#this is not a joke I believe this is the major theme of Hamilton

[theskydoesgreatthingsnow]

For all the discourse on Hamiltons portrayal of slave owners and it’s beloved status among weird types of people I think it’s weird to just roll over and cede it as Liberal given the central theme is: That Black and Brown people would be totally justified in violently overthrowing the US government, and doing so would be completely in the spirit of the deified American Revolution.

[frickengreenfrickyeah]

An Irreverent Intro to the Iliad

A/N:I’ve taken the introduction to the Lombardo translation and condensed it. Any time I says something to the effect of “don’t quote me on this” that means I’ve added my own analysis or thoughts that I cannot back up in any way, so don’t, like, put it in an essay if you don’t plan on doing your own research.

Anyway, you don’t care about that stuff, you came here to read about the Iliad.

It’s really fricken long, so, for the sake of mobile users, everything’s under the cut except for this:

“Rage. Bitch, lemme tell you about the time that Achilles fucked over the entire Greek army by Rage-quitting.”

Timeline for the Noobs 

Ten years ago:

Aphrodite bribes Paris so she can win a beauty contest between herself, Athena, and Hera. Paris’ reward for his ‘heroics’ is Helen

(There’s probably an essay’s worth of symbolism you could dig into here, what with the goddesses all representing different priorities: erotic love, wisdom/justice, and familial duty. I wonder what Paris’ choice reveals about his character?)

There’s some disagreement about whether or not Helen when with Paris willingly

Seeing as literally no other woman in the Iliad (and maybe the entire Cycle? Don’t quote me on that) willingly went with her kidnapper, I’m calling bull on that. Do with that what you will.

Menelaus gets really mad that Paris stole his wife, so he rounds up the Greek army, and they go to war. (It’s worth noting that Athena and Hera are both on his side here.)

Present day:

Agamemnon(Boo), Menelaus’ brother kidnaps a girl. Then he has the balls to get upset that the girl’s father called Apollo’s plague down upon the Greeks until she’s returned

Achilles points out that Agamemnon’s being a dick and people are literally dying because he won’t let go of one girl. Agamemnon says, “Fine. If I have to give up my lady-war-prize, I’m taking yours as recompense.”

Achilles allows Agamemnon to take his girl, then Rage-quits. As consequence, people die.

Hypocrites. Hypocrites everywhere. If you wanna analyze that for an essay, I think there’s plenty to talk about. 

The Theme Worth Giving a Shit About (Because it Drives the Narrative)

Heroes risk their lives on the battlefield in exchange for Prizes

Ie. riches, bitches, and clout

Honor <--> Shame is how they judge the value of others and themselves. Honor wins Prizes, Shame loses Prizes

3 Characters Worth Giving a Shit About (Because They Explore the Aforementioned Theme)

Achilles: Main character. Rage is his thing. Also, pouting. 

His honor is insulted by Agamemnon(Boo) taking away Briseis, his lady war prize. Since war prizes are how their society rewards heroes for risking their lives, Agamemnon is basically saying he doesn’t care of Achilles dies or not.

And that hurts Achilles’ feelings because he knows he’s gonna die. There’s a prophecy about it. 

The only reason he’s fighting is because society conditioned him to believe that Prizes and eternal glory were worth dying for.

Now that he doubts everything he knows, he refuses to fight for the Greeks.

The entire poem is the consequences of his Rage-quit

Agamemnon: fuck this guy

He loses his lady war prize, so he takes Achilles’. Because short-sighted spite is the best motivator.

He and Achilles start the poem in the same place, believing that material goods should equally compensate a loss. Achilles is the one who learns that that’s not how that works.

Agamemnon starts as a dick and ends as a dick. Google Iphigenia if you want to learn more. And that shit he pulls with Cassandra? Major dickbag. Fuck this guy. 

Hector: The Trojan hero, and honestly the only likable guy here. 

He is Achilles’ foil. 

Just like Achilles, he’s separated from society - but, unlike Achilles, it’s not because he rejects their values. It’s because he never questions them.

He’s basically the perfect hero, and he suffers for it:

His son is scared of his war helmet

He can’t stay closer to home to fight defensively because that’s ‘shameful’

And he can’t even stay in the city that long on his breaks because wine and women are too tempting. 

Side Characters to Maybe Give a Fuck About

Patroclus: The most important of the supporting cast, and he’s only in it for, like, maybe a book

Achilles’ BFF and probably more

(Read: Definitely more. If you listen carefully, you can hear me chanting OTP OTP OTP every time you open your book.)

He is Achilles’ double

He never doubts society but supports his bestie’s midlife crisis anyway

His death at the hands of Hector symbolizes Achilles’ death because he was wearing Achilles’ armor at the time

Achilles causes Patroclus’ death btw

When he Rage-quits, he asks Zeus to help the Trojans (because short-sighted spite is the best motivator). Patroclus goes to help the Greeks wearing Achilles’ very recognizable armor, causing Hector to target and kill him

His death redirects Achilles’ Rage at the Trojans instead of the Greeks

Diomedes: a badass fighter

Greater Ajax: a badass fighter

and (I think) the guy who talks sense into Achilles at some point

Ajax the Lesser: a badass fighter (are you sensing a theme in these characters?)

Odysseus: the only smart guy here

The Odyssey is about him btw

The Trojan horse was his idea, according to the Aeneid (and maybe other places? But definitely the Aeneid.)

WTF is an Epic Poem Anyway?

Epic Poem: recounts events with far-reaching historical consequences, sums up the values and achievements of an entire culture, and documents the full variety of the war

Basically, if “’Murica, Fuck Yeah” sums up America, then the Iliad sums up Ancient Greece

(Actually, Hamilton is a better comparison, but I needed to make a joke. Fite me.)

That “full variety” thing is why Book 2 and a couple other places just list off a bunch of ships or leaders and their dads. That shit is boring. Skip it. 

But also, that ‘full variety’ thing is what makes other parts of the story so interesting. Homer will sum up a dude’s life story right before he kills them or some shit. It magnifies the scale of the narrative by showing how insignificant one person’s experience is - no one person can stop the war.

That’s what makes Achilles’ story even more powerful --> because his impact on the war is significant. His Rage controls the ebb and flow of it. 

He can’t stop the war though. No one can. 

The Gods are Petty as Fuck

Homeric gods look/act like humans, but they’re different mainly because of two things:

1. They can’t die.

That means they treat the events of the war less seriously than the mortals do.

2. The gods know about fate

To the modern reader, it seems like the humans have no agency, but that’s not really the case

Knowing fate is a bit like knowing the plot of a movie. It gives insight into a character’s actions that would otherwise seem random.

By reading this poem, you’re basically a god. Don’t let it go to your head. (But, hey, there’s a reason I’m majoring in this shit)

Bards like Homer would more directly be gods because they changed and adapted the story as they told it, just like the gods influence human actions in the story.

Don't quote me on that tho

Character choices are usually doubly motivated - by the human, and by the gods

Ex: Achilles chooses not to kill Agamemnon because Athena tells him not to.

This is personifying the literal thought process he had so that the reader understands what’s going through his head.

Fate doesn’t force anyone to act out of character --> fate is the consequence of their life choices

The gods not caring about death and his own lack of foresight is what Achilles messes up on

He asks Zeus to help him get revenge on the Greeks because he assumes Zeus cares about that sort of thing, but Zeus is bigger than that.

That leads Patroclus’ death, btw.

The “Enduring Heart” Shit

Achilles is really butthurt that Agamemnon wronged him

The lesson he has to learn is that even if material goods can’t make up for losses, there’s no other option --> you can’t bring people back from the dead, so you have to move on

That’s the Enduring Heart shit

also, if you abstract that concept it sounds kinda like entropy to me (Don’t quote me on that tho)

He learns that lesson by feeling pity for Priam (Hector’s dad) instead of perpetuating the Rage Train

And, hey, that Enduring Heart shit is a lesson that all of us could take to heart. None of us want to die, but it’s gonna happen. Maybe that’s not fair, but throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to change anything. Really, the only way to avoid being miserable is to embrace our mortality so we can appreciate life while we have it

don’t quote me on that tho

In a nutshell, Achilles has to accept his mortal-ness. Otherwise there’s a lot of unnecessary suffering. 

That’s why we don’t need to see him die in the Iliad even though everyone makes such a big deal about the prophecy about his death. His journey was completed as soon as he found pity in himself instead of Rage - essentially rejecting the godly side of himself (oh yeah, I forgot to mention. His mom is a goddess) and embracing his mortality. 

because gods don’t have to deal with death, they can Rage all they want, remember?

Also, if he never dies, he can’t be reunited with Patroclus. 

OTP OTP OTP

You could probably write an essay about how Achilles died as soon as Patroclus did.

Honestly Boring Historical Context (That might be interesting if you’re a nerd like me?

The poem was basically historical fantasy even when it was first written. There are gods and super strength and shit

Greek History Over-Simplified: The Mycanaean Period was prosperous but ended suddenly. The Dark Ages of Greece followed, and we don’t know much about what happened during that because they forgot the written word was a thin. 

The events of the poem probably take place during the Mycanaean Period because they use bronze weapons. 

But warfare is described from more of a Dark Ages perspective. Like, they don’t use chariots the right way

Which suggests that chariots were part of the source material, then the Dark Ages made people forget how they were supposed to be sued, so the bards just kinda made shit up to explain their presence. (Don’t quote me on that tho)

The Oral Tradition of the poem means that this story was told thousands of times over hundreds (thousands?) of years. So the narrative is hones at shit.

it has the sculpted body of an Olympic athlete. Each muscle toned to do a specific job and everything works perfectly together to accomplish the sporty feat of interest. Every verse is packed with character, setting, plot, and cultural significance

Except for that Catologue of Ships shit. Boooo boring ships.

There were probably lots of other versions of the poem, but Homer told it best. His version was written down as soon as the written word was (re)invented

Side Note that wasn’t in Lombardo’s Intro

The Iliad and Odyssey are both parts of a larger body of work known as the Epic Cycle 

(The Aeneid is basically Caesar Augustus-insert fanfiction at that, btw. Virgil was a satirical fanboy and I’m living for it.)

Characters and events are introduced with the assumptions that the reader already knows their importance

But we only have fragments of the rest of the Cycle today because it was either never written down or the manuscripts were lost

I’m looking at you, Burned Library of Alexandria

*sad fiddle music plays in the background

Videos That I Learned Shit From (Only, like, the first two links are relevant to the topic at hand, btw)

Basic Plot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faSrRHw6eZ8

More about the Epic Cycle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3bn0eKt4Rw 

Iphigenia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifFsKCrH3GM 

Oresteia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kpGhivh05k             

The Odyssey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-3rHQ70Pag&index=4&list=PLDb22nlVXGgfwG1qbOtNgu897E_ky_8To (Also, this story is my favorite of the Epic Cycle)

The Aeneid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRruBVFXjnY&list=PLDb22nlVXGgfwG1qbOtNgu897E_ky_8To&index=5  

Ancient Greek History: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzGVpkYiJ9w&index=2&list=PLDb22nlVXGgexsbafIwirG6Tk9uww9dSW    

And, yeah, these videos are all from the same channel. I’m a basic bitch and a ho for not leaving my comfort zone. Fite me. 

Honestly, if anyone has other sources, let me know. Youtube history/video essays are my shit.

I hope this was helpful.

[aion-rsa]

James Bond Movies Ranked From Worst to Best

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When Ian Fleming first created the character of 007, he settled on calling him James Bond because it was the “dullest name I’ve ever heard.” How ironic that nearly 70 years after that decision, and almost 60 years since the first James Bond movie, Dr. No (1962), that moniker is still associated around the world with thrilling action and exotic danger.

Beginning with the first Bond film from producers Cubby Broccoli and Harry Saltzman, and which starred Sean Connery as the international man of mystery, 007 has burrowed into the global zeitgeist. And he’s never left. There have been 24 canonical Bond films produced by either Broccoli and Saltzman, or their successors Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson, and six actors who’ve donned the tuxedo during that run. Over the years, the debate has been endless over who is the Best Bond, and which is the best Bond movie. Well, we’re here to settle that latter argument once and for all. The entire Den of Geek staff, as well as our readers, have been asked to pick their favorite 007 adventures, and to rank which are the best. Below is the definitive list.

*Editor’s Note: We have chosen to only rank films in the official series and that were produced by Eon Productions. For that reason, unconnected Bond films like Never Say Never Again (1983) and Casino Royale (1967) were not included.

24. Die Another Day (2002)

Like his two most famous predecessors, Sean Connery and Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan ended his four-film run as James Bond on a particularly low note. In fact, Die Another Day (which was also the 20th film in the official series) has ended up on many lists, including this one, at the very bottom. It is certainly the nadir of the Brosnan era, although whether it fulfills the same role for the entire series is debatable. I might even argue films like Quantum of Solace and A View to a Kill could say “hold my beer” to that dubious honor.

Die Another Day starts off promisingly enough, with Bond captured and tortured in North Korea for 14 months, leading M to decommission him on fears that he may be compromised. But a potentially intriguing thriller involving North Korean double agents and the smuggling of conflict diamonds devolves into a ludicrous romp about an ice palace, giant lasers redirecting sunlight, an invisible car that’s indestructible, and a fight aboard an airplane literally coming apart in mid-air. Throw in one of the series’ worst theme songs (courtesy of Madonna), uninspired performances from a tired Brosnan and Halle Berry, and you ultimately find yourself wishing that the movie itself would die—not another day, but right now. – Don Kaye

23. Diamonds Are Forever (1971)

What is it with Bond and diamonds? This is one of two 007 escapades involving the world’s hardest substance (the other is Die Another Day) and based on that, the series should stick to gold. Diamonds Are Forever marked the return of Sean Connery after a one-film absence from the series, but it’s clear from the start that the doughy-looking star is just phoning in his performance (from which, to be fair, he donated his salary to charity).

Directed by Bond mainstay Guy Hamilton, Diamonds goes for a jauntier, campier tone after the grim ending of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, with Bond tracking a diamond-smuggling operation that ultimately leads him to arch-nemesis Blofeld (whose murder of Bond’s wife in the previous movie is inexplicably never addressed, not even once). The movie is just entertaining enough that you can keep it on in the background while doing something else, but its dreary ending on an oil rig, dated homophobia (Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint, anyone?), and by-the-numbers vibe make this one a real cubic zirconia. – DK

22. Quantum of Solace (2008)

Quantum of Solace’s biggest crime is that it’s just so dull. From the desert backdrops that were used for the final act to the sterile environments where middling Bond villain Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric) executes his convoluted evil plan, there isn’t really anything interesting to look at in Marc Forster’s first and only 007 film. It’s no surprise, then, that this was the first stumble of the Daniel Craig era—in fact, our readers voted it in dead last place!

Read more

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Should the Next James Bond Care About Continuity After Daniel Craig?

By Don Kaye

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007: Ranking the 24 James Bond Villains From Best to Worst

By David Crow

It probably didn’t help that Quantum is one of the few direct sequels in the franchise, meaning that Forster had to contend with the storytelling baggage of the much better Casino Royale. At least you can say Quantum of Solace is the movie that truly established the Craig era’s continuity, with a SPECTRE-like secret organization working against MI6 at every turn, and Bond enduring the heartache of a very bad break up with Vesper Lynd in the last movie. So for a rebound, he and the rebellious Camille Montes (Olga Kurylenko) go to Bolivia. Their mission: stop a coup d’état that could give Quantum a major foothold in South America. What proceeds…isn’t all that fun. – John Saavedra

21. Octopussy (1983)

A clearly aging Roger Moore’s sixth outing as 007 (and second to last) follows the template of its predecessor, 1981’s For Your Eyes Only, with a renewed focus on geopolitical adventure and less reliance on gadgets, effects, and winking humor (although the jokes, when they do come, are more sophomoric and out of place than ever). But whereas Eyes served as a nice palate cleanser for the series, with a straightforward plot and a few offbeat touches, Octopussy is kind of a mess.

While its title is taken from an Ian Fleming short story, the mostly original Octopussy finds 007 drawn into a scheme involving Fabergé eggs, an exiled Afghan smuggler, a rogue Soviet general, and a cult of beautiful women who also run a circus, all tied to a plan to detonate a nuclear warhead on a U.S. airbase in West Germany. As you can tell from that sentence, the story is needlessly, hopelessly complicated, with an endless series of betrayals and switchbacks, the villains don’t make much of an impression either. Nor does Maud Adams in the title role as the leader of the cult; she’s meant to be a newer kind of Bond Girl, but remains ill-defined—as does much of this plodding, uninteresting entry. – DK

20. A View to a Kill (1985)

Roger Moore’s final outing as James Bond went out much like his tenure: strange, inconsistent, but maybe entertaining in a kitschy sort of way. To be sure, A View to a Kill is another one of the franchise’s low points, with Moore being particularly long in the tooth at the age of 58. He more often resembles his leading ladies’ lecherous uncle than he does a tall dark stranger. The overall film likewise suffers from a desperate, out of touch quality. Did anyone really think putting Moore (or his stuntman) on a snowboard while Beach Boys music played would bring in the kids?

Nonetheless, as bad as the movie is, there are bemusing charms, chief among them being the film’s pair of villains, ‘80s yuppie Max Zorin (Christopher Walken) and his henchwoman May Day (Grace Jones). There’s some unconvincing plot tidbits that reveal Walken’s secretly a Russian test tube baby, but that bizarre performance has no nationality. And the jarring contrast of Jones and Moore in bed—where she is totally the dominant—is one for the ages. Throw in a banger Bond song by Duran Duran and some nice character work by Patrick Macnee as Moore’s sidekick who should’ve been in the movie more, and you still have a guilty pleasure. Pity that Barbara Bach declined to cameo, as it might’ve made this a more fitting sendoff for the Moore era.  – David Crow

19. Spectre (2015)

After saving the ship from capsizing with Skyfall, director Sam Mendes decided to sink it himself with the extremely convoluted, potentially era-breaking Spectre, a very busy movie that cares more about connecting the Daniel Craig movies into one “cohesive” timeline than its own largely generic spy adventure. Mendes’ attempt to present Ernst Stavro Blofeld as the big bad behind everything from Casino Royale to Skyfall largely falls flat, even if Christoph Waltz puts in a solid performance as the iconic villain. But how much of this is the director and writers’ fault, and how much of it is due to the Broccolis experimenting with the idea of a Bond cinematic universe remains unclear.

Read more

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Daniel Craig Doesn’t Think a Woman Should Be James Bond

By David Crow

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Casino Royale and GoldenEye Director on What’s Next for James Bond

By Don Kaye

Either way, it’s all just kind of boring. Even the budding romance between Bond and Madeleine Swann (a cunning Léa Seydoux) doesn’t really work. You can hardly believe Bond has decided to finally leave all this MI6 business behind him for love. And Blofeld’s childhood connection to the Bond family is ludicrous, too. The movie’s plot is ambitious, and completely fails at those ambitions. You’ll need patience for this one, especially if you enjoyed the more standalone Craig offerings, which this movie actively tries to break at every turn. – JS

18. Moonraker (1979)

When The Spy Who Loved Me was released two years before Moonraker, it cemented the actor’s popularity in the role (a first since Sean Connery left the franchise), and established a campy, convivial atmosphere. Looking at that movie’s box office receipts, the now solo Bond producer Cubby Broccoli went “more of this, but also Star Wars.” The result is perhaps the most spectacular misfire in 007’s oeuvre.

With a ridiculous and borderline nonsensical plot contrived solely to create a reason for Moore’s 007 to be sent to space in the third act and participate in laser fights, Moonraker is bombastic and bloated where Spy was amusing and quick-witted. The movie haplessly pinballs between inconsistent tones and styles, like sight gag of returning henchman Jaws (Richard Kiel) doing a double take before going over a waterfall as if he’s he’s Yosemite Sam, and the scene where villain Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale) feeds Bond’s latest one night stand to Rottweilers in a particularly brutal chase sequence.

Still, Moore is always affable, and for that matter so is Jaws in the film’s dynamic opening fight scene where the two duel while falling out of a plane. Plus, someone had to invent the trope of a desperate franchise film going into orbit. – DC

17. The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

Roger Moore and Christopher Lee. James Bond versus Dracula. On paper this should’ve been one of the best 007 films. And for a fleeting moment, as the two performers finally have their duel and Bond stands at 10 paces from Lee’s Scaramanga, it is. Sadly that showdown only takes up a handful of minutes in this otherwise muddled affair.

Still early in Moore’s tenure as Bond, The Man with the Golden Gun finds the actor not yet locked into his interpretation of the role. At times the script even seems to be written for Sean Connery, with Bond displaying a coldness and physicality that seems unnatural to Moore. Otherwise, the movie’s awkward attempts to imitate Bruce Lee films and some rather cruel dumb blonde jokes at Britt Ekland’s expense have aged incredibly poorly. But hey, it paved the way for Hervé Villechaize to be on Fantasy Island. So there’s that. – DC 

16. You Only Live Twice (1967)

Sean Connery’s fifth outing as 007 was also his last… until, of course, he made a brief return four years later in Diamonds Are Forever (and again in 1983’s non-canon Never Say Never Again). Unfortunately, the original James Bond doesn’t go out on a high note with this one: Despite its beautiful Japanese locales and the long-awaited face-to-face introduction of supervillain Blofeld (Donald Pleasance), You Only Live Twice (directed by Lewis Gilbert) reaches for epic status but already shows how the Bond franchise was running out of gas after just five years.

Following the bigger adventures and gadgets of Goldfinger and Thunderball, this one aims for the stars, literally, as Bond tries to find out who is snatching American and Soviet spacecraft out of orbit. That leads him to Blofeld and the latter’s massive lair hidden in a volcano, tropes that would be parodied for decades to come.

But You Only Live Twice—the first of many Bond entries to almost completely throw away any connection to the Fleming novel of the same name—has a perfunctory, going-through-the-motions feel and an especially racist, sexist tinge to the proceedings in Japan (even for the 1960s) that bog the movie down. Although it was a box office success, it’s clear that the franchise needed a change. – DK

15. The World Is Not Enough (1999)

The World Is Not Enough is one of the more underrated film in the 007 canon. Yes, it has problems—most notably Denise Richards’ disastrous miscasting as a nuclear scientist, as well as a climactic showdown in a submarine that falls flat. However, here’s the first film on this list that works more often than it doesn’t, and which has some of the best scenes in any Bond film. Most of them involve the film’s true villain, Elektra King (Sophie Marceau).

For the first and only time in a Bond movie, a woman is the big bad. More impressively, she’s able to fool Bond and the audience of her villainy. In this way, the franchise riffs on Bond’s past, including the loss of his wife, to sharp effect. Pierce Brosnan also may never have been better in the role than when he brings his usual levels of extreme suaveness, as well as a steely sadness. All of which culminates with Bond shooting Elektra in cold blood. The action clearly took a little more of his soul, which even M appears to lament.

Read more

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The November Man and Pierce Brosnan’s Anti-James Bond Roles

By David Crow

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Can No Time to Die Break the Final James Bond Movie Curse?

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Oh yes, this is also the first Bond movie to make Judi Dench’s M a main character. In some ways, her relationship with Brosnan’s 007 is more complex than the mother-son dynamic she cultivated with Daniel Craig, and things never got weirder than her witnessing Bond and Elektra’s passion play. Lastly, the Garbage song and opening sequence are aces. – DC

14. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

Pierce Brosnan’s second go in the role of Bond sees the performer both more relaxed and in command of 007’s legacy. The film is typical Eon shenanigans where a supervillain tricks world leaders into a World War III standoff—the UK and China, this time—and it’s sprinkled with similarly boilerplate action sequences. Yet Tomorrow Never Dies has aged pretty darn well since the movie’s main megalomaniac (Jonathan Pryce hamming it up to high heaven) is a blatant caricature of Rupert Murdoch. A Bond movie where 007 takes a media mogul who is triggering an international crisis to juice his cable news network’s ratings, and then feeds this guy to a buzzsaw? So satisfying.

The movie also introduced us to Michelle Yeoh as Wai Lin, who’s still among the most capable “Bond Girls” and really is 007’s equal. She might even be his superior given Yeoh’s natural martial arts talents. (It’s a real shame they didn’t let her or other Hong Kong talent choreograph the fight scenes, however.) The sequence where Bond and Lin fight for control of a motorcycle during a chase, or where Brosnan and Desmond Llewelyn snark during a particularly good Q walk-in, makes this an enjoyable if middling Bond flick. – DC

13. License to Kill (1989)

Timothy Dalton’s second and final outing as a darker, more serious Bond was met with a polarized response from both critics and fans, and remains a dark horse entry in the series. Originally titled Licence Revoked—until the studio learned that typically dumb American test audiences didn’t know what the word “revoked” meant—the movie does indeed find Bond with his licence to kill suspended by M. So he goes instead on a personal mission to avenge the savage mutilation of friend Felix Leiter (David Hedison) and the murder of Leiter’s new wife by a sadistic drug lord (Robert Davi).

It’s nice to see Leiter again (with Hedison encoring in the role after first appearing in Live and Let Die 16 years earlier), and it’s also refreshing to give Bond a more personal motivation this time out. Davi is an effective villain, good old Q (Desmond Llewelyn) gets to spend a lot more time in the field, and the climactic truck chase (staged by director John Glen, still the record-holder with five Bond films on his resume) is one of the series’ best action sequences. Sadly this darker, more violent Bond couldn’t compete with the likes of Batman and Indiana Jones at the box office in 1989, making Licence to Kill the lowest-grossing entry in the series to date—and consigning the Dalton era to the MI6 archives. – DK

12. Thunderball (1965)

When you adjust for inflation, Thunderball gives Skyfall a run for its money as the highest-grossing Bond film ever. It certainly sold the most tickets, coming out at the midpoint of the 1960s and zenith of Bondmania’s global conquest. It’s in that context which allows Thunderball to also be most enjoyable. This is the one which reimagined SPECTRE as a boardroom of baddies sitting in chairs designed to literally fire insubordinate employees; the first film where Bond and the villain swap thinly veiled insults over cards and then the spy steals the fiend’s girl right in front of him; the one where an eyepatch wearing bloke keeps pet sharks in a swimming pool. Bond even uses his jetpack!

That said, other elements have aged far less gracefully. Thunderball is probably the most sexist and misogynistic Bond movie ever produced, which has brought it under fire from even No Time to Die’s director. It’s a problematic film, but even among its dated gender politics, it should be noted henchwoman Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi) is the first woman in the series to be able to roll her eyes at Bond’s charms and mock his ego, and leading Bond Girl Domino (Claudine Auger) is still one of the series’ best: She uses Bond as much as a disposable toy as he does her. She is also the only woman in the series who kills the villain and saves 007’s bacon. It’s such a good finale it almost makes up for all those dull underwater scuba fights. – DC

11. The Living Daylights (1987)

To this day, some Bond fans would argue that Timothy Dalton didn’t get a fair shake as 007. After just two movies in the late ‘80s, he was down and out, losing his license to kill much earlier than his two major predecessors. But Dalton’s grittier, much darker Bond always faced an uphill battle of building off Roger Moore’s 12-year legacy as the superspy. 

All that said, The Living Daylights is a very solid outing for Mr. Bond (and director John Glen’s fourth of five Bond films). 007 once again faces off with his archenemies at the KGB—one of the final 007 films to deal with the Cold War—and in a globetrotting adventure that takes him all over eastern Europe, Morocco, and Afghanistan. And he’s accompanied by Maryam d’Abo’s memorable Kara Milovy, a professional cellist who moonlights as a KGB sniper (sort of). Together, this entertaining duo partake in one of the greatest chase sequences in Bond movie history involving a cello case, a lot of snow, and plenty of bullets. Worth a watch for this scene alone. – JS

10. For Your Eyes Only (1981)

When you think of Roger Moore’s run of Bond films, you likely recall the high camp of cars that turn into submarines and laser guns in space. Which is why, for a while, Moore and Broccoli’s back-to-basics approach in For Your Eyes Only went somewhat overlooked. This decidedly scaled down adventure is the closest Bond came to a real Cold War thriller since From Russia With Love, and the setup is refreshingly simple too: Moore’s Bond is after a missing MacGuffin that the Soviets also want. Both parties then play spy games with local criminal syndicates in scenic Greece and the breathtaking Italian Alps.

Read more

Movies

For Your Eyes Only Was Not Supposed to Star Roger Moore

By Don Kaye

Movies

Tenet Is Christopher Nolan’s Unofficial James Bond Movie

By David Crow

The appeal of the movie is how low-key everyone plays it. There are few gadgets, no end-of-the-world stakes, and nothing which looks twee. Even the finale feels like it’s taken out of The Guns of Navarone instead of Return of the Jedi. In fact, the climactic infiltration of a Greek monastery on a high cliff is still a dazzling set-piece, and the resolution of detente between Bond and his KGB counterparts is remarkably graceful. Also Carole Bouquet as Melina, a Greek woman who’s out to avenge the death of her parents while maintaining her perfect flowing black hair, gives the movie just enough dramatic heft to standout in Moore’s run. – DC

9. Live and Let Die (1973)

Roger Moore is no saint in his first Bond outing. This is apparent from the low-key introduction where he’s more interested in hiding a delicate indiscretion with the delightful Miss Caruso (Madeline Smith) than taking an assignment from chief spy M (Bernard Lee). Later Jane Seymour’s spiritual advisor warns, “I know who you are, what you are, and why you have come,” as she peruses the tarot, oblivious to her own sad fate. Bond stacks the deck and seduces the mysticism out of her, robbing the bewitching Bond Girl of her virginity, which gives her the power of precognition. The less venial sins come from cultural appropriation.

This is as mixed a gris gris bag as any you might find at an Oh Cult Voodoo Shop, but it also makes Live and Let Die one of the most memorable of any Bond installments. It’s got snake bite rituals staged by high priest Baron Samedi (Geoffrey Holder), strongarm henchmen fortified with steel, and an archvillain so formidable, he is known throughout the world as Mr. Big (Yaphet Kotto). His plan is to flood cities with free heroin so everyone will get hooked. But the most infectious hooks come from the soundtrack.

The title sequence is by far the best of any James Bond film: sensual, tropical, and brimming with danger. The theme song was written by Paul and Linda McCartney, performed by Wings, and nominated for an Oscar. The score was written by The Beatles’ producer George Martin, and was the first which was not orchestrated by John Barry. B.J. Arnau torches the title song at a nightclub and the end credits. The Olympia Brass Band leads the funeral march, while its trumpeter breaks formation to knife an officially designated onlooker. The many deaths in Live and Let Die are all very creatively executed, but the most fun parts of the film are the simplest of the gadgets. The coffin with the false bottom, the revolving booth at Fillet of Soul, and the magnetic watch. Moore is a fish out of water even before MI6 comes to Harlem. He drops patented 007 double entendre rejoinders without Sean Connery’s knowing wink but gets to play hopscotch with alligators. He would go on to be more comfortable with the part, although not as much fun. – Tony Sokol

8. Dr. No (1962)

The first James Bond movie is still one of the very best of the series. It introduced Sean Connery as the classic version of the British secret agent, and while he got more comfortable in the role in his next several outings, one could argue that he was never better than he is here—suave, brutal, slightly haunted, arrogant, and unrelenting. Almost all the Bond trademarks are established: the humor, the dynamic with boss M (Bernard Lee), the easy sexuality, the incredibly beautiful Bond Girl (Ursula Andress), and the introduction of a self-satisfied, equally arrogant supervillain (Joseph Wiseman in the title role, which would never pass muster today).

The story sends Bond to Jamaica to investigate the death of a fellow agent, only for him to come up against Dr. No. The latter is shooting down American rockets at the behest of SPECTRE, a global criminal organization intent on destabilizing the world and its fragile Cold War balance of power. Largely faithful to Fleming’s novel (which was actually the fifth in his series), Dr. No is almost understated compared to later Bond outings but introduced a hero and a franchise for the ages. – DK

7. Skyfall (2012)

What a home run of a Bond flick. Eschewing the Quantum nonsense from the previous two films, Skyfall hits much closer to home for Bond, Judi Dench’s M (her last time in the role), and the rest of MI6. When a new villain with ties to M threatens the existence of the very agency he swore to protect, an older, more-troubled-than-usual Bond comes out of self-imposed exile to make things right. The result is one of the very best third acts in Bond history, thanks to the wonderful direction of Sam Mendes, who righted the ship for Craig after Marc Forster crashed it into a reef. 

Craig puts in a much more complex performance as a Bond who’s been out of the game too long, and Naomie Harris is a very welcome addition as a much more badass Moneypenny (not behind a desk!), but it’s Javier Bardem as cyber-terrorist Raoul Silva who steals this movie. Undoubtedly the best villain of the Craig era, Silva is someone you might even sympathize with (a little) once he reveals his long-buried connection to M. And we learn some huge things about Bond’s past along the way too. This is for sure the one to watch after Casino Royale. – JS

6. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)

When Sean Connery left the Bond series after 1967’s disappointing You Only Live Twice, it was unclear whether the series could continue with a new face in the role. Not only did the producers come up with a surprising new Bond out of left field in George Lazenby, but he made his debut in what has rightly been reappraised as one of the best films—if not the best—in the entire series. Remarkably faithful to the novel on which it’s based, directed with flair by Peter R. Hunt (a longtime Bond editor making his one and only directorial outing), and portraying Bond in a light we’ve never seen, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is a classic.

Read more

Movies

How Sean Connery’s Singing Voice Helped Him Land James Bond

By David Crow

Games

From Russia With Love’s Game Adaptation Let Sean Connery Be James Bond One Last Time

By Matthew Byrd

While it’s hard to shake off the image of Connery, Lazenby does a much more admirable job that was acknowledged at the time in his sole appearance as 007. He’s less suave, rougher around the edges, and capable of fear and vulnerability, the latter made apparent first in his marriage proposal to romantic foil Tracy di Vicenzo (an excellent Diana Rigg) and then again in the film’s shocking, unforgettable ending. Telly Savalas is the best iteration of Blofeld to date while Hunt stages some of the franchise’s most visceral and exciting action scenes. It’s a damn shame Lazenby bowed out after this. The series might have taken an entirely different course had he stayed. – DK

5. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

Roger Moore has his fans and detractors, but it’s impossible to not be smitten with The Spy Who Loved Me. It’s the peak of the outlandish “save the world” Bond movies, and it comes together like a finely strained dessert cocktail. Of course its secret is that despite being about Bond fighting another megalomaniac over some nuclear subs, TSWLM is as much a romantic comedy romp as it is an action flick. Think Ninotchka, but with submarine-cars.

Pivoting on an unlikely romance between British agent 007 and Soviet Maj. Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach), the film follows the pair as they meet cute (she sics men on Bond beneath the Pyramids of Giza), continues as they squabble over a microfilm MacGuffin, and finally sees them get together due to undeniable chemistry. They even have the third act breakup because of a little thing like realizing Bond killed her fiancé in the pre-title sequence. But when that sequence includes the greatest Bond stunt of all-time, with Rick Sylvester skiing off a a real glacier and then surviving by unfurling a Union Jack parachute, such things can be forgiven. After all, nobody does it better.

… And yes, that Carly Simon song is also the best Bond tune. – DC

4. GoldenEye (1995)

“GoldenEye saved James Bond.” This bit of conventional wisdom might be hyperbole, but it’s not far off from the truth either. In 1995, 007 was in a precarious place. The Cold War was over, rosy optimists were declaring “the end of history” in our time, and Bond hadn’t been in a movie since 1989. Worse, the last two films he did appear in were met with a mixed reception by the general public. Pierce Brosnan finally slipped into the tuxedo at a moment where many were opining if Bond was simply obsolete? “A sexist, misogynist dinosaur,” as his new M, Dame Judi Dench, might say.

The film proved all the naysayers wrong. But better than that, Brosnan and director Martin Campbell injected some vital life back in the franchise’s bloodstream. Like several other films near the top of this list, GoldenEye didn’t so much reinvent the formula as refine it with modern style and a fresh perspective. As much a template-setter for a picture perfect 007 adventure in the ‘90s as Goldfinger was to the ‘60s, this film offers a terrific villain in Sean Bean’s 006—Bond’s evil doppelgänger played by a man who could’ve been Bond—a wonderful henchwoman who is also a great Bond Girl via Famke Janssen’s Xenia Onatopp, and the most memorable method of murder this side of Oddjob’s hat. Even the M and Q scenes were crackling, especially because of the introduction of the aforementioned Dench.

Like a finely tailored suit, all the pieces come together for an even more appealing whole. Brosnan wears it well with a slightly wearier and more haunted Bond than we’d previously seen, but one who can still crack a smile while telling double entendres over martinis. When coupled with some of the best set-pieces in the franchise—from a high wire jump off a Swiss dam to Bond driving a tank through the streets of St. Petersberg—we’re left with one of the best action movies of its decade.  – DC

3. Casino Royale (2006)

It’s hard to imagine the Bond franchise still thriving today without the commercial and narrative success of 2006’s Casino Royale. As the first hard reboot of the franchise, and the first in Daniel Craig’s tenure as Bond, Casino Royale took viewers back to the relative beginning of James’ career when he was still earning his license to kill and when those kills still meant something. The film replaced camp with understated performance, swagger with sentiment, and fantastical fight scenes with visceral action. 

Much of the film’s success is down to the stellar casting. There’s Craig, of course, who imbues Bond with a world-weariness and bitterness that we don’t see nearly as much in the other interpretations. But there’s also Mads Mikkelsen in his English-speaking breakout role as blood-crying villain Le Chiffre, and Jeffrey Wright and Tobias Menzies in memorable supporting roles. Most integral to the film’s success, however, is Eva Green’s Vesper Lynd, who is not only one of the franchise’s best “Bond Girls,” but one of the franchise’s best characters.

On paper Vesper is a classic femme fatale. In execution, she is a complex person in an impossible situation who ultimately outsmarts Bond, even if she doesn’t wholly want to. Because of Vesper, Casino Royale is one of the few Bond films in which James loses—beating Le Chiffre and his boss Mr. White, but losing Vesper, and losing a major piece of his humanity in the process. Until the end, Vesper’s life is autonomous from Bond’s, even after they fall in love, demonstrating an agency rarely given to Bond Girls.

In some ways, it’s ironic that it was a returning Bond director who would properly bring Bond into the 21st century. Martin Campbell had previously directed 1995’s GoldenEye. This was not only Campbell’s second time directing a Bond film; it was also his second time directing a Bond film that was tasked with reinventing the franchise under a new leading man. While GoldenEye successfully did this, Casino Royale did it better. Casino Royale launched Bond into a new pop culture era in a vital way, making Bond relevant not only to longtime Bond fans but to a much broader modern audience. It is not only one of the best Bond films ever; it is one of our best modern action films. – Kayti Burt

2. From Russia With Love (1963)

Following the success of Dr. No, the Bond film series officially got underway with From Russia With Love, one of the rare 007 outings to feature continuity with the previous film while also expanding upon the template established in its predecessor. As with several of the early films, this one was faithful to the Fleming book which it was based on, as SPECTRE, seeking revenge against Bond for the death of Dr. No, creates an elaborate trap for the British agent involving a defector and several assassins.

From Russia With Love is in many ways a definitive Bond adventure, with the film standing right on the edge between Fleming’s grittier books and the more elaborate direction that the cinematic version took. Connery is even more confident and relaxed in the role, while the villains—Lotte Lenya as the vile Rosa Klebb and a young Robert Shaw as the frightening killing machine Red Grant—are two of the series’ best.

The film also introduces Q and his array of gadgets for the first time, makes the first mention of Blofeld, and establishes the pre-credits sequence that is still a part of the Bond template to this date. Whether it’s the all-time best of the series is open for debate, but it certainly has the best fight scene in the franchise between Bond and Shaw’s Red Grant, and the film itself remains right there at the top—with love. – DK

1. Goldfinger (1964)

My favorite scene in Goldfinger is not the one where Gert Fröbe’s titular villain has Bond tied to a table with a laser inching nearer—although who doesn’t love the way Fröbe’s voice rises as he says “No, Mr. Bond I expect you to die”? Nor is it the infamous moment where Bond discovers Shirley Eaton drowned in gold paint. It’s not even the laddish way Sean Connery’s lip curls as he whispers “Pussy” to Honor Blackman.

All of those things are iconic and helped give solid shape to what was previously a fluid definition for Bond and his film series. But for me, the moment where Bond and the franchise became cemented is on a golf course. It’s there that 007 and Auric Goldfinger have made a wager worth one brick of Nazi gold over who wins the next nine holes. Goldfinger of course is a cheat, and has his strongman Oddjob (Harold Sakata) sneak a ball on the green after the boss loses the real thing. But rather than call him on it or beat him despite the crooked handicap, Connery’s Bond just smirks and decides to play a trick on Mr. Goldfinger: He’ll be as dishonest and change balls out again, setting the big guy up to lose his money and his pride—even as both men are keenly aware that they despise each other, and one woman they’ve both romanced in their own broken way has died because of their little games.

It summarizes everything folks love, or love to hate, about Bond: He’s arrogant, reckless, cozy with his enemies, indifferent about his lovers, and just having the goddamn time of his life at every given moment. As per usual, Connery delivers it all with a wolfish grin and internalized chuckle, as if only he’s aware of his inherent superiority.

It’s all laid out in the best Bond movie ever made: The Shirley Bassey theme song that set the standard for every Bond opening titles sequence forever after; the tricked out Aston Martin with an ejector seat; and the wild supervillain plot about irradiating the gold bullion at Fort Knox. Goldfinger sets a perfect table for a perfect Bond movie. And it was on a golf course where Connery’s Bond began to run it. Sixty years on, he’s still winning. – DC

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[meadow-dusk]

LONG LONG LONG

a music survey from livejournal days…

- TO TAKE THIS SURVEY, SIMPLY PUT YOUR MUSIC PLAYER ON SHUFFLE AND ANSWER THE QUESTIONS WITH THE TITLE OF THE SONG THAT COMES ON - [it’s better if you don’t cheat and don’t skip any songs.]

What is your name?: Moby Dick • Led Zep

How is your life going?: Get on the Right Thing • Paul McCartney

What is your nickname?: The Day the World Gets ‘Round • George Harrison

What is your theme song?: Little Games • The Yardbirds

What is your best friend’s theme song?: Wait • The Beatles

How is your life going to turn out?: Communication Breakdown • Led Zeppelin

Will you get married?: Four Sticks • Led Zeppelin

Will you have kids?: For What It’s Worth • Haley Reinhart

What will your job be?: Rattled • Traveling Wilburys

Did you/will you finish school?: Good Times, Bad Times • Led Zeppelin

Who is your best friend?: Behind that Locked Door • George Harrison

Who is or will be your significant other?: Think Pink! • Beyond Pink

Who do you like?: We’re All in This Together • High School Musical Cast

How will you die?: Stairway to Heaven • Led Zeppelin (YAAAAAS)

How do you feel right now?: Sentimental Journey • Ringo Starr

What is your favorite song?: Matilda Mother • Pink Floyd

How could you describe your parents?: Pilate and Christ • Jesus Christ Superstar (you can’t make this stuff up yall)

Your best friend[s]?: Postcards from Paradise • Ringo Starr

Your teachers?: She’s Not There • The Zombies

Your significant other [or crush…]?: Riding on a Bus • The Beatles (an interview)

Yourself?: Brian Bathtubes • The Beatles (taking requests)

What is your best feature?: The Riddle • Five for Fighting

What will you be/should you be, profession-wise?: Desire • U2

How could you describe this survey?: I Told You So • Randy Travis

What makes you angry?: Moanin’ • Chris Farlowe ft. Jimmy Page and a random sitarist (this song is so interesting)

What makes you sad?: Everything I Know • Mandy Gonzalez 

What makes you happy?: One • Bee Gees

What makes you dance?: I Still • Backstreet Boys

What is your favorite color?: Sundown • Gordon Lightfoot

How would you describe yourself?: Heart Attack • One Direction

Who is your worst enemy?: Little Soldier Boy • The Yardbirds

Who do you hate?: No Me Diga • In the Heights

Who do you love?: I Started a Joke • Bee Gees

Who do you lust after?: What Do You Want? • The Yardbirds Finish the Sentence I wish: Rainy Day Women #12 and 35 • Bob Dylan I want to: We’re on the Road Again • Ringo Starr I want to kill:. Money • The Beatles I want to eat: Spring Musical Medley • HSM3 yall with Kryan duet to open My head: Sometimes I’ll Be There • Naked Brothers Band (accurate) I am: Movin On • Rascal Flatts My best feature is: The Sad Bells of Rhymney • Fifth Avenue My eyes are: Safest Place to Hide • Backstreet Boys My hair is: Who Can See It • George Harrison My face is: Baby Come on Home • Led Zeppelin You should: Not This Time • 3Lw

Random Words of advice: And Here We Are Again • The Beatles  How do others see me?: Rhythm of Love • Plain White T’s How do I see myself?: Knowing Me, Knowing You • ABBA *** For this first section, put down the first ten songs that play, and then rate them on a scale of 1 - 5 (5 being the best) in the next column. 1. I Have a Dream •  Abba 2/5 2. Sounds of Silence • Simon and Garfunkel 5/5 3. In The Flesh • Pink Floyd 4/5  4. Ya-Ya •  John Lennon (ft. Julian on drums) 4/5  5. Magic Bus • The Who Live at the Isle of Wright 4/5 6. Stomp • Steps 2/5 7. KICK DA DUST UP • Luke Bryan 4/5 8. Your Mother Should Know • The Beatles 5/5 9. Photograph • Ringo (2017) 3/5 he sounds great but it isn’t exciting also who’s the chick I didnt sign up for this 10. Piggies • The Beatles 5/5 good one George Now for a little fortune telling… 1. Who am I?: Tug of War • Paul McCartney 2. Why am I here?: Bet On It • Zac Efron (skittles and steak) 3. What’s my theme song?: American Beauty/American Psycho • Fall Out Boy 4. How’s tomorrow gonna be?: Behind Blue Eyes • The Who 5. What does ______ really think of me?: Let’s Go to Vegas • Faith Hill 6. What’s this school year going to be about?: Man on Fire • Andy Gibb 7. Is something bad going to happen in the near future?: Little Bitty • Alan Jackson 8. What’s the government going to do next?: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band/The End • Paul McCartney Live at Citi Field 9. What’s my best friend doing right now?: Inutil • Carlos Gomez 10. What does my iPod/MP3 think about me?: American Girl • Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Last section! These next questions are all about music 1. I absolutely LOVE this song!: The Look of Love • ABC Comments: This was in Start the Commotion and there was a clip art of eyes as the O’s in look 2. I have no clue why this song is still on my music player: Steppin’ Out • John Mayall and the Bluesbreakers Comments: It’s saved because I occasionally really try to get into Clapton 3. This song has AMAZING lyrics: Love Will Find a Way • Pablo Cruise Comments: I remembered his initials but not his name

4. The band that does this song is one of my favorites: Most Peculiar Man • Simon and Garfunkel Comments: I would not say favorites but I give them their due 5. My dad loves this song: Songs About Rain • Gary Allan Comments: he bought the CD and took it on road trips so probs 6. My mom can’t stand this song: The Hook (All My Love) • Led Zeppelin Comments: she probably can stand it more than me 7. I have a sibling who enjoys listening to songs by this band: When You See a Chance • Steve Winwood Comments: fair to say that cause once she asked me what the name of Valerie was 8. One of my best friends hates the band that does this song: Like Nobody’s Around • Big Time Rush Comments: NO FRIEND OF MINE! 9. I got this song off a mix CD: Got My Mind Set On You • George Harrison Comments: I learned how to do the mashed potato to this song 10. This song is on a movie soundtrack: The Freedom Song • Jason Mraz Comments: could definitely be but don’t hold this one down

11. Share a memory involving this song in comments: Friday On My Mind • The Easybeats Comments: running to it - how was there this much good music at one time 12. I’ve played this song on repeat before: You’re My Number One • S Club 7 Comments: Try this ALBUM back when we used to play S Club and have choreography 13. This song is on the band’s Greatest Hit’s CD: Ramblin’ Man • Allman Brothers Band Comments: if it isn’t they screwed up 14. I love dancing to this song!: If You Wanna Do a Dance • The Spinners Comments: seems like that was the idea 15. This song gets me every time I hear it: Bathroom Sound (Out on the Tiles early take) • Led Zeppelin Comments: I prefer the final version with vocals and silly quips but this version does just as well for Bonzo Appreciation Time 16. This song is great to listen to when you’re angry: Farmer Refuted (Instrumental) • Hamilton  Comments: OH MY GOD tear this dude apart 17. I love the music video for this song: I’m Just a Singer (In a Rock and Roll Band) • Moody Blues Comments: if there is one it’s probably psychedelic so I’d dig it I bet 18. I’ve seen the band that performs this song live: The Boxer • Simon and Garfunkel Comments: I have not.  This song is beautiful.  19. Is this song better to listen to at night, in the morning, or in the afternoon?: Let’s Get Rocked • Def Leppard Comments: morning, running. 20. I haven’t listened to this song in so long!: That’s the Way (Live Paris 1971) • Led Zeppelin Comments: not true it came on on the way to the gym barely a few weeks ago *** What were the first words to Abe Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?: What ya gonna do when it’s cold outside? (Keep It Hid • Robert Plant) What did Martin Luther King have a dream about, anyways?: You’ve got a cute way of talking, you got the better of me! (You Make Me Feel Like Dancin’ • Leo Sayer)  Tomorrow’s newspapers will all have the major headline of: Out in the Rain Looking for Sunshine (Permanent Stain • Backstreet Boys) If someone offered you some free drugs, how would you respond?: Lord almighty, feel my temperature risin’...(Burning Love • Elvis) What kind of higher power do you believe in?: You need coolin, baby I’ ain’t foolin (Whole Lotta Love • Led Zeppelin) What do people really notice about you?: There’s a girl I know who makes me feel so good (Valleri • The Monkees) What do you notice first in the preferred sex of your choice?: Hey fellas, have ya heard the news you know that Annie’s back in town (Heartbreaker • Led Zeppelin) What do you look for in reading books?: They say that Richard Cory owns one half of this whole town, with political connections to spread his wealth around (Richard Cory • Wings) What’s a must-have quality in a friend for you?: Meeting people along my way, seemingly I’ve known one day (Happenings Ten Years Time Ago • The Yardbirds) What scares the shit out of you?: Gat Kirwani • George Harrison (this has no words it’s just a sitar jam) How do you laugh?: Anna, you come and ask me, girl, to set you free girl? (Anna (Go To Him) • The Beatles)  Why do you do these surveys?: When the night returns just like a friend, when the evening comes to set me free  (If You Know What I Mean • Neil Diamond) Do you have anything you’d like to confess?: I can see you in the window waiting for my call (Untouchable • Big Time Rush) How do you feel about the person you cannot stand the most?: If ever you’ve got rain in your heart, someone has hurt you and torn you apart, am I unwise to open up your eyes to love me (Run To Me • Bee Gees)  The best date ever, in your book, would consist of…: Dear Theodosia, what to say to you?(Dear Theodosia • Leslie Odom Jr. & Lin-Manuel Miranda) If you sent a random Hallmark card to a friend, you would write to them: Are we growing up or just going down? It's just a matter of time until we're all found out. (Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year • Fallout Boy) If you had the chance to speak to (a) God, what would you say?: Every time I see her, she don’t even look my way (Just My Style • Gary Lewis and the Playboys) Finish the sentence: “When the going gets tough…”: My friend came to me with sadness in his eyes and told me that he wanted help before his country dies (Bangla Desh • George Harrison)  How do you deal with your stress?: I can almost remember their funny faces (Jet • Paul McCartney) What is your biggest burden in life?: Somebody’s knocking at the door, somebody’s ringing the bell (Let Em In • Wings) What’s the coolest thing about your best friend?: Hands, put your empty hands in mine (Stand By You • Rachel Platten) Why do you love the one you do?: Sweet, wonderful you.  You make me happy with the things you do (You Make Loving Fun • Fleetwood Mac) If a friend broke their arm and got a cast, what would you write on it?: Gonna build myself a castle high up in the clouds (Dance the Night Away • Cream)  You see a stick and wet cement. What do you write?:  It feels so right now hold me tight (Hold Me Tight • The Beatles) A guy just stole your (purse, car, etc)! What do you yell at him?: Welcome to the camp, I guess you all know why you’re here (We’re Not Gonna Take It • The Who) You pass a crack addict on the corner one day. Solemnly he tells you: Well now we’re respected in society, we don’t worry bout the things that we used to be, we’re talkin heroin with the president (Respectable • The Rolling Stones) What will your baby’s first words be?:  He knows about you in every way, he's memorized every part of your face (Does He Know • One Direction) You are at your wit’s end, and decide to write a suicide note. It begins: The pound is sinking, the peso’s falling, the lira’s reeling and feeling quite appalling (The Pound is Sinking • Paul McCartney) Why can’t there be peace in the world?: Let’s talk about one, bay-bay, ya gotta hear me out (Get Another Boyfriend • Backstreet Boys)

How do you think people see you?: I walked in the band just started, the singer couldn't carry a tune in a bucket (Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo • Tracy Byrd) Inside, though, what kind of person are you really?: well the rain was a-fallin’ and the ground turned to mud, I was watchin’ all the people running from the flood (Deliver Your Children • Wings) If you wanted to comfort a friend, you’d say: Anytime, any day you can hear the people say that love is blind, well I don’t know but I say love is kind (Listen to What the Man Said • Wings) When you want to cheer someone up, you say: *I just make series of nonsense sounds* (Pow R. Toc H. • Pink Floyd) You’re unbelievably depressed because your friend just told you…: people say we’ve got it made, don’t they know we’re so afraid? (Isolation • John Lennon)

When you are incredibly bored, you start thinking about…?: I drive all alone, at night, I drive all alone, don’t know what I’m headed for. (Dead End Friends • Them Crooked Vultures) You’re a classy person, so instead of cursing when you’re mad, you yell…?: I met a gin-soaked, bar-room queen in Memphis (Honky Tonk Women • The Rolling Stones)   you’re writing a love letter, but what are you going to begin it with?: The theater’s so obsessed with drama so depressed, it’s hard to sell a ticket on broadway! (Keep It Gay • The Producers)  If you were to write a letter to the President of the USA, it would say…?: It’s a boy, Mrs. Walker, it’s a boy (It’s a Boy • The Who) What would someone have to tell you to make you really angry?: No no no no, don’t phunk with mah haaahrt (Don’t Phunk with My Heart • Black-Eyed Peas) …To make you really depressed?:  Cars and girls are easy to come by in this day and age, laughing joking drinking smoking til I spend my wage (Over Under Sideways Down • The Yardbirds) ...To make you sexually aroused?: Catch a star if you can, wish for something special (Are You Ready for Love • The Spinners) Your first thoughts waking up were…: Life is just a bowl of All-Bran, you wake up every morning and it’s there (Happydaystoytown • The Small Faces)  Your last words before falling asleep will be…: the sun is shining in the sky, there ain’t a cloud in sight (Mr. Blue Sky • Electric Light Orchestra)

[crowdvscritic]

round up // JULY 20

New music is saving 2020! This is one of my most music-and-musical-heavy Round Ups yet, not even counting the Beverly Hills Cop theme I’ve been whistling and dancing to around my apartment this week. (Don’t judge—you’ll do it to if you watch any of those movies.) And speaking of movies, I’ve got three new movies from 2020 to recommend! When theatres reopen I might go every week even if there’s nothing I’m excited to see, but I’m thankful for VOD movies to tide me over in the meantime.

July Crowd-Pleasers

This Twitter Thread

I’ve laughed out loud so many times I don’t care if this thread is made up. An anonymous Frenchman is documenting the “adventures” of a British family with a vacation home next door and no clue what Brexit actually means. This journey is a sardonic roller coaster, but I appreciate this tweeter isn’t devoid of empathy.

The Lincoln Lawyer (2011)

An insanely satisfying legal thriller that will have you shouting at your TV. Matthew McConaughey is a hot shot lawyer who doesn’t care if his clients are guilty, but he starts to reconsider that position with his newest (Ryan Philippe). What seems like a cut-and-dry defense of a man wrongfully accused escalates into so much more. I’ll stay scant on the details so the twists can surprise you as much as they did me. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10

Summer Jams

2020 has gotten, um, a bad reputation, but I’d like to give it a shout-out for one of the best years of summer pop music in a long time. The last time I remember jamming to this many songs on the radio was 2013, the summer of “Mirrors,” “Get Lucky,” “Roar,” and “I Love It.” Thanks to Harry Styles, Lady Gaga, the Jonas Brothers, and Doja Cat, I keep flipping through radio stations looking for the next new song that will make me bop. Enjoy a round up of my favorite summer songs of 2020 so far on Spotify above.

Focus (2015)

As noted last month, I love when a heist movie can pull a fast one on me. Focus may not be a creative height of either Will Smith’s or Margot Robbie’s careers, but it’s a romantic and funny story of two con artists with just enough plot twists to keep me guessing. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10

Love Crazy (1941)

William Powell and Myrna Loy appeared in 14 movies together, and their chemistry in this zany romantic comedy shows us why. The premise starts with their married characters planning an eccentric anniversary celebration, but somehow it escalates to a legal declaration of his insanity. (Unlike My Man Godfrey, Powell is the comic instead of the straight man this time.) While how we talk about mental health has changed much in the last 80 years, this comedy is so screwball it can’t be taken seriously as commentary. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell star in a musical light on songs but huge on charm, laughs, and diamonds. In a perfect world, we would have gotten more musicals directed by Howard Hawks, but if we could only have one, this is proof we’re not living in the darkest timeline. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Double Feature — Very Silly Spoofs: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) + The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

I’m very late to both of the parties for Monty Python (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) and The Naked Gun (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 8/10), so all I need to say about these absurd comedies is the hype didn’t ruin them for me.

Fast & Furious (2009)

In a strange turn of events, I finally succumbed to watching all Fast and Furious flicks. (Blame it on quarantine.) While my favorite remains the spin-off Hobbs & Shaw (maybe because it’s so unlike a normal movie in this franchise, sorry), the fourth movie is another highlight. It features one of the best character team-ups before the stunts become hilariously unrealistic and acknowledges some of the moral complexities of the plot, which is surprisingly uncharacteristic for a movie series about, um, criminals. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10

Double Feature — Action Crime Movies Based on True Stories in the ‘70s: Donnie Brasco (1997) + The Bank Job (2008)

In, Donnie Brasco (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8/10), Johnny Depp is an FBI agent undercover in the Mob, keeping an eye on Al Pacino. In The Bank Job (Crowd: 8.5 // Critic: 7.5/10), Jason Statham is caught up in an MI6 plot to save political face by breaking into a London bank. Both are tense, twisty, and somehow true.

Jim Gaffigan: Cinco (2017)

While he’s best known for jokes about food, I’ll always appreciate how his self-deprecating jokes are never really just about his appearance or his many children, though he’s funny enough he could get away with that.

Covers by Switchfoot (2020)

Harry Styles! Vampire Weekend! My music tastes past and present collide in this album of bops Switchfoot covered this year.

Beverly Hills Cop III (1994)

This is really just a plug to watch all three Beverly Hills Cop movies for Eddie Murphy at his funniest, Judge Reinhold at his most underrated, and a score so catchy you’ll be dancing to it for days. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10

July Critic Picks

Hamilton (2020)

Who knew? Listening to the Hamilton soundtrack is not the same as watching it in the room where it happens. I reviewed the filmed production with the original cast for ZekeFilm, which was a treat since my May theatre tickets were cancelled. At least we’re not dealing with formal duels in 2020! Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 10/10

Double Feature — Journalism Films Based on True Stories in the ‘70s: All the President’s Men (1976) + Zodiac (2007)

Maybe it’s just because I have a degree in Journalism, but I appreciate a story about a good story. In All the President’s Men (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 10/10), Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman are digging into the Watergate scandal at The Washington Post even when no one else thinks there’s anything to investigate. On the opposite coast in Zodiac (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10), Jake Gyllenhaal and Robert Downey Jr. are hunting the Zodiac Killer at the San Francisco Chronicle with the help of police officer Mark Ruffalo. This double feature focuses on reporters so committed to their work it comes at personal cost, but it highlights the need for people who are that committed to the truth to make our society function.

Greyhound (2020)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a studio in possession of a good World War II script must be in want of Tom Hanks, and we can always feel the warmest gratitude for any means of uniting them. I reviewed the film Hanks wrote himself for ZekeFilm. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Dark Waters (2019)

Mark Ruffalo plays a real-life lawyer who helped investigate DuPont and change legislation on chemicals. A different kind of legal thriller than The Lincoln Lawyer, but yet another movie confirming Mark Ruffalo is a treasure. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

These Pieces on How We Interact With Media

I’m a believer in good journalism (see above), so I appreciate when writers do some self-examination on their own craft. I’ve been on an Instagram break the last few months because it’s been contributing to an anxiety spiral re: world events. It’s easy to talk in hyperbole, to complain, and to dehumanize others on the Internet, and I know I’m guilty of all three, so kudos to these writers for speaking on them.

“The Power of Media and Misinformation in the Age of Coronavirus,” DarlingMagazine.org (April 20)

“My Big Old Rant,” SeanDietrich.com (July 10)

“Kanye West and the Media Are Once Again Playing a Dangerous Game,” Vulture.com (July 13)

Brightest Blue by Ellie Goulding (2020)

You might know Ellie for her electro-pop hits, but I’ve always preferred her ballads that let her unique vocals shine. Brightest Blue is another collection of both styles, and it’s another strong outing from one of my favorite singers.

West Side Story by Richard Barrios (2020)

The making of West Side Story is a classic collision between art and commerce. This new Turner Classic Movies book details the many conflicts between the creative team, cast, and financiers to make one of the most beloved musicals and most Oscar-winning films in history, and you might be surprised it made it to the screen at all after reading it.

The Vast of Night (2020)

The Twilight Zone-esque movie is all about some weird happenings over the airwaves in a small town. Two high school students, one a nighttime radio host and the other a phone operator, team up to investigate a mysterious noise they’re hearing. The filmmaking is unconventional but gripping, and the story has major Stranger Things vibes, which is only helped by the fact that one of the stars looks a lot like Sadie Sink. (FYI, her name is actually Sierra McCormick.) Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

folklore by Taylor Swift (2020)

It’s tricky to put into words what new music from Taylor Swift means to me because her words have been part of my life for over a decade and I admire what she shares of her creative process so much. Her unexpected eighth album is nothing like Lover—instead it’s a sonic and poetic continuation of songs and themes from Fearless and RED, her two most sock-me-in-the-gut-and-how-did-you-get-a-hold-of-my-journal collections. Just 11 months ago she released an album I said was her best yet, but I’m saying it again and even faster than last time.

Bonus: Enjoy this piece about the inspiration for her song “Last Great American Dynasty” from St. Louis Magazine.

Westworld (1973)

Before Jurassic Park, Michael Chrichton wrote and directed another sci-fi adventure set at a theme park with a Hunger Games flair. Here we go to a Western-themed resort where almost-human robots serve patrons’ every whim—that is, until they start rewriting their programming.  At least we aren’t dealing with homicidal robot cowboys in 2020! Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10

Also in July…

I wrote a tribute to Olivia de Havilland after her passing at 104. She’s best known as Melanie in Gone With the Wind, but I’ll argue that’s not the best showcase of her talent.

The Best Picture Project continues with Clark Gable! He starred in 1934’s It Happened One Night and 1935’s Mutiny on the Bounty, but I’m only recommending one of them for your viewing pleasure. You can scroll a little further back or read the reviews here:

It Happened One Night – Crowd // Critic

Mutiny on the Bounty – Crowd // Critic

On SO IT’S A SHOW?, our pop culture references spanned 250 years with 1976’s Rocky and the 1726 novel Gulliver’s Travels. We found a crazy number of connections between Gilmore Girls actor Milo Ventimiglia and Sylvester Stallone, and we figured out what the hey the word “brobdingnagian” means. 

You can keep up with everything I’m watching in real time on Letterboxd, where I’ve rounded up my favorite journalism films, including All the President’s Men, It Happened One Night, and Zodiac.

Images: Switchfoot, Media, Ellie Goulding, West Side Story. all others IMDb.com.

[scenarios-on-ice]

“Alright, Luna-senpai!”

Thus the technically-smol and not-so-innocent Evans was saved from a brutal, feelsy death by Queen Luna’s common sense.

If only we could say the same for Philip Hamilton. R.I.P

Ah, it is true that I am professional feels-murderer. However, when it comes to me being a cinnamon roll…that remains to be seen :)

Aww, I didn’t mind the basement thing, really! That isn’t something I’d see as a major spoiler since you didn’t tell me what was actually inside of it ^^ as for AoT, I forgot to mention that I’ve caught up with the manga now! I got so irritated at falling behind all of my fandoms and then going on tumblr like “wth new chapter already now I’ve got to avoid the spoilers but I WANNA SEE THE SPOILERS but I WANNA APPRECIATE THE TWISTS” that I went and binge-read Black Butler, AoT and TG almost all at once lol

Like you, though, I don’t know if I’m appreciating what’s going on in AoT right now. Isayama’s doing so many POV switches and focusing on so many new plot twists and info dumps that it almost feels like he’s abandoning all the old plot threads he hasn’t tied up yet. Also, he’s pulled off two time skips in quick succession now, which makes things even more confusing.

If he has a plan and knows what he’s doing this could turn out OK, but if not, well…it could become a complete and utter trainwreck.

YOU POSSESS THE POWER OF AMVs I BOW DOWN TO YOU

Seriously, if you want to and you have the time, I’d love to see that actually happen (though if you can’t that’s fine too ^^). I actually wrote down a whole plan for this MMV/AMV thing because the more I listen to Wait for It the more it reminds me of TG…

(More feels: for the line ‘My grandfather was a fire and brimstone preacher’, Amon and Donato. And then 'but there are things that the homilies and hymns can’t teach you’ Amon’s first encounter with Kaneki.

Then 'My mother was a genius’ possibly Eto and Ukina? or Matsumae?

'My father commanded respect’ Juuzou and Shinohara

And you know how the chorus echoes 'respect’ after that line? Sasaki’s face shows up during that echo (he did have the Q squad’s respect in his own way). Or maybe Yoshimura. I considered Arima but I have another line I want for him…

'When they died, they left no instructions’ Ryouko’s (Hinami’s mother’s) death

'Just a legacy to protect’ Hinami saving Sasaki in the auction arc. Cinnamon roll is making her parents proud.

'Death doesn’t discriminate’ anything with Arima. Maybe his death scene? The Grim Reaper never hesitated, not even when it came to his own life.

Also, the scenes with Nutcracker’s death and young Arima reaching out the window in his flashback might fit well with the last chorus (“Life doesn’t discriminate”). In fact, I feel like the most emotional scenes or the ones that show characters going through hardships would fit with the last chorus, since it’s about how hard life can be no matter who you are.

I know I want the 'Let’s go home’ scene in here somewhere but I’m not sure where it should go. It should be in a powerful, meaningful place, probably in the last chorus like the above scenes, but I can’t decide where it would have the most impact.)

I just went back and checked out some discussions in the fandom, and I’m really, REALLY sorry! But apparently the 'I’ve forgotten their names’ was an April Fool’s joke…? I’m kinda glad that there’s no deeper, more tragic meaning I could dig out from that line now, but also kind of disappointed because I was liking the contrast with Naki.

The line that was actually there is no better when it comes to feels.

“If the people you lost somehow returned to you…how would you feel?”

“It’d be frightening.

I’d worry that they might just disappear again.”

coupled with this lovely panel of Kaneki, his eyes closed and head tilted upwards, with a vaguely melancholy expression on his face.

Ishida Why

Also, remember Furuta’s touching declaration of love?

“I’ll have Rize bear me a bunch of children, 101 dalmations style~”

Yeah, well.

He got his wish…? Sort of…?

I love Hinami more and more. Despite everything that’s happened she’s made it clear since a few chapters ago that she has no grudge against Akira or even Kureo Mado, and in fact, she’s the one who pulls Akira into her arms (Akira just stands there and soon starts to cry for the first time since the Anteiku Raid).

Those names do sound a bit weird XD but I’m definitely gonna watch all of those when I can! And I’ll let you know when I do!

OMG.

There’s something weirdly exciting about knowing that we’re this close (like one of us could literally jump on a plane and meet the other in around a couple of hours) :D I really hope you have fun in Japan! :) I’m almost kinda jealous lol…but CONGRATS!

The amount of times I’ve died and risen from the dead is astonishing. 

Phillip needed an Evans and a Luna to save him from his demise. Too bad he didn’t have any. 

Your feels-murdering skills are over 9000 *breaks eyepiece*

Ah, that’s amazing! I’m glad you’re all caught up now ^^ We have a lot (A LOT) to discuss, especially about Black Butler. To sum up my feelings about it: I am dead inside. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY(Did he have to say goodbye). 

I am this close to giving up on AoT as well. However, I wish to see how my precious ray of sunshine (Armin) will fare, so I’ll have to bear with it. Hooray.

Fun facts, my amvs are horrible. Since I use a free program, they have huge watermarks and I don’t know how to add effects at all, but there’s always youtube to help hahah I’ll work on it quite soon, but I can’t guarantee how well it’ll turn out ^^ 

When thinking about how to pull it off, I was realised that using manga panels for everything would be the best way to go, as not to confuse people or make it weird. As for ‘Let’s go home’, it could probably fit well with ‘death doesn’t discriminate’, but we already have Arima for it... Oh, oh, maybe with ‘it takes and it takes’. Finding all the right panels will be a pain in the ass ;-; I’ll probably ask you a few times if you know the approximate chapter of certain scenes ^^;;

Oh thank god. I mean, it was quite out of character, even for Sasaki. Jeez. That was mean ;-; (Not mean from you, but from the fandom T_T) The alternate line is so much better and fits him more. And it’s actually just as sad. Gdi Ishida, you’re evil.

What What What What What No Please no Oh dear God and I’m not even a religious person WHYYYY I believe Ishida is made out of 5% cinnamon roll and 95% pure evil.  Also, I just happen to stumble upon the last panel of the latest chapter, aka Mutuski being creepy af, holding Kaneki and going ‘sense <3′ whaT’D I MISS?? Lots and lots of things

WHAT IS THIS???

((Don’t mind me, I’m just searching for the panel of Kaneki and his what if everyone came back. I WILL FIND IT))

Whoops, found it

Well, shit

On to lighter themes!

Japan was absolutely amazing! We did so many things and saw lots of new places! It’s a completely different world, that’s for sure. And my Love Live loving ass was in heaven. Seriously, I bought 4 figures (bc they’re really cheap there) and one plush toy, and they’re all related to LL. I might need help. Aaand, after watching the 4 eps of BnHA season 2, I recommend it even more! It’s a mix between serious/dark and humour and imo, it was pulled off very well ^^

I hope school’s going fine for you! Cause mine isn’t :’) Well, it’ll get better now, since this week was the hellpoint hahah

[notesonfilm1]

Forty years after his debut in The Killers ( Robert Siodmak, 1946), Burt Lancaster toplines a major studio film (Disney´s Touchstone Pictures),  capping a legendary partnership with Kirk Douglas. They starred together in I Walk Alone (Byron Haskin, 1947), Gunfight at the Ok Corral (John Sturges, 1957), The Devil´s Disciple (Guy Hamilton, 1959), Seven Days in May (John Frankenheimer, 1964), did cameos for John Huston in The List of Adrian Messenger (1963) and appeared together in the Victory at Entebbe (Marvin Chomsky, 1976) ‘event’ TV Movie. This was their seventh time together and, as you can see in the charming clip below, they were widely perceived as a team by the public, appearing several times together at the Oscars and in this particular clip below bringing down the house with their banter and performance:

    I saw Tough Guys when it came out and found it pleasant but not very good. This time around I enjoyed it even more. I now know their personas better, can flesh out all the echoes of and rhymes with the different epochs of their careers, get the joke when the film makes references to their previous films such as  Gunfight at the OK Corral and so on. But, if anything, I found the film even worse than the first time around.

Tough Guys is a very typical and typically overblown comic action movie of the 80s, with the gym sequence then so prevalent, the throwaway humour, the car chases, the things being blown up behind the protagonists as they throw themselves towards the camera, the action sequences tied together by a song  to add up to a video clip the producers hoped would get heavy rotation on MTV and help market the movie, the ugly synth score and the stuffing of the movie with songs so as as to have an extra revenue and promotion resource from the soundtrack (see the pre-packed ‘MTV montage’ below).

  All of the above made me realise that stars not only develop and change over time, that meanings accrue and change, that they´re different for each generation of filmgoers and across social formations, but also that stardom inhabits forms. As argued and characterised above, Tough Guys is High Concept 80s cinema, it´s ‘Burt and Kirk as tough guys, but they´ve been in jail for 30 years so they and the audience can hark back to their film noir days in the late forties, and the comedy will come from age and cultural dislocation´. I could have cut the tagline to one sentence had I wanted to.

The plot revolves around Harry Doyle (Burt Lancaster) and Archie Long (Kirk Douglas). The film begins as they come out of prison after 30 years for a failed train robbery, the last attempt at one in America, with their late forties/ early 50s hats, sharp suits, and two-toned shoes (see montage of images above). The guard taunts them by saying they’ll be back within the week. Their parole officer, Richie Evans (Dana Carvey), a fan, quickly explains the set-up, sends Archie to a welfare motel and Harry, whose older, to an old folks home. Everything in this new world is strange to them and they can’t abide by the rules, which seem to infantilise and dismiss the old as asexual, brainless and without agency. Moreover, they have two people on their tail, a hit man who’d been hired to kill them 30 years before and has been waiting ever since (Eli Wallach) and the cop responsible for sending them to prison in the first place, who believes they’ll never reform and is merely waiting for them to set up the next hit (Charles Durning).

To pursue this idea of stardom inhabiting forms, just think of how the very first scenes immediately recall the 4:3 underworld of shadows and crime that is Lancaster’s first star persona, the guy from The Killers, Brute Force, Criss Cross, Kiss the Blood of My Hands, and with Kirk, also in a narrative about an ex-con let loose in a world he doesn’t recognise, I Walk Alone. 

Then think too about the ´Muscles and Teeth’ roles in The Flame and the Arrow and The Crimson Pirate, still in 4.3 but now in vibrant technicolour. One can also chart Burt Lancaster’s development as a star in Westerns, the move from the 4:3, black and white of Vengeance Valley in ’51, through the Technicolour SuperScope of Vera Cruz, right up to the Cinerama of The Hallellujah Trail, and then, as his stardom diminished, back to the then standard widescreen of Valdez is Coming or Ulzana’s Raid.

Think too of how the seriousness Burt Lancaster signified is so often associated with John Frankenheimer’s wide-screen black and white aesthetic, the experimentation with compositions and angles, as well as with the seriousness of theme. Or how seeing Lancaster pictured in Richard Aldrich’s  fractured, suspenseful and imaginative split screen in Twilight’s Last Gleaming also communicates aspects of Lancaster’s persona in the late 70s, purposeful, serious, committed, an old pro trying to be newly dynamic and ‘with it’.

In Tough Guys, Burt and Kirk are newly burnished for High Concept stardom but see above how the big spectacular finale, harks back to Westerns, but now with helicopters on the chases instead of Indians.

  Even from behind and past 70, Burt walks gracefully. Kirk is the other one. Kirk’s always doing bits of business, Burt is relatively minimalist, paired down: that’s why their chemistry is so good, perfect counterpoint. And that is and was evident to even those who´d never seen them in anything else together. The film is a very pleasurable, if not good, send-off to a legendary team.

    Jose Arroyo

        Tough Guys (Jeff Kanew, USA, 1986) Forty years after his debut in The Killers ( Robert Siodmak, 1946), Burt Lancaster toplines a major studio film (Disney´s Touchstone Pictures),  capping a legendary partnership with Kirk Douglas.