#this is not to say people who disregard your opinion regularly and or just dont care about how you feel should have a pass

[a-cakehound-or-critter-a-day]

09/21/2024 A little kindness and patience goes a long way..!

[illyriantremors]

1/3 okkkkayyy. unpopular opinion here but... am i the only one that really dislikes the nesta x cassian thing? i enjoy reading cassian individually, however as a couple and/or just nesta.... i dont like it. i also don't think it's necessarily "healthy", if that makes sense. i mean the way they seem now, they'll constantly be bickering, hating/loving each other simultaneously, and when they DO fight for real, imagine how HEATED that would get. now im not talking sexy heated

2/3 like they'll grab each other and kiss, but im talking about... lets say they argue.  arguing consists of YELLING and INSULTING (generally speaking) and yet they do that all the time ?? so for them, when they're angry.... imagine how much worse/how volatile it could get ?? like if nesta says something rude, cassian thinks "BITCH" in the side story, yet imagine if they were fighting and.... yeah, HEATED. id be afraid nesta would throw something at him/hit him to be HEARD because she might feel

3/3 intimidated by how big/muscular/strong he is. but... uhm, that's abuse. regardless of if its a dude or a chick who hits somebody.... its abuse. and like i said before, they {would} bicker a shit ton. like... insulting each other regularly? verbal abuse, possibly. and no, im not throwing the word "abuse" freely. cause THAT IS WHAT IT IS. u cant disregard a FACT just because "oh that ship is just sooo SEXY. and has sooo much potential!!!😍😍" idk it just seems unhealthy for both parties involv

Hello! I feel like I am maybe not the best person to answer this, but I’ll try. Apologies if it gets incoherent or seems rambling and weird!

Your initial question - are you the only person who dislikes Nessian. The answer is no. There are definitely people who aren’t into Nessian. I used to be one of them! I’ve put a lot of effort into understanding Nesta more since summer and have really come around to the ship because of my studies (for lack of a better word), but there are still certainly people who don’t ship Nessian... or Moriel! Or Elucien! This fandom has all sorts of ships going on right now and whatever you decide to ship is a-okay, so don’t feel weird if you end up in the minority on a ship opinion. It happens all the time and it’s okay. Ship and let ship! :)

The later half of your question is trickier. I understand where you could see the potential for a ship like Nessian to become unhealthy and problematic. They certainly have a heated way of dealing with each other that is both physical and mental/emotional. However, I don’t think there is anything in the text right now that implies that either of them would become abusive or unhealthy.

Cassian, for his part, is incredibly mature and responsible and we see in the bonus chapter just by how he reacts to Nesta’s almost rape that he would never harm a woman. That fact alone coupled with how ardently he fights to give the female Illyrians equal rights in the war camps tells me that Cassian would never hurt a woman even if his life depended on it. Quite the opposite, actually. I think he’d go to the ends of the earth to avoid it. This is the man who pukes his guts up after slaughtering his enemies. He has a gift for fighting, but I don’t think that means he enjoys the violence or relishes hurting people. He has a big heart and I think at the end of the day, Cass would give up his gifts for fighting if it meant everyone could be happy and safe and loved.

Nesta I think it a lot more vulnerable than you may give her credit for? Certainly she lashes out and is harsh. That’s an integral part of her character. But she is human and she is certainly not cruel as I know I initially pegged her for. I think the portions of the bonus chapter from her POV show that she struggles a lot with being vulnerable and that her aim is to push people away, not to hurt them to give her some kind of control or power like an abuser would seek. This vulnerability is a huge challenge for her, but if she were to truly fall in love with Cassian, I think a lot of the harshness would soften in her. She would still be her good ole prickly self and trade jabs with him for sure, but when you’re in love, you’re a lot less inclined to deal out serious injuries (verbal or physical) towards your SO, especially ones that would lead to something unhealthy and abusive as you’re suggesting. And I just don’t personally even out of love with Cass that Nesta’s sharpness is anything lending to abuse to begin with. She loves and she loves deeply, it’s just hard to see.

So overall, I just don’t think either of them are motivated to lash out for abusive reasons - to gain power over the other and diminish them. I think they’re both just trying to figure out how they might fit together (and for Nesta, how she fits in the world period), so they sting with words to put space between them, but not to begin a vicious cycle of abuse or to be unhealthy. And the more they grow to understand and love one another, the more I think that the stings will become the sexy kind of fighting that we all enjoy reading as opposed to something dangerous or volatile.

I also think it’s important to note that all couples fight. There is always yelling and insults are traded. It’s not nice and it’s not good, but just because it happens doesn’t mean that couple has landed in an abusive relationship. Feyre threw a shoe at Rhys and outright hated him in the beginning, but that didn’t make their relationship abusive. I could see something similar for Nessian happening. There will be times that they fight and the words exchanged will be real and meant to wound - not the sexy hot stuff - but not because they want to forever harm or abuse. It’s just a part of working through what being together means. Again, it’s just my view that the more you love someone truly, the less likely you’ll be to want to hurt them on an abusive level even if you’re in the middle of a really intense fight.

If it ever did go too far, well then yeah, obviously it’s not meant to work out and I wouldn’t support it. I just don’t personally think that’s the direction it’s going nor do I believe SJM is going to go there. If you’re still feeling frustrated or concerned, and you’re asking because you’re trying to find reasons to enjoy Nessian more, I’d say maybe go back and reread their bits with a Nesta/Nessian lens on and try to understand where they each are coming from in their choices and words? If you’re still not feeling it after that, remember what I said in the first paragraph: it’s okay! You can ship whomever you like or not ship it and the world will keep on turning.

I hope this helps! I always feel weird answering these kind of more serious asks, so I hope this made sense?? If anyone has more to add, feel free! I know there are several of you out there who are much more eloquent at abuse and/or Nessian meta than I!

xx