#this is just a very romanticized way of me omitting the amount of times i broke myself down to make it here tbh

[yeetlinglaozus]

What made you want to become a stylist?

Yeef. Okay.

So I never actually wanted to do this until I was already swept up into it. I went to school with an emphasis on psychology and cultural studies, intending to stack that with sociology. I had a very clear ideal of me being an Intellectual™ and it was also largely expected of me to follow this course. Cut to me being absolutely inundated with constant work and stress and living a very sad book oriented life and having many breakdowns.

I’d always been especially good with makeup and styling friends for their big dos of our teen years and into early adult life. It was something oddly gratifying to me, to be able to take someone’s presentation and turn it into art and an expression of them. A friend that works in the industry had been one such person I did up a few times and she composed a pseudo portfolio of my works and submitted it for review to secure me a job as a cosmetic assistant without my knowing, and the ultimately roped me into agreeing for a weekend run at a smaller scale event. It was intoxicating and heady and I had a rush that was something my life of research and regurgitation was not plying me with. 

From there, I switched my education around to be more geared towards fashion merchandising and kept my cultural studies but became especially keen on cultural fashions and trends worldwide. I continued working as an entry level make up tech until eventually I earned enough recognition that I made it onto my first real glam team and was signed to a legitimate company that works with rising stars in both the music and film industries. I made it clear early on that my interests and intents lay beyond cosmetics and that I wanted to pursue styling, that I was stacking my portfolio with an educational backing (something that is not strictly necessary for personal stylists) and kept pleading and looking for opportunities to strike. 

Finally, we had a newbie artist that came in and was rather difficult for some of the more veteran stylists to handle as he was very particular about what he wanted his public image to look like. I happened to be lingering around and going about business as usual when he spied me and said he wanted a style like mine and brought me over to ask me a bunch of questions on what pieces I typically go with, brands, why I pair certain key features, etc. That was that and nothing came of it for weeks until there was some uproar about an artist having a bit of a fit about his glam team not being up to snuff; specifically he was upset with his stylist for not capturing the essence of the aesthetic he wanted to present (he said this in a lot harsher words, but it boils down to this lol) and asked about “that girl that looked seamlessly NG” which was me. I consulted with his stylist on how to achieve the look he wanted and thought that would be the end of it, but he was so pleased with the way I made him look he pressed management until I was contracted as his. By which time I had my degree and was only lacking true experience. He’s still my client to this day. 

This got longer than I intended but I struck some nostalgia and wound up talking more about how I got here than why. To really iterate what it is about styling and fashion that hooked me, I would simply say it’s that I enjoyed the idea of doing something with immediate gratification and the overwhelming satisfaction I feel to know that, according to what some artists and clients tell me, I boost their confidence by ensuring they look their best and tailor them to look sometimes completely opposite of how they are behind the scenes of their image. I like making people feel good by looking good. 

[pollyestergivens]

Peril in Pemberley: A Charming (Yet Frustrating) ND-Like Game

I played the Miss Clue game Peril in Pemberley, and it definitely scratched the old-school ND game itch for me--as well as reopened some old adventure game wounds.

I’ll say up upfront that this is definitely a niche game. If you’re not a fan of period pieces and cannot tolerate a plot with a slower pace, PIP is not the game for you. However, if you’re a Jane Austen fan or even enjoyed the show Downton Abbey, I recommend giving this game a try, even with all its unfortunate flaws.

Wall-of-text (plus pictures!) below:

A beautiful, believable game world

Peril in Pemberley is a lovely game. Are the graphics on the cutting edge of modern technology? No, but they are more than comparable to some of my favorite ND games. The characters are certainly robotic at times, but the environments are where the game really shines. Whether you’re exploring the decadent mansion or riding through the nearby forest, the game looks and feels cohesive.

Though ND games have had varying degrees of success with outdoor environments, the forest and estate of Pemberley actually feel convincing, as if there is no discernible “wall” around the game world. This, coupled with the reveal of more locations as the game progresses, really helps to make the experience immersive, as does the massive attention to detail within the mansion itself.

A lot of research definitely went into creating Pemberley, and it shows. There are tons of intricate embellishments, plenty of period paintings to gawk at, and lots of ground to cover. It really does feel like a large country house, sequestered away from the world in its own little piece of paradise.

The soundtrack features an array of classical music, which helps set the mood, though it could have benefited from some moments of silence rather than endlessly looping each area’s track.

In a lot of ways, this game succeeds at making the player feel like a young aristocratic lady, just going about her usual day while also solving a mystery. Ringing for your maid, having breakfast in bed, doing lessons from your governess, composing letters--these activities are the set dressing for the romantic mystery that unfolds and are precisely why those who do not appreciate period pieces will likely find PIP tremendously dull.

However, for people like me (you don’t want to know how many times I’ve watched Downton Abbey), I thoroughly enjoyed this bit of role-play. Had this game come out when I was 12 or 13, I’m certain it would have been an instant favorite. Riding around on your very own horse & solving a mystery about dashing highwaymen? Yeah, that was basically my childhood fantasy, and it was a joy to step into that little dream world.

Charmingly Terrible Voice Acting

Let’s just go ahead and say it: the voice acting in this game is not the best. Line delivery is sometimes robotic or just straight up odd, and the accents are...questionable. But strangely enough, I actually found this charming. It felt as if a bunch of friends and I were all pretending to be lords and ladies, which--in a very real sense--is what the game actually is: a way for modern fans to visit Jane Austen’s world.

Of course, your mileage may vary significantly on this point. However, I really wouldn’t discount the game on the merits of its voice acting alone, as other aspects of the experience are immersive enough to distract from this issue.

Realistic to a fault

As I inspected objects, explored new locations, and accepted tasks from various characters, I kept expecting to be hit with a slider puzzle or egregious mini-game, yet they never appeared. After the barrage of mini-games in the latest ND games (minus MID), I found this tremendously refreshing.

While some tasks may have been clunky in their implementation, I found many to be rather creative. The player is asked to pay close attention to detail, recall previous knowledge, use logic, and sometimes act fast. The choice to keep Jane’s tasks largely realistic helps to maintain the sense of immersion they were clearly trying to cultivate.

The story itself, of course, is a romanticized mystery surrounding gentlemen bandits, star-crossed lovers, and huge inheritances, but even here only minimal suspension of disbelief is required. The clues are well thought out, and there’s definitely a sense of having pieced together the truth at the end.

However, the game developers decided to omit something that actually ended up destroying my sense of immersion: an in-game hint system. I’ll admit that I’ve often laughed at the hints given by Bess or George in many of the ND games--since they magically seem to know exactly what you need to do next--but having them to call when you get hopelessly stuck is a great way to keep the player engaged (and also a great way to avoid the type of hint system used in the newer ND games). Anytime the player has to exit the game to visit a message board or consult a walkthrough, immersion is hopelessly broken--and I lost count of the times I had to exit PIP.

Sometimes, Jane would let you know what needed to be done next, but often times I found myself missing vital clues or aimlessly going through the motions of Jane’s day, hoping the next part of the story would somehow be triggered. Some players may enjoy this lack of hand-holding, but I found it to be frustrating more often than not.

Perhaps they weren’t sure how to implement a Bess & George type of hint system given the time period, but even something as simple as Jane keeping a diary would have helped tremendously. Unfortunately, these omissions only amplified some relatively minor gripes I had about the game engine/interface itself. 

Familiar interface, frustrating flaws

Any ND game fan will be right at hope with the Miss Clue game engine. It’s essentially an exact copy of the old HER engine, yet somehow a bit clunkier. For example, there is a fade effect each time you click, which I could have done without. I prefer the quick, snappy transitions of HER’s engine, but I could have easily overlooked this if the hint system issue had been addressed.

Instead, I was doomed to copious amounts of dreaded backtracking, made even slower by those fading transitions. And in a game world as large as the one in PIP, that’s A LOT of clicking around, even with their “Warp mode” enabled (which lets you travel somewhat faster).

Probably the most agonizing bit of backtracking was having to go allllll the way back to Jane’s room in order to summon your horse. In order to leave the estate, you have to go upstairs to Jane’s room, ring for the maid, request your horse, then go alllll the way back downstairs, outside through the courtyard, and then mount your horse. Is it more realistic to do it this way? Sure. But when you’re doing quite a bit of aimless wandering, this routine gets old pretty quick.

I definitely understand their choice not to implement a jump map for this game, but if there’s not going to be a hint system or some mechanism to keep you on track, I think being able to “teleport” to key locations--even just to Jane’s room--would have eased my frustration considerably.

The other interface issue was the hot-spot indicator. Just like ND, It’s a magnifying glass that turns red when you can click on something, but sometimes I couldn’t even tell it was red! This led to me missing several areas of interest and could have been easily remedied by making the red outline thicker.

All in all--give it a go

Again, if you’re not into period pieces, look elsewhere for your ND fix. But if you think you can handle the issues outlined above, I think you ought to give this game a try. It’s a fun, interesting mystery that sometimes even feels like a classic ND game, which I have sorely missed. Additionally, they seem to have a new Miss Clue game coming out around Christmas, so in this brave new world of life-after-MID, that’s a little something to look forward to.

[c-atm]

Shift in the Paradigm Chapter 3 (Part B)

"Uhh..Do you mean the Kiss or the “Air Skipping?”

“Both. Steven, you’re acting a bit reckless and brash. More so than usual.”

“We were falling, I just wanted to make sure we didn’t end up another magic based death statistic.”

“....Stop trying to make me laugh.”

“I can see the headlines now, Morbid! Two teens in accidental death, has hovering gone to far!?”

“pfft! Oh my gosh, that’s so horrid and stupid!”

“‘I blame those damn anime inspired fighting games with those double jumps and air dashes. In my day you only jumped once for a cross up and liked it.’ Says old-school gamers”

Connie couldn’t hold it in any longer as she broke out into howls of laughter at his jokes, holding her sides as she did, small tears running as she did. For her it’s been too long since she laughed like this, for him it’s been too long since he made her. When she finally calmed down a bit, she pulled her  of his chest and mounted his lap, facing him. His hands now at the curve of her waist. She reached for his face and gently pull his forehead down to meet hers, both of them closed their eyes as they fell into a relaxed silence.

“Thanks...I needed that.”

“Figured we both did after that fall.”

“We had worst.”

“I guess we did.”

“You...you still haven't explain the kiss.”

“You was hurt. Figured I should heal you.”

“Could've just licked your tongue and rubbed it in.”

“ Works better when it’s ingested, and there was no durian juice to backwash.”

“Hmm...Ok, I can believe that…”

“Well it’s the truth...so-”

That’s when he felt Connie's hands on top of his, gently  holding on, sweaty, calloused palms and fingers on top of rough knuckles and backhand. It was still weird to each other. To acknowledge strong, battle worn hands, being wield by such naturally gentle people. People would never intentionally engage in combat (without good reason), training excluded..but are not only capable of doing such; they are experts of the art. It was a testament to their lifestyle and the sacrifices they made. He didn't have to look up at Connie to know something big was coming, the way she held his hands and drummed his wrist with her index fingers said it all.

“Is that the only reason?”

there it is.

“...Do you regret it?”

“I believe I asked you first.”

“You’ve been asking questions...think it time you answered some.”

“Hmmmm….What if I did?”

“Doesn't sound like answering but dodging. 1000%, right Miss Knight?”

“...Not fair...Calling me that. You haven't used that one in a few..My Liege.”

“True, but now stop stall-"

“OF COURSE I DIDN'T!”

Steven was quiet for a moment, the declaration shaking him to his core and warming him up.

“Ok...maybe I’m looking too much into the ki-"

“YOU'RE MY BLESSING,CONNIE!”

Connie opened her eyes and was met with an intense, blush inducing stare, from Steven.

“Steven?”

“You're not a burden..You've never have been. I don't know if I’d be as sane as I am, if you weren't around...If i didn't have someone I can truly relax with and be my age with. Someone who don't  mind me unloading all the crap of my life on to them.Along with the fact you had my back through so much...I wouldn't be alive without you.

Physically,Emotionally, Mentally, you’ve helped me become stronger and to hear you DARE say you're a burden...that ‘this’ between us is a burden. Well, I just figured that you needed to be reaffirmed of the opposite. So I decided ‘shoot my shot’ as it were….So yeah. It’s a reminder that this... US..has and will never be a burden.”

Connie giggled after taking in what Steven stated. It was a small one but joy filled. She knew there was a bit more to it than a reaffirmation; he basically confirmed it when he admitted to ‘shooting his shot’.

“All these years… and you're still such a schmaltzy romantic.”

“You love it Nini, can’t lie about it.”

“No, I love you. I tolerate the romanticized schmaltz.”

“Sure, sure love you too..

“Of course you do. Have you seen me,  Hehe?”

Steven stifled a laughed when he saw Connie performed a very exaggerated model like pose.

“Yes yes.You’re a real work of art.”

“Awe. That's so sweet.”

“ But a work of art CAN'T compare to a work of Jojo.”

“Pfft..You are so dorky...”

“ Don't be afraid of my manliness, my charisma--.”

“Of your modesty? Delusions of grandeur?”

“Hey, I am very Jojo-esqe!”

“True,  you do have an overwhelming amount presence and charisma; and I’d be  remiss to not mention your manly body of masculinity...Damn you are a Jojo character.”

“Oh wow, you're definitely feeding my ego.”

“Well now that, I think of it you are without doubt…IGGY!”

Steven jaw dropped  in faux shock before tickling the sides of his jam bud causing an eruption of giggles as she ‘tried’ to escape his grasp.

“YOU SAVAGE  LITTLE MINX! You know, I’m no Iggy.”

“Whhhaaa haha Igg ahh iggy is coool ahaha!”

“Give the right name.”

“hehehe..That was the rrrriiiiahaha naname hehe!”

“Ohh I see, You want me to be  more aggressive!”

“Nooohilohoho! I’m sorrrhehehe! Pleehehese stop, stop. You're no iggy.”

“Who am I?”

“Hehe..huhuhu.hehuhu..Pet shop.”

“...GOING FOR THE BACK OF THE KNEES.,”

“AHHH-NONONONONO HAHAHAHEH. STOP..I’M SORRYHEHEHR.”

“What’s my name Nini, What my name?!”

“Hohojoohoojohooo jousuke!You’d be Jousuke!”

Steven gave a smug look before easing his hands off Connie, who glared at him. armed crossed coverings her sides and a side smirk on her face.

“You put yourself through tickle torture, so don't look at me like that ‘Mariah’.”

“ Mariah? hehe. Didn't know you thought I was that ‘attractive’, though I feel I’m more of a lisa lisa, joylene or Jotaro.”

“Yeah….I’m not the only one that thinks you're attractive, it seems.”

Connie arched an eyebrow at the sudden steel in his voice, it shook her how cold it felt. His eyes begged to ask a question, It seems like they were about to heavy again.

“Hey, how long have you felt that you was a burden, why would you even say that?”

Connie sighed and scratched the back of her neck, refusing to look at steven she turned her head away.

“I..I didn't  always think that..it just made sense after speaking to Ryan...I’ve just realized i’ve used you and hurt people, you and me included, due to my own pettiness. All because I refused to acknowledge something that’s always been there, something I thought I buried deep ...Stars, I’m am a terrible person. I insulted you for being in a situation, I placed you in.”

“What are you talking about,Connie?”

Connie took a deep breath, stared right into his eyes and spoke. She spoke about Ryan’s initial proposal and her refusal,his questioning and prying; her reasoning and explanations, his confession of affection; her rejection and offering of friendship. She told about their conversation involving her dating history. She told Steven every bit of her conversations with Ryan except for the parts involving her feelings for the hybrid. When she was done Steven could only look on, shocked by how much she told Ryan.

“Damn, can’t say i’m not jealous.”

“Steven, be serious.”

“I am. You’re not as shy or conserved as you used to, but I didn’t think you give your whole portfolio to someone you seemed to initially find annoying.”

“Well, he’s stubborn, but I do appreciate it. Put some things in perspective.”

“Oh! Like what?”

“I...I just told you.”

“You omitted somethings. If you can’t tell or don’t want to tell me fine, but I can tell by your breathing, something bothering you.”

Connie didn’t realize her haggered breaths until Steven pointed it out. With a deep practice inhale followed by a cool exhale she readied herself.

“I want to tell you, Steven. I have to tell you..but it isn’t easy. So before I do...Can you answer a few questions I have before hand.”

“Connie...It’s really important, huh, that I answer these questions first?”

“Imperative… Honesty, after this I don’t know what ‘US’ will even mean anymore.”

“What do -”

With a gentle touch of her finger tip the Indian beauty silenced the half diamond, before pulling away.

[loyalbreed]

M Y    G A W A i N     V  S   whatever the fuck people think about him. Im throwing hands down in this post so lets go. A few things before we begin, there are no real canonical?? Ages--to be honest I find this to be debated rather widely. I always hc Gawain to easily be my own age in his Mid 20′s due to where it is he is taken in life. I’m going to apologize in advance the names of some people slip past me, as someone who works 40 hrs a week and is trying to research other things at the same time!! My ability to retain information isn’t as good as I use to be. FURTHER there are many iterations always of the Arthurian Legends. As well as mass amounts of thesis and research material, this is my own pull from reading what I have. O O 1 .  ( This may be a bit touchy please read at your own risk! ) The Tale of the Green Knight is a story about Gawain more or less finding himself. He is youthful at this age in my interpretation he’s roughly in his teens. My biggest gripe and interest in this is the whole Ordeal with The King  ( Bercilak ). Gawain asks to say in his castle for the time being, waiting for his challenge etc. Bercilak agrees on one condition, whatever gifts he receives that he must return to him by the end of his stay. My  G R i P E and own individual interpretation which imo heavily reflects his personality as of now when dealing with women. Is ONE OF HIS GREATEST challenges in this story is his plight with Chasity. Gawain had that more or less taken by him, pushed and pulled--forced on him to think about. The Grand Ol’ King sends his wife purposely every knight to Seduce Gawain. Who refuses her, where he often times is just there sitting. Admitting that she is most beautiful and coaxing his nerves that he finds her most darling. She pushes himself onto him time after time. Night after night. And he is subjected to this. In some narratives it is him desiring her back but making the choice not to because he knows it is the right thing to feel. In others he is most uncomfortable, where its described she is kissing him where he is just there feeling it.  What  i m p o r t a n c e  does this have? A lot actually;  Imo Gawain is a victim in this story. First of all he is unacknowledged that in some cases his own damn mother put this all together. To ‘Challenge’ him as a man and a Knight. Forcing a woman onto him to test his ‘Chasity’--which if we all Know Gawain is thrown out the window as he often finds himself wooing women and before the battle of Camlann comes to Arthur in a dream surrounded by women. However he is forced into this subject at the beginning of his ‘Youthful’ endeavors as ALLOCATED in the story this is PRE KNIGHT Gawain this is one of is basically the story that makes him who he inevitably becomes!! So yes this is established in a air of his youthful tidings.  Also I think this is a great underlined issue on how people don’t think men can suffer the same things women do when they are forced into sexual situations they dont want to be. Hey so lets remember that.  ALSO HEY, afterwards he is put in situations afterwards where women are woo’d by him most easily. Want him. Desire him. Etc, I do not recall reading a moment where he was ever quipped with the desire of WANTING someone himself. Not at all. He loved and enjoys women, but there was not entirely a moment where he himself pursued anyone specifically? If there is I’ve yet to read it and there are far more times where the latter is true. Take the story of Ragnell, Arthur fucks up and in order to save his ass he needs basically to ship his favorite Nephew ( GAWAIN ) off to some old hag lady. Gawain much obliges, he understands and loves his King. Admitedly doing anything for them. The story of Ragnell is great I’d love to write a meta( like with the Green Knight )about that but rn, the point is. Gawain didn’t want to marry her it was an arranged marriage. So when he comments about having left his marriage behind and wishing to pursue women freely again. Like at least he knows what he wants? 10/10 .                 And ontop of that, despite it turning out all well in the end. Gawain was the MOST hospitable husband. He was loyal to her. He loved her. He respected her. And he made damn well sure he was the man he need be for her. It’s stated time and time again that Gawain was a Knight established with this romanticism about him. As if to say he was more or less the ideal Knight for women. This is established more in all sorts of literature as he is always very endearing toward standing up for women. And believing in what women do and their own choices. Further I stated that Gawain never truly pursued women and was always swept up by them in text. Gawain is use to making women happy, when he is around he is most pleased to make them smile. To see them smile. He is around women and they ARE ALWAYS happy. That is just how it is-- FOR ME I INTERPRET THIS as a means that he MUST ALWAYS make women happy. He almost sees it as a job or a conditioned fault of his that he must do. And if he fails--then this is bad on him as a knight and as a person. It is sad in a sense that with a lot of his literature imo it comes off this way, that he just need be this way. he must always be the Knight whom women most love and respect. But what does this have to do With N A S U ‘s interpretation! Actually a lot!!!!!!! I love Nasu’s version of Gawain its rather spot on save for a few sexist things that I feel are a matter of cultural differences. That could easily be omitted and chalked up to Gawain being an idiot, rude, Blunt more likely, or just daft. Most of his rude comments are almost always because the other person has done something that he himself feels its warrant by to say. Where as someone may state ‘well you should know better.’ Gawain would out right tell you, ‘You were stupid and deserved what happened to you.’ As such is the difference, Gawain calling Nero a Whore despite being an adversary of women in arthurian legend marked me as odd??? For Nasu to do that, something I kinda was like mmmmmmmmmmmm. I do not agree, but then I remember how hot blooded Gawain actually is in Arthurian Legend. He has killed people for lesser reasons, started fights because he didnt get his way, and ultimately was a bit??? A brat. So him being mad and choosing the route of acting like child and making rather uncomely comments could make complete sense. Im down for this aspect / interpretation of Gawain. Even the comments about breasts and constantly having a taste or judgement of women. Which makes me laugh because I joke he is a fuck boy cause he kind of is? But he would never? Like he might tell a woman ‘You are not my type because I like this type of women.’ It would not be to insult them but to make that evident! But in my interpretation I make it that he has fetishes ( big breast etc ), but would genuinely adore all types of women. Also that he would be a bit dejected and confused if a woman denies him but he wouldnt be so much as--harmed by the ordeal?  Tbh hes more like THOR so I append any comments I had jokingly though Gawain to be mildly sexist. It really isn’t that he is not purposely saying bad things, he genuinely likes women. Wants women to be women and do women things. HE just knows what he wants. Likes what he likes and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE WOULD PROBABLY TAKE A YANDERES LOVE AND BE LIKE???? OH SHOOT YOU WANNA KILL THE PEOPLE I LOVE??? I UNDERSTAND U ARE MOST EXCITED BUT I BEG OF U TO CEASE AT ONCE! Also if they kill him hes just like ‘well u are most welcome to try ma’dam.’ GAWAIN STRAIGHT UP WALKS IN ON BRYNHILD AND SIEGFRIED--WITH BRYN HAVING TIED HIM UP AND STRAIGHT UP WAS LIKE oh this is normal I apologize for intruding. As wel las Hakuno and Kiara--like Gawain is just stupid/daft/is chill with a lot. Which honestly if you put in aspect of a lot of the things with what I said prior. It can all tie neatly over and make a lot of sense.  Okay I think Im done venting/talking about him in this aspect!! I don’t condone his rather shitty words he’s an ass and says a lot of stupid shit. But I enjoy that he has personality--like dont get me started on his loyalty. This was about him + women + his lore and how this effects my interpretation thanks for reading.

[texasianotaku]

My Fall 2020 Otome Backlog

Crossposted on Otome Amino

Back in May, I got this little bit of a wild streak in trying to write up my backlogs, but in a smaller, more digestible way. For example, instead of overwhelming myself with extremely lofty goals of these massive lists of games and routes I want to play, I made a list of games and routes that I could feasibly complete in a matter of four months (through to the beginning of fall). I took into consideration that since it was summer (and also that I’m home with my daughter in the middle of a pandemic), that I should be able to accomplish it.

I didn’t complete the entire backlog that I had set aside, and that’s okay with me. I found that it was nice to have a directive instead of trying to blindly decide on my next route. Additionally, I feel like following the goals that I had written down in my last backlog blog really helped me with my focus and quite possibly allowed me to finish even more routes than I would have had I not written them down. It may or may not be really the case, but I feel it is. I think that this is something that I’ll want to continue to do seasonally to help me with tackling the monster that is my otome backlogs.

This is the list of routes that I successfully completed from my summer 2020 backlogs.

Abraham Van Helsing (Code:Realize ~ Future Blessings) Arsene Lupin (Code:Realize ~ Future Blessings) Azusa Kuze (Wizardess Heart) Comte de Saint-Germain (Code:Realize ~ Future Blessings) Episodes 3 and 4 (A3!) Impey Barbicane (Code:Realize ~ Future Blessings) Jaehee Kang (Mystic Messenger) Joel Crawford (Wizardess Heart) Karma (Cinderella Phenomenon) Kei Okazaki (Collar x Malice) Kent (Amnesia: Memories) Lupin’s Gang (Code:Realize ~ Future Blessings) Matheus (Beastmaster and Princes) Mineo Enomoto (Collar x Malice) Rod (Cinderella Phenomenon) Satoru (Bad Apple Wars) Souji Okita (Hakuoki) Takeru Sasazuka (Collar x Malice) Toichiro (Ayakashi: Romance Reborn) Toma (Amnesia: Memories) Twilight Common Route (Ayakashi: Romance Reborn) Victor Frankenstein (Code:Realize ~ Future Blessings) Vincent Knight (Wizardess Heart) Zen (Mystic Messenger)

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get to these routes. I did not take into consideration that Collar x Malice was as long a game as it is. I like to listen fully to the voice acting, so it does take me longer than usual to push through a console route with voice acting than it would take me to play a game with no voice acting. Also, I’ve learned that I have difficulty playing PC games because of the personal setting aspect. I’ve recently set up my office due to starting school again and have found playing games in my office is more conducive to playing PC games in general.

707 (Mystic Messenger) Aiji Yanagi (Collar x Malice) Fashioning Little Miss Lonesome Finis (Code:Realize ~ Future Blessings) Herlock Sholmes (Code:Realize ~ Future Blessings) Jumin Han (Mystic Messenger) Kageyuki Shiraishi (Collar x Malice) Mr. Love: Queen’s Choice Main Route Obey Me Main Route White Mask (Bad Apple Wars) Yoosung (Mystic Messenger)

These are the games and routes that I transferred over to my fall backlogs that I never got around to during the summer. The only ones I omitted were 707, Jumin Han, and the Obey Me Main Route. I’ve found that Mystic Messenger isn’t one of those games that you can play in one go, at least for me personally. Also, I don’t have much motivation to play them because I wasn’t too particularly impressed or touched by Zen or Jaehee’s routes. Additionally, of all of the joseimuke games I play, I’m the least interested in Obey Me’s story line than Mr. Love or A3! So that particular game’s plot is on the backburner for me as well.

Aiji Yanagi (Collar x Malice) Fashioning Little Miss Lonesome Finis (Code:Realize ~ Future Blessings) Herlock Sholmes (Code:Realize ~ Future Blessings) Kageyuki Shiraishi (Collar x Malice) Mr. Love: Queen’s Choice Main Route White Mask (Bad Apple Wars) Yoosung (Mystic Messenger)

For this section, I'll be talking about the new games and routes that I'd like to play and complete by the end of fall (December 20th). Each subsection within this category has a small exposition as to why I'm adding this to my pretty full list of games to play during the autumn season.

I really, really, really love both of these games. I feel like they both need more love, especially Ayakoi. Neither are strongly romantic, if at all, and I think that's a lot of the reason why they don't get as much play as some other games. I base this off of their sales numbers compared to games such as Mr. Love: Queen's Choice and Obey Me, which have made an explosive amount of money.

I have this tendency that if I don't need to read it immediately, I won't. And such is the case with both of these games. I have only played three routes on Ayakoi and am now behind on the new Act 2 episodes for A3!. However, my goal for this season is to simply complete the event stories that I haven't touched yet. That's eleven for Ayakoi and 8 for A3!. At least with A3!, I'm afforded the time to catch up since they are not doing events outside of the gachas (which I'm not counting here) and reading promotion for the Act 2 Episodes. I'm not too far behind, though, because I actually have been acting against character and making the effort to read the event stories as they come out.

I've been playing Ciagram games pretty chill for the past few months. I started Cinderella's Happy End when it first came out with the LOG app ("Love Stories and Otome Games for Girls) back in May. It's a simple game that doesn't require checkpoints or stat-raising. No avatars. Just 5 tickets a day, with the potential to gain an extra 2 tickets by viewing ads. I'm not exactly sure why I gravitated so much to this game. I think that maybe I needed a slice-of-life game in my routine. By now, I've completed the three other routes, and Kyosuke is the very last one I have to complete. 

As I've mentioned before, I've been playing Ciagram games really chill. In the past, you would've probably seen me playing 5+ of their games at a time. Now, though, I just don't want to do it. I think it's getting more stressful in my old age. 😝At any rate, with my full completion of Cinderella's Happy End coming up soon, I set my sights on Chocolate Temptation next.

There are a few reasons as to why this particular game as opposed to any. For the past couple of years, if I had some time, I'd play the ads on a lot of the Ciagram apps. I kept accruing story tickets, and back then, the tickets didn't expire. Now that it is on the LOG app, I've transferred those tickets as well as tickets to a couple of other games to the app, and now I'm sitting on 650+ free tickets. I need to use them by March 2021, so both Chocolate Temptation and Nightmare Harem are moved to the top of my list of Ciagram games to play.  

I could still also go for more slice-of-life otome. Seriously, I feel like there is a distinct lack of it in the past couple of years. And the art for Chocolate Temptation is among the more pleasing than many other Ciagram games.

I've been steadily playing through the routes that I haven't played on Wizardess Heart. It's not one of my favorite games, but I'm in such dire need for SWD content since they've officially decided to stop updating their still standing games with new content. ��😭😭 Despite how they have perceptively done us otome players wrong by removing the bulk of their content from mobile game stores, I still have a soft place in my heart for them and will still be a champion for their content.

Guy's route is the last route that I have to play in the Day Class series, excluding all of the sequels that they did. I haven't yet decided whether I want to move forward this fall with the remainder of the Night Class routes I have yet to play. I'll probably take a break until the winter to start back up with the 11 remaining routes I have for Night Class.  😪 

I'm already exhausted thinking about it.

My completionist heart wants me to finish playing all of the routes available in SWD's The Niflheim. I played most of the routes on the standalone before it shut down back in March. I have extra diamonds on my alternate Story Jar account, so I wasn't in a rush to finish JJ and Philippe's route. Of all of the routes, I had the least interest in theirs, so I stopped where I did for a break. I have Jean listed because he's the canon, but I already played his route on the standalone; he's just there because it feels like Niflheim Academy follows as if he were to be the canon for that AU story as well.

 I'm pretty excited about playing these two indie PC titles, Ebon Light and Seduce Me: the Otome. Seduce Me has long been on my to-play list, and I've seen a lot of hype about Ebon Light. Apparently, on the Otome reddit page, it's their indie game of 2019. Tbh, even given the new circumstances of my PC habits, I probably wouldn't have chosen these games as my first games to play on PC, that other PC games held priority. I'm very thankful to the OA Book Club for giving me the push to prioritize these over other games.

I first heard about Piofiore when it first came out for the PS Vita from a friend of me. She effectively built up some hype, but not too much because at the time, I didn't know that it would get localized. I was super psyched when Aksys made the announcement that they would localize Piofiore. I love the mafia-theme as well as the time setting, regardless of whether is is the Taisho Era or the Roaring Twenties. Would the Roaring Twenties apply outside of the US? Idk, but I still romanticize that time period and really like it.

The only reason why Piofiore holds greater precedence on my backlog than Café Enchanté though, is just because of the release dates. Had Café Enchanté released earlier than Piofiore, I would have had that on my to-play list sooner than later. I'm hyped for both games. Realistically, I don't see myself starting Café Enchanté until near the end of the year, and that's me being ambitious. Despite that, I've still preordered both games.

This is another game that would've probably taken me forever to play had it not been for the OA Book Club. We've progressed through two routes, and due to the reading schedule for the remainder of the game, we'll be able to finish right before the long-awaited fan disk, Evermore, releases at the end of November.

 While I'm not dying over Cinderella Phenomenon, I'm floored by the amount of work that went into it. And for the developer to offer such a high quality game for free is astounding. The story is very creative and well-paced. I'm not sure if I'll be playing Evermore shortly after; I suppose that depends on how I feel when I completely finish the game.

 For the past year and a half, maybe two years? I've been working my way through the routes on SLBP. I'm sitting at seven routes remaining that I have not completed at least one ending (excluding Act 2 and Unification). I was a little conflicted about who I should play in this backlog round, but a dear friend suggested I play Saizo for a trope that I love. And she's been wanting me to play Shingen for a long time because he's her best boy. She may not tell me that she wants me to play him when I make my decisions, but I know that she dies a little inside when I tell her the next route that I'm playing. 

...But then, Kojuro's Act 2 Splendor was just announced. 😬 Even though I'm not a huge fan of avatars, there's something about an early completion challenge that brings out the event loving trash that I am.

Did you know that you can still access some of the Shall We Date? premium games that were taken off of the mobile stores back in March? 👀👀👀 As long as you still have the app on your devices, you can still access the content. This applies only towards the premium games that you had to pay for. The free to play games went offline almost immediately. RIP Modern Cinderella, I'll never forget you. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I was able to save these games by recording them on a high speed, but since they're still currently available to access for me, I'd like to go back to record and read them with the sound. This applies to Castle Break and Guilty Alice.

For My Sweet Prince and Ninja Love, I still had them on my iPad and hadn't updated the thing in years so that I could retain the stories. It's time that I finally complete these games so that I could bring my iPad to the 2020s.

If you know me, this one is kind of no-brainer. I usually play IkéSen and IkéVamp routes completely within three days of release, dependent on the story boosting times in the concurrent collection events that they do. Theodorus bears mentioning simply because his route is coming out soon, like a week from when I post this blog.

I will say, when IkéVamp first released in Japan, Theo was the very first I had my eye on. His character design is top notch and hits all of my favorite aesthetics when it comes to 2D boyfriends. However, as time passed, I kind of lost interest in him because of his penchant of calling the MC a dog in Dutch and his sadistic ways. I'm generally not a fan of sadists or LI that treat MCs as an animal. I am hoping, though, that he proves me wrong and I go back to thirsting for him like I did when the game first released. Come ask me again in a week.

This year, I played every route on Amnesia except Shin, whom I completed back in 2018. My friend and I played this together, and if it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't have picked it back up again, or at least any time soon. So I have her to thank because it quickly became one of my favorite games that I played this year. We're wrapping up our playthrough of the game with Ukyo, who you can only play once you've completed all other routes. Right now, I'm on Day 6, and I'm still wondering what the hell is going on. I'm looking forward to a wild ride, just like the rest of this game was. Since I played Shin so long ago, I might even replay him.

No outro for this blog. I've got my work cut out for me. ✌️

[therealmanishtana-blog]

This Wednesday, the March for Racial Justice released a statement apologizing yet remaining steadfast about their decision to hold the event on September 30th this year, a date which happens to coincide with Yom Kippur. It was an eloquent, sensitive, and vulnerable apology. It is also one that should never have had to be written.

Did *you* know that September 30 is the anniversary of the Elaine Massacre of 1919 in Elaine, Arkansas, during which more than 200 Black men and women—many WWI veterans--were killed in cold blood by a mob of white citizens and law enforcement in what was the largest state-sanctioned massacre of black people in US history? Because *I* didn’t. And I’m *Black*. This isn’t like North Carolina Pride which was scheduled on Yom Kippur simply for the arbitrary reason of it always having being held on the last Saturday of September.

And if you are among those who weren’t aware of the significance of Sept 30 to a march specifically inspired by over-policing of Black and Brown minorities, then how is your lack of awareness so different from the lack of Jewish sensitivity that you’re caterwauling about that you should feel so self-righteously outraged?

Also, while we’re on the topic, kindly explain how the choice of Sept 30, without checking for Yom Kippur, for a Black and Brown justice march about anti-minority police violence, is an attack of Jewish liberals or the left “erasing” Jews? And no, don’t *now* pull the “but Jews of Color” card out of your back pocket.

Because we’re convenient talking points for you or as political weapons to expose the failings of intersectionality, but you don’t much want to hear from us when we’re actually in the room. *Don’t* pull out the “Jews of Color” card, because us Black and Brown Jews get stripped of our Jewishness in social movements, and “Jewish involvement” only begins once white Jews arrive. If you’ve ever talked about “Jewish involvement” in BLM, as if one of the very *founders* of BLM wasn’t Jewish herself (ie, Alicia Garza), then have several seats. *Don’t* pull out the “Jews of Color” card, because we’re also part of Black and Brown communities, and active in them, and we’re perfectly capable of talking to and coming for our own. We don’t need you cloaking your upset at having your hurt white feelings denied centering in Black and Brown-led decisions and activism as you “talking for” us. And if you’re so beholden to the idea of white policing of Black/Brown activism, of not allowing Black/Brown decisions to stand without white protest, then don’t “wonder why” the Jewish/Af-Am alliance of the Civil Rights Movement fell apart. Because you’re just repeating the same mistakes.

(And before somebody gets into *that*: Do. Not. Talk. To. Me. About. Jews. During. Civil. Rights. If your most significant proof of social engagement and moral uprightness is an event from *three* generations ago, then that is a problem, and you need to figure out why, just as much as Republicans having to reach 150 years back to claim Lincoln to prove support for minority rights).

So here’s the ugly truth: The [white] Jewish community has not only failed to lead the modern movement for racial justice, it also has not been at its forefront. It has been lethargic to the table at all the formative moments. And this is how things like this happen. There is no strong “pro-Israel” in, say, BLM, because by the time pro-Israel Jews decided to stick their toes in the water, pro-Palestinian and anti-Occupation groups were already in the pool because they answered the call when it was given. There aren’t many Jewishly observant-minded events or gatherings because observant Jews largely don’t come to the table. If you want sensitivity and inclusion and intersectionality, you kinda have to show up *before* the dust clears and do the work of building the table and your seat at it. Jews are not *owed* a seat at any table just by dint of resting on wilted 60-year old laurels of romanticized involvement in the Civil Rights Movement.

And yes, “romanticized”.

The Civil Rights Movement was a predominantly Black one, and its heavy lifting was done by ordinary Black folk. Yes, [white] Jews had a disproportionate amount of involvement, but only in relation to *white* populations, not Black ones. And that involvement speaks nothing to the apathy of Southern Jewry as a whole, or to the reluctance and even opposition of American Jewry on average. The demand for [white] Jews to see themselves depicted in every aspect of the CRM, all the time, is also what partially led to the alliance’s disintegration and its tepid state today. Case in point, the outrage at Heschel's lack of inclusion in Duvernay’s “Selma”. Yet no such uproar from those same folks committed to historical fidelity when the far more pivotal Fredrick Douglass was omitted from Spielberg’s “Lincoln” two years earlier.

But back to today, you can’t sit on the sidelines and offer minimal or implied support, but then get in a tizzy when scheduling leaves you out. This march began its planning on June 16. No Jewish groups thought to come to the table until the date was announced *last week*? C’mon now. And then, when given the rationale for the date, you patronizingly acknowledge its significance to Black history, then summarily dismiss it as not mattering because *you* have to be in shul? Also, by whose terms must Black/Brown-led activism conform to religious practice? Especially when it comes to Jewish practice?

After all, there are Jewish organizations that *specifically* plan actions, marches, and protests on Jewish holidays for the added gravitas. Furthermore, Judaism is the only religion which contains any kind of denomination or observance that restricts travel, carrying, etc. Why would the organizers think that Jews *wouldn’t* be able to just…walk? Even myself, as an observant, Orthodox Jew, there is nothing inherently keeping me from participating in the march during the break between Musaf/Mincah and Neilah except perhaps lack of blood sugar.

Is there anti-Semitism on the left? Yep. Is there an erasure of Jews in general? For sure.

But this march is not an example of either. If we want to be represented, we need to show up. And not after the fact.

And now, after all this righteous indignation and outrage, there had better be an outpouring of Jewish attendance on October 1st—from individual Facebook Jews all the way up to the Mayim Bialiks of the world—to justify all of this belly-aching.

Otherwise this was just all sound and fury to justify something that was never a priority in the first place.

(And, as always, feel free to share.)

[sowhatisthisfor]

Movies 2017

List of films I watched in 2017 from best to worst.

Updated soon after I’ve seen them.

Lady Bird [Greta Gerwig, 2017, United States] Small scale with great impact. It's the type that doesn't want to make you cry but makes you cry anyway. I love it with all my heart. 10/10

Call Me By Your Name [Luca Guadagnino, 2017, Italy, Brazil, France, United States] Its authenticity is incredibly palpable, I can taste it in my mouth. Something made with much love, my heart aches. Timothée Chalamet is remarkable. That last frame is unforgettable. 10/10 

Bliss [Jerrold Tarog, 2017, Philippines] Touches the fine line between dreamland and reality, and examines dreams or aspirations as mere illusions. It is wicked. It’s well-crafted. It’s a mindfuck. It’s deeply, as in deeply affecting 10/10

Your Name [Makoto Shinkai, 2016, Japan] Star-crossed love at its smartest, warmest, and vividly-made anime. Something highly satisfying, I have no words. 10/10

Arrival [Denis Villanueve, 2016, United States] An admirable sci-fi thriller where aliens teach humans about humanity. 10/10 

Salvage [Sherad Sanchez, 2017, Philippines] A film that’s meant to look like a found footage, with one single camera perspective. It used unconventional, long continuous odd angles and silence that made it feel so raw and real, it’s haunting. 10/10

Moonlight [Barry Jenkins, 2017, United States] A rare impressionistic film on a man’s struggle to finding himself, something so rich in poetry and visual excellence, it’s spell-binding. 10/10

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri [Martin McDonagh, 2017, United States] Too much hate and too much heart both at the same time. It is as shocking as it is enchanting. 10/10

About Elly [Asghar Farhadi, 2009, Iran] Its narration of a mystery is already engaging but its inner observation of truth and convictions is even more captivating. 10/10

Respeto [Treb Montreras II, 2017, Philippines] Uses the power of words to compare past and present. Shows the cycle of oppression in a well-crafted film of bewitching artistry. 10/10

Beats Per Minute (BPM) [Robin Campillo, 2017, France] Goosebumps. This is a film clear of its objective, it is exhilarating and exhausting in the good kind of way. 10/10 

Thelma [Joaquim Trier, 2017, Norway] Meticulously-crafted film that questions fundamentalism as a basis for joy and purity. I yearn for films as poetic as this. 9.5/10

On Body and Soul [Ildikó Enyedi, 2017, Hungary] Too cold yet too heartfelt in all its complexity. 9.5/10

Manchester by the Sea [Kenneth Lonergan, 2016, United States] a quiet yet profound drama narrated too effectively resulting to a mournful yet beautiful symphony. A film that brings the kind of sadness that is both painful and alluring. 9.5/10

La La Land [Damien Chazelle, 2016, United States] Is really technically excellent, but is also really disconnected. Kind of something you adore rather than love. 9.5/10

Bad Genius [Nattawut Poonpiriya, 2017, Thailand] Brimming with excellent editing and direction, it is a thriller and an ingenius commentary on how social class inequalities lead to inevitable corruption. Brilliant. 9.5/10

Les Innocentes [Anne Fontaine, 2016, France] a battle between religious order and moral conscience, one whose importance cannot be omitted. 9.5/10

L’enfant [Luc Dardenne, Pierre Dardenne, 2005, France] It offers the kind of suspense that attacks your soul rather than just your senses. 9.5/10

First Girl I Loved [Kerem Sanga, 2016, United States] a tender coming-of-age drama that tackles discovering self-identity and the fear that comes with that realization. So raw, it’s thrilling. 9.5/10

Birdshot [Mikhail Red, 2017, Philippines] Beautifully shot, it swims along two storylines at par -- both in search for impunity in a corrupted society. Too relevant. 9.5/10

Grave of the Fireflies [Isao Takahata, 1988, Japan] Save your fragile heart, this isn’t for the emotionally weak. 9.5/10

One Week Friends [Masanori Murakami, 2017, Japan] There’s a good reason for my sunken eyes right now, right? 9/10

Vertigo [Alfred Hitchcock, 1958, 2012 restoration, United States] Where obsession leads to objectification of love and desire. 9/10

El Acompanante [Pavel Giroud, 2016, Cuba] Distinct character pairing in an equally distinctive tales of adversity. 8/10

Battle of the Sexes [Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris, 2017, United States] Makes me feel bad for not being alive yet when it happened. Ace. 8/10

Love You to the Stars and Back [Antoinette Jadaone, 2017, Philippines] Kind of wants to make you believe in destiny, kind of succeeds in that sense. A tender take on teenage love and loss, so pure, it’s precious. 8/10

The Killing of a Sacred Deer [Yorgos Lanthimos, 2017 Greece, UK , US] Yet another solid psychological thriller by the master of contemporary enigma. 8/10

If Cats Disappeared From the World [Akira Nagai, 2016, Japan] a tearjerker drama that examines the essence of living as opposed to just merely existing. 8/10

Coco [Lee Unkrich, 2017, United States] Understands what La La Land doesn’t -- relationships shouldn’t suffer when achieving our dreams. 8/10

Changing Partners [Dan Villegas, 2017, Philippines] uses strong dialogues and character play that makes it rare and magical. 8/10

Paterson [Jim Jarmusch, 2016, United States] Poetic is an understatement. 8/10

Chemi Bednieri Ojakhi (My Happy Family) [Nana Ekvtimishvili, Georgia, 2017] Paints quite vividly a life of a woman in a patriarchal society. Remarkable. 8/10

Beach Rats [Eliza Hittman, 2017, United States] Overall, a substantial commentary on the stigma of homosexuality and its effect on why people choose to hide. 8/10 

Krigen [Tobias Lindholm, 2016, Denmark] Feels a little rushed in the end, but affecting overall. 8/10

Little White Lies [Guillaume Canet, 2010, France] I love these characters too much to the point of wanting them to be real. 8/10

Paki [Giancarlo Abrahan, 2017, Philippines] an illustration of how even the most prosaic narrative could be weighty through the power of storytelling and good direction. 8/10

A Gift [Jira Maligool, 2017, Thailand] One of those films that could effortlessly make you laugh and cry. Charming. Very very charming -- definitely a favourite. 8/10

Personal Shopper [Olivier Assayas, 2017, France] A subtle but dreary take on grief. Slow but rewarding in the end. 8/10

Moglie e Morito [Simone Godano, 2017, Italy] Could be the funniest film I have watched this year. 8/10

Hacksaw Ridge [Mel Gibson, 2016, United States] Is one of those war films that stand out. 8/10

Hidden Figures [Ted Melfi, 2017, United States] For those questioning the existence of women figures in history, here’s a good start for you. 8/10

D'Ardennen [Robin Pront, 2016, Belgium] Just about the right amount of violence and grim unpredictability paced quite effectively. 8/10

Mother! [Darren Aronofsky, 2017, United States] It wore me thin down to the core then ended quite brilliantly. My social anxiety is triggered, I am petrified and annoyed both at the same time. 8/10

Blade Runner 2049 [Dennis Villanueve, 2017, United States] Despite its cringe-worthy attack on my feminist self, it actually has a rich cinematic vision of a bewildered 2049. 8/10

Ang Larawan [Loy Arcenas, 2017, Philippines] Has such polished musicality that it overwhelms you to the point of it defying the flaws. 8/10

Lipstick Under my Burkha [Alankrita Shrivastava, 2016, India] Comes with great intentions but lacks the powerful female characters the film supposed to have. 8/10

L’Avenir [Mia Hansen-Love, 2016, France] At this point, everyone should know that there is nothing Isabelle Huppert cannot do. 8/10

Nocturnal Animals [Tom Ford, 2016, United States] This is how a writer dies, and this is how a writer comes back with a kill. 8/10

La Tortue Rogue [Michael Dudok De Wit, 2017, France, Japan] A dialogue-less animation that proves that silence speaks a thousand words and could even provoke deep thinking. 8/10 

Everybody Loves Somebody [Catalina Aguilar Mastretta, 2017, Mexico] Nothing much is special and new about it which is why I don’t understand why I love it to a great extent. 8/10 

Baby Driver [Edgar Wright, 2017, United States] The ending blew it, but I had so much fun anyhow. 7.5/10

Loving Vincent [Dorota Kobiela, Hugh Welchman, 2017, Poland-UK] Focused too much on visual mastery, wasn't impactful, narrative-wise. 7.5/10 

I, Tonya [Craig Gillespie, 2017, United States] Despite Robbie's knockout portrayal, I still need to connect more with Tonya Harding. 7.5/10

Dunkirk [Christopher Nolan, 2017, United States] Boasts Nolan's technical superiority. 7.5/10

Tu Pug Imatuy [Arbi Barbarona, 2017, Philippines] Great. Everything here feels authentic, it’s powerful. 7.5/10 

Wonder Woman [Patty Jenkins, 2017, United States] More than it being a feminist is it being human and that I think is more important. 7.5/10 

That’s Not Us [William Sullivan, 2015, United States] Very real and natural, I’m nostalgic for reasons I cannot explain. 7.5/10

Other People [Chris Kelly, 2016, United States] So subtly-made, yet is filled with so much emotions. I have much respect for this. 7.5/10

Logan [James Mangold, 2017, United States] Could be the marvel movie that made me feel the saddest. 7.5/10

Kita Kita [Sigrid Andrea Bernardo, 2017, Philippines] I have a problem with what it's trying to romanticize, but I still find it romantic, I'm conflicted. I don't know but i tend to like films/books that border on finding comfort in loneliness. Kita Kita understands that concept pretty well.  7.5/10

You’re Ugly Too [Mark Noonan, 2015, Ireland] An engaging journey of two unusual characters thrown together infused with a great sense of authenticity. 7.5/10 

The Beguiled [Sofia Coppola, 2017, United States] Powerhouse cast in one of their most memorable performances. 7.5/10

Star Wars: The Last Jedi [Rian Johnson, 2017, United States] I like how it understands the inevitability of war, and how good and evil coexists. 7.5/10

Singing in Graveyards [Bradley Liew, 2017 Philippines, Malaysia] It’s the things that it did not say that made this movie stirring. 7.5/10

Kiko Boksingero [Thop Nazareno, 2017, Philippines] A small movie with lots of charm. A film about longing and finding satisfaction from things that are there all along. 7.5/10

Haunted: A Last Visit to the Red House [Phyllis Grande, 2017, Philippines] a quiet little gem. I would have want to cut it shorter though. 7.5/10

I Saw the Devil [Kim Jee-Woon, 2011, South Korea] A traumatic examination of how a monster is made. Creepy yet insightful. 7.5/10

Bagahe [Zig Dulay, 2017, Philippines] Proves that mental disturbance hits my emotions more than seeing physical violence. Affecting once digested. 7.5/10

Baconaua [Joseph Israel Laban, 2017, Philippines] Hypnotizing. A small-town tale with profound ideologies buried under its simplicity. 7.5/10

Alipato: The Very Brief Life of an Ember [Khavn, 2016, Philippines] An enjoyable mix of weird artistry, whimsical storytelling, significant animation. Ridiculous but ridiculously exceptional. 7.5/10 

Jackie [Pablo Larrain, United States, 2016] Portman delivered a warm performance in what could be a cold memoir. 7.5/10

Italian for Beginners [Lone Scherfig, 2001, Denmark] an enjoyable character-driven story of adults finding love in the most unexpected moments. 7.5/10

Backstory [Joschka Laukeninks, 2017, Germany] Insightful in all its vehemence. 7/10

Heartland [Maura Anderson, 2017, United States] A lot of technical expertise is lacking but it's heartbreaking just the same. 7/10

The Hitman’s Bodyguard [Patrick Hughes, 2017, United States] To hell with that, I enjoyed it. A lot. 7/10

The Journey [Chiu Keng Guan, 2014, Malaysia] Gives you a glimpse of Chinese culture against the backdrop of the beautiful Malaysian landscapes. I really had fun. 7/10

I’m Drunk, I Love You [JP Habac, 2017, Philippines] Makes you feel so much. Something too relatable, it’s terrific. If only for its music scoring, it’s already worth the watch. 7/10 

Vince & Kath & James [Theodore Boborol, 2016, Philippines] wait taym pers, bakit ampogi nung bagets? 7/10

The Girl King [Mika Kaurismaki, 2015, Sweden, Finland] has a strong female character who does not dare conform to society’s truths. 7/10

Captain Fantastic [Matt Ross, 2016, United States] a thoroughly-observed film that asks too many radical questions that can only be answered by contradicting its own philosophy. Quite a realization that balance is the key to life. 7/10 

La Pazza Gioia [Paolo Virzi, 2016, Italy] The chemistry and the friendship formed between Beatrice and Donatella is a delightful box full of surprises. 7/10

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time [Mamoru Hosoda, 2006, Japan] an entertaining anime on time travel done with slick sensitivity. 7/10

The Write Moment [Dominic Lim, 2017, Philippines] Incredibly funny. Unfamiliar yet relatable. 7/10

Baka Bukas [Samantha Lee, 2017] A realistic take on coming out and drifting apart. 7/10

The Battleship Island [Seung-wan Ryoo, 2017, South Korea] Kind of an upset for a big-budget film. It was entertaining anyhow. 7/10

One Day [Banjong Pisanthanakun, 2016, Thailand] I could buy the romance here but I wouldn’t. Still quite good though. 7/10

Hunt for the Wilderpeople [Taika Waititi, 2016, New Zealand] Boasts really funny puns, and spectacular landscapes. All fun. 7/10

Nabubulok [Sonny Calvento, 2017, Philippines] With how much I read and watch crime and legal thrillers, I find this film very problematic in more ways than one. Still worth a watch though. 7/10

Cafe. Waiting. Love [Jiang Jin Lin, 2014, Taiwan] Better if cut into two different films. Says something important somewhere. 7/10

Instalado [Jason Paul Laxamana, 2017, Philippines] Has a creative approach in showing education as a privilege in a world of Insta-everything. Clever, it resembles the paranoia Margaret Atwood gives, and the subtle societal dysfunctions Yorgos Lanthimos offers. 7/10

High Tide [Tara Illenberger, Philippines, 2017] There’s something beautiful behind this film’s innocence. Too slow for my taste though. 7/10

Sa Gabing Nananahimik ang mga Kuliglig [Iar Lionel Arondaing, 2017, Philippines] Experimental with its cinematography and is probably its greatest strength. It’s 4:3 frame explains the film pretty well. 7/10

The Edge of Seventeen [Kelly Fremon Craig, 2016, United States] Full of hypothetical teenage angst, and coming of age romance. Was okay. 7/10

Certain Women [Kelly Reichardt, 2016, United States] It takes patience to watch this, but in the end, the winning silences and subtleties are worth it. 7/10

Atomic Blonde [David Leitch, 2017, United States] I love it. I hate that they killed the part of her that makes her human, but I love it. 6.5/10

Siargao [Paul Soriano, 2017, Philippines] Succeeds as a promotional movie for the island’s tourism but falls short on its storytelling of a narrative that should have been affecting. 6/10

Tisay [Borgy Torre, 2017, Philippines] Has an interesting turn of events and neat filmmaking to back it up, but it isn’t as effective as I hope it to be. 6/10

All Of You [Dan Villegas, 2017, Philippines] Why is it so hard to give Jennylyn Mercado a character that's likable? 6/10

Medusae [Pam Miras, 2017, Philippines] A lot of potential but felt a bit crammed. 6/10

The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister [James Kent, 2010, United Kingdom] Anne Lister in eighteen hundreds is interestingly and impressively way ahead of her time. 6/10

Death Note [Adam Wingard, 2017, United States] First 40 minutes was awesome. Last hour is spent deciding whether to finish it or not. 6/10

The Other Half [Joey Klein, 2017, Canada] Finds perfect balance in its two leads whose portrayals of self-destructive individuals are astounding and believable. Maslany is a gem. 6/10

La Lengua de las Mariposas [José Luis Cuerda, 2000, Spain] A bittersweet take on patriotism and cowardice powered by its distinct simplicity. 6/10

The Neon Demon [Nicolas Winding Refn, 2016, United States] It was doing pretty well before it tried too hard to be grotesque. 6/10

Water Lilies [Céline Sciamma, 2007, France] A little bit pretentious and typical. An exploration of sexuality with nothing much else to offer. 6/10

Split [M. Night Shyamalan, 2017, United States] James McAvoy is good. Aside from that, this film is trash and extremely flawed. [6/10]

Past Life [Avi Nesher, 2017, Israel] Clattered and unfocused with a number of things happening all at once. 6/10

Lady Macbeth [William Oldroyd, 2017, United States] As empowering as that should be, I had a hard time liking her character as a feminist. 6/10

100 Tula Para Kay Stella [Jason Paul Laxamana, 2017, Philippines] I’d like it to be more poetic, I’d like it to be more heartfelt. It’s inconsistent production design and sloppy editing is also kind of distracting. 6/10

Bar Boys [Kip Oebanda, 2017, Philippines] Nothing more than just watching a movie about men in law school. 6/10

KFC [Le Binh Giang, 2017, Viet Nam] Wicked. A reverse perspective of how life would be if we are animals. Interesting to be honest. 6/10

My Cousin Rachel [Roger Michell, 2017, United States] Perhaps its strength is how well it makes us delve into its characters without knowing who’s side to favour. 6/10

The Girl With All the Gifts [Colm McCarthy, 2016, United Kingdom] Whatever I say about this film is a biased opinion for being madly in love with the book. That said, I have higher expectations than what was delivered. 6/10

Les Chansons d’amour [Christophe Honoré, 2008, France] Has an interesting take on love, intimacy, and sexual desires, but has an ensemble of half-baked characters to make it work. 6/10

Passengers [Morten Tyldum, 2016, United States] I kind of find problematic as a sci-fi, kind of find it okay as a romance. 6/10

Almost Adults [Sarah Rotella, 2016, United States] Even with its uneven acting, I really find it entertaining. 6/10

Lila Says [Ziad Doueiri, 2005, France] Anything involving cross-culture captures my attention intently. 6/10

Our Love Story [Lee Hyun-ju, 2017, South Korea] I would love to have liked it but the chemistry doesn’t work for me. 6/10

El Jugador de Ajedrez [Luis Oliveros, 2017, Spain] With its precise and slick storytelling, it’s hard to pinpoint what went wrong. 6/10

It [Andy Muschietti, 2017, United States] A good take on trauma, a boring horror. 6/10

Confessions [Tetsuya Nakashima, 2010, Japan] Just another revenge thriller in a not just another cinematic style. 6/10

Jamais Contente [Emilie Deleuze, 2017, France] It was charming but wasn’t anything more than that. 6/10

Eight [Peter Blackburn, 2017, Australia] That has got to be the most exhausting film I have watched. 6/10

Little Sister [Zach Clark, 2016, United States] A quiet and sentimental journey to realizing one’s growth. 6/10 

Beauty and the Beast [Bill Condon, 2017, United States] I am just not made for this. 6/10

Creepy [Kiyoshi Kurosawa, 2016, Japan] Cliche, and because you expect it not to be cliche, it’s not cliche being cliche. 6/10

La Vie en Rose (La Mome) [Olivier Dahan, 2007, France] Despite Marion Cotillard’s amazing portrayal of Edith Piaf, the narration is kinda dragging that you find yourself exhausted halfway to the end. 6/10

High Art [Lisa Cholodenko, 1998, United States] Solid, sexy, crafted characters. a psychological rollercoaster. 6/10

My Egg Boy [Tien Yu Fu, 2017, Taiwan] Problematic for my feminist standards, a little bit entertaining still. 5/10

Einmal Bitte Alles [Helena Hufnagel, 2017, Germany] One of those films that refuse to grow up. 5/10

The View From Here [Kellen Garner, 2017, United States] The lack of chemistry is distracting. I like Garner's performance tho. 5/10

Can’t Help Falling in Love [Mae Czarina Cruz, 2017, Philippines] There’s cuteness there somewhere, it’s just lacking a believable story. 5/10

Breathe [Andy Serkis, 2017, United States] It bores me, then it gets me. Then it bores me again. 5/10

Before I Fall [Ry Russo-Young, 2017, United States] Well that's a major disappointment. 5/10

Maestra [Lemuel Lorca, 2017, Philippines] Has something good to tell but wasn’t executed good enough to make it great. If not for Angeli Bayani and her effective portrayal of an Aeta teacher who walks 5 hours to reach school, I would have given this a failing grade. 5/10

Bhoy Intsik [Joel Lamangan, 2017, Philippines] Good intent but done in mediocre filmmaking. 5/10

Above it All [Anysay Keola, 2015, Laos] a glimpse of Laotian culture and familial traditions that surprisingly still exist. It was okay. 5/10

Below Her Mouth [April Mullen, 2017, United States] Besides the sexual chemistry between its two characters, nothing much is in there. Just another erotic lesbian film that's already bordering on soft porn. Not buying the "love" there. 5/10

The Autopsy of Jane Doe [André Ovredal, 2016, United States] I most love it for its suspense, I most hate it for its horror. 5/10

Slumber [Jonathan Hopkins, 2017, United States] A sleep doctor who uses wikipedia for research ruined it. bahaha 5/10

Heart Attack [Puri Jagannadh, 2014, India] Kind of too long for something that’s going nowhere. 5/10

Collateral Beauty [David Frankel, 2017, United States] Wow, what a waste of powerhouse talents. 4/10

Requited [Nerissa Picadizo, 2017, Philippines] Should have been boring but its bad sound design made me more frantic than bored. 4/10

Tell Me How I Die [DJ Viola, 2016, United States] Something that could be interesting, only it fails miserably. 4/10 

Ang Pamilyang Hindi Lumuluha [Mes De Guzman, 2017, Philippines] Somewhat funny, somewhat just another film you enjoy while it lasts. 3/10

Olaf's Frozen Adventure [Deters, 2017, United States] Kind of wasted my time, really. 3/10

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer [Tom Tykwer, 2006, United States] Dragging and fabricated. Materializes women, mis-manufactures beauty, and misunderstands love. I hate it with passion. 3/10 

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse [Christopher Landon, 2015, United States] It’s full of laughs and nothing else. 3/10

Mr Church [Bruce Beresford, 2016, United States] Shouldn’t be as boring and disconnected as it is if it was written better. 3/10

Better Off Single [Benjamin Cox, 2016, United States] Let’s just say if this film is the only man left on earth, I’m still gonna be better off single. 3/10

Where’s Sydney [Marsh Allen, 2017, United States] Where is it going? Nowhere really. 3/10

The Painter’s View [Kim Hee Chul, South Korea, 2017] Too short at 66 minutes but too long to keep me interested. 3/10

Mujeres con Pelotas [Ginger Gentile, Gabriel Balanovsky, 2014, Argentina] Doesn’t quite hit the senses, couldn’t engage enough. 3/10

Liebmann [Jules Herrmann, 2016. France, Germany] Has a nice backstory to offer but is somewhat trapped in the present. 3/10

Everything, Everything [Stella Meghie, 2017, United States] a lousy stupid story of a girl who needs saving by a boy. Yuck. 2/10

Voice from the Stone [Eric Howell, 2017, United States] a slow nonsensical thriller that goes nowhere. 2/10

Poolside Man [Hirobumi Watanabe, 2017, Japan] I would blame this for losing my sleep at night cos I napped during this afternoon screening. 2/10

Marry Me at Christmas [Terry Ingram, 2017, United States] Rachel Skarsten is the only reason how I got through it. 1/10

Ang Guro Kong ‘Di Marunong Magbasa [Perry Escano, 2017, Philippines] If there is one film to avoid this year, make it this one. The kids were good but they’re in unbelievably wrong hands. 0.5/10

Kamandag ng Droga [Carlo J Caparas, 2017, Philippines] I absolutely don’t know why I watched this. Help me unsee. 0/10 

[seak1ng]

 I think I wanna outline that Rumiko Takahashi Style dream I had that I mentioned recently because I can’t stop thinking about it.

So I’ll describe the original dream. Like i dreamed it sorta in first person, like sometimes it’d be third person for certain scenes? Anyway I’m doing to describe a main character in third person because it’d feel weird to describe it in first person.

I think the strongest Takahashi vibes in this dream were al Ranma 1/2 flavored because the setting was a modern “japan” but there were super traditional / historical feeling elements everywhere too. The love interest for example was a samurai lookin fuck who was kind of a junk merchant who lived like, you know, a traveling merchant samurai fuck would. But this was like right outside a big city lol

Oh and I don’t remember when in the story it came up but SOMEHOW my dream brain managed to give the samurai fuck a name and that name was Hayase? Wild. I don’t think I’ve ever named a character in a dream before lmao

Alright, anyway, dream narrative starts the main character and her mom browsing a market? Main character intrudes in samurai fucko item merchant Hayase’s section- for some reason she just wasn’t supposed to be poking around there and he really fucking hated it and at this point he makes it his life mission to chase her down and catch her for... the crime of intruding I guess? The why didn’t seem important, the point was that this is where a chase narrative begins.

There was a segment where main character tried to leave the country but she had to keep hiding from samurai man, so she just sent her mom on home and decided to keep running this little goose chase a little while longer (with the idea that she’d catch a flight after she lost him)

There were a fuckload of parkour chase scenes? Which was actually super fun to dream about. It’s also very Ranma because like you know how in that anime and otherse like it, anyone who does any amount of martial arts just has the ability to jump around on anything, y’know? Lots of those scenes played like Ranma fight scenes.  As narrative scenes they’re pretty meaningless filler. It was only a little scary, being pursued, but there was a fun mood to it. Like it was only the first chase scene that was particularly tense and as the dream progressed it developed from a vengeful hunt to both parties genuinely enjoying the cat and mouse game.

There was one scene where the main character had given him the slip for a good long time so she took up a job in like a traditional theater + pub kinda situation. Took some time to stay in one place and  “rest” (even tho she was working through it) and save up some money. Eventually Hayase DOES turn up at the, but the idiot doesn’t even recognize the main character because she’s dressed so dang different. It was a fun scene where she got to mess with him a little before he caught wise, and then the chase resumed.

I never really dreamed up a proper reason for this chase to be happening? But the guy was super desperate to catch her by the end. The vengeance angle also disappeared long since. I guess the reason was he caught feelings or some bullshit because thats how anime do, right. 

By the time the chase was drawing to an end it was morning so like it stopped being 100% dream generated, and I was just slightly conscious enough to like... start editing while dreaming? The last scene had Hayase catch her and be like “Hey I’m not going to hurt you and we can stop doing this chase thing I just want you to know We Cool (and also I’d like it if you spend more time with me but won’t force it)” I mean the dialogue was more appropriately dramatic and anime but that was the gist. I think Dream Brain was planning some kind of reveal that would’ve given a better story reason for the chase to be happening but whoops I woke up before it got there

---- SO, fixing it ----

Like the romance being tied to literal pursuit is something.... like that’s one of those things where you know I’d be bitching about it along side other shojo manga that disappointed me. As a plot that’s effectively an Enemies to Lovers plot, however, I eat that shit up. The issue is that having a male character pursue a romance this way sucks because when real men IRL act that way its fucking terrifying and bad. While my dream didn’t play out like a standard romanticized stalking, it’s a little too close for comfort. I probably will make Hayase a woman or nb person because that not only gays it up but also removes the element of real fear that comes with the plot of being pursued by a man. So its easier for it to be a fun romp.

I think I will omit the modern parts of the setting because the only time they were relevant were in the parkour scenes. I like working in fantasy settings anyway. I thought about renaming Hayase but man, if your dream produces a specific name like that you’d better use it, right. 

I think the main character will be some sort of master thief and her swiping something from Hayase is what motivates the fight. There’s a lot of potential there for making the plot stronger. Of course it’s some imporant McGuffin. Maybe something that turns out to be dangerous or attracts the attention of other people who want it, so it turns the two person chase into this huge scramble. then THAT might give the main characters reason to put their game on hold and team up. There’s lots of places in this plot that allow for stronger relationship development.