#this is just more stuff ill probably delete in the morning

[echo-stimmingrose]

Ya know what, fuck it. Art dump. Some of these are bad and some are worse.

The last two are digital but the rest are traditional. That last one is unfinished and will remain that way for the remainder of time.

[bkgml]

MORE EX BF BAKUGO STUFFS PLSSSSSS

actually my fav trope it’s an illness 🙈

*incoming call from kirishima*

is the notification lighting up your screen.

it’s 3am, is what the clock is telling you as you crack an eye open while groaning.

“fuck.” you whine as you grab your phone, sliding your thumb to the answer button.

“hello?” you croak, still tired from sleep.

you hear an uneasy sigh from the other line.

“uhm. hey yn. it’s kirishima.” he says.

you can hear the urgency in his voice even though he’s desperately trying to hide it.

“hi kirishima. why are you calling me?” you say as politely as you can for it being 3 in the morning.

“i know it’s late, i’m sorry. bakugou got in an accident, it’s bad.” he says and your heart drops.

“that sucks, i’m sorry. we’re broken up though. so uh… what does this have to with me?” you ask timidly.

“is that her? let me fucking talk to her!” you hear the voice of your ex boyfriend in the background.

“i don’t want to talk to him.” you say calmly.

you hear a sigh from the other end followed by a ‘hang on’.

“i know. the situation is complicated though, can you let me explain?” he asks and you can hear the pleads in his tone.

you pause before speaking.

“…alright fine.” you breathe.

“thanks. bakugou man im going in the bathroom for a second!” he calls to katsuki.

you hear rustling and shouting before the click of a doorknob.

“okay. he needs you.” he says slowly, cautiously.

“kirishima-“ you frown.

“i know.” he cuts in.

“we got attacked by villains today and he got hit with a memory loss quirk.”

“so… what does he remember?” you whisper.

“pretty much everything important. except…”

you stay silent while you wait in anticipation for his response.

“the breakup.”

your breath hitches.

“kirishima, open the fucking door! i need to talk to her!”

you can hear the pounding.

the pounding on the door.

along with the pounding of your heart in your ears.

“yn. he needs you. i know this is awful to ask of you. we don’t know how long this will last and in his mind, the love of his life is refusing to see him after he’s been injured. please come. please.”

the pounding continues.

“yn! baby, can you hear me? what did i do?? just let me talk to you. kirishima let me talk to her!”

he’s pleading through the door. like he was on your last night together.

“fuck. fine. i’ll be there in ten but i want all of you to delete my number after this.” you say as you rip the covers off your body in annoyance.

you walk up the stairs of your ex boyfriends apartment building, where you left your heart six months ago.

you knock on the door and kirishima half opens it, restricting you from bakugou.

“hey. thank you for this.” he says, quietly.

you switch your weight on your feet and glance at you hands.

“yeah… what do i need to do exactly?” you sigh.

kirishima clears his throat awkwardly.

“well. knowing him he will probably kick me out so it’ll just be the two of you. since he has no memory he’ll probably act however he would after a fight with you.” he replies.

“so he’s going to kiss and hug me?” you frown, raking a hand through your hair.

kirishima sighs before the two of you hear loud footsteps, barreling towards you.

“baby?! hey, what did i do? hm? come inside.” bakugou mumbles out, reaching for your arms.

you smile weakly before you’re being pulled into the apartment by your wrist.

he brings the two of you to sit on the couch and you look at kirishima.

“act natural!” he mouths to you.

“hey, suki.” you softly say, nickname foreign on your tongue.

“did we get in a fight?” he asks.

you gulp, playing with your fingers.

“yeah. kind of.” you reply.

he huffs to himself.

“i cant fucking remember. i still cant. damn quirk should’ve worn off by now.” he glares at his coffee table, arms crossed.

you hesitate but eventually place your hand on his back, rubbing comforting circles into his skin.

he looks at you softly.

“can we fight tomorrow when i remember? just wanna sleep with you.” he whispers, frown present on his face.

you sigh, taking a moment to think to yourself.

“okay, katsuki.” you smile wearily.

he leans forward to press soft kisses to your lips.

you exhale into the kiss, bringing your hand up to cup his face.

he shift to kiss down your neck before nuzzling into it.

“okay guys, i’m still here.” kirishima says awkwardly.

you laugh lightly and katsuki frowns at him.

“are you stayin over?” katsuki asks. he’s familiar with kirishima needing to stay the night after dangerous missions. his own home seeming too empty and dark.

kirishima nods and katsuki stands from the couch, pulling you with him.

“night.” the boys say to each other as kirishima settles on the couch and katsuki pulls you to his room.

you look behind you and kirishima sends you a comforting smile.

as soon as the door shut behind the two of you, you felt katsukis hands under your arms until he tosses you on his bed.

you laugh lightly, your mind feeding you bittersweet memories of moments just like this one.

katsuki crawls up the bed until he reaches your stomach, flopping down onto you and burying his face into your shirt.

“hi.” you say sweetly.

soon your shirt is lifted and he’s pressing open mouthed kisses into your skin.

“hi. ‘m sorry we fought. love you.” he mumbles, lifting himself on his forearms and crawling higher up on your body.

you nod. failing to reciprocate his love.

he frowns and sucks the skin under your collarbone.

“love you.” he repeats again, frown on his face.

“kats-.” you whine, voice breaking.

“what’s going on? was our fight bad?” he soothes, rubbing circles into your cheek with his thumb.

you feel your tears bubble over as you nod.

going to wipe your tears before he could see them. he beat you to it, kissing them away then pressing a warm kiss to your temple.

“it’s over now, yeah?” he asks.

you whimper and tuck your face into his neck.

“i want it to be but when your memory comes back you’re gonna leave me again.” you cry, fisting his shirt while tripping over your words.

he shushes you, bringing a hand to the back of your head and scratching your back.

“it’s okay, sweet thing. we’re okay.” he whispers against your neck.

“just go to sleep, yeah?”

you nod hesitantly and katsuki rolls onto his back with you clinging on.

you cuddle up sweetly on his chest and he scratches your back until you drift off.

“are we broken up?” katsuki asks shakily.

kirishima turns to see katsuki standing in the doorway.

“uhhhh. i don’t think you and me were ever together.” kirishima laughs uncomfortably.

“you know what i fucking mean.”

kirishima groans, dragging a hand down his face.

“i’m trying to stay out of this.” he frowns.

bakugou clenches his fists.

“i deserve to know.”

“katsuki?” you call from the bedroom.

“you’re telling me tomorrow.” he frowns at kirishima.

kirishima nods in reply and katsuki walks back into the bedroom.

“hi sweets.” he smiles, climbing into bed with you and kissing your neck.

you scratch at the base of his hairline in appreciation.

“why’d you go?” you ask softly.

he knows you’re trying not to sound scared.

even though you both know you were a little tense.

“my memory’s still gone.” he smiles, giving you soft kisses.

“just needed some water.” he says against your lips.

“mmm.” you hum into the kiss, relief washing over you.

“let’s lay down, yeah?”

“let’s lay down, yeah?”

“i cant.” you sputter, gasping through sobs.

his hands are on your face, wiping your tears with his thumbs.

you shake your head while stepping back, using your hands to push at his chest.

“baby.” he reasons.

“you can’t call me that.” you whine.

“i love you so much, just sleep here with me.” he pleads.

you wrap your hands around his wrists and tug his hand from your face harshly.

“is that you talking? or the commission?” you say coldly.

his face turns solemn, allowing his arms to drop.

“i just want you to be safe.” he whispers.

you fist his shirt.

“you keep me safe.” you cry, tears flowing freely.

he wraps his arms around you, tightly.

“the commission doesn’t think so, sweets.” he replies, his own eyes filling with tears.

you watch as the love of your life’s memory comes back.

and he watches while yours fill with tears.

you grab onto his shirt with the tightest grip you can muster.

“please don’t go, katsu.” you whimper.

his face morphs into the familiar face that plagues your dreams.

“no.” you plead.

“no. no. no.”

he drops his head so his face is in your neck.

“i need you safe. you’re not safe when you’re with me.” you feel tears on your neck.

“i don’t wanna be safe. i want you.”

he brings his head up to look at you.

“i want you too.” you smile through your tears at his words.

he kisses your cheeks softly.

“but we can’t be together, baby. at least not for now.” he says, pressing his forehead to yours.

the two of your cry together, entangled in each others embraces.

until you fall asleep, dried tears on your faces and his lips on your forehead.

part 2

[jqmalikhsgib]

blue skies

chapter:one

note: holy shit this probably won’t be as good as the original i wrote! i cannot believe tumblr fucked me! starting over. haley and aaron relationship is far more toxic in this fic. (not haley’s fault because she’s a saint!) aaron is a bit of a dick in the past (you’ll see why once i re—fucking—write the story thanks to tumblr you bitch 😩) haley and aaron separate around season two and divorce in the beginning of season three. this chapter focuses on 5x10. so yes, it will be haley’s funeral in the beginning so trigger warning for sadness!! foyet will be mentioned. 5x9 will be kinda mentioned as well so again, sadness! hopefully tumblr won’t delete this as well or i swear ill cry 😢

aaron is 43

reader is 33

also: i do not own any of the criminal minds dialogue (obviously) i will be using a few for this story! credit to the criminal minds writers!

you groan as your alarm goes off. you knew you needed to wake before your three year old daughter comes barging into your room and whining. you simply shut your alarm off before slowly lifting your body.

after finishing up your morning routine you head to the kitchen to make breakfast for your princess. you suddenly hear tiny little feet coming towards you. when you look down there was you daughter. she had the biggest brown eyes. her signature scowl on her face. one you knew she inherited from her father.

you smile before turning the stove off and lifting her. she rest her head on your shoulders. her sippy cup clutched to her hand.

“how’d you sleep, baby?”

“good, mamma! what’s for beakfast?” she still had a bit of a hard time pronouncing her ‘r’s.’

“just some eggs. you hungry, bug?” she nods her head simply. you smile before setting her down in her high chair and setting a small plate of eggs in front of her. she grabs her fork with her tiny hand and stuffs her mouth. you smile as you sit right beside her, coffee cup in your hand.

you turn on the news to see if it’s perfect weather for a park day. you knew how much lizzy loved park days on your day off.

your eyes widened when you see a photo of aaron on the screen. you turn the volume up and listen.

“…ley hotchner, wife of fbi agent aaron hotchner was murdered three night ago in their home by the boston reaper, george foyet…” your heart broke for aaron.

despite how much he broke your heart three year ago you still loved him. your best friend didn’t understand why. aaron had ended things with you the night you found out you were pregnant and blocked your number.

he told you he couldn’t love you. you were meant to be a distraction from his life. you lived thousands of miles away from him and he had a family. he told you that he could never be with you because haley will always mean more. that broke you into pieces. after almost two years of sex, cuddles, date night, jewelry you never asked for, and silent ‘i love yous.’ you were never gonna be her. you never blamed haley. you’re almost certain she didn’t know about you.

but when aaron and haley had been separated for awhile, aaron visit your small town in texas for a case, and many many tequila shots once said case was solved, you’d been wrapped in aaron’s arms.

at first you just wanted fun and casual. he was ten years older than you, tall, sexy, and fun. you didn’t expect to fall in love with the fbi agent.

but over time he visited more, he took you to the fanciest places he could find in your small town, sometimes you didn’t even have sex. you just talked and fell asleep in each others arms.

neither of you really knowing what this was. you didn’t wanna bring it up in case it was in your head. but you needed to know when you found out you were pregnant. you asked him what you were and if this was going somewhere.

aaron simply shook his head that night. he stepped back from you and broke your heart, “you and i were nothing more than fun. tell me you understand that yn? tell me you aren’t falling in love? because i cannot love you when i have a family of my own. a wife and a son!”

you had yelled at him stating she’s divorced him. she was no longer his wife. he had to move on. it had been almost a year since the divorce. but he simply shook his head, told you never to call again, and left.

you took his advice for a while. not contacting him for your whole pregnancy. but when you finally brought elizabeth to the world, you thought he should know about her. when you tried calling you’d realized he blocked your number.

your best friend hated aaron since that moment. she’d been the only family you had helped you raise the sweet little girl!

despite your best friends wishes you still gave her his last name.

“mamma?”

you break out of your trance and look over at your daughter.

“we going to the pawk today?”

you look back up at the weather channel and hum softly. “absolutely, bug!”

aaron clears he throat. he looks around to see his team and all of his and haley’s friends and family. he wasn’t sure he was able to do this.

he looks over and sees his ex father-in-law glaring at him. he didn’t blame him. haley’s death was his fault.

aaron opens up the folded piece of paper before he looks down and begins reading,

“w. s. gilbert wrote ‘it’s love that makes the world go round.’ and if that’s true, then the world spun a little faster with haley in it. haley was my best friend since we were in high school. we certainly had our struggles but if there’s one thing we agreed on unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to jack.” aaron continues his speak as everyone watched him.

you can see the grief of the man’s face. he was trying to hold it in for his son. as he finished the speech everyone tries to do their best to comfort him how they can. haley’s father and sister rest a single rose on her casket. aaron and jack were the last ones to do so. jack blows a kiss to his mom one final time before aaron walks away from his wife with his son in arms.

after the funeral everyone was gathered around. people were chatting and giving their condolences to aaron. he simply nods his head thanking everyone who passed by.

david walks over to aaron with two glasses. “i think you could use some air. i saw him with his cousins.”

aaron looks at his son before turning to his ex sister-in-law.

“could you make sure jack gets something to eat?”

jess simply nods as aaron follows behind dave. dave and aaron pass the team.

“you know i broke my promise to haley.”

“what promise?”

“i told her i would catch foyet and that i’d spend the rest of my life making it up to her.”

“you still can. you saved jack.”

aaron sighs before looking over at his son. he sees jess hand him a sandwich.

“you know, i may have the tools to do this job, but i don’t know if i have the tools to help my son.”

“you have to ask yourself, what kind of father you want to be. and when you figure that out. then you’ll know what to do.”

aaron hums. he looks down and plays with the end of his fingertips.

“i meant what i said today. things have changed. and i need to do what’s best for jack.”

dave nods softly. “you will.”

after spending an hour at the park you pick your daughter up gently. she was already exhausted. you smiled as she rest her head on your shoulders.

“mamma?”

“yes, baby?” you set her in her car seat.

“may we have ice cweam today?” she gives you these innocent bug eyes. it’s why you gave her the nickname ‘bug.’ she was too adorable for her own good!

“hmm, maybe! depends if you eat all your veggies tonight.” you shut the back door before getting in the drivers seat.

“i will. pwomise, mamma!” she smiles at you

you smile right back. your heart warming every time you see it. when you arrived home you spot your best friend, and roommate, shoes by the front door.

you were glad she’s home. she’d been on a business trip. gone for a week. you’d miss her.

you knew lizzy missed her as well. she’d ask almost every hour when her auntie jane was coming home.

“jane?!” you call out your best friends name. your daughter gasped. jane soon makes an appearance and smiles widely at you and lizzy.

“is that my favorite lizard?!” jane scoops your daughter up.

“janey!”

“lizzy!”

“miss you so much!” she gave jane a sloppy kiss on the cheek. jane return the favor.

“i miss you too, lizard! thought about you everyday, bug!”

your daughter giggles before jane sets her down.

“mamas gonna get dinner started, baby. why don’t you go and play a little?”

“kay, mamma.” she runs to her room. jane fills you in on the details of her trip. you both worked for a big tech company. you hated your jobs! but it was the best paying job you found. most of it was just sucking up to your bosses. they were the average sleaze bags who sexually harassed you even though they had wife and kids at home. you’d simply ignore it. you were great at your job.

you had plenty of ideas that were obviously stolen from you by your boss and told at conference rooms where the ceos would listen. since you were just an assistant it wasn’t much you could do.

“he made you share a room with him?!”

“yes! ive never been so quick to head to the creepy motel across the street! id rather rats and roaches crawl all over me than james.” she makes a face.

you laugh.

“he needs to be fired. who does something like that?” you shake your head as you finished up dinner.

“i know! we’re both smarter and more capable than james and martin! fire them and give us the high paying jobs!” jane grabs two plates for you and a smaller plate for her god-daughter.”

you hum in agreement. you fill your daughters plate up first.

“ill grab her.”

you wash your hands as jane washes both hers and elizabeths hands. you set your daughter down in her high chair before sitting in between her and jane.

the three of you enjoy your dinner. once finished you grab three small bowls and add ice cream to them.

“since you were such a big girl bug, you get ice cream!”

your daughter does a small little dance in her high chair. you coo at her cuteness. she truly was the light of your life.

once you were done with your ice cream you got ready for bed. when you finished bathing your daughter you lie her in her bed and read her a bedtime story.

“goodnight, bug.”

“night, mamma.” she falls asleep soon after. you take your own shower right after.

when you’re done you hear your phone ring. you frown at the unknown caller id. you decide to ignore it. resting your body on your bed. your phone begins to ring once more.

another unknown caller. you sigh before answering.

“yn?”

you knew that voice. you’d recognized it from anywhere.

“aaron?”

[denjivhs]

match-up for @imjustabeanie

your match in jjk is... toji fushiguro!

i think you two would have a really fun dynamic tbh. lots of teasing and bordering a love-hate dynamic, yet somehow a sense of understanding between the two of you that would just draw you close.

he'd appreciate you for being so chill because he honestly cannot stand someone clinging to him and begging him for his attention 24/7 and you being secure in this sense definitely works out perfectly for him.

he personally wouldnt mind you being 'morally questionable' (you are both about to be really chaotic because youre both competitive and do not back down from doing the most questionable shit ever but hey!! yolo!!)

toji can honestly be pretty asshole-y but one thing he'll never be is whiny, or cowardly. it would take a while for you guys to develop a more serious relationship, but that's alright because neither of you were in the rush/looking for one.

i hc he's an early bird because of the training he received growing up. since hes a bit of a shithead he'd probably be super amused by how ill-tempered you are in the mornings and unfortunately will not hold back from poking fun at you until you're really mad. won't apologize for riling you up either since for him it was quite entertaining.

in general, he actually doesnt sleep all that much, so if you wanna get back at him by pulling a prank or two when he's asleep, youre gonna have to wait until he takes that 2-3 hour long rest. sadly, very little fazes him so you will have to wait and observe him to figure out his pet peeves and such.

toji is oddly observant. he may seem like a meathead but even the slightest change in your demeanour doesnt go amiss by him. youre really private about your personal matters though and he picked up on it quite early on so he never says anything. instead, he chooses to show his consideration through actions and gestures. he'll let up on his teasing and taunting, he'll do a bothersome chore on your behalf, take out the time of his day to run your errands, gruffly pat your head and tell you to take some time off.

one thing you'll probably pick up on fairly early on in your friendship/relationship with toji is that he loves it when you challenge him. *loves* it when you debate with him. youre constantly coming up with such interesting stuff and he finds it really amusing how youre so invested in your hobbies yet somehow have a short attention span at the same time. he may come off as borderline condescending sometimes but really, he actually secretly admires you. he loves that youre so sarcastic and humorous,

date ideas: while he'd be up for doing pretty much when youre hanging out together, somehow when it comes to the idea of a 'date' he'd actually want to do something like a dinner in a 'romantic' setting just because that seems proper. either that or something out of pocket and adventurous like bungee jumping if youre up for it.

instead of getting you flowers, he'd actually rather get you a gift (unless you really like flowers or something) and it'd be something surprisingly thoughtful- something that would show just how observant he is. would actually be pretty pleased to learn that you like receiving gifts and would probably say that flowers are dumb because they die so soon, have no functionality and all that.

songs: meddle about by chase atlantic, killshot by magdalena bay, superman by eminem, crybaby by the neighborhood

note: okay so your other two matchups are on my pc which i don't have on me rn so here's the first one!! 😭 tumblr app deleted half my draft like twice but we move 😀 n e wayz, will either edit those in later/post separately, lmk whatever you prefer :))

also i can finally spill the beans— the other character i was considering for you was actually nanami!! i thought i should pair you up w him to even things out/opposites attract type of scene but the more i thought abt it, i felt like it won't work in the long run. i think you'd enjoy being with someone a bit adventurous more than someone with such strong ideals and morals, because while nanami would be able to provide you the stability and nurturing, i think you might end up feeling a little stifled later on.

[aldercaps]

this is probably petty but im still so mad at my mums boyfriend lol. he’s an ecofascist vegan who called chernobyl a good thing “because all those animals get to live in peace without humans there” and mocked me at the christmas dinner table in front of my family for talking about how we had rules around respecting the animals we worked on for my zoology paper, literally 15 minutes after sweeping a dead bird out from under my granny’s chair (we were eating outside) because he refuses to keep any of our cats inside. i have my own issues with how my mum lets my cats go outside (if i had a choice in the matter they would be inside only, but she doesn’t listen to me). like, this man would literally rather all farm animals live in “sanctuaries” without ever being ““““abused and exploited”“““ by farmers 🙄 than give a single shit about any of the native and endangered animals he’s actively letting die violent deaths at the hands of his own fucking pet! im sick of it. every time i have ever talked about animal welfare in front of him he’s been condescending, rude and laughed in my face, so i’ve stopped mentioning it because i’ll never change his mind. i just wish he wouldn’t talk about how “humans are a plague unto the earth” and how being vegan is the only option for changing climate change every 15 minutes. we get it, you can never imagine living in cohabitation with anything else without destroying or exploiting it. jeez

[nofunclvb]

.

[awsugar]

hello im going on anon b/c anxiety but i have a theory/observation thing to share.

okay so today (at least where i live) is Friday the 13th and that feels like some spooky stuff and MCR might get back on their witchy bullshit and post something – honestly tho idk what they would post b/c they prolly wanna do more lead-up

ok but the real thing i wanted to say was BRIAN FUCKING SCHECTER's (ooo yay bad spelling go brr) TWITTER. ok so he posted some real cryptic shit that I gotta tell u about (idk who else to scream too)

okay so the first thing he posted is "such a nice day..." which is weird because he literally hasn't tweeted since 2013-ish? also i wouldn't be able to tell because HE DELETED ALL OF HIS OLDER TWEETS

the FIRST thing is that the MCR band name/logo is BACKWARDS on the album cover , and Brian tweeted this weird keysmash: sidnuces dcv

so I was listening to My Chemical Fancast (amazing fucking podcast) and they were talking about Brian's twitter, and how MCR is obsessed with latin + stuff now, so i plugged his tweet into latin--> english google translate

that didn't come up with anything, so i REVERSED it and plugged it into google translate and got this: vcd secundis, which means vcd seconds (according to google)

so THEN,,, I went and did some roman numeral bullshit and i think the vcd means 5,400. so basically his weird tweed COULD mean 5,400 seconds, which is 1.5 hours and THEN 1.5 hours after his tweet after that Foundations dropped. so I have a feeling Brian knows a lot and will probably keep being a cryptic motherfucker. so idk. watch out for Brian cuz he tweeted AGAIN, basically just a "good morning" but idk. maybe I'm reading a lot into it,, but the way his twitter presence sparked back up CANNOT be a coincidence. i am also fully prepared to lose my fucking mind today. anyway thx for letting me lose my absolute shit in your ask box. bye.

omg im late but you put so much into this that i wanted to respond

as far as i know he also tweeted, after the one you're talking about, '5400 seconds for the record' which was tweeted at 130pm pst before the 3pm song drop. 5400 seconds is 1.5 hours like you said. he deleted it later and clarified that 'for the record' was like. '5400 seconds, for the record' not like. and hour and a half long album. he didnt want it to be misleading.

but yea, brian is back on for the reuniuon. so he doesn't just know a lot, he likely knows everything. including whether or not theres an album, and when it will drop if it does. considering his pre-song tweets i think we should definitely be keeping an eye on his twitter. ill probably put him on notifs.

[missymurphy1985]

The Extra (part 9)

Warning - illness, mentions of death

Authors Note - I have personal experience of this horrific disease - I hope I don't upset anyone with it, but it's a topic very close to my heart.

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton

A month had passed since you'd deleted his number and blocked him. You were staring at the letter in your hand, shaking. You knew this day was coming, but you'd pushed it so far down that you had only truly thought about it when Cillian had told you he loved you.

You'd told Liane the truth. Why you couldn't commit to him, even though you desperately wanted to. Truth be told you'd fallen for him just as hard - and that's exactly why you'd pushed him away. It was bad enough you had to live with this, you couldn't force someone else to. She'd encouraged you to get tested - and you knew she was right. It was time you took your life in your hands once and for all. You'd spent too many years since your mother's and sister's untimely deaths burying it.

Picking up the phone, you dialled the number, heart pounding. The receptionist answered.

"Morning. My name is y/n y/l/n. I had some tests. I've had a letter to say the results are in?"

"Can I ask what the test was for?" The receptionist asked.

"My GP referred me. It's for the breast cancer gene. I'd like to know if I carry it."

"Let me check our records Miss Y/L/N. Yes, I have your results here. Would you be available to come in this afternoon? We've had a cancellation?"

"Can you not tell me over the phone?"

"I'm not allowed to, the doctor has requested to see you in person." Your heart lurched, that was never a good sign.

You immediately wanted to call Cillian, but remembered you didn't have his contact details any more. You called Liane instead. She would pick you up at 2pm and go with you to the appointment.

Sat in the waiting room, Liane held you hand to calm you. Your nerves were in tatters. This disease had already taken so much from you - your mum, your older sister, two cousins... You knew there was a strong chance it was going to take you, too. The doctor called you through.

"Your results are here y/n. And I'm pleased to inform you -"

"What?" You gasped. The doctor smiled and took your hands in hers.

"Y/n, you don't carry the gene. It isn't there - your chances of developing breast cancer are no higher than mine, or Joan Bloggs on the street. You're going to be okay." Even the doctor had tears in her eyes. Liane was gobsmacked. You just burst into tears.

"I'm not going to die?"

"Oh honey if I had the cure for that I'd be a millionaire!" She laughed, you did too. You felt like the world had just been lifted off your shoulders, taking a dark cloud with it. A dark cloud you'd been living with for nearly 10 years. The real reason you'd split with your ex. The reason you refused to get your breasts out for auditions. The real reason you backed away from a life in acting. You didn't see the point if you weren't going to be here for the long haul... But now?

Now you'd been given a new life. A new start. And your thrown away the best chance of happiness you'd ever had in one stupid click of a button.

Liane noticed your sadness in the car on the way home. You suddenly realised you weren't actually heading home though, you were on the M6 heading to Wolverhampton.

"Erm.. where are we going?" You asked, seeing the sign for Wolverhampton fly past.

"Road trip."

"Destination?"

"It's a surprise!! Do you trust me?"

"Always..."

"Then don't ask questions."

You rolled your eyes and figured you were probably en route to Bicester Village in Oxford. That was your happy place - a day of shopping, good food, few drinks in the evening... Before long though, your eyelids grew heavy. You always fell asleep on car journeys, this one was no different. Within ten minutes you were out cold.

You felt Liane nudge you gently, waking you. Opening your eyes, you looked around, expecting to see the car park. Instead you saw terraced houses, a green park, and a street sign with 'London Borough - Kilburn' on it.

"Why am I in London??" You asked. Liane shrugged her shoulders.

"Fancied a change - never been before! Just got on the motorway and drove. Been years since we've done that hasn't it! Just drove with no destination?" You grinned, remembering the random road trips you used to take years ago. You'd ended up all over the UK, even catching a ferry to Amsterdam one Friday night just because you were bored!

"So what's the plan?"

"Let's go explore!" She paid for the parking via an app on her phone and you both climbed out the car. The houses were all Victorian style and beautiful. The park was glorious - the sun shining on it beautifully. Liane suggested a picnic in the park first to line your stomachs, then cocktails.

"Aren't you driving us home later?"

"Yes - I'll be on the mocktails! Come on, let's go find food... There's loads of little deli places over there!"

Picnic done, it was cocktail time. Sadly, there didn't appear to be a cocktail bar anywhere near... But there was a nice looking pub over the road. Settling on a normal G&T, you both made your way over. Liane sent you inside to get the drinks while she sat in the beer garden out the back.

Heading outside with two G&Ts, you looked around for her but she was nowhere to be found. You quickly scanned inside again just to make sure you'd not missed her. Setting the drinks down on a bench outside, you waited. Must've gone to the toilet. Taking your phone out you sent her a text letting her know where you were.

Ten minutes passed - still no sign. You were worried now. A ping on your phone.

"For god's sake woman open your eyes and look in the corner!!" Liane... What the hell? You looked up and nearly dropped your phone. Sitting ten feet away from you, on his own... Holding his phone in his hand and staring at you the same way you were staring at him. In complete disbelief.

He looked back at his phone and shook his head. Both of you realising you'd been set up. Completely played.

He stood up, you were convinced he was going to leave but he didn't. He sat opposite you instead.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hey..."

"Can I talk before you do?" He asked. You nodded.

"I know... I didn't... Fuck this makes so much more sense in my head..." He laughed.

"Can I talk instead?" He nodded. You took a deep breath and told him the truth. About your family. The deaths. The illness. The tests.. and the results.

"That's why I pushed you away. That's why I push everyone away. But you were the first one I pushed that I regretted... I regretted it so much because no one had ever made me feel as alive as you did. No one made me float on air like you did. No one made me forget about this cloud hanging over me like you did..."

"You thought I'd leave you if you had the gene?"

"My Dad left when my mom was diagnosed. He couldn't handle it so he bailed. Wasn't a great role model."

"Your dad's a dick. I'm not." His brutal, dead pan response made you laugh. In fact you didn't just laugh, you were in hysterics. He laughed with you, and took your hands in his.

"If I promise not to tell you I love you, will you let me see you?"

"No."

"Erm... Okay?"

"I want you to tell me you love me, if you mean it. Then I'll decide."

"Y/N... I. Love. You. I fucking love you. I adore you. I've had the most miserable four weeks of my life thanks to you!" He laughed.

"Yeah I'm sorry about that.."

"It's okay. You can make it up to me."

"You're giving me a second chance?"

"I never gave up on the first one. But this time, we take it slow. Get to know each other. I'll start by asking if I can take you out to dinner tonight?"

"I have nothing with me... All my stuff's at home..."

"Fair enough. Then we have two choices. You go shopping with Liane and get yourself something.. or go home and we can arrange to meet another time?"

"I'm already here, and shopping was on our to do list. Dinner tonight sounds lovely."

"Unblock my number. I'll text you the details later, okay?" He finished his drink and pulled his jacket on, quickly typing a text as you unblocked his number. If only you'd known it was that easy to get his contact details again... The message pinged through.

"Thank you..." You smiled reading it. He leaned over and kissed your cheek softly, before walking away. Glancing back, smiling, as he left the pub.

Liane was with you in seconds.

"You sneaky little shit, how did you do this??" You laughed.

"Anto contacted me last week, said he was sick of Cillian moping. We kinda worked together... Are you mad at me?"

"Not at all. Where's Anto?"

"Right here." Anto appeared out of nowhere and you threw your arms around him.

"Thank you. For everything?"

"No need to thank me. This was Liane's idea. Bit of a rush to sort once you'd got those results but luckily you live 3 hours away and you sleep like the dead!" He laughed. "Now get yourself gone - you have a date to prepare for!"

[djarrex]

Hi everyone, just wanted to address what happened last night along with some other things from before that all tie in together.

There’s multiple parts to the following post - please make sure you read all of it if you’re gonna take the time to even start.

It was midnight and y'all were still jumping in on anon and telling me how I'm awful for not commenting, owning up, or taking responsibility - I should have been in bed. I have a life and job outside this app; and with the several of you in my inbox and it being too late at night to address each, I’m gonna do it now. I can’t not say something about all of this. I just can’t keep quiet and ignore the problem - it’s not fair to you all. Deleting one post already has you guys even more riled up and all I wanted to do was offer something better than a “half-hearted apology” (it was very late at night when I wrote that very short apology, and wanted a redo tbh). 

I really didn't want to make a long post like this. I reached out to a select few on here because I care about them (there's more of you, but like I said, it was at the time after midnight and I was fucking exhausted). but I was being demanded for accountability. So here I am.

Allow me to be real with you all, if that's ok. If it's not, well, idk. First I wanna address all you anons, who, instead of speaking to me one on one about all this, want to criticize me and shame me and my writing when truthfully it feels like you haven't even read more than a handful of my work. I didn’t realize that I write the clones all the same way? That I always make them super aggressive and uncaring and dom? “you write every single clone as so dominant instead as unique individual men with their own personalities” Interesting. See, that right there tells me you haven't read nearly enough of my stuff for me to believe that's true. That's one accusation I absolutely will not back you on because I know it’s inaccurate - saying how I group the clones into some overly-aggressive, and uncaring category - that I always write all of them as mean in bed because they're men of color. And hey, if I do write rough smut - which yeah, it's out there and I write it, as do a lot of you - there are warnings at the beginning, aftercare, dialogue, reader sharing their feelings, and most importantly... consent between the two. That’s what warnings are for, so that you know what you’re going to be reading. That’s why I, as we all do, appreciate warnings listed at the tops of fics; honestly, write them sub or dom or switch or however you want but don’t come at me like that. I’m sorry if I'm coming across as rude because I'm usually not, I’m one of the nicest people you’ll meet, but I will not stand idly by while you chastise my writing (writing that is pretty much the same type of stuff a lot of you write & rb with the same characters) that you haven’t read enough of to back such claims.

Next: Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart,

I get it. Really, I do. I fully understand the problem of whitewashing in SW along with almost everywhere else, and I do not agree with it. It's a huge problem, and it needs to be rectified. Now just because I don't speak publicly about it and opt out of publicly shaming TBB, doesn't mean that I agree with what’s going on. Not everyone is comfortable with sharing their opinions on a subject, no matter what that subject is or which side they're on. You live and you learn when it comes to that. 

It has never been my intention to fetishize POC in my writing, which btw, the same people who are saying that it is my intention are the ones claiming I portray all of the clones as the same, aggressive men, lacking their individuality. It’s a claim that is simply not true, and I know I have followers on here to back me up on that. I know what I've written; how about you check it out and tell me that you don't see the words "soft" or "fluff" or "cuddling" or “gentle” or “tender” within my work linked in my ML. Clone character being a good partner and father? Tender love making? Holding each others faces in their hands? “We/you survived” sex? Taking care of their partner? Saying “I love you” to one another? Confirming the safe word and going slow at first? Oh my - riveting and harsh stuff - totally unacceptable.  

Now: My admittedly problematic writings of Rex + Zygerria,

I went into writing that rp fic totally unaware and unknowing of the true implications. For that, I sincerely apologize. When I posted the NSFW alphabet, that’s when I was called out on that rp fic - not when I first posted it. Which the timeline doesn’t matter, I know that, but it concerns me a little bit that no one spoke up about it sooner - letting me dig myself deeper into a hole that I didn’t realize I was inside of in the first place. I've apologized once, and I know that doesn't negate what happened; I acknowledged my mistake back then, but I suppose that wasn’t good enough. I had asked you, anon, to message me to give me guidance, to teach me on what to do about the fic - you stayed hidden. Well, respectfully, what the fuck? I know we're all adults but don't lecture me and avoid me when I’d literally reached out for guidance on how to properly rectify the issue. I fixed my wording in some of my fics (the things I’ve caught upon rereading them) because I recognized and more importantly learned about and from my mistakes along with the unintentional negative implications of how I wrote those characters. Some of y'all wanna tell me that I "haven't learned"? Who are you, my personal blog police? My professor? My life coach? Are you even my friend? If I'm wrong and haven't learned, then fucking educate me. I worked hard on that rp fic, just like I do with a majority of what I write, but it doesn’t matter because I will delete it knowing that it’s harmful to others and I apologize for inadvertently romanticizing slavery with what I wrote - it was unintentional, and I’m truly sorry to those who have been hurt by it. I know it’s wrong, and there’s no proper excuse for it. Can’t go back in time, but consider it gone now.

Since that first wakeup call, I’ve been working hard to ensure I avoid using certain words and ideas when describing the clones in my fics. If there’s still something you see that isn’t correct or is inappropriate, please tell me! Don’t hold it in but then jump on the “attack M” bandwagon. Private message me, or come peacefully off or on anon, there will be no hard feelings. I don’t mind being corrected when I make a mistake - that’s just part of life, we all make mistakes and we live and learn from them. Making mistakes doesn’t = scumbag human. When you hold your breath and choose not to take the time to guide me, and if I appear to still be making the same mistakes, well, idk. I’m telling you right now that I do not mind if you message me with the good intention of pushing me in the right direction. When you come at me with hostility on anon, well, no thank you. To the anons that came without rage: thank you! I read what you wrote, and I have a better understanding as to how my writing had hurt the lovely followers of mine, and tried to address as much as possible in this post. See, angry mob anons? It costs zero credits to be kind and offer up your thoughts and advice with a good heart. I’m not going to hate you or block you if you try to correct me. I don’t block unless you’re a snoopin’ minor. Just don’t hold a knife to my throat.

Now: Why did I delete the tags and then my response to that anon ask? 

Simply put: I felt awful. Deleting it doesn’t immediately mean I’m hiding from it and ignoring the issue. I wanted to come up with a better apology, explanation, whatever you wanna call it, because my followers deserve that. The ones who enjoy my work, the ones who interact, the ones who I call my friends, the ones who know that I’m a good person. Didn’t want to leave the tags/post floating around all night, giving more people time to sharpen their pitchforks and join the mob while I attempted to sleep. Trust me, I know saying that I had no ill intentions when tagging that post doesn’t make it better nor does it make it go away. I’m just trying to show you my point of view, that I knew immediately how I should not have tagged it that way, so that’s why I deleted them. I corrected my mistake. But y’all are too fucking quick I swear.

One more thing:

I know some of you who had called me out with the passive-aggressive inbox messages are still following me, and for what? You don’t like what I post, which is why one would follow another in the first place, so why bother sticking around? Do you feel like you need to police my blog? You want to be there the literal minute I make a mistake? I’m gonna turn off anon for a bit, so if you wanna discuss, message me. Just know that if you’re going to come at me with knives out, I probably won’t reply to you. 

To conclude:

I’m sorry. Truly sorry for the entire Rex + Zygerria outfit + slaver ordeal with both the fic from a while ago and then the tags from last night. We can’t go back in time; the only option is to correct past mistakes that are able to be corrected, and then move on with new knowledge that’ll aid in me working even harder to ensure my writing isn’t inappropriate or offensive, and doesn’t hurt my followers nor the characters I write for. I’m still going to write self-indulgent filth and fluff, post-order 66 Rex, and other misc shit. I enjoy writing fanfic, as I know a lot of you enjoy reading what I write and love to talk to me about it. I hope that this didn’t come off as me being a bitch, because I’m really not. I enjoy interacting with the handful of people on here that I’d call my friends, and I love reading your reactions and tags to my fics when you’re excited and/or horny (LOL). It’s just after lunch time where I’m at, so I hope you have a great rest of the day/night/morning whatever for wherever you are.  

<3 

M

[blxetsi]

modern hange zoe dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

hange zoe x gn!reader

- first, their love language is definitely a mix of physical touch and verbal affirmations

- idc idc theyre the best of both worlds 🤩

- you prefer verbal affirmations over physical touch (or vice versa) ? their immediately making a mental note and showing u love with whichever one u like more

- i think they'd be a scientist or researcher ?? maybe they'd study the human body or like global warming ?? idfk but would definitely go into the science field

- also i personally love the idea of moblit and them being together 😳🤚 idk i love the idea

- but since YOU are with miss hange id like to think they stayed friends after the breakup 😌✨ theyre both mature ppl (and hot)

- moblit is always third wheeling w you guys. you and hange could be making out and he'd sit there with his iced coffee like 😐

- hange i feel is a very forgetful person, so like, dates and stuff (things made on a sort of short notice) they tend to forget about, but things like birthdays and anniversaries are NEVER forgotten

- ofc they'll make it up to you after you call them from the restaurant youve been waiting in for over an hour

- but sometimes it does hurt that they value their work so much, you love that they find joy in what they do and are dedicated, but it just feels like they prioritize work over you

- and hange understands ! and they start trying to be on time for things like that. is also constantly reassuring you at random times that they love and care about you

- also loves to spoon you. will literally wrap around you like a koala in bed. doesnt matter if its too hot and youre both immediately sweating, will trap you with their insane amount of strength and never let you go until either they wake up or you wake up begging to use the restroom

- i feel like when theyre working from home (which is everyday in a pandemic 🙄 even tho these headcanons arent really structured around pandemic modern times) they forget to eat/drink when they get reeeaaaallllyyyy into what theyre researching

- could be on the verge of discovering a new genetic mutation (idk) while also being on the verge of passing out due to dehydration

- theyll come out for dinner and be like "yknow ive been having this weird headache all day"

- "probably because you havent drank any water today"

- will stare at you like "🤨" before replying "nah i dont think so 😹"

- you have to threaten letting them starve to get them to drink some water. and as soon as they do theyre chugging three cups

- five minutes later theyre like "babe ! it worked ! youre awesome"

- lots of pet names like babe/baby, my love, my darling (in a dramatic english accent), honey, and any others that youd prefer

- has a weird love for the cartoon archer (yknow that adult show with like 10 seaons ??)

- will literally no nothing about the plot or characters, and will only put the show on for background noise while theyre doing something, but will ALWAYS recommend archer to others and say its their favourite cartoon if asked

- also loves the amazing world of gumball (you got them into it) actually watches the show and loves it, yet never thinks of it when asked "what shows should i watch ?" or "what are some shows you like ?"

- if youre like, an artist or something like that, they genuinely LOVE anything you make

- you made them a little painting ? theyre hanging it up in their apartment. you created a clay vase or something ? buying flowers to put in it rn (doesnt even take care of the flowers but yk)

- if youre having a bad day theyre dropping everything for you (unless its super important then theyre saying "how about i move my work to the bed and we can cuddle ?")

- if you need to rant theyre actively listening while trying to work. will accidentally start typing what youre saying onto their word document. ends up having to delete three whole paragraphs about that bitch at work smh 🙄🤚

- loves taking showers/ baths w you (NEVER in a sexual way though) they genuinely find it fun to wash each other's hair and stuff. if you ask them to wash your back theyre shoving their hands in your armpits and tickling you like,, mf ill fall and take us both down 😐

- definitely an ass/thighs person. doesnt matter how big or small, loves it.

- also a dish collector in their room. their room and office are in the same space, so youll find them with cups and plates on their desk where their research is supposed to be like bae,,, i think youre growing a new kind of mold 😍🦠💥

- talks so passionately abt their work and coworkers to you. theres this new intern at their job and hes the sweetest and brightest kid they know. his names armin and they speak about him SO highly

- also has a really cold nose ?? u love to kiss it bc it makes them shiver bc of the temperature difference

- has weirdly soft hands. youd think theyd be kinda rough bc of all the weird shit they touch for "science" but no. the hands are perfect

- doesnt know how to take care of things around the house (like handy stuff) so they beg levi to come over.

- he reluctantly does bc hes their friend but will nod at you as soon as he walks in and says "i hope hange isnt being too annoying today"

- immediately youll defend them and say zoe hange could never annoy you bc hange is the love of ur life and all he'll do is say "youre lucky then. i envy you."

- you and hange both know hes using his dry humour, but as punishment hange follows him around the place and annoys him even further

- also tries to convince you to get a dog at the weirdest of times ???

- itll be three in the morning and theyll just whisper in your ear "we should get a dog"

- theyre allergic to cats so if you suggest that they say "no ill die if i go near one"

- if youre allergic to dogs theyll say "okay fine a baby then"

- "how will we get one ?"

- "we'll steal it. or go looking through a dumpster"

- what did they say 😳😳⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

- you shut down any ideas of a dog or baby for a long while after that

- loves squeezing your cheeks, and would love if you did it to them too

- will literally just sit in bed squishing them and request you do the same. so you both just sit facing each other criss crossed, squishing each others faces while giggling

- ive made this pretty long already so this is it ! but yes, they love u through and through

a/n

second headcanon babyyy !!! hope u all enjoyed !! my asks r open if u wanna request something !! (also please request something 😭😭😭 )

[honey-dewey]

Finding the Right Voice

Frankie Morales/Mute and chronically ill Reader

Word Count: 1,804

Warnings: Reader is both mute and has gastroparesis. Reader throws up once. 

After much pestering from the boys, Frankie reluctantly signs up for a dating app, intending for it to be a joke. Until he falls in love. You and him text daily, getting to know each other so intimately despite never meeting. At least, never meeting until Frankie wants to take you on a date. So how the hell are you going to explain to him that you are constantly ill and will never speak again?

Frankie had always thought dating apps were a waste of time. Who the hell actually met the love of their life through the Internet? 

Frankie Morales, that’s who. 

Of course, he’d been hesitant to tell the boys he’d found someone, mostly because he knew they’d give him shit about it. And they did, of course. But now, months after meeting someone, they realized Frankie was genuinely happy and toned the teasing down. 

“I’m just worried!” Frankie said, staring at his phone. “They haven’t responded in days.” 

“Dude,” Benny said, gesturing with his beer bottle. “They’re probably just busy. Or out somewhere with shit cell service. I dated a girl like that. She went on vacation with her parents and didn’t call for like. Two weeks. Thought she’d died. But when she got back.” He leaned back, smiling drunkenly. “The apology sex was mind blowing.” 

“Okay!” Santiago interjected, throwing an arm around Frankie’s shoulders. “You think they’re on vacay, Fish?” 

Frankie shrugged, grabbing his own beer. “I dunno. They aren’t the vacationing type.” 

William snorted from across the table. “Just like they aren’t the phone call or meet in person type?” 

Immediately, Frankie knew where this was going. “Ironhead.” 

“I’m just saying!” William pointed out. “How do we know that Catfish isn’t being, well, catfished.” 

Frankie sighed into his bottle. “I don’t wanna talk about it Will.” 

Santiago, who was somehow the voice of reason here, nudged Frankie. “You texted yet today?” 

“No.” 

“Why don’t you?” Santiago suggested. “Then leave it alone for a while. I doubt they’re meaning to leave you, they seem too nice.” 

Frankie picked up his phone and opened his texts. Aside from the group chat he had with the boys, the aforementioned number was the last one he’d texted. 

Frankie: Hey, haven’t heard from you in a bit. You doing okay? 

Twenty miles away from the bar Frankie was in, you were leaned over the toilet in the hospital, hurling away what little applesauce you’d eaten for dinner. 

Sitting back against the cold tile of the hospital bathroom wall, you sighed deeply upon hearing your phone ping. Who the hell wanted to talk to you right now? 

Of course, it was Frankie. 

Settling down in the bathroom, you unlocked your phone and texted him back. 

You: I’m so sorry Fish. I’ve been a bit sick. 

Fish: You don’t have to apologize for that. Are you feeling any better? 

You snorted softly. As if. 

You: Not really. It’s just gotten worse. Spent most of today throwing up.

Fish: You’re drinking water, right? Gotta stay hydrated. 

You snapped a photo of your half full water bottle a nurse had brought you and sent it to Frankie. 

You: Yep! Gotta finish this before I go to bed. 

Fish: That’s good

Fish: Wait a second. Are you in the hospital? 

You swore silently. How the fuck? Unless he frequented the same hospital as you, how the hell did he even know where you were from that blurry water bottle photo? 

You: Yeah, I got here today. Nothing too serious, I was just too dehydrated

You felt bad lying to Frankie, but you really didn’t want to tell him the truth. The truth was too long, too complicated. Frankie would probably leave if he learned the truth. 

Fish: I’m not too far away, if you’re at the hospital I think you’re at. Want me to drive you home when you leave? 

You: Nah. I’m staying with family rn and it’s a haul to get out there

Another lie, another stab of pain through your heart. 

Fish: Okay. I still wanna take you out though. We could get dinner and walk around the park. 

You almost started sobbing. 

You: Oh Frankie. I wish I could. 

As soon as you typed the message, you deleted it. Best not to let him think anything was wrong. Instead, you took a minute and finally replied with, 

You: That sounds lovely Fish. 

Fish: But?

You: But I don’t think I can.

Back at the bar, Frankie was slumped over the table, staring at your tiny message of rejection. 

“Dude, that’s hard,” Benny commented. “I’m starting to think Will might be right.” 

“I’m sorry?” William said, coughing as he swallowed wrong. “Say that again?” 

“No.” Benny leaned over the table and patted Frankie’s wrist. “I got nothing dude. Nothing.” 

Santiago sighed. “Why don’t we stop giving Fish a hard time?” He said, seeing the hard lines in Frankie’s face appear. “They said they were in the hospital, so maybe it’s really bad.” 

“You think?” Frankie asked, looking up with wide eyes. 

“Maybe,” Santiago said. “They might not want you to worry about them.” 

Frankie looked back at his phone, at the waiting message. He picked his phone up and typed one more message before shutting it off and pocketing it. 

Frankie: I just wish I could get to know you. For real. 

You stared at your phone, tears sliding down your face. Frankie would never know, if you could help it. He’d never know that you were so sick all the time. That you couldn’t eat anything without hurling it up hours later. That you hadn’t uttered a single word since you’d turned sixteen. That you’d never speak another word again. 

Putting your phone away, you abandoned the water bottle and shakily crawled back into bed, sobbing silently into your pillow until you fell asleep. 

The next morning, a team of nurses checked you over and deemed you okay to leave the next day. You nodded numbly, absently fiddling with a small stuffed toy as they started your laborious morning routine. 

“This came for you last night,” a nurse said as everyone left your room. She placed a worn out baseball cap and a folded note on your bed. “From a very nice gentleman who seemed rather heartbroken.” 

The nurse left, leaving you to grab the cap and the note. 

The cap was worn out, the edges all frayed and the logo on the front nearly illegible. The note was in much better condition. 

Hey. 

So, I’m sorry about what I said last night, and I feel like a text wouldn’t have made it better. This is my favorite hat. It’s seen some shit, just like me. And just like you, I think. 

Look, last night, I sounded like a dick. I want to make it up to you, I really do. But I don’t know how to take you on a date or anything. I sure hope it isn’t because of me that you don’t want to meet. I know my nickname is Catfish but I promise I’m who I say I am. 

Tomorrow, I get off work early. If you’d let me, can I pick you up and take you out? Or at least take you back to my place for a movie or something? Please. 

Love, your Frankie. 

You ran your fingers over the lettering, memorizing how Frankie wrote every single word. Maybe, maybe it was time to open up. The worst that could happen was rejection. 

Scooping your phone up, you texted Frankie back. 

You: Tomorrow at 4, that’s when they discharge me. Get here early tho, I have some stuff to explain.

The next twenty four hours were hell for the both of you. You were both plagued by so much anxiety it was hard to do even the most basic of tasks, but you managed. Eventually, you received the text you’d been dreading all day. 

Fish: I’m here. Visiting room B. 

You took a deep breath. All your personal belongings were in a drawstring bag you put over your shoulder. You headed out of your room and slowly down the hall, towards the visiting room. 

Opening the door was the hardest thing you’d ever done. 

Once you’d opened the door, you stopped in the doorway, taking Frankie in. 

He looked exactly the same as he did in his photos. Tall, handsome, kind. He smiled upon seeing you, and you swore your heart stopped. 

“Hello,” Frankie said, moving towards you and holding out his hand.

Hello you signed, waiting for Frankie’s reaction. 

He paused, his hand falling to his side. “Mute?” 

You nodded. 

Frankie simply smiled again. “So that’s why you don’t like phone calls,” he said. “It’s okay. I know some ASL.” He paused, taking you in. “Can I hug you?” 

Yes please.

He wrapped you in a warm hug, allowing you to collapse into him. Months of text messages and listening to his voice mails were nothing compared to this. 

Eventually, he pulled away, and you two sat on the uncomfortable couch. 

“So what’s with the tube?” Frankie asked, gesturing to your face. 

You pulled a whiteboard out of your bag and began to write, going slowly so you spelled everything right. 

I have a condition called gastroparesis. My stomach is paralyzed and won’t move food to my intestines. I “eat” through a port in my side and this tube in my nose leads to my stomach, so whatever I drink can be drained out. I went mute before I got diagnosed with this.

“Oh.” Frankie blinked a few times. “So I guess dinner is off the table too.” 

You snorted, laughing as best you could with no voice. No dinner. you signed happily. But a movie would be nice.

“A movie it is,” Frankie said, standing. “C’mon. I’ve got a bunch of movies at my place. And I think the boys are coming over tonight.” 

You stood, following Frankie to his beat up old truck. He talked your ear off about all sorts of things while he drove home, and it wasn’t until he’d pulled into the driveway that you’d remembered his hat. 

Close your eyes. You signed, digging around in your bag. 

Frankie did, laughing when you snuggly placed his hat on his head. 

“Thank you,” he said, taking your hands. “I was really worried you’d catfished me at first. I didn’t know what to think when you didn’t want to call or meet. I dunno, I just thought you weren’t, y’know, you.” 

You shook your head, pulling your hands out of his. I wouldn’t dream of it.

Frankie smiled. “I love you.” 

I love you too Fish.

That night was the happiest you’d been in years. Frankie’s friends were all amazing people, and all three of them immediately overlooked your muteness and illness. You were happy and Frankie was happy. To them, that was all that mattered. 

“So Fish,” Santiago said, leaning across the couch to nudge Frankie’s bicep. “Aren’t you glad we forced you to download that dating app?” 

Frankie looked at you, curled up under his other arm, sipping water and waiting for the feed bag with your dinner in it to finish draining into your port. You looked up at him, smiling and nestling closer. 

“Yeah. I am.”

[shhh-no-ones-home]

party planning committee marcus moreno x reader

+++++++++

this is a story in four parts, youll see what i mean when you read it but i wasnt exactly sure how i wanted to do this at first and thats just sort of what i landed on. but i think it kind of works.

He asks for your help to plan missy's birthday party since he still really has no idea how to do the whole girl party thing

Song: island in the sun by weezer

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

i moved to knock on the door when i heard a loud crashing sound, startling me. i knocked quickly and loudly after that, waiting for a moment before opening the door.

"marcus?!"

i yelled, looking around the living room.

"missy?"

i asked, stepping further into the house. when i made it to the kitchen i sighed in relief, my hand going to my chest as i saw marcus stood over the sink with a mixing bowl in his hand, a few other stainless steel appliances strewn about.

"marcus?"

i asked lightly and he jumped, looking to me and breathing deeply.

"jesus y/n, you scared me."

he said shaking his head. i walked closer to the counter.

"i knocked but i heard a loud noise and got worried. im just glad to see youre not hurt."

i stated, turning one of the bowls upright. he shook his head.

"well my pride is a little hurt but im glad youre looking out for me."

he said, looking from me to the paper sat on the counter. i furrowed my brows, looking over the island to see what it was. i laughed when i realized he was trying to make a cake.

"marcus what are you doing?"

i asked, picking it up and shaking the flower off of it. he sent me a bashful smile.

"well, i was trying to make a cake for missy's birthday but i guess that ship sailed a while ago."

he said, looking around to the mess he had worked so hard on. i shook my head, waving my hand in the air and everything picking itself back upright, the empty bowls stacking together and the powders on the counter making their way into a pile.

"here, let me help."

°°°°°°°°°

"Okay, now that the cake is done, what else did you need help with?"

I asked, wiping my hands on the kitchen towel and looking to him expectantly. He sighed.

"All of it actually."

He said, shaking his head and walking to the table. I raised a brow and followed him.

"Marcus you make it sound like you've never had a birthday party for missy before."

I said with a laugh and he sent me a look, turning his datapad on.

"I know but I never did any of this, it was always her mom. And last year be both just agreed on no party, just take time to be together instead."

I nodded as I sat beside him.

"I know how much you both miss her, hell I find myself missing her sometimes too. She really was the best part of the team, even without powers."

I lamented, looking to my hands now folded in front of me on the table.

"I just wish things were easier."

He said and I nodded in agreement.

"I'm sure they'll get there, one day at a time. But you gotta work at it, like today. You've already successfully made a cake."

I pointed out and he laughed.

"Yeah, and without your help that probably would've ended very badly."

I laughed too, shaking my head.

"Baking really isn't for everyone."

I said and he side nodded, opening a planning sheet in his tablet.

"You can say that again."

He mumbled, turning it to show me.

"This is what I have so far, and everything she wanted."

He said and I nodded, reading through it.

"This is her twelfth birthday, and she's finally made more friends, thanks to the heroics program. I just want this to be a special one for her."

He said and I sent him a small smile.

"So, did she give you this invite list, or did you make it yourself?"

I asked and he looked at me funny.

"Both?"

He asked and I laughed a little bit.

"Okay, that's good, I guess. Cause it's her party so you want to make sure you're inviting people she likes to talk to and hang out with."

He nodded in understanding.

"Right. I did run it by her but i sent the cards out already, time wasnt really on my side for this one."

He said bashfully and I nodded once.

"thats Okay, it looks like you at least have a theme done. That's good. List of essentials. Oh okay. now let's look at what you have planned."

I scrolled down and stopped, sending him a look. So far he just had 'sleepover?' he let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his neck.

"A sleepover?"

I asked and he shrugged, slouching a little defeated.

"Yeah I don't know. It just seemed like a good idea. She used to have them all the time. But again, I never really did any of that stuff."

I nodded, tapping the screen and deleting his idea.

"Here, how about this: a pool party. I know you're a master of the grill, you could invite all the heroic kids and their parents over and have a barbeque. The kids can swim. It'll be a good time."

I suggested and he nodded, a wide smile on his face.

"That actually sounds like a really good idea y/n."

He said and I sent him a knowing smile.

"we can run that by missy too, just to make sure, we only have a few days after all and we need time to notify the guests that weve changed things."

°°°°°°°°°

when the big day finally came i was awoken from my spot on the couch to missy jumping down the stairs excitedly, a wide smile across her face as she dug in the fridge for something for breakfast. i had spent the night to help marcus decorate and was definitely regretting staying up as late as we did.

"morning."

she said in a chipper tone and i offered her a smile as i sat up.

"morning."

i said a little groggy, looking back over to the stairs as marcus trudged down them too, a tired look on his face.

"morning."

he groaned, going straight to the coffee pot and pouring a cup. i laughed a little at him as i stood up, stretching out.

"ready to get cooking?"

i asked, pulling my sweater on. i hadnt expected to sleep over so i was still in the clothes i had worn over. he just sent me a look, missy eating at the table now and nodding quickly.

"why did we make this thing for one oclock again?"

he asked playfully and missy sent him a look.

"youre the one who agreed to the pool party."

she pointed out and he made an 'o' shape with his mouth, making missy and i both laugh as i joined her at the table.

"alright, let me go get dressed and then we will start cooking."

°°°°°°°°°

when the party was finally over and everything was cleaned up i looked to marcus, drying the last of the dishes and putting them away quietly.

"what ya thinking about?"

i asked, leaning into the island and watching him intently. he frowned at me for a second.

"do you think she really had fun today?"

he said, looking over to the couch. after all the guests had left missy had showered and changed, and after having aloe applied generously to her sunburnt face, fell into a deep sleep sitting on the couch. i smiled, remembering what she had said to me earlier when she came in to get a drink.

"well considering she thanked earlier for making her birthday a special one for both of you im gonna go with yes."

i said, him finally smiling back at me as he put the last dish away.

"she really said that?"

he asked and i nodded.

"it was mentioned."

he sent me a look.

"she had said that not only was she having fun, but she was just happy to see you enjoying yourself again too. all the heroics laughing and having a good time next to their kids also having a good time; you really made a difference today."

he shook his head.

"okay, and what about you?"

i raised a brow.

"what about me?"

"did you have a good time today?"

he asked pointedly and i sighed out a laugh.

"yes Marcus, i had a very good time today."

i confirmed and he nodded once.

"good, because i would feel so bad if you hadnt. youve helped me so much here lately, i think you deserve it the most out of all of us."

i shook my head at him amused.

"thanks, but i doubt that."

he swallowed hard, furrowing his brows.

"no no don't say that, you work twice as hard as the rest of us. i just wish you could see that."

i looked to the ceiling for a moment before standing up and stretching.

"well if thats true then i think i deserve some sleep. though it has been fun, it has been one long day."

he nodded once.

"want to stay the night again? you can sleep upstairs in my room tonight if you want, i think missy has kind of taken over your spot."

he said with a laugh.

"i probably shouldnt, i need to get home, i gotta get my mail water my plants, all that jazz."

he watched me with a light gaze as i gathered up my things.

"well, im glad you could come over. and if you want to come back tomorrow for lunch-"

"id love that marcus."

i said and he smiled at me, a small blush visibly rising to his face.

"its a date?"

he asked, walking to the door with me. i thought for a second and nodded.

"yeah, its a date."

i said, his smile getting wider as i stepped outside.

"ill text you what time ill be over."

"ill be waiting."

[katzirra]

Waiting for the place to give me my file list from my hand drive recovery. Made an omelet with asparagus and bacon, and gave the boys a tiny bit for being good this morning and letting me sleep in past 8:06...

Hannibal woke me up with very loudly aggressively loving face rubs which is new, and has been demanding attention all morning by soft paw grabbing and holding my hand while cooking, also new. Usually he's very independent and wants nothing to do with us.

Still concerned with his audible breathing when he's SLIGHTLY distressed, for a cat with obvious anxiety, and when he's picked up or sitting/laying weird. It's very noticeable, and I'm wondering if it has to do with his nasal bridge being a tad flat.

Trying to manifest a good mood. I'm having a big existential crisis about being alive.

Which, I'll just throw that under a cut and pair it with an apology. 🤙✨

I feel like I have no purpose or meaning. Having a lot of those "why bother/what's the point" moments about a lot of things which...the depth of those feelings isn't just apathetic like most people experience? For me it's very much a red flag, so that's been fun. Usually it's doing something as simple as doing something nice for myself, thinking why bother, and having to ARGUE with myself why it matters. Like...having to validate EVERYTHING I do these days is exhausting. Honestly, it's been a low simmer scary JUST KEEP SWIMMING the last few months. But everything I feel is too much to talk to anyone about, and it doesn't HELP me to. It's me. It's my brain. It's scary and I don't like looking the beast directly in the face when people want me to open up. My demon, my problem, trust me when I say I'm trying and that I'm sincere when I say sorry I'm not all here or present.

I'm, like torn between wanting to message my friend first to talk about shit, but I'm also refusing because I was hurt and the comment about shit being too much to read just resonates in my brain yelling "you're not worth their time and effort, you dumb bitch!" because my brain has a FIELD day with that shit. Its.... Kicking a dead horse, repeating myself anyway probably. It hasn't seemed to stick after the last year of me apologizing monthly because I'm just a shit friend who is too busy working and trying to not kill myself. Suicide ideation is a thing, and it SUCKS when it's as invasive as it is for intruding thoughts. But I'll keep apologizing because I feel guilty for not being good enough. Present enough. Engaging enough. Because maybe that time it'll stick??

They'll probably be better off without me making them feel bad because I don't put in enough effort I guess? Which also just hurts because I know online I'm standoffish these days, so I put the extra effort into being a good host I thought and I hoped that mattered. I just feel like no matter what I'm doomed to disappoint them? So I don't mean they'd be better off in a dismissive way, it's a legit...way I think. Like I'm obviously causing distress, and yelling at me won't fix it because it makes me recoil emotionally. So maybe I'm just a bad friend in reality and it is what it is. I'm sorry so many people have fucked me up about inter personal relationships?? I don't know what to do this time because that stupid fight cut me very deep in core values in myself.

It...Fucked me up. And whether that's important to them or not, or whether it has an repercussive weight, whatever. We've both been hurt by people, and been there as much as we'd let eachother. I've tried to be crazy supportive in the last bout of shit they went through. Because I love a bitch, and they matter immensely to me, and I know I suffered alone through a LOT of things like that and know it sucks. I offered my home, attention and time any time I could give it.. Being told i don't give as much as them set weird on my heart in light of that. It hurt.

Idk...And maybe I'm just some dramatic bitch or whatever I guess. Doesn't matter. I matter, my feelings matter. I'm mentally ill and I fucking bust my ass to deal with it, AND be a loving and supportive fixture in people's lives. I suck, sure. But I'm ALWAYS there for people.

I mention I'm depressed or angry at life, sure, but the layers of distress aren't...on display? It's my shit to deal with, if I bring it up, it's for benefit of people knowing why I'm withdrawn usually. I don't talk about myself much anymore because everything is too much and I just start venting. And people don't care that deeply about how fucked up my head is. Or I over share too much. Or yeah, it's a lot to read and I start babbling because the cork is off and I HURT inside just being alive anymore. I don't feel like I'm living my life for me these days. I don't feel alive. I feel stagnant. I'm biding time for SOMETHING to happen??

Yet I'm constantly apologizing to people for not being able to do basic shit, that I'm upfront about being difficult for some dumb reason. I'm always having to explain myself to people. I am in this bubble so often of feeling like I was made wrong, a mistake, missing something important.

Or that I'm a bad person. I'm too open, too closed, withdrawn, outgoing - I can never seem to get the ratio right. And its the kind of discussion I feel leans into self pity and attention grabbing but it's...something I internally struggle with every week and keep to myself.

Oh Kat, get a psychiatrist - I dont know that it would help, honestly. I know 90% of my thoughts and fears are irrational, and pointless. But I know they have valid backing in trauma that I have mostly dealt with, and am unlearning. But I also know I see through people, can identify those markers, and understand outcomes way too easy and that ALSO makes people mad. So. What the fuck is a shrink gonna do for me? My depression is a background white noise to this stuff, and it's honestly just bullshit I deal with. I'm not keen on medication, I'm sure it would help quiet my brain, but I've been dealing with this shit almost 20 years now, ita just the added drama and bullshit from people that exacerbates the emotional brain rash, for lack of a better phrasing. My issues are all behavioral and some depression and anxiety in the mix that I manage.

For all I'm told people understand ahit wrong with me, it sure is something I repeatedly get bitched at over, honestly. And I partially get it, I also find it frustrating. But I've been battling depression since I was 12/13 and learning to stop thinking certain things only since 21, and that's the harder part. I'm not the person people think I am, I wish I was anymore. That bitch died in 2011/2012. That fissure in my foundation fucked me UP. The shaking I had one or two years ago, didn't help.

To be transparently honest the whole shitstorm two weeks ago really hit some raw nerves I'm trying to deal with, and not doing well. Because the more times that nerve is hit the more I don't feel like a valuable person and that I'm wasting people's time. But the reason I'm yelled at is that I am a valuable person, and they want more of my time in a way?? I don't know what people want from me.

Waves hand dismissively - they're being sweethearts by the back door for now.

I'm in a weird place emotionally and mentally. I don't feel alive. I don't feel real. I don't feel valid or... I don't know. Nothing I say or so actually matters in my own life or experiences. I can be an amazing person with communication and intention but it doesn't matter if the other person doesn't care, it's like arguing online.

You can have a valid discussion and someone can just say "you're a fucking moron, I'm not listening to this" and you can't do anything.

I just wasted two hours organizing my thoughts qnd emotions into a post that I'll delete in a week. What a great use of my time. I'm juat exhausted.

I turn 31 tomorrow and is rather be dead lmao. I'm so tired of the weight of being alive and aware of the world and people around me. About being considerate and kind to everyone and it's never god damn enough. I bleed myself dry emotionally for everyone and run my mental battery into the ground qnd it's never enough. It's never going to BE enough. I don't want mental.break downs and emotional roller-coasters. I want friends that understand I'm scatterbrained and severely damaged and abused and I'm TRYING. I'm sorry it's never good enough.

I'm so fucking tired these days. I just want to disappear. I want to have an actual breakdown and cry

I haven't actually cried in years. I.... Mm. I feel like.im a shell. I'm so tired. I'm trying AO hard to be a good person and functional and I'm just constantly having more dished and I'm just...what is my purpose qnd point these days. I can't even make people happy.

Tomorrow I'll turn 31. It'll be like any other day. 👍✨

[kissjane]

DELAYED DATE / Short(ish) fic

#12 from this prompt list.

TW / Mental illness, mention of suicide (but no actual attempt)

We dated in high school but then you moved away but now you’re back in town

“Have you guys heard?”

Basile came running towards them, ten minutes late for the gang’s weekly pizza night. As soon as he was near enough, he came to a skidding halt, bent double, his hands on his knees, his face red and ruddy, taking in gulps of oxygen while he tried to tell them his big news.

“Daphné told me, she heard from Imane, who had it from Sofiane, so that must mean it’s true, because obviously Sofiane would not just make something like that up, would he? Anyway, so Daphné heard it this morning when the girls went all shopping together, and she came over to my place to tell me just as I was about to leave, so that’s why I’m late, sorry about that, guys, have you ordered yet? You remembered to leave off the mushrooms on mine, right? Anyway, so what do you think about it, huh?”

He looked around expectantly.

“Baz, my man,” Arthur said, shaking his head fondly but exasperatedly, “why don’t you sit down first, and then tell us this piece of bombshell gossip Daphné thought was more important than pizza with your friends.”

Basile did as suggested, and then looked around again with aplomb, eager to share his news.

“Eliott is back in town!”

Silence fell, as Yann and Arthur glanced over at Lucas.

“Eliott Demaury?”, Yann asked after a long beat.

“Of course, Eliott Demaury, do we know any other Eliotts?”

Basile was so extraordinarily proud of surprising his friends with his announcement that he completely missed how Lucas suddenly had gone pale.

“We should text him, ask him if he wants to hang out again, like before!”

Lucas noticed how Yann elbowed Basile in the arm while Arthur frantically shook his head, and it made him feel bad. If the boys wanted to hang out with Eliott again, they should be able to. But Yann knew, and Arthur could probably guess, that Lucas would very much prefer not to. But whether Basile tried to set something up or not, chances were Lucas would run into Eliott at some point anyway.

“Yeah, sure,” he therefore said. Better to meet him with Yann there for emotional support, than running into him alone and when he was least expecting it. This way, he could prepare.

But not enough, it turned out, when Basile immediately took out his phone, and before anyone realized what was going on, announced gleefully, “That’s arranged! He’s coming over.”

Lucas choked on his own saliva, and a worried look appeared in Yann’s eyes, but the damage was done, and when a familiar figure walked up a few minutes later, Lucas took a big gulp of air and hoped for the best.

“Hi,” a hesitant voice came, and Lucas had to close his eyes against the memories crashing over him.

Eliott calling him late at night, his voice warm with sleep.

Eliott whispering nonsensical words in Lucas’ hair, against Lucas’ skin.

Eliott breathing out Lucas’ name into Lucas’ mouth, his lips taking on the shapes with Eliott’s.

“Hey,” he crooked, willing himself to act normally, to just greet him like an old friend he hadn’t seen in a while.

And why wouldn’t he? Of course, he had had the biggest crush on Eliott for most of the time they’d known each other, and Eliott had definitely given him the impression it had been reciprocated, until he had just disappeared – but nobody needed to know that.

Only Yann knew the full story – he had confronted Lucas one night, a few weeks after Eliott had left. Lucas had barely left his room for days, not speaking, eating only because Manon forced him. When he finally came back to school, he had been silent, withdrawn, and pale, and he snapped at the boys a couple of times for no reason. And then Yann had shown up, demanding answers, and Lucas had broken down and cried his heart out, telling his best friend about his whirlwind romance with Eliott, and the bitter taste it had left when Eliott had just packed up and left, not answering Lucas’ attempts at communication.

He would have sworn, only this morning, that he was definitely over Eliott Demaury, after three years – although maybe his glaring lack of any boyfriends in that time might suggest otherwise. Oh, sure, he’d kissed the occasional guy here and there, but nothing serious. And now, seeing Eliott, watching his grey eyes shine and his hands gesture wildly, he was forced to admit that the reason nothing ever went further was that he was the farthest thing away from being over him.

Basile was already jumping around Eliott like a young puppy, bouncing up and down, asking him how he was, what was going on, whether he was back for good, where he had been, why he had moved without notifying any of them – all in rapid-fire, without giving the older boy a chance to reply.

Finally, Eliott spoke up.

“It’s not the happiest story, but if you guys are up for it, I would like to tell you all.”

He stared straight at Lucas, and Lucas needed to turn his head, afraid of falling for Eliott all over at the slightest opportunity. He steeled himself not to believe any of his beautiful words this time, not to walk into his trap again.

But Yann nodded solemnly, and Eliott gangly sat down, folding his long limbs and hunching his shoulders.

“So, uh, I am bipolar. I don’t know if you guys know, but it’s a mental disorder…”

A silence fell. They all knew what that meant. Lucas had finally told the gang about his mom’s admission into the mental ward in their last year, and Basile had told them about his mom’s mental illness.

“We know,” Arthur said. “That sucks.”

“Uh, okay, yeah, it does. So we didn’t know at the time, but a lot of the stuff I did at my old school was due to episodes. It’s also why I failed my bac and got expelled from my other school and came to your high school. But like I said, nobody knew at the time and so, one day, I went into a manic stage and I tried to jump off a rooftop because I thought I could fly. A police agent managed to talk into me enough to get me down safely, and I got brought into the station. They called my parents, and they thought I had tried to commit suicide – which wasn’t true. I had everything to live for, and I wouldn’t want to give up –”

He looked at Lucas again. So did Yann. Both sets of eyes were trying to gauge what Lucas was thinking, feeling, but Lucas was numb.

“Anyway. They had me admitted into a psych ward near Le Havre, where they had moved to a few months earlier, that same night. I couldn’t keep my phone or anything, I couldn’t contact anybody, I –”

Again, his eyes found Lucas, pleading.

“I wanted to call you so badly, I swear, but they wouldn’t let me, and then when they finally gave me my phone back, it was weeks later, after they had diagnosed me, and I just – I thought you would be better off without me. Or that you would have forgotten me, or had moved on, and so I just… didn’t.”

Lucas saw Eliott’s eyes shine with something different now, as if he was blinking back tears. He wasn’t sure his own eyes looked any better.

It remained silent for a while. The boys looked from one to the other, unsure what was going on.

“So why are you back now, then?”, Yann asked, when nobody else made a move.

“The simple reason is that I finally got accepted into the Arts program at the University of Paris,” he answered, but his eyes still never left Lucas.

Yann nudged him with his elbow, willing him to ask the obvious reason, but Lucas was still too much in shock to do so.

In the end, it was Arthur who finally broke the heavy tension.

“And the complicated reason?”

Eliott took a deep breath.

“I had to leave something behind I never wanted to leave. Or someone, rather. Someone who I hadn’t even known all that long, but who meant everything to me. Someone who I missed every goddamn day I was out there. Who I have written thousands of texts to, and deleted them all, who I wanted to call millions of times, but never did. Someone I made so many drawings for over the years I could barely get them all to Paris with me – I just hope he gives me a chance to show them to him one day.”

“Sound like someone pretty important,” Yann said, when Eliott’s voice broke.

“The most important person I ever met,” Eliott agreed. “I loved him then, and I hate the fact that I never got to tell him, so I just hope I get to tell him now.”

“Do you – still?”, Lucas whispered. “Love him?”

Eliott nodded. “I never stopped. Please, Lucas,” he said, suddenly giving up all the pretense, beseeching him, “I swear I never meant to hurt you, it all happened so fast, and I know I am years too late, and you probably have somebody else by now, I just – I need you to believe me. I fell in love with you the first day I saw you walking the hallway at school, and I never stopped.”

Basile gasped.

“You are in love with Lucas? Our Lucas?”

“Oh, come on, Baz,” Arthur said as he stood up. “Let’s go get pizza. You coming, Yann?”

And as Basile still protested indignantly – “But I didn’t know! Lucas never said anything!” – Arthur and Yann dragged him along, the latter winking over his shoulder at Lucas.

As Basile’s voice finally died down, Lucas lifted his eyes to Eliott’s, and then dropped them to his mouth almost immediately.

“Lucas?”, Eliott said tentatively, gingerly reaching out a hand to Lucas’ shoulder.

“You drew for me?”

He didn’t know why he came up with that, after everything Eliott had said, but he was rewarded when Eliott smiled.

“Hundreds of times. Hundreds of happy hedgehogs and raccoons.”

Lucas smiled.

“Do you… I mean, maybe… If you wanted… You could come with me and I could show them to you?”

Eliott’s tone was hopeful, but cautious, and suddenly Lucas didn’t want to waste another minute. He’d pined over Eliott for years, and here he was. Nobody could predict the future, but tonight, he wasn’t going to let Eliott slip away.

“Only if I can stay the night,” he said, softly, and he laughed as Eliott’s eyes went wide and his breath hitched.

“I can’t wait until we get there to kiss you,” Eliott replied just as softly, when he was sufficiently recovered.

“Please don’t.”

And when their lips found each other again after all those years, they both knew it was going to take a while to get to the drawings – but neither of them overly minded.

[st-crylo]

Rebound

Part 2

A/N: I’m gonna try to keep this updated weekly, especially since the response to it has been so good :,). Thank you guys so much, I really appreciate y’all for taking time to read my fics!!

Warnings: mostly just swearing, alcohol mention, tobacco use, infidelity

Word Count: 6.2K

Tagging:@haylaansmi @nankstasty @thomasscresswell

Masterlist

As you walked through the door, you saw your mom waiting for you in the kitchen, reading some article in a magazine. When she heard the door close, she looked up and smiled at you.

“How was the first day back?” she asked, a little too enthusiastically.

“Not terrible. Made some new friends,” you replied before heading up the stairs to your room, trying to avoid any more questions. You didn’t want to have to lie to your mom about the new friends you’d made, especially since she saw Kylo how everyone else did. 

Closing the door to your room, you heaved a sigh before throwing your backpack onto the ground, and plopping down on your bed, pulling out your phone to see an email. Curious, you opened the notification, then groaned when you saw who the sender was.

(y/n), we really need to talk. I understand that you probably have me blocked, so I had to go to drastic measures. As much as there is I want to say to you, a lot of it can’t be said over an email. However, I do think you should know that I really don’t think you should be hanging out with Ben Solo. He’s not the kind of person someone like you should hang around, and he’s nothing more than a common criminal. I’m only looking out for you. I love you, Shawn.

You wanted to throw your phone across the room, scream at the top of your lungs, and maybe break something. The rage inside you was boiling hot, and you felt like a kettle, left on the stove too long. What kind of desperate asshole decides an email is a great way to contact the girl you cheated on? Why did he even expect a response from you? Most importantly, how dare he claim to love you. The whole thing had you heated, but you held your composure as you deleted the email, and pulled the little slip of paper with Kylo’s number on it out. 

You stared at the number, and thought about Kylo’s idea. If you were being completely honest, Shawn’s email made you consider it more seriously. After all, it was obvious that the idea of you even hanging around Kylo set something off in him. If the two of you were to “date,” he would probably lose his shit. Admittedly, the idea of watching Shawn implode like that would be kinda fun. 

At the same time, you didn’t know this person. Not Kylo, you’d known him so long, even though today seemed more like a reintroduction instead of a reunion. No, you weren’t sure you knew who you were. You’d never wished ill upon someone like this, and certainly never considered going through with something so major in order to upset someone. That had never really been your style, and you’d always looked down at people who did stuff like that.

But did you really know yourself at all?

You’d been with Shawn for three years, all of high school, really. Those were the most formative years of your life, and they’d been shaped by your boyfriend. Were you really this suburban good girl, who only had good friends, had never even been to a high school party, and certainly never rebelled against even her parents? Or were those things that Shawn had shaped you to be? After all, the more you thought about it, the more you realised his opinions had affected a lot of the way you acted. So now, you were left at an impasse. Were you really who you’d acted as your first three years of high school, or were you someone else entirely that you’d never gotten to discover?

You created a contact for Kylo on your phone, and typed up a message.

What exactly would us “dating” entail?

You started at the screen of your phone as you watched the dots appear as Kylo started texting back. There was a little bit of anxiety in your chest, but the idea of “dating” Kylo filled you with a sense of thrill as well. 

We wouldn’t be “dating” right away. We’d pretend to flirt for a while and then start dating. Do basic couple shit at school, but especially wherever him or his little friends can see.

Made sense. It wouldn’t be smart to jump straight to dating, that would be too suspicious. Admittedly, you weren’t entirely sure how to flirt, but you were sure you could get some advice somewhere. You pulled up your keyboard to respond.

We should also make sure to go on dates, too. That way, we can convince your parents we’re dating too. 

After all, Kylo had to have something in it as well, and he said he wanted to convince his parents he was improving. 

Shit, I forgot about that. I’ll have to bring you around Gran and Granpa too, if that’s okay with you.

Yeah, that’s fine. 

So is that a yes?

You thought for a moment. Was this really the decision you wanted to make? Then, you thought about the picture, and thought about the email.

Hell yeah.

***

The next morning, you didn’t have to fight so hard to get out of bed. You actually took the time to throw on some jeans instead of leggings. Most importantly, your heart didn’t feel so heavy. It was like you finally had an inkling of hope in the form of revenge. Looking out of your bedroom window, you noticed how the sky was still overcast, but there was no rain. However, just to be on the safe side, you threw on your jacket and made sure to bring your umbrella. 

Walking down the steps, you peeked into the kitchen from the top of the stairs, making sure the coast was clear before continuing your descent. Your dad was there, sipping his morning coffee and reading something on his phone, but your mom was nowhere in sight. Letting out a small sigh of relief, you continued down the stairs, noticing your lunch bag and a small note on the island.

“Morning, (y/n),” your dad said, not looking up from his phone. 

“Morning,” you responded before picking up the note. 

Morning, dear. I had to head to work early today, but I went ahead and packed your lunch. Have a good day at school! Love, mom.

A small frown pulled the corners of your mouth down a little. You loved your mom, but she had been trying too hard to cheer you up instead of letting you simply wallow in your misery for a couple of days. You neatly folded the note and put it in your pocket before taking your lunch off the counter. 

“Bye, dad,” you said as you headed for the front door. Your dad gave you a final wave goodbye before you opened the door, heading out into the world.

Unsurprisingly, Kylo was sitting there, presumably waiting for you as he leaned against the back of his Mustang, smoking his morning cigarette. He must’ve been out there for a while, because he dropped the butt onto the ground before stomping it out and picking it back up. When he came back up, he noticed you and smiled.

“Want another ride?” He asked, standing straight and running a hand through his long hair. 

“Beats walking,” you said, walking up to the Skywalker driveway and climbing into the car as Kylo threw his cigarette butt away. Kylo climbed in next, starting the car as soon as he closed the door.  

“So my uncle told Gran and Granpa that you and I have been hanging out,” Kylo started as he pulled out of the driveway. “Can you believe they already want you over for dinner?”

You shook your head with a smile on your face. Even though they were your next door neighbors, you hadn’t really spoken to Kylo’s grandparents. “Sounds like fun. When?”

“Friday,” Kylo responded

You simply nodded in response before staring out of the passenger window. Then, you remembered.

“Do you want to hear about something Shawn sent to me yesterday?” you asked, turning to Kylo. He furrowed his brows in confusion as he glanced at you from his peripherals. 

“Did you not block him?” he asked, the same confusion he wore on his face mixed into his tone.

“No, I did. He sent me this through email, if you can believe it,” you said.

“Go ahead, I’m all ears,” he replied.

You recalled the contents of the email to the best of your ability, and as you did, you watched Kylo’s knuckles slowly turn white as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. 

“And after all of that, he has the nerve to say he loves me? After everything he’s put me through, he has the balls to say he loves me? Apparently not, if he’s perfectly okay sticking his tongue down some other girl’s throat,” you said with an angry huff, as tears threatened to fall. They weren’t sad tears, however. No, these were the tears of pure unbridled rage that only became realized when you talked about the situation out loud. It was weird, but admittedly the feeling was welcome. You were tired of being sad, and angry was a much better improvement. At least with anger you could stop moping around.

“I hate that shit,” Kylo commented as he stopped at the red light at the end of the neighborhood. “They always try to tell you they love you, but if they loved you they wouldn’t have cheated in the first place. Fuck that.” 

“My sentiments exactly.” There was another good thing about Kylo; he could relate to you. You knew that none of your friends had ever been cheated on before, so it was a lot harder to talk to them about it. Kylo, though, he knew the pain, the resentment, everything. He would know exactly how you were feeling and not make any judgments-not that he would do it whether or not he’d experienced it anyways. It was such a different change of scenery, it was honestly refreshing. 

Not that you didn’t love your friends, you treasured them dearly. There was just something about knowing someone who’d had the same experiences as you.

The light turned green and Kylo drove forward into the school parking lot, maneuvering into his spot. When he placed the car in park, there was a small ding from his phone, and he grabbed it, checking the notification.

“Milo’s gonna drop Sami and Alan off, so they’re gonna hang with us before class. Means you can meet Milo,” Kylo said before texting a reply. You didn’t know why, but you had a really good feeling about Milo. After all, he was a friend of Kylo’s. 

It was about five minutes later when a grey Honda Civic pulled up beside the two of you. Needless to say, that was not what you were expecting. You watched as Sami and Alan stepped out of the Honda Civic, followed by who you assumed was Milo.

He was maybe an inch taller than Kylo, his hair bleached white with dark brown barely peeking out at the roots of his hair. He had a cigarette between his lips, and you wondered if that was where Kylo had picked up the habit. When Kylo rolled down your window, he leaned against the car and peered in through the window while Alan and Sami climbed into the backseat behind the driver’s seat. Once they were in the back, Kylo set the seat back, settling in and closing the door. 

“You must be (y/n),” he said, holding out his hand to you. You shook his hand and smiled up at him.

“That’s me,” you answered before dropping your hand onto your lap. 

“So, are we still on for Friday?” Milo asked, turning to Kylo. Kylo frowned before letting out a sigh.

“Shit, I forgot. Told my grandparents that me and (y/n) would have dinner with them. If you wanna go later though, I can probably sneak out,” Kylo responded, running a hand through his hair.

“That’s fine, just don’t get caught. Wanna come along too, (y/n)? Sami, Alan, Phasma, and Pat are coming,” Milo said, turning back to you.

“Where exactly?” you asked, turning to Kylo.

“Jordan’s place, she graduated with Milo. She’s having a kickback before heading to Coruscant for college,” Kylo explained.

“I don’t want to intrude,” you started, a little uncomfortable about being invited to the house of someone you didn’t know.

“If you go, Kylo might not have to sneak out,” Sami suggested from the back. “Besides, Jordan’s really chill, I think you’d like her.”

“How would her going with me make it to where I don’t have to sneak out?” Kylo asked, turning around to face Sami.

“Well, no one really expects (y/n) to go to a party. She could just tell your grandparents that the two of you are going to study,” Sami offered. As you thought it over, it was a pretty decent idea. You didn’t really have the party reputation, and everyone knew it. 

“I’m game,” you answered. Kylo looked at you with a look of surprise, but simply shrugged as he pulled out a cigarette from the box.

“Sick. I’ll see you Friday then. I gotta go, I have a shift in thirty minutes. See ya, Alan, bye babe!” Milo said before blowing a kiss to Sami. She smiled back at him and waved goodbye as he climbed back into his car, driving off out of the parking lot.

“Oh, (y/n), you might wanna tell your parents you’re staying at my place on Friday night,” Sami said as Kylo lit his cigarette. “Jordan usually has drinks at her ‘kickbacks.’” You nodded as you looked back at her.

“So did he ask you yet?” came Alan’s voice, his eyes refusing to leave the screen of his phone.

“As a matter of fact,” Kylo said after taking the first drag of his cig. “I did. Me and (y/n) are planning to ‘date.’ And Sami thought I wouldn’t have the balls.” He blew the smoke out of the window, before taking another drag.

“I never said that,” Sami said with a frown. “I just said that your explanation of your plan seemed a little lacking. I’m glad you agreed, though, (y/n). Shawn’s a piece of shit.” 

“You’re telling me,” you said as you let out a sigh. “Can’t wait to see the look on his smug little face when I start ‘dating’ someone he hates. Wasn’t aware that Kylo shared his plan with everyone, though.” A small flush arose in Kylo’s cheeks, and he didn’t make eye contact with you.

“You would be surprised, when he’s not being an emo prick, he won’t shut the fuck up,” Alan added, looking up with a smirk. Kylo looked back at him with his brows furrowed. 

“Like you’re one to talk,” Kylo huffed out. He finished up the last of his cigarette before checking the clock. It was 8:00 already.

“Shit, let’s get going, punks,” Sami said, lightly kicking the back of Kylo’s seat.

“Fuck, I’m getting out. Hand me my bag,” Kylo said as he tossed the cigarette butt into the car’s ashtray. Without warning, a black backpack went flying towards Kylo and hit him on the chest. “Fuck you, Sami.” He grabbed his bag by the straps and stepped out of the car, bringing the seat forward so Sami and Alan could climb out. You stepped out of the car and closed the door behind you, putting your backpack onto your shoulders while you waited for everyone to step out. Kylo walked forward first and you fell into step beside him.

As the four of you walked into the building, you could feel people turn to stare at you, and you remembered your reputation. You weren’t the kind of girl to hang out with Kylo Ren and his ilk, you were one of the good girls. A small voice in the back of your head resented that. 

Alan split off pretty quickly, bidding his farewell before heading to his first class. Sami was next, saying she wanted to be early to art, so she said her goodbye before speeding away. 

“Guess I’ll see you at lunch,” Kylo said as the two of you parted, and you headed for your econ class. 

Much like yesterday, the pace of which your first two classes moved was painfully slow. You weren’t surprised, the first day of actual class was horrible, but you tried to stay focused and take notes. Whenever you got distracted, though, you kept thinking about the plan you and Kylo had established. It felt like the perfect revenge, “dating” someone Shawn hated. However, the more you thought about it, the more you wondered why exactly Shawn hated Kylo. Kylo had said it was because he’d punched Shawn, but you felt like there was something there that you were missing, some truth that Kylo didn’t want to say.

You couldn’t worry about it too much, though. It was Kylo’s business, and you didn’t want to pry if he didn’t want to tell you exactly what had happened. You definitely weren’t going to go to Shawn for the reason, and you doubted that Shawn would tell you the truth anyways, so it would have to remain an unsolved mystery in your mind. 

Lunch could not have come sooner, and as you flowed into the cafeteria with the rest of the people who had third lunch, you looked around for your new group of friends. You saw Phasma first, who waved at you to come over to her. As you walked closer, you watched as she stepped out to the outdoor seating, and you followed, noticing everyone else sitting there too. There were only a handful of other groups outside as well, so it was much more quiet and calm than being in the loud cafeteria. 

“Man, Mr. Jinn’s class is kicking my ass,” you heard Alan say as you sat down between Phasma and Kylo.

“How, it’s only the second day of classes?” Phasma asked before biting into a roll. 

“Have you ever had Mr. Jinn’s class, Phasma?” Kylo asked, putting a bookmark in the book he was reading.

“No.”

“Then don’t say shit. He’s a cool guy, but damn he gives a lot of homework. Alan, if you need help, don’t come to me,” Kylo said, leaning against the table. Alan frowned as he looked up at Kylo.

“Wow, thanks, Kylo, you’re such a hero,” he quipped. 

“So, (y/n), how was the beginning of your second day?” Sami asked, pushing aside her untouched lunch as she leaned forward to talk to you.

“It was alright, but I’m getting tired of people staring at me,” you responded. Even though you’d tried your hardest to focus, the whispers were still hard to ignore. It almost felt like you were being punished for Shawn’s actions.

“People don’t know how to mind their own goddamn business,” Phasma stated. “They just want shit to gossip about. When you’re not the fresh gossip anymore, they’ll all but forget you exist.” 

“I can’t wait for that to happen. I’m tired of hearing rumors about something involving me. Especially since I basically don’t know shit,” you admitted. This caused Sami to raise her eyebrows.

“How do you mean? If you don’t mind, of course.” For a second, you pondered on whether or not you wanted to talk about it, but your doubt washed away pretty quickly. It was amazing how comfortable you felt around these people. You did look around the courtyard though, to make sure there was no one there that you didn’t want to hear what you were talking about. When you decided the coast was clear, you let out a sigh before you spoke.

“Well, on Thursday, I was sent a picture,” you started, feeling the pang in your chest, but not as fiercely as you did yesterday. “It was of Shawn making out with some girl. I’m guessing it was one of his friends who sent it to me, but it wasn’t from a number I had saved. I’m also assuming that whoever it was that sent the picture also sent it to a lot of people. I got a lot of messages that night from people I’d maybe spoken to once about what happened, but the thing is, I don’t know what happened. I didn’t want Shawn’s explanation, because I didn’t think he’d be truly honest, and I wasn’t sure who to ask about it. Shawn’s friends would probably defend him.”

Sami’s face turned to one of deep thought, as if she was trying to solve some kind of puzzle. 

“Did you think about texting the sender?” Alan asked. When he said it, you felt kind of dumb for not thinking about it.

“I did not,” you admitted.

“I can write something up for you,” Sami offered. “That way you don’t have to look at the picture again.” You shrugged, and handed your phone to Sami, who took it in her hands, bringing it close to her face. She tapped on what you assumed was the conversation with the sender, and for a moment, you could have sworn there was shock in her eyes. If it had been there, it didn’t last, as her face instantly went back to the one of thought. She hesitated a moment, then started typing away.

“How does this sound: Hey, I want to thank you for sending this. Do you mind telling me how you came upon this picture?” She said aloud.

“Yeah, that sounds fine,” you said. Sami tapped the screen again, sending the message, before handing your phone back to you. A part of you felt a little anxious. On the one hand, you wanted to know the story behind the photo, but at the same time, you wanted to remain willfully ignorant. It mostly branched from a fear inside you that he’d been cheating for a long time. 

However, the rest of lunch passed, and you hadn’t received any messages. While it was a little relieving, it still added on to the anxiety that had settled in the pit of your stomach. You tried to ignore it though, as you and Kylo headed to physics, the two of you walking in a comfortable silence. 

When you got to Mr. Windu’s class, the two of you took your seats, while people whispered from around the room.

“Can you believe she’s hanging out with him now?”

“She really shouldn’t lower her standards like that just because of what happened.”

The last one had you whipping around, trying to find the person who said it. Everyone looked away when you did, though, so there was no clear suspect, but it didn’t prevent you from glaring at everyone around the room. At least, you did until you saw Shawn walk in. Once you caught even the slightest glimpse out of the corner of your eye, you turned back around, boiling in your anger.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kylo said softly, unbothered by the whispers. “I’m the town disappointment, of course they’re going to say that.” You looked up at Kylo and frowned. 

“What makes them so holy to pass judgement like that? I’m sure they’ve all done fucked up shit too, their parents just aren’t as in the spotlight as yours,” you huffed out as Mr. Windu began to take roll. 

When Mr. Windu’s lecture started, you were your normal studious self, taking detailed notes and making sure to get any equations down. Every once in a while, you would look over to Kylo’s notes and noticed the bare minimum of notes being taken. At one point, you looked at him incredulously. He simply shrugged before writing in the margins of your notes.

I’ve always been good at science. You let out a small huff of air before writing back.

Lucky. Kylo smiled before looking back up at the board, where Mr. Windu was writing another equation. 

When the bell rang, you quickly shoved your stuff into your backpack, and waited for Kylo so the two of you could get to fourth block. Once Kylo had his stuff packed, the two of you were off. You were free, at least that was what you thought. The notion of freedom disappeared when you felt a hand on your shoulder, causing you to stop in your tracks, and for Kylo to stop as well. Turning around, you had to resist the incredible urge to punch Shawn in the face.

“You haven’t been responding to my messages,” he stated. He was obviously trying to sound hurt, but you could hear that hint of anger in his voice. It was something you were familiar with, but it was weird for it to be directed at you.

“Fuck off, Alvarez,” Kylo said, stepping forward, his figure looming over you. You looked up at Kylo and shook your head. 

“I don’t remember asking your opinion, Solo,” Shawn said, trying to puff out his chest. It was kind of funny to see, honestly, because he was at least six inches shorter than Kylo. Despite how funny a part of you found Shawn’s response, though, you stepped between them. 

“Have you considered that the reason I haven’t responded to you is because I don’t give a fuck about what you have to say?” You finally said, crossing your arms as you looked at Shawn. Looking at him straight on like this for the first time in a week was causing your stomach to churn, and your heart to clench, but you were tired, in every sense of the word. You just wanted to be left alone to deal with your emotions, and not have him harassing you every three seconds.

“You have to let me explain myself-” he started, but you let out a laugh, one of those laughs that dripped of sarcasm and anger.

“I don’t have to let you do shit. You cheated on me, end of story. Please, just leave me alone,” you said before turning around and walking off. After a few seconds, you heard Kylo begin to follow you, catching up to you with ease and falling into step beside you, not saying a word. You appreciated that, as you were trying your hardest not to cry. As much as you thought your anger had taken over your sadness, it was really just a blanket. At this moment, it felt like you were shriveling from the inside, and anything said to you would immediately cause you to start sobbing. It was a special kind of hurt, being cheated on. So many emotions ran through your head, but the one that remained in your heart always lingered; why weren’t you enough?

The two of you walked into fourth block not but two minutes before the bell rang. You took the same seat you sat in yesterday, and settled in your seat, breathing deeply to keep yourself calm. You saw Sami and Phasma both look at Kylo, confused looks on their faces. Kylo merely shook his head before pulling out a notebook. Taking one final deep breath, you did the same, sitting straight as you waited for Mr. Skywalker to call roll.

Once he’d done so, he picked up a crate, placing it on the desk nearest to him.

“Alright, go ahead, come up, and grab your copy of Beowulf,” he said.

“I’ll get them.” Kylo said as he stood, walking up to the crate and waiting behind your other classmates as he waited to grab the books. When he came back, he handed a book to each of you, and you gave him a half smile. It was all you could really manage, but Kylo matched it with a little more enthusiasm than you. 

Once everyone had their books, Mr. Skywalker decided to go into the history of Beowulf. However, during his explanation, you began to zone out. You really just wanted to go home, curl up in your room, and sleep until tomorrow came. You did feel a hand tap you, and you turned to Kylo, who was holding out a slip of paper to you, while keeping his eyes on the board. You took the folded paper from his hand, and opened it up. On the paper were two phone numbers, the top one being Phasma’s, and the lower being Sami’s. You typed both into your phone and sent a simple “hey” to each number. Sami responded back.

You okay?

With a sigh, you started typing on your keyboard.

Yeah, just had a run-in with my ex. You watched Sami out of the corner of your eye as she read your message and responded.

Shit, I’m sorry. She then sent a picture of a ridiculously fat cat, which actually did make you smile. 

The rest of class passed by pretty quickly, even after the class started the beginning of the poem aloud, which, like anyone else, you had to admit was the worst part of class. When Mr. Skywalker had decided the class had done enough reading, everyone began to pack up as they waited for the final bell to ring to let them out of class. Phasma and Sami both turned around in their seats to strike conversation for the last few minutes of class. 

“Glad that’s over,” Phasma said, frowning. “Why do we have to read aloud in the first place?”

“Torture,” Sami said sagely. “We’re meant to suffer.”

“Pretty sure it’s so that people can gain confidence reading aloud and speaking in front of a crowd,” Kylo said as he leaned back in his seat, looking at his phone.

“What academic input, truly an improvement for such a delinquent,” Phasma quipped, causing Kylo to look up from his phone, eyebrows raised, before returning to staring at the screen. “So, I heard you’re coming to Jordan’s on Friday.” Phasma now turned to you.

“Yeah. I’m actually pretty excited,” you said, leaning forward to feel more present in the conversation. 

“As you should be, Jordan knows how to have fun,” Sami said, making herself sound like an expert in the subject of Jordan. You laughed as the bell rang, standing up and stretching before slinging your backpack onto your shoulder. You watched as Finn, Poe, Rey, and Rose all walked by, waving at you as they went. You waved back to each of them, but frowned a little once they’d passed. You hadn’t really spoken to them much since Thursday, and you felt kinda bad about it. You would talk to them tonight, you decided. 

Soon, the four of you filed out of the classroom, walking at a comfortable pace as Kylo and Phasma walked together, talking about skating. You and Sami walked side by side in silence, until Sami leaned closer to you, so that the two in front of you couldn’t hear.

“I think I know who the girl in the picture is. Text me when you get home,” she said before drifting away again. You felt your chest tighten, but you only nodded, deciding to change the subject.

“I’m gonna tell my mom I’m staying at your place Friday night when I get home. She’s a little weird about sleepovers, so she might want to talk to you,” you said as your group reached the front of the school. 

“Hey, I can probably just tell my grandparents that the three of us are gonna study at your place,” Kylo offered. 

“Yeah, that works. After all, I am the only one of your friends who hasn’t wound up with the title ‘delinquent,’” Sami quipped. Kylo gave a frown in response, before stopping in front of the entrance to the school. 

“Well, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Kylo said. The two of you waved goodbye before heading to Kylo’s car. There was silence at first as the two of you climbed into the car, and Kylo started the engine, but it was broken with a sigh from Kylo.

“We don’t have to do this, you know. If Shawn’s just gonna harass you for even being around me, it isn’t really worth it,” he said, pulling out of his parking spot. You couldn’t help but let out your own sigh.

“That’s not the reason he’s harassing me,” you started. “He’s harassing me because he thinks he can still control me, and convince me that he didn’t mean it. Honestly, the easiest way to get him to leave me alone is if we stick to the plan.” It was a frustrating realization, but it was certainly true. If Shawn thought you had moved on, he was probably more likely to leave you alone. Sure, he’d probably have some choice words to say about you, but you seriously doubted that he’d say them to your face. 

The rest of the drive home was spent with the music loud, Kylo occasionally singing along softly. When the two of you pulled into the driveway, you waited before stepping out, and turned to Kylo.

“Thanks for sticking up for me again. You really don’t have to do that,” you said. Kylo shook his head and ran a hand through his ebony hair.

“You’re my friend, (y/n). I’ll always stick up for you,” he responded before turning the car off. You gave him a small smile before opening the door.

“See you in the morning,” you said before stepping out.

“See ya, bright and early,” he responded with a smirk. You shook your head as you turned to head to your house.

Upon walking in the door, you saw your mom sitting at the dining room table. She was looking at what looked to be some documents from work, but she looked up when you closed the door, and gave you a warm smile. 

Here goes, you thought to yourself before returning her smile, and walking up to the table.

“How was your day, honey?” she asked, shifting her attention to you. 

“It was good. Actually, my friend Sami invited me to stay at her place on Friday,” you responded. You actually felt a lot of anxiety in your chest, but you were trying your hardest not to let it show. You’d never really lied to your parents like this before, and it was strange for that to start your senior year, but you actually really wanted to go. The opportunity to hang out with your new set of friends, not to mention Kylo, was so exciting.

“Oh, is this that new friend you were talking about yesterday?” she asked. It almost looked like there was a great deal of happiness in her eyes. They practically lit up, and you couldn’t really say you blamed her. After all, after you’d gotten home on Thursday, you had shut yourself in your room, refusing to come out. Making new friends and being invited to one of their houses? It was definitely an upgrade. 

“Yeah. She’s really cool, and she’s trying to get into art school,” you said, smiling at your mom.

“Alright, but I want you to message me throughout the night. Are you gonna head home with her that night?” Your heart dropped at that. You hadn’t mentioned anything about Kylo- obviously- and you were supposed to be having dinner with the Skywalkers on Friday as well. There really was no point in lying about that, it would be too easy to get caught.

“Actually, I’m supposed to have dinner with the Skywalkers next door that night, too. I’ve been getting rides from Ben, and his grandparents invited me to dinner,” you said, waiting for shit to hit the fan. Surprisingly, your mother’s face didn’t turn red, but she did frown.

“I don’t know about you hanging around with Ben Solo…” you could tell she was trying to be delicate, but there was no mistaking in her voice that she felt the same way about him that all the parents did. You knew another lie was needed in this scenario too.

“He has been giving me rides, and they really just want us to be friends because they think I’ll make him be a little more responsible. But he did offer to take me to Sami’s house too. I promise, when I get there, I’ll take a picture with Sami and send it to you,” you said. You could see the cogs turning over in her head as she thought it over. When she finally let out a sigh, you knew she had relented.

“Alright, but I want to see you after dinner, before you leave for Sami’s, okay?” she said. You smiled and nodded before turning on your heels, heading for the stairs.

“I’m gonna go ahead and get started on dinner,” she called as you practically skipped up the stairs. 

When you got into your room, you let your backpack fall to the ground before plopping onto your bed and pulling your phone. You had two messages. One was from Sami, and you remembered what she had told you earlier. With a pang in your chest, your excitement for Friday extinguished, you decided to look at the other message.

It was from the sender of the picture.

[imaginesmai]

Tom Holland-Fluff Alphabet

Requested by two anons. Hope you like it! I actually lost your asks, deleted it before time, so I’m sorry. But I got your requests right!

Affection (PDA, how they are in private…)

In public, Tom has certain doubts about kissing you. He knows how the media can get when a famous is in a relationship, and knows that his fans can be aggressive. He doesn’t want any type of hate reaching you, so he decides to keep your relationship out of the public eye for the first month. It’s not a matter of being ashamed of you, and you’re sure of it when a very nervous Tom asks you if you want to meet his family. It’s just a matter of protection and care.

Once the press finds out about you, he’s still a shy guy. Sure, a few pictures on Instagram of you two doing silly things and stories of your daily life, but he doesn’t like to share his private life with the whole world. When you two take a walk, he will take your hand or kiss your cheek, but never make out with you in a public place.

In private, affection is Tom middle’s name. He won’t hesitate to show you how much he loves you every second of the day. Kissing your cheek when he’s passing by, helping you with anything without a second thought, touching you absentmindedly when you’re with friends… The ‘I love you’ are like your good morning; he says them when you wake up, before you go to bed, with a random note or a text, and every time he sees you. For him, the world spins around you, and he likes to let you know that.

Baby (do they want a family?)

Since the moment he met you, he knew he wanted to have something more with you. In the set of Avengers, or in any other set, he had seen a lot of people playing with their children, and admire from afar how they love each other. He can’t help imagine both of you with a small family of your own. Children with spiderman pyjamas, a house with a garden where Tessa and some other dogs could play, Sunday’s lunch with your families and the kids, holidays trips to exotic places.

Tom knows you’re too young for that, but he does bring it up sometimes. When you’re having lunch in a small restaurant and he sees a family. When you’re in the park and a little kid approach him. Even when you go to the cinema and he sees those special seats for the children.

However, if he could choose, he would probably have a family of dogs.

Cuddles (how and when)

That’s not a question. Tom Holland is always up for cuddles. In the bed, couch, cinema, after lunch, before bed, whenever you want. If you’re standing, he will gradually grab your hips and pull you closer. He puts his head your shoulder and nuzzle his nose on your neck, like a small cat. If you’re reading a book laying on the bed, he’ll put his head on your stomach while playing with his phone. Then, he crawls up little by little until you can’t see the book because his head is in between and the letters. His cute brown eyes looks up at you and he smiles, showing you the dimples of his cheeks. It doesn’t matter if what you’re reading is something important or not, he’ll be there, hugging you, until he falls sleep.

His favourite way to cuddle is on the couch. Tom will lay on the couch with you on his side, while a movie (probably spiderman, let’s be honest) stars playing and Tessa steps between you two. He likes to watch your eyes focusing on the movie or closing slowly. Actually, he likes to watch you when you’re not looking. You run your hand over Tessa’s fur and he plays with your hair. That’s probably what he calls heaven.

Dates (what are dates with him like?)

Time is something that, as an actor who travels a lot and has his family in another country, he values a lot. Tom can spend months in a different country, filming a movie or doing press tours with his cast mates.

He tries to travel home as often as he can. When he comes back, he likes quiet dates. Having you over and playing board games with his family is probably his favourite. He’s a huge family guy, so as soon as your relationship is solid enough, he presents you to his family and friends. If you’re not with them, then going out with his friends is also cool. However, he needs time alone with you too. Tom likes taking you out for a walk or for an ice cream, going to the cinema and then talk about the film in a bench of your favourite park. He wants you to feel as if you were a normal couple. Sometimes, that’s impossible because he has to stop to take a photo with a fan or to sign something. So expect that, every few weeks, Tom manages to sneak you around and plan a trip just for the two of you.

Dates also happen when you visit him. If he’s in New York or in another country, you will find an airplane ticket on your mailbox to where he’s staying. He loves that kind of dates. Tom will show you around the city while bouncing up and down in excitement; his favourite place to eat, where did he record the first scene, what place reminds him of you. All of that while talking about his cast mates. Then, he introduces you to them and it’s safe to say that you both freak out on the same level.

Entertainment (how do you spend your free time)

Tom can, and it’s a fact, look at you for an hour without getting bored. You can be doing anything; homework, house chores, reading or with your computer. If Tom is in the same room than you, he will lose focus on anything else and only see you. He puts on his in-love eyes, placing his head on his hand and forget about the scripts in front of him. You can talk to him, the phone can ring or the building could be on fire; he won’t stop staring at you.

His favourite thing to do with you in your free time it enjoy your company. He doesn’t need fancy restaurant or expensive dates, you can have the best time of your life playing ‘UNO’ on your bedroom and trying to avoid Tessa eating the cards.

Feelings (when did they know they loved you?)

Tom knew he was madly in love with you when he left to film Spiderman: Far From Home. It had been a stressful day; he had gotten coffee all over himself, it was cold, he didn’t know anyone and a terrible wave of homesickness had hit him since he had woken up. He had missed your face time, saying that he was too busy and would call you at night.

Even if he didn’t want to say it, the main problem was that one the crew had taken her dog to set, and Tom had thought about Tessa. The dog had bought happiness to his life, being away from her so much time was too hard. So he spent the whole day with a pout.

When he arrived to his hotel room late at night, he just wanted to curl up in bed and cry in peace, away from the paparazzi and his friends. Tom didn’t expect seeing you with Tessa in the lobby, trying to convince an angry woman that you were Tom’s girlfriend. Tessa was moving around anxiously, wanting to break free from the leash and run around that enormous place. You had only brought with you one backpack, that seemed really heavy from where Tom was staring at you.

Turned out, Jacob had called you and told you about Tom’s mood, so you had decided to pay him a quick visit to where they were filming. It didn’t matter that it took you more than what you earned in two months and a tiredness that weighted on your shoulder.

Tom didn’t have time to greet you, because as soon as Tessa saw him, she broke free and tackled him to the ground. As you hugged with a jumping dog around you, Tom mumbled for the first time the three words sentence, and realised that there was not a day on his life that he didn’t want to spend with you.

Gentle (kind or rough)

You can’t change my mind, Tom is the kindest dork on earth. Like, he’ll ask before doing anything, and I mean anything, with you. Holding your hand, kissing your cheek, wrapping his arms around your shoulder or wiping a hair out of your face.

In bed, he’s also kind. You have tried rough or had stuff sometimes, but it always ends up the same way; Tom fussing over you and panicking because he thinks he has hurt you. There is not an inch of roughness in that boy, seriously.

Holidays (favourite place)

Tom’s favourite place to spend the holidays is somewhere lost where he can enjoy time with his family and you. If both of you are free, he loves to take you to a small trip for a week, nothing too expensive but where you can have time alone away from everyone.

However, he prefers family vacations. Since the first summer that you had spent together as a couple, he had invited you to come with his family on holidays. His brothers love you, his parent do too, and you’re probably closer to Harry than Tom himself, because that boy is the definition of friendship. So, you don’t have any problem going with them.

Usually that kind of holidays mean stress for Tom. The good kind, though.

You team up with his brothers to prank him, and he can’t take a step without fearing that a spider might be somewhere. Throwing each other to the pool, drawing strange patterns with sunscreen on the others back. But if there is a thing that bothers Tom, is the privacy.

You two literally don’t have any of it. If he, by a chance, wants to get intimate with you, one of his brothers or his mother will open the door asking for something. Or they just wanted to see the TV. It’s just, your room is fresher that ours. Anyone, expect no sex while you’re on holidays.

Tom might complain about it and about his family stealing you away, but he doesn’t want it any other way.

Impression (first impression)

This is kind of a little imagine where Tom meets you for the first time.

Hospitals were, at the same time, the best and the worst part of his day. There was where Tom found his happiness, between the excited children who shouted when they saw him on his suit; but also, he found a deep sadness, when one of them had to leave the room because of his or her illness.

“Hey” Benedict appeared behind him and grabbed his shoulder. “Maybe you can take a break. You know, go to the cafeteria and grab something to eat.”

Tom was sitting on an empty table, too small for an adult. Still, he had been there for two hours. In front of him stood three different puzzles undone and a cute doll with a red dress. Her previous owner was then in surgery, her little heart giving her awful problems. He sighed and looked up to the man, who had a worried glint on his eyes. Maybe it would feel good, he thought. He had been there for hours, and a coffee actually sounded good.

“I guess” he mumbled, getting up. “I-I’m going to get something. Text or something if you know anything. About the girl.”

“Sure” he offered him a half smile. “Don’t worry, Tom. She’s gonna be fine.”

He answered with a small grunt and left the kids’ room. There weren’t much of them, because it was probably dinner time and because their energy had ran low after spending a whole day with the avengers.

They had appeared in the hospital as a surprise; Robert, both Chris, Benedict, Scarlett and him. The day had been going great until the girl who was playing with Tom and had been attached to his leg couldn’t breathe. Tom had panicked and called the doctor as soon as he noticed, yet when she arrived she was unconscious and he was holding her small body in his arms.

The ghost feeling of it made Tom take a turn and enter into one of the rooms for ‘only staff’. Inside, it was dark and humid, but it was perfect for him to hide for a few minutes. He was sure the press would be in the corridors waiting for him. The rest of the cast had already left, except Benedict and him, who wanted to wait until the little girl was fine again. And from the window, he had seen some reporters waiting for him to come out.

When the door closed behind him, he let out a shaking breath and the first tear rolled down his cheek. It was all so stressing. The social pressure, the influence he had over those children, the responsibilities, the fame. There were moment when everything seemed to big for him. It was one of those moments.

Tom sat on a small bed and hid his face between his hand, letting the tears roll down freely. It was silent for a while until he started sobbing.

“I can leave if you want.”

Probably, if someone had been recording that moment and had shown it to him later he would have died off embarrassment, because the high-pitched scream he produced sounded un natural. He jumped to the right a few inches, almost falling off the bed, and looked to his left. There, in a bed similar to the one he was sitting on, was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

And it wasn’t as if he saw much, because it was dark as hell.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” you let out a little laugh. “I just thought I should make myself known before you saw me.”

“H-How long have you been there?” Tom asked, his eyes not leaving your face.

You weren’t wearing the ugly hospital uniform; beside that, to him you looked too young to be working there. You were sitting cross-legged with some leggings and a huge t-shirt with a weird drawing. If he wasn’t so scared about the pictures you could have taken of him crying or that you could be an stalker, he would have drooled because of your smile.

“Was here before you came” you shrugged. “I didn’t think anyone knew about this room, so I come here sometimes. When, you know, it gets hard outside.”

“Oh” he coughed awkwardly, looking at the floor. “I thought-I thought there wasn’t anyone in here.”

“Yeah, it’s not where you expect to find someone” you said. “I’m Y/N, and you?”

Tom looked up and found you in front of him. He could then see clearly the front of your t-shirt; the logo of a campaign who helped families and children in hospitals. At your question, he raised a brow. You seemed genuinely innocent; but he had met people like that before, fans that didn’t know where the privacy started. Still, he couldn’t resist the urge of touching you, even if it was just your stretched hand.

“Tom” he mumbled. “And, uh, what are you doing here?”

You sat beside him and told him how you were helping the families of those children; keeping them company, being positive for them, and how you needed a break from all of that and decided to step away for some hours. After listening to you, he felt kind of silly when he thought how he had cried over a little girl. Your ‘job’ (volunteering, you had said) was much harder than making two appearances each year in a local hospital, yet you comforted and smiled at him when he cried about his little friend.

“Rachel is a brilliant girl” you explained. “I met her four months ago. Did you know that she can spell ten words in a minute? And she’s only eight!”

He thought that, usually, people spoke about those children as if their illnesses defined them

Rachel is a good girl, she has blood cancer.

Bryan, cool kid, but he has a brain tumour.

It put a smile on his face that you spoke about Rachel with joy, and little by little he forgot about his previous sorrow. When he could finally break away from your beautiful eyes, he noticed that it was already dark on the sky.

“I should get going” he mumbled. “I have things to do-Not like I’m having a bad time, no, I’m-I’m glad you’re here. I mean, not glad, like glad. Just like I enjoy your company. But I have, you know stuff.”

Tom had reached the conclusion that you didn’t know who he was. You had been talking with him for hours and, still, hadn’t asked for a picture or a follow on Instagram. And probably you had understood him like no one else. Cutting short your ‘meeting’ wasn’t what he wanted to do, but he needed to go back or the car would leave without him.

“Oh, I’m sorry” you blushed. “I didn’t notice the time.”

“Yeah, me neither” suddenly, a light popped up in Tom’s mind. It was a crazy idea, one that, heard by any of his cast members, would be disapproved. If he hadn’t had enough troubles with the spoilers things, he was going to get in some more; he didn’t care. “Are you going to be around? Tonight, or tomorrow.”

“Yeah, my brother has to pick me up tomorrow morning. I’m spending the night here, Rachel’s parents might need help.”

“That’s nice” Tom smiled. “Do you think you can give me your number? To know about Rachel, I mean. I really want to know if she gets better. Just for that! And if you want, it’s totally okay if you don’t. Actually, it’s a little weird that-“

He started rambling and the blood rushed to his head until you could almost distinguish the soft red from the dark in the room. You placed a hand on his shaking one, making him stop talking and look at you.

“It’s fine by me” you said. “But I didn’t think famous actors should be doing that? Giving their personal number to the first stranger they met.”

“But you’re not the first-“ Tom shut himself in the middle of his sentence and looked at you with wide eyes. “You know who I am?”

“You’re wearing the spiderman suit!” you laughed “And I’ve seen the rest of the cast this morning.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” his voice was nothing more than a whisper.

“Well, I thought you needed someone to talk to” it was your turn to blush.

Tom thought you were the most adorable person, as you started talking about how you were a big fan but you understood that everyone needed to talk about their things too. As he gave you his number and received a kiss on the cheek, he left the room with a new happy smile.

Jealous (protective or overprotective)

Protectiveness is not his thing. He knows when someone is flirting with you, but trusts you enough to push them away and come back to him. If whoever is flirting with you doesn’t get the hint, it’s his time to step up; he’ll probably talk to him calmly and make him understand that you don’t want anything with them, because you’re happy with him. Words usually works and that’s the end of the discussion.

If he has to be jealous, he’s the puppy jealous. Yeah, that’s a thing, and probably he started it. It’s kind of similar to when you don’t acknowledge Tessa because she’s misbehaving; she’ll start whining, pouting and following you with her ears down. When Tom is jealous, he’ll look at you with sad eyes, follow you with his head down and answer with nods or shakes to your questions. Until you ask him what’s wrong; he tells you in a quiet voice and you hug him for a few minutes until he feels alright again.

Kisses

His favourite type of kisses are the lazy ones or the pecks.

Lazy kisses mean that you have enough time to enjoy each other company. Making out in the couch, cuddling in bed sharing kisses or slow love making in the morning. That’s the kind of thing he’s addicted to. When he arrives home late from filming, sure, he likes to kiss the hell out of you and trap you in bed for two days in a row. But he prefers calmer things.

Besides Tessa and too much cuteness, pecks are the other part of your relationship. Tom will steal them every chance he has. If you’re watching a film and you want to go to the bathroom, peck. When you’re waiting for him as he films and he gets two free minutes, peck. As he plays with his brothers and you pass by, peck. You have counted them before, and in a day he can easily give you over one hundred pecks. Not that there is anything to complain about.

Love (who says it first, how many times)

If he could say it every hour of the day, he would. He’s always thinking about those things you do for him, or just the small routines you have picked up from being together. So, not only Tom is the first one saying it, but also who says it the most.

There are more ways of saying I love you, not just with words. For example, if you have had a rough day, when you meet Tom he will have the cutest dinner prepared with your favourite movie. The first time he tried to do so went really bad, because he left Tessa in the apartment with him. He thought that she would help you to cheer up, but she ended up throwing the table where the food was and chewing the TV’s wires. You came home to Tom running behind Tessa in his boxers and with foam on his hair, as she carried the his towel. It doesn’t matter if things don’t go as planned, you know he tries and that’s more than enough.

Other way of saying I love you without words is spending 24 hours without sleep and taking a flight of five hours just to see you for five minutes. You don’t even have to tell him that you need him with you. If he notices something off in your voice, he’ll be there. If it’s your birthday or a special occasion, he’ll be there. And if he just miss you a lot, he’ll be there. You don’t spend more than a month without seeing each other.

When he stays for the night and has to leave early in the morning, he leaves thousands of notes with cute words in your toothbrush, the milk or in the door. Along the day, your conversation with him is the cheesiest thing in the world; lots of I love you, I miss you and adorable pictures of each other.

Memory (favourite memory together)

It’s simple but, without any doubt, his favourite. It happens a lot of times, and is his favourite moment of the day.

Tom’s head was about to explode. He felt a constant pain on the middle of his forehead, between his eyebrows, and on the back of his neck. He had tried pressing on the spots, putting something cold or hot, and even taking some tea. Still, it hadn’t gotten any better, and the reason behind it was in front of him; the damned script. For the past three hours, he had been trying to learn it, but it was already late at night and nothing had entered in his head.

Groaning in frustration, he looked up to the wall of your apartment. He had promised you a perfect night, but he wanted to end the scrip first. Not that it was happening any time soon. Suddenly, he felt a presence behind him and saw you standing on the doorway. You were wearing pyjama bottoms, too long for your legs, and one of the spiderman t-shirt he had gotten you in his last convention. Your hair was standing on every direction and it made his heart thrum inside his chest. You rubbed your eyes before walking towards him, yawning.

“Hey baby, what are you doing up?” he asked, voice gentle as he placed the script down. His body ached and he probably should had stood up and stretched, but you were coming his way and he would be damned if he moved an inch.

You sat on his lap gently, and Tom sneaked his arms around your waist to lock themselves around your body, like an automatic reaction. Your hand carded his hair, pushing the longer strands of his curly locks back from his forehead. Tom closed his eyes and hummed happily.

“Isn’t that what I should be asking you?” you gave him a sleepy smile, as one of his hands reached your arm and stroked its way down and up.

“Still got a few pages left” he grunted, and grabbed your small hand in his.

He bought it up to his lips and kissed it, letting you rest it against his cheek. A small and tired smile made its way to his face.

“You said that three hours ago” you pouted slightly through the sleep. “And promised to spend a night with me.”

“I know” he sighed. “But someone has been distracting me all night.”

He had been gone for two months, and just that week he had come back to you; so you had squeezed even the last second of his time, because you knew he would leave soon. Probably, in that week, you had ended with the Kamasutra; and still, you wanted him by your side that night.

“Please”

A puff of air hit your ear as he laughed, winding his arms around your waist to pull you closer, in a more reclining position before his hands went up your back, drawing lazy circles over your shirt. Tom pressed his face against your neck, leaving a small kiss in your pulse point that made a shiver run through your back. He held you safely as you pushed at him, trying to get away from his ticklish lips. Tom’s eyes found you as you tilted your head up from his shoulder so you could look him in the eye, narrowing your own at him as your mouth pursed.

“Come to bed with me” you said. “I don’t know how to sleep without you.”

“You’ve been sleeping without me two whole months, Y/N” he chuckled. “That excuse is not valid.”

“Yeah, and they have been shit, Tom” you sighed. “Please. I just got you with me this week.”

“Just a few more minutes, alright?”

“Alright.”

You bit back a smile, briefly considering dragging him by his ear to the bed yourself. But you were getting quite sleepy and comfortable on his lap, so you stuck a hand between the two of you and fisted his t-shirt softly. Tom pressed a silent kiss to your temple and went back to his script, the headache gone. It was silent after that as he went back to his previous task. Your eyes focused for a while on his hands and veins, the soft light of the lamp making his skin look more tanned. His soft breathing and the rhythm of his heart in your ear slowly lulled you, your eyes going droopy.

When you finally fell asleep against him, Tom felt the luckiest man in the world.

NO (something they won’t do in your relationship)

Pressuring you into anything. Tom knows that each person is different, and that everyone needs their time when doing things they are not familiar with. As an actor, as I said before, he has a difficult life. Is always away filming or doing press tours; and when he’s home, life is different. Because there are fans, photos and social media.

So Tom would never, never demand something to you. The effort you make when you face time him in the middle of the night (different times), long flights to see him or keeping up with his fame are enough for him.

If you need time to say the L word, he’ll wait whatever is necessary. If you need time to get intimate for the first time, he’ll comfort you with a small on his adorable face. If you need a little break from the media, he’ll gladly offer you to go somewhere private on holidays.

For him, you’re always the top one priority. Not job, not friends or hobbies. Tom feels like he’ll forever be grateful for you, and won’t, under any circumstances, force you to do anything you don’t want to. There are times where he might use his puppy face; to get your attention, ask you for help in something or just being cute around you. But he won’t use them to get something he knows you might not want.

Orange (favourite colour and why)

All the colours.

Green, because he thinks of that time where the two of you went away on a vacation and had the time of your life in a small cabin in the woods. You smiling up at him from the grass, the small picnic he prepared for you, making love in the room with the fantastic views.

Red, as it reminds him to the suit he bought to the premier. It wasn’t that special; what was special was seeing you that night in his jacket as you woke up from bed to drink water. Let’s just say, you stayed up for a little longer.

Blue; honestly, that’s his favourite colour since he was a kid. He loves seeing you in blue dresses, shirts or pants.

Pink, and that’s his little obsession. Every time he goes out, and he sees something pink, he thinks of a little girl. A little girl with his eyes and your nose, with your hair and his smile. He can’t help but associate the colour with the future with you.

Yellow. It’s not really yellow, more like the colour of the light, if that’s a thing. He liked to print into his memory your face in the morning, the light touching your cheeks and making your eyelashes longer.

Parents (how is their relationship with your parents)

One word: amazing.

The first time he met them, Tom was a stuttering mess. He offered your father a shaky hand and almost cried when he gripped it too hard. Your mother hugged him and the only idea that popped in his mind was to pat her back; which came out as really, really awkward. First meeting was, in general, chaotic. Tom had been so nervous that he couldn’t eat a thing without feeling as if he was going to puke, and his knee had been moving so much up and down that even your father had told him to stop.

Then, came the good part. Your dad asked him about his job, or studies, and he started talking about spiderman and Marvel. The ‘fan’ side of your family appeared, and they started talking about the comics and the films. Soon, the attention of the room was drawn to Tom and the awkwardness disappeared.

Since that moment, Tom is always inviting your family to the meetings. He presents his family to yours, prepares lunches for the both of them and tries to have the best relationship.

Quirks (worst habit they have)

Spoilers, we all know that. You can’t see a movie he’s in without knowing the end or something important before.

It doesn’t matter if he’s in the movie or not; as long as he has seen it, he will spoil it for you. He tries not to, because he knows that it annoys you. But he can’t help it, because the guy is too clueless to understand when he has to shup up.

Romantic (little details or non-verbal ways of saying I love you)

Take my jacket, it’s cold outside

He said it on your way to the supermarket. You had been on your period and, even if it was the middle of December and the coldest day of the year, you just needed a quick visit to the supermarket. Having Tom to go without you wasn’t an option, because last time he called you crying because he had gotten lost looking for your pads. And he didn’t want to let you go alone, so you were both walking while the cold bit your skins. Being the stubborn girl you were, you hadn’t brought your coat with you, just a stupid sweater. So he offered you his.

“Unless you don’t want it! That’s-That’s fine, I’m not forcing you into-“

You were about to protest, but were quickly shut when a particular hard gust of wind hit you, making you clatter your teeth. Tom gave you a soft smile and put the jacket over your shoulders. Making you stop in front of him, he buttoned it up and pulled it closer to your body. He left a kiss on the top of your head and continued walking.

I think you’re beautiful

Tom blurted it out when you were trying the dress for the premier of his film at his house, in his room. It felt all so familiar to him, that you standing there in all your glory with your purple dress made him want to drop on his knees to you.

It didn’t hit him until a few seconds later, because he was staring at like a child to his sweets. Your hair tied up, your legs showing and the beautiful necklace you had decided to wear, his gift from the past Christmas. Immediately, he blushed and opened his mouth, ready to do what he always did; stutter until you forgot about what he had said.

That time, he just smiled to you through the blush and told you that you really were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

Have you eaten?

He had asked without thinking, just a natural reaction. People around you were running around, trying to get everything ready for the shot. It was Tom’s most important scene, and he was nervous as hell.

You had managed to get into the set and spend a few minutes with him; still, as you sit in his trailer, the first thing he does is checking you’re comfortable enough.

Sad (how does he cheer you up)

A text with a different emoji has him in your house within hours. Tom knows you like the back of his hands, and know when things are too hard for him. Maybe fans being rude, missing him too much, family problems or just wanting to be down for a while; the reason doesn’t matter, Tom knows how to cheer you up.

First, he’ll show in your house with Tessa, two bags full of food and some films that you might like. If he has time, he will bring you a stuffed animal; and let me tell you, he tries to always have time for that. Half of them are missing a part, because Tessa will eat it in the way to your apartment. Seeing Tom with a guilty face and half of a teddy in his arm is already good enough for you.

Then, he will let Tessa cuddle you while he prepares the living room. When he’s sad, he loves how Tessa fits between his arms and lick his face, so he gets her to do the same. The dog probably love you more than him, yet he denies it. While she makes you smile, he builds a pile of blankets and cushions on the floor to lay down; turn off the main lights and use only soft ones. Then, puts the move.

Finally, he’ll sit with you and hug you in his arms, whispering sweet things and everything he loves about you. The film is for back noise, because if there is something that cheers you anyone up is having Tom making slow love to you kissing and adoring each inch of your body.

Trickster (jokes, pranks…)

Jokes, pranks… are his thing, sure. As I’ve said before, he doesn’t have any problem in having prank wars with you. He never takes them too far, of course, because he would never harm you in any way. Tom will team up with his brothers against you; then, betray them and work with you to prank them, while you’re crossing him with Paddy and Sam.

Throwing popcorn at each other during movies and getting kicked out of the cinema, pushing each other to the water in the holidays, tickling him until he’s crying and, in return, having your feet ticked too. Tom and you area always messing with each other.

Underestimated (what surprised him the most about you?)

Probably that you’re not as obsessed as his fans. You know how to appreciate his work and the things he does, and know when the fame is too much for him and needs to feel like a normal person.

(I’m sorry this is short!)

Vaunt (how much do they show you off?)

Too.

Fucking.

Much.

That boy, that boy can’t stop talking about you. Sometimes, he’ll start talking and, when the person he’s talking to leave, he won’t even notice. He starts the conversation from nearly nothing. If someone says blue, he will start talking about how good you looked on the shirt you brought a month ago. If he smells cookies, he talks about how bad/good are you at cooking.

The worst thing are when you’re not with him. There are times where he has to be away from you for months. His castmates, usually the one who suffer him, have to endure his whining and puppy face whenever you finish the call you had with him or when he sees a picture of you.

Officially, you can say you have Tom Holland wrapped around your finger.

Wedding (do they want one and how they want it)

Tom wants to marry you and isn’t afraid of say it out loud. See that girl? Yeah, she’s gonna be my wife someday, man. After a year of dating, he had actually changed your name contact on his phone to ‘future wife’.

Also, he knows it has to be great. Sometimes he talks about that with you, late at night when you’re both in bed already. He wants something big; for example, a beach place. Yeah, he would like to marry in a beach, both of you in white with the sound of the waves behind you. In his mind, the most important part would be to represent your favourite movie; he doesn’t care how much it costs, how much he has to work.

For you, only the best.

XX (something you’re the only one to know)

That he has a spot, behind his right ear, that makes him crumbled into a fit of giggles and cute smiles. You discovered when you woke up one day and wanted him to pay attention to you. You ran your hands up and down his hair, as Tom hummed in happiness; when, without you noticing, your hand moved and you scratched his spot.

As soon as you did that, his legs kicked out of the bed and he curled into a ball, while giggling and scratching it himself hardly. You almost fell from your position, and looked at him with weird eyes.

Since that moment, you annoy him that way.

You (they talk about you)

“Dude, I’ve met this girl. I know I should have told you about her before but-damn, I didn’t even realise that the time flew by. She’s…I would actually call her perfection. Sweet, caring, nice and gorgeous. Most important, I don’t think I’ve ever feel this connected to anyone! She makes me laugh, happy and Tessa already loves her. I want her to meet the family, and to meet you, of course. But I don’t want to scare her away. I-I kind of see myself by her side for a long, long time Haz.”

Zzz (how do you sleep; probably include a visual)

Tom lays on his back, with your head resting on his chest. He had one hand making circles on your stomach or back, something to keep him distracted while you fall asleep. Because he likes to feel how your breathing becomes slow and how your face relax. His other hand is stretched, but as soon as you fall asleep, he always, always, run a finger through your cheek and just then he can fall asleep too.

Underneath the sheets, your feet are entangled, which leads to quiet curses when either of you want to go the bathroom. It might seem like a conventional way of sleeping, but both of you like it and Tom won’t change it.

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