#this is not me tryna ��justify” anyone liking fanfiction

[murfpersonalblog]

What else would you call a fan of Richard III writing fictional stories about him, other than a fanfic? 🤔 That's like people who say celebrities didn't exist before the Industrial Revolution and the creation of radios & tv. Which is total BS.

YES, modern media revolutionized the way we access/consume & circulate creative works like fanfic & fanart. And sure, the human inclination to categorize & label every frikkin thing impacted how we've come to identify & codify said works. But that doesn't mean modern society created fanfiction as a concept, even if things like the internet, mass marketing, and even literacy rates definitely broadened how we as a community engage with art & e/o.

IMO the only difference between fanfiction & religious texts or Shakespeare is the level of power/influence/respect an institutionally-sanctioned text can have, compared to a story posted as a recreational hobby/creative outlet. I think a lot of the pushback comes from connotations about hella serious works like religious texts, vs uber-respected works like Shakespeare, vs more frivolous(?) works like fanfiction. But I don't think they're as distinct as it's being made to seem.

Like, yes, there's the divine right of kings; but fandoms are cults (e.g.: cult classic movies, books, etc; X X X X X X X), and monarchs 100% have cults of personality. Folks have been invested in the lives of popular figures since forever ago. Not even the divine right of kings kept monarchs (hell, even popes!) safe from people gossiping, spreading stories/rumors, satire, making up all kinds of stuff about them--headcanons, etc. Same way there are modern celebrity fandoms--people even ship band members & actors together who are verifiably NOT a couple. Look at the INTRIGUE surrounding Versailles, and the MASSIVE cultural impact that the lives of the Sun King's Court had on the popular imagination (even in his own time!)--from Dumas (Man in the Iron Mask, Musketeers, etc), to La Voison, all the way down to the Scarlet Pimpernel (Louis 15 not 14 but you get what I mean), and Monchevy--all involving the lovers & love-lives of kings (which is a big deal in a hereditary monarchy surrounded by a sycophantic Court (fans/posse/entourage/groupies/etc).

And when your king is tantamount to a god (i.e.: divine kingship, priest-kings, no separation of church & state), then ofc religion can be seen as a type of fandom, with religious texts being tantamount to fanfiction--or vice versa (depending on the text's impact).

Look at the oldest story on the frikkin planet: the Epic of Gilgamesh, a (fan)fictional account of a (quasi?)historical king. He was an idolized hero--a popular local/international celebrity, and a cult was built around him that included the creation of multiple stories by all kinds of people, of which the EoG is just the biggest & best preserved--in which the author denied that he'd become an immortal god. Other writers disagreed, and said Gilgamesh really was deified. The lines between CANON & FANON blurred, to the point that we don't really know if he was a real or fictional dude. But people wrote all kinds of stories about him for THOUSANDS of years! He had the world's earliest known literary fandom, that exists to this day!

Sectarianism & schisms occur when the CANON is disputed--literal wars start over people not agreeing with peoples' interpretations or takes. FANON can lead to the Mandela Effect, which can even affect the REAL canon if certain ideas gets picked up by people with enough influence to turn fanon into the new canon.

Look at Plutarch & Shakespeare's "biographies," which we often treat as legit history--the lives of Alexander the Great (which started an entire genre of "Romances"), Julius Caesar, Antony & Cleopatra, King Henry & Richard etcetc. That was straight up fanfiction, but it's so dang OLD that everyone knows these stories/"histories", and we have a hard time separating fact from fiction cuz we just weren't there; and archaeological/textual evidence can only tell us so much.

Look at the history of theatre, and the way playwrights & rhapsodes & griots & skalds & bards retell events for entertainment, but are also relied upon as historians who orally preserve information that is treated as fact. It often recounted a religious story about a culture's gods, the origins of popular cult(ure) practices, folklore, and legendary/historical events & figures--look at the way Greek theatre emerged from worship of Dionysus (plays like the Bacchae and the Frogs are literal fanfiction versions of the Dionysus myth). Look at Japan's kabuki, and its creation by a miko (shrine maiden) who performed Buddhist dances. In many ancient cultures, theatre was a RELIGIOUS performance art. These were held as fun & funny performances & art, but also dead serious. We laugh at Jaskier/Dandelion's antics on The Witcher, and how skewed his songs are, but also look at the HUGE fanbase he has, where even kings and actual historians look to his songs as legit information when really they're just fanfiction.

Speaking of singers--look at Star Trek TOS, and all the DECADES of speculation behind Spock & Uhura being a couple, before someone with influence & power finally went for it and made fanon into canon in the 2009 reboot.

Look at the Church of Scientology--which started as LITERAL (fan)fiction, before celebrities turned it into this big ole thing that some people actually take seriously 🤣, treating it as an actual religion. (They have a whole parasocial relationship with Hubbard, I can't even.)

The professional/monetary aspect of fiction (as Art™) vs fanfiction is important too. Terms like Intellectual Property, Transformative Work, and Copyright are new--imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but also the quickest way to a lawsuit nowadays. A lot of folk use "fanfiction" pejoratively (thanks, My Immortal, for giving fics a bad name), to demean its quality. Some literati get offended by even using Shakespeare and Fanfiction in the same sentence, like, blasphemy! 🤢🤮 But there are PLENTY of fanfic authors out there who write WAY better than some Pulitzer authors! Ao3 even won a Hugo award. But because fanfiction is transformative, the legality of publishing or getting monetary compensation for writings fics is a slippery slope, even with some fic authors successfully getting their work published (50 Shades, Shadowhunters, etc). Who cares that Virgil ripped off Homer, and Shakespeare ripped off Ovid?! God forbid you rip off GRRM or *boss music starts* Anne Rice! 💀 (And the WILDEST irony is that after making SUCH a stink about fanfic authors touching her work, Anne Rice sold the rights to ALL of her books to AMC, whose tv adaptations have sometimes been called fanfiction! 🤣 And look how many THEATRE KIDS make up the cast of Interview with the Vampire--and the triple irony wrt Lestat's origin story and the creation of the Theatre des Vampires!)

So really, all it takes is someone powerful & influential enough to reinvent the wheel and turn (fan)fiction into high art, a story into history, fandom into cult/religion, and fanon into canon.

My least favourite type of internet person is the person who claims fanfic is over thousands of years old or whatever. I understand we like to joke but fanfiction is fundamentally tied to fandom culture and is a very specific way of engaging with media. Religious texts based off other religious texts is not fanfiction and it is worrying the only way you can justify your interest is by comparing the two. I promise you you don't have to reinvent the wheel to write fanfic you can just do that but we don't have to say "Shakespeare wrote fanfiction about Richard III", there was not a Richard III fandom in 1592, that was called the divine right of kings.

[mik0rin]

crescendo ♪ track 02

“only the moon and stars witness our love but what if i want us to be touched by the sun? why are you so against loving in the daylight?”

college!suna x college!black fem reader genre: angst, secret relationship warnings: implied colorism, insecurity, talk of preferences, cussing, arguing, suna is lowkey a pussy ass bitch word count: 3,128

disclaimer: please remember i am a DARKSKIN BLACK GIRL, i am writing this from similar experiences and in no way, shape, or form do i actually believe this is how suna is. this is fanfiction, heavy emphasis on the fiction. if you do not like it, do not read it.

playlist: spotify apple music

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now playing:

p.s// play me on repeat pls

It was fun.

At first.

The secret glances, the midnight meet-ups, and loving each other after the sun had set. The thrill was exciting, the adrenaline that ran through your body at the risk of being caught. You enjoyed the way his hand would always find yours under a table or how his eyes would always land on you without anyone noticing.

It made you feel special.

love the way i pump my fist or how i bust my hip

Suna Rintaro was selective with his time and who he gave it to. So when you met him through mutual friends you didn’t think anything of him. Sure, you found him incredibly attractive and interesting but that was the extent of it. The two of you never exchanged anything more than hi or a simple wave.

Yet the unexpected happens.

One random night your phone pings with a text from an unknown sender.

- i got your number from nyoko

You stare at the text, anxiety creeping up on you. You didn’t recognize the number and Nyoko never mentioned anything about giving anyone your information.

- this is suna btw

A sigh of relief escapes your mouth and the anxiety is replaced with confusion. Why was he texting you? It’s not like the two of you were friends or anything of the sort. But you decide to humor him, so you reply.

One reply leads to another and when texts aren't enough, calls between the two of you are made.

Then Suna had started asking you to hang out with him, alone. Always taking you out of town or visiting places that were only open when everyone else was asleep.

for your affection, tryna be down

That was the relationship between the two of you and you couldn’t deny that you loved it. He asked you if it was okay if things were kept private and you agreed. There was nothing wrong with loving each other after hours.

There was a certain kind of rush that came with trying to hide your feelings for each other in public. Whenever the two of you would sneak off from your group of friends, making up some kind of lie to escape the party. Or Suna pulling you into empty lecture rooms and kissing you until his lips were the same shade of glitter as yours.

You were the only one blessed with the chance to hear his soft words or witness his sleepy smile. Suna had a side to him that only came out when the moon and stars lit up the sky. The fox-eyed boy made you feel warm despite never basking in the sun’s rays. He treated you like the only girl in the world and to you, that was the only thing that mattered.

And it was fun.

Until It wasn’t.

Then something odd happened between the two of you. Suna started flinching away from your discreet affection in public. He would no longer pull you into secret hideaways to kiss or whisper sweet-nothings in your ear. At first you doubted it, telling yourself you were overthinking. But, the behavior continued and you decided to talk to him about it. When you brought it up the brown-haired boy only brushed you off, making up excuses of how he was tired.

You believed him at first, justifying his actions with silly reasons. You were only fooling yourself really, because deep down you knew it was something more.

Then one day the already strained relationship took a turn for the worst.

You don’t even know how one of the boys in your study group got ahold of your phone but it happened. Kazuma started scrolling through your photos and showing the rest of the group the embarrassing ones. You didn’t care, until he pulled up a certain photo.

“Y/n you never told us you had a boyfriend.”

“Huh?” You reply, confusion written all over your face.

“Is this not a picture of you and your boyfriend?” Kazuma passes your phone around letting everyone get a good look at the photo.

It was one of the only photos you had of Rintaro in your phone. His face wasn’t even fully visible, it was partially buried in your neck because he had fallen asleep.

This was one of your late night picnic dates and Suna had all but crawled on top of you, claiming you were more comfortable than any pillow. These were the moments you fell in love with and you wanted to commemorate at least one of them.

The phone had reached Suna and when you caught his eye, there was something about his reaction that made you uneasy. His facial expression was unreadable but you swore you saw irritation flash in his gray-yellow eyes.

no fighting and no stoppin’, stick around

“Oh that? It was a one time thing, don’t worry about it.”

A lie. A lie that could be easily discovered if anyone recognized the man in the photo.

“This kinda looks like Suna though?” Kazuma mumbles.

Multiple voices chime in agreeing with the phone thief. Then within seconds, all eyes were on the two of you, waiting for the answer to the unspoken question. Nerves begin eating away at your usual confidence and for once you were at a loss for words. But Suna was unfazed almost like he was prepared for this.

“Why would it be me? Y/n and I aren’t even a good match.” Suna mutters annoyed.

And just like that, everyone agrees with him.

Kazuma finally hands you your phone back and you immediately put it in your bag. The rest of the group moved on from the situation but you couldn’t especially with the way your “boyfriend’s” words replayed in your head.

There was no reason for you to be hurt, right?

He was only trying to protect your secret but there was no denying his words stung in a way you hadn’t expected. And it wasn’t only his words that chipped at your heart but his demeanor. He looked disgusted at the accusation and you couldn’t help but think; Is dating me such a horrible thing?

When you looked at Rin for reassurance, something to indicate you were letting unnecessary negative thoughts overrun your mind, you were met with a single text instead.

- delete the picture.

Crack.

That’s the sound of the first of many fractures your fragile heart would experience.

- people don’t need to find out about us.

No longer did it feel like he was trying to keep your relationship away from prying eyes. Now you felt like Suna was hiding you away like dirty laundry.

The studying had come to an end and everyone had gone their separate ways. Nyoko and you had decided to go down to the copy room together before heading home. The smell of freshly printed study guides and the whirring sound of the copy machines distracted you from your overwhelming thoughts.

But that peace doesn’t last very long.

“You know I was pretty shocked when Kazuma tried to say Suna was your boyfriend,”  Nyoko admits. Her comment is harmless but with everything that has happened in the last hour, it felt like a knife to the chest.

“Why?”

“Suna has had a very strict type since I’ve met him and the two of us? We do not fit anywhere in it.” The shorter girl snorts, tucking a few box braids behind her ear.

All you can do is hum in response because you didn’t understand what she was implying. Rintaro had never mentioned any of his exes and you never mentioned yours. You were the type of couple that lived in the moment and maybe that was your downfall.

“What’s his type?” You know you shouldn’t ask but curiosity killed the cat and unfortunately, there was not enough satisfaction to bring it back.

Nyoko sets down her papers and pulls her phone out of her back pocket.

“Here I’ll show you. I have some pictures of his old girlfriends from when we all used to hang out.”

The girl starts swiping through the photos and you feel something happen within your chest.

Crack.

Another fracture to your heart and this time you could feel your emotions leak out of it like blood from a wound.

wish i was the type of girl you take over to mama

Oh. This is what Nyoko meant by type.

As she swiped through pictures, you were presented with girls who didn’t look like you. Not even one of them bore a resemblance to your features and now insecurity began to flood your mind.

the type of girl, i know my daddy, he’d proud of

Every single ex-girlfriend looked like Hollywood's favored choice, the one who was cast for the sake of diversity. Their tan skin and curly hair heavily contrasting your own deeper brown skin and coily hair. And by no means did you ever doubt your own beauty but seeing these pictures made something abundantly clear.

Suna Rintaro was ashamed of you.

wanna be the type of girl you take home to your mama

You didn’t look like them.

That’s why he replied to Kazuma with such distaste in his tone. There was no way he would date you after dating girls that looked like that. You were either getting played or this whole thing was some kind of elaborate prank.

Or even worse, Suna was experimenting. Using you like you were some kind of variable that he could control.

You were no stranger to these kinds of schemes, growing up as the lowest rung on society’s ladder made you fall victim to many evil plots.

But with Suna you thought it was different, he was different. That’s why the pain you felt was different, it wasn’t even heartbreak. Suna had ripped out every organ in your chest cavity and smashed it like glass.

You start questioning everything; your boyfriend, your relationship, yourself.

Is there something wrong with me?

Why am I never wanted the way other girls are?

Am I not pretty enough?

Am I not good enough?

Or is loving me something that always has to happen after the sun disappears?

wanna be the type of girl, i know your fellas they’d be proud of

“They’re pretty.” You whisper, swallowing the emotions that threaten to bubble over.

“Yea I guess. He seems to have a “preference” or whatever and he doesn’t branch out much but that’s none of my concern.” Nyoko shrugs her shoulders, slipping her phone back into her pocket.

That was the end of the conversation for her, but for you? Your mind wouldn’t stop the constant negative thoughts.

normal girl, oh

And for the first time in a long time, you wished you looked different.

i wish i was a normal girl

Nyoko and you exit the copy room, saying your farewells as you leave. You walk down the empty campus halls and the silence that had replaced the usual chatter of students helped you think.

You had to confront Rintaro about what happened so you dug in your bag for your phone. When you pull it out you open your messages, finger hovering over the contact name: Nick Wilde.

The two of you had chosen secret code names for each other, in case anyone decided to go through your messages. Rin had chosen something cute for you, saying it suited you and when you showed him your choice he threw you a disappointed look. You thought it was hilarious, laughing so hard you could barely explain the reasoning behind it.

Now as you started to type out your message to him, you couldn’t remember what was so funny about it.

- we need to talk, meet at the usual place ?

He replied right away which came as no surprise to you, that boy was always on his phone.

- k.

You scoff at the message, your eyes must be deceiving you.

K? Is that all he had to say to you?

He didn’t even ask if you were okay after everything that happened. Your hurt was painted all over your face and Suna always picks up on your emotions. Sometimes knowing what you were feeling before you did.

Although this time he seemed like he was enjoying blissful ignorance.

You want to say that maybe he didn’t see you or he was too distracted by what had just happened but he looked you dead in the eye. Anything else you say now would be an excuse and you were done excusing his behavior. Suna simply refused to care, that is the only explanation.

You put your phone back in your bag, not wanting to look at the message any longer and start the trip to your usual meeting place.

normal girl oh, oh, oh

“You’re late.”

“We never agreed on a time.” Suna points out, a small smirk on his face.

“Do we ever?” You replied, not in the mood for his usual games.

Suna sits on the swing next to yours and the two of you fall into a tense silence. The chilly autumn breeze brushes over your exposed arms and goosebumps prick your skin. Your boyfriend catches the way you shiver and he hands you his jacket, mumbling under his breath about how you never dress for the weather.

“Keep it. I don’t want it.”

“Don’t be stubborn, you're anemic babe.”

“Yea probably one of the only things I have in common with your exes.”  You retort.

The taller boy looks at you in confusion, he didn’t understand what his ex-girlfriends had to do with this conversation.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

i wish i was a normal girl

“I know what your exes look like and now our whole relationship makes sense. So tell me, how much money were you offered, or maybe you just wanted to get a taste?” You stood up from the swing, crossing your arms over your chest.

“What are you on about? Why are you bringing up my exes all of sudden?” Suna also gets up from the swing, aggravation written all over his face.

“None of them look like me Rin! I am the odd one out and to see you date them so openly while I’m hidden away like some sort of embarrassment hurts so much.” You cry out.

Every thought that had been circulating in your mind came out physically, masking in the form of tears that started to cling to your bottom lashes.

how do i be, how do i be your baby?

“But you said us dating privately was fine.”

“I know what the fuck I said. But the way you acted today made me realize something. You aren’t dating me “privately”. Our relationship is like some diary and I'm the hideous secret that’s been scribbled over.”

“Because of Kazuma? Because I told you to delete the dumbass picture? Fine, whatever you can keep it.”

You chuckle bitterly, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. There was no way he genuinely thought that’s why you were upset.

“You don’t understand what I’m saying.”

“Then explain it to me because you seem to be mad for no reason.”

You stare at him, tears sliding down your cheeks but not out of sadness.

You were angry.

You didn’t want to believe it but this was Rin’s favorite tactic; deflection. He knew exactly what you were talking about but he refused to admit it because that meant he had to explain his emotions. And if there was one thing Suna Rintaro hated, it was having to explain himself.

i’ll never be, no, never be uh, oh

Your voice is louder than usual, the emotions dripping from every word and amplifying the volume.

“Is my skin not light enough for you huh? Is my hair not the right type of curl pattern? Or should I apologize instead? Sorry, I am not the type of girl you can show off to your friends. Sorry, that I’m not the type of girl that mothers seem to like. Oh! I’m deeply sorry that I don’t fit in the box that is your “preference.” And I’m so fucking sorry I’m not the beauty standard.”

Your apologies weren’t some sincere demonstration of remorse. They were cynical, almost like you were mocking him.

Suna stares at you, speechless from shock. Out of all the things that left your mouth, that is something he never expected. There was no way you actually thought those things to be true.

You continue, letting your words fall like the orange leaves that lie beneath your feet. You will not allow him to feel lesser, to feel like a joke.

“The girl I am right now, I love her more than anything. I am me and I can’t even imagine being anyone else nor do I want to. In my mind, I am the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on, and the fact I even let you make me doubt myself is appalling. And it’s all because of things that I can’t change, things that don't fit you. That’s why you hide me like some coward.”

“That’s not it y/n. That’s not why.” The boy whispers, trying to convince you but he doesn't sound so confident himself.

before that you figured out, i was just a normal girl

“So then what is it? Because this is the only thing that makes sense to me. You are ashamed of me. Why else would you hide me away like some secret? Why else would you sound so offended if Kazuma assumed we were together? What other reason would you not want to be around me anymore? Tell me what the real reason is because I am all out of ideas, Rintaro.”

Suna avoids your gaze, opting to stare at his dirty converse instead. He doesn’t say a word in response.

Crack.

Another fracture in your heart but this is the one that fully breaks it. Your heart shatters into sharp fragments, scattered in the space between you and your now ex-boyfriend.

His silence was what pained you the most. The quiet boy could have said something, anything. Suna could have pulled you into his arms and told you that every word you spoke was far from true. Or he could have at least confirmed your suspicions but he chose to remain complacent, remain silent.

So you made your choice too.

“Whatever. Have fun with your “preferences,” Suna.” You turn on your heels leaving the playground, tears blurring your vision as you walk away.

And just as you expected, he didn’t chase after you or even call out your name. Suna only watched you leave, like the moon did when the sun woke from its sleep.

normal girl, how do you be?

a/n: i actually debated posting this one because of the content but i ended up posting it regardless. this is something a lot of darker skinned black girls go through/relate to and i wanted a story to reflect that. i wanted other people who look like me to know that they aren’t alone in their experiences and these experiences do not define their beauty either <3. hope y’all enjoyed and took something from this story.

taglist: @santoteez @hyukathejaeger @cuppediacosmos @satorose @amisuh @missackerman1

[cowboyjimkirk]

ok so I’m a massive aos fan which is sometimes a problem bc I hate breaking w canon. I wish I didn’t, but I do, & the issue here is 90% w jim’s objectification of women (sex? that’s fine. but he’s almost predatory. also why is he Always right) and 10% w loving how sweet spuhura is but having spirk as my otp and tryna write spock’s conflict; I don’t want to just ignore his love for nyota. I guess idk entirely how to view/write them. jim is way better in beyond but?? it’s hard to ignore his past

i completely get where you’re coming from! and i’m sorry, this is going to be a bit wordy because i really do want to help you.

one thing that in no way justifies the sexism in aos but is still worth remembering: literally all the Treks are problematic. some more so than others. it’s in part a reflection of when they were made (i know 2009 doesn’t feel like all that long ago, but if you look at popular movies from the mid to late ‘00s (the 2008 Iron Man, the 2006 and 2008 Batmans, the 2006 James Bond, Sin City (2005), 300 (2006)), they feature an amount of sexism and womanizing that wouldn’t be tolerated in 2020) and in part a reflection of their creators.

again, i don’t want to justify sexist attitudes simply because they were consistent with the zeitgeist at the time. the sexism in tos is still embarrassing and harmful and can’t be shrugged off with “well, it was the ‘60s. of course it was sexist.” and that’s true for all the other Treks, including and especially aos.

for anyone seriously involved in the Trek fandom, it’s important to acknowledge and discuss the flaws of each show. and while that can be accomplished through meta and discourse, it can also be accomplished (and perhaps with more nuance and success) through fanfiction.

so i think fics that tries to rationalize and justify aos Kirk’s sexist behavior with “he was going through a dark time,” “he was sad and self-destructive,” “it was a defense mechanism” aren’t....quite doing their job. they’re making excuses without really exploring what he did wrong. i don’t actually condemn those sorts of fics, nor the ones that rewrite Jim’s childhood/early adult years in order to side step that behavior entirely. canon is fake, god is dead, etc., and i think those fics are perfectly fine.

but there’s more nuance to stories that maybe assign the same reasons to his bad behavior but don’t try to brush it aside. “he was in a dark place and was self-destructive, but he still hurt people and part of his character arc in this story is trying to make up for that” is a much more nuanced and responsible way to write Jim Kirk.

really, i don’t expect that from all or even most fics. writing is already hard enough and we’re all here to have fun. but since you have qualms about breaking from canon and seem to feel guilt over brushing over his mistakes, i think that kind of storytelling might help you.

and when it comes to spu/hura, i think, again, it’s a matter of nuance. there’s a common trope in spirk fics where Uhura breaks up with Spock because she’s realized he’s in love in Jim and wants to “set him free,” etc. which has always frustrated me because i can’t imagine anyone doing that without being at least a little angry and resentful. i’d be pretty hurt and pissed if someone i was dating formed a spontaneous soul bond with someone else. most people would. she has a right to be angry about it, and expecting her to be mature and calm just feels…low-key disrespectful to her emotions and depth as a character.

so allow Uhura to feel angry. allow Spock to love her, in a romantic sense or otherwise. give their relationship depth and search out the reasons it doesn’t work out in the end. just do them justice!

(i personally think of them both as repressed gays. falling for a guy who’s unattainable, first because he’s your professor and second because he’s a Vulcan, sounds like a classic lesbian move. comp het can be a real bitch. which isn’t to say i think their relationship is meaningless. it was what they both needed at the time and helped lead to important realizations about themselves.)

ok, i hope this was helpful and not just rambly and indulgent. if you have more questions or if anyone else wants to weigh in, i’m happy to share!