#this is my salty and brave post of the week because i am TIRED

[imtheiliad]

the fundamental misunderstanding of how songs are performed and the art of curating a show is only highlighted by thinking that a common surprise song could just be shoehorned into the set list.

[brynnmck]

J/B Exchange Recs Round 1!

I have not been around Tumblr much lately because I was so preoccupied with stuff for @jaime-brienne-fic-exchange, but I am trying to get back into the swing of things, and I figured what better place to start than with some recs?

These are currently skewed a bit toward my amaaaazing gift fic and the amaaaaazing ones I beta-ed, since I am way behind on my reading, but there will be more to come!

Backpfeifengesicht by @samirant - I am so unbelievably grateful that I had both amazing prompts/amazing recipient for the fic I wrote, and such a fabulous gift fic too. I was still working on my own fic and very sleep-deprived and flagging when I read this for the first time and I think I may have actually left my body on a wave of sheer euphoria. IT IS ALL THE GOOD THINGS. So many of my favorite vacation/road trip tropes--drunken shenanigans! Intimate late-night conversations while everyone else is sleeping/elsewhere! Friends being too involved in your relationship! Unexpected forced proximity! And the banter is glorious, and the secondary characters are so well thought out and add such depth and vibrance to the story, and the Sansa/Margaery subplot was DELIGHTFUL, and I love the way this structured Brienne's relationship to Tyrion and then to Jaime as an extension of that, and the resolution was handled with an absolutely perfect balance of hilarity and heat. (There was also the stuff throughout that was very targeted to me specifically WHICH I APPRECIATED, so thanks to both Sami and @forbiddenfantasies1 for that). About 20% of the way into the story, I was deeply convinced it was Sami, and in the best possible way--it had the hallmarks I love about her writing: her sense of humor, her gift for banter, her clear affection for the characters, the richness of all the relationships. It was like showing up to a party and unexpectedly finding a friend there, and it was the loveliest feeling. I am thrilled that so many people have read and loved this story but I want everyone in the world to read and love it, so. Please check it out if you haven't! And also check out Sami's hilarious tale of woe regarding her writing process, which is amazing. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR SUCH A PHENOMENAL GIFT SAMI.  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

A favorite line: On any other day, Brienne would have left him - a relative stranger - to his wallowing, but an untold amount of imbibed Pentoshi Slammers stirred up a noble benevolence within her, a little voice that said they had something in common and what good were her broad shoulders if they weren’t offered as a place to rest a weary, heartbroken brow? SO GOOD.

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Lay Your Heartbreak and the sequel You could make me feel so good by @ajoblotofjunk / sdwolfpup - LISTEN. SDW sent me an early chunk of this and I was immediately OBSESSED and I have not stopped being obsessed since. Obviously worldbuilding is a huge strength of SDW's and her creativity with that is a constant astonishment to me. But pop culture is full of examples of people who can create amazing worlds and then utterly fail to populate them with interesting or dynamic characters, whereas SDW's ability to fill in those wonderfully creative spaces with her love for the characters and their love for each other that is just magic. And these fics are the perfect examples of that. The setup is not only fascinating but makes for such fantastically INTENSE feelings, omg, everything just feels like it's crackling off the page; even before Jaime and Brienne and Addam are admitting anything to each other, it's not so much simmering under the surface as boiling. The balance between the three of them is gorgeous, there are two incredibly hot fencing scenes as well as a very hot swimming scene (in addition to the sequel being just one big tangle of brain-scorching hotness), there's a perfect amount of sweetness and softness to play off all the blazing heat, and overall this is one that's going to stick with me for a long time. I know J/A/B isn't everyone's cup of tea, but if you aren't actively opposed to the idea of them, then I highly highly encourage you to check this out. 

A favorite line: That night she dreams of golden skin, hot and soft against her palm – yes, someone moans, yes – the rough scrape of callouses over the arch of her ribs, the scratch of red stubble between her thighs – like this? Yes, more, please more – legs sliding together and between each other, and two mouths touching her all over. Hnnnnngh.

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The Limit Does Not Exist by @agirlnamedkeith / sameboots - Fics with a power imbalance are something I approach with a lot of caution but I LOVED the way that sameboots handled it here. The fact that this fic includes her signature extremely hot feelings-forward porn as well as a thoughtful exploration of what it can mean to be a woman in STEM is like a beautiful multi-course meal; I cared a LOT about whether they were gonna do it and I was also equally invested in how Brienne’s thesis was going to turn out and where she would go from there. I love Brienne’s stubbornness and determination and even though she’s finding her way here (as you would be, as a grad student), those elements are VERY much on display and they spark fantastically against an initially guarded and caustic but eventually deeply admiring Jaime. And while I don’t want to spoil anything, I will say that I feel like the end is a perfect illustration of one of the major themes of the fic, and I love it so much for that. Watching this one take shape and watching sameboots geek out over her math research was a delight, and the result is excellent (and did I mention, extremely hot). Definitely worth all her work!

A favorite line: “Has anyone ever told you that you’re the worst liar?” (KIDDING HANNAH ILU HERE’S THE REAL ONE:)  The problem with smoothies was that it was hard to make them aggressively., Angrily pushing a button didn’t have the same release as whaling on a punching bag. Brienne didn’t have a punching bag, though, and she desperately needed to do something, and she was hungry. ANGRY SMOOTHING-MAKING. I LOVE IT.

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Right Off the Bat by @hillaryschu - A You’ve Got Mail AU where Jaime and Brienne are rival Little League coaches who unknowingly bond over Twitter is SUCH a great idea, and Hillary committed to it right down to the delightful rom-com-trailer summary. She also put an enormous amount of care into the details of the story--she had references for outfits, buildings, even Jaime’s cologne--and it shows in all the lush descriptions throughout. The banter is sparky, watching their two relationships gradually unfold is a lot of fun, there’s a particular tipsy (on Brienne’s part) Twitter DM exchange that I still get flustered thinking about, and there’s a batting cage scene that will be haunting my brain for a while. Especially given that Hillary had never written a story anywhere near this long before, I’m so impressed that she pulled it off (and fixed some of the most problematic elements of the movie, too). Congratulations to her on rising to the challenge!

A favorite line: But as they part from each other, Brienne lifts the hem of her tee to wipe the dirt and sweat from her face. Her exposed stomach is pale and toned, with softly defined muscles that gleam with perspiration. Jaime trips over home plate. SAME JAIME. SAME.

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X Marks the Spot (where I’ll find you again) by @pretty--thief - PIRATES. I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I HEARD ABOUT THE PIRATES. And this fic is such a fantastic blend of snappy, exciting swashbuckling (and hilarious use of parrots) and a very poignant backstory that underlays the adventure with all this yeeeeeearning and it’s SO GOOD. The action scenes are thrilling, the descriptions are gorgeous, there is STARGAZING and BATTLE COUPLE, the Jaime snark is chefkiss, Brienne is so brave and committed and quietly full of feelings, there’s a really lovely discussion of the ethics of being in the military, and also Pod and Addam and Arya and PIRATES FOR JUSTICE. SO HERE FOR THAT. And did I mention the yeeeeeearning (which is paid off wonderfully--the penultimate chapter lived rent-free in my mind for about a week after I first read it)? Ugh SO GOOD.

A favorite line: When he had exited his quarters, Brienne had looked at him with so much concern in her eyes it threatened to swallow Jaime whole. He’d felt something similar when he was around Cersei, when they were fucking or fighting; a fire he had once thought he could never tire of, would never want to put out. But Brienne had reached out her hand, as if on reflex, and smoothed her thumb across his tired brow. The ship had continued to sway beneath them, and Jaime didn’t feel fire. He didn’t feel like he would be turned to ash at any moment. He felt a breeze, the wind in his hair and salty air in his lungs. as;lfkja;sldjgas;lfjas;lf 

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Federation Fliers by @elizadunc /Ladybugbear2 - A short and very sweet one! I adore the world that Megs created in this and would happily read many many more words in it, but this is a lovely glimpse in and of itself, and made me so happy. Established relationship (which I love), one of my favorite Jaime nicknames for Brienne, a wonderfully badass Brienne and a wonderfully besotted Jaime, all against a fascinating backdrop. So good!

A favorite line: She belonged in the sky. She had a grace to her movements on the ground, but in the sky she was ethereal. HEART-EYES

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And now for a few that I just read after they were posted like a normal person:

Wine Down by @slipsthrufingers - SOME MILD SPOILERS HEREIN FYI. Okay first of all, the summary of this fic is deliciously evil and I think we all need to appreciate that. Also, it starts out with Jaime and Brienne having lunch together and these glorious descriptions of food and he has taken note of the specific food she likes and is making sure it’s provided for her and that is SO VERY MUCH MY LOVE LANGUAGE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. I FLAILED. And then things go, shall we say, a bit downhill, but in the most achingly beautiful way--Jaime sacrificing himself for Brienne and Brienne determined to tether him to life through sheer force of will and steadfast devotion. Slips puts us right into Brienne’s headspace/heartspace while she’s worrying for Jaime and trying to negotiate the fucked-up Lannister family dynamics (and the observations on said dynamics are wonderful too), and this hits such an excellent balance of Brienne’s rigidly controlled surface and everything that’s roiling away underneath. I’m always fascinated by the idea of what could have happened during the time that Brienne was in King’s Landing and this is such a brilliant exploration of how things could have gone, and Brienne’s interactions with the rest of the Lannisters (and Sansa) give the world that much more depth as well. The descriptions throughout are beautiful, there are so many lovely turns of phrase, the intimacy between Jaime and Brienne is just devastating, and it all comes back around to an immensely satisfying conclusion. SO GOOD. 

A favorite line: The gods had seen fit to give her an unwomanly body, so she had taken up the sword. They had given her an ugly face, so she had perfected her manners and courtesies so they could never be frowned upon. But they had given her a maiden’s heart, and try as she might she had never found the right weapon to protect it. MY PRECIOUS GIRL.

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A Matter of Honor by @nire-the-mithridatist - I shrieked at nire in DMs basically the whole time I was reading this story, it made me experience like 90% of the range of human emotions in one night and I’m still mad about it. This features a fascinatingly flipped script where Brienne is the wealthy one and Jaime the supplicant, and an arrogant-ass supplicant he is. Brienne is an angy baby nineteen-year-old who is furious at the entire world and I fucking adore her for it, and watching all the events unfold through the lens of her (generally well-founded) suspicions was a delicious sort of torture where I trusted NO ONE and genuinely did not know exactly what was going to happen next. Nire turns a lot of marriage fic tropes on their head in this and it’s all done brilliantly, and there is EXTREMELY SEXY SWORD-FIGHTING (and as a sexy bonus, Brienne’s perspective on it feels so perfect for someone who is truly an accomplished swordswoman), and nire uses some common elements throughout to just pack in these layers and layers of meaning and significance, and there are many turns of phrase so perfect that they hurt, and then she’s like “hey would you like to re-feel all the feelings in this story again in a very concentrated burst” and it’s SO MUCH, and the conclusion pays everything off amazingly. And even though it’s very swoony and romantic (and HOT. I SHOULD MENTION VERY HOT), there’s a hint of melancholy to it too, reckoning with what it means to be a woman--even a wealthy one--in Brienne’s world, and it’s just the perfect crunch of salt on top of all the sweetness. LOVE. 

A favorite line: He brought her knuckles to his lips. As sweet as honeyed nettles, he declared, “Lady Brienne. You have made me the happiest of men.” As the crowd roared in approval, she felt the sting of his kiss. STING OF HIS KISS ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Also I’m including this for purely thirsty reasons but NO SHAME: He stood from the sofa and went to help his wife undress, and if she noticed his averted eyes and his trembling hands—oh gods, the laces went on endlessly down her back, and with each pull, a little more of her figure was revealed, barely veiled by her gauzy shift—she said nothing. I DIED. I ALSO SAID NOTHING BECAUSE I WAS DEAD. Fuck, man.

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The Riverlands Gang Go to the Zoo by @naomignome - Another shorter and very delightful one with Naomi’s typical brand of chaotic humor that I adore. It’s Hyle POV, for one thing, which is good times, and the structure of this is so clever--the way each section of the zoo is used to progress the story is so seamless and happy-making, and there are tons of little jokes and Easter eggs packed in along with a very sweet, snarky emotional storyline wherein Hyle is definitely doomed. Plus another EXCELLENT Brienne nickname in here. LOVELY. 

A favorite line: “Pixel!” he said laughingly, “You know if you fell in the bear pit, I would jump after you without a second thought.” “You need to have a first thought in order to have a second one.” Brienne said dryly. SUCH A GOOD BURN.

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all these people think love’s for show (but i would die for you in secret) by @naomignome - This is SUCH A FLEX because not only did Naomi write TWO fics for her recipient but they are WILDLY DIFFERENT and I’m so impressed with her for doing it! This one is SPIEEEEESSSS and Naomi packs so much tension into 5K, I was on the edge of my seat through the whole thing. Canon events are woven in astonishingly well, and it’s a delicious enemies-to-partners-to-lovers situation that involves some excellent hurt/comfort and excellent use of RAIN to moody/sexy effect and it’s just all very thrilling. YUM.

A favorite line: He lets off a single bullet and it grazes the inside of her thigh, enough to make her wince and draw blood, but not enough to stop her from tackling him to the ground and wrestling him into submission. She’s got both of his wrists pinned above his head and her knee is drawn up and pressed against his torso. Jaime’s chest is heaving under her knee. Her chest is heaving in tandem. From above him, Brienne can see the green of his eyes darken, and even in submission, he’s annoyingly beautiful. Her blood is rushing, and it’s not all adrenaline. WHEW. SAME.

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as stars once a year brush the earth by @ylizam / mazily - Another wonderfully bite-sized one (good job actually taking the minimum word count as a guideline, people who did that, unlike the rest of us dumbasses!) that packs a lot into a small space. A canon-ish soulmates AU that’s so understated and dreamy, but with the echo of all the turmoil they’ve gone through to get to this place that brings everything in sharp relief. It’s also funny and sexy and romantic as fuck, and there are gorgeous poetic descriptions, and they spar by a WATERFALL, and just. So much happens in just over 1600 words! IMPRESSIVE.

A favorite line: Her right hand goes numb, unfeeling; back in their rooms Jaime is waking up, and she knows the phantom ache of his missing hand is bothering him. Jaime is waking, and yawning, the bed linens pooling around his waist and highlighting his summer tanned skin. She misses him, suddenly, as wide as the endless sea in front of her. BEAUTIFUL.

OKAY THIS WAS A LONG POST. That’s all I’ve got for now--more to come as I continue my reading!!

[amazingdriverfics]

Crowned by the devil - ch. 7

Summary: Kylo shows to you just how much you care and you change your mind.

Warnings: injury treatment, NSFW content, lil bit of angst

A/N: forgive me for cutting the smut, but next chapter we’ll have a bigger part dedicated to it. Also sorry for not posting so much this week, my College just said we’re going to have online classes and I lost my mind for a bit. 

Hope you like it! 

Previous Chapter   Following Chapter

Hot and salty were the tears falling down your face, it wasn’t long after Kylo left when you broke down. For starters you hated medical environments, it remembered you too much of the day you lost Juney and the fact that Ren mentioned her during your argument wasn’t very helpful. You knew he was right, your adoptive mother always wanted you to leave Tatooine, to be happy and to have a chance to enjoy all the things Kreat didn’t allow you to.

One thing led to another and you never had the strength to leave the sandy planet or your past behind no matter how much it hurted. You tried to forget a part of it covering the biggest part of your scars with tattoos, however, the ‘K’ couldn’t be covered and no matter how much money you got from the bounty hunts, there was no way you could afford the proceedings to make it less visible, so you stopped looking at it and only touched it when showering. Part of your weakness towards Kylo came from the fact that you allowed him to touch the scar, Stars you were stupid.

To make it worst, the dark knight was right about the rest too, you knew the two of you were too much alike, you felt a connection - one you had been trying so hard to ignore -,  you were angry all the time - it was the only way you knew how to deal with your feelings - and, yes, you were pretty sure you didn’t deserve anything good, after all when was the last time something good had happened, you had given up happiness long ago and you convinced yourself  that you were okay with it, then Kylo Ren got in the way and rubbed in your face just how tired you were of your sorry life. Living in the Steadfast made you feel alive, Cardo was the first friend you ever made, Phasma taught you something after years of nothing and Kylo was something else, he not only turned you on, but was the only one to make you feel vulnerable and, at the same time, brave enough to tell the truth straight to your face. No matter how much you tried to hate him, you couldn’t do it, you didn’t love or trust him, but you were somehow grateful for his presence in your life. 

Before you could try to figure out your life some more, a white medical droid entered the room caring a lot of black bandages and a couple of pots filled with blue viscous bacta. “Miss l/n?”, immediately, you turned your head in its direction. “Yes” you answered awaiting for instructions. “I’m medical droid F-88L and I’m here to start your bacta treatment. I’ll help you to sit on the bedside”. 

Sitting for the first time was hard and painful, despite the painkillers running in your veins, your side complained and throbbed, pain hitting you in strong yet slow waves causing your finally dry eyes to become wet again. When you were finally able to shift positions, legs falling out of the medical bed, feet almost touching the cold ground, a relieved moan left your mouth and tears left the side of your red and puffy eyes. It wasn’t long before the droid started to move, applying the cold liquid to your wounds after taking your small medical vest off leaving you only in your panties. 

The sensation of the bacta against your skin wasn’t the most pleasant, it was sticky, but at the same time it provided some very much needed relief, and thanks to the black bandage which also sticked perfectly to the hurt area, the bacta didn’t met areas where it wasn’t necessary.

All of a sudden, you felt the sticky sensation on your back precisely where the ‘K’ insignia you carried for all those years was, causing you to jump out of the bed, the brusque movement making your side complain and your blood pressure to go down clouding your vision as the room became blurry. Without you noticing, a pair of nurses entered the room helping the droid to place you in the position you had been. “Please calm down, miss” one of the nurses said her voice still seeming a little far, but you allowed yourself to calm down, your breathing becoming steadier, your blood pressure returning to normal levels. 

“Wh-why are you applying bacta to my scar?” you asked voice failing as you stuttered, pain clouding you mind at the same time that fear ran through your veins, triggered by the touch on your scar. “The Supreme Leader asked us to treat it, we will make it less visible”. Her words made you cry again, the thought of Kylo caring so much about you that he would spent his Order’s money to help you deal with the worst memory of your life hit all your buttons. “Hm, okay, go on”. 

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Kylo watched as she slept on the medical bay from the small window the room had, the drugs made y/n seem at peace as she probably slept a sleep without any dreams, she was always so stunning he thought to himself. The fight had taken a toll on him, he knew he was right, but at the same time she was as well, they didn’t really know each other very well and Ren was determined to change the scenario. As an apology he asked the doctor to treat the ‘K’ shaped scar on her back since the words ‘I’m sorry’ would never leave his mouth. He also knew how much those memories haunted her and he wanted to do everything in his power to keep her safe even if it meant keeping her safe from herself. 

“Master Ren” Cardo’s voice echoed in the corridor causing Kylo to be slightly ashamed from being caught staring at y/n sleeping. Clearing his throat he looked to his knight preventing his face from showing any emotion, in times like these he missed his mask. “Yes, Cardo?”.

“Well, don’t get me wrong, sir, but me and my brothers are a little worried about you” the knight threw up his words as if speaking quickly would prevent Kylo from being angry. “Why?” Ren asked, face already showing irritation as his tone increased a bit. “You see, y/n is a troublemaker” Cardo laughed a bit remembering their training sessions “ - and that’s exactly what makes the two of you perfect for each other, but we all know how you feel about her and we are afraid of the outcome -” his speech was interrupted as the Supreme Leader angrily said “That is nothing of your business” as he stomped out of the medical bay. 

Kylo knew things would work out between him and his Empress, simply because he could no longer imagine living without her.

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It had been a full cycle since the last time you had seen Kylo and you were dying to see him again. You needed to thank him for the treatment and, even though you weren’t going to say you were sorry for what happened, you wanted to say that after thinking a lot you decided to give the experiment a try. You didn’t really have anything to lose after all and you owned it to him - or you told yourself that -. The truth was that in the same amount your feared love, you wished for it and as much as you tried to deny it, Ren was getting in your soft spot, despite your previous belief that it didn’t really existed.

The time you spent without him was also very sad, you spent all the time looking into the wall and not having what to do took your mind to bad places, memories flooding your brain constantly making you wish to disappear, you were also constantly thinking about Ren, how you were going to say what you wanted, if you should give in to your needs and desires exploring his body with yours, if you should really try to get to know the man, if you had what it took to rule a Galaxy - the answer in your head often being no -. The good part of your endless obsessive thinking was that it clouded the physical pain almost like medicine, the price - your mental health - wasn’t worth it though. 

“Troublemaker?” the nickname and his tone instantly made you laugh, you hadn’t realized just how much you missed Cardo until he showed up. He felt like comfort and as you looked right into his blue eyes the bad thoughts went away. “Hey, asshole” you said, trying to hide the relief you felt in the knight’s presence with your mocking tone. 

“Good to know you aren’t easy to kill” he said giving you a tired smile and sitting in the couch Kylo had previously slept in. “I’m offended that you even considered me easy to kill” you said putting a dramatic facade on. 

“You’re tiny don’t blame me” he mocked, resting his chin on his hand, eyes glimmering with amusement knowing it would piss you off. “Very funny, Cardo” you faked a laugh “Next time we fight I’ll hit your crotch and we’ll see how defenceless I am”.

“You worried me” he said, losing the brave facade and the mocking tone, vulnerability showing in his traces. “I saw it all, and even though I have seen and done some pretty nasty things I thought that I would pass out”. 

“Yes, I didn’t think I would make it either, but I guess I’m tougher than I presumed” a sad smile cracking on your face as the words left your mouth echoing through the white room. “Now I will have to endure the next phase of this ‘experiment’ whatever that is” you shrugged. “I can’t tell you what it is, but you are not going to like it at all.” Cardo said, his relaxed posture coming back and causing you to get a little bit scared of what was coming. “Unfortunately, I have to go troublemaker, need to kill some bad guys” he said faking an attack to illustrate what he was about to do.

Before you could even interrogate the man, he stood up ready to leave the facility. “Wait, can you please tell Kylo to come if you see him?”, Cardo gave you a quick nod and left you behind to deal once again with your memories.

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“You called me?” his deep voice filled your ears making you jump a little bit from the scare, as anxiety immediately started to eat your insides as you remembered why you asked Cardo to get his master. “Hm, yes. I need to talk to you” you said trying to sound confident as you usually sounded like. As you started to get up, Kylo went to help, his touch on your arms making you shiver. 

When you were finally sat, the knight skins left yours, making where he touched feel cold. “Thank you. I’m going to start talking before I regret it” you started avoiding to look at the tall figure still standing, but this time near the couch. “I wanted to thank you, really thank you, what you are doing for me by treating my scar is something I can never repay” you looked at him quickly seeing his face showing no emotion as his hands were in fists. “And, well, I’ve been thinking about the discussion we had - if you can call it that - and, turns out you weren’t totally wrong, so I decided to give this, whatever this is, a chance”. 

As soon as you were done, your eyes travelled to him again waiting anxiously for his reaction. While he didn’t say anything, an uncomfortable silence started to fill the room making it impossible for you to breath. The man stood still watching you just as hard as you watched him, not doing anything to show you that he cared for what you said, just as it was about to become unbearable, his voice echoed through the walls. 

“You don’t have to thank me for it, I did because I wanted to” he shrugged, body finally starting to move as whole as he made his way to the bed sitting next to you. “I’m glad you decided to try, you won’t regret it. I’m also taking the fact you said I was right - even though I already knew that - as a personal victory” while mocking you a smile showed up in his face, lighting his features and eyes up, it almost stopped you from giving him a remarck back. “You shouldn’t, I was the one mostly correct” a smile also making its way into your features. 

“Let me show you how grateful I am for your decision” he purred in your ear, ignoring your comment. Soon he was in his feet again walking towards the door and locking it also making sure that the small window was covered with the curtains. “What are you-” your question was interrupted with his lips as they sealed yours in a deep kiss, Kylo’s tongue dominating yours without mercy. His hands explored your body, always careful with your wound, his right one finding home in your tight squeezing it hard as you kissed while his left one stayed in your hair pushing it slightly every now and then. 

You tried to win over his grip in your tight to press them together, a gesture to relieve the pressure building in your core as the blood flooded directly into your clit, making it sore and getting you wet. 

Kylo finished the kiss trapping your lower lip between his teeth while his brown eyes, almost black with the desire, bored directly into yours making you even wetter. His hands left your body and made their way to the bottom of the medical vest before carefully taking it off. As soon as your bare chest was exposed, he stood a couple of inches away, taking in the sight of your body, as instinct you rubbed your thighs again and placed your fingers on your nipples squeezing them. Just as you started to play with your nipples, an animal sound left Ren’s mouth while he got closer, his hands taking yours off your nubs as he substituted them with his mouth. 

He kissed your nipples just like he had done with your mouth, switching between teasing it with his tongue lapping and swirling around it and trapping the tip with his teeth pulling it slightly as his hands massaged the bottom of your breasts. You were a moaning mess, the building sexual tension and the amount of ruined sex moments with the knight making you more sensitive to his touch.

With his eyes fixed on yours, Kylo started to make his way down slowly in an almost torturing pace, kissing the path to your clothed pussy, lips closing around the skin on your belly leaving some red marks on it, tongue teasing the skin just above the underwear you still had on. Trying to make him go faster, you put your hands on his soft black hair and tried to push him down, but the man was stronger and the only result you got was a smirk in his face. Keeping your hand in place you let him do his way, watching as he kissed the inside of your thighs shortly after you spread them for him.

“Who would’ve known that such a bitter person would smell so sweet” Kylo whispered into your underwear, nose lightly touching your clit making you squirm. Taking his time he lowered your panties letting it fall to the ground, with his fingers he spread your pussy lips showing yourself completely to him. “Such a pretty pussy, I’ve been dreaming of eating this out”. As soon as the words left his mouth, his tongue met your folds in a long lap starting right from your hole and ending on your sore clit causing your head to fall back as a relieved moan left your mouth and your grip on his hair became tighter. 

Everytime a pleasured sound came from you, you could feel his smile against your cunt and because of the way his tongue lapped over and over again on your clit alternating directions, there were too many of them. The man was a master at pussy eating, he knew just how much pressure to put on your nub and from the way he did it you could tell he liked it. 

As two of his thick fingers entered your hole, curling inside of you and hitting the sweet spot, his tongue continued the work causing your inner walls to clench from the amount of pleasure coursing through your veins. It wasn’t long before you were rubbing your cunt against his face, making him a mess, his chin and cheeks shimmering with your pleasure as he moaned into your pussy aroused by your actions. 

When Kylo stopped licking on your clit to suck on it, the building orgasm crashed causing your eyes to close, as your body shook, your legs closing on his head and keeping his mouth connected to your cunt. The only thing leaving your mouth was his name over and over again, your senses clouded from how much pleasure you felt. After Ren finished fingering you through your orgasm, he got up proudly showing his face covered in cum as his fingers sticky and shiny traveled to his mouth, leaving it cleaned not a trace of your arousal on it. “I will never be able to live without eating this pussy, I’ll eat it for breakfast from now on” he said, voice deeper than normal. All you could do was nod, not trusting your voice after having the most incredible orgasm ever.

[chews-erotically]

Honestly, I haven’t really said a whole lot on here because I still feel like a bit of an interloper.

I have not posted anything I’ve written yet, but I’m working on it due to all of the beautiful, brilliant angels on this site.

I am a nurse and I am just so fucking tired of being scared and so, so tired and so fucking ANGRY that people in a supposed FIRst wOrLD COuntry can continue to be so callous and ignorant and ugly to one another. I feel like I cry at least once a week but you are all literally saving my LIFE, you are showing me such beauty and inclusion and acceptance and I just LOVE all of you so damn much you have no idea how I cling to all of your brilliant words and images.

My point is that it is actually so useless and wasteful to leave hateful messages for other creators, these people pour their hearts and souls into what they provide for you, a FREE repository of treasures that are sacred pieces of these people’s souls that they are brave enough to BARE for you. I know often hate stems from pain and fear- if you are hurting I am sorry and I love you. But please stop inflicting your pain on people who are just trying to find some connections among the chaos.

TL;DR: Quit being salty cunts, Anons in general

[ekakinomi-forgrownups]

"Better luck next time, fellas!" ~Mr. Peanut to 2nd and 3rd contenders Geniusman (Tottemo! Luckyman) and Mettaton EX (Undertale) as he proudly shows off his "Loving" Cup that he won for being the official Winner Of My Heart this year

Hi, everyone! How are you today? I bet you're pretty tired of being mostly cooped up inside. But don't worry--I have something right here that might catch your interest.

As some of you may know, March is National Peanut Month. Now, that's not exactly something worth celebrating for peanut allergists...but, on the other paw, March is also National Nutrition Month, National Kidney Month, Optimism Month, Spiritual Wellness Month, National Women's History Month, Irish-American Heritage Month, and International Listening Awareness Month, among even more things. March is also, of course, the first month of Spring. So there's much more to celebrate in March than just peanuts.

However, in this blog post, I'm going to celebrate peanuts. I could go on and on about peanut butter, my favorite food ever, the average jar of which is made with hundreds of peanuts. But, I'm just going to focus one one peanut this time--one of the most famous peanuts of all time--the one and only Mr. Peanut, mascot for the Planters brand of nuts and snacks. Why? Because he's my biggest cartoon crush.

.......say waaaaaaa~~~t?

But isn't he dead?

youre just posting your april fools joke too early

Nope. It's all true!

All the recent hub-bub about Mr. Peanut, including the infamous commercial where he literally dies, reminded me of this earlier commercial I saw on T.V. back in 2018 (the first video featured in this post), which utilized the same sleek design he was animated in during his passing. After finding it on YouTube, I found other videos of him, and this social media browsing eventually brought me to his Twitter account, where I browsed all of his posts from 2018/19. I immediately fell for his optimistic attitude, his sweet personality and especially his support for his friends and followers...and the rest is history. He has the looks, he has the heart--and now he's helping me to grow up.

But why him?? How could an overdressed anthro peanut top, let alone compete with, these practical princes of men? How would crushing over a cartoon help me grow up in any way? And last (and strangest) of all, why am I suddenly going "nuts" over the now-defunct version of a character who just 2 months ago died and came back as a baby?

I will answer all those questions in approximately...right now!

Being autistic, I have a more child-like mind-set than others my age--one facet of this is the ability to immerse myself in imaginary worlds and connect with characters. Thinking of characters, "talking" to them and even trying to act like them has gotten me through many a tough time. As I take inspiration from their personalities and actions, I find more fun and creative ways to spice up my every-day life, stay calm when things get stormy, cheer me up when I feel down, or pep me up when I get sluggish and demotivated. I use different characters to help me with different aspects of life. The two types that always helped me the most were characters with pure hearts, and characters I had crushes on.

Recently, though, I had been looking for a character that would help me take on one of my toughest challenges--accepting the fact that the world is equally as cruel as it is kind, while staying a calm and collected person, and then handling it all just by myself--to put it in two words: growing up. I won't go into detail (in this post, at least), but life had been extremely cruel to me last year. I had a lot of trouble accepting it, and I was losing my self-control. But considering that I'm going on 23 now, I knew that I had to get it together, or else I would stay a crying ball of nerves, trapped on a bed, forever. Being one of the less restrictive aspects of having the heart of a child, I knew that modeling myself after a good-natured fictional character would be a perfect start--but I needed one exceptionally powerful character to pull this off. I needed a crush with a pure heart.

Then it suddenly and silently occured to me, as I continued to take in his various pictures, videos, GIF's and Tweets, that Mr. Peanut was it.

His sleek and curvy body, his elegant limbs, refined features and gentlemanly disposition--not to mention the fact that he's wearing white gloves and has one eye always covered--immediately calls to mind my best cartoon crushes: Geniusman from the anime "Tottemo! Luckyman" and Mettaton EX from the game "Undertale" (who are both looking salty alongside Mr. Peanut on the winner's podium in the top picture). But what really got me was what he didn't have that the other crushes did, he made up for with his unique personality, that my other crushes, in turn, didn't have:

You see, Mr. Peanut rests comfortably on two fine lines that few characters have even been able to stand on. The fine line between "handsome and stylish" and "conceited and mean", and the fine line between "peppy mascot" and "mature and modest gentle-man". All except for a "brief" 10-year stint where they tried to "re-invent" him (Yes, I'm talking about the one who spent the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade dabbing), he's always been a gentle, friendly, quiet character whose main goal in life (besides selling nuts) is to help people and make them happy, "shelling out" plenty of pep while also remaining proper and well-composed.

He never got angry for more than a second or two, and handled (almost) any problem he faced in the smartest, most dignified and most fun way possible. And of course, he's very sweet and always thinks of those he cares about first. He also, despite being a mascot for snacks, loves to play sports and stay fit and healthy--and he encourages others to do the same. And finally, despite being a mascot in general, he always had this quiet, unassuming air to him. He made all his necessary appearances and entertained his customers, yet he always acted very natural about it and never hammed it up or acted super wild and goofy--a thing that most other cartoon mascots fail to do.

So he's not just eye-candy--he's also a perfect role model. That covers the "first of all". Not only does he give me the incentive to be a dignified lady who always does the right thing first, but he gives me that euphoric, limerance-enduced energy I need to really want to act upon it. All my aspirations to be more courteous, be more proper and elegant, be more brave, lead a healthy and active life-style and be a good mascot for Ekaki No Mi are finally coming to fruition. That covers the "second of all".

Yes, this all sounds very silly. But In a "nut-shell", he's the reason I'm finally growing up, so in a way, this is all anything but silly. I would be a hot mess without him...which is exactly why I'm speaking of him in present-tense (using "is" instead of "was"), and pretending he never became Baby Nut or even died in the first place. Here's where I cover the "third of all".

For those who don't already know about his apparent death and resurrection: for their big pre-Super Bowl LIV commercial (the second video featured), Planters took a very unusual, very controversial approach: Their preview commercial depicted Mr. Peanut sacrificing himself to save his friends by letting go of a branch on a cliff that was too heavy to hold him and actors Matt Walsh and Wesley Snipes. The actual Super Bowl commercial (the third video featured) depicted his funeral, which the Kool-Aid Man, among others, attended. A magic tear from the Kool-Aid Man caused a peanut plant to grow out of the ground and sprout a "Baby Nut"--the official reincarnation of Mr. Peanut. Here are the two commercials, in order:

But what people often don't realize is that Mr. Peanut is a cartoon--a form of art--and art, except in very specific cases, is meant to be interpreted by the viewer. If the story isn't satisfactory, people can ignore some parts and pretend that others play out differently, until it fits what they believe in. And the characters and their actions can hold secret meanings that only the viewer sees. In fact, the same character can don different personalities and clothes, and exist in different universes, doing different things--all at the same time. (Think of all the different versions of Mickey Mouse that exist at the same time, even today.)

So is the case with Mr. Peanut. As long as his original likeness still exists--anywhere in this world--he's still alive and well. And even if the actual Planters corporation says he's Baby Nut now, he's still the same old Mr. Peanut in another part of the Internet, in another part of the world, or in any alternate universe. Many, actually. In one of them, he could be "Miss Peanut". In another, he could be a radical "Teen Nut". And in another still, he could actually be the evil capitalist peanut everybody says he is--you know, the one who struts around in his aristocrat clothing while roasting his fellow "pea-ple" and selling them to humans as food in order to get richer...

...which I like to think is not true, because the real peanuts he sells for your eating pleasure could never have flexy bright-yellow shells or humanoid features, could never breathe, cry, blush, say "Whoa!" when startled, wear clothes, be cuddled by a person with a peanut allergy without triggering it, and couldn't even survive on their own for more than 4 months, let alone 104 years. When they grow, it doesn't happen in the blink of an eye--peanut plants take about 3 or 4 weeks to mature (on days that strictly aren't frosty, no less), and the peanuts themselves grow under the ground--totally different from how Baby Nut came into being.

In short, the peanuts we eat aren't cartoons, like Mr. Peanut is. And since he is, I can interpret him any way I want, just as any other person can. So he doesn't have to be a cannibalistic capitalist. He can be the dapper yellow fellow who sells and eats yummy, natural and nutritious morsels that happen to look a bit like him--think of how humans eat little crackers and gummies that look like other people--and, most importantly, is not dead and never will be, because people still love him and believe in him, and belief and imagination transcend death, at least when it comes to fictional characters.

(I especially have the right to believe he's dead because it's one thing to kill off a character in a series for story reasons--it's another thing to kill a revered and internationally-known brand mascot just to create a social media buzz and generate profits. Now that's capitalism!)

But at the same time, I can't help but admit that it was at least a unique social media experiment, and despite the nasty secret intent behind it all, it was very interesting to finally get to see how Mr. Peanut would die, how he got born (and reborn), and what he looks like as a baby. And honestly, with his big round eyes, squidgy body and dainty features, I actually think Baby Nut is pretty cute--certainly too cute for me to want to break out a mortar and pestle and make peanut butter out of him--but he's just not Mr. Peanut. Mr. Peanut was such a unique character that it takes some very special minds to make a character that even comes close to a replacement--sadly, Baby Nut just doesn't make the cut.

Thanks to the power of love and imagination, though, he's still his good old self in my heart. Besides, he may just grow up and come back some day. So in conclusion, he still is, not was, and always will be, the best role model and "husbando" I could ever ask for. He's got the looks. He's got the love. He's cute. He's graceful. He's dapper. He's daring. He's silly. He's sexy. He's serene. He's cheerful, and he always brightens my day. He's everything I could ever want, and more.

Some day I plan to release an art collection featuring the lovable legume sometime in the near future. I would have each picture creatively high-light a different aspect of his personality, taking inspiration from charming vintage art-work that would fit the theme of the picture as well as actual Planters merchandise, and I would utilize various retro art styles and techniques from different time periods to give each picture a distinctive "old-fashioned" vibe.

The collection will be available on all my art web-pages, including my possible future Patreon (if I can get enough subscribers!), and I'm hoping I can also get it shown off in a gallery somewhere (if there are enough Mr. Peanut fans here in Athens to want to see it.)

One of my favorite commercials featuring him ever, back when he was (canonically) alive and well.

The commercial where he literally dies.

The commercial where he comes back to life as a little baby peanut.

And that concludes my post. The credits for the videos go to Planters and KraftHeinz, and the cover photo for this post goes to my imaginary friend, Mini Minoux. Do you love Mr. Peanut, too? And if you do, what do you love about him? And what about Baby Nut? Is he “yea” or “nay”? I'd be happy to hear your thoughts in the comments--though please, keep it reasonable and don't be too harsh. We're in the company of a gentleman. ;.3

[optifastoptimist]

Week 8 and 9

Hello! I forgot to post last week since there has been so much going on! I am still recovering from my bruised rib and some anxiety about fainting again but now that I'm two weeks from my incident I am starting to feel like my old self. I braved a bunch of things on this diet including: a bachelorette party, a concert, and a birthday party and managed to only have 2 drinks (my first cheats of the program). I stuck to hard alcohol and diluted it with lime juice to save on the calories. Overall, I am learning that I don't need to have food and drinks to have a good time and I don't have to miss out on fun excursions simply because I am not eating what everyone else is eating. I am definitely still having cravings for all of the good stuff but I notice that if I can ride out the craving, I actually do ok. Something strange that I noticed is that I am craving salty and savory foods over sweets which is CRAZY to me since I have always had a sweet tooth. Maybe this diet is really detoxing me from the sugar in a way that will stick (although I won't lie - I do have some candy waiting for me in the cupboard from Disneyland).

This past week I am feeling well enough to play sports again and the main thing I am noticing is just how tired I continue to be. I miss the week when I was full of energy and ready to go! I also notice that it is getting harder and harder for me to drink my water (and to avoid diet coke!)

Also - a fun update - as of this morning I am officially down 40.2 lbs!! Wooo! (Which is great because my 40 lb reward is a massage :).) 40 down and 60 to go!

[gameridernews]

Ex-Aid review: Overall thoughts on the show

The next LVUR review I have lined up won’t be posted soon, but in the meantime, here’s... a thing. 

With 11 months of anime eyes and blinding colors, it's time we bid farewell to our pink hero. This is a combination retrospective and review of the show as a whole, its strong points, its flaws, expectations and results.

The initial name trademark for Ex-Aid immediately brought to mind a rescue theme, and people were quick to point out how the Ex part was spelled much in the way .exe file extensions would be, so a computer-themed rescue hero sounded promising.

Once we learned a bit more about the story, things got interesting. Kamen Rider has done several things, but a hospital drama is not one of them. This could have gone many ways, especially keeping in mind it's a kids show, meaning they miiight not depict it in a realistic way.

That is largely the case here, at least in the sense that we hardly see them use a standard hospital procedure. Largely, it's about the Bugster virus and how they deal with that through combat. There are little things, like Emu going from an intern to a surgeon and a few notable surgeries that take place, so they met some kind of quota I guess. Depending on who you ask, it does however seem as though they speak hospital jargon during surgery that may or may not be gibberish.

The Cyber Rescue Center was a fun idea, a sort of singular hospital room below a hospital, though I think I preferred when it became public knowledge later on since that made it a little less hard to swallow as an idea. It's cool to have a secret base, of course, but this particular one didn't seem like it could remain hidden forever.

Here I'll give a quick talk about the characters relevant to the CR stuff. 

While he didn't get nearly as much use as I'd like, Hiro's father was a lot of fun, especially when he's reacting to all that happens when he's not around. And to just cut to the chase, people relevant to the Ministry of Health are not particularly standout but they fill their role. Genm Corp is largely about its comical number of terrible CEOs, but Tsukuru is a precious man. So glad he got to be the new CEO after all was said and done.

When it comes to Ex-Aid's plot, I guess next I'll tackle the other half of the hospital stuff: The Bugsterrrs. The Bugster virus makes this another one of those shows where we get a victim of the week in addition to monster of the week, and while I get that this format doesn't always work, but come on, it's a hospital themed Rider series - the patients are an important part of this.

In the same way that an actual virus is not actively choosing its target, the Bugsters mainly just have a goal of taking over and turning anyone into one of their own. Being data that is based on video game bosses, the motivations, at least according to Parad, come down to "We're tired of being bosses you defeat". Granted, he's also salty about losing some of his kind to the Riders, but you get the idea. Basing monsters on video game characters makes for a fun setup on the villains' side. It’s like the video game crossover you kinda want but terrifying. 

Collectively, I think the Bugsters are all fun. They have their own distinct designs, and giving them names of the game bosses was a nice added touch of worldbuilding. Not to mention little things like having Nico get excited when they run into a specific boss. I do wish that we got more info on the games aside from a single line - you don't always get even that. See Shakariki Sports.

I guess I'll also talk about the prominent Bugsters briefly? Graphite initially seemed like a nothing character, then they gave him some personality I could get behind in his final moments. Then we have Lovelyka, who is true to his name - great actor, too. The only other Bugsters I wanna talk about are Parad and Poppy Pipopapo, but we'll get to them... as we talk about each of the Riders!

So let's talk Emu Hojo, Kamen Rider Ex-Aid.

It's a standard element in Rider shows these days to have the reluctant hero, or at least someone subject to pratfall, and this is no exception. Hot off the heels of a previous show whose protagonist had a destiny to fulfill, it initially seems like Emu is gonna be more of the same, but there are two deciding factors that make Emu work for me: This isn’t a destiny so much as it is a discovery that he has a power to save everyone, and he doesn't feel like he's meant for the role initially - he has to grow into it. It felt more natural that way. 

I'd like to share a scene I liked about Emu: When he and Parad finally worked together, it was after a stern talking to where Emu is in full control. He isn't the naive young man we started out with by this point, he is a mature man who plans ahead and knows what he's talking about. By this point, when he says he'll change someone’s fate, it feels like he can live up to those words. 

If there's anything I might cite as a possible negative, it might be how the gamer aspect of him turned out to be a hoax due to Parad (we'll get to him), and I kinda felt like it was more human for him to be this pro gamer who’s not particularly good at anything else. But at the same time that turned out to be a fun little reveal. Dark, even - his path in life decided by the Bugsters and all. Really brings new meaning to changing one’s fate. 

Regardless, Emu grew, and I feel satisfied about that. I appreciate when a series gives you a character who noticeable mature - it was a selling point for Gaim when it was first revealed, and when Gaim ended, there were several things I wanted Toei to carry over to future shows. I am VERY glad that this was among them.

Speaking of character growth, let's move onto Hiro Kagami, Kamen Rider Brave.

Hiro was your standard secondary Rider from the start. He's the doubter who's opposed to the protagonist. In this case, Hiro is to Emu what the doctors were to Robin Williams in the misrepresentive Patch Adams movie - whereas Emu wants to form a connection to his patients, Hiro is a gifted surgeon who focuses only on his work. I praised this the moment Hiro was introduced because it's a nice and simple juxtaposition that makes excellent use of the hospital setting.

If that were Hiro's shtick throughout the show, however, it might get old. So I think it was wise for them to have initially described him as a tsundere! As the plot progresses, Hiro noticeably makes a subtle and solid transition from treating Emu like he's an inferior intern with the wrong opinion... to treating him as a fellow doctor who just has his own way of doing things - not right or wrong, just different.

He has some standout moments where he shows his respect, but the one I'd like to think back to is when Emu temporarily got amnesia. He's outright offended by how Emu has stopped caring about patients like he always did, and finally loses his cool when he tells Emu that he NEEDS to care because that's the Emu he knows. It's also in this episode where, in Emu's absence, Hiro actively tries to get involved with a patient in a way he never would have before meeting Emu. While the amnesia is a weird little subplot, it led to a damn good Hiro episode.

To your question of whether I'd like to talk about flaws here, I say "No thank you". But I will say, my opinion of Saki and Hiro's brief turn to the dark side are well documented in past reviews.

Then we have Taiga Hanaya, Kamen Rider Snipe.

Taiga was a character I wasn't sure how to feel about at first. They had a plan for him, a mystery that would be revealed over time (like in the blu-ray mini-series I've still not seen), and ultimately it comes down to him being a good boy that the world shunned after he got overzealous and let a patient die. He's got a certain edginess to him that can be a little cringe-y, such as his tendency to tell people that he's the only Kamen Rider we need... but I think they did an excellent job of showing what he's all about. They explain clearly what he means by that, and it's a selfless meaning.

Another scene I'd like to share with you: When Hiro becomes too injured to fight, he's rescued by none other than Taiga, who up to this point has been nothing but an enemy. When he tries to leave and continue fighting, Taiga stops him with a statement that explains why he's the only Kamen Rider we need: Hiro still has something to live for, Taiga does not. Without saying as much until later on, Taiga will keep fighting for what's right even when the world sees him as its enemy. And there's something damn heroic about that.

This has an added layer to it with Graphite, the reason for Saki's death, and the way it caused Hiro and Taiga to develop their hate. Specifically, I'm referring to how Taiga basically admitted that he forced himself into the enemy role so that Hiro had someone to focus that hate on. I'm not good at putting that subplot into words, but I think it's fascinating and a bit deeper than these kind of rivalries pan out. It truly is a testament to this show's strong characterization.

Next, Kiriya Kujo, Kamen Rider Lazer (Turbo).

I was sad that Kiriya got killed off just as he was becoming a favorite. I was into the idea of a character who lied because he thought it protected people from harsh reality. His way of exposing the identity of Genm (or, the black Ex-Aid) was cleverly handled, both in how it backfired and how it finally redeemed him. But then he got too close to the truth, and was ultimately killed by said Rider.

I've said it before, but in Gaim, there was a similar early death that happened. Likewise, it served to give the main character a new foe to focus on, but there's some key differences: The character was largely forgotten about until the finale. I was ultimately alright with how Gaim handled that, but I feel that Kiriya got the better deal, what with his legacy meaning something. Because of how deep into the truth he was, he managed to indirectly help Ex-Aid gain a new power to take down Genm.

Then he got revived! A scene I'd like to share involves when he and Emu are fighting and it seems like Emu's attempt to reprogram him had failed. He whispers something to Emu, which causes Emu to suddenly fight back. We learn later that what he says is "Just play along." It was a long con to get the upper hand on Cronus, and I love that as Kiriya's return. It’s a simple phrase that Emu understood because he knew what Kiriya was all about. 

I wasn't sure how to feel about his revival at first, but I think it turned out to be for the best. I like Kiriya as a character, and the obvious feelings he has towards Kuroto for killing him have never gone away. It leaves me looking forward to this Another Ending trilogy to see how that pans out.

Speaking of, it's time for Kuroto Dan, Kamen Rider Genm.

Man, Kuroto. I had a lot of fun watching this seemingly calm and collected businessman devolve into a mad villain. But I wouldn't really say he devolved - he just stopped hiding his true personality. The depths he goes to screw with everyone is amazing, and when people thought he would go on to become Cronus, I was a doubter. I said that they did all they needed to with him, he told the story they needed to tell and could go home. He's dead, and he doesn't need to come back.

... So he came back! And immediately, I and some others thought "Oh, redemption arc." And I was curious how they might handle that since it could be hard to watch. While Gaim also did a redemption arc that I was ultimately okay with, I would not defend it since you can only go so far with a character before they become unredeemable. Saying "They're sorry for what they did" doesn't always cut it, y'know?

But the thing that I will always be impressed by... Kuroto became a good guy but never stopped being a maniacal guy. He’s still selfish, he’s still got a huge ego, and his revival basically sealed him as a god among men in his own mind. 

The turning point is a scene I want to share: When Kuroto is about to be attacked, Poppy protects him in an embrace only a mother could give. Finally, his cold heart is shaken as he realized that his mother really does live on in this Bugster that was created from her dying body. And his reason for fighting off Parad over this? Not to show his true intentions, but to fall back on his ego, telling Parad not to harm one of his creations. That was the moment I said “Okay, if we’re doing a redemption arc, this is how it needed to be told.” 

He perhaps gets to the point of being a gag character, but I think that's my favorite part of it. Continue pipe is the best. 

Parad, Kamen Rider Para-DX. 

Parad was one of those characters I see in every Rider show. The one that makes me go "Okay, what's your deal gonna be?" - like Alain from Ghost, or DJ Sagara from Gaim. I suspected he had some connection to Emu, and it turned out to be true. Emu is patient zero, and Parad is the Bugster that's been building up inside of him. The reason he grew to love video games. The reason he could transform. Parad turned out to be extremely vital to him.

I feel that the July episodes really painted an interesting mental image for what Parad is all about. He's very childish, as someone who has never known limitation. When faced with his own mortality, in the wake of Kamen Rider Cronus' debut, he's downright spooked. I have to give credit to the actor on his performance. He’s done a good job of playing what was essentially a cartoon character brought into a harsh reality. 

A scene that really speaks to me, in that regard, is not only a scene near the end of the show but also its end result: Parad finally worked alongside Emu to beat down Cronus, and with how Kamen Rider shows usually go, that's basically the moment where everything is okay between them. They bonded and they can now work as allies. But Parad finds himself moping because he still feels like he's killed too many people to just be forgiven so easily. He WANTS his redemption arc. That ultimately leads to his sacrifice at the end, riding humanity of Gamedeus by making himself into the vaccine that will erase it for good. He became a good boy, in the end.

This is somewhat undone by his revival shortly after, but as I said in the review, I think me tearing up during that moment is a sign that it's okay to undo that one. 

Now, Poppy Pipopapo, or Kamen Rider Poppy.

Poppy is a character I was very torn on overall when the show started. I'm talking about both her identity as Poppy the Bugster, and as Asuna the nurse.

As Asuna, I felt there was too much similarity to Kiriko from Drive, basically just being the tagalong for the main character, except I felt like there was MUCH less character. She never felt like she offered much as Asuna overall, apart from being a hidden identity that really only serves its purpose in public. The only time Asuna was fun to see was ironically when she broke character and acted like Poppy.

As Poppy, I was certain people would hate her, and I felt she was too colorful and sweet for my liking. But I think I wamred up to her by the time we got to the Kamen Rider Chronicle stuff. 

Her shining moment is of course after Emu successfully removed her brainwashing, because even though she's one of the good guys again, the others (sans Emu) have decided they have no choice but to defeat her to save a patient infected by her. By the end, however, Emu proves that she doesn't want to hurt any human by forcing a weapon into her hand and aiming it into his heart. She can’t pull the trigger because she just wants to play games and make people happy - Emu knew that, and successfully cured the patient through peaceful means because not every Bugster represents a boss that needs to be beaten. It was clever, it was emotional, and it sealed her as a favorite character.

And by the time we learn that she was Kuroto's mom previously, she got some depth to her. By that point, she hardly even dresses up as Asuna, and I never found it weird because I grew to like her. 

Now we have Masamune Dan, Kamen Rider Cronus.

This was the man I was hoping would become Cronus. The moment we see him in prison, I thought "Okay, they want us to pay attention to this guy." His ominous appearances here were too specific to be throwaway scenes. And once he came back, he took the role of the main villain for the rest of the show.

I spoke a bit about Masamune's character in the review for August's episodes, but I'll say it again here: I loved Masamune up until a certain point. He talked in business metaphors, and de-humanized the Riders by referring to them as games rather than people. Even his own son! And with his powers, it was inevitable that a man like this would get too full of himself and start thinking on a global scale.

The moment that comes to mind with this guy is of course his debut. He steps into view dramatically and thanks everyone for their time, but decides for himself that the Riders aren't allowed to defeat the Bugsters since he deems Kamen Rider Chronicle a commercial success. He then transforms and shows off how overpowered he is, going so far as to deem Toki Meki Crisis a game with no further commercial value and Rider Kicks the Bugster while time is paused... which means that he cannot be revived, for he is stuck in a limbo where he no longer exists. It's a pretty epic debut, and had me hyped right away.

Mid-July is where things get a bit questionable. He's given an excellent defeat, and his Gashat is even broken... then his eyes glow and he unleashes a reset power that undoes the existence of Ex-Aid's final form, effectively keeping him in control. It was a major waste of time since this was undone in the very next episode in what I now realize was a confusing explanation. And to make matters worse, the powers that cause this reset, and the reset itself, never gets explained and never comes into play again. Mmmmakes me wonder if that pair of episodes needed that subplot because they had to make a specific number of episodes and needed to pull an idea out of their ass. 

In addition to that, he sorta went down in a similarly nonsensical and unexplained way, effectively killing himself by shoving his own Gashat into his chest. I’ve been corrected since then with the suggestion that he may have been taking away the ability to rescue victims, but it feels like it could have been explained better. Even so, his departure did not linger in the finale. 

Now that we've talked about the Riders, and by extension have talked a bit about games... let's talk more about games! And also just designs, aesthetics and everything else.

The motif of a video game Kamen Rider had me sold from the beginning. I got what I wanted, more or less, though if I were to nitpick I feel that the game-themed fights were not nearly around enough. Each Rider got a nice debut with a motif surrounding them, such as scores and racing maps, but they definitely did not stick to this for every fight - not even during special form debuts. I think it would have been nice to see them do this a lot more, but I also understand how that might be an editing nightmare to have to go through on every episode.

The designs are something else. I really like how each Rider basically represents the character on the game cover. While the bright colors on Ex-Aid in particular took some getting used to, I think I really enjoy this series' design aesthetic. It's a sort of fun I can get behind. Gaim warmed me up to bright colors. 

I really did not give enough of a listen to the music when the fights happened, but the recent soundtrack release made me realize how much awesome music was in this show. From the chiptune style Level 1 fight themes to the fact that just about every Rider gets their own set of tracks. 

It does however make me miss series like OOO and Den-O, where they would go out of their way to make vocal songs for a lot of things. Between the strong characterization and the game motif, a lot could have been done when it comes to vocal songs. But alas, that seems to be the current state of Kamen Rider. Nearly half the tracks on the vocal song collection are by Kamen Rider Girls.

Camera work is also something I wanna praise this time around, because whoever did most of the directing REALLY loves their slow-motion impacts and crazy camera pans during form debuts. The latter is certainly a thing present in the last few shows, but here it seemed especially prominent, and I love it. If you've seen my recent Ex-Aid tribute video, you can see how many times I used those.

It's hard to speak on the movies since I've only seen the first one so far, but it seems like some interesting ideas came up this time around. But when it comes to crossover storytelling and the impressive amount of returning actors, these are just compliments to Kamen Rider as a whole, and Ex-Aid just shows us that it’s a continuing trend. 

What’s certainly kinda new to Ex-Aid are the amount of spinoffs that focus on specific characters! Sure, W, Gaim, Drive and Ghost did movies after the show ended, but these occurred during the show’s run. And they even continue this with the Another Ending trilogy. This is a series where these are all very welcome because the characters are all so good - everyone has a favorite! 

I guess when it comes to the movies and bonus material, I’m just glad to see Toei is continuing to try different things. 

Then we get to this ending part where I talk about the overall show. Was it good, was it bad, could it have shined a bit more or was it rock solid from the beginning?

Well, I feel the need to be realistic first and say that perfection doesn't literally exist. Even the things you find the most fun, inevitably, will have flaws. And they're either flaws you aren't aware of until later, or you might be like me and can see the flaws but also like to make fun of them while still enjoying the good stuff. 

Ex-Aid had a lot going against it from the start. It was weird and different, so naturally most people hated it before it existed. It was focusing on a setting that a kids show likely wouldn't be able to depict in too realistic of a way. The colors are bright, the designs seem wacky, and you have subplots such as a video game company supplying gear to save lives. Which still seems weird to me by the end. 

Despite everything, I feel that Ex-Aid did pretty damn well. It had a lot to juggle and do right, and I honestly think it succeeded in delivering. While there are certainly flaws that I would nitpick... what else is new? You can't please everyone all of the time. What matters is that the flaws do not overpower the stuff I'm into.

And when I think of shows where I wish things could have turned out better, you know what the worst thing is? When a show has a cool idea for a setting or motif, and it does not explore its potential well enough. I wanted to love Wizard, I still do, but it got so damn focused on its constant toy reveals that it felt forced a lot of the time, and the really cool stuff never got a chance to shine. 

Ex-Aid, on the other hand, did just about everything I could’ve wanted from it as a hospital drama and as a video game-centric toku. I think the only thing they could do to satisfy me more... is to give me something I didn’t know I wanted. Like the Continue pipe! But in all seriousness, after more than one Rider show ended up pulling a Wizard, it is incredibly refreshing that Ex-Aid did everything it needed to. 

I like keeping a list of all of the Heisei era Kamen Rider shows, listing them from best to worst in how I perceive them. This is how the list looks right now.

Gaim - Solid story, solid characters, just a fun trip all around.

Ex-Aid - Great concept, good characterization, pretty solid execution.

W - Nicely written plot with fantastic monsters and memorible characters.

Den-O - Hilarious interactions with cast, compelling story.

Agito - Great story with memorible Riders, solid characterization, but has a slow start.

Fourze - Really fun story and cast who makes me smile, with some flaws here and there.

Hibiki - A great hero with a daringly unique premise, but weak second half.

Drive - Interesting story and good characters, takes a while to get into gear though.

Ghost - Good premise, fun characters, so-so execution.

Wizard - Great premise, fairly okay cast, so-so execution.

OOO - Fun cast of memorible characters, though the story is a bit shaky.

Ryuki - Intriguing story, great cast, monsters are an afterthought.

Kiva - Cool premise and cast, a bit too much drama for my liking.

Kabuto - Nice cast, well done Rider rivalry, decent but basic story.

Kuuga - Interesting monsters, decent setup, pace is too slow for too much of the show.

Decade - Not a solid story and most of the cast is forgettable, only good for crossover eye-candy.

Blade - Good ideas, decent characters, just barely acceptable execution.

Faiz - Some good ideas, unfavorable execution, way too much drama, really only like the protagonist.

Basically, Ex-Aid is waaay up there. There's also obvious sentimental reasons for why Gaim is still on top, but that should show you how well Ex-Aid did in my opinion. It's a solid cut above the rest.

As I said before, Build is a show I'm cautiously optimistic about, and you can follow me on THAT journey at @buildridernews - but naturally you will still be seeing activity from me here since I am all for these extra Ex-Aid stories. 

Thank you for listening to me ramble and mistranslate things over the past year - I look forward to continuing to do that with Build Rider News! 

[theliterateape]

American Shithole #5 — Fuck You, NRA.

by Eric Wilson

Watching these brave young Americans go up against the NRA and their paid-for GOP representative mouthpieces is truly inspiring. Watching that effort ultimately fail to garner any substantive change will be especially cruel — for all of us.

I shed tears of anguish like many of you, when Emma Gonzales cried “we will be the last mass shooting,” mostly,  because I knew it would not be true.

I am not trying to steal her beautiful thunder, or bang the tired drum of “if we couldn’t after Sandy Hook,” but the hard truth still remains, if we couldn’t get any sensible gun legislation during the Obama years, we will have to suffer through a school shooting every single day before the NRA will even think of giving up an inch of ground during this administration’s filthy reign.

I have never wanted to be more wrong.

Unfortunately, Trump and Co. aren’t even morally approachable like some members of the GOP; this administration is driven purely by greed. This administration would sell its own country if they could turn a tidy profit — and they have; so unless the pressure comes from powerful republican donors, Trump won’t do jack shit about dead kids.

Certainly not with Don Jr. whispering sweet nothings about staying strong on guns in his ear. Don Jr. also mentioned this week how much he adores how the poor of India always smile. Isn’t that adorable? Don Jr. is the ideal candidate in my mind when I picture the white collar criminal in the old “do you want to be the husband or the wife” prison joke.

If you are interested, the punchline is, “okay Don, then get on over here and suck your wife’s dick.”

Don Jr. certainly merits his own feature — and I will address him fully in this column eventually — but for now, I would just like to say that the Trump brood, once suspected, now for certain, are what the Children of the Corn would grow up to be if they spent their salad days murdering big game in Africa, playing at billionaire business ownership, and shitting on gold toilets. Don Jr. in particular, reminds me of that special breed of entitled plutocrat: the eternally oblivious lemming.

So blinded by their own shiny baubles and bangles, they can’t see the cliff they are hurtling us all towards.

Which brings me back to the previously mentioned billionaire donors, and possibly the silver lining — a prominent member of the conservative ruling class has broken rank, demanding a ban on assault weapons. Al Hoffman Jr., one of the most generous republican donors, has not only declared he would not provide a single dollar of support for any republican candidates not on board with an assault rifle ban, but he would also contact all of the other major GOP benefactors and implore them to join him in his effort.

Now, I’m not saying this is going to mean anything to Trump, who received unprecedented support in campaign contributions from the bottomless NRA coffers. But it is the sort of pressure that means something to his kind. The players in this game that matter consist of a handful of billionaires that don’t make statements very often — and when they do, it means something.

Let me give you a very recent example. When Rebekah Mercer — acting in her billionaire father’s stead ��� stared down at the chess match that is our American lives and announced that Steve Bannon was being removed from the board, it might as well have been a message delivered from the gods. Bannon, the mighty disheveled rook, immediately disappeared from the game.  

So it matters that Al Hoffman Jr. made his intentions public — at least in that it is different; and we all remember from Groundhog Day, that anything different is good — it matters that a prominent billionaire has broken ranks with the NRA, and challenged their stranglehold position on the GOP.

Congress certainly isn’t going to do fuck-all about this on their own — not without instruction from their handlers. Republicans control congress, and they aren’t going to bite the scariest hand that feeds them.

Besides, most republicans don’t give one iota of a fuck about your dead kids, your dead friends, or your dead family. You think that fuckface Paul Ryan gives a shit about dead babies? Not one iota of a fuck about suffering Americans is given by these greedy assholes.

You need look no further than the lack of support for healthcare and for Veterans Affairs over the last fifty years to understand that unfortunate truth. Homeless veterans in the wealthiest country in the world? It’s fucking shameful. It’s a fucking disgrace — and it’s not a small problem either. The United States has thousands upon thousands upon thousands of homeless vets. Not one fuck is given about them by the GOP, even after they served at great sacrifice to their nation.

It is pretty clear most republicans couldn’t give a country fuck about homeless veterans, or dead kids.

So we will cheer as these brave children that have survived another horrific American school shooting, share impassioned pleas for sanity and meaningful action — even though we all fear their voices will fall on deaf republican ears. That nothing again will be done. Nothing that will have any effect, anyway. Certainly not with Trump in office. I am writing this as of Tuesday, a few days will pass before this posts, and their young, beautiful, powerful voices will fade into the background static as the news outlets are forced to focus on whatever new insanity emerges.

I would really, really, like to be wrong. It is a safe bet that I am not. Still talking about it on Thursday? Have no fear, the president will be back to golfing this weekend and we will be back to SNAFU come Monday.

What’s worse is that these brave survivors, these courageous children speaking up this week are making a valiant effort, and in the days to come they will be inclined to feel even more hopeless — and the kind of hopelessness we are fostering in today’s youth is yet another abusive, violent act perpetrated on their gentle spirit.

I can’t even imagine what it must be like to have the specter of fear and violence looming over you every day, in a place that is supposed to be a source of knowledge, growth, and security. In my time, I can’t recall a single day in my youth where I worried for even a second about gun violence in my K-12 schools. Or at university. It was only many years later that I would be so very close to two mass shootings.

So I would like to take this opportunity to express to you — dear young readers — if any of you have happened upon this salty screed, please don’t give in. I know I just said you’re going to fail, but you are not always going to fail. Do not fall into despair. There are forces at work that are on your side. We will find a way. We will outsmart the greed at the heart of this madness. Do not relinquish your will to fight for what is decent in this world. For what is right. For what is true.

I am sorry you have had to fight at all. I am sorry for your friends that you have lost. I am sorry for your needless suffering, but mostly I am sorry that the adults in America have so egregiously failed you.

That’s all I’ve got this week. My apologies as well for sparse discernible comedy, I just don’t find anything funny about dead kids.

 Bonus Material:

 Yes, you read that correctly. That is a human response to the image of horrified children. This person is in fact, human.

I felt compelled to share this comment from the heavyweight troll of the world, and all around shit-biscuit Dinesh D'Souza for many reasons. Mostly because it is offensive on a level not yet achieved today, which is quite a feat to say the least.

This is conservative America. So again, fuck you, NRA.

Bonus Bonus Material:

It's early Thursday morning, and I just had to include this stunning capture of the president's crib sheet; one that he apparently needed for the White House meeting for survivors and parents of victims of gun violence. You can't possibly predict this kind of reality-fracturing image. This is unbelievable.

I hear you? So what's written down for Trump on the other side of the crib sheet, his golf schedule? I hear you. Unbelievable. This, and accusing the Florida kids of being actors. This is off the fucking rails insanity.