#this is kind of just an issue with the flipside souls in general and how they're written :(

[dsaf-confessions]

sorry. big long ramble about dsaf 3 steven because i feel like the idea is cool but he also just feels like a whole different character

Ok. Starting this off. Steven was dumbed down so much in dsaf 3 and I hate it. Put them side by side they are not the same character. 3 has no trace of anything that made Steven an intimidating boss. There can be characters who are protagonists and also just aren't that good of people without it being goofy like Dave is! I think in dayshift 1, Steven was the antagonist, and that's why his character is the way it is. And the issue is, dayshift 3 gives him such a good setup!

First off, the endless hallways thing (assuming its not just that one hallway, which doesn't fit with the rest of the layers at all, and also how would more souls fit on there well, if we're going off the lore created in the game (which also makes little sense imo)). It's so good. iirc, even in dayshift 1, Steven is still scared constantly. He's good at not showing it, but he still is scared. The endless hallways, everywhere to run but nowhere to go, are so good for him as a character.

Second off, I feel like it's really not considered, by the fandom or in game, how long he spent there? He was there from 1987 to 2023. The kid that was killed earlier the same day? Didn't remember his parents. Hardly remembered living. "Oh, but Dee and Dave have been there longer!" you cry! They have ties to reality. Dave has their body, Dee iirc freely moved between the two dimensions before settling in The Flipside. They have some way to keep themself tethered to reality. Steven did not. Thats why I headcanon phone guys don't forget things; "Steven" would no longer exist if they didn't. He would've faded away just like every other soul there. Also, "he's an adult", shouldn't mean anything! Why would a literal dimension bend how it works just because he's an adult.

His layer and his character in general feel so rushed. I kind of get the argument that he had so much time to feel guilty, but the issue is, until dsaf 3 you never see him feel guilt. He shows pity but that is not guilt. The way hes made out to be in dsaf 1, having run minimum 2 locations (though more would make sense, just so he did a little bit more and it actually be reasonable to group him in with the kennedys and dave, who are all vital to the story), makes him seem like the strict, cold boss he is intended to be.

In conclusion: Dayshift 3 Steven feels rushed, poorly written, and like a completely different character. His layer was the smallest, his character development non-existent (the whole time youre with him hes just "ohhhhh ohhhh im such a bad person ohhhh peter ohhh no" aside from his very few interactions with dave where you see a snippet of his old personality), and he could've been so much better. I would love to go on a rant about how he works better as an antagonist even while working with jack, but this is long enough already.

i dunno. maybe i'll go replay dsaf 1 and 3 soon and see if anything changes my mind, but i doubt it. ive stood firm on this for all 2 years i've been obsessed with this man and i doubt it'll shift very much.

.

[blacksunscorpio]

Astro Musings No. 11

Venus/Jupiter aspects in the natal chart...

Will make someone generally likable, charming, generous, and agreeable- especially if it's a conjunction, trine, or sextile you're working with. They'll be the person who might be incredibly popular or someone whose creativity [Venus] is magnified [Jupiter]. They might be very beautiful or well known for their good looks. However, throw a square to Chiron in the mix and this individual might have a hard time believing it. Since Chiron is the place in our chart where we wear our inner wound and a square indicates conflict, the pain to either of these planets has to do with beliefs, how we're educated, and the overall philosophy of life. One could perhaps have a lot of doubt as to whether they are truly attractive.  They could be bullied or hated for their attractiveness or popularity. On the other hand, Jupiter Squaring Chiron can make someone have severe wounds concerning their spiritual beliefs. It's common to see this aspect in charts of people who were forced into a particular belief system or religion. In addition, it's also an indicator of those who were abused by organized religion. Often the case/in charts of those in the LGBTQ community who were perhaps shunned by conventional western religious constructs.

12th House Synastry is a bit like Russian Roulette...

Not to scare any of you with significant placements within this house synastrically or in composite, but remember what I said in Astro Musings 1 about Neptune? Wherever he is, there's going to be a feeling that something is hidden. Deception will be a big factor or just naivete or idealism. More so if the aspects in this house are squares/oppositions. With the Trines and Conjunctions, the energy here can feel incredibly spiritual and binding. [Don't bust out the champagne yet, I said FEEL binding- it doesn't mean it necessarily will be]. Sorry. North Node/Neptune might make you two dream of each other or have this strange 6th sense concerning them and their energy. Moon and Neptune will make two people have an uncanny knack for knowing what the other is thinking. It will feel downright Soul-Mate-esque. The same if Mercury and Neptune are joined.

Now, if the aforementioned aspect is afflicted, two people will Pinocchio the fuck out of each other.

The lies will be endless. Now this might not even be malicious, it's more so two people don't want to disappoint each other, so they put on an act they think the other will appreciate/wants to see. There's a lot of pressure to live up to the other person's expectations. Most of the time, the mask will inevitably fall off and bitter feelings may ensue. Choose honesty first.

Aspects to the ruler of the first house will have a similar vibe to aspects on the ascendant.

That’s because your chart ruler and it’s planet are leading your entire chart in energetic expression. By proxy, whatever happens to it [ruler of the 1st], wherever it is in your chart, will be magnified and displayed. For example, if you’re a Scorpio rising but Pluto is in your 3rd house, it might be very apparent to others that you speak and think deeply. Your communication can feel very “psychiatric" and probing. It might be the first thing people notice about you. If you’re a Sag rising and your Jupiter is in your 10th House, you could make a career out of travel or be famous. Everyone will notice your larger than life persona.

Aquarius Moon in the 5th just like these other aspects, can be an indicator of one who might have a fear of motherhood or pregnancy in general. In addition, One with a Cancer Lilith in the 6th might choose career over motherhood. In a woman’s chart, it can also be an indicator of someone who has reproductive [4th house/moon] issues [especially if there are afflictions].

Lilith in the 6th house may feel that they give more than they get. They might also reject the idea of daily work and routine or general discipline. There can be scandal’s at work as well. Wherever Lilith is, you can guarantee that there’s going to be some ‘taboo’ energy involved. Since 6th house is one of the money/career houses, it can indicate that this taboo will be related to whatever you do for a living.

Placements for those who love animals

Will be Neptunian placements ftw. Neptunians/Piscean placements tend to have a monopoly on the “beast whisperer” thing. That’s because Animals sit between the physical and the spiritual world. They see shit we can’t. So they’ll often take to those with strong “veil” energy. 

Cancerian’s come in at a cool 2nd. This is because their heightened sensitivity make animals feel them quite strongly. They also have strong nurturing energy which will draw pets to them.

Leos at No. 3- Leonine placements have an uncanny love for animals due to their playful and warm energy. Being ruled by the sun, they’ll be literally “beacons of light” for furry friends.

Virgo is ruler of the 6th house of work and routine. Because of their natural capability towards order and discipline, I often see this sign as pet owners. Often these natives have more than one. They’ll be the sign that has Fido trained and operating like clockwork. 

Speaking of animals, the signs I’ve seen to take to cats more than canines are Scorpio and Capricorn. Because of these two sign’s affinity towards introversion, it’s no surprise that one of the most introverted breed of animal feels right at home among them. On the flipside, I’ve seen on numerous occasions where dogs become quite obsessed [Pluto] with Scorpios, on the occasion where they’re not scared of them. 

In a female’s chart, Having asteroid Aphrodite squaring her Lilith

will mean her beauty will have a forbidden fruit vibe to it. Her charm will be directly tied to her wild femininity. However, there may be struggles in how she expresses it. Typical placement for someone whose kindness or mild flirtation will be received as overtly sexual. Her charm and grace might have a playboy or pornstar vibe or she may get her value from expressing herself sexually. It can also indicate one who is just oversexed in general. Be sure to keep those Trojans on hand and get those yearly check ups. Nothing wrong with expressing yourself in such a way but Lilith can also indicate diseases of the venereal nature, especially if in the sign of Scorpio or afflicted in the 8th House

Talent in Fashion Design in the Natal Chart will be

Sun in Libra [Andre Leon Talley]

Venus in the 10th

Taurus 10th House

Libra 10th House

Venus in Virgo

Venus in the 6th

Moon conjunct Venus

Venus in the 2nd House

Mercury in harmonious aspect to Venus

Neptune in Libra

Venus in Sagittarius [Expansive/creative mindset/abundance]

Neptune in harmonious aspect to Venus [Anna Wintour]

Talent in Libra

Scorpio Stelliums [Pluto rules the underworld where jewels and finery reside- Gianni Versace and Anna Wintour have this in their charts- So does Grace Kelly]

Having Nessus in Capricorn can indicate that the father figure in your life might have been a bit abusive or a source of pain.

Having Asteroid Talent in the sign of Gemini might make one very well adept at wordplay. They could have a talent for writing or have hardcore skill at wit. In the 12th house might make them very skilled at writing fantasy or even writing for film/fiction.

Uranus in the 1st can make someone unusual looking, they may look androgynous or dress in a ‘rebellious’ or ‘avant-garde’ way. I’ve also seen 1st house Uranians have flat affects. They can have a demeanor that comes off as detached or in general RBF.

Speaking of Uranus, if you had an absentee father figure...

check to see if your 4th house has Aquarian or Uranian influence. In addition, see if your Sun is inconjunct to your Uranus or squaring it. 9 times out of 10 when I’m analyzing a birth chart, I have a native tell me their father skipped out or split from life very early. There’s always a story there.

Asteroid Psyche touching your 10th house/MC might make you a very skilled Psychologist. Asteroid Psyche [16] is about the mind/soul. If it’s in the house of work/reputation/prestige, you might apply this asteroid's energy to your career

Multi-planet oppositions in the natal chart

Will indicate a push-pull in your natal energy. You’ll be the person who struggles between two mindsets constantly.

If it’s between Gemini and Sagittarius you’ll struggle with the logical and philosophical. You may have constant existential crises. On a positive note, if you’re able to balance it, you’ll be able to see multiple sides of an argument. This is an ideal aspect for someone who debates, is in law, or journalism. If it’s between

Cancer or Capricorn you will deal with wanting to be self-sufficient but also have a deep need to nurture or be nurtured.

The Sign your Sun/Rising is in in your Solar Return Chart

Will usually indicate the energy you’ll take on for the year. In Aquarius your might be tech minded and quite detached. In Virgo, you may be especially detail oriented and cerebral. In Scorpio you may find yourself more emotionally sensitive, probing, or ruthless that year. In Leo, you may be more outgoing- self-centered, or unusually popular.

A Taurus Venus will like to feed you to show you they love you. Being Wined and Dined is how this Venus placement likes to demonstrate they care. They may also like to give you gifts to show you their admiration.

Sorry to break it to you, mutable gang...

But Sagittarius, Gemini, Virgo, and Pisces are among the top signs found in Serial Killers. I.E

Ted Bundy- Sagittarius

Jeffrey Dahmer- Gemini

John Wayne Gacy- Pisces

Mary Bell- Gemini

George Chapman- Sagittarius

Charles Cullen- Pisces

Danny Rolling- Gemini

Marybeth Tinning- Virgo

Alton Coleman- Sagittarius

Kenneth Bianchi- Gemini

Andras Pandy- Gemini

Dean Carter- Virgo

Andrew Cunanan- Virgo

Richard Ramirez- Pisces

Randy Steven Kraft- Pisces

Terry Blair- Virgo

Timothy Krajcir- Sagittarius

Yikes....

Taurus Suns, 11th House Virgos, Cancer/Capricorn 5th Houses, and Libra 7th Housers are typically the “Parent/Mom/Dad” of their friend groups.

Believe it or not, when it comes to “jealousy” over material things, it’s not Scorpio. Taurean/Leo placements [typically risings and Suns and moons] and especially underdeveloped will be the types to hate on you for having something [Usually clothing, car, house, etc] they want. Scorpios, though famous infamous for the jealousy stereotype, will usually show this trait only in romantic entanglements. This is because Scorpio is a water sign. Their primary mode of operation has to do with the emotional realm.

Mars in the 10th House is usually seen in those who make athletics part of their career. 

Mars in Gemini have the most savage comebacks. They will make you feel so stupid if you argue with them. Mars is war and Gemini is wit. You’ll be hard pressed to win a battle of words with them.

I find those with Mars in Aquarius or aspecting Uranus will swing both ways sexually, regardless of how they identify.

Venus in Aquarius don’t really like to be touched/hugged. Picture Voldemort hugging Draco. Ironically, they will usually be the type of people to take up professions where they have to touch others. I've seen copious nurses with their Venuses touching Aquarius. Massage therapists as well. Might have something to do with the love [Venus] of helping others [Aquarius].

Those with multiple planets in the 12th House can make excellent actors. This is because their personality is in a mutable house. They can morph and chameleonize themselves very easily. Superb for taking on multiple personalities for their craft.

Men with Mercury in Leo, Capricorn, or harmonious aspect to Pluto tend to have very deep voices. There’s also a soothing vibe to them as well. James Earl Jones, Liam Neeson, and Anthony Hopkins all have these placements. 

Contrary to popular opinion, Gemini isn’t the only sign that can be a “jack of all trades”. In fact, Libra Suns often fit in in various roles/professions. This has a lot to do with their diplomatic nature. Because they are often the peacemaker and a bit passive than their cousins, they are often welcomed in many different circles. This allows them to excel with networking/social climbing.

Jupiter conjunct/Square Saturn and Capricorn 9th Housers

are the placement[s] I see the most in those who have a deep skepticism of Astrology. Their belief system can be rather rigid [Saturn] which makes it harder/ for them to be open minded [Jupiter] to other schools of thought.

Each Planet/Sign rules a day of the week. Whichever day you were born can inadvertently make you take on some of the traits of that sign, regardless of what your “big 3″ are. 

For example: If you were born on a Wednesday, ruled by Mercury, you can be especially cerebral or witty. Tuesday, ruled by Mars can make you fiesty, athletic and perhaps a bit impatient like Arians. Friday, ruled by Venus can make you extremely charming and friendly. Saturday, ruled by Saturn can make you extremely entrepreneurial-minded whereas being Born on a Monday [Moon] can make you security and family oriented.

Venus in Sagittarius, Sagittarius 5th House, 2nd House in Sag or Venus Aspecting Neptune in the sign of Sag might make one have an affinity for entertainment from foreign countries. I see these placements in the charts of those who enjoy anime, foreign film, or those who have a knack for languages [lot of trines to Jupiter is also an indicator of the latter.]

Asteroid Priapus... will make you want to uncontrollably merge with someone.

 [I’m not even kidding. I had this aspect with someone and my Priapus touched their Jupiter and I wanted to tear the kid’s clothes off. All my friends had no idea what I saw in him. To them, he was not my “type”- whatever that means.] The sign Priapus is in will give you a hint as to what turns you on. In Virgo, someone clean cut, organized or well-groomed might tickle your fancy. In Libra, someone fashionable and sweet-natured. In Aries, someone outgoing or athletic, Capricorn, there can be an affinity for someone older, someone accomplished, or a general “daddy” fetish. 

Sun conjunct Pluto or Sun Square Pluto...

will have gnarly authority issues. Same with Mars in the 1st or Mars in any of the career houses. They do not like being told what to do whatsoever. If you try to boss them around, they will do the opposite just to spite you.

In synastry, a Double Whammy of Sun/Pluto

energy will make two people addicted to each other. All their forbidden fantasies [Pluto] will be exemplified by the other person’s presence [Sun]. The sex will be on the rougher side and can make two people obsessed. However, if a break up were to occur, this placement will make it damn near impossible for two people to be friends again. There’s just too much passion involved.

Astro Musings No. 1  Astro Musings No. 2  Astro Musings No. 3  Astro Musings No. 4 Astro Musings No. 5  Astro Musings No. 6 Astro Musings No. 7 Astro Musings No. 8 Astro Musings No. 9 Astro Musings No. 10

[variousqueerthings]

some thoughts on this one karate show

okay but here’s The Thing right, the showrunners of cobra kai are nerds, we know this to be factually true

the other thing we know is that they acknowledge the worth of subtext and intense reading into text, because they literally did the same thing when they created this, so they’re very pro-interacting-with-fans/pro-fans-writing-up-their-ideas-of-things

and also in at least one reddit-ask thread Schlossberg (I think it was) acknowledged stuff like “Daniel has trauma and it’s going to be explored more fully” so they know what they’re interested in exploring and these things are very consciously around stuff like toxic masculinity, generational trauma, violence as unhealthy coping mechanisms, parenthood (fathers especially, but I am still putting together some thoughts on the mothers of this show), the breaking of repeating patterns, and that wonderful, hopeful theme of “it’s not too late to change/to turn your life around,” amongst other things

so on the flipside of that, there’s some critique around some of the execution of certain themes - stuff like the balance of men/boys and women/girls and the narratives they so far have gotten to tell (also I keep thinking about some of the conversations the girls vs the boys have and I’m like... I was not talking about boys or clothes that much in my teens, I was absolutely talking nonstop about doctor who, where are my nerd girls at? anyway, personal gripe, and then I came out as trans anyway which, also, in a show partially about teenagers in the 21st century, absolutely would be some trains, especially if you have that one joke of “gender-WHAT?” which is both funny to me as a “haha he’s not with the times,” but also a liiiiiiittle bitter because... where is someone to tell him he’s not with the times/someone to prove that there’s not some truth in his confusion/etc), stuff like costuming, stuff like how the narratives around outdated toxic masculine ideals served nobody and violence is only a temporary solution to longstanding issues, etcetc, would be stronger if there were a more diverse main cast being affected by - and responding to - these concepts

- @youandthemountains pointed out that there’s a fair few black women in standalone scenes where they’re more competent/knowing/able to see through bullshit than the people around them, but as of the moment, no black women in the main or even secondary cast (and Aisha... my girl Aisha... sigh.... where is she???)

but I think where it’s very satisfying to engage with this show is - going back to that stuff I wrote at the top and some stuff I’ve kiiinda voiced in the past - how this is... kind of newish (to me anyway, and I’ve been in fandom for a few years) in terms of the stories that people want to tell, especially around a story that fundamentally is around People (men especially) Who Are Violent/Create Atmospheres Of Violence, intentionally or unintentionally. and it’s recontextualising events from movies made in the 80s, in which violence often was the answer and boys were boys and men were men and nerds like us couldn’t talk about text as freely as we do now, so we couldn’t ask a showrunner what they think about, say, a popular queer ship online and have them basically go “yeah, that’s cool and makes total sense as a read, that subtext absolutely exists and it does inform the writing to an extent and there’s some very talented fanfic writers out there” (paraphrased)

so it’s like looking at a work in progress that’ll likely be flawed right up until the end, but flawed in a way where you can see the sincerity that went into it and also how this sincerity is something quite often not allowed in modern media, because things tend to have to be dark in order for them to be taken seriously in an analytical context, or at the very least present things in subtle ways with meaningful, sparse dialogue and moody surroundings (I say this with love for many stories like that)

I’m kinda liking it when the theme is occasionally dropped on my head with no finesse, because this show knows it’s about middle-aged karate dads and their battle for the souls of a bunch of teenagers and their possible learning and growing from events of their own youths in which they also fought with karate and is asking the audience to run with that, and we’ve totally all gone “yeah, I’ll fucking run with that! and I’ll take it so seriously I’ll do my own Intense Textual Read of things” and the creators love it, because they’re also nerds

apart from something like Hannibal (an outlier n should not be counted) I’m not used to showrunners vibing off of so much engagement and not just in a carefully curated “but you’re still the fans and we’re The Makers, so know your lane” kind of way, but with a very “we’re all just fans doing our best here” attitude. 

I hope it stays this way moving forwards, and I like knowing that the people who’re making the content that I enjoy actively did/do the same thing we are, which is over-analysing Ralph Macchio’s every move in the films for hidden meanings

[spirit-of-the-void]

Ebony and Ivory (V x Reader) Chapter 4

Author’s notes: You guys are great, thanks as always for the support. A word of warning, this chapter has scenes with anxiety and panic. So if you have issues reading such things, there’s some caution there.

Chapter 4

You made it to the warehouse without incident, Griffon perched and ready on your shoulders and V walking in step with you as you went. The building had long been cleared out, dust settling on the floors and a set of doors broken off its hinges. You realized with some surprise that it was getting a lot cooler outside now that night was falling, probably due to it being the earlier days of summer. It was probably around sixty degrees when your group made it in, searching for a good place to sit and rest your weary bones. You leaned against a pillar as V sent Shadow to search around, eyes wandering over to abandoned crates and pallets left behind. Luckily, there were none of those husk-corpses in here—you appreciated that. They were far too macabre for you to sit and sleep next to.  

You closed your eyes as you waited, passing the seconds by humming a light tune. You could feel V’s gaze on you occasionally—you didn’t have to look at him to tell he was still worried. He kept tapping his cane lightly, sometimes in rhythm with the song you hummed. Griffon was sitting on V’s shoulders now, keeping an eye on you regardless. You felt bad, he was supposed to look after his master and was spending more time worrying about you. Although V didn’t seem to mind, or at least he hadn’t said anything yet about it. You hoped it wasn’t secretly bothering him, or at least you hoped that if it was, he’d say something and it could be worked through.

Regardless, Shadow came back moments later, announcing its presence with a low growl and a flick of its tail. V stood up from the pallets he found for you and he to sit on, holding out a hand to help you up again. Gratefully, you accepted it when lightheadedness hit you again. You would have summoned food to help, but that expended more energy. You would just have to rest and wait again, spend some time under the moon and recharge. The energy of the Void came back fairly quick, but after extending like you had your body had to repair some of the damage. You felt kind of bad, like you were holding back the group in some way. Mind you, the plan had already been to rest for the night, but you didn't like worrying others.  

Shadow lead your group into what looked to be an abandoned office of sorts. There was a desk with a long-forgotten laptop, a personal cot on the far side, half facing the door with two tables on their side.  There also seemed to be a mini fridge and what looked to be a coffee and snack station next to a utility closet. Much to your relief, there were a few candy bars and other things left behind to eat if hungry. As you sat down at the desk, V tested the light switch, letting out a soft noise of surprise when the lights still turned on. How this place still had power, you would never know—if you put any thought in you would have reasoned that there may have been backup generators or a remaining power grid still working somewhere. Instead, you tiredly laid your head on your arms, releasing a sigh now that you no longer had to stand.

Griffon landed on the desk next to your head, letting out a low snicker as you slowly looked at him, “Ohh you’re looking like shit there, Girlie. Didn’t your daddy ever tell you to stretch before working out?”

You let out a low, neutral hum, tapping your fingers on the desk as you replied, “I don’t remember my parents, so let’s go with no.” Not a lie. After selling your soul, a lot of your old memories were taken to help you cope with trauma. You only got back random bits and pieces at intervals undecided by you. The Deity only let you remember what he felt was appropriate at any given moment. Honestly, it didn't bother you. Making new memories along the way, looking forward and not back. At least...that’s what you were trying to do.

Griffon let out a low whistle, fluttering his tail as he tilted his head at you, “Shit, you may be more depressing than Shakespeare over there, toots. Got any more skeletons in the closet? Ever kill a guy? Witness murder? Were you left on a doorstep at a ripe age of a day old?”

You rose a single brow, saying in an amused tone, “You’ve got quite the imagination on you, Griffon.”

He snickered lightly, which made you smile a bit through the exhaustion. You liked the banter you and the bird could share, now at least where it was on friendly terms. You thought you saw V smirk as well in his pursuit to get the utility closet open, seeming to grow ever so slightly frustrated. You watched with quiet interest as he gestured to Shadow, the creature extending a single spike forward to break the lock. You giggled a bit, looking away before he could see you entering your final level of tired. Which happened to be insanity. You were getting tired to the point you were getting giggly, pressing your face into your arms with a low groan at yourself. Sleep was definitely a need now, but you were trying to will yourself to eat first.

Then there was the sleeping situation. There was a single cot in this room with one pillow. The idea of snuggling up to V after hanging out with him for a half a day wasn't the worst idea, but you didn’t want him to be uncomfortable. Intimacy with people you barely knew was kind of strange. And no matter how you tried to slice it, laying on a cot that small with a lanky man would be very up close and personal for knowing him for half a day. But there was that annoying, touch-starved part of your brain, aching for contact of any sort. You were pretty sure that wasn’t a good thing, considering your impulse control being what it was—mind you, your brain knew well enough not to touch people without permission.  

You were more so afraid of bursting into tears or something over small things. Or laughing fits.

“You should eat something,” V’s voice pulled you out of your musings, making your shoulders jerk as you looked up at him. He was still smiling, eyes dark in the dimly lit room as he tossed what looked to be a peanut bar at you, “You need to regain your strength in whatever way you can, right?”

You felt like he was mocking your food quotes from earlier. You frowned, eyeing the generic bar of food with skeptical eyes, “You should practice what you preach, pretty boy.”

Humoring you, he plucked another bar from the tray of snacks. Like a good boy.

Brow raised, he very obediently took a bite, chewed, and swallowed. You fought another laugh that threatened to burst out, opening your own snack with a shake of your head. You hoped he knew you were going to eat no matter what, but you were glad he was at least complying with your demands and eating himself. You looked at Griffon apologetically as you chewed the sweet and salty treat, realizing for the time being you couldn’t conjure up any snacks for him and Shadow. Did they need to eat, or was it just for the sake of enjoying food? You were pretty unsure on that, but you reminded yourself to ask at another time that wasn't then.  

You saw Shadow come out of the closet with a spare pillow in its mouth, staring at you with glowing red eyes. You let out a sigh of relief, finishing the food quickly. A pillow was definitely good enough for you—You had slept on the floor before. You were starting to feel less fatigued already, but you were still so tired that you were sure as soon as your head hit that pillow you would be dead to the world. On the flipside, you were sad this room had everything but a god damn shower. That’s what you were aching for the most, the feeling of hot water and good shampoo. Especially considering fighting left you feeling a little grimy and gross.

Giving Griffon’s beak a little pat, you stood up from the chair, stretching as far as your body would allow. The food was definitely helping, but sleep was a definite need. The dizziness was now gone, but the feeling of being stretched too thin was not. Some sleep would definitely help with that.

But much to your surprise, V was already taking the pillow from Shadow, putting it on the cot next to the already present one. You blinked, rubbing some of the tiredness from your eyes as he sat on the simple bed, removing his sandals. You felt some strange surprise upon seeing him remove the things—for some reason you expected them to keep his shoes on. Even more weird, seeing his feet without them felt very scandalous. Further proof you were losing your mind.  

“V,” You yawned, deciding to go with the flow and sitting on the other side of the cot to remove your own shoes, “Why do you wear sandals?”

He seemed amused by the question, tilting his head back to level his jade eyes at you as he replied, “Is that your foot fetish speaking?”

You huffed at that, crossing your arms over your chest, “It was a hand fetish, get it right.”  

“Ah yes, a hand fetish,” He chuckled at your response, lifting a hand so he could wiggle his fingers a bit. The action sent his ring glinting in the low light, seeming almost mesmerizing in your tired state, “And I apologize—I don’t wear the sandals for any particular reason.”

You let out a low, tired hum, pulling off a combat boot and tossing it to the other side of the room unceremoniously. You would keep the thigh highs on at least, since they covered your feet and kept them warm. Then again, you had slept in those boots before too.

“Do my questions bother you?” You asked, yawning again as you again debated where to finally lie yourself down. You’d spoon with the goth if he was cool with it, but guessing by Griffon’s taunts and jibes there would be no chance of not being made fun of the next day. Speaking of the bird, he was watching you both from across the room, eyes ever intent and filled with mirth. Like he was watching a play and the climax was about to unfold. You tried not to focus on him, instead waiting for V to answer your question.  

“I don’t believe I said that,” V replied in a low murmur, almost sultry, leaning back on his side and facing the door in one fluid motion, “More questions can be asked...tomorrow. For now, you can use some rest.”  

Your mind went racing at the implications of his actions, but out of your mouth came, “Aww no sweet poetry to help me slumber? No bed time stories?”You didn’t actual want either of those things, but your brain was trying to come up something witty to say.

He let out another low chuckle, hand sliding off the cot to pick his book off the floor, "Lie down and maybe we can compromise." His tone was so soft and lilting, coaxing and suggestive at the same time. How were you supposed to ignore a request like that?

His wiry frame took up exactly half of the cot, feet hanging off the edge slightly. His pretty black hair sure was a stark contrast to the pillow, and something about the sight of it sent your heart racing like a caged bird. You were a complete idiot, an easily excitable idiot. You didn’t want to make anything uncomfortable, but V seemed fine with the situation--either that or he was oblivious to it. You found yourself smiling, deciding to just go with the flow. Both of you seemed to be way to stubborn to ask the other about the sleeping situation, and if he was fine by it then so were you. The idea of him reading sweet poetry while you both shared a bed...maybe that was your true kink.

Willing your heartbeat to slow, you stretched once more, leaning to the side so your head hit the pillow of the cot. A sigh left you as soon as your face touched the cool fabric, tired body fully relieved now that you were horizontal. The energy of the Void settled to a low rumble, body instinctively curling up a bit as you wrapped your arms under the pillow. Thus, began recovery time, which you were desperately trying to focus on. That was short lived, considering any movement lead you to touching the goth behind you. Your back aligned with V’s as soon as you did, you immediately taking a deep breath to stop yourself from jerking away in surprise. Focus on sleep now, focus on feeling nervous at another time.  

You thought you head V let out a slow breath, his back relaxing ever so slightly against yours as the quiet seconds began to tick by. He flipped to a page in his book, a low hum coming from his mouth as he decided on what to read.  

When he spoke, his voice was soft and sultry, soothing to you in small space.  

“Oft when the summer sleeps among the trees,

Whispering faint murmurs to the scanty breeze,  

I walk the village round; if at her side  

A youth doth walk in stolen joy and pride—”

You recognized this poem. It was the same one he was speaking when you first saw him earlier in the day. It also ignited an older memory in you, one that made your body relax gently and eyes close. A memory of the sun flitting though bright green tree branches, of flower petals falling from blooming buds. Of laughter, the only laughter you could remember from that time. Sleep was already gripping you, heavy and heady as the Void’s embrace. Still V continued to quietly read, voice melodic and smooth.

“I curse my stars in bitter grief and woe,  

That made my love so high and me so low.”

You thought you heard Griffon chuckle very quietly, settling himself on the desk to rest for the night. The soft padding of Shadow’s feet followed, stopping near the door. You were sure if you looked, you’d see the big cat curled up to make sure no one and nothing came through. The guard for the night, one you were sure no one would mess with. In that moment you felt very safe and content, toes curling into the cot and letting the sleep V was bringing  slowly starting to take you over.

But as you fell asleep, your subconscious mind realized so many things. Things you were sure you’d feel things about upon waking, if you could remember them.

Had you put any thought into it, you would have realized V made sure earlier to put himself in harm's way to protect you.  

“O should she e'er prove false, his limbs I'd tear—”

Had you put thought into it, you would have realized he tried to put himself before you so you wouldn’t have to take the brunt of hitting the ground.  

“And throw all pity on the burning air—”

You would have realized he put himself on that side of the cot so he was facing the door—insuring that if anything burst through the door to attack, he’d get hit first, and not you.

“I'd curse bright fortune for my mixed lot—”

Had you put any thought into it, you would have realized he was just as lonely, touch-starved, and tired as you.

“And then I'd die in peace, and be forgot.”

But instead, sleep claimed you.

(V’s POV)

When he finished the final line of his poem, he could tell you were already asleep.  

Your breathing was slow and even behind him, shoulders brushing his with each breath. He turned slightly to look at you, making sure not to jostle the cot too much. You made very little sound during sleep, pale blonde hair spilling over the pillow in a sharp contrast to the black of his own. Like Ivory over ebony. V released a breath, closing the book quietly and setting it on the floor next to the cot. He found himself oddly content, and he couldn’t quite place why. He had known you for half a day, hours at most. Yet you already felt like you belonged to their little group, like a missing puzzle piece he wasn’t aware was missing. He pressed a hand to his head, thoughts drifting as he went over all that had happened.

For once in the past month, he had felt...relieved. Energized. Like he was...complete. Whenever you shared your energy with him, it removed so many layers of pain. He could never bring himself to ask you for it, especially after knowing you for such a short time. But you seemed happy, downright eager to help, to relieve his pain, to worry about him. No one had done that for him before, not in any of his memories.

The image of you, smiling and saying you would look out for him, left a hollow feeling in his chest. He closed his eyes, the realization of how much he craved in reality a heavy burden. The years of neglect had caught up with him, and even he wasn’t aware of the extent until now. No one ever worried if he was in pain, fatigued, or unhappy before. He was unsure how to handle it, what to do or say. Even before you shared your energy, there was something about you that made him feel incredibly light—you brought an optimism to an otherwise dismal situation, one he had been content with dealing with alone...until now.

Yet there was an uncertainty there. Until that moment, he had been driven in his task. Focused, yearning for the deed to be done. You, in just a day, made him forget for brief moments what he was meant to do. His focus waned, his inner torment forgotten in brief spurts of laughter, sometimes joy. The task still remained despite the small moments of peace; he knew that without doubt. The levity remained, and that was always important. But...how was he supposed to react when being around you made him feel...

He couldn’t think about that. But was he not allowed to find happiness wherever he could get it? He squeezed a hand to his chest at the thought, hating himself and all the thought implied. To do what he wished and still remain on the task...It didn’t just involve him anymore, not just his happiness. And that wasn’t fair.

He wasn’t sure what to do.

As if sensing his thoughts, Griffon let out a low snicker, causing V to open his eyes once more.

“Ohhh but you’ve got it bad too, dontcha lover boy?” He mused, sounding absolutely delighted, “You two have spent less than a day together, mere fucking hours, and look at how bad you are. Honestly what am I going to do with you?”

V tilted his gaze, a half smile on his lips as he replied, “You’re very presumptuous, Griffon.” He was, unfortunately, right about V. But as for you...he shouldn’t assume your kindness translated into attraction. And neither should V.

Griffon scoffed, shaking out his feathers as he flung back, “Don’t give me that bullshit, V. I know you too well, remember that,” He pointed a talon at your sleeping figure, eyes glinting the light in the room as he purred smugly, “You’re like a little boy with his first crush. Didn’t take you for the hopeless romantic type.”

“Griffon.” V’s voice held slight warning, eyes narrowing a bit on the bird.

“Loosen the jock strap, lover boy,” Griffon snickered, “Just pointing out the obvious. Why not go for it? Trust me my special eyes see all, I'd definitely be your wing man.” He let out a low chortle at his own joke, one that made V internally sigh.  

“You know why.” V replied simply, not elaborating or explaining. He didn’t have to—Griffon knew damn well what he meant.  

That made the bird pause, a few blessedly quiet moments ticking by while he thought over what V said.

“Well shit, if it's meant to happen it’ll happen, right?” Griffon finally spoke, voice very matter-of-fact, “Fate and all that sappy shit. No use fighting it, or avoiding it. That garbage just makes it worse.”

V let out a quiet laugh, determined not to wake you.

“Why, Griffon,” He said in mock surprised, “I didn’t take you for a believer of fate.”

The bird responded with a mere snort, head rolling back a little bit as he huffed, “Not really, but I do believe in humans and their stupid fucking chemistry. And hormones. If your bits are compatible with her bits then there’s no use running from—”

“Griffon.” V’s tone implied violence if the demon didn’t end that line of thought where it started. He definitely couldn’t think about that in that moment.

Griffon let out an amused hum, eyes practically twinkling with delight.

“Are you blushing, Shakespeare? I think you are,” He immediately backed down when V raised his book threateningly, with intent to throw, “Alright alright, jeez. Don’t get your panties in a twist there. I’m just spitting the truth at you, mister poet."

V closed his eyes again, trying to focus on sleep as he replied, “Our only truth is the task at hand, and the burden of completing it.” His thoughts could wait, the wondering could wait. In a way, what Griffon spoke was true. If things were meant to happen, they would—he knew there was no fighting that. That aching sense of grief he carried wouldn’t go away, like he was mourning something already that he hadn’t yet lost. He focused on the sound of you breathing again, trying to align his own breaths with yours. Griffon let out another low chuckle, almost akin to a sigh, and reached out with a claw to turn off the lights. Now in the dark and calm, V tried to will himself into a peaceful sleep, despite knowing he hadn’t had one in a long, long time.

And for once, he just might get one.

(Your POV)

“Pain is a reminder, one you should heed.”

Agony filled your lungs, filling you to the brim. You writhed, breathing glass shards that ripped apart your throat all the way down your chest. Your screaming made no sound, hands clawing at nothingness. Everything was nothingness. Your eyes saw the dark, skin so cold and body so numb. And yet you still felt pain, you felt it everywhere. You drifted in a sea of burning sand, and the sand was eating you alive. You hadn’t felt this pain a single day in your mortal life, not this physically. But somehow, this pain was welcome. Stripping away your torment, your memories, replacing it with fire and ash. And the cold, so very cold.  

His hands held your face, though you couldn’t see him. His breath smelled of the dark, of all the icy nothingness. You could feel it from everywhere. His nails dug into your skin, but his voice was so gentle.  

“Little sparrow, destined to sample the fruits of happiness,” He whispered in your ears, inside your head, your soul, “And to never be full of them.”

They took your happiness. It never stayed. It was always taken away.

You screamed silently again when the burn flared more, razing you to ash. Surely you were burning, this cold fire was burning you. You felt his hands on your neck, on your legs, on your arms. Each part of you touched was another part scorched. Razors cutting out from your own skin, yet you felt no blood. Your bones never broke, but throbbed with agony. You couldn’t remember anymore, didn’t want to remember anymore.

“Pain is a reminder that you are alive,” He whispered again, voice all that reached you in the sea of torment, “A reminder of the gift I have given you.”

You thrashed in his hands, wailing with fear and grief. Grief that had no weight, no meaning, no purpose. You couldn’t remember what you were mourning, but that grief was there. You wanted to be a clean slate. You decided on this pain, it was yours to keep—the truth, and an escape from that mortal pain.

This was your choice.

After all choices had been taken from you.

His lips brushed your ear, whispering those forsaken words to you, “You are overflowing with emotions in a glass too full.”

Were you? You could hardly remember anymore, couldn’t remember feeling pain twice as much, the loss twice as much, the ache twice as much.

“To fix you, I will remove your excess, and make the glass bigger.”

If your fate was only ever taste happiness, then have it snatched away, you would go kicking and screaming into the night. You accepted the pain and the burn, hands curling into fists as you let yourself submit. You were a mold meant to be shaped, a blank canvas to be painted on, a lost soul to be saved. A soul to be sold, damned in servitude for a taste of some ironic freedom from fate.

Eyes wide and staring, crying tears that refused to be shed, you stared into the Void.

And it stared back.

You awoke from your dream with a heavy gasp, one you immediately stifled with your own hands.

Your breaths were heaving in panic, eyes wide and searching the dark room as you sat up from the cot. It was still night. It was the same room you fell asleep in. You were safe.  

You desperately tried to will your breaths to slow, hands shaking as you brought them down from your mouth. The panic had begun to make them go numb, prickling like needles were gently piercing your skin. You had to calm down, it was just a dream. A long, broken memory from the past—something worth forgetting. You leaned forward and rested your head in your hands, wishing you knew what time it was in the night at the very least. A brief glance at V confirmed he was still asleep, and you thanked god for that at least. You tried to focus on grounding yourself in reality again, counting breaths, griping the cot so hard it hurt. Pain would remind you that you were awake.  

Pain is a reminder that you are alive.

You squeezed your eyes shut, desperate not to cry because you knew once it started you wouldn’t be able to stop. It had been a while since you had a dream like that, since you relived that memory. Of when you died, and were found in the Void. When he chose you, and gave you the gift of his “Blessing.” That was such a long time ago, something you were determined to bury and move on from. But it always returned, and always when you least expected it. Sending you spiraling back into vulnerability, into panic and anxiety. It was not welcome.

It was never welcome. But it always reminded you.

As you sat and tried to calm the racing panic, you heard the soft, familiar pap of footsteps. Shadow, you realized right away. You heard them approaching you, then saw their glowing eyes and pelt a moment later. You held your shaking hands in your lap, trying to calm yourself as they watched you with unblinking eyes and tail swishing back and forth. Barely visible in the dark, but you could see it. You couldn't focus on them in that moment, with each passing second the panic from your dream threatened to come back. You closed your eyes again, feeling tears burn and threatening to spill. You couldn’t cry, you refused. A sob was stuck in your throat, clawing for release, but you couldn’t wake up V. You wanted him to think you were strong. You wanted to be useful to him. Your nails dug into your wrist so hard you were sure you bled, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

Pain is a reminder.  

Just as you were afraid of breaking down, on the very cusp of bursting into tears, something surprised you.  

You heard the soft footfalls of Shadow drawing closer again, and a second later felt their breath on your fingers. Your eyes opened, a couple stray tears tracking down your cheeks as you met Shadow's gaze, the mighty beast letting out a soft noise at you as it leaned its head forward and let it plop softly onto your lap.  

You felt your breath catch in surprise, shaking hands stopping in their pursuit to hurt yourself and instead gently cupping the cat’s head, stroking over the soft feeling of its fur and ears. Shadow released a low huff, closing its eyes as you found your comfort in that moment. The feeling of its fur, the warmth it gave, and the solidity of its weight on your lap was enough to slowly start grounding you in reality. A soft smile formed on your lips, eyes have closed as you stroked Shadow’s snout to their ears, finding that satisfaction you had been craving all day with the cat. Strangely enough, you were glad they caved now, in this moment, right when you needed it most. A little joy, a little victory, made real and easy to cherish. Your heart rate began to slow, pain in your chest easing, and the shaking in your hands finally ceasing entirely.

As soon as the shaking left, Shadow began to purr. A low, deep rumble of sound as the cat rubbed its mighty head into your hands. You could have almost cried of happiness then, scratching both sides of its head and letting out a pleased sigh. This was a perfect way to forget, to remind you of what moment you were in. With Shadow’s help, the lingering dream settled to a dull roar, mind trying to focus on the soft feeling of Shadow’s fur.  

You heard the soft flap of wings a second later, the bed shifting slightly when the bird landed to your left. He was more visible in the dark, glowing with a light blue along his wings and beak. His eyes landed on you as well, voice uncharacteristically quiet in the small space, a welcome thing in that moment of vulnerability. You felt bad though—you hoped you hadn’t woken him up.

“You okay, girlie?” He whispered, tapping your shoulder with his beak.

You nodded at his question, continuing to stroke the panther’s head resting in your lap. Griffon’s concern was welcoming, and only sought to warm you further from the cold of the Void.

“I’m okay,” “You whispered back, quickly looking behind you to confirm V was still asleep. He looked...peaceful. And soft. Lips slightly parted, hair draping over his face and usual smiling expression gone. Replaced with a gentle expression of rest. You looked away before you lost yourself, letting out a slow, relieved breath as you continued, “It was a nightmare. That’s all.”

You were okay. You had to be. You had to be strong.

You heard Griffon shuffle closer, letting out a very quiet trill as he looked at Shadow indulging themselves quietly.

“Look who’s finally turned around,” He snickered, earning him a grunt from the mighty beast, “About time. And don’t mind Shakespeare, toots. He’s sleeping like the dead, probably ‘cause the dumb bastard never actually takes consistent, normal rests.”

You found yourself smiling in the dark at Griffon’s mocking. Somehow, it was just as comforting as Shadow’s purring.  

“I'm glad he’s resting,” You murmured, “He deserves rest.”

“So do you, girlie,” Griffon countered, leaning down and resting his head on your arm, “Go back to sleep. Don’t be a dumbass like the poet, I can’t deal with two dumbasses.”

You shook your head, but still yawned despite your best efforts. You were fucking exhausted; you couldn’t deny that. But you were scared of going back to sleep, scared of dreaming like that again. Although, in your experience, those things never happened in twos—you didn’t want to take that chance. Still, you could feel the exhaustion still there, your energy only half replenished by your short rest. If you stayed up, you’d be tired when you needed to be focused the next day. You couldn’t risk that either. Fear and necessity were splitting you in two, and you hated that quite a bit.

Griffon seemed to sense your racing thoughts, letting out an exasperated sigh as he shook out his feathers.

“How about this, toots?” He said in a tone that implied annoyance, but without any heat, “Me and the overgrown house cat will stay with you, how about that?”

You found yourself smiling again despite yourself, continuing to stroke Shadow's fur with both hands.

“This cot is pretty small,” Your voice sounded tiny, vulnerable. There was no hiding how much you actually wanted that to happen when you were that god damn obvious, “We can’t wake up V.”

Griffon scoffed, nudging your elbow with his beak, "We'll make it work. Now lie your ass down before I start squawking up and storm and purposely wake pretty boy up, see what he says.”

You couldn’t really argue with a threat like that, letting out a light sigh.  

Carefully, as not to jostle the cot, you lied back down, resting your head on the cool pillow. Shadow immediately huffed, hoping up on the bed right between your legs. You curled up a leg, letting the mighty cat rest its front half there on your thigh as the other half of its body curled around your feet and V’s. Its head snuffed in between your arms, beginning to purr again when you cradled them to your chest. They rolled onto their back a bit, paws curled against their chest akin to a normal house cat. They were so soft, so warm, and so very welcome. Sure, the bed was cramped, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Griffon contented himself with curling up on the pillow over your head. Beak resting by your face, tail wrapping around the top of V’s head. He let out a quiet, exasperated huff, wings tucked comfortably against his side as he watched you close your eyes, comfortable and contented. Your touch-starved, affection craving body had never been so relieved. The big cat cradled against your front, V back to back with you, and Griffon tucked against your head. If you thought you felt safe before, you felt downright invincible now. Protected, for once in your life, and happy enough that sleep could start to claim you again. V breathing behind you, Griffon above you, and Shadow purring below made a comforting chorus for your ears, washing away any traces of that dream and forcing restfulness.

As your concentration drifted again, you thought you heard Griffon sigh happily, mumbling without any anger.

“What am I gonna do with you two idiots?”

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18136193/chapters/42910745

Tagged: @silentwhispofhope @just-call-me-no-name @nightshadow4713 @slightlylunatic @efiicitia