#this is just supposed to be a minor bit and won't play heavily into the rest of the story except for being in Jade's recovery

[octarinecat]

A challenge

Author notes: 1845 words, NSFW, Raphael x female Tav, TW: a lot of alcohol, foul language, minor violence, choking, mention of noncon

“You know what I noticed? That I've never seen you drunk. How is that possible?” Tav wondered aloud and turned on her side, looking at him expectantly.

Raphael finished reading a paragraph in the book and looked at her with amusement.

“That's impossible, little mouse. I'm immune to the effects of alcohol.”

“You have too much mass. Maybe you just drink too little of it to find that it works on you?” She continued to pursue the subject.

Raphael rolled his eyes and went back to reading his book. One of his hands dived under the bedclothes and he began stroking the skin on her thigh. Tav mused for a moment, but returned to the topic that was weighing particularly heavily on her mind this evening.

“I wonder how you would behave under the influence of alcohol. Would you be more aggressive? Or more mellow? Hmm…” She sighed loudly, but jumped up on the bed, as at that moment the cambion pinched her.

“Curiosity killed the cat!” He laughed in a low voice and closed the book. He then corrected himself on the bed and looked at her. “I don't mean to demean my person, who do you think I am? I would prefer your grey cells to focus on other subjects. Perhaps on my anatomy, or my fluency in several languages? Choose wisely, my dear.”

“Leave my grey cells alone. Ah so yes, lets make it a challenge. Prove to me that alcohol doesn't work on you.” She said in a confident voice, emphasising the word “challenge”.

“Challenge?” He laughed. “And what reward awaits me for proving to you how wrong you are? I'm concerned that the mere satisfaction of winning won't be enough for me." Raphael replied, and his eyes travelled downwards, where they stopped at her breasts with a dreamy look.

Tav clouded over, doing business with him had never been easy. “What more do you want?” She asked and bit her teeth.

Cambion leaned in and batted his long eyelashes, at the same time glaring at her with his eyes. In his mind, he carefully considered what he had just had to say.

“I want you to stay for more than a single evening.” He said, and his eyebrows raised in anticipation of her answer.

“For a weekend, for example?”

“One week is the absolute minimum.” He shrugged.

“Why do you need me for that long?” She asked expectantly, scanning his face with determination for the deeper meaning of his words.

“For entertainment.” He answered briefly and showed her almost all his teeth in a smile.

. . . . . . . . . .

Few days later they met up again in the front door of Elfsong Tavern, in the late evening.

“Ah, that famous den that has hosted so many heroes of Faerun.” He sighed and opened the door for her, allowing her to enter first.

They were struck by the heat of the great hall filled with people. The smell of roast meats and various types of alcohol filled their nostrils. She noticed how he wrinkled his nose in distaste. Raphael grabbed her hand and led her through the main hall up to a room with a stage further away. There were several musicians on the stage, playing cheerful music. They sat down at some smaller table.

“What do you fancy tonight, my dear?” He asked, discreetly observing his surroundings.

“Me? After all, you were the one who was supposed to drink today, weren't you? I don't plan to drink.” She was surprised, as she had not foreseen this option in her plan. She nervously looked around the stage, searching for a point of interest. “I'll have water, maybe something else later. Listen, someone has to be sober to get you home.”

Raphael laughed with amusement. “I'll bring something right away, don't move from here.”

After a long moment he returned bringing alcohol. Analysing the size of the glasses, Tav concluded that it might be whisky.

“Whisky? Are you sure about that?”

“Yes, devil's blood whiskey. What else do you think you could drink? Beer is for the commoners, isn't it?"

Of course, he didn't bring her anything to drink except whiskey.

There was a little commotion on stage and the music became much livelier. A beautiful elf began to sing and tempt the people in the hall with their voice.

Tav looked at Raphael, who started sipping whiskey from his glass. His gaze moved lazily around the room. She knew that gaze, she had seen it more than once before. He was looking for the clients.

“Hey. You're not at work.” She returned her attention to him and reached for her glass.

“I'm not right now. But who knows, maybe I will be soon? Look at all these naive people, they're asking for a hell of a contract. I shiver at the thought of succeeding in tormenting an innocent soul today."

“Please, Raphael. You'd better focus on drinking. On relaxing. Charming me with conversation. Remember, that challenge of ours still?”

One glass of whisky was emptied. It wasn't much, yet Raphael was giving signs of a change in his mood. He unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and began to talk about an artefact that had recently caught his eye.

“...And do you know what happened next, my dear? At first I ignored this information, but when I met with another client I realised that…” Tav listened with interest to his story. His voice had a soothing effect on her. And perhaps it was the whisky. To be sure - she sipped it very slowly so that she could observe the changes in the cambion's behaviour.

A second glass. More buttons revealed his torso, drenched gently with sweat. It was terribly hot in the tavern, and people-as if there were more of them. She was also uncomfortably heated; she untied the straps of her shirt, which was not ignored by him.

“It's pretty hot in here, isn't it?” He stated with a sassy smile and scooted over to her, putting his arm around her shoulders and, as unobtrusively as possible, brushing the lobe of her ears with his lips.

“To you, that's for sure. Oh, is the alcohol going to your head?” She laughed and took the last sip from her glass.

More glasses of alcohol were served and Raphael became more and more inebriated.

“...And I made him eat those eyeballs. Fucking animals. He thought he'd fool me, me?!” He finished with a loud bass laugh and took a long sip from his glass. His eyes occasionally scanned the room, Tav was convinced he was preying on someone.

The night was still young, the cambion was seemingly starting to get drunk, yet not quite. Tav went off to the bathroom for a moment, which did not go without a little dizziness, and when she returned she saw that Raphael was speaking in a raised and angry voice to a man, waving his hands in front of his eyes. She quickly walked over to him and instinctively grabbed his arm.

“Come on, leave the man. Why make a quarrel over nothing." She said and pulled him towards the table. Meanwhile, more glasses filled to the brim with alcohol appeared on the table.

She hadn't had time to sit down on the bench when he grabbed her by the hips and planted her on his lap.

“And then came the CLAW!” He murmured quietly then unexpectedly raised his voice on the last word.

“Oh hells! Raphael!!!” She shouted in surprise and a couple of people in the room burst into laughter. Tav blushed and glared at him. He answered her with a wide and dreamy smile. “Are you all right, my dearest? Did the little mouse get scared?” He cooed.

“So that I don't scare you! Don't do that again.” She scolded him and tried to sit down next to him, but was unable to move his arms tightly clasped around her waist.

“I shall.” He whispered, then slipped one hand under her skirt.

She quickly took his hand away, and his tongue untangled.

“You are so beautiful, I want you here and now. Spread your legs. You are mine and mine alone!” He said to her and began to bite into her collarbone without a hint of shame, additionally gripping her buttocks tightly, which would surely be visible on her body the next day as well.

“That's enough of that. That's enough already! Raphael stop right now!” She reacted by almost shouting. It wasn't her words that stopped him, however, but a physiological need. He pushed her onto the bench from his lap and left towards the toilet without a word.

As soon as he was out of her sight she poured the alcohol from the remaining two glasses into the pot of a plant standing nearby.

Raphael returned after a long minute, shaky and with his shirt unbuttoned all over.

“We're going home now!” She declared as soon as he looked at her. His gaze was frantic, completely different from the stoic calm he exuded on a daily basis.

“Let us go then, my beloved.” He replied briefly after which, without further ado, he grabbed her in half and carried her out of the inn through the back door.

“Fuck, Raphael! I'll rip your legs out of your ass as soon as you sober up!!!” She screamed and kicked the air as he put her against the wall and pressed her against it with his body. There was no one around them, only the faint rays of the moon illuminated their bodies.

“I just don't believe it!!!” She squirmed against the wall, trying to push him away. “You're disgustingly drunk!” She lamented further.

“Don't reject my love...!” He said and leaned in, his lips inches from her mouth. His hand went around her neck squeezing tighter and tighter, taking away her precious air supply. But at the last second something changed. He stopped.

Tav held her breath.

“I win.” He whispered in a coarse, exaggerated whisper and a big smile crept onto his face. His eyes glittered with self-satisfaction. So too did the set of fangs he revealed in his smile. Tav, on the other hand, was close to passing out, and in her mind she was already putting together a plan of self-defence.

“Wh-what?” She answered on one exhale.

“I won. I'm not the least bit hazed by alcohol. And you've convinced yourself that you don't want to see me like this at all. A valuable lesson for you, I suppose?” The cambion replied and released her from his embrace, placing her gently on the ground.

Tav punched him in the stomach until he folded in half and grunted. Raphael grabbed her wrists tightly to prevent more violence on her part.

“Have you been pretending all this time?” She shouted in anger.

“Of course I was. I was surprised you didn't notice. Who would have expected the devil to be a deceitful and deceptive creature?” He said with a confident smile. “Be ready, I expect you to turn up tomorrow and hand over my reward.”

[haliespages]

🩸~ review of immortal dark by tigest girma

3✨️

i want to preface this by saying the only true flaw with this is more of a personal issue, versus a craft issue, so please take that and my rating/review with a grain of salt if you think our feelings will vary on this topic.

this was a book i had been following before the author was even agented, following videos on tiktok and eagerly putting it on goodreads long before the cover reveal, so to be writing anything besides a rave review pains me. black vampires, dark academia, ethiopian mythos, all sounded amazing and i was extremely excited when the arc arrived at work so i feel terrible it wasn't the 4-5 stars i desired.

let's start with the good. the characterization is done very well, kidan is extremely complex and well-written, and the world and magic based on ethiopian mythos is so rich and easy to enjoy. the mystery is done well, even if i think the pacing was maybe a bit slow at times, it wasn't for increasingly long periods. the truly morally gray characters and philosophy was also well-crafted and i did enjoy seeing the story play out from these povs. the dark academia bits are also very atmospheric yet also carries that grit and commentary i love and expect. if we removed the area i took issue with, this would be a great 4 star read and even with that area, i still heavily recommend it for those who are still interested.

now my vice; the romance. i am all for complex, imperfect relationships especially in enemies to lovers like this, what i can not get behind are toxic/abusive relationships with no addressing of this toxicity. without much spoilers, the male li purposefully attacks our mc, causing harm, pranks her by praying on her trauma (minor spoilers, he drenches the mc in red food dye in her sleep and when she wakes up rightfully panicked, tells her its her missing sisters blood and finds its funny), causing panic attacks and overall extreme emotional distress as well as physical distress (he breaks her arm). while this is done before the romance blooms, this is never truly addressed as an issue, nor the actual pain this causes the mc ever acknowledged by this character, or at least acknowledged enough in my mind. i get these characters are supposed to be messy and dark and that is great and something i do like usually, but i personally can't enjoy or connect to romances when they get their start in extreme abuse. even if later on the love interest changes behavior, i just can't understand a romance built on such terrible actions. as mentioned, this is just me and what i like/dislike in books, if you think this won't bother you, then i do heavily recommended this, but in good conscious, i also can't leave this part out of my review as this romance did lower my rating of the book due to me being a bit uncomfortable with it.

as another side note, by no means am i saying this romance is problematic, romance that isn't always perfect is something needed in fiction, it's just a concept that i don't always find enjoyable and as these reviews are based off my own opinions, i wanted to mention it. like i said before, every other piece of this was decently well-done and easy to enjoy but the romance ruined it for me sadly.

[gaynessandghostlyhauntings]

Rules and Fandoms List! (Please Read)

Rules:

I only write for male characters. (I cannot write for female to save my life, sorry guys.)

No NSFW requests or content.

Please be respectful.

I mostly write for trans/male!reader.

I make very few exceptions to the previous rule.

Please give a detailed prompt. (My brain doesn't work most of the time.)

If requesting comfort, please don't traumadump or heavily vent.

Do not harass me if I dont write your request right away.

Please, don't spam requests.

Lastly, please be kind. This is supposed to be a safe space.

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Genres I Write:

Fluff

Comfort

Crack

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Types of Fics I Write:

Headcanons

Drabbles

Scenarios

Incorrects quotes

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Fandoms and Communities I Write for:

Nijisanji EN

Bungo Stray Dogs

Resident Evil (2, 4, remakes, Village)

Genshin Impact

Dungeons and Dragons (campaigns and Honor Among Thieves)

Black Butler

The Tale of Food

The Arcana

The Stanley Parable

Your Dry Delight

Good Omens

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Hihi! I'm Phoenix, you can all call me Nix. I'm a relatively new writer and my main focus is to make people happy with my writing! I hope I can accomplish that with this writing blog!

As I stated in the rules I will only be writing for male characters because I cannot write female characters to save my life and I don't want to offend anyone. My fics will mostly be for male or transmasc readers but occasionally I will write for female reader. I do write for AUs as well, you just have to specify in the request if you'd like me to write one.

As of right now I will not be adding more to my list of fandoms and communities that I write for. My brain goes zoomie zoomie if I have to much to look at at once so this is to make it less convey and difficult for myself. I'm sorry if you wanted writing for other fandoms, my brain just won't let me do that.

I will take constructive criticism and pointers on how to make my blog and writing better and I will always appreciate the help and support!

For now though, here's a bit about me:

-I am a minor. (Hence why I don't write NSFW)

-I am currently learning French and Japanese.

-I am trying to learn how to play guitar.

-I am an avid D&D player.

-My favorite colors are dark blue, dark red, black, white, and beige.

-I am scared of the dark, clowns, and heights.

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My requests are always open so feel free to send some in! Love you all! Bye-bye!

[gingerbreadmonsters]

Heeyy Ginger~~ 💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

warning for 18+ discussion under the cut! minors dni please <3

WAIT THIS IS SO SWEET DON'T 😭😭😭

hmmngmgnhmg it is, of course, impossible to choose a favourite child - but i think if i had to pick just one to talk about then it's got to be blood sugar, baby!

this fic was written in the wake of imperium: cataclysm in late november of 2022, basically because prime universe!william solaire is really really hot already and imperium!william - aside from having literally no screentime, so i can say whatever i like about him - has the potential to be hot AND evil, which for me is like the ultimate combination 🤩🤩

my version of prime!william is very much a man who loves his children more than anything else - he won't let them get away with anything, per se, but he absolutely loves those two to pieces and holds his family very very close to his heart. imperium!william, then, takes that love and (as for everything in the imperium) whacks it up to eleven - so what happens then?

the solaires, for better or worse, really get the short end of the stick during catacylsm, so i really wanted to talk about what alexis and vincent's fates might have meant for william - what it might have done to him, feeling both his progenies die in such quick succession, and what that would have made him do now.

in canon, we also have that first william audio where lovely meets him for the first time - this fic is sort of my answer to that, i guess? it's never clear if they ever met in the imperium before vincent died or not, but i think it's unlikely they ever did. it also felt kind of boring to me, that they get rescued by asher but then we never hear anything about them again, so the idea of william kidnapping lovely and staging this first meeting was born!

the vibe of this fic rests quite heavily on the aesthetics of it all - the room around lovely (and william himself, now that i think about it) gets described in a way that's trying to show the reader that the house is quite old and quite expensive! things like william's gloves and handkerchief, the addition of a mantel clock, a chest of drawers, heavy curtains on the windows... all of those things are meant to suggest that we're dealing with a man who's very wealthy, and combined with lovely's restrained, confused body, there's the implication that he's also very powerful.

(obviously, we get that in the dialogue and the narration as well - william and lovely both mention the fact that he's a vampire king, and although lovely doesn't really know what that means, it's not difficult to infer that it means he's got a lot of money.)

the way that william speaks was actually not as difficult as i thought it would be to write - it's supposed to be slightly stilted, archaic, and a little bit awkward! it's referenced towards the beginning when lovely notices 'letters sticking and sliding where [they] don’t expect them', but that's all meant to get across the point that william a) is speaking with a noticeable french accent, b) is much, much older than lovely (by hundreds of years), and c) is much more formal in his speech than vincent was, and that lovely's used to.

in every iteration of this, lovely was always going to be tied to the bed for the whole time. while that does make for quite a nice (if obvious) reminder of the power dynamic here, there were actually two more significant reasons for having the scene play out with them stuck there: the first is that the idea of being tied to a bed has a whole load of, uh, explicit connotations that i wanted the reader to have in the back of their mind - sex and vampires kind of go together anyway, and i wanted to make william extra extra hot in this one because i think it's what he deserves and also i am an equal-opportunity vampirefucker and everyone deserves the chance to think about getting fucked by the sexy powerful rich vampire king, this is my contribution to society

the second reason is literally no more complicated than i wanted this to echo various conventions of film, specifically with an eye to horror and melodrama - our poor captured protagonist has been caught and is being tied to the railroad tracks, while our villain is busy monologuing up a storm.

(and wow, does william monologue in this one! you can probably tell that i wrote the dialogue first, and then went back in to fill in the rest - he really doesn't shut up at all...)

however, william was never going to be a purely evil character for me - i did my best to make him as sympathetic as possible, while still adhering to the conventions of the imperiumverse and making it clear that this is a world where the boundaries of socially acceptable and morally justifiable behaviour are absolutely not the same as the prime universe.

part of that is tied to that slightly laissez-faire, hand-wavey 'we're in the imperium, anything can happen' mentality that i like, but to me his attitude of 'i have to preserve anything i can of my children, anything at all just to prove that they existed' comes from a place of very deep, very tragic loss. it's an expression of desperation, of bitter regret, and of absolute and screaming grief.

this is a man who loved his children more than anything else in the world and who is not willing to let them go, and is now calmly explaining to lovely why that love justifies keeping them captive indefinitely. it makes sense to him, although he's not keeping them in exactly the same way that vincent kept them. vincent kept lovely as a food source - william is keeping them as a souvenir. he's hoping that lovely remembers vincent as fondly and as lovingly as he does.

lovely... isn't really sure if they do or not, but they're not immune to the imperium either - they were kept by vincent long enough that the stockholm syndrome had time to reasonably set in, enough that they definitely associated vincent with survival, with warmth and food and human contact, but can't quite figure out if what they're feeling is actually love. they're strangely upset that vincent never told them he had a sister, and they're surprisingly fine with the idea of getting revenge on vincent's killer. however, they know that what vincent did was, on some level, wrong - hence their confusion, and their slightly contradictory behaviour.

it's all about survival rather than affection for poor lovely, as shown by them asking william to stay ('if he leaves, there’s no telling when - if ever - he’ll come back for you. Call it personal experience.') but also refusing the water he offers them ('Like hell you’re drinking anything he gives you.'). they don't trust william, but they've learnt that the best way to survive is to obey.

the ending with william trancing lovely is deliberately ambiguous - does he turn them? does he keep them as a human? it's entirely open to interpretation, but my personal version is that he keeps them human for a little bit in a sort of weird, vincent-esque way? they're kept in much better conditions than vincent had them in, but it's william's twisted attempt to emulate his son, and feel closer to him by doing things as vincent did them (hence why he calls them 'my little thrall-to-be'). then, after that, he does turn lovely into a vampire to keep them 'preserved' forever, eternally attached to him and kept in his house.

it's implied that there's some degree of attraction there, at least in a sexual sense ('You shiver slightly, but you’re not sure why. “Oh, is that it? That’s what you want - to be good for me?” A playful smirk. “You spoil me, darling.”'), but the extent of that is also up to the reader's interpretation. all i'm saying is that he's hot on purpose, the long hair and the gloves were absolutely on purpose, and i don't blame you <3

my favourite favourite part of this has got to be that last dreamy bit ('There’s a house in the woods, a very long way away...') - if i remember correctly, i think i wrote that bit quite early on but saved it, because it didn't really fit the tone of the rest. it's designed to read like a closing montage sequence in a film, where the dialogue has finished and the music is coming to a finale, and i think it mostly worked...?? idk i'm just really pleased with how it turned out, especially the sensory description there! the house that lovely mentions is deliberately left unclear - you can decide whether i meant it to be vincent's or william's. i have to keep some secrets, after all 🥰🥰

honourable mentions: get in, loser!, a ring on the carousel, motion capture, resist and elongate, mad or sublime, five more minutes

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Last Seen Online by Lauren James

There is something about thrillers with an online element that I find really intriguing. With the internet being as wild as it is, it often feels like anything is possible here -even things you previously thought unbelievable. Add the insane energy that fandoms contain and it's the perfect mix for a twisty, shocking thriller.

Aspiring, young actress Delilah has a nightmare audition for her school play but it sees her paired up with Sawyer, whose mother starred in a very popular TV show decades before. A show that ended when one co-star apparently murdered the other. But Delilah has come across some mysterious blog posts from back then, written by an online persona called gottiewrites, who appears to know things about the actors' personal lives. Before long, Delilah is immersed in a world of conspiracy, obsession and the fact that the truth of what happened may still be hidden.

From the very first paragraph, we are clearly supposed to think of Delilah as relatable and 'just a normal girl'. She worries about the same minor imperfections that we do and so, it's obvious that she is us in the story. Having a character who serves as the reader's eyes in the story is a really great device but I'm not sure I should have been able to 'see' the workings of this in the writing. I probably would have liked Delilah just as much as I did without being immediately told that she worries about bad breath or her period showing.

I really liked how the story was told in various forms of media and that we were introduced to the scandal as it unfolded in the press. It meant that we were given evidence to come to our own conclusions as Delilah was piecing things together and that made for a really satisfying read. I also felt like I got to know the show, despite it never being an actual show. I don't know whether Lauren James has any experience with the makings of a TV show but it felt very well researched.

Of course, we also get gottiewrites' blog posts to read through. I really believed in gottiewrites as an obsessed online fan but sometimes some of the choice of words made me think 'hmm, was this how we spoke in 2014?'. As someone who was heavily involved in online communities in 2014 and before, some of the language that gottie and their commenters use felt far too contemporary. For example, I don't remember us talking about 'receipts' 10 years ago. It's a minor thing that I know some readers won't even notice but it did take me out of things temporarily.

The way the comments spiral was really well done and read really authentically. I could believe that these were copied and pasted from a real Tumblr post. I could almost hear all the different voices chiming in with their thoughts and I definitely forgot that James wrote all of these bits too. It's a real art to come up with all of these tiny character appearances, so I really commend them for that.

Delilah's characterisation as an obsessive friend also felt really authentic. She displays more than a few neurodiverse traits and I'd believe it if the author confirmed that she's undiagnosed but certainly autistic. Her intensity frightens her friend Nida and this is something that many autistic people come up against. I've not seen it displayed quite as explicitly as James does it here, so I really appreciated that.

Last Seen Online is definitely a page-turner. The nature of the format (the blog and comments make up quite a lot of words) slows down the pacing but the fact that I wanted to keep reading it means that it is worth diving into. I can see how some readers might find the plot convoluted but as I said at the start of this post, it's believeable if you know anything about the craziness of online fandoms. If you like YA stories that explore celebrity culture, scandals and fandom investigations, you'll love it.

[fadebolt]

I took a bit of a break from Warcraft 3 a couple months ago (around mid September last year, I believe), but I just came back this week when I saw that the full True Story of Arkain (custom campaign from Shar Dundred) has recently been released.

Now, I'm one mission off from completing act 1, and I gotta say, I've been having an absolute blast so far!

The great thing about the True Story is how it sort of feels like when I first played all the Downpour campaigns of Rain World (or even just the Downpour versions of the base campaigns). Like, I already know the maps, and how everything is supposed to be working, but there are all these weird new changes, tools and additions, that heavily change how I have to approach and play out a level.

And this pretty much applies to every map. Sure, some have only received minor gameplay changes, like Hunt for Riches or Nightmare, but even those feel quite a lot different. Since on the former, you now have Amari instead of Rangul, who needs to position completely differently, while the dwarves now also have stronger frontliners, that you really have to look out for. And on the latter, Largoth can actually press 3 buttons, rather than just being a walking Soul Burn machine, but you also have a ton more Virtue Spirits after the first fight, so you do have to stay on top of your micro game.

But overall, this campaign takes all the things that made Legends of Arkain unique and fun, and bumps them up to eleven. And the amount of new lore that was added is simply incredible too, and the writing is generally strong too (sure, it does have its few iffy moments, but for the most part, the story and world building works really well, especially with all the new additions to the True Story, and the external short stories)

So if you like (or have liked) Warcraft 3, and enjoy maps with giant clashes between huge armies, as well as deep and intriguing storylines, then I can't stress this enough - play Arkain!

Just be warned that it has its fair share of difficult moments, but every map is perfectly doable with just a little patience. Ironically, I've even given myself some self imposed challenges on this first playthrough (I can only use newly unlocked units on every map + no saving/loading + max of 10 towers), and they actually made the experience a lot more fun, so I can definitely recommend this too (to all you fellow crazy people :D).

(...though it does kind suck how this'll result in me interacting with all my dear Rain World pals even less, but I'm sure they won't mind... I hope xd)

[my-whumpy-little-heart]

Thank you to @pepperonyscience for this first sentence prompt! It got to be... a little more than five sentences. A bit of an introduction to an oc from that space series I have in the concept stages that I told myself I wouldn’t write right now. His name is Jade Marshall, he’s half human and half an aquatic based alien race I haven’t come up with a name for yet.

(there may be another bit I use this same prompt for because it’s what it was originally intended to be and I got an idea, but we’ll see...)

"I wonder how long these puny human lungs of yours could last underwater."

“Stop, I’m not- I’m not even a human,” Jade muttered and lowered his head, trying to push past the crowd of taller people even as they closed on him, pushing him closer to the railing.

“Might as well be. You certainly sympathize enough with ‘em. Didn’t ever get those gills you always told us you would, either.” One of the others reached out to run fingers roughly up the side of his neck, digging them into light scarring there where his gills were meant to have opened up. “You know, those normally develop around seventeen. Fifteen years late is a little too late to be a ‘late bloomer’ don’t you think?”

He dug fingers against the scars until Jade flinched away, holding up hands protectively around his neck. He didn’t say a word.

“The question still stands though,” the first chimed in again. “Aren’t you curious how long you can hold your breath, jewel boy?”

“I’m... really not. Just let me through. We’re not children anymore; this is uncalled for--”

“Always so serious, Jaden!” the strongest of them laughed, a hand reaching out to grasp his chin and tilt it upwards. When he twitched and tried to jerk away, sharp claws tightened and dug into his skin. “We just wanna have some fun with our friend who nearly ruined earlier’s proceedings with his idiocy… and let him know what we think about him taking this chance away from us,” he purred, pulling Jade’s chin up and back until he had no choice but to bend. His lower back leaned against the railing, but he was well aware of how the rest of his upper body was balancing precariously above the rushing river below.

He knew it wouldn’t be so bad. He could swim. He wouldn’t have to find out how long he could hold his breath because he would make it to the surface for air. He was still a half breed, after all. But at the same time, he could see the crystal clear water in his mind’s eye, the sharp rocks coating the bottom of the river. If by chance he hit one of those… he swallowed involuntarily as he was bent further back above the water.

He felt hands around his ankles and he fumbled to get a grip on the edge of the rail, preparing to leverage against the sickening, dizzying feeling of being flipped on his head. Jade’s eyes flicked back up to one holding him back, usually blank eyes sparking with the pain of old wounds.

“Anything like this happens again,” he started, tightening his grip even further, “and you land down there. Do anything to jeopardize the trial? We don’t stop at drowning you. Got it?”

Shakily, Jade nodded and swallowed again when the hands retracted from his face and ankles. He could feel the points where nails had dug in, carving divots and breaking skin.

The rest of the group backed away, chattering among themselves and snickering as he lay still for a few moments, steadying his breathing, before heaving himself back to his feet. He checked his old telepager, squinting at the cracked display--if only they’d replace the progenerator then the cracks wouldn’t be a problem--to see the time. He was already late for his next rotation.

[justice4harwin]

Light’s Corruption- Chapter III

Pairing: AlinaxTheDarkling

Rating: 18+

TW: Talks of sexual harassment and sexual assault of a minor.

Tags will be in the comments. Please don’t be shy and let me know if you wanna be added or if you no longer wish to be on the list.

Part II Here

Enjoy the reading! :D

Chapter 3: Plotting and Braiding

Alina threaded back to her room alone, while Genya took a detour to the kitchens to fetch them something to eat.

Arriving back into the comforts of her own chambers, she felt a great relief. To say the afternoon with the queen had been tense was an understatement, and she was sure that the arrival of the king at the end was not only due to his obsession with Genya. She had no idea what The Darkling had told the king so far regarding her training, but he didn't seem like a patient man. Surely, he already knew about her little display that very same day in the gardens.

Looking around, she noticed someone had bought back her pencil and flask of ink and placed it on her desk.

She took off her kefta and put on a simple blue nightgown with golden embroidery that reached her knees. Someone had put on a fire, thankfully, and she was quick to stand by it to warm herself, eagerly waiting for her friend to return.

On the one hand, she was excited. Genya was her first girlfriend, and despite having known each other for a few months only, they had grown quite close. As childish as it may sound, the idea of a sleepover made her excited. Before, in Keramzin, she and Mal would sneak out into a corner and play quietly, talk, or just sit there in silence; but none of the older girls had let her play with her since she tended to be very easily tired, and by the time a few other girls came in, she was too old to keep up with them without exhausting herself.

On the other hand, Genya's semblance had been almost sombre as she left her, and that made her anxious. What did the redhead want to talk about? Alina couldn't imagine. Did it have to do with the queen? Had she done or said something wrong? Was she worried about The Darkling finding out about her little lie? Saints knew how their royals asses would react if they knew General Kirigan to be unaware of something, as insignificant as they may deem it.

The Sun Summoner wanted to give the king and queen a few words.

Something kicked the door.

"Open up!"

Alina hurried and did as was asked, and Genya walked in with a big silver tray full of food precariously held in one hand and two bottles of wine in the other.

Alina reached out and took the bottles from her, and with a relieved sound, Genya took a more solid hold of the tray and placed it on top of the rug near the fireplace.

"Where are the glasses?" the summoner asked.

She received a look of disbelief.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Moya Soverennyi, but I only have two arms."

"Right. Sorry." her cheeks turned pink as she balanced herself on the tip of her toes.

Genya stood up and strutted to the wardrobe.

"Please tell me you have something decent to lend me."

She didn't wait for a response as she pulled out a blue nightgown and began to take her kefta off.

Alina turned around, cheeks red, and heard her friend chuckling.

"Scared that I might be your type, Starkov?"

Alina giggled nervously.

"I just…you know, privacy, decency and all that." she cleared her throat, and after a moment of contemplation, with a trembling voice, decided to speak: "Back in Poliznaya, when I first enlisted, they didn't have resources enough for pretty much anything, so all men and women were put in the same room to sleep, and there was only one big bathroom." Alina had to clear her throat once more. "Uh, so, changing clothes was very uncomfortable because some men would just, make comments or look at us weird; and so after a few days, this girl, Maria, decided that we should do a small circle and take turns changing so they would leave us alone."

"Did they?"

"No." she huffed humourlessly. "It made their words harsher, but still, for a while, we stood in the circle, even if it took us longer to go to sleep or wash ourselves, so, yeah, … privacy."

"Did no one ever do anything?" Genya sounded concerned.

"Some guys tried to tell them once or twice, you know, to not do that, and others just gave us our space." Alina sighed. "In the end, we were there for about a year, so we couldn't keep it up. We learned to change our clothes quickly and wash ourselves even faster."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." her friend said softly, sincerely.

"It's fine." Alina tried to wave it off. "It's not like I was much more than skin and bones back then; I didn't get the worst of it."

She had had her share of inappropriate comments, yes, but after the time one of the other men sneaked up on her and Mal broke his nose, they all stopped.

"What? That's your girl, Oretsev?" the guy had asked, clutching his nose.

"No!" Mal had answered, a little too loudly, a little too quick, nostrils flaring. "But that doesn't mean you can go around behaving like a brute."

The guy hummed, looking more amused than annoyed.

"It's not as if she were much to look at anyways." one of his friends had said, picking him up from the floor while Alina anxiously clutched a shirt to her chest; Mal still standing in front of her, breathing heavily. The rest of the room had gone very silent. She had to get dressed; yet she couldn't move. Mal walked away, back to his group of friends.

"Well, you're more than skin and bones now." Genya said, slightly more enthusiastic. "I think it suits you. You look very pretty like this. And you don't have to turn around; I'm comfortable with you."

"Yeah, I'd rather not. Thanks."

"You're way too nice for this place, Alina." she said, almost pitiful.

"I can manage."

"Oh, you will. And I'll make sure of it. All done."

Alina turned and took her in. The nightgown was blue just like hers, slightly more revealing than the one Alina was currently wearing, and it fitted Genya's figure a little bit tight. Still, she looked stunning as usual.

"It's weird." she said. "Seeing you in something other than white, I mean."

The woman looked down, pale hands running over the soft fabric.

"It is." she conceded, a strange softness to her voice.

"You look nice."

"Darling, I look more than nice." she winked, getting back to the tray of food and letting herself fall next to it.

Alina handed her a bottle, which the redhead opened up and didn't waste time in chugging down a few big gulps. She rose her eyebrows. When Genya passed her the bottle, she contemplated the flames for a few seconds.

"Look, I don't know what we're supposed to do during sleepovers, but it doesn't matter. We have more pressing things to discuss."

"I said something wrong in front of Her Royal Pain in the Ass, didn't I?" Alina moaned, taking a massive sip of the liquid. It wasn't her favourite drink, but she was starting to feel like drowning and anything would do.

Genya giggled.

"No, you managed yourself quite well, in fact." She turned, clear eyes examining her friend's face, "Do you realize what the Queen was doing, Alina?"

"She, …wanted to gossip and belittle some people?"

"Well yes, but she never invites grisha."

"You said she wanted to show me off."

"Yes; and she also wanted intel." Genya leaned in closer as if to share a secret, even though it was just the two of them in the room. "Every one of your lessons is private, and General Kirigan never reports the progress of his grisha to the Royal Family anyways. He's always refused to, and it makes the King furious, but he's too afraid to do anything about it, …for now."

"But I am the Sun Summoner."

"Yes, so the stakes are high." Genya frowned. "If the King knows you're in a weak spot, he'll start to push, and that won't lead to anything good with the General and other Grisha but, …if you make some friends-"

"Like, with Zoya?!"her face was the reflection of her disgust as she took in a big gulp of wine.

"Just in general." Genya placed her forearm on the carpet and took a piece of cheese. "What you have to actually do, is make allies."

"You mean friends?"

"Sure, make some friends." she shrugged. "But also make allies. Don't let the King know that you're isolated. Trust me, there will come a time when you'll need of the others, and you can't always count on General Kirigan to save you."

Alina hadn't thought about it. So far, he had always been there, at the right place, at the right time. Maybe Genya was right, and she had unconsciously relied on him to have her back and catch her before she fell.

"How do I do that?"

Genya stuffed her face with some more cheese and chewed slowly. She shrugged.

"There are several ways. You can't just go to a group and ask them to back you up. Observe. Go one by one." Genya all but pushed Alina to take a big gulp of wine, her fingers firm underneath the bottle as she titled it up. The brunette drank. "Try to bide some time. Make them owe you favours. They don't really have to like you, but if they do, it's better. Have you seen how all of them thrive to be the General's favourite?"

Alina nodded slowly. Eyes had seemed to turn towards her when she first arrived, but since she had kept her non-progress a secret, and her and Kirigan were rarely seen together in public and she was never requested to his quarters, it seemed like the other grisha's eyes had quickly drifted from her. Like she wasn't so important after all.

"Make them want to be your favourite, Alina."

"I already have a favourite." she said with a playful wink, taking a cookie.

Genya shoved her gently.

"I know." she said, voice full of petulance. "But I don't mind you hiding it for a while."

Alina cleaned her fingers off the crumbs of the cookie, looking into the fire, pensive.

So, she needed friends. She had Marie and Nadia already, but it was true that the rest of the grisha didn't stand too close to her. Maybe it was because of how awful she was during Botkin's lessons, or because she refused to showcase her powers and they thought her a snob of some sort. Maybe they just didn't like her. She didn't like some of them either.

She leaned back, her eyes consumed by the crackling fire.

So, observe. That was something she could do. She'd watch them, see their customs, their likes and dislikes, and try to work with that.

Working to become The Darkling's favourite crossed her mind. He was only one person; and if she were to be his favourite, surely some would grow closer to her.

No. She shook her head.  They would only come to her as a path to The Darkling himself. Or they would resent her for it.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Genya slowly smiling.

"What?"

"That look you got on your face." she said, pointing a pale finger in her general direction. "You're already plotting. That's the same look The General and His Royal Imbecile get when they want to make some manoeuvre."

"I'm just, …pondering on what you said and how to do it."

"Good. And I'll help you where I can." Alina wanted to protest, knowing Genya already had so much on her plate, but the redhead shook her head. "Zip it, Starkov. I will. I'm very good at getting information."

"Oh, really?" she asked in fake mockery. She had no doubts of Genya's resourcefulness. She watched with a smile as the woman kept drinking without pause, and then let the now empty bottle fall on top of the carpet, a few drops ruining its beautiful colour.

"Yes. Now: braid my hair.”

Genya

The Tailor did her best not to cringe at Alina's attempted braids; she had done her best.

It was pleasant kind of strange, having a friend. Genya hadn't had one in a long time, since before the grisha discovered them and Kirigan placed her in the Grand Palace as his eyes and ears.

She had learnt much from him; she believed in his cause, and thus, she silently endured the life at the Grand Palace. It was only a small sacrifice for the sake of all grisha.

But friends? No. She had charmed people, made some allies and had plenty of people at her feet who owed her favours she would carefully collect. But she had never had a friend.

The other grisha saw her as a servant only. Even though she trained alongside them with Botkin on several occasions, even though she also endured Baghra's harsh lessons -those were brief, for Genya already had almost mastered her gift by the age of twelve- and she also wore a kefta. But it was white. And white was the colour of servitude.

Alina was the only grisha who seemed to seek her out for the sheer desire of her company; she sought her out to ramble on and on about how she was a fraud -Genya disagreed- and how behind of them all she was. 

Genya liked that. She liked Alina. She always asked her how she was doing, how she was feeling, a big smile on her face and her expression open, ready to listen. There was much that Genya couldn't tell her, but she shared what she could, and to her surprise, Alina cared.

So, Genya said nothing when Alina decided she would tailor her and ended up looking like a clown. Well, not quite, but it was definitely a rookie's work. Genya smiled anyways, because Alina had done it for the fun of it, with the best intentions in mind, wanting nothing more than to have a good time with her.

Genya did her face too. Without her powers, and still, she was perfect.

They talked late into the night, of things Genya hadn't known could be talked about to such lengths without getting bored or being malicious. Hm. She supposed it depended on the person one talked to. 

They settled on Alina's bed well past midnight, and she apologized for keeping her up so late.

"Oh, please. I'm the only one in this place who doesn't need a beauty sleep." She had said, flippant as she tossed her messy braid behind her shoulders.

They talked so more in the darkness. Suddenly, amongst the chatter and ramblings of her friend, Genya felt an all too familiar weight on her chest.

"I was thirteen." She said quickly, in one exhale of breath that left her shocked.

Although she couldn't see very well, she felt Alina turning on her side to look at her.

"I'll listen, if you want." Was all she said.

Saints bless her, Genya thought, tears in her eyes. She couldn't tell her everything, she didn't think she could stand it, but Alina had figured it out, so that made some of it easier.

"The king gave me odd looks ever since my first day at the palace, but I was thirteen when one night I was asked to go to his chambers." Her voice shook, much to her shame. She felt some ruffling among the sheets, and then a hand wrapping around hers. She squeezed it tightly. "I thought he might want me to do something about that chin of his, "she giggled bitterly. "I was frozen. I was as silent as the dead, and yet...I, I didn't fight back, not that first time. I just, " she made a motion with her hand, and wiped her cheeks. "I just laid there." She tried to steady her breath. "When he fell asleep, I got up. Everything hurt, and the blood had dried in my legs." She turned, barely making out Alina's teary eyes in the dim light that filtered through a window. "The guards escorted me back to my rooms. I kept crying, and one of them offered me a handkerchief. I'll never forget the looks of pity they gave me." She turned back, facing the fabric of the canopy above. "I never let them see me cry again. Ever."

She felt Alina scooting closer and placing both arms around her, and Genya returned her hug.

"It wasn't your fault." She said. Upon hearing those words, never spoken to her before, Genya couldn't help but sob. "He'll get what's coming to him."

Oh, she had no idea.

"Please don't tell anyone."

"Of course not." Alina hugged her tighter and ran a hand through the knots she had made in her perfect hair. "But I'm here; I'll always be here."

Genya's heart softened at that, and she closed her eyes, letting sleep take her in the safety of Alina's arms. Not the Sun Summoner. Not one of the most powerful grisha to ever exist. Nor the Saint; Ravka's only hope.

Just Alina.

Her friend. 

When Genya woke up a few hours later, the sun was still in its slumber.

Her arms wrapped around Alina, the other woman had both of her hands wrapped around her forearms, half leaning on top of her. 

She noticed the small, wet spot on the top of her nightgown. So Alina drooled in her sleep. Disgusting. Hilarious.

Carefully, Genya got up and got dressed, feeling lighter than before.

Without making a noise, she approached the bed and wrapped the blankets tightly around the summoner, placing a gentle kiss to her temple. She didn't even stir.

When Genya left the bedroom and headed down the stairs, she felt the weight upon her again, heavier, more solid, making her almost want to crumble right on the spot and cry until her throat was raw.

She didn't do that.

She held her head high and advanced with a purpose she didn't really feel on the inside.

The oprichniki at the doors allowed her passage without questioning, and she put one foot in front of the other down the long, dark corridor.

She knocked on a door, and after a moment was given permission to entry.

The Darkling sat behind a desk, an old book in a language she couldn't decipher in his hand. She wondered if he ever slept.

She bowed.

"Moi Soverennyi."

"Well, Miss Safin?"

She reached into her pocket and extracted a folded piece of paper. 

"She said this was the last one."

"Did you read it?" He asked as he took it from her hands and opened it unceremoniously.

"I did, sir." She took in a deep breath. "I truly believe this is the end of the problem."

"Good." He replied, his eyes running over the name the letter was addressed at, fingers trailing over the nice handwriting. "You are dismissed."

"Moi Soverennyi." She bowed again and turned, ready to return to the Grand Palace. To real life.

"Miss Safin?"

She looked back, a hand on the door handle already.

"What is that on your wrist?"

She looked down to see the pale skin had turned a nasty red, a few pimples here and there. Smoothly, she ran her other hand over the area, watching as it went back to its previous perfection.

"Just a little experiment, sir. Nothing serious." She smiled.

He nodded slowly, his eyes, as usual, trying to solve a puzzle.

She couldn't tell him...for now.

"Very well. Do be careful, Miss Safin." He said, leaning back in his chair and began to read the letter. "I would hate to lose such unique soldier."

She smiled once more and left before the edges cracked.

Part IV here

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: we forgot another one off the 💀💀💀 list Jimmy: you gonna stick or twist? Janis: 👊 me if you give a shit Janis: need all the ways at my disposal Jimmy: here you are then, hot glue gun Janis: 🤔 Janis: sounds like a bit of 💀👑 & 💀#2 if you take it to your 🗢 and slowly starve Janis: still leaning towards 🔪 personally Jimmy: Alright, I'll invite them over Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, my dear Janis: Jealous of you or them? Jimmy: ain't goals either way Janis: Neither is you taking up crafting, tbh so Janis: why have you got a hot glue gun? Jimmy: these cotton wool balls won't stick themselves to a 👕 Jimmy: gotta get 'em on before 💀👑 and 💀#2 think I've put snacks on Janis: 🤢 Janis: new 😎 look? Janis: 👎 Jimmy: piss off, this 🥉💡's nowt to do with me Janis: Who's is it? Janis: they ain't wasting snacks Jimmy: dunno, some other dickhead online whose kid don't wanna be a 🐑 an' all Janis: Ohh Janis: one of the more creative nativity outfits too, unlucky Janis: no tinfoil 👑s or dubious tea towels Jimmy: still looks shit enough to make our kid 😭 Janis: and you ain't got enough days to ship a probably shittier version from China Janis: alright, hold on Jimmy: I get that you live in the middle of nowt but nicking a 🐑 for #inspo ain't gonna help Janis: yeah, way to ruin my fun Janis: but my ma has had enough kids to have some ideas so you owe me for how 🥱 but informative this will be Jimmy: be a right laugh for you, be another pet I didn't ask for and have to piss about with Janis: or sunday lunch Janis: pessimist Jimmy: he's 😭 already, dickhead Janis: and I thought you northerners were meant to be hard Janis: grim and that Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: Anyway, you want me to surprise you with the 🥇💡 or do you just want the lowdown on where to go Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: if I can unstick myself or need your 💪🏆 Janis: 😏 Janis: how about I get on the bus to town now Janis: and if you manage to deal with your sticky fingers before I get there, then you can go? Jimmy: how's your ankle? Janis: not even on the scale now Jimmy: might be after you've put your foot down 🚍💣 Janis: Keanu could untangle you in 90 minutes, I reckon Janis: easy Jimmy: he ain't been pissing about 🐕🏃 Jimmy: how many you done? Janis: loads Janis: 💸 'cos the gifts don't buy 'em selves and the 🐕 owners are too busy sticking cotton balls to t-shirts, clearly 🎄✨ Jimmy: nice one, Janet Jimmy: now I'LL have to keep my jealousy in check while you put your 🦶 up on some other 🚍 riding knobhead Janis: only fair Janis: especially as you've reminded me how rammed that fucking bus is gonna be now Jimmy: I'll give one of my 👮 mates a bell to get you a 🚔 escort, hang on Janis: 😍 the perks Janis: there had to be some Jimmy: 🤡 perks off you Jimmy: won't be no struggle getting yourself on that 🚍 however full it is Janis: I'm pretty flexible Janis: contortionist might be a bold claim but 💪🏆 Jimmy: but it ain't a proper flex til I say it Jimmy: 💔 for you Janis: that's a fake flex Janis: don't need you for nothing Jimmy: after what happened on the assault course it'd sound like a real pisstake Janis: 1. that's agility if it's anything 2. also your fault Jimmy: never said it weren't, just how it'd sound Janis: No need to tell me what it 🔊 like Janis: the DMs are on the up again, yeah? Janis: same Jimmy: tis the season Janis: cutting it a bit fine to get a decent gift out of it Janis: but I suppose the couply selfies you can take are a close 🥈 for them Jimmy: can't keep the receipt on chlamydia but you can blag you went somewhere nice for the hols Janis: girls are actually demented Janis: at least no lad is gonna try and put me in matching knitwear and make me meet his nan Jimmy: 🥇💡 idea though I'll get you a #goals gift that ain't a trip to the cemetery Janis: oh yeah Janis: I'll get you something as well, even though I'm not required to try as hard Jimmy: stick a 🎀 on yourself and have done Jimmy: what the rest of the lasses do Janis: yeah literally Janis: as long as I heavily imply I'm gonna suck your dick, all is well, all is #goals Jimmy: 👍 Janis: but if you don't do good that # is gonna be a read Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: even if you get out the glue after me Janis: you can come to the shops too Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say even if you give me the glue gun #regifted Janis: I mean Janis: not quite handcuffs Jimmy: fuck's sake babe, let me leave my work at work Janis: fine Janis: the 🚔 escort will as you won't Jimmy: you and your stolen 🐑 Jimmy: dead romantic, that Janis: I'm not from the middle of nowhere, tah Janis: 🐑shagging isn't a hobby Jimmy: back to the drawing board for our fake break up Janis: all the shite songs they pump out have plenty of inspo in 'em Jimmy: nowt I don't know about 🎄🎵 been forced to hear 'em since November Janis: 💔 gutted Jimmy: no chance of 🎻 Janis: how have you not fully lost it yet Janis: only a few days to go Jimmy: how'd you know I've not? Janis: I'd have heard of a mass shooting Janis: not that out of it Janis: also my sister wouldn't be about no more which would be a bigger giveaway Jimmy: 👻 letdowns Jimmy: worst I can do is rattle a few cups Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: I'm used to it Janis: the friendmas organisation is in full swing Janis: 🤡🔫 Jimmy: where's my invite? Janis: OMG, no boys allowed! 🚫 Janis: though bets on Mia breaking her own rule there just to torture Grace Jimmy: I'll 👗👠💄 and be a prettier lass than any of them Janis: 😍 what kind of fake gf would disagree Janis: aside from the fact that ain't a stretch on a good day Jimmy: tah Jimmy: when is it? Janis: [some day as close to xmas as you are allowed 'cos pretending we're such good mates like okay] Jimmy: alright Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: like, no offence or anything, babes Janis: but I don't see you passing REALLY 😬 Janis: and even they might notice they've picked up another desperado Jimmy: 1. piss off would I not 2. call it my 🎁 seeing the look on 💀👑 when I bring her 🎄 cake Janis: it would be decent craic Janis: they never do it at ours though Jimmy: typical, that, can't get sodding rid the rest of the year Jimmy: have to get us an 💌 then, won't I Jimmy: hang on Janis: I get it Janis: you miss Asia Janis: don't think 💀👑 has 'em do team-building exercises 💔💔💔 Jimmy: yeah, cupid's arrow's got nowt on falling on your arse when the ground's near froze Jimmy: reminded me of home 😍😍😍 Janis: she's well considerate like that Janis: not so braindead after-all Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: don't wanna give 💀👑 the 🎁 of seeing I've had to flirt with her to crash their bollocks festivities Janis: can't play into her hands that hard Janis: keep your 😍😍😍 focused in the right direction Jimmy: 🚍 Janis: yes, this is your driver speaking Jimmy: be a 🚑 if your mum ain't cracked on to a way I can chuck this glue gun Janis: I've sorted it Janis: well my sister's shit taste in fashion helped Jimmy: usually get 💰 for 3rd degree burns, me Jimmy: how's that for a flex? Janis: You made a rod for your own back being the artsy one or what? Jimmy: weren't gonna let a 6 year old have a go, were I? Janis: and it's not Ian's thing Jimmy: dunno where he is Jimmy: might be work, might be the pub Jimmy: be a better shout to give it over to my sister, anger issues an' all, any road Janis: you can put it down and get yourself a drink now Janis: all I need you to have is a black marker, which I know you do Jimmy: #whenshereallygetsyou Jimmy: 🥃 cheers Janis: you know those sherpa jackets they all have Janis: makes them look like a giant 🧸 but not in the adorbs way they're hoping Janis: Penneys has loads of them, get a paper plate, glue it on the hood and colour it in black, cut another in half for the ears and ta-da Janis: and I'll just take the jacket so no need to pay me back Janis: only in favours, obviously Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: IOU enough 🚬 to send that cheap shite up in flames, I get it Janis: yeah, probably don't string some fairylights round his neck as well Janis: would've taken hers but it's almost pink and I reckoned that'd just make him 😭 more Jimmy: you'd have to nick them an' all for him to be in any danger Jimmy: and what kind of fake boyfriend would let you up on the neighbour's roof with that ankle Janis: you want some lights? Janis: it's the easiest shop to borrow from Janis: they must have some that aren't shaped like the 🍆 emoji or a fucking unicorn Jimmy: 💔 I ain't coming with, you've really sold it to me Janis: oh, duh Janis: you call it primark Janis: it's hell on earth, you'd love it Janis: when they ain't guzzling your over-priced coffee, they're getting fast fashion made by little slave kids 💖 so cute Jimmy: hang on, why the fuck do you call it something different? Jimmy: now I have to come, not gonna knit an ugly jumper myself and nan's 💀💀💀 Janis: adds to our delightful charm? I don't know Janis: imagine the atrocities Janis: I'm gonna find the best, by which I mean WORST, one Jimmy: I'll meet you there Jimmy: be enough dickheads to follow if I get lost Janis: follow the knock-off UGGs they've trashed in the rain and snow Jimmy: hot Jimmy: don't get enough wet 🐕 smell off of you as is or owt Janis: err fuck off Janis: I haven't even got a dog, you have Jimmy: I have nowt to do with it, you can't move for 🐕🐾💩 Janis: 1. I don't fucking smell, dickhead 2. you're well opposed to me showering so you'd have yourself to blame if I did Jimmy: I'll nick you a 🦽 and you can do what you like Jimmy: many cold 🚿 as you need, mate Janis: you just want me to freeze now Janis: and your ⛓ kink hasn't got any less blatant Jimmy: weren't the way you wanna 💀💀💀 Janis: It ain't Janis: so your genius plan better include a way to warm me up Jimmy: might do Janis: the ugly jumper don't count Janis: cheap shit, as mentioned Jimmy: don't remember chucking it in the ring as my 💡 Janis: I don't wanna dress up as a sheep neither 😏 Jimmy: 💔 you'd be a well fit and mysterious one Janis: the racial undertones of ba ba black sheep have already been pointed out Janis: very on the nose Jimmy: I ain't got as far as black facing our kid, what more do you want? Janis: yeah, minorities are WELL demanding like that Jimmy: that'll be why Ian's steering well clear Janis: 💔💔 of course Jimmy: 🎻😭💔 Janis: thank god this is fake dating Janis: don't need a get out situation, tah Jimmy: knew you were protesting too much about the ⛓ Jimmy: you love it, Jules Jimmy: don't even need the stockholm syndrome to kick in Janis: not so much I wanna try it with your dad Janis: that's more 💀👑 gig Jimmy: UGH FINE we won't pass you round Janis: 😂 you're vile Jimmy: 💕 Janis: not as bad as some of the 'people' on this bus though Janis: won't be too hard to pretend to be glad to see you, in case any of the herd as in Penneys Janis: glad to breathe clean air more like but 🤫 Jimmy: 🚭 I get it Jimmy: very subtle Janis: easier to get you to cut down if I just take half Janis: but alright Jimmy: stop having a go at my stamina, dickhead Janis: make me Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: 🏃 after your 🚍 ain't the way to go about it Janis: Impressive but also stalkerish, yeah Jimmy: turning every dickhead there into a fan ain't clearing either of our DMs Janis: I doubt all these 👵👴 have Instas Janis: but the single mums with the screaming kids, definitely Janis: don't wanna ponder the creepy guy at the back Jimmy: but have you double checked it ain't Lucas in a disguise? Jimmy: he'll be missing you SO bad by now Janis: 😱😱 Janis: my hopes? ⬆️ Jimmy: 🎁's have begun, Jasmine Janis: Good Janis: I do expect one every day tbh 💅 Jimmy: alright Janis: that's a joke though Jimmy: don't have to be Jimmy: 🏆🥇 me Janis: only if you're gonna steal 'em all Janis: don't need to waste real money for the fake #goals Jimmy: DUH Janis: then proceed Janis: I can slowly just put them in Grace's room, I'm sure Jimmy: we could use the glue gun to stick 'em to her ceiling Janis: now you're talking 😍 Jimmy: do 💀👑 an' all if that's where their friendmas is but probably need a ladder to reach her ceilings Jimmy: no standing on the bed when you're 💰💰💰 Janis: You love to carry me, I'll get on your shoulders Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I think it's at hers Janis: maybe 💀#2 but none of the others want their houses and lives judged that hard so they opt out Jimmy: we'll be able to get some more blackmail material either way Janis: Did you seriously get an invite? Jimmy: are you actually doubting me or what? Janis: I know Asia's thick as shit but Janis: what did you say? Jimmy: [sends her the messages cos it seriously wouldn't be hard since the flatwhites think everyone wants to be their BFFs even though the opposite is true, so all he'd have to do is be like soz about the school trip we're just SO IN LOVE WE CAN'T HELP OURSELVES] Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: fairplay but 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 new scale needed Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: where are you? Janis: Do you actually know your way about yet or? Janis: I'm still a bit away, though, if that's what you mean Jimmy: I did mean on your new 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 scale Janis: 🤕 then Janis: clearly Janis: you? Jimmy: 🤮 Jimmy: weren't talking to 💀👑 Jimmy: directly anyway Janis: She'd not have said yes Janis: unless she's got some pig blood just waiting, like Jimmy: she's so #invested in our 💘 she'd say yeah near enough whatever I said Jimmy: probably reckons she can 💔 us before the pudding's served Jimmy: her 🥇💡'll be to have Asia in a sexy santa outfit ready to crack onto me or some bollocks Janis: nah, seriously Janis: wanna talk pimps Janis: one of Asia's only uses Janis: poor bitch Jimmy: I'll take my 🎻 Janis: as long as it don't look like you're 💔 you can't go there, fine by me Jimmy: I get that none of them can read body language but facial expressions are a bit easier Janis: and you are so expressive Janis: 😒😎 Jimmy: for you, baby, the 😎'll be off Jimmy: nowt to do with the 🌧 and 🌨 Janis: 😳😖🤤🥴 Janis: so many expressions 🏆 Jimmy: Oi, I wanted to give you the 🏆 Jimmy: pissed on today's 🎁 Janis: 😮 there's me, still acting surprised Janis: you can't say you're gonna give me something then not Jimmy: SUCH range, you Jimmy: where would I steal a 🏆 from? nah, you'll get something Janis: I take my wins in many forms Janis: you can just tell me Janis: that'll work Jimmy: you can just wait Janis: 🥺 Janis: original scale Jimmy: it'll be worth it Jimmy: famous last words Janis: can poison the dish we have to bring Janis: if you're ready to go 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I don't wanna go with them Jimmy: just you Janis: I can promise it'll be worth it then too Jimmy: alright Janis: am gonna make that meal fucking inedible for them Janis: even if it's coming straight back up in most cases Janis: and fucking with them however else we can  💭 Jimmy: 🤞 Bill's 👻 knows some others, Dickens would be a good shout to keep things on brand 🎄 Jimmy: but whether he do or don't I've had loads of piss poor dinners Jimmy: Ian knows how to pick well #goals girlfriends Janis: think he'd be the 'what's the point in you if you can't cook n clean?' type Janis: being mysterious runs in the family, clearly Jimmy: beggars can't be choosers, mate Jimmy: slim pickings round that office when you've already been done for harassment Janis: 😬 Janis: need to talk to Mia's dad, work out the legality of being a perv with no repercussions Jimmy: how he tells it he's had loads 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: woe's him Janis: woe's the stupid bitches still going there after, more like Janis: have a word, ladies Jimmy: sort your heads out Sharons Jimmy: need a new mum who's got her shit together, tah very much Janis: one who's handy with a hot glue gun Jimmy: or a sewing machine, why the fuck not dream big? Janis: steady on Janis: #mommygoals isn't a hashtag I wanna endorse Jimmy: 😏 Janis: take mine, if you like Jimmy: bit weird Janis: I only 🐕🏃 Janis: cooking, cleaning, hot glueing, not services I provide, soz Jimmy: I'll live Jimmy: more #goals to be fuming about your mother in law Janis: easily done Jimmy: with my mum an' all, soz you'll have to take my word for it Janis: you're unlikely to see mine Janis: unless you have a banging selection of herbal teas Jimmy: gutted she don't wanna see her 🐑💡 brought to life on stage Janis: reckon turning up when you ain't got a kid in it gets you on a register, no? Janis: my dad coulda, sure some of his spawn are performing too but alas Janis: she didn't have that many 🥈 Jimmy: Ian's seat's going spare is all, obvs it were front and centre, dad of the year that he is Janis: what's he got on? Janis: latest disciplinary Janis: is your brother gutted? Jimmy: he'd be gutted if I weren't there Jimmy: what a #humblebrag Janis: good thing you can be arsed then Janis: and you have a sister too, right? Jimmy: dragging her along, kicking and marding 💪🏆 Janis: know the feeling Janis: bribe her with maccies after and tell him it's a treat for being a ⭐ Janis: everyone's buzzing Jimmy: what've you got on? Janis: me and my absolutely packed schedule? Janis: only 🐕🏃 ain't far off, aside from what I wanna, which can be done any time I want, of course Jimmy: nowt 🥇 about mine but we could edit it to look like we're #livingourbestlives Jimmy: I live right by the school, you could wait for me there, take some 📷 or whatever Janis: It's actually not an awful shout Janis: they're all obsessed with the cute kid thing Janis: and actually, Asia might be there with hers so Janis: very goals Jimmy: do try and put it out my head there's more than one set of those 🦷🦷 about Jimmy: fuck it, come then Jimmy: least I know you'll be sitting down Janis: 😂 fuck marrying a doctor, she's gotta find a dentist, for the whole family's sake Janis: I'm not coming in a 🦽 though Janis: that's a bit much Jimmy: #ultimategoals Jimmy: just admit you want me to carry you, girl Janis: behave Janis: might not be OUR teachers, but they'll have no issue telling you off, I'm sure Jimmy: donkey'd be a bit much but as fake pregnancy announcements go, top tier Janis: so gutted I can't fake labour and give birth to the new lord and saviour Janis: really steal the show Jimmy: could if it's Lucas' and you're making a Christmas cuck of me Janis: um, it's God's Janis: keep up Jimmy: sure it is Janis: 😱 Janis: didn't catch Joseph acting up like this Jimmy: didn't give him any lines, did they? Janis: I think he gets to ask if there's any room at the inn Jimmy: Oi mate, give us a 🛏 Jimmy: brought my own ⛓ like Janis: don't even get a break mid-labour Janis: hardcore Janis: weren't you Joseph in your nativity then? Jimmy: that your guess? Janis: yeah, I reckon Jimmy: what were you? Janis: just a generic angel Janis: was going to be one of the wise men but grace threw a fit if we weren't exactly the same Janis: tah for the downgrade Jimmy: if they could 👀 you now Jimmy: oscar worthy fake girlfriend performance day in, day out Janis: obviously they didn't see my potential like you, babe Janis: she might have legitimately tried to murder me if I got to be Mary 😂 no she weren't a twin, like Jimmy: I actually were one of the wise men, soz, sweetheart Jimmy: could've been #fated Janis: bet you was frankincense 'cos you could say big words Janis: I'm so 😭 honestly Jimmy: as roleplays go, not my top choice, but owt for you, babe Janis: if anything is a test of how well you can fake it Jimmy: you testing me? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: if we have the time to make THREE costumes instead of one Janis: I highly doubt it Janis: 😏 Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: tin foil 👑 weren't it? Janis: yeah, and some kind of bedsheet robe, bit of tinsel Janis: sorted Jimmy: bet they have a 👸🏽 I can nick for you if your description of that shop were owt to go by Janis: definitely Janis: even if the hen party ones have L plates and dicks over 'em, the Disney ones should be a bit more nativity appropriate Jimmy: steal the show piss easy Janis: LOVE making little kids cry, obvs Jimmy: same Jimmy: just ain't as good when they're deaf, you can't get the volume out of 'em Jimmy: gutted we didn't end up with one who always shouts, obvs Janis: I'm gonna assume you got that deaf free pass and not go there myself Jimmy: safer to take owt I say with  🧂🤏 Jimmy: all fake anyway this Janis: ain't forgotten, you're alright Jimmy: didn't hit your head, I remember Janis: wouldn't tell you if I had Janis: the drama'd be too much Jimmy: I'd have worked that much out Jimmy: northern and only a bit thick Janis: 😵😵 Jimmy: no excuses, pisshead Janis: I know, I know Janis: you pride yourself on being 🏆💪 at the whole fake caring bf thing Jimmy: you saying I'm not? Janis: didn't say that, nah Jimmy: what then? Janis: what do you mean what? Janis: nothing Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you're lucky you live in town Jimmy: about the only thing mine's got going for it Janis: yeah Janis: this bus ride has nothing though so take the 🍀 Jimmy: how long? Janis: gimme 15 Jimmy: [gives her whatever he's drawn her for the first advent doodle because I was hoping to find something but I've been cockblocked] Jimmy: [maybe it's her as a lil bub wise man though now cos live your dreams] Janis: [love that, when you dunno what to say for a hot sec so you post it first being fake but lowkey having to tell the real story somewhat 'cos like, why and what else so it can't be that fake] Janis: you are good at art, give you that Jimmy: @ Ms Howe Jimmy: 💰 on her having a real account but dunno what it is Jimmy: @artteacheroveralls73 Jimmy: @reasonswhyloadsofartistsareproblematic Jimmy: @ihatenortherners86 Janis: you aren't her fave? Janis: 💔 Janis: cliche affair could've cut out any need for fake dating Jimmy: not a lass with a bowl cut and 🖌 behind her 👂 Janis: you've got the same type Janis: bummer Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 Janis: we can say it is Janis: maybe one of 'em will chop off all their hair Jimmy: you'd have to an' all Jimmy: unless you're that 🥇 I've binned off my type Janis: Precisely Janis: no competition Jimmy: what's yours then? just 👴 who teach you or what? Janis: must be Janis: not a lesbian and that's the other guess Jimmy: 👍 Janis: tah Janis: well affirming Jimmy: didn't need telling that you weren't gay Jimmy: not that good of an actress Janis: rude Janis: basically got an oscar Jimmy: off who? Jimmy: don't count if you give it to yourself, Judith Janis: you Jimmy: you've had nowt off me but that top quality 🎨 Janis: only because you can't find a 🏆 to give me Jimmy: 'cause it's up to me what I give you Jimmy: and as rewards go, I can do better Janis: I like the drawing Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: you can have it, instead of just a 📷 if you want Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: what do you actually want Janis: in return Jimmy: what's #goals? Jimmy: other than all this nativity bollocks Janis: true, very selfless of me Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: weren't wrong about the 👼🏽 casting even if you were fuming Janis: I can fake 👼🏽 yeah Janis: but it's not really that selfless with all the #content we'll be getting Jimmy: still, I'll leave off taking your halo for a bit Janis: 'til you get me my 👸🏽 Jimmy: only fair Jimmy: can't fit a bobble hat over a head that big and with all that hair an' all Janis: still not getting a bowl cut Janis: let it go, babe Jimmy: good Jimmy: hard enough to fake the 😍 as you are Janis: yeah right Janis: hear the 🎻 from here Jimmy: play them like you mean them, babe Janis: if you wanted this to be easy for you Janis: should've picked an art hoe you could get properly 😍 over Jimmy: you're alright, a lass like that wouldn't be impressed by owt like a quick 🖋🎨 Janis: so now I'm TOO easy, yeah? Jimmy: not a tweet I'll be sending but Janis: fuck you either way Janis: just because I'm doing my job 🥇 you're gonna have a go Janis: thank me, more like Jimmy: fucking me regardless is something an easy lass would do 😏 Janis: yeah but I only fuck you 'cos you're the perfect little boyfriend so don't matter Janis: no one knows how much of a colossal dickhead you are, remember Jimmy: be about right Janis: you haven't bumped your head and forgotten the plan neither Jimmy: not yet, like Jimmy: but hell on earth were what you said Janis: if you get in way of a big mammy and her Christmas deals, you might be in luck of a fair smack, yeah Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: good 'cos I won't be saving you Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: entertain yourself Jimmy: easy Janis: contrary to your opinion, not obsessed with your 🍆 or what you do with it Jimmy: got an inbox full of lasses who are, I'll live Janis: yeah, you're loving it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: [a picture of him waiting for her wherever the bus comes in doing his own 🙄 because he's a nerd and also he's never gonna just wait for her outside the shop when THAT ankle] Janis: Wow, if you're gonna leave, politer ways to 💔 Jimmy: ruder ways an' all Janis: idk Janis: quite rude, that Jimmy: is it? Janis: suppose I don't have to fake my 😍 at your mug right now Jimmy: there you go then Janis: Not going to say thank you still Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: you don't need to wait though Jimmy: can't chuck myself under the 🚍 til it gets in Janis: not how you wanted it Janis: or how I said I'd do it Jimmy: never said it'd 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: you want a 🦽 or what? Janis: you want matching Janis: alright Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Janis: I quite like walking but you know Janis: as you like it Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Jimmy: bit more nursing and you'll be well away Janis: you gonna let me go then? Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 you Jimmy: not gonna have a choice Janis: thought you might finish the job Janis: 🦶🪓 Jimmy: did cross my mind Janis: No shit, Kathy Janis: the kink is blatant Jimmy: you could do worse, Lucas ain't gonna let you piss about in bed all day when it's his turn Janis: 🤤🤤 Janis: I like the challenge Jimmy: #blessed Janis: counting down the days Janis: #tilwemeetagain Jimmy: 🤞 you'll have him all to yourself in detention Jimmy: no tah needed Janis: you heard anything yet? Jimmy: he ain't using that for why he's not bothered to crack on with crafting a 🐑 costume Janis: 👎 Janis: he's gonna look cute Janis: not your dad Jimmy: I get it, no need for a poor man's Lucas when you can have the real thing 🥇 Janis: something like that Jimmy: 👴💕 Janis: [better show up gal] Jimmy: [resist the urge to immediately pick her up please sir] Janis: [when you're awkward like it's been ages just because there's been like a night or a day whatever reprieve love it, just like let us get to primark to get this sheep costume moment hun] Jimmy: [are we doing both on mobility scooters or him pushing her in a wheelchair/trolley because v different vibes but both iconic] Janis: [hmm, I assume their Dublin store would be big so I reckon we could go mobility scooter, you would find that more fun once you get into it too] Jimmy: [love that just don't do a me and knock a whole display of bras over yourself] Janis: [I did say we threw our bra on Mia's head so let's not reclaim that for yourself hen, though I do find them difficult to drive as someone who hasn't needed to so it will be carnage, like Primark at xmas isn't already hehe] Jimmy: [10000% am gonna say he takes off her shoes and won't give them back so instead puts on some OTT christmas slippers that are shaped like a xmas pudding or some nonsense because she's been on that ankle too much honey and we are cross] Janis: [we do not love ourselves or our lives enough to take a break so it's tea also that is amusant so yes because shan't be buying and that's the kind of mankiness you can expect from this shop or any high street one lowkey] Jimmy: [literally just gonna chuck them back on the floor or leave them in this scooter basket soz not soz, she's not walking around they won't get too trashed hens] Janis: [peeps do go feral so so can you lads, not to mention taking the piss out of all the weird things they put on clothes 'cos it do be wild] Jimmy: [they are gonna have a lovely time taking the piss out of everything and everyone tbh] Janis: [there should be peeps from school in there but like randoms so not enough to warrant a full show but as an excuse you barely need for couplish behaviour when spotted] Jimmy: [great idea cos you know there would be loads of peeps out shopping rn odds on some of them you vaguely recognise, I vote for some art hoes for the lols] Janis: [ha some art hoes out with their fam or something I live] Jimmy: [aesthetically doing the most haha] Janis: [just immaturely like there's your real girlfriend] Jimmy: [will get you with this scooter like they're bumper cars like oi] Janis: [when you don't know her name obvs so you're just shouting out really pisstakey ones like oi clem oi wren etc] Jimmy: [can't not lol] Janis: [sorry to this girl but we're not, just don't trash these scooters that we're using to bump into him/everyone/everything] Jimmy: [also not sorry for whatever he's chucking at her as the mood takes him] Janis: [just don't chuck that stripper jumper or we'll actually be raging] Jimmy: [can't wait for your jumper try on sesh when we reach that section lads] Janis: [oh lawd] Jimmy: [they should try on like onesies and all sorts so we have to have a full big disabled changing room moment] Janis: [the filmsy excuse like must you? yes obvs] Jimmy: [we live for a flimsy excuse in this era] Jimmy: [actually gutted the flatwhites aren't here because they have beds set up with xmas covers etc in the big primarks imagine the show they could've put on] Janis: [we must be prepping our low-cal xmas meal lmao] Jimmy: [Asia won't be making her sister's donkey outfit] Janis: [lmaooooooooooooooo what else can you do in a primark hmm] Jimmy: [I don't think we can get decs cos they all suck we're gonna have to steal them from elsewhere] Janis: [that fine, any other shop will have some that aren't horrific, primark might have the kind of make your own vibe that Bobby would like] Jimmy: [aww that'd be cute] Janis: [you crafty boi, you'd also know how to do it without a kit girl so if you wanna come through you can, as for primark, we probably get the vibe, unless there's anything specific we wanna say/do?} Jimmy: [I think we've covered it so you can go back to his gaff and construct this 🐑 lewk] Janis: [at least we've made your life 10x easier with this coat, also gonna be the first time you've been to his so probably just hanging about outside like am I leaving now or] Jimmy: [will carry you over the threshold like that was what was stopping you coming in even though he blatantly doesn't need help & make you tea so we can have that milk two sugars revelation] Janis: [just like sup bitch to Twix] Jimmy: [the beginning of the real love story] Janis: [not like we're pure awkward and like hi dog this I can do right at least] Jimmy: [I hope they've found a christmas jumper for you too Twix cos there's no festive cheer in this gaff] Janis: [casually assess how many decs we gotta get, also dread to think the jumpers you've ended up with] Jimmy: [give her that doodle you did and dramatically sign it like a nerd] Janis: [🙄but 😏 'get famous and I'll flog it'] Jimmy: ['you've posted it, bound to get insta famous' cue a fake dramatic scroll through his phone] Janis: ['if you have to put a word before it, it don't count' and mimes shooting him in the chest 'cos insta fame is all we have hunny] Jimmy: [does an OTT death scene] Janis: [twix will be trampling all over you like oh hey what you doing down here] Jimmy: [😒 but we secretly love her really] Janis: [just like it's your own fault boy but putting out a hand to help him up] Jimmy: [takes it and pretends like he's gonna pull her down which is accidentally saucy, remember that mud moment lads, but doesn't obvs] Janis: [😳 and lowkey pretending you're gonna drop him so he's reminded of Asia and the assault course instead] Jimmy: [puts her foot up and generally fusses like a nurse because we know it's fucked] Janis: ['you're meant to be drawing a sheep's face right now' 'cos you cannot like focus boy] Jimmy: [gets and chucks a bag of frozen peas at her so he can put a tea towel on her head like an even bigger nerd but then does get his craft on] Janis: ['downgrade' like where's me crown but staying put 'cos it'll be more fuss if you don't] Jimmy: [obvs does make her a crown that's actually decent because that bitch] Janis: [so amused 'cos impressive 'wasted on me and not quinn'] Jimmy: [takes a pic like it's not wasted now but really it's to hide our heart eyes/stop him saying something that he can't pretend is fake when there is nobody here] Janis: ['rather this than a sheep, I guess' like not a #goals lewk soz bobby it will be on you] Jimmy: [chucks all those cotton wall balls he couldn't attach at her like they are little snowballs because playfights forever] Janis: [just juggling with them like I too can be impressive lmao] Jimmy: [craft break while he tries to have a go/tries to get her to teach him how to do it because we're impressed but also competitive] Janis: [love that for y'all, I can't do it but I assume you'll at least be able to do 2 or 3 jimothy] Jimmy: [one should fall in his tea though because 💔] Janis: [devastation] Jimmy: [cue OTT pout soz for how distracting that always is] Janis: [getting up like calm down, I'll make another one, 'cos looking for an excuse to move tbh] Jimmy: [gotta push her back down into that seat before she can because sauciness forever] Janis: [just like OI but a LOOK too] Jimmy: [giving that LOOK back as standard] Janis: ['I can do it'] Jimmy: [putting out a hand to help her up for that parallel] Janis: [reluctantly taking it with a 😒 'cos omg we're fine even though we aren't but you know] Jimmy: [does the drawing a smile with his finger tip thing because if we actually touch her rn there will be no stopping us and this sheep isn't gonna finish itself] Janis: [run and make that tea gal distraction distraction] Jimmy: [likewise get crafting again jimothy] Janis: [let twix out the kitchen door 'cos she's being cray no doubt] Jimmy: [of course she is] Janis: how old is your brother Jimmy: 6 Janis: cute Jimmy: I'll pass that on Janis: the only kids I know are toddlers and babies Janis: have to be a bit less annoying at that age, right Jimmy: he's the only kid I know Jimmy: don't do my head in as much as the screaming 👶's at work Janis: yeah Janis: my oldest sister has a couple, they're nightmares Jimmy: 🤞 Ian's past it Janis: 🤞 his girlfriends are Janis: blokes never are Jimmy: depends whose arse he decides to slap at the photocopier this week Jimmy: 🤞 for a barren Sharon Janis: Christmas wish, or whatever Jimmy: @ Santa Jimmy: have a word Janis: plenty of sad christmas movies with that premise Janis: your brother really needs to be the ⭐ though Janis: you're well past it Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: every teenager on telly is played by a 35 year old, me and my crows feet are well in Janis: and I'm saying you pining for a step mum is for a whole different type of film Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that, Jenna Janis: 😇 Janis: [come back with that tea and the most dubious sure jan face] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head like tut tut] Jimmy: [sips tea in a sassy manner] Janis: ['animal' and pointedly checking out his progress] Jimmy: [imaginary watch check time lol] Janis: ['never ends, eh?' squishes his face like poor boy] Jimmy: [a shrug 'not til you kill me'] Janis: ['better put in your appearance first for the kid'] Jimmy: [nods because no fucker else is gonna do it 'whatever they're using for the baby jesus might come in handy an' all, fake kid for you to remember me by' because we think we're leaving lol] Janis: [such an unamused face 'no thank you' like you don't know how rife teen pregnancy is in this fam lol] Jimmy: [a look like yeah it won't look as fit and mysterious as me but still] Janis: ['it's always some pale ginger kid anyway'] Jimmy: [picks up Twix and wraps her up in the sofa blanket like a little bub and hands her to Janis like there you go cos looks a bit like them being white but with whirls and she was a bit gingery when she was a pup] Janis: [when you can't just yeet this dog so you have to take her and give her some love but you're like 😑] Jimmy: [squishes her face like she just did to him] Janis: [swats him away 'prick' and is on our phone like we're very busy but we just don't wanna make this bad mood more of a thing] Jimmy: [Twix just kissing her face like ILY] Janis: [can't be mad at this pup at least, in reality we just seeing where nearby does decent decs that you can go and get] Jimmy: [meanwhile we're getting the bae painkillers cos we think that's why she's cross] Janis: [shakes head, 'saw Helena earlier'] Jimmy: [shrugs like suit yourself 'tah for keeping it off the 'gram' like she's cheating on you with Helena imagine] Janis: [? then like ugh 'turns out she sells 'em so well in' she does not and we did not, the utter lies girl] Jimmy: [we're ignoring that bollocks and drinking our tea/finally finishing this sheep] Janis: [ta-da gesture 'where is he, anyway?' like neither of us can model this sheep moment adequately] Jimmy: [looks around OTT dramatically like 😱 where IS he? cos can't just answer a question] Janis: [lifts up a cushion or something like hello?] Jimmy: [cue a silly fake hide and seek] Janis: [Twix will give you away so easily lmao] Jimmy: [eventually flopping down OTT dramatically basically on top of her like you're so knackered because always taking the piss out of his stamina] Janis: [acting like he's so heavy like you're gonna kill me] Jimmy: ['not the way you wanna go'] Janis: ['is that even a question?'] Jimmy: ['didn't draw owt' because he did draw ? on her with a fingertip during the school trip and it was very flirty] Janis: ['there you go then' like no need to answer] Jimmy: 'reckon we're on our own' like there you go then for that question you asked about Bobby's whereabouts but you're still basically all up in her grill so it's accidentally flirty as well as a no shit answer] Janis: [takes a picture to be like now we ain't] Jimmy: [do a little photoshoot so you can have an excuse to make out because it's been FOREVER as far as you're concerned] Janis: [when we haven't even processed any of this lowkey] Jimmy: [it's a headfuck kids] Janis: ['did you go to school this morning, after?' 'cos saying you clearly didn't] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' cos clearly didn't either, nods in the direction of the sheep costume fail like] Janis: [shrugs 'maybe you give up easy' like he came home did ten minutes and was like nah] Jimmy: [a look like very subtle challenge there babe] Janis: ['piss off' and pushing him a bit away 'cos we haven't moved evidently] Jimmy: [gets up and starts cleaning up all the crafting mess like fine I can take a hint] Janis: [ah the frustration, getting up like well then 'what time's the nativity thing?'] Jimmy: [telling her whatever time it is] Janis: ['meet you there then' and peacing] Jimmy: [so many things he wanted to say but we're not saying any of them] Janis: [oh lads] Jimmy: [sends her a pic of Bobby when he tries on that sheep lewk] Janis: 👍 Janis: looks pretty good I reckon Janis: he happier now? Jimmy: he's moved to 😢 Jimmy: should've kept your 👑 'cause the only 🏆'll be the FUMING mum's 💔 they never 💡🥇 of pissing about with their old clothes Janis: it's an improvement, suppose Janis: nah, could've earnt it if I committed to taking my sisters and glueing a paper plate to it Janis: 💔 oh well Jimmy: far as thankless tasks go, it's got nowt on 👴👵☕ Janis: you can wear it then Janis: have to size it up Jimmy: you gonna give me a hand or what? Janis: you did such a good job first time 'round Jimmy: without the tweet singing my praises, how would I know? Janis: if you want me to post, just say so Jimmy: if I have to tell you how to do the job, might as well do it myself Janis: fuck's sake Janis: we're literally going to clog their feeds later with all this nativity shit Janis: don't act like I ain't doing anything Jimmy: didn't have you down for a part timer but alright Janis: what you have me down as is irrelevant 'cos you don't know me Jimmy: weren't about to start a Q & A Janis: Good Janis: I know how to do the job, so do you Janis: leave it at that Jimmy: I were only pissing about, what's your problem? Janis: nothing Janis: there's just no need to do anything else Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: okay Janis: don't forget the santas hat you said he needed for jingle bells at the end Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: not worth a screenshot Janis: but I got the message, like Jimmy: what message is that? Janis: more 👏 content 👏 Jimmy: steady on, I ain't 💀👑 Janis: the point was bigger and better, weren't it Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: you said nowt Janis: when did I? Jimmy: no need to do owt else, weren't it? so there's no need to make me sound like a tory slave driver Janis: just forget it, alright Jimmy: forget what? Janis: that I said anything Jimmy: or what? Janis: why would you not? Janis: there's nothing to gain from this Jimmy: might be if you stop being a dickhead and tell me what's wrong Janis: I'll just stop Janis: if you do as well Jimmy: what have I done? Janis: do you think you've done anything? Jimmy: that's not an answer Jimmy: the answer's nowt Janis: there you go then Jimmy: stopping doing nowt means doing something, so go on, what do you want? Janis: I don't want anything Janis: alright Janis: I shouldn't have slept with you Jimmy: freezing weren't how you wanted to 💀💀💀 either Janis: what Jimmy: I weren't gonna let you sleep out there on your own Janis: are you serious Jimmy: are you? Janis: you've already called me desperate for it Janis: now you think I'd just do it for the warmth and you get to be some kind of gentleman for bothering Jimmy: 1. I've said nowt of the sort 2. sort your head out if that's where you reckon mine is Janis: You said I was easy Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: that were you, for a start Janis: no it wasn't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it was you Janis: anyway, it was a mistake Jimmy: you legged it, you're calling it a mistake, nowt to do with me, that Janis: because I'm not easy and you've got the wrong idea if you reckon that Janis: so let's stick to what is actually working and leave it Jimmy: you're being a massive dickhead Janis: and what Jimmy: and nowt's gonna work if you don't leave it out Janis: that's literally what I've said Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: how are you gonna have a go at me? Janis: you could've just shut the fuck up and it'd be fine Jimmy: how would it? Jimmy: you're sitting there 😒😤😭💔🎻 over some bollocks you reckon I said and you weren't gonna say owt Janis: don't take the piss Jimmy: or what? Jimmy: that's what you've been doing all day, mate Janis: fuck off have I, I've been helping you out Jimmy: suffering in silence 'cause I'm such a bastard, more like Jimmy: have a 🏆 Janis: you're the one being dramatic, I didn't say that Janis: I just didn't appreciate what you did, that's it Jimmy: you spent ages with me after I apparently called you a massive slag, what else do you call that? Janis: I was already on my way Janis: what am I gonna do, actually turn the bus around, no Jimmy: not be a doormat Jimmy: there's your mistake if you're looking for one, Jodie Janis: fuck you Jimmy: this is me being a prick since you need a hand working out the difference Janis: stop talking to me Jimmy: stop putting words in my mouth Janis: I didn't Jimmy: I don't think you're easy Janis: right Jimmy: Why would I? Jimmy: don't flatter yourself, alright, my benchmark for that is set at fucking half the north Jimmy: and even then, you'd have to really be dating me to get me to give a shit about it Janis: I didn't ask you to give a shit, nor do I want you to Janis: and it's hardly flattering but doormat is worse so yeah Janis: go away now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I hope your brother doesn't totally hate it Jimmy: don't bother wasting your christmas wish Janis: well, he'll be fine, there are worse things than stage fright Jimmy: don't waste the reassurance on me either Janis: Jesus, whatever then Jimmy: there's nowt worse than having no parents about when every other dickhead does Janis: Yeah Janis: he won't be the only one Janis: and at least someone is there at all Jimmy: tah for that Janis: it's the truth Jimmy: most helpful you've been, pointing that out Janis: well what Janis: what else would you want me to say Janis: it's shit Jimmy: I didn't ask for you to say owt about it Janis: so you brought it up to what Janis: get a 👍 or 👎 Jimmy: you brought it up Jimmy: reckoning you know what's our kid's problem how you reckon you know what I think Janis: no, I was going Janis: I was literally just saying hope he doesn't have a terrible time Janis: don't have a go at me 'cos your dad ain't going Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I'm having a go at you 'cause you're doing my head in Janis: then I'll be going Janis: we don't need to talk to each other Janis: right now or barely at all Jimmy: 👍 Janis: when we need to do more fake shit, then we'll do it Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you know where I live Janis: Yep Janis: later Jimmy: [not gonna reply cos have a nativity to get ready for] Janis: [ah soz for the mess that has been made everyone, gutted we will not see the sheep costume in action] Jimmy: [how dare you arseholes ruin my festive fluff] Janis: [my boo is fuming, at least we can force you together easily enough after, and you did help with the costume] Jimmy: [we've ticked that and jumpers off the list, well done us]

[hexdphosky]

Now I will be tackling this as someone who is nonbinary floric ace Asian. I will be discussing about the supposed transphobia, misgendering, etc that comes from simply headcanoning a character as someone that uses she/her pronouns.

Firstly, Wilbur has explicitly stated before that he feels disconnected from his character and said that he doesn't mind headcanons (so long as they aren't problematic). So there's the contradicting statement to yours where you said characters cannot be fully separated from their content creators. Yes, c!Wilbur is played by cc!Wilbur. And yes, cc!Wilbur has told his viewers that c!Wilbur and cc!Wilbur are disconnected from each other.

this is not always applicable but a large percentage of the fanbase draws from IRL content or content that is not canonical or related to the dsmp lore for backstories and characterization (smplive, wilbur’s videos with schlatt, the 100 player series, smpearth which has questionable canonicity because phil alluded to it being canon but wilbur outright said it wasn’t, the fundywastaken wedding which has the same situation, even incorporating lovejoy references or lines the CCs have said while not on the dsmp into content, to name a few). if you are doing those things but still claiming the character and CC are separate….I say this kindly, but you are wrong. - zanna said

Let's say I headcanon c!Wilbur as having met with c!Schlatt during childhood by playing a bunch of games, then they grew apart and that's why they were rather bitter during the reunion on the Dsmp server during the election. Does that affect canon? No, it's simply my headcanon. And I personally pick bits and pieces of personality from the cc because no one person is the exact same yet they share a lot of similar traits.

Cause let me tell you, as I writer there are many cliche tropes. There are many similar stuff. It's hard to be original completely which is why people get inspired or pick from sources to make their own character more unique. Same with cc! and c! headcanons.

moving on from that, can you imagine the backlash if someone were to say “I headcanon c!eret as cishet!”? they would be drawn and quartered for all to see. there’s also already been discourse over saying characters are homophobic or transphobic “because those are based off real people,” so with both of those in mind, I ask you, what is so different about queer headcanons? or, to stay specifically on-track, why is headcanoning she/her c!wilbur any different? the answer? it shouldn’t be. the difference here is that people want to headcanon what they want, and we are in a very large very accepting very queer community, and people want rep.

Now listen here, the reason why headcanons of people like Eret as non-lgbtqia is considered controversial is because being cishet is heavily pushed onto people as the norm, being a part of the lgbtqia isn't and it's the reason why lgbtqia is considered a minority. And really, until lgbtqia is accepted as normal as being cishet is, it's okay to headcanon as personal representation.

And now there's your statement, "why headcanon diversity when there are actual real people you can watch?"

The simple answer? The content isn't what they enjoy. Let's say I don't like Eret's content, does that mean I'm adherently biphobic? No, it just means I have my preferences. It's only wrong when you hate them specifically because of something they can't control, eg. their gender and sexuality.

Now are there any other lgbtqia characters on the Dream smp that have the same vibes as c!Wilbur? Maybe there are, but people enjoy watching c!Wilbur lore because of the lore and not rep. To me, the rep is more of an extra. I won't watch you because you're <insert minority> but create content I don't like such as horror. At the same time, I won't exclude you because you're <insert minority>.

this is apparently shocking to some people in this community, but being cishet is not inherently a bad thing. your sexuality and gender identity are not indicators of your worth as a person or your morality. you can be lgbtq+ and still be a piece of shit, I’m sorry if this is the first time you’re hearing this, but it’s true. and again, I am saying this as a queer person myself.

Congrats on finding out human nature! Any human, regardless of race, gender, sexuality, or povs, aren't complete right or wrong. Yes, minorities also use their minority status to guilt trip others, but oh it must be shocking for you to find that some cishets flaunt their privilege as being normal to thread on minorities. And I'm saying this as a queer person.

You've also said that some people think masculinity is bad and that they are erasing it because of their belief that masculinity is bad. You're saying that drawing men in skirts is erasing masculinity. Let me tell you that you can still me masculine and wear skirts because get this, clothes don't equal gender either. I'm male-aligned yet I prefer feminine clothes solely because there are more options and more styles. That doesn't mean I don't wear masculine clothes, no?

“but zanna,” you say, “ranboo and other CCs have said they’re okay with or even encouraged gender/sexuality headcanons!” yes! yes they have! and I’m so happy for you, that’s wonderful. however, at the time of writing this meta? cc!wilbur, who plays the character I am talking about here, has said nothing of the sort.

As stated earlier, he has. Wilbur himself has stated that he feels disconnected from his character and you would know that had you watched his content. So the way I see it, you're also talking for other ccs despite not knowing of what they've said.

cc!wilbur did not actively intend to portray his character as queer

C!Wilbur canonically likes men. He has fucked a fish, and a sheep. And said sheep is also apparently canonically male as said by the man himself.

Another thing you said is that you touched onto the topic that you can misgender cishets and the pronouns don't equal gender thing. Yes, you can misgender cishets. Yes, you can misgender people despite the pronouns not equaling gender.

The thing with accidental misgendering is if you accidentally call someone who you think is a guy and associating them with he/him when in fact they are not. That is accidental misgendering, thinking that said person is a gender and associating said gender with said pronoun.

Purposely misgendering is when someone corrects you after the accidental misgendering and yet you insist on using this set of pronouns.

Cc!Wilbur doesn't mind headcanons for his character. Hence, you can literally go ham on the pronouns. I headcanon him using he/him and cha/chair pronouns unironically.

If someone borderline or straight up truths said character as she/her and forces it onto others, that's bad. But if it's just a headcanon, it's fine.

TL;DR

If you force your headcanon onto others (truthing in a sense), that is where you're wrong. But, if you don't truth it, idgaf if you truth c!Wilbur as a siren, a wild boar, or someone that uses cha/chair pronouns (like me), you should be allowed to do so.

problems with she/her c!wilbur, as explained by someone who is not cis

yes. we’re doing this.

my apologies if this is not the most well-written or articulated post, but I am tired, I am frustrated by the harassment and hate I am seeing, and I want to just lay it all out for you.

before we get started, some information! hi! I am not cishet! specific labels are a bit hand-wavy for me since I’m on the aro spectrum, but I’m ace, nonbinary, and currently identify as biromantic. why am I telling you this? because I’ve seen one too many people try to weaponize their gender identities/sexualities (or ones that aren’t even theirs) against people who want to draw attention to legitimate issues with this kind of thing, so before we get into it, in big bold letters, I am not cishet so if you want to play that kinda card on me, I’m going to block you, sorry!

I am also not speaking over or for CCs in this post; I am going to address the entire issue using what we know, drawing directly from what the CCs themselves have said, and I am coming from a place of my own personal experiences as a nonbinary person as well as many other non-cis friends. I am not here to tell you what you can and can’t headcanon; I am not here to tell you that you are a bad person. I’m not trying to shut you down; I want to make you aware of the problems, because there are problems, and once I have said my piece, I’m done. Most of what’s going on isn’t even malicious, but nonetheless, it is very often making people under the trans umbrella uncomfortable and/or upset and that’s why I want to talk about this.

most notably, the issue here is not “oh no cc!wilbur soot is going to be so upset that people used different pronouns for his roleplay character”; the issue is in how a lot of trans people are uncomfortable with the headcanons going on and their implications, and how people are responding to them trying to voice concerns. one of my friends has been harassed. I’ve been sent hate over it. it’s a fucking problem, actually.

so! with that said. let’s get into it! this is a LONG ONE so click to keep reading.

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