#this is not their best song btw. their best song is Twilight Zone

[hippo-pot]

kinda think this song is about Trump but it took me 3 listens to realize it was about anything at all haha

[didnt-hear-idsb-live-again]

so I haven't really found the words to talk about this yet but I'm finally starting to, so here goes -

I'm finding myself with a very minimal, fringe sort of scattered friends in this town. at best I don't fit in with, nor do I have the desire to fit in with, really, any of the travelers or backpackers or working holiday visa people who inhabit this place (btw; anon who warned me not to go here.... 'bogan' isn't what I'd call it but your read on the vibe was right); at worst I'm finding myself on the borderline of being straight up bullied the way I was in high school - no one outright saying mean things to my face, but that very high school esque cocktail of snarky and condescending side comments, people always going off to talk without me, laughing, and stopping laughing immediately once they're back near me, being rude enough to know it's rude but just the right balance where if I say something about it I'm the one who looks weird. how isolating that is and how it pushes you down and down and down and down inside your head. I think as an adult, once you grow up and find yourself out in the world, and get to choose the people you're around, you forget what that was like. Working in the music industry specifically and knowing only one soul in real life with a "regular" job (hi Jo), I've completely forget what that's like. In the spirit of "emotional maturity", I've probably found a way to tell myself it's all kid shit and I made it seem worse than it all was, etc, and maybe it's just people being people.

Maybe that's true.

Specifically, though, the thing I've found myself being harassed over, the main tension point, is my music taste. I've been put into this twilight zone of a reality where everyone around me straight up hates Taylor Swift (in the year 2023 I genuinely didn't think that existed more than a few fringe rondo's, but apparently all those fringe rondo's live in this town), and the ones who don't say "fuck this bitch" out loud every time her music comes on, are, at their warmest, completely indifferent to the fact that she's even alive. I haven't met one person here who would even say they enjoy 1989 or whatever. I work around 20-25 y/o's mostly, and yet I put on Lorde and Maisie and Sabrina and Backseat Lovers and The 1975 and all the pop stuff I'm aware myself and that age group really like (with a bunch of famous Aussie artists thrown in), and I'm asked if we can stop with all the "weird music" and "play things everyone knows and likes" - another twilight zone thing because I had no fucking idea every girl ever wasn't on this type of pop. I put on classic throwback Fall Out Boy and All Time Low and Paramore or even Halsey's hit songs and I'm asked why everything I listen to is "so depressing". I get fully HARASSED about my music taste by the people I work with every single day. like, multiple times an hour snide comments about "weird people music" and shit like that when I really thought my taste was pretty mainstream. then they all put on either like, the most generic of generic Top 40 radio that I didn't even realize people willingly put on; just thought big labels decided it was gonna be successful so shoved it onto commercials and radio and a bunch of Spotify playlists until they gave up, OR music that I literally would need to be borderline overdosing on cocaine to enjoy - I'm talking blasting dubstep club beats and the like... at 5:30am in a coffee shop. And I haven’t said a word to them about it or been mean about it at all, and I try really hard to be polite to them but it just doesn’t matter how nice I am; they feast on me like a pack of hungry lions anyway. I moved here to be outside, and people only ever want to go to the club. Even people I get along with want to go to the damn club every other night at the least, and I’m weird for not wanting to be anywhere near something other than a bar we can have some drinks and laughs - I didn’t even know people still went to clubs, especially not vagabond travelers in an eco tourism hotspot.

And suddenly I am my high school self all over again; feeling completely fucking normal but not falling in, not able to make myself fit no matter how hard I try. I talk to people and people laugh at what I say when we have to make conversation, because, well. I'm fucking likable and I can chat up anybody. and then, for no real reason, 20 minutes later they remember they're supposed to be bullying me and go back to it. just like how it was for me in high school, where I won the “most talkative” superlative and yet when I walked on stage to graduate half the class shouted at me that I was “scum” (lol).

So anyway. That's all to say, I photographed full-band live music last night for the first time in 3 months. And suddenly, doing that, too, I was back in high school. Living in a normal world that everyone else is at and is aware of, but in my own secret pocket of it I've carved out: a pocket where I fit. where I'm still a loser by the standards of everyone around me, but a loser who is doing something objectively cool and objectively impressive, something I thrive at that no one can talk shit about because I'm GOOD. someone I knew but have nothing in common with came up to me last night and said, “I got that you took pictures but then I saw you on stage and was like OHHHH”. and I might not belong anywhere else, might not get along with anyone else, but the second a camera is in my hand and I'm crawling behind a drum kit and jumping off a stage an artist is playing a show on, and the band who I’m acquainted with is smiling at me and they love it, and everyone sees me doing it... I belong there, and I know I belong there, and no naysayer can do or say a word about it... that's what it's all about. like the loser theater kid who comes alive on a stage in front of people when they perform and no one can argue with it anymore. I remembered why I do what I do last night. How I found it (or maybe how it found me) suddenly makes sense all over again; not some poorly made impulsive choice by a girl who was too influenced by wanting to be around the boy bands she liked, committed too hard and got stuck - which is how I've seen it in adult hindsight. live music is the faction of the world that I am just the perfect puzzle piece for. somehow the most niche thing in the world - and it does seem niche once again when surrounded by people like this - is my only solid ground in this life. I am my truest self when I am running around with a camera while someone's singing; a self that anyone can see and immediately will get it. and that's just how it is.

[bettyfrommars]

hi!! i was wondering if you could give some movie, book, tv show, or fic recs for my spooky szn media list this year? a lot of the things you write are absolutely the kind of vibe that im going for, so i figured you would be the best person to ask for those kind of things. im very new to the horror genre (just stepping out of slashers and into magical realism and paranormal type things). and ofc you don’t have to, but id love to know what some of your favorite twilight zone episodes are!

no pressure to respond, you were just the first person i thought of when it came to asking recs from, since your taste seems to be the same niche that i have.

(btw im 18+ so you don’t have to worry about giving tame recs)

I love you for asking this because it gets me excited for the season and reminds me of things I need to revisit. Okay, so I'm going to start off with books because this is very important, and I love this series sooooo much this time of year. I usually re-read it or listen to the audiobooks, it's called the Pine Deep Trilogy by Jonathan Maberry (Ghost Road Blues, Dead Man's Song, and Bad Moon Rising), and it's such a fall fic you can taste the colors. It's based in a town known for its Halloween celebrations (lots of cornfields, haunted mazes, lots of actual evil lurking) There are ghouls and zombies and vampires in this and it's so thrilling, the pages will fly by.

Also these story collections by Joe Hill: Full Throttle and Strange Weather.

I do a rewatch of the show Tales from the Crypt every year, that is a staple. I'm also a sucker for anthologies like Body Bags, Creepshow, and The Monster Club. I watch a LOT of campy horror and campy slashers, most of which I'm sure you are familiar with. I was going to make a list of the b-movies and MST3K episodes I love, but I don't think that is what you are asking me for, and I don't want to get carried away and embarrass myself 💀 If you are interested in those things, pls leave another anon message and I will.

I will forever recommend the vampire series True Blood, it's iconic and I believe the first two seasons are free on Amazon Prime.

Favorite Twilight Zone episodes! I can tell I would love you in real life because you ask the best questions. Definitely "To Serve Man" that one still gives me shivers when I think about it today. "Nightmare at 20,000 feet" but I prefer the John Lithgow version in Twilight Zone: The Movie, because look at the original version, I actually feel sad for this baby:

"A Most Unusual Camera" I think that is the name of it is another one. "Will the real martian please stand up" is so good. Oh god, and "The Lonely" is another one. I used to be on the road a lot, and if you ever are, I recommend The Twilight Zone collections on audible, they are acted out like old radio show dramas.

As far as fic rec from here, I've actually been thinking about searching around for ones that have a spooky/fall vibe and doing a post about it---hopefully soon.

You are a doll, and I am so happy you reached out xoxoxoxox

[efingcod]

For Mix-It Up Monday over at @onlycodcanjudgeme

OBVIOUSLY, Just What I Needed needs to be on my playlist for Just What I Needed, right?

But an essential song that helped me write JWIN would be:

BTW: here's a JWIN playlist, that I totally didn't just create today 😅

And here's an explanation that no one asked for:

These songs either inspired Just What I Needed or are (will be) included in the story. When I'm making a playlist I generally like to stick within the era the story is set in. That goes along best with the movie that is playing in my head that eventually becomes the fanfic (anyone else write like this?) (Also I know some of these songs break the rule a bit 😂 Spotify please add release dates)

I know that's not for everyone, but a big part of the vibe is the music of the time period, so it's difficult to remove myself from it. And since the story is mostly set in 1981, I think that a lot of the 70s rock would still bleed into it.

Especially since Woods and Mason are such prominent characters in the story, their music taste (or what I think is their music taste) factors into it.

However, if you want an 80s playlist from me here you go (fair warning it's 14 hours atm).

That all being said, my Bell playlist is completely out of time because, in my head, she exists out of time.

[buzzdixonwriter]

Inefficient As Hell

It only took 49 years, but I finally saw Haunts Of The Very Rich, a 1972 ABC-TV MoW (movie of the week).

For those unfamiliar with the term, a MoW was a 75 minute made for TV movie in a 90 minute time slot.  ABC made more than 250 of these over a 6 year period, modern day versions of the programmers and B-movies of the 1930s and 40s.  

Many MoWs served as pilots for later series (The Six Million Dollar Man, Kolchak:  The Night Stalker, etc.), a few were attempts at serious drama (Brian’s Song, That Certain Summer, etc.), a couple were surprisingly good (Duel, Trilogy Of Terror, etc.)…

…and most were like Haunts Of The Very Rich.

It’s pretty much a quintessential example, showing all the strengths and weaknesses of the form:  Sensationalistic story, stellar (at least by TV standards) cast, plus enough time and budget to be more technically proficient and aesthetically pleasing than a typical TV episode are the plus side of the equation; cliché’, hackneyed, predictable, turgid, and astonishingly offensive for racial sensitivities of the era.

If the title didn’t tip you already, the first two minutes hammer the point home:  They’re DEAD!!!  And they’re going to HELL!!!

Okay, dynamite TV cast for the era:   Lloyd Bridges, Cloris Leachman, Edward Asner, Anne Francis, Robert Reed, Donna Mills, Tony Bill, and Moses Gunn all turn in performances ranging from good to very good indeed.

Paul Wendkos director, a respected journeyman director who never made it to the A-list but worked consistently in film and TV across a wide range of genres.  He demonstrated an unsuspected flair for the supernatural in his best known theatrical film, The Mephisto Waltz, and manages to bring that same sensibility to Haunts…

Script?  Eh, don’t ask…  William Wood’s teleplay (story by T.K. Brown III, which I suspect is a pseudonym) is a ripoff of the 1923 play Outward Bound already filmed twice as Outward Bound and Between Two Worlds, but to modern audiences it looks like a Twilight Zone mash-up of Gilligan’s / Fantasy Island.

Seven very rich people (upper middle class bourgeoise, if you ask me) find themselves on a mysterious jetliner taking them to Seacrist, a tropical vacation destination, run by Mr. Seacrist (Gunn) in an all-white outfit than anticipates Mr. Roarke’s wardrobe by a good five years. 

I strongly suspect all the wealthy characters initially represented the seven deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth) but by the time ABC got through mucking with it those distinctions were lost.

Not that it matters.  The seven stooges arrive and run through their various melodramas.  Seacrist resort is cut off from the outside world by a hurricane.  The native help abandons the resort, Mr. Seacrist goes off to find help, the rest of the cast mopes around as resources and tempers grown thin, and it finally dawns on them that they’re DEAD!!!  And they’re in HELL!!!

Folks, ///National Lampoon/// did that as a one panel cartoon called “Presbyterian Hell.”  EC’s Tales From The Crypt would have batted this one out in 6 pages.  As a half hour Twilight Zone it would feel padded (it might have worked as a short segment on Night Gallery).

Despite Wendkos and the cast doing their (dare I say it?  I dare…) damnedest to make the material work, but that script is a killer and not in the good sense.

Case in point #1: Mr. Seacrist is of African descent (Gunn provides him with an erudite, quasi-British colonial accent suggesting a Caribbean background), the staff -- “They understand English but I’ve instructed them not to speak it” (yeah, so the producers don’t have to pay for speaking parts) -- are either Native Americans or of African descent.

The stooges actually comment how surprised they are that Mr. Seacrist is running the show because native staff is one thing, but isn’t there usually a white guy in charge of everything?

Say wha -- ?!?!?  This was 1972, people might still be thinking that b.s. but only Archie Bunker would be saying it out loud.

Case in point #2:   Timothy Leary, Bishop Pike, and Carlos Castaneda’s The Teachings of Don Juan were pretty well known to the American public in 1972, and so Robert Reed’s reverend was given a big anti-drug scene.  I suspect the heavy handed anti-drug message was added not only to blunt (no pun intended) his character’s earlier mention of peyote but also to undercut the pretty chilling “there is no afterlife” context of the original scene.  (Despite this, it’s still the most best thing in Haunts… and Reed shows some fine acting chops here).

Case in point #3:  Lloyd Bridges is a married serial adulterer with a clinging wife he can’t stand who briefly enjoys a romantic fling with the equally married Cloris Leachmen (though if they’re dead, their wedding vows are now null and void).  Bridges’ wife can’t live without him and kills herself, showing up at the end to make his hell complete.

It’s hilarious when it happens to Harcourt Fenton Mudd in Star Trek, it’s horrific for all the wrong reasons here.

Why should she be eternally punished for his being an asshole?

Which leads us to the observation poised in the title of this post:  If this be hell, it’s a damned inefficient one.

Seacrist the vacation / damnation destination is actually the Villa Vizcaya in Florida and I must admit it’s a great location, a huge sprawling estate that gives off the same familiar-yet-somewhat-odd vibe as Portmeirion, Wales did for The Prisoner.

But in the context of the story, why go to all that effort to torment just seven people?  

Ever see Johnny Got His Gun?  The wounded WWI vet in that is blind / deaf / mute / limbless / unable to eat or taste anything (his genitals are still attached and functioning; rendering him the polar opposite of Jake Barnes in Ernest Hemingway’s ///The Sun Also Rises///) is trapped forever in an eternal sensationless hell.  Why go to the trouble of this elaborate stage show that lasts less than a week when these poor bastards are going to be stuck there for hundreds of thousands of millions of billions of trillions of years? Just shove ‘em in airtight boxes and stack ‘em away in a hot room.

The only thing that would make sense about Seacrist would be if it’s not Hell but Purgatory, and the stooges’ suffering will eventually guide them through to eternal bliss.

I suspect that’s what Mr. Seacrist started as; an allusion to “see Christ” but the network suits apparently freaked out over that and made him just a run of the mill sinister host.

 . . .

BTW, I caught Haunts… on the Creature Features channel on YouTube.  Vincent, Tangella and Mr. Livingston picked up the torch (or should I say cigar?) from the late John Stanley and are churning out episode after entertaining episode.  I find they strike the right balance of humor and informative interviews and the show is delightful.  Check ‘em out.

 © Buzz Dixon��

[boy-at-a-bus-stop]

does anyone ever read the shit i write up here? it would make sense to read it, at least sometimes. So this is the 8th chapter, and i guess it’s a bit shorter than most of the others but i love it, i really do. There are a few songs mentioned in this chapter and it would make sense to listen them… And i used different quotation signs this time, i hope tumblr likes these better… and i hope there aren’t too many typos in here… anyway, i hope you enjoy this chapter as much as i do, and thanks for reading

Eight

I didn’t call Josh that day. I didn’t call him even though I had said that I would. I felt like Josh just needed some time on his own, some time to sober up again and some time to think about everything that had happened. To really think about it, not just wish it hadn’t happened. I felt like this was the perfect time for him to do so. He knew that I would talk to Bob and that I did my best to help him. And that John did the same. He still needed the time. And I probably needed some time, too.

The things John had said were still stuck in my head and I had come to the conclusion that he was right and that I shouldn’t worry that much. Things shouldn’t be that hard, hard? Especially when it comes to these hinds of things. They should just work out, at least in the beginning they should. Because if they don’t and if things feel wrong in one way or another, there is no way for this to work out. And I don’t want to say that there was anything that felt wrong between Josh and I, no, it felt great to be honest, yes I was confused as fuck but it still felt great, I just felt that I wasn’t enjoying this feeling of having someone I could connect with enough. I felt like my worry was destroying this great feeling - and that it might even be destroying our friendship and whatever it might or might  not have been turning into. 

So I didn’t call Josh that day, I did other things instead, things like cleaning the apartment, reading, listening to music, the kind of stuff you do when you don’t have to work and you don’t really have plans. I talked to my dad on the phone, he and Michelle had arrived  in Illinois safely but they were tired so we didn’t talk for long. Then Susan called me a bit later and we talked for about 20 minutes  but.. she really started getting on my nerves after a bit so I came up with some kind of excuse so that I could hang up and wouldn’t have to talk to her any longer. I personally really feel like doing something like this is actually beneficial for friendships, even if it may not seem all too nice at first. You just need to look at it this way: If I hadn’t done this and just would have kept talking to Susan I would definitely have become more and more annoyed by the minute. And if i’m annoyed I get really pissy so Susan would definitely have noticed that there was something wrong. In the end we would probably have fought. So it is better if I end the call before we get that far, right?

I didn’t do much after that and I went to bed quite early and for the first time in what felt like forever I actually slept well. I don’t think that these every-day things are interesting to you so I won’t go into detail here.  I just know that I normally don’t really care about what a person exactly does before they go to bed and whether they braid their hair before they go to bed. I mean everyone knows how these things work, right? So I (for once) won’t spam you with unnecessary information. Let’s just say I went to bed early, okay? And I woke up late, around 12 pm actually, this time feeling fresh and ready to start another day. Yeah, I just said i’d start another day at 12 pm. Better latter than never, right? I stayed in bed for a bit after I woke up, I just didn’t feel like leaving the magical place that is my bed right away. 

I finally did crawl out of my bed nevertheless, being hungry and thirsty isn’t that nice after all so I came to the conclusion that it would be better to leave my warm and comfy bed to get something to eat and drink. I had just sat down at the table with a glass of milk and a bowl of cereal when my cellphone rang. I took a look at it, wondering who was calling me and saw that it was Sophia (my flatmate I told you about earlier). I answered the phone and before I could even say ‘hello’ Sophia started talking in a hysteric way (and she seemingly forgot that I didn’t speak a single word of Portuguese because the first few sentences she said were in Portuguese) and ended her (useless) speech with a equally hysteric, »Where the fuck are you?« All of sudden it all made perfect sense to me: I had totally forgotten that Sophia returned from her vacation in Brazil that day and that I was supposed to pick her up at the airport. »Fuck«, was all I said before hanging up and searching my keys. When I had found them I headed straight to the door, put on my shoes and left, still in my Pjs. Yeah, better don’t ask, I drove to the airport in my Pjs, my hair was a mess, I hadn’t even brushed my teeth but in this moment I didn’t care. I didn’t want to let Sophia wait any longer than she already had, I didn’t want to let her down. 

I drove to the airport as fast as I could (which wasn’t that fast even though it wasn’t rush hour) and called Sophia when I had reached it. It took us a few more minutes to find each other in the huge airport. When I finally spotted her in the crowd of people leaving the airport I ran towards her, I really didn’t care about my looks at all in that moment. »Sophia, i’m so sorry, I really forgot«, I then said as I hugged her.  »It’s fine, don’t worry, i’m sorry if I made you feel guilty or something earlier on, I was just really stressed and kind of pissed when you were nowhere to be seen, I just really want to go home…«, Sophia mumbled and then pulled away, looking at me with her dark brown eyes. She really looked exhausted. »By the way, why are you still wearing pajamas?!«, Sophia then asked, a tired smile forming on her face. »Oh, uh«, I looked down and smiled myself, »I had just gotten up when you called me and I left right after hanging up« Sophia’s smile grew a bit bigger, »Oh my god this is such a typical thing to do for you. I’m so glad to be back, I missed you« »I missed  you too. Come on, let’s go«

We got into the car and I drove home, Sophia sitting on the passenger seat with her eyes closed. We didn’t talk on our way home and because I hadn’t turned on the car radio the only noises one could hear were the noises the engine made. We soon reached the apartment building and I helped Sophia carrying her luggage up the stairs to our apartment. As we approached the front door I saw that there was something laying on the doormat. I bent down to have a closer look at it when I was standing right in front of the door and came to see that it was a small cardboard box and a piece of paper laying underneath it. I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering who could have put this on my doormat. »Oh, Ally, is there something you should tell me?«, Sophia said as the came closer and saw me standing in front of the door with the cardboard boy and the piece of paper in hand, a small smile on her face, »You never told me about your secret admirer« I rolled my eyes at her comments. »Don’t you want to just go back to Brazil?«, I asked in a sarcastic tone while I locked open the door and walked in, Sophia’s bag in one hand and the cardboard box plus piece of paper in the other one. Sophia ignored my questions and went straight into her bedroom where she just laid down on her bed. 

I saw that my glass of milk and my bowl of cereal were still standing on the living room table, of course they were, I mean I hadn’t even touched them before leaving. Since the milk and cereal were uneatable by now and I was sure that Sophia was just as hungry as me I decided to order pizza. While waiting for the pizza I took a closer look at the things that had been laying on the doormat. First I unfolded the piece of paper and started to decipher the quite small handwriting. To my great surprise the piece of paper turned out to be a short note from Josh, and it said the following:

Hi A…

I’m sorry if this is weird to you and I completely understand it if you find this too awkward but I hope you don’t. I just wanted to thank you for helping me… and apologize for making things complicated. So I made this for you, I hope you like it. These are some of my favorite songs…

btw Bob apologized to me. I’m in the band again, thank you.

And I hope you have a cassette player.

J…

I smiled to myself and laid the note on the table, my hands shaking and my heart pounding as I opened the cardboard box. Inside was an audio cassette, clearly a mixtape Josh had made for me. There was a piece of paper with the titles of the songs on the tape in the plastic box the cassette was in. According to this note the cassette had the following songs on it.

I’m waiting for the day - the Beach Boys

. All Along the Watchtower - Bob Dylan

Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix Experience

the Twilight Zone - Rush

Us and Them - Pink Floyd

To the End - Blur

No Surprises - Radiohead

Ocean Size - Jane’s Addiction

Wishlist - Pearl Jam

Fell on Black Days - Soundgarden

Heroes - David Bowie

Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin

I knew almost all the songs on the mixtape already but I still decided to take the time and listen to it start to finish so I put the tape and the note aside and waited for the pizza to be delivered. While waiting I read Josh’s note again and again. I couldn’t believe that Josh had made a mixtape for me, no one had ever done something as nice and sweet for me. I really appreciated this, and I couldn’t stop smiling to myself while Sophia and I were eating in the living room. 

»So, who’s that secret admirer of yours?«, my flatmate asked after a bit. »What? Who?« »Well, someone must have put this cardboard box in front of our door, and I suppose that it wasn’t Santa Claus«, Sophia said, rolling her eyes at me. »Don’t call him that«, I giggled, »that sounds as if he was a stalker or something!« Sophia  smiled, »But he is your secret admirer, right?« I felt myself blushing and just silently shook my head. »Oh, Ally«, my flatmate laughed, »Come on, tell me more« »There’s nothing to tell you, really« »Yeah, for sure…«, Sophia said in a sarcastic tone, then she reached for my the cardboard box that was still standing on the table but I was faster than her, grabbed it myself and put it out of her reach. »What’s in there?«, she asked. »Nothing of your interest«, I mumbled. »Come ooooon, who’s the mysterious guy and what did he get you?«, Sophia whined, desperate to learn more about my ‘secret admirer’. »Could you please calm down?!«, I muttered. »Only if you tell me more about your lover«, she whispered and winked at me. I sighed but giggled, »Okay… First of all, he’s NOT my lover, and he’s not my secret admirer« Sophia raised her eyebrows at me but didn’t say anything. »He’s a friend - a very good friend, I admit that, but he’s not my lover, he’s not my secret admirer and he’s not my boyfriend«, I continued and then silently added , »At least not yet«

»What’s his name?«, Sophia asked, it seemed like she really hadn’t heard what I had said to myself. »Josh«, I responded and as I said his name I felt a smile forming on my face, »Joshua Adam Klinghoffer…« »Wow, what a name «, Sophia laughed, »Tell me more about him « So I told her more about Josh and I won’t repeat all I told her since you already know all these things. After I had finished talking Sophia said, »Oh god Ally, you should see yourself, you look so happy when you’re talking about him« I felt myself blush and looked down at the table. »So, what did he get you? What’s in that cardboard box?«, she asked after a few minutes of silence. »Um, he didn’t really get me anything, but… He made me a mixtape with some of his favorite songs on it«, I responded, looking at the box. »OH. MY. GOD. That’s so cute!«, Sophia shrieked. I laughed at her reaction, she was so wonderfully emotional. Just in that moment I felt how much I had missed her. I mean yeah, she may be annoying from time to time, she may be a bit over the top with her emotions and her love for drama, but at the end of the day she is one of my best friends. And even though I didn’t mind spending a few days or even weeks without her and even though it took me a while to see it, I had really missed her while she hadn’t been there. The apartment had been awfully empty and lifeless without her. Sophia yawned, »I should probably go to bed now, though, I’m so freaking tired« I giggled, then sighed and looked at her. »I’m so glad you’re back« She smiled at me and responded, »Me too, it feels so good to be back, to be home«

Sophia hugged me before disappearing into her room, a small smile on her face. I threw away the empty pizza boxes before entering my own room and searching my walkman, I couldn’t wait for listening to Josh’s mixtape even though I already knew most of the songs (as I already said before). I just felt that this was special, this was something Josh had made for me, these were some of his favorite songs, and he had made this mixtape just for me. And even if this might not seem like a big deal to you, it definitely was a big deal to me, this was special to me. It took me some time to find my it, compact cassettes weren’t exactly the audio format I used the most so I didn’t use my walkman that often and I was so glad I hadn’t thrown it away by that time. When I finally found it I put the tape in it, put my headphones on and pressed play. 

I listened to the mixtape start to finish for a few times, enjoying it with every fiber of my heart and soul. Josh had again proved his great taste in music to me. And this tape was definitely one of the best things anyone had ever given to me. I loved every song on there and I enjoyed every second of listening to these songs Josh had chosen to give to me on this mixtape, the songs he wanted me to hear and maybe the songs he wanted to remind me of him. I was playing the tape over and over again, not even noticing that there was almost three minutes of silence ‘recorded’ on the tape after the last song. I just listened to the songs on it over and over again for literally days.

So it’s no wonder that it took me so long to notice. And I probably wouldn’t have noticed it at all myself. It was Sophia who brought it up. We were sitting on the couch in the living room two days later (and I had already thanked Josh for the tape by then but he didn’t react to my text messages which I found kinda awkward) and listened to the mixtape through her boombox and when Stairway to Heaven had finished I got up from the couch to rewind the cassette when Sophia said, »Wait a second, I feel like this wasn’t the last recording on the tape « I looked at her confused, »What do you mean? This was the twelfth  song, the last one on the list. I listened to this a thousand times, I would have noticed if there was one more track on there« Sophia looked me deep in the eyes, »Come on, it won’t hurt you, will it? I really feel like there’s a hidden track on there or something« »Yeah, for sure, a hidden track on a mixtape «, I laughed. I sat back down though, and waited for the minute long silence to prove Sophia wrong. Just when I took a breath to say something along the lines of, »See, no hidden track, there’s no 13th track on there« I heard something. 

It sounded like someone was cleaning his throat, I looked at Sophia and she was looking back at me with big eyes. It seemed like she hadn’t really expected this either. I quickly pressed the 'pause’-button on the boombox, as much as I appreciated Sophia’s friendship, I felt like this, whatever it would turn out to be, wasn’t supposed to be heard by anyone but me. I just as quickly put the cassette into my walkman, put on the headphones and pressed 'play’ while walking into my bedroom and closing the door behind me. I felt my heart race as I sat down on my bed.

»Um, hi, it’s me«, I heard Josh’s voice say, then there was a nervous giggling and some more silence, »What shall I say? Um, I really, really hoped  you’d find this… which might seem kinda weird, I mean after all I hid it, didn’t I? Hiding something and hoping for a certain person to find it is a bit paradoxical, i’m aware of that«, again there was a bit of nervous laughter to be heard on the recording, »but well, that’s just who I am. And… um… I just wanted to ask if… if you’d like to spend some more time with me. Like, actually spend time with me, not just sitting around in the studio while i’m there… I mean, i’m not asking for a date… I kind of am, though. Um, okay, so… please just let me know if you heard this and if you want to spend more time with me or… okay, I guess i’ll just stop wasting your time now, I don’t really know what to say anymore… okay, bye« 

With that the recording ended. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. Had this really happened? Had Josh just asked me for a date? Had he just asked me for a date through a hidden track on a mixtape he had made for me? I really couldn’t believe it. I felt incredibly happy, shocked and overwhelmed at the same time. This clearly explained why he hadn’t responded to my text messages, he must have thought that I was just ignoring his message on the tape, that I didn’t want to go out with him or just spend more time with him and that he had embarrassed himself. But he really hadn’t. This was the best thing that could have happened, the cutest idea ever. I couldn’t believe it. I listened to the short hidden recording of his voice over and over again, trying to make myself understand that this was real.

I resisted the urge to immediately text Josh and forced myself to lay down on my bed for a bit and try to calm down. I didn’t really succeed. I was way too excited about this, I was way too excited about what had just happened. So I went back into the living room where Sophia was still sitting on the couch, seemingly waiting for me to come back and report to her on what I had just heard on the tape. I couldn’t really find the words to tell her what had happened, though, so I just stood in front of her, trying to figure out what had happened and how I was felling. And trust me, this wasn’t an easy thing to do at all. 

»Josh… he…«, I stuttered, »I… he… I need to talk to him right now, like, in person« Sophia laughed, »Oh Ally, seems like whatever he did, he did the right thing« I couldn’t stop smiling, »Yeah I guess he did« Just a few minutes later I was on my way to Josh’s place, driving down the roads of LA as the nautical dusk made the sky turn bright red and the many lights that illuminated the city at night were switched on one after the other. I was still listening to the mixtape, my car had a cassette player. And as I drove down the roads I remembered John’s words and thought, maybe Josh’s soul and mine really were meant to be together. Maybe.

[missjugheadjones]

When I Look At You

Word Count: 2024

A/N: This is a song lyric inspired fiction... type thing?? I'm not good with fiction terminology, if that's even a thing haha oops. It's based off 'When I Look At You.' By Miley Cyrus. Anyways I love this so much actually :D If any of you want to send me requests I would love to take them, and I'd love to know what you think of my writing! Part 4 of Jealousy will be out soon btw! Much love <3

Everybody needs inspiration

Everybody needs a song

A beautiful melody,

For when the nights are long.

'Cause there's no guarantee

That this life is easy.

    You sat in the diner by yourself, staring down at your laptop. It was midnight, and although you weren't exactly supposed to be there, you needed to get out of the hell hole that was your house. It had just been constant fighting between your mom and dad. Although they were divorced, they were still forced to live with eachother until your mom got back on her feet. Their constant yelling and screaming at eachother were bad, but not as bad as your depression and anxiety that had been acting up lately. It was bad, and there seemed to be nothing anyone could do about it. So here you sat, trying to write some stupid paper about 'how far would you be willing to go to find the truth' but nothing was coming to mind except the shit show that was your life. You had no inspiration, no motivation, and honestly you just wanted to cry. Just as you decided it was time to give up, a familiar pair of arms wrapped around your waist. You turned to face Jughead, and he gave you a small smile, and you attempted to return it, but he could tell something was off.

    "What's wrong?" he lightly questioned, and you leaned into him, enjoying the feeling of peace while it lasted.

     "Nothing anymore." you whispered, only wanting him to hear you, not that there was anyone else in the diner. He nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck.

    "Bullshit. Please tell me what's up." he mumbled against your skin. You grabbed one of his hands that held tight on your waist and he rubbed small circles on it.

    "I'm stressed because of my parents, I feel like absolute depressed and anxious garbage, and I don't know what to write for my damn essay. But none of that matters now, you're here." he squeezed you tighter with one arm, he and used the other one to open your laptop.

    "We can deal with everything else later, because I can't allow that. But first, Let's see what we're working with..." he said, opening word. "How far would you be willing to go to find the truth.." You stared at the screen, just looking at the blank page made you want to scream and throw your laptop in a blender. "Write about Jason Blossom and his death." Jughead suggested, and you perked up, an idea forming in your head. Jughead was on the search for truth, and he so far had gone to great lengths for it.

    "Or even better, I could write about you trying to find the truth about his murder." you said, quickly typing. Jughead watched as words flew across the digital page. He took in every detail of you in this moment, your fingers as they typed, how you bit your lip in concentration, even how your hair fell down across your face and you didn't even bother moving it because you were so in the zone. He wondered if this is what you felt like when you watched him write. You turned your head and kissed him.

    "My inspiration." You mumbled against his lips.

Yeah when my world is falling apart

When there's no light to break up the dark

That's when I look at you.

When the waves are flooding the shore

And I can't find my way home anymore,

That's when I look at you.

    "I can't do this anymore Jughead!" you yelled, collapsing onto the ground. It was becoming harder to breathe, and your vision was blacking out. Everything around you was blurry, the tears in your eyes distorting everything you looked at.

    " Y/N please listen to me, everything is going to be okay!" he said tenderly, trying to not let his worry show. He grabbed your shoulders and he looked you in the eyes, his heart breaking as he saw the tears flow out of them. "Listen, I want you to breathe."

    "I can't!" you cried, shaking your head.

    "Yes you can, please Y/N. Just try." he was doing his best to stay calm, but seeing you like this tore him apart.

    "What's the point Jughead! I can't do this anymore, I have no reason to!" you sobbed.

    "Y/N you have me!" he yelled.

    "You could do so much better, you'll find so much better and you'll leave and I'll be completely alone!" you bitterly yelled. Y/N looked at him, and started to cry even harder.

    "Juggie I'm so sorry, please don't cry!" she sobbed. Jughead hadn't even noticed that tears were rolling down his face, and Y/N had never really seen him cry before. Sure she saw a tear or two every once in a while, but never this many. Her chest got tight and her heart shattered. Jughead pulled her into his chest, and they held eachother.

    "I could never do better than you." he whispered, rubbing circles on her back. She held onto him tighter, wanting nothing more to make him stop crying. She could feel his tears fall onto her shoulder. "It's you who could do so much better, I'm not good enough for you Y/N, I-"

    "Forsythe don't even say that! I love you more than anything in this world, you make me feel less broken and alone and I don't know what I'd do without you." she whispered.

    "You do the same for me." he said, kissing her forehead. You make me feel whole."

    "Juggie, I know now that my home isn't a place, my home is you." she smiled up at him. He leaned down and kissed her, cupping her face.

    "You're my home too, Y/N." he leaned his forehead against hers, and smiled back down at her.

When I look at you,

I see forgiveness,

I see the truth.

You love me for who I am.

Like the stars hold the moon.

Right there where they belong,

And I know I'm not alone.

    "I'm sorry." Y/N whispered, standing by Jugheads locker at school. He crossed his arms and stared at her.

    "You're in my way." he said coldly, although it killed him to talk to her like that. She stepped away from the locker, and he turned his back to her and opened it up. Rummaging through his backpack for his math notebook he did his best to ignore Y/N behind him, no matter how badly he wanted to kiss her and hold her.

    "Juggie can we please talk about this?" she asked.

    "Don't call me that." Y/N felt tears stinging in her eyes.

    "Jughead please!" she begged, and Jugheads heart broke at the sound of her voice. He turned around and saw a tear roll down her face.

    "Okay! We can talk if you stop crying." he said, closing his locker and pulling her into the nearest janitor closet. The door closed behind him and he looked down at her.

    "Jughead I'm sorry! I know that you feel like I'm lying because I have things to hide from you and that I'm distancing myself because you think I'm going to leave you but that's not the case! Things at home are getting worse and... I was scared to tell you what was going on." Jughead looked at her worryingly.

    "What do you mean? What's going on?" he asked, stepping towards her.

    "They... they kicked me out Jughead." she started to sob, and she wrapped his arms around her. "I'm homeless and I'm alone and maybe I deserve it. Maybe I don't deserve a home and a family, I'm just a big problem!"

    "No you aren't." he whispered, rubbing her back. "And you aren't alone, you'll never be alone. Come stay with me." He said.

    "What?" she asked, looking up at him.

    "Come live with me." he said again, smiling down at her.

    "Where do you live?" she asked, a bit of excitement present in her voice.

    "Don't tell anyone, but I live at the Twilight Drive-In." he whispered, and she stares up at him in shock. He laughed and pulled her towards him again.

    "You wouldn't want to live with me." she said. "I dance around too much and sing off key, I eat way too much and I yell at the screen while I watch movies and tv even though they can't hear me! I sleep all day or I lay in bed and watch YouTube and I talk in my sleep-"  

    "I already know, and I think it's adorable." he said, cutting her off. "You're perfect to me Y/N, and if your parents don't want you then I'll sure as hell take you."

    "Oh Jughead..." Y/N fought back tears, but for a different reason this time. "Are you sure?"

    "Absolutely." Jughead said, grabbing her hand.

You appear just like a dream to me,

Just like kaleidoscope colours that cover me

All I need, every breath that I breathe

Don't you know you're beautiful?

    "I swear Y/N, if you don't give me back my beanie-"

    "What are you going to do?" Y/N interrupted him, giving a smirk.

    "I'm going to do...." Jughead trailed off, trying to think of a punishment for the (y/h/c) girl standing on the bed smiling down at him. "This." he said, running towards the girl. He jumped up on the bed and tackled her, pinning her underneath him.

    "Sucks to be you." she said, grinning ear to ear. Jughead looked around for the beanie, but couldn't see it anywhere . He looked down at Y/N and she giggled.

    "Where is it?" he asked.

    "That's on a need to know basis, and I'm sorry, but you don't need to know." she said.

    "Actually, I think I do. That's my beanie." he playfully argued.

    "Actually, you don't." she laughed, trying to mimic his voice.

    "Y/N, please!" He begged. Y/N attempted to sit up, but couldn't. She fell back down on the bed, and Jughead gave his best puppy dog eyes and stuck out his bottom lip.

    "Is Jughead Jones giving me puppy eyes right now?" Y/N laughed. Jughead rolled his eyes and sighed. He leaned down and fell onto Y/N, now laying on her. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, and she kissed him on the forehead.

    "I think you'll be okay without it for one day." she said. Jughead groaned, and it tickled Y/ns neck.

    "I won't be though! I feel like I look like an idiot without it. Not that I look any better usually." he said, raising his head so he was looking at her.

    "Um, no." she quickly sat up, pushing Jughead up too.

    "No what?" he asked, confused by her sudden change in behavior. He sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled Y/N onto his lap.

    "You never look like an idiot. You're adorable." Y/N said in a very serious tone.

    "Not exa-" Jughead was cut off by a kiss. He pulled back, and looked up at the girl on his lap. "What was that?" he asked.

    "What I'm not allowed to kiss my boyfriend?" Y/N teased an he chuckled.

    "No, I mean-" again he was cut off with another kiss.  

    "You're so handsome Jughead." she mumbled against his lips. He pulled back again and stared at Y/N, and she admired his sweet smile plastered on his face. His hair was messed up, wild and free from his beanie, and the setting suns light shone through the window, lighting the room up beautifully. Y/N felt like she was in a dream, and if it was one she hoped she'd never wake up. He reached up and cupped her face, and she leaned into it.

    "How did I ever get so lucky to have you?" Jughead asked softly.

    "I could ask you the same thing." she said, leaning down to kiss him again.

    "I love you, Y/N."

    "And I love you, Forsythe." she whispered.