#this is kinda spoilers but not really. also it's so fucking bad how they decided to change her so i don't care

[queseraphita]

*sees the stargazer right next to the boss room knowing exactly who I'm up against* oh... how kind of them... :)

[thornsnfeathers]

having read Trigun's manga is pain because seeing this Elendira is a stab in the chest

[mypoisonedvine]

𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘧𝘶𝘭 || joel miller x reader

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 || joel wasn't looking for a follower, or a protégé, or an employee— whatever you're supposed to be— when he saved some dumbass kid from a couple runners. but he ended up with you anyways, and you swore to always be faithful to him... in every way.

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 || 9.2k

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 || smut (18+ only; oral f receiving, unprotected sex, very slight dacryphilia kinda?, a touch of degradation and dumbification in there, and virginity loss with some pain and one mention of blood), heavy age gap (not specified but the reader is absolutely an adult), insecure crybaby reader, unrequited love/pining, reader wants to fuck joel so bad it makes her look stupid (and we love that for her cause same), angst, tess getting kinda screwed over but only because it's absolutely necessary for the plot, emotionally repressed joel, mention of reader's parents being deceased (implied to be infected)

this fic does not contain spoilers for anything but minor details from episode one!

They were doing that thing again— where they talked in front of you, as if you weren’t there.

“So we make the run tonight,” Tess decided, standing while Joel sat on the worn-out sofa with his hands clasped and his elbows resting on his knees.  “We should be back by four, that’s when the FEDRA boys have their shift change, so we can avoid too much risk of getting caught.”

“What should I do?” you piped up.  They both looked at you with that oh yeah, she’s here glare and Tess sighed; she didn’t try very hard to hide her frustration with you, but at the same time, she was actually nice to you when she was in a good mood (which was rare).  Joel was less mean but also less nice— he stayed steady in his neutral-to-mildly-irritated state, and you figured if he wanted you to fuck off, he would’ve said so (probably in those exact words, too).

At the same time, they both instructed you flatly: “Keep watch.”

You sighed, shoulders sinking.  “Again?  Can’t I at least—?”

“You’re safer here,” Joel insisted.

“Yeah, and your gun is safer in the box under the bed, but it’s not gonna do shit to protect you if you never take it out,” you countered.

Tess scoffed.  “And what are you gonna do to protect us?”

“I wasn’t,” you admitted.  “You know I’m a great shot, but I wasn’t gonna try to shoot anybody.  I’m quieter than both of you.  I can get in and out better— and nobody’s looking for me.  Everybody knows you’re smuggling—”

“Not everybody,” Joel defended himself in a mumble.

“ — so if I do get caught, I can probably get out of a search,” you bargained.

“And what are you gonna do to get out of a search?” Tess smirked.  “Bat your eyelashes?”

That did sting, but you rolled your eyes and hoped you had effectively looked like it didn’t affect you at all.  “If implying that I’m pretty enough to get out of a search is supposed to be an insult, I can’t wait to hear one of your compliments, Tess,” you replied— but your voice was soft and almost shaky, not as confident as the comeback merited.  That summarized you pretty well: you had the will to be tough, but when it was time to really go for it, your body failed you and your hands got shaky and your eyes watered.  Almost anything could make you cry, Tess had already made fun of you for it; Joel just seemed to get really uncomfortable when you started crying, but you always did your best to hide it from him.  It just didn’t usually work.

Your whole face probably lit up when you caught Joel’s suppressed smile— did he think your joke was funny?  He hadn’t been smiling when Tess made fun of you, so it had to be what you said— or maybe he was thinking of something he would say if he cared enough to say it, some comment about how you could do more than that to get out of being searched.  He didn’t seem the type to make comments like that, but he was well aware what guards might let (or make) a girl do to avoid punishment.

“Whatever,” Tess decided, shaking her head, “you’re not coming with us, that’s the point.”

“Joel gets a say, too!” you blurted out.  “You can’t just pick for him that I’m not coming, he has to—”

“You’ll stay here,” he interrupted.  So much for getting Joel to let you go— you thought maybe he would side with you, for once.  Deflating, you nodded, and they stopped paying attention to you at the same time that you stopped paying attention to them.

Your mind wandered in times like this, when they were talking and it was clear that it didn’t concern you; Tess said once that you had an ‘overactive imagination’, but she hadn’t said it in a really mean way (like she said most things).  You didn’t want Joel to think that you were always daydreaming, but you couldn’t help it sometimes— you really just hoped that he didn’t know he was the subject of so many of your thoughts.

Truth was, he’d caught your eye long before he even knew you existed.  You’d seen him around, doing all those odd jobs he did to make ends meet, and thought he was… well, handsome, but not just that.  Mysterious.  Intimidating, though he didn’t exactly intimidate you— okay, he did, but not like he did everybody else.  He intimidated others because they were afraid he would hurt them; he intimidated you because you kind of wanted him to hurt you.  Not, you know, bad, just… maybe a hand around the neck or pinning you to a wall or something?

It wasn’t in spite of your inexperience that you had thoughts like that— it was because of it; you had been lonely for a long, long time, and maybe it was just fantasy, but you always wanted someone like Joel.  You wanted someone to take care of you, protect you.  You were just guessing that he was capable of that, but he proved it when you met for the first time.

It wasn’t exactly a meet-cute, or even just a pleasant way to meet; you were short on rations, because you’d given most of yours away to Mrs. Davis who was too old and weak now to earn any extra for herself, and someone offered to pay you ten if you snuck something they could sell out of the old mall in the QZ… well, that went about as poorly as anyone would’ve expected.

You asked Joel what he was doing there, after he’d saved you from the runners, but he refused to tell you.  Either way, it was the best luck you ever had that he showed up and fought them off.  For a moment, he’d held you close to him as he pulled you away from the Infected; you wished, later, that you hadn’t been too terrified to appreciate that.

Ever since, you’d sworn yourself to him— in more ways than one, but he only knew about the main one: you wanted to assist him however you could, figuring after he saved your life that you should dedicate it to his service.  Well, Joel had never been interested in your assistance, or anything else about you.  It was actually Tess' idea to let you stay: "if she wants to help, let her do it for free," she whispered to Joel, and he shrugged, and he did.  That was how it ended up like this: you were the squeaky, wobbly third wheel of Joel and Tess’ operation, more often than not doing the least important work if not filling your time with essentially goose-chase tasks they invented to keep you occupied.  Keep watch and listen to the radio were your biggest assignments; just wait here was another common one, when they were too lazy to call it one of the other two.

Tess left a little while later, and Joel laid down on the sofa.  You broke away from your thoughts and tried to make yourself useful— you got up to rinse the dishes, humming a random tune to yourself as you worked.  You were already back inside your head, wondering if you should tell Joel it was a song you’d heard on his radio and had stuck in your head ever since.  Probably not worth it; it usually didn’t go well when you tried to talk about things like that.  Joel and Tess talked about before a lot— well, it wasn't that often, because it wasn't very productive to talk about it.  But they talked about it occasionally and you never had anything to say.  Once, you tried to weigh in: they were reminiscing on concerts before the outbreak, bands and artists they remembered, and you chirped about how "I read about that in a book once!"

They both glared at you, and you didn't say anything else.  But you didn’t take it too personally, they just didn’t want to feel old— but you didn’t think either of them were old!  These days, old wasn’t a matter of years, it was really just about usefulness— like poor Mrs. Davis, she was old, she couldn’t do much for herself anymore— and they were both… actually, they were both significantly more useful than you.  That made you sad.  But at least Joel had helped you get better with guns— not that he ever let you carry one. 

“I didn’t ask you to do that,” Joel broke the silence as you washed his favorite mug.

“I know,” you said back, voice light and chipper.  “You don’t have to.”

You felt his eyes linger on you for a moment after that, but he didn’t say anything else.

~

Though they had decided already that you weren’t joining them on the run, you ended up there— mostly by happenstance— when Joel and Tess met with the buyer who wanted half of what they managed to bring back.  Not many people in the QZ could afford that kind of contraband, so it made sense that it was one of the FEDRA soldier’s bankrolling this.  They were by no means rich, but they had a lot of pull and could provide all sorts of ration cards and promises to look the other way if future issues arose.  He couldn’t guarantee safe movement out and back in through the boundaries of the city, but he at least promised to look the other way in any future run-ins with the law.

“So that’s it: you’ll leave at eleven, you’re back by four, and you bring me my share the next day during my break?” the soldier confirmed.

“Yep,” Tess agreed.  “Quick and painless.  Hopefully.”

You didn’t expect the man’s eyes to land on you, but you didn’t particularly care for it.  "Is your little lap dog coming, too?" he smirked, glancing at Joel after he was finished raking his stare over you.

Your face got hot instantly, with shame and confusion.  "I— I'm not in his lap," you denied, "that's not— we don't—"

“No,” Joel interrupted firmly, “she’s not coming.”

There was an awkward silence, the place where he might’ve said and she’s not my lap dog, if he cared much about the accusation.  Tess seemed to be hanging onto that silence nearly as tightly as you were.

“Whatever,” the soldier finally brought everyone’s attention back to the conversation, “just meet me here tomorrow at half past one, and we’ll see what you’ve got.”

You were still thinking about that conversation that night— while you were keeping watch, like Joel had asked you to.  It was really boring; you spent most of the time on the couch, reading a book you’d bought off someone for a few rations.  After a while, your curiosity got the better of you, and you started snooping around Joel’s apartment.  There wasn’t much to look at… he didn’t own much, just a few shirts— actually, you thought those jeans he always wore might be his only pair…

Your search led you to his bed.  Even with no one here to see you do it, you were a little embarrassed to lean in and take a whiff of his pillow— but it was totally worth it.  It smelled just like him, that warm piney kind of scent he had; in times like this, not many people could afford to smell nice, but Joel could.  Not to say that he was the type to splurge on all the nicest stuff, you were pretty sure he didn’t even own cologne, but he owned shampoo and deodorant, so that put him in the 80th percentile for hygiene in the Boston QZ.

But it wasn’t just those products you smelled on his sheets— there was something quintessentially Joel to it all, something impossible to define but incredibly addictive.  It was instinctual, the way you got in his bed and curled up in those sheets, burying yourself in the comfort of him.  It was so easy to imagine how he might hold you, now that you were here— all you were missing was his strength, his weight, slow and steady breaths behind you as he drifted to sleep…

You woke up when you heard the door shut.  Startled into sitting up, you were hoping you’d have time to get out of his bed before he saw you— but he was already standing there, staring at you.  He was just a shape in the dark, so you couldn’t see his face, but you heard the exasperated sigh.

“I thought I told you to sleep on the couch,” he said.

“R-right, sorry,” you coughed, recalling last time this happened with a pained wince.

“Better yet, I thought I told you to keep watch!”

“You know you just say that,” you mumbled, “so you can keep me away from the real work.”

He didn’t say anything, probably because he knew you were right— but even if he’d wanted to, he couldn’t, because Tess walked in a second later.  “Can’t believe he tried to stiff us,” she was saying as she walked in, half-laughing in frustration.  “Well, yeah I can,” she added a second later.

Her attitude changed when she saw you in the bed.  “I— I’ll go back to my—” you started, but you ended up just getting up and leaving in a hurry before you could really finish your thought.

Wiping a small tear from under your eye quickly, you walked out of Joel’s apartment and started for your own bunk across the city— even though it was more likely than not that somebody would hassle you for walking around during curfew.

Yes, if you had a little more self-respect, you would just stop hanging around those two and find some other work to do, but Joel had done something for you that you could never repay and never forget.  He didn’t have to love you the way you loved him— and you’d been sure for a while that he never would— but couldn’t he at least be a little nicer?  You wouldn’t feel right being anywhere but at his side, no matter how much he made it seem like he never wanted you there at all.

~

Honestly, you did consider not going back the next morning— but you figured they might actually need you for the next part.  Okay, not need, but they could at least use you for something: after smuggling anything in, you need a fence, someone to pawn this stuff off.  Joel and Tess did a decent job of keeping a low profile, but it was even easier to do so when they had someone like you moving contraband around Boston’s population.

So, after a few hours of sleep on that radically uncomfortable cot, you decided to head back to Joel’s place.  The sun was just above the horizon by this time, but only the people working early shifts for their rations were up now; you liked the city best when it was quiet like this, but then again, you liked almost everything better quiet.

Usually, Joel’s apartment was the same way.  But when you walked in, the energy was completely different than you were used to.  Where you’d normally find Tess counting up the score while Joel sipped on coffee (or liquor, depending most on the hour), instead you walked in on what was clearly a lover’s quarrel.

The thing was, this was not your typical argument— they were doing it Joel and Tess style, which is to say, as repressed as possible.  In fact, they weren’t even talking when you walked in, but just the way they were standing was indicative of the discomfort they were clearly trying not to acknowledge.

Tess was at the window, arms crossed, looking at the view; and you knew that was a bad sign, because there was no view to be had, the QZ was an eyesore and she complained about it all the time.  Joel was sitting at the table, facing the other way, his hand squeezing his own fist instead of the handle of his mug— it didn’t look injured, but his face still had a hint of pain on it.

“I’m sorry—” you mumbled, not sure what you were apologizing for yet, but Tess interrupted you.

“I’ll go,” she decided, walking over to the table.

“Okay,” Joel agreed, not looking at her.

Well, you were no relationship expert, and you didn’t even know what they were arguing about… but you knew that was pretty cold.  “So that’s all you’re gonna say to me?” Tess prompted him, her tone tight and her eyes red.

You kept your head low, as if that would hide the fact that you could clearly see and hear all this.  

“Yeah,” Joel decided, not as aloof as usual; it reminded you of how he usually spoke to you, that frustration, but it was definitely different.  More… exhausted.  “Yeah, it is.”

Tess put her weight predominantly on one leg, her hips shifting, as she let out a scoffing sort of breath.  For a moment, she looked at you; you looked back at her shyly from beneath your brows before looking away.  Why would she look at me right now?

Shaking her head, she left, mumbling to herself but you couldn’t make it out.  The door slammed behind her.  Joel sighed next.

“Everything okay?” you asked sheepishly, twisting your boot on the floor to watch the shapes it made in the thin layer of dust.

“Clearly,” he insisted, and the sarcasm was obvious though his voice was neutral.  You could tell he didn’t want you to prod more— anyone who knew Joel for two minutes would know that— but you still chewed your lip as you wondered what you should do.

Your attention turned to the stacks of contraband on the table; most of it was perfectly legal material to own, just not legal to acquire from outside the city’s perimeter.  “Looks like a good haul this time,” you noticed, hoping a change of subject would soothe him a little.  Maybe it did, but he didn’t show it.  He just kept squeezing his fist, and you gently sat down across from him at the table— and you started doing what you figured you should, going through what they’d brought back and starting to figure how much you could get for it.

For a while, he entertained that conversation, though with as short of responses as possible.  Not even a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, just hums and grunts that got the point across.  You could tell he was thinking, but you could also tell he didn’t want to be— that he’d rather forget about all that.  For once, he was struggling to do that.

It scared you to imagine doing something he so obviously didn’t want you to do, but you knew you couldn’t ignore it forever.  “What made her so upset?” you asked softly, finally.

He paused for so long that you thought he was just ignoring your question, but he did eventually say something.  “She told me something I wasn’t ready to hear,” he answered, “and… and I guess I said the wrong thing.”

“What did you say?”

“Actually, I didn’t say anything,” he admitted with a thin laugh.  “But, I said nothing in the wrong way.”

"... Do you think she'll come back?" you pressed, and his sigh was answer enough.

You had to wonder if he'd make you a real partner in all this now.  Probably not, right?  He thought so little of you before, that wouldn't change just because Tess was out.

“I’m sorry,” you decided.

“It’s not your fault,” he promised.  “It was me.”

You didn’t press on that, already thankful and pleasantly surprised by how much he’d shared.  He stood up a moment later, leaving the table and moving to the kitchenette so he could make some coffee; oddly, that comforted you.  Like things were going to go forward now, like life could be normal again and he would still drink his coffee.

For a while, it was quiet— just how you liked it, and how you figured he liked it, too.  He was humming a song at one point but you didn’t think he realized he was doing it.

It was so quiet, in fact, that when you went to lay on the sofa later, you ended up accidentally dozing off.  You couldn’t say how long you were asleep— you were pretty underslept, but it didn’t feel like more than an hour— just that you were awoken to the sound of movement in the kitchen area.

Sitting up, you tilted your head when you saw Joel had begun packing up the contraband haul— well, half of it.  “What are you—?” you began to ask, but then you saw the time, and you remembered; but he answered you anyways.

“Our buyer’s on his break now,” Joel announced as he stuffed a pack of bandages into his bag.  “I said I would meet him to show him what we got.”

“I can go with you!” you announced.  “You know, if Tess isn’t—”

“It’s fine,” he insisted, “I can do it myself.”

“Joel, please,” you pressed, “I promise I’ll do whatever you need me to, I just wanna help—”

“I need you to stay here,” he frowned.

Some things never change, huh?  “Why don’t you just let me go?  Let me help you?” you whimpered, lip shaking as you started to cry.  You hated yourself for it, but you knew you couldn’t stop it.

There was a pause before he responded.  “I don’t like the way he looks at you,” Joel explained, but you doubted that was the real reason he didn’t want you to come.  “It only takes one of us, you’re better off here.”

“Tess was gonna go!” you reminded him, getting more upset.  "I know I'm not…" you trailed off as you tried not to cry too much or too loudly.  "I can't do what she can— I'm not strong…"

He sighed as he knelt down in front of you, resting his hand on your knee.  You peeked out from behind your fingers, but looked down again.

"I'm not— I'm not smart, either," you whimpered.  "I don't know anything, about before, about now—"

"That's not true," he mumbled, but you weren't finished yet.

"Nobody knows why you even keep me around, I sure don't," you shrugged, dropping your hands defeatedly, hot tears running faster down your face and dripping onto your pants; his hand reached up and wiped your cheeks with a gentleness you never knew he had.  “M’not… I’m not tough, like you guys…”

"You know what you are, little girl?" he replied quietly.  "You're good.  You're sweet.  Me an' Tess, we need someone like you to keep us from bein' sad old assholes all the time…"

He sighed, and you thought was done talking, until he spoke again, softer.

"I need someone like you."

Your heart swelled, and light filled your chest, until you had just enough confidence to finally blurt out what you'd been holding in for months: "Joel, you should know that I always—"

"Shh," he soothed, nodding.  "I know."

Your face got hot instantly again, and your heart sank.  "I think everybody knows," you mumbled awkwardly, giving him a half-smile through the drying tears.  "But I thought— it's just that you never—"

“I couldn’t,” he insisted.  “You understand that?  I couldn’t, not with you—”

“Why not?” you snapped.  “Why can’t you?”

“If you don’t know why, you’re more hopeless than I thought,” he frowned.

“I know— I know I’m… a lot younger than you…” you mumbled, almost not wanting to say it in case he actually hadn’t noticed that.  “I know you think I’m not very mature and stuff… but that shouldn’t matter when you really love someone—”

“Woah, hey,” he coughed, “love?  Sweetheart, you’ve got a crush—”

“No!  Don’t tell me how I feel,” you snapped, surprising both of you with your sudden ability to stand up to him.  “You can tell me what to do but not what to feel.”

“Okay,” he softened up, “fine.  That’s fair.  But it’ll pass—”

"I've never loved anybody before," you whimpered, "and I'm never gonna love anybody like I love you.  I know that!  I know you think I'm just a stupid kid who doesn't understand love, but I know that I really love you!  Okay?  So just… just stop talking!  Doesn’t need to take this long for you to reject me, geez…”

There was a pregnant pause, you were too caught up in your own frustration to really notice it: the way he looked to the side, chewing on the inside of his cheek for a moment.  You weren’t expecting him to say anything after that, so it nearly startled you when he spoke.  “It was last night, after you left,” he explained.  “I— I thought about telling you to come back, figured you’d be safer on the couch than walking back across the city at that time…”

Wrapping your arms around your chest, you smiled a little imagining that, but you knew you couldn’t have taken him up on that offer: it would’ve killed you, trying to sleep on that sofa while Joel and Tess shared the bed.

“She told me not to,” Joel continued.  “That’s… that’s how it started, I guess…”

“That girl’s so obsessed with you,” Tess laughed lightly, toying with Joel’s lapel.  “It’s cute, really.  I mean, it’s sad— but it’s cute.”

“Hm,” Joel said first, not really listening— it took him a second to properly react.  “Why is it sad?” he asked when her words processed completely.

“‘Cause she thinks she might actually have a chance,” Tess explained.

That was it, what he did wrong; he sees it now, in retrospect, but at the time he figured saying nothing was his safest bet.  Apparently, he didn’t have to say anything.

“Shit,” Tess said suddenly, moving instantly from shock to anger.  “Are you fucking serious?”

“What?” Joel spat.

“You know fucking what,” she returned sharply.  “That look— you looked away.”

“Okay?  So?” Joel tried to defend himself, but he knew that she knew now— believe it or not, he really wasn’t much of a liar.  Especially with her.

“She’s a goddamn fetus, Joel,” Tess reminded him.  “She hasn’t seen a hundredth of the shit we’ve seen, she hasn’t lost anyone—”

“Lost her parents,” Joel corrected.

“Well, we all lose our parents,” Tess rolled her eyes, “that’s part of life.”

Not the way she lost them, Joel wanted to add, but he was going back to his original plan of saying nothing.

“She’s not like us,” Tess insisted.

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” Joel decided.

That was the point of no return; because Tess had never thought of you as competition, she barely even thought of you at all, but if innocence was something he wanted… then the competition was already over before it even started.  The silence was heavy, more sad than angry, and Joel knew he really fucked up because he’d never really seen Tess speechless before.  Is it bad that he didn’t regret it, though?  Maybe he could’ve handled things better, but telling her the truth couldn’t be wrong.  It’s not like he’d been hiding it, really— he never even acknowledged it himself, not often.

“I can’t believe you,” she shook her head, and shame twisted in his gut.  “Part of me always— not always, I guess, but part of me wondered.  Sometimes the way you looked at her…”

As she trailed off, Joel looked down, too afraid for her to look in his eyes now.

“You’d do anything to keep her safe,” she said instead of finishing that last thought.  “I told myself you didn’t look at me like that because you knew I could protect myself.”

“I do,” he promised.

“So what do you want?” she asked point-blank.  “Something you can protect, or something you don’t have to?”

“And what did you say?” you asked hurriedly.

“I told her what I wanted,” was all he replied, and your heart skipped.  “And that’s… that’s why she left.”

Joel nodded slightly, looking away.  But you reached out and touched his face, turning it back towards you.  Impulsively, you leaned forward and kissed him; it took all the courage you had, and a hand on his shoulder for balance, but you felt him kiss you back after a moment.  It was gentle, for how sudden it was, and you sighed as his hand moved higher up your leg.  

You were still crying, because of course you were, but he didn’t mind as much as you’d worried: he only wiped your tears away, holding onto your face, standing up and pulling you with him.

“I love you,” you whispered as he embraced you, wanting to say it a thousand times now that it wasn’t the worst-kept secret in Boston.  “I love you, Joel—”

“I know,” he promised, whispering back into the kiss which got deeper with each passing moment.  “I know, darlin’.”

That was enough for you— that was plenty: the way he kissed you, and held you, calling you darlin’ in that rough-yet-gentle voice… you were weak already, melting into his touch, ready to give him anything.

In fact, he had to put a hand on your shoulder and gently push you away to get you to calm down, and your face heated up as you realized how eager you’d been.  “Don’t need to get so worked up, m’gonna take care of you now, okay?”

“You always take care of me,” you noticed.

“A different way,” he explained.

Just the way those brown eyes darkened, just the way he said that made your thighs clench against each other.  “Y-you’ll miss the meeting with the buyer,” you realized.

“Fuck,” Joel grumbled, and you smiled a bit.  “Waited this long and now I’ve gotta fuckin’ leave you again.”

Your hand rested on his chest, the soft flannel of his shirt transmitting some of the warmth of his body, and you looked up with him with wide, wet eyes.

“I know you hate waitin’ here, but… I always liked it,” he admitted, his voice softer yet deeper.  “I always liked knowing you were here, waiting for me…”

Your heart swelled.  “Y-yeah— I didn’t mind waiting for you so much,” you admitted in return, “just didn’t want you to think that’s all I was good for.”

He kissed your temple, making your chest flood with warmth.  “I know,” he promised.  “You’ll be here when I get back, won’tcha?  Can’t disappear on me now.”

“I won’t, I’ll be here,” you assured, turning your face to peck his cheek in return.  It seemed to surprise him, like he hadn’t had tenderness of that sort in a long time.

~

Funny how you’d waited for him all night before, but that half hour felt longer than all of them combined.  You were quite sure you knew what he meant before— about how he would take care of you in a different way— and it put you on edge all afternoon.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d kissed you, about his hands pulling you closer.  Or his eyes: if he’d ever looked at you like that before, you hadn’t noticed (which was probably what he intended).  

For how much time you spent wondering what you would do, what you would say, when he returned, you ended up not doing much of either: he was on you the moment he stepped in the door, though that was sort of what you’d been betting on when you decided to strip down to just your underwear and wait for him like that.  Not that you minded the idea of him, you know, tearing your clothes off like one of those romance novels— you just didn’t like the idea of having to wait any longer than you already had and this shirt had way too many buttons.

He did take a moment to stare you down when he came back, to appreciate your nakedness, and despite imagining showing yourself to him many times before, you felt a little self-conscious with his eyes just piercing through you like that: you didn’t cover yourself, ignoring a slight instinct to do so, but you did wrap your arms over your stomach and cross your legs as you sat on his bed.

Waiting for him to say something— or, possibly, waiting for yourself to find some courage to speak— you were a little taken aback when he grabbed you and kissed you.  And you realized, as his lips moved with yours even harder, deeper, needier than before, that there was nothing else to say.

He climbed on top of you on that bed, laid you down on it gently, as his weight pressed you down into the mattress.  You could've sworn you heard him growl when he rocked his hips against yours, a firm bulge in his jeans pressing right up to where heat had gathered between your legs.

Fingers weaving in his hair, you hummed as you did all you could to keep him close, as if he might just disappear if you didn’t hold him near to you.  But he didn’t seem like much of a flight risk, considering his tight grip on you— so tight it could leave marks, which you hoped it would.  You needed more than just memories of this.

“Tell me this is what you want,” he demanded, his voice breathless yet somehow not weak at all.  “Need to know you want this.”

“Fuck, Joel, f’course,” you promised— wasn’t it obvious?  It probably was.  But you could understand if he was still fighting back some guilt; you just wanted to do everything you could to help him forget about that.  “So bad,” you continued, “for so long…”

“Since I saved you?” he assumed, his teeth grazing your lip like a threat to bite down harder— a threat that made you throb from the inside out.

“Before,” you admitted, smiling sheepishly.  

“Didn’t even know me before,” he noticed, raising an eyebrow.

“Saw you around sometimes—” god, am I blushing as hard as it feels like I am? — “thought maybe you could… you know…”

Protect me.  Hold me.  Take care of me.  And fuck me like the world is ending even though it already did.

He smirked at you proudly, leaning in to kiss your neck this time, following some invisible trail that made you even more sensitive to the touch of his lips; after he kissed right under your ear, he whispered to you.

“Then just go ahead and take what you want, darlin’.”

After a shiver ran over you, so strong you thought it might never end, your hands shot down between you so you could get to work on his belt and fly; you felt his smile against your skin, then his teeth a moment later, as his hand rubbed the curve of your waist gently.

Both of you gasped when your fingers wrapped gently around his cock, for different reasons.  The skin was so smooth, it was hard to believe something this soft and silky was part of Joel— and it was hot, or maybe your fingers were just cold, but you hoped that didn't bother him.

He was already starting to move his hips just a bit, rocking into your touch, and you hummed when he suddenly grabbed your hand to force it to press firmer against himself.  "You thought about touchin' me like this before?" he asked in a voice that was breathy and low— you loved hearing the pleasure in his voice.

"Y-yeah," you admitted shyly; when he let your hand go, your touch wandered, your hands sliding up under the bottom of his shirt so you could feel the skin there— the firm muscle, the thin scars, the graying hairs that formed a trail down his stomach…

Grabbing your wrists, he pinned them down above your head, and you let out a joyful whine.  "Keep those there," he ordered, and you nodded as you watched him intently.

His hands traced down your body, making shivers run all over your skin; how could a man with so much strength touch you so delicately?

He purred as his fingers ran down to your panties, toying with the edge of the fabric before carefully pulling them down your legs.  You tried not to wiggle too much, but your hips were desperate for some friction, for some attention from him— they didn't have to wait long, though.  He groaned at the sight as he parted your legs, grabbing himself to rub his fat head through your folds.  "Fuck," he mumbled, your channel clenching on nothing as you saw how far apart his tip forced your swollen lips, "so wet for me already, bet I'll slide right in…"

Your back arched with a moan just imagining that, and he pushed your stomach down flat with his free hand so you wouldn't angle too far away from him, laying his body atop yours.  Though you tried to stay still, you couldn’t stop shaking as he lined himself up; it felt surreal, it felt hyperreal— his skin against yours was unlike anything you could’ve imagined.

You’d sort of wondered if he’d say something before he put it in, maybe a quick you ready? or even here it comes which would’ve been stupid but an appreciated warning nonetheless.  Instead, he just looked at your face carefully, and pushed inside.  It was sudden, sharp; your whole body tensed up and you sucked in a breath before biting your lip.

He only made it halfway in, struggling against how tight you were.  You were doing everything you could not to give away your pain, but he must've seen it in your expression.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a hoarse whisper.  "I'm hurting you…"

"No— Joel, please don't stop—"

You wrapped your legs around his hips to try to keep him inside, but he pulled out most of the way and looked down— and you winced when he saw the blood.  "Baby, you… are you— is this your—?  Fuck, why didn't you say something?"

"You wouldn't have done it with me if you knew it was my first time," you explained with a whimper.

"No, baby— I just would've taken my time with you, s'all," he sighed, "would've helped you— sweetie, it didn't need to hurt like that…"

Clutching tighter at his shirt, you pulled him down into a needy kiss. "Hurt me more, Joel," you pleaded into it with a breathy whisper, "do whatever you want to me.  I'm yours— that's all I want, just to be yours."

He kissed you back, slow but passionate; but, much to your dismay, he pulled out and sat up.

"No, Joel, I'm sorry," you whined, "I'm sorry— I didn't mean to lie, I'm so sorry, I promise I can be good!  M'gonna be really good for you!"

But he just shook his head, and you bit your quivering lip as tears ran down your temples.  He smiled, just a little.  "Such a crybaby," he scolded you softly.  "What am I gonna do with you, little girl?  You can't even keep yourself together."

He leaned down again, but he slid his knees down on the bed so he could position his face between your legs.  He kissed your inner thigh first, and you jumped because it tickled.

Then he held your hips, running his thumbs over your skin soothingly, and you tried not to squirm too much as he looked up at you with those dark eyes— much darker than before.  “You want me to taste you?” he asked, like it was your idea or something.

“Uh, yeah,” you mumbled sheepishly, and he actually laughed for a moment.  

“Yeah?” he repeated.  “Could you be a little more specific?”

Oh— he wants me to beg.  “Um— please?  Taste me, Joel…”

He smiled, but not like a haha funny smile or an oh that’s nice smile— a really dirty kind of smile, even though his teeth were actually in better condition than most out here.  “Okay, baby,” he agreed.

He was subtle about it at first, just giving gentle kisses all around; you felt… exposed, even more than you had with his face between your legs before.

“Is that alright?” he asked, his voice rougher than the last time you heard it.

“Y-yeah,” you choked, clearing your throat.  “Don’t… don’t stop, please…”

When he got back to it, he was much more aggressive— long, slow licks between your lips, sloppy kisses with his eyes shut tight; and you whined as you held on tighter to the sheets.  You didn’t realize how hard you were shaking until his grip on your thighs was bruisingly tight.  And as he held you down, he just dug in deeper: every time you thought he’d stop escalating the intensity of it all, he just did it more— he just did everything more— until you couldn’t control your moans and gasps anymore.

His tongue was the fucking devil; he slid it inside you and your eyes rolled back.  He sucked greedily on your clit until your hips bucked uncontrollably, moaning against your skin just enough that you could hear it over your own shameless cries.

"Joel, fuck, how are you—?  Oh god—"

"Mm?" he encouraged you to finish your thought without breaking away from you.

"How does that feel so good?" you sobbed.  "Oh my god— please don't stop, never stop, oh fuck!"

All he was doing was flicking his tongue over your bud, such a small interaction with a tiny little organ, and your whole body was shaking.  Reaching down and grabbing his hair, you didn't mean to tug on it so hard but you also didn't expect him to moan deeply when you did.  

His mouth moved a little higher, focusing on the bud you were sure had never been this swollen or this sensitive.  Doing so freed your opening, and one of his thick fingers prodded at it.  "Please," you panted, wanting any part of him to be inside you again.

He pushed it in, the roughness of his skin creating the perfect friction on your delicate walls.  You were waiting to feel his knuckle against you, but instead he only put it in maybe halfway, not very far at all.  It didn’t make much sense to you, until he started to rub one place just inside and a gasp instantly inflated your chest.

“Oh—” you choked, and he was licking harder on your clit at the same time that he added a second finger; you’d never felt anything like it before.  “Joel!” you squealed, hating how girlish it sounded but helpless to the control he had over your body with just two fingers and his tongue.

His rhythm wasn’t all that fast but it was relentless, the exact tempo you needed for that pleasure to build and build, toes curling and vision getting all spotty— you tried to look down at him sometimes, but your head wanted so badly to tilt back and let everything go black.

“I— oh, fuck— I’m gonna— fuck, Joel!” you sobbed, grabbing on tighter to his hair; you took one glimpse at it, and when you saw the scattered silver hairs peeking out from between your fingers, it just made you even more overwhelmed.

He hummed and looked up at you, encouraging you�� his fingers pumped faster and faster suddenly, and when it hit, you felt like your whole body was going numb.  It started where he was touching you, but then a moment later it was in your head, then it was just running all over and you were too weak to do anything but give into it.

Suddenly it became too much, and the hand that had been holding him down by his hair was suddenly pushing him away; you blinked away the spots in your vision to catch a glimpse of him with that beard soaked in you, but his fingers hadn’t stopped yet.  “Oh… ohhh my god…” you whined, breathing harder than you could ever remember breathing before, your head getting all dizzy and cloudy as he smirked up at you and continued fucking you with his hand.

Your hole was pulsing, flexing over and over, waves of slick leaking out until you could feel the puddle spreading under you.  Your cheeks burned with humiliation, even though he kept praising you as his fingers milked everything from your swollen spot.  "Good girl, good girl," he said over and over, "fuck, good job, soak the sheets, baby— soak my fingers, keep going…"

"Joel," you sobbed, desperate for some relief from the overwhelming sensation.  He didn't really stop, just slowed down a lot, but he kept twisting his fingers and rubbing that one place until your quivering body collapsed completely onto his mattress.  And then he went on for just a little bit longer after that.

Then he stopped.  When you thought you might fucking pass out.

He climbed up your body and brought his two soaked fingers to your slack lips.  

"You want a taste, too, baby?" he purred.

You dutifully opened your mouth and did your best to clean his fingers off, sucking and licking as he hummed a bit; his eyes got a little darker as he felt your tongue run all over his rough fingers.

"What do you think?" he prompted when he pulled his fingers away, and you swallowed as you made a little face.

"I dunno if I like it," you admitted nervously.  "Kinda sour."

"Really?  I think your pussy's fuckin' delicious."

Your face flushed, but you didn't say anything else because he was reaching down to hold his cock again— and your heart started racing.

"Ready to do this the right way?" he prompted, and you nodded eagerly.  "S'gonna feel so much better, now you're all ready for me.  Ready for something this big inside ya— but it might still sting at first, okay?  Just hold onto me tight."

That you did, tighter than you thought you could— apparently you were stronger than you realized, especially considering that orgasm nearly took you out a minute ago.  But you had to hold on that tight as he began to push that fat head inside you, stretching you so wide before he'd even gotten the ridge of it past your opening.  It didn't sting like before, or at least not as much, but it was still completely overwhelming.  You forgot to breathe until he was halfway in: you gasped out his name, reminding yourself he was inside you and above you and everywhere, everything.

"See how much— fuck— how much easier it is now?" he grunted, sliding into you slowly until his hips met yours.  "See how you're takin' all'a me?  God damn, still tight as hell, though."

You were delirious already, he hadn't even moved yet.  You didn't think it could get much better than his mouth on you, than coming because of him, but this?  This perfect stretch, this addictive friction, knowing he was completely inside you and that he liked how you felt?  This was ecstasy, bliss.  And he hadn't even fucking moved yet.

"Gonna have a hard time being gentle with you now," he admitted with a growl beside your ear.  "You've got one of those perfect little pussies that just needs to be fucked hard— suckin' me in, just beggin' for it rough and fast."

"Joel," you whined, "fuck me however you want, please… I can take it, I swear, I want you so bad…"

Still, when he moved, it was slow and patient.  Too goddamn slow.

"Fuck," you sobbed, back arching up off the bed as he carefully savored every detail of you.  "Fuck, Joel, I can't— I can't believe you're— I can't believe it's you.  I wanted you so much I couldn't fucking breathe."

He smiled at you, and leaned in to kiss your neck; you let out what could only be described as a joyful whimper.  “Wanted you too,” he finally admitted.  “Tried not to, you’re so young… jus’ couldn’t help it after a while.”

"Faster," you whined, "please, fuck, please please—"

"You are so goddamn spoiled, you know that?" Joel grunted— but then he did it, he fucked you even faster than you'd imagined.  His thrusts were still deep and long, but they came at you quicker than you could process and you nearly screamed.  

You were even more sensitive after he’d made you come the first time; it was just overwhelming, the feeling of him, and you felt like your mind had left your body— like your mind had left you entirely.

“Y’feel fuckin’ perfect, darlin’,” he praised lowly, kissing your neck with all the gentleness and patience his thrusts lacked.  “So good for me.”

Maybe it was pathetic, but being good for him felt fucking amazing— not just physically, obviously.  It felt like having a purpose; you’d never really felt that before.

You lost track of time; honestly, you lost track of everything.  Everything that wasn’t this had fallen away, and it was just you holding on for dear life as Joel wrecked you all over again with every motion.  "Hear that?  How wet you are for me?" he groaned, and yes, there was a squishy-wet sound that filled the room with each thrust.  You tried to answer him, say something witty about how he made you that wet so many times, but only moans came when you opened your mouth.  "I asked you a question," he reminded you.  "Can you fuckin' hear it?"

Whimpering, you could only bite your lip and nod.

"Oh," he smiled, "I see— you get stupid with cock in you, huh?  Get fucked right and that silly brain just turns off?"

You nodded again— wasn’t much else for you to do.

"Just gonna be a dumb whore for me now?" he asked.  "Just kidding, I know you already were."

“Fuck— Joel—” you choked.

"No no, it's okay— it's good,” he soothed you, kissing a tear from your temple that you hadn’t even realized was there.  “You don't need to think.  I don't need you to think.  You can just be my fucktoy, okay?  You can just be my slut.  Say it."

"I-I'm your slut, Joel…"

He hummed appreciatively; your moan caught in your throat, and you tried to hide your face in his shoulder— you couldn’t believe he was still dressed, for all you knew he still had his boots on, and meanwhile you were stripped of everything.  Not just your clothes: you were stripped of all pretense (didn’t need it) and dignity (didn’t want it).  You’d thought of yourself as his for quite some time now, but now that he’d really made you his, it was more than you could’ve imagined.

When you came with him inside you, it wasn’t like how it was before— definitely similar, obviously the same thing at the core of it, but very different.  Before it was so… sudden, like a firework going off and then glittering into darkness (at least, that was how you understood fireworks to be, you’d only ever had them explained to you).  This was more like a deep pressure that just built and built and built, and then at some point you’d crossed that threshold and you were there but it didn’t go away, it just stayed at the peak while he kept moving inside you.

He grunted as your walls beared down on him, watching the tears of ecstasy stream down your face.  “Tryin’ to milk my cock, huh?” he accused with a snarl to his tone.  “S’that what you want?”

You weren’t really paying attention, you couldn’t while he was fucking you like that.  Digging your fingers into his shoulders through the flannel shirt, you just whimpered and nodded.

“S’workin’, baby,” he smiled, “little pussy’s got me so tight— is it a little too much, honey?  You’re cryin’...”

“I— I always cry,” you sniffled.

“M’not gonna make you take too much more,” he promised, “doin’ so good honey— gonna let you rest soon—”

“No, d-don’t stop,” you begged, and he laughed a little.

“I’m close,” he explained, and even though that should’ve been obvious, it made you feel better.  “Normally takes me a little longer, but… never had a pussy like this.”

That was probably just flattery, but you were happy to believe it.  Happy enough to just lay back and let that pleasure wash over you, but of course, he expected more of you than that.

"Tell me where I can come," he ordered.  

"Fuck, Joel— anywhere you want, anywhere," you pleaded, struggling to keep your train of thought but desperate to appease him as best you could.

"Inside you?" he pressed.

"Yeah, fuck, anywhere," you insisted.

"I bet that's what you want— you want it inside.  You want this cunt full and dripping."

“Fuck— yeah,” you agreed, “s’what I want— please, please—”

“Shh, don’t need to beg,” he assured sweetly, kissing your neck again— burying his face in the crook of your shoulder, until his panting breaths echoed on your skin.  “Don’t need to beg, darlin’, gonna fill you nice and deep—”

“Please,” you said again, ignoring his assurances.

“Just like you need it—”

“Please, Joel— love you so much,” you sobbed, your thighs starting to go a little numb where his jeans were rubbing against them and your clit getting sore from the way he stayed deep inside and grinded himself against you.

“I know,” he promised again, “jus’ say it one more time.”

“I love you, Joel,” you cried, and it was over somewhat suddenly: he stayed still, and you could feel his grip on you tighten, and you heard that sound that was like a groan and a sigh at the same time.  You’d hoped you’d be able to really feel it inside you, the warmth of his come, but everything was so hot that it was all the same— what you did feel was full, even more than you had just from his cock in you, and it was enough to make you clutch at his shoulders again despite having almost no energy left in you.

Though he stayed inside for a little while after, he did eventually have to pull out; you were too exhausted to even think about trying to close your legs when he stared down at you— at his come leaking slowly from your hole.

You knew there would need to be a conversation soon about what this all meant— what should happen now with the business, with your relationship, even just what should happen tomorrow morning since you’d both given in to instinct rather than take the safer route and have Joel pull out…

But that would have to wait; you still couldn’t think straight, you couldn’t think about anything but him in fact.

Thankfully, Joel was just fine with the silence.  He just held you, let you wander between sleep and wakefulness, and wiped that last stray tear away from your face.

“I’m sorry I keep crying,” you offered quietly, breaking a long silence.

“I don’t mind,” he promised.

[papil0nglegs]

Can I request tf2 mercs with a reader who is genuinely terrifying. Like there quiet, sneaky, uncanny, basically reader is kinda like the mercs very own cryptid. (Bonus points if reader is tall af<3)

Boo 🤍

A/n: Spy’s is a little short here 😣 I hope you weren’t too eager to see his lol. I got a little experimental with this one, not too much tho. Also I’ll be going on another break, I know I just finished one but I’m going through an unexpected rough time rn. So sorry guys, hope you enjoy <33

Warnings: Video used may be a spoiler for s2 of scream queens, Praying is used in a humorous light

To start things off, you introduced yourself in the worst way possible. The bus that you were supposed to take got broken down so you had to find your way through the base without knowing where the entrance was. So what’d you do? Bang into a bunch of glass windows at 3am while it was RAINING. Some of the mercs were up trying to fix up the power generator and..

I saved that clip for weeks I’m so happy I have a reason to use it now

I know they’re all supposed to be big bad mercs but you scared the living FUCK out of them.

Scout

This man went running. He went all the way from the generator to the fucking bunks in the span of a minute! So what’d he do when he got to his room? He grabbed his cross necklace, got on his knees, and started PRAYING.

“Please god Jesus frickin’ Christ hear my prayers, save me-I’m sorry about all those magazines I keep under my bunk and I’m sorry that I told spy to go fuck himself when he told me I couldn’t pull bitches and I’m sorry I call girls bitches please just don’t let me friggin’ die dude!!”

He just kept chanting the same things until Miss Pauling found him cradling himself on his bed with a blanket wrapped around him.

“Scout what are you doing?”

“THERE IS A GHOST IN THE BASE.”

“Oh, you mean y/n?”

‘Hi 👁️‍🗨️👁️‍🗨️’

Yea he was pretty freaked out by you. To make it worse, you always just stare at him. He can’t remember a single moment where he looked at you and didn’t catch your tiny pupils locked onto him.

At first he’d just gently wave awkwardly while you did the same so freakishly. Eventually he decided to say something because it was scaring him, something he’ll never admit

“Yo you got a problem or somethin’, what’s with all the stares?”

“Nothing, I just like looking at you. Your structure pleases me.”

“..oh, well that’s actually-wait I thought-hold on do you really-pfft-Yeesh, I didn’t expect you out of everyone to haha.. Yknow”

Yeah he was blushing like crazy, such a straightforward compliment.

He’s still scared of you, but he uses you as his hype man every now and then. He’ll fish for compliments and WILL receive them

“Dontcha think I got some nice racks for a guy?”

“..Totally”

He could literally walk up to you and threaten to kill you and your reaction is just “yuh go for it”

If you’re freakishly tall then he calls you tree. Cuz

If you’re on the shorter side then he would just pick you up from the shoulders and kiss you on the forehead. He knows you won’t do shit, you’re literally just 🧍‍♀️

Engineer

He didn’t even notice everyone else went running, he just kept on working on the electrical box. So when he stood up and saw you staring straight into the glass, he jumped a little but was mostly just confused

“What in the..”

“tap tap-Can you let me in?”

You’re lucky he didn’t go running like everyone else, you probably would’ve died from the flu if you spent another second outside in the freezing rain.

He puts a bell on you. He just had one laying around and tied it around the your wrist, it didn’t work because of how stiff your movements were so to ‘help’ you rang it against his ear.

“..”

“…..🔔🔔🔔🔔”

“GOD DAMN IT- oh, y/n”

“Sorry, the bell wasn’t ringing how you wanted it to so I rang it myself”

“Uh-huh, thanks for the warning partner”

From my experience southern people love to make conversation, but you aren’t really familiar with that. So when he tries to flirt it gets pretty awkward

“How’s it goin’ sugar, I reckon your looking quite nice today”

“👁️‍🗨️👁️‍🗨️”

“..you gonna say anythin’ back?”

“Oh, um.. I like your face.”

“Woah, alright then.”

He feels so embarrassed when he stands next to your tall ass, it makes him feel belittled. Especially when you actively have to look down just to make eye contact

But if you’re short then he loves it. Finally for once he doesn’t have to be reminded of his height when standing next to anyone.

Spy

He’s gone as soon as you show up. Like straight up disappears. He doesn’t like to show fear-makes him look weak

He’s convinced you could still see him though, cuz you happen to look in his direction even while he was invisible.

You don’t scare him as much as the others, if anything he took a bit of a liking to you because you stressed him out the least compared to the others. He always stood next to you + you were always his first pick for missions

You always make small talk with him. He doesn’t enjoy it but he still responds

“What is under your mask?”

“That is none of your business.”

“Why? Do you look like me?”

Spy doesn’t know if he should feel offended or annoyed

You don’t necessarily startle him like everyone else but you do make his heart jump slightly when you pop out of nowhere, you can see it in his pupils but never his body.

Pyro

HE RAN TOO BUT DIDN’T KNOW WHY LMFAO

He just saw everyone running and went ‘oh okay we’re doing this now 🏃‍♂️’

But seriously, he fell in love with you at first sight. Your features felt so intricate to him, you always gave each other blank stares, zoning into each other’s eyes.

‘⚫️ ⚫️’

“👁️‍🗨️👁️‍🗨️ hi”

“⚫️ ⚫️ mmf”

You’re the only person who can fully understand him. No, not using his body language, you can actually tell what he’s saying. He aw’s at that, finally someone knows what he’s saying.

It makes him more self aware than how he was before, he’ll say some really petty shit and when you react he panics

“Mmph mmm”

“um pyro I need you to calm yourself”

“Mm!”

Somehow you disturb HIM, you’ll point something out to him and talk to him like he’s crazy which makes him crazy

“Pyro, you reek of fire, it’s 30° outside, and it’s a cease day. Do you have any thoughts?”

“Mmmf mmm mph ☹️”

*plz leave me alone

Since you and him are so observant, the rest of the mercs are a little spooked by you guys. You’ll be in the corner with him watching and everyone is fairly weirded out.

“Mm mmmfmm mm”

“Pyro you’re hilarious.”

“What did thing say?”

“He said that if you were a littlest pet shop figure you’d be #508”

“..heavy is not sure what he expected”

[tojjist]

“At Least” S. Gojo

☆ genre: angst to fluff (kinda)

☆ pairings: Gojo Satoru x f! reader

☆ summary: After Geto left, nothing has been the same. Especially not your relationship with Gojo Satoru. Once you decide to move to Kyoto for good, Gojo is less than pleased. But fate does not seem to want to let you go.

☆ cw: mentions of sex, depressed gojo, not spoiler free, hopping between timelines but like i added non-canon events, smoking, drinking, getting drunk, high school Gojo being a high school boy, cussing, mentions of drunk sex but it doesn’t happen, mentions character death (from the anime), gojo satoru (yes that's a trigger warning).

☆ wc : 5.6k

☆ a/n: this has been in the doing for so long? I've been waiting to have the chance to upload it for maybe a year now smh. Also was originally written for an irl of mine lmao

“Oh my god,” you emphasize each word, pushing the wooden chair away with your knee. “Satoru, is it yours?”

His black pupils, lined with iris the color of morning skies, study your figure from behind the shaded glasses, pink lips quirking slightly upwards in approval of your attention.

“Nah, it's only staying with me for a week,” he stated, watching nervously as you strode over to him. “His owner is away for some business.”

Your attention remained fixed on the pet in Satoru's long, long arms. Your face lit up when a bark escaped the infant animal. “Can I hold it?”

Satoru watched over you carefully, pleading eyes coming in line with his blues. You make it hard to say anything other than an immediate yes, but he tries to stretch out the conversation to his best ability.

“It's 400 yen for 10 minutes,” he muttered, sarcasm dripping from his words. He earned a look of amusement from you; a small victory. He then braced himself for the next part. Satoru bent down, meeting you eye-to-eye, and noticed your breath catching in anticipation. “Or... you can shorten your skirt.”

Your face took no time to grow hot, not giving any verbal answer besides the blank expression you stare at him with. For a second, Gojo let himself think he's the victor of this little challenge he started in his head. But he soon came to realize how grave of a mistake he's made.

You're not flustered, you're angry.

“You're such a fucking pervert,” you fume, eyes glaring daggers. He dares not move, noticing the way your eyes flutter over his face.

“You're truly unbelievable,” the shorter male chuckled, making sure he didn't bump into Satoru's now-bruised arm. “What were you even thinking?”

“I thought it was funny, y'know?” He huffed in response. Gojo's fingers ran through his own bright locks as he took a seat on the wood hung up by metal chains. "Besides, has she always been this strong? Physically, I mean."

Geto stared into the reddish sky of dusk, placing himself into a swing in turn and kicking the air so the swing would start moving. "I don't know. Girls are really full of surprises.”

He never thought, not in a million years, things would come to this. Ever since Gojo's last encounter with Geto after he, well, changed... Gojo became unable to face anyone quite the same way he did before.

How did he get here? How did things escalate to this? Thinking about it, Geto had shown signs of a change in his heart and mind. It was Satoru's fault, was it not? He should have done better. He should have noticed. How could he not have? wasn't he the strongest? Wasn't that his job? How could he be so bad at everything?

How could he fail everyone like this?

“Gojo-San?”

Your feminine voice cut his train of thought. He almost forgot the situation he is now stuck in. He's been doing that a lot: losing himself in thought, mind almost immune to the outer world until he temporarily lost his sense of self. Nothing felt quite the same any more. It was like the world had lost its color.

“Sorry- What's up?” He turned to you. Gojo-san, you called him. When did you stop using his given name? What's with the '-san'? Gojo hadn't realized that losing one person was the first step, and now he found himself deep in the road of losing everyone.

And now he's stuck in the elevator with the girl he had liked for so long. He couldn't find it in himself to say anything to you, to push your buttons like he always did or joke around. When did the world become so heavy? He does not know.

“Are you okay? You seemed off.”

Your face is devoid of any genuine emotion, seemingly expressionless. But your voice is laced with concern. Gojo could only guess you didn't want him thinking you pity him or anything of such. But if that isn't the case, he wouldn't know. He's too tired to bother thinking about it.

“Yeah, yeah. I'm fine,” he smiled in assurance, “Just bothered by, well, this-” he threw his hand in the way of the control panel. The elevator doors have been stuck for almost twenty minutes now. How pleasant.

“uh huh,” you sigh, turning back around. How did you turn so cold?

When the silence stretches, you start a conversation, hesitant at first. “By the way, I got accepted as a helper in a nursery in Kyoto,” you mutter, gaze avoiding his own. “they're expecting me to start work right after spring break.”

Spring break?

Holy shit. It hit him like a truck. That’s barely a week and a half from now.

“Spring break? Why so soon?”

“That’s when the students file back in,” you mumble, fiddling with the watch placed around your wrist. You pause to read the time, then turn to meet his eyes. “I’m leaving in four days to get settled.”

“Oh…” His breath caught, “Train?”

What a stupid question. He knows. Satoru has never been unintelligent, especially in conversing. But now his unintelligence shines through as if it’s his only trait. He’s glad you don’t question it.

“Yeah, I have no other form of transport really.”

“Well, uh…” He hates himself. He hates himself for not doing anything. He hates himself for being so weak and  cowardly, for being unable to keep his friends around him, for shutting everyone he holds close out. But now, he especially hates himself for being unable to feel happy for you, or to congratulate you on the opportunity, “come visit us every once in a while, yeah?”

Your mouth remains shut, only staring at the tall man before your eyes. The silence stretches between the two of you once again, and you don’t find it in you to speak of how you feel.

“You.. you know you could have died, right? We all could have b-but you…” You trail off, thoughts splattered like a spilled pot of ink. Although you seemed unfazed, in your mind you were anything but. Haibara, Riko, and all the losses that trailed and every event that followed has been stressful and nerve-wrecking. And even in the quietness and silence of the general atmosphere, it has been nearly impossible to find peace within yourself.

“Well, I didn’t. What happened had passed. Can you change that? I doubt so. No point in ‘if’ and ‘could’ve’.”

Before you could respond,the lights flickered back on. You grow unsure if you’ve struck a nerve, but that wasn’t what you meant. Gojo’s response had nothing to do with what you said, you were sure he knew exactly what your words were meant for. Why is he so scared of confronting it?

You don’t know. You could never hope to know because you and Gojo Satoru live in different worlds, the man who was only Satoru some time ago. You were worlds apart, yet  Satoru loved to play pretend that he lived in the same world as you, even when he stuck out like a sore thumb. But he was no longer. Ever since Geto left… it’s safe to say everyone has been changing slowly, deforming from their previous lives and personalities. But Satoru flipped, like the head and tail of a coin, he got himself a new face. He turned into Gojo Satoru; the strongest. A soul unalive. A broken boy in an ever growing body. A stranger.

Two days later you find yourself still roaming the campus , searching so desperately for something. Anything. A reason to stay, perhaps? You don’t find it anyway. You have no attachment as this place holds nothing but misery. Or that’s what you told yourself over and over as you packed your things.

Your steps were graceful, walking so cautiously as if careful to not wake someone up. Your fingers find rest on the old, dusty door frame, pushing yourself into the room that hadn’t been used for a good month or so. The classroom looked the same as it always did. Except for the shadow that loomed over it; a gray shade that sent chills down your spine. Or maybe it’s just your imagination. 

Then you spot something rather out of place. You’re sure you’ve never seen it before and although you know it’s none of your business, the way it tugs at the strings of your curiosity is undeniable.

It’s red, poking out of what you’re sure is Gojo’s desk. The gloomy classroom was no fit for paper with a color so vibrant. 

Your heart skips a beat when you glimpse the seat next to Satoru’s. You do your best to avoid looking at Geto’s desk any further. You busy yourself with the task at hand, reaching out for the mysterious paper hidden in the wooden desk. Shivers run up your arm at the texture of the scrunched paper.

You attempt to straighten it to your best ability, strained by his hard work of crumbling it with obvious frustration. you can barely make out the letters of your name in the middle of the paper, outlined by a messy circle. How Gojo of him. A few lines stick out of the ‘circle’, one of them has the name of a steakhouse somewhere in Tokyo. Another has a date, reading somewhere along February. It’s near impossible to make out what the small combination of letters say, especially when Satoru’s handwriting is closer to symbols than a comprehensible language.

The thought of it was so funny it didn’t feel like him at all. Satoru never planned anything. Every breath he took was based on pure impulse. Never would it have occurred to you that he thinks through things, let alone brainstorm.

The thought makes you smile. But the realization that he never asked you out because he changed his mind or everything that happened getting in his way makes your stomach churn unpleasantly. 

You decide it’s probably for the best to never bring it up. It would only make matters worse for both of you. Life ran its course; who are you to try and change it?

“I apologize, but my answer remains. I refuse to take part in this,” you spoke in an even tone. “I have a job and a life away from jujutsu. I’ve made it clear sorcery is not a part of my life anymore.”

"That’s completely understandable,” the old man argued, his voice hoarse with age. You’re pretty sure you hear anger further straining his voice, “but your technique is quite strong. That strength could be of great assistance if put to use.”

“Thank you, sir,” you dip your head, maintaining eye contact with the decaying man. “But I truly apologize. The decision is final.”

“If you ever do change your mind, please let us know. We’d be more than happy to hear it.”

You almost let a sigh of relief escape. Finally he gave up. You end up only nodding your head in response gratefully, retreating from the old man. As soon as you're safe and out of sight, you let your posture drop, eyes rolling back in annoyance. These guys are truly as relentless as ever.

You stopped upon a familiar scent catching in your nostrils. Lifting your head up, your eyes roam around, scanning the room for your friend.

“You look troubled,” Shoko approaches you, taking the cigarette out from between her teeth. “What’s with the face?”

“How is that man even alive,” you look at her, “he’s ancient.”

Your comment earns a light chuckle from the brunette. “I’m glad I never have to get caught up in this bullshit.”

“Blissed aren’t you,” you roll your eyes as you speak. “I shouldn’t have come in the first place, I knew they were going to do this.”

“It’s alright, you’re all done now. Here-” Your friend then lifts the cigarette up, putting it near your mouth. When you don’t show any resistance she, being the bad influence she has always been, proceeds to place it between your lips. You waste no time, making quick work of the drag you inhale, bringing the familiar cloud of toxic chemicals and tobacco into your lungs. Your expression relaxes, shifting into one of relief. Shoko scoffs playfully, muttering that you’re dramatic under her breath before she pulls her cigarette from you, taking in a drag.

“Satoru’s here, by the way,” Shoko didn’t need to look at you to guess the way your eyes snap towards her. She bites back a smile. “He’s calmed down. He’d even seem the same as long as you don’t squint too hard.”

“Good for him,” you mutter, trying to seem as unbothered and nonchalant as your accelerating heart rate would allow. You avoid looking at Shoko, trying to seem disinterested. You know she’d pretend you weren’t gawking at her the second she said his name.

“He’s trying, you know. He’s just as nervous as you are.”

“‘M not nervous,” you scoff, “For god’s sake. It’s been ten years already.”

Satoru is stressed. He's nervous, as Shoko put it. He’d spent so long trying to ignore the past, pretend the past wasn’t at all. He couldn’t confront it. He didn’t want to. Satoru knows what he’s done, he's aware that he hurt you the last time you two had interacted. And that was ten years ago. He even let you leave without so much as a goodbye. How could he look you in the eye and pretend nothing has ever happened?

Gojo didn’t want to face the consequences of what he’s done. More so what he hasn’t. So many things were left unsaid in the elevator that day. They’ve been hanging over Satoru ever since, weighing his heart down and wearing it out.

What if he’s met by another woman? Ten years change a lot as is. What if the eyes that meet his aren’t yours? What if he finds himself talking to a stranger that carries around your name and features? Of all the horrors Gojo Satoru had faced in his life, nothing caused dread to pool in the pit of his stomach like this thought does.

Shoko seems to find something beyond you interesting. You don’t bother to turn to see as the brunette has always been a little in her own head. She’s probably just dozed off.

“Hey, think you can hold this for me?” Shoko muttered once Gojo crossed her sight. She stands facing you, averting his gaze. “I’ll be right back, nature’s calling.”

From his distance, Gojo couldn’t make out what the two of you were saying. He watched as your shoulders shook, presumably in laughter. Shoko then made her away from you, barely sparing Satoru a glance.

Every step he took felt heavy, weights landing on his shoulders as he moved towards you. He watched smoke emerge from over your head. He didn’t know you smoked. And even though he’s not completely sure what you do for a living now, he’s not expecting any nursery to accept a smoker in their team.

His long strides finally arrived, opting to remain a step behind you. Close enough to make his presence known.

The aura was unmistakable, almost as if it could be physically sensed. You freeze in place, the cigarette remaining a few inches from your lips. Even after he changed his perfume to one a lot more manly and appealing, and clearly grew taller judging by the shadow he cast over you, his presence still had the same strength as it did before. If not stronger. Anyone else would say it’s intimidating. But you find surprising comfort in it.

“That’s going to kill you,” his hand  reached from over your head, making sure to not cause any unnecessary physical contact. His fingers slip the burning cigarette  from your grip. You find yourself unable to make a single move in response, only watching his actions unfold.

He took a step, moving closer, dimming the light from the roll by rubbing it against the metal bars, then throwing it off the balcony. “You’re too young to kill yourself like that.”

“That bitch Shoko set me up,” You hiss, regaining your composure. “Will you look who showed up. You’re killing the ecosystem by throwing waste like this, Gojo.”

Although you haven’t glanced his way yet, You were every bit sure his mouth was quirked in the same smug smirk he wore so much when you were younger. You could even hear it in his voice as he spoke, “You haven’t grown at all, have you?”

“Oh shut it,” you chuckle. “You’re still as immature as ever. How you could be a manchild at 27 is a wonder to me.”

27… It felt so weird to say it out loud. Weren’t you just 17 a few days ago?

“Oh, how you hurt me,” he says in exaggeration, his voice conveying anything but the hurt he claims to feel. “That isn’t very nice of you.”

“That’s rich coming from you,” You say. He laughs a little, you do too. But the silence that follows is not that of a joke. He knew what you’re referring to. Maybe he underestimated your last encounter’s effect on you.

The silence speaks for itself. It’s louder than any conversation you’ve had before. What now? What have we become? Is it of any use to try anymore? Neither of you had an answer to the question that began to surface with this interaction.

The questions remain hung in the air, dimming the atmosphere around you. Was this fate’s doing? Or his karma? Gojo has always been told he’s a god, but how could he be a higher form of life when he struggled so much to hold a conversation?

He’s about to speak again when you cut him off, muttering “here-” as you push your hand down the coat you wore. Your tongue pokes at the inside of your cheek as you search for the anonymous object.

You pull out a worn out paper, grown from what could have been a bright red to an orangish shade. His eyes study as you shove the paper in his  direction, eyes avoiding his gaze at all costs.

Seeing your bashful expression made him rather curious, the contents of the wrinkled paper piquing his interest. He hesitates before he pulls the paper from your hand, half-expecting you to bite him.

The letters were scribbles, almost like they’re straight out of some cult’s ritual,  that with the wrinkles of the worn out paper making reading it next to impossible. Still, he could make out just enough to realize what this paper is. His eyes widened behind the blindfold. It didn’t take much to remember this paper, trivial as it may be.

“You found this- how did you even…?” he trails off, confused.

“I guess I did,” You confirm. He’s unsure if you’re proud of yourself for your rather… interesting discovery. It’s bold of you to pull this out ten whole years later. But he can’t deny the relief he feels that at least this means you don’t completely hate him. For once, he’s truly at loss for words. 

But he wouldn’t let a perfect opportunity like this slide.

“Oh, so you’re in love with me? You’re so obsessed with me that you kept this for so many years, what a loyal fangirl.”

Before he knew it, a weight so crushing landed on his foot. He turned off his infinity around you as a sign of trust. But he soon came to regret his rather unsmart decision. Your foot stomped and crushed his toes. It makes him groan in pain, bending slightly forward.

“Tomorrow, at Narisawa in Minato city, 5:30. I’m leaving for Kyoto in 3 days. Don’t waste your chance again, Gojo Satoru. You’re not getting another one.”

“I take it you’ve been in love with me ever since?” He leans forward, elbows on the table. “Say, did you fascinate about me?”

“Hmm..” you hum softly at his childish question, “only a little.” You show no signs of interest in his tactics as you sipped the wine in your hand. Undeniably, Gojo is taken aback by your lack of reaction. He hasn’t known you to be so reserved and smart at keeping him on edge. He couldn’t help finding your new behavior enticing.

Is there anything else you’d like to have?” You nodded your head towards the plates sitting on the table, some empty and some half-full. “Or do you wanna do something else before I go back to the hotel?”

“Hmm? Maybe I could join you at the hotel, actually. Surely it’ll be a lot less lonely with me around?”

You’re tempted by his offer, feeling the heat pooling in your stomach. He looked strikingly handsome today. Maybe you were just really lonely and touch starved, or maybe it’s the way his lips quirk as he teases you that makes your brain a little hazy, inappropriate thoughts floating through it and send jolts to your core. Yet, you set your mind on refusing his advances. You haven’t had a decent conversation since high school, for god's sake.

He keeps his eyes set on you, shining before him. You looked glamorous. He’d lie if he said there wasn’t a certain allure to  your matured looks. The years that flew by changed a lot of things about you two, but his breath still catches in his throat when your eyes meet his dreamy blues. The feelings rush back, memories clouding his train of thought. 

He’s sure he’s going to pay. He didn’t mind it at all, what a small price for getting to spend an evening with you. But you surprise him when you bring up that you had already put your card down, courtesy of having been the one to ask him out. Or maybe this was your way of telling him that you are in pretty good condition, living perfectly well without needing sorcery.

“How’s working as a jujutsu teacher?” you quip, smiling softly. “Utahime says you’ve got some interesting kids in your pack? Two special grades, too. You’re sure a favorite attraction for wonders.”

“You’re still in contact with her too?” he dodges talking about his students, not meeting your gaze. “That’s ironic. Weren’t we friends too?”

A hoarse chuckle emerges from him. But nothing about it leads back to amusement, as it was a joyless sound devoid of life. Almost as if he were mocking you. The dark lenses of the shades sitting on the bridge of his nose served as a shield. He curses himself for being so weak. He's almost thirty but somehow you’ve got him acting like he did when he was 17. 

“You didn’t try to contact me either,” you shrug, not willing to take the blame for your lack of contact. 

“You could have visited then. Even Yaga talked about you every once in a while,” he isn’t too happy and it’s showing.

“All good things, I hope-“

“Don’t change the subject,” he frowns, an uneasy edge outlining his words. “He was enough. You didn’t have to go ahead and leave too.”

“I had to move on, Gojo,” the name felt like a jab every time you used it. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything about it. This is how you drew your boundaries. Calling them by their last names gives you a false sense of satisfaction, convincing yourself that your sorcerer friends are past figures now. Mere acquaintances. 

“-I couldn’t remain hung there forever, I valued my mental health. You grew distant, the atmosphere was growing uneasy every day. I had to cut ties with Jujutsu before I couldn’t recognize myself anymore.”

“Yet you’re here now. Back to square one,” his playful tone was long gone, now replaced by an even, stern one. “Whether you moved away or called us by our last names. It’s a curse you can’t escape. you’ll always end up back in the palms or jujutsu.”

His words held some truth. You know that. But just as he refused to confront this past, you repulsed the idea of your reality. You truly want to believe that you could escape this part of yourself and live a normal life. You couldn’t come to terms with your inability. You held onto your hopes as if your sanity completely depended on it. Another thing that won’t change no matter how much you grew.

“I'll be okay as long as I refuse to interact with this world.”

Once you leave the restaurant, you find yourself wandering through the rich streets of Minato city. It felt as though the night was pulling you further into its welcoming embrace, with nothing rushing you.

“He was only thirteen,” you chuckle, arm linked in his. “It’s unbelievable how bold kids nowadays are.”

“I would’ve done the same thing, honestly,” he smirks, his gaze fixed on the stores around.

“Of course. You’ve got the brains of a thirteen year old.”

Satoru grins at your remark, pulling you into a clothes store. 

“What’s this?” you look around in confusion, noting a woman in a suit welcoming you. The place looked a little too fancy, judging by the display of the items and the lighting of the place.

“It’s a western brand,” Satoru answers. Looking over at him, you can’t help but smile a little. He looks good tonight. His fancy outfit gave the impression that he’s a model to strangers. “Louis Vuitton, I think,” He furrows his brows, trying to remember the name of the brand stores he’s been to with Nobara and Shoko.

“Prada, sir,” The lady in a suit corrected him. “Can I help you?”

“We’re just browsing, thank you.” It’s a phrase he heard from Kugisaki countless times whenever they wandered into a store. His response makes you chuckle, watching as the lady takes a few steps backwards politely.

You’re soon comfortable, searching through the expensive coats and bags. Satoru watched tenderly. Even though the ten years that passed with no contact whatsoever definitely propose a wall between you, he's glad you're able to feel free. You might nit on the same page, but you two can work with what you have.

You stride back to the “S” shaped velvet couch sat in the middle of the checker-carpet store, where Satoru sat. But he was nowhere to be seen.

You walk around in hesitance and confusion, completely aware of the lady walking always a few feet behind you. Surveillance, you guess.

You find him standing in front of the white counter, taking a black bag with the brand’s name printed onto it in golden letters from the man standing behind the counter in a white shirt with the brand's logo on it.

“Gojo,” you call him, confusion fused into your expression.

He extends his arm to you, trying to suppress any sourness at you calling him Gojo. “Let’s go?”

You nod, eyeing him suspiciously before you link your arm in his. You make sure to flash a grateful smile at the woman by the door as you walk past the reflective glass door.

You almost forgot how busy the world outside is. It felt as though the glass building of the store was sound proof. Now you have to adjust to the noise of the full streets again.

Satoru remains silent for the most part. It’s not awkward, rather just neither of you knew what to say. He expected you to ask about what he bought, which you have considered. You decide against it though as you feel it’s none of your business. You’re not too surprised anyway as Gojo has always been a wealthy man. He could buy the entire Prada chain with half of his monthly spending.

“What do you wanna do now?” He asks. “Wanna go somewhere else?”

You think about going to the club to give the night the best closure. But neither of you were dressed for it anyway. You contemplate your choices. Then you grin at him, and Satoru knows it’s best to fear what comes after

You’re well aware that he has a high alcohol tolerance. While you would be wasted a few shots in. Yet you consumed so many drinks recklessly, thinking that maybe you could beat him in a drinking game.

That’s why he’s stuck to your side now, helping your sleeping body out of his car. Satoru is glad your hotel card was so easy to find in your purse, taking it out as he gets into the lobby.

A few people eye the man, glaring at him and at the way he held you in his arms. But he couldn’t bring himself to think too much about it. His mission is to get you to bed now.

“Satoruuu~” You whine, rubbing your face into the pillow once he sat you on the white bedding. “Stay with meeee”

And Satoru is nothing if not human. Despite what everyone else says. It’s proven now that he had come to face a human flaw like this. He is weak, and you are all but practically seducing him.

“Stop crying,” He mutters. He finds himself smiling sheepishly at the unlikely scenario he found himself in. Tucking you in bed, your face hot due to the drinks you had. He really should have stopped you. “I’ll stay the night, so sleep already.”

He convinced himself it’s for the best. He should watch over you for tonight. No funny business. Deep inside he knew he was just finding a reason— any reason to stay around you for a little longer, heart yearning for the lost years. But he ignored the pathetic feeling, convincing himself it’s for your sake instead.

“But I’m uncomfortableee,” you whine again, hands running down your body. “The dress...”

Did you have to make it so hard on him? Satoru is tempted to kiss you, eyebrows knitted in the space between, eyes looking around the room for any sort of aid.

This is probably a form of invading your privacy, but he sees no other choice. He’ll have to hold it together for tonight.

“nngh..”

Your groan came with an impending headache. Your body moves against the rich covers of the bed, sunlight illuminating your physique.

He stopped in his tracks, feet bare against the gray carpet.

Your form is beautiful, one to compete with statues of goddesses. The rays of light complimented every inch of skin in all the right ways. Satoru had to physically shake his head to stop the flowing perverted thoughts in his head.

Your flinch when you catch him standing near the door, heart beating slightly faster. You thought that you’re alone. You don’t think much of it anyway, muttering a “holy shit” under your breath.

“Good morning,” he casually greets, brushing off the mutual shock, albeit for different reasons. “I made coffee, if you wanted some.”

“Oh... thank you,” you mutter, rubbing your eyes as you sit up straight. “Did you eat anything yet?”

“Not yet, no,”  he says, holding his overly sweet coffee in both palms. “Thought I’d wait until you woke up.”

“You’re a real sweetheart, Satoru,” you yawn. His name slipped past your lips before you could stop it. You busy yourself with stretching your arms. “What a doting housewife God has blessed me with”

His response is only a chuckle, rolling his eyes as he sighs on the edge of the bed. “Well, at least I wasn’t begging a man to spend the night with me”

“Huh?”

You couldn’t remember anything of the prior night. Nothing that occurred after you sat at the bar, specifically. But then you begin to realize, eyes widening at the revelation. You feel dreadfulness landing in the pit of your stomach a little too late. 

He’s shirtless, wearing only his suit pants. And even though you wouldn’t mind the sight any other day, the fact that you are in your pajamas isn’t helping at all.

“Did we...” You trail off, expression darkening. Your eyes meet his own, fear implanted in your pupils. You watch as his expression drifts from confusion to an awkward hesitance. Unsure how to break the news to you.

You don’t know what to expect, not realizing you’re holding your breath. 

“I-I’m sorry,” He sighs, gaze faltering as his eyes look away from you. Your eyes widen further, oxygen becoming hard to consume.

What have you done?

“But- don’t worry. You know I’m not some asshole...” if anything, he sounded chivalrous. “I-I’ll be accountable for my mistake. When do you want to hold the wedding?”

You gasp, face feeling hot. “You piece of shit-“ You groan as your foot reaches him, forcefully pushing him off the bed. “As if!”

He breaks into a fit of laughter, the sound full of genuine delight. “I can’t believe you fell for it,” He manages between the laughter.

“Fuck you, Satoru,” you mutter, a smile of relief breaking across your face. “I can’t believe you pulled something so childish.”

“Why are you so down?” He climbed back onto the bed, reclaiming his spot on the edge. “Are you disappointed? You know it’s never too late to just as-“

“Fuck off,” Your heart is pounding as you send him another kick, less forceful this time. “Say one more word about it and I’ll make sure you don’t make it out of this room in one piece.”

He laughs, asking you to pass his coffee. You reach for his coffee from the bedside table. Your fingers lift the glass mug to your lips, sipping at the hot beverage before handing it to him.

Your face scrunches up at the horrible taste. Too much sugar. Too much milk. It’s a lot worse than you might think.

“Your coffee should be criminal,” you push the mug his way, frowning. Satoru hums in response. 

There’s no awkwardness between the two of you, and he can’t help but cherish it. He feels content, enough to sit a little closer, at least.

Enough to lean in towards you, mouth closing over yours in an ever awaited kiss, at least.

[grace-williams-xo]

RAMBLING THOUGHTS AFTER FINISHING PART TWO. GONNA ADDRESS MY P1 THOUGHTS FIRST. SPOILER WARNING.

1 & 2: I think Debling could’ve worked in the second half, and I’m kinda sad Cressida didn’t get a happy ending. The Creloise fell of a CLIFF after ep 5 but I think it could still be saved

5: no cishet man has ever loved his wife more than Anthony Bridgerton I’m gonna be ill

6 & 12: kanthony’s absence was felt BAD in the finale, I think their reactions to LW were sorely needed. Also Jonny and Simone have both said they’ll be at every sibling’s wedding and stick around for years but they missed Francesca’s??? Also felt their absence too much then. They’re both booked and busy I think we’ll continue to only get a couple episodes a season from them

8: Francesca did get to thrive happy in pt 2 my baby I love her

9: I think they managed to disconnect the mondrich plot even further like 😭 once again, I don’t mind them their plot just feels very empty

10: Pen and Delacroix CONTINUE to be my fave duo I love them so freaking much and they can never get rid of it

13: Portia’s growth this season continued to be 10/10 I loved her and Penelope’s relationship it really showed what it’s like to be closely related to people you oppose and the process of needing to forgive and understand them for your own peace of mind

14: that was not how I was expecting Colin to find out about Whistledown

15: Marcus felt a little rushed in part two but I think I need to watch the whole season together to fully decide

17: this was indeed the longest 27 days of my life I got Covid day after it dropped lmfao

MY ~NEW~ THOUGHTS:

We finally got character development from Cressida and if they write her out I’ll be inconsolable (as will Jessica Madsen)

I hope they paid Golda Rosheuvel good for her feet exposure. Worth more than titties in this economy

I feel the need to tell everyone that £5000 in 1815 is in the realm of £500,000 today and we cannot brush over the fact Penelope has made herself the equivalent of a literal millionaire

Anthony has two moods ‘I’m obsessed with my wife’ ‘I want to win this game’ like it is comical how drastically different his facial expression is in the game of charades compared to pretty much every other scene

Anthony saying the marriage is perfect and not hard work and Kate being like BOY I will humble you,,,, doing the lord’s work I love her so much

At some points I felt like Francesca was fighting Anthony for ‘Violet’s least favourite child’ award lmao

John saying he’s off to look at the wainscotting was unfairly funny

Cressida in the red dress is even better than I imagined fuck even if she’s not gay then I am

Peneloise back together the universe is healing I love my babies all we need now is creloise lovers and peneloise friendship simultaneously I don’t like it being one or the other sue me

However much Brimsley is getting paid isn’t enough,,,, Hugh Sachs the man that you are

I adored Penelope’s wedding dress so much and as bitter as I am still about no kanthony wedding in s2, it felt kind of right somehow for Polin to be the first wedding we properly see in this show

Most of the costumes and makeup feel like they got worse,,,,, big ‘I hired a 14 year old’ energy. I don’t need historical accuracy but I would like a modicum of care and the costume/hair/makeup dept looking at a single historical reference from before 1850,,,, please

We all got the bi Benedict we’ve been asking for and I appreciate it, and recognise that he needed Tilley to explore that, but I still would’ve preferred if they first main queer experience was not a threesome

If they go straight into benophie in s4 (which idk, I’m so torn bc I feel like F, E and B all could work well next season) then I also feel like bi Benedict was just them throwing a bone for 5 mins but meant nothing

The CONTENTIOUS Michaela Stirling,,,,, I was undecided until I saw it but that was the definition of gay panic from Francesca and it worked so well I am so excited.

As your resident peerage expert, it is much easier for women to inherit titles in Scotland than England so I wonder (not that anyone on this show knows anything) if that was a reason they chose Francesca to be sapphic [general peerage info and female inheritance info if you care]

On the above, if they can canonically end racism with one marriage then they can end homophobia with one marriage as well

We all know Eloise was the easy and obvious choice to be the queer love story but part of me does kind of like them not taking the easy route, and them going something more unexpected, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want Creloise/Sapphic El like they had eight children let’s be honest

Finch’s sneeze and Phillips’s “now Varely! The bugs!” were unfairly funny

Everything Lady Danbury said to Penelope about suspecting her and what not felt very in character and you can fight with the wall idc

Did they tell us the name of Polin’s baby boy???

Hyacinth saying she thinks of Gregory as the family pet,,,,, girl you an icon walking amongst mere mortals

Predictions I got right:

Anthony didn’t kill Colin, but “are you gonna duel your own brother” lmao I was on the right track

I knew Polin would win the Featherington baby race and I love that for them (but why were Prudence and Phillipa pregnant most of the season, barely showing, Kate was showing almost immediately, and then in the epilogue the sisters all had baby’s similar-ish ages???? Give the writers room a calendar please)

I SAID FROM DAY DOT THAT THE FURNITURE THEY BROKE FROM SEX WAS A CHAISE I CANT FIND THE POST BUT I KNEW IT I FUCKING KNEW IT WHERE DO I COLLECT MY PRIZE SOME OF YOUR GUESSES WERE TRULY FUCKING COOKED

Okay that was too long if you made it this far I’ll make you cookie ily

[ayasuki]

6th Bakugou x Reader FANFIC RECS

some are short but they're good hehe (most of these are suggestive :P)

> • 𝑹𝒆𝒄 𝑳𝒊𝒔𝒕

" Dream Eater " by justatypicaltrash

dream eater!bakugou x reader

warning: slight angst

bakugo is an eternal living dream eater.

" I Like You, Okay?! " by kikyo-bnha-imagines

bakugou x fem!reader

summary: katsuki struggles to confess to his crush.

" Workshopped Romance " by itsmm4hiii

pro-hero!bakugou x fem!reader

summary: working for a hero costume designer has its perks like; meeting heroes, playing with cool technologies, getting you're name out- y/n didn't  really expect her own boss will try and hook her up with a customer. 

" Blood Moonlit, Must be Counterfeit " by irisintheafterglow

pro-hero!bakugou x reader

warning: swearing ofc cuz it's bakugo, mentions of drinking and alcohol, halloween party, first meeting, emotionally constipated katsuki and reader is kinda oblivious lol

summary: a guy at a party has a really good dynamight costume, and you two get to talking about your favorite heroes.

WARNING | beneath the cut are slightly suggestive to full on smut fics

" no title " by moominsuki

bakugou x fem!reader

warning: ch. 359-362 spoilers kinda. a little suggestive but fluff all around

summary: katsuki hates being off the job. but what he hates more is being treated like glass, especially by you.

" as the years go by " by quitesins

pro-hero!bakugou x fem!reader

warning: suggestive, slight nsfw, friends to lovers, unrequited love ig? virgin!reader, drabble

summary: being friends with bakugou since UA, watching each other change as the years go by, but still having room to learn more, so much more.

" no title " by izvmimi

warning: palace drama au, multiple wives, fem!reader, brief explicit sex.

" One More Time " by yanderenightmare

warning: derogatory dirty talk, spanking, angsty but with a fluffy ending

" no title " by dreamland03

bakugou x reader

warning: mention of sex like once, drinking, mention of trauma, bad self image

" Come Sit " by saturnorbits

bakugou x fem!reader

warning: cock-warming

summary: after a long day, all you need is bakugo.

" Feral " by smiley-babe

wolfhybrid!bakugou x fem!reader

warnings: aged up characters, lowkey monster fucking (hybrid bakugo has wolf ears, a tail, and fangs), knotting, HUGE breeding kink, no specific dynamics, biting, small blood kink (if you squint), marking/ bonding, heat/ rut behavior, panty sniffing, kind of rough sex, oral (f receiving), and fingering

summary: taking in a wolf hybrid already didn’t seem like a good idea, but when spring hits… all hell breaks loose.

" Personal Trainer!BKG " by bakubunny

personal trainer!bakugou x plus size!fem!reader

warning: oral sex (m receiving), rough sex.

" On To Better Things " by savnofilter

prohero!dilf!bakugou x fem!reader

warning: angst, strangers to lovers

sfw | toxic & abusive relationship, toxic baby daddy, mentions postpartum, mental health, arguing, mentions of legal proceedings, counseling, drama, cultural family expectations, love bombing, manipulation, a man being a hypocrite, reader low-key needs a new circle of people around them but that's neither here nor there, reader loves their daughter to pieces </3, reader's daughter is a hand full but we stan!, reader spaces out a lot, "our kids are best friends but we never met before and so happen to be single" trope.

nsfw | fingering, cunnilingus, groping, praise kink, reader has multiple orgasms (2, hinted 4), reader is a bit shy as it's been awhile and feels nervous, vocal queen reader, clothed sex, protected sex, comforting!bakugo, non-established relationship.

" Swipe Right " by ryukatters

bakugou x fem!reader

warning: dubcon, quirkless/college! au, jealousy, possessiveness, breeding, creampie, unprotected sex, cum eating, cunnilingus, overstimulation, praise, biting, bkg gets a little rough with you, and bkg's also a fucking simp

summary: your boyfriend decides to make a fake tinder profile for you just to see how many matches you get. he comes to a realization just how many other people want what’s already his.

" no title " by katbakubae

bakugou x fem!reader

warning: language, dom!bakugou, possessiveness, jealousy, (mild) stalking, name calling, spanking, rough oral.

summary: sick of your boyfriends lack of time with you because of his busy schedule, you decided to take some time for yourself. unfortunately, letting that happen was never an option for him.

[wherebettertoescape]

Thoughts on The Outsiders Album

Okay, as I said yesterday, I have a LOT of thoughts on the album and I decided to revive this page so I stop bothering everyone IRL with my thoughts about it 😂 I figure there must be a good amount of people on tumblr who are down to listen to my rants about the album, so here goes.

I'll put it under a cut so there aren't any spoilers for anyone who hasn't listened yet, and I know there's one or two things which I've heard about the prouction via other posts and such. But I will stress that I haven't actually seen it, I've only listened to the album and obsessed over it 😂

It's also below the cut because it's fucking LOOOOONG

Please reply to this or send in your own thoughts - I have so much I want to talk about to do with this album and I'm like... shaking with the need to talk about it with people who actually want to listen 😂

(sad times living in the UK 🥲)

I'm gonna go through the album sequentially, like track by track, because that feels like the thing to do, even though I will say right off that I definitely have more thoughts about some tracks than others. And I will also give my favourite line from each song. But for a just, like, general overview to begin with - I love the album so much?

I will fully admit that I was kinda preparing myself for it to be bad - it's a book that I love and I wasn't the biggest fan of the movie adaptation for a few key reasons, but I was so pleasantly surprised by the musical soundtrack.

I'm in love with the style of music, I love the entire cast (all of them have such different singing voices and styles and I think that they merge together so beautifully), and it has most of the things that I love in a musical - for me, it's got the right balance of the talking sections included with the singing, as well, which I know some people aren't huge fans of, but I might be biased because Soda is and always has been my favourite character and most of the talking is by him 😂 (I love Jason Schmidt, but we'll talk about that later), and as well as that the style of music and singing like gives me a good picture of what the actual choreography might look like, which I'm obsessed with, since I probably won't get to see it unless it somehow gets to the West End (🤞🏻)

Tulsa '67

Okay so this song is just like ✨exposition ✨ but it's done in a fun way, and I've decided it's worth it just for the finale reprise

I was also like stupidly emotional the first time I heard it and it opened with the opening line of the book

I was wary because of the immediate characterisation of Sodapop as being the brother "with a broken heart" (side note - does this mean Sandy broke his heart before the show rather than after it? I've goes QUESTIONS) - I'll go into it again when we get into Grease Got a Hold for obvious reasons, but I was worried that Soda was gonna be reduced into just being a womaniser again, which is something that bothered me about the movie adaptation

Favourite line: "all the girls are pretty there, and all the guys are mean"

Grease Got a Hold

right so it has no right to be as much of a bop as it is, it's been stuck in my head for the past week since it came out and I can't even be mad about it 😂

It's essentially just a typical "gang" song to introduce and characterise all the different members

Dally always saying "Little brother" got me so emotional like immediately

And I know I just said that I was upset with Soda's characterisation as a womaniser, but considering later songs, I will say I do find it really funny that he basically just goes "yeah I'm a greaser bc I love women 😊"

I LOVE TWO-BIT MATTHEWS - I would die for Daryl Tofa, just something soooooo good about the line he gives after Soda's verse

I have to admit, I was a little worried that they were gonna be pushing some anti-Darry propaganda, but I had no cause to worry, as he's an actual angel. Also it's so funny how fucking Done he is the moment he starts speaking

Something really funny about Steve not getting a verse, but something really sad about Johnny not getting one, but I don't have fully fleshed out thoughts yet so I'm gonna leave that there

But also there's just something about all of them trying to act tough, but all of them just have the voices of angels

Favourite line: "I'm a latch-key kid but they keep changing the locks" and also "you wanna be a fighter? then know just what you're fighting for"

Runs in the Family

I'm upset because this song has been such an ear-worm for me, but it's actually just so sad? There are a couple of these, but this is one of the main ones for me

It immediately makes Darry just such a sympathetic character - it's well documented that Ponyboy doesn't feel like he's enough of a greaser, but I don't think we talk enough about Darry is a reluctant greaser

Side note: but I'm really glad that they included Darry having dropped out of school to look after Soda and Pony, because that was kinda glossed over in the movie, which I felt did Darry a disservice

I just want to hug Brent Comer and tell Darry that he's doing a good job and everything will be okay 🥲

Favourite line: "I don't know what them boys would ever do without me - and what would I do on my own?"

Great Expectations

honestly this song deserves a post all of it's own, and maybe one day I'll do a full analysis of it

but in the meantime, it's fucking GORGEOUS, like Brody Grant has NO RIGHT to sound like this I'm so mad

THE FUCKING HARMONIES I WANNA SCREAM THEY'RE SO GOOD

One of the things I've loved about the soundtrack in general is how Pony in particular draws parallels and comparrisons between Johnny and the other greasers - here it's between Darry and Johnny, and I love it because Pony references in the book that he feels like he and Johnny are the outsiders in the greasers, he feels like neither of them really belong there, and they convey that so well in the musical with these constant comparisons in the songs and music

The continual return back to this idea of a self-fulfilling prophechy - trying to prove that they're not all the same just because they're greasers (like with the different verses in Grease Got a Hold), and this striving for individuality despite the overarching label they've been given

Favourite line: "It's hard to write this story, when this story's writing me"

Friday at the Drive-in

they all just sound so young - that's my main take-away from this song

I love songs in musicals like this where you're forced to be reminded how young the characters are and you have to humanise them a bit more - a bit like with "Drink with Me" in Les Mis

Also anytime that a soundtrack includes the dance-break it makes me so happy 🥲

Favourite Line: "Got no more stress, nothing to worry me - no more teacher's pet or trigonometry"

I Could Talk to You All Night

I need to say that I love this song, but the opening from Cherry is so fucking savage - like fucking hell there's no need to do that to Pony 😂

Again obsessed with Pony not feeling like enough of a Greaser

I'm a sucker for two people who feel lost in their own worlds finding each other and bonding because they can be themselves in a way that they can never be around their other friends

It's just such a pretty duet, and I want more of Brody Grant and Emma Pittman singing - we could have a million songs of the two of them and it wouldn't be enough

Favourite line: "I'd rather read then fight a rumble, but Greasers have to go along"

Runs in the Family (Reprise)

Dude it's such a serious song, and I'm obsessed that despite that there's just Soda being a little shit in the background

"I'll fold your laundry - I'LL FOLD ALL OF IT"

I love that even in this song it's like you can tell he's just so worried about Pony but it's coming out so angry and frustrated

So full of grief for the life he almost had

He's just so angry at Pony for still being able to dream, and it's like he feels like he needs to prepare Pony for real life, because he feels like he can't dream or wish for things anymore

And then just the screeching violin at the end of the song followed by DEAD FUCKING SILENCE, and then it switches to the next song where Pony starts singing acapella it's just herugighadlsiughukdhjsak, y'know?

Favourite line: "Whats the use in dreaming, about a life I'll never know? That ship sailed long ago"

Far Away from Tulsa

okay so I've already said that I'm obsessed with it beginning with Brody Grant acapella, and I know that the songs probably don't flow straight from one to the other in the actual production, but for the sake of the cast recording the effect is incredible

But also, there was absolutely no need to make this song so gay 😂 - Ponyboy, the bisexual icon we all need

It's very reminiscent of Santa Fe, with just kids dreaming for a life that they could have outside of their big city. Especially with the line "this place is real, it's not just in my head", which is VERY similar to "just be real is all I'm asking, not some painting in my head", but I'm okay with it because Brody Grant is incredible

But that line, as well as the one "'Ponyboy you're just a dreamer', that's what both my brothers say" are also really great links back to the previous song with the references of him being a dreamer, and that being what sets him apart from the other Greasers

I also just wanna say that I think it's criminal that there weren't more Pony/Johnny duets. Sky Lakota-Lynch and Brody Grant own my soul

Also catch me being emotional over Johnny's dream being wanting a family - he doesn't realise that he's already got one in the gang 🥺 (I could write an essay about this and Dally's continued use of 'little brother')

OKAY ALSO OBSESSED WITH THE CIRCLE BACK TO GREAT EXPECTATIONS, AND WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW THE LYRICS CHANGE FROM

"Torn between what is and what could be. It's hard to write this story when this story's writing me"

TO

"It's all becoming clear, there's no way we're gonna find that here"

GOTTA ESCAPE TULSA TO ESCAPE THEIR FATE, SOMETHING AGAIN ABOUT SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES, I JUST CAN'T

Favourite line: "I'm tired of blindly watching as we're inching towards the ground"

Run Run Brother

There's so much to say about this song, but I literally can't formulate the words, so it's probably gonna be one that I come back to and properly analyse later. so in the meantime, here are my key take-aways

right from the beginning, it gives just an "oh-shit" feeling, just so much urgency and desperation

All three of them have such different singing voices and styles and the combination of the three just makes me so happy and I don't even know how to like express what I'm feeling

Back to the thing about Dally always calling Johnny (and Pony, but we're emotional about Johnny here) "brother"

the music is just so fitting - I feel like I need to be up and moving every time I hear it, like if I ran ever this would be on the playlist 😂

And I'm going insane over the echoes of what has been previously been said - the "grease isn't given it's something you earn", and "let's leave this behind, let's just get up and go" like you're FORCED to face that they are being given what they want but in a really terrible way

Favourite line: "I hate to make you go, but there ain't no other way"

Justice for Tulsa

okay so I know that this is a really important song and everything, but I will admit this is the one I tend to skip most

I will say I think this song would hit harder if they kept with the themes of police brutality that there are in the novel and movie with regards to Dally's death (going off what I've heard about the script changes from people who have seen it, I can't verify myself)

The song feels very claustrophobic, with everyone just trying to blame everyone else, which I think is really well done. Especially with the multiple voices coming in with "you know just what you did"

And it does show the bias of the world trying to blame the Greasers just by reputation alone, which is thematically nice

and also just the kinda mob mentality of the whole thing, especially at the end, with a declaration of war

Favourite line: "or we could send them back a message, take an eye for an eye"

Death's at My Door

I think I've seen somewhere that this is the opening song for the second act and I just - fucking hell, what an opener 😂 they really just wanna destroy all of us, huh?

EDIT: I've been corrected, and it's Justice for Tulsa that starts act 2 - my bad guys, I don't know where I saw otherwise. JfT starting act 2 makes soo much more sense 😂

I wanted to like reach through my headphones somehow and hug Brody Grant, like holy shit

The first time I heard it all I could think about was how much he's going to blame himself when Johnny (and Dally) do die - especially with Johnny having comforted Pony about it

And I'm just emotional about the exploration of Pony thinking of himself as a burden on everyone he loves, especially going back to what Darry says to him in Runs in the Family reprise, just confirming everything that Pony already worries about himself

Favourite line: "I don't believe in the death that you're bringing - the reason I'm living is you"

Throwing in the Towel

I just love brothers okay? This song made me want to like message all my siblings and tell them I love them

I loved that we see Pony's inner thoughts and fears about being a burden on his brothers, immediately followed by seeing Darry's own thoughts and feelings - the two of them being so similar in how they blame themselves for everything

All three of the Curtis brothers being terrified of losing anyone else

AND THIS IS THE SODA CHARACTER REDEPTION I NEEDED - he becomes more than just the womaniser, you can see him having like actual thought and feelings, and the amount of emotion in Jason Schmidt's voice as he's trying to reassure Darry, like this song and Soda's letter gets across everything that makes Soda my favourite character

And there's something to be said about how they're finally like communicating their emotions 😂

Favourite line: "I know your head is full of doubt, but brother that's what love is all about"

Soda's Letter

Musical letters my beloved ❤️

I love songs like these - they're always just so vulnerable

It links to Tulsa '67 Reprise with the reference to how Soda kinda keeps the family all together. This song you can like see the strain that it has on him, trying to keep the brothers who he loves so much together, by trying to tell Pony that Darry does love him even though he shows it in a very different way

also anyone who has seen it and made it this far in the post can you tell me whether they keep in the bit about Pony reading this really heartfelt letter only to go "Soda's so dumb he can't fucking spell" because it's all I could think about when I listened to it for the first time

Favourite line: "Your brother needs you just as much as you need him, and brother we ain't doing to good alone"

Hoods Turned Heroes

The triumphant return of my beloved Two-Bit, and he's doing some king shit

I love him, okay?

This is another song where I know it's really important, but I actually don't have much to say about it, other than I do really enjoy it

Favourite line: "It's time to celebrate Greasers, take pride in the Greaser name"

Hopeless War

I love that it's just Cherry begging Pony not to change, and hoping that he's still an outsider of the Greasers like she is for the Socs, a hope that the two of them are still kindred spirits even after everything that happened

She knows that the rumble is gonna be where Pony loses that last bit of dreamer in him because he's holding just so much anger at the world - I dunno, there's something there I'm sure 😂

it's such a smooth transition into "Trouble" and I wanna SCREAM it's so good

Favourite line: "even if you win, it doesn't change a thing"

Trouble

It feels like a war chant or something

The music is just so agitated

It's like Run Run Brother where I feel the need to be up and moving

Favourite line: "Do it for Johnny, even the scores, time to rally the crew"

Little Brother

I get chills every time I listen to it

Something about Joshua Boone's voice guys, I don't even know like how someone goes about beginning to talk about it, but whoever takes over as Dally has got some big shoes to fill

It's a lament to Johnny, and I feel like I listen to it and I feel the same anger and indignation that Dally feels

It's a song where I listen to it and I know, even without having seen the production, how I'd stage it and that always makes me excited

The longer the song goes on, the more uneasy you feel listening to it

It links him and Darry together again, with how he blames himself for everything that happened to his little brother, he feels like he should have been able to protect Johnny, the way that Darry always tries to protect Ponyboy

The final tempo increase and the discordant violin at the end, and it feels like even just listening to it you're watching him fall into a grief-led madness, and his certainty that there's only one way that his story can end

Favourite line: "They can't take anymore from me - if I ain't got you, then I ain't got nothing else"

Stay Gold

It feels somehow criminal to put these songs next to each other, but I mean obviously they have to be - that's how they want you to feel, but it doesn't mean that I'm not mad about it

I've listened to it like a million times and it still brings me to tears every now and then

There's something about having the hopelessness of "Little Brother", with Dally bring so apologetic at having failed Johny, followed by Johnny asking Pony to tell him that there's still good in the world

Just how much everyone in this story needs each other and they don't realise that the others need them too, yknow?

Johnny being Dally's "gold" - a lot to say about that but yknow, this is already long as fuck

The simplicity of the music itself (same as with Soda's letter - makes them thematically the same blah blah blah with them both being letters and all that), but it makes the song much more vulnerable than some of the others - nothing for Sky Lakota-Lynch to hide behind

Also that line: "I have looked into a thankful father's eyes, telling me I've saved his daughters life", and how that links to what Johnny says in the book about the little girl's life being worth more than his - I dunno, it just got me emotional, okay?

Favourite line: "I hold on to the good 'cause I've made my peace with all the bad" and also "It's easy to forget when you're trying just to make it through"

Tulsa '67 Reprise

WE MADE IT BOYS (seriously though, for real, if you made it this far, thanks for reading through my descent into madness 😂 and please send your own thoughts and such, bc I'm desperate to hear other people's thoughts)

I said it at the beginning, but I think the reprise of this song makes the exposition at the beginning worth it

At the beginning we hear Ponyboy as a dreamer, and at the end he still has that, but rather than idolising and making everything spectacular, he sees beauty in the mundane - he sees it in his brothers, his friends, all of that

The call backs to the original song as well, which allow us to go back to the theme of looking at individuality - the Greasers wanting to be seen as more than just characatures, and by the end they are like fully-fleshed out people rather than just the basic stock figures we initially get them introduced as in Grease Got a Hold

The clearest examples are, of course, Darry and Soda

Darry goes from being "could have been a football star, people say he had a ticket out" to instead being "the toughest guy I've ever known"

Soda goes from "suffers from a broken heart" to "this family's life and soul"

and then it goes from "got no parents, we fend for ourselves" to "can you imagine how proud mum and dad would be"

just something so beautiful about that, I dunno

There's more I could say about the themes of brotherhood and individuality ("grease as their disguise", for example), but I'll spare it for now

Favourite line: "Just too damn good for growing old, and in his memory I stay gold"

(finally - if you've stuck around to the end, I've also recently set up an instagram account, just for me, so please also check that out if you wanna hear more about my thoughts about random musicals and stuff!)

Freddie 🐸 (Instagram)

[octopus-punching-union]

Mortkranken first reactions—

(spoilers, obviously)

I really liked the case in this one. All the info we learned early in the chapter (about curses, the mermaid, the acid) came back and wrapped up nicely in the end, I thought that was really satisfying.

How desperate that guy must've been, though... being in the hospital for upwards of a year, not seeing any progress made on a cure to his curse. As someone who spent years trying to get an accurate diagnosis for chronic health issues, I kinda get it. (All of the conflicting info MC's getting about her curse is also deeply relatable...)

Hopefully he's not still conscious, in that state of being immortal but with his body constantly being eaten by acid. That's just horrifying.

The info about anomalous viruses vs allergic responses and all that was really interesting, but I think MC's curse is different from those. According to Ed, forgetting about the eye will break the curse, so it's at least partly psychological? (And they like totally gloss over Yuri's super-cure. Even though it didn't work on MC, he might've just cured a ton of the curses in existence, which is huge!)

Yuri's stigma was kinda underwhelming. Like, his superpower is Smart. He's already really smart, and I don't feel like he should have needed his stigma (plus MC's boost) to figure out a battle plan. (But I loved that MC was just like fuck it I'm gonna hold your hand and he was scandalized about it. Bets that he's gonna be lying awake at night thinking about it?)

Loved Yuri and Jiro's dynamic. Loved Jiro being so blasé about everything. Did he kill someone? Maybe, he can't remember, nbd. Let's just put a corspe on dry ice, nothing wrong with that...

I wonder how much of Jiro's memory is affected? If it's just stuff from around the Clash, or generally everything before his coma? (How much does he remember Zenji?)

LOVED MC taking initiative at the end and calling for the general students to help. Yeah, they needed some extra motivation, but like. Most of the ghouls seem to forget that the general students even exist, and don't consider that they might be able to help with anything. Once they get up to the surface, the general students realize that yeah, they can help! I think that's really important when talking about campus unity — the general students are part of Darkwick, too.

About the Clash... the murder victim being in Ultio is making me feel more certain that the list of suspects is a red herring. I feel like Ultio was pretty shady and literally anything could have happened.

Also starting to think that the Clash was like every house for themselves and there weren't clear-cut sides. Frostheim, Vagastrom, and Mortkranken all hate each other. Everyone hates Obscuary. Everyone thinks Hotarubi's a bunch of anomaly sympathizers. Etc.

Really nice to see everyone making an appearance in this episode, even if briefly.

Subaru and Sho! I love them so much and I hope nothing bad happens to them.

Luca and Kaito! I feel like they've both grown a little since we last saw them? Luca jumps to conclusions but backs down quickly when he realizes he's misunderstood something. (Adorable really, when he thanks the one guy for giving them directions to the Pit. What a sweetheart.) Kaito is so so so intimidated by Jiro, but he stands up for MC when Jiro tries to take her away without explaining.

Alan! I wish we'd gotten more of him, especially with him being the first witness and all. It reinforced some thoughts I had about his character — that he really cares about the Vagastrom students on a personal level. And once he's decided that he trusts you, he really trusts you. (Back in Vagastrom episode, he never once questioned Tohma's actions or intentions, even when Leo served up some damning evidence. And after their mission, he still had a lot of faith in MC even though her ability had just catastrophically "failed" right in front of him. Here, he trusts that she'll solve the case and is willing to give her whatever she needs without question.)

Leo seemed a little... softer this episode. I feel like in episode 2, he wouldn't have taken the step to go make a copy of the case report for MC to have. He's still got some conflict with Alan about how to investigate, but this doesn't feel like he's trying to cut corners. (Genuinely, HOW is Alan planning to interview 80+ people on his own. How.)

(Luca and Alan I think are similar in that they both feel a strong personal responsibility to take action, even if they don't know the best thing to do. Luca jumping to conclusions and picking fights despite Kaito begging him to slow down, Alan sticking with inefficient old-school methods despite the results Leo gets by being more innovative. They both need someone to balance them out so that they can do their best, and I think finding that is going to be a big character development thing for both of them.)

Also interesting that Tohma seemed to take issue with Haku saying "our" referring to Hotarubi, considering how much Tohma has integrated himself into Frostheim.

Oh my god. That conversation between Haku and Tohma. Haku was definitely in Frostheim before, and Tohma seemed even less friendly than in their campus scene. And Haku is totally taunting Tohma like "Maybe MC and I are closer than you think."

...And then right when Tohma is accusing Jiro of messing with Frostheim, Rui pops up like "you know I'm watching you right?" and provides an alibi for Jiro (the herbs). This new ability of like, lurking in the shadows and watching everyone is great yandere fuel...

I've been assuming that "President of the Institute" is an elected or appointed role? But Tohma just goes right out and says that Jin will be the next president. If they're planning a coup, that's not very subtle. Unless it's not news that Jin will be/wants to be the next President... like if it's a hereditary position or if Haku was already aware of Jin's ambitions (if Haku used to be part of their plans?) Or, if it's a hereditary position, does this imply that Jin's family founded the Institute?

Towa and the tree. The yellow fruit represents Vagastrom? Something between Mid-Obscuary and Mid-Mortkranken caused the fruit to grow, and something in the latter half of Mortkranken caused it to wither. Idk yet.

Ren, cup ramen connoisseur. Ritsu, so sheltered that he's only ever had ramen at one specific restaurant and doesn't really realize that it's weird. Cat manager of the campus store. Those cats really need to unionize.

Taiga... might just be trying to cause problems for fun? But possibly he knows something about the inner workings of Darkwick that would turn him against the Gala and Laurel Crown.

Ed! Ed!!! Yessss, call out the Chancellor for lying in front of the entire fucking school. I love him, and I love that after warning MC about confronting Darkwick on her own, he does it himself so publicly that they can't retaliate against her.

I want to like Hyde. I really want to like him. Looking at his deal positively, he probably knows Dante well enough to know that he would support the Gala, and therefore his own support wouldn't actually be the swing vote. And the deal with MC was just to motivate her to try and unite the ghouls (he's previously talked about seeing the ghouls as people and the extreme responsibilities put on them).

I still don't trust Nicolas or the Chancellor, even though he apologized. They're claiming to care about MC's mental health, but is really that much more traumatic to find out that you're turning into an anomaly, vs that you're gonna die in a year? Both suck, but their decision withheld critical information about the curse that could have helped her identify what's happening to her. MC had no clues at all until Ed talked to her, two months into her year deadline. She is already starting to change. I really don't think that Darkwick, as an institution, has any intention of helping her.

...but he's clearly got yet another agenda going on. What exactly is he talking Sho into doing now? At this point I think Dante is the least shady of the professors, and he might literally be a reanimated corpse.

[bluelizard100]

Have y’all ever read The Four Horsemen series by Laura Thalassa?

What if… four horsemen of the apocalypse 141‼️ Also NSFW warning and spoilers for the Four Horsemen Series!

-First we got Pestilence. I went back and forth with this one because I wasn’t sure who would fit best— Soap or Gaz. I couldn’t decide who would be Pestilence and who would be Famine, but I’ve decided that Pestilence goes to Gaz.

Pestilence makes it very clear in his book that he does NOT enjoy what he does. He doesn’t like spreading the plague, watching people suffer as he infects city after city— he only does it because those are his orders.

I feel like for those reasons Pestilence fits Gaz the best. “Where do we draw the line?” And him being so rattled after Price threw that dude with the bomb strapped to his chest over a ledge to save the both of them (idk I never played the games 🫥) falls right in line with Pestilence.

Pestilence holds a grudge against Sara, the FMC, for almost the entire book, but eventually falls for her (duh). He finds intimacy to be sacred and fights himself a lot in the book— there is SO much tension between them. Idk, I feel like that fits Gaz the best

(Also Pestilence is really pretty and so is Gaz LMAO)

I’d like to point out that I don’t really think Pestilence is a good fit for Gaz otherwise. If I’m being honest, I think Ghost fits the Pestilence vibe the best, and that if Pestilence and Death swapped personalities then it would be a better match.

-Now we have War. War obviously goes to Price. When war finds Miriam, he snatches her up onto his horse and takes her back to camp. He calls her wife, leads an army, just commands authority in general but goes back to being gentle (as gentle as you can be when you’re a horseman of the apocalypse) with Miriam.

War also teases a lot, whether it’s about Miriam always finding her way into his little portion of the bed or about how all she’s gotta do is ask and he’ll make her feel good. He won’t actually fuck her until she surrenders to him (surrender meaning accept the fact that she’s his fated wife, but he’ll drive her crazy with his fingers and tongue.

I feel like that’s such a Price thing to do. He’ll def take care of his little wife but he’s not gonna give her what she wants until she gives in, and he’ll wait patiently.

-Famine! Yay! Famine is a sassy little fucker and he really, really does not like people. Now I really thought Gaz would fit Famine because Famine is also really pretty and like, a plant king! But he wants to wipe out humanity and enjoys watching people suffer because of what humans did to him, so I decided Soap can be Famine.

Famine holds a special spot in his immortal heart for Ana because she saved him after he escaped where he was being held prisoner and tortured.

When Ana and Famine meet years after, Famine is an arrogant prick and has an entourage of men do his dirty work for him. He takes the biggest house he can, lets people give him offerings in hopes that they’ll be spared, and then has his men kill them! I feel like Soap matches the spoiled vibes, and he probably enjoys taking out his enemies (which, in the book, all of humanity is Famine’s enemy so it’s okay lol).

He mistakenly has Ana killed when she goes to meet him with her brothel madam cuz he doesn’t recognize her, but Ana magically survives and hunts him down. Famine’s like “well I wouldn’t have killed you if you would’ve said something” and then kinda keeps Ana as his prisoner sorta but he’s kinda nice to her.

He’s also kinda bad at taking care of her which just kinda feels like a Soap thing. Like you can’t tell me that dude didn’t forget about a few childhood pets when he was a kid.

Also I think famine is the freakiest of the horsemen— he grows vines to use as bondage lmao you can’t tell me Soap wouldn’t do that if he also had plant magic.

But in all seriousness, I feel like Soap would be the most likely to drag a woman around with him while he ended all of humanity because he liked her. I mean, he did give her the chance to go on her own way, and she was the one who came to him the second time… that’s gotta mean something, right?

-Last but not least, Death. Now like I said earlier, I feel like Death would fit Ghost the best if he swapped personalities with Pestilence, but since we can’t do that then this is the best I’ve got.

Death literally just rides his horse through cities and everyone just drops dead. Poof, snap, whatever— they’re dead just like that. That’s all Ghost, dude: “If you see him, you’re already dead.”

Everyone except for Lazarus!

When Death realizes she doesn’t die from his magic, he concludes that she’s his fated wife and he does the only logical thing— he snaps her neck! There’s no way that isn’t a Ghost thing to do. Like, his mission is to cleanse the earth of people so She can heal again, and he knows that this woman will only get in the way of doing that, so he just kills her.

Lazarus (again) comes back to life, and then they spend a long ass time hunting each other down and killing each other. So romantic! But eventually Death decides that the next time they meet, he’s taking her with him and she doesn’t have a choice.

Death is also abhorrent at taking care of humans. He doesn’t know how they work. Ghost probably barely takes care of himself, so how would he take care of another person?

Now here’s where things kinda get tricky. I thought that Gaz would fit Death’s personality better because Death cares about Lazarus from the get-go despite killing her all the time. He doesn’t want her to suffer, and with humanity, they don’t suffer either. They just die.

But if you look past the whole scary military operator part of Ghost and look to the Simon (stupid and cliche I know)— the caring thing really does fit.

Once he gets the hang of taking care of a person, Death finds the nicest, biggest house in every city he travels in for Lazarus to stay in, and raises an army of skeletons to cook and take care of them. He pampers the fuck out of his wifey. Now, Death also finds intimacy sacred, which I think also fits Ghost. I don’t think Ghost is realistically the type to have a one night stand with any random person. He’d probably rather be vulnerable with someone he’s familiar with.

When Death does finally get intimate with Lazarus, he doesn’t wanna stop lmao he enjoys it very much. There’s one scene in the book where they fuck in the air LMAO.

I think Gaz would fit Death because he isn’t really all that gruff like Ghost is, but I still think they both fit. Death has a mission and he does everything in his power to complete it, even with his lady trying her hardest to stop him. Ultimately, when I was just thinking this up, I decided Ghost would be Death cuz the cover art of the novel is a skull lol.

Alright that concludes my rambling, sorry if this didn’t make any sense! I did not edit it! Also feel free to add on if you have any thoughts and if you haven’t read The Four Horsemen series you definitely should, it’s fucking amazing.

[aihaitahm]

having a crush on streamer ! roommate ! blade

cw: suggestive, not proof read sorry.

probably streams something like valorant or league (sorry.) or he streams himself drawing ! he enjoys streaming but he also just does it for extra money… he knows he’s attractive. doesn’t talk/commentate that much but he has some dry humor that makes people intrigue especially for how he is. when he gets annoyed at whatever he’s playing, he would cuss a lot but not like… throwing his keyboard across the room.

would stream with silverwolf and gets a bit annoyed whenever she beats his ass whenever they play together. sometimes they meet up and also play horror games together. blade has a straight face but is actually terrified that he screams “fuck!?!!?” while silverwolf stares at him with a straightface like it wasnt even that scary -_-

anyways, moving in and discovering he was your roommate was interesting. he wasnt really shy… just awkward, and may come off a bit condescending and mean but if only you could see his red ears whenever he interacts with you. at first you were wary of him whether or not he would do his own share of chores so you nag at him multiple times. spoiler alert: he does do his part<3 this is where you both start interacting more by playfully being sarcastic at each other.

“tsk you know i do chores when youre not around… you gotta trust me more will ya?”

“okay sorry…”

it was a rough start getting to know him as a roommate since he is always in his room when youre around or when he goes out a lot whether to the gym (which you find yourself staring at his figure or analyzing it behind his baggy shirt) or to hang out with his friends, he comes home late. but a sweet gesture he does is when you wake up in the morning, you see a bunch of food or take out on the counter as a thank you for cooking and leaving some for him.

he finallt brought his friends around (silverwolf and kafka!) and they introduce themselves to you while they nudge blade teasingly. like how could he hide his precious roommate from them. thats when they started asking you questions while blade’s ears are perked.

“so dear are you single? what do you like and dislike? to think bladie wouldnt even talk to his dear roommate… dont make them feel lonely blade ‘kay?”

“yea… i am whyd you ask? and i like ___ and dislike ___. and oh im fine!”

“whats your type! do you like games? can we play ? we can play with blade too if you want!”

“stop with the questions you two. and excuse me i talk to them… kinda.”

“sure you do.”

after that interaction, blade is a bit more talkative to you now but still a bit closed off. thats when you questioned him about the noise he makes and asks if he streams. he embarrassingly said yes while he continues to answer your questions begrudgingly.

you tend to text to your friends about him and march 7th starts teasing you to no end. dan heng kinda warns you about him but would support you to no end… just dont get in blade’s bad side. stelle or caelus would purposely create scenarios where you have to talk to blade since they have a lot of classes with him.

one time you were going home after seeing your friends until you came home to see he was making a meal for himself, shirtless. in which he blushes deep red but shrugs it off as he smirks. you were surprised and actually squeaked, telling him to put a shirt on.

“put some clothes on damn it.”

“well stop looking its really that simple.”

since your friends, you, blade and his friends came to the conclusion you both like each other, do you actually confess? no but obviously you both are stubborn and would rather deal with the sexual loving tension. roommates who decided to do grocery shopping together one day. to go out and maybe look for a pet. roommates who sometimes rant to each other about deep personal stuff. working out together. following each other on social medias. wt this point march 7th and kafka is practically screaming at u and blade’s face to confess.

that was until you were knocking at his door and he wasnt there since you already brought him his food. you came in his room for the first time to see his stream was on and people were wondering who are you. looking around his space, you found some of the little gifts you gave him and saw his phone glow up to a silly cute picture of you that you sent. making you feel flustered bc goddamn it you just needed to hand him his food.

‘alhaithamscatboy: ohmygod are u blade’s partner?!?!!? the one silverwolf was teasing blade about!

eimikofanpage69: theyre so fine!!!! oh my god !!!! wdym yall are just roommates?

KAZUSCARAFAN: UR LYING WHEN U SAY UR JUST ROOMMATES. ‘

“(name) whyre you here? oh you brought me food. thank you. uh sorry about my chat.”

“ah yes actually theyre my lovely partner.“ blade said as he pecks you on the cheek and the chat goes crazy. literally making it viral.

after the stream, you confronted him and freaked out. asking him if he just did it for the views or if he actually liked you that way. which makes him infuriated because how could he ever do that to someone he loves and respects.

“i like you okay? i… love you a lot more than i can ever express and i would never do shit like that for views. i had my eyes on you ever since you moved in. i just didnt know if you do. im sorry if i made you uncomfortable.”

“you didnt. and i-i love you too… now you should like, kiss me better bladie.”

“call me yingxing or ren instead.” he whispered as he kissed you on the lips passionately.

[biblicallyaccuratecrow]

it’s 3am I woke up from a nightmare time to post abt my isat fanfic

really this is just notes abt chapter 1 of ouroboros (a not-quite postmortem if you will)

[spoilers for isat and twohats below the cut]

So if you couldn’t tell/didn’t know this fic actually takes place in the version of twohats where you lose the battle against loop! I’ve always kind of liked this version better? I think the emotional impact of loop deciding, even after having siffrin’s life literally within their grasp, that they don’t want to kill them hits so much harder for me. Also, feels a bit more realistic in the context of this fic as a sick/recovery fic. Siffrin definitely did NOT have enough energy to take on a fully-charged and pissed off Loop in their condition.

I’ll probably make a larger post about siffrins physical condition in this fic later, but in the case of chapter 1 there’s a few fun things to note. One is that siffrin’s handle on pain is kinda fucked! “Not as bad as it could have been” is pretty literal in this case. I think they’re simultaneously very desensitized to recognizing and acknowledging their pain but also prone to being acutely aware of it when it’s in tandem with their shitty mental state. When they’re Being Normal it kind of fades into the background buzz, but when they’re spiraling and can feel how close they are to falling apart I imagine it’s a lot more overwhelming and obvious.

the stars and ocean connection to the forgotten island has been pointed out before but I’m being a little more heavy handed with this fic bc. In my mind the reverence for the stars goes hand in hand with the idea of an island where the ocean has a major impact on the daily life??? The idea of stars being used to guide sailors comes to mind, but also the idea of vastness, reflections, and a “void” feeling also feel right. A lot of naval navigation tools have a lot to do with physics, astronomy, and atmospheric stuff, and given the island’s technological and scientific method of displaying the universe I don’t think it’s too far fetched to extend that to the ocean as well!

CARRYING SIFFRIN. BRIDAL STYLE. Isabeau is so fun to write????? I don’t think I expected to enjoy his chapter as much as I did. Reaaaaly leaning into Freaksabeau energy but also. I think a lot about how Isa feels has such a strong protective and comforting personality? Throughout the game it’s expressed a lot, but the fact that it comes out of his deep childhood insecurities makes it feel all the more painful… not to mention that siffrin targeted these insecurities pretty harshly! Even if Isa forgives him, I imagine that it’s very hard for him not to internalize it. He’s a coward, and he knows it, but having someone acknowledge that and show how it can hurt others and himself is an entirely different beast. Hence why Isa ruminates a lot over it during his section.

Odile is THE #1 isafrin shipper. She’s also homophobic/j

Bonnie. Boniface. Bon Bon. My heart and soul. Writing them is so fun. I know a lot of people (me included) have trouble with them, bc writing kids can be hard. Still, I have such a deep respect for their characterization that I really spent a lot of time making sure they felt right. In this case, it was acknowledging that they are!!! NOSY!!! Like many kids are!!! But not maliciously, just out of worry and curiosity! They’re not dumb either! They know that siffrin’s whole situation is fucked- maybe not the fullest extent of understanding, yes, but they seem to grasp the seriousness, even if it is through the forever school metaphor. It was also kinda important for me to show that they take their role in the party as Tonic Carryer and Chef Cooker VERY SERIOUSLY. Odile complimenting them on their foresight is feels all the more genuine that way.

I think by now we all kinda realize that. The idea of camping out in the clock tower. Where siffrin spent countless sleepless nights mulling over their sins. While maybe marginally better than being forced to stay in the house, is…. An oversight, to say the least. See chapter 5 for more context on that. It’s better, yeah but only by proxy of not having hundreds of deaths associated with it.

I’m also gonna be focusing a lot on the inter-party dynamics outside of siffrin in this fic! Because!!! The friendships of the others mean a lot to me!!! Odile and Isabeau’s friendship comes up the most in this chapter; I think Odile has a bit of an inkling about Isabeau being a bit smarter than he lets on, and even if she spends a larger portion of their interactions in game teasing him for his crush, I also think that they have a pretty close bond for Odile to feel comfortable being the one that isabeau goes to about his feelings. So I thinks he has a better read on him as a whole, and does her best to keep him from spiraling.

Bonnie and Isa also come to mind- they aren’t talked about nearly as much as I think they should be???? Like, Bonnie sees Isa as a younger sibling (which. Stares in Middle-Child Isa Enjoyer), and Isa is the other person who uses Bon Bon, which is a pretty important nickname in the context of Bonnie’s character??? They have less interactions than the rest of the party but I like to think that Isa humors Bonnie a lot and also sees them like a younger sibling which makes their whole teasing and nagging dynamic all the more realistic to me!

ah, the Favor Tree Void Space. My sweet beloved. My magnum opus of imagery in this fic. In my mind, this represents Siffrin’s subconscious connection to The Universe and wishcraft, even after the loops. Favor Trees are obviously something culturally important for The Universe (given that the wishes it grants are so powerful and that the book detailing all wishcraft rituals has a favor tree on the cover), so I thought that it would be fitting to place it here. It’s simultaneously part of siffrin’s trauma from the loops, but also a safe space, a haven offered by Loop where they can simply just. Be. At least for a little while, anyways. Also drew back to the ocean/sky imagery with the ground having some kind of water qualities.

writing about the stars, I emphasize the idea of their??? Aliveness very often. As facets of the universe, thousands of granted and ungranted wishes, an audience and plot device in one. I can’t say much on them in this chapter, mainly bc I go a little more into it chapter 3 and onwards, but keep in mind the idea of music and the chorus of a theatre production, as well as a captive audience. That’s kinda the vibes.

anyhoo- I’m tired again. Gonna try and sleep a bit more before work! toodles!

[thecountesstribe]

House of The Dragon 2x8 Spoilers and Review.

This is gonna be a rant but I'm still putting a spoiler warning cause some people were waiting for the entire season to drop before they watched. I was spoiled during the week and I'm mad as hell about it. Yes we all know it's fuck book canon atp but at least make sure the story flows and make actual sense.

The finale was mid. I felt like there were a lot of things missing and it was kinda confirmed. We're gonna have to wait 2 long years and knowing season 3 is about to just be the assassinations of characters because season 2 didn't really do anything, nothing moved story wise except the death of Jaehaerys, the sowing of the dragons seeds and the death of one of the realest women in Westeros. It was just glorified fanfiction and most definitely not the good kind.

I'm begging Ryan and Sara to please read or at least have someone else read the source material before they get back in that writers room.

Lucerys, Visenya and Jaehaerys deaths were supposed to haunt the narrative for the entirety of the season, how they could fumble it so bad that it just feels like a drop of water on your hands while washing it is beyond me. Blood and Cheese felt insignificant as fuck considering it was also a major event that led to the destruction and death of one of the most prominent houses in Westeros, majority of the Targaryen's lineage and the death of most of the dragons. I should've known when they started promoting the 2nd season as Alicent vs Rhaenyra instead of Rhaenyra vs Aegon II, y'know the usurper, that it was gonna be some bullshit. The other major events in the second season, Rhaenys' death also felt brushed aside. This is why the show needs to be at least 12-14 episodes. Abolish the 8-10 episodes shit.

I'm gonna get hate for this but could they please let this Rhaenicent relationship go! For the love of everything that is holy, let it go. Season 1 focused on them, fine. Season 2 you gave them a reunion, crazy but okay. There was literally no reason for a second reunion. Sure the scenes were beautiful, shout-out to the actors but let it go. The plot already felt cheapened when they chalked up the dance to one big misunderstanding. Which is crazy considering, Otto and the small council literally had this entire plan set in motion since Rhaenyra was named heir and even a little before. I need Ryan to understand that sometimes friendships just end. Sometimes your friends cross the lines one too many times and you just need to let them go. Alicent overstepped and crossed the lines with Rhaenyra it was downright disrespectful for Rhaenyra to even be in her presence at all tbh. This is the same woman who made her life a living hell, raised her children to be vile, hateful, spiteful little shits towards their own sister and her children, embarrassed her and tormented her in court, started and participated in the rumors and smear campaign about Rhaenyra's character and children, essentially ran her out of her own home, lied about the death of her father and the news didn't come from her or the council immediately but after and that's only because they were holding her former mil hostage and she got away. Alicent knew Viserys was addled and delirious and out of his mind when he was rambling about the conqueror's dream (she didn't know about the prophecy but still), so nothing he said was supposed to be taken seriously and just because he said “Aegon” she decided to be spiteful/hateful and usurp the throne knowing it would've hurt Rhaenyra. I don't know why people gloss over this fact either. Aegon said it himself, his father had years to name him heir and he remained steadfast to Rhaenyra's claim. Aemond said it again this season, the small council and his mother plotted to usurp the throne. What more was there to talk about? The only talking that should've been happening is Rhaenyra signing her and the council's execution warrants for treason. This all started because Rhaenyra omitted the truth about who took her virginity btw. She didn't lie, she never slept with Daemon in that brothel. Not to mention that Alicent son also killed her child!! Let it go!

I'm gonna reiterate this point but we didn't need to spend all that time with Daemon in Harrenhal and his hallucinations. That should've taken 3 episodes top and then they could've had him work on his relationships with his family instead. Especially his daughters. The only thing I liked coming out of the Daemon hallucinations is the prophecy. DAENERYS STORMBORN TARGARYEN IS THE “PRINCE” WHO WAS FUCKIN PROMISED!! NOT THAT BUM JON SNOW. Fuckin finally. We could lay the discourse to rest. GRRM could've posted it on a billboard for the entire world to see and it still would've had the select few that will insist on Jon being the one who the prophecy was talking about. The events in the show and the book supported this btw so I don't even know what the argument was about but let's lay it to rest now. Although show wise it doesn't fuckin matter either way because D&D fucked the last seasons but book lore wise this is what GRRM intended or intends. Still waiting on the next book! The term “prince” was gender neutral. And everybody celebrates. Daemon swearing allegiance to his Queen, as he fuckin should. Raising the army in her name as he should. He's got voices in his head now apparently. Also he has a new friend in Alys, good for him.

Aemond did what he was supposed to do this season. He's still an unhinged psychopath, absolutely no one is surprised. No complaints on my end. I need him to keep his grubby hands to himself though. Helaena gave him his death notice and rubbed in the fact that nobody gave a damn about him in the end, she did that for me.

Criston even though I hate to admit it, same thing. He's still a woman hating piece of shit though and I want him dead immediately. We didn't need all those alicole sex scenes though. We got it, they were fuckin, kudos.

Larys and the small council did what was also expected.

Aegon is still fried. Now he's apparently heading to Essos. He wants to usurp the moniker “Realm's delight” too and to that I say absolutely tf not. That is reserved for pretty women only. Aegon has officially been castrated!! That was for all the women in the realm. It's what he deserved. I don't believe for one second that Sunfyre is dead. I think that'll be a swerve.

I wished we focused on Helaena more though. Her grief was explored a little more than Rhaenyra's but it was also brushed aside. Why? That would've been important to her characterization. Also why did they have Helaena astral project into Daemon's dream? She was so cool as well, like that man didn't have a hand in the death of her son.... You can't make this shit up. The scene was essentially “you killed my kid cool but since you're so good at killing could you get my brother next?” I'm convinced they are doing this shit on purpose. Why do they keep making the female characters in the show this peace seeking, docile beings when they were just as and even more chaotic than their male counterparts (with reason might I add). The men just do the most unhinged shit for glory and in the name of war sake and the women gotta be the peacekeepers even though they're the most wronged.

Alicent's character didn't deserve half the screentime she got because if you cut her scenes in half the majority of them contributed nothing to the moving along of the plot. Absolutely nothing. We already had limited time as is.

Baela and Rhaena I am so sorry you have incompetent people telling your side of the story. Sure they got more lines this season and that's a stretch but they're lacking characterization as well. Ryan and Sara scrapped the Nettles plot, okay (that was fuckin stupid). Nettles had a major role to play. Gave her story to Rhaena in the last two episodes and we still didn't even see her claim Sheepstealer. It's up in the air. Also one of the princesses of the Realm managed to escape and you mean to tell me nobody is looking for her? She just fucked off and that's it. Yeah okay. Also I hated how they wrote her relationship with Jeyne. She was so kind to her in the books and Rhaena actually had a story in the books when she went to stay with her. Sure she would've been living her princess core era life but it's what she deserves. It would've helped flesh out her character as well, led to her hatching Morning and her life after the dance.

Baela lost the majority of her characterization as well even though she's inherently more fleshed out than Rhaena. Baela was chaotic as hell in the books. They swapped her personality in a sort of way with Jace, although he does have a temper (and rightfully so. They did kill his little brother and sister and he seems like the only one who cares) but Baela is supposed to be more unhinged than him. We only caught a few glimpses of her book personality and that's it. Again why are they writing the female characters as these docile, peace seeking beings? They also completely brushed aside their grief concerning their brother/betrothed, sister, mother and grandmother. I'm tired. We kinda got something for Baela in her grief but it was the bare minimum and it was barely mentioned again. Rhaenys was a parent to those girls (more than Daemon at least) and she got a fuck all remembrance. We totally should've gotten even better Jace and Baela's relationship development. We got her being more of his support system though they were each other's. Baela's feelings weren't explored more besides her hating her dad. Unless they're planning to explore it more in season 3 but well y'know 💔. Her telling Jace to stop pouting though and him insisting he's not even though he totally was🤣🤣😭😭. She gathered him and rightfully so. Also their unspoken conversation during the dinner scene with the dragonseeds. Peak wife and husband behavior. I hope we don't have to mourn for what could've been more than we will already be doing.

Rhaenyra character this season was all over the place. They only stick to what her character was from season 1 in episode one and then after that it was like she did a 180. She was destroyed by the grief of her son, daughter and father. They completely forgot that and had her doing the stupidest stuff. She had one of her biggest supporters die as well and it was just cast aside. Development wise we got to see her more open. I'll give them that. They also brushed aside her grief. It felt like Lucerys didn't matter to her in some instances. I have a feeling they're gonna go down the “mad Targaryen” role for her as well. If a woman has to be in power then she has to go crazy. That's what that cult Rhaenyra vibes is giving. I'm not tripping, you guys see it too right? I touched on the second reunion between her and Alicent but her whacking her this last episode was satisfying. I don't trust Alicent's plan and Rhaenyra knows and hopefully she sticks to it. She knows that she has to kill Aegon now. A son for a son. This is who I wanted to see this season. It's like she got back her personality traits in the last episode. She still needs to work on her standing as queen. She had that bum Ulf disrespecting her at the table and she needed to have his tongue expeditiously. Mysaria and her are doomed yuri confirmed. Mysaria has her ear but is only telling her what she wants to hear and that is going to be her downfall. I still can't figure out her angle though but we'll see in season 3. She inadvertently hurt Jace again when she chose Addam to go to Harrenhal. It's like one step forward and then 3 steps back with them. I'm hurt knowing the possible outcome of this situation. Daemon and her reunion were good. I like how she didn't fall back into his arms. Stand on business and continue to stand on business Rhaenyra.

Corlys grief was brushed aside. He didn't really do anything this season besides deny his sons, lie to his wife in his last moments and try to make his legitimate granddaughter heir after laughing off the idea of making his other legitimate granddaughter heir. His ship is finally fixed though. “The Queen Who Never Was ” is the new name of it. I had tears in my eyes, I could admit it. I'm not ashamed. Everything that he's doing now he's doing it for Rhaenys. 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Why did he wait so freaking long to honor her properly though 💔. There is no denying he loved his wife, he just could've loved her better. I'm glad Alyn dragged his ass for being a deadbeat though. Gave his ass a reality check he so richly deserved. He hurt those boys and he deserved to know. Imagine your father could've made your life easier but he decided to be a coward while favoring his other children, a tongue lashing would've been the least he got, I would've fought him. They're on to meet the triarchy though.

Jacaerys character was developed stellar this season. He didn't have plenty of screentime and he was mugging down for most of it but the rage, the grief, the despair was all palpable. He lost a part of his soul in Lucerys and it was there for everybody to see. He didn't get anything to do until the later half but when he got to go he did. I said it before and I'll say it again I love his and Baela's relationship. Him resting his hand in her lap after her scolding and her gently massaging it. Yeah those are real lovers. His beef with Ulf is so personal to me. Like yes threaten that uncouth vermin some more. Really reminded me of his fathers there. It's crazy though how Addam and Jace parallel each other though. Two of the best boys in Westeros that deserve the absolute world. Fate was unkind to them both as well.💔

Shout-out Simon Strong. One of my favorite characters this season along with lil Oscar. I love how he didn't let that traitorous snake Alfred slide. He let his queen know immediately. I love a loyal diva.

Tyland and the triarchy were funny though. Who would've thought I could've shown a Lannister besides Cersei love?!

I'm wrapping up this rant cause it's already so long-winded. The show is only slated for 4 seasons though btw. LMFAO.

Until next time folks. Take care of yourselves in the meantime.

Until season 3 folks.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

RoR: A missed opportunity

Spoilers for the RoR, and other Chronicles of the Avatar novels. (mostly just Roku's and Kyoshi's, but light general plot stuff for Yangchen)

The title can also be called "Wow, they could've TOTALLY done more exploration with Kyoshi's Legacy and Roku's imposter syndrome"

Roku has imposter syndrome in the novel. It's bad. It's stupid. It comes up only every so often, partially because we have our asses being yeeted away from him to someone more "interesting" (and sometimes that someone is BARELY more interesting than Roku).

Like I'm sorry, I bought a ROKU novel. Shouldn't I be getting more ROKU?! >_>

Roku's imposter syndrome can be summed up with:

I'm not as good as my twin Yasu

My parents like Yasu more

Maybe I'm more like the false Avatar Yun

How could I compare to Kyoshi? (mentioned like ONCE/not a lot)

Sozin and Yasu would've probs been a better pick than me (I think this was said by him, that or it was Sozin.....it's whatever)

You can sum it up fairly easily because it's not talked about a lot. 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 And sometimes when it is, it's not even from Roku's perspective.

"Ok ok Silly. You don't like how his imposter syndrome is handled. Is that the missed opportunity?" Yes and no. :D

The miss opportunity is not utilizing Kyoshi more and keeping this story waaaaaay too self contained.

"Yeah yeah we know you like Kyosh-" *grabs lips between my fingers* Shhhhh little voice in my head. That's not what this is AT ALL!

This novel fails to capitalize not only on something the OTHER novels haven't had a chance to, BUT it also failed to capitalize on stuff the other's HAD done! :D

In all honesty, it really is a feat it was able to to do BOTH! At once! It really goes to show how wishy washy this whole thing is..... >_>

Let's focus on what it failed to do that R/SoK and D/LoY did: Feeling the weight of their previous incarnations. Their ripples. Their choices. Their consequences.

R/SoK has Kuruk all over it. Everything Kyoshi is dealing with? Thanks to Kuruk. He may only be mentioned (by name) like 56ish times in RoK, but everything Kyoshi is dealing with is tied back to him. His team is heavily involved (as heroes/protags and villains/antags), the state of the world being just ass crack is because of his reign with all the Daofei running rampant (until Jianzhu cleans up....a lot of it, but not all). Just....EVERYTHING. And it only snowballs as we get into SoK. (where it's kinda revealed that it's not just Kuruk's ripples she has to deal with but Yangchen's...AND Szeto's too!)

Then we have D/LoY. Yangchen has to deal with Szeto fallout, which isn't as insane as Kuruk's (again, not entirely Kuruk's fault, he had to focus on saving the world from spirits). But it's still an ass fucked deal Yangchen is dealt. People just LOVE bringing up Szeto and her other past lives around her.

Like Yangchen and Kyoshi canNOT get away from their past lives. Either them being throw in their faces, dealing with visions and them meddling, or just the world/old friends of them just fucking about in their world!

(and this isn't getting into Aang dealing with all of Roku's BS in ATLA, or some of the issues Kyoshi left him [ironically!]. Or Korra dealing with Aang/Wan's stuff, let alone the Red Lotus just being anti-Avatar)

You want to know what Roku has to deal with? Nothing. Fucking. Nothing. Gotta give a hand to Kyoshi, she stuck around so long she smoothed the ripples that Szeto, Yangchen, and Kuruk (and her own too, at the time) must've made because Roku barely register's her on any type of Richter scale! :'D Oh oh, MAYBE, like MAYBE the Earth Kingdom people deciding to jump onto the island MIGHT be a fallout. But it's not like.....her fallout (it probs really isn't her deal tbh). It's the usual "ok Avatar died, time to fuck about" fallout....but even then we don't really hear a lot of shit going on????

Which is just so INSANE?! Like, this woman lived to be 230! What do you MEAN there's nothing?

Like Kyoshi's presence is NOT THERE??? Like where is it?!

WTF??? TT0TT Like this is INSANE, not just for how long Kyoshi's been alive, but like...just compared to the other entries!

Like with the other Chronicles? Kyoshi and Yangchen still were able to showcase ripples with AVATAR'S THAT HADN'T BEEN EXPLORED FULLY YET! We still felt ripples from Kuruk and Yangchen and Szeto in JUST KYOSHI'S NOVELS! Not even getting into Yangchen, just Kyoshi did we feel it!

Like I said above, even in ATLA and we feel the ripples with Kyoshi and Roku! Hell Kyoshi had more ripples in ATLA than she did with Roku's novel! Maybe even Korra (with the whole Chin/Kuvira parallel). LoK showcased ripples, not just from Aang but from Wan!

Like what is going on RoR??? Why are you afraid of a few wrinkles?! TT0TT

I think we actually get more wrinkles from SZETO'S era than we do from KYOSHI! What the hell? Like no. The whole Fire National identity is brought up a lot. Szeto's name, even if unspoken, is kinda hanging there in the background. He's also brought up in the library to showcase the truth behind the island.

Listen, I love Szeto. I love his ratchet ass causing issues for every Avatar (it's my fav running gag besides the Saowon's being lil' shits). I was hoping for it in this book actually! But we really should be dealing with both Szeto and Kyoshi in this novel. Both are shadows that should be crushing Roku right now. Like how Kuruk and Yangchen were for Kyoshi!

It really should've been paralleling Kyoshi more. Kyoshi had Kuruk, the disappointment, and then Yangchen the "Golden child she should be like" weighing on her. No one outright told her TO be like Yangchen. She just decided it was the best option. Everyone revered Yangchen, so obviously she's a good role model! She should be like her! We constantly hear her brought up in prayer! She's constantly being crushed between trying to make good choices like Yangchen, and not be a disappointment like Kuruk.

Roku should be dealing with that too! But it's Szeto/Kuruk (for the negatives) and Yangchen/Kyosh (for the positives). Hell, they can even play with it by flip flopping depending on who's talking (so like a Fire National may make a parallel of: Kyoshifor neg like Kuruk, and Szeto for pos like Yangchen, which is ironically how Kyoshi framed it in her novels, because they like Szeto and not Kyoshi).

Basically, "Do/Don't be like Szeto" and "Do/Don't be more like Kyoshi!"/"Can you live up to/exceed Kyoshi?" Should be two narratives he has to deal with in this novel..... But yet doesn't.

_______

*Inhales*

"Ok so we figured out what it didn't do that the other novels did. Now what did it fail to capitalize on that the other novels didn't have going for it?" Kyoshi.

"Yes we now you-" No. I mean, we have Kyoshi. This is a first time for the novels to have already had a previous Avatar be fairly known by the fandom.

Now we don't know ALL 230 years of her life. We only know up to about the 40th year. But 1) we got two novels of her early life, 2) we know her legacy in AtLA/LoK. Before Wan, she probs had the most info on her besides Roku. Like that's a decent amount to go on. More than Yangchen. Def more than Kuruk or Szeto.

And it would've been a good way to give us more insight on her last years too! :D So what do we get?

We get none of that.

Like you know how crazy this is? It's like having LoK but NEVER, EVER addressing Aang, at least in S1. I know LoK didn't focus a lot on Aang, but we still had his influence all around (esp in S1 when he was still available). His children/grandchildren, friends were still around. We got SOOOO many flashbacks in Season 1. And to the show's credit, at least it came up with a reason for him not to show up again starting with S2 (aka losing the past Avatars). We still get a lot of his essence!

But RoR has none of that? A few off handed remarks about Kyoshi existing at some point. The biggest one being some guy being like "Yeah no I wouldn't have fucked with her."

"Oh! But we have Disha" oh great. >_> She's....just so great......and like....barely a character......hmmmm...... No, girlie ain't even here for most of the book.

And what we get is barely anything. Hei-Ran in RoK has more of a presence than Disha! And that's saying something! We didn't get a lot of Hei-Ran! Hell, Kelsang has more presence than Disha!

Both of them do so much more with their screen time than Disha! I know SO MUCH about them as people/characters with what little screen time I get just in RoK.

Gyatso does more to give us insight on Kysoshi than Disha does imo.

It's just....wow. Just circling back to the lack of ripples. It's just....insane!

Back to my point above the line. It would be more interesting to see people looking at Roku and being like:

Fire Nationals: Be like Szeto! Don't be like Kyoshi! Non Fire Nationals: Don't be like Szeto! Be like Kyoshi! "Why can't you decide?" "Why can't you bend?" "Oh, Kyoshi could've/would've done this-"

Like, again, this should be weighing on him, like constantly. Like he communicates this particular weight on him! Not the generic "oh am I gonna be good enough?" generalization sad boi bs I get. I want specifics sweetie! What you gave me was a generic snooze fest, I wanna feel your despair in my BONES. Tell me why these ideologies are tearing you apart molecule by molecule!

Like, Roku and Kuruk were both successors of one of the most highly regarded Avatars. From what we've got of Kuruk, he seems like he was taking it pretty well (until the great Spirits started spiriting). It didn't seem like he had much pressures, either he was good a hiding his true feelings (which is valid because he does that later) or he really was go with the flow early on before the sprits (also valid, he seemed at peace from what we know)

Roku crumbling under Kyoshi's giant shadow should've been his big arc. (Not....not ho-humming about Sozin and Sozin related things/aventures/whatever the fuck you wanna call the premise of this book, tbh the Sozin thing is handled afdklsajfkldjsalf ahhhhrrrrgggg! TT0TT That's for a different time, but Sozin shouldn't have been this involved it just messes with the previously established lore man.....).

They should've been leaning into this like crazy. Leaning into Szeto. Lean into Kyoshi. Into Yun. Into Yasu! A lot more than they did! (Oh don't assume I like Yasu ajkfjdslkf I know I'm saying lean into it more, but I think Yasu was an unnecessary addition)

That being said, one of the best chapters is Roku Alone and us exploring his past with Yasu! Because we actually get something from Roku for once! The next is Two Wicks cause we actually get some Kyoshi! Like those are the two chapters that touch on his issues the most, but the rest of the book just meanders along.

I dunno, I just feel like this whole internal conflict should've/could've/would've carried this book. Not a bs island mystery where we spend like half the book not in Roku's head but in two other people's instead. (And one of them is doing fuck all in a desert >_>) (the whole island premise should've been used for a different Avatar, would've served them better than it did Roku....but that's for a different rant).

It's just a shame. Roku had a good set up. The imposter syndrome and having to deal with Szeto and Kyoshi's shadows? Mwuah! Cinema!

But in the end it was wasted. TT0TT

[dudefromwormhole]

Hazbin Hotel Headcanons:D

That I collected through the internet and now have and absolutely adore. Feel free to add yours:)

Warning for cannibalism and possible spoilers. Enjoy:)

Alastor

1) Alastor rather eats meat of his possible victims than organs. He finds them edible, but just doesn’t like it.

2) Alastor never shares his food. And even when/if he is cooking something for others, he will cook the same food in the separate bowl just for himself.

3) Even if Alastor fell in love he would never(or really unlikely) realise that. Possibly because his own ego and beliefs.

4) Alastor sometimes fantasises about him being executed rather than his own original death. His favourites so far: hanging and electric chair.

5) Alastor would have a love/hate relationship with Will Wood’s music(yes.) just because he despises and underastimates all modern music.

6) Alastor has literal piles of old(and sometimes broken)radios.

7) Alastor hates discussing love and relationships, if they’re not about breaks up, while Rosie adores talking about them.

8) Sometimes Alastor cannot control his shadow. In terms of where it goes and what it does. So yeah, sometimes he walks around without shadow.

Rosie

1) The stuff Rosie proposed to Charlie when they met was prepared by herself.

Also I think Rosie can cook anything(aside from bones perhaps). She knows a lot of recipes about how to cook organs, different types of seasonings, etc.

2) Rosie has Belgic roots. Or French. I feel like she speaks French and maybe Italian or something. I haven’t decided.

3) Rosie only likes to drink dry semi-sweet wine among the alcohol beverages.

4) If Rosie would ever open a fashion business, all her clothes would be with embroidery. She loves embroidery and is pretty good at making it.

The Vees

1) Vox has a love/hate relationship with an electro swing. He likes it, but also “hates” it just because Alastor also likes it. He also likes dubstep and techno genres.

2) Valentino’s afraid of tickling.

3) Val’s also absolutely cannot sleep with the lights turn on, because he’s a moth.

4) Vox was absolutely horrified when he got to Hell and realised that he’s a fucking TV. If there wasn’t a constant danger of getting killed, he would probably sit in the corner of some building in shock.

5) Velvete uses Vox as powerbank.

6) Valentino’s eyesight got worse especially after he realised that he can use Vox’s head when he’s asleep, so now he kinda watches whatever he wants on his head when he’s bored.

7) And also Val and Velvete play the console using Vox(ye, the comic:))

8) In earlier days Vox was absolutely disgusted by someone touching his screen(in first days(look up #4) himself included), but as the time went and also the upgrade, change in themes, he kinda suppressed this disgust.

9) Velvete likes strawberry in chocolate.

10) Vox can draw decently, he just usually doesn’t have time and much imagination to do so.

11) Also Vox has a bad habit of tearing paper to keep his hands busy. By that I mean any paper. So yeah. There were some accidents.

Residents of the Hotel

1) Residents of the Hotel bump into Nifty at least two time per day.

2) Sir Pentious hates stairs.

3) One of the reasons why Husk hates his form is because he cant stop throwing off hairballs.

4) Angel can keep important secrets.

5) Nifty and Charlie both likes those bright and colourful plasters.

6) Vaggie is allergic to citruses(lightly but still).

7) Cherri makes her coffee with energy drinks. Tastes awful, but at least she’s full of energy to kick someone’s ass.

8) Husk knows a lot of card games and also taught the Eggbois how to play couple of them so they’d stop bothering him so much.

9) When he was alive, Husk used to travel and move from one country to another quite often.

10) Sir Pentious when he has a shower, always takes his Eggbois with himself.

11) The reason why Sir Pentious’ ship was covered with plasters was because his Eggbois thought they would actually heal it.

12) Lucifer will never admit that process of making ducks stopped bringing him as much happiness as it used to. But after seven years of just making them, trying to keep his mind off his problems, it just became a routine.

13) One of the reasons why Lilith decided to “disappear” was because at night Lucifer constantly stepped on his ducks and then screamed and cried and apologised to them, making it harder to sleep.

14) Charlie used to make little theatre shows with her toys when she was younger.

15) When Vaggie and Charlie’s relationship got a little more established, they had a whole trip through rings of Hell.

16) Lucifer has a handmade duck copy of every person that he met. He made the most absurd one for Alastor, of course

17) Angel is scared of swallowing bubblegum, because he genuinely believes that his gut will glue together if he does so.

18) Vaggie can’t stand sleeping covered.

Other Overlords

1) Zestial is a tea nerd. I think he would actually do those Chinese ceremonies and stuff. It’s like… the more he appreciates you, the more effort he would put into tea x)

2) Carmilla was(and maybe is?) a big fan of ballet and took classes when she was alive.

Other

1) Adam would love Beetlejuice. In any form, cartoon one, film, musical… He would be a fan.

2) Adam hates waking up at the morning and tells to “fuck off I’m a Gods fucking son” to anyone who tries to wake him up.

3) Adam hates tomatoes and will absolutely roast anyone who eats them when he’s near. Except for Lute.

4) When Heavens court plans to set up a party they usually don’t plan to invite Sera and St Peter.

5) Mimzy is the one who talks about her previous life more than anyone else, each time adding almost unrealistic details.

6) Adam calls his Exterminators group "tits" for because they are woman and there's a bird like that.

6)(this one is to Hell in general) I like to think that you don't die in Hell in a way that when you recieve a deadly wound your body just kinda... gets more regeneration, so you still feel pain untill the wound is healed, but you don't die. So when Exterminators stab sinners with angelic weapons, process of regeneration stops, which gives them opportunity to die.

7) Though Vox created his own special kind of dying for himself. When his screen gets badly damaged, he changes it, so same goes with his body. I think he has a folder somewhere with his personality.

[sobbingstars]

SEASON 4 UMBRELLA ACADEMY SPOILERS!!!

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Hi! WHAT THE FUCK! My hot takes on this latest season bc if I don’t say these I’m gonna go insane.

Luthor: becoming a dancer was really funny. It was also kinda nice bc he was so ashamed of his body b4 when he was part monkey, so it’s good to see him being more comfortable in his own skin. And speaking of him being part monkey, that had NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS POWERS. His powers are SUPER STRENGTH, his father INJECTED HIM WITH MONKEY DNA OR SMT TO SAVE HIS LIFE. Made NO SENSE!

Diego: Diego being an absent/emotionally neglectful/bad father made NO SENSE! We saw him with Stan, he learned to be a father. Plus, he had his own issues with his dad, of course he would mentally do everything he could to avoid being his father. And also, him and Lila being in an unhappy marriage was so weird. Like, man was literally obsessed w/ her in season 3. What???

Alison: So we decided to not address any of her wrongs and just forgive her. She ASSAULTED LUTHOR. She tried to KILL VICTOR. SHE KILLED HARLAN. SHR TEAMED UP WITH REGGIE. Nothing??? Just forgive her for reasons??? That being said, Claire bear you were STUNNING thank you for being here and thank you Millie Davis, you were my childhood. But also, girl??? Show some support for your uncle. He needs help sometimes, just bc he’s immortal doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings :(

Klaus: I actually think they didn’t go super wrong with Klaus. Him becoming super paranoid after losing his powers made sense bc he died like every other day and just didn’t notice bc he just kept coming back, so I’d be afraid of everything too. And I think him being scared to have his powers again bc he was afraid he’d relapse is honestly so in character. That being said, fake that he didn’t even consider talking to Dave once he was sober and had his powers and wasn’t actively trying to stop the end of the world. And yall don’t even know how upset I was when he started levitating with his SHOES ON. NOT COMIC ACCURATE.

Five: WORDS DONT DESCRIBE MY RAGE. BECOMING A CIA AGENT? WHEN THE WORLD WASN’T ACTIVELY ENDING AND HE COULD JUST RETIRE? YOU KNOW AT LEAST ON OF HIS SIBLINGS WOULD LET HIM STAY. AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH LILA?? IT MADE NO SENSE, WAS SO OUT OF CHARACTER EHRN HE LITERALLY WAS LIKE ‘Lila would be stupid to throw away her happy life’ AND PROCEEDED TO WRECK HER HAPPY LIFE? I GET THAT IT WAS SEVEN YEARS BUT GOD DAMN FIVE, YOU WERE MARRIED TO DOLORES FOR THIRTY! AND THEY DIDNT EVEN BRING HER UP! NOT ONCE! AND JUST GIVING UP AND LETTING THE WORLD END? FOR FUNSIES? ABANDONING HIS FAMILY? NOT GIVING TWO SHITS? MAN ENDED THE WORLD THREE TIMES TRYING TO SAVE HIS FAMILY! HIS FAMILY IS ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS HE CARES ABT AND HE WOULD NEVER EVEN CONSIDER GOING AFTER HIS BROTHERS WIFE! Five Hargreeves, they could never make me hate you, but what the FUCK!

Ben: So unrealistic that he didn’t break down any his siblings all being dead once. We deserved a heart between him and Five where Ben was like ‘All my family is dead’ and Fives like ‘I know how that feels’ bc his siblings were dead for 40+ years. Instead, he just had no character development at all and just died bc of a girl he met once. The only reason I was a little sad when he died was bc of season one and two Ben who was so sweet and amazing and season three Ben who just wanted to be loved and accepted. They didn’t even have any relationship development between him and Jennifer.

Victor: I’m sorry, he owns a BAR and was an awful boyfriend?? WHAT!? I was hoping we were gonna have this emotional scene where he plays the Violin again bc he hasn’t played it since he ENDED THE WORLD in season one, and he would be happy bc Violin was a genuine passion of his and he was gonna no longer be afraid. And being a bad boyfriend?? Unrealistic, he was so kind and good with kids??? Are you kidding??? That being said I really liked when he stood up to Reggie. That was rlly funny.

Lila: Yall know what I’m gonna say. You just KNOW. I GET that transitioning from full time assassin to full time mom would be a hard switch but you’re telling me she WOULDN’T have ANY sort of job? NONE??? With all her family being back in her life? She’d just sit in the house? And she wouldn’t sit in the house and be unhappy. She would absolutely call Diego out on his shit and complaining problem and he’d be like ‘Yes ma’am.’ Bc their relationship was so fun in season two and three and then they made it into a no-fun, unhappy marriage, and Lila just had so little of her original personality. And her liking Five was so weird. She sees him as a KID. He LOOKS like a kid. Made no sense.

Reggie: Actually wasn’t a total ass this season. Got into a malewife/girlboss relationship. Managed to actually have feelings. That being said, why how the fuck was he an ALIEN IN SEASON TWO??? I get that his wife was the one with the weird power things, but they just??? Never explained it??? What was going on??? I was so confused this ENTIRE SEASON.