#this is no longer a serious rp blog it's just nonsense

[pagetreader]

Had he not heard her? With the drunken numbness muffling his senses, it was possible that he hadn’t. And yet as he held her there, touched her, and lifted the hem of her dress, Bess couldn’t find it in herself to protest. 

Ever since she was a girl, Elizabeth Strafford had loved Spencer Dutton. With their families so close in the tight knit community of Bozeman, Montana, she could recall chasing after him and his friends all throughout her childhood, wanting nothing more than to keep up with him. 

But now those years were far behind them, and much hardship had sullied the better memories. Spencer himself hadn’t been home since he’d left for war all those years ago. For six years he’d been gone, and even now, as he stood before her, he seemed so far away. 

“Where are you?” she found herself asking, the question more metaphorical than literal. 

As he nuzzled into her, Bess closed her eyes, mouth open to receive his taste as her hands tugged him lightly forward by his collar. God in heaven, what had the world done to him? 

“Spencer…Spencer, come back.” 

"I don't think so, Spencer…"

He almost didn't hear her, her soft dismissal drowned out by the thrum of dining hall behind them. The noises of the inn echoed mutely down this adjacent hall; silverware sharply clinked on china, glasses firmly placed on tabletops, the voices one steady hum of sound, no words identifiable in the mass of diners.

Spencer was drunk, but that was nothing new. It was a problem to everyone except to himself, and why would he consider it a problem? He wasn't so much out of control during times like this, even now, here, boxing Elizabeth against the edge of the narrow hall, he was completely in control, aware, of his actions. All the drink did was help him focus on the present rather than the memories of the past. Like with the dining hall... if not for the drink, the constant noise would make his eyes shift nervously, make his hands shake anew, the noises overwhelming, reminiscent of the medical tents, expecting to hear a pained scream at any given moment.

"That's all right." Spencer slurred. His eyes were closed, his forehead pressed to Elizabeth's, not entirely sure now if he'd already kissed her - it didn't matter, he was in control, it didn't matter if he'd already kissed her, he could do it again - but even the perception of that faded as quickly as it formed because now his hand was under her skirts, lifting the hem himself.

[rooksgambits]

ROOKSGAMBITS; this is an INDEPENDENT, SELECTIVE, and PRIVATE SHADOW DRAGON ROOK roleplaying blog. written by bean (they/she). currently most up for DRAGON AGE and BALDUR'S GATE 3 rp. VEILGUARD SPOILERS PRESENT, but i will try to remember to tag them!!!

A STUDY IN: action girl; the anti-nihilist; beware the nice ones; chaotic good; dark is not evil; haunted heroine; jeanne d'archétype; pragmatic hero; soft is not weak; we help the helpless

✑ RULES » ABOUT » VERSES » HEADCANONS » MEMES

beta editor + xkit rewritten only! rules under cut, all else on carrd.

blogroll: @atomiqueen. @heartsdefine. @thanflowers. @thiefscant.

✒ REGULATIONS;

ONE.    MY NAME IS BEAN/BEE. they/she. nonbinary lesbian. i’m 32, neurodivergent, and a full-time grad student with two jobs (so that will take up a lot of my time & energy). I’M WHITE. in the event that i fuck up and/or swerve out of my lane, i invite my friends and followers of color (or fellow white folks who are wiser than me) to let me know. i can and will do better.

TWO.    SELECTIVE AND PRIVATE. this means i’m particular about who i follow and i will only write with mutuals. NOT SPOILER FREE. NO GODMODDING, metagaming, etc. EXCLUSIVITY IS RARE but not unheard of so you can find my mains/exclusives list here

THREE.    I USE PRIMARILY THIRD PERSON PAST OR PRESENT TENSE, though i've been experimenting with second person more. when it comes to verb tense, i'll often check to see what my partner is most comfortable using and go with that. i can do one-liners or multipara threads, but longer things will likely take a bit more time.

FOUR.    I SHIP CHEMISTRY, and i do not force ships because i’m not a monster. i definitely enjoy a good romance, but platonic and queerplatonic dynamics, rivalries, etc. are just as interesting for me to explore!

FIVE.    IF I FOLLOW YOU, IT MEANS I LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE GOIN' ON AND WOULD LOVE TO INTERACT. it doesn't have to happen immediately, just down the line! i'll give most folks at least a week to follow back (thus indicating mutual interest in writing together at some point) before unfollowing. but if i really enjoy your blog/portrayal, i may stick around as a passive follower so long as i am welcome!

SIX.    I PREFER TO BE HARDBLOCKED IF YOU NO LONGER WISH FOR ME TO FOLLOW YOU for any reason. this is so i don't assume tumblr unfollowed you for me and refollow, inadvertently crossing your boundaries. if i suspect someone has softblocked me, i will likely hardblock them myself to avoid refollowing in the future. i am generally quite liberal with the block button, as i'm serious about curating my online space.

SEVEN.    PLEASE DO: BREAK YOUR REPLIES FOR ME UP INTO SMALLER PARAGRAPHS if we write together, as my adhd makes hugelong paragraphs difficult to read; ASK ME TO TAG YOUR TRIGGERS if i’ve neglected to do so (whether i’m following you back or not); LIKE MY STARTER CALLS, send me memes, turn my meme replies into threads (if we are mutuals); SHOWER ME IN PLOT IDEAS and ooc chatter; HAVE PATIENCE with me on all of the above; FEEL FREE TO UNFOLLOW ME at any time for any reason, as i will be reserving the right to do so myself

EIGHT.    PLEASE DO NOT: USE SUBSMALL TEXT or multiple spaces between words in our threads as i find both difficult to read; UNFOLLOW/REFOLLOW to get my attention (it won’t be the kind of attention you’re hoping for); EXPECT ANY KIND OF IMMEDIACY FROM ME IC OR OOC. i love making friends via roleplay, but i’m one smol nerd just trying to have a good time and i won’t stress myself out by trying to keep up with everything at once. just know it’s not personal, and i’ll get back to you as soon as i have the energy.

NINE.    I WILL GLADLY: TAG NSFW AND TRIGGERS appropriately and accommodate those who ask to the best of my abilities (most nsfw will be tagged #usfw with images also being tagged #nsft; triggers will be tagged #trigger tw and/or #trigger cw); WELCOME LGBTQIA+ HEADCANONS; USE MY SHITPOST TAG (#blacklist for less soft nonsense.) on most of my inane ooc content so feel free to block it.

TEN.    I WILL TRY: TO REMEMBER IF YOU DON'T LIKE TO BE REBLOGGED FROM, but please note that I have ADHD and may forget. often and repeatedly. (a bit more info about this can be found here.) if being reblogged from on the reblogging website really bothers you, please feel free to block me as needed. relatedly, i don't really care if you reblog things from me that aren't in-character roleplay posts and/or headcanons. i do think it's polite to reblog a meme from the source if you don't send one in, especially if it's a headcanon meme, but i don't consider it a blockable offense.

ELEVEN.    I WILL NOT: FOLLOW BLOGS THAT DON’T HAVE ANY RULES OR GUIDELINES set up; exceptions to this are reserved for muns i already know aka those whose boundaries i’m already familiar with; FOLLOW MANY BLOGS THAT INCLUDE CHARACTERS from game of thrones and/or house of the dragon, as i’m just not comfortable having a lot of ASOIAF content on my dash; exceptions to this are typically reserved for people i already know and/or multimuse blogs that include other fandoms/muses i’m interested in

CREDITS.    icons / icons / icons / icons / icons

[atomiqueen]

this is an INDEPENDENT, SELECTIVE, and PRIVATE rp blog for LUCY MACLEAN of amazon prime's FALLOUT tv show. written by bean. mainly show & headcanon based, as i slowly familiarize myself with the lore. oc & dupe friendly! NOT SPOILER FREE.

A STUDY IN: being neutral good in a chaotic neutral world; a variety of tv tropes (the pollyanna, action girl, martial pacifist, the golden rule, took a level in badass, the conscience, break the cutie)

✑ CARRD » ABOUT » HEADCANONS » MEMES

beta editor + xkit rewritten only! rules under the cut; everything else on carrd.

wandering the wasteland with: @radiaking

blogroll: @heartsdefine. @rooksgambits. @thanflowers. @thiefscant.

✒ RULES & GUIDELINES;

GENERAL: SELECTIVE AND PRIVATE. this means i’m particular about who i follow and i will only write with mutuals. my blog is semi-iconless (depending on the muse/if i feel like making icons or not). NOT SPOILER FREE. NO GODMODDING, metagaming, etc. EXCLUSIVITY IS RARE but not unheard of so you can find my mains/exclusives list here

WRITING: I USE PRIMARILY THIRD PERSON PAST OR PRESENT TENSE. i'm not entirely comfortable roleplaying in first or second person (yet). when it comes to verb tense, i'll often check to see what my partner is most comfortable using and go with that. i can do one-liners or multipara threads, but longer things will likely take a bit more time.

SHIPPING: I SHIP CHEMISTRY, and i do not force ships because i’m not a monster. i definitely enjoy a good romance, but platonic and queerplatonic dynamics, rivalries, etc. are just as interesting to explore!

FOLLOWING/UNFOLLOWING: IF I FOLLOW YOU, IT MEANS I LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE GOIN' ON AND WOULD LOVE TO INTERACT. it doesn't have to happen immediately, just down the line! i'll give most folks at least a week to follow back (thus indicating mutual interest in writing together at some point) before unfollowing. but if i really enjoy your blog/portrayal, i may stick around as a passive follower so long as i am welcome!

BLOCKING: I PREFER TO BE HARDBLOCKED IF YOU NO LONGER WISH FOR ME TO FOLLOW YOU for any reason. this is so i don't assume tumblr unfollowed you for me and refollow, inadvertently crossing your boundaries. if i suspect someone has softblocked me, i will likely hardblock them myself to avoid refollowing in the future. (i am generally quite liberal with the block button, as i'm serious about curating my online space.)

PLEASE DO: BREAK YOUR REPLIES FOR ME UP INTO SMALLER PARAGRAPHS if we write together, as my adhd makes hugelong paragraphs difficult to read; ASK ME TO TAG YOUR TRIGGERS if i’ve neglected to do so (whether i’m following you back or not); like my starter calls, SEND ME MEMES, turn my meme replies into threads (if we are mutuals); SHOWER ME IN PLOT IDEAS and ooc chatter; HAVE PATIENCE with me on all of the above; FEEL FREE TO UNFOLLOW ME at any time for any reason, as i will be reserving the right to do so myself 

PLEASE DO NOT: USE SUBSMALL TEXT or multiple spaces between words in our threads as i find both difficult to read; UNFOLLOW/REFOLLOW to get my attention (it won’t be the kind of attention you’re hoping for); EXPECT ANY KIND OF IMMEDIACY FROM ME IC OR OOC. i love making friends via roleplay, but i’m one smol nerd just trying to have a good time and i won’t stress myself out by trying to keep up with everything at once. just know it’s not personal, and i’ll get back to you as soon as i have the energy.

I WILL GLADLY: TAG NSFW AND TRIGGERS appropriately and accommodate those who ask to the best of my abilities; WELCOME LGBTQIA+ HEADCANONS; USE MY SHITPOST TAG (#blacklist for less soft nonsense.) on most of my inane ooc content so feel free to block it, that’s why it’s there

I WILL TRY: TO REMEMBER IF YOU DON’T LIKE TO BE REBLOGGED FROM, but please note that I have ADHD and may forget. Often and repeatedly. (A bit more info about this can be found here.) If being reblogged from on the reblogging website really bothers you, please feel free to soft/block me as needed. Relatedly, I don’t really care if you reblog things from me that aren’t in-character roleplay posts and/or headcanons. I do think it’s polite to reblog a meme from the source if you don’t send one in, but I don’t personally consider it a blockable offense.

I WILL NOT: FOLLOW BLOGS THAT DON’T HAVE ANY RULES OR GUIDELINES set up; exceptions to this are reserved for muns i already know aka those whose boundaries i’m already familiar with; FOLLOW VERY MANY BLOGS THAT INCLUDE CHARACTERS from game of thrones and/or house of the dragon, as i’m just not comfortable having a lot of ASOIAF content on my dash; exceptions to this are typically reserved for people i already know and/or multimuse blogs that include other fandoms/muses i’m interested in 

MUNDANE: MY NAME IS BEAN/BEE. they/she. nonbinary lesbian. i’m 32, neurodivergent, and a full-time grad student with two jobs. I’M WHITE. in the event that i fuck up and/or swerve out of my lane, i invite my friends and followers of color (or fellow white folks who are wiser than me) to let me know. i can and will do better.

CREDITS: banner, promo, psd

[frcmshadcws]

{ ⊽ }{ ⊼ }{ ⋀ }{ ⋂ }{ ⋑ }{ ⋒ } count on me to always send the entire meme

Hello yes, I would die for you.

Get To Know Ray  ||  Meme Capped  /  No Longer Accepting

{ ⊽ }  —-  link some of your favorite partners!

Rapid-fire promo time? Gladly  -  seriously, if you’re not following any of these people, you’re missing out.

For starters:  @gctita  —  you absolute doll, did you think you could send this without being formally mentioned? Check out Cookie, everyone; she’s a lovely person to have as a mutual.

@theabandonedones  /  @empathystricken  /  any of Kerri’s other blogs tbh  —  follow my partner in crime; they’re phenomenal.

@rcttengang  /  @hawkinsgoth  /  any of Dee’s other blogs!

@mcuntainbcrn !

@goreburdened !

@vampirege !

And I could probably mention others, but I’ll leave it there.

{ ⊼ }  —-  what’s your favorite thing about rp?

My favorite thing about RPing has always been the wide variety of different people you can meet via this hobby, and the life-long friends that I’ve made across various RPCs. Above all else, that’s always going to be my ‘favorite’ thing about being here.

But beyond that? The chance to creatively write, without worrying about if it’s “perfect” or “professionally written.” This has always provided a relaxing break from my more ‘serious’ writing (be that my poetry or WIP stories), and it’s helped me to improve my writing without getting burnt out on the practice.

{ ⋀ }  —-  talk about your favorite ship!

Okay so here’s the thing: I’m a shipping whore.

That being said, asking me to pick a ‘favorite’ ship is nearly s impossible as asking me to pick a favorite song  —  I genuinely can’t. So instead, I’m going to talk about a few favorites real quick!

In-Fandom Ships:  Alucard x Walter owns my heart  &  soul, and likely always will. I’ve tried not to be too blatant about that over the years, on my blogs, but ah-  I’ve reached that phase in life where I’m pretty shameless about ‘shipping on main’ now. You’ll likely be able to pick up on this, from various posts here, and I am not sorry for that.  (This being said, I have a lot of in-fandom ships, and there’s plenty of others that I adore.)

Ships With Kerri:  I fucking adore most of my ships with this angel, and picking favorites is never gonna be easy. But the first two that come to mind? Our ship with Walter  &  Kai, is an old favorite that I will never get sick of. And our ship with Alucard  &  Benjamin, is a newfound favorite that I’ll probably be talking about for years now.

Other Ships:  This ship may not be nearly as developed as the previously mentioned ones, but honestly? Dee and I’s ship with Ripley  &  Alucard, owns my fucking heart too.

{ ⋂ }  —-  describe a ship dynamic you really want.

I refer you to: shipping whore. I could probably ramble about various dynamics  &  whatnot for hours. But the first thing that comes to mind? Literally any ship where I get Betrayal Angst with Walter, is my shit. Bonus points if there’s genuine regret, to some extent. Tear me  &  my traitorous bastard’s hearts out, guys.

Outside of that? Give me a ship with Alucard that’s basis is “hey try to kill me until I feel alive, oh fuck when did I fall in love with you-”  —  I crave it.  (Polar opposite of that, but give me more ships where he gets to be ‘softer’ too; it’s my kryptonite just the same.)

{ ⋑ }  —-  underrated ship you like?

When a fandom’s gotten this small, are really any ships considered that underrated? I don’t know; I don’t keep up with what’s popular or not in the first place. Either way, my first thoughts here were:

Alucard x Anderson  —  This goddamn ship has always, will always, be the death of me. I’ve adored it for years, and it’s never been a commonly talked about one (that I’ve noticed). Seriously, why don’t more people talk about the potential with this one?? Come on guys, there’s so much to this one.

Walter x Seras  —  Hey, Cookie? This one is entirely your fault. I’d never even really considered this goddamn ship, before I saw you mentioning it. I don’t know that it’ll ever have my heart as strongly as some others, but the more I’ve thought about it? It’s fucking adorable, you’re valid, thanks for unintentionally dragging me into Hell with you.

{ ⋒ }  —-  biggest rp pet peeve?

Let’s be real, I have countless things that I could rant about when it comes to the RPC  &  some of the nonsense that happens here. Actually -

PET PEEVES TAG.

NEW TAG  -  MUN SALT.

If you’re curious about the things I’ve said before, those are good tags to look for that. In the meantime…

My biggest pet peeve, out of everything, is probably when people poorly characterize trauma. Those people that write trauma victims, but use their PTSD  /  related problems as some sort of “plot device” for angst points. The people that write trauma victims, without doing any research on the subject. The people that romanticize it. The people that don’t treat the topic with the care that it requires.

As someone with severe traumas, this drives me absolutely fucking batty. Stop doing this, people. Do your research, talk to victims if you can, and tread carefully with how you handle these subjects  —  because when you don’t do any of that, you look like a total asshole to anyone who knows better. Not to mention, you look awfully damned foolish.

[wild-pineapple-butt]

 GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

can be used for rp   &   non-rp blogs to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen   !

1. FIRST NAME:             Rishi 

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:  

        My entire existence is strange. 

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON:          eyes, smile, and the booty ;) 

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF:              Any kind of noodles (or nooders as I like to call them)

5. A FOOD YOU HATE:            Don’t really have any foods I hate. There are some I don’t prefer eating (like very briny and sour things) but nothing I dislike so much as to say I hate it. 

6. GUILTY PLEASURE:      Otome games; BL ones included. 

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN:            Usually a tshirt and shorts.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS:             I prefer serious relationships.  I’ve never had the courage to do a fling thing ; have kind of entertained the idea but never really did. 

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE:              I think I enjoy my life as it is, and I wouldn’t really change anything. 

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON:          It depends. On the person, my mood, the weather (lol I joke). Generally, I like affection, but if you catch me in a bad mood, I can snap.

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN:           Honestly, any movie by Stephen Chow. I grew up watching his movies and there’s something so wonderful about the nonsensical humor, yet deep meaning behind his movies that attract me. 

12. FAVORITE BOOK:            Just one??. Hard choice but I do have to go with Cat Dandy; A Grimmjow x Ichigo bleach fanfiction by murderlight. It is wonderful and I can read it over many times over. I love it so much I even have the hard copy haha. Link for anyone who wants to read it. 

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE:              A cat :3

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]:  Not in any particular order. This list could go forever, but these are the ones that I never fail to actively search for. 

Aomime x Kagami (from Kuroko no Basket)

Byakuya x Renji (from Bleach)

Momo x Kaidoh (from Prince of Tennis)

 Jiwon x Dong gyun (from BJ Alex) I really recommend this Korean BL webtoon! BJ Alex (in this case, they are canon as the story revolves around this couple)

Grimmjow x Ichigo (from Bleach)

15. PIE OR CAKE:             Cake

16. FAVORITE SCENT:             Laundry Detergent or any sort of clean scent. Like shampoo, detergent, soap?

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH:             Jin from BTS

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO:            Southeast Asia tour!

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT:             half and half. 

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY:             Not really.

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID:               Android

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES:              Hmm, not really. Do pc games count? 

23. DREAM JOB:               Hmm opening a cooking school. Or owning a cute quaint cafe with bomb ass pastries and sandwiches. Serve as a cool place to hang out! 

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS:              Give it to those who need it and save some for myself. 

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE:  

         Too many to name lmao 

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER:  

            None I can think of! 

TAGGED BY:  @moonlightdestruction (thank you!) TAGGING: @blackroselovesyou @dannishirosaki @adelha-mathilde @pitchblacksteel @celestial-keys-princess @mcmcntomorii and whoever would like to :) 

[spikyhairedsilhouette]

for those with a longer attention span, some life + blog updates below: 

this is incredibly long overdue, but because of some life changes (all positive, no worries), i’ve decided to make this blog permanently selective and low-activity. 

by ‘selective,’ i don’t mean that i’m unwilling to rp with new people or that i’m raising my standards all that much. i just have very little time for actual writing anymore (which is why the majority of this blog has turned to aesthetics for spiky), and any time that i do utilize for writing is going to be reserved for those who are actually invested in both my character and in me. 

plain and simple, this means that we talk. we have a mun to mun relationship. we don’t have to be best friends or message everyday or anything, but we need to have open lines of communication wherein i can observe that your interest is genuine and that you’re not just looking for another “what a drag” wannabe. my muse is an extension of me and i find the most enjoyment comes from partnering with those who have an interest in both of us. 

all of that said, if we don’t talk but you would like to, let me know! i’m completely open to getting to know you and your take on your muse. and, despite how i tend to come across, i’m not as intimidating/intense/serious as i can often seem. in fact, if you need an icebreaker, just send me a meme you think is funny and i’m sure we’ll get along great!

lastly, this blog is (and pretty much always has been) low activity. right now the biggest reason is because of life and adulting and such. i’m also currently in training to save the world (not kidding) so my replies will never be quick. but that doesn’t mean i’m unavailable to chat/plot/annoy you, you best believe. my writing is my art, so i’m always going to be slow in getting replies out because of who i am and how much effort i put into what i produce. if you’re patient enough, i will present you with masterpieces. but that shit takes a lot of time and me beating my head against a wall and binge drinking so, yea... patience.

now that i’ve rambled to my little black heart’s content, you can find updated rules/a recap of my nonsense here. i hope to hear from some of you whom i’ve missed & i look forward to getting to know those of you who i’ve not yet met 🤠 

[all-of-your-mercy]

I don’t know man, but I just straight up ended up having not a good time. I don’t even know were to exactly pinpoint and I just, am sitting here -- staring at a few WPS projects that are on the screen, as well as a small minimized window of the Tumblr tab being written here. The tests I had done in the morning are exhausting both in the sense I was jabbed a couple of times for blood tests, went through the yearly checkups and another testing to seek for any hint of thyroid cancer as It used to occur for my ... female side of the family. It’s curable and not severe, It still doesn’t change the fact that It is unpleasant to go through Its types of checkups/x-ray sessions. I am very lost on other things I used to be very ... Happy about talking about and I really need to think through a lot of stuff. There’s hardly much motivation coming from me wanting to do even the things I like/liked. I just listen to Reddit reads videos and naturally end up doing something that falls into my mind before I lose the interest to do it. There was a scenario where I was few steps away from self-destructive choices (deleting every single blog, other accounts even --) but I guess my own lack of want to do anything just made me too lazy to even hassle. I suppose it’s my own luck when It comes to it because I’m sure I would have been pretty devastated to lose years worth of stuff just because of being in a bad state. This is more or less of a #vague-post I suppose or maybe a #vent post (something either of those) and I really can’t help but express myself. It was either me practically ghosting / not being present online for a concerning time (as I am capable of, especially unannounced) or just me writing this kind of thing to, let out just / something / in me. Along with this: I will be doing some changes in my RP blogs, which will likely be some additional rules be added about being exclusive for mutuals. I am simply frustrated with the one-sided interaction and effort to plot, that I will no longer be available for people who really can’t try. I have tolerated such nonsense for years already, and I believe It’s fair for me to be fed up in the end. I guess, I will also imply some few ‘ triggers ‘ that impact me, despite in fiction/writing form. I have a very imaginative mind, and detailed descriptions of defecation can have me repulsed to the point It becomes physically painful. More or less an example, but I will put out some stuff there, in both blogs. I had 2 more rules/ideas in mind, but I messed up my notes with other random notes a few hours ago and not really feeling like digging them out to state them here. I felt like providing those 2 ones where most important ones to me. I also have to mention that I will now focus on my own character development properly and am in a few projects regarding my own characters. Although I am not very dedicated to writing lore / stories / drabbles about my characters because the interest faded and I have a tendency to lose interest at random, I will be focusing at it a little bit more. With that -- I will also be more occupied with IRL because I am graduating this year and my exams are in no way easy for me to be as relaxed as I was last year. I will be active, still -- I just can’t promise that I will have constant availability. This is nothing new from Red because they have a tendency to piss off from the online world a lot ... Although I will repeat myself, still. Oh, as a final thing (despite the fact I mentioned so many things previously) I am also getting into drawing slowly. I have purchased Clip studio paint just recently and will be serious into trying to improve with my best efforts/availability to do so. Quantity of replies/own availability will also spike because of it. TL;TR: (too lazy, didn’t read) In the end, I ended up pretty much explaining a personal issue I endured, following up with events/things I will be doing and mentioning some things I had done during a specific time period.

[spidersanctuary]

A disordered venting about RP problems:

My experience RPing with Tumblr RPing is not very extensive - goes back about five years, I think. Before that, I RPd a bit, much earlier, but for the most part the only RPing I've done is on Tumblr (and Skype, but as an extension of Tumblr RPing).

I don't like bouncing around. I tend to stick with a place that looks legit, get attached to the characters (mine and others') and stick it out, even sometimes unreasonably so. I've been in... basically three group RPs. Two of them were larger (let's say, defined as "more than around ten active players at any given time", and the third was smaller and purely reactionary, a-la "we don't like the way things are here so we'll make our own". Though not without problems (and I can't say I didn't have my part in them), it was the most drama-free as a whole. It also looks like the fourth, soon to come, might follow along the same pattern.

Despite my sample size of one, I'm confident in saying small groups have a different dynamic. Especially if they're founded by people who already know each other. Bigger groups are trickier, in many ways, and I was struck by the realisation that the different problems I encountered in both my bigger groups were representative of two ends of a spectrum.  Similar things going wrong in opposite ways, so to speak.

One of them was defined by lack of forethought and planning. Indeed the whole RP just kind of happened organically, something more serious growing out of something very silly and casual. While it had its fun sides - and it was wildly fun, at times, for as long as the fun lasted - it's also obvious in retrospect how that could be a huge problem. Different players. No standardised rules or guidelines until way, waaay later in the game (after much drama had already happened). Lots of different people with different RPing backgrounds and personalities and playstyles, none of them fully on the same page. While many of the problems had to do with one or two difficult personalities in the group, that's not really the isuse. There is always a risk of... unpleasant people, no RP group is safe from them and no RP guidelines will truly protect you from someone who WANTS to start shit or manipulate things to their benefit and is cunning enough to do that. But even aside from that... the lack of regulation about who could grab what characters and how many (some players ending up with 20+ blogs), or any kind of spoken agreement about activity guidelines and replying etiquette. Lack of agreement about how "canon" certain plots were, in the RPing continuity. Lack of agreement about the continuity, period. A clash between people who wanted to develop a certain pre-planned (and rather exclusive) storyline and those who were more in it for spontaneity. It was a recipe for disaster. It didn't need to get as bad as it did, but starting off like that, it was bound to get unpleasant eventually anyway.

Now, the other group... oh, the other group. After the colourful experience of the first group, the things it offered seemed like a reassuring breath of fresh air. Planning! An almost DnD-esque level of detail to the established universe, rulebook, bestiary and lore! Basically an entire little sandbox lovingly crafted for you to play in. Transparent activity guidelines and rules! An actual mod team working to be approachable while still holding authority! New plots for everyone to participate in to be released basically by the clock, so nobody would feel left out! So lovely! Unfortunately, things are rarely as sunny as they appear. A certain type of literate, application RPs is infamous for their snobbishness and elitism, and despite the initially welcoming tone, that was exactly what this unravelled to be. On the flip side, many of the appeals of the group amounted to little more than elaborate publicity acts. Always, always must the group remain attractive and desirable to newcomers (perhaps unsurprisingly given the apparently abysmal player retention rates, both short and long-term). The tone turned out very different from what was advertised, the sandbox-like universe revealing itself to be more of a literal sandbox, with complex topics turned into gimmicks, and supernatural characters (prosecuted and feared for their in-humanity) easily and casually sharing information about their powers with near-strangers like kids on a playground comparing their toys. The "plots" thrown one's way are not only usually poorly (if at all) developed but intrusive, so that they are impossible to avoid completely even if one is not interested in them. Worse yet, the RP insists on doling out serious consequences and high-stakes crises like death, destruction, invasions of murderous monsters or malignant town-wide spells, but is curiously reluctant to allow any room for serious RPing or sense of consequences.

In fact, it's impossible to talk about consequences when even a sense of any basic continuity is thrown out the window, precluded by the occasional hiatus and re-launch and the various measures taken to make sure that new players enter onto a relatively blank slate. Yes, even if long-time residents of the area and the populace in general SHOULD remember and be affected by that politically motivated massacre half a year back, or that time monstrous vegetables SLAUGHTERED half a school of elementary schoolchildren. Thus, even though the RP is long-running (turning two years old soon), it is impossible for the setting to develop any sense of history, and instead it seems to turn more and more comically nonsensical the more tragedies befall the town and are promptly forgotten a few weeks later. Rather than a serious and in-depth setting, one begins to feel instead as if all the characters are living in a Lotus Eater-like state of vague oblivion, briefly reacting to various events but never quite letting them reach collective memory.

Now, all this might be bearable (and even fun! There's an appeal in a certain kind of wacky no-strings-attached horror-comedy-gore, no denying that), IF a couple things weren't true. a) If the RP (and specifically the mod team) didn't make such a huge deal about what a serious and respectable and serious RP it is. No OCs allowed. "We allow shipping but we don't put an emphasis on it! Please don't think this is one of those silly ship-obsessed RPs". No more than two characters allowed. Replies MUST happen every x days, and even though replies of various kinds are accepted (all prose, just different formats and individual reply lengths), only CERTAIN kinds count towards the activity requirement (???!), and a long-term failure to keep it up will end up in you getting the boot. Even if you ARE active and involved with other people and interact a lot. (Don't even get me started on that. I and about three or four other people, most of whom LEFT shortly after, ended up having our plots disrupted SIGNIFICANTLY because the mods booted - or in this case harangued into throwing in the towel and leaving in a huff - a player who was active with all of us, but wasn't active enough in "the RIGHT way" i.e. the right format. This was part of a bigger package of them caring more about keeping up certain pretenses and ticking off certain boxes to be more outwardly desirable to new applicants than the fun of the users who were already there.) b) The nit-picking. Oh god the nitpicking and micromanagement. Some of the shit I've personally seen, some of it I've heard about. It's one thing to crit a player for not being IC with a mod pre-made character. It's another thing to do that after they've been in play for A YEAR, and if you do that then, you're being blatantly disrespectful of all the development the player's put into them. And it's yet another thing to do that to someone's OC (before the 'no OCs' rule was instated). I've had mods dictate to me that my character shouldn't be reacting to x event like this or that, by listing a bunch of factors that, while possibly convincing, were only ONE possible way to interpret the big picture. For real. Psychology is complicated but for some reason all that goes out the window the moment the mod team decides they know how your character should be played (and I'm not talking about blatant realism or accuracy issues like "that's not how PTSD works" but actual decisions/ways of thinking, things that there should, in theory, be no "wrong" option with because once again, people are complicated).

Which brings me to: C) The omnipresent feeling of entitlement by the mod team aka the Powers That Be, as if they believe that theirs is such a supremely privileged, special and elite group, that they merely DEIGN to let you be a part of it. All of it manifesting in a complete lack of basic courtesy when approaching players. Or rather, any player who's been there longer than a month and who they're not actively trying to be Welcoming(TM) to. I should have seen it pretty early when I had a beef with another player who, to wit, disliked that an RP scene we had depicted her character as a "bad guy" (who was previously ESTABLISHED in canon as a psychopathic murderer!!! and the RP scene basically showed him doing more of the same!!!). She ended up badmouthing me to other players she was interacting with closely, and then they as a group complained about me to the mods, in which she twisted a certain conversation we'd had over Skype into something that reflected very badly on me, along the lines of me forcing her to RP a scene she would be triggered by. Now. This was resolved when I provided the mods with copied Skype messages (direct Skype quotes, a format that, in theory, can't be doctored) that showed she was fabricating that conversation - that she had outright told me she WOULD be okay with doing that scene. She eventually got booted for that (and other stuff). And all would have been well if it weren't for the way I had been initially addressed by the mods, and the condescending, denigrating, making you feel like shit TONE of it. Going from zero, utter peace, to "you have an attitude problem and you need to stop now or we'll kick you out". They also tacked on about half a dozen minor "offenses" I had done, like rambling too much about how the reasons I liked a school subject someone else disliked in the ooc chat, or trying TOO hard to get involved in plots, or other bullshit things that the people involved hadn't even complained to them about. I later realised that this, too, was a Pattern. Whenever they went to you with any sort of grievance, whether from their own side or from another player, they would tack on about half a dozen other "transgressions" you had made, sometimes making them up entirely out of thin air. (Other examples include: Me trying to "enforce a headcanon" by having my character react x way. I then pointed out that the "headcanon" I was allegedly """"enforcing"""" was the information stated on THEIR blog about how characters are large are reacting to a previous major town-wide event. (To wit: the information stated that the Event, a violent and deadly clash between two groups of people, exacerbated tensions between them and led to more mistrust between them. My character, who belongs to ONE group, was being mistrustful of the OTHER group. And somehow, this was not okay. Yes. That's it. That is literally how asinine it got. But then again, it's not surprising - as I explain later, it wasn't baout the offenses making sense. It was about getting to make me feel shitty for something) Or: I was being "inconsiderate" by having my character "out" the supernatural status of another character whose player was no longer in the group, and who they were not in contact with. Said player and I HAD in fact discussed this at the time, and they'd WANTED to have it happen, but the mods didn't know one way OR the other. They simply ASSUMED so they could try to pin it on me!) A long line of instances of them taking "offenses" that they didn't know for sure were offenses, that the player DIRECTLY affected HAD NOT come to them about, to paint a bigger picture of you being some kind of Problem Child who was daring to be naughty in THEIR classroom.

Now, I don't know if this was deliberate, but I can see why they did it. It makes you, as the player, feel like crap, puts you on the defensive, makes you question yourself. "Holy crap, were people really bothered by that time I went on a jokingly-serious rant about how awesome botany is when someone said they hated that topic in biology class?" (Hint: No they weren't. They thought NOTHING of it. But the mods saw it and filed it away for when they needed to make you feel like crap.) It puts the mods in a position of power and strengthened their authority. It forces you into a no-win scenario where you either deny the nonsensical accusations, and thus weaken your position and look less credible because it looks like you can't accept responsibility when you're wrong, OR accept the accusations and thereby agree with them that you're the naughty child and bad at following the rules. So it's a shitty, shitty manipulation technique. All of it coming from a place of entitlement and elitism.

I wish I could say I come from all this wiser, but it does feel like entitlement and elitism are the common denominator here. Part of the problem of the first RP was certain people needing to feel like they were superior and hating it when other people got in the way of that. Part of the problem of the second was stuck-up, self-important mods. Ultimately, it comes down to people who enjoy, just a little too much, to feel power and authority over people. To say that "it's THIS way, because I say it is" and have that listened to without question. Who enforce the rules not because it benefits the community, but because it makes them look good. Who view discussion, in and of itself, as disobedience, as an attack on their authority, an attack on them. I can't say I know for sure how to recognise the warning signs of a group like that BEFORE applying. But maybe big RP groups just aren't worth it, period.

[amidst-the-storm]

Rants N’ Notices

Something that was brought up recently...

No, I will not RP as a Canon character from the Sonic franchise.

Rest of post is a bit of a rant. Will probably sleep on it and think about if I should post it at all.

And here’s the bit that got to me a few nights ago: Someone messaged me and asked if I’d be willing to roleplay, and I said ‘maybe’. I started asking them questions that are pretty standard for me since they didn’t have enough info on their blog- who are you roleplaying, what do you want from the thread we may do, any restrictions, etc.

I got a red flag from them saying I had to be a female character. I asked if there was something specific there (this was when I began to doubt they even read my blog, let alone my OC’s info). At this point, we’d been chatting for maybe ten minutes. They began to cut it off thinking I was annoyed, I assured them I wasn’t (and I was serious). Then...

They said they needed me to be Blaze, Fiona, or Sally Acorn. I responded with how this blog is an OC-only blog (Tempest Mirror Lock). They immediately said ‘we’re done here’ and ran off. I deleted the conversation shortly after.

That conversation is still burning in me. Has been. This person- this random person from the internet who may have formed a decent thread with me...

Obviously didn’t read my blog’s information.

Didn’t want to RP with a male muse (I don’t have one, but still).

Didn’t want to RP with me because I wasn’t a canon character blog.

I know everyone has their preferences, but that still hurt. They didn’t bother to read my information before chatting with me. They didn’t bother to find out I was an OC RP blog (which would negate interaction regardless). Admittedly, they could’ve been on mobile. But still. It hurt.

To be immediately shut down just because Tempest wasn’t- and isn’t- ‘canon’.... It’s annoying. I spent time making her backstory. I spent time creating her likes and dislikes (even though she is an upgrade of a self-insert), her abilities and disadvantages. And it got shunted aside because I didn’t roleplay a canon female character. The person didn’t even care.

Admittedly, the red flag probably meant they were looking for the wrong kind of roleplay (which I would’ve shut down if it went south), but... To be shoved aside like that... It would’ve been nice to at least get a reason, like ‘I don’t like your OC’, or ‘not something I feel comfortable doing’. But no. Just... Shoved.

It’s probably not happening in the community for the most part, though. I’ve had partners say they just don’t have the muse for an RP anymore, and I’m fine with that. It makes sense. They tried to RP with me, and it didn’t work out. I’m perfectly okay with that.

Other RP’rs, who don’t even give me a chance, just because I’m an OC blog... Well, you’re helping me learn patience, and determination. At least you all probably read my info and then walk along.

Don’t raise my hopes if you’re going to crash them, please. If you don’t want to RP with an OC, then don’t follow this blog. Don’t chat with this blog. Just... Don’t. If you want to talk with me but not roleplay, then go chat with @mother-ofwriting. I created that blog while forming this post. That’ll be where I chat as a person and put up random crap.

Anyways. I’m done ranting.

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(A few days of thinking later..)

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It’s been a few days. Then again, that’s what the words in parentheses suggest. Without school to keep me a bit more occupied, I’ve noticed that my anxiety around Tumblr has increased drastically. I worry a LOT about everything I post now. I worry too much, honestly.

I need to keep in mind that I made this blog so I could have fun, not so that I could please people. As such, I’m gonna try to do that. So, I’ll either be posting a bit more or not at all. Due to lack of seeming response from other roleplay blogs, I’m probably gonna stop attempting contact with those that don’t already chat with me. If you do want to roleplay with me, feel free, but I will no longer be messaging other blogs asking them about roleplays or otherwise, unless contacted myself.

I realize this is me cutting myself off a bit from everyone else, but I am unsure as to what else to do. A few blogs do RP with me, so don’t feel off about it. I’ve got chaos of my own on Quotev that I need to write, regardless.

If you don’t care for what you see on my blog, then easy. Unfollow me. Please. If it’s not fun to hang around, then don’t feel obligated to stay. There’s an open door there for you at any time. If you do like what you see, feel free to pull up a chair and continue listening to this half-mad writer’s stories and roleplays and other such nonsense. There are always seats here for you. I promise.

Time to stop worrying about other people and just... Try to relax. This is a social platform, I came here to have fun, and I’ve been worrying m’self half to death over posts. Time to relax. So yeah. Love ya’ll.

Have a pleasant remainder of your waking hours.

~Writer