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pinkseas · 1 year ago

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[parasocial bestie] I HAVE TO BE FRFRFR WITH U IT TAKES JUST AS MUCH PRACTISE. AS WRITING I THINK. altho with my current experience in Writing thats not walls of texts of Ramble and Self Indulgence i be thinking writers wud have it harder esp vocabulary.... like man how u words how do u get the pacing right YOU DID GOT IT SO RIGHT HAVE U ANY IDEA REREADING UR TWO SILLY FICS + VIOLENCE FIC STILL GETS ME IN TEARS or i am just that of a sucker to specific emotions in general SKDFJHSDKJFH LIKE IDKKKKK like holy facken shit it took u a decade and my first attempt at just Writing even 500 words it felt like forever...... turns out intense eyeballing on chunks of words in great fics do not work like i do to improve in art nods nods [takes notes] yes that is my only way of even Understanding how art works LMAO

"words of someone who would KILL to be able to accomplish this tone and such in So Many Fewer Words but who does Not Know How To Do That so ten hundred billion words it is" HAHRGKADFKSDJH I WONT STOP UUUU ALTHO ITS A BIG BEEG STRETCH I WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT YEW WITH MY LITTOL ANON HANDS SHIELD U WITH MY COOL ANON SHADES....... in these cases u shud not stop someone from burnout by blocking da way u shud JOIN THEM AND PUSH ON TOGETER AND DAS A MOTTO

NO BUT THAT SILLY GENUINELY MAKES ME A LIL SILLY A LIL UEUEUEUEUEUE i didnt expect that extra comment like srsly cus like UHUHUHUHU IM GLAD U THINK THAT WAY and i honestly think its either a natural response to me or not cus me with my own circle of close friends we'd always support each other in ways it's on equal respect depending on what need to be treated like yknow?? altho by default we're all nice to the other its always a main thing not to let another person's slip ups slide, bad moments carry them away or get our egos inflate so hard so that sort of morals we had tgt kinda ingrained on me to treat any other person like dat like its normal... im nawt gonna lie to u i used to be Way more insensitive and impulsive before and our exchanges coulda been wildly different if it werent for my own besties and it helps me gather!! more besties out of my safe space!!! LIKE YEAHGHHHHAHHHH KDSJFHSDKJH AND IT GOT ME TO U!! AND I WANNA BE GENUINELY NICE AND SUPPORTIVE TO U WHEN I CAN EVEN BEHIND THESE LIL ANON SHADES!!!!!!!!!!! cus its always been. a normal human thing 2 do. like yknow. and i am not gonna keep contradicting myself when dats something id want to influence on my stories and silly lil brainrots too anyways i also got a lil silly but idc ilysm <333333333333333 AND U DESERVE ALL DA KINDNESS FROM ME AND ALL UR BESTIES TOO :muscle_arm: x2743573495 cus i am sending this ask thru pc sob

vocabulary 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿 my bestest friend my worstest enemy im so srs it is Everything to me and also i cannot stand it. horrible. awful. beautiful. perfect.

YOU CANT JSUT TELL ME YOU RTEREAD THEM ILL FUKINGCCG EXPLODE OH MY GODFDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD i need to write violence fic part 2 and maybe even a part 3 where its not the same little world and the violence is scaramouche himself hunting dottore down ohhhhh that'd be so lovely but also i dont think im good enough or creative enough with gore to do that thought justice im gonna be SO fr. YOU CANT JUST SAY THEY GET YOU IN TEARS I WILL FUKCVINFG EXPLOFDE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dies. dies. dies. anyways. i will never forget being like 11 or 12 years old and roleplaying warriors cats on my kindle <- genuinely my introduction to writing for fun outside of just school stuff. i wrote for YEARS and then i all but stopped writing for Also Years to the point where i genuinely thought i just. couldnt do it anymore. gone. i barely managed anything no matter what i tried and i got sooo frustrated and also just didnt really enjoy it? but thats bc my mental health was fucking horrific and the better i started doing the more i started really writing who would've thought LMAO no bc like 2?? years ago ??????? id basically given up !!!!!!! and then there were a couple tiny fics and then photosynthesis and i was like oh. i Can still write and i Do still have so much fun with it. and now i am unstoppable amen

writing is weird bc reading fics CAN help but i think reading books helps better? and its this constant state of like. ive heard with art that tracing genuinely helps, ofc you cant claim it for your own or anything but there's that sort of muscle memory and learned proportions and the practice of doing the same thing over and over again i think is a good thing? i think ??????? and in writing you rly cant copy anyone word for word and get anything out of it, it doesnt teach you anything it doesnt get you any further there's no sort of muscle memory connected with it. but what ive done a lot is looked at writing i rly loved and been like. okay so if i wanted to do this how would i accomplish it? i cant guess other writers thought processes but i can figure out how id reach a similar end goal ig ?? and in my own writing if im failing to accomplish what i want its a matter of ok, what DO i want, what if i change pov, what if i change the setting, what if i change the circumstance, etc etc which i think you could probably do the same thing in art if smth felt off or wasnt looking right ?? maybe ??? idk at this point my writing is a massive patchwork quilt of countless other authors and fic writers and a surprising amount of my own experience and ive noticed a lot of repeating elements in my own writing whether fics or original content and i dont really know How i got here but here i am. and ON TOP OF THAT actually seeing fanart ALSO helps my writing because ill see an expression or design or setting or anything that i really love and immediately start thinking of how to describe it in words yknow ???

im literally rambling so much today this is so fucking awful. awful day for the pinkseas community or at least pinkseas herself god help me

JOIN THEM AND PUSH ON TOGETHER............ UR LITTLE ANON SHADES............................. crying shaking sobbing bawling ily so fucking bad :((((((((((((( /pos we r pushign forward Togehter...

my rly close friends and i are the same way its SO so so lovely, having that constant respect and support and helping each other grow and learn its soooo. dsfmgndfmgfd. and trust me i also used to be a lot more insensitive and impulsive than i am now but ive learned sm and my own friends have helped sm and !!!!! we are soooooooo handshake emoji rn 10 million handshakes for us

UR SENDING IT ON PC AND IM ANSWERING ON PC </33333333 no bc organizing my thoughts on my phone is the worst ever but on my pc i dont have a bunch of heart emojis to spam at my fingertips its so sad....... sometimes when i rly wanna include them ill save as a draft and just put the emojis in and post it on my phone LMAO

#parasocial bestie tag #I WAS GONNA DELETE LIKE HALF OF THIS AND THEN REMEMBNERED WHAT U SAID ABT DELETING STUFF #and like this isnt rly writing thoughts or ideas or anything so idk if it coutns but #i am Strong i will Not delete my silly rambling i will simply press on

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vvviktor · 11 months ago

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Did you guys know that giacomo leopardi wrote many interesting letters that are very interesting in a very interesting way? Now you know

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

What do you mean courting women who are impossible to conquer is a coping mechanism. What mechanism. I don't even support industrial progress.

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

The fact that the woman i love is married and already in a secret relationship with my best friend is a coincidence.

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

What's. What's "projecting"? Asking for somebody else.

michel👼

Dude. Take a wild fucking guess about what im going to tell you

#denial

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🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

Im so glad that the vices of our classical past are dead and gone now. On an unrelated note my best friend is very handsome.

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

Stop guys im just stating the obvious. He is young, beautiful, full of that juvenile fire in his soul that women love.

tony_ranieri

Thanks man!

Can i borrow 20 ducats?

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

Yes of course you're half of my soul dude

michel👼

#for fucks sale your family is paying your shared appartement rent #this fucking bottom i swear

97 notes

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

She's the only one that gets me

#sappho #she's just like me fr #poetry

3.662 notes

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

I dont write what i write because im depressed and disabled i write what i write because im smart and better than you end of discussion.

#you're just jelous babe

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

i follow my routine => beautiful, amazing, great for the soul

i don't follow my routine => horrible, tragic, i am burning in hell as we speak

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

whats autism

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

holy shit

Pov: you look at my current favourite italian poet's tumblr blog. Very specific

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀 because you follow #atheism

Friendly reminder that god is not real and religion is a lie!!!!

#poetry #antiobscurantism #atheism #sorry dad

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🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

Friendly reminder that man is destined to suffer!!!!

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

Friendly reminder that nature doesn't give a fuck about you and your pain!!!!

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

Friendly reminder that we are a small useless point in the universe!!!!

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

Friendly reminder that happines is a fleeting illusion and we will never reach true bliss!!!!

#poetry #rural life #anthropocentrism is a lie

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🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

Messy pic of the moon i took last night from my window

#moon #photography #sappho

1.574 notes

🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

Friendly reminder that technological progress will never add value to our worthless exhistence!!!!

terenzio.mami

that was not very friendly

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🌙giacomino_leopardino🥀

#antillumism #social progress >>> scientific progress #anyway read my poetry if you'd rather not fuck with nature but she keeps fucking with you

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#fake tumblr blog #fake dashboard #giacomo leopardi my man my guy my swiss cheese my rotten soldier

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hellofromthe-otter-slide · 3 years ago

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1-65 😈

Well, this is literally every question, so everything is under the cut.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Not really

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Mostly a 2, but girlfriend made me go see Candyman last weekend, so right now it's a 3.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Uhhhhh, I don't know, Elon Musk? He sounds insufferable

4. What is your favorite word?

Okay, I'm gonna grab a German word for this one. Eichhörnchen. It means squirrel and it's borderline impossible to say

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

A big ole oak tree

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

That weird hair bump is back and I didn't even go to sleep with wet hair

7. What shirt are you wearing?

My girlfriend's tie dyed shirt with a middle finger on it

8. What do you label yourself as?

Latina, gay, nonbinary

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark room. Whoever turns of the big lights are fucking monsters

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I'm pretty sure I was asleep

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

My age now, so 25

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My girlfriend

13. Your worst enemy?

My instructional coach. Straight up

14. What is your current desktop picture?

The bridal party for my friend's wedding I was in

15. Do you like someone?

Yes. I'm sadly dating her

16. The last song you listened to?

That's What You Get by Paramore

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Goodbye, Jeff Bezos

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Second verse, same as the first (Jeff Bezos). For people I know in real life, my instructional coach

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I...do not like this question. No one. Everyone is Dobby, now a free elf

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

My eyes. Only one in the family to inherit my grandmother's green eyes

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I'd dress the same and probably just go about my day

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

Gift giving. I always deep dive to figure out the perfect present

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Um, fire. I don't fuck with that shit anywhere near me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Wheat bread, a little mayo, spicy brown mustard, hummus, white cheddar cheese, tofurkey, sliced tomato, avocado

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Probably something responsible, like buy a vacuum

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Tokyo

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I think it's called Rumchata? Like alcoholic horchata?

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

If any man is seen instituting patriarchal rules, he is fed to the beast

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

A print my girlfriend got me that's framed

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Oh geez. Um, all of it? Start with a clean slate

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Germany, my second home. I'm coming back

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

Sydney, my German Shepard growing up

34. What was your last dream about?

Oof. It was a nightmare that I don't really remember

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

I am a good writer, I think. Good enough to make my friends upset about the angst I wrote

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Yup! Broke my ankle

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

I'm from Indiana, so yes. It's not as easy as it looks

38. What is the color of your socks?

While I usually wear colorful, fun socks, I am currently barefoot

39. What type of music do you like?

Whatever Aly & AJ are doing

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Mint chocolate chip

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

I mean, I was just forced to watch the UGA game

43. Do you have any scars?

Two from the aforementioned broken ankle. Had to get surgery

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I am a teacher

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

That mental illness can just shoo

46. Are you reliable?

Very

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

What the fuck is going on?

48. Do you hold grudges?

Nope

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

Otters and sloths

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

My best friend taught me about oviposition once

51. Are you a good liar?

Yup

52. How long could you go without talking?

So long

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

My mom cutting off all of my hair during first grade

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Yup

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

Very many

56. What do you like on your toast?

Honey and butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

A lighthouse

58. What would be you dream car?

An electric one. I'm tired of paying for gas

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I sing and conduct fake interviews about my writing

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Yep

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

Never

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Dragons

64. What do you think about babies?

They look weird as newborns

65: you didn't give me an extra question here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#people ask me things?#renaissance dilettante #to everyone else #im sorry

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aion-rsa · 3 years ago

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Bo Burnham: Inside Songs Ranked from Worst to Best

https://ift.tt/2JMbiJl

The musical of the summer was supposed to be a life-affirming celebration of one of New York’s most vibrant neighborhoods, full of color, romance, and big group dance numbers. Instead for many viewers, the musical of the moment was filmed and performed by one man, alone in isolation from the comfort (or discomfort, really) of his own home, with songs centered on techno paranoia, mental health, and the fear of aging. Maybe after a year stuck in their homes, audiences could relate to the existential dread and general anxiety on display in Bo Burnham: Inside more than a conventional movie musical.

Billed as a stand-up special, Burnham’s latest musical comedy endeavor finds the former wunderkind holed up and feeling more uncomfortable than ever. Writing, editing, directing, and performing from a claustrophobic studio, Burnham’s stand-up special skews more toward being a straight-up musical, and not because the special is light on jokes and missing an audience. Rather this has all the hallmarks of a musical narrative and plays closer to experimental cinema than sketch comedy.

Burnham expresses his characters’ inner-thoughts, fears, and desires via song throughout a contained narrative, in this case the narrative being one man trying to occupy himself during a pandemic. It has ballads, charm songs, comedy numbers, “I Am” and “I Want” songs, and a big reprise. By capturing his personal pandemic experience and putting the whole affair to song, Burnham has created one of the most compelling (and catchy!) accounts of life during 2020.

To celebrate the musical that we all needed after a year in our homes, we’ve decided to rank every song from Bo Burnham: Inside. You can stream along via the Inside (The Songs) album on the streaming platform of your choice.

20. I Don’t Wanna Know

Merely an interlude, “I Don’t Wanna Know” doesn’t quite work outside of watching the special itself. However, it is a clever way to address the fact that modern audiences do not have the attention span to sit through a film at home without checking their phone or complaining about a runtime.

19. Bezos II

While certainly meant to poke fun at the real-life Lex Luthor, it’s not that fun to listen to Bezos’ name repeated. Stil, Burnham does elicit a few laughs with his over-the-top mock congratulations. “You did it!”

18. Any Day Now

A Sesame Street-like mantra that plays over the credits, “Any Day Now” suggests this could all end either hopefully soon or on a depressingly vague far-off date that will never come. We’d like to think it’s the former, but it’s safe to assume what Bo thinks.

17. All Time Low

While this number gets docked points for its short runtime, it absolutely packs a punch with its four-line, single verse. After Bo admits that his mental health is rapidly deteriorating, he describes what it’s like to have a panic attack set to a chipper ‘80s dance backbeat. Unfortunately, we don’t get to ride the wave long enough, and judging lyrics, that’s probably a good thing for Bo.

16. Content

This strong opening number musically sets the vibe for Inside, letting us know that we’re in for some synth-heavy throwback beats that would be best listened to underneath a disco ball. Also incorporating silly backing vocals, a hallmark of many of Inside’s best tracks, Burnham declares he’s back with some sweet, sweet content. “Daddy made you your favorite,” he sings, and he ain’t wrong.

15. Bezos I

Unlike the reprise in “Bezos II,” “Bezos I” gets by off its increasingly deranged energy, with Burnham roasting fellow tech billionaires and working himself up into a manic frenzy by song’s end. Musically, it sounds like the soundtrack to an intense boss battle on a Sega Genesis game before ending with a sick little synth solo and Burnham hilarious squawking. It’s arguably the only acceptable thing that Bezos has ever been associated with.

14. Unpaid Intern

While “Unpaid Intern” is one of Inside’s shortest tracks, it absolutely makes the most of its time. The jazzy tune scorches the exploitative nature of unpaid internships before Burnham breaks out into a laugh-out-loud worthy scat routine. It unfortunately ends too soon.

13. Shit

Inside’s funkiest jam sounds like Burnham wrote the lyrics for a new Janelle Moane album cut. Bo show’s off his vocal dexterity and plumbs the depths of his depression in a surprisingly danceable fashion. Throwing in a little faux crowd interaction helps bring home the fact that we have all felt like this at one point or another during the pandemic.

12. Sexting

This slow-jam details the complications of sexting, throwing out hilariously too-true punchlines like “the flash makes my dick look frightened.” “Sexting” feels like one of a few songs that could most easily appear on previous Burnham specials. Proving that Inside’s musical textures do not come exclusively from ’80s synth pop, the outro of the song expertly mirrors modern pop trends by throwing in some trap-influenced “yahs” at the end of Bo’s lines.

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11. How the World Works

Influenced by comedian Hans Teeuwen and children’s entertainment in general, “How the World Works” finds Burnham going back to the well by playing the ignorant, smarmy white guy who is oblivious of the real issues plaguing nonwhite Americans. What’s even better though is Socko calling Burnham out on forcing others to educate him for his own self-actualization instead of doing the work on his own for the betterment of others.

Socko pointedly asks “Why do you rich f—— white people insist on seeing every socio-political conflict through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?” Not to keep things too heavy, the song ends with an absurdist bit where Burnham returns Socko to the nether place that he goes when he’s not attached to Burnham’s hand. Scathing and bizarre, it’s a great piece of social commentary.

10. FaceTime With My Mom

While most of the music of Inside feels directly transported from the 1980s, “FaceTime With My Mom” seems only inspired by the past decade’s musical trends, updating the sounds in much of the same way that the Weeknd and Dua Lipa have. This is Bo Burnham as a hitmaker, and his attempt is convincing. “FaceTime With My Mom” earns easy laughs by getting to the seemingly specific, yet universal things that all our moms do over video chat.

9. Goodbye

Every good musical needs a good closing track, and Burnham nails it with “Goodbye,” pulling off a reprise that weaves in many of the special’s signature musical moments and touches on the special’s core themes. A forlorn piano ballad before it soars through Inside’s best motifs, “Goodbye” caps a triumphant musical achievement, coming back to “Look Who’s Inside Again” just to punch you in the gut one last time.

8. Problematic

Addressing his past work and some aspects that have not aged well, while also skewering celebrity apologies, “Problematic” is self-aware critique by way of an ‘80s workout bop. From the specific Aladdin confession to the overall apology for being “vaguely shitty,” Bo has never made accountability sound so good.

7. That Funny Feeling

This is Bo Burnham’s version of Father John Misty’s “Holy Shit,” a laundry list of all the stupid things that are signaling the fall of culture and civilization as we know it. If Misty hadn’t gotten there first, we may have had this one ranked higher. Still, Burnham manages to come up with a sticky chorus that you’ll be humming the next time something makes you feel like you’re living in the uncanny valley.

6. White Woman’s Instagram

Perhaps the special’s most playful moment, “White Woman’s Instagram” uses the musical cues of an inspiring empowerment anthem to poke fun at the predictably, perfectly curated feed of a “girl boss” Instagram. The song is greatly enhanced by the accompanying visuals, which find Bo recreating the meticulously staged and glamorous portraits that women pass off as their everyday lives.

However, Bo always likes to sneak in some sentimentality, and imagines a genuinely heartfelt post to his white woman character’s deceased mother. Don’t worry, the emotional moment doesn’t overstay its welcome, and we’re soon back to laughing at horribly derivative political street art.

5. All Eyes on Me

The droning synth and pitch-down vocals make “All Eyes On Me” oddly hypnotic and beautiful. The song seems to be addressing Bo’s depression along with his need for validation and attention, a juxtaposition that many performers deal with. It becomes clear that Burnham isn’t addressing an invisible audience, but himself, trying to will himself up and out of his dreary mental state.

4. Look Who’s Inside Again

A classic “I Am” musical song, “Look Who’s Inside Again” just may be Inside’s most emotionally resonant track that seems to hit closest to who Bo Burnham was and who he is today. This is the song that I will most likely regret the most for ranking so low.

“Well, well, look who’s inside again. Went out to look for a reason to hide again,” perfectly describes the cycle of depression and will, for me, be the special’s most lasting moment. The downbeat ending “come out with your hands up, we’ve got you surrounded” is heartbreaking enough to send a shudder down your spine.

3. Comedy

The special’s real first number is absolutely packed with hooks, from the “Call me and I’ll tell you a joke” bridge to the “Should I be joking at a time like this?” change-up. This is Bo really flexing how far he’s come as a musician, expertly utilizing autotune and a key change (us “stupid motherf***ers” can’t resist them).

“Comedy” also finds Bo comfortably in the lane that we’re most used to seeing him in, playing the egomaniacal white messiah with a wink. “Comedy” is the tone-setter and it’s so good that it lets you know that you’re in good hands for the next hour plus.

2. 30

Either I’m ranking this song too highly due to its personally relatable nature or the fact that I haven’t been able to get “All my stupid friends are having stupid children” out of my head, but I really don’t care. “30” is Inside’s biggest earworm and addresses the existential terror that comes with no longer getting pats on the back for being a young wunderkind.

“30” also examines generational differences, showing how 30 year-old people are more infantile than ever. However, at the end of the day it all comes back to those shimmering keys and that irresistible refrain. Apologies to my friends with children.

1. Welcome to the Internet

No matter how deep and emotionally rich some of Inside’s other tracks may be, “Welcome to the Internet” is the one that will live on the longest. If this were a traditional musical, this would the antagonists’ showstopper; a vaudevillian romp through the alluring chaos that is the internet. Speeding up and slowing down the pace to mirror the manic, addictive nature of surfing the net, Burnham pitches the negative aspects of online culture as they are: a feature, not a bug. Promising “a little bit of everything all of the time,” “Welcome to the Internet” is almost as enticing as the dark tool itself.

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silver9mm · 4 years ago

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I'd NEVER laugh at this writers ask game, I want to know it all!! 🥺 2, 5, 8, 12, 21, 27 (yes I'm being greedy tonight, I just am) 🖤 - alexa, xoxo

oooh i’m happy to share with you especially <333

What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one? i’ve only written for two fandoms, supernatural and top gear (but man if i could i would def. write for more!!!) i didn’t mean to write for top gear, though... i didn’t even know fandoms and fan fiction existed when i wrote it *stares out across the sea, rasps* that was a long time ago... haha but i’m laughing at myself bc i’m writing top gear fan fiction again right now a decade later. i don’t know about favourites bc it’s all...hard. every story i’ve written and all the ones i will write and could for other fandoms, i’d put just as much effort into as i do any other one but part of writing for a fandom is about...well, the other fans and while i’ve really never had a bad interaction, i’ve been witness to some horrible shit in several different fandoms and it taints the whole experience no matter what. basically, fuck groups but individuals are all right.

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi-chaptered stories, which would it be and why? i answered this differently in another post but i’ll give you my other definition of “favourite” for me and that’s something that i read every last word of. I consider a lot of books “read” that i didn’t read all the words of, but i consider books “good” if i read them twice and actually looked at all the words and i’ve read every bit of Something To Share many many times <3

8) Where do you take your inspiration from? what inspires me most are moments. things that my brain takes a snapshot of and is like, oh let’s look at this moment and the little details and dissect them....and then build a story around how we got this tiny bit of information, the background for that frown or that glance or whatever. also just sex...either sex i’ve had or that i want someone else to have >.> and music lyrics, i’m not special.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why? I gotta go with Sam, just and only because of Dean’s vocabulary; while i understand it and adore it, i am not as clever as a team of writers taking weeks to come up with his one-liners and pop culture references that make him sound like he does, which is why i end up drugging him and putting him in positions where he can’t act like himself :) I love writing both the boys but Sam is easier which makes it fun, but it’s just as fun figuring out how to fuck Dean up so he’s not himself~*~*~ i am having a lovely time writing for my smol crazy son right now too, however. the whump factor is so so high

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire? holy crap okay i could go on and ykw i will @hellhoundsprey everything about her style feels like worship (and on a personal note, she’s also an answer to question 8;) @saltandbyrne there are some writers that make me happily want to fling my computer into the sun and never write again (however she is also one of the biggest influences on me as a writer) @zmediaoutlet because she gets those moments too @oddsocksandstuff is the kind of writer that...you worry about, like why do you know so much about such horror ?? @ohwhoopsok I WILL READ ANYTHING MY CHILD WRITES OKAY *chef’s kiss* @omgbubblesomg @zoycitem @hazeldomain (listen you guys know why you’re all grouped together here and i love your giddy dark brains ever so) 27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow? i generally start just wherever, with a scene (usually smutty) and then figure out how to make it happen, how did they get there and what happens next. Once that happens, then I definitely start taking notes. my WIPs on google are a mess of bullet points by chapters with comments to links/gifs/info/music to remind myself. I think every single story over 1k words has started with a scene somewhere in the middle, and then was woven together by notes as it expanded.

fanfiction writer asks

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the-is13 · 5 years ago

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Pinch of Salt Pt. 2

Description: You didn’t expect to be working tonight. It was a regular Friday night, or so you thought. Two beautiful men happen to come into the small pizza joint, one with particularly captivating hazel eyes.

Characters: Jared, Jensen, Reader, OFC’s OMC’s

Relationship: Jared x Reader

Warnings: None really, cursing? A bit of fluff

Word Count: 1804, not as long but oh well

A/N: So this is my first fic, I read a lot but have never wrote anything. This stemmed from a dream I had. For the purpose of this fic its set in early stages of the boys filming Supernatural. Jared is a bit younger, late twenties. Him and Gen are friends but nothing more. This purely fiction! I mean no harm to J2 or their families, I love them all the to moon and back. Any hate will not be tolerated. Please be kind and let me know if you liked it!

Thanks as ALWAYS to my Alycat even after being sick you still beta for me @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 love youuu

Part two

*Your POV*

“YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING MEEEE!!!!” Hannah practically screeched on the other end of the line, nearly bursting your eardrum.

“No, Han, I would definitely not kid you about this,” you deadpanned.

“How in the world did my best friend manage to meet Jared fuckin’ Padalecki and get his number all in one night?! Girl, did you sell your soul? How is this real?” She questioned

Truthfully, you were wondering the same. No one ever showed an interest in you. Well, except for grabby drunks. Now here you were with a tv star’s phone number and a supernaturally hot one at that.

“Ha, I really dunno Han, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t sell my soul. I think I would remember.” You laughed slightly at her statement of selling your soul.

Hannah had always been a character, it's why you got along so well. She was the crazy to your normal. You were two halves of the same piece. She pushed you when you needed it and you toned her down when she became too much.

When she graduated college with some scientifically geological degree she moved off to Denver to pursue her career, which you still weren't exactly sure what it was, but you supported her through and through. That left you all alone in San Antonio. You were supposed to stay here together and live the dream. Although you were still trying to figure out what that dream was, you were supposed to do it together, just like everything else in life.

But in traditional Hannah fashion, she fell in love with the environment and decided she was going to do everything she could to save it. You were a little sad that she wanted to move away after graduation, but she always promised to visit, even if it had been a little while.

You just missed your best friend. You were too caught up in wishing she was here with you freaking out alongside, that you momentarily zoned out.

“Y/N?! You still with me here?? Heeelllloooo..” She said trying to catch your attention.

“Yeah, sorry Han, I’m here. I just wish you were here with me. You know I miss you and our girl talk.” You said with a bit of sadness in your voice that didn’t go unnoticed.

“Sweetie, I know, as do I. You just need to put yourself out there and make some friends.” She replied sympathetically with a tinge of hurt lacing her words.

“But you’re my friend Hannah.. No one is going to know me as well as you,” You laughed half heartedly trying to lighten the mood, “I’m not sure I want anyone to know me like you do.”

She chuckled lightly but, as always, could see right through your rouse. You could hear her sigh through the phone, you knew what was coming next, she was about to whip you into shape.

“Y/n,“ Uh oh, mom voice, it was definitely coming. “I know I left you for work, but that does not mean you need to throw a little pity party for yourself. I’ve been gone for 8 months! You can’t be a hermit as much as I know you’d like that, you need to put yourself out there.” Another sigh lingered through the phone “I know you’re feeling overwhelmed, you miss me, you miss mom, but I think that you’ve hit a wall and Jaaaared,” She drawled out his name almost seductively, “Is going to be the one to break through it! When was the last time you got laid?!”

You nearly choked on the water you had been drinking listening to her monologue spitting it all over your lap. “Uh-eh, what?! Why does it matter? My love life has nothing to do with this!” You exclaimed.

“Excuse me! Yes it does! You’ve been so uptight since Cole and what was that? Two years ago??” She exclaimed with a hint of irritation.

Getting slightly irritated with her tone you snarked back, “You know very well what me and Cole had was complicated and he’s the one who decided to cheat! That asshole was fucking with her for seven months behind my back!”

“This is my point, you’re wound up, you need to get laid, like now.” She huffed back at you.

“Okay, whatever, besides the point. What in the world makes you think that Jared is going to sleep with me?! He probably just feels sorry me.” Now it was your turn to sigh. “I’m so pathetic and he knows it, I definitely don’t need sympathy sex, and god knows Jared Padalecki isn’t going to give it to me.” You whined.

“Alright y/n do NOT make me jump through this phone and beat your ass!” Hanah yelled at you. “He obviously gave you his number for a reason! Why can’t you just give him a chance? Who cares if he’s famous? Maybe he just wants to have a normal life and maybe you can give it to him?” She questioned.

You really didn’t know how to answer, you never thought of it like that. You had been too wrapped up in feeling sorry for yourself that it never crossed your mind that Jared might want normal. What did that even mean? Normal. Your life was normal, a bit boring, but fairly normal.

A fuzzy voice snapped you back to reality and out of your thoughts. “Y/N! Are you listening to me, like at all?”

You cleared your throat, “What? Of course, Han. I’m always listening to you.”

“Uh-huh, sure.” She snipped back before sighing into the phone once more, “Just give him a chance, please. He might be the thing you need. A friend and maybe even one with benefits at that.” You could practically hear her wiggling her brows.

“Haaaaan-” You were about to reprimand her for being so vulgar, but didn’t get the chance as your phone chimed in your ear. “Just a sec, I think someone texted me...” You told her, pulling your phone away from your face.

You clicked open your messages wondering who would be texting you at this hour as you glanced at the clock on your phone, 11:54pm. Wow, you didn’t think two hours could’ve passed so quickly, but then again, when you talked to Hannah time always seemed to fly.

Going back to your messages you opened it and screamed out loud which had Hannah effectively screaming on the other end as well.

11:53pm: I really did have a good time tonight, I don’t want to seem like I’m coming on too strong but I really wanna get to know you better. I have to fly back out to Vancouver tomorrow afternoon, but I would really love it if you could join me for coffee. :) -Jare

You were stunned. You couldn’t even breathe. Hannah yelling through the phone at you barely registered in your ears as your heart was pounding so hard.

“Holy shit,” You whispered

By some miracle you came back to reality. Ignoring the yelling on the other end of the line you brought your phone back to your face.

“It was him..” Was all you could muster.

“IT WAS WHO?? I NEED SPECIFICS, DETAILS, GOD, Y/N, DON’T BE VAGUE!” She continued to scream.

“Jared” You whispered. “I-it was him.. H-he wants to meet..”

“WHAT! What did I tell you?? I’m always right and you know it!” She snarked. “Now what’re you going to say? ‘Yes’ obviously, but you gotta be cool, let's face it y/n/n, you’re two gray hairs from being more lame than Mema, and you knoooow she’s lame. I mean, who eats dinner at 3pm and goes to bed at 6?!”

“I am not!” You huffed. Although, as usual, Hannah was right. You were lame. You didn’t have a life outside of work. You just sat at home and watched Netflix or read a book. ‘God I am so lame,’ you sighed to yourself.

“Whatever you want to tell yourself y/n/n. Anyways, you need to play it cool, be cute and seductive, but not needy or desperate.” She quipped

“Well thanks for the confidence boost Han,” You deadpanned. “I’m going to let you go so I can think of a ‘witty’ reply.”

“Urg, fine, but you better let me know everything!!” She whined. “Night, love you jerk.”

“Night, love you too. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I promise, bitch.” You replied hastily.

After hanging up with Hannah, you proceeded to just stare at the message from Jared. What should you say? Trying to take your friend’s advice in not sounding as lame as you were, you began typing a reply. After almost ten minutes of typing, deleting, and retyping you had come up with a decent reply and you didn’t want to keep Jared waiting any longer since it was already past midnight.

12:13am: Hey, yeah that sounds nice. Wish we had a little more time though. I’d love to get a coffee, there’s a shop down on broadway st, it's amazing! Know the place?

Sent.

“God I hope this wasn’t a mistake,” Saying to no one imparticular as you thought out loud.

Watching the little text dots pop up almost immediately had your heart beating out of your chest.

Chime

12:15am: Yes I actually do know that place, you’re right. It is amazing, and I love their muffins! They’re like as big as your face! Can we meet at 10? - Jare

Oh lord, he was in. He was actually in, he agreed to meet you, again, after the horrible shipwreck at dinner you really didn’t think any of this was going to happen.

Typing a quick reply not wanting to keep him awake, I mean this is Jared Padalecki he needs his beauty sleep. Yes, beauty sleep, you internally sighed to yourself getting lost in the thoughts of how truly beautiful Jared really was.

You looked back down at your phone to make sure the message sent, of course not, so uncoordinated. Clicking the send button you anxiously waited for a reply.

12:19am: Ha, you’re right the muffins are HUGE! 10 sounds perfect I’ll see you there, goodnight!

His text bubbles took a little longer, of course you kept him waiting too long.

12:21am: Perfect. See you then, g’night. Xo - Jare

You read the message over and over until your eyes felt like crossing. He sent you ‘xo’. “X FREAKING O” you exclaimed loudly to yourself.

You quickly sent Hannah a text briefly telling her what was going on. Before waiting for her reply you locked your phone, avoiding another two hour phone call.

Making sure your alarm was set for promptly 7:30am you cuddled up in your bed and fell asleep, thinking of Jared.

You were going on a date with Jared Padalecki.

A/N: Hope you liked this part. I’m still very new to this. Tell me your favorite part I LOVE feedback since I'm brand new. I will write a third, not sure post date, but maybe sooner than later if I get feedback!

POS tags

@crystallstaircase @squirelnotsam @allaboutthebooz @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 @squirrelnotsam

#supernatural rpf#jared padalecki fanfiction#jensen ackles fanfiction#jared padalecki x reader#jared padalecki fluff#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural fluff#jared padalecki and reader#sam winchester fluff#sam winchester fanfiction

#supernatural #supernatural rpf #jared padalecki #jared Padalecki fanfiction #jared padalecki x reader #jared padalecki fluff #jared padalecki and reader #sam winchester #sam winchester fanfictions

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writings-of-dumpy · 5 years ago

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Once Upon a Dream (Stiles x OC)

A/N: I AM DEVIATING!! I AM A DEVIANT!!! I’m moving their ages in this because it’s fiction and I do what I want. I’m 25 and I refuse to write about children getting it on, okay? So, the events that took place in season 3 were in their sophomore year of COLLEGE, not high school. So Stiles is 22. Besides, being an adult in works of fiction is more fun. Also, I hate this stupid show, I just really love Stiles Stilinski. Okay enjoy I love you

Prologue

The meadow was full of different flowers and the sun shone down on Stiles and he couldn’t help but feel calm and loved, especially after the horrible day he had just experienced. He felt a presence with him—not a malevolent one, but one that he was drawn to. A powerful force was pulling him towards a figure slightly smaller than his and he walked towards it to find that it was a girl, about ten—his age. She turned around and presented him with a sunflower.

“You look like you need this, Stiles,” she spoke softly. Stiles accepted the flower and thanked her. She smiled and spoke again, “If you ever need me, I’m here with you.”

“Who are you..?” Stiles asked her softly. She smiled and took his hand in hers.

“I’m—” she began, but her voice cut out and Stiles awoke from his slumber. That day when Scott came over, he told him about the strange dream and ghost-like feel the girl in his dream had.

“It was just so vivid, it felt real. And not like other dreams when you wake up and you know you were dreaming… this was like… I was THERE. Not dreaming. You ever have a dream like that?” Stiles asked his best friend as they played video games.

“Yeah, sometimes…” Scott responded cautiously.

Stiles sighed and shook his head. “Maybe I should ask my mo—oh…”

Scott hugged his now sobbing friend and Noah came in to see if they needed anything, then held the two boys in his arms. Stiles thought about his mom, and the girl from the meadow crept her way into his mind with an energy about her that calmed him. He didn’t know what it was, but there was something about the girl that haunted him in a good way. He had that dream for a few months, but then she was gone from his dreams, but not far from his thoughts.

~12 years later~

Stiles awoke with a gasp and sat straight up. He had the dream again, but this time she was grown up, like him. She had the same eyes, smile, and even gave him a sunflower—just like the dreams that he had all of those years ago. He woke with a start, but he was calm and comforted, which is exactly how he felt after those dreams.

“Stiles? You okay?” Scott mumbled from the other side of the room.

“Yeah… Yeah just had a dream… Hadn’t had it in a while,” Stiles said and wiped his face. He heard Scott sit up.

“What was it?” he asked.

“Remember the dreams I had about a girl in a meadow after my mom died?” Stiles said.

“Yeah? You had that dream again?” Scott questioned.

Stiles nodded. “Yeah…”

Scott mumbled something unintelligible, but Stiles assumed it was something along the lines of ‘go to sleep.’

The following morning, Stiles and Scott walked into the lecture hall and took their seats. Stiles prepared himself for a boring introduction to the class and a syllabus overview when he saw the girl from his dreams walk into the room. He looked at every aspect of her face to make sure and every detail matched his memory, except for the light layer of sheer gloss she was wearing. Stiles took pride in the fact that he wasn’t one to stare inordinately at women’s chests, but her shirt caught his eye and a feeling of being completely and utterly sure washed over him—her shirt had a sunflower on it.

“Holy shit, Scott, that’s her! That’s her!” Stiles whisper-yelled. “Am I fucking psychic now?”

Scott looked at her and then back at Stiles. “Well she’s not a werewolf.”

“What a relief, but what the hell, Scott?!” Stiles whispered back and sunk into his seat as the literal girl of his dreams sat down in front of him.

Stiles was extremely reluctant to silence himself when the instructor walked in because of his internal freak-out, but his soul nearly left his body when the professor had all of the students introduce themselves.

“Given that this is a speech class and a prerequisite for almost everything this university offers, you should get used to speaking in front of a group of your peers,” the teacher reasoned. He had them all push their chairs to form a circle and Stiles ended up sitting right next to her.

Stiles paid zero attention to anyone, but once the girl next to him stood up and faced the other students, his focus had never been more concentrated.

“Dude, chill. You look like you’re wanting to burn a hole in her face,” Scott mumbled, and Stiles eased up a small bit.

“Hello, my name is Rose Grimhile and my favorite animal is the peregrine falcon,” she said to the class with a small smile and a glance at Stiles, then sat back down. Rose… Stiles ran her name in his head over and over until Scott tapped him to go next.

The instructor turned his attention to Stiles, and he stood up.

“Um, hi. I’m Stiles Stilinski. Well my real name is Mieczslaw, but Stiles is way easier to pronounce,” he said and glanced at Rose, who was smiling at his joking manner. “Oh! My favorite animal is a wolf.”

Scott rolled his eyes at Stiles’ terribly ironic choice and stood up to introduce himself. Stiles already knew Scott and pretty much everything there is to know about Scott, so his attention was turned back to someone he knew almost nothing about—Rose. Throughout the rest of the hour Stiles found himself getting caught staring at her more often than he’d care to admit and every time she would make eye contact with him her face would flush pink and Stiles felt like he had won the lottery every time.

When the class was finally over, Stiles scribbled his name and phone number onto a piece of paper and approached her with an encouraging pat from Scott.

“Hi. Rose, was it?” he asked her as she was gathering her books and bag.

She smiled at him and nodded. “Hello, Stiles.”

“So, um… Here’s my number if you ever, you know, like, miss a class and need notes… I don’t really get sick, so I figured that you maybe.. would want a friend in class…” Stiles trailed off awkwardly.

Rose smiled and took the piece of paper from him. “Thank you. I’ll give you mine.”

She pulled out a pen and wrote her number on the inside of Stiles’ wrist. “I get the feeling you might lose a small piece of paper.” And with that, she smiled and headed out of the classroom.

Stiles watched her walk away in amazement and wonder, then felt Scott’s hand on his shoulder. Stiles turned to look and saw Scott’s characteristic “something is wrong” look.

“No…” Stiles whined. “Why does everywhere have to be supernatural?”

#stiles stilinski x oc

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elysiumwaits · 5 years ago

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This is the funniest scam ever to me

Shoutout to the scam email I just got.

The subject was just the password I’ve used for everything that doesn’t have financial info since I was 12, and has, of course, been released in multiple leaks over the years. The name for the person sending it has been set to “Save Yourself,” which is honestly the most hilariously dramatic thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Scammy McGee not only opens up with some helpful tips on researching the malware he’s supposedly infected my computer with, he also tries to scare me by saying he can see everything that’s on my screen - like, great, dude, can you tell me what you thought about that scene I just wrote in my Taserhawk fic? You think it’s a bit overboard? If you’re gonna piggyback, I’m putting you to work as my beta, Scammy.

So anyway, apparently, I am supposed to be terrified because Scammy has “accessed my webcam” and recorded me “satisfying myself.” Two points:

It is written in what I am assuming is supposed to be emphasizing capital letters, but Scammy helpfully took a break from caps lock to clarify, which results in the most unintentionally hilariously semi-politely-worded threat I’ve ever gotten in my life -- “I collected all your private data and I RECORDED YOU (through your webcam) SATISFYING YOURSELF!”

Scammy, honey, I am the most unsatisfied person alive right now, I’m gonna need you to be more specific. Was it when I was eating the no-bake cookie? That was pretty satisfying. Was it while I was reading that article on immortal jellyfish? (Also, what are your thoughts on that, if you can see everything on my screen?)

So apparently, after he got my illicit satisfaction recording, he was so kind as to remove the malware - which makes total sense, you know, when you blackmail someone you totally want to take the tool you use to blackmail them away, yeah.

Scammy then goes on to threaten to send the video to my contacts (I don’t have any contacts saved here, actually, so good luck), post it on social network (which ones? Cause, like, if it’s the no-bake cookie video, there’s a niche market for that), publish it on “the whole web” (gonna need some specifics here, Scammy - like are you sending it to Buzzfeed? Making a Neopets account to drop it in the forums? Cause Reddit’s not that scary tbh) - including the darknet “where the sick people are” (one, the darknet does not give a flying holy fuck about my chubby ass, illicit video or not, because I’m sure the “sick people” have access to P*rnHub even on a Tor browser).

“I can publish all I found on your computer everywhere!” Bro, this is a chromebook, it’s got a picture of my Winterhawk bingo card, a stock photo of a mixtape, and one Microsoft Document copy of a bunch of articles about horse racing in the US, go fucking wild.

So apparently to stop this horrible awful no-good very bad video getting out, I must transfer $1400 exactly in Bitcoin. Scammy has also very kindly included instructions on how to buy Bitcoin, which are actually legit sites that I’ve written dumb financial articles about before so that’s funny as hell, as well as instructions to either send it directly to his BTC address or create my own wallet at the website - “whichever is easiest for you.” Like, thank you for taking my busy schedule into consideration, Scammy, you’re such a polite extortionist.

Also this: “Copy and paste the address directly, it’s cAsE-sEnSetiVE” - like, aw, you were an MSN era millennial too, Scammy? I feel like we’re bonding here.

So Scammy finishes with a vaguely threatening note about how he can access my email and will know when it’s been read, blah blah, but then he says that he’s got his mail configured to send the email multiple times, just disregard any duplicates I get after I pay and don’t worry about them.

So obviously if you get one of these don’t pay them, it’s a scam and passwords get leaked in internet breaches all the time. However, some important notes here:

I don’t have a webcam.

I certainly am not “satisfying” myself in front of a webcam, we have smartphones for that now.

If I am “satisfying” myself in front of a webcam, it’s because I’ve gone back to my SW days and I’m posting it for residual income on one of the many sites where there are already videos of that shit, bro. Like, I used to cam professionally - even if there were a video, which there isn’t because I don’t have a webcam, it’s literally one of the least scary things you can threaten me with, Scammy. I used to do this for a living, I eat blackmailers for breakfast.

You want $1400 in bitcoin, Scammy? Threaten to send that angry email I just dropped into my drafts to the recipient or publish that self-insert MCU fic on my GoogleDrive that hasn’t seen the light of day and hopefully never will. Now, those are some scary threats!

#scams #i should go to bed

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cantbehandled-ever · 5 years ago

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thanks @satans-helper for tagging me in this get to know me tag! i’ve never done one this long, so here’s a bunch of info that no one wanted to know about me lmao

1. What’s your middle name?

- Lynn, which i hateee

2. how old are you?

- 19

3. when is your birthday?

- november 17th

4. what is your zodiac sign?

- scorpio sun, libra rising, pisces moon. i have two fucking water signs which explains why i’m so emotional

5. what’s your favorite shade of green?

- forest/emerald green

6. what’s your lucky number?

- 8

7. do you have any pets?

- yes! i have three dogs and i’d die for them

8. where are you from?

- originally chicago, but now i live in orlando

9. how tall are you?

- 5’9

10. what shoe size are you?

- 10 in women’s, 8.5 in men’s

11. how many pairs of shoes do you own?

- 10

12. what was your last dream about?

- i dreamt that i ran off to live in a cave and raised goldfish as my past time, so i’m really jealous that i didn’t actually do that

13. what talents do you have?

- i can bs my way through stuff, because if i really need to, i can come off as decently eloquent. also i can sing kinda well, nothing amazing

14. are you psychic in any way?

- i’ve had dreams that ended up happening exactly like i dreamed them

15. favorite song?

- i could not tell you, but lately i’ve been listening to Second Hand News by Fleetwood Mac several times a day

16. Favorite movie?

- the sixth sense (i just really like m. night shyamalan movies)

17. who would be our ideal partner?

- someone with a great sense of humor and i’m pretty anxious, so someone who is good at keeping calm

18. do you want children?

- nope lmao, but i do want to be an aunt. i like kids, but like only when i can give them back to their parents when i get tired of them lol

19. do you want a church wedding?

- not really, if i did end up having one, it would be bc the building was beautiful it would have nothing to do with it being a church

20. are you religious?

- no, long and sad history with religion. i do consider myself to be pretty spiritual and learning more about stuff like that is really interesting to me

21. have you ever been to a hospital?

- yep, last year over spring break i had to get my gallbladder removed:)))))))) my surgeon took pics of my gallbladder though and it’s super sick and gross looking so at least i have that

22. have you ever gotten into trouble with the law?

- nope

23. have you ever met any celebrities?

- i met andy mientus, but he’s not like a huge celebrity

24. baths or showers?

- showers, baths are gross

25. what color socks are you wearing?

- white and purple

26. have you ever been famous?

- not really, but when i was in fifth grade i submitted a poem i wrote to a publishing company and they put it into a book, so my elementary school made a big deal out of it, so i was like a local celebrity amongst ten year olds for a week lol

27. would you like to be a big celebrity?

- only if it was for music, because that’s the only way i could see myself being happy with it. however, i’d much rather just have my own niche audience and be super personal with them, but still make enough money that i could afford to have that be my only career

28. what type of music do you like?

- mainly rock and funkier music, but i can pretty much listen to anything

29. have you ever been skinny dipping?

- no, because i hate my body lol

30. how many pillows do you sleep with?

- 4

31. what position do you usually sleep in?

- i’m a stomach sleeper

32. how big is your house?

- i live in a tiny apartment

33. what do you typically have for breakfast?

- usually just coffee, but sometimes i’ll have a breakfast bar

34. have you ever fired a gun?

- yes and i hated it, it’s way too scary to hold something like that

35. have you ever tried archery?

- yeah! we had it as a unit in my middle school gym class and i wasn’t super horrible at it!

36. favorite clean word?

- indubitably

37. favorite swear word?

- it’s more of a statement but i say “fuck off” all the time

38. what’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

- 29 when i was studying for finals last year

39. do you have any scars?

- several

40. have you ever had a secret admirer?

- yeah when i was seven

41. are you a good liar?

- when i need to be

42. are you a good judge of character?

- no i try to let everyone prove themselves, but mainly just makes me feel dumb when they screw me over

43. can you do any other accents other than your own?

- i don’t really have a midwestern accent anymore, but i can do one to make fun of my family members

44. do you have a strong accent?

- no

45. what’s your favorite accents?

- south african

46. what’s your personality type?

- advocate

47. what’s your most expensive piece of clothing?

- my doc martens were like $135 and i treat them like babies

48. can you curl your tongue?

- yep

49. are you an innie or an outie?

- bellybutton??? an innie but that’s super weird

50. left or right handed?

- right handed

51. are you scared of spiders?

- oh absolutely

52. favorite food?

- sushi

53. favorite foreign food?

- sushi or mexican food

54. are you a clean or messy person?

- both, i keep my room super messy, but any area of the apartment that i share with other people i keep spotless

55. most used phrase?

- “oh absolutely”

56. most used word?

- fuck

57. how long does it take you to get ready?

- roughly about an hour and 15 minutes

58. do you have much of an ego?

- depends, but in general i wouldn’t say so

59. do you suck or bite lollipops?

- suck

60. do you talk to yourself?

- who doesn’t?????

61. do you sing to yourself?

- all the time

62. are you good singer?

- i’m fine, nothing impressive

63. biggest fear?

- being kidnapped and also i’m really afraid of strange men, i can’t bring myself to trust both of them

64. are you a gossip?

- to my roommates

65. best dramatic movie you’ve ever seen?

- i really don’t know, i don’t watch a ton of dramas, mainly comedy

66. do you like long or short hair?

- on girls i like both, on guys i prefer long

67. can you name all 50 states in america?

- yeah if you gave me a few minutes

68. favorite school subject?

- biology

69. extrovert or introvert?

- introvert

70. have you ever been scuba diving?

- nope

71. what makes you nervous?

- i have anxiety :)))) so everything

72. are you scared of the dark?

- only if i’m in a strange place

73. do you correct people when they make mistakes?

- depends on my relationship with them

74. are you ticklish?

- holy shit yeah

75. have you ever started a rumor?

- nope

76. have you ever been in a position of authority?

- not one that mattered

77. have you drank underage?

- yes, i literally have more alcohol than food in my fridge rn

78. have you ever done drugs?

- yep, like three days ago

79. who was your first real crush?

- a kid named conner when i was in sixth grade

80. how many piercings do you have?

- four

81. can you roll your r’s?

- nope

82. how fast can you type?

- moderately fast

83. how fast can you run?

- not fast at all

84. what color is your hair?

- auburn

85. what color are your eyes?

- brown

86. what are you allergic to?

- shellfish

87. do you keep a journal?

- nope but i have a finsta which i use for the same reason

88. what do your parents do?

- my mom is a nurse and my dad used to be a firefighter

89. do you like your age?

- i mean i don’t like how close i am to being a real adult, but it’s fine

90. what makes you angry?

- lots of stuff

91. do you like your name?

- nope, i think it’s stupid

92. have you already thought of baby names, and if so, what are they?

- nope, no children thanks

93. do you want a boy or a girl child?

- neither

94. what are your strengths?

- i’m a good problem solver and i have a good work ethic

95.what are your weaknesses?

- i am physically weak and wayyyyy too emotional

96. how did you get your name?

- my mom watched steel magnolias in college and decided she was going to name her first daughter shelby

97. were your ancestors royalty?

- i doubt it, but on the off chance, pls send money i’m broke :))))))

98. do you have any scars?

- yes

99. color of your bedspread?

- white

100. color of your room?

- yellow

im tagging: @blackbluemichael @flowrxchild @rosecolouredash @calumsdemons @ghostofcth @what-now-lucas

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savrenim · 5 years ago

Text

I gotta say I think my favorite part of Jeremy as a DM is that he takes the stupid half-jokes that I make offscreen and just. turns them into things for me. that also fit perfectly into the plot and the story seamlessly but feel special

like I was making goddamn jokes about “okay but. but I want a bloodsword. we do blood magic. please. Jeremy. Jeremy what if I could make my blood into a sword. b l o o d s w o r d. I could go to parties and never be unarmed because mY BLOOD IS A SWORD. YOU CAN’T DISARM ME YOU WOULDN’T PART AN OLD ELF FROM HER BLOOD WOULD YOU, SO LONG AS I HAVE BLOOD I HAVE SWORD.” and then, like. because it was only half a joke and I got attached to the aesthetic I actively started planning on how to make one of my own, which was pretty much going to be that there are some shadow weapon spells either on the cleric/oracle or witch lists and I was just going to take one of those as I was leveling up in Caedic magic and request that because it’s blood magic can we please flavor it descriptively as being made of my blood and not of shadows like, just as a cool aesthetic piece, and I’d have my bloodsword.

and then halfway through Book 4 Galen fucking Torus out of nowhere makes a really fucking rad bloodsword from his own blood and hands it to me and I kill a bunch of enemies of the Empire and feel hella cool and I go “c a n y o u t e a c h m e” with starry eyes the next day and he goes “okay sure” and starts teaching me how to make a bloodsword and there are cool bloodsword mechanics and just. Iria Strell got a bloodsword. after I spent six months joking about it. this is an actual legitimate bloodsword not a cheap knockoff made from a flavored shadow spell, real genuine Caedic blood magic here.

and, like, there are a couple of other obvious things (I spent a while being excited about a Feat tree that I’ve now totally forgotten because I think I was looking for some weird way to add Int to attacks and there was something similar to feinting you used bluff for a round and I’ve forgotten about it because it became irrelevant because Iria has developed mechanical combat spurs that give her a pretty similar option, not a “sooo then in five levels I’ll be able to do this!”) I guess another one was joking for months okay not joking about how much in love I was with Arcadia Dominus and holy shit she liked me back and the “gay murder elf bachelorette” bit actually becoming a part of the campaign, this campaign got literally infinitely more gay because I made a dumb joke and then Jeremy went “okay” and followed up on it, we went from no gay to one of the longest running and at least emotionally important plotlines is “oh no Iria is so gay you utter disaster fire of a lesbian how are you going to mess everything up now because Pretty Girl”

but, like

the one that is hitting me really really strongly now-now is that I have been half-jokingly complaining for months and months that I regret So Much Iria Strell’s background as a minor noble because it limits the fanciness and quantity of dresses that I can get for her and goddamnit I want to put her in all the shiny things all of them and how Painful it is to pass all these cool costumes that I Want To Pull just in fashion posts and stuff but uuurgh I can’t because Iria Strell isn’t the sort of noble who would wear all those and she kind of isn’t allowed and that just goddamnit I need to make a character next game who whatever the context wears Cool Clothes so that I would get to actually do a shit-ton of character design and costume design

and I am 1000% sure that this didn’t change from the original plans, like, the outlines have been in place for months well before I got obsessed with noble costuming, but the big objective of this book is Iria is investigating a maybe heresy/conspiracy that maybe involves nobles, and to do so, she has to go to a bunch of noble parties, and Galen Torus gave her an unlimited credit card and went “material resources are no worry go ham request whatever you want” and what her wardrobe is actively affects all the interactions she has with people and how well she can gather the information she needs to

which means that OOC I get the chance to design a full and changing wardrobe for Iria Strell to look cool as it is now her job as the secret leader of an investigation to actually do noble business and look pretty sometimes and talk to a bunch of nobles and go to parties but just. I’m limited in interesting ways by what is tasteful, but I have been given the full resources and an active in-character reason to utterly go ham on costuming, which makes me so excited as a person

and it’s just. super tiny details like this that idk make the games feel....more than just special? or maybe it’s that I’m not used to being listened to? like. the game is so good. I’m having so much fun. we have gotten to book 5 and it is once again the coolest fucking thing I could imagine. and so was book 4, and book 3, and book 2, and book 1. it is completely unnecessary to throw in tiny things like the bloodsword in order to make me happy and it is all done so....seamlessly? like. if one of my hunches is correct. the bloodsword and a ritual that Galen Torus performed telling Iria it would make her better at the bloodsword wHICH IT DID BUT THAT WAS NOT THE MAIN POINT OF THE RITUAL, THE MAIN POINT OF THE GODDAMN RITUAL WAS TO CONSECRATE PRIESTS AND PRIESTS HAVE MORE ACCESS TO BLOOD MAGIC SO A SIDE EFFECT IS BETTER THAN A BLOODSWORD BUT A CONSECRATED PRIEST IS A SUPER HIGH RANK AND THIS MAKES HER A CONSECRATED PRIEST AT AGE EIGHTEEN WHICH IS VERY VERY VERY UPSETTING TO HER AND POSSIBLY UNPRECEDENTED EARLY 30S IS CONSIDERED RIDICULOUSLY EARLY TO BE A CONSECRATED PRIEST FOR INCREDIBLY TALENTED AND FAST-CLIMBING CAREER-FOCUED NOBLES NOT A MINOR DISGRACED KIND OF EXILED LESBIAN DUMPSTER FIRE LIKE SHE IS

but consecrated priest thing aside and that being one way or another a major plot point and that coming so seamlessly and so perfectly a surprise from the fact that she asked an Exarch if he’d teach her how to make a bloodsword

again I’m pretty sure “Book 5 is noble politics book” was always going to be a thing so it’s not “oh Jeremy wrote it into the plot that I get to be ridiculous and pick out every single dress and everyday wear and hair and makeup for my character all the time multiple times a session and have that matter” because it was always abstractly going to matter as that matters as a part of being a Caedic noble but just

here and is everything I wanted and was everything that I was totally joking about for months except no joke I just. get to do it. which I’m just actively so excited about. I guess it just...feels weird to me because I’m... sometimes used to making my own fun? or just, like, making things happen in my own life? there have been way too many “well if you want to survive it’s only you that you can rely on” situations not even in a bad sense of my life is horrible like. I could go on a rant about how I....not don’t trust people as people but don’t trust people to be 100% reliable and so always make a backup plan so that if a person falls through I can still get what I need done to be done and it’s just more pleasant for everyone involved if I don’t pin pressure on people or things? but in a different way I do the same thing for the games that I’m involved in, I will find things to make me have Feelings and will make my own fun and write letters and befriend NPCs and insist on staying in touch and, like...I dunno I guess I’m not used to trusting any world, be it fantasy or real, to give me what I want, if I want a thing I have to carefully plan and invest time and energy to earn and take it and be prepared to fail and just because Jeremy’s my friend and I goddamn narrate everything jokes or not of how I/my characters feel and “okay but here is the 1000th picture of a cool dress that I’m sending you and because Iria Strell doesn’t get to wear cool dresses we’ll say it’s the Gothicus Maximus Spring 2019 collection” and just

I guess I’m really not used to a world that cares about what I want

and, like, is sometimes fucking brutal Iria is dealing with slowly losing her mobility and ability to fight to an injury that was her fault and she is descending into a lot of really fun mental health places that push fun buttons and Marian is spelljammer and is Marian don’t even get me started on Marian’s family suddenly reappearing or just. characters from the thousands upon thousands of words of backstory showing up but just idk it feels like even when things are really brutal to the characters......the world is still kind to me? it’s aware of what I care about and it cares about me?

and I’m just so not used to the world being kind

I don’t need the world to be kind to love it. I love this world even with how fucked up and hard it is, and I love the games that I play and the stories that I get to be a part of without them caring about me at all, I don’t need them to care about me, that’s not why I’m playing

maybe I’m just hella tired and the move has been awful my old housemate gave me a deadline less than 12 hours before when there was never a deadline in our original conversations and then she and her mother were also going through my room and my stuff I guess to try to determine how quickly I’d get out of there but, like, I do not like it when people go through my stuff and there was a scare about the landlord selling the new place and the new landlord would have to honor the lease for a year but then maybe not wanting me to have my cats so suddenly for two days even my new living place was up in the air and I was already jet lagged and stressed and barely slept to try to finish a week’s worth of work that I was under the full impression I had a week to do in a day and a half and definitely sprained my ankle but got to keep walking on it and internet took forever to set up and trying to fix my furniture and all my stuff is in boxes and I’m still walking around on a twisted ankle because it’s just me there’s no one here to help me, if I want things to be okay and to get done I have to make them be done myself and these boxes need to be unpacked by Saturday morning because the landlord wants to fix the floor and just. I’m stressed and emotional so maybe I’m hella overreacting to “oh you like costumes? well an aspect of this book is noble interactions and parties so sure I’ll let you pick out literally every dress that you’re wearing” but it just

it matters so much to me

Jeremy is really really good at the DnD thing

#have a long rant about my feelings and partially about dnd #I'm real tired #my life #gay murder elf bachelorette #I guess #this game is so fun and it keeps surprising me

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years ago

Video

youtube

THE BAND PERRY - THE GOOD LIFE

[4.92]

"Good" may be a stretch for some, but controversial is not!

Ian Mathers: "You know, when I asked how things were going since the divorce, I didn't actually need this level of specificity. Also it's weird that your brothers are here." [3]

Thomas Inskeep: What the fuck happened?!? The Band Perry's last album, their 2013 sophomore effort Pioneer, is a sublime, Rick Rubin-helmed country record. And now apparently they want to be, what? Chainsmokers? Actually, this isn't even that good; it sounds more like a Paris Hilton record. I'm embarrassed for them just listening to this. [1]

Katie Gill: You've got to give The Band Perry some props. If they kept putting out songs along their earlier sound, more music like "Chainsaw" or "If I Died Young," they would probably still have halfway decent airplay on CMT. Instead, whether it's due to a musical evolution or (what I'd put my money on) blatant trend chasing, The Band Perry refuse to be limited by their best known sound. That being said, holy shit this song is grating, obnoxious, and downright immature at points. [3]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: "Glad I never had your baby / This will be a cleaner cut / You can keep the labradors": three lines so simple, so cutting, so savage, that while stationary biking at the gym, I literally had to stop pedaling, clutch my pearls, and whisper "Oh my god" when I listened to this for the first time. I shouldn't quote the whole song line by line, so here's another highlight that deserves special mention: "I don't wanna still be friends / I just wanna break your neck." No words minced here, just the most systematic takedown of a cheating bastard since "Sorry" or "Before He Cheats," made even more thrilling because of how unexpected it is coming from The Band Perry. [7]

David Moore: The Band Perry does the reverse Lil Nas X and takes their big dark energy to the hip-hop charts...ten years ago. But hey, I loved 808s and Heartbreak, and Kanye never wrote a line as ice cold as "you can keep the Labradors." Damn, dude, she doesn't even care about the dogs anymore, you must have really fucked up! [7]

Joshua Lu: Even despite the colossal genre difference, this song reminds me of how in the chorus of "If I Die Young," The Band Perry progressively got more ridiculous with every line, with requests of satin, some roses, a sunrise, and then a love song. In "The Good Life," they similarly don't know where to stop their wonky details, except instead of romantic imagery, they utilize awkward slang ("bro" is barely tolerable; "hoes" isn't at all) and clumsy statements ("You can keep the labradors/"). There are some passably impactful lines, like "This'll be a cleaner cut," but they're vastly outnumbered by those edgy stinkers, and it's all drowning in a goopy Weeknd-lite backdrop. [2]

Katherine St Asaph: Those invested in The Band Perry's country career likely see this as a trend-chasing outrage -- at least "Old Town Road" mentioned a tractor! Fortunately, I am not invested in their country career, and can thus recognize this as one of the best pop singles of 2019. You can too: Pretend it's the new Kelly Clarkson single, which it basically is, plus Kanye's "Heartless." (Kris Allen strummed so The Band Perry could burble.) The only country remnants are the specificity in the first verse, but unlike crossover patient zero "The Middle," "The Good Life" isn't remotely shiny. Nor is it remotely chill, nor really conversant with the pop zeitgeist. (The bridge, with its lone spotlight synth, kiiinda resembles something Max Martin might write, but five years ago, and only if you stretch.) Instead, the level of bitterness equals Natalie Imbruglia's "Want" and maybe even approaches Tori's "Blood Roses" (that second verse comes awfully close). [9]

Alfred Soto: Grant them this: if "The Good Life" is Nashville, I'm Squeaky Fromme. "I just wanna break your neck," Kimberly Perry coos over a wobbly electrobass backdrop. Too outre for Nashville, perhaps, not outre enough for contemporary pop, where wobbliness is the coin of the realm. [5]

Michael Hong: So The Band Perry are releasing "edgy" Spotify-core synth-pop now, huh? While the whole thing has the distinct markings of a club track, it simply feels lifeless because the vocals, coated in their hazy atmosphere, only dull the pulsing synth. That lifelessness creeps into their lyrics, and The Band Perry's attempt at something devastating with the line "you gave it up for hoes" never really registers because of it. [2]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Coordinates indicated that The Band Perry were aiming for new musical territories, but "The Good Life" is the song they needed to justify the change. The new sonic direction and dramatic synthwork help sell the disgust in the lyrics: the revulsion of prior physical intimacy, the remorseless desire to snap necks, the relief that she never bore children with this dude. That the lyrics are analogous to things we often hear in country music only makes them feel more caustic, like the severity of ill-will that Kimberly harbors is fully unveiled in a way that couldn't in country pop radio. The vocal delivery is clunky at times, but it's honestly these moments of awkwardness that sell the song--after all, how often are post-break up diatribes flawlessly executed? The 808s & Heartbreak-indebted bridge is a fun bit of worthwhile, borrowed empowerment. The "Good Life" that Kimberly's seeking, though, is a bit different than what Kanye ever talked about; she wants retribution, and it's palpable. [7]

Edward Okulicz: When I close my mind and pretend this is a new single by, like, The Veronicas, I love it, because it's like a perfect even more bitter follow up to their "Think of Me." But it's still great as a new single by The Recording Entity Perry too. The jagged edges of the music aren't revolutionary, but they provide something of a distorted mirror to reflect the ugly twistedness of the vocals and the story. To me, the overall effect is that of impotent rage against an indifferent target, which makes it more relatable than is comfortable. [8]

Joshua Copperman: It's not as bad as contemporary Little Big Town's horrible pop crossover, but it's really weird. Despite the intent, Kim Perry says 'hoes' like a 12 year-old cursing, and the "damn good rhyme/line" lyrics would be okay if there were more damn good rhymes/lines in the song. (There are some good lyrics, but they're scattered and don't rhyme - "Sick I ever touched your body/Sick you ever tasted mine" is one such oasis.) The titular line doesn't work as a hook. The distorted 808s don't work as the beat either. Nothing coheres whatsoever, but there are enough interesting elements to make this listenable, if only as a curio. [5]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#The Band Perry #country #music #music review #writing #pop

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mtvswatches · 6 years ago

Text

Jane the Virgin 1x09 Chapter Nine

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Stray thoughts

1) This was sad…

NARRATOR: Like I said, Jane never forgot the night she wrote her first short story. It was the same night she learned dreams weren't practical. And so Jane kept hers a secret. But she never stopped dreaming.

I think it’s even sadder because this was a conversation she wasn’t supposed to hear, this message wasn’t supposed to be conveyed to her, you know? But it hit her hard, and even as a young girl, she made the decision to keep her dreams tucked away because dreams were a luxury she couldn’t afford.

2) I’m thinking Jane is the writer who wrote this story. Could the narrator be her own “voice”?

3) Oh, Jane…

JANE: The main character in the story, Lucy, is a feisty, single mom that wears booty shorts and entertains a revolving door of guys.

RAFAEL: Well, I'm sure your mom's got a sense of humor about herself, right?

JANE: There's a line in it that says she puts the "loose" in Lucy.

I wouldn’t publish it either, it would break Xiomara’s heart knowing that this is all her daughter sees in her and that she’s kind of slut-shaming her. Xiomara might not be a traditional mom, and she’s definitely flawed and made mistakes when bringing up Jane, but I truly think she’s a good mom. She loves Jane, and they have a very honest relationship. It is heartbreaking that Jane would boil her down to this.

4) #Rogeliomybrogelio is going to be my hashtag for Rogelio from now on.

5) OMG Paulina Rubio was on this show? Will all the Latin artists be on it? Because I’m here for it!

6) Michael thinks Rafael is Sin Rostro… Hmm. Would this show dare to go there, making its main male lead the Big Bad?

7) WTF Petra!

9) Is everything that comes out of Rogelio’s mouth iconic?

ROGELIO: A hug from Rogelio is like a rabbit's foot. Lucky, rare, and soft to the touch.

10) Why would you leave your hostage alone in the room, Petra? Dumb move. And of course, he’ll learn how to get the cuffs off by watching Rogelio’s telenovela.

11) Michael is cahooting with his shady brother in order to find evidence against Rafael. I’m guessing that won’t end well...

12) And now he’s offering his help to make the whole Petra thing go away. Okay, I’m not hating him this episode. So far.

13) Michael is being helpful and Rafael and Jane are disagreeing pretty much on everything… religion, how to raise the kid, money… Is there going to be a constant love triangle in this show? I mean, I know it is telenovela, and love triangles are a staple of the genre, but I’m not really a fan of them…

14) Mercer stole Rafael’s wallet, of course, he’s still as shady as he was in VM.

15) See why she’s a good mom? Before getting angry, she told Jane how proud she was that she was getting published.

JANE: You were always dating different guys.

XIOMARA: I didn't bring them home.

JANE: Doesn't mean I didn't know about them. And, you know, except for Anthony, no one ever really stuck.

XIOMARA: What do you remember about Anthony?

JANE: I liked him. He was funny, he made me laugh.

XIOMARA: Yeah, he did. And after he broke up with me, you were very sad. Do you remember that? I didn't want that to happen again, so after I kept things casual.

JANE: To protect me?

XIOMARA: Yeah.

16) She is a good mom, fight me.

JANE: I'm not going to sign that publishing consent form anyway.

XIOMARA: I signed it for you.

JANE: What?!

XIOMARA: I am not gonna be the reason that you miss your window.

17) OMG are we getting Magda’s backstory???

Holy shit, that’s some fucked up karma right there! She got acid thrown on her face AND she was run over by a car???

18) Passports, cash, a burner phone… how is Rafael going to explain that one?

19) Is Petra being real, though? I can never tell!!

You think I don't know what it means to struggle? Just like you, it's always been me and my mother. My father was trapped behind the iron curtain during the cold war. When I was a baby, he sent me and my mother off to west Germany. He was meant to follow. For five years, we waited for him. But he couldn't get out. And he died one week one week before the wall fell. I'll never forget that feeling. Losing someone, never getting the chance to know them. That's why I'm fighting for this baby.

I can tell Jane was actually moved, and to be honest, so was I. But I can never really figure out Petra. She doesn’t seem to be completely heartless, but she’s also extremely manipulative and deceitful and she knows how to play people like a fiddle. She definitely plays me!

20) I really hope Michael is not right, but it seems as though he might be…

MICHAEL: But, um, listen, I-I I do want to talk to you about him. Something's going on with him, something shady.

JANE: What? What are you talking about?

MICHAEL: I can't say. But trust me, Jane. I only want what's best for you.

JANE: Rafael said that you had it in for him. I said no.

MICHAEL: Well, there you go. You see, he said that to cover himself in case I said something.

JANE: Michael, stop.

MICHAEL: Jane. Jane, listen.

JANE: No, just stop.

MICHAEL: Something's off with this guy.

21) Who would’ve thought that the one moment Petra was honest would be her downfall?

22) I really hope Rogelio doesn’t win the award and he has an epic meltdown on live TV.

23) And the winner is…

24) Petra and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I honestly expected her to be involved in something darker. She was just a girl escaping from her psychopath ex-boyfriend, and that’s why she’d been paying Ivan. I really don’t know why she didn’t come clean to Rafael, it’s not as if she’d committed a crime. Well, except for identity theft. But it was kind of justified?

25) Xiomara met her Goddess!!

And honestly, based on her sweet words, she deserves to be her Goddess.

26) Same plot structure for these two as in the previous two episodes, how long are they going to do this?

RAFAEL: We're better together.

JANE: Really? Because I think the lesson is, is that we're very different, and there are a lot of things that are gonna come up because of that.

RAFAEL: No. Refer back to my lesson. We are better together.

Exactly the same! They start the episode being all lovey-dovey, then they have a disagreement and they feel the relationship is doomed, and then they reach a compromise and make-up. It’s kind of getting old. And boring. Three episodes in a row!

27) Awww!! Rogelio is all smitten because Jane had bet on him winning the award!

28) And Rogelio used his contacts to get Xiomara what she wants. Again. Am I the only one finding these plots repetitive? Especially when the writers are recycling plots from one or two episodes ago?

29) I really like how Jane encouraged her mom to take a chance with Rogelio.

30) What is up with Rafael?

Or did Mercer (sorry, I’m calling Michael’s brother that because I can’t remember his name) set the whole thing up to mess with Michael?

31) WTF

32) Alba is going to find the fucking hostage, isn’t she?

33) HOLY FUCK!!!

AND I KNEW IT! I KNEW SHE COULD WALK!!

34) I enjoyed some of the twists and turns in this episode, but I feel like the writers are resorting to the same storylines to create conflict among the characters. I hope that is not a tendency and it’s just related to the fact that it is the show’s first season and they were still finding their footing. I do feel quite proud of myself for predicting Magda could walk. But what the fuck, she pushed Alba down the stairs?!!

35) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

#Jane the Virgin #Jane Villanueva #Gina Rodriguez #Paulina Rubio #Rogelio De la Vega #Jaime Camil #JTV recap #JTV 1x09 #MTVSwatches

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jackandmarksavedme88 · 6 years ago

Text

Dark Lemonade

@ashphoenix06 @honestlyitsjustkennaswriting @emma-wrote @goldenoceanarps @weirdmixofweirdness

TW: Some violence, also gets a liiiiittle dirty(but the super nsfw parts have been cut out for tumblr sake 😂😂)

Mark.....are we ever going to stop driving?"

"Well. You said isolated. His place is as isolated as i could think of"

Alison studied Mark as he drove, glancing behind them where Amy was driving Alison's car every so often

"And youre sure Dark isnt going to be too...put out?"

Mark chuckled 'That asshole is always put out. Part of his charm you could say"

As he drove he thought of the conversation hed had with the ego the week before

******

"Why here Mark? Why does she need to stay here? I dont even know her"

Mark looked at Darkiplier as his aura slightly crackled around him

"I told you. Her ex has been stalking her, she needs somewhere to stay while her dad is off the ranch. She doesnt need to be alone on that huge place. Amy and i are going out of town. Now get over it. Shes staying"

"So get the police to babysit her. Why should *I* have to" the ego scowled, clearly not giving a shit what would happen to this girl

"Look Dark im not having anything happen to her because you want to be a pretentious ass. Its not like you use all of the five rooms here."

"You and Amy talk as if shes your child. Shes a grown woman"

"Yes. And her ex is an even bigger grown man that is unhinged and wants to do very bad things to her. Shes staying here."

Darkiier glared as his creator, his aura lashing tendrils out every so often as his temper rose. But he knew there was no arguing.

"Fine. But she better stay out of my way"

*********

Mark pulled to a stop in front of the big house in the woods. Alison gaped at the sight of the beautifully crafted home and the big lake behind it

"Holy. Shit.'

Mark laughed out loud "yeah. Good taste huh?"

Alison climbed out of the car and stretched her arms out, her shirt falling off her shoulder a bit, revealing a faded scar. She grabbed what she had in Mark's car and joined him and Amy to walked up the front steps and inside

"Hello?"

"Well come in, dont just stand there" Dark said.

He watched Mark and Amy come in as he walked down the stairs and stopped as Alison stepped through the door

He took her in. Reddish brown hair, green eyes, short, not skinny but not what hed call fat. She looked around nervously and then locked eyes with her host for the next couple of weeks.

"Um...hi. Im Alison Calaway" she reached out a hand to shake his as he reached the bottom of the steps. "Its nice to meet you Dark...thank you for letting me be here"

Dark took her hand and felt almost a buzz, aside from his own aura, go through him

"Yes. Mark has told me about you. Glad i could...assist"

Amy looked at her watch "oh. We gotta go if we are going to get to bed and get on the road in the morning.... Alison are you sure youre ok?" She wasnt too sure about leaving her here with HIM all that time

"Amy Ill be fine. Yall go"

She hugged and kissed both Mark and Amy on the cheeks and watched as they climbed in Marks car and drove away.

"So...are you hungry?" Alison jumped as Dark spoke closer to her ear than she thought hed be

"Oh. Um. No. Actually. Im good. I could go for some hot tea though.

"Ah. Perfect. Come with me to the kitchen"

The ego led the way as she tried to figure out this vibe she was getting. Like he reallllly didnt want her there, but was also curious about her.... He was pretty easy on the eyes though so she figured she'd survive

She sat down at the bar as he boiled the water

"So. When you said Mark talked about me....how much did he tell you?" Alison inquired, not sure what to say

"He told me of the ex-boyfriend and why you needed somewhere to stay..... May i ask how it got to that point? If thats not too forward?"

He turned to see her absentmindedly running her fingers over a scar along her collar bone

"Well.. I was with him two years. He didnt like me having friends other than him. Didnt like when i went on the road with my Dad's company and wrestled house shows.."

Darkiplier looked at her "wait...wrestling ?"

Alison ducked her head and laughed

"heh...yeah.... Long story. Dad is practically royalty in the business and i did it for a while. ..but Shane didnt like that. Mostly because i hung out with the guys and trained with them.... So for the sake of the relationship i stayed home. Then he got to where he hated me talking to Mark, Jack...Anyone really. Long story short he attacked me a few times....the last time he almost killed me..... Chase and Jackie saved my life. They had been on the way over to get me and heard me scream. Broke in..... I had to get a lot of stitches that night. And he didnt like being told no. He took off while they were helping me. Cops have been looking for him, hes been sending me letters, showing up at places where im at. But he always takes off when i see him..... Hes gotten bolder and my parents and Mark and everyone didnt want me left alone. So here i am"

Dark studied her for a moment. He could read that she had strength. But she was broken. He couldn't understand why but he felt a tug of protectiveness in his chest at the thought of that asshole trying to track her here... At least those idiotic Septic Egos had done something right. Though letting him get away was pathetic

"Well. Dont worry. If he tries to darken my doorstep, he will surely get more than he bargined for i can assure you"

He brought two mugs over and poured the water over the tea bags. They sat and talked for hours like theyd known each other forever

****************

The next night Alison laid in her bed. It was about 12 am. Shed walked by the lake all morning, theyd gone into town and grabbed lunch and when they came home she had talked with Dark about different interests most of the night. She felt oddly at home here. Suddenly her phone rings

"Now who the hell would be calling me?.."

She hit the answer button, not recognizing the number

"Hello?"

"Aliiisoon.... Now why would you go walking around with some goth reject looking...thing where everyone could see?"

She sat bolt upright in bed, all blood draining from her face... Shane

"What the hell....how did you...?"

"Now now alleycat dont worry about how. You know you're mine. Ill always find you. Now answer me"

"Theres nothing to fucking answer Shane. Leave me alone." She scrambled out of bed and down the stairs, checking the locks.

"Ohhh alison. You cant actually think im going to leave you alone. I marked you. Youre mine... Nice house youre in though. Lots of property

She stood in the glow of the moon through the front window, shaking "shane. What do you want. Why are you doing this?"

"Because. I want whats mine"

"Im not yours! I never will be, leave me al-"

The phone was snatched from her hand. Darks aura crackling and whipping around them both, scaring her and amazing her at the same time.

"Look. Either turn yourself in or go die. Your choice..... In fact i will gladly help with one of those options. But you will leave her be Shane"

And with that he threw the phone down and crushed it

She turned and stared at him, in awe of the power oozing from him, shaking from adrenaline.

The aura calmed some as he stepped toward her and ran a finger over her collarbone and shoulders. Tracing the scars that were exposed by the sleeveless sleep shirt she wore. He looked in her eyes brimming with tears and had the sudden urge to hug her and an even stronger NEED to protect her...so he pulled her in. She buried her face in his chest and cried. Feeling helpless and grateful at the same time. The tendrils ran over her back as he held the back of her head with one hand and wrapped the other arm around her.

Finally she stepped back. Wiping her face. "Dark....im sorry. You must think im a completely useless creature... Im just so tired of being his prey"

He studied her face for a moment, then spoke, his voice low, commanding attention as he did

"Youre not his prey anymore. And while i think many of those around me are useless....youre different. And damned if i know why.."

Alison looked at him, curious, but not pushing the matter.

"I dont think ill sleep much." She was mad and scared and exhausted. But she knew what her dreams would hold

Dark put his hand on her shoulder "Well. Im just doing some paper work in my office, i could....put a pillow and blankets on the couch in there for you. You could rest while i work...perhaps that way youd feel more at ease"

Alison smiled at him, grateful for his kindness. "Ok. Yeah, maybe....if i wont be bothering you of course"

He chuckled softly "not at all dear. Come"

****

Alison watched him work thru half shut eyes. This was the big bad guy everyone spoke of...to her he didnt seem so bad. Intense for sure but....there was just something about him. The quiet way he held himself, he could walk in any room and demand attention without even trying.

"You know. Its not polite to stare at people while they work ali"

She smiled sleepily "sorry. Just thinking"

The ego cocked an eyebrow. "About?"

"Well.." She sat up from her makeshift bed hed made, one strap falling off her shoulder, exposing more of her skin, Dark suddenly felt tense, but tried to ignore it

"I mean. You're supposed to be.. Horrible. A bad guy....and yet.... I feel as if we are old friends having only known you a few days ... I trust you. Though everyone has said not to.... Im supposed to be scared of you and thats just not the case" she said

He smiled gently "Well. When you're on my good side, thats what you get. But most never see that side, only a lucky few

'And why am i one of the lucky ones? " Alison asked

Dark motioned for her to come to him 'Come here....." She got up and stepped across the room, sitting on the corner of his desk as he stood up.

"If im being honest i have no idea why i feel the way i do around you. You seem to make everything....quiet. Calm. I can think clearly for some reason.... I cant quite figure you out Alison"

He was standing directly in front of her now.

She smiled up at him "heh. Good luck with that"

The blackness grew slightly and played around the edge of her face as he stared directly into her eyes "oh don't worry princess. Ill figure you out. I always get what i want"

Alison threw her head back and laughed "hmm. With me you wont.....but like i said. Have fun with that" she went to stand and he blocked her, moving very close to her. "I rather like the effect you have...stay a moment longer?"

He rested his hand on her knee and closed his eyes. Reveling in the slience that filled him. She didnt know what to say...but staring at him with his head leaned back, hair in his face she couldn't help but feel the calm as well. She reached up and brushed the har from his eyes, fingers trailing his cheek. His hand caught hers and held it to his face as he leaned into it.

Alisons heart sped up. Dark could hear it as her cheeks flushed an adorable red. He looked at her intently suddenly not in control of his actions he put his hand to her face and pulled her to him, softly bringing their lips together

She was suprised by his actions. But more suprised at the fact that she trusted him. She leaned into the kiss, grabbed the front of his jacket .

They both were startled by the crash in the front hall. Alison jumped off the desk and took off out the door before he could stop her. Dark shook his head

"That stupid girl...."

But then he heard her yelp.... His aura crackled to life as he rushed out to the front door which was wide open. The window next to it was smashed. Alison was nowhere to be seen

"Ali?? Where the hell are you?" He shouted angrily.

He heard scuffling outside. Curses came flying out of alisons mouth. The Egos eyes darkened as he ran outside and saw her on the ground under her attacker, fighting like a wildcat. He stomped down the steps and across the grass quickly, grabbing him by the back of the neck and neatly tossing him into the side of her car.

He helped Alison up and studied her quickly. Busted lip, scratches on her arms... His anger boiled over and the dark aura he carried around seemed to grow even blacker. In short. He was pissed.

"You stupid asshole. You think you can have her?" The voice came from behind him. Dark turned and stared down Shane.

"You cant. Shes mine and she will always be mine. I dont care what you or any of your other ego friends have to say. Spandex boy and Brody couldn't stop me...what makes you think...

He trailed off as he became accutely aware of the silence that enveloped him. The anger rolling off the Ego in the form of his aura suddenly making him regret coming here

Dark spun on him, grabbing his neck and shoving him against the car. His voice came out as more of a growl

"You listen to me you insignificant toad. I dont know who the HELL you think you are, or what you *think* youre going to accomplish. But taking "ownership" of Alison Calaway isnt it. People say im a bad person. Theyve never seen me be protective of someone, so trust me when i tell you the truth can be SO much worse than youve heard. I will give you a choice. You may turn around and walk out of here, never contacting or even THINKING of that woman again. Or...

He tightened his grip on Shanes throat cutting off his air as the mans bladder let go

"Or my dear boy. I can show you what demonic really means.... Its your choice"

Shane struggled to speak 'o-okay' he whispered

"What's that? I cant hear you" Dark said. Enjoying the terror in the mans eyes

"Okay! Ill go. Ill go. Just please...dont kill me"

Dark dropped him to the ground, the black aura rolling around him, trying to contain himself. Shane scrambled to get to his car

"Ah ah" Dark said. The choice was to WALK away"

He held the keys hes taken from Shanes pocket up, jingling them and smiled evily.

"Th-thats at least ten miles through the woods! Are you insane??"

Darks eyes narrowed "guess you better get started....and hope the wolves arent especially hungry tonight.. Leave"

His aura shot out, eyes flaring. Shane pissed himself again and took off running into the night

Dark's shoulders heaved up and down as he tried to control his breathing, his body shaking with the anger. Trying to keep himself from chasing the man down and ripping his head from his body

Alison approached from behind and touched his shoulder.

"Alison...im sorry you had to see me like that. I can normally control myself...."

She tugged him to turn around and he looked at her. Blood dried on the corner of her mouth, eyes shining with tears. She placed her hand on the side of his face and he noticed her knuckles were busted from fighting back. He leaned into her touch. Her closeness calming the storm raging in his mind...how had it come to this....when had she become his safe place?

Alison tried to control her emotions...she should be terrified right now, especially after that display. But all she wanted was to hold this man. And she didnt understand. She slid one hand behind his neck and pulled his face to hers. Kissing him was less of a want and more of a gnawing need right now. He was suprised but wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. Savoring the taste of her mouth

Alison pulled back slightly, out of breath and Dark leaned his forehead to hers, closed his eyes and smiled. Neither spoke. After a moment she pulled away completely and tugged on his hand

"Cmon. Let's go inside"

They walked into the house. Not knowing what to say to each other.

A week passed. Neither spoke about that night. Not avoiding each other but avoiding the subject. Which annoyed Darkiplier greatly. When had he become..this? Not confronting something? He longed to reach out and brush the hair from her face, touch her some way. But he got the feeling she didnt want to be touched right now.

'Well why would she you fool. After everything that jackass did, did you think shed just fall in your arms and stay there?' He said aloud to himself as he toiled in his office.

His phone buzzed with a text. He checked it to see a message from Alison. After breaking her phone hed taken her to get a new one with a new number that very few people now had.

A: "Hey... You wanna go get some drinks tonight? Im getting tired of being couped up but i dont exactly want to venture out on my own. I know itd be a bit of a drive but.."

He pondered for a moment. He could easily say no. That there was liquor here...but he knew it wasnt about the drinks for Alison. He could tell she was itching to get out. To move somewhere other than the house or the lake. She was becoming a bit like a caged tiger.

D: "Sure. Why not" ..... He had a feeling he might regret this.

****************

Darkiplier stood at the bottom of the stairs, ready to leave. He sighed. What was taking her?

'Ali. Are you coming or-"

The words are lost in his throat as she starts down the steps. Auburn hair gleaming, wearing a black and red dress that fit in all the right places and short heels.

She caught his eyes as she stepoed onto the floor and laughed "yeah. Lets go" Alison suddenly felt as if she were a piece of steak in the lions den and she didnt know why.

Dark just opened the front door for her without a word and motioned for her to go first. Trying to regain composure.

At the bar, they drank, Alison danced alone. She moved like a woman possessed. Dark just watched her intently, a feeling in his chest he couldn't quite describe. It had been a couple of hours when a man came up behind her, trying to dance too close and touch too much. Dark tensed as he saw her spin around and shove him away, then he walked over, catching the end of the trashy things he was saying to her

"Alison... Lets go"

Darkiplier didnt need to shout. Or ask her twice. She gratefully nodded her head, realxing now that she didnt feel cornered.

The whole way home she was quiet. Dozing, feeling the effects of the whiskey shed been downing all night.

When they arrived at the house she got out and walked in. She was barely through the door when Dark called to her. He stepped through the door behind her as she turned

He stared for a moment, then reached his hand out to touch her face...she flinched. She didnt mean to...it was just the thought if anyone touching her....of making her feel anything was anxiety inducing...but at the same time she wanted Dark's touch

His hand stopped mid air and his eyes darkened... He was... Sad? But angry at the same time

"I see..." He murmered. Then walked past her to his office and shut the door.

Alison stood there. Tears began to run down her face. "What the hell is happening to me" she whispered. She looked toward the office door. Wanting so badly to chase him. But tired of chasing things at the same time.

******

Darkiplier tried to focus on the computer in front of him. Itd been half an hour and hed gotten nothig done. "What the hell is wrong with you? Youre bitching and moaning after this *girl* you barely know. And for what? The feeling she gives you...pathetic" he spoke to himself condescendingly.

"You know. Speaking to yourself is the first sign of madness"

Alisons voice from the doorway made him jump. Not expecting her to be there.

"Can i come in?"

He studied her for a moment. "Yes. Of course, sit"

She walked into the room. Still in her dress but barefoot now. His breath hitched in his throat as she leaned back into the sofa and curled her legs under her,she sat the drink in her hand on the side table. He laughed. Another whiskey?

"Listen. Dark. Thank you for coming over when you did....that guy was..handsy"

He scoffed "Well. Did you think i was going to let him manhandle you? Though im sure you couldve handled it fine if need be. But i have this godforsaken need to protect you. And i still havent figured it out.."

"Dont protect me.... People that protect me get hurt...." She trailed off, thinking of Henrik stitching the cut in Chase's side after he fought with Shane that night. "Im not worth good people getting hurt"

Dark stood up and walked over to stand in front of her, then crouched so he was eye level. "Look. I told you. I think a lot of people are useless, but you arent one of them. You have this passion in you when you speak about people and things you care for. You want so badly to fight everything and feel nothing....and thats not possible. Trust me. Before you waltzed into this house i wouldnt have believed it. I was an asshole to anyone that looked at me sideways. I didnt need anything or anyone.... And then here are. Making me feel things. No my dear. Worthless is not something that should be used to describe you"

He placed a hand on her leg as he spoke, electricity running between them. She jumped but didnt flinch away this time. She stared into his eyes, taking in what hed said.

He cleared his throat and stood up "i believe this is where i tell you, im sorry if i scared you that night he came here. Im sorry if kissing you was out of line.." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to stand up "but i just couldnt help it..."

She smiled and then stared at the floor as she spoke 'you werent out of line.....unexpected maybe. But i kissed you the second time. So should i apologize for that?'

Darkiplier chuckled and put a finger under her chin, lifting her gaze to his "No my dear. Never apologize for letting me taste you... Though you may need to apologize for depriving me "

With that he captured her mouth with his. Slowly as first, then more forcefully. Her hands tangled in his hair, him holding her against him. She pulled back to breathe and his lips went to her neck. 'Dark..." She said breathlessly

"Mmmm" the sound rumbled in his chest as he caressed her back and softly kissed her skin, savoring each taste. The he looked at her and smiled wickedly "you know. Coming down in that dress... Then dancing the way you did. That wasnt very nice of you. Looking like that....moving like that in public. I very nearly pinned you to the wall then and there" his eyes danced as he spoke. Running his hands down her hips and gripping her right at the lower back to pull her closer

She laughed and smiled back at him "well. Maybe i like to torture you. Make you beg for it"

He chuckled "hmm. Me? Beg? Not on your life princess, you couldnt make me actually beg"

She stepped away from him and put one hand on his chest and grinned "oh. Is that a *challenge* i hear? Go sit in your chair over there"

He cocked an eyebrow in her direction but complied, pulling the chair to the front of the desk and sitting. This should be interesting

She turned of the lights with the switch by the door. Then walked over to his computer which was behind him on the desk. She went to a music site and put a song on. One that Dark recognized from the club. One hed watched her move to, his heartbeat quicked as he remembered the sight.

She strolled around back to where shed sat her glass and downed it. Then walked to just out of his easy reach and began to move to the music. Body swaying to the beat. Eyes closed. A little drunk but in control and knowing what she was doing. The moonlight played along her body.

Darkiplier reached to touch her and she swatted his hand away.

"Oh no. Put your hands away....you cant touch unless you ask...beg for it." She said mischeviously. "Your hands cannot touch me. But i...oh i cant touch you"

She stepped closer, bending down, holding his knees as she did and bringing her body up in a way so that her face, then chest were right in front of his face. She turned and bent between his knees before coming back up slowly, grinding against him, his hands clenching. His aura crackling around them with his need. But he would not break. He couldnt. His pride wouldnt let him.

But then. Alison straddled him. Legs on either side and sat in his lap. Still moving her body to the beat of the music, leaning back as she moved her hips. This was dangerous territory. She wanted him to touch her. But she also wanted to hear him ask. Dark, to his benefit was trying to keep his composure, but the hardness beneath her was giving him away.

The music stopped and she sat. Still straddling him and put her arms over his shoulders. She grinned at him

"You gonna break?"

Dark laughed. This little minx. If she thought for one second that he was going to-

All thought flew from his brain as he felt her lips on his neck. Her hand tangled in the back of his hair. She ran her tongue along it and then along his lips. Kissing him lightly 'cmon baby. You know you want it. All you have to do is say it.... Let go of the control for once"

He reached to hold her and she caught each of his wrists and held them down "ah ah darky. Not until you ask nicely" she purred in his ear and she ground against him again. Torturing herself as much as she was him

'Alison.." It came out as a half moan, half warning.

She stood up and let go of his wrists and grinned. "Well. I guess ill just have to go to bed alone then."

As she turned she unzipped her dress and let it fall as she walked across the room. Darkipliers eyes almost came out of his head at the sight of her in her black bra and panties. Now this was just evil....

He crossed the room behind her and slammed the door before she could get to it. She turned to see him staring at her in a way that made her feel very much like a wounded animal in front of a panther. He rolled his head to either side with his eyes closed and then stared her down again, his arm over her shoulder against the door, trapping her there

"Now Alison. You have given me great needs. Id like it very much if youd stop torturing me like this'

A playful smile played over her face "but its fun to see you squirm darlin" she licked her lips.

He stared at her than went to his knees "Fine. Is this what you what? You want me to admit i need you? Well here. I absolutely need you. In many ways. Right now i need you to let me run my hands over you, to taste you, to caress every inch inside and out that i can reach Miss Calaway"

He again reach for her hips and this time she didnt stop him. His kissed her on either side, tongue lightly darting over her stomach. He stood and backed her into the wall. Now it was his turn. He grabbed her by the back of her head and roughly captured her mouth, one hand gripping her ass. He moved to her neck, nipping her as she moaned and held onto his shoulders, one hand gripping his head.

"You know im going to have to punish you for that little one" he growled in her ear before.lightly biting her shoulder. She gasped at the sensation

"Ye..yes"

"And you do not need to try that all the time....not that i dont enjoy you being a little forceful.... Are we clear?" He moved to the other side of her neck, pushing his waist to hers as he kissed

"Yes"

"Yes what kitten?" He stared into her eyes as he said this. Conveying a need for her trust. Then he kissed her deeply before allowing her to answer

"Ye-yes sir?"

That did it. His groaned and grabbed the back of both of her legs and picked her up, her lega going around his waist and slammed her against the door as he kissed her. His tongue and lips exploring her neck and chest as she closed her eyes and let the passion wash over her

************

Dark stroked her hair as she lay in his arms. They were in his bed. Having made their way up here and finally she fell asleep after one more time. He smiled. She looked innocent but was decidely not.

Her skin was warm against his. Breast pressed against the side of his chest. He studied her sleeping face. Had he really said it... After the last time. Did those words come from his mouth?

He had said he loved her and she had thrown her head back and begged him to say it again. And when he had, louder this time she collapsed into his arms and whispered it back to him.

Where the words came from he didnt know. But they seemed so natural. He kissed her face and heard birds chirping....it was 5am..looks like theyd nap most of the day. But that was perfectly fine.

His phone buzzed on the night stand. He reached with one arm and grabbed it. Seeing a message from Mark

M:hey. Alisons parents are headed back to their place. If you want her go go, she can.

Darkiplier lauged and shot a text back

D:No. I dont think i want her going anywhere. Im going to keep her a little longer ;)

M:......what did you do

D:Now ask yourself. Do you really want the honest answer to that question from me?

M:... No. You know what. Probably not. Ill stop by when we get back to town next week

D:ok. Be sure to call first. Make sure we're decent and all

M: yeah ok.....and please dont allude to that again...ever

Dark laughed and sat his phone back down. Then wrapped around alison and fell into a heavy sleep...the most peaceful hed known in his existence.

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savedfromsalvation · 5 years ago

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Compiled by Jim Walker

Biblical Pornography

"Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt. For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses."(Ezekiel 23: 19-21)

"and lusted after her paramours there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose emission was like that of stallions." (Ezekiel 23: 21, NRSV)

Comment

The story of the sister whores, Aholah and Aholibah gives a moral lesson against the sins of the flesh. But why does God have to describe their adventures in such pornographic detail? Does God love porn?

What parent would want their children reading verse 21 about comparing the size of men's penises to donkey genitals and the sperm flow to that of horse issues?

As any adult religious parent might believe, such lustful descriptions, if culled from secular sources, would corrupt children should they happen to read them. Should it not also corrupt children if read from the Bible?

Cain's Wife?

"And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch." (Genesis 4:17)

Comment

What wife? At that time only Adam & Eve, Cain and Abel existed on the Earth. The only possibility comes from, either a grave omission from the Bible, or his mother Eve served as his wife. The second possibility would mean incest.

After Cain killed his brother, God protected him by setting "a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him." (verse 14). Considering the earth supposedly had only Adam's family, who should kill him? And what kind of mark could have protected Cain? From the absurdity of this story, it should not surprise why anyone would read into it what they wanted. Certain inane beliefs resulted such as the common belief that the "mark of Cain" meant the dark skin of the "Negro" race.

David Uncovers Himself

"And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet. And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul's daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart." (II Samuel 6:14-16)

"Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel today, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!" (II Samuel 6:20)

Comment

Imagine King David dancing and leaping with all his might while uncovering himself to the crowd.

David's wife, in effect, says, "Well, you certainly made an ass of yourself at the temple today leaping and dancing about like an idiot and exposing yourself."

Note: An "ephod" describes an embroidered robe that looks similar to a woman's dress.

Death To Adulterers

"And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:10-11)

Comment

Few Christians today consider death as a punishment for adultery; no doubt because so many Christians, themselves, practice sexual liaisons with other people's spouses.

Note, however, that a growing number of heterosexual fundamentalists have begun to call for the death penalty for homosexuals simply because Leviticus 20:13 calls for the death of a man who lies with mankind (homosexuality).

Drugs And Aphrodisiacs

"Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves. The mandrakes give a smell, and at our gates are all manner of pleasant fruits, new and old, which I have laid up for thee, O my beloved." (Song of Solomon 7:11-13)

Comment

The poetry of the Songs of Solomon give Scriptural testimony for love, sex and the beauty of the female body, a rare and usually ignored portion of the Bible by many fundamentalist Christians.

The mandrakes mentioned here describe a Mediterranean herb of the nightshade family of plants. To this day in the Middle East, people believe it overcomes impotence in men and acts as a powerful aphrodisiac. Even the roots have a decidedly phallic appearance. Ancient physician, Galen, wrote that pomegranate possessed antifertility properties. Many women in ancient days used pomegranate, (as well as other plants) for birth control, with little interference from religious or political authorities. Studies in the 1930s showed that pomegranate reduced fertility in laboratory animals, much as modern contraceptive pills do. [Archaeology, March/April 1994]

(See also Genesis 30:14)

Cook With Human Feces!

"And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight. And the LORD said, Even thus shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, whither I will drive them." (Ezekiel 4:12-13)

Comment

Holy shit cakes, Batman! How many good Christians today realize that their God has coprophilic tendencies?

One wonders what nutritional or moral value it would serve the people to cook their food with human feces, as God ordered. God here has also ordered the voyeuristic operation without explanation. Although in verses 14-15 the poor Israelites complain about eating abominable flesh, God (in his "wonderful" grace) changes his mind and allows them to substitute human feces with cow feces. Gee, thanks a lot God! (as if cow excrement makes much of a difference). You'd think the Creator of the entire universe might have given his "chosen ones" a soufflé or a bagel or something. Please, anything better than shit-cakes! One might also wonder: how can an all-knowing and perfect God (but a scat-God nevertheless), change his mind?

Eating Dung And Drinking Piss

"But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?" (II Kings 18:27)

Comment

Whatever moral lesson an adult might gain from such questionable verses, one can only wonder. How many parents realize that their children, who might come across such filthy passages, could get the wrong message?

Any mention of eating feces and drinking urine in any secular writing would get considered obscene and sick by any righteous minded Christian. Then why should it not receive the same consideration if found in a bible? Might we ask what artistic or social value this verse presents?

Note the word "piss" stands as one of the censored vulgar words of the public television industry. If Christians wish to censor such language from secular sources, then it behooves them to give themselves as an example and thus censor the obscene verses from their own Bible.

(See also Isaiah 36:12)

Boil and Eat Your Son

"And the king said unto her, What aileth thee? And she answered, This woman said unto me, Give thy son, that we may eat him to day, and we will eat my son to morrow. So we boiled my son, and did eat him: and I said unto her on the next day, Give thy son, that we may eat him: and she hath hid her son...." (II Kings 6:28-29)

Comment

According to the Bible, a horrible famine took place in Samaria where in desperation, the people ate whatever they could. The cannibalistic eating of a son may provide sufficient nutrition for a mother but disregards the puissant nature of humans to protect their young. Although the Bible does not explain if the son had already died or if the parent deliberately killed him for food, this dreadful example goes against human nature.

Long before bibles or written language, humans evolved as social animals that required the protection of their offspring. Only the dogmatic insistence of a belief-system could supersede the natural instincts of humans. Hopefully readers of the Bible who might one day experience a famine will not subvert their natural instinct for this kind of horrific example in Scripture. May I suggest that if you cannot control your belief to eat your children, sacrifice your priest and eat him instead; that way you gain far more protein for you and your children, and when you say grace, you'll have someone to really thank for your food.

Expose Her Breasts!

"Behold, I am against thee, saith the LORD of hosts; and I will discover thy skirts upon thy face, and I will shew the nations thy nakedness, and the kingdoms thy shame. And I will cast abominable filth upon thee, and make the vile, and will set thee as gazingstock."(Nahum 3:5-6)

"Look, I am against you!- declares Yahweh Saboath- I shall lift your skirts as high as your face and show your nakedness to the nations, your shame to the kingdoms. I shall pelt you with filth." (Nahum 3:6, The New Jerusalem Bible)

Comment

Some think these verses describe a genius of a poet. If judged as such, it can only come from its sharpness and vividness. But it also describes vulgarity and hatred, even if it aims against the harlotry of the city of Nineveh.

Few scholars today believe that these verses come as a direct quote from God. But a fundamentalist who believes every word of the Bible, must also accept these words as Godly. If so, then how can one not see God in a cruel vulgar light?

"Filth" here refers to dung. (See also Malachi 2:2-3 where God says "I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces...")

Fatal Orgasm

"And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also." (Genesis 38:7-10)

Comment

The term "onanism," from the name Onan, has come to stand for masturbation which has suffered a fate similar to sodomy in the sense that it has evolved to have a meaning far different from its original usage.

Dictionaries define onanism as "male masturbation" or "Uncompleted coitus." According to interpretations of the Bible, Onan removed his penis from his partner's vagina before he ejaculated so that his seed fell onto the ground. This displeased God so much that he killed him! Onanism has also received a another definition of "self pollution" which has caused misery throughout the centuries. God killed Onan because, rather than to impregnate his brother's wife-- thus extending his line, Onan chose to interrupt his coitus before he could impregnate Tamar. Onan had a logical reason for doing so, one that involved Jewish law of those ancient days. During Biblical times, any child born to the wife of the eldest son died without heirs - and if his wife had no children sired by a relative of her dead spouse - then the dominance would pass to the second son. Onan stood to lose a great deal if he complied with his father's order. Had he been asked to marry his brother's wife, thus transferring her to his possession, he no doubt would have completed the act. Then the resultant child would have been his, legally as well as physically.

Some time during the centuries, the character of the sinful act was changed. Instead of being recognized as a seldom performed interrupting of coitus, it became accepted as any form of self-stimulation that resulted in orgasm, and the entire character of the deed became altered. Onanism came to mean a sinful act of masturbation! This has resulted in a general bad impression of masturbation even in secular beliefs. For example many a parent has told his son not to masturbate for fear of going blind. [I masturbated only until I needed glasses, Ed.]

Fecal disposal

"And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee: For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall they camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee." (Deuteronomy 23:13-14)

Comment

These verses ask us to believe that God has concern for fecal waste disposal outside a military camp because God personally wishes to walk within the camp. Now really!

God Given Hemorrhoids

"The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed." (Deuteronomy 28:27)

"But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, [even] Ashdod and the coasts thereof" (I Samuel 5:6)

"And it was [so], that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts." (I Samuel 5:9)

Comment

When Israel felt rebellious against God's plan, He threatened them with type of plague: "emerods" or by today's terminology, "hemorrhoids."

No wonder why so many atheists consider God a pain in the ass. But then again, Christians and Jews develop hemorrhoids too. If you happen to develop hemorrhoids, then you can trust the Bible that God considers you an enemy.

God's Bowel Diseases

"Behold with a great plague will the LORD smite thy people and thy children, and thy wives, and all thy goods: And thou shalt have great sickness by disease of thy bowels, until thy bowels fall out by reason of the sickness day by day." (II Chronicles 21:14-15)

"And after all this the LORD smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease. And it came to pass, that in process of time, after the end of two years, his bowels fell out by reason of sickness: so he died of sore diseases. And his people made no burning for him, like the burning of his fathers." (II Chronicles 12:18-19)

Comment

Another among many instances in the Bible where the Lord smites, not only men, but all the people including women and children.

Why God would concern himself with giving an incurable cruel bowel disease where the person's guts spill out of the abdomen, goes beyond human decency and comprehension.

God's Fecal Fetish

"If ye will not hear, and if ye will not lay it to heart, to give glory unto my name, saith the LORD of hosts, I will even send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings: yea, I have cursed them already, because ye do not lay it to heart. Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it." (Malachi 2:2-3)

Comment

Amazingly God appears to have a fecal fetish.

This commandment to the priests told by the Lord gives example of the Satanic threats of curses He seems to enjoy. What should one think of a God that would smear feces upon the faces of his creations? Such vulgarity can hardly give good example to high morality.

Howl And Strip Naked

"Therefore I will wail and howl, I will go stripped and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons, and mourning as the owls." (Micah 1:8)

Comment

The minor prophets felt influenced from Isaiah and these words of Micah indicate that he would imitate Isaiah's nudist actions as an adjunct to his prophesying.

Picture in your mind a religious man of today stripping and running around totally nude and prophesying in public, wailing and hooting at the top of his lungs. No doubt the police would snatch him up in a second while citizens stare in embarrassment. It just goes to show how far we have demeaned ourselves and our bodies as shameful.

(See also Isaiah 20:2-4)

Incestuous Relations

"And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man." (Genesis 2:23)

"And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD. And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground." (Genesis 4:1-2)

"And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch..." (Genesis 4:17)

Comment

Since Eve came from Adam and due to God's edict to "be fruitful and multiply," this describes the first incestual relationship.

In 4:17 one must infer incest for Cain would have had to have sex with either his own mother, Eve, or an unnamed sister.

For other examples of Biblical incest see Gen. 20:12 where Abraham married his half-sister Sarah; Gen. 19:30-38 where Lot's daughters had intercourse with him; Gen. 38:16 where Tamar had sex with her father-in-law Judah.

People should become aware that many of today's incestuous abuses occur in Christian families and many use Biblical scripture for its justification.

Passing Wind

Wherefore my bowels shall sound like a harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh. (Isaiah 16:11)

Comment

This passage refers to the flatulent passing of gas in musical fashion from the bowels of a prophet. Could this represent a rare instance of humor in the Bible?

Piss Crimes

"therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jerobo'am, and will cut off from Jerobo'am him that pisseth against the wall..." (I Kings 14:10)

Comment

If God brings evil, then what makes Him different from Satan?

Although the unsanitary practice of urinating on walls might have caused serious erosion of the mud walls, bringing evil appears excessive punishment for such a minor offense.

Note, the word 'pisseth' translates from the Hebrew word 'shathan' [shaw-than'] which means to make water, i.e. urinate, or piss.

(See also I Kings 16:8-11, I Kings 21:21, and II Kings 9:8-10.)

Pisseth Against Walls

"And it came to pass, when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends." ( I Kings 16:11)

Comment

Consider that many Christians tell us to believe all of the Bible, must we also include this vulgar language as the inspiration of God?

(See also I Kings 14:10, 21:21; II Kings 9:8.)

Prophesy in the nude

"At the same time spake the LORD by Isaiah the son of Amoz, saying, Go and loose the sackcloth from off thy loins, and put off thy shoe from thy foot. And he did so, walking naked and barefoot. And the LORD said, Like as my servant Isaiah hath walked naked and barefoot three years for a sign and wonder upon Egypt and upon Ethiopia; So shall the king of Assyria lead away the Egyptians prisoners, and the Ethiopians captives, young and old, naked and barefoot, even with their buttocks uncovered, to the shame of Egypt."(Isaiah 20:2-4)

Comment

Although Saul acted on his own, God gave Isaiah a direct injunction to prophesy in the nude, and that it should continue for three years.

God seems not the least offended by nudity when it comes to prophesying, yet he imbues his followers with shame over nudity associated with sex, especially when it involves pagan sex worship.

(See also Micah 1:8)

The Sacred Penis

"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD. A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD."(Deuteronomy 23:1-2)

Comment

Consider the religious man who happens to accidentally receive an injury to his testicles (stones) or the loss of his penis (privy member). According to the Bible, and regardless of his righteousness or goodwill toward men, mind you, but just because he lacks a penis, he should never enter a Church or Temple.

Also pity a poor man born of a mother who, for whatever reason, including rape, may have born him out of wedlock. He too should, according to the Bible, never enter the Lord's congregation.

Note: The bastard Jesus broke God's word whenever he stepped into a Temple. Do you suppose God had him crucified for this reason?

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