#this is like firefighter queer as folk to me with better lesbians

[helenhuntingdon]

Every week 911 just shows Buck and Eddie doing the gayest shit possible then we’re told they’re not canonly queer??

[iammikedee]

Trying to keep myself together during Pride planning

Because of coronavirus, our local queer resource center postponed Pride. Now it’s scheduled for September and will be virtual. As we do every year our church is gearing up to participate. I lead the Pride Ministry (LGBTQ+ outreach) and I’ve been working with the staff and other members to get a couple projects off the ground. 

We are fortunate to have a Quilting Ministry at our church. They have made HUNDREDS of masks for community members, church members, police officers, firefighters, the list goes on...and they’re all donations, they don’t charge a cent. I asked if they’d like to make masks representing the rainbow flag, bi, pan, trans, lesbian, ace, demisexual etc. flags for Pride and they immediately got excited! Last year we made a brochure about LGBTQ+ identities with their flags and meanings, so I just handed off a brochure and the leader of the quilters said she was on top of it.

And then she misgendered me.

And here I am just like...wondering how to feel about that??? Like she’s 110% rearin’ and ready to go to support the queer community and welcome them and make all these masks, but here I am, a guy, still being called “she” to my face.

It wasn’t malicious, it was an accident. I know this. She’s one of those people who knew me before I came out and I understand that it’s harder for her to adapt than people who met me as a guy. I have come to terms with that general idea.

What I haven’t come to terms with is people in the Pride Ministry making more mistakes than anyone else I know. Like I said, it’s never malicious and they are all willing to learn things, but what this tells me is that our church is not as equipped to support my city’s queer community as we need to be. I think we accept and celebrate them. I just don’t think we can support them the way they need to be supported. Same with people of color in our city. Our church is openly anti-ICE, and our most recent education was a study on Rev. Lenny Duncan’s Dear Church: A Love Letter from a Black Preacher to the Whitest Denomination in the US. (Great read, btw.) Essentially, Lenny and I both chose the Lutheran church because of their acceptance, however, we (the church) are predominantly old and white. While we are somewhat ill-equipped to offer the support people of color and queer folks need in a church, we are also some of the most capable people of changing.

I’m coming to realize that me and the rest of the staff are responsible for making that change happen. What that means is continuing to educate ourselves, have a presence at Pride, and unapologetically proclaim that Christianity is queer; it is black; it is brown; it is diverse; it is inclusive. 

Our oldest, most set-in-their-ways members are willing to listen and learn and that is exactly the footing we need to become who we need to be. But that means that we have to exercise patience, which is the hard part. It means that I’m going to get misgendered for a while still, and it means that people are going to slip up, and that if I want that to change, I have to stick it out. Is it my job? No. But if not me, someone else would have to do it, and I want to be the kind of person who inspires positive change.

So I do it. And I feel like a better person for doing it. But on a day to day basis, it’s hard. Really hard. 

I threw up this morning. I was stressed out and it just sorta...happened. I called a friend later. Without really giving any details I told her it was a rough day and she brought me coffee. I’m alright. I’m having to push myself to take care of my basic needs right now, and little discrepancies like being misgendered are rocking the boat more drastically than I want them to. But I have just enough mental energy to force myself to do things like eat, sleep, exercise, and socialize. 

Please root for me right now. I don’t care what religion you are. If you’re Christian, pray for me. If you’re a witch, cast a spell for me. If you’re atheists or agnostic, think of me. I don’t feel comfortable asking anyone I know irl for this much focus and attention, so thanks for listening.