#this is largely just amm practice and a bit of fun

[vivanightcity]

He stick leggy out

[hawaiianhalfwolf]

From Dusk ‘Till Dawn | Flashback

Unfinished Chatzy between Reza Burki and Noah Kalani. Takes place the eve of September 21st.

If Noah had been smarter he would have skateboarded to the beach this day. But today had not been a smart day for Noah. In fact if Noah had to pick a day every year where he might exhibit some less that great ideals he would pick this day every time. Why? Because today would have been his little brother’s 19th birthday. Sighing into his empty bottle of Jack Noah got up from the steps, the wind buffeting his face, he probably needed to go home before he made more stupid decisions. But the night was still young and Noah still had one bad decision to try to make. Pulling his car keys out of his pocket once he got to the parking lot Noah assessed himself mentally. He was fine to drive right? Gripping his keys in one hand he guided his hand slowly to the door brow furrowed in concentration, but that didn’t stop the keys from slipping out of his drunken grip. Fuck. Leaning over to pick up the keys Noah didn’t even realize he was falling till it was too late his hands coming out to awkwardly break, well  whatever this awkward beached whale falling into the side of his truck move was. Shit. Pulling himself up drunkenly against the chevy Noah took a deep breath head spinning. No no. This wasn’t right. He could not drive like this even if he could actually find his keys. Taking out his phone Noah pressed the buttons with fingers that felt too large, fuzzy head not really knowing what he was doing. He needed to call someone, cahill probably, but ooops. The call was already dialing, the name Reza Burki popping up against the caller id. Putting the phone to his ear Noah listened for the sound of someone picking up, head now leaning against the side of his truck “Rezaaaaaa,” he slurred once he heard someone else on the line “So this is gonna sssound vary sexual. But I sssswear, I dun mean it like the sex. Erll today its not sssex. But uhh do you know how drrrive stick?”

Reza rarely expected his phone to ring these days except every Friday when Nadia called him with an update on their ammi jaan, so feeling the vibrating against his thigh at this time of the evening made his eyebrows furrow in confusion. The fact that Noah's name lit up on the screen only piled onto the lack of understanding and he quickly picked up. "Hell--" “Rezaaaaaa.” Reza cringed away from the receiver, the loud noise like a bang against his eardrums in the otherwise quiet basement. Noah was... drunk? Scratch that, very drunk. Reza was already on his feet as Noah mumbled something about not being sexual which made his stomach flip despite the context. "I can." Not very well but still, it'd have to do. "Noah, where are you?" he asked, already slipping into his army boots, worry replacing the confusion from before. Reza had been drunk on that caliber more than once and rarely in a nice situation. Noah might have been a big lug with a werewolf kidney but drunk Noah could easily be in some sort of trouble. "I'm coming to get you."

Smiling into the nothingness of the night when Reza picked up Noah’s heart fluttered at his voice. He picked up, he did! Switching gears though was a bit difficult with his brain in the state that it was and it took him a second to realize that Reza was asking for his location“I amm” Noah paused thinking deeply. He was, he was, where was he now? God he should know he drove here himself. Reaching down Noah put his hand in his pocket thinking there might be something in there to tell him where he was “Ssand in my pocket” he murmured into the phone in a slightly bemused tone. Why was there sand in his pocket? And why was it so fun to play with? Noah chuckled before Reza’s voice came back on the phone and held his attention again “You aree?” Noah questioned as if he’d forgotten already what he had called about, oh a ride home yes, Reza was coming to give him a ride home. But that’s when the slight drunken panic set in. Reza couldn’t see him like this it would ruin everything “Oh noooo no” He paused trying to get up, the ground practically spinning out from under him again, especially as he struggled to keep a grip on his phone “I’m no pressentable Rezaaa. Can’t come. The stars. Not today”

It was nice and dark outside as Reza emerged from the basement into the small alley, still clutching the phone. Sand? Was Noah at the beach? Why the hell would he be drunk and alone there? unless he wasn't alone... Honestly, Reza had no idea what was going on but he was coming to help his friend either way. Even though Noah seemed to be objecting profusely. "Noah," Reza tried to cut off the rambling, grip tightening around the phone. "Don't be an idiot. I'm coming to get you, just stay where you are and let me come find you. Or I'm gonna stay out looking for you all night until the sun comes up and that would be pretty dangerous for me." Relying heavily on Noah caring enough about Reza to take this deal, but he was already trying to hail a cab to get him to the damn beach. "So just stay, ok? Please."

Leaning against the side of his truck (although standing this time) Noah tried to get his mind to stop doing somersaults inside of his skull cavity. Wow, the jack was hitting him real fast today. Probably cuz he hadn’t eaten much. Shit. Listening to Reza though Noah realized the gravity of what Reza was saying. No he wouldn’t do that just for him right?  “No. No ssssunlight for vampire.” Noah said pointedly hands pulling him along the side of his truck “You burn and tthhen I no friend.” Because it was true, if Reza was gone he would have the others yea. But there was something about Reza that was different. A good different. One that made Noah want him around more. Mind made up Noah dragged himself to the end of his truck. If he put the tailgate down he could lay down in the bed till Reza got here right? Right. Catching the last of Reza’s plea Noah couldn’t help but chuckle “Dog, funny” He laughed hands coming around to try to find the latch to the gate. But it was useless with one hand, he was going to need two for this. “I need put down” he whispered into the phone as he placed it on the side of his truck. To others it would have been placed super precariously, but to Noah’s drunken mind it was perfect. Finding the latch amid the swirling brain syndrome Noah let it down with a jolt, his phone luckily falling into the rubber bed may and not onto the asphalt “Uh oh” Noah said swinging his leg up once, twice, three times before he got it to where he wanted to be. Pulling himself up and onto the bed (through some drunken miracle) He picked it up again still crawling into the bed of his truck “Everything good In bed now Reza” he murmured not knowing exactly why he was keeping the other kid updated.

Reza wasn't sure why exactly Noah was still rambling on after having agreed to stay put and not get himself into more trouble but it was reassuring. At least hearing Noah's voice on the phone meant that he was still alive and not... running into the ocean or stumbling into a bar full of predators or whatever the else horrible scenario Reza's brain could easily provide. "Yeah, dog jokes," he replied softly and then listened quietly and almost fondly to all the commotion as Noah did something that apparently resulted in him lying down. Good. "That's good. I'm on my way, Noah." Being in the cab and en route calmed Reza down because it meant he was closer to making sure his friend was safe. Unsurprisingly, he heard Noah's breathing start to slow through the receiver. Fuck, what if he hadn't called Reza? Would he have just lain down somewhere on the beach and fallen asleep? It was pretty chilly outside and half werewolf or not... No, it was fine, it didn't matter because Reza was close to the beach and things would be fine. Hopefully. Despite there being no more talking, Reza didn't dare hang up until he spotted Noah's familiar truck by where the street met the sand. Rushing to pay the cab fare, he scrambled towards the truck. Familiar feet stuck out from the end of the truck's bed and he approached carefully. "Noah? Hey man, are you okay?" His voice was gentle and after a moment of consideration, Reza also gave Noah's leg a little squeeze to check if there was any sort of consciousness. At least he was alive, if his heartbeat was any indication. "It's Reza."

Turning Noah basically collapsed on his back on the truck bed, letting the sound of the waves run in his tipsy turvy mind. Letting his hand fall down from its place next to his ear Noah just laid there trying not to think. Because that’s what this whole day had been about right, trying not to think about how Jude should be. How he should look now. Would he have looked like him? Probably. I mean Jude had always been smaller than Noah but then again Noah had been small too until high school.  And he would have been sweet, the nicest boy you’d ever met. With an equally nice girlfriend “Or boyfriend” Noah whispered to the stars above him his chest constricting again. Fuck. Yea this was why he drank, he needed the numbness to keep all the pain away. God. Though as he wiped a tear from his eyes that when Noah felt a presence, someone gently calling his name “Jude?” Noah asked the stars quietly eyes blinking into the night, looking for a sign, anything. But that’s when he remembered Jude was dead. Jude was dead and buried and never coming back. Breathing it all back into that place in his mind where he kept the bad stuff Noah tried awkwardly to get up, eyes now looking at Reza  “You cam. Why did you?” He asked still trying to turtle his way to a sitting position.

Jude? Reza felt his chest tighten when Noah called out the unfamiliar name, wondering if he was expecting someone else. A closer friend to come help him out. The thought was pushed aside by how desperately Noah needed assistance as he tried to scramble to an upright position and Reza instinctively grabbed onto the man for support. "Because you're my... you're my friend and you're drunk. I'm here to get you home without killing yourself," he explained softly, thankful for his strength as he used it to drag Noah's heavy mass off the truck bed and back onto the asphalt. He stood on his feet now, but probably would have crumbled if Reza hadn't wrapped his huge arm over his shoulder to carry all his weight. "C'mon, I'm not driving with you on the back of the truck." Stumbling along with Noah hanging over his much smaller frame, Reza somehow managed to get the drunken sap of sadness into the passenger seat. Next to it on the ground lay the car keys and Reza rolled his eyes. Now he knew what every person that had ever taken care of him like this felt. Still, it was far from bothersome and Reza's heart really just ached for Noah because behind the swimming eyes was something broken and the vampire had no idea what had been shattered there.

Thankful for the helping hand in righting himself Noah leaned on Reza slightly hoping that the new found pounding in his head was temporary. Even if the hurt in his chest wasn’t. “Should allllready be killed, so I’m just live on borrowed time” Noah murmured softly towards Reza’s comment about not killing himself. Because in some ways it was true, Noah had been in more life or death experiences than was probably normal for a man of only 22. It was only a matter of time before the powers that be caught up with him. Leaning on Reza as the other boy helped him out of the truck, Noah relished the closeness, the scent that he had come to recognize as the angsty punk boy mingling with his own. He wished he wasn’t so drunk so he could savor this moment, but then again if he wasn’t drunk he wouldn’t be having this moment would he? Leaning against the side of the truck while reza bent down for the keys Noah petted the side of his chevy absentmindedly “You ssstronger than look. I bet you could carry all me” Noah smiled out, the idea making him happy. Yea small little reza just picking him up bridal style would be so funny. But what wasn’t funny was how Noah and Reza struggled to get Noah’s body into the passenger seat, Noah’s legs just not seeming to want to work like normal. They somehow managed it though the door closing shut next to the large hawaiian boy, and Noah taking the chance to lean his head on the cold window, the thoughts of Jude making him wary again. Would his little brother have done this for him if he’s been around? Or rather would Noah have been bad enough that Jude would have had to do this if he was still alive? Watching as Reza climbed into his seat though Noah snuggled his head against the window some more, eyes roaming over the boy next to him. “Gear sticky in 3” Noah commented for lack of anything else to say as he felt the engine roar to life underneath him.

"Got it." Reza felt much too small in the large truck as he got used to the clutch, glancing over at Noah who was somehow managing to look small as well. The way he curled himself up against the window felt familiar; uncomfortably so. Reza had definitely favored this position of making himself small in the world but something in him was shifted now. He couldn't make himself so small because he wasn't. Which was why it was rather unnerving to see someone as outwardly confident and happy as Noah looking like... that. Rolling the truck carefully out onto the street, his focus on driving since he wasn't legally allowed to, Reza still kept glancing over at the drunk mess next to him with comforting smiles. "You're okay, it's all going to be fine," Reza kept murmuring under his breath although he wasn't sure whether it was for Noah's benefit or not; he was so fucking relieved that everything was physically okay with Noah. Mentally, however... Reza had no clue. It didn't take too long to get back to Noah's house and Reza killed the engine, making no move to get out of the car. "Are you..." Okay? Obviously not. "What do you wanna do?" he asked quietly, eyes locked on Noah. "I can take you inside or... not. I can just leave, too, if you wanna be alone, just... you gotta tell me what you need."

”You're okay, it's all going to be fine,” the words kept swirling in Noah’s mind and he just wanted it to stop. Because People always said that to him. They always said that he was going to be fine. But he wasn’t ok, he wasn’t fine and that was apparent to anyone who knew him half a damn. But that was the problem though right? He has never let anyone besides maybe Sasha to see just how broken he was. To see just how much duct tape was holding his ‘nice’ heart together. Because if they did they wouldn’t want anything to do with him. “Know nothing Jon snow” He whispered against the glass of the window, barely registering that they’d reached their destination Sitting there though Noah tried not to shake his head. Reza was doing it. The thing. The ‘What do you need? I’m trying to help you thing’ But Reza didn’t realize Noah was beyond help now. Because his problem didn’t have a solution. His problem was the fact that he’d somehow survived the fucking accident and all of his more deserving family members didn’t. And he had to live with that, every second of every day of his mediocre life. “I need” Noah paused, it was getting too hot, he was too hot, and his eyes felt stingy, just like they did before he started crying. But he couldn’t cry in front of Reza. He couldn’t do it. So reaching for the handle to the door Noah somehow opened it, legs actually doing the right thing for once and catching him before he face planted against the gravel drive. Stumbling across the damn gravel driveway (he’d have to talk to cahill about putting in cement because gravel was a real fucking hazard for drunk people) Noah reached towards the safety of the porch and the house. But the world had other plans for him tonight and as soon as he felt he might succeed in running from the pain he was falling down down again. Bracing himself against it intuitively Noah stopped himself from smacking his face against the grass, his body instead rolling to the side. Laying there Noah could feel the tears he had been fighting back start to slide down his cheek, a slight pain shooting up through one of his wrists. God damn it what a fucking sad sack he was wasn’t he. Still crying over his dead family after 8 fucking years. In front of his crush no less. Who had to fucking drive him home because he was too much of a sloppy alcoholic to keep it together. God damn it “Fuck” Noah said out loud bringing a hand to wipe against his eyes. Reza was surely starting to fret now and it was just. “FUCK” Noah just screamed as he slammed his fist into the grass the swirl of emotions getting the best of him.

This was awful. It had gone from maybe something Reza could deal with to a situation that made him want to go sprinting in the other direction in a matter of seconds. He didn't know how to deal with his own emotions, much less someone else's, and especially something on this caliber. It was harrowing and Reza sat glued to his seat for a good two or three minutes as his brain struggled to wrap around some solution. Except there wasn't a solution. He knew very fucking well that stuff like this couldn't be fixed, there hadn't been any 'fixing' Reza at his lowest and the only thing that had kept him from sinking further had just been... having someone around? Maybe... Hands shaking without his permission, Reza exited the truck and his feet crunched across the gravel towards Noah. Sitting down a slight distance from Noah on the damp ground, Reza wrapped his arms around his legs, the silence deafening and broken only by Noah's erratic breathing. "I'm sorry," he said finally for a lack of a better thing to say. "I'm sorry that whatever's happening or happened or whatever is this... fucking awful. Just... whatever it is, I'm... I don't know, here. If you want me." He finally risked a glance at Noah, his heart aching. "'Cause I've... been there. Still am, sometimes. So I... get it. I mean, I don't get what you feel but I get... this." He winced, wondering if he was just making the situation worse with this rambling. He just wanted to help. "So I'm good with just sitting here for a while and... cursing at the world because it's shit. Or whatever."

Letting the pain of his punch radiate through him Noah just laid there, the damp grass starting to soak through to his Jeans. But it didn’t matter at this point. Everything was going to shit after all, so what the fuck was wet pants going to do to him that the world hadn’t? Feeling Reza start to walk over though Noah tried desperately to wipe his tears again. He was strong Noah after all. Drunk yes, but definitely not crying like a small child while someone like Reza had to pick him up off the floor. No No No. But Reza didn’t say anything really, or touch him, or try to make it ok. He just sat there knees pulled close to his chest. What the fuck was he doing? But it was then Noah hear it the soft “I’m sorry” It wasn’t a ‘let me help you’ or a ‘what do you need?’ or all the other things people always said when they felt like he needed saving. No. It was just a simple acknowledgement of his pain. A simple statement of fact that someone was here for him, someone understood how it was to be this unhappy at your circumstance. And that was worth more to Noah than anything, anything in the world. Feeling the anger retreat like the pulling of the tide against the shoreline Noah took a deep breath knowing he owed Reza words, something, anything. “He w-w-would be your age. Jude” Noah whispered, not knowing exactly why he was saying this, to Reza of all people. Reza who had his own problems and Reza who would probably never like him again (if at all) once he knew all of these things, and just so pure Reza. So untainted by Noah’s pile of steaming dog shit (all puns intended). But there was something in him that knew if he didn’t say it, the thoughts would eat him alive. Something in him that felt he owed this to Reza for staying through this horrible shitty time in his so Noah kept going, somehow pulling himself up into a sitting position “It w-would be birthday today.” He started tears flowing freely down his face. Mirroring Reza Noah pulled his knees to his chest the act making him feel better “I mean [i]should[/i] be hisss birthday. But I- I couldn’t save him.” It was the first time he’d said it out loud, or rather the first time he admitted that feeling to more than a paid professional. “And I know I ssshouldn’t b-b-be this way.” He said hugging his knees a little closer “But  just hurts too much ssssometimes”

Reza was surprised to hear Noah actually speak; he would have honestly been comfortable just sitting here for a while doing and saying nothing. It was underrated, staying in silence. At least the sort of silence that you could share with someone. But Noah was apparently willing to share something else and Reza was more than willing to listen. The name from before resurfaced and that was when it started to ring a bell. Jude, the young boy that Reza had barely known personally, but he had shown up to the memorial service that the school held after he'd drowned. Jude... Kalani. Shit. Oh, man, how had he not made the connection. It had been years ago but still... Noah wasn't whole at all but he'd held up a pretty fucking impressive facade all this time. With the other man finally sitting, Reza dared to slide a little bit closer, if only so he could better hear what was being said but also because physical presence was all Reza felt he could offer right now. The words hung between them for a little while before Reza finally dared to speak. "I'm sorry," he said again, this time with even more sadness tinting his voice. "But it's not... there's nothing wrong with it. Being like... like this. Feeling like this. It's awful and shitty and time makes it better but it doesn't take it all away. When you love someone like that--" Reza choked on the rest of his sentence, feeling wrong for a second for comparing his own love lost to Noah's because Reza's had been sick and twisted but... still, the loss had been real. "And you've probably heard this like, a thousand times but... you can't save everyone." He turned his head to look at Noah again. "And I know it's not like a... trade deal but you're sorta... I don't know, helping me out. More than you know, actually. So I'm glad that you at least managed to save yourself so it's not just... selfish or unfair that you're alive or whatever. Lots of people that are pretty fucking happy you're around." More silence. "Was he just like you?"

Placing his head on his knees Noah just sat there for a moment letting the silence wash over him. He was waiting for Reza to get up and leave. Because he should, I mean he had his own problems after all, why deal with Noah’s too? But Reza didn’t do that, no instead of running he crept closer, a certain warmth filling the space between them as words flowed. And it wasn’t that Noah hadn’t heard these words in some shape or form before (because he had, multiple times) it was the fact that they were being said by someone who had no obligation to say them that made Noah really listen. Because yea, Reza was right. And he knew that. I mean he knew that feeling this way was valid, but sometimes it was worth it to hear someone confirm it every now and again. To hear someone say I understand now where you are coming from and I want you to know that your emotions and your pain is real. And sometimes it was worth it to hear someone say that it was ok to save yourself. Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand though as Reza finished Noah hugged his knees a bit closer to him. “I dont -I dont know h-h-how much last one is true,” He shook his head. Because he wasn’t sure, and as much as he’d like to think everyone was better off that he was alive he was sure most of their lives wouldn’t change much if he wasn’t in it. “But I know Cahill needssss me that’s for ssure.” he sad with a nod leaving it all at that. Picking at the grass on the ground with hands that felt too big for his body Noah just cleared his throat. “No. He wazn’t like me at all. I was rough and he,” the bigger boy paused trying to put his little brother into words that Reza would understand, but his drunken brain couldn’t come up with anything more eloquent than “Judes smooth.” But he guessed in a way it was true. Noah was the problem, the kid who couldn’t sit down very well, the kid who was too curious and too rambunctious t ever think about the consequences. No Jude had a smart brain, he listened, and he thought about things more than Noah ever did. “Jude wasn’t trouble like me.” He started again again. “He did nice things. He got good grades. He played sexa-” Noah paused, god why were words so difficult when you were drunk and trying not to like vomit emotions all over the situation  “ssaxaphone” he finally got out “in the band.” He nodded looking over at Reza.

Reza wanted to argue that things would most certainly be different if Noah wasn't alive but it didn't seem like the time for arguing. If anyone should be feeling angry, it was Noah and Reza didn't have any right for outbursts now. He'd let the other one know just how strongly he felt when all of this blew over. Not about how exactly he felt, obviously, because that was... no. Still, Noah needed to know just how valued he was, by Reza and his own friends. A soft smile grew on Reza's face as he listened to Noah's thought out description; it was obvious how much he'd cared for his brother. "He sounds like a great guy," Reza agreed genuinely, meeting Noah's bleary gaze for the first time. It was selfish but it felt nice not to be the sad, tortured fuck up for once. Not that Reza thought Noah was a fuck up but he was definitely sad and tortured. "It would have been nice to meet him. Doubt I would have liked him as much as I like you, though." Did that imply something else? No, it didn't matter. Noah probably wouldn't remember most of this by morning. "Do you want me to help you inside? Get some water and... I don't know, if there's anything sweet than you can, like... it can be like a makeshift birthday cake or whatever. No one ever sad you can't be sad and celebrate an occasion. Even though it's a slightly morbid occasion but maybe... I don't fucking know, it just sounds like a nicer way to remember him than sitting out on the damp grass. Nicer for him, too. Not that we have to, just a... thought." He really did need to tone down the rambling but it was just so fucking hard to stop himself once he started. The fear of saying the wrong thing and pushing Noah away felt more real by the second but at the same time, it also kinda felt like they were closer. Somehow. There was a possibility that he was imagining it.

Wiping his hand across his face again, an errant tear escaping its confines, Noah nodded at Reza. Because he was such a great kid, he really was. And Noah would literally trade anything to have given Jude a chance to live out his great life. “Would loved for him tooo meet you” He said sincerely as they sat there on the damp grass. And it was true Noah would have loved for Jude to know Reza, approve of Reza. give him advice on what to do with Reza, because Noah was always hopeless at love. But unfortunately that would never happen so all he was left with was a dream and an aceh in his heart. Sniffing at Reza though Noah smiled at his comment his drunken douchebag side coming out again “oooooh someone likessss me” he teased touching Reza’s boot with the toe of his shoe lightly, his tongue sticking out towards him. He would remember none of this in the morning, but in that moment, the teasing and just the comfort of having Reza there with him made Noah feel. Well, almost better in a way. Or at least better than he’d ever felt on Jude’s birthday. “Probabblby for the best that one.” He replied when Reza’s suggested helping him inside “I don do stairs vary well.” He continued trying to stand. And it was like a foal trying to take his first steps, Noah’s wobbly legs splayed everywhere. Luckily though he managed it after a while hands stuck out on either side trying to help him with his balance “Beauty and grace” he murmured to himself before he burst out laughing, the force of it almost knocking him over again. Reaching out for Reza Noah steadied himself on the other boys body, hoping he’d just lead him to wherever he wanted to go. “But we don have cake. Just alcohol. We fucked up wolvves that way. Might be candy barrr in the pantry though” He wasn’t exactly too sold on the thought of celebrating Jude’s birthday that way, (you know like a normal non alcoholic person might) but he was at Reza’s mercy now, and you know what, maybe it could make him feel a little bit better?

~

The rest of the night was a blur to Noah, his mind refusing to focus on just one thing. And when he thinks back on it he vaguely  remembers smiling at Reza though as the boy rolled his eye at some joke down in the kitchen, the taste of chocolate mingling with that of whiskey on his tongue. He vaguely remembers trying to make it up the stairs laughing as Reza finally just used his vampire strength and hoisted him up, Noah’s toes barely touching the carpeting. He vaguely remembers the hands pulling off, one shoe, another, and his own lonely hand reaching out for the only person who seemed to be able to comfort him.

But none of that really matters in the long run, because when he remembers now, he remembers mostly that that was the last time he ever saw Reza Burki.