#this is just a RUNDOWN of what we've talked about smh

[unfogged-arc]

some reaper thoughts, specifically in regards to @dimensionalspades jack.

reaper hates soldier, full on. hunts him down, drops everything when he hears he's in town or somewhere nearby. his entire existence as reaper has been hunting overwatch agents down and eliminating them, as well as his revenge on jack. because he does blame jack for what happened to him, for their fight and the explosion, essentially dying and being brought back by moira in the absolute worst way.

so he finds jack again, and they fight and exhaust themselves, because they're both super soldiers fueled by hatred and neither truly has the upperhand on the other. and despite the years apart and being different men, they still know each other's fighting styles. but when it comes down to it reaper finds he can't kill soldier, can't kill jack. won't do it. he can't pull that trigger.

this leads to essentially an existential crisis for reaper ( and soldier, but less quickly ). he can kill anyone without a nanosecond of hesitation but he can't pull the trigger on the man he's hated for the last seven years? he can't commit the crime he's thought about more often than he cares to admit? it leads to more fights, weeks or months apart, each time lasting a little shorter than the last. sometimes they exhaust themselves to the point of sitting across the room, glaring at one another, or unable to meet eyes, sitting in a familiar silence. one time their masks come off, quite literally, and they just sit there, staring at each other's broken faces.

and every time he sees jack, there's a little bit less hatred in his body. he begins to wonder what happened to them, begins to think less like reaper and more like gabe. because seeing jack properly for the first time in a long time brought back memories and emotions he hasn't felt in a long time. the first time he sees jack without his mask, there's a pang in his chest, feels something other than anger and hatred.

and soon reaper stops fighting him, angering jack all the more but eventually he gives up too. their next meetings involve sitting in silence for long periods of time. maybe a question, a curt answer. silences lessen, physical gaps between them closing. reaper, for the first time in far too long feels like gabe again, at least when he's with jack. realizing he has found another reason to live, realizes he does not want to be in talon anymore, it not being what he was promised at the beginning.

the man beside him being a reason he joined talon and became reaper, but being the reason he wants to be gabe again. and he knows he can't leave reaper behind — talon wouldn't let him leave unscathed, wouldn't let him leave alive most likely ( giving widow the job of taking him out, because widow doesn't feel but amelie somewhere in there still can ). and he's done unspeakable things as reaper and that's not something that goes away when you throw away that alias. he still turns to smoke, still wraiths unexpectedly or at will, that never going away ( thanks moira ).

but he can be a bit of gabe again too, can't he? as a little treat?