#this is neither a cry for help or support of turning oneself inside out

[dabblingreturns]

To be fair. Who hasn't felt so mentally ill and tired of being the same time of mentally ill day after day that they occasionally wish that could turn thier brain inside out. Just for variety. I

Next up in the torment nexus: weed gummies that kill you

[yukiwrites]

Looking Forward to the Future

Thank you so much for the support, anon! I’m,,, SOFT FOR DIMILETH...

Summary: Neither Dimitri nor Byleth had good thoughts regarding childbirth -- their mothers had died giving birth to them, after all. And yet... they couldn’t help but feel the bubbling happiness of finding out they would be parents themselves.

Commission info HERE and HERE!

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Byleth couldn't say that she led the healthiest life around -- she preached on how to take good care of oneself and how to take proper breaks... But she hardly ever did it for herself.

It was no wonder that she had been feeling sick for quite a while now, but being so lightheaded she almost fainted? That had been a first. Now that she amassed the positions of both Queen of the Unified Kingdom of Faerghus and Archbishop of the new Church of Seiros, Byleth had her work cleanly cut out for her. A lot of it.

Regardless, startled by her blink of consciousness, a soldier brought her to the infirmary whence the former professor Manuela held the highest position of Chief Physician inside the castle.

"Oh my, that's an interesting color you have on your face, Your Majesty! Do sit down before you throw it up all over the place, please." Was how Manuela welcomed her former colleague and now Queen, smiling while she looked for the proper tools to start the examination. "Now, tell me how you're feeling. And don't hide a single detail, hm?"

Byleth slowly curled up into a ball of misery over one of the beds, her breath shallow. "I feel so sick I could- ughh..."

Manuela gasped, quickly flinging a washbasin to the floor right beside Byleth's bed. "Try not to make a mess, please! Take your time in explaining, dear, and don't force yourself. I'll be here patting your back very, very lovingly until you feel better."

"Ugh, I feel even sicker now." Byleth gurgled a laugh under her sickness, holding the basin as though it were her own child, ready to vomit inside of it at any moment. Manuela threw her head back in laughter.

"The nerve!"

After the good half of an hour passed, Byleth started to feel better. She managed to sit up on the bed, the color of her skin still a bit off, but much better than before. Wasting no time, the Queen started explaining her symptoms, fully aware that they were due to stress and exhaustion, but nevertheless wanting the opinion of a professional on the field.

The more she explained, the brighter Manuela's eyes shone, her smile turning into a huge, unsettling grin.

"And you have a history of missing periods for this long?" She asked here and there as the twirled her long smoking pipe with one hand, fiercely taking notes with the other. "My, I'm afraid I have quite the news for you, dear..."

Frowning, Byleth opened her mouth to protest, but was interrupted by a loud bang, followed by a thunderous cracking sound. Startled, both women turned to the door only to find it hanging by only two hinges, its handle nowhere to be seen.

Ah, no, wait. The handle was still in Dimitri's hand, who had rushed to the infirmary once he had heard his wife had collapsed, not paying attention to keep his strength in check. Huffing and disheveled, the King looked from the physician to his wife.

"Are- I heard that you collapsed-" he panted, meaning to walk towards her, but Manuela's laughter made him flinch out of his skin.

"What an entrance, Your Majesty! Was breaking the door to my infirmary not worth of an apology?"

Blinking, Dimitri looked from the door to where he stood, then to how he still firmly gripped the broken handle within his fingers. "I, uh-" realization started to sink in, making him blush, "forgive me for my manners, I shall have it, well, replaced within the week." He cleared his throat, walking towards the bed Byleth sat on, meaning to sit right beside her. "More importantly, what has happened?"

Watching Dimitri change his behavior entirely was always so amusing to Manuela: first, he was so flustered and worried he quite literally ran through the door, then turned to red with embarrassment Manuela had to blink and then wore a worried and fulfilling smile as he sat beside his wife, his eyes deep with worry.

"Well, now that you're here, it's gonna be much easier to give my diagnosis!" She winked to the couple, who turned their attention to her.

"Diag-" Dimitri started, but Manuela's pointing her long smoking pipe right into his face made him stop himself.

"Congratulations, Your Majesties!" She pointed it to Byleth, "you're pregnant!"

"Pre-" both Dimitri and Byleth choked on the word, yet another loud cracking sound breaking the silence like a thunder.

Widening her eyes, Manuela once again looked at the King's hand only to find that the remains of the handle he somehow still held turned to dust into his surprised grip.

"Pregnant- Byle- I-" Dimitri blabbered, his eye unfocused as his hand shook as it tried to control its strength.

Byleth silently brought one hand over her stomach, resting another one by Dimitri's right hand. She looked down as her heart thumped and her mouth ran dry.

Pregnancy.

A child.

Hers and Dimitri's.

Blinking, Byleth couldn't understand how she received such blessed and wonderful news with dread inside her chest. What was it?

"Is that a... sentence?" Dimitri blurted out under his breath, his grim thoughts taking over the happiness he was supposed to feel. Would he have to lose yet another precious person of his? There was no way he could simply be happy to have a family of his own -- undeserving as he was, there had to have some kind of exchange for such joy.

Byleth breathed in slowly, closing her eyes. So that was it... so that was how she felt.

"What?" Her brow furrowed, Manuela leaned over to listen more closely. "A sentence, Your Majesty?"

Snapping out of it, Dimitri quickly raised his chin, "I! No- of course not! This is a happy moment, yes? I should not be thinking such terrible thoughts- Everything will be fine, will it not? Indeed!"

"It's... fine, Dimitri." Byleth squeezed his hand in hers, needing its warmth. "I can't say I haven't had the exact same thought as you just did."

Manuela crossed her arms and legs in annoyance. "Will you two lovebirds stop with the telepathy and tell me what's going on?"

"Hah," Byleth chuckled before lifting her gaze to her former colleague. "I suppose it can be silly to someone with a... lot of life experience," she started.

"Well, that's a nice way to insult someone, but go on." The physician rolled her eyes.

Clearing her throat, Byleth felt the minimal squeeze Dimitri gave on her hand as support, leaning on his shoulder to feel it even more deeply. "The both of us, well, we don't have many examples of what to look forward to during childbirth -- in fact, we only have one. Our mothers died giving birth to us."

"Ahh, I see it now. No need to go on, darling. I've got the picture." Manuela took a long whiff of her smoking pipe. "So now you're holding yourself back from feeling happy about your own child because you think you'll die when it's time to deliver?"

Both King and Queen lowered their gazes to their shared handhold.

"Humph, you insult me!" Manuela bonked the both of them with the round end of her smoking pipe, making them snap their heads up to look at her. "I never once lost a mother during the delivery, and I am no stranger to such things, I'll have you know! No one will die on my watch, darling, so don't go on worrying your little heads about it, okay? Besides, you are not your mother, dear Byleth. You're so much stronger than that, it'll take much more than a single childbirth to bring you down!"

Byleth opened her mouth to retort, but the icy grip of dread started to melt inside her heart, making her unable to speak. She lowered her head once again, digging her face into Dimitri's mantle. "Can I... truly be happy about this?"

Dimitri felt a lump grow in his throat, his breathing shallow. Manuela winked.

"Of course, dear. Both of you can. It's a wonderful time for a parent to prepare for their little bundle of joy to come to the world, so enjoy it to your heart's content. Now, where's that smile we all love?"

Byleth pressed her lips into a thin line, trying not to grin like a fool. She dug her face even deeper into Dimitri's cloak, sneaking her hand through his waist to start a hug. Trembling, the King reciprocated the gesture, his eye burning with emotion. Was it alright for him to hope? To look forward to a future whence he had both Byleth and his child?

To anticipate being with his beloved through and after her term; to carry their crying child and soothe them to sleep; to watch over their growth alongside Byleth and see them grow up in a land free of war and oppression...

Was he really that fortunate? Could he- could he simply... enjoy the moment?

"Don't cry, Dimitri..." Byleth whispered by his neck, his silent, choking sobs setting her off as well. He held her ever so tenderly, nudging her neck with his nose, his drenched face matching her own.

"Th-there are happy tears, my love. Happy, wonderful tears..." He sniffled, taking her warmth into his, uncaring -- or rather, forgetting -- about watching eyes.

"You two keep on playing nice," Manuela whispered under her breath before getting up to give them some space. She would lecture them about their usual overworking behavior and what to expect during Byleth's term, but that could wait until they had digested the news.

As per Manuela's instructions, Byleth and Dimitri both were forbidden of working past usual work hours -- after all, if one was seeing working, the other would follow suit. So, no overworking for either of them.

Also, Byleth needed to have a complete nutritional makeover, so the physician had to be kept in constant contact with the royal cook and with the handmaids. Constant walks were recommended, but no more weapon or body training! Riding was also banned, though a slow, short ride could be done only if they were together.

"Professor Manuela being so strict is a sight to behold," Dimitri commented one evening after they had been scolded about being up late. Byleth giggled, squeezing her hand on his.

"She's not 'professor' anymore, though."

"Oh," the King took his free hand to his lips. "You are right as always, my love. Although I wager Manuela would relish on being called 'Professor' again."

"Because of her age? My, Dimitri, I never thought you were such a shrewd man..." Byleth teased, enjoying how a shade of red covered her husband's entire face.

"Now you are simply making fun of me! That will not do." He cleared his throat, picking his wife up in his arms. Under an 'eek', Byleth held onto Dimitri's mantle to her dear life.

"Dimitri! What's this about-"

"No more walking for you today -- time to rest, my adored Queen and mother of my child." He tried to smirk, but the bubbly happiness in his chest from simply calling Byleth 'mother of his child' made it look like a foolish grin.

Snorting, the Queen wrapped both arms around her King's neck, nudging her face on his. "Is that a royal decree, Your Majesty?"

Dimitri adjusted her on his arms, his heart quite literally on fire due to his wife's teasings. "Why, it very much is." He chuckled, turning his head ever so slightly to touch her lips with his. "I will be your support through all of this, my love," he whispered as their lips still touched, his eye comfortably closed. "Through your term; everything. For all eternity."

Byleth bit his lower lip, their breaths as one. "Then, will you heed a request of mine, O eternal protector?" She whispered solemnly in between kisses, trailing them from his mouth to his cheek and ear, making him shiver where he stood.

"Anything, my Queen." He huffed, not realizing he had stopped walking since a while ago, distracted by his wife's adorableness.

Byleth pressed her forehead on his. "Please, I beg you... take me to the kitchen. I'm craving a very specific kind of fish and I think I'll die if I don't eat it right this instant."

"Pfft-bwaha!" Dimitri snorted, then full blown laughed. "Your wish is my command, dear wife!"

Giggling, Byleth strengthened her grip on him as he started running through the halls towards the kitchen. "My hero!"

The sound of their dissolving laughter could be heard through the echoes from the large palace, bringing a smile to its residents' faces.

[buckysforeverprincess]

First World Problems

Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers

Words: 2061

Warnings: Language

A/N: This idea was taken from one of the panel’s where the person complained about standing in line waiting in heels. Who wears heels to a con, I don’t know. But thankfully they did, because it got the best response ever and I cranked out a fic!!! Enjoy!

Ugh! Why the hell won't she just shut the fuck up?! This was totally not how you wanted to spend your Saturday night, but once again, here you were; to say this was absolute torture was an understatement.  

Steve and you were sitting at the table in your shared apartment, listening to Bucky's latest date ramble-complain really, about her “traumatic” day, and you were over it! Death could come for you anytime, you'd welcome it over sitting here for another painful moment listening to her high-pitched voice and the bitching that would never end.  

It didn't help matters that you were in love with him and hated when he asked Steve and you to meet these women after he'd had a couple of dates with them. He was always looking for approval from his best friends, and he rarely ever got it. Maybe it was because you were in love with him and hated the fact that he didn't see you that way. Was it fair? No. Maybe one day he'd finally bring home a girl worthy of that approval. Today was not going to be that day!

“I mean-can you believe it?!” You rolled your eyes while looking down at your food. “She was taking so long! Like, what the hell? You work in service! You have to be faster than that!” She was so whiny, you had a hard time focusing on the plate of food in front of you.  

“So why didn't you just leave? Go back another day?” You almost wished you hadn't asked that. It guaranteed she'd continue to talk.  

“Because, I already waited two weeks to buy that dress, and I just had to have it! It really shouldn't have taken that long to ring people up! Like, my feet hurt so bad from standing and waiting for ten minutes, then it took her another five minutes to complete my transaction! Do you know what it's like to stand there that long in Jimmy Choo’s?! You just don't do that!” She looked appalled that you'd even asked that ridiculous question in the first place.

Yeah, this wasn't gonna work. Even Steve could see the fire burning inside you. He quickly dropped his fork and reached out to you, but it was too late. You were ready to explode and there wasn't anything anyone could do.  

“Who the fuck goes shopping in Jimmy Choo’s anyway?!” You asked giving her your best resting bitch face.

“Obviously someone that cares about their appearance! I do have a little respect for myself and like to look good when I'm out. Clearly it works. I'm here with James!” She smirks at you like she's just one up’d you. This crazy girl has no idea who you are!

“Fuck you and your first world problems!” The laughter erupts from the table and both men are in hysterics.

“Excuse me?” She asks, sounding offended and hurt.

“Why is looking good a ‘first world problem’? Taking pride in oneself should never be an issue!”

“No, it's called vanity and it's really not a turn on.” You tell her as if it's a new eye-opening experience.  

“What's your problem with me?” She's glaring at you, and you look to both Steve and Bucky wondering if they were going to stop this insanity. The two of them look blank, as if neither of them knows what to do or say, so if they are willing to play along and let this train wreck of an evening continue, you might as well give them they show stopper they're waiting for.  

“My problem?! Well, let's see...you're so self-absorbed you can't see in front of you!” She inhales a deep breath, shocked that someone would say such things to her, but she says nothing in her defense. Good. You have no intention of taking it easy on her. Maybe it's time someone told her how the world really works and does not revolve around her desires.  

“You bitched about the cashier. What the fuck was she supposed to do? Cater to your every need? Realistically, you walked out of that store with your Jimmy Choo’s on and an expensive ass dress; while that cashier was still there WORKING, taking care of asshole customers like you, making minimum wage and dreaming of wearing clothes you take for granted! So, pardon me if I give no fucks about you or your material wants and needs!”  

There's a clap next to you and you turn and see Steve clapping at your speech. Of course, he would. You shake your head and turn your attention back to the woman across from you, and she still sits there in a state of shock. You must have stunned her into silence and thank the lord for that! Her lack of response is golden and you for real can't take any more of her tonight.

“Bucky…,” you look towards your other best friend with a halfhearted smile, “if you’re looking for my approval, don't. I can't, in good faith or in any religion, give it to you. I seriously don't get what you see in these women. So, from now on, if you're looking for my validation, just don't. It's not happening.” You tell him as you push your plate away from you and stand up to leave the table. You've had enough of this shit to last a lifetime.

“Aww, poor baby! Are you jealous?” You hear her high-pitched voice ask and it stops you dead where you stand. “I know you're single, James told me. You must be jealous he doesn't see you how he sees me!” The bitch is goading you and you know it, and the guys do as well. Both men give out a groan knowing what is about to come next, and neither one of them has the will or the balls to stop you.

“You think you know me?!” You say as you turn around, a smirk across your face. “Let me tell you about me. First, I'll admit I have a thing for Bucky, however, seeing the girls he constantly brings home...I think I'll pass. Every one of them is the same; self-centered, materialistic, look at me bitches, and if that's what he's attracted to, then I hope he eventually makes enough to support your lifestyle without going broke!” Steve laughs at you knowing your analysis of Bucky's dates is highly accurate. He's seen it too but can't convince Bucky he needed to re-evaluate his standards.

“And second, let me know how all your vanity works out for you when you come to the ER covered in blood and I'm part of the team that saves your life!” The bitch is glaring at you but chooses to say nothing. Smart girl!

“Let me tell you how much I don’t care about your expensive dress if you come into the ER. Zero-fucks-given! I may not ever be the picture of perfection or beauty, and that's ok. I work twelve-hour days, wear scrubs to work that most days get covered in bodily fluids-making showering mandatory! My hair is rarely done because it’s easier to keep it in a bun. I sweat, cry, run, have panic attacks; I see patients on their worst days and pray to God that I don’t have to tell the parents of the kid that was just brought in on a stretcher they’ll never be able to see their smiling face ever again! I put all of myself into each person that comes through the door, so excuse me if I give no fucks about your vanity or your Jimmy Choo’s or any of your first world problems!” You can feel the redness in your cheeks as you finish telling Bucky's date off.

None of the three-other people in the room made any movement or sound. If a pin were to drop, everyone would hear it. Your words had left them all speechless, trying to process the impact of what was said. When the silence was broken after several tense moments, it wasn’t the voice you had most expected...instead, the voice that broke the tension was the very man that had invited this woman in your shared apartment in the first place.  

“You should go.” Bucky's tone was flat and void of any emotion.

“Are you serious?!” She questions him with raised eyebrows.

“Leave. Now!” He says with a little more force when she made no attempt to remove herself from the chair.  

The second time was more effective, and she got up with a huff and stomped her way over to the door. “Hope you know I'll always remember this, James!” She yells back at him when she opens the door.

“I'm counting on it!” He smirks back at her, immediately watching her throw her middle finger up at him as she exits the apartment, slamming the door behind her.  

You look over the two men left in the room, Steve sitting there still stunned, Bucky's head now lowered in the direction of his long-forgotten food. “Steve can you give us a moment?” Bucky says never looking up.

“Yeah, I-uh, I'm-I'll just go for a walk.” Steve stutters, getting up from the table and heading to the door. “Let me know if you need anything!” Looking back at you, walking out quieter than the woman who left just a few minutes prior.

“Why didn't you tell me?” The door has only just closed when the words come from his mouth.

“Would it have mattered?” You're still standing near the table, not moving from the spot you had planted yourself at earlier.

“I had no idea. I thought-I thought you didn't see me like that.” Bucky finally look up at you with a soft smile on his face. It's a smile not used often, but one you've seen him direct at you on more than one occasion.  

“It doesn't matter…,” you fold your arms to your chest embracing for the impending rejection, “I've seen the girls you've brought back for my approval. I will never be your type.” You lower your eyes no longer able to look in his direction.  

Bucky stands up and walks over to you, placing his hands on your upper arms. “Hey, look at me.” His voice is soft, and you slowly look up and into his blue eyes. Bucky pauses, taking in the sight of you looking at him and a loving grin appears on his face. “You've always been my type.” He whispers and moves in, placing his lips to yours in a kiss that should have happened so long ago.

It starts out slow, both of you testing the waters, but increases in intensity as time passes by. Your arms are no longer to your chest and have made their way to the back of his neck, caressing it softly. Neither one of you wants to stop, but you know you need to before things get even more heated than they already are; so, you pull back, breaking the kiss, both of you out of breath and panting for air.

“That was-”

“Long overdue.” Bucky interrupts, but his observation is spot on. “You don't know how long I've wanted to do that!” Bucky laughs and rests his forehead on yours.

“Seriously, Barnes?! Why the hell did you keep bringing those girls home?” You push him off you but are grinning ear to ear.

“Because you didn't show an interest-ouch!” You reached out and smacked his arm, not hard, but enough to cause a reaction.  

“For fuck sakes, all those women I had to meet! Ugh! Un-fucking-real, asshole!” You were yelling, but it was more of an excited, happy yell. The revelation of Bucky having feelings for you was all you ever wanted. You had every right to be happy in this moment.  

“So, what now?” You ask him, and he moves over and places his hands on your hips.

“Well I was hoping we'd start out with a date, followed by lots of kissing, a declaration of love, and a happily ever after?” Bucky placed his lips to you in another soft kiss. It's gentle and full of promise and you could get used to this every day.  

“As long as you leave your first world problems at the door, I'm all in!”

Bucky laughs and nods in agreement. “From now on, you're my only first world problem.”

[timetrickster]

Aloha Oe X Edith Nox Crossover Episode 6: Emotions

@cometworks <--- She made Edith Nox!

Tag: @coloursintheblur , @thelysstener

Note: Robyn’s character is deaf! It shows in Italics! And “Mellow” is Edith’s Universe of saying Yellow.

As always I hope ye enjoy it!

FADE IN

EXT. PATH TO EDITH’S HOME. MORNING

It was the morning, JUSTIN holds a knocked out EDITH in his arms out cold from their fight. With VIOLET following behind, the feeling surrounding them felt somber. Returning to her home, NOEMI had awakened as soon as they walked through the door. He rushes over to check on EDITH.

NOEMI

What happened?!

It was clear his voice was worried.

JUSTIN

Her rage took over.

NOEMI

Oh, my Fate…

JUSTIN motions them to follow him, going back to the Eternity. They take her to the medical bay, placing her into a bed and hooking her up to a life support system.

JUSTIN

She’ll be fine for now.

He leaves the room and enters his private quarters.

JUSTIN

Enoch! Any known research on magic?

ENOCH

There are a couple of notes on magic.

JUSTIN

Good.

ENOCH

Unfortunately not this universe’s magic. Although it shares similarities with the fact you are born with magic. The Blackwood Universe has a special organ which allows magic abilities. Whilst the Nox Universe is due to mutation after its apocalyptic event.

JUSTIN

I know Enoch…

Frustrated he hits his desk.

ENOCH

Captain, are you alright? Your vitals show me emotional distress.

JUSTIN

I’m fine Enoch. Just… frustrated.

ENOCH

I can tell.

JUSTIN sits in his chair and rubs his face as if he was trying to rub away something that he couldn’t shake. He holds both hands to his forehead and looking at the ground.

DARK JUSTIN (V.O)

Once again, you managed to destroy the people you touch. You’re no hero, you’re a monster.

JUSTIN didn’t bother to look but knew he was losing it again.

JUSTIN

I know. But I’m neither hero or monster. I’m just a good person who always lends a helping hand.

VIOLET enters his quarters seeing him losing it.

VIOLET Hey…

JUSTIN

What happened?

VIOLET

Nothing… just wanted to see how you were doing. I know you wanted to calm her down and not fight her but…

JUSTIN

I understand… when I need to fight, I fight. How are you?

VIOLET

I’m… okay, I guess.

There was awkward silence between them, VIOLET dares not to show emotion herself, trying to hold back and hide behind her heart of steel. JUSTIN breathes in and relaxes, his eyes glow orange and sees her emotions of sadness. Knowing her and her heart of steel, he stands up and gets close to her placing both hands on her shoulder and looks at her eyes.

JUSTIN

It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.

She nods and JUSTIN goes back to the medical bay. EDITH was still knocked out, but still breathing and alive which was a good sign. JUSTIN pulls up a chair and sits next to he, being watchful over her. NOEMI sits opposite of JUSTIN on EDITH’S left side.

NOEMI

She’ll be fine.

JUSTIN

I hope so.

VIOLET also sits next to him.

VIOLET

I’m worried about her.

JUSTIN

I know… I saw it. I felt it.

VIOLET

How? You don’t have patho magic.

JUSTIN

Yeah, but one of my fathers on Gaia taught me his aura manipulation. There are seven spiritual points of the body that deals with unlocking some spirituality in oneself. It also allowed me to have new abilities and the orange aura allows me to see emotions.

JUSTIN’S eyes rise.

JUSTIN (cont’d) Oh my god.

VIOLET

What?

JUSTIN

I think I can help Edith. (He faces toward her with a slight smile and surprise in his eyes)

JUSTIN gets ups from his chair and tries to find a certain device.

VIOLET

What are you thinking?

JUSTIN

My aura manipulation! The 6th aura deal with mental communication. I haven’t unlocked it that far, but I have a device that could allow us to talk to her mentally.

He finds the device he’s looking for, to crown like devices with an oval in the middle. Finding three of them. JUSTIN places it on EDITH’S forehead and he himself puts one on.

JUSTIN (cont’d)

Anyone want to join? Someone has to watch over, just in case.

NOEMI

I’ll go.

JUSTIN hands NOEMI the crown and places it on his forehead.

JUSTIN

(Turning his head toward Violet) We’ll be fine. Just make sure our physical bodies are okay. Enoch will help and guide you through it all.

JUSTIN lies down on a bed and NOEMI sits on a chair against the wall.

JUSTIN

Enoch, activate the Mind Crowns.

CUT TO:

EXT. EDITH’S MIND.

JUSTIN & NOEMI appeared outside of EDITH’S home.

NOEMI

Where are we?

JUSTIN

Wherever Edith feels most safe.

They turn to see EDITH walking toward her in her garden, but it was different. There was a humongous greenhouse. They walk in, to find a rainforest of trees and a variety of multitudes of plants.

JUSTIN

This is new…

NOEMI

She always wanted this, a gigantic garden.

JUSTIN sees a sign, he smiles.

JUSTIN

Eden.

They continue their walk as they walk between a path of colorful flowers. They find an open space with a field shaped like a circle. Surrounded by aquamarine flowers. A figure colored in the same colors as the flowers tends to them. They rush toward her.

JUSTIN

Hi… were kinda lost here. Who are you?

She turns to look up at both of them revealing to be EDITH but wearing aquamarine colored clothing.

CURIOUS EDITH

What are you talking about silly? It’s me, Edith.

Both shocked by her sudden appearance in her own mind.

NOEMI

Hey Edith.

CURIOUS EDITH

Hi Noemi! Oh! What happened to your wings? What’s that on your shirt? It’s shiny!

CURIOUS EDITH had shown such an increase of curiosity into both her friends.

JUSTIN

Edith, are you okay?

CURIOUS EDITH

Just curious as always. Ya know me! A curious girl! (She hears birds chirping in the distance.) Ooh! What kind of bird is that?!

She runs off, JUSTIN realizes the situation in EDITH’S brain.

JUSTIN

That’s what’s going on…

NOEMI

What? What is happening to Edith?!

JUSTIN

Right as the fight was about to end, Violet had to knock Edith out for good measure. The punch must have given her a concussion and her patho magic must’ve reacted and shattered her into her core emotions. We just met Curious Edith.

NOEMI

Oh, my Fate.

CURIOUS EDITH sneaks up behind them.

CURIOUS EDITH

What ya guys talking about?

Turning toward her, they try to answer with a lot of ease.

JUSTIN

We’re trying to find the others? Like you… but in different colors?!

CURIOUS EDITH

Oh?! THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE ME?! WHERE?!

NOEMI

We were hoping you knew, Edith.

CURIOUS EDITH

Oh, aw. I’m sorry Noemi. I don’t know where they are.

To not make her upset with herself, JUSTIN plays with her childlike wonder. Due to being inside her mind, JUSTIN pulls out an aquamarine flower from his coat pocket which fills her with joy and curiosity.

JUSTIN

This flower comes from my home planet, it’s called the Shining Sapphire.

CURIOUS EDITH jumps for joy and takes the plant and starts examining it. NOEMI sprouts his wings and grabs onto JUSTIN, both fly high over the forest and finding different glowing pieces of land in different colors. At least six more were in place.

JUSTIN

Her core emotions separated by colors. Curiosity is aquamarine. Anger is red. But there are six more that we should investigate.

NOEMI

Uh… I’m not sure about this.

JUSTIN

Noemi, I know you’re nervous but we have to do it for Edith.

NOEMI breaths in and out and shakes his head a bit and puts on a serious face.

NOEMI

You’re right, this is for Edith.

JUSTIN

Let’s split up. Drop me off at that yellow spot, check out that navy colored spot.

NOEMI

What’s yellow?

JUSTIN

(Points to the yellow colored glowing spot) That. That’s yellow.

NOEMI

Oh… is that what you call it in your universe?

JUSTIN

Yeah… do you not call it that?

NOEMI

No… it’s called mellow.

JUSTIN

Fascinating.

They soar through the forest air, and JUSTIN drops into the mellow glowing spot, finding another EDITH jumping around in her mellow flowers. The field was covered in books stacked nearly high as the trees. As well as puzzles from actually puzzles and toys scattered around. EDITH finally grabs a book and a toy and one flower. Then lying down on her mellow field of flowers.

JUSTIN slowly walks toward her when she turns to see JUSTIN she jumps for joy. She wore mellow colored clothing.

HAPPINESS EDITH

JUSTIN! HI!

HAPPINESS EDITH had a huge smile on her face… she seemed happy.

JUSTIN

Happy as always Edith.

HAPPINESS EDITH

Of course! Happiness is me!

She laughs.

HAPPINESS EDITH (cont’d)

Want to read a book? I have… (grabs her book off the ground and looks at it, turning toward Justin) The Girl and The Fox.

JUSTIN

That sounds interesting but I’m far too busy at the moment.

HAPPINESS EDITH

Aw, that’s okay. Do you have any stories from your homeworld?

JUSTIN

I have tons… mom always knew I loved books and stories. There is Alice in Horloges. Uh, Lost In Time. The Time Beasts. The Time Walker & his three Clockworks.

She smiled happily. JUSTIN realizes which emotion she was.

JUSTIN (cont’d)

That’s what you are. You’re Edith’s happiness!

HAPPINESS EDITH

Of course, I’m happy! Why would I not be?

She smiles big again.

CUT TO

INT. NAVY SPOT

NOEMI lands on the Navy colored glowing spot and finds a SORROW EDITH. Concerned he rushes over immediately, he kneels down to talk to her as she is on her knees crying.

NOEMI

Hey… you okay?

SORROW EDITH turns with tears full in her eyes.

SORROW EDITH

Hi Noemi… (sniffles)

NOEMI

What’s wrong?

He asked calmly.

SORROW EDITH

The… (sniffles) the plant won’t grow… it’s sick.

NOEMI

Oh… it’ll be okay. It’ll get stronger and become a pretty plant.

SORROW EDITH

You think so?

NOEMI

I know so.

SORROW EDITH

But will it grow back now?

NOEMI

It’s not gonna grow back right away… you need to be…

SORROW EDITH cries some more and NOEMI not knowing what to do looked confused.

NOEMI

Oh dear.

JUSTIN instantly teleports to NOEMI out of nowhere scaring him.

NOEMI

How did you?!

JUSTIN

We’re in her brain. Anything can happen.

They teleport away and end up in a random spot. They end up in this sharp orange-red circle field. They find a FEARFUL EDITH wearing the same color surrounded by the same flowers.

FEARFUL EDITH

No… (she is talking to an unknown figure unseen) Momma… I don’t want Mom to go! What if she gets hurt?

They teleport again and find themselves in a deep purple colored spot. A DISGUSTED EDITH was there.

DISGUSTED EDITH

You think you’re so better than everyone?!

Another EDITH had walked in, it was WRATHFUL EDITH. Her menacing and evil scary voice.

WRATHFUL EDITH

I am better than everyone! Where are they?!

DISGUSTED EDITH

Where is who?!

WRATHFUL EDITH

The two people that aren’t supposed to be here.

DISGUSTED EDITH sees them and both JUSTIN & NOEMI wave signals saying “No!” “Please! Don’t say anything!” and so many more begging. WRATHFUL EDITH notices her gaze and turns instantly. Then does this weird hypnotism on DISGUSTED EDITH making her eyes glow red.

JUSTIN

(To Noemi) I think we drew attention to ourselves.

NOEMI

Yup.

WRATHFUL EDITH lights her fists on fire and rushes toward them. NOEMI spreads his wings and both fly into the sky with JUSTIN holding on to his hand as they soar. WRATHFUL EDITH throws a fireball which NOEMI dodges but accidentally let’s go of JUSTIN. They land in a gray area where they find EDITH, regular and plain old her. They rush to give her a hug.

EDITH

Guys?! (Surprised she hugs them both) What happened?!

JUSTIN

You let your wrath take over. You almost killed me, Violet, and tried to destroy the Fates.

EDITH

No… no… that can’t be. I would never do that to you… or Violet… no one.

EDITH felt afraid of what she was capable of. After hearing JUSTIN’S recap of the previous night. The surroundings started slowly turned to the sharp orange-red of fear.

JUSTIN

She’s getting scared.

NOEMI looks around feeling nervousness all around.

NOEMI

What do we do?

JUSTIN

Try and calm her down.

They take one step then all of sudden, FEARFUL EDITH appears.

FEARFUL EDITH

GO AWAY!

She wasn’t afraid this time, she was fearless and more menacing. Her eyes were glowing red too.

JUSTIN

Oh shit… Wrath hypnotized her too.

She raises her left hand and fires a ball of magic. JUSTIN & NOEMI dodge it and see its effect on the plants, the plants suddenly coming to life and being affected by the fear. The rest of her core emotions appear now ready to hunt them down.

JUSTIN

Noemi… you have to get out of here.

NOEMI

I’m not gonna leave you!

JUSTIN grabs NOEMI by the shoulder and presses his forehead. NOEMI disappears and JUSTIN makes a run for it while being blasted with emotional magic.

CUT TO

INT. MEDICAL BAY.

NOEMI suddenly wakes up, which VIOLET rushes over.

VIOLET

What happened?

NOEMI

Edith’s core emotions are shattered. Her Wrath became sentient and is hypnotizing her Core Emotions. Despite our attempt to help her. She reacted quickly and her Core Emotions attacked us.

VIOLET

What do we do now?

NOEMI gets off his bed and sits with VIOLET watching over JUSTIN.

NOEMI

We wait.

CUT TO

INT. EDEN

JUSTIN is running through the pathways whilst being chased by the Core Emotions. He closes his eyes and thinks of teleporting and does so. Ending up outside an entrance of a building made out of a tree, he gets up dusting off his long coat.

JUSTIN

Evocation Hall (He says while reading a sign then enters the building) This feels like Inside Out, except with magic and the Core Emotions are trying to kill me!

He finds himself within a library there are plants as the books. Suddenly a Dryad figure appears before him as the Librarian.

DRYAD

Welcome, you are?

The DRYAD was more human than tree-like. Parts of his body was covered in moss, he had pointy ears. Wearing ragged clothing that had many crinkles and tiny hairs of string like leaves.

JUSTIN

Justin Oras.

DRYAD

Oh my, nice to meet one of Edith’s friends physically. (He reaches his hand out for a shake)

JUSTIN returns the shake and smiles.

JUSTIN

Your name is?

BERRY

I’m Berry, Edith’s imaginary friend.

JUSTIN

You seem decent…  dryad? Is that what you are? Cause in my universe the closest thing to Dryads are Floreo. They’re these amazing humanoid tree people it’s insane!

BERRY

That sounds lovely, you here for a particular reason?

JUSTIN

Yes! Actually! Yes… um, Edith is in trouble! Her Core Emotions have split due to a fight, now her Wrathful version of herself is hypnotizing her Core Emotions and now they’re hunting me. I have to find a way back to put her together. Are there memories that make her happy?! Or are there people in her life that can help her?!

BERRY

Oh my, so many questions… to answer that last one. She has two mothers, her guiding figures but minor characters in her story…

JUSTIN

Minor?

BERRY

Sorry weird word choice… but this way.

He motions JUSTIN to follow him and they travel down an aisle labeled “Happy Memories”. It was filled with mellow colored plants. They come to a stop after three steps and go to a specific plant labeled “Mommies” BERRY he waves his hand point to the plant. JUSTIN walks up to it,

JUSTIN

What does it do?

BERRY

Pull a leaf and look into it and see her memories.

He does so and looks at the pull leaf. The memory magic sends him into an old memory, showing little EDITH with a woman. She was pale with rather thin, dirty-blonde hair reaching her shoulders. she generally wears half of it in a knotted-bun. She has what appear to be hearing aids on both ears.

The two were gardening and the little EDITH was enjoying the time with her mother. The memory ends and JUSTIN pulls another leaf and thrown in another memory. Seeing a dark-skinned woman with long, black hair that coils to her hips. She’s carrying a little EDITH in her arms, holding her so tightly and have fun.

JUSTIN

Her mom… oh my! I have to get back!

All of a sudden a window breaks and JUSTIN ducks and rolls into cover. BERRY somehow dodged it without having to move at all. He was calm as ever.

BERRY

I’ll hold them off, plus they don’t know I’m an excellent fighter.

BERRY suddenly turns into true form, a true dryad with wooden skin. His wooden skin turns into armor and a snaps a branch off himself. As it becomes a sword.

BERRY (cont’d)

Go on! Save Edith!

He says with a chipper attitude and a smile as he goes off to fight The Core Emotions. JUSTIN nods and presses his forehead and wakes up in the medical bay. VIOLET & NOEMI stand from their chairs to check up on him. JUSTIN breathes really heavy.

JUSTIN

We need Edith’s moms.

CUT TO

INT. COMMUNITY GARDENS

NOEMI walks into the gardens, seeing one of EDITH’S mother. The pale woman with dirty-blonde hair and hearing aids. He walks up to her and she recognizes him instantly. She smiles and waves at him and gives him a hug.

NOEMI

Hey Ms. Robyn! (He says while hugging her)

ROBYN

“Hello, Noemi! How are you?” (She says with ASL)

NOEMI’S face turned serious for a moment with a touch of sadness mixed in. Concerned ROBYN looks at him.

ROBYN

“What’s wrong sweetie?”

NOEMI

Uh… It’s Edith.

Her face grew paler as she heard her daughter’s name.

CUT TO

INT. THE CASTLE THRONE ROOM

VIOLET enters the throne room in a rush as sees EDITH’S other mom standing with her arms behind her back and looking serious. VIOLET stands before her and EDITH’S MOM salutes her.

VIOLET

Commander Umi Nox… um…

UMI

Admiral Violet, what’s wrong?

VIOLET held a serious face for a bit but started to crack over the thought of EDITH.

VIOLET

It’s Edith.

Horrified and worried instantly, UMI’S face lit up.

UMI

What happened?!

CUT TO

INT. MEDICAL BAY

NOEMI & VIOLET had brought over ROBYN & UMI to the Eternity. They introduce them to JUSTIN who sits in wait by EDITH. He stands as respect to both parents.

VIOLET

Commander Nox, Ms. Lux, this is Captain Justin Oras.

UMI

Please to meet you, Captain Oras.

ROBYN

“Hello, Captain.”

JUSTIN

Hello! Commander! Ms. Lux! It’s nice to meet you both! Justin Oras.

UMI

Are you a captain in our military force?

JUSTIN

Unfortunately no I am not. I am however the Captain of this ship. I also am from another universe and I’m an alien.

They stare at him in disbelief, to which VIOLET & NOEMI come by their sides.

VIOLET & NOEMI

He really is.

UMI

You? Are from another universe? And an alien? Impossible.

She hadn’t believed a single word he said.

ROBYN

“HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!” (She emphasizes her signing loudly.)

They instantly become surprised after that statement.

JUSTIN

Very… very, long story.

JUSTIN hold the two minds crowns and hands them to ROBYN & UMI.

JUSTIN

Okay, Ms. Lux, Commander these are Mind Crowns. They will transport your minds into Edith’s in order to help her. I will help guide you through her “Eden” and hopefully, you’ll get through to her.

They all placed the Mind Crowns on their heads and lay in separate beds. He breathes in.

JUSTIN

Enoch, activate the Mind Crowns. Pull us out in case something goes wrong.

ENOCH

Yes, Captain.

ENOCH does so and sends JUSTIN, UMI, & ROBYN into EDITH’S mind. They fall near the entrance of Eden and brush themselves off.

UMI

What is this place?

JUSTIN

The place that Edith is most comfortable.

ROBYN

“Eden.” She says.

They walk through the entrance, following the path. Slowly but on guard. ROBYN taps JUSTIN’S shoulder.

JUSTIN

Yes, Robyn?

ROBYN

“The forest is screaming. It’s afraid.”

UMI

What did she say?

JUSTIN

The forest is screaming and it’s afraid. It must be her Core Emotions, their sentience is scaring this place.

JUSTIN places both hands on UMI & ROBYN’S shoulders. He thinks about teleporting to EDITH. She was frightened still and sat in her corner, murmuring and whispering words. JUSTIN looks at both UMI & ROBYN.

JUSTIN

Go to her. She needs you both. I’ll be looking out.

UMI & ROBYN rush over to EDITH as she was cradling herself hiding her face behind her knees and she holds them. Tears and sniffles were hidden behind them.

EDITH

Go away, Justin!

UMI

Sprout?

UMI had worry tone in her voice. EDITH stopped crying for a moment and looked up to find both her moms.

EDITH

Mom? Momma? Is that really you?

UMI

Of course, it is Sprout!

ROBYN shakes her head saying yes, with some water twinkling in her eyes. EDITH stands and rushes into the arms of her parents. Happiness started filing their hearts and the field around them turned into the color Mellow.

ROBYN

“What happened, sweetie?”

EDITH

I… uh…

UMI

It’s okay Sprout. You can tell us.

EDITH

I hurt my friends… I let my anger out at the Fates and I… I (her voice starts to break, sounding more sadder by the seconds she spoke) I hurt my friends. I lashed out at the Fates and then my rage… it…

UMI

It’s okay sweetie, keep going.

EDITH

It took over and I hurt Justin and Violet…

She starts to cry once more and hides in ROBYN’S shoulder. They rubbed her back to make her feel better. While ROBYN places her head on top of EDITH’S wild hair. UMI hugs both of them as they both sit in the field.

UMI

I know it hurts sweetie… the pain… all of it. I know it hurts so bad and you feel so… afraid of what you’re capable of, but… your friends. Violet and this new boy Justin. They forgive you… you just need to forgive yourself. Okay?

EDITH

(Sniffles) But what if I can’t control my emotions? (Sniffles) What if I let it happen again? I don’t want it to happen again! (She holds her face in shame.)

UMI

No, no, no, no. Look at us, sweetie. (She holds Edith’s face in her hands.) You can control it, all of it, it will take time but you will learn how to harness your magic properly. You’re the daughter of a warrior, for Eden’s sake, my little Sprout is strong!

Calling her “Sprout” made her smile.

ROBYN

“We will always. Always. Love you. No matter what happens.” She says.

EDITH nods while holding her tears back and hugs both of them. Her sadness morphed into a slight smile which brings here back into who she really is. She sees JUSTIN then rushes over to hug him. By sudden surprise, it scares him a little but he a slight smile was on his face which was a relief to him.

JUSTIN

It’s good to have you back.

EDITH

I’m sorry.

He holds her face and smiles.

JUSTIN

I will always forgive you.

She hugs him again and he pats on her head. Her parents walk behind her seeing her usual cheery self once again.

UMI

There’s the daughter we love.

ROBYN

“My beautiful little Sprout!”

EDITH responds back in sign.

EDITH

“I love you too momma!” (She gives her a little smile)

ROBYN hugs her.

WRATHFUL EDITH

Aw, Mom and Momma are here. Oh and Justin? Can’t wait to burn through your chest and roast your heart.

The Core Emotions have arrived, finally finding them all. Their eyes glowing red with WRATHFUL EDITH’S magical wrath inducement.

CURIOUS EDITH

Ooh, I wonder what kind of blood do you have?

HAPPINESS EDITH

I’m so happy to be able to kill you all. (She had this huge smile on her face)

SORROW EDITH

Sad… so sad… death is coming.

FEARFUL EDITH

I hope you like torturous and endless nightmares.

DISGUSTED EDITH

YOU ALL DISGUST ME! (She snarls)

LOVELY EDITH

Aw, this is gonna be so sweet!

CONFUSED EDITH

What are we here for again?

The Core Emotions made their remarks as they surrounded the Nox Family and JUSTIN in the true EDITH’S circular field.

JUSTIN

We can’t return without putting back her Core Emotions in her.

UMI

How do we do that?

JUSTIN

Have Edith absorbed through touch, since this is her mind. Edith, Ms. Lux you might what to run. Go to the Evocation Hall. (To Edith) Edith! Your imaginary friend, Berry will be there, he’ll protect you! Go!

EDITH & ROBYN run for it leaving behind JUSTIN & UMI.

JUSTIN

Commander?

UMI

Yes, Captain?

JUSTIN

Please tell me you have magic and that you can fight with it?

UMI

Yes, Earth Magic. Yours?

JUSTIN

I don’t have magic… but I can manipulate time.

UMI

What?!

JUSTIN summons blue time energy into his hands and blasts a few warning shots at the Core. UMI evocates a spell covering her body in rock like armor. Both back to back, the Core charges them, both balancing and taking four emotions at a time. JUSTIN takes on Wrath, Curiosity, Happiness, and Sadness. While UMI fights Fear, Disgust, Love, and Confusion.

UMI being the warrior that she is, had the highest advantage. FEARFUL EDITH summons nightmarish monsters to her side to attack. DISGUSTED EDITH becoming an even more disgusting version of the Black Beast. LOVELY EDITH battles with a sword fueled by her now corrupted love to kill. CONFUSED EDITH surrounded herself in a dark green aura, trying to blast endlessly with confusion beams.

JUSTIN without any weapons activates his time powers. His hands glowing a midnight blue color along with his eyes. His face became scary serious, and he charges toward the Core Emotions first. First dodging the fiery flames of WRATHFUL EDITH. Firing a blast of time energy at CURIOUS EDITH, then knocking down HAPPINESS EDITH with a single punch.

JUSTIN

Sorry… no holding back.

SORROW EDITH was nowhere to be found, then continues to fight with WRATHFUL EDITH. They go for round 4 of their fist fight, round 4 because JUSTIN reversed time after 2nd round making it the 3rd. Fire vs Time.

WRATHFUL EDITH

You stopped me from killing the Fates! (Punches and pushes Justin back)

JUSTIN

(Slides on his feet and stops after the push) It was the only way to keep you from doing something you’ll regret.

WRATHFUL EDITH

I don’t care! (Rushes at him and continues the fight) They put all that destiny crap on me!

WRATHFUL EDITH brings JUSTIN on his knees after kicking his leg. She tries to grab his face while her hands were ablaze, JUSTIN grabs both hands but her anger proved stronger. Her right-hand touches the left side of his face and burns him. He screams in so much agony, that in the medical bay the left side of his face starts to melt off.

WRATHFUL EDITH

I can’t wait to see your skull!

The left side of his face melted but there was no skull. There was a second shell beneath his organic face. It was metallic and glared a shiny bronze, with glowing blue eyes. It surprised WRATHFUL EDITH who stops in that very moment.

JUSTIN

SURPRISE!

He headbutts her which gives her a major headache. JUSTIN blasts her with his time energy, then gives her one last punch to knock her out for one good measure. UMI had just defeated her side of Emotions, she turns and sees JUSTIN standing but a bit dizzy and failing to control his body after the fight. She rushes over catching him before he falls to his knees.

UMI

You okay sweetheart?

JUSTIN nods then UMI checks his face, seeing the metallic skin beneath his organic skin.

UMI (cont’d)

You really are an alien.

JUSTIN

Yes, ma’am.

He lays on the ground and calls out.

JUSTIN (cont’d)

Edith! Ms. Lux! You can come back now!

They arrive and EDITH rushes over to JUSTIN now seeing his face too.

EDITH

What happened?! Your face…

JUSTIN

Time Walkers are organic mechanical beings. We have organs and squishy stuff inside but my bones and second skin are metal and a few gears. (He smiles) I’ll be fine. Now… go get your emotions together and be you again.

EDITH does what she is instructed and absorbed the beaten Core Emotions. JUSTIN stands along with UMI & ROBYN as they wait for EDITH to finish becoming herself again.

EDITH

Done! All 7 of them.

JUSTIN

Seven? No… where’s Sorrow Edith?!

SORROW EDITH appears so suddenly like she were a ghost. She appeared behind JUSTIN whom she automatically attacks. Holding both hands and affecting his mind. Images of pasts ghosts from JUSTIN’S history appears, there were millions upon millions of ghosts. UMI, ROBYN, & EDITH see them as well.

JUSTIN

No! No!

SORROW EDITH

Sad… so sad. They all died. The Time Walkers are no more.

JUSTIN falls to his knees looking down in shame. EDITH rushes over and absorbs the emotion, finally returning to normal. She comforts JUSTIN as he holds his face from the returning of a long lost pain.

FADE TO BLACK

END OF EPISODE 6

[whistlewhileiblogit]

"Why didn't you fight back?"

Now I am not an expert on abuse. All I am about to say is what I know from my own experience, experiences of others' and own research. But here we go.

I hear this a lot from people. People that have never been abused emotionally, mentally, physically or sexually. Now, I haven't been sexually assaulted, so I won't be talking about that as I don't want to be insensitive or ignorant on the subject. Though I imagine at least some of what I say could be applied to that situation.

I also want to explain that while I am generalising a bit, I am not trying to speak for each and every victim of abuse. My intent is not to do that, but to try and explain to those ignorant of what abuse what it really is like.

Now I am gonna tell you why in the past I have not fought back against abusers. This includes (but is not limited to) physically attacking back, verbally standing up for oneself, calling authorities, getting an AVO (apprehended violence order), etc. But to do this, I have to give a (long) decent explanation of what I have experienced. How it feels from the point of view of a victim. So here we go...

I have suffered abuse in one form or another since childhood. As did my brothers. This was at the hands of our father. We were constantly belittled, berated and bashed for any given reason. My mother suffered the same treatment, and did her best to protect us.

My abuser was loud, sadistic. Always angry, always yelling. Loud enough that he could be heard down the street. Our neighbours knew what was happening to our mother, to us. Children. Never once did anyone do or say anything to try and help.

Now being the youngest, I was always naturally shy, and this abuse lead me deeper into that. I was quiet. I knew to keep my mouth shut. Don't talk back. Don't fight it.

If we were running away from our abuser? Do as he said. Stop running. Maybe this time he won't hurt me if I do as he says?

Of course though, he would. I remember being grabbed by my hair, dragged into his car and driven to our relatives. In front of them he beat me until I couldn't cry anymore, then left me there to go have lunch. I dragged myself behind the armchair in the corner to hide. My relative did nothing. All she did was wait until it was quiet, and then hand me a piece of toast.

This is just one example of truth I give. It was a seed that was unknowingly planted in my brain. Nothing will keep you safe. Nobody will help you.

Now I wasn't the only one being abused. Nor did I get the "worst" of it. When my abuser wanted to be nice, he was nice. He would do things for me...sorta. it was conditional, but to me, that was normal.

Now my eldest brother, let's call him Ian...our abuser hated him for whatever reason. More than the rest of us. So he was never kind to him. And Ian resented me especially for it. In his eyes, I was spoiled, a brat.

So he took it out on me.

He took his anger out on me in any way he could, mostly through violence. So I quickly learned to avoid him as well.

If Ian walked into the lounge room, I'd leave as quickly and quietly as possible. If I was having a conversation with mum and he walked in the room I would stop talking. I learned to spend most of my time alone in my room. I ate my dinners in there, I only left to go to the bathroom, or use the family computer (until I saved up money to buy my own laptop to avoid getting in trouble for being on the computer).

So by the time I was a teenager, I had a good system of handling both abusers. At the time, I didn't know that is what they were. At the time, they were simply my father and brother. I still did everything I could for them. I bought them birthday and Christmas gifts with no expectations, I was generally courteous and polite.

But at some point around ages 15-16, something in me has changed, or begun to. I became snappier at them both. If I was shoved, I'd shove back I began standing up for myself. But only a little bit. Eventually, I would still go back to my room, crying. But I wouldn't hide under my bed or in my closet anymore. I was becoming angry. Infuriated. I hated that they made me cry.

I have a sort of revolution or sorts. I gave them the cold shoulder for the most part, unless I absolutely had to play nice.

Fast forward a few years later, abuser #1 moved out, freeing us so much. My relationship with Ian began to improve. He actually started to be...kind to me? He still had a temper sometimes, but mostly he begun being nice with me. And I welcomed this change with open arms.

I became as supportive of him as I could. This involved lending him money, helping him through his drug addictions/rehab, calming him down when he was going off the rails, stuff like that. Whenever my mum would sigh in exasperation and say, "You are too good to him. You don't know how much you help." I would shrug casually and say, "I'm his sister, it's my job" and think nothing more of it.

Eventually, my mum and I moved out together, and the whole family essentially split for the first time, everyone being forced to find their own way.

And for the months in our new home it was just mum and I, we were happy. It wasn't by any means perfect. There were still struggles, and we didn't always agree- but abuse was never present. It was a fresh of breath air. We had finally escaped.

Until Ian came to our door one day, crashed on our couch uninvited and refused to leave. He had completely reverted. His temper was the same as it used to be. He was back smoking ice as well. He completely took over our home, and I couldn't stand it. I was back to staying in my room. In my own damn house. Mum and I couldn't converse without an argument following because of his berating. Yet he was trying to be on his "best" behaviour. He refused to lay a finger on me or mum, because he knew that would be the last straw. He figured everything else was fair game though.

And so every chance I got- I told him to get the fuck out. I told him that he wasn't welcome, that he didn't belong here. That neither of us invited or wanted him to stay. Of course this meant I would receive verbal abuse- but hell, I was used to it by now. Ian calling me fat or a slut or a mutt washed over me as if he'd said nothing by this point.

I wanted so badly for him to hit me. "PLEASE DO" I'd invite him. Just lay one fucking finger on me. I wanted an excuse to fight him. To give him what he deserved. And yet he wouldn't. He'd get all in my face of course- I can still smell his foul breath as he screamed at me centimetres away, spit flying onto my face as he did. He would threaten me constantly- telling me that he would gas me in my sleep, or sneak into my room at night and cut my head off- and I laughed it off. I wasn't afraid of death, and certainly not of him. Even after he picked up a can of bug spray and sprayed it in my face. My eyes, nose and mouth. I didn't even react. Not a cough. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of gagging. "Please try!" I'd laugh. "Please try kill me, I beg you."

Now Ian was (is) a gutless wimp at heart. After a particularly big fight, he would vanish for a few days. One day, he came back, and I ignored him. Didn't acknowledge him at all.

I woke up one morning to find a large jar of nutella at my door. I was confused, but figured maybe my mum had put it there (she often surprises me with treats)? So I put it on my shelf in my room and headed into the kitchen to get breakfast. As I was looking in the cupboard, squatting down, Ian softly said, "Did you see the nutella? I got it for you."

"Oh." I said, continuing to look in the cupboard. "ugh okay..." and then I felt his arms wrap around me in a hug. My entire body was tensed now. How dare he fucking hug me after all the shit he's done!??

"I'm sorry for how I've been. I've just been going through a lot lately" Ian let me go, keeping his hands on my shoulders, rubbing my back.

"Err...okay" I muttered, hoping he'd get the drift and leave me the fuck alone. He didn't. He kept standing there, rubbing my back as I was squatted looking in the cupboard. All I wanted was the peanut butter and this is what I got. "Fuck, you've got more muscles than Jake (other brother)"

I stood up, finally turning to face him. I was skeptical. I'd seen this act before. "Why don't you apologise to (the dog)? Pretty sure he doesn't understand why you were punching him the other day. After all, he was just trying to defend me."

This struck a nerve with Ian. Long story short, that dog used to be his dog. He thought he would be completely loyal to him. The dog was loyal to me. After all, I took care of him, and, you know, didn't punch him in fits of anger.

Anyway, fast forward a few more weeks, and Ian is back to his old self. His true self. It was midnight, I was playing Red Dead 2, trying to relax after a long work night. So of course Ian comes inside, and crashes on the couch. He didn't say a word, which was fine with me, until...

"Turn that fuckin shit down! It's too loud!" I grit my teeth and told him to shut up, and turned it down. I could hardly hear it it was that quiet.

Ian goes to sleep, snoring like a fucking howler monkey (much louder than my game was, mind you), and eventually snorts himself awake half an hour or so later. "Turn that fucking shit off! Go the fuck to sleep you stupid slut! What you have playstation withdrawals??!" etc etc. And I...couldn't stay silent anymore.

I told him if he had a problem with it, he could get the fuck out of my house, considering nobody invited him here. The screaming match began and then he leapt over to the power point and ripped the ps4 from its socket. I snapped. I shoved him away, back down on the couch, and he began trying to kick me away.

But I couldn't stop myself, despite my better judgement, because that had long since turned off. I screamed in fury, kicking him as much as I could, leaping at him and clawing at his skin. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel everything he made me feel. Twenty-two years of repressed anger had finally been unleashed. I felt like a tiger, unable to defend, only attack. I was seeing red.

He was kicking and punching me too, of course. He kicked me back and when I fell, he grabbed me from behind. He tried to get me in a choke hold (a favourite move of his), but I kept kicking, elbowing. He pulled me down onto the couch and I slashed him with my nails. They were much longer than I ever keep them, as I had recently misplaced my nail clippers. I felt one of my nails tear back completely, tearing the skin under my nail.

But that was enough to break free. And so I screamed at him again to get the fuck out. He refused. So I knocked the basket of his shit (little bits and pieces of bolts, phone chargers and the like) off the coffee table, so it flew on him, the floor, everywhere. I couldn't give a fuck. He tried pushing me down again to stop me from touching his stuff, so I did it again, throwing more of his shit- the shit that he had taking up my space. My home. And I threw it on the floor.

Now by this point the two dogs (one large and one small) had long since woken up and had started barking wildly. But when Ian lunged at me again, both of my dogs jumped in to my defense. That was when Ian turned his attacks toward them, especially the big one. His one. He tried to punch him in the ribs, but I got inbetween them-nobody touches my babies. I pushed him down, kicking, punching, clawing- whatever I could to keep him away from my dogs.

And then finally mum woke up, came out to find the mess. She told me to shut up. I turbed on her. Why wasn't she calling the cops?? She kept telling Ian for MONTHS she would if he laid a finger on me. So why wasn't she? I felt so betrayed and confused. But mum told me she would try calm him down. And that I should just take the dogs and go to my room. I felt like a fucking child again. Just be quiet. Go hide in your room.

But for the dogs' sake, I agreed to help calm them down. But not before my little one managed to nip Ian on the ankle. It was in this moment, I realised how pathetic he seemed. As soon as he got that little nip, not strong enough to even pierce the skin, he fell onto the couch literally wailing. I picked her up, and called off my boy, and went to my room in shock. That is what I spent years being afraid of? All that time I spent thinking he was the toughest person I knew, thinking he was practically indestructible, and he bursts into tears because my chicken nugget of a dog nipped his bloody ankle?! It was nothing other than pathetic.

Over the next hour he continued carrying on, now about his missing phone that he insisted I stole. (hint: I didn't)

Eventually mum went to her room to call the cops. And I heard the front door open and him leave.

The cops eventually came, long since he had left. And I knew I had to speak to them. I wasn't excited about it. I knew what was going to happen. I knew I would look like the bad guy here. The unreasonable one. And for another thing; I didn't trust the police as far as I could throw them.

So three cops come, two of which come inside. And they look confused. It was quiet since Ian had left, and mum had cleaned up all the mess trying to look for his phone. The place looked practically spotless. And I wasn't bleeding. I didn't look a mess. I wasn't sobbing or distraught. I was calm, annoyed at most.

They were so perplexed as I explained what happened. The main officer explained that he didn't even understand what had happened, what my mum had even called for. I told them I wanted him out of my life. I tried to tell them how he has always been.

"Well, have you reported any of his behaviour before?" The cop said. I knew he thought I was full of shit. I wanted to go in my room and sleep.

"No." mum and I answered. Was this guy serious?

"Well then what he's done in the past doesn't really matter." I was so over it by this point. The main cop went outside and left some dude who didn't seem to know what the hell he was doing to ask us the same questions we'd already answered.

I repeated myself multiple times. It wasn't until the third time of explaining what happened, I began to reenact my motions when I saw that my ps4 was gone. "Aaaand he's taken my bloody playstation." I said, completely dejected. My heart sank as it began to weigh on me. Red Dead 2 was in there too. Not only that, but all my trophies and game saves...everything. it might sound stupid to anyone else but playing games was one of my only true escapes. A distraction. And if I knew my brother- which I did- it would be long since destroyed now. The image of it splintered on some concrete was all I could think about now.

The main cop came back inside, and he informed me that the police would take an AVO out on my behalf. This basically meant that it would (in theory) prevent Ian from coming anywhere near me or my home. "What about my stolen playstation and game?" I asked.

And the cop smirked at me. I knew exactly what he was thinking. That I was just some stupid, young obsessed-with-technology millenial. "Yeah, that's nothing, we can deal with that later." He scoffed as if I was being unreasonable. It wasn't nothing to me.

So the police got their answers, and they just...left. I didn't have to go to the station or anything. It seemed so informal, unprofessional. That was it? How was I to know when the AVO was in effect? What were they gonna do about my stolen property?

This was three days ago. I have still heard nothing from the police. Not letter or anything. It is just a waiting game.

And it is this whole thing which has made me look into familial abuse. Why was I starting to feel guilty? Was I really to blame? Should I have just backed down like I used to?

I keep thinking about how differently that night would have gone had I been the person I used to be. Scared and upset. What if I had just said nothing, saved my game and turned it off and gone to bed? Well for one thing, I'd still have my ps4. But...the police wouldn't have been called. And Ian would have been here still, terrorising my mother and me.

I can't say if I would be more or less miserable than I am now. Maybe it would be the same. I'll never know.

But here's the thing that got me thinking about abuse, and when people ask why we don't fight back.

Of course everyone has their own reasons. Sometimes it's safer to do nothing. Sometimes you're just scared. Often you are conditioned into believing you are powerless, as I was for a long time.

But look at what happens when victims DO fight back. There are countless stories or victims- most of them women being abused by their partners or exes- who did all the right steps. They reported abuse and violence every single time, they got AVO's, and nothing fucking changed. Plenty of people moved out of state, and were followed.

And after years- when we finally had the courage to do something about it, my mother and I were simply dismissed. We weren't taken seriously. Nobody listened when I tried to explain the long, complex dynamic Ian and I have had.

But I am not seen as a victim in the eyes of others BECAUSE I fight back. Those who know me simply think my relationship with my brother is just tumultuous at best/worst. Even after explaining. I don't fit into the "victime image". I'm not a skinny, weak looking girl. I'm not beautifully weeping and I don't have a black eye when I turn up to work. I'm not the beautifully tragic image the media has conned the world into believing that is what an abuse victim looks like.

I look angry, violent even. I have messy, wild hair and gritted teeth. I am solid built and fairly muscular. The bruises I have only showed up the day after, and nobody knows how much physical pain I'm in. Being this sort of person has led people into viewing me as indestructible, strong. But it is all survival instincts.

And I am punished for it.

If I never fought back, nobody would have helped me. I learned that young. People like to pretend if they see something, they'll say something, yet when it happens, they say, "it's none of my business". I was a child, and had no help. So why should I expect it as an adult?

And because I did fight back, I am seen as equally guilty. An aggressor. Unstable. And yet again, nobody will help me.

THAT is why I never fought back. But now, I don't give a fuck. I am never going back to cowering again. I am done wasting tears over the actions of the men who wronged me. Even if it kills me, I will NEVER stop fighting back.

Tldr; people don't help victims regardless of whether they fight back against their abusers or not. There are plenty of reasons why victims would or wouldn't fight back and there is no right or wrong decision. Stop blamimg victims.

[okimargarvez]

GUARDIAN ANGEL

Original title: Guardian angel.

Prompt: Luke’s spirit POV, unconditional love, paternity.

Warnings: Character Death.

Genre: romantic, family, supernatural, friendship.

Characters: Luke Alvez, (Penelope Garcia, Spencer Reid, O.C.).

Pairing: Garvez, Penelope x Spencer.

Note: oneshot 5 in Garvez collection; sequel of Empty.

Legend: 💑❗👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💍🎈⚰.

Song mentioned: Lacrime di pioggia, Antonello Venditti.

MY OTHER GARVEZ STORIES

GUARDIAN ANGEL  

With Spencer Reid, right with him! Up here I should not be able to feel jealousy, but perhaps things are more complicated than I could have explained in fifteen years of Catholic school. He had become my best friend. Probably because together with Penelope he was the most fragile person of the BAU. I felt obliged to protect them, both. And then I fell in love with one.

I remember perfectly the day of our wedding. How beautiful she was with that white dress. Until the priest had declared "You may kiss the bride" I hadn't relaxed, as had happened when I had graduated. And he was there, next to me. He was my witness.

It's strange to see Penelope again dressed like that, although this time she didn't wear anything white but a colorful dress. It's strange to see her fall in love with another man, see the way she looks at him, the delicacy she uses towards him. And vice versa, the care of every gesture of him. They're two wounded souls.

I'm jealous but I'll never stop thanking him for saving you, my love. I was next to you when they told you that I had been killed. There wouldn't have been another place where I should have been. I saw you absorb the blow, waver and then fall into the darkness. I saw you squeeze your stomach apologizing, make it up to a creature that could never see the sun. I saw you cry all the tears until you exhausted the reserve and then suddenly stop, change expression, change your traits, lose weight. I saw you wishing to join to me to build that family in heaven that we couldn't have been on earth. I saw you coveting death without almost remembering why.

And yet I watched you turn off slowly, stop smiling, go on automatically. Become a robot, an automaton, a machine without life; a cog of a mechanism that went on on its own.

I heard you ask the Lord the reason for so much pain, but not just yours, everything you had been forced to see since you were born. I heard you ask Him if all this really had a deeper meaning, that we poor homunculi aren't able to interpenetrate. My ways aren't your ways. My thoughts aren't your thoughts, they have taught us this way. But really believing it, blindly, is much more difficult. It's almost necessary to cancel oneself in the Whole.

And then I listened to your prayers, your words, your fears and I tried to console you, to caress you through a sudden breeze of wind that opened the window, scaring you. I became the water that came out of the tap you used to erase the traces of tears from your face. And I hugged you, all night long, until you fell asleep. I tried to talk to you through dreams, but I'm not allowed to reveal everything I'd like. Life would have no meaning without death, a bitter but necessary truth.

I watched you struggle with yourself, uncertain whether to drop or get up. Receiving Spencer's visits, trying to drive him away and eventually giving in to the embrace that was needed for both. I tried to enter his body to feel the sensation of your skin on my hands, but it was not granted to me. I envied him and loved him at the same time.

After the passing I spent several days (although the temporal units here are useless) to question me if what was between my wife and my best friend had more distant roots. If I had been stupid, when I was alive, too naive to realize it. But I never thought that you both had betrayed me, neither for a moment. Perhaps my mistake was to consider him harmless. But I'm not convinced it's a mistake.

He was there before I died for you. After Diana goes away, he had begun to come more and more often to our house and conduct the investigation from there. He no longer took the jet, almost the fear of his mother had been transmitted to him at the time of the passing. He was close to you when you needed it. If I think back to the time I wasted, the lost opportunities ... I would feel incredible rage, if I wasn't here, but here the feeling can't even germinate, it fades. I should have hugged you more often, pampered you, told you what I felt right away. It's useless to end up prey of regrets.

From my limbo I have scrutinized you, it was strange to observe things from an external point of view for once, to see love bloom, a fragile flower with an even finer stem.

I was there the day when Lucia came into the world. I held your hand during the caesarean section. I supervised because the doctors couldn't make mistakes. I wanted you close to me, but not at this price. It's because of feelings like this egoism that I'm still stuck here. But I feel that the moment to go is approaching.

I'm sure my mom appreciated the choice of the name. And that for things like this you'll not even spend a second dangling between earth and sky. You have always been the exact contrary of selfishness, going to the opposite extreme. So many times, you've canceled yourself for others and you're doing it with our daughter too.

I watched you show her the way, give her the right means to face it, without forcing her to make any decision. Because a teacher is someone who tells you where to look, but not what, said Akexandra Trefor. And you've always supported it. I saw you correcting the tasks with her and I caught the signs that a new passion was born. I was with Spencer while he was choosing which pastels and felt-tip pens given her. And I'll accompany her to the exam of maturity, I'll give her the right push the day of the discussion of the degree, I'll be close to her when she'll present her first show and then ... These are all things that have yet to happen. She'll make you proud, our little Lucia. You'll have the confirmation that she was the most beautiful gift that the same Lord who took me from you, could give you.

And that nothing happens by chance, as you have always maintained.

But they haven't been and will not only be happy days. There will also be many moments of difficulty in which you'll almost come to regret having made love with me that evening. Almost. Like when you'll accidentally throw one of her favorite designs and even you'll look for it in the trash you'll not find it. She'll cry out to you that she hates you, even if she doesn't really think so. And I'll be next to her, because you'll find comfort in Spencer.

My little Lucia, so lucky to know soon enough that you have two fathers. Your mother and your stepfather have given you the opportunity to develop an affection for someone you've never known officially. They can't know that the imaginary friend you played with was me. I'll listen when you'll cry after banging the door, shed nervous tears because you know you're wrong and you'll regret the very instant when those two little words will come out of your mouth. And I'll caress you and whisper in your ear that All the love you have for me, give it back to your mother's heart. Remember or notice all the sacrifices and renunciations she has made for you. Despite the smiles you're used to see, you which having grown up surrounded by that warm atmosphere, remember that she has never been one of those people capable of loving themselves, but only others. She was a mother before she became it physiologically.

You have so many fathers and mothers, Lucia, someone close and someone up there. You'll never be alone. Don't ever feel lonely, my baby. You have two parents who love you, a little brother who can't wait to meet you and a series of uncles and uncles who have always loved you. You'll have fun shopping with aunts Emily and JJ, while mom and Spencer enjoy a weekend on their own. It'll be too easy to be spoiled by grandpa Rossi and you'll take the first serious crush on his nephew. You'll discover the sudden suffering and joy that catch those who fall in love. But first you'll play and beat Hank and Jack at football, you'll learn to play chess and magic, you'll train with Michael and Henry. One day, soon, Mom and Spencer will take you to visit a tomb and tell you the story of a man who was their leader and who together with your grandfather Dave founded the unit where I worked, so he helped create you, offered the right coordinates.

And then I'll whisper other words, to you little one and to you, corazon, my loves. Things that are valid for both. In her thoughts I'll live, with her hands I'll caress you. But now I feel something, a force that pushes me away. I have yet to say something...

Hold you each other tight when you're scared, that there's my love that doesn't abandon you. But now I can no longer oppose.

One last look, another look ...

-You're now husband and wife ... -.

I watch he kisses you and there is no more envy inside me.

-How will we call him?- he takes your hand. He poses his on your belly.

-You already know. He's a male.- he sighs. -You knew all long it .- he smiles and turns off the light, bringing the room in the dark.

-Lucia and Lucas.- he weighing the names on the language. It's the last thing I hear. The sweet sound of Penelope laughing.

I have heard all your doubts, pequena and neither in the place where I'm going there is the answer you're looking for. Is there only one true love? And what is what coming afterward? So, you have to suffer and be alone even if you lose your beloved at fifteen? And how can the theory of soul mates be reconciled with that of reincarnation?

I have witnessed many discussions between you and Reid like this. Not even Spencer's superior intelligence can suffice.

But stop, it's no longer the time to think. I'll always watch over you, even from here, immersed in absolute light.

Don't be afraid.

There is no emptiness. There is room for everyone and I wait for you without haste. Where fullness reigns.

  Tags: @martinab26 @janiedreams88 @talesoffairies @yessenia993 @arses21434 @teyamarra  @c00lhandsluke @gcchic  @rkt3357 @orangesickle @entireoranges @jamirn@kathy5654 @lovesgoodluna @thisonekid@thenibblets@ambrosiaswhispers @perfectly-penelope @courtneyxoxo1 @jahreau @gracieeelizabeth27  @silviajajaja @ichooseno  megs2219 @ smalliemichelle99 @skisun @chewwy123 @maziikeen92 @ gracieeelizabeth27  @ thinitta   @franklintrixie  @jenf42 Tell me if you want to be removed ^_^

[flyonmylovee]

For @taichi-yagami, inspired by Stamp of Origin: Take A Look Around by Dredg

Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. Taichi had a split second to think, and it wasn’t enough time to consider which direction to go. All it took was one attack to rattle the top of the cavern, sending bits of rock pattering down to the floor. 

Agumon and Piyomon were attempting to hold their foe back, but their child attacks and empty stomachs couldn’t maintain them for long. Taichi heard Agumon call to him while the ceiling crumbled.

“GO!”

The boy turned just in time to see his partner pummeled by an attack, their unidentified pursuer closing in on them, pushing them further and further into the cave as the roof cracked and faltered. 

Had Taichi been able to think, perhaps his decision would have been different. Thankfully, Taichi had enough instincts to push his friend out of the way. Sora Takenouchi was a thinker- an over thinker at that- who froze like a bullseye for falling boulders. All she mustered was a muffled gasp as Taichi pushed her to the ground, just out of reach of the crumbling debris. 

Neither human could will their eyes open as the terrible battle raged on, attack after attack ringing in their ears. Taichi heard Sora try to breathe, but all she was able to do was cough as she inhaled the soot around them. The boy could feel her chest rise and fall more desperately, so he pulled her in closer to him to shield her from the rubble. Taichi grimaced, opening an eye, peering down at his friend through blurry vision. He couldn’t see her face. All he could do was grunt as rocks fell against his back. Taichi waited with grit teeth as he endured each hit, waiting for the ceiling to cave in on him entirely, but it never did.  

Had Taichi been able to think, perhaps he would have realized that he was running out of breath himself. He felt dizzy, and the sounds- both those of the battle and the crumbling cavern- grew quieter. If he couldn’t feel Sora’s chest steadying under his arm, he would have assumed this was the end, that he was slowly and violently fading from existence. Agumon and Piyomon would fail, after all. They couldn’t digivolve. Their lack of power, their severed connections to their human partners, is what summoned the chosen children to the digital world in the first place. It was Koushiro who first suggested they investigate, so here they were: separated from their friends, the power of their crests, and now, the outside world.

Eventually, their surroundings settled the way dirt dried up and crackled after rain. Taichi took a breath. Sora pushed herself up from under him and time returned to normal. After taking a moment to rub his eyes, Taichi realized he couldn’t see. He couldn’t hear anything. Even Sora disappeared into the darkness as she tried to feel her way back to their partners. The boy tracked her movements from her footsteps. She paced back and forth until eventually, she stopped. 

“Oh, my god.”

“What?” Taichi asked her, his chest still empty, his legs shaking from the nerves. 

“We’re trapped.”

“What?” Taichi repeated, this time with more urgency. He dashed over to where Sora stood, her hand outstretched on a wall of rocks. The cavern had trapped them inside, sans their digimon. The battle was over. Who won?

Oftentimes, Taichi felt like he only had two speeds: freezing and running. Now that he had time to think, the thoughts couldn’t stop coming. He imagined every possible scenario as he started to futilely pull at the rocks. Small pebbles tumbled away, but the barrier didn’t budge. 

“Agumon!” he called out, a tinge of panic in his voice. “Agumon!”

There was no answer, but Taichi dug and dug until he felt Sora’s hand on his. She grabbed hold of it and pulled it away. “Taichi, stop!”

Her voice was quiet and wavering and he knew she shared his worry, but still, he grew angry. “What do you mean stop?!”

“Wasting our energy won’t do us any good!” Sora matched his anger before pulling herself back. “We’ll find a way. There has to be a way out of here that doesn’t involve you bloodying your knuckles.” 

Taichi stood there as she walked away, one hand still leaned up against the stones, the other fallen to his side. Now that he could think, he couldn’t act. Guilt consumed him. Why had he pushed Sora this way? He could have grabbed her and pulled her back. Why did he think a cave would shield them from their attacker? Why did he let their friends split up? Why didn’t he think harder about their decision to come to the digital world in the first place? Instead of speaking up about wandering into potential danger with powerless partners, he supported Koushiro’s suggestion because he was, well, Koushiro. Taichi trusted him, and as each of his friends looked to their leader, eyes watching for hesitancy, his approval affirmed Koushiro’s plan. He acted.

Act or think. Act or think. It was one or the other. Always. 

“Damn it!” Taichi bellowed, slamming a closed fist into the cavern wall. His hand took all of the force and the boy stumbled back, grimacing, anticipating Sora’s scorn.

Instead of scorn, however, Taichi heard a gasp of his name. “Taichi!” Sora heaved like she’d been hit in the center of her chest. There was no anger, just desperation for something that wasn’t there. Sora’s footsteps circled the perimeter of their makeshift dungeon as Taichi furled and unfurled his fingers. There was no way out. Sora wouldn’t find one. Still, he let her circle the cavern again, and again, and again as she felt the walls for a weak point. It was no use trying to stop her as a daunting realization came over the boy: his confidence- feigned or not- helped everyone else maintain hope. For what seemed like the millionth time, Taichi’d let Sora down. The boy’s shoulders drooped and he averted his gaze. He felt like a cowardly turtle retreating into it’s shell, and the further he withdrew, the less intently Sora searched for an escape route.

“Agumon... I need you, buddy.” Taichi muttered to himself as Sora’s footsteps eventually slowed to a stop. His eyes welled with water and he thought about how good it would feel to stop holding in his fear. To keep oneself from crying is exhausting. Wet cheeks could feel therapeutic at times. Still, Taichi wasn’t one to cry in front of others, especially people like Sora. He could see her sit down against the cavern wall out of the corner of his eye. Her gaze looked concentrated, but void of emotion. Even as the boy’s vision became adjusted to the darkness, Sora resembled a shadow. Taichi bit his lip in a way that felt like punishment and sauntered over to her.

If Sora needed feigned confidence, he could feign confidence. His guilt, though? He wasn’t as good at hiding that.

“Someone will find us.” Taichi whispered in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Agumon & Piyomon will wake up and they’ll get help. I’m sure of it.”

Sora flinched. Taichi could have kicked himself. Maybe she hadn’t thought about how their partners most definitely lost, and were either laying defeated on the other side of the barrier, or worse, buried under it. Sora didn’t say anything and the boy was almost thankful. He tried again.

“Everyone’s supposed to meet back up tonight. When we don’t show up, they’ll come looking.” 

Sora put her head in her hands. There were so many things that could go wrong between now and nightfall, and Taichi was certain that Sora’d already thought of every single one of them. 

The girl rubbed her hands heavily over her eyes, so that Taichi couldn’t tell whether soot had fallen in them or whether she was trying to knock herself back into her senses. His gut dropped to the floor as he watched Sora try to hold it together. Taichi knew of his friend’s shared ability to fake courage- confidence, foresight, stability. Some of their other friends might have thought she was immune to those sorts of weaknesses, but Taichi knew her better than that. In that moment, though, he realized he didn’t know Sora well enough to understand how she seemed to magically work through her own problems all the time. So often something would happen, she’d disappear, and she’d return some time later like she’d never been bothered. Taichi’d never been forced to bear witness to the process. He’d never asked and she’d never invited him. Now that his presence was forced, he felt sick, like a captive forced to watch someone else’s torture. Even if he had ever been any good at comforting Sora Takenouchi, Taichi doubted she’d want him to. She wouldn’t want anyone to see her like this.

Sora wasn’t like that. At least... he didn’t think she was. 

After over a decade of friendship, how could he not know? Why did he feel the urge to turn away in shame? 

Taichi’s hands formed fists. For someone who was supposed to personify courage, he grew cowardly at times like this. His friends were one of his biggest weaknesses- especially this friend. Especially Sora. 

Taichi let out a sigh, still peering at the girl. He didn’t need to revisit any past lessons- that courage wasn’t all-encompassing, that courage wasn’t an absence of fear. The boy grew comfortable with his decision to approach her. As he leaned against the stone and slid down next to her, he decided he'd have to handle the imaginary wall that Sora already constructed between them. Few things were scarier to Taichi than Sora pushing him away. All he’d ever known was her friendship. A life barren of that was something he preferred to not think about, but if he wanted to give Sora any kind of comfort, he would need to show some true courage. He would need to face his biggest fear: maybe his friend would reject him, and he’d have to admit he deserved it. He’d made one mistake too many, and Sora’d outstretched her hand to him one too many times. 

This was all his fault, and Sora- why was it always Sora?- was dragged down with him.

Taichi leaned his heavy head against the wall as a frightening thought stirred in the back of his mind: they could die here. Trapped together, yet so, so alone.

“I’m sorry.” he said suddenly, his voice piercing the silence. His apology hung over him as he waited for Sora to say something. His gaze was locked on the nothingness in front of him.

Sora slowly lifted her head and stared at him, her eyes searching for something. She was trying to read his mind, and as Taichi knew, she was awful good at it. He decided to save her the time and explain himself. He owed her that much.

“I’m sorry I got us stuck here. I shouldn’t have led us into the cave. It was stupid and... I don’t know what I was thinking. There was no-”

The moment Sora furrowed her brows was the moment Taichi stopped talking. He leaned away from her a bit defensively, like he’d been caught in a lie. 

“Stop.” she said.

“Stop?” he blinked. “Stop what?” 

“Doing that.” Sora scooted away from him, matching his defenses. 

Taichi stared at her dumbfoundly. His eyes scanned her for an answer, but she gave nothing away. Perhaps her ability to read emotions in others helped her guard her own more closely. She was a closed book, a locked journal, and one that he’d tried to pry open more often than Hikari’s. Still, her wall never faltered. He’d never made it in. He decided he’d probably have a better chance digging away at the cavern wall instead. How useless.

Taichi’s face began to feel hot. He raised his voice abruptly. “Why won’t you let me apologize? I want to apologize. You know apologies aren’t easy for-”

“You have nothing to apologize for!” Sora cut him off. “You’re being stupid.”

“Stupid?!” Taichi exclaimed, pulling his legs in and jumping back up to his feet. He glared down at her. “I got us into this mess! What’s stupid is my letting everyone come here!”

“What’s stupid,” Sora interjected, jumping to her feet as well, “is you thinking you’re to blame. No one knew this would happen! No one!”

Taichi clenched his fists again and took a half-step back, intimidated by the tone of his own voice, his own stature over Sora, and how quickly he’d been angered by her refusal to co-ruminate. If anyone in the group could be counted on to ruminate, it was Sora, and she decided to stop now? 

Taichi narrowed his eyes. “No one knew it would happen, but I knew it was a possibility.” 

The boy turned around in exasperation and Sora scoffed. He heard her cross her arms and briefly wondered why she wasn’t saying anything. It was likely that had they not been trapped together, Sora would have walked away to cool off. Now that she was stuck, maybe she didn’t know what to do. 

Or, as best friends do, maybe she was trying to think of the perfect strike. Sora’d gathered plenty of bullets with Taichi’s name on them through the years since they’d met. Which button would she press?

“My god,” Sora started, shifting from anger to pity, “do you really think you’re that important? That you can control everyone’s fate? Stop taking yourself so seriously, Taichi. You know, maybe if we didn’t come here, we all would have left Koushiro’s apartment, and someone would have gotten hit by a car on the way home.” 

Taichi’s knuckles turned white. His voice a growl, his eyes raging, he spun around and took three big steps over to Sora. “Why would you say that?!”

“Because it’s true!”

And Taichi knew it was- it was just unlike Sora to say it. As much as he wanted to try, he couldn’t protect everyone all the time. The point was taken. Still, he didn’t appreciate the lack of empathy from someone whose empathy he took for granted. 

Sora took the opportunity to hammer the point home. “You’re no god. You’re just as human as the rest of us. Give yourself a break. You find ways to deprive yourself of forgiveness when no one thinks you’ve done anything wrong.”

Now Taichi was the one to cross his arms. Sora’s words hit him hard and kickstarted his stubbornness. He fell back onto what he knew as he stumbled over Sora’s truth. “Yeah?” he peered down at her. “Look who’s talking.”

It was such a simple response- so poignant that even Taichi knew it. Sora wasn’t prepared for that sort of deflection. “This conversation isn’t about me.”

Taichi glared. “It never is.”

Sora averted her gaze, and now she was the one to turn and walk away.

“Oh, no.” Taichi dashed over and stepped in her path. “You’re not getting away that easily.”

The girl tried to side-step around him but each time she tried to get away, he blocked her. “Taichi, stop.” she grumbled.

“Talk to me.”

Another side-step, another block. “I don’t want to.”

“Talk to me.”

“No!”

“Come on, Sora! Why do you always have to be like this?! What are you afraid of?!” 

The words rolled off Taichi’s tongue with both urgency and exhaustion. He ran his sweaty palms through his hair, his eyes wild with disbelief. This was so typical her. It drove him crazy! Preacher Sora could give everyone life advice, but the moment someone turned the spotlight on her, game over. 

Sora rolled her eyes in response. “I’m not afraid of anything.”

Taichi nearly laughed. “Yeah, okay.” he muttered with a snort. “Maybe I’ll listen to your life advice when you get a grip on yourself.”

“Baka!” Sora stomped up to him, jabbing a finger in his direction. “Is this how you make yourself feel better?! Is your pity party of one starting to feel lonely?”

“My god, Sora!” Now Taichi was the one to roll his eyes. “No! I don’t need to make myself feel better! You don’t understand and you- you- you know what? Fine! I’m terrified! Are you happy now?! I’m fucking terrified. I’m terrified for our friends, for our digimon. I don’t want to die here! Okay?! I don’t want anyone to die here! And Agumon...”

His voice trailed off, but Taichi’s words came out with a force that made Sora falter. She dropped her pointed finger and her accusations. Neither of them were themselves.

Taking a step back, Taichi thrust his arms out to his sides in surrender. “I don’t know what you want, Sora. I don’t know how anyone couldn’t be scared. But, I learned a long time ago that showing courage doesn’t mean ignoring your fears. It means facing them. I just... I fear that I messed up irreversibly this time. I don’t know how to face that.”

He stopped suddenly and bit his lip. Sora wondered if he’d go on without reassurance. He often paused to think like that before truly opening up, like he was trying to decide if letting out whatever was holed up inside him would be more therapeutic for him or the person he was actually trying to help. Sora figured that now, maybe it was both.

“So, I’m trying,” he went on, “I’m scared that we’ll die here. I’m scared that you’ll... die here. I’m scared that it’s all my fault. How could I ever forgive myself if anything ever happened to you?”

The weight of Taichi’s words wasn’t realized until after he’d said them. In any other situation, he may have tried to reach out and pull them back, or talk down the seriousness of what he’d said. Now though, faced with an uncertain future, the boy held the same, exasperated look on his face. So what if she knew how much her friendship meant to him? So what of anything?

Taichi dropped his arms to his sides. Everything was out there. If Sora didn’t respond, so be it. He felt free of sin.

Perhaps if Sora had time to think, she would have said something. Perhaps if Sora felt the same courage that Taichi did, she could have echoed his sentiments. Instead, all Taichi earned was a fleeting glance of ameliorated understanding before the cavern began shaking. BOOM!

Sora stumbled forward and Taichi caught hold of her arm. She looked to him, panicked. “What was that?!”

A muted roar could be heard on the other side of the fallen rocks before the cave began to shake again. The sound sent prickles up Taichi’s spine. He knew the voice. Their attacker was back to break the whole cave to pieces. 

Taichi felt Sora gasp for breath in a way he’d never seen before. Desperate, he scanned the cave for something, anything, hoping an exit would magically appear. After a few more hits, bits of debris began to fall from the top of the cavern. There was nowhere to run.

This was it.

Taichi’s mind began racing. He wasn’t quite thinking, rather, memories were flooding him faster than he could comprehend. He thought of his parents, his sister, his cat, football. He thought of the homework left sitting on his desk. He thought of ramen and University and his lack of ambition and how now, he wanted a future of uncertainty more than anything at all.

Sora turned into him, shaking, and he wrapped his arms around her. They still had so much left to do. Their bet on the next football match could never be settled. Sora’s newest kimono would remain unfinished at school. He’d never be able to buy her a replacement hat like he’d been promising her for years, or watch one of her tennis matches, or hear her explain her inspiration for her latest flower arrangement. He’d never get to know the person she’d become.

Taichi’s breath left him and he squeezed his eyes closed tight. He’d never be able to make up for all the times he’d let her down. 

No. He could still do that. 

As pebbles and soot began to rain down on them, Taichi leaned Sora’s head back as gently as he could. He cupped her cheeks in his palms and leaned down to look at her. The girl’s eyes were hot and red and wet hair stuck to her face. She searched him for courage more intensely than she ever had before. 

“Sora,” Taichi began, his voice rising slightly as the attacks intensified, “you’re right. You’ve always been right. I’m only human. I can’t stop any of his.” He paused momentarily to brush one of her tears away with his thumb. “I’m so sorry that fate led us here. You don’t deserve this.” 

Sora bit her lips and grabbed Taichi’s hands with her own, lowering them so she could hold them in her grip. “And neither do you! I know we always fight, but I wish you could see yourself like I do. You deserve happiness and love, and you get it from everyone but yourself. I know what that’s like, Taichi, but let it go. We don’t have time- we don’t-”

Taichi maneuvered his hands so he could squeeze hers back. He gazed at her with all the devotion he should have showed her throughout their years of friendship. Strangely, he smiled. 

“I know. If I’m going to learn to love myself, I have to do it now.”

Why he was smiling, not even Taichi knew. Perhaps it was because people grew crazy in the face of death. Or, perhaps it was because Sora finally let him in. It felt like conquering one of his greatest fears. If these were their final moments, and if he could finally return some of the compassion she’d always shown him, then he’d be content with it. 

Sora nodded and smiled back, her tears pouring out manically. The fact that he hadn’t blamed himself just before wasn’t lost on her. He’d blamed fate- something out of his control. Although Sora was nearly choking on her tears, his newfound self-compassion put her at ease. She felt like love was her final lesson. 

Still, that sense of ease didn’t last long. Another attack pounded against the walls of the cave and the two of them broke their stare only to glance up at the crumbling roof. Taichi tugged on her hands to get her attention again. He wasn’t done. Death would need to wait. “And you!”

Sora’s eyes welled up again. “Me?”

Taichi nodded hurriedly. He knew they were running out of time. “You’re the best friend I could have asked for- the best person I know! I know you’re afraid of your weaknesses, but it’d be impossible to see you as anything but strong. You can still support everyone, you can still be courageous, even if you admit your fears.”

Sora gawked up at him, her eyes a glassy mix of uncertainty and awe. Taichi leaned in further. “Are you scared now?”

Sora’s shoulders drooped. She let out a sigh and nodded, a fresh round of tears flowing with her confession.

Rocks began to pound against Taichi’s back one again and he grimaced. He figured they had a matter of seconds. Sora stood on her tiptoes and wrapped him into a hug, shielding him with her arms. With knitted brows, Taichi returned the favor. He pressed his face next to hers and whispered into her ear. “It’s okay. Whatever happens, we’re together. Be strong.”

Sora ran a hand through the hair on the back of his head. She repeated his sentiments. “I’ll be brave, I promise.” 

And with that, Taichi heard the attack that he knew would end it. It burst through the rocks that kept them prisoner, thrusting away any remaining support for the damaged cave. The two chosen children held each other hard, thinking of nothing and everything all at once. Guilt and fear, love and courage. Each other. 

Perhaps if either of them thought they had the time, they would have opened their eyes and noticed the light emanating from their chests. Perhaps they would have thought it strange that Sora’s aura was orange while Taichi’s was deep red. Instead, the chaos seemed to lure them to the great beyond. They kept their eyes shut expectantly, prepared... until what they’d prepared for didn’t happen. 

Still in each other’s grips, the children opened their eyes and peered down. Only then did they notice how they’d taken on each other’s light. Sora gasped in amazement, her nerves melting to hope. Taichi stared like someone who’d just fallen in love. 

“Taichi!” A call bellowed from above them.

A second one followed. “Sora!”

The two of them craned their heads up, leaning back until they could only keep hold of each other’s hands. The creatures that called to them were digimon. They looked familiar, and yet...

The crest of courage on the forehead of a firebird. The crest of love on the shield of a dragon. Two digimon emerged from under the rocks. Had they unlocked a whole new line of evolution? As their partners held heavy stones on their backs, Taichi and Sora decided they didn’t care to understand. Not yet. The two of them scurried up a wall of debris, careful not to lose their footing as they reached a hole on top of the cave. 

Sora was the first to climb out. Still on all fours, she turned around to extend a hand to Taichi. He didn’t hesitate before grabbing it, letting Sora help hoist him out into the sunlight. As their digimon delivered the final blows to their attacker- two assailants too much for one- they stood admiring everything they’d taken for granted. 

They still had so much left to do.

So much left to learn.

Still breathless as their partners flew circles around them, Taichi & Sora collapsed as pent up adrenaline escaped their bodies. Fate had been kind to them this day. Fate... had been kind.

[revpauljbern]

It’s Winter In October For Older American Workers

Winter Arrives Early for American Workers,

Especially Older Ones Like Myself

Pastor Paul J. Bern

For a website view, click here :-)

“....for the worker is worth his/her wages.” (Luke 10: 7)

“Do not muzzle an ox when it is treading out the grain.” (Deut. 25: 4)

“Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty.” (James 5: 4)

The US Department of Labor's announcement on Friday of this week about US unemployment numbers for September were simply stunning, primarily for their untruthfulness. Really now, 3.7%, this is what those inside the Beltway expect us all to believe? Granted, jobs are plentiful, there are no two ways about it. But this figure is only for those working full time 40 hour per week jobs. What is being swept under the rug is the huge drop in wages that has been gradually ongoing for decades. Moreover, those who are working multiple part-time jobs are not being counted at all. Neither are those such as myself, who have simply given up looking for work permanently. America's unemployment rate may well be at 3.7%, but the quality and pay rate for those jobs are abysmal.

In point of fact, due to the minimum wage here in Georgia where I live being a paltry $7.25 per hour, many people who work still rely on public assistance, mostly for groceries and utilities. The minimum wage in over half the country is still stuck at this level. In a country that bills itself as the world's richest, a minimum wage of only $7.25 hourly is a crime against humanity! There are even those who work who are homeless and living in shelters or with relatives – even sharing living quarters with strangers. Such is the state of affairs for the average American worker here in the early 21st century. We have all been sucked into a whirlpool of debt slavery!

I was among the least fortunate. After being forced out of IT after the dot-com crash in 2001 I changed careers, putting myself and my small pickup truck to work as a contract delivery driver for a local courier company. I did just fine for over 3 ½ years, and I stayed busy the majority of the time. But then I suffered a stroke in March 2006, 4 months after my 50th birthday. Although I did recover from my stroke after a week or two, I had a hard time handling the heavy boxes of printed matter and other small freight jobs that were my bread and butter. Then my van abruptly broke down. It needed an $800.00 fuel pump, and I only had half that much, so my days as a courier were over. After a 4-month period of homelessness during the summer of 2006, I managed to re-enter the technology field I was trained in that I had left 4 years previously.

I had the good fortune of landing a job as a phone rep working at IBM's main call center in Sandy Springs, Georgia, an Atlanta suburb. The following year, the agency I was working for laid off all the oldest people, and I was one of the first to go. Over the next 6 years, I bounced around from one IT staffing position to another. All the jobs were temporary, even though I wanted permanent work. While this was happening, the frequency of those temporary assignments gradually decreased. By the fall of 2008, I could only find short-term assignments, and that's when I ran out of money and unemployment benefits. For the second time in three years, I found myself homeless and unable to sustain myself, and this time I was without a car. One day I wandered into a homeless shelter asking for help, and the next thing I knew I was on my way to a hospital. It turns out I had double pneumonia, plus blood clots in my legs, and I had no idea I was in that bad of shape. I was also suicidal after being homeless and on the street for the previous three weeks. I was a real mess.

I'm now in my tenth year of recovery from the gradual but complete collapse of my physical and mental health from 2006-2008. Personally, I credit my faith in Christ's healing power for pulling me through. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, chronic depression, and PTSD, not counting my cardiac issues. I've since learned that recovery from mental health issues are similar to addiction recovery – I take it one day at a time. But, as we all know, the first step to any recovery from a health crisis, whether it be physical, mental or spiritual, is to be honest enough with ourselves to admit to the existence of the problem. Only then can one recognize that it is advantageous to find ways of dealing with one's illness – not only for oneself, but for all we know or come into contact with.

My original plan once I was released from the hospital was to get well enough to return to the workforce, but after being out of the job market for nearly 2 years, all attempts at obtaining employment in my field – either as a contractor or an employee – proved fruitless. So I looked into retraining for a new career as a long haul truck driver, only to be told that I didn't qualify for financial aid because I had a poor credit rating due to my unpaid medical bills (I had no insurance when my stroke occurred). While all this was happening, the bottom fell out as far as wages were concerned within the IT industry. Technicians and support personnel like myself who used to make $20-35 dollars an hour are now being paid $10-$12 dollars per hour for essentially the same work, and that's assuming they're lucky enough to have a job. Financially speaking, it is a profoundly sad state of affairs.

But that is only half the story for myself and for the multitudes of others who suffer various ailments that are brought on by being under extreme stress. The rest of the story for nearly all who are managing a physical or mental illness diagnosis, and especially those who are suffering while not yet diagnosed, can be summed up in two words: Economic devastation. During my recovery I discovered that reentering the job market was nearly impossible for a man in his fifties like myself. After an additional 1.5 years of searching fruitlessly in my field (I was a computer/IT pro with a total of 21 years experience), I was forced to settle for being put on disability instead. I hate depending on the federal government because I do not trust the government! Any country that spends more on wars overseas than it does looking after its citizens at home is a government gone mad. I wanted to return to work but I was prevented from doing so, partially because I can't afford to own a car anymore. That, and because companies won't hire older workers because we won't work for 8 bucks an hour (we know economic slavery when we see it). In effect, the system has kicked me to the curb unjustly, and my case is only one of tens of millions.

But, if America had a system in place for retraining American workers who can't afford a student loan, I and the millions of others like me would have a way to train for new vocations and professions without having to pass a credit check. If I could have had a way to do this, I could have gone back to work as a long haul trucker and became a taxpayer again. Instead, I subsist on my tiny little disability check, living off the taxpayers when I would rather be contributing. Tough luck for me, I guess. But even though I'm in my sixties, it shouldn't have to be this way for formerly hard-working American taxpayers like myself who can still be productive. So now you know why I continue to work from home without pay, blogging and writing nonfiction books about my passion for social justice and equality, as well as for my faith.

So, I am forced to conclude that the American system is rigged. I can't go back to work even though I'm still healthy enough to do so and would like to. I can't go back to school due to an artificially constructed financial barrier known as student loans. Although I'm certain that I could be successful in learning a new trade even at my age, that does not matter because I can't pay the price of admission. The for-profit health care system that we are currently stuck with is the same way. Health care and higher education in the early 21st century US are easily available for those who can afford it while both have been intentionally put of out reach for those who cannot. And that, people, is a recipe for revolution any day of the year.