#this is my addition to the bg3 writing community

[dantent]

𝑴𝒆𝒐𝒘𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒍 [𝑶𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕]

A/N: This isn't a Raphael x Tav oneshot, it's more of a "Raphael was turned into a cat and Tav takes care of him" oneshot. Goes without saying that this is just a big joke and don't take this seriously. Please.

Blame the discord server for this.

Part 2

Raphael was fuming. He was meant to be the Archdevil Supreme. And yet here he was in the form of a beast, an animal – a cat. Forced, exiled even, to Faerûn. Once a place he schemed at, now his prison. Would he still have any of his humanoid forms, he would’ve already planned his great revenge, alas he was stuck in a ruined house, hiding from something as insignificant as rain. He cursed the entire hells for having such sensitivity to water in his new form.

The Devil never considered how a stray’s life would be, why would he? He was Raphael, a cambion of his rank would never stoop so low to think about the poor animals. If he could he would’ve laughed at that thought. But he wasn’t in any condition to laugh; his brown fur was dirty from being thrown in the mud by the portal that sent him to his doom. Curse Asmodeus, he thought, not even begging will better his fate once I’m crowned. Oh, but would that day even come? 

He growled once more. I’m Raphael, he raged, I will not be bested. It seemed he truly believed that, and yet there was a questioning voice in his mind. Raphael shook his now-tiny head, trying to silence it; but he had to admit that his situation was rather unpleasant. He sent another set of curses to his father, Asmodeus but most of all Haarlep. It was them who mocked his “obsession” with cats; earning him this cruel fate. No matter, he had survived far worse and this temporary setback wouldn’t be his downfall. Once he was able to get back, he imagined all the glorious ways he would kill all three of them.

As Raphael watched the rain, thinking of murder, he heard footsteps coming from the street. The Devil, or rather cat, lazily walked towards the entrance, wondering what idiot would run around in a storm. It was his little mouse. Raphael’s eyes widened, hope rising in him. Hope. He scolded himself for thinking of such things now. But Tav didn’t look towards him, in fact they hurried away from the ruined house. In a desperate attempt, Raphael started meowing as loud as he could, hoping Tav would turn back. And they did. 

Tav was always a kindhearted person, one he could easily use for his own gains; and today wasn’t any different. The hero of Baldur’s Gate rushed towards him, covering themselves with their cape. Raphael smiled but from the outside it looked like a distorted grimace. His little mouse, how ironic, bent down to pet him. In any other case he would’ve cut their hand off, but he reminded himself that currently Tav was the only person who could help him, again. No matter, he was patient after all. Another hundred years was nothing to him. He could wait. 

“Aw, you’re trapped here kitty?” their voice cooed at him. “Come, I can help.”

They took their cape off and tried to make a safe haven for him. Raphael wished he could slash their arms but he wasn’t one to bite the hand that feeds him. Not in this case, at least. He gently settled in Tav’s arms as they did their best to cover him with their cape. 

“Are you ready?” they asked before rushing out.

Raphael hissed as a stray raindrop fell on his head. It was a purely instinctual response, one he hated. The Devil spent so much time learning how to hide his reactions in his devil form; now he had to start all over again. Controlling the tail seemed easiest, as it reminded him of his previous one; but these vocal reactions got the best of him. Thankfully Tav seemed to be occupied with something else to notice. 

In the meantime Raphael started making his plan. First, his little mouses needed to recognise him. That would prove to be troublesome but if he remembered correctly, and he always did, Raphael could recall them using a potion to speak to animals before. He could only hope that Tav still had a potion. Hope, again. Raphael growled, trying to forget her. The last thing he needed was to be reminded of that stubborn fool. 

Before he could even consider where he was, Tav entered a tavern. Raphael didn’t recognize it at first but after looking around, he remembered its name – Elfsong. Not the luxury Raphael was hoping for but he had figured out Tav’s lack of style quite some time ago. His hero rushed upstairs, entering the bedroom. To his surprise, not one soul was present besides his little mouse. Tav set him down before releasing a sigh. 

“Oh you poor thing… You’re so filthy.” they shook their head. Raphael growled at them before setting off to find their backpack, and the potion he was looking for. 

He didn’t quite care what Tav was doing in the meantime, since he only needed them to understand him. Raphael was already sure that his little mouse would laugh at this horrid fate, which they would pay for, but he had to endure it. For now. 

Once he found the bag, he tore the top open with his teeth and claws, and started rummaging around. He hated the messiness of this but he didn’t have another choice as Tav didn’t seem to come after him. Raphael searched around in the hero’s disorganized bag, finding all sorts of things. Scrolls on top of scrolls, food that has been rotting there for at least months, a severed hand. The Devil grimaced just before he set eyes on the potion. He grabbed it with his mouth and began pulling it out before he was snatched away from it. 

“No! Bad kitty! Leave my potions alone, they could poison you!” Tav yelled at him with mocked anger. Once Raphael hissed at them, their expression softened. “Now, now, it’s okay. You’re fine but keep it that way, alright?”

Yet they didn’t put him down. Raphael whipped his head around before setting his eyes on a bucket full of water. Coincidentally Tav was walking right in its direction. Oh no. He took the rain and being thrown in the mud but he was not going to be bathed like some animal. Raphael screamed and tossed around in the hero’s arms, scratching every piece of flash he could get his claws on. He despised how weak he was in this form, unable to stop the fool from dumping him into water. 

“Stop that!” they shrieked. “Gods you’re so dramatic, I’m just trying to help!”

Tav raised him above them as Raphael stared daggers at the hero. His little mouse shook their head disapprovingly. Clearly they had not figured out who he was yet. And if they have and were just playing with him, Raphael was going to make sure their soul would suffer eternally. 

“You remind me so much of Raphael, that bastard.” How dare they. “I think I’m gonna name you after him. Wait, he would probably kill me if he found out. Hm.”

That he will. 

“How about Meowphael?” they laughed. “Yeah, that fits.”

Oh, Tav was going to die.

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Psst, you like Raphael? Why not sign this petition to get a Raphael romance (or at least more content with him)?