about Sleep showing him just enough love to keep him around, but not enough to satiate his hunger, that I find utterly appealing.)

Deep down he knows this is not right, that being loved is not something to be indebted for. He loves and gives himself freely to Sleep; for Vessel, loving someone has no cost. But if this is what it takes to be with them, so be it. After all, who else could love him but Them?

And you need a melody, I only need the silence

You need praise and entertainment; you need the games, the bloodshed, the sacrifice; you think love is destruction. You need to consume in order to give.

I only need you. To love and be loved by you alone. So come have your fill of me; empty me of everything. I will still love you.

---

[If TPWBYT is Vessel going through depression and grieving this relationship, and what it once was, and TMBTE is him finally coming to terms with its demise and accepting that there needs to be a change, then Sundowning is him recognising the toxic nature of their relationship, but being too captivated and weak to resist it. It's him knowing how badly he will burn, but choosing to fly towards the sun anyways just to feel its warmth.]

[gellavonhamster]

13 books meme

Tagged by @littlestsnicket (thank you ❤)

1) The Last book I read: One Piece Novel Heroines by Jun Esaka, which I've already been posting about enough not to elaborate here

2) A book I recommend: can I copy your homework plagiarize the answer to this from the person who tagged me? Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke. I know a lot of people find it too long or just not their cup of tea, but it's one of my all-time favourites, one of those books that feel like they were written for me specifically, and I cannot help recommending it to others :)

3) A book that I couldn’t put down: I remember reading TFOTA #2 and #3 (The Wicked King and The Queen of Nothing by Holly Black) in a single day. I was feeling unwell, and it was cold outside anyway, so I just spent most of the day reading in bed. I recall being surprised by how engrossed I was - the first book of this series didn't grow on me until well into its second half.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more): I have this sideblog on Twitter where I post a quote from Dracula per day (yes, manually, I don't know how to make bots lol). I just move down the text and skim it and pick sentences that catch my eye, and when I reach the end, I start from the beginning again. So, in a way, I am constantly in the process of rereading Dracula

5) A book on my TBR: Chrétien de Troyes' Perceval and a bunch of its continuations, Lolly Willowes by Sylvia Townsend Warner

6) A book I’ve put down: the thing is, if I don't really enjoy a book but still can find a good thing or two about it, I will keep reading and hoping it will improve eventually, and if I don't enjoy a book at all, I forget about it as soon as I put it down. Out of sight, out of mind - unless I particularly hate it. When I try to think of any books of the latter kind, the first to come to my mind usually is A Discovery of Witches. I found the worldbuilding really interesting, but damn, the protagonists were so annoying that I wasn't going to struggle through that brick of a book for it.

7) A book on my wish list: I need to get a copy of The Bad Beginning, The Wide Window, and The Hostile Hospital, and then I'll have the entire ASOUE collected! Would also love to get any other Snicketverse books; I only have Poison for Breakfast - bought it literally last weekend. I could buy them online, of course, but: 1) I prefer to avoid online shopping if there is realistic possibility for me to come across that item offline; 2) accidentally stumbling onto these books in bookshops (especially second-hand ones) when I least expect them feels like such a right experience for this series that I am inclined to continue acquiring them that way.

8) A favorite book from childhood: Winnie-the-Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner... truly formative shit, responsible for at least 50% of my sense of humour

9) A book you would give to a friend: I was at my friend's place recently and noticed she had the exact same copy of Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury as I do. When I told her about it, she told me it was I who gave her that book (I forgot 🤦‍♀️) and that she loves it and rereads it almost every autumn :') So this one has definitely passed the test.

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own: I have a whole shelf full of poetry books, in fact. At least half of them weren't bought by me, but by my family members long before I was born, but presently all of them are considered mine :D Those that I bought myself include collections of poems by Christina Rossetti, Emily Dickinson, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Oscar Wilde, and Marina Tsvetaeva, among other things. And Useless Magic by Florence Welch!

11) A nonfiction book you own: I stumbled upon The Republic of Pirates by Colin Woodard in the same second-hand bookshop where I bought all the parts of ASOUE I currently have and couldn't believe my luck - I really wanted to read it after watching Black Sails! It's great.

12) What are you currently reading: Tristan and Isolde. Restoring Palamede by John Erskine. Really enjoying it so far; it sort of demystifies/disenchants Arthuriana but without excessive cynicism, with the narrator being understanding, perhaps even compassionate, when describing the characters' very realistic, human flaws. Technically I'm also reading E. W. Hornung's short stories about Raffles and Bunny through the Letters from Bunny Substack, but it's more like "desperately trying to catch up and failing". The stories themselves are delightful, but I was right to suspect that this way of reading books is not for me.

13) What are you planning on reading next? Dracula in Istanbul (the Turkish translation/adaptation of Dracula), courtesy of @seawilde <3

tagging @afoxnamedmulder, @seawilde, @lefresne, @uupiic, and @snckt; as always, feel free to ignore if you don't want to answer :)

[bisonaari]

Bison my friend! 💚🦆 Since you're studying Finnish, what is your favourite lyric from Käärijä's discography so far and why? 🥰

I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO ANSWER YOU I'M SO SORRY AAAAA I was at work and then like "I'll answer when I get home" AND THEN I NEVER DID AND I FORGOT Ok so hm omg not only I forgot but the answer isn't gonna be interesting because my finnish skills are still terrible I know like five words rip I'm gonna try my best tho, it might not be because of the meanings per se, but like musically, aesthetically, etc. Because to be fair I understand almost NOTHING so far lol

Ok so

I really like "tiettyyn pisteeseen" for a few reasons. OK I know it's just an expression and not a full lyric BUT I just really like the rythm of how he says it? It just sounds so good. Also I notice that so far I kinda tend to like words with y in them? (like kysymys my beloved) they look golden in my mind with synesthesia and they look very pleasing hahaha

If we go to Cha Cha Cha, I just love "Enkä pelkääkään tätä maailmaa" so so so much. The meaning of it, stopping being scared. Also the sound of it, it rolls off the tongue in a great way. Also I love that this is one of the first few lines of the song that I really understood something? The first word I learned in finnish was because of this line, it was "maa" <3 Then the second thing was the "en" part for the negation. It felt amazing finally understanding something on my own haha. (also unrelated to lyrics but HIS FACE when he sings that part omg he is so cute)

AQFSAQGAGQAHRS while looking up lyrics on genius for this answer I am understanding some new words from lyrics I hadn't looked at in a while that feels great

Going to Välikuolema, I really enjoy the first part of the chorus. Easy sentences to understand (feeling like a genius when you're just starting to learn and you get to "mä oon" and you're like omg i'm basically fluent i speak suomi très bien), discovering the word "loppu" and just using it on a day to day basis now, etc etc.

One that is 100% unrelated to the lyrics is this one from Mic Mac "Menin olohuoneeseen odottaa tuoretta pullaa uunista" I just love how it sounds so very much. It's soft and flowy and it pats my brain gently

BONUS : Not Käärijä at all, but lately I've been listening a lot to Turmion Kätilöt and one of the lines in Pyhä Maa cracks me up every single time LOL "Raskaan metallin Rambona juoksen"

For my followers who, like me, don't speak finnish, if the website that gave me the translation is right, it means

"I AM RUNNING AS THE RAMBO OF HEAVY METAL"

[exploding-boxes]

God forbid i have free time and free will

So basically, i was bored and i listened to a lot of Depeche Mode album because i have a creepling addiction to this band. I decided to put my favourite song of each album and a justification.

Speak and Spell (1981) - Boys Say Go ! Like my dad said “That’s a song from a fucking gay bar”. And to this I can only awnser yes, that’s why I like it lmao. I mean, just look at those guys in the 80’s and tell me they’re straight.

A Broken Frame (1982) and Construction Time Again (1983) I did not listen to those but will one day

Some Great Reward (1984) - Lie To Me, I love every song from this album but I fucking love the chorus with the “Come on and lay with me, come on and lie to me” it just sounds really nice. I also really like Martin Gore repeating the last words during the chorus, it’s nice and adds something that I like. I love everything about this song and album though, Something To Do and If You Want also slap

Black Celebration (1986) - Here Is The House, the way the chorus sounds with the double voice is really nice. I like the sounds of clocks and we have a lot of them around my house so the intro is almost familiar to me lol. The lyrics “Here is the house, where it all happens, those tender moments under this roof” are just so cute though I know they’re talking about sex because it’s a Depeche Mode song, what do you expect ?? I love this whole album and it’s the first one I listened to :)

Music For The Masses (1987) - Behind The Wheel. Not my favourite album but a song I really like. I really thought it was a song about not driving when you drank because I’m really fucking dumb but, well, no, of course, it’s Depeche Mode, it’s about sex. I really like the kinda mysterious vibe the song has and the layering of instruments that slowly arrive are really nice

Violator (1990) - Enjoy The Silence, most of the time, a song has a good reason to be popular, well it’s totally understandable in this situation. This song slaps, is honestly really relatable (“Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm”), the clip where he climbs a mountain dressed as a king always makes me laugh for some reason and well it just slaps, an amazing song. I also really love Halo because “You wear guilt, like shackles on your feet, like a halo in reverse” and the synth after are just amazing.

Songs Of Faith And Devotion (1993) - Rush, it sounds so aggressive for no reason but I love it. The bass is *chef’s kiss*, that break with the (kinda) echo part is amazing and is a good buildup, that whole song makes me feel powerful though I’m a little 170cm shit. I overall like this album though it’s not my fav

Ultra (1997) - Freestate, that song is my everything, my love, my will to live, that album is the whole reason I’m still alive. It’s a no skip, it’s underrated and a banger. Really good lyrics, nice bass, nice vocals, nice sounds, big depression, just amazing. Idk why but the part where he says “Freedom awaits, open the gates, open your mind, freedom’s a state” just makes me have a hard on.

Exciter (2001) - Dream On, well, another album I didn’t listen to lol. But I clearly remember my dad doing the laundry at 3 am with this blasting of the speaker. The guitar is really nice though I can clearly tell it won’t stay my fav when I’ll listen to the full album lol

Playing The Angel (2005) - John The Revelator, definitely one of my fav though that’s one of my no skips albums. I just like the vibe, the little beep boops at the beginning (you can tell I have no musical knowledge by that single sentence). I can’t stop trying to make a transition between the part where he says “He’s a smooth operator” and Smooth Operator by Sade because I’m an absolute idiot. Overall I really like this song. I’m always gonna say this but the parts where Martin Gore sings with Dave Gahan are really nice and their voices match well together

Sounds Of The Universe (2009) - Wrong. AGAIN i did not listen to that album but my dad made me listen to this song once and I fell in love. Again, lyrics are relatable as fuck sometimes, especially the “There’s something wrong with me chemically, something wrong with me inherently […] I reached the wrong ends by the wrong means”. Anyways, another song I love

Delta Machine (2013) and Spirit (2017) I did not listen to those lol

Memento Mori (2023) - Don’t Say You Love Me, that’s a James Bond soundtrack, you can’t convince me otherwise. It sounds so classy, I’m a sucker for good violins and the depressing as fuck lyrics. With this album we’re likely to never get any new album from DM because, well they’re getting a bit old we say goodbye to Andrew Fletcher, the amazing keyboardist. But I honestly think this album is a good conclusion (if I can say it like that) to this amazing career

[magpiefngrl]

3, 21, 28, 34 for the asks, it’s so interesting when you talk about your writing :)

Ooh thank you so much, anon! I love talking about writing but am insecure and always feel no one cares. Thanks for reassuring me <3

3. How would you describe your writing style?

And off we go with a question I don't think I can answer lol

Mentioning my strengths as a writer is easier because I rely a lot on the feedback I receive and what readers tell me. But my style in general is much harder for me to pinpoint, and I'd love to hear from readers as to what they think it's like. I've been humorous in some of my fics and more poetic and lyrical at others. I like to use metaphors. I love to write long sentences and I adorn them liberally with semicolons and colons. I guess you could say my style is baroque, or at least leans that way.

21. Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what's your secret?

Nope. I've no fucking clue. I assumed some of my longer fics would be around 10k and they were three times the length. With the shorter ones I tend to write them in one sitting so I can tell that I'm writing a 2-3k fic.

I'm trying to predict how long the original romance I'm working on is going to be. My goal is 40k, but I'm looking at the number of side characters I've created and I fear it's going to be longer than that. I prob created too many and will need to sideline a few.

That's can be a way to gauge, I suppose: the amount of secondary characters will necessitate more scenes establishing all the different relationships. More characters=a longer story. Not a hard and fast rule, but it might help.

28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

My favourite question! I have a lot of Opinions on writing and I love to be given the chance to voice them.

OK so one tip that always works for me: when I'm stuck in a scene, I stop and describe the setting in detail. This might not be a big help for people who outline but for pantsers like me, it's worth giving it a try.

Say, for example, Draco is at a house party of one of his relatives, Harry's there, they don't talk. They aren't friendly. I know I want Draco to approach him but I'm stuck. He wouldn't go and just talk to him, it doesn't work for this fic. I'm stuck and can't think of how to proceed.

Then I might start typing:

"It was a splendid room, large and airy with velvet curtains that drifted in the summer night breeze. Every piece of furniture was chosen meticulously, antiques paired with design pieces, bold combinations that worked as they were intended to: to impress and intimidate. The chandelier over their heads cast light on the wine-red carpets. A painting of the lady of the Manor hung over the ornate fireplace; her stern gaze warned her guests to behave, or else. Draco had been subjected to her gaze all his life. A desire to misbehave overwhelmed him, to stick a finger up to her and her ilk, smash the delicate crystal flutes and dance on the shards.

Or he could snog Harry Potter in front of everyone. That should do it."

And I go "Oooh so that's why he approaches Harry!" I wouldn't have come up with the reason if I hadn't described the painting. This trick got me out of plenty of stuck moments, and my guess is that when I describe the setting I feel more grounded in the world of my story. I feel like I'm right in it and it's easier to imagine what happens next. I often delete some of the description--it did its job, which was to get me unstuck.

I just came up with the paragraph above and now I kinda want to write the fic lol

34. Do you write to improve? Or is that not a concern for you?

Improvement is a constant concern for me. At times it has actually been detrimental for my health because every single thing I did had to benefit my writing in some way. ("oh look pretty clouds! How would I describe them in a story?") It meant that I got no mental rest. Ever. Luckily, I've learned to take it easy.

Writing isn't the only thing that helps me improve: reading is the big one. Seeing how other authors structure their stories, construct sentences, use dialogue and setting. Also watching TV series and films makes me think about what I can learn to use on my writing.

I don't write fic to improve per se, like it's an assignment, but I do want to improve. I wantt o tell a story but I also think about the writing. Some fics are my attempts on working on a craft element. I've got a wangxian WIP which is a frame story, and I'm very keen on getting that one done.

yet another writing ask

[raitrolling]

some disorganised thoughts on Where the Wolfsbane Blooms because i wrote a lot and had a bunch of ideas

good news: miki isnt dead because i would not kill off a main character like that, and his psiionics aren't completely burnt out, he just overclocked them. im planning on writing a follow-up drabble to this to explain exactly what's happened and how he's feeling about it all, but yeah. ice boy will still be ice boy-ing

this bitch was fucking Long and went through multiple edits to cut it down, but i only cut a single scene from it. at the end i had initially written miki thinking about lyvere as well as thrixe, but as much as i did like him having the realisation that 'oh theres someone else i want to come home to as well' i ultimately felt like it was taking away from the main objective of Bring Thrixe Home so i had to scrap it. sorry lyvere, miki is still lowkey down bad for you tho

the use of psiionic stimulants was a call-back to the thread in which miki and thrixe first fought some fae, and thrixe had offered some to miki which he vehemently refused because he knew how dangerous it'd be for him when his psiionics are so unstable. so him willingly using them and going over the suggested dosage was both a sign that A. this situation was dire, and B. miki was more than willing to kill himself and everyone around him if it meant saving his moirail. safety would not bring him home, after all.

i was inspired by ullane's fights with the fae in In Cold Blood to make miki's fight against the royal knight to be a lot more gross and visceral, and i had a little chuckle when ullane speared the fae with tree roots in As Mayflies because id written miki doing the exact same technique with his ice spikes and cloud and i hadnt planned that at all. our deranged trolls are on the same wavelength

other inspirations for the royal knight fight: dungeon meshi (the scene where laios deliberately gets his leg caught in the red dragon's jaws so he was in position to slash its weak point), yuki yuuna (karin's last stand), and... the biolizard fight from sonic adventure 2. originally i was going to use a lyric from supporting me as the title, but then Werewolf Gimmick came on shuffle when i was driving home from work one night and it hit me that it worked way better. and for the follow-up drabble i can use another mountain goats lyric to keep the theme!

idk what disease the royal knight was meant to represent either. i thought of it being covered in boiling hot acid because then there'd be more of a challenge for miki to take it down, and i really loved how julie raur described godzilla in this essay about the responses to the atomic bomb in japanese pop culture and art. so maybe it represents radiation sickness or compilations involving nuclear weaponry, but before i read that essay i was joking to myself that it was an acid reflux fae

originally the fae was also going to be Full Of Acid inside and miki biting it's tail was going to be a lot more painful for him, but then it hit me that if it also has the same boiling acid inside it then miki's plan to freeze it from the inside-out would not work. i also struggled to figure out how to get miki off the knight's back cuz i knew i wanted him to try to go shadow of the colossus on that thing but also get flung off and break his arm, and i'd already gotten him wrapped up by the nautilus fae and i did not want to do the same thing twice (granted it still tried to choke him out but ig that isnt as egregious). but then cloud reminded me that the fae can use magic and was like OHHHH DUH ok woe. binding spell be upon ye

also this drabble hit my favourite trope of a character who has every intention of dying in battle and spending most of their life feeling apathetic to their own well-being realising in their final moments that they actually want to live. these three sentences are my absolute favourite ones in the entire drabble:

and now that im re-reading it i realise i used 'he knew' twice in a row. goddammit how did i miss that after five full read-throughs during the editing process. it always happens huh

[starvinginbelair]

ok first impressions/thoughts:

favourites are who’s afraid of little old me, my boy only breaks his favourite things, title track, and loml

these are all surprising because i’m p sure i thought these were the most ridiculous track names when she first released them

most songs are too long and even if they’re not, the way they’re written makes them so (for an album about poetry, there are a Lot of run on sentences in it)

bad lead single again

there’s interesting elements in almost every track but mostly, they’re masked by how unbearable the lyrics are and how they just don’t make sense at all

please rhyme lines that make sense to rhyme together (the smallest man who ever lived is so bad for this, every line seems like it’s just dropped there)

someone take away jack antonoff’s machine that makes the twinkly noises ! i am probably a bigger fan of his production on this album than most, and think it genuinely saves some songs from being REALLY bad but man, he has some Questionable decisions on this album

not her worst album, but definitely not up there as one of the best either. probably bottom 3 for me, but it’s very meh. honestly makes midnights look really good though, even though that’s also a very mid album 🤷🏻‍♀️

[romulus]

Music Tag Game

Rules: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren’t any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!) <3

@messofthejess tagged me in this. to answer the question you posed in you post, i do listen to music mostly in complete albums. i never listen to anything on shuffle except my instrumental study playlists.

1. First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence?

Real men keep cool in the face of a fire/Go down with the ship/And real men don't eat, 'cause they're above that, damn it/Oh, I'm gonna be a real man--Real Man by Mitski

2. What kind of [Sagittarius] are you?

Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down/Yeah, we couldn't destroy a single one--Samson by Regina Spektor

3. You’re visiting your favourite spot. What are you thinking about?

These are the days of miracle and wonder/And don't cry baby, don't cry, don't cry--The Boy in the Bubble by Paul Simon

4. If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it?

Don't confront me with my failures/I had not forgotten them--These Days by Jackson Browne

5. Say you get a book deal. What are you titling the memoir?

Alone we stand, together we fall apart--Someday by The Strokes

6. What would you say about your best friends?

Thinking of you/There's lightning bolts in my chest--I'll Be on the Water by Akron/Family

7. Think back to when you had everything all figured out in highschool. What was your life motto as a teenager?

Now I find myself always on the ins/And never on the outs--Bellevue by Andrew Bird

8. Describe your aesthetic now

And my life sways back and forth like the light from above--For Sondra (It Means the World to Me) by Passion Pit

9. What’s a lyric that they’ll quote in your eulogy?

And we're just following the flock 'round and in between/Before we smash to smithereens--My Mistakes Were Made for You by The Last Shadow Puppets

10. And for our final question, say you believe in soulmates. What do you think their first impression of meeting you would be?

You lose yourself, you reappear/You suddenly find you got nothing to fear/Alone you stand with nobody near/When a trembling distant voice, unclear/Startles your sleeping ears to hear/That somebody thinks they really found you--It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding) by Bob Dylan

i'll tag @untouchedsoap again

[notessek]

absolute minor vent on my sideblog of sideblogs bc it literally. is so insignificant. and yet. vent. and its got so little to do with this sideblog but i dont want it on main lmao

this is all exclusively irl to be clear. but i get so frustrated talking to people abt dnd - although other things to but its really evident when abt dnd - because it turns any conversation one sided. like i do enjoy hearing about peoples dnd adventures and their experiences w dnd, and i invite them! i ask! but it never turns reciprocal. and when i try and add in my own thoughts it makes me look selfish for interrupting, and i often dont get to say my 2nd sentence that would link my part back to the conversation. and this sounds sooo specific but thats because it is!!! this exact conversational framework has happened so much!!! and its just. disheartening.

like i know my prose is a bit too purple, and i know i often dont feel heard by my peers, which is why i very much make the active effort in my friendships to let people talk about the things they love. to let people wax lyrical about their dnd characters or their fanfic or their favourite indie musician on bandcamp, because when the hell else in life do you get to talk about that? i don’t!! so i want to give people that oppotunity!! and i love hearing about what other people are passionate about!! literally its one of my favourite things. but i just wish sometimes that maybe i could say more than a silly 1 liner joke and people would see that platform for what it was. and offer me the chance to talk about my dnd character or my fanfic or my weird specific petty problem that i never get to talk about. idk man on one hand i literally invite this behaviour and then get mad thats its not about me. but on the other hand this happens every single fucking day of my life and i very much worry that people think i’m callow or shallow or selfish because i didn’t share my weird stories. but it would be worse to have done so!! and be rude!! idk. the pandemic laid waste to my social ability and im not being facetious here lmao. i just wish i knew how to make conversations more reciprocal without reneging my invitation to share.

anyway i have had this conversation so many times over the last 2 months where i mention i play dnd, and i find out all the other people’s thoughts about dnd but no one even knows that i play a cleric- like, the first thing i say about playing dnd - because we didn’t get that far into my dnd experience. and it’s fine, it’s petty, im not foaming at the mouth about it. all of these conversations were fun and good and i hope the other people thought so too. i just know a lot about how other people play or want to play dnd (or insert any topic here, bc this really is recurring) but no one wants to hear my opinion. and it just kinda sucks a bit.

cant stress enough: this is a non-issue, i dont care too much, this is a vent of the highest order. nothing matters with genuine sincerity or gravity. venting for the sake of venting.

[lilyvandersteen]

Critically Yours

This story was written as part of the Klaine Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2022, and is gifted to @honeysucklepink. Merry Christmas, sweetie, and I hope this hits the spot for you!

The prompt can be found in the end notes.

Many thanks to my beta @hkvoyage, who was lightning-quick to review this for me so that it would still be in time for Christmas.

Critically Yours by @lilyvandersteen​

Kurt let out a big yawn as he walked into the kitchen. The party after the premiere had been fun, but he’d had too short a night’s sleep because of it.

He was on his second mug of coffee when Rachel called him.

“Kurt, you were amazing yesterday, as I knew you would be!”

Kurt grinned and thanked her.

“And I know you always tell me not to read the reviews, but… There’s this one you really need to read. You’ll love it. I’m sending you the link.”

“Rach, I don’t think…”

“Read it. This guy is so sweet, aww. Well, at least I think it’s a guy. He’s using a nickname. But the way he writes feels like a guy. Am I making sense? Maybe I’m still a bit drunk. One thing’s for sure, though, you have to read it. You just have to. I wish he’d say things like that about me. Anyway, got to go. Yoga tonight?”

“It’s a date!” Kurt promised her, and when she’d hung up, he clicked on the link.

It wasn’t a fan site that popped up. It was the New York Times website. The comments section, to be precise.

The commenter’s name was IconicWarbler, and unlike the other one-sentence commenters, he’d gone for the novel-like approach.

“I went to see Cabaret last night, and found myself totally enamoured of the MC, played by newcomer Kurt Hummel. I’ve never seen this actor on stage before, but I can assure you I will attend every play he’s in from now on. That’s how much he enchanted me. Such clear, strong vocals. Such a master at conveying emotions. And what a compelling personality! He draws you in, even pulling focus when he’s in the background. I could not keep my eyes off him. I urge you all to go see Cabaret and discover this promising fresh face.

Mr. Hummel, I’m calling it now: you will get a Tony nomination for this role. You are just THAT good.

Critically yours,

IconicWarbler”

Kurt covered his hand with his mouth and let out a happy squeak, smiling ear to ear.

Rachel was right, that was exactly the pick-up he’d needed this morning.

Thank you, IconicWarbler!

 K&B

Blaine fist-pumped happily when he read the announcement that Kurt Hummel would have the title role in the Jesus Christ Superstar revival.

The actor had gotten a Tony nomination for his role in Cabaret, as Blaine had predicted, and though he hadn’t won the award, it had opened new doors for him.

By now, Kurt Hummel had played in Dear Evan Hansen, causing Blaine to rave over how high his vocal range was, and opposite Rachel Berry in West Side Story, after which performance Blaine had waxed lyrical over how convincing they had been as star-crossed lovers, defending Kurt in replies to other commenters who seemed to think he was too gay to pull off the role of Tony.

Blaine had gone to see both shows as many times as his budget would allow, and had waited at the stage door to get his playbill signed every single time, even when it was pouring rain or freezing.

Kurt was always courteous and kind to every fan, taking his time to greet and thank them.

Every encounter with Kurt had Blaine walking on sunshine for days, especially when Blaine’s praise coaxed a rare smile out of the handsome man.

But after West Side Story, Kurt had disappeared from Broadway, not even starring in smaller roles. He was just… gone.

It had made Blaine worry and wonder what had happened.

But now, a year later, Kurt was back, and Blaine was relieved and excited to see his favourite actor in a new role.

The anticipation that had been building inside of him rose to a fever point when the radio station he listened to every morning announced a contest.

“Good morning everyone! I have some exciting news to share with you! You’ve probably already heard it: Jesus Christ Superstar is coming back to Broadway. And with it crowd favourite Kurt Hummel, who’s going to play the title role, and who is with us right now to have a little chat.”

“Hello, everyone!”

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how excited are you to see Kurt take on this role? Let us know through our app!”

Blaine grinned and opened the app, sending a quick message.

“Oh, lots of enthusiasm so early in the morning. Let’s see: Ruth says she’s missed you the past year and that she’s stoked you’re back, Blaine says you’re sure to be stellar in your new role, and David says he can’t wait to see you in the play, Kurt!”

“I hope I’ll do you guys proud,” Kurt said.

The ensuing interview cleared up why Kurt had been away for so long. Apparently, his father had fallen ill, and he’d moved back home to be with his family.

“But now he’s better, and he told me to stop fussing over him and get back to work. So here I am!”

Blaine chuckled and crossed his fingers that the radio presenters would coax Kurt into singing a fragment from his new show.

What he got was even better.

“When our family celebrated Thanksgiving a few weeks ago, it got me thinking about what I was most thankful for. Dad getting better, obviously, that’s a big one. He’s my rock, and I’m so grateful I get to keep him, hopefully for decades more. But apart from that, I’m so thankful for all my fans. You are the ones who brought me here. Who believed in me when I had doubts I could do this. Who have stood by me from the very beginning. Who have defended me when people tried to tear me down. And I don’t have enough words to tell you how much that has meant to me. So I’m going to show you instead.”

At this point, the radio presenter took over.

“Prick up your ears now, all you Broadway lovers out there! This is a contest you won’t want to miss! Kurt is offering not just tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar, but an extra special main prize. The overall winner will get a ticket to the premiere, a meet-and-greet with Kurt and the rest of the cast, and will get to attend the party with the cast and crew afterwards. Isn’t that something?”

Blaine’s heart started pumping double speed.

Oh wow.

“Yes, you heard that right! Ever dream of getting the chance to chat with your fave actor over a glass or two? Well, for one lucky guy or girl, this dream will come true! And what do you have to do to win this, you ask?”

“Tell me, tell me,” Blaine muttered.

“Well, from now until the day of the premiere, we’ll be having a little quiz every morning, about Broadway topics. If you want to take part in it, sign up for the quiz in our app, and each morning, we’ll pick two listeners to compete against each other. The goal is to be the first to answer five questions correctly. The winner will go through to the next round, and then on the last day before the premiere, we’ll find out who wins the main prize.”

Blaine opened the app again and looked for the sign-up form.

There wasn’t much chance he’d be chosen, but it couldn’t hurt to try, right?

One day after another passed, and it seemed luck was not on his side. He listened to the morning show even more attentively than he otherwise did, and he made sure he always had his phone on hand, but the show host always picked other listeners to play the quiz.

Sometimes, they were so abysmal at answering the questions that Blaine rolled his eyes. Did they really know so little about Broadway shows, or was it nerves blocking their brain?

Two days before the premiere, just as he’d all but given up hope, his phone rang as he was eating a bowl of cereal, and his heart slammed into his throat.

Was it really…?

And yes, it was. He’d been selected to play the quiz!

Hearing the presenter’s voice both over the radio and on the phone was distracting, so he switched off the radio so as to be able to focus better.

“And today, we’ll be playing the Broadway quiz with Blaine and Tiffany!”

Wow, my hands are clammy. And why is my throat so dry all of a sudden?

The first question was about West Side Story. The presenter wanted them to name the two street gangs.

“The Jets and the Sharks,” Blaine yelled.

The other contestant groaned.

“Second question: you’re going to hear a snippet from a Broadway song. Tell me what show it is from!”

The song was “All That Jazz”. As soon as Blaine recognised it, he yelled, “Chicago!”

He heard a muffled curse, and knew he’d beaten his opponent again.

“Number 3: where does “Hairspray” take place?”

Blaine chuckled and sang a few lines of “Good morning Baltimore”.

“Wow, nice! You’re a fine singer yourself!” the presenter praised him.

“Thank you. I was in show choir for years. The Dalton Warblers.”

“Wonderful. And you’re firmly in the lead, with three right answers to nil. Tiffany, what’s happening?”

“He’s just too fast,” Tiffany whined, and both Blaine and the presenter chuckled.

“Okay, next question: complete this Hamilton lyric: I’m just like my country, I’m young…”

“Scrappy and hungry, and I’m not throwing away my shot!” Blaine rattled off glibly.

The presenter whistled low. “You didn’t even have to think about it, did you? How many times have you seen Hamilton?”

“Uhm, I’ve never really counted the times,” Blaine confessed, and the presenter laughed.

“Okay, if you keep this up, Blaine, you’ll only have to answer one more question. Here it is: name all seven children of the von Trapp family.”

“Liesl, Friedrich, Louisa, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta and Gretl,” said Blaine, counting them on his fingers to make sure he left no-one out.

“Yes, you did it!” the presenter enthused, and he played the jingle that pronounced Blaine the winner.

Blaine sat back and mechanically put a spoonful of cereal with milk in his mouth.

Wow, I’m through to the next round. Now what?

Now, as it transpired, all the winners would be competing against each other the following morning, and the first two to get five questions right would then play a sudden death round.

Blaine spent the rest of the day frantically reading up on all things Broadway, and also did his research on Kurt Hummel. In the process, he may have gotten a bit side-tracked when he found YouTube recordings of Kurt performing as a cheerleader, a clip of him singing “Le Jazz Hot” and then his audition for NYADA, “Not the Boy Next Door”. Those gold pants. And his moves. Unf.

When the next morning rolled around, Blaine may have been just a little sleep-deprived from watching certain Kurt Hummel videos on repeat. But he regretted nothing.

Despite his sleepiness, Blaine had no trouble answering questions, and became the first finalist. He ended up playing the sudden death round against a guy called Chandler, who was just as knowledgeable as Blaine was.

After they’d each answered another ten questions correctly, the presenter sighed. “Okay, this is not going to work. You guys know EVERYTHING! So what do you say to a practical challenge as a tie-breaker?”

“Okay,” said Blaine.

“I guess,” said Chandler.

“You each get to sing a song from Jesus Christ Superstar, and then the other listeners will vote in the app and decide who becomes the overall winner!”

Blaine grinned. “That sounds good.”

Chandler said nothing.

“So who wants to go first?” the presenter asked.

“Let’s get it over with,” Chandler groused.

“Okay, Chandler, what are you going to sing?”

“I don’t know how to love him.”

“Great choice! Let me put the music on for you.”

Chandler started to sing, and Blaine winced and wanted to clap his hands over his ears.

He didn’t, because it would be his turn in a short while, but aah, Chandler’s singing was worse than nails on a chalkboard!

He let out a sigh of relief when the song came to an end, and announced to the presenter that he’d be singing “Heaven on their minds”.

He threw his everything into the performance and found himself panting rather heavily when he was done.

Applause startled him. The presenter whooped and hollered and then said, “Wow, that was quite something. Are you sure you’re not a Broadway actor in disguise?”

Blaine laughed. “I wish!”

“And it looks like the listeners agree with me. Look at that, what an overwhelming victory for BLAINE!”

“Yay!” Blaine yelled. He’d given it his all, and he’d actually won!

K&B

Though he was an old hand at giving interviews by now, Kurt found himself fidgeting with his shirt cuffs this time.

It wasn’t the interview itself he was nervous about, but the contest he’d be announcing.

As he talked about celebrating Thanksgiving with his family, and being so grateful for his fans that he wanted to thank them, he felt a bit deceitful. Yes, he truly was thankful for his fans and their support, but his real goal with this contest was something else altogether.

The idea had come to him one night when he’d had a sleepover with Rachel, Quinn, Brittany and Santana, and Santana had wanted to know if Kurt had ever slept with a fan of his.

“I’m sure there’s tons of them that slip you their phone number and that are itching to discover what’s under those tight pants of yours.”

“Nah,” Kurt had said. “Well, I’ve gotten some phone numbers, yes, but I didn’t fancy the guys in question. Too pushy. The worst one’s called Chandler. He comes to my show every night, and he always waits at the stage door, and he’s forever running his hands over me and gushing and professing himself in love with me. Ugh.”

“Well, aren’t there more respectful fans that you’d like to get to know better?”

Kurt had taken another sip of his drink and thought it over.

The first fan that had sprung to mind was IconicWarbler, with his wonderful reviews. Wouldn’t it be great to get to thank him in person for what his words had meant to Kurt? But the chances of ever finding this anonymous reviewer were slim to nil.

Then, Kurt had thought of a fan that hadn’t been such a fixture at the stage door as Chandler, but who had shown up regularly nonetheless. This guy was always dressed dapperly, with gelled hair and a profile that were reminiscent of a 1950s movie star, and with impeccable manners. He clearly loved getting to talk to Kurt, but he never got handsy and never tried to monopolise him.

Yes, that was someone he’d like to get to know better. But how would he manage that?

That’s how he’d come up with the contest plan. It was a wild shot in the dark, and chances were he’d end up meeting and greeting another person entirely, but he wanted to try this.

So he tuned in to that radio station every morning to find out who’d win the quiz that day. He grimaced when he saw the name Chandler pop up, and hoped that would not be the winner of the meet-and-greet package.

The second to last day of the contest, he got a pleasant surprise. One of the contestants, a guy called Blaine, had a voice he recognised – velvety smooth and soothing. Was it… could it be the Mr. Dapper he’d seen so often at the stage door?

Then Blaine started to sing, as an answer to a quiz question, and Kurt was blown away. Wow!

And what did he just say? He’d been in a show choir called the Dalton Warblers?

It might be just a coincidence, of course, but maybe Kurt had found his IconicWarbler…

The next day was the finals, and Kurt cursed loudly and at length when Chandler made it through and was still in the running for the top prize.

Please no!

Thankfully, Blaine made it through as well.

On an impulse, Kurt sent the radio show host a text that said, “Make them sing.”

At first, the two finalists got questions again, but when neither Chandler nor Blaine cracked under the pressure and they just kept giving right answers, the show host decided to make the both of them sing instead.

Yes!

Chandler was as bad a singer as Kurt had hoped, and Blaine was even better than in Kurt’s wildest dreams. He sang better than the actual actor playing in the show with Kurt!

Kurt grinned ear to ear when Blaine was pronounced the winner, and hoped so much that it was the fan he remembered.

The day of the premiere, he felt more than just the usual pre-show jitters. He also felt butterflies in his stomach, as if he was about to go on a first date.

Before the show started, he peeked through the curtain to check the place, front and centre in the Orchestra section, he’d reserved for the main winner of the contest.

He saw a neatly gelled head and fist-pumped. Yes! He’d guessed right! Blaine was Mr. Dapper all right!

Blaine certainly lived up to Kurt’s nickname, as he was dressed to the nines in a tuxedo.

The tuxedo jacket was made of burgundy velvet with black lapels, and Kurt was itching to find out if it was as soft as it looked.

He checked out the other reserved places, and saw Chandler, looking like thunder and throwing poisonous looks in Blaine’s direction. His plus-one seat was the only one left unoccupied.

Kurt drew back from the curtain, and went to have a chat with the security guard, warning him about Chandler, just in case the guy tried to get backstage or to make trouble for Blaine.

And then it was showtime, and Kurt threw himself into the performance with double the energy he’d shown during the dress rehearsal.

Afterwards, while bowing to the audience with the rest of the cast, his eyes strayed to Blaine again, who was clapping and cheering.

See you soon!

Back in his dressing room, he got out of his costume, freshened up and put his regular clothes on in record time, because he wanted to be the first of the actors to welcome Blaine backstage.

When he left his dressing room, he found Blaine attentively listening to John, one of the stage hands, who was explaining how all the equipment worked.

“Hello Blaine!” Kurt said, and Blaine’s attention shifted to him at once.

John chuckled. “I guess that’s my cue to disappear. Once the big star comes out, nobody’s interested in the technical stuff anymore.”

Blaine looked stricken, and started to babble apologies.

John clapped him on the shoulder. “Nah, don’t worry about it. You came here for Kurt and the others, I get it. See you both at the party!”

John left, and Blaine looked after him, biting his lip.

“Don’t worry,” Kurt said. “John’s not offended at all.”

Blaine’s eyes flitted to Kurt, and he flushed and nodded.

“I’ve seen you before, haven’t I?” Kurt asked. “At the stage door?”

“Yes.” It sounded timid and uncertain.

“But this is your first time backstage?”

“Yes.”

Kurt winked at Blaine. “A lot less glamourous than you’d think, right?”

Blaine grinned. “Yep. Smaller, too. But I’m still stoked to get to see it. And it’s so interesting, how it all works…”

“I know, right? I remember when I started working on Broadway that I was fascinated with the technical side of things.”

They stood there, smiling at each other for a moment, and then Kurt said, “Oh, right, I should give you a tour, until my colleagues get here, too. Come with me.”

He let Blaine peek into his dressing room and then took him to see the costumes and the orchestra pit, introducing him to everyone they passed on the way.

By the time Blaine had seen every nook and cranny of the backstage area, the other actors were there to greet him and talk to him.

Blaine was a lot less shy around them than he was around Kurt, and when they all left the theatre to go to the party venue, it felt already as if Blaine was part of the group.

At the party, Kurt introduced Blaine to Rachel as well, and smothered a giggle behind his hand when Blaine treated her as if she were royalty (“It’s such an honour to meet the great Rachel Berry – you are a legend!”) and Rachel lapped it all up.

Rachel and Blaine got on like a house on fire, and Kurt left them to it to go procure some drinks.

When he came back from the bar, Rachel had drifted away to go talk to her off-and-on lover Jesse, and Blaine was talking to one of the musicians about his violin, which was apparently an antique.

“You play the violin?” he asked.

“Well, I haven’t in a while, as I told Ashley, because I need to get round to restringing my violin first, but yes, I do. The piano as well, and drums and guitar.”

“Wow. And you sing so well, too! You should have heard him, Ashley, he sang “Heaven on their Minds” on the radio, and he sounded better than Jesse!”

“Don’t let Jesse hear you say that,” Ashley laughed. “He wouldn’t take it well!”

Kurt handed Blaine a glass of champagne, and offered Ashley the one he’d brought for Rachel. “Cheers!”

A few hours later, he and Blaine were still nursing the same drink and talking their heads off about anything and everything when Rachel turned up again, phone in hand.

“I was just looking on the New York Times website, and it’s weird. Usually around this time, there’s a review already. But this time, not a word from IconicWarbler.”

Blaine’s head shot up, but Rachel didn’t notice, she was too busy scrolling.

“Do you think he didn’t come?” Rachel asked Kurt.

“Oh, he came all right,” Blaine said softly. “He’s just been too… busy to write a review just yet.”

Kurt, who’d had a hunch that Blaine might be IconicWarbler, beamed in satisfaction, and Rachel gasped, “It’s you?”

“It’s me.”

“I love your reviews,” Kurt told Blaine. “They’re always so kind and so supportive. I reread them when I’m having a bad day to get the strength to carry on, and on good days they make me want to strive to become even better. It means the world to me to have you in my corner.”

Blaine took his hand and squeezed it softly. “Always.”

After that, Kurt didn’t stay at the party much longer, and when he left, he took Blaine home with him.

As he explained to Blaine, “I don’t do this, usually. Or ever. But with you, it feels different.”

Blaine nodded. “I know. I feel the same. May I kiss you?”

Kurt threw his arms around Blaine’s neck and pulled him closer until their lips met.

A long moment later, Blaine’s eyes fluttered open and found his, and he whispered, “Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you forever.”

THE END

This is the prompt the story is based on:

Blaine always reviews Kurt's performances in the NYT comments section but uses a nom-de-plume. (Blaine is not a critic--Blaine is in love!) Kurt doesn't know who, but he is also kind of falling for the person giving him such glowing reviews.

[finelinevogue]

Can you do one where Harry take his children and YN to one of his concert and their just dancing around singing along on stage with Harry.

i love this concept so much!! i kinda of wanna make it sad though soooo it’s gonna be harry’s final show :/ hope you enjoy;

oli - 29, felix - 27, belle - 24

The concert had been amazing, but unfortunately it was coming to its’ end now.

The final show.

That’s what Harry had decided to call it; a clever play on words with reference to his first ever solo single. The last 50 years had been a rollercoaster for Harry, from growing up just a kid in Cheshire, to going on the X Factor and winning the hearts of millions and from being in the most successful band of the decade to going solo and still being absolutely beloved. Times had changed, though. Harry had changed. He had a beautiful family of 3 now, excluding his wonderful wife. His children were his universe, no question about it, but they were getting older now - Harry was getting older. He was 50 this year and with that in mind he’d decided to retire. Retiring had involved a long conversation with you, along with a bottle of red wine, about whether it was the right decision or not. But it was - is.

You had suggested he put on one final, massive show, to celebrate his life and his achievements along with all that the fans have too. Tickets were open internationally and it was being streamed on various TV outlets for those who couldn’t attend. The tickets sold within 47 seconds. 47 seconds. It was being held in the Olympic Stadium in London, because it was Harry’s home and it held the most number of people he could genuinely allow.

The concert had started with ‘Fine Line’ songs, which merged into HS1 songs with a few One Direction songs as well. The entire set list had been composed by the fans with various polls on social media, with the concert supposedly lasting 2 hours (although with support artists and a few extra surprises it was more likely going to be 3!)

It had been beautiful so far. Magical. Unforgettable.

Every chance he got, without making it grossly obvious, he looked at you. He'd told you to stick your thumbs up at him every time he caught your eye, so he knew that you were okay - and every time, you did.

The concert was coming to an end now, which everyone was dreading. How could +30 years feel like it'd only been thirty minutes? You were devastated, so you could only imagine what his fans were thinking.

"Hey!"

The end Kiwi, for the second time, strummed throughout the arena and you knew it was time for the final song. His final song.

"Mum, is this the end?" Belle asked you, from where she was standing next to you. You had been dancing together all night and gotten progressively more tired. Your feet hurt. Your throats burned. Yet, as always, it was so worth it.

"Yes, Belles, it is." You tell her, and she pouted sadly. "Dad won't want to see you sad love, okay? He can still sing to you before bed?" You teased her, reminding her of a time when Harry would do such a thing, not wanting her to be all sad. It was supposed to be a celebration, but even you could admit that is was pretty hard-hitting.

"Really mum?" She asked.

You booped her nose annoyingly, before answering. "Every night if you want him to."

The lights changed from their green tone, thanks to Kiwi, back to a bright, white light. It beamed on Harry, making him look even more like the angel that he is. He dragged his microphone back to the centre stage and took a deep breath for beginning a speech he'd told you he'd prepared.

"So this is it, my friends." He laughed sadly into the microphone. He brushed his hair back and took out his in-ears to hear the audience. They were all awwing and crying, but what else did you expect? Their favourite artist was retiring - who wouldn't be crying a river?

"I, um. I'd like to take a bit of time to thank certain people." He coughed, something he always did after performing Kiwi due to his asthma. You thought it was lovely that he'd planned a speech to thank his management and crew. They did so much work backstage and you definitely didn't think they got enough credit for their hard work.

"Okay. I've made a little list..." Harry pulled out a tiny bit of crumpled paper from his pocket. "Just in case I forget anyone." He joked to himself, but made everyone laugh anyways. "So I guess first off, I should start with you lovely people." He pointed around the whole stadium, showing he was talking about the fans. "What you have done for me is indescribable. I think to myself, everyday, am I worthy of even being here—"

"Yes!" An army of agreement echoed around the arena, making Harry stop, blush and smile to himself.

"Well thank you! Um. You have been the best fans ever, and I know you will continue to be. I know you don't owe me anything, but all I ask you to keep loving yourselves and treating people with kindness, because I know I can count on you lot to do that, for me." He sniffled at the end, making you bite your lip to prevent the tears from falling for you. He looked so vulnerable right now, but you knew he'd be feeling on top of the world.

"Jheez." He sniffles again. "That's one thank you down and i'm already crying." He looked to his band to share the joke with.

“Dad’s such a wuss.” Oli laughed, holding his arm around Beas waist, making the people around you chuckle in agreement.

“Shut up you - Mr-tears-in-your-eyes!” You pointed out, laughing as he flipped you the bird - which then got him a hit off his grandma Anne.

All of Harrys family and friends were here, in a special cornered off section. It was such a thoughtful thing for Harry to do. All his family, and a fair few of yours, were sat down along with Harrys closest friends. Everyone was sharing laughs and drinks, whilst using every inch of space to dance along to your husbands boastful music.

"Secondly, my touring family. From Jeff and Ben, to Sarah's Kitchen, Adam, Mitch, Sarah, Charlotte and Nyoh, not forgetting everyone backstage and behind the lights, music and cameras. You've all been the greatest. Everything you do is second to none. You're all talented, warm-hearted, people whom I will carry in my heart forever. Thank you." You noticed members of the crew and band starting to tear up now.

"Moving on to my boys. We've been through it all, lads, and I couldn't have asked for four better brothers than you all. Louis. Liam. Niall. Zayn. Thank you." Everyone cheered ten times louder, maybe because this was as close to a One Direction reunion as the fans were ever going to get, but definitely because Harry had mentioned Zayn. You saw a girl faint at the mere mention of all the boys in the same sentence. The boys lifted up their beers to Harry, stood close by to where you were standing.

"I guess I should say thank you to the women who made all this possible. Mum. Gem. Thank you for signing me up all those years ago. Thank you for believing in me. You've made me the - crap, sorry! - the man I am now and I love you both." Harry prayed to them both, whilst bowing, and swiftly wiped away the tears afterwards. Anne and Gemma, on the other hand, were proudly crying.

"Ol, Fix and Belles. You rascals make me get out of bed every morning and give me more of a purpose in life. You four give me so much joy and happiness. I love you all, even if you do drive me up the wall on an early Saturday morning! Thank you, my loves." You stood close to all your children, giving them the support they needed in this moment. Belle was crying against your chest, the ever-so-emotional woman she was. Felix was stood up, with Heather, with his drink raised to his dad. Oli was to your side, trying to remain cool and stoic, but you still caught the tears that ran down his face.

"Now." The audience calmed down again after awing over your babies. Harry cleared his throat before beginning again. "This evening keeps on reminding me of a very special person in my life. Someone who is my everything and that's my beautiful wife, Y/N." His words make your breath hitch in your throat. You never expected him to say anything about you. I mean, what had you done?

"Mum." Belle called out to you, in affirmation that this was real.

"She's more than just a wife. She's a lover. She's my muse. She's my best-fucking-friend, apologises for swearing but sue me. I was hesitant to let go of all this, at first. What would I do with myself now? You know? People tell me i'm 'happiest on stage', and for a time that was true. Until I met Y/N. She's made me realise that family makes me the happiest. She makes me the happiest." He jumped down off stage, taking the microphone with him. He ran his hands along the fans in the front row, but had no intention of stopping until he met you.

You felt Belle leaving your side, but you were too captivated by Harry to fully understand what was happening.

"So what am I going to do now, you ask? Well..." Harry cheekily smiled at you. "I'm going to make her the happiest woman alive, just as she makes me the happiest man." You began to cry again and the chorus of thousands of fans clapping and screaming surrounds you, only to all stop when his lips meet yours. He tasted like a combination of salty sweat and mint, but he was home. After a minute of crying, kissing and 'i love yous' , Harry ran back to the stage before Jeff could shoot him.

"Thank you all. All my love." He said whilst adjusting his microphone. "Please sing along if you know the words." He asked, full well knowing every single person will be screaming out the lyrics to him.

"Just stop you're crying it's the sign of the times. Welcome to the final show. Hope you're wearing your best clothes."

[zmwrites]

Tag: About Me Compilation!

So I do this every once and a while... I get together all of the tag games that are about me instead of my writing, and I put them all in one post!

If you’ve tagged me to do one of these games, I tag YOU to pick one of the other ones and complete it!

Under a cut, as it’s going to get long:

Autumn Theme This or That - tagged by @sleepyowlwrites

tea or hot chocolate | cozy books or halloween movies | plaid or corduroy | foggy mornings or twinkly nights | orange or black | pumpkin or apple pie | wool or velvet | picking fruit or carving pumpkins | libraries or coffee shops | cinnamon or peanut butter | spooky or cozy halloween | candles or fairy lights | sweaters or hoodies | scarves or turtlenecks | dry and crispy or wet and misty | leaves on trees or leaves on ground | apple cider or pumpkin spice drink | bonfire or fireplace | gloves or deep pockets

Rainbow Ask Game - tagged by @letswritestories101

❤ - last Song you listened to: Diane by Cam

🧡 - Ideal Pizza toppings: pepperoni + green pepper

💛 - Dream vacation: mmm perhaps a cruise to antarctica to see the penguins

💚 - Earth, Air, Fire, or Water: i want to be cool and be fire but i’m definitely water

💙 - Cartoon you grew up on: Spongebob + Fairly Odd Parents

💜 - Favourite scent: strawberry fields in late summer

URL songs - tagged by @megarywrites

taking these from my ‘liked songs’ on spotify! otherwise no real meaning, just the ones i’m vibing w rn

z - zombie by the cranberries

m - my love took me down to the river to silence me by little green cars

w - woman (oh mama) by joy williams

r - remember it wrong by brennley brown

i - it’ll be okay by rachel grae

t - tell that devil by jill andrews

e - every time i hear that song by brandi carlile

s - something in the orange by zach bryan

Get to Know Me - tagged by @talesofsorrowandofruin

Relationship status: single

Favourite colour: dark green and/or purple

Three favourite foods: rotini noodles w alfredo and baked chicken, my dad’s stew, cheesecake

Song stuck in my head: i don’t have one rn :(

Last song I listened to: Diane by Cam

Last thing I googled: every time i hear that song brandi carlile lyrics

Time: 4:53pm

Dream trip: Switzerland to hike the alps

Anything I really want right now: i would like my parents to not be sick anymore

Get to Know Me v2 - tagged by @sharraus, @whimsyqueen, @mr-writes, @char-writes

Favourite colour: i also am v fond of gold 

Currently reading: Thriving by @spacetimewraithwrites

Last song: Diane by Cam

Last series: Vampire Academy lol I watched the pilot and have PVR’d the other episodes but haven’t watched them yet

Last movie: watched the last fifteen minutes of Pride and Prejudice this morning

Sweet/savory/spicy: sweet

Currently working on: i’m supposed to be editing IW1 or even Remnants but instead i’m working on a bunch of other projects that haven’t really gone anywhere yet

Three Facts - tagged by @scmalarky

I have two dogs named Mia and Hank

I’ve been in a writing slump for most of the year

I joined a ringette team this year after not playing since 2011

Catch Up - tagged by @stuffaboutwriting

songs that I have got stuck in my head recently: i was singing something last night but i can’t remember it!

foods that I have eaten recently: toast w butter, pizza pop, cheese/crackers/kolbassa, hazelnut chocolate bar

things that I have searched for recently: every time i hear that song brandi carlile lyrics, we can never go back joy williams lyrics, pizza pop cooking times microwave, oversized baking sheet

items that I have bought recently: my car repair, a vet appointment for Mia, Hamilton tickets, and two The Ordinary skincare products

sentences I have said recently: “Did she breach containment again?”, “Hank, no. Hank no. Hank - this is why you have no friends!”, “Do NOT DRINK MY--HANK NO!!”, “I know you’re nervous. I know. You need to work on your self-calming techniques.”, “Please stop licking my feet”

Happy Game - tagged by @my-writblr, @echoing-sailor,  

List 5 things that make me happy? I can do that!

skating

my dogs

pretty autumn leaves

writing (when I can do it)

watching hockey

Fantasy Theme This or That - tagged by @/fablewritten (who has since deactivated)

spell or curse / abandoned mansion or haunted cemetery / vampire slayer or ghost hunter / phoenix or griffin / wrist bite or neck bite / fairy godmother or evil stepmother / herbs or potion / ghost or wraith / dragon scales or werewolf claws / druid or mage / elf or hobbit / divination or necromancy / wand magic or hand magic / centaur or unicorn / dark fairytale or disney-style fairytale / sword or bow & arrow / siren or water nymph / garlic or silver / talking animal or walking tree / demon trap or crossroads pact / enchanted fairy forest or mermaid lagoon 

10 Songs - tagged by @corishadowfang, @ren-c-leyn,  

Rules: Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs that come up.

These will be from my “liked songs” playlist on Spotify.

High Hopes by Kodaline

Better Man by Little Big Town

These Streets by Bastille

Haus of Holbein by SIX the Musical

Till Forever by Joy Williams

Can’t Miss You Anymore by Avery Anna

Stars by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals

Hands on You by Ashley Monroe

Volcano by Damien Rice

Fast Car by Boyce Avenue and Kina Grannis

And that is all! Or at least all I could find in my messy, messy drafts.

[defdaily]

‪[TRANSLATION] Arena Homme+ Magazine April 2021 Issue featuring JAY B

Translated by defdaily.

JAY B is free and starting again from scratch. That is what JAY B has in mind. GOT7’s leader announced that he would be leaving JYPE as the group stays together. JAY B is preparing to debut as a solo musician while planning to also release mixtapes and hold exhibitions as Def. We had a chat with JAY B, who has gained more freedom and strength, at the swimming pool about courage, depression, literature and aspirations.

Did you come here alone?

Yes. I took a taxi here. I was the type to go around freely even when I was in JYPE but catching the taxi to work this time around felt new.

All GOT7 members decided to leave JYP but stay together as a group. As a leader, you needed to make a decision, right?

Although we ended up leaving JYPE, we wanted to continue as GOT7. We all agreed to leave [JYPE] and try it between ourselves.The product made from me taking responsibility/taking charge was the single 'Encore’ that was released not too long ago. I was involved in the whole process with a new record label. I was happy to see a good response [to the single]. It was lacking in some areas but I was just very proud that we were able to show a different step. Since we showed through this single that “we did not disband”, what’s next is more important. When we left JYPE, Director Jung Wook mentioned "Your role as a leader starts now." I'm realizing it now.

”I wanted to learn everything about the process of releasing an album and how difficult it is. I wanted to start again from scratch.”

Your role as a leader actually starts now.

I used to find the role of a leader burdensome at times but now I feel a greater sense of responsibility. While supporting each person’s journey, I thought I needed to be the one to step up once we got back together. We also talk regularly in our group chat. Not long ago, Jackson went to China. When Mark went to the USA, I could see him off but when Jackson was leaving, we couldn’t be together because of a schedule. So I told him to have a safe flight, apologised for not being able to see him off and thanked him too. He replied saying he’ll take care and be back.

What motivated you to leave the large agency you've been working with for a long time?

The thought came to mind suddenly as we were promoting as GOT7. Am I taking all these benefits I get for granted? When a schedule is released I just do it, and when they ask me to confirm things I do, but what kind of long process has it gone through before it came to me? Who sends a request and how is it processed? Why am I only waiting until it reaches me and simply watching it unfold? I wanted to be directly involved in that process. I wanted to learn everything about the process of releasing an album and how difficult it is. I want to be humble and start from the bottom again.

Didn't you need the courage?

Of course I did. I was also afraid. My position has risen to all the way up here, but when it comes to my actual knowledge, I think I'm only down there. I was afraid that the difference would feel too big once I left the company. But I think I would have been more afraid if I stayed at JYPE. Since that difference would have grown bigger and bigger. My real self is here, so I should face it head-on a little faster. That's what I thought.

As JAY B or as Def. who releases mixtapes and holds exhibitions, you must have had the desire to do something new.

I want to do research and build it up step by step without haste. JAY B will show hip hop and RnB music that appeals to the general public and Def. will do activities that Def. wants to do. It could be mixtapes or exhibitions, or other different kinds of fictions. Def. is the nickname I used as a bboy before I became a trainee. It’s like air floating about freely. It could be house or soul or acoustic or even modern rock. In a way, you can say that Def. is close to my “main self” but since I debuted as JAY B, I’ll also show a devoted side of myself through JAY B. I want to be a person who can do both what he has to do and what he wants to do freely.

Listening to your mixtapes, and hearing that you like the styles of D’Angelo and Ray Charles, you seem to be attached to the Southern US rhythm and blues and soul music.

I do like them a lot. I like the entire hip-hop culture that originated from there. That culture also includes DJing, graffiti and even bboying. Since I started as a bboy, I would look up older videos to watch, study the culture and also look into what each dance move symbolizes, with my bboying crew and that's how I became fascinated. What captivated me the most was their obstinacy. I felt respect towards the conviction and obstinacy they carried with their culture.

Is that mood still incorporated in your music and dance?

Yes. For example, I don’t think choreography is dance. I think dancing is when music plays and you like the rhythm and start humming and bobbing your head and moving your body. I think dancing is a free act you do out of enjoyment.

What was the reason you joined an idol group after starting out as a bboy?

I gained an interest in music too, not just dancing. When I was young, I listened to D’Angelo’s music and wanted to become a singer like him. But I was rebellious when I first joined JYPE. Haha. I was even suspended for a month once as a trainee. I definitely said hello but they said I didn’t so they said "If you're going to be stubborn, then go home" and me with my young heart replied “Then I shall head home.” and left. Then I met up with my bboying crew after a long time, and in just a few months it turned into a different world. The crew members were above me and I was worried because I could feel myself far away by myself. Should I go back to bboying? Should I continue as a trainee? In the end, I wanted to do my very best in whatever I chose so I decided to focus on becoming a singer. Since I wanted to do music, it was a choice I made with no regrets.

You started as a dancer and ended up as a main vocalist. What was music to you back then?

It was a challenge. Trainees are divided into singing and dancing. I joined as a dancer but what I wanted to do was become a singer and not just do dance. But since I was put into the dancing division, I worked even harder with singing to break that prejudice. I often felt defeated. I still feel defeated with singing. Haha. But music is about endless research. Now it’s more about research than studying.

You grew up as an only child to your parents who did farming?

I was an ordinary kid. I enjoyed Haruki’s Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage and thought the “colourless” kid was just like me. I was a calm kid who helped his parents with their farm work. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have any older siblings but they said I used to talk to myself a lot. My mother said there was a way she would know if I was home or not. If I was home, she would hear me talk to myself and be like “Oh really?” “Yes really” haha.

It’s extraordinary to read Haruki at that age.

There was an older friend that I knew and he was really cool. He looked really cool reading on the bus with his legs crossed. He said “Hey, Read a book and build up some knowledge.” As I was trying to be cool like him, I gained a favourite author and started reading more since I enjoyed it.

What kind of books do you like?

When I was a teenager I often read Kafka On The Shore. It felt like Kafka was just like me, and so while reading it, I even cried. The style of Murakami Radio was also interesting. The ending phrase “But I like that more…” was very witty. I’m collecting books from secondhand bookstores from authors who won the Young Author awards. I like Lee Jang-wook's short story Byeon Hee-bong. The main character knows the actor Byun Hee-bong, but the world doesn't know him. He would ask "Don't you know Byun Hee-bong from the movie The Host?" But no one knows. I like stories that don’t intend to be funny but they end up making me giggle.

What do you read these days?

I try to read poetry. I purchased and read the first volume that appeared on Moonji’s Poetry Collection, but it has too many Hanja characters. Haha. I started with Munhwak’s Poetry Collection. I have volumes 1 to 85. I also read poet Park Joon's collection of poems and poet Lee Eun-gyu's Affectionate Name. I even underlined and wrote things down.

Among the idols and musicians I’ve met, I think you are the most extensive reader.

We went on tours often and we would have a lot of time in my hotel room. When I went out I took pictures and when I stayed in my hotel room I read books. When I go on an overseas tour, I pack around 30 books in my suitcase. Then I bring back the books that left an impression on me, and those that didn’t sometimes I dispose of them there. These days, I look for independent publications too. I often look for independent publishing bookstores in Nakseongdae or Haebangchon. There are many books that contain honest stories that are not refined, and the power of those sentences is great.

How does reading influence your work?

The poetic expressions with poetic license help when writing lyrics. You read a new sentence and think “What is this expressing?” You receive inspiration from that image being expressed in a new way. I think of lyrics as poetry too. There are times I write how I feel honestly, but when I want to include a certain meaning I’d want to write the lyrics like poetry.

In your photo exhibition <ALONE> last year, you took pictures of objects and signs in the middle of the road.

Wouldn't it feel very lonely if you think about it from an object’s point of view? The camera captures just an instance but the object will stay there. I think each person has an insatiable loneliness. I like the artist Seonglib’s works, and I feel loneliness in his drawings. I don't know why I keep talking about loneliness, I guess I’m familiar with loneliness.

Seems like you take more pictures of objects and landscapes than people.

I don’t really like taking pictures of people. You can clearly see a person’s emotions in their eyes. I prefer hiding things rather than revealing them too much. I prefer objects, backgrounds, and natural objects rather than subjects that openly express 'It's me!'. Tranquil things, I like when you go past something and go “that’s how it was.” I try my best since my job requires being presented to people but that’s also how I am.

Who do you like as a movie director?

I like Woody Allen’s directing. My favourite is Match Point. It's a love story that goes beyond taboos, and it's electrifying. The face of the actor who secretly asks the reunited lover to give him her number remains in my memory for a long time. How could he direct such a real-looking, raw look in their eyes? When I was a theater and film major, I used to take directing classes rather than acting. If I were to direct a film, I would like to shoot an eccentric witty romantic comedy like Love Fiction directed by Jeon Gye-soo.

Are you self-conscious as an artist?

I’m interested in a variety of genres, and interact with crews often, but I think goofing off just because they are an artist is an arrogant attitude. Everyone is their own artist, no matter what they do, right? I'm not trying to be pretentious, I just think there's a difference in expression, and people who work in the office are also doing their own art. That’s why I’m a little shy about the title “artist.” Is there a need to be puffed up with pride because I’m an artist? I’m just a person.

While filming for “What's in my bag” and revealed your medications for depression and panic disorder. When did you face your depression?

I didn’t know I had depression. I thought I was being weak for a short while and let it pass. But on an occasion I got examined and found out I had depression. They asked how I lived by without going to the psychiatrist. I said I just thought I was the type to feel blue. Haha. I’m the type that doesn’t show [what is wrong] but they said I was in a state where I needed treatment. After going to counselling and taking medications, I’m much better now.

“I just wanted to talk about it. It may not show, but depression is both a common and dangerous illness.”

I think you’re cool for having the courage to talk about this.

I got diagnosed and looked at the people around me. There are friends who are ashamed of it and try to hide it, and there are friends who talk about it as if it’s insignificant. I just wanted to talk about it. It may not show, but it’s both a common and dangerous illness. A mental illness is an illness too. Among my fans, or those who read this interview, if there is someone who feels depressed, don’t be ashamed of it and I hope you receive treatment and overcome it. It’s not an embarrassing thing and it doesn’t need to be hidden. And I was filming content where I show what’s inside my bag; I can’t lie. I wish everyone would be healthy.

Are you bad at lying?

Yes. If I have to tell a lie, I think it’s just better to not say anything. Since I’m the type that’s honest and straightforward, I also don’t like beating around the bush.

Can you share a way one can take a step forward towards recovering from depression?

Look at the world in a broad view. Know that there are many places you haven’t been to yet and there are many things you haven’t felt yet. It's also good to take a walk and go off your usual route and take a path you've never been on. Small adventures can also be of great help. Just by leaving the house you’re already halfway there. I think there are more ways you can refresh yourself outside rather than inside. Also, I thought I was an honest person but after being diagnosed with depression, I thought I should be more honest with myself and more faithful to myself. At times like this, think of yourself before others.

What do you believe in?

I just believe in god. I don’t have a religion. I don’t know what kind of existence god is but I do believe that there is a god. When I’m thankful or am having a hard time, I pray. “Thank you.” “Please let me get through this wisely.”

What is the greatest motivation that moves you?

As long as I’m alive, I want to continue doing work that will leave a message. I believe that there is no next life. I think I should live this time diligently to the fullest. To have no regrets.

Translated by defdaily.

[peevesiehasasideblog]

@emma-carstairs-herondale

so we need to talk about racism / colourism in india:

here’s the song:

at around 0:48 we can hear the lyric

“tujhe dekh ke goriya, Beyonce sharma jayegi”

which basically just means

“by looking at your fair (white) face, Beyonce will be embarrassed”

which is just entirely fucked up because how do you not realise that that is an extremely racist thing to say? How can you write lyrics that use fairness as an adjective to compare against black women? How are we still having this conversation in 2020?

But if you really think about it, the problem is mainly due to the normalisation of words like “gori”, meaning “fair” or “light skinned”, in Bollywood mainstream. Furthermore, if you really look at the numbers, colourism becomes even more apparent. 

The ratio of light-skinned to dark-skinned actors and actresses justifies this. 

oh, and, don’t worry, there’s plenty of brownfacing too.

other examples of racism in india (it’s at the point where they don’t even try to hide it):

these are just some of the many examples of plain colourism we can see in the bollywood industry. And this isn’t just limited to bollywood. It’s prevalent in literally every single part of India.

I live in the most literate state in India, Kerala. Literally 100% of the people are literate and these cases can still be seen in the Mollywood (thats the name in Kerala) industry. And noone is calling it out, which allows it to grow even more. 

That’s the worst part – the fact that we refuse to even recognise it. We call out the smallest racial (or even homophobic–trust me, there’s a lot in india) inequalities in Hollywood but we don’t in Bollywood. Hindi is the 2nd most spoken language in the world. Literally billions of people watch Bollywood and take in what they give out.

We need to think about the future generations, at least. They grow up thinking this is okay, when it’s not. They need to be taught about how people are equal on the inside and outside, and this cannot happen if we refuse to acknowledge what is right in front of us.

this is barely the tip of the iceberg, but please go online and look this up.

here’s something to get started: 

https://www.buzzfeed.com/sumedha_bharpilania/bollywood-is-still-racist?origin=web-hf

[intrepidacious]

🎩 haunt these halls no more: i’m not sure if you have already discussed this (if you have im sorry) but where do you pull most inspiration for your fics from? do you get them from books, other writers, songs… or none of these at all??

i mean the short answer is … yes. all of the above. a lot of the time, i will just base my wip in a world that already exists, but with characters from a different fandom. for example, blind roads started with me listening to the bonnie and clyde musical and inserting bucky barnes into the narrative. a lot of the fics on my wip pile right now are essentially just me remixing some of my favourite pieces of media—for the most part that's movies, but not necessarily.

songs are also a big one but i'm very detail oriented, so if a single lyric doesn't quite fit the fic as i'd imagined it, that will completely throw me off hahah!! sometimes other writers are also to blame an inspiration for my fics, whether that's directly (when i'm talking to my writer friends) or indirectly (when i'm just picking up a sentence here and an idea there and turn them into something else)

join the sleepover

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | Chapter Nine

chapter nine

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: date night!! this is very fluffy, very emotional and extremely horny. edgar allan poe is rolling in his grave at what they did in his enchanted garden

exhibitionism, public sex (no ones there tho), drug mentions at the end (let me know if I should tag anything else!!!!)

word count: 5.4k

from the beginning <3

He spent all of Thursday afternoon with Penelope in Richmond, setting up for his date that night.

Stringing lights on the trees, mowing the grass and trimming the flowers back, the staff ensuring that the museum was in pristine condition for them tonight, it was perfect. The cats were brushed, there were rose petals the fountain and the most beautiful picnic set up in the garden.

Penelope packed their dinner for them, keeping it in the museum fridge for when they finally arrived, it was the only thing Spencer needed to remember.

Y/N: just got home, about to get ready! Can’t wait to see you at 6 ♥︎

Spencer smiled at his phone, about to text her back when Penelope laid a hand on his back, “change into your suit and head back to her, traffic might be bad?”

“Thank you, for everything. You’ve always been my best friend, more of big sister actually,” Spencer pressed his lips together tightly as to not get emotional. “You’re wonderful Penelope, thank you.”

“Awe!” She swooned, wrapping him up in a big hug. “I will always love you, Spencer, you deserve all of this and so, so much more, now go before I cry.”

He laughed, pulling back, hand lingering on her shoulder as he walked into the museum. They let him change in the backroom, it felt incredibly strange to be putting on a suit inside Edgar Allan Poe's house to go pick up his wife. Not too long ago he dreamed about bringing a girlfriend here someday, life was moving too quickly, he needed a breather.

He kept his suit jacket folded and on the passenger seat as he drove home, where he lived with his family. Even just thinking that as he paid attention to the road made him smile. The wind hitting his face, his hair blowing in the breeze, he felt free at last.

He was where he was supposed to be, all roads lead to here.

Travelling up her driveway with a smile on his face as the dust followed him to her doorstep. She was waiting in a red dress on the porch, Amoreena and her nanny eating pizza on the steps as they waited for him.

Stepping out of his car, he straightened his tie and pulled his pants up more, looking at his wife like she was a star plucked from the sky, landing in this Virginia field for him.

She stood then, her satin dress flowing and exposing a leg as she walked down the steps to him, “Is this what you wanted?” She twirled in front of him to show it all off, her hair getting stuck in her lipstick and making her laugh.

“I love you,” is all he can say as she leaning in with a wide grin, surpassing the smile to kiss him gently, using her thumb to get all the lipstick off his bottom lip and chin.

“Love you too, cutie,” she winked, taking his hand and turning back towards Amoreena, “listen to Nanny, remember we love you and we will see you no earlier than 7:30 tomorrow, okay?”

“Yes ma’am!” She saluted, mouth full of pizza.

“And what are the new rules about coming into our bed in the morning?”

“Knock first, wait till you respond, don’t come in unless you say it’s okay,” Amoreena replied, sticking her tongue out at her as she remembered it all.

“Smartie pants,” Y/N smiled at her, “come give us a hug, don’t get pizza on my dress, please.”

Amoreena wiped her sleeve over her mouth before running into her mother's open arms, they shared goodbye kisses before it was Spencer’s turn. She held him so tight it felt wonderful, “goodnight Lovey, I’ll see you tomorrow morning, have the best sleep ever for me?”

“I’ll see you in dreamland,” she replied, kissing his cheek gently before she pulled back.

“Have fun!” Nanny called from the porch as Amoreena skipped back to her.

“We will,” Spencer replied, taking Y/N’s hand and leading her to the passenger side, he opened her door and helped her inside, insuring her dress was inside before closing the door.

Jogging back to his door, he got in and put on his seatbelt. He threw the car in reverse and turned around by the barn, heading down the driveway, not saying a single thing as Y/N stared at him.

“You’re really not going to tell me anything?” She shook her head, licking her lip before biting it as she huffed.

“We’re going to Richmond, Virginia, to read,” he gave her one hint.

“Hmm,” she smiled, “I’m sure you won't tell me the title, so Mr. I can remember every book ever, what’s a random line in it?”

“You’re smart,” he teased her, “but for the brilliant green of the huge leaves that spread from their summits in long, tremulous lines, dallying with the Zephyrs—”

“We’re going to the Edgar Allan Poe Museum!” She cut him off with a cheer.

He slows down on the barren dirt road, mouth wide open as she got it right, he turns to her as they come to a complete stop, “how the heck did you get that?”

“Yes!” she laughed, tossing her head back as she clapped and kicked her feet a little, so proud of herself, “I’m a librarian, Spencer! Did you think I wouldn’t know Eleonora?”

“That’s the most random sentence in the whole poem?” Spencer was shocked, she recalled it faster than he thought he would be able to if she read a line to him.

“My brother’s first motorcycle was a Zephyr,” she smiled at him, raising her eyebrows. “My brain is kinda like a filing cabinet, if you give me a word I can remember everything I’ve ever heard with that word included.”

He started to drive again, shaking his head as he paid attention to the road but still astounded by how amazing she is. “Amoreena gets that from you then, she could have both our eidetic memories together, that would be very interesting to see.”

“Eidetic memory?” She questioned.

“It’s what most people call photographic memory,” Spencer explained. “You can remember everything you hear which is why you and Amoreena are able to recall songs, books and movie facts so fast, while I can read back to you anything I’ve read without having to see it again, it’s forever in my mind.”

“So we’re both geniuses, cool,” Y/N smiled at him again, “sorry I ruined your surprise.”

“You just know where we’re going,” he reminded her, laying his hand on hers, interlocking their fingers as he drove.

They had an hour alone before the real date started.

So she showed him all of her favourite songs, including some of Amoreena’s playlists so he could get familiar with them before their trip to Rhode Island. Her voice was impeccable, she knew all the words and harmonies, often opting to cove background voices he wouldn’t have even known were there if it wasn’t for her.

She loved music in a way that intrigued him, she enjoyed music with a story. Much like the reason she loved books so much, she enjoyed picturing the happy places in her mind that the songs were able to take her to, they filled her with glee and hope as she sang to her heart's content. Taking short breaks to explain the meanings of songs, to recite the best lyrics and why the songs are close to her heart.

“Do you want to hear the song that reminds me the most of you?” She asked between songs, pausing so that nothing else would start.

“Sure,” he blushed, nervous for what it could be and how she imagined him in her mind, hoping he could live up to it.

“I'm perfectly fine I live on my own, I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone. We met a few weeks ago, now you try on callin' me, baby, like tryin' on clothes,”

She stares at him with a beautiful smile as she waits to see his reaction to the opening, finally singing when the beat drops, dancing softly in her seat as she belted the words out to him.

“So prove to me I'm your American Queen, and you move to me like I'm a Motown beat, and we rule the kingdom inside my room,” She brushed her hand across his jaw, teasing him as the words flow from her lips to his ears, she loves him and he can feel it with every syllable.

“And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for, King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa! And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa,” she sings so softly, with a purpose, turning it down a little so that he can talk to her.

“I love you,” he reminded her, “so much it hurts sometimes.”

“It’s like your heartstrings are tugging on each other, right?” She agreed, “like they want to jump out of our chests and run to each other.”

He nodded with a soft smile, reaching for her hand again holding it as he brought it to his mouth for a kiss, “queen of my heart.”

“Hmmm,” she thought over his words, “I’m pretty content with being princess still, Lady Amoreena is in line for the thrown, it’s part of her namesake after all.”

“Does the kingdom have a name?”

“You know the Elton John song Goodbye Yellow Brick Road?” She waited for his nod, “my grandma called it Ozellous so it’s like wizard of Oz but I added the 'ellous' because people always said they were jealous of our farm.”

He’s trying his best to keep his eyes on the road when all he want’s to do is look at her smile, to see her pupil change as she recalls the loving memory, it’s his favourite thing to do. Better than any movie or play, seeing her face was better than looking at the most expensive art piece. He was so in love with all of her.

“Were you like Amoreena as a kid?”

“Oh yeah,” she laughed, “bullied hardcore for it too, kids always told me to shut up cause I’d add facts to conversations I wasn’t a part of.”

“I would have loved to listen,” Spencer replied softly, knowing the feeling all too well.

They were only a few minutes away now, turning into the small town and passing quaint little homes and cottages. “Amoreena would love this drive, these are some interesting townspeople homes for her imagination, we should come back sometime this summer.”

His heart was going to actually explode, she was everything he never knew he needed.

“I’d love that,” he added as they pulled into the museum. “I’m a museum member and I’m a patron, so sometimes I donate rare pieces I find, they love me here.”

Her mouth opened to speak, but her eyes got caught on the twinkling lights in the distance, mesmerized by everything. Old cobblestone streets, brick buildings and wooden gates, it was straight out of the 1800s and absolutely fantastical.

“And it’s all ours for the night,” he put the car in park and turned to her, “wait here?”

She nodded, speechless as she continued to look out the window at everything. Spencer got out of the car, opening the back seat to grab and put on his jacket, straighten out his suit before opening her door and extending a hand to help her out.

“Princess,” he extended his arm for her to tuck her own under, he closed her door and escorted her through the gate and towards the garden.

The sun was just starting to set, 7 pm in early June being the most beautiful time of year in rural Virginia, the sky was a perfect purple as he leads her through the stone arches towards the picnic.

Her eyes sparkled with all the lights, wide and pupils blown as she took it all in. It was a fairytale, she was in a princess dress, he was the king of her heart and this was just the beginning of happily ever after.

“Spencer, whatever your middle name is, Reid,” she gasped, swatting his arm lightly with a smile growing on her face.

“It’s Walter,” he smiled right back.

He let go of her hand then and walked over to a table, turning on the record player and dropping the needle in the right spot. He did his research into some Taylor Swift songs, finding one that reminded him the most of Y/N and how much he loved her.

“May I have this dance?” He asks as she notices the all too familiar guitar strumming.

He reaches a hand out for her, pulling her in as she takes it, “I was so so lost before I found you in the park,” he explains the first verse, barely a whisper beside her ear as they start to sway.

There I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles Same old tired, lonely place Walls of insincerity Shifting eyes and vacancy, vanished when I saw your face

“All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you,” he whispers once more, feeling the goosebumps bursting on her bare arms.

He spun her around, extending both their arms as she twirled out and then back into his embrace again with a giggle. She swayed back and forth, dancing with him like the night they got married in her field.

Your eyes whispered "have we met?" Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way to me The playful conversation starts Counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy

“And it was enchanting to meet you, All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you,” he sings them this time, spinning her out again as the chorus hits, her eyes widening as she began to smile wider than he’s ever seen before.

They sang the words together as they danced, smiling and laughing as they moved around the cobblestone. Finding a rhythm so perfect, so them, it was silly and not on beat in the slightest, mostly spinning, it was a spinning song if the album cover was any indication.

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you!

“The lingering question kept me up, Two a.m., who do you love? I wonder till I'm wide awake! Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door, I'd open up and you would say, hey! It was enchanting to meet you, all I know is I was enchanted to meet you,” Y/N’s voice softer than ever as she sang her anxieties into his ear, remembering the day at the museum where she wondered if she could have him all to herself.

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home I'll spend forever wondering if you knew This night is flawless, don't you let it go I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you

Spinning around in circles she leaves his grasp, dress circling in the wind and he watches her. She takes both his hands and spins around with him in a tight circle before pulling back in, their chests bumping as they laughed, happier than he’s ever been in his entire life, and she’s made him pretty happy in the last few weeks.

The girl of his dreams, dancing around him with a smile like she was making her own music video. This was a dream of hers he didn’t know, making it come true as it became a dream of his own.

He places his hands on her cheeks as he stares into her eyes, “this is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the storyline ends. My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again. These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon, I was enchanted to meet you,” he whisper’s the words, barely singing, more talking.

“Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you. Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you,” she sings right back to him, staring into his eyes as they stand still in the garden.

She pulls him into a kiss, breathing in deeply through her nose as they hold each other’s cheeks, unable to get closer as they kissed. Pulling away with a loud smooch sound, smiling before taking her hands in his, once more.

Spinning her around again as the beat drops once more, her smile more beautiful than the first time he saw it. He was so madly in love, he firmly believed he was in heaven.

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home I'll spend forever wondering if you knew!!

This night is flawless, don't you let it go I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you!

Please don't be in love with someone else Please don't have somebody waiting on you

“Now go stand in the corner and think about what you did,” Taylor Swift's voice cuts into the beautiful moment as her songs change and the mood drastically changes.

Y/N bursts out in laughter, jumping lightly as she enjoyed the song, head-banging along as she danced by herself until Spencer turned the music off once again, “you’re so cute.”

“Thank you,” she bowed, “this is cute!”

“There’s a picnic basket in the fridge inside, and some wine if you think that’s a good idea?” Pointing towards the main house, she followed him towards the door.

“Oh, hello?” Her voice changed as she noticed the two black cats on the window, letting Spencer head inside for the basket as she talked to them.

“That’s Edgar and Pluto, the groundskeeper found them in the shed in 2012,” Spencer explains as he comes back out, basket in hand but she’s too busy with the cats to notice.

Petting both their faces, they stretch into her reach and bask in the feeling of her nails on their skin, Spencer would agree it felt nice. He loved the feeling of her hands in his hair, he must have been a cat in his last life.

“Amoreena wants her own indoor cat,” Y/N smiled wide at him, “she always wanted to call him Hercules like the Elton John song, almost like she knew you were her dad all along.”

She took his free hand then, following him towards the blanket in the grass, “how?”

“There’s a line in the song about Greek gods, but it says Hercules on her side and Diana in her eyes, and she does have your mom's eyes, right down to the colour of her iris,” Y/N looked at him like he was everything to her.

Spencer couldn’t speak, he just set the basket on the ground and ushered her to sit down beside him. She held the skirt of her dress up so she could sit crisscross applesauce on the blanket, draping her dress over her legs so she didn’t show anything off just yet.

“Every time I look at you I understand all her quirks and her facial expressions,” she added like she was trying to make him cry, “I’ve been looking at her for almost 8 years now, wondering who you were and now I know, and you’re so much better than I ever imagined.”

“Would you have looked for me when she turned 18?” Is all he can ask through his sniffles, trying to hold it together for her.

She nodded, “I was going to tell her soon anyway, she asks a lot of questions I’m not sure if you noticed.” Her giggle was priceless, “she had lots of questions when the goats were born this year and that meant her asking more about making human babies and I just said a special man helped me make my dreams come true, and she thought it was Rumpelstiltskin.”

Spencer couldn’t fight the laugh that erupted from him, leaning forward as he chuckled, making her laugh too. “Does she even know the whole story?”

“She’s only seen the 4th Shrek movie with him, she has no idea that he also takes the babies,” Y/N placed her hand on his knee gently, “If I get pregnant again, I’m going to tell her about how it all works as simply as possible, I want her to feel included in this and she’ll be less jealous if she sees this as a learning opportunity.”

“That’s a good idea,” he agreed, “I still can't believe she almost punched Michael for hugging me.”

“Oh, I can,” Y/N laughed again, “she was being bullied last year by an older kid and I said if someone upsets you or hurts you, sometimes it’s not that bad to hurt them back. Make them know you’re not weak and you care about yourself, and she gave a kid a black eye for tugging on her braid.”

Spencer couldn’t stop smiling, “that’s my girl.”

Y/N opened the picnic basket then, taking everything out with a smile as Spencer stared at her, thinking a million different thoughts about future kids, how Amoreena would grow up, seeing her as a big sister to hopefully many.

They both leaned forward and kissed softly, smiling as they pulled back, “so you like charcuterie?”

She laughed, “Amoreena called it shark coochie once, I can’t not think of that now.”

“How many kids do you want?”

“Have you ever read cheaper by the dozen?” She teased him. “As many as I can have, I have the funds thanks to my job and the farm and not having to pay a mortgage, I was going to have another baby next year anyway, I had an appointment and everything scheduled, I even tried to get them to contact Amoreena’s father for another sample but they said they couldn’t ask you outright for me.”

“They asked me if I wanted to give another sample when I asked if I could know my kids,” Spencer remembered the words exactly, “she said ‘You have four offspring so far, none of the other samples used have produced a child, the women were all IVF as well so it wasn’t your swimmer's fault if you wanted to donate again.’”

“I don’t want to know the truth, are you okay if we let her decide if she wants to find out at 18?” Y/N asked softly, “I’m content thinking you’re her father, I don’t want to know if it’s some other tall who-lookin’ genius, okay?”

“That’s perfect actually,” Spencer agreed, “and on the kids front, you don’t mind me being in my 70s when they all start going to University?”

“My dad is 68 with no signs of stopping, and he’s still fantastic with his grandkids,” Y/N always had a fact to combat his anxiety. “You have a lot of life left in you, I’ll take good care of you so that they have the best dad ever for as long as possible.”

Spencer was so in love with his family he felt like he was floating, laughing and smiling all meal long as they shared facts back and forth about their lives. Getting to know each other more and more as the seconds passed, he imagined it would be like this forever. She was like a bottomless pit of information, facts, stories and secrets. He loved every single one she shared with him.

She poured herself a second small glass of wine, “you know they say that one glass of wine every once in a while is actually good for the baby?”

“It doesn’t work that fast,” he reminded her, more like he reminded himself. He didn’t want to hope in the chance it didn’t happen right away.

“I had a nightmare last night for the first time in a long time, so I think it worked,” she teased him. “I won't know till June 10th, that's when my next period would be.”

“Nightmare?” It was the only part he picked up on, worried for her and wondering why she didn’t wake him up.

She nodded softly, “I found out I was pregnant and you never came home, and I got lost in the forest looking for you and then I remembered I could wake up.”

He rests his hand on her knee, rubbing his thumb against her bare skin softly, “I’m always coming home to you.”

“I know, when I got pregnant with Amoreena I had bad dreams in the first few weeks too, mostly about giving birth to nothing and being alone all over again, the subconscious and pregnancy hormones are mean as fuck when they hang out,” she laughed away the pain, “I know none of it is real.”

“Good,” he whispered, not knowing what really to say, he wasn’t used to soothing other people yet. Most people didn’t want his facts or concernment when something happened, just a hug normally.

She took a deep breath, pushing everything away, “good news, either my anxiety disorder is back in full swing or something’s working in here,” she laid her hand over her stomach, “either way, I’d like to try again tonight?”

He laughed, “we don’t need to make a baby every time you want to have sex?”

She got onto her knees then, crawling over the blanket and sitting right in Spencer's lap with her hands on both of his cheeks, “I want all your babies.”

He held her waist, pulling her in closer to his chest, “right now?”

She nodded, moving her dress out of the way to undo his belt, “no one is here right? It’s not like anyone would know?”

“Mhmm,” he agreed, kissing her neck as she unzipped his pants, moving his underwear out of the way just enough to free his hardening cock, she stroked it right there in the middle of the garden, staring down between their bodies in awe as he came to life.

Sitting up on her knees more, the slit of her dress made it a lot easier for her to show him her underwear. She was wearing just a thong, perfect for pulling to the side as she lowered herself onto him, ever so slowly.

She fixed her dress around them, completely calm and composed as he was fully inside of her, “you’re okay with this?”

He huffed a laugh out of his nose, dropping his forehead to her shoulder so he couldn’t buck into her and ruin the moment she was making, his hands moving to her hips, guiding her back and off him slightly before back down again, making her gasp.

“I thought you wanted to read?” She teased him as she started to ride him more, moving her hips in a way that took him in and out of her at just the right angle, her hands on his shoulders as she bounced on him lightly, he couldn’t even think straight. “Go on, read to me.”

He took a second to remember the words, mind totally somewhere else and not interested in a book at all when her boobs were right in his face.

“I am come of a race noted for vigor of fancy and ardor of passion,” the first sentence slipped past his lips as she kept going, he took a moment to kiss right under her ear before continuing.

“Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence—whether much that is glorious—whether all that is profound—does not spring from disease of thought—from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect.”

“Shit,” she moaned, pushing his hand down towards her clit, “you can multitask, smartie pants.”

His thumb was on a mission then, rubbing small circles against her pleasure point, she tossed her head back with her eyes closed as she continued to ride him, “I don’t hear you reading?”

He moaned softly in her ear at the feeling, and the fact she wanted to get off to hearing him recite something from memory, it was more euphoric than he could have ever imagined.

“They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. In their gray visions they obtain glimpses of eternity, and thrill, in ah- awakening, fuck,” he was trying his best to stay as composed as she was when he really just wanted to lay her against the blanket and fuck her into next week.

“to find that they have been upon the verge of the great secret,” Y/N whispered the end of the sentence, grinding down on him harder than before.

“In snatches, they learn something of the wisdom which is of good,” she whispered into his ear, biting his earlobe softly with a moan and he kept rubbing her clit, “you’re so good, Spencer, so so good," she paused to enjoy the moment before whispering in his ear once more, "And more of the mere knowledge which is of evil. They penetrate, however, rudderless or compass-less into the vast ocean of the "light ineffable," and again, like the adventures of the Nubian geographer, "agressi sunt mare tenebrarum, quid in eo esset exploraturi.”

Her words softer than ever and they were never going to get to the end of this poem, he'd never know how the rest of the words sound on her tongue, she pulled him into a kiss then, moaning into his mouth as they ground against each other, finding a perfect rhythm to bring them to the end.

“There, yes, fuck,” she whispered against his lips, pushing against him as she arched her back slightly, slipping away from his mouth as she did so.

He slammed into her then as he chased her lips, making her whimper one last time before she was shaking in his lap, her legs quivering as she finished on him, sending him over the edge and stilling as he came with a shudder. He held her so close, both of them breathing into each other's mouths as they came down, kissing and smiling as they stayed connected.

“We’ll name her Eleonora,” Y/N teased, pulling off him and laying back against the blanket.

He made sure her underwear was back in the right spot before covering her with her dress again and sliding himself back into his underwear.

“Amoreena and Eleonora have a good ring to it, we just need 10 more names,” he teased right back.

“Hopefully we have a little boy one day too,” she smiled as she tugged him down beside her, cuddling into her side as they stared up at the newly dark blue sky and the array of stars that decided to join them this evening.

“Even if it’s just Amoreena, I’ve never been happier in my whole life than when I’m with you,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

“For what?” She asked, purely to keep hearing his voice.

“Making me want to get up in the morning again, giving me a reason not to buy drugs for something euphoric to happen to me, showing me real love and proof that happiness is possible if you just chose to be happy,” he gave example after example.

“I thought I learned everything the world had to offer, but you’ve been showing me new little life hacks that make the world so much better, I see a future of bright colours and happiness and laughter for the first time ever, so thank you.”

She held him closer, “it’s been a pleasure falling in love with you, together, you deserve to love yourself. You’re so wonderful Spencer, it breaks my heart to know that anyone has ever made you feel the opposite.”

He couldn’t speak anymore, turning to kiss her neck and cheek so he had something to do that wasn’t crying. He loved her so incredibly deeply that he felt like he was an anchor, dropping to the bottom of her deepest ocean, without a single plan to leave.

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