#this is deeply self-indulgent ignore me ❤️

[knivesandsorrows]

nirvana at the paramount, 1991

[hellonerf]

Hello i have a little mini list of songs that ithink are very deeply amepilled. And canamepilled. If u even care. I just feel as if i can dump my thoughts here to affirm m y delusions Sad pony guerrilla girl by xiu xiu is such an ame song. Inexplicable to me.. it just makes me think of her very deeply. Do u get it? Yes?She is driving in her little car.

Prove me wrong by mindless self indulgence.. Also very her to me. Yes! This is the inner workings of her brain!

Wait i have more bullshit Such great heights by the postal service is a Sweet caname song for when i dont feel like being miserable and want to think about them posititvely for once in my life For miserable caname i dont konw if this is too generic but creep by radiohead. Is cana about ame. Yes? Yes. Please. I am insane about this one in particualr.

hellooo i'm going to intake this ame/caname songlist 🙏 thank you 😊😊😊

sad pony guerrilla girl: ur crazy. not insulting my jaw just went slack when i saw it. but i do get it for some of the lines, they also make me think of ame (is it just cars and guns with this girl?) but hes in my head eating my brain so idk if my words are very useful here. but its okay. i understand. though not so much with the themes of the song

prove me wrong: wow!!! i like this with ame a lot. the kind of "optimism" thats actually cynical and bitter and not really optimistic at all but still very demanding. like u owe it to her to prove the sad feelings wrong... hahaha. and the kind of semi self awareness of the ignorance/stupidity she's spewing where it gets wiped right after. great ❤️

such great heights: i smile. caname sweetums. thank youu it's sweet... they're sweet

creep: it works lol i'm taking it. tho when it comes to a popular radiohead song i imagine with caname i like it usually with "just" instead. either way... i kinda associate the voice with cana(?sorry. i have loserboy cana lodged in my head)

[theshelbyclan]

‘Horse’

Summary: Teddy has always turned to Tommy if she wanted to learn something and Tommy has made her a promise to always teach her

A/N: Okay so after the mind-blowing news of season 6 of Peaky etc etc, I needed some fluff that took me back to before all of this, so this one is set just before France, but I’m hoping to back some wholesome season 1 vibes! Teddy is like 5 in this one, it’s really short, and pure self- indulgence because I needed the fluff. A lovely anon requested: Can you write something where a little shelby sister is learning how to read? like Tommy teach her? ❤️Will do, sweet anon, will do! 

Words: 1161 *** “ ‘Os!” “Horse”

“ ‘Os!” “H-orrrse” “ ‘Os!” “Teddy,” Tommy sighed, “Listen to me: hooorrrrsseee” Big brown eyes that had barely seen 12 months on this earth looked up and confidently repeated, “ ‘Os!” “When will she learn how to talk?” John asked, impatiently. “When she’s ready,” Arthur quickly defended his youngest sibling. John pointed at the other toddler at the table, “Look at this one. Two already and can’t understand a word he’s saying half the time!”  “Leave your brother alone,” Arthur said as he pulled little Finn onto his lap, “Maybe he can’t say ‘horse’, but he sure knows how to ride one! Right, little one? Rides like dad, this one.”  “ ‘Os!” Teddy said again and Tommy smiled. He couldn’t take his eyes off his little sister in his arms. She was the most perfect thing he had ever seen.  “I will get you a horse, eh?” Tommy whispered, “I will get you the biggest horse you ever saw and she will be as pretty as you are. And you will ride her across the city like a queen and everyone will move aside for you. And no one will ever hurt you, because I will be there. And I will teach you how to take care of the horses, how to brush them, feed them, shoe them… Eh? I’ll teach you.”  Teddy touched Tommy’s face and then played with his shirt for a while. Then she suddenly smiled and whispered,

“ ‘Os.” *** A few years later, the war had broken out. Teddy was sitting at the kitchen table and still Tommy didn’t leave her side, unless he absolutely had to.  “I want to see!” she pouted, and a small hand reached for the papers Tommy had spread out on the table.

“No,” he said strictly, but with a smile playing around his lips, “This is not for little girls to play with.” “But you do!” “I’m not a little girl, am I!” “What’s this?” Teddy asked, pointing at one of the papers. He knew she wasn’t going to give up, “This is a newspaper.” “And this?” a high-pitched voice continued. “Work.” Teddy wasn’t about to let go, “I want to read!” Tommy sighed deeply at his tenacious sister, “Alright trouble, come here,” and with that she crawled onto his lap, “You want to know what this is, eh?” Teddy nodded at once. “Then you have to learn how to read.” She frowned at the thought of something so boring. “This word, right here?” he pointed, “It says ‘News-paper’.” Teddy started wriggling around at the table, quickly losing interest. And Tommy had to laugh, “Oi! I thought you wanted to learn!” “Can I go and see the horses later?” she asked at once, “You said you’d teach me how to saddle her up.” Up to that point, Teddy had never ridden a horse with a saddle before, as tradition commanded. But it was like he had now realised what was really important, “You do need to learn how to read, Teddy, but it has to be something that interests you…” He flipped through the newspaper in search of words that would grab his hyperactive sister’s attention, “Ah!” he exclaimed as he found it, “Here. This word is ‘apple’. You know, the treat that Ness likes so much? This big letter is an ‘A’, for ‘apple’.” “Apple,” Teddy repeated, “I always bring Ness an apple! Because she really likes them and because there’s the market right next to Uncle Charlie’s yard and they always have spare apples left.” She babbled on. “Spare, eh?” Tommy raised one eyebrow. Teddy nodded innocently, “The old ones, Tommy…” He cleared his throat and decided to just ignore this little bit of information, “See this word? It starts with a ‘B’ and it says ‘bridle’.” Her eyes started to sparkle and before he knew it, Teddy said, “Here’s another one of those! And another one!” And she started pointing at words like ‘betting’ and ‘breeding’.

“What about this one, Tommy?” She had turned to the first page again. Tommy frowned, “This word is ‘France’, with an ‘F’, you see?” “Is that where they send all the men?” his sister asked with an innocence that cut through his soul. But he tilted his chin upwards, “They choose to go, Teddy. To fight for their country.” “Why?” “Because of this,” he pointed, “ ‘War’, see? With a ‘W’.” Suddenly, the youngest Shelby grew still, “You’ll stay here, won’t you, Tommy?” He didn’t answer. So a slight panic slipped into her voice, “You won’t go to France, right, Tommy?” “Don’t you want me to fight for this country?” he tried feebly. “No,” Teddy said decisively, “I need you to fight for me.” Tommy lowered his voice and practically whispered, “I will always fight for you.” He knew his sister couldn’t understand just yet, but going off to war, it’s what he needed to do. He had to keep this country safe, for her and for his brothers. It was all about the fight, the honour and also the adventure in a way. He’d set them a good example. Besides, it was the right thing to do. “Fighting?” she looked at him with meaningful big eyes, “that’s with an ‘F’ as well.” “Good!” Tommy smiled broadly at her, pretending the last few exchanges hadn’t happened, “Now, what about this one. Do you recognise this word?” Teddy squinted and eventually shook her head sadly. “This,” her brother said gravely, “is the most important word you’ll ever learn.” “Shelby?” she quickly asked. Then she started thinking about it and quickly added, “Are we in the newspaper, Tommy?” “Nope,” he replied in a deep voice, “And if we were, it probably wouldn’t be anything to cheer over…” “What is it?” Teddy had her full attention of the scribbles in the paper now. “It says ‘horse’.” Teddy beamed up at Tommy, “Is that the most important word, Tommy?” “It was the first word you ever said,” he smiled, “when you were no bigger than this paper here!” She giggled, “I was never that small!” “You were!” he held out his hands to show her the size, “You were the size of a small pan! But even then, all you talked about was horses.” Teddy grinned up at him and he laughed at the sight. “Horse…” Teddy repeated and then demanded, “Show me how to write it!” And as she clumsily held the pencil for the first time, Tommy felt an incredulous amount of love. His sister, his sister, whose first word had been ‘horse’. And now, her first written word would be ‘horse’ again. He had promised her a horse and shoes and a kingdom. He’d travel to France and back for her. He patiently showed her how to write each letter, forsaking all other responsibilities, because she asked him to. And in the end, he felt nothing but a proud big brother. That was the emotion that took over: pride.

*** Masterlist