#this is for One picture in the next story post and it's super insignificant and will take up like 2% of the screen. just let it be!!!!

[tricoufamily]

i give up on trying to redo this i'm gonna use my flop photos but by god if i'm not going to try to make this look exactly like it would have in september 2014. hardcore emojipedia research

[draculiza]

What less social media is doing to me

I've deleted my Instagram app a month ago and it's been amazing. I've been using that app intensly for about 4 years, which was mostly a lot of fun, but I've also had my moments where I just wanted to delete it all. There were always things that made me stay though, like keeping up with my friends and just enjoying creating content. But I finally did it, the app is gone and I feel amazing.

The second I deleted it I was so relieved. I felt like I could breathe and this big chaotic and messy IG drawer in my head was free to go into the bin. Yes, Instagram was always swirling in my mind and ever since deleting it I've noticed just how much it's been present in there.

Chapter 1 • how social media can be toxic

I would spend so much time thinking about what I could post on my feed, what would look good, what place I could arrange aesthetically so I could take a nice picture. Sometimes taking pictures would take so much time, without even taking into account how much time I spent editing the pictures, deciding on what order I could post them in and what caption to use. Oh man, the CAPTIONS. I could not for the life of me ever come up with a caption. That shit must've taken up so much time of my life and I was often so fed up with that part of it, but I felt like I had to. It was a whole thing.

Next to that I would spend my days off doing makeup, putting outfits together and taking a million pictures just for the sake of posting some on IG. I did it solely for making content, I was setting a scene that just took so much effort. I didn't have to go anywhere or do it for myself, so it didn't go naturally, you know? It's hard to describe, but I hope you get the gist.

So like I said, I would dress up just for pictures and it would always make me so tired. It's a routine I got used to, but I didn't enjoy doing it. I'd get ready, take pictures, then edit them and be super tired because I've spent hours doing it. I never did it for myself and yes, while it is fun to look back on and see those aesthetically pleasing pictures, the joy of seeing that doesn't outweigh the negative feelings and effort it took to create them.

There is nothing wrong with taking time to create pictures of course, if you enjoy doing it, all the more power to you! It's just not something I'm going to do to myself anymore. I'll still dress up, but only if I have another reason for it, then the pictures will be a fun extra!

So yea, personally for me it's just become very toxic and it took up too much of my time. Not only because of what I've talked about, but also the fact that there's friends who post pictures and stories and me wanting to keep up with those aswell. It just became a bit too much.

Chapter 2 • the positive changes

There's so many things I want to do in my free time. Like keeping up with my hobbies, go outside and walk around in forests, doing things in life and really be present while doing so. When I was active on instagram I'd constantly think about creating content and with everything I did I'd debate whether or not it'd be fun to capture it for my story. Taking that away made me be so much more present, my mind is much more focused on the things that matter and spending my time not in front of a electric rectangle device has just become so precious.

Beautiful things I see or little moments I have are just for me now, they're not tainted by taking pictures of it and taking time to upload it to a silly social platform. It's just happening in the moment and I'm there to capture it into my memories alone. It's so nice.

Here are some things I've noticed since deleting the app:

• My mind isn't super chaotic anymore

• I register more that's going on around me, I'm more present in life

• I'm not as fussy about appearance

• I'm more positive

• there's no weight constantly dragging me down

• I just generally feel better about myself

It's the little things, like not caring as much about my hair anymore. I used to be so focused on the way it looked at all times, because you know, what if I felt like taking a picture? I just made everything so complicated for myself.

Now I care so much less about my hair and it's given me the freedom to play around with it a lot. Because if it doesn't look good it doesn't matter! The thing that matters most now is comfort and me having fun with it. But the funny thing is that it actually looks better now that I'm not being so careful with it anymore, haha!

I'm also taking so much less pictures of just insignificant shit. I don't need to keep up with an IG story or constantly search for pictures that look aesthetic enough to maybe post on my feed. I don't whip out my phone for every little thing and it just feels so freeing to not have that going on in my head all the time anymore.

Chapter 3 • put time in happy things

I was afraid of missing out, but every time I log onto Twitter now I'm just like 🤷 I really don't miss anything. It's just a lot of noise and useless information that I used to consume so much, but really don't see the need of consuming anymore. My quality of life doesn't increase from it so why would I interact with it? This doesn't apply to any of my friends though, I'm still happy to see their tweets and see how they're doing. They are the only reason I'm not off of Twitter yet too.

It's just weird. I used to be SO into instagram and social media in general, but when I think about it now I'm like what's the point. It kinda feels meaningless now. And I think that shows a lot of character development! I'm becoming a better version of myself and deciding to increase my own quality of living instead of choosing to share everything on the internet. It's one of the best things I've done for myself.

One last thing I'd like to mention is that I also have more time to read now! I haven't really done so yet, but I've started reading my all time favourite book again and it is just so nice. I've just gained a lot of time I used to spend scrolling through timelines, that I can now use to pick up reading and other hobbies I enjoy!

I'm sorry if this has become a long post! If you read it all the way through; just know that I appreciate you very much and I hope that if you're struggling with your relationship with social media you'll consider taking some time off, because I assure you that it'll be very refreshing for your soul. Even deleting your apps for a week will bring loads of change in your mental health!

The best thing you can do is to put your phone away and look around you and do things in real life! Take walks, do a puzzle you never got round to doing, start drawing things, read that one book you always wanted to start but didn't. There's lots of things to do that can make your life much more valuable to yourself. Social media is so toxic and I'm so thankful to myself to have stepped away from it.

I chose to live my life more authentically and that's such a wonderful decision I made. Life is precious and I'm here to live it! 🖤

[monstersandmaw]

Evening to ya, Ghosti✌️😆

Sorry if the wording sounds silly, but I wanted to ask if you know any rituals I could do for the New Years. 🤣 Christmas hasn't been exactly an easy time for me for various reasons and I tend to get the holiday blues pretty bad, and for a long old while New Years has felt very similar. I'm doing my best to feel hopeful and to have some faith for the new year, but it's turning out to be trickier than I anticipated. So I wanted to ask for suggestions as to do anything that could help feeling more hopeful, I dunno. :3

Though feel free to ignore this if you don't have the energy for it. I hope you had delightful holiday however you celebrated!!! 😊💖💖💖💖

Hey anon! (it’s now afternoon here in the UK, and it was morning when I started this! I got a bit carried away). I don’t know that I’m necessarily the right person to ask about this, but here are some ideas of things I’ve found helpful/centring/calming anyway which you could draw from. Other folks, please feel free to chime in with your favourite ways to put the old year to bed and welcome in the new one!

(first of all, I’m sending you lots of virtual ghostli hugs to help drive away those holiday blues. That sucks, and I’m so sorry it’s been so tough for you.)

Here’s a rundown of what’s below, and I’ll put in a ‘keep reading’ so that it’s not an incredibly long post! Some of it is more on the ‘spiritutal’ side of things, and others are just mundane and practical things.

Congratulate yourself on making it through the clusterfuck that was 2020

Make some tea and meditate on what’s been and what you wish for

Go outside, be still, and breathe deeply

Let go of negative events and thoughts by writing them down, then safely burning the paper

Disconnect from social media for a few days (or however long you’re comfortable with)

Start a bullet journal

Write lists of goals for 2021 and then refine/distill them down to 3 manageable objectives

Commit 100% to 6 months of positive change

Pick three dates/months in the year when good things will happen, and make them happen (including growing veg/fruit)

Light a candle on the full moon or New Year

Ok, so, first of all, you’ve made it through this year!! That’s no small accomplishment, given the sheer volume of absolute shite that has been flung at us from all angles, no matter where in the world you live. Celebrate that. Seriously, I’m not being flippant. Take a moment of stillness wherever you are, be ‘present’, and just think about the fact that you’re here, right now, reading this post. Not everyone is here any more for one reason or another, but you did it. Congratulate yourself and celebrate that. Treat yourself to a slice of cake (or something you really enjoy) specifically to celebrate making it through 2020.

Make a cup of tea (try a new blend or recipe perhaps, or stick with your absolute favourite), or make a comforting drink of your choice. As you pour the water into the cup, breathe in the steam and enjoy the scent of it. Try and imbue all the positive things - memories, achievements, moments etc. - that you encountered this year into the tea/drink, and think about them growing in strength as the tea steeps, and envisage them continuing on to next year too. When you drink the tea, you take the positive thoughts into yourself and they become a part of you. You could try it in the morning with a caffeinated drink (if you enjoy those) and let it fuel you for the day, or you could try a herbal tea at night to let the good vibes steep overnight while you rest. Make it part of your daily routine; a private meditation.

Go outside and find a quiet spot somewhere and either stand or sit and just soak up the atmosphere. If there’s a tree nearby, think about the way its roots are planted in the earth, its trunk stands tall, and its branches reach towards the sky. Feel that space inside you. Breathe deeply in and out, visualising your lungs filling to the deepest parts, starting at the bottom. Count to four for each inhale, and six out (or whatever you’re comfortable with, so long as the exhale is longer than the inhale). This will help to still you and calm you.

If you have something fireproof (can just be a ceramic bowl), take a piece of paper and make a moment to write down all the negative things about this year, using a pen that you’re comfortable with. If you’re not one for words, draw pictures. You can make it really beautiful or just scribble it all down - it doesn’t matter. Get that shit out. Look at it for a while and read it through, mentally letting go of each thing as your eyes pass over it, then light one corner (carefully!!!) and let it burn somewhere with good ventilation (a cooker hood is good for that, but outside is better). Visualise all that negativity being swallowed by the universe and let it go. My favourite line from the Seamus Heaney translation of Beowulf comes at Beowulf’s funeral when a Geat woman is singing her grief at his passing to the sky, and there’s the simple sentence: “Heaven swallowed the smoke.” How beautiful is that? The sky swallowed up her grief as she poured it out to the universe. The negativity might take some time to vanish from your life (it’s not going to disappear at the same time as the paper, sadly!), but watching it go can be the first stage of letting things go. I did this last year, and I’m only just letting go of the last things on that list, but it was a start, and it made me feel more at peace. 

Disconnect from social media. I know that with so much more happening online this year out of necessity, we’ve become even more dependant on our phones and computers, and it’s wonderful that we have this chance to connect with people when we can’t see them face to face, but social media can also act as a crucible for negative feelings. People usually post the best or the worst aspects of what’s going on for them or what they care about, so it leads to a skewed view of both the world and of what’s going on amongst our connections. It’s easy to start feeling insignificant next to someone else because of their achievements or their looks etc. and it’s also easy to start to get a bleak outlook when the news is full of terrible stories and people are reacting to it in a volatile and often knee-jerk way. Take some time off - uninstall the apps, or put the limiter setting on, or just step back - for a day, two days, a week, whatever you’re comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be forever. If you use those platforms to talk to people, tell them what you’re doing, and give them another way to reach you if they need. No need to isolate yourself completely!! Think about how you felt before you started it (write it down?) and do the same afterwards, and compare. If it didn’t work for you, then that’s fine too. 

Start a bullet journal! Now is the perfect time to start bullet journaling. I first started this year when I felt like time was slipping through my fingers and my life was out of my control, and it’s really helped me to get a sense of order back. It’s not the magic cure-all for procrastinators and time wasters, trust me, but it can help to organise your mind as well as your day, and keep track of your habits etc. It can be literally whatever tool you need it to be. There’s a trend on social media - particularly Instagram and YouTube - that shows off these gorgeous journals that are basically works of art in themselves, and while it’s absolutely fine to aspire to that if you want to, the essential point of the bullet journal is to be a tool. You can buy print-outs from Etsy if you don’t fancy doing your own spreads. But don’t get completely hung up on pretty spreads and layouts because you won’t use it fully then. If you’ve got ‘new book fear’, like I did, make your own! I literally started my journaling by folding a few pieces of paper over, slapping a few stickers on them to cheer them up, and writing some lists. I didn’t buy a ‘proper’ journal until July 2020 when I’d got the hang of what I wanted out of the tool, and how to use it. I adapted one or two things, and I’ll be changing one or two things for next year, but it was a good way to start.

Here are two ‘minimalist’ journals and styles that I found helpful when setting mine up. They focus on usefulness and practicality, rather than overwhelming, artistic spreads and cutesy designs. I’m about to do a ‘plan with me 2021’ journal video for YouTube, so I’ll put that up when I’ve finished it, in case that’s helpful. 

Elsa Rhae

Pick Up Limes

Write down the things you want to achieve for 2021. These can be more abstract concepts like ‘more organised’ ‘healthier’ ‘start a business’ etc. Then, when you’ve got as many things as you’d ideally love to achieve/accomplish/manifest (don’t hold back at that stage), take another piece of paper and choose a maximum of six from that first lot to focus on, and below that, choose just three absolutely essential things to focus on. Make those your things for 2021.  

Now, this one is a personal one for me, so it may not be applicable at all to you/others, but I’ll share it anyway. For me, I need to make some significant lifestyle changes for my physical and mental health. So, I’ve decided to commit to 6 months of really hard work to bring about those changes. Time is going to pass anyway, from January to June. Six months will come and go anyway. Where will I be in six months’ time? I could be physically and mentally exactly where I am today. That thought is super depressing to me. Or, I could devote 200% focus, commitment, and energy, and bring about those changes, and be the ‘me’ I want to be in six months’ time.

It’s like the adage of ‘given a week to write a speech, it will take you a week, but given a day to write the same speech, it will take you a day’ - your brain will tell you it takes the amount of time that you have at hand to accomplish the task, and that’s simply how long it then takes. Use those three things from the 2021 list above, and commit to making those three things happen.

As an aside, tell someone (whose opinions you value) that you’re going to do this. By telling someone, you’re helping to cement the idea in reality, and you’ve got a support to turn to if it gets rocky, someone to cheer you on, and someone to celebrate with who knew what a struggle and commitment this was to you in the first place. 

Pick three points in the year where good things will happen. Book yourself something nice, save up for something and have it delivered then, or tell yourself that you will have achieved [x] by May, or September, or December. For me, it’s a working draft of my novel, and certain health goals by October, but make it yours, and keep those points fixed in your mind. It will help 2021 not to be one amorphous mass of time, and will give it structure and form. You could also choose to grow something in a pot - lots of vegetables can be grown cheaply from seed in a pot on a windowsill, and you’ll have something tasty to eat at the end of it!!

Here’s a slightly gentler idea to finish with: 

On New Year’s Eve take a moment to yourself, go outside if it’s not raining or too cold etc., light a candle, hold it (safely) in your hands, and be still. It doesn’t have to be exactly at midnight, but it will help your focus if it’s dark. Otherwise, go to a quiet part of the house and turn the lights down so that the candle flame is your focus. As before, think about what you’ve achieved this year, and be honest, not just negative! It’s very easy to say ‘oh I didn’t achieve anything, it all sucks, it was all awful’, when there will be tiny victories tucked away in there, I promise you, even if it was the toughest year of your life. Then think about where you are at the moment, mentally and physically. Acknowledge that state of being. Look at it with honest eyes. This moment is not for anyone else, so you don’t need to colour it one way or another. It’s for you. If you’re finding it hard not to be negative, be neutral. Let those thoughts come and go, and then turn your mind to the future. Mentally feed those negative thoughts into the flame in front of you, one at a time. Say it out loud if that helps, but do what makes you comfortable. Let the light from the flame fill your mind and your heart, and think about your intentions for the new year.  

Tonight (30th Dec) is a full moon, so if that is significant for you, you may wish to do this tonight instead of tomorrow. 

I hope that some of that gives you some inspiration, and I hope that people will chime in with their own new year’s rituals and habits. Be honest with yourself but not harsh, and be positive but not unrealistic. This year has been one hell of a ride, and we’re not done yet... Here in the UK, we’ve got the highest numbers of Covid that we’ve ever had, we’re in the harshest lock down (Tier 4) and can’t visit anyone, and we’re also going through Brexit (which is proving a nightmare for everyone, especially small businesses...).

Control the things you can control, and learn and employ systems to ride out the things that are beyond your influence. And take heart - you have a family of folks on here, all across the world!

[thattimdrakeguy]

I know I just literally posted a picture that Bendis posted on Instagram about Young Justice.

But it just bums me out how in general it seems like Young Justice is already the series Bendis cares the least about that he’s currently wrting. It’s now just that other thing he does, and all the hype has vanished from it already even just from the general fanbase.

No one even really cares that Tim’s getting a new name, if anything people are either heavily upset about the dumb decision, or simply “oh that’s neat, maybe, I suppose, I trust Bendis so I’ll see how it is” or at least from the general standpoints I’ve being seeing online, perhaps a pure “meh” in there, but I am sure there is at least one guy other than Bendis that is excited about it somewhere, because there’s always at least a few guys that’s excited about something no matter how the quality is for better or worse. However regardless, there was no build up towards the incredibly out of no where name change that has people scared, it’s a super sudden decision. The brand new costume for the apparent name change doesn’t fit his personalty because it’s gut wrenching-ly generic and absent of the personality the Gleason costume gave Tim again after years of costumes that never quite suited him. The hype is just missing, I mean I hate the decision to change Tim’s name in general, but even just for other peeps, in general a name change has typically implied importance, but no one seems to really give a crap about this besides the odd few I’ve seen. It’s mostly just pure disdain from those who’ve been paying attention and are aware of it.

People already probably forgot about Cassie’s interactions with Zeus in issue 2,  I mean heck, I have a feeling Bendis already forgot about it. Is that ever even gonna come back after being the biggest story in issue TWO of Young Justice? Or that just there because Bendis wanted to make Cassie important by putting her in issue 2, even if it goes no where and doesn’t do much of importance after the first arc (potentially anyways. I sure hope she’s important, she deserves it, and the second issue. Do not get me wrong). I’m so scared that it was only there for build up for a story that may never come into fruition.

Even though people were mad about it, I bet lots of people forgot Conner had a wife and a kid on Gemworld, because besides the first issue they appeared in they haven’t been important since and are already gone, probably to barely be brought up ever again, except maybe some possible flashbacks. Honestly I’d like flashbacks, I enjoyed them, but I have a feeling most people wouldn’t be excited about it because either they hated the random inclusion or they just forgot already and are instantaneously meh about it from lack of excitement.

When DC announced Young Justice was coming back the return was so hyped up by fans of the characters, the energy around the first revealed pieces of art for the series was insane, it was so exciting. It felt like it was going to entirely make up for the New 52 Teen Titans. All the character’s where back as they were, with modernized costumes that actually SUITED the characters instead of just bland “cool” costumes that I kept seeing and saw before.

Now it didn’t even take a full arc and people already don’t care anymore.

Gleason left, leaving an artist that doesn’t have an art style that feels like Young Justice to draw every new issue.

Story-lines are already being forgotten only a mighty 7 issues in.

No one’s excited for the new ones, people barely even react to hearing the new ones.

They’re already taking away the stuff that made people so hyped up to begin with.

and Bendis himself barely brings it up as much anymore. He’s already onto the next thing just to leave Young Justice behind besides for the fact he continues to write it for his job.

Those first few issues were amazing besides (mostly) insignificant problems to a large number of fans. Now even the fans are barely even talking about it anymore besides some casual “Oh I like Young Justice” and occasional fan art.

I’m not saying it can’t be better, and perhaps the stupid name change may still be a red herring. For all I know John Timms will get better at making the series feel like itself again and so forth, but it’s a heart crushing feeling about how it descended to such mediocre feelings this fast.

It’s not even really bad, just meh, and in the latest issue they were already struggling to give all the members something to say. We still don’t have a status quo. It just feels like something Bendis accepted to do because he liked the source and he knew that the fans would be excited, and he had a couple ideas for it, so he decided to do it and write his idea. Then stuff kept happening, and he didn’t put the most thought into his ideas and stuff just feels like it already dropped the ball.

Bendis is a writer I’m still a fan of, I still like the older stuff he’s written, and despite me hating his story choice for Tim, he’s still the guy who’s written Tim the best in the past decade. None of the other writers even come close. So I can’t complain there. I’m only complaining about the stuff I genuinely have a problem with. He isn’t Lobdell/Tynion levels of crappy Tim writing, but when it seemed like such a perfect match of writer and character to me after reading Ultimate Spider-Man, it feels having such a major decision that sucks so harshly, come so fast, is something that sucked a part of my soul out a bit.

It’s like there’s enough small problems that add up more than anything else for the majority of it.

There isn’t tons of giant problems all the time like there was in Super Sons (another series I was looking forward too, although not nearly as much) where things were going wrong from the beginning with logic issues, tone issues, out of character moments, and a contrived/forced nature. Like Super Sons let me down way harsher than Young Justice, and Young Justice had way more hype for me because of the characters involved with it. So it’s not exactly the same situation that way, even though they’re both series I’ve talked about how they’ve let me down before. It’s just different.

Young Justice besides a lot of plot convenience meet ups and Gleason struggling to draw Tim initially (which in issue 4, he drew Tim the best he’s looked in literal years), it was a pretty solid series straight from the beginning. The character’s felt in-character, the banter felt very Young Justice, the art-style was really well-fitted to the energy Young Justice has, it was pretty great besides the small things that were easily excusable given everything else involved with making it work.

It was one ball being dropped after another. Cassie’s currently irrelevant plot build up with Zeus, Conner’s already forgotten family (that people didn’t even want and hated), Bart has no plot going on at all, Tim’s getting a name change with no build up or logic behind it yet as of now with a single issue in no way gonna give a satisfying reason that doesn’t feel completely contrived, and I’m pretty sure they just plain forgot to tell us Keli Quintela’s name originally. I wouldn’t be shocked if people reading this didn’t even know who I was talking about by saying Keli Quintela because it wasn’t brought up and then suddenly it was. Not that I’m complaining about it being revealed, the name is absolutely lovely.

Personally, I’m honestly super hoping that there’s a big boom moment for the Young Justice creative team where they’re like “oh we really have to try harder, this is bombing more and more” and they work towards fixing up all the problems, but with Young Justice missing a month, I’m pretty sure the series has already been dumped into obscurity, and it’s breaking my heart.

But at least it’s selling moderately okay, maybe that’ll keep up. Maybe that’ll motivate more effort in the creative team’s side.

[aadhiskanmani]

As the title suggests this is my movie rec list.These are the films across industries and  stuff i feel needs more recognition and love. It is all a mixed Bag, Mixed Genres, Mixed reasons to suggest them right from the quality to acting to cinematography to story etc.. to critical acclaim Etc you get the picture. Now not all of them are like Blockbusters or like wah wah highly acclaimed though majority are but still i feel more people need to see them so do give a try. I love these films and i am proud of them so here it goes in no particular order.

p.s These are more recent films say last 2,3 yrs and the list doesn’t include films that are still in theatre like Uyaare, super deluxe,athrian,lucifer  etc 

Template is as follows the Titles include links with subs. Now they are msotly links for well known streaming giants so should not be an issue with majority but i will try to find and add alternate links too. Also will be adding lil synopsis detail of film and then in italics what i thought of it and why one should watch it just random thoughts kind of thing. we will see how far this will go because i have 30 titles approx to add LOL so i will have to break this post in parts and i might get lazy and forget to add my thoughts. we will see LOL

So Let’s Begin :)))

Part 1:( will break it in 10′s caz otherwise it is too much to post in one post )

Vikram Vedha |Tam | *R.Madhavan,Vijay Sethupathi:   Police officer Vikram is on the hunt to capture Vedha, a gangster. But when Vedha voluntarily surrenders himself, it challenges Vikram's perception of good and evil. [you should watch this one for it’s smart writing, superb characterization and wonderful performances, the intrigue factor keeps you hooked till the end and Not a trace of Maddy and Vijay in the Cgaracters of vikram and vedha they are truly those characters., Also i heard this one is in the process of getting remade in bollywood so watch it before it is ruined forever. IYKWIM... i will leave it at that because this isn’t the post for details on remake hehe

Geetha Govindham|Tel| *Vijay Devrakonda, Rashmika Mandanna: (the drive link will not open in the app from phones, use a PC):  A 25-year-old virgin searches for love. Super cute rom com and a feel good film. Music is really nice and basically a laugh riot or well i laughed a lot lol. 

Vada Chennai |Tam| *Dhanush,  Andrea Jeremiah,Aishwariya Rajesh |alt link |  A proficient carrom player sets foot in the world of crime and joins forces with local gangsters to settle their feuds. However, he decides to take them down when they plan to wipe out his locality. A perfect beginning to the triology,Truly enthralling, Truly an epic Gangster drama, it is built layer by layer and sucks you into the world of anbu and company right away. Dhanush is in his best form and andrea in her grey character is also surprsingly good. this gangster drama i actually loved like anything and this genre is really not something i enjoy mostly it has to be really good for me to enjoy it 

Njan Prakashan |Mal| *Fahadh Faasil,Sreenivasan |alt link|  Prakashan aka PR Akash is a typical Malayali man who aspires to lead a luxurious life without too much effort. As he tries to achieve this aim, a few insignificant figures walks into his life.

holds up a mirror to Society, simple,cynical, skeptical, thoroughly entertaining and teh one that makes you smile, also Fahadh plays the role of the guy we love to hate and then love so perfectly. but hey that is hardly a surprise i mean when is he not Excellent?.

Sairat| Marathi|* Rinku Rajguru, akash Thosar: {on netflix as well} Upper class Archie falls in love with a lower caste son of a fisherman, Parshya. Watch this one for it’s realistic approach and rawness. this one deals with a wide range of themes right from class system to the struggles of a young couple when they try to settle into a daily life to more dark themes such as honor killings but an epic film. it is so hard to explain in words how good it is and why one must watch this one. Just the honesty the passion of filmmaker shines + the music. one big thing about this film was how normal looking everyone  was they had realistic locations average looking cast but MAN THIS one makes you smile, laugh,cry, be sad, feel the pain like anything .the usp is the innocence of leads and the love story is so endearing Unfortunately this is also the original of dhadhak which isn’t even a speck of dust in terms of quality and basically rips everything that made sairat what it is from it and is a glossy totally non practical remake and devoid of any emotions + with terrible casting Loll.  Also this is my only Marathi entry on this list.

Ente Ummante Peru |Mal| Tovino thomas,Urvashi:| Alt link  The life and journey of Hameed to find his biological mother and how his life changes when Aisha comes into his life. Just Heartwarming would be my comment on it. this is again something one has to watch and experience to know why this one made it to the list. it is hilarious at times yet has some very tender moments. Tovino is a sweetheart as hameed and aisha amma is Lovesuper lovable and warm. this one just kinda engulfs you into it’s warmth. 

Majili |tel| *naga chaitanya, Samantha:  A former cricket player nursing his wounds of a failed relationship takes up the task of training his ex-lover's daughter and in the process discovers his feelings towards his wife and her unrequited love for him. I personally didn’t care for the first love story as it is very typical and clice But it is post the entry of sam where the film becomes worth making it to this list , simple and the one that makes you count your blessings and just be thankful to have someone who loves and supports you like sravani does for purna..  Chay and Sam’s chemistry is off he hook and they make it worth it totally. 

Arjun reddy| tel| shalini, VIjay devrakonda : alt link   Arjun Reddy (Vijay Deverakonda) is a Surgeon and the topper of the college. He falls in love with his junior, a Tulu girl (Shalini), who is four years younger to him. Due to some unfortunate incidents, they break up. How life takes them forward forms the rest of the story. A gamechanger in Telugu industry no wonder it has reached the cult status. it’s not like i haven’t been raving about it from past 3 days even more than before because the butchering in form of the remake hurts But wow What a revelation Mr Derakonda was in this and He rightfully won a Best actor award. Just Like sairat this one rises way above the script due to the acting of vijay and that honesty in the script and film making. idk it is hard to put in words for me but when you see these films you see how passionate the makers were while making them and the heart and soul they have put in the film just shows and touches you so hard.Now this one is 18+ so TW drugs, alcoholism and a lot on innuendos and banging hehe. BUT and i can’t emphasize enough IT IS WORTH EXPERIENCING IF YOU ARE A FILM LOVER. This is the one which leaves you in the undecided category or well it had left me in that do i love it? do i hate it? i was so confused until my rewatch and i have finally came to conclusion that i love it. this is like you can love me hate me but you can’t ignore me and it stays on your mind a lot longer then the 3 hrs runtime after you are done because you are in that wait what is my actual verdict hehe. Also i haven;t seen a more accurate depiction of a toxic relationship on desi screen where one is so obsessed and self centered that it becomes really hard to survive around him 

Thadam|tam| Arun vijay    The murder of a youngster creates confusion among a few cops when they find out that the one accused in the crime has a look-alike!.  Thadam has an intriguingly written flow of events that begin from the pre-interval point and the film maintains the suspense factor till the end. The lead actor is fab in his dual role it is hard to tell which one is which and who has actually done the crime but mind you int he beginning it is a little confusing as it keeps goign back and forth between the bg stories of 2 guys but the viewer isn’t told that it is actually dual role so i was like wait how come one min he is rich and in love with oen persona and next he is in slums doing thefts lol. anyway... 

Peranbu\Tam/Mal |*Mamooty  A story about a father who tries to understand the struggles of his disabled daughter Paapa. The plot highlights the journey of how he becomes a better man while he comes to terms with his child and her special needs. This one is Just purely about a father’s love for the child and how far a father can go for his child.

An Honorable mention to BAAHUBALI2 which requires no intro or anything from me to persuade one into watching it It is SELF EXPLANATORY. ��

Phew OK i am calling it a day..... Part 2 will be posted soon... I am more then excited to  hear from you guys and your thoughts on these films plz do tag me if you post your reviews and your thoughts. i worked really hard on this so i will be more than excited to know if it was worth or no... I have so much more quality content in the queue and am super excited to share that with ya fellas..... it gives me great Joy to share the love for movies and a lot of satisfaction that all this FIlm nerd thing is coming to some use to others and i take a lot of pride in the fact that i am kind of is a film nerd hehe. Happy Viewing,,,,,,, 

[katetcake]

Comments on fics are important to authors. Especially on ongoing works.

But don't be afraid to leave something as seemingly insignificant as:

Or

While I can't speak for every author, I'm sure a good portion of us would smile and love (or maybe just like) something like this.

It shows that not only did you read and like the story, it means you liked it enough to tell us.

I definitely had anxiety abt leaving comments as first. Especially when I couldn't explain what specifically I liked and what specifically stood out to me.

It wasn't until I started writing regularly that I realized, you don't always need to do that. Sure sometimes those types of comments are preferred (since they're like a type of critique/feedback), but just getting a comment from someone saying they liked it is more than enough!

I love comments that simply tell me that the reader enjoyed it!

While you can't always tell tone through text, we can pick up on subtle things: Capitalization. Words used. Typos. Punctuation.

Each of those things helps paint a picture of the reader's experience.

This was left on a chapter where nothing really happened. It's a bridging chapter meant to link the end of the current mini arc w/ the start of the main arc.

I don't really expect much feedback on this chapter because even I find it to be fairly devoid of substance. Sure stuff happened, nothing super major of note. Not like the first chapter that establishes the world and the main character. Not like the second chapter that establishes the conflict and further establishes the world and the character's actions. Just a bridge. Nothing new was established in this chapter.

This person has left a comment like on just about every chapter I post. It honestly makes me smile a lot. I've run into the problem where I want to kudos every chapter is it comes out, but as we all know, you can only kudos something once. Of course, it can also be because they like the chapter but can't point to one specific thing that happened that they liked, so they do the next best thing.

So for someone to read an update and still want to leave a comment despite how little happened, or because they can't kudos individual chapters. Well. It's simply amazing.

[ohdeerlings]

mushi hime rant hahahhaahfdsjh

just posting my long-winded summary i typed immediately after finished reading to talk about how bad it was; it ended up a lot longer than i intended and now i feel like i should at least keep what i put effort into typing =___=

so it starts with this guy who's been getting recurring nightmares of a girl who shapeshifts into a monster with a huge mouth and teeth eating him

one day a transfer student comes in and looks exactly like her(already outplayed trope of having dreams for no reason of reality that doesnt ever get explained, and it happens lots of times throughout

)around the same time strange events start happening around town: ex, truck driver found by police with markings of a mass insect attack, dogs and pets all getting attacked by swarms of ants and filling up the vet hospitals

the narrative goes back and forth btwn:

- the guy's (Ryoichi's) POV in class where he's just not approaching her and wary of her bc of his dream; he's Not Like Other Boys who get all horny over her bc she's perfect (beautiful, smart, mysteriously quiet, physically adept)

- and btwn this stereotypically wacky/eccentric scientist who was consulted by the police with the first caseturns out the scientist has been tracking down a series of seemingly unrelated murders that follow a clear path ending at Ryoichi's town

throughout the story there's some not so subtle dialogues about the earth going through global warming and species dying

the scientist spiels to some insignificant characters about how humans arent long for this earth, etc etc and how insects are amazing because of their adaptational abilities

he seems to know the transfer student girl, Kikuchi and is trying to track her down

meanwhile kikuchi is character-developed as some clearly dangerous but morally compromised monster-human hybrid who Only Preys on Bad Guys or people around at the wrong time

she gets hit on by some lecherous perv who asks her to karaoke and she actually agrees

there she straddles him and starts kissing him and then these tentacle things come ouit of her throat and go into his mouth

he slumps over and she leaves

the scientist-investigator duo are closing in on her and find the security camera tapes, from that they get a picture and show it around town to try to locate her

meanwhile Ryoichi is still like wow she's Scary and I'm Not Like Other Boys

then he happens to see her just as the old man from the karaoke bar (who seems to have not been killed and is just stumbling around acting drugged) finds her and attacks her

a fucking needle spike comes out of her arm and she defends herself by stabbing him and puncturing his skull and killing him

he sees all that and shes like well guess you're my hostage now and takes him to his house

she's also attracted to him inexplicably, partially because He's Not Like Other Boys and shes like WHY ISNT HE SECRETING PHEROMONES FOR ME(she can smell that

)then there's a weird "erotic" scene where she forces him onto the bed and deep throats him with her mouth tentacles

then there's just a LOT of dialogue thrown at us at once with the scientist just explaining a shit ton to his investigation partner whose character clearly only exists for hte sake of exposition

turns out he had a colleague when he worked on a super secret gov funded experiment called biosphere 2 where they sealed off a forest and bombed it with radiation and pollution n shit

they found that it endured a lot at first and it was because of the bugs (?) that it did until the bugs disappeared and were nowhere to be found, then the forest just died

they looked around and found mutated bugs sleeping inside the earth

his colleague had a daughter back then with a terminal illness so out of desperation he injected the dna of the mutated insects into her, hoping their resilience would change her body to survive the illness

so she lived but she was clearly not human, farming off of her dad - she wasnt able to produce endorphins anymore so her tentacle things would secrete an enzyme to get hte host to produce lots of endorphins and she would take it, creating a dependency

bc she was the only of her species to exist she felt a need to procreate so she also kept trying to mate with her dad 

then we find out that her dad had an identical twin who was raised by foster parents - and thats Ryoichi's dad, making Ryoichi and Kikuchi technically cousins, and genetically half-siblings

so thats why she was Inexplicably drawn to that town, and to him

she was wandering through japan because at some point her dad tried to kill her for humanity's sake, but bc of a random flood their town was wiped out and he wasnt able to kill her and she disappeared/survived the flood thanks to her ability to mutate in environmental changes

meanwhile she's been keeping him hostage to feed off of his endorphins and creating a dependency in him for the enzymes she would give him

until his mom accidentally comes into his room and sees, then she runs away and dies falling down the stairs lol

then he's all like ytou're a monster!!!!! and she threatens to kill the girl-next-door character in his friend group who seemed to have a thing for him/vice versa

so he's like: ill do anything just spare her!!!! 

so she forces him to answer the door when his friends are like why havent u been going to class and tell them to fuck off/be a dick to them

while theyre walking outside after to go somewhere else the scientist sees the girl (Chiken) and is like hEY you look sad and depressed there's nothing possibly else that could make u feel like that except having your childhood crush abducted by a halfhuman-half locust succubus

he shows her the picture and she recognizes her and leads him back to the house

then he gets a rifle to try to shoot her and theres a whole fight scene where she uses her pheromones to call upon the insects to swarm

ryoichi is useless because he found his moms corpse lying in the bathtub getting consumed by maggots she asked to fully decompose the body

then the scientist gets a couple shots in and fends her off, meanwhile random police get in the way to stop what looks just like a home invasion and she disappears

they take ryoichi into the hospital bc all the endorphin harvesting and brain fuckery has him weak

then ryoichi's dad comes in and is like how do you recognize who i am!! to the scientist who explains

oh yeah that's the point at which we find out ryoichi and kikuchi are related

and then he's still having dreams where she vores him and he's both horrified and wants it

meanwhile entire city is getting swarmed by insects in a disaster scene with society breaking down etc etc

kikuchi tracks them down by following ryoichi's scent (?)

then they have one last battle where they try to use the dad as a distraction bc he looks identical to her dead father

and somehow the scientist just FINDS specific chemicals/enzymes to throw on her and weaken the part of her thats an insect

also earlier before she got there he  whips out the mutant insect dna out of nowhere? like the extremely valuable dna that he should have no business just finding/still carrying around

and is like

hey lets inject ourselves with this because humanity is getting wiped out and attacked by insects rn anyway, the only way to live i sto adapt

but no one does it (lmao pointless inclusion) 

then they defeat her in a big struggle with ryoichi getting farmed on by her again and instead of just taking it has a Miraculous realization past the drugs that oh no this person is killing everyone i love

and CHOMPS on her tentacle thigns while their mouths are connected

scientist injuects her with more random dna he has to compromise her mutant dna and the insect swarming stops bc of the internal biological shit happening and she's writhing oon the ground

then looks like she dies

they try to escape the basement theyve been in because its suddenly flooding (no reason lmfao)

on the way out they get stopped by a teacher that she pricked with her spike earlier on who's been missing from school and his "insect bite" changed his behavior/ultimately made him into a different part human part bug who tries to kill them

then kikuchi who -surprise- hadnt died!@!! shows up again but now she's blond and looks almost exactly like Ryoichi (who is blond) because the thing the scientist injected in her enabled her to adapt to the water and she's still a  mutatn but Less Evil Somehow and he's like i thOUGHT U DIED.... I ACTUALLY LOVE YOU.. 

then epilogue is the scientist goign through his life normally and the city is recovered from the insect swarm and he sees another random global warming thing in the news and is like

“its only a matter of time before humanity perishes, but now is not that time....we're good.............,,,,,,,for now...and i know somewhere underwater something of humanity's legacy will live on”

and it cuts to ryoichi and kikuchi hugging in a very Shape of Water way underwater with tentacle thigns cause they went to live in the ocean

then there s a bad window for a sequel showing the teacher guy - SURPRISE - not actuially dead and crunching on humans in a sewer somewhere

STILL A FUN READ

[widgenstain]

i hope this doesnt sound creepy but what were your thoughts on submergence? I love reading movie reviews/rants about my faves (jamesy)

Lol, no,not creepy at all, I wanted write a few words after I saw it two weeks (?) agoanyway, but got distracted. I hope this doesn’t disappoint you though! Not so many positive opinions here!

(light spoilers under the cut)

The best word to sum up my feelings about this is“meh”. I expected the worst after reading some reviews but it wasn’tTHAT bad. It wasn’t good either though. I felt pretty vindicated in myassessment from January 2016 ; Submergence isn’t abook that translates well on screen. And they didn’t even try very hard. Boy, thatscript is bad…

Sceneslifted directly from the book that anyone with even the tiniest understandingof how good narratives work would have changed, or at least tried to make morefilmable. Instead we got this mess; long, clunky, scientific dialogue thatworks as a build-up in the book but needed to be cut short in the movie andmore importantly: focussed on the message and motives behind it! What does it mean to behuman, to live in certain social structures and how insignificant are we andthose social structures really in the big picture? You don’t have to explain the layers of the Ocean if you can’t get across how vast they really are and what that vastness is meant to symbolise! 

Thedirection doesn’t clear anything up either. It’s so inconsistent in its levelsof subtlety. Especially in the parts that take place in France it needed to be waymore obvious; what attracts these two people to each other? THE importantquestion in a romance!

In the bookit’s intellectual understanding and fascination with the other person’sapproach to topics like love, death, religion etc.. I wasn’t kidding in my earlierpost when I said that in the book they aren’t really characters, but voices for differentworld views that somehow still see their similarities and learn from eachother. The whole thing is supported by their weirdly intertwining heritage andlife story; she’s a biracial cosmopolitan who explores the seas his ancestors sailed,before he became a spy in Africa, who’s deeply involved with Eastern Africanconflicts.

In the movie?Yeah, that first part doesn’t come across whatsoever. They try, but it’s fartoo subtle and the script doesn’t capture the differences/similarities at all. Theyprobably realised that, so they added a lot of sex scenes instead. I was veryworried for them but they’re actually fine.They’re notreally well-matched physically, James looks way older than Alicia (well, he is,widge) but they do have chemistry. Is it the chemistry the movie needs though? No,it’s not.

I totallycan see them as two people who met at a nice hotel on the Atlantic coast and thought“hey u cute!” “hey, u cute too, let’s have some really good sex since we’reboth people who are so good at sex.” And after the three days, they went their ways andmaybe thought of each other during a wank session or two.

It’s notthe chemistry of a couple where he thinks of her in the worst moments of his lifeand she in the most triumphant yet terrifying ones. 

As for the intertwiningheritages? They actually wrote, shot, edited and left in a scene in which hetalks about her being such a “mongrel” of Swedish and Australian heritage. Noone in that whole process noticed the disconnect or the freaking white-washing!Wim Wenders deserves a few punches in the nuts for that.

As for theacting, yeah… I’m not a fan of Alicia, there I said it. I don’t subscribe tothe hate the Fassbender fans/haters/toxically obsessed creeps (who keeps upwith this these days?) throw at her but I sincerely do. not. understand. how shemade it as far as an actress as she has. 

Still, she is ok in this, she showsmore than her usual three expressions and some actual emotions. That doesn’ttake away from the fact that she acts in scenes, not in movies. She’s onecharacter in one scene, another in the next. It - weirdly enough - works bestin the sex scenes where they allowed her to be an unusually tomboyish character,not the ultra-feminine seductress you’d expect in such context. She feels more or less natural and ok in them.

She’s farless believable as the career-driven and respected-by-her-peers scientist andit’s the absolute worst in the “phone” scenes. To be fair the script fucks herover in these as well, turning Danny, a stoic woman of science about to go onthe biggest adventure of her career, into a bawling teenage girl, who’s upsetthat the guy she had really good sex with doesn’t reply to her calls. 

A betteractress than her would have struggled with that garbage too, but with her scene-actingit really feels like you’re watching someone completely different each time. Addthe gloomy goth girl rambling about suffocating in really inappropriate momentsand you’ve got your stitched together Frankenstein character.

James of course knows how to portray a coherent character, but he isn’tat the height of his game either in the beginning. He’s a bit stiff, the whole spy stuff is thankfully short because it feels like an artsy-fartsydirector trying and failing to do James Bond, and the scenes in captivity would have hit much harder if you’d gotten WHY he adores her so and whispers “OH DANNY” all so dramatically.

I mean, I get thatmovie!James is trying to hang on to his sanity as best as he can, but why think of that random girlhe had really good sex with in France? Why not his mother, his best friend or, ffs, his housekeeper in Nairobi he’s known for more than 3 days?! The film doesn’tget this across and it’s sad (I’m also convinced the editor hated them. Herflashbacks show him squinting unattractively and his flashbacks show her from areally unfortunate angle.)

However, hisacting is top notch in the pivotal scene when movie!James’ captors send him into thewater to shoot him. It starts out all dramatic but then he takes it and turnsit into this absolutely painful, human moment where he yanks the audience’sheart out and crushes it like he’s wont to do. Man is he good. From that on Ilike the movie. 

The interactions with the doctor (helloooo Julian Bashir, didn’tknow you were in this!) are the best scenes in the book as well and they’reexcellent. Nothing is black and white, how different can the lessons differentpeople take from the same situations be, etc.? It’s great.

Except whenthe movie suddenly throws all subtlety overboard. There’s a scene where a womangets stoned and instead of focusing on the fucking amazing acting that goes on onJames’ and Alexander Siddig’s faces it has to ram the pointhome with the silliest effects. It’s such a waste of two excellent actors with an amazingly uncomfortable chemistry. 

Still, the scenes with the extremists are awesome. Too short and I don’t think the movie audience really gets how intriguingReda Kateb’s character really is, but they’re part of a movie that could havebeen great. Pity that wasn’t the whole movie.

I was a bitconfused after Tiff last year where Wenders said that he changed the ending butI don’t think he really has? Both are open in ways, but not really. I liked theending in the book and I liked it in the movie, super kitschy lifetime movieshots of Danny aside.

Anotherpositive thing I noticed was the light. Whoever did that really understood whatto do with the beautiful people in front of the camera and how to tell thefreaking story. I swear, the light on her face as he leaves the hotel, in hisprison and in her sub does a far better job at connecting them and explainingthe motives than script and direction together! I hope that light person got paid a ridiculously high amount of money and gets to do more movies.The script person should find another day job though and Wenders should stick todocumentaries from now on.

In short:Meh. Not gonna buy the DVD but maybe will check it out another time when/if itcomes along on Netflix and see if my opinion changes.

[chuckaf]

do you think sarah gets her memories back

Oof, well that is the million dollar question, I suppose. short answer: yes, most of them, in time. there were enough signs in vs the goodbye to suggest that her memories could to some degree be recovered, and we all wanna be positive, so sure, she gets her memories back.long answer: ??? here’s the thing, i really don’t know what i want to have happened post-finale. it’s been years and I still haven’t settled on say, my ideal chuck movie plot, or one concept for the future for chuck and sarah. i’ve even written a post-finale fic and i just abandoned it because i truly didn’t know what i wanted to happen. but i do have a couple ideas about the memories that i like, and since i saw that you sent this ask to at least one other person, anon, since angie answered it really nicely, imma ramble you my ideas, which i’m sure is no surprise to anyone.

i think it’s super gradual. i don’t think that, after the One Magical Kiss ends, sarah magically remembers everything, she goes back to chuck, it’s all fine and they immediately settle down, have kids, become security people or whatever their idea for carmichael industries was, and that’s it. but i do think, in that kiss, sarah feels something. maybe the kiss is familiar, maybe she has a vague sense that she’s done this before, but it’s just out of reach, or maybe she just really likes the kiss, but there’s something there. enough that, even if she does go try to ~find herself, she comes back sooner or later. turns up on the doorstep of the apartment and tells chuck she can’t tell why, but she knows that wherever he is is where she’s meant to be. she maybe even says, “you’re my home, chuck”, and he just about stops from fainting. because she has no idea that what she just said has already been said by her, a lifetime ago with a suitcase.things come back slowly, with no rhyme or reason, and she hates it. she remembers little insignificant things that chuck didn’t tell her in their story-- hanging up on Beckman after/in between their kiss in the hotel room in paris, but she can’t remember the kiss itself. it’s infuriating, everything feeling just out of her grasp, hidden behind something in her mind she can’t breach. one day they’re down in castle, say, and there’s that wall down there that’s painted bright blue right by the armory, with candy jars stacked on shelves in front of it, and as chuck’s walking around sarah finds herself staring at this jar of orange sweets, in front of the blue wall, and she turns to chuck and says “what was the orange orange? it sold yogurt, right?” and chuck just about stops from fainting again (this happens a lot, mostly with every memory. it’s a big deal.) because he hadn’t really covered the orange orange in their story, just said she had two cover jobs near the Buy More, and with the yogurt store shut down now it’s just a memory. but those colours put together, blue and orange, spark it. he tries it with other stuff, finds clothes she wore on particular missions, objects related to things they’d done, but it doesn’t work. there’s no sense to the memories, no idea what triggers them-- much, i guess, like the intersect right at the start of the show. and so chuck has to be there for sarah, much like she was for him, just to listen to the memories and tell her where they lie in their past.they visit ellie and devon and clara in chicago and sarah can’t shake the feeling that only a few months before, she’d held a gun to her sister-in-law (because she still remembers all of that fine) and now she wants her in her house, with her child. ellie has pictures framed all over their new home, ones sarah hasn’t seen before, or at least not since her memories were taken, and there’s a candid of her and chuck dancing at ellie & devon’s wedding, and when sarah closes her eyes, she can hear the music that played. she remembers that she was about to tell chuck she didn’t want to save the world, she just wanted to be with him, and then she remembers, abruptly, Bryce lying dead in the intersect room, and she realizes that not every memory is going to be a nice one.but, of course, as this happens, as they get to know each other again, as she’s re-learning her life, sarah realizes that she’s falling in love with the man she’d already fallen in love with. so she gradually goes from sleeping in the guest room in the apartment to slipping between the sheets next to him, one evening, wordlessly, and he just nods and she nods and that’s that. she gets back into habits, making breakfast, making dinner, watching movies by his side, getting closer and closer on the couch. who gets to fall for the same man twice, after all?one day she walks up to him, in the middle of the day, rises on her toes and looks him in the eye and murmurs “don‘t freak out” and kisses him. it’s just as good as the beach, and once more she feels what she did then, that sense of knowing how to kiss him, knowing his touch, feeling like she’s done this before. maybe a memory comes back, maybe it doesn’t. it doesn’t seem to matter anymore.on their wedding anniversary, she wakes up early, cooks chuck an omelette and can’t work out why he stares at her when she turns around and greets him good morning. they’re both keenly aware that this day is not going to go as they’d both thought it would, on their wedding day just a year before. though she knows he’s trying, chuck looks sad and a little distant all day, until in the middle of the afternoon she cracks and asks if they can watch their wedding video. she’d found it inamongst their dvds months ago but hadn’t had the courage to ask. she has it now. they watch it, and chuck cries because he remembers it all, and sarah cries because she doesn’t remember much, and she doesn’t know how to be the woman she sees on the television screen, carefree and happy and hopeful and without the world ripped from under her feet. in the present, she just kisses chuck, holds him close, tells him she’s so sorry she can’t remember it, the dress, the moments, their twist-tie rings they’d used in their practise and then in the ceremony too, for some reason, except he pauses then and frowns and she realizes she hadn’t really known that. they were in the video, but she didn’t know the context as to why, and chuck had told her about their practise run but hadn’t mentioned the rings. another memory, appearing from nowhere. chuck just kisses her and they cry a little more, wrapped up on the couch, and sarah sighs against him, tells him she loves him and she’s not sure how but she knows she never stopped, really, knows it’s right. he just gapes and tells her he loves her too, and she almost laughs because, in all of this mess, that’s the one thing she never doubted.

from there, i got nothing. but i think my point amongst all that ramble^ is, maybe every memory comes back, maybe some always stay distant. eventually, they don’t need them. it sucks, yes, for chuck to recall moments sarah can’t, and it hurts, for both of them, but they have their present, and their future, and that’s enough, in the end. those two are endgame no matter what gets thrown their way, and they’ll find their way back to each other and back to love, regardless. and no amount of forgotten memories can get in the way of that.

[ohscorbus]

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Sunday 17th September, 2017.

No your eyes aren't deceiving you, this is an actual recap! It's been far too long! But this show was something special and it demanded such a post : )

If it wasn’t blatantly obvious to you by now, Albus is my favourite. He means so much to me and so naturally, I was super excited about this week. Why? Well for those of you who don't know, Tom Mackley was on as Albus and I never had the chance to catch his Albus when he was with the first cast so today was a long time coming. It genuinely felt like I was seeing the play for the first time and meeting another Albus was everything I wanted it to be and more. Mackley is so brilliant. He brings an energy that really captures your attention, no matter what role he’s in, and seeing him in a bigger role only confirmed how much of a star this boy is.

Alright, this is going to be 60% Mackley love, 30% Albus comparisons, and 10% Scorbus. Have fun, folks!

(Note: I wrote this a few days after seeing the show but then life got busy and I never got the chance to finish it. I’d rather not try and do that from memory two months later. So this isn’t complete but I thought some of you might be interested in it anyway. She says, like it’s not 3k+ words long. ‘Incomplete’... ha!)

Act One

I have to admit, I did that thing where I was too excited to focus so the first few scenes were a bit of a blur to me. I both love and hate when that happens :’) But it means my very first impression of Mackley’s Albus was overwhelmingly a positive one.

Although there was one thing that bothered me. I was pre-warned about this and I’m glad because it threw me. For some reason, Mackley used a different voice when he was eleven year old Albus. It was younger and squeaker and I can see what he was going for but he didn’t need it. He’s very physical with his acting so I would have picked up on him being younger through other means. For example, the “what is the rumour?” line. He raised his hand as he asked the question to Rose and Scorpius and it made me seem so very small and childlike. The way he was looking to his cousin in particular for answers like a child would a teacher in class. It was really sweet. Little actions like that worked better than the younger voice he never seemed able to maintain. Plus I’ve never seen anyone else do this and apparently he didn’t do it when he was on as Albus last year so I’m not sure where it came from now??? But obviously this is all coming from someone who knows his voice so it stood out to me as odd. I’m sure a first timer wouldn’t have been bothered by it.

EDIT: Apparently he’s no longer doing the voice. I’m glad. He already felt like the youngest young Albus I’d seen. His eleven year old was 100% believable already.

I loved how Albus hovered his hand over his wand and was shouting, “UP!”, repeatedly in an attempt to remove it from where it was stuck in the floor. The direct reference to his future failed flying lesson made sure we were all aware just how much Albus was struggling at school. Like we could forget but you know, it’s always nice to be kicked while you’re down with a severe case of the feels. Thanks Mackley.

You know that bit where Albus walks into his ‘room’ and he’s just lit by a single spotlight? (I mention it in every recap because it’s stunning and one of my favourite moments of the play. I honestly hold my breath and well up every single time. I have zero shame over my emotional investment in this character hahaha.) Mackley was super interesting in this. Well, to me anyway. So Theo walks forward and gets to the front of the stage and just sighs. His entire body just sags. It’s heartbreaking and breathtaking all at the same time. But Mackley put his hands in his unzipped hoodie pockets, then held his arms out away from his body so the hoodie was open, and then walked in a straight line across the stage to his bed. He kept his head down as he watched his feet, stepping one foot directly in front of the other. Like a child trying to walk along a crack in the pavement. It’s such a small and insignificant thing really, but I had an ‘oh there you are’ moment with it. You spend five hours with these characters but occasionally an actor will do something that makes everything else fade away. The character stops being a character and becomes so real it gives me goosebumps. (This isn’t sounding right. They are all superb actors and you fully lose yourself in the story/characters every single time you watch it. But sometimes it’s so much more than that. They do something different and you completely forget that acting is even a thing. That you’re even sat in a theatre at all. The moment you’re seeing simply becomes this real person in the real setting. That wasn’t Mackley performing on stage to me, it was Albus in his room trying to delay packing.) But anyway, it was the perfect combination of innocent child and bored teenager. With Theo’s Albus, you know he’s already not in the mood for this scene. He’s already 100% done and upset before whatever is about to happen, happens. Mackley’s Albus wasn’t like that at all. He was bored and interestingly much more responsive than Sam and Theo’s Albus is whenever his siblings came into his room. It was all kinds of fascinating to then to see how they both go from their different starting points to angrily shouting at Harry. I absolutely loved how angry Mackley took this argument though. It reminded me a lot of Sam’s Albus. I’d missed this level of raw anger. Theo has been taking his Albus angrier and angrier and the way he hits Harry with the blanket these days is one of my favourite things. But Mackley, despite seeming absolutely tiny next to Jamie, got right up in Harry’s face and held his own. 

EDIT: Theo has since earned the title of ‘angriest Albus’ in this scene and it was well worth the wait. But I’ll write about this at some point because it does deserve to be acknowledged, explored, and celebrated. Yay!

During the quiz bit when Scorpius is sat down (or rather, Albus manhandles him and pushes him down), Albus was tapping on his knees and then went to full on holding onto his thighs. I mean, sure. Good. Carry on. Nothing to see here. Why am I even mentioning it???

Albus was rubbing Scorpius’s back as he spoke about his dislike of fish. I love it when Albus reacts like this here. Genuine concern. I’ve also missed writing these recaps so I could take this opportunity to once again ponder as to where his hatred of fish came from. I have theories, Samuel is apparently still thinking about it. (I like to think that’s not one of the weirdest questions about Scorpius he’s got at stage door but let’s face it, it’s probably high up there on the list.)

Act Two

Absolutely loved the ‘wizzo’ line. They did it as a sort of echo. (I was having Anthony ‘Hogwarts-warts-warts-warts’ flashbacks.) It was super fun to watch Mackley and Annabel interact by the way. You can tell they’ve been friends for a while now.

Albus and Scorpius had the nerdiest thumb/handshake thing. They held each others hand and then proceeded to play what looked like a thumb war. Dorks.

Albus said (or mouthed?) “that’s my uncle” when Lugo Bagman mentioned Charlie Weasley and that’s an A+ decision. This is why I love Mackley. He adds these things, these tiny almost inconsequential things, and yet they add even more depth to the character. Of course Albus is going to react to seeing these people. Albus loves his family and is very close with them. It must have been so weird (and cool) to see them younger.

What was great about the Jamie G and Mackley combination is that they both ate the chocolate in the hospital wing. I love this cast. They all seem to enjoy eating their props :’)

Act Three

Albus fell out of bed when Scorpius screamed his name to wake him up. Poor boy. He got back up and then literally flopped onto his bed and proceeded to lie there and recover from his ordeal. The fact that Scorpius wasn’t phased by this tells me it’s not out of the ordinary. Albus my dear boy, you need a nicer alarm clock.

The torture scene… alright, this is where I lost Albus. Briefly. One of my favourite things about Albus, one of his greatest traits, is his ability to use his pain to drive himself. It’s evident throughout the play and in particular, this scene. We see him crumble. Completely and utterly shatter. The pain and potential loss of Scorpius kills him quicker than an Avada Kedavra ever could. But he uses that pain to fight back. That’s what Albus does. He doesn’t give in. The boy is a Slytherin through and through, he’ll find a way to save Scorpius and stop Delphi on his own terms. So even though he’s breaking in this scene, what you’re really seeing his him going from strength to strength. But Mackley just… broke. He collapsed to the floor and cried and generally reacted how Sam and Theo have done, to be fair. But there was something about Mackley’s Albus that was too submissive to Delphi. I didn’t feel that strength from him that I expected. Instead of resisting Delphi in every which way, his Albus was on the floor and frantically nodding his head. He was as quick to say yes to Delphi as he was to say no. But Albus would never ever comply. He’d never see that as his only option. So his decision to nod here confused me. In hindsight, he was presumably playing along, hoping Delphi would believe him so that she would spare Scorpius anymore pain. But to me, it just didn’t feel like something Albus would do in that moment. Because agreeing to help Delphi isn’t going to stop her from hurting Scorpius. It’s only going to hurt more people. But then he doesn’t always seem to see the bigger picture when he’s controlled by his emotions... The only way I could make the whole thing work in my head is that Albus is simply acknowledging her request, rather than actually agreeing to it. I just can’t believe he would ever think he could successfully convince her. It had to be just a delaying tactic because they both know Scorpius is his weakness. He’d put himself in harms way before he lets anything happen to his best friend. I think his experience and his emotional state aren’t where they need to be for him to manipulate her back in that way either. Going off in another direction, it’s also interesting to compare this to how quickly Albus complies with his dad in the other timeline when he’s told to stay away from Scorpius. Because yes, he’s agreeing to something against his wishes but he’s doing it to save Scorpius and at a great pain to himself. Complying with Delphi isn’t going to save Scorpius. If anything, it’ll get him killed faster...

EDIT: I hear there’s been some mixed opinions on this. I haven’t read anyone else’s recaps (I rarely do until I’ve posted my own), but I find it super interesting how differently people seemed to have interpreted this. But hey, all our opinions and interpretations are valid. *Scorpius voice* If my adventures in this fandom have taught me anything, it’s taught me that.

Like I said, I never had the chance to write about act four (or finish act three properly) and it would be unfair to do so from memory now. Even though I have notes. So many notes. Mackley is the kind of actor who gives so much on stage that you can’t not write thousands of words about him. He’s that good, and if you’ve not seen the show then you’re probably not aware of that and it’s a crying shame. He’s a fluffy ball of energy and completely steals your attention whenever he’s on stage. Whether he’s playing Albus, or part of the ensemble and kissing pumpkins and telling the Beauxbatons ladies he loves them. Hell, even bringing on props ready for the next scene in the dark. You know it’s him. Nobody swishes their robes quite like Mackley. He’s electric on stage and you can tell he belongs up there. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the main seven but honestly, this show wouldn’t be what it is without the ensemble. It’s why he’s one understudy I would absolutely go out of my way to see again. 

I’ll end this with some general observations and some random points I apparently felt the need to make a note of during the intervals. It’s a jumbled mess. Sorry : /

I feel like the ‘dry humour and Albus-y’ line was written for Mackley’s Albus because the dry comedic tone in his voice was spot on. He definitely takes it to a level Sam and Theo have never reached. There were lines in there that had the audience laughing that I’ve never heard an audience laugh at before and it warmed my heart. It felt like the audience were seeing what Scorpius sees in his best friend. He has his troubles yes, but underneath all his daddy issues and dwindling self esteem, he’s a kid with a big heart and enough sarcasm to fill the lake twice over. Scorpius loves that about him. Harry loves that about him. I love that about him. To hear an audience get that and react so positively to him, just as much as they do with Scorpius every single show, was beautiful. I feel blessed, and I have no shame in telling you it brought tears to my eyes in the theatre.

On the same note, Samuel is also brilliant at getting the audience to laugh so as you can imagine, these two together were a riot together. I’ve never seen two actors so thoroughly enjoy being on stage. They had so much fun up there, particularly in part two, and it shone through in their performance. It was genuinely a fun experience and one of the most enjoyable shows I’ve had the pleasure to watch.

For example, Albus doing a silly slow motion walk towards Scorpius in Godric’s Hollow as Scorpius explained his ‘plan’. It was one of those silly little things best friends unconsciously do around each other because they’re comfortable letting themselves be themselves in the others presence. It tells us how much time they do spend together. How close they are. How fun and silly Albus can actually be when he’s not dealing with stuff. Or at least when Scorpius is around to distract him from it all temporarily. But that’s what I love about their relationship. They’re each other’s escape and safety net and gravity. They really do need each other.

*whispers* Can we also talk about how his feet didn’t fully touch the ground when he’s sat on the edge of his bed? Or how he managed to curl up onto the pew without looking squished? I know I love to exaggerate how tiny Albus is when I write about him but Mackley made all of my dreams come true.

Ron’s jumper is so big on him that he started to flap his sleeves after he’d been turned back into himself again. It was adorable. It also gave me Albus and his hand-me-down clothes feels. That bit was a little more painful.

Act Four Scene Fourteen was all robe swishes and funny voices. It was mayhem to the nth degree. If every day is like that then I can see why Scorpius loves school so much.

It’s easy to see Scorpius as a follower, it’s something else to see Albus as a leader. Mackley definitely has that pull over Scorpius. Not to a point where they’re unbalanced, but he’s a whirlwind. A force impossible to stop once he’s got something in his head. You can see how/why Scorpius caves so easily. Especially since Albus seems totally unaware of it all... mostly. Scorpius has a choice, he just chooses Albus.

He walked into Godric’s Hollow with the string from his hoodie in his mouth while he kicked the snow. Another reason why he’s the most believable fourteen year old Albus I’ve seen too. It seemed to come so natural to him. While Theo has perfected Albus’s heart and headspace, Mackley has got his headstrong petulant teenager side down to a T. His stance, his faces, his tone... despite being the oldest to play Albus, he easily comes across as the youngest.

There was just something so down to earth and effortless about his Albus that I loved. I wish I could put it into words. He was so natural in his performance that it didn’t even seem like a performance, you know? I particularly loved the delivery of his lines. There was something about it that even made me love the words/lines that have always felt a little odd to me. I sat there and thought, ‘oh! so that’s how it’s suppose to sound.’ (I’m wondering whether it’s an accent thing? I have theories.)

I’m going to end this with a conversation I overheard during the interval. There were two middle aged ladies in front of me in the toilet queue talking about Albus. One of them stopped the other mid-gushing over how brilliant the ‘young lad’ playing Albus was to inform her he was in fact the understudy. She couldn’t believe it. She said she got the impression he’d been playing Albus for a year and not just for the week. This only spurred her on and she continued to talk about his brilliance, probably until Act Two started. Needless to say, I was beaming like a proud idiot. Spending the rest of the months food money on a ticket just to see him was definitely a good decision. I can say this now, two months later, having lived through weeks of basic cheap food :’)

[naminearuno]

Diary Entry #2

January 27, 2018

It’s been 11 days since my last entry and so much has happened. I’m not gonna talk about it in any specific order.

First of all, Lexi’s mom found out about her stick-n-poke tattoos (After they had already faded, too) which led to further investigation and she told her mom that she’s been using Maya’s phone to talk to me. That was obviously a big deal because that’s the way it is with the Lesch’s. So now Lexi is supposed to have to move out on May 3rd, but I doubt they will hold her to that because they want her where they can most easily control her. She went a night without being allowed to sleep in her bed. She was supposed to quit her job, but she still has it for now. She’s still on guard. We’re still talking since it wasn’t really Maya’s phone to begin with and I’m not a fan of Maya anymore… Lexi is doing alright for the most part. Her grade in AP stats is really high and I’m impressed because I’ve heard a lot of crap about that class.

I didn’t go into my sociology class thinking that I would personally get anything out of it. But then we talked about depression. We talked about how as societies rely more on consumer capitalism and individualism increases, so does depression. When people have as much freedom as we do, they can also have excessive hope. That can make people feel even worse when they fail or still pretty awful even if they’re doing fine because they know better is possible. And as we become less and less reliant on others to make decisions for us we can feel more alone and more to blame if our lives don’t work out the way we intend. Basically, he explained that community is extremely important toward mental health. This got me thinking. First of all, it reaffirmed my belief that I should push my children to get involved from a young age. But it also got me thinking… I do believe community is important for mental health. I think that’s why my life got so much better when I joined guard. I don’t want someone telling me how my life is gonna go and who I’m gonna be, because I grew up in an American society after all :P, but it led me to a conclusion… about something I’ve thought about before. Maybe I would be happier if I went to church or another religious institution. I feel like I’m too open to follow a religion the way religious people typically do. I’m too skeptic of accepting a truth with no proof behind it and too open to the possibilities. I do think I might be able to get behind the values a religion preaches without believing in their God and their stories. I think I might enjoy being apart of a community like that… assuming I can find one that is positive. I look at people like Dani and Hannah Beer and I see how happy church makes them. Maybe I could benefit from it, too. Maybe it would help me feel like I belong. Probably not. I’ll feel like an outsider because I don’t believe. But still. It would also be interesting to learn about a religion first hand like that. I don’t know… This will most likely be next year adventure if it happens at all. Next year… When Amber and I are hopefully living in an apartment and transitioning to veganism… And hopefully I see my girlfriend regularly and finally lose my virginity (Lol do I /really/ belong in a church? Probably not…)

I’m not sure what I believe. I believe in something… I identify as Agnostic. I’m sure there is something more than us, whether it is a higher power the way people typically envision a higher power or something completely different we haven’t thought of… Or maybe that we can’t think of because we can’t understand it. I don’t know. I don’t know what happens when we die and I’m scared of the possibilities. I’m scared of everything just stopping and I’m scared of being eternally miserable and I’m scared of being reincarnated as a fly or bee or wasp or an even more messed up human. Humans fear what we don’t know. I don’t know and I am afraid.

Moving on to a lighter topic… I finished Dreamfall Chapters and started playing Remember Me. It’s a really interesting game, but also frustrating.

I also ordered a charger that should be here on Monday and my books better be here Monday because they were supposed to be here last Wednesday.

I’m still trying for straight As though I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t need to review my chem notes EVERY day. Whether I get straight As or not, I’m not overwhelmed by the workload this semester… yet. It all seems doable. I haven’t turned anything in late yet. There aren’t a lot of grades in the gradebook yet, but I only have 100s so far… It will not stay that way lol.

Amber and I have been sticking to our goal of going to the gym at least twice a week. We started the bluecoats training regime yesterday and I’m super excited. We’ve also decided that we’re gonna try to go Mon, Wed, Fri, and Saturday. Friday and Saturday are really good gym days because not a lot of people are there. We have yet to go on a Monday… heheh.

There’s been drama with Drew and his family. His mom has been bashing Jordan on his profile… on public posts. He’s still trying to contact Jordan and even messaged Zoe and accused Jordan of being a pathological liar. Speaking of which… his hickass mom sounds a lot like one of those what with her “degree in law” and her daughters husband that there have been no previous pictures or mention of… Anyway, it’s all been very annoying but also kind of hilarious. I think his mom needs to learn what the definition of “intelligence” is.

I don’t have time for these people to be honest. (Drew and his family). I’m too busy trying to better myself. I’m going to talk about some of my goals, values, and general things I’ve learned:

I now know what it means to invalidate someone’s feelings and why even if those feelings are irrational, that’s not okay. Feelings are real. Calling them “just chemicals in the brain” doesn’t devalue them. Chemicals in your brain are a very real and powerful thing. If you understand anything about science and the human body, you know that chemicals in your brain are responsible for a lot of physical and mental traits. For example, chemicals in your body determine how tall you are. Growth hormone, specifically. It is secreted by the pituitary gland in the brain. Growth hormone deficiency causes dwarfism. That is a very real thing that you can see. It being caused by a chemical in the brain does not make it any less real. Feelings and mental illnesses are also caused by chemicals secreted by the brain. You just can’t always see the effects. Anyway, this is turning into a very different point…. The point I wanted to make is that feelings are real and therefore you cannot just tell a person to ignore them or that they shouldn’t have them. If someone’s feelings are irrational, you still cannot invalidate them. You must first acknowledge them and the fact that they are not something easily controlled (And often times not controllable at all) and then bring in the logic. I.e. “I know you’re angry because your spaghetti’s on the floor,, but Shanaynay didn’t spill it on purpose.” V.S. “Calm down, it’s not like she did it on purpose.”.

There is a thing called emotional intelligence. I’m very lacking in this department, but I have enough regular intelligence to acknowledge and work on it. I really do think I have a mild form of aspergers or something like it, but I’m glad I came to that realization. I’m bad at understanding social cues and piecing things together. I miss out on jokes and sarcasm from time to time because I honestly just don’t get it. Sometimes I stop to think about things for a long time before coming to a realization that feels like an epiphany, but when I go to explain it to someone else it’s something they picked up on without even having to think about it. I have a hard time understanding why it’s not always okay to say things that are true. Hell, I picked honest as my personality trait for that English assignment in Becker’s class Sophomore year. I also have a hard time understanding emotions that I can’t physically feel. Anyway,, I’m glad I realized I have this problem/these problems. It allows me to prevent a lot of issues and explain behaviors of mine that other people don’t understand.

I enjoy intelligent arguments. I also believe they are an essential part of the modern human experience. People who don’t understand how to engage in intelligent arguments make me sad. I almost can’t comprehend how people think that belittling others and using profanity does anything but invalidate their arguments. When you come out and say that you are intelligent, when you attack for something that doesn’t relate to the topic (especially when it’s something they cannot control), and when you use swears/slurs, you decrease the intelligence of your argument. You significantly decrease the chance that anyone who didn’t already agree with you will even hear the point you’re trying to make. Words can hurt. It’s also important to understand opposing arguments. Your argument is much stronger if you show that you understand the opposition, but still think it’s wrong.

Words can significantly impact a person's emotions, mental health, etc. Words can start wars. Words can make people famous. For a lot of people, stringing words together and/or understanding words is their job. Words are one of the main ways we communicate. Words have power. Without them, our societies would be drastically different. Words can get you into all kinds of legal trouble. Words matter. Expression matters. Communication matters. How someone can dismiss words in favor of violence, I will never understand. Violence doesn’t lead to change or understanding. Words can. Words can hurt. Words can heal. They are not insignificant.

That’s not to say that you should be offended by specific words. Words like “fuck” for example. Yes, it’s not a “nice” word and it’s not a word that is socially acceptable in most professional settings. But hearing someone say it on TV or at a restaurant or in any random context that does not require professional language, should not offend you. If it does offend you, that is your problem. If something someone says, whilst not meaning to hurt anyone, bothers you, that is not their problem. They can say whatever they want. If you don’t like it, it is your job to stay away from them, to ignore it, to reflect on why it offends you and whether or not it’s a feeling you want to hold onto. Words matter but the intention behind them matters more.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Everyone in America has freedom of speech. These things don’t mean that you can say whatever you want. Saying hurtful things can get you into legal trouble. Cyberbullying, harassment, stalking, libel, and slander can all get you into legal trouble. You do not have the right to go around and be a jerk to people. You just don’t. A good general principle to live by is to do whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt others.

You don’t have to cottle people. You don’t have to refrain from talking about things because it offends people. But you do have to keep in mind that the platforms you leave your opinions on have rules and guidelines. You do have to keep in mind that saying certain things in a certain way can be illegal. And if you want people to care about your feelings, you should be sure to care about theirs. There is a balance between being yourself/expressing your opinions and trash talking people, harassing people, etc.

I’ve been putting a lot of effort into becoming a better person. I think it’s important to always be reflecting on who you are and working towards positive changes, especially when you’re not happy with who you are as a person. By coming to college and being in the Bears for a Just Community LLC alone, by surrounding myself with new people and opportunities, I am growing more and more each day. I’ve been actively choosing to be better - to be more conscious of others feelings and how what I say and do impacts them, to put more effort into school, to learn, to go to class everyday, to evaluate myself and my choices, to go to the gym, and to be healthier. I feel more productive. I feel like I’m actually living and participating in the college experience; I didn’t feel like that before. I think being productive, bettering myself, and learning are going to make me so much happier. I’m ready to do the whole “New year, new me” cliche right. I want to always be improving.

There is a lot more I could say, but I’ve been working on this entry for a while so I’ll leave it at that.

[heyokaooohshiny]

Speculation that turned into a Rant

watching the new clips from Wolfcon with Hoechlin and Roden. Its serious food for thought. The Sterek part of me is very very happy that Holland stepped up once more and put her Sterek shades on but I think it’s a bit much to say that writers took Sterek from the fans from Season One onwards. I look at the first season and watch the videography and say, whatevs to that. There was something in play before the fans picked up on the obvious undercurrent between Stiles and Derek. The lingering looks, camera angles, scene set up. Even advertising photos had the two characters parallel.

Originally posted by sterekgifs

Now, whatever happened with the higher ups at MTV and their obvious fear in anyone front line becoming anything other than heterosexual I agree with Roden and Hoechlin when they say they have ‘no control’ over what happens with the show. The actors, no matter how beloved by the fans, or how much they’ve invested in their character are getting PAID and are under legal contract by a large freaking company.

Know what I think? I think MTV didn’t want Sterek to happen the way it was going to happen from Season 3 onward because it would have made a statement that they either weren’t prepared to make or just plain had no interest in making for their own reasons. However as the story line was changed to incorporate female love interests for both characters, whoever it was; writers, camera crew, the actors, directors, take your pic, kept what they could of Sterek alive and canon. They just made it sneaky.

Originally posted by whatthehellbells

How? You ask. Well, we’ve all seen the lingering looks Derek and Stiles share, well add in the camera shots, the lighting, the way Stiles lingers over Derek’s initials in the library, the freaking ‘chemosignals’, even in the finale the way Derek and Stiles exchanged a glance when Scott’s sight was restored. These things are not insignificant. Not when they could have just ended up being cut out of the scene altogether.

Of course there is the Sterek baiting. But what if it wasn’t meant to be Sterek ‘baiting’ exactly. Yes we have Jeff, who I”d rather not go into because, Jeff. And he was about ratings, and bad decisions, and poor treatment of actors, and shudder worthy plot lines. But still. With no Jeff, there would be no Stiles and Derek.

This brings me to my other thought. Fans seem to be very concerned with whether or not Hoechlin is comfortable discussing Sterek in a definitive way. I mean, I for one would love to hear him say outright that yes, he would have jumped at the opportunity for a Sterek relationship on Teen Wolf but think about why Hoechlin may not be able to say something like that.

He can’t come out and say he reads Sterek fanfiction, guys. Even if he does. (Which come on, I would find it extremely hard to believe he hasn’t peeked at least once--yes I know he’s super busy but c’mon lonely hotel nights...) He can’t say that as an actor it would be a wonderful opportunity to explore a gay/bi relationship on a popular TV show, he can’t say whether or not he is actually gay/bi/whatever and fucked Colton Haynes. Because of course gay dudes that are friends automatically have to fuck each other! Especially ‘cause they’re hot. *eyeroll*

Originally posted by selly-downevanshobrien

Because look at Colton. God love that boy, Colton Haynes was true to himself and came out in public forum and now he has to fight discrimination as an actor and as a gay man. He had to spend years pretending to be something he wasn’t just to stay employed. You can’t measure a decision like that in today’s hostile world.

Originally posted by ragazzosarcastico

For actors like Tyler Hoechlin and Dylan O’Brien who are auditioning for movies like Stratton and American Assassin, can you imagine them getting the part if they were openly not heterosexual??!!

Originally posted by super-hoech

NOPE.

Tyler has the bodybuilding movie coming up. He’s playing Joe Weider. Do you think he would get the part if he was openly gay? Do you think the Director for that movie would take the chance? Joe Weider was hugely homophobic. (Yes Colton is in the movie too--but not as a Weider bro) Picture all the nope it would be if an openly gay Tyler Hoechlin applied for that part.

These young men are at the whim of the industry. We like to think they are at our whim but only insomuch as the industry likes to take our money. Give them a little break. They work hard. They try to love us even when we are bratty. They give us incredible characters like Stiles and Derek (and Jackson).

I personally never want to see anything like the dead-eyed Dylan O’Brien we got with the Jamba Juice picture. Pushing young actors to work after a serious accident like that could really have had consequences I’d rather not think about.

Yes I’m a fan-fiction writer. I obsess over these characters as much as the next person. But the actors are human. They have lives that we have no right to demand a look at. I’m eternally grateful for what they have given me. I look forward to what more they decide to share with us. So much love for them.

[acomplexjourney]

Stories from surgery

This post is a few days late now, but I’m all done with surgery! I worked some long days, but fortunately I got Christmas Day and New Year’s Day off. I did not get the preceding days off, more on that below. . .

Christmas Eve

On Christmas Eve, there were only a couple of surgical cases scheduled for the afternoon, but I would be working with the surgeon “Dr. C.” for the first time. I was a little worried because I had heard stories of how Dr. C. loved to pimp residents on their surgical knowledge. Also, I had already been berated by Dr. C. once over the phone when I made the mistake of calling him with a question without talking to my attending physician first. Still, Dr. C. was all that was standing in the way between me and Christmas with my family, so I made it a point to show up an hour early to prepare.

When I arrived at the pre-op area at noon, I saw that Dr. C. already had an emergency case. It was a 78 year old male with an incarcerated hernia in his abdomen. This meant that the bloodflow to a section of his intestines was cut off and if we didn’t operate soon, those organs would die. I caught Dr. C. as he was walking out of the patient’s room and introduced myself as confidently as I could. He said “nice to meet you,” and then walked briskly away as he worked to get things ready for the case. Hoping Dr. C. would not remember our earlier phone call, I followed him silently, trying to stay out of his line of fire. This strategy seemed to work until we got into the operating room. I did not scrub in, but Dr. C. still managed to remember to ask me a pimp question. “What are the three most common causes of small bowel obstruction?” Every resident learns in medical school that adhesions from prior surgeries is the number one cause of small bowel obstruction, so I immediately named that cause. Then, Dr. C. gave me a few seconds to think some more before before pointing at the patient on the operating table. “Hernia,” I said. When he asked me the third cause, I replied, “I don’t know.” I winced as I prepared for the surgeon’s wrath, but he simply said in a deep voice “TUMOR,” and then moved on with the case. Fortunately, Dr. C. actually remained in a fairly pleasant mood for the rest of the afternoon. Maybe he was feeling the holiday spirit? Maybe the friendly anesthesiologist who played Christmas tunes during the operation and recounted the hilarious appendectomy scene from the movie Spies Like Us helped? In any case, the patient did well and my one day working with Dr. C. turned out to be an overall good experience. I even made it to my grandparents’ house in time for Christmas Eve dinner and was fortunate to be able to spend Christmas Day with the rest of my family as well.      

New Year’s Eve

On New Year’s Eve, I was excited to work with “Dr. T.” Dr. T. is not only one of the nicest surgeons I have ever met, but also one of the nicest people in general. He is a family man, who took the week of Christmas off to spend with his wife and two small children. When you work with him, the song “Dominick the Donkey” will quickly will get stuck in your head, because it is Dr. T’s ringtone (which he will also occasionally dance to when his phone goes off). And his patient’s love him, because unlike many doctors nowadays, he focuses on them and not his computer. Not to mention the fact that he is a very skilled surgeon.

What I was not so excited about was having to stay in the hospital that evening for an operation with Dr. T. During rounds that morning, we saw a 58 year old female who had been in the hospital for a few days with abdominal pain. Imaging had shown possible appendicitis, but it wasn’t a clear cut diagnosis. Because the patient was still in more pain that morning than the rest of her clinical picture would have suggested, Dr. T. offered to remove the patient’s appendix, which she agreed to. The only issue was the next opening for a non-emergent surgery was 5 PM! So I sat around the hospital all afternoon without much to do. Then, I had to wait even longer because the orthopedics case before us ended up running late and of course there was no other surgical staff available for us with it being New Year’s Eve. I watched fireworks celebrations from around the world on YouTube to pass the time until they were finally ready for us around 7 PM. I was super annoyed that I was stuck in the hospital so late, but then as I began scrubbing to cleanse myself for the case, I noticed myself begin to calm down. A strange thought popped into my head that there was no where else I’d rather be at that particular moment than right where I was. Even though I had promised my grandparents I would join them that evening, I reflected on how few people in the world ever have the opportunity to stand at an operating table during surgery. If Dr. T. and I attempted to cut out this patient’s appendix in a house across the street from the hospital, we would be labeled as psychopaths and arrested. But in the context of a hospital, our surgery was not only legal, but encouraged! I knew that once I graduated from residency, I would no longer have the opportunity to help with surgeries. I figured I might as well make the best of the experience while it lasted.  

Dr. T. opted to do a laparoscopic appendectomy and I got to hold the camera the whole time, which even though I am no longer a medical student, I still found really cool! Well, almost the whole time. Dr. T. did have to help correct the field of view from time to time. The surgery was a success and I got out at the not too unreasonable hour of 9 PM. And Mother Nature granted me safe passage to my grandparents’ house, where they had food and good company waiting for me before the East Coast rang in the new year.

Paying attention

If you don’t mind, I’m going to get a little philosophical here. Since I’ve finished watching the Hulu series Looking for Alaska (which I’d highly recommend by the way!), I’ve been thinking a lot about something John Green, the writer of the book which the series is based on, said. When asked about his definition of the meaning of life, Green responded “To try to use the gift of human consciousness to pay attention.” “Paying attention? That seems like a pretty insignificant cause to dedicate your life to,” I thought when I first heard this. But John Green is pretty smart, so I decided to think some more about his answer to one of the most profound questions humans can ask. While there is still more pondering to do, one idea is that paying attention is important because of the actions it can lead one to. Here are three examples from my surgery rotation.

-Recommending a pregnancy test on a 38 year old female who had been in the hospital for a couple of days with severe nausea and vomiting. Even though we were pretty sure her symptoms were being caused by small bowl obstruction, pregnancy should of course be considered in every reproductive age female who comes into the hospital.

-As I was changing in the locker room, I noticed a wallet on the floor. Recognizing that most people would probably not store their wallet on a locker room floor and that the next person who came along might not be so benevolent, I looked inside the wallet to figure out who it belonged to and promptly returned it to the owner.

-Noticing a Foley catheter bag that was in the wrong place prior to the team transferring a patient from one bed to another. We made sure to put it in the right place to avoid causing unnecessary discomfort for the patient.  

These are all simple things, but things that I easily could have missed if I was not paying attention. And because I noticed these things, I was able to take actions that helped other people. Maybe some of you will agree with me when I say that even though technology makes our lives better overall, it also makes it harder to pay attention. Allow yourself to be aware of what you are paying attention to every day and also try to notice the things you are missing. It may be worthwhile paying attention to something new for a change.    

Note: identifying details have been changed for patients mentioned in this post.

PS- A good video in which John Green pays attention to a sunset over Lake Michigan.  

[rationalkuroshitsuji]

Ch 128 review: bathtubs and blood transfusions

This is going to take some weird turns. Please stick with me though. I promise it ends in an interesting place.

So, while taking notes on chapter 128, I noticed that while they're searching the house, there's this panel of a bathtub with a hose attachment.

(ch 128 pg 13 - source)

My first thought was, Aha! There's an anachronism! What a super Japanese tub design! They didn't have hose attachments like that 1889, and even if they did, hoses like that are way more ubiquitous in Japan than in England.

Boy was I wrong...

At least I’m not wrong about the ubiquity of shower hoses in Japan, because I've stayed in about 8 different apartments and a handful of hotels now, and they all had bathrooms like this, with a shower hose and a hook to hang it on the wall if you want. (You wash yourself outside the tub, and then soak in clean hot water in the tub if you want. Japanese people commonly do this seated on a little plastic stool.)

But then I thought, that's not very much like Toboso-Sensei, to get a detail about decor wrong. This is the same manga author who went to the trouble of drawing plants in the fireplaces when the weather is warm, because the Victorians abhorred empty space.* It would be very surprising if she drew the bathtub anachronistically. She would probably gleefully research it first.

So was *I* wrong to assume a showerhead on a hose is anachronistic? 

So then I googled "Victorian bathtub," and lo and behold this image (and many like it) are in the first page of image results. It's exactly the same faucet.

So you definitely find bathtubs like this when you do research on "Victorian bathtub," and I think if a Japanese person was doing this research, it would seem totally normal for bathrooms to have a faucet on a hose.

But as I kept looking through the pictures, I noticed something: all the tubs with this "telephone cradle" style are modern photographs. I couldn't find any images of tubs that were definitely from the Victorian period. I could only find tubs for sale that were marketed as "Victorian style."

So the question still remained: did they have bathtub faucet handsets like that in 1889, or are they a modern addition to a Victorian style bathroom?

My next thought was, maybe I can figure it out from the hose, because what would the hose have been made of in 1889?! It can't have been plastic, because the earliest plastics wouldn't have been invented yet. It could have been rubber, but rubber hose doesn't look very nice (it has a distinctly medical look to me, at least), so I can't see the Victorians adorning their fancy bathrooms with rubber.

Could it have been a metal hose? Those were in use much earlier, and all the hoses in the bathtub pictures (that aren't plastic) look like metal hoses. The wikipedia page for "metal hose" says the first patent on a metal hose was in France in 1885, so that part is plausible at least. I can't tell from the page whether they would have actually been used in fancy bathrooms or only in industrial applications, because all the page citations are in German history books.**

So then I started searching through patents for hoses and tubes and things, trying to find anything with a date where a metal hose was used in a bathroom context.***

(At this point, I realized I'd spent way too much time researching a question about a particularly insignificant panel of this Kuroshitsuji chapter.)

I never found anything that proves or disproves the idea that the telephone style bathtub faucet cradle was actually in use in 1889.

HOWEVER, searching for patents before 1900 that contain the word "hose" did unearth something much more interesting and relevant to the current story arc: a patent from the US from 1881 filed by Eugene E. Allan for "Instrument for transfusion of blood," with a fascinating introduction:

Transfusion of blood has not as yet been successfully practiced as a method of treatment for disease,from the fact that the operation has hitherto been attended with great daugcr to life from the imperfect-methods employed, whereby air and coagulated blood have been introduced into the veins of the patient, either of which causes death. Until means are provided by which danger from these causes is entirely removed the practice cannot meet with favor, or even be properly tested.

Believing that transfusion of blood, when fully understood and properly conducted, will be successfully employed in the treatment of a large class of cases, my attention has been directed to the invention or discovery of methods and means whereby the operation might be performed with safety to the patient, and the result of my endeavors in this direction has been the production of the within-described apparatus.

The morals of the story:

I have no idea whether that bathtub panel is anachronistic.

Othello must not have visited America if he finds the blood transfusion machines abnormally advanced in 1889.

If we meet a new character in the next couple chapters named Eugene or Allan, THAT'S THE BAD GUY.****

*I'm 90% sure I read this in one of the author's notes in the back of a manga volume, but I can't remember which one. If anyone can supply the citation or a correction, I'll update the post.

** First world problems: can't immediately look up wikipedia citations in books.

*** This is something I've learned from working in software: the trick to getting a patent is to take something that already exists and use it successfully in a different context, citing the existing usage as prior art. It's much easier than actually inventing something.

**** I started cackling when I read the inventor’s name, because of course my first thought was that the Undertaker’s real name is Eugene in “The Sum of our Parts” by @chocolatemoosey and @cheshirecity.

[hopkinsblog]

15 clues to improve your SEO arranging

by Leonor Cañuelo | Web Design , Digital Marketing , SEO | 23 Comments

 Do you need your site to appear in the essential rundown things in Google? With these tips that I give you underneath, you can improve your SEO or characteristic arranging , so when someone enters Google your watchwords and subjects, your site is the essential spot where the customer clicks.

 What is SEO arranging?

 The noteworthiness of the condensing web optimization tips is Search Engine Optimizers, whose exacting understanding is site smoothing out . It is connected to smoothing out the circumstance where web records present our website when a customer makes a request. Along these lines, in order to smooth out the site and cause it to appear among the first in the rankings, we ought to consider different perspectives , which, did successfully, will guarantee a better than average circumstance for our site.

 To lay it out simply, Google will put the best site pages in first position . Furthermore, how does Google acknowledge which pages are the best? In this once-over of tips , you'll discover what techniques Google uses to find how.

 If you have to discover extra, I leave you this super SEO control , excitedly proposed, by Bruno Vázquez-Dodero .

 TIPS TO IMPROVE YOUR SEO POSITIONING

 1. One of a kind substance

 Regardless of the way this shows up extremely clear, I expected to include it. Google altogether rebuffs " copiotas ", to put it in a kind way. It finds that there are at any rate two duplicate substance and will rebuff the resulting who has entered that information on the Internet.

 Regardless, you may be thinking "yet I can't post anything repeated on my site?". Imagine that you have been met and you have to copy it really on your site. For this circumstance, Google would rebuff you, so the game plan could be to take a screen catch and enter it as an image on your site.

 To be clear from when Google will rebuff us, it is 20% . If in a post we present an acclaimed articulation from a maker, there will be no issue, since it will be under 20%. However, you know, be mindful of introducing more than that 20%.

 2. Get a high visiting time

 Another way that Google needs to acknowledge which pages are the best is the time spent on the site. If it distinguishes that your customers put a lot of vitality in your site, it will benefit you by improving your circumstance in the rankings.

 What might we have the option to do to shield customers from leaving the web quickly? Generally, that our site is updated and we have incredible substance , precisely what they demand, clearly. However moreover, we can extend the time with accounts and pictures , for example.

 Since as customers, we are generally in a surge, and when we check a page or post, we perhaps stop in case we see something that snatches our eye. In this manner, if we use infographics and chronicles, there are more open doors for the customer to stop and augmentation the time spent on our site.

 3. Offer on Social Networks

 The more your substance is shared on Social Networks, the better your SEO arranging will be. Make it straightforward for your customers, place gets of casual networks in observable zones of your website, and clearly in your blog articles, so that if they adored what you have created they will have it easy to share it. Right when you form extraordinary substance, your customers are grateful for the noteworthy information you have given them and need to bestow it to their entire system.

 I should make reference to the case of Google+ . It is old news that the Google relational association has not actually continued ahead with the customers, thusly, the web searcher fantastically benefits those of us who use it. If we share our blog passages and pages on Google+, it benefits us gigantically for our arranging.

 As a story I will unveil to you that when I started this from site pages and relational associations, I made a profile in Google My Business for my mother's store, where all the information that is entered is associated with Google+. I entered their site, which at the time had a poor seo tips situating (I think it appeared on the sixth page of the rundown things). The next day, I was at number one.

 In like way, recall those people who you understand that your substance may like, stay in contact with them an email or private message independently , don't acknowledge that they have seen your dispersion on casual associations.

 4. Associated substance

 I don't get this' significance? That from our site we associate with various districts, casual associations, various posts, etc. Both internal and external associations . What's more, besides that our website is associated from various goals: distinctive online diaries with respect to our issue that you find interesting our substance, various locales that recommend us, all our relational associations should incite our webpage, etc.

 Regardless, watch this. It is critical that these associations are adequate , it is worthless that a page in another lingo, with harmful substance, diseases or with no substance interfaces with us. In all honesty, if Google finds a monster proportion of associated substance, from places insignificant to our subject, it will rebuff us.

 You have to consider the destroyed associations , since it probably won't have been broken the main event when we made it, anyway that site has changed space, has disappeared, etc. Thusly, we ought to analyze the volume of broken associations and right them . A for the most part fantastic device to separate what number of broken associations are on our site is Brokenlinkcheck .

 5. Watchwords

 Unmistakably, if you have to arrange yourself with explicit watchwords, these should be in various bits of your website or blog. Where? Above all, in titles and inscriptions , in the underlying 200 articulations of the substance , all through the substance in solid or italics , in the meta-depiction , in the title and elective substance of the photos , and clearly in the url (They ought to be short and neighborly).

 Despite being in various parts, you should separate the sum you are going to go over them. Ideally, these catchphrases should go over 0.5% all through the substance. There are different instruments that learn what your degree of watchwords is.

 Nevertheless, what words do we pick? Clearly, by and by related to your point, yet we ought to do an examination of watchwords to look at which words have a higher interest volume, since those will be basically the ones we use to position. One contraption that you can use to analyze catchphrases is the Google Adwords Keyword Planner.

 6. Use subtitles

 This is basic to make our customers a less difficult and progressively beguiling read , and don't escape from our blog when seeing so much substance together. Thus, use subtitles, extraordinary, italics, line isolating, photographs, etc. This will guarantee that it is an adequately accessible book and quick to scrutinize.

 7. Takes note

 Another way to deal with get detectable quality and SEO arranging is to make posts in which we name various bloggers, people or associations , for example rankings . Additionally, clearly, that these are specialists in their portion and with many work relations (recollect that you are recommending them).

 8. Make critical substance

 Unmistakably, this is one of the most critical plots for SEO arranging . In case you make and offer just business content from your association, they won't share it, they won't interface, etc. So Google will understand that it's definitely not a conventional substance, and it won't position you.

 In spite of the way that from the beginning you accept that it isn't relevant for your association to make a blog , reconsider it, it is a basic strategy to make noteworthy substance, make yourself known and position your picture .

 9. Blog as a guest

 Another mind blowing technique to turn out to be increasingly familiar with and position your picture or blog is to create on various web diaries as a guest . There are different sites that grant you to make on them, adhering to a couple of decides that exhibit you. Thusly, you make yourself known and these online diaries, which have countless lovers, share you and help you with arranging yourself, since by leaving the url of your blog you are expanding inside associations.

 10. Responsive site

 I'm not finding this' importance? It changes perfectly to any contraption , be it adaptable, tablet, advanced book, pc, TV, etc. This has gotten one of the most critical requirements that Google shows to have the alternative to arrange yourself well, since at present most customers investigate with an adaptable or tablet. So if our site isn't responsive, they will leave expeditiously, delivering a high bounce rate.

 An important instrument to analyze if your site is responsive is Screen Fly , in it you can change contraptions to see how your page would be appeared in each and every one of them. You ought to inspect that the gets are not practically nothing, that the photos moreover change and don't have the entire screen, that you don't have to use your fingers to expand considering the way that the letter is pretty much nothing, etc.

11. Imperishable substance

 To guarantee an average SEO arranging you should make ever-enduring substance , no breaking news. Since recurring pattern news will stop tolerating requests in a short period of time, and regardless of the way that you get a tremendous number of searches promptly, by then it will be futile substance, since it is outdated.

 In like manner, if you have to arrange yourself by making news, you will battle with huge brands of papers, magazines, etc that they wil

[writingguide003-blog]

Sunflowers and Santa Claus: Guardian writers and readers on how their first memory changed them

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/sunflowers-and-santa-claus-guardian-writers-and-readers-on-how-their-first-memory-changed-them/

Sunflowers and Santa Claus: Guardian writers and readers on how their first memory changed them

Our earliest memory can shape our lives, but new research suggests that many are false. Here, writers and readers reflect on their earliest recollections

It starts as a dreamy state of dizzying vertigo, and then I rattle, headfirst, down the wooden stairs. Falling down the white-painted (I think), definitely uncarpeted stairs of our first house is my first memory, and I must have been around two. But is it real? A new study suggests not, and if you can remember lying in your pram/taking your first steps/having your nappy changed, then you are almost certainly wrong, too.

In a survey of more than 6,600 people, published in Psychological Science, researchers found that 40% of people believe they have a first memory from when they were two or even younger, even though evidence suggests it is not possible for memories from this age to be retained. Around three to three-and-a-half seems to be the agreed age of a first memory, although Martin Conway, the studys co-author and director of the Centre for Memory and Law at City, University of London, has said its not until were five or six that we form adult-like memories due to the way that the brain develops and due to our maturing understanding of the world.

People genuinely believe that [these very early recollections] are their memories, says Shazia Akhtar, senior research associate at the University of Bradford and co-author of the study. Where do these memories come from? There are a few theories. It could be a memory from a story that a parent or grandparent told, or from a photograph. Or it could be something they simply thought they remembered. When the researchers looked at these improbable memories in detail, the descriptions of the fictional memories were longer than those that were more likely to be real. This could suggest they have been embellished and rehearsed over the years, or informed by photographs.

For many of us, these early memories have been part of the narrative of our lives. Middle-aged and older people, the researchers discovered, were more likely than young adults to recall fictional memories from infancy the older we get, the more attached it seems we become to recollections from our early years.

While its a little earth-shifting to discover these may well not be real, all memories, the researchers point out, contain some degree of fiction. With that in mind, here are some Guardian writers and readers earliest recollections.

I howl and howl Polly Toynbee, aged about two. Photograph: Courtesy of Polly Toynbee

Polly Toynbee

Am I two? We are in the Isle of Wight, where I was born, probably on the road to Shorewell, the village nearby. I am sitting in a battered khaki pram, wearing a prickly red woollen pixie bonnet with itchy ties under the chin, knitted by my mother.

My father is pushing me downhill and my older sister is trotting along beside, laughing, because my father is playing Look, no hands! and letting go of the pram, as we all roar with laughter. But on the hill the pram rolls away faster and faster, hits a grassy bank, tips me into a ditch and I howl and howl. He picks me up, dusts me down, puts me back in, saying: Dont cry. Dont tell Mummy! My sister says: Stop making such a fuss! But I snivel all the way home. As soon as I see my mother, I start howling again, pointing at my head. Daddy, bump! Daddy bump! And she gets the message. Sneak! says my sister, and my father looks disappointed in me. Is it true? All are long dead now. But its true to my relationship with both father and sister; they the daring adventurers, me the snivelling tell-tale.

Polly Toynbee is a Guardian columnist

Remona Aly

My illustrious moment of glory remains the time I was awarded the school prize for the tallest sunflower competiton. All the rival kids in the Kent area were competing alongside me: the only brown girl in my working-class village primary school. I carried my sunflower seed home like it was a rare jewel, and planted the treasure with mum and dad. Every day for months, I watched, watered and waited for a miracle. It felt like for ever, but finally by late autumn my little seed had become a towering, beaming thing of beauty. I took my place next to its furry neck, which stretched to the heavens , ready for dad to take the photo, and hoped, prayed and begged for it to be a winner. At school, my jaw dropped on the assembly floor when my name was called out and I was presented with a tiny trophy no bigger than my hand. But I was off my head with joy. Ive never been a winner again since, so the memory of the tallest sunflower, insignificant as it seems, still makes my heart shine.

Remona Aly is a journalist and commentator

Remona Aly and her prize-winning sunflower. Photograph: Courtesy of Ramona Aly

Stephen Moss

My first memory or at least what I have always convinced myself is my first memory is of falling, down steep stone steps. I was about two and a half. I remember nothing except the sensation of falling, of not being in control. My mother tells me now that I was wearing a siren suit, an old name for a onesie, with a fur hat. Perhaps the padding made the impact less painful. But there were certainly tears, and my mothers friend emerged from the adjoining flat to see what the commotion was.

I dont remember any of that; nor does my mother recall how this fall occurred, or where she was. She who was absurdly protective. I had almost died of pneumonia in infancy, and that had made her super-vigilant. Except the day of my vertiginous tumble.

We lived in what my parents rather disparagingly referred to as rooms: four flats in a rambling old house occupied by families with young children waiting for a council house. Another early memory I would have been three is moving to that estate and seeing cows outside the window, cows grazing on farmland that would soon be replaced by housing in the great Macmillan building boom of the late 50s and early 60s, one world giving way to another.

My mother was absurdly protective Stephen Moss, aged four. Photograph: Courtesy of Stephen Moss

The move and the cows and the security of the new council house which would be my home for 15 years till I left for university are happy memories, but many of those earliest recollections are painful: a boy throwing sand in my eyes as we watched the big new road next to the estate being built; standing on a wasps nest in a neighbouring wood and being stung multiple times I was going to the circus a day or two later and had to hide my puffy, swollen face behind sunglasses; and, at five, going to school, screaming and clinging to my mother as she left me, for all I knew for ever. Falling, always falling.

Stephen Moss is a Guardian feature writer

Hadley Freeman

The first thing I remember involves me doing something incredibly stupid, which ended up hurting me and causing my parents an enormous amount of stress, because, at the age of two, I was a big believer in starting as one means to go on. My little sister was eight months old, so my mother was looking after her and my father was supposed to be watching me. But I managed to give him the slip and was wandering around our apartment in New York. I remember walking into our dining room, going towards a chest of drawers, opening the top one and seeing a pack of photos inside. Certain these must be photos of me (narcissist from day zero, baby), I gripped the drawer and pulled myself up so I could see them. Suddenly I was lying on the floor with the chest on top of my legs and my father was picking me up. The next thing I remember is lying on my bedroom floor in a full body cast, because it turned out that Id managed to break my thigh bone. My poor mother had to spend the next eight weeks looking after a newborn baby and a toddler in a body cast. Lets just say photos from that era dont show any of us looking our best.

Hadley Freeman is a Guardian columnist and feature writer

Simon Hattenstone

I had just started school. I had a balloon. I loved my balloon. I was blowing it up and watching it whiz round the playground. The dinner lady came up to me and tried to confiscate it. Give me your balloon! she said. I couldnt believe why anybody would do that. I was having great fun, not hurting anybody. I looked at her, and said no. Give me your balloon, she repeated. No, I said. And she snatched it out of my hand. Fuck off, I said. I dont know where the words came from. My parents never used that language.

I was shamed by the headmaster in the playground. Even worse, my sister, who at six was two years older, was humiliated. We were lined up in the playground, waiting to go inside, and he walked up to me and pulled me out of the line by my ear, and led me to the front. He then said: Where is the sister of this boy? And she had to come out to claim ownership and be ritually humiliated. They never told the other pupils what I had done. Too shocking. But they knew it involved a balloon and a dinner lady. The children were simply told that Id be getting double punishment. Strangely, I cant remember what double punishment was. I left that school shortly afterwards, for one that was more tolerant of balloon-blowers.

Simon Hattenstone is a Guardian feature writer

Jess Cartner-Morley

It is crystal clear. High-resolution picture, surround sound, date-stamped March 1977. I am three years and nine months old, and someone is holding me up at the window of my parents bedroom in the Dalston commune where we live, so that I have a rare birds eye view on the world to watch my mum climb carefully out of our orange 2CV car. She is carrying a bundle of white blankets that I know is my new baby sister Alice. I can see how slowly and carefully my mum moves, and with the primal instinct of small children, I instinctively know, at some level, that this is a moment that changes everything, that the tiny bundle I am laying eyes on for the first time will grow up to be my best friend.

Jess Cartner-Morley, aged three, with her baby sister Alice. Photograph: Courtesy of Jess Cartner-Morley

Except in the interest of fact-checking, I just called my mum, 41 years later. If thats how you remember it, darling, then thats how you remember it, she says diplomatically. But I had Alice in the middle of the night and you came to the hospital with your dad the following morning, and we all came home together.

Jess Cartner-Morley is associate editor (fashion) at the Guardian

Hannah Jane Parkinson

It is fairly embarrassing to admit, but I grew up as quite the storyteller. I remember making up an uncle who worked as a Cadburys delivery-truck driver (to boast about receiving mythical free chocolate), and in reception, lying to my mother that a man had brought snakes to school for show-and-tell. But the earliest memory I can recall took place in nursery when I was three or four and Father Christmas visited. For some reason, I decided to tell the teachers and parents that Father Christmas bit my finger, while holding it tight, as if it would spring blood. This was met with perplexed expressions, and an interrogation of what was probably a 20-year-old in a cotton wool beard, and not a cannibal Santa. I have no idea what prompted me to make this up but I like to think it speaks to my florid imagination and is not the mark of a generally duplicitous character.

Hannah Jane Parkinson is a Guardian columnist

I grewup as quit the storyteller Hannah Jane Parkinson, aged three. Photograph: Courtesy of Hannah jane Parkinson

John Crace

When youre the wrong side of 60, dating memories becomes an ever more imprecise science. What you believe happened in one year may actually have happened some time later, and what you think you remember might only be the memory of a photograph. But the first memory of which I can be sure is from when I was five. I was sitting in the back of the family Ford Cortina with my sister. My mother dropped my sister off to return something to a friend and turned the car round and parked up. When my sister returned she got in the other side and told me to budge up, which I did and we set off again. As we went round the first corner, I went flying out of the car as my sister had not shut the door properly. I was unconscious for several hours and remember coming round to find myself at home in bed seeing two versions of my mother. Ive often wondered if that fall erased all other earlier memories, or whether the reason I remember it was because it was so traumatic.

John Crace is the Guardians parliamentary sketch writer

Hugh Muir

I was six or seven. I remember a whispered conversation. Sister Archer will look after him. The details came later. Mum, a Pentecostal minister with global ambitions, was upscaling. So she went off to Kenya, the first of many trips to a country and an area she came to love. And I, with no obvious person in our working family to care for someone so young, went to stay with a kindly old lady who had a big house near my school. It meant sweets and fizz after school on weekdays, weekends back at home and a love of brightly lit airports at night. For some reason, Mums flights always returned at night.

Hugh Muir is a Guardian editor and columnist

Sarah Phillips

I grew up in 1980s suburban southern England, where nothing ever happened. So it is ironic that my earliest memory is probably the most dramatic thing to happen in our neighbourhood. I was three and playing in the garden with my mum and sister. All of a sudden we heard the most almighty bang. In my memory of events, we ran, barefooted, along with scores of others who just happened to be around in the middle of a working day, towards the smoke. We later found out that a pilot had killed himself by flying a light aircraft into our local community centre where I had been due to start at playgroup the next week. Of course, it was the talk of the neighbourhood for years but I am sure I can remember how it felt to be there.

Sarah Phillips is the Guardians deputy features editor

Anne Perkins

When I was two and a half my mother took me, my four-year-old twin sisters (one with a broken leg) and my one-year-old brother to New Zealand to introduce us to her parents, our grandparents. It took four days to fly around the world then, and everyone was sick except me, though that is family legend, not memory. My only actual recollection of the whole epic journey is not of my grandparents, or the country, but of my great-grandparents tiger skin rug. It lay spreadeagled on a polished floor like a fugitive from one of our story books. Most of all I remember the poor creatures great gaping mouth and the teeth and their cruel sharpness, and the vivid image of being eaten alive that they conjured up. But that is not so much a memory as a memory of a memory, rehearsed so many times that sometimes I wonder if it ever was.

Anne Perkins is the Guardians deputy political editor

I realise the memory couldnt be real Poppy Noor, aged four. Photograph: Courtesy of Poppy Noor

Poppy Noor

My earliest childhood memory is of me propped up on the sofa, too small to move, and my granny Coralie bringing sweeties home. I remember the pinky-brown of the sofa, my grandmas wispy hair, and the rustle of the brown paper bag with sweets in. The customary embellishments have faded with time; the gust of warmth that entered the room with her, a sweet smell somewhere between soap and perfume; and her kindness.

With age, I realised the memory couldnt be real. My granny died in 1992, two years after I was born. Plus, the scene in my memory resembles two early photos that used to sit on my aunties mantelpiece one with me as a baby, the other without me in it.

My first real memory is a lot sadder. It involves my mother, who has schizophrenia, being sectioned. I know its real because nobody takes photos of that kind of thing. I definitely prefer the made-up one about my granny.

Poppy Noor is a Guardian columnist and commissioning editor

I have a vague memory of coming home wrapped in his overcoat Jeffrey Thomas with his father. Photograph: GuardianWitness

Jeffrey Thomas

When I was four, my family lived in south London and we had a caravan on the Kent coast. I remember going down there with Dad, presumably because Mum was pregnant with twins. Lunch was fish and chips and then off to the penny arcade to play the slot machines (Dad was a martyr to them). I have a vague memory of coming home on the train wrapped up in his overcoat, and I suppose I got carried home from the station.

Dad was hospitalised and eventually died from Parkinsons and old age. In the last months of his life, his long-term memory was incredibly vivid. I asked him if he remembered our day out, 40 years before. He sat quietly and then said: You were running up and down in the station waiting room, tripped and bashed your face on the wooden bench just as the train came in. I had to hold a handkerchief on your face because your lip was bleeding and everyone was looking. I dont remember that bit.

Jeffrey Thomas is a Guardian reader

Denna Hintze

My earliest memory is walking hand-in-hand with my maternal grandfather to the corner shop where he let me choose sweets. I picked the pink and white coconut bar and he said it was his favourite too. He died in late 1971, so I must have been almost three years old when the incident happened. My mother has no memory of this happening; there is no one to corroborate the memory, so it couldnt have been based on a family story or photo. The only photo we have of us together is him holding me upside down over his shoulder at roughly the same age; were both laughing. It is my only memory of him; I dont even recall him holding me and making me laugh.

Denna Hintze is a Guardian reader

Denna Hintze with her grandfather. Photograph: GuardianWitness

Diane Hiscox

I remember being bathed by my mother in the kitchen sink. Im not sure how old I was, but I was small enough to fit in the sink. As she lifted me out, I could see my two sisters and my dad outside through the kitchen window. It was overcast, the grass and trees were the deep green of early autumn. One or both of my sisters wore something red. Most remarkably I remember the muddle of uncomfortable feelings this evoked, which of course I could not name until much later: shame (at being naked perhaps?) and exclusion I wanted to be outside with my sisters.

Diane Hiscox is aGuardian reader

Johannes Karremans

I lost my teddy in the bushes behind a huge stone monument in a park near our house. I say lost, but actually my brother threw it there. I was terrified to look for it in the dark green leaves, so I cried and screamed a lot. Finally, I was given back the toy. In my mind, I see the monument and the leaves, not the teddy bear. I remember the fear. The monument is still there. When I last saw it a decade ago, it looked small and innocent.

Johannes Karremans is a Guardian reader

Richard Hall

My earliest memory is from 1949 when I was three years old. My sister had been riding a bicycle with me on the handlebars. I jumped off and broke my leg. My memory starts from when she put me with my broken leg back on to the handlebars to go home. I remember crying; a man, who was working in his garden, staring; and a huge water tower near where I had jumped off. Oddly enough, I have no memory of the pain or the fact that my sister was there. Nor do I remember any fear of riding on the handlebars.

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