#this is how the sauna test should’ve gone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

psychdelia · 3 years

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steve knows he’s being fucking stupid. that he should grab his stupid scoops ahoy hat and shirt and put them back on.

but he’s never been too bright, especially when he’s in love.

“open the door.” he meets shaky breaths and silence. “open the door!” he snaps at the kids behind him, eyes locked on his boyfriend, rocking back and forth in the sauna.

these damn kids were about to get themselves killed. he has to save them yet again, but it’s not just their asses on the line. billy is in there, possessed, and max couldn’t get through to him so now it’s steve’s turn to try. shirtless, scared steve who has no idea if he’ll make it out of there alive. running on love and adrenaline, he doesn’t care.

eleven cracks the door open just enough for him to slip in, locking it again.

steve starts sweating immediately. it’s hot. billy is just sitting there, rocking back and forth, knuckles white as they grip the bench he sits on.

steve slowly drops to his knees in front of billy, keeps distance between them as he stares up at his boyfriend. his expression is blank, lost, but his eyes. fuck, his eyes. they’re so sad. exhausted and glazed over, wet with unshed tears. he doesn’t know if billy’s all there, or even there at all.

“billy.” he murmurs softly, hands hovering above his knees, not quite touching him. too scared of what might happen if he does. “billy, baby, it’s me.”

steve doesn’t have the time or energy to deal with the shocked and confused gasps that come from the kids, not when billy’s eyes finally meet his. they brighten just a touch with recognition, still red rimmed and teary.

“hey.” steve smiles sadly. “i-i know you’re in there. i know you’re probably so fucking scared, but you gotta be strong. you’re so strong billy, you just gotta fight.” steve’s hands finally land on his knees, not daring to squeeze or startle him. or the mindflayer.

a tear rolls down billy’s cheek, face unmoving.

“i know.” steve frowns sadly, smoothing circles over billy’s knee with his thumb. “i know you’re tired of fighting and hurting. please, billy, it’s just one last time. i’ll keep you safe and make sure nothing - no one ever hurts you again.”

more tears roll down his cheeks.

“i promise.” steve adds softly. “i know you’re in there, i know you see me, hear me. come on, billy, talk to me. please.” steve begs. he doesn’t realize how the sauna has gotten significantly hotter.

doesn’t have time to worry about it when billy finally cracks and breaks, broken sobs and whimpers leaving his throat. he chokes out a broken “steve.”

the clarity comes back into his eyes, sadness and fear written all over his face.

“he made me do it,” billy cries, shaky hands grabbing onto steve’s and squeezing so tight.

“who? what did he make you do?” steve climbs up onto the bench beside billy.

he should be scared, shouldn’t be pressing their sides flush and ridding of any distance between them. but with billy back to consciousness and seeking his comfort, well he has a little glimmer of hope and lots of love to give.

“i don’t know he-he’s like a shadow. he made me hurt people. i don’t wanna hurt people, steve, please forgive me. i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.” he’s crying freely now, slumping against steve.

“it’s okay, it’s okay. it’s not you, baby, you’re not doing this. none of this is you, but you gotta stay with me. you can’t let it take you again. we’re almost done, just. please stay.” steve’s voice breaks off at the end, holding billy up as his shoulders shake through sobs.

“heather.” billy whimpers. “she’s in m-my trunk. i don’t wanna hurt her anymore but he’s making me.”

“we’ll get her out, okay? she’ll be perfectly fine, just like you. just breathe and stay with me.” steve rubs billy’s back, catches sweat on his fingertips and palm. he glances up to find max tossing lucas the key to the camaro before he sprints out. he comes back with heather, looking shocked and scared and sad.

“it hurts.” billy whines through gritted teeth. “it’s so hot. he-he likes the cold.”

“i know. we’re gonna get him out of you soon. you just gotta keep fighting. gotta stay with me. then everything will be okay. i can’t lose you.” relief washes over steve as billy nods weakly, shaking and crying in his arms.

steve pulls billy even closer and tighter. he’s starting to burn up too, skin sweaty and prickling. he can’t even imagine how billy feels, burning from the inside out. he sneaks a glance out at the kids, catches their shocked and sad eyes. he finally finds eleven’s, big and too strong for a kid her age. she must read his mind because then she’s nodding and reaching toward the thermometer. her eyes are shut tightly, face contorted in pain and determination. it takes a second, but the room gets impossibly hotter.

“too hot.” billy hisses, his skin burning up beneath steve’s hands. they’re both too hot, skin red and sweaty and on fire.

“we’re almost there.” steve reassures. “you love the heat. the california sun and beaches and warm water. this isn’t any different. i’ll take you back. take you to all the beaches and your favorite stores and restaurants and try those street burritos you always talk about. i’ll burn under the sun while you get golden tan and hot to the touch. i wanna give you the world, billy.” steve rambles.

billy cries harder, so scared and in so much pain.

“i love you so much, fuck. too fucking much it hurts. i don’t want you to hurt. not anymore. please just fight him out.” the room feels like it’s getting hotter, steve’s chest getting tight.

he thought he knew love. thought he had already gone through the trial and error of being in love with nancy.

that’s nothing compared to this right now.

“what if i can’t and-“

“you can.” steve cuts him off fiercely. “you can and you will.” the room feels like it can’t get any hotter, feels like it already it.

steve’s moved on from love and sadness and grief. he’s angry, now. so hot and sweaty and irritable. he wants billy to get angry.

“fuck him.” steve spits. “fuck all of them. your mom for leaving you, your dad for hurting you. all the teachers and adults in your life who failed you. fuck this shadow. fuck them! don’t let them win. you’ve been through so much, too fucking much. you can’t give up now. can’t prove them right.”

billy just weeps, shaking his head.

steve gently grabs his face, such a contrast from the anger running through his veins. he coaxes billy into looking up, making eye contact with him.

“listen to me. you’re billy fucking hargrove. you’ve been fighting your whole damn life and you’re so close, so close to winning. to being free and letting me drag our asses back where you belong, under the stupid fucking sun on the stupid fucking sand. you lose now, there’s no more beaches. there’s no more warm water and burritos and sand stuck in your hair for days. you let him win - your dad, the shadow - you lose so much worth fighting for. you hear me?”

billy nods. he’s stopped full on sobbing, left with a quivering bottom lip and leftover tears wetting his cheeks.

“so be my strong, stubborn hardheaded asshole boyfriend and fight this thing out. NOW.”

billy clenches his jaw, nostrils flaring as the fire simmers underneath blue.

“NOW!” steve yells.

the room is as hot as it can get, eleven’s screaming at the thermometer about to break through the fucking wall. max is crying in heather’s arms and the boys are chanting and yelling, cheering billy on.

billy’s eyes and veins are turning black, body twitching before he’s screaming in pain and agony, the black shadow leaving his body and crashing through the sauna ground. it feels like it goes on forever despite it only being a minute, the mindflayer fucked up entity finally leaving billy’s body and leaving a hole right in the middle of the ground.

billy gasps for air and slumps against steve once the room stops shaking and lights stop flickering and the black hole looks more like layers of cement and foundation. he coughs and heaves, throwing up black goo. steve holds him upright, makes sure he’s gotten everything out of his body and system.

steve gently pulls billy back up when he’s reduced to groans and whimpers, beyond relieved when he finds billy’s eyes and skin have returned back to normal, no traces of black or mindflayer left behind.

“hey, hey, hey. billy, you there? look at me.” steve cups his cheeks in his hands, forcing billy to look up at him.

he looks like shit. red and sweaty but worryingly pale at the same time. his hair is damp and flat, sticking to his face. steve can’t imagine that he looks much better himself.

“tacos.” billy finally speaks. he looks up at steve. “they’re street tacos. not burritos.” he grins, sideways and tired but still billy.

steve smiles so fucking wide, heart too big for his chest as he pulls billy into the tightest fucking hug, peppering kisses all over his face and head.

“let’s get you out of here.” steve helps him up, guides him around the hole in the ground and out of the sauna after el opens the door for them.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #this is how the sauna test should’ve gone #wdym this isn’t canon???#billy and steve are so in love #and steve is blinded by love

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thebuttocksjournal · 7 years

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Max. Max. Max. Roxanne? What's wrong? - Hello? Hello? - Max! Where the heck are ya, man? - P.J.? - You should've been here an hour ago. What? Whaddya... Hold on. - Oh, no! - Look, maybe we should just call the whole thing off. No way, man. It's now or never. Well, you better get a move on. I'll meet you at my locker. - Mornin', son. - Dad! Oops. I forgot. Mornin', son. Came to see if you had any dirty clothes. Yeah, well, there they are. Help yourself. - Max, I thought we talked about this. - Yeah, look, I'm sorry, Dad. I'll... I'll take care of it later. - What's the big rush? - I'm running late. Ooh. I could drive you in on my way to work. Uh, no. No, thanks. I, uh, I need the exercise. Aw, come on, Max. Dad! No. Oh, Dad, you ruined it. Sorry about that? Who was he anyway? It's only Powerline, Dad, the biggest rock star on the planet. Ohh, not bigger than Xavier Cugat, the mambo king. Everybody mambo. Dad! Come on. There's no time for this. What if the neighbours see us, huh? Maxie, wait up! You forgot your lunch. Have a good day. They've been laughin' since I can remember But they're not gonna laugh any more No more Maxie the Geek No more goof of the week Like before No more algebra tests 'til September No more lookin' at losers like him - No more havin' to cheat - No more mystery meat - No more gym, No more gym - No more gym, No more gym - Gonna move to the mall - Gonna live in the pool Gonna talk to Roxanne and not feel like a fool 'Cause after today I'm gonna be cruisin' After today she'll be mine After today my brains'll be snoozin' If I don't think I'll be fine I've got 40 more minutes of Home Economics - Then down with the textbooks - And up with the comics Just think of all the time I've been losin' Finding the right thing to say But things'll be goin' my way after today She looked right through me And who could blame her I need a new me Plus some positive proof that I'm not just a goof And after today I'm gonna be cruisin' No more pep rallies to cut Blah After today my brains'll be snoozin' I'm gonna sit on my butt I've got less than an hour And when this is ended I'll either be famous Or you'll be suspended Just think of all the time I've been losin' Waiting until I could say Gonna be on my own Kiss the parents goodbye Gonna party from now 'til the end of July Things'll be goin' my way after today I wish that this was the day After today - Are you all right? - Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. I just, uh... Down the, the stair. I was... I came. I can't believe I did that. She finally says hi to me, and what do I do? I choke! Ha-yuk! I looked like a big spaz. Where have you been, buddy? Hi, Peej. Did you get the camera? Look, Max, if my dad catches me with this, he'll kill me. Are you sure we gotta do this? It's my only chance, Peej. To Roxanne, I'm, I'm just a nobody. But after today... Bobby. Wow. Look. A-All this is for us? Mmm. Slurpage. Oh, this is gonna be so great, man. - Dude, need fundage, bro. - Oh, your fee. Yeah, yeah. Right here. Cheddar! Cheddar whizzy! Mm. It's pretty scrumptious. Let's do it, ladies. As student body president, I just wanna say, like... "yea," to all of us for a really neat year. Yo, Stacey! Talk to me. Talk to me. Talk to me, baby. And, also, that I hope you can all attend my totally amazing end-of-school party... next Saturday to watch the Powerline concert live on pay-per-view. Thank you. Thank you very much. And now without further ado, Principal Mazur. Thank you, Stacey, and good morning, boys and girls. You know, every year on the last day of school... I have several youngsters approach me and say... "Principal Mazur, what can we do to not waste our summer vacation? We don't wanna waste our free time sleeping or visiting friends." Say, uh, Roxanne, about Stacey's party... How you, uh, how you doin' down there, Bobby? Don't gimme that attitude, you guys. I'm doin' it all for you. This is nuts. I don't why I let you guys talk me into this. If my dad finds out, he's gonna nuke my entire existence. Of the element. Or... - I hope this works. - How about science slumber parties? Wha... Hey! I'm not gonna get... Some people settle for the typical things Livin' all their lives waitin' in the wings It ain't a question of "if" Just a matter of time Before I move to the front of the line Once you're watchin' every move that I make You gotta believe that I got what it takes To stand out Even if I gotta shout it loud 'Til mine is the only face you'll see Gonna stand out 'Til you notice me, yeah A little smokage. If I can make you stop and take a look at me instead of just Walkin' by There's nothin' that I wouldn't do if it was gettin' you to notice I'm alive All I need is half a chance A second thought, a second glance To prove I got whatever it takes - It's a piece of cake - To stand out Wow! Who's that guy? 'Til mine is the only face you'll see Gonna stand out Hey, it's the goof boy. We're busted. Come on. Smile. Smiley wily. Oh, come on, Kimmie. Give me a big s... Stop goofin' around. We got work to do. Okay, Kimmie, back to Mommy now. You're such a cute little girlie. Oh, come back and see me. Oh, you have such a way with children. "You have such a way with children." Pah! Okay, now, who's next over here? Step aside, Goof. Let a pro show you how it's done. Okay, who's next over here? Oh, hello, precious. You lucky woman. Now, now, now, you come on here, honey. - It's picture time. Come on. - Peekaboo! - She's so cute. - Peekaboo! Gosh, Pete, you sure are good with kids. Oh, yeah. Well, they love me. Why, P.J., he's been beggin' me to take him on vacation this summer. Really? Where you goin'? Campin'. Nothin' like the great outdoors to strengthen the bond... between a father and a son. Oh, Max'd never go for anything like that. - I don't know, Goof. Something's wrong... - Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme. when a kid won't spend time with his parents. What, for all you know, he's runnin' around with some gang... and stealin' stuff and causin' riots and... - Gimme! Gimme! - Oh, Max is a good kid. He'd never get mixed up in somethin' like that. I'm a failure, complete loser. My one chance to impress Roxanne, and I blew it. Uh-huh. Max, look. It's the leaning tower of cheese-a. Oh, man. My dad is gonna smash me like a bug. Hey, P.J. Detention. Robert Zimuruski. Okay, I'm comin'. Max, here. Guard this with your life, dude. Hey, Mazur. What's up, bro? All right. Then my parent's air conditioning went on the fritz, so I figured with all... those kids in my house, the place would be like a sauna, so I'm all freaked out, but then I thought, like, "Use it," so my theme's gonna be: Powerline goes rain forest. Too much? Roxanne. Are you listening? - Stacey, no. I don't wanna... - Talk to him. Tap him. - Gosh, I'm sorry. - It's okay. Really. - Um, I-I liked your dance. - Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, it's from Powerline's new video. I know. He-He's totally a genius. Y-Yeah, he's, uh, he's doin' a concert next week in L.A. Oh, yeah. Stacey's showing it at her party. - Yeah. - Yeah. Um, uh, Roxanne... I was, uh, sorta kinda thinkin' that maybe I'd, uh... ask you to go with me, that is, to the party. Of course, if you don't want to, I'd completely understand. Well, I was sorta kinda thinkin' that I'd love to. - Yeah? - Yeah. - Good. - Great. - Terrific. - Wonderful. - All right. - Okay. Come on, Roxanne. We don't wanna beleaguer the moment now, do we? - Well, I better be going. - I'll, uh, call you later. Okay. Bye. Oh. - Bye. - See? That wasn't so bad. - I told you men are easy to deal with. - Yes! She said yes! Everybody mambo! But it's not my break yet. Yeah! Dance with her. Groove with her. - Miss Maples! - Yes, sir? Get that boy's father on the phone at once. Right away, sir! Whoo! - Hello? - Uh, yes, Mr Goof. This is Principal Mazur. I'm calling in regard to your son, Maximilian. Max? Oh, my gosh. Is he hurt? No, Mr Goof. He's in trouble! Trouble? What kinda trouble? - Dressed like a gang member... - Gang member? your son caused the entire student body to break into a riotous frenzy. - Riot? Couldn't be my... - If I were you, Mr Goof... I'd seriously reevaluate the way you're raising your child... before he ends up in the electric chair. The electric chair? What am I gonna do? Blue-light special on aisle three. Blue-light special on aisle three. Lake Destiny. Okay, kiddo. Now smile. - Lake Destiny, Idaho. - Lake Who... What? You were right, Pete. Nothin' like the great outdoors... to strengthen the bond between father and son. - You said so yourself. - Well, yeah, but I... I'm goin' fishin'! I'm goin' fishin' with my boy! Yeah. Okay, precious, gimme a big smi... Fishy! Fishy! - Cool concert, lad. - What? You wailed, bud. - Hey, Max, wicked dance. - Thanks. Forget it, girl. He's Roxanne's. Way to go, man. I just heard about you and Roxanne. - Oh, Peej. - You stud. See? See? I told you our plan would work. - Max. Max! Max! Max! - Maximum! Maximum! Max! Max! Max! Max! Max! Max! Max! Max! Max! Max! All I need is half a chance A second thought A second glance to prove I got whatever it takes It's a piece of cake To stand out above the crowd Even if I gotta shout out loud 'Til mine is the only face you'll see I'm gonna stand out Stand out, hey Stand out Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Stand out 'Til mine's the only face you'll see Gonna stand out So you notice me - Goin' somewhere, Pop? - Sure are, pal-o-roony. Cool. Have a good time, Dad. If you're gonna be gone more than a month, drop me a line. But, Max, this isn't just my vacation. It's a vacation with me and my best buddy. - Oh, Donald Duck? - No, silly. With you. Are you okay, Maxie? - Wh-What did you say? - That's right! A vacation, son! We'll spend some real quality time together. - I think I'm gonna be sick. - Hey! Got a present for ya. No, Dad. Stop. I can't go with ya. I got things to do. You look just like I did at your age. - Please don't say that, Dad. - Wait. I saved the best for last. It's been handed down from Goof to Goof to Goof... and now, it's yours, son. - A stick? - No, silly. A fishin' pole. Fishing? We're going fishing? Yup. Just like my dad and me did. Two best buddies fishin' on Lake Destiny... away from it all. I don't wanna be away from it all, Dad. I like it all. Hey, look, Maxie. We're usin' the same map me and my dad used. We'll take the same route and make the same stops and see the same sights. - But that trip'd take weeks, Dad. - Exactly. - Gettin' there is half the fun. - Put the map away, Dad. It's not gonna happen. - I'm tellin' ya, it's not... - Careful, son. You'll wrinkle my past. And our future. What the map says, Max, we will follow. That's very mystical and everything, Dad... but, uh, seriously, there's this party I have to go to. Oh, there'll be plenty of time for parties when you're older, Maxie. Why, when I was your age, I'd never even been invited to a party. Look at me now. - Great, Dad. - Hop in, Maxie. No. All right, then. Guess I'll just have to go... all alone, that's all. Just sit in the boat all alone... and talk to myself. - All alone. - I guess so. - Aw, come on. Hop in. - No, Dad. - Just hop right in there. - No. Come on, Maxie. Go for it. And we're ready for takeoff. - Set for adventure, Maxie? - Why are you doing this to me, Dad? 'Cause I don't want you to end up in the electric chair. - Electric chair? What are you... - I'm not givin' up on you, son. Together, we're gonna work this out. - Work this out? But, Dad... - No "buts" about it, Maxie boy. - Your old pop knows best. - But... Goodbye, house. Goodbye, mailbox. Goodbye, pile of broken wood. Goodbye, hopes. Goodbye, dreams. Goodbye, Roxanne. Roxanne! Dad, I-I gotta stop somewhere first. I-I have to talk to someone. - Well... - Quick! Turn here! Dad! Dad! Watch out! Dad, quick! Here! Pull over. Now make it quick, Maxie boy. We gotta put some road behind us. You get and cancel your first date in less than an hour. Must be some kinda lame-o record. Hi. Is Roxanne home? Uh, m-m-my name's Max. Does Roxanne live here? - Does she even live on this block? - Wait. It's okay, Daddy. Max is a friend from school. Go on. Go on. Good daddy. - Hey, Max. - H-Hi there. You wanna, uh, have a seat? Daddy! I promise, he'll be better behaved when you pick me up for the party. Yeah, that's, uh, sorta why I came by. I'm really looking forward to it, Max. - Yeah, I was too. - Was? You see, my dad's on this stupid father/son kick and... Oh, don't worry about it, Max. It's just a dumb party. No, it's not. It... Roxanne, I really wanted to go with you. I... - No, I... Max, I understand. Really. It's okay. - But my dad surprised me. - I don't even wanna go, but I have no choice. - I'm sure I can find... someone else. - Someone else? - I'll just talk to you later. Uh, uh, Roxanne, uh, my dad is, uh... My dad's taking me to the Powerline concert in L.A. Your dad's taking you clear across the country just to see a concert? Uh, well, you see, uh, my dad... uh, knew, knows, knows Powerline. They... They used to play together in, in a band. Yeah. Come on, son. Let's get this show on the road. Uh, just a minute, you party animal, you. - You're really serious. - Absolutely. So, uh, you aren't still thinkin' of goin' with someone else, are you? - Well, I guess... - Because I was hopin' I could, uh... wave to you on stage when we join Powerline for the final number. This is incredible. Well, I wouldn't miss our date for anything that wasn't incredible, Roxanne. Have a great time at the concert, Max. I'll see you on TV. I'm in deep sludge. Day one. Well, here we are... out on the open road, retracin' the steps of my boyhood. And here's Maxie. Say hi, Max. - Well, how 'bout a wave? - Not now, Dad. What a kidder. Hmm. Fun games I used to play with my dad. "Road bingo. Twenty que..." Hey, Maxie, uh, let's play a game. You think of a name, and I'll try and guess who it is. - Uh, man or woman? - Oh, man. Man, huh? Hmm. That's a toughy. Uh, let's see. - Walt Disney. - Right. I'm good at this. Now, uh, I'll think of one. Hmm. Oh! You wanna sing a song, huh? Me and my dad used to sing this one all the time. High hopes He's got high hopes He's got high apple pie In the sky hopes Oh, in the... Oops there goes another rubber tree Oops there goes anoth... Oops there goes Oops, Oops Oh, g-great, Dad. Now we don't have any music. Oh, Maxie, it's not so bad. We'll just have to entertain ourselves. Do ya need a break from modern livin' Do ya long to shed your weary load If your nerves are raw and your brain is fried Just grab a friend and take a ride together On the open road Come on, Maxie! All in all I'd rather have detention All in all I'd rather eat a toad My old man drives like such a klutz that I'm about to hurl my guts Directly upon the open road There's nothin' can upset me 'Cause now we're on our way Our trusty map will guide us straight and true Roxanne, please don't forget me I will return someday Though I may be in traction when I do - Me and Max relaxin' like the old days - This is worse - Than dragon breath and acne, I'm so mad - In a buddy-buddy kind of mode - I think I may explode - When I see that highway I could cry You know, that's funny So could I Just bein' out on the open road Howdy, boys Is this the way to Nashville Watch it, mac Or you'll be gettin' towed I'm in no hurry to arrive 'Cause I'll be turnin' 65 The next time I sees the open road Just a week of rest and relaxation - Yeah. - And the odd romantic episode - Very odd. - And it's California or bust Look out, you dirtbags, eat my dust From now on I own the open road It's me and little Maxie My pipsqueak pioneer They're partners forever Westward ho - Yee-haw. - Could someone call a taxi And get me outta here To Beverly Hills 90210 Oh, every day another new adventure Every mile another new zip code And the cares we have are gone for good And I'd go with them if I could I got no strings on me I'm feelin' fancy free How wonderful to be On the open road Sick of modern livin' Dad, you're gonna get us killed! - Why don't you just give me the map? - Oh, no, thanks, son. Navigating's a big responsibility. 'Sides, you wouldn't wanna spoil the big surprise. I'm takin' you to someplace pretty special. Gosh! It's even better than I remembered. No, Mommy! I don't wanna go! Yeah, fun. Tell you what. I'm just gonna wait right here in the car. You party pooper. Come on. This is gonna be fun. Oh, howdy there, folks. Lester's is proud to present the awesome posse... jamboree. Here it is. Oh, boy. Just in time. Howdy, folks. Who's your favourite possum? Lester! - Got us a seat right up front. - Let me introduce you to the posse. Here's Beuford, Beulah and Mordachai. Hey, Lester. Ready for yodelin'? - Sure am, Beuford. - Now gather round my possum pals Join the jamboree, come hoot and howl and holler from the heart This is pathetic. Join in, folks. It's yodelin' time. Lester's Possum Park Don't you wanna be, mm-hmm A-hangin' from a tree, uh-huh We're mighty glad to see ya And the parking's always free Here at Lester's Po-Po-Po-Possum Park Hey, that's the ticket. I'll be right back, my little possum pal. - My life's a living... - Hello, little buddy. Who's your favourite possum? Don't touch me. Aww. Why such a long face? You're so sad. I know! You need a big hug from Lester. - Don't even think about it. - See? Now ya feel all good inside. Beat it, doofus. Oh, no. No, Dad, not that. Please! Here you go, sport. What say we get our picture taken? You have got to be kidding. All right, but you're missin' out. Hiya, son! Hey, everyone, check out the dork. - Say "sassafras." - Sassy-fras! Get it! Get it! Get it! That's the spirit, Maxie! Whoa! No! Dad, stop! Please! Dad, look, this is embarrassing! Don't! Don't! Don't! Let me go! Dad! Ta-da! It's Dork and Dork Junior. Max! Hey, what the heck ya tryin' to do? - I'm tryin' to get away from you. - Me? What'd I do? - Forget it. - I thought we was havin' fun. What's the matter? Nothin'. Let's just go. Well, come on! Oh, you dropped your hat. This is the stupidest vacation! You drag me from home! You jam me in this dumb car, then drive a million miles away... to see some stupid rat show! Call me when the trip's over. Hey, Max, you wanna get in some fishin' practice? Just a couple of days 'til we get to Lake Destiny. Maybe later. Whoa. Now that's camping. Oh, did you say somethin', Max? Ow! - Pete? - Goofy? What a serendipity doo-dah! Who'd have thunk it, huh? - Is P.J. here? - Who? Oh, yeah. I'm sure he's loafin' around here somewhere. It ain't a question of how Just a matter of when You get the message that I'm tryin' to send I'm under a spell I'm in over my head And you know I'm goin' all of the way to the end - What a goob. - To stand out above the crowd Even if you got to shout out loud No matter what the Look it's Max, I g... - Max! Whoa! Small wilderness, dude. - He-He-Hey! - Didn't expect to run into you. - Apparently not. You just jealous, man, 'cause you ain't got the moves. Yeah, you can keep the moves, but I wouldn't mind havin' this RV. Oh. - You are so lucky. - Me? - Come on. You're the star. - Wh-Whaddya... Goin' to the Powerline concert. Ah, it's unbelievable, man. - Who told you about that? - Hey, come on. Everybody in town knows about it, Max. You are gonna be famous, buddy, especially with Roxanne. There's, uh, only one person who doesn't know about it yet, Peej. - Who? - My dad. So tell me, Goof, is that kid of yours still givin' you guff? Oh, I don't know what's wrong. It's just seems like... everything I try only drives Max further away. Oh, maybe I oughta just back off. I don't know. Wrong, Goof. Look, if you keep 'em under your thumb... they'll never end up in the gutter. Too bad, Pete. Almost. Almost. Watch this. P. J! Yes, sir. Comin', sir. Yes, sir. Whoo-hoo! Strike-ola! Yee-haw! Thank you! Thank you! Yes! And the crowd goes wild. High five, son. Psych! - Say, Goof, why don't you two stay for dinner? - Cool! Oh, no, thanks, Pete. Uh, Max and I have some fish to catch. Aw, Dad, we can do that tomorrow. So, uh, what are we havin'? - But, Max, I thought... - Under your thumb, Goof. - Maximilian. - What? - Get your gear, little man. We're goin' fishin'. And I mean now! - Dad, I don't even know how to fish. - Aw, now come on. That never stopped me. Lemme show you a little family secret... handed down through about - The perfect cast. - The perfect what? The perfect cast. My dad taught it to me when I was about your age. Okay, now. Watch carefully. You gotta be loose... relaxed, with your feet apart and... quarter to three, tour jete... twist, over, pas de deux. I'm a little teapot And the wind-up! - Huh? - And let her fly! The perfect cast. And now, we reel her in. Whoa! Quick! Get the camera! Must be over three pounds. I don't wanna miss this. - Look, Max. - Uh, D-D-Dad, it's Bigfoot! Could you back up a bit, Mr Foot? Uh, you're outta focus. What's the idea... Bigfoot! Behold the legendary Bigfoot. Fabled but seldom... - It's locked! - Quick! The sunroof! Hurry up! Hurry up! I can't believe it. Bigfoot. And I got the only video. We're gonna be famous. Let's just get outta here. Is he gone yet? Nope. Still here. Gee, Max, was that Bigfoot or your stomach? Man, I'm starving. Alphabet soup comin' up. Uh, uh, uh, Dad? Dad! Would you please stop playin' around? He's coming! Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man No time to talk The music loud and women warm I've been kicked around Since I was born But then it's all right, that's okay Well, it's nice to know this thing's good for somethin'. Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah Stayin' alive, stayin' alive Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah Stayin' alive What's so funny? - "Hi, Dad" soup. - Huh? Aw, don't tell me you don't remember "Hi, Dad" soup. Aw, come on. Sure you do. You used to spell things out usin' the letters. Like, uh, "Hi, Dad" or "Maxie" or... - Ambidextrous. - Yeah. That's... Huh? - Aw, little words like, uh... - Hasta la vista? - Like "bye-bye." - Or "I pledge allegiance..." Or "I love you." Is it, uh, is it soup yet? Oh, I almost forgot. Whoa! Where'd you learn to do that? Your granddad taught me that when we went to Yosemite. - You two did a lot together, huh? - Yup. - Max, you and I have... - Dad, listen, I'm sorry. Uh, how's the soup? Not bad. Um, not... - What? - Nothin'. Well, we might as well get some shut eye. I don't think we're goin' anywhere tonight. Night, Maxie. "Dear Roxanne, couldn't sleep... so I thought I'd drop you a line. Dad and I are havin' a great time. We're only days away from L. A... and I can hardly wait for the big concert." More "Hi, Dad" soup, please. "Dear Roxanne... I'm sorry I lied, but I'm not really going to the Powerline concert. You may never wanna see me again..." Oh, man. I'm dead no matter what I do. How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon? Uh, three and a half? - Pick up! - Hold your horses. - Short stack? - Right here. - Here ya go, hon. - Eggs? Eggs? - Eggs! - Oh, oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, right here. Sorry. Here ya go, cutie. - Max, I think we need to talk about this. - Huh? It seems to me you need to start takin' some responsibility around here. Excuse me, uh, can I have your attention, please? I, Goofy, hereby dub my son, Maximilian... official navigator and head which-wayer of this here road trip. - Isn't that lovely? - Yee-haw! - Seriously? - I'm not even lookin' at the map any more. As a matter of fact, you can pick all the stops from here to Lake Destiny. I trust you wholeheartedly, son. To the open road. To the open road. - Ooh! - Ow! Oh, boy! Gosh. Whoa-ho-ho! Check out the bed. Check out the dresser. Coral! Nice lamp. Classy choice there, navigator. This is the police. We've got the place surrounded, see? You Goofs come out with your hands up! You should've seen the look on your face! You really had him fooled, Pete. Me? You jumped outta your skin. - Nah-uh. I was just pretendin' for your sake. - Oh, right, sure. - Did too. - Did not. Oh, ain't this sweet? Don't let him fool you with that buddy-buddy act now. Under your thumb. So, since we're all bein' palsy-walsy here, how 'bout lettin' me hook up the RV. - Well... - Oh, it's just a little tiny extension cord. - You'll hardly even notice it. - Okay. Great! P.J. Hey, Goof, why don't you order us a pizza? This might take a while. - No, I mean it... - Here you go, kids. - I'm gonna go check out the hot tub. - Uh, okay, sir. - All right. - I can't believe you, man. Whatever made you think your dad would fall for a stupid idea like that? - It wasn't stupid. - Come on. It was really stupid. Changing the map? I-I-I didn't know what I was doin', all right? I-I... I was... I was panicked. I... Takin' a break from the MTV generation, huh? Can't say as I blame ya. People are always puttin' too much water in these things. So, um, you and your son seem to be, uh, gettin' along just hunky-dory, huh? Yeah, it's been great. You know, it's funny, but none of your techniques worked for me. Harder I tried, the worse it got. Once I eased up, things just clicked. Oh, that's swell. So there's no problems then, huh? Not a one. Well, that's... I... I just hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, uh... - What is it, Pete? - Your kid's dupin' ya. - Whaddya mean? - Well, I heard the little mutant tellin' P. J... that he changed the map, so you're headin' straight to L.A., pal. - What? - Aw, you tried, Goof. He's just a bad kid, that's all. - I don't believe you. - What? - I don't believe ya, Pete. - Well, hey, don't take my word for it. Check your map. I don't need to check the map. I trust my son. You know, maybe Max isn't all the things that you think a son should be... but he loves me. Hey, my son respects me. Yeah. Check the map, Goof. Hi, Dad. Sorry about the mess. I'll... I'll clean it up. - I think I better go. - See ya, Peej. - Don't forget: Powerline. - Shh! Well, here you go, navigator. Just follow my route on the map, son. Okay. Um, uh... Here comes our junction. Okay, Max, now this is it. Left or right? Come on, Max! Left! How 'bout a song, Dad? Uh, a game? A game. Yeah. Yeah, a game. Okay. Uh, a man or a woman? A man? A man. Okay, uh, Walt Disney. Dad. Listen, about my directions. Will you listen to me? I gotta tell you somethin', Dad. Why bother? I'm probably too stupid to understand anyway, right? Forget it. - H-H-H-Hey, the car! - What? Now you wanna drive too? No, Dad. The car! Look! The car! - What'd you do now, Max? - I didn't do anything, Dad. I only touched it. - You locked it! - I locked it? It's your door. You locked it. Well, you distracted me. - Whoa! - You should've put the brake on! Why don't you just put it on yourself? See? You ruin everything. Well, you ruined the vacation! I ruined it? I never wanted to go... on this stupid vacation! - Now look where you got us, Dad! - Where I got us? - You should've let me stay at home. - Why? - So you'd end up in prison. - Prison? What are you talkin' about? - Your principal called me... - It's not what you're thinkin'. You even lied to me. I had to. You were ruining my life. I was only tryin' to take my boy fishin', okay? I'm not your little boy any more, Dad. I've grown up! - I've got my own life now. - I know that. I just wanted to be part of it. You're my son, Max. No matter how big you get... you'll always be my son. There are times you drive me shall we say, bananas And your mind is missin' no offence, a screw - None taken. - Still, whatever mess I land in Who was always understandin' Nobody else but you Oh, your moodiness is now and then, bewilderin' - And your values may be so to speak, askew - Gesundheit. Thanks Who deserves a hero's trophy As we face each catastrophe Nobody else but you Nobody else but you It's just our luck We're stuck together Nobody else but you Is crazy enough to believe we'll come through So your jokes are all let's face it, prehistoric And your music sounds like monkeys in a zoo But when life becomes distressin' Who will I be S.O.S. in' If you're havin' trouble guessing Here's a clue Though he seems intoxicated He's just highly animated And he's nobody else But nobody else but you We've turned into A true blue duo Hard times We've had a few Like we're thrown in the drink Like we're tossed outta town But when I start to sink Hey, I'd rather go down With nobody else But Y-O-U Aw, Dad. Well, anyway, I figure she's never gonna wanna talk to me again... much less go out with me. - What a dumb lie, huh? - Well, whaddya know? My Maxie, in love. Gosh, you're really growin' up. Happened so fast I guess I sorta missed it. Well, I think the only thing for us to do now... is to get you up on stage with this Powerline feller. Uh, how are we gonna do that? Now, you just leave that up to me. No, Dad, really. I-I think we should just, you know, forget it. Now, how come you always think I'm gonna lead you into some sorta calamity? - Uh, uh, Da-Dad. - What's wrong now? Look! A waterfall. Waterfall! Dad! Max! Grab ahold, Max! Dad! three, tour jete, twist. I'm a little teapot Let her fly. Perfect cast. Boy, this has been one crazy vacation. And it's not over yet. Dad. We made it. Come on, Max. Let's get you on stage. Uh, maybe this isn't such a good idea. Yeah, Yeah Then again. Dad? Dad? Hey, Yeah I got myself a notion And one I know that you'll understand To set the world in motion By reaching out for each other's hand - Dad? - Maybe we'll discover - What we should've known all along - What are you doin' here? - Yeah, Yeah - Hey! - One way or another - Max? - Together's where we both belong - Max? If we listen to each other's hearts We'll find we're never too far apart And maybe love is the reason why For the first time ever we're seein' it eye to eye That Goof kid ain't there. Don't worry. He'll be there. Seein' it eye to eye Seein' it eye to eye - Excuse me, uh, uh... - Seein' it eye to eye - I think we're seein' it - Max? Hey! Hey... Hey, Dad! Dad! Do the perfect cast. If you're ever lonely - Stop, you don't have to be - Whoa! Whoa! After all, it's only a beat away from you to me Take a look inside to see Yeah, if we listen to each other's heart - We'll find we're never too far apart - Yeah! Max is on the tube! - Look, that's Max! I know him! - And maybe love's The reason why For the first time ever, we're seein' it - He did it! - Eye to eye Seein' it eye to eye Seein' it eye to eye, baby For the first time For the first time Eye to eye, Seein' it - Seein' it, baby - Yeah! For the first time - Yeah, yeah, come on, baby - Seein' it - Eye to eye, eye to eye - Eye to eye - Eye to eye, eye to eye - Eye to eye Eye to eye You're doin' the right thing, son. Yeah, I know, but she'll probably never talk to me again. Well, if she doesn't, maybe she's just not the one for you. That's what I'm afraid of. Uh, hi. Remember me? Daddy! Max! I saw you on TV. You were great! Yeah? I mean, no. No. I mean, uh... Roxanne, I lied to you. I don't even know Powerline. What are you talking about? A billion people saw you dance with him. Yeah, well... I-I never met him before... the concert, that is. You mean that story about Powerline and your dad... Why would you make up something like that? I don't know. I guess I just... wanted you to like me. I already liked you, Max... from the very first time I heard you laugh. Ha-yuk. So, you wanna do something tonight? - Definitely. Oh! Oh, no, I can't. I can't. - What? Well, I'm kinda doin' somethin' with my dad. Honest. How 'bout tomorrow? Deal. Roxanne, I'd like you to meet my dad. Enchante, mademoiselle. Yeah, Yeah Hey, Yeah I got myself a notion And one I know that you'll understand We'll set the world in motion By reachin' out for each other's hand Maybe we'll discover what we should've known all along Yeah One way or another Together's where we both belong - If we listen to each other's heart - Oh, yeah We'll find we're never too far apart And maybe love is the reason why For the first time ever we're seein' it eye to eye If a wall should come between us Too high to climb Too hard to break through I know that love will lead us And find a way to bring me to you So don't be in a hurry Think before you count us out Oh, you don't have to worry - I will never let you down - Nothing's gonna stop us now If we listen to each other's heart We'll find we're never too far apart Whoa, and maybe love is the reason why For the first time ever we're seein' it eye to eye That's why we're seein' it eye to eye - Yes, we are - That's why we're seein' it - Seein' it eye to eye - Love is why we're seein' it - Seein' it eye to eye - Baby, eye to eye - Why we're seein' it - Seein' it eye to eye - Love is why we're seein' it eye to eye - I think we're seein' it - Eye to eye, Yeah - That's why we're seein' it Eye to eye If you're ever lonely Stop, You don't have to be After all, it's only a beat away from you to me Take a look inside to see, yeah If we listen to each other's heart We'll find we're never too far apart And maybe love is the reason why For the first time ever we're seein' it eye to eye If we listen to each other's heart We'll find we're never too far apart And maybe love is the reason why For the first time ever we're seein' it eye to eye - Seein' it eye to eye, eye to eye - Seein' it eye to eye, baby - For the first time - For the first time - Eye to eye - Seein' it - Seein' it, baby - Seein' it eye to eye Yea, yeah, for the first time - Hey, yeah, yeah, baby - Baby We're seein' it eye to eye - Eye to eye - Yeah - Seein' it, seein' it - Come on, babe, eye to eye - Eye to eye, eye to eye - Eye to eye, eye to eye Yeah Eye to eye

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