#this is my contribution to the fandom this year probably ajwjrjdkw

[allforminyard]

andreil x francesca lyrics parallels

so hozier just released a new song (although i think he’s played it live before) and the lyrics immediately screamed andreil to me so i decided to put the parallels in a post (and who knows maybe later a fic)

i hope you’re ready for an essay bc here it goes

do you think I'd give up

that this might've shook the love from me

or that I was on the brink

how could you think darling I'd scare so easily?

from the start neil and andrew exchange truths to size each other up and confirm that the other will not be a threat. they know they could most definitely be a problem from the moment they meet in arizona. neither of them can be sure of the other’s intentions without these exchanges, the willing surrender of information that eventually leads to deals and trust, trust that the other will step in and hold them up if necessary. on thanksgiving neil is the first to notice andrew’s absence and the first to act to protect him, going as far as to stashing his knives and promising to look out for kevin, not backing away from the ugliest of andrew’s past entering the present. in baltimore andrew barely lets him go from his protection (at neil’s request) and is the only one that notices that neil says goodbye, can see it so clearly in his face. he knows something’s wrong but can’t do anything about it and then neil is gone gone gone and comes back to them broken. andrew says “you are at one hundred (percent)” and “you aren’t going anywhere”, a promise to stand his ground beside him no matter what. they’re not scared after seeing the worst parts of their trauma, they won’t back away so easily.

now that it's done

there's not one thing that I would change

my life was a storm

since I was born

how could I fear any hurricane?

andrew and neil both had their share of trauma throughout their lives. what with being put in the system as a newborn, growing up in all those shitty read abusive foster homes, going to juvie to protect his new found twin brother from his latest abuser, and being put on medication that fucked up his physical and psychological wellbeing for the sake of being more palatable to others is a lot to say the least. not to mention a lifetime on the run from an abusive parent, multiple run ins and near death experiences with said parent’s gang, and the callous upbringing from another parent whose one goal was survival above all, to the point of having to bury that parent and try to get a semblance of a life together when all he ever knew was gone in an instant. their lives were storms from the moment they were born. how could they look away from the other’s trauma when they knew they could weather that and more?

for all that was said

of where we'd end up at the end of it

when the heart would cease

ours never knew peace

what good would it be on the far side of things?

no one ever bet on andrew or neil fully until wymack recruited them for the foxes. neil was taught to run no matter what because being caught was not an option. andrew had to learn to fight for every piece and parcel he could get before it was all eventually ripped away from him anyway. no one thought they would ever amount to anything and fuck if they wouldn’t die trying to not fall into what was meant to be their destiny. what else was neil supposed to be if not his father’s embarrassment that had to be sold to the mafia just so he didn’t cause any more trouble? what else was andrew supposed to be if not a cast off neglected child who would be forced to turn to drugs, violence or worse? they couldn’t turn into what was expected of them so they never stopped, always running, always fighting, always surviving. it’s in each other that they finally knew they could stay.

but it was too soon

when that part of you was ripped away

a grip taking hold

like a cancer that grows

each piece of your body that it takes

they both hit rock bottom and almost surrender. neil says “I'm tired of being nothing," and “Neil had seen this look on Andrew's face once before. the darkness in Andrew's stare … was perfect understanding. Andrew had hit this point years ago and broken. Neil was hanging on by a fraying thread and grabbing at anything he could to stay afloat.” andrew is forced to take back control however he can, starting with his body and later by getting himself sent away to juvie. he reaches the point where he has to give and receive explicit consent for physical touch, in response to what was taken from him so many times before. time and time again neil is offered a future so bright he can hardly believe it can be his. the more the year goes on the more he refuses to let himself hope, knows he’s as good as dead the moment he decides to stand up to riko and he finds out the truth. if it weren’t for andrew, neil would’ve run away and who knows what would’ve happened then. neil says “it's not the world that's cruel, it's the people in it,” and both of them know all too well just how many parts were ripped away from them in their struggle to survive.

if someone asked me at the end / though I know my heart would break

I'll tell them put me back in it

darling, I would do it again

if I could hold you for a minute

darling, I'd go through it again

we know andrew and neil are fighters through and through. andrew keeps his family in place by promising the only thing he thinks might be beneficial for them: protection. neil stays at palmetto even though he knows he should run before his past catches up to him. in the raven king neil says “he was their family. they were his. they were worth every cut and bruise and scream.” and in the king’s men, the first time andrew takes him to the roof after easthaven, neil confesses to spending christmas at evermore because “I had to try. if I had the chance to stop it but did nothing, how could I face you again? how could I live with myself?” they go to impossible lengths to protect each other, even if the other doesn’t ask for it, and neither regrets it, no matter if “Neil could tell himself all day long what the smart thing to do was, but if he really cared that much about what was smart he wouldn't have come here in the first place.”

I would still be surprised I could find you, darling

in any life

if I could hold you for a minute

darling, I would do it again

i don’t think this is explicitly mentioned in the books, but i think it’s something the fandom has accepted unanimously. andrew and neil are soulmates. they see each other for what they are and accept each other no matter what. they understand each other in a way no one has ever tried to before. neither of them thought they were ever gonna connect with someone they way they do. it was a surprise to have the love be requited and it made it all the better.

I would not change it each time

heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I

this final incantation is what truly sold the parallels for me. even after repeatedly trying to follow his mother’s dying wishes, neil can’t make himself put an end to his and andrew’s dynamic and in the end he doesn’t regret any of it. he says “thank you.” He couldn't say he meant thanks for all of it: the keys, the trust, the honesty, and the kisses. Hopefully Andrew would figure it out eventually. "You were amazing.” and “he'd hit the end of his rope before he wanted to and he hadn't accomplished everything he'd hoped to this year, but he'd done more with his life than he'd ever thought possible. That had to be enough.” it is also repeatedly said that “andrew regretted nothing”, meaning every word and action he exchanged with neil was intentional and true. and for all their unconventional methods, at the end of the day neil and andrew care deeply for each other (read the whole fucking essay before this) and know and trust the other like no one else ever has. i think the perfect example of this is after their first kiss when andrew says “this isn't yes. This is a nervous breakdown. I know the difference even if you don't … I won't be like them. I won't let you let me be." Neil opened his mouth, closed it, and tried again. "The next time one of them says you're soulless I might have to fight them.” their love is something that only they understand, and maybe even heaven would not be fit for it.