#this is bs i got away from him 8 years ago

[theangrypomeranian]

if someone could come and kill me that would be great thanks

[starlightshore]

explain Danny phantom to someone who’s never seen it before?

uhhhhh so i can only talk about it as the most insane kinda fandom person because

i was obsessed with this show when it first aired when I was 8 years old. it was my first fandom. i read fanfic for it before i even knew what fanfic was. its HEAVILY tied to my nostalgia and I've been engaging with the fandom on/off for literally 19 years. at this point DP is in my DNA.

while it's not my main hyperfixation (thats undertale) its the one tag i visit regularly and the one fandom I'll jump to every few months and binge fics for. i don't even read UT fics anymore but the DP fandom is always doing something. its very active!

under the cut I talk about my thoughts on the show, the fandom and explain the premise. It's a wild ride.

TLDR; i have a lot of THOUGHTS on this show and i do not actually recommend it. MAYBE if you're curious explore the fandom and some fics but be careful about it, it's a bit gratuitous with its angst.

If you want a basic premise: local 14 year old accidentally lets loose hell but also has become part ghost. This kid can fit SO much trauma in him.

first off: I fucking love Danny Phantom.

And I'm going to spend the next two segments complaining about it. Feel free to skip if you're already aware of this /or don't wanna linger on it.

Second off: This show fucking sucks*

* Ok fine yes sometimes it can be good, but it will always have an asterisk next to it.

it has NOT aged well. it was created by an asshole who's got a long shitlist of things he's done and still does that's all terrible. i am not one to hate someone publicly unless its for something like this. Feel free to google what Bitch Fartman has done if you're curious but I'll warn you: he is a horrible person and he disgusts me. I only acknowlege him when its to mention how awful he is and how I do not want to support him.

This is not like with FNAF where supporting that franchise supports Scott. Danny Phantom first aired 19 years ago. The show was written, directed, and sure as hell animated by a team of professionals. It is not his sole creation. Studio Animation is not the sole work of an individual. I respect (most) animators and the hard work they've done and do. IIRC Shitfartman doesn't even have the rights to the IP anymore. I assume he gets residuals though. That said the only canonical piece of media we've gotten is a graphic novel that was released last month. Up until then, supporting DP was just not literally a thing you could do!

Its not just the creator who sucks. There's a lot of BS in the show too.

the show is very early 2000s (and even then thats no excuse) and it has a bingo card worth of shit in it. racism, bigotry, ableism! you name it. I do not condone and i do NOT recommend this show because of this! its horrible with what they did with this show and its shocking it was acceptable enough to put on TV. you literally can't do shit like that anymore.

I'm not going to go list every detail of every horrible, fucked up thing the show has done. The list is too long and I haven't watched the actual show in a few years now. by god, I know there is a list out there though.

Anyway outside of my obligatory "fuck this show actually" rant aside

i do love this show because it DOES have a lot of good and cool stuff outside that. but also. its so much wasted potential.

the core premise is:

Hey what if a pair of paranormal obsessed mad scientist parents punched a hole into the after life hell dimension- and what if their son was basically spiderman-ed about it?

And here's the core part of the premise: Danny only keeps his identity a secret to the humans. Ghosts learn like, pretty much straight away that he's a Halfa (half human, half ghost). He's if spiderman's worst fear wasn't the villains but if like. Aunt May was going to rip him apart.

Oh yeah that's. a thing. Danny's parents literally want to rip his ghost identity apart from, and I quote, "molecule to molecule."

For a an comedy-action show its WEIRDLY morbid and dark at times but then has the tonal whiplash to make you question what the fuck did they just do. How'd they do that and then not care they just wrote that in. Seriously. It'll just lore drop or hint to dark things and then brush it aside because it's main focus is comedy.

Anyway back to explaing what the show even is about. the show likes to say Danny got his DNA merged with ectoplasm but that's stupid af i'd rather say he died but only stayed half dead. He can transform between the two states: living and dead. But he's not just two halves that make a whole -the two sides blend together. He can use his ghost powers as a human -and early on he couldn't control them so he'd just. go intangible or invisible at the worst moments.

The show just. jumps right in. You don't get to see the accident outside the intro (at least until season 2 when they retcon some stuff) you just have it thrown into your lap. He has powers now. He sucks at it. Deal with it.

I think it's important to acknowledge that this show was written before Netflix did streaming. Before Plot heavy cartoons were a thing. (Not to say they didn't have reoccuring plot, it justw asn't the same thing as it is now.) You had to write the show with the limits of:

Comedy being a major focus

You have to write it with the expectation that anyone could jump in and (reasonably) understand most things going on. While there's some continuity and plot progression, the status quo is god.

because streaming wasn't a thing yet, you could only watch the show by jumping into whatever the fuck episode was playing. I doubt it played in order all the time. You just couldn't make a cartoon that had weeks upon weeks of plot developments and expect people to keep up.

The show is, in fact, meant for kids. While it does dive into some darker stuff (being ya know, a ghost show) its still going to be overly silly.

So while YEAH i'll complain about the very very shitty things the show did but I can't soley blame Fuckhateshitman for all of it. It's the restrictions it was made under + likely a lot more circumstances I don't understand. I am a hobbiest animator. I have no real world experience in the animation industry. I can critique the final product but I can never understand what shaped the cartoon. If shitheadmcgee wasn't involved and the studio gave the show more room + had you know, more POC and women on team + animation (even for kids) was respected more then who KNOWS what the show could of been! But like. its a 2000s show. It is what it is. I think the show has its good and bad and i'll harp a lot on the bad rn because I think its important to acknowledge especially to new people, but I do want to frame it by saying it really is the product of its time.

I want it to be better and I hope if it gets rebooted its better. We expect a lot more from cartoons now then we did then. (I know this was a long tangent + kinda over simplifying things but whatever, moving on.)

The (Ph)Fandom

19 years later and here we are. Enter the Phandom (called that before that phill and whoever used the term, idc i'm still going to use the term.) We, the fandom, almost completely just retconned the show's finale. (obviously SOME people still like it but its like. an incredibly small percentage) Like. we straight up pretend it didn't happen. i don't even want to get into it rn. It was SO BAD that the graphic novel that just released literally (spoilers) retconned everything about it aside from a ship pairing.

Anyway the Phandom- personally I think it goes a little TOO harsh in its angst. LIke, maybe a bit too much. But it DOES add nuance and explores the themes and lore that the show just flat out refused to engage with at all. It really digs into the premise of "hey wtf this 14 year is half dead. hello? hello??? thats fucked up.... lets explore that." and i'm here for it.

As long as its not like, masochistic and gratuitous for no real reason. 😬That is my biggest complaint with the fandom is that sometimes it goes over board.

But yeah outside of that, it can also be VERY silly so expect tonal whiplash here too! We got memes. We got fandom holidays and events. Whacky stuff.

OH AND OCs. We have fandom OCs like Wes. The best nonexistant character ever. Love that lil weirdo <3. His whole schtick was "What if Danny had another human villain? What if this random background classmate knew his secret and was trying to expose it?" and its spiraled from there. No one ever believes Wes and he's tortured by it. Some make him out to be a conspiracy nut while others make him more of a threat. (or a joke, as I do) Considering this show has a ghost-version of the Men in Black (Guys in White) conspiracy actually lines up accurately for what Wes does. And, you know. The Fenton's have a portal to the afterlife in their basement. Honestly pretty reasonable.

so like the fandom just kinda... picks and chooses the canon. It does have an edge of "we can do better" but in fairness, as I just discussed, there's an awareness that the version we make is not restricted by the environment the show was made under. I would hope most of the fandom understands this and doesn't say it in the sense of like "oh yeah I know better than professional writers and artists fuck the show 1000%" instead of acknowledging Yes He Fucking Sucks but its also more complicated. I don't want to foster an environment of superiority and disrespect to any media/creators (with exceptions ofc) cause. Jesus christ we live on the internet in 2023 you have to know why I feel this way by now.

Anyway with that in mind, I do think it's a positive thing! I mean, fuck, the show had no new content for almost 20 years I think its obvious by now we'd just make our own doll house out of it by now.

So yeah the Phandom is like this:

We're oddly consistent with the phandom lore we've built around from the canon's lore. We expand it, we make it more queer, we do our own thing. And I really enjoy it! I partake in it! It's pretty cool.

So while there's some merit to the OG show I would not recommend it on account of the amount of BS I mentioned at the start of the post. But I would recommend the fandom! As long as you got a strong black list with trigger warnings in place. Again, I think the fandom is a lil too gratuitous. But oh my god I love so much of what the fandom does. There's so many fics that just stick with me and (ha) haunt me. There's a reason I still come back after all these years. there are SO many good fics.

also the fandom got adopted by the DC fandom a year or two ago. personally i have to have like 80 tags blocked so i can even navigate the tag. Its not my thing but i'm happy people are having fun!!

[secretsofdbz]

Future Trunks isn't a good martial artist and that makes sense

A rewrite/rearranged version of a reddit post I made a few weeks ago.

Gonna be controversial of course, but a reminder that our Future Boi is my absolute fave. In this essay, I'll demonstrate why he's a terrible martial artist (and only talk about Z, I'll talk about super later) :p

Let's start with the obvious. Trunks is strong, and the fight he does win, he wins by overpowering straight up, no BS, no warming up, not letting people power up or any of that nonsense (especially in the manga). I mean, yes, he tells them "come at me full strength from the get go because I'm not as kind as Goku", but no extra chances (the anime does give Freeza three shots, because gotta be cool et al, and he does confront face to face instead of a sneak attack, but still). But Trunks isn't a good martial artist. His training was always terrible. Training in an apocalyptic world under constant threat isn't exactly a good environment to center your ki, to say the least. Reminder that Future Gohan started training Trunks only when he was around 12-13. So whatever training he got from our absolute Legendary Future Gohan, it was not exactly under good conditions. Stress + interrupted times + often wounded and recovering... And Gohan died soon afterwards. Now, even in how little training he got, perhaps it was quality training? Nah. Future Gohan's own training stopped after the Namek Saga, give or take whatever he could do between Goku's return and the Androids appearing; Depending on source (and interpretations, Goku died when Trunks was a baby in the Anime special, but Trunks -says- Goku died before he was born (one year after his return from Namek). So at -most- Gohan continued training with a capable mentor until he was 8 (as he was 5-6 in the Namek Saga). So Gohan didn't train Trunks for very long, he did it in less than spectacular circumstances, and Gohan himself wasn't exactly a great theoretical teacher (up to and including training with only one arm...). So that's 17 yo Trunks' training background.

Now take him to the past; no training when he meets Goku for like five minutes (with neither of them putting their heart into the cool spar), and then he comes back three years afterwards to help with the present-timeline androids.

What training did he get? One year in the Room of infinite bullshit (I mean the HTC), where Vegeta gave him absolutely nothing. Vegeta is a great tactician up to this point, but he's still kind of a dick, and clearly that year taught Trunks nothing but strength increase, as shown by the Grade 3 fiasco. His second year in the HTC, he went in alone, so again, nothing. 19yo Trunks still hasn't gotten any serious martial arts training.

So what to do when confronted with combat? Overpower asap. Trunks doesn't enjoy fighting, Trunks gets shit done, and Trunks is brutal when doing so. Evidence: Future 17, 18 and Imperfect Cell. Note that his body count is actually one of the highest for the whole manga and anime; kill list including Freeza, Cold, 17 and 18 (twice if you count his dead-by-Cell-self) and imperfect Cell; he'd even have gotten Semi-perfect Cell if Vegeta hadn't been a dumbass. Hell he even blasted Super Vegeta out, too. And if we add Super's Buu saga.. But I'm not going to touch on Super. The movies acknowledge this in an interesting way. His fight against Tenshinhan in the Bojack movie is pure gold. This clash right here; Trunks going for the kick, which Tien blocks and uses his leg to make sure Trunks can't follow up with a punch. Which Tien does. To win this fight, Trunks has to go SSJ and just SLAMS him down. I love every single frame of this fight, and I wish it was reanimated with modern techniques to show the genius of this move (and acknowledging how Tenshinhan is a god damn role model). Win by overpowering.

(you can see this scene right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJucTTTYPtc)

Alternatively, his fight with Kogu has similar issues; especially at the start. He gets easily locked and thrown away by a miscalculated punch attempt, and leaves his guard open quite a couple of times.

Don't get me wrong, Trunks is the only one who actually straight up wins his fight at this stage, actually, and that win is so god damn satisfying. Like seriously, that punch straight up through the guy after the sword break with that music? Hmpf. So good. But again, win by straight up overpowering. (you can see that fight right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEC2ZWR9860)

So yeah. Give my boy some proper martial arts training. Hell get Vegeta to shine, bond, and show his baby boy some quality fight strategies and analysis. I mean, it makes sense Vegeta didn't do any of that, due to who he was back then, but come on, that second year in the HTC could have been useful (as a way to repair the Grade 3 mistake and make Vegeta attacking Cell in the Cell games much more oof). Vegeta is a tactician and a technique genius. It's mentioned many times until the mid Cell saga (the Saiyan saga fight, the fight with 19 and bluff of 20, his knowledge of Grade 3 but not using of it...). Thankfully fanfics exist and actually dive into that aspect of fucked up (I can't recommend Point of No Return enough, where Trunks lands to Vegeta, Raditz and Nappa before Raditz tries to recruit Goku, seriously please read it).

So where do you think he could've been if he trained with Goku in the Time chamber? Or if Vegeta actually give him the time of the day and actually talked to him or something? Or if he'd went and meet Mr Popo/Korin/Roshi as a kid/teen?

FYI, I do believe why Future Trunks is loved so much is also because of the contrast with his combat persona (take no shit, get shit done) and his actual personality (likes nature, feeds the squirrels, polite, always surrounded by flowers by some reason). That's it for today. Roast me!

[teenwolffan-with-nolife]

Hidden Truths

Word Count: 1,756

Characters: Derek Hale, Reader, OC Character

Pairings: Derek Hale x Reader (gender!netural)

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, flashbacks of past-abuse, slight mentions/hints of sexual assault, angst, very small fluff

A/N: i wouldn’t consider this a dark!fic, but it can possibly be triggering to some, so be careful if you choose to reader

A/N 2: 200th fic!!! Thank you all for supporting me and i forgot to say it but thank you so much for 1.8k! You guys literally help me so much i love you all! Requests are open, I’ll try to do as many as I can!

A/N 3: okay so I started this yesterday but wrote the majority of it today, I’ve been up for nearly 24 hours, all mistakes are my own, and I couldn’t come up with a title... hopefully its not complete BS? anyways ily all

Masterlist

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” the door slammed shut behind him, the two of you entering the house.

You kept your eye contact to the floor, trying to avoid him.

“You embarrassed me in front of my friends,” his jaw was clenched, anger was seething from him, you could feel it from across the room.

“I'm sorry-”

“Sorry can’t go back in time and fix it. I've had just about enough of you,” your jaw clenched, tears slipping down your cheek. Your heart was beating in the back of your head.

You gasped softly, your eyes opening as you jumped up, looking around the room anxiously.

It’s okay, you’re safe

You let out a shaky breath, before looking down at Derek’s sleeping figure. His hands were on your waist, while you laid back down, stroking his cheek gently.

You looked at the clock, seeing it was nearly 8 as you sighed before you shook him gently.

“Good morning,” you whispered.

He kept his eyes close, pulling you in slightly while a small smile grew on your face.

“Derek, it’s almost 8,” you said.

“We don’t have anything important today,” he argued.

“Come on!” you pulled on his arm while he groaned, before sitting up.

“I’m up now,” he raised an eyebrow.

“I can see that,” you smiled.

He scoffed, before pressing his lips against yours.

“Good morning Ms. (Y/L/N),” you rested your forehead against his.

“Oh, stop calling me that,” you sighed.

“So, about 1,000 people can call you that but I can’t?” 

“Not on weekends and definitely not at 7:43 in the morning,” you heard Derek groan again, looking at the clock.

“Okay, you know what? Waking up early, we can start moving your stuff in here, yeah?” you nodded softly before Derek pressed a kiss against your cheek.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” he got out of bed, before reaching for your hand.

“Will you join me in the shower?” he raised an eyebrow.

You nodded your head, before hearing your phone ringing.

“I’ll be there in one minute,” he nodded, walking into the bathroom while you answered your phone.

“Mom? Why are you awake, it’s not even 8,” you yawned slightly, before pushing yourself to your feet.

Her breathing was uneven on the other line as you frowned, tensing slightly.

“Mom?” you repeated.

“How would you react if I said…” 

“Said what, Mom? You're scaring me.”

“What if I told you a certain someone got out of jail,” you felt your heart stop. You knew what she meant, you knew who she was talking about. 

You felt your breath get hitched in your throat before you swallowed.

“Are you there?”

“Y-Yeah… What do you mean got out of jail? How? He’s supposed to be locked up for 3 more years,” you could feel your heart rate increasing in your chest, while you tried to control your emotions.

“Let him out early, on good behavior.”

“That’s bullshit, Mom.”

“Exactly what I said. Promise me you’ll stay safe,” you nodded before remembering she couldn't see you.

“I promise, Mom,” she hung up the call before you felt your chest ache slightly, feeling fear rising in your bones.

You got a restraining order years ago, but you didn’t think he would care. 

Everything was finally good for you, it took nearly 7 years, but you moved on. You had been with Derek for one whole year, there was no one else you’d ever felt like that about.

He never scared you, not even with being a werewolf. He always showed he cared about you, the two of you barely fought with each other.

Memories began rushing to your head as you sighed, running your fingers through your hair.

You closed your eyes, feeling a tear slip down before you wiped it away.

“Hey, you coming?” you heard Derek call.

“Yeah, be right there!” you quickly wiped away your tears, taking a shaky breath.

You can do this, it’s gonna be okay 

---

“Are you okay?”

You snapped out of your daydream state, clearing your throat before giving a small smile to Derek.

“I’m fine, why?” you asked softly.

“You've been quiet today. Is everything okay at home?” he stroked your hand softly, placing a box on the floor as you turned to face him.

“Yeah, my mom just wanted to check in on us,” you felt guilty for lying to Derek, but you weren't ready for the truth. Not yet.

You knew you needed to talk about it soon, Derek didn't hide things from you, no matter how bad.

“Okay… you know you can tell me anything, right?” you nodded, before pressing a small kiss to his cheek.

“I know. Thank you,” he put his arm on your waist, before pulling you to your couch.

“There’s only a few boxes left. You should sit down for a minute, I’ll grab the last of your stuff,” Derek said.

“Oh, you don't-”

“It’s okay. I want to,” he pressed a small kiss to your lips, before walking away.

A smile appeared on your face, before you felt a sadness take over you. 

You quickly shot your mom a text, asking if anything had happened, or if she knew where your ex was.

You sat on the couch,  finding it nearly impossible to sit still.

It’s okay, I have Derek 

---

“Hey,” you tensed slightly, the sting of your bruised eye was blocking all your other senses, you couldn't hear him coming in.

You stood up from the bed, clenched your jaw.

“I wanted to apologize,”  you could smell the stench of alcohol reeking from him, he only ever talked like this when he was drunk.

“It’s okay,” you shook your head.

“It’s my fault, really. I didn't tell you what not to talk about, I thought you would've been smarter to piece it together,” you felt a pang in your chest as you remained stiff.

He stumbled over his feet, walking to you before pressing his lips against yours.

You backed away, shaking your head.

“It’s okay,” you said again.

“Come on,” his hand traveled to your waist, pulling you gently to the bed.

“I’m not in the mood right now,” you said softly.

“Shh,” you felt tears rush to your eyes, knowing what he would do. You couldn't say no.

You nodded softly, seeing a smirk on his face before he directed you to the bed.

You walked outside of your apartment building, taking a deep breath as you rubbed the back of your neck.

Fuck

You paced around, before biting your nail,  feeling your heart racing. You couldn't calm down, you felt sick.

You looked around anxiously, not exactly sure what you were looking for. You didn't know how long he was out for, but there was no way he would know you were in Beacon Hills.

You heard footsteps behind you, instantly tensing up.

“(Y/N/N),” Derek put his hand on your shoulder as you jumped slightly, before turning to face him.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” you saw Derek tense as you shook your head, your vision getting diverted to something else.

You could hear your heart beating in your ears, hearing Derek’s words from afar.

“We don’t have to do this, you don't have to move into the loft,” he said softly.

“What? N-No, that’s not-” you shook your head.

“You’ve been acting differently all day. If you don't want to do this, you know we don’t have to,” Derek put his hands on both sides of your face, wiping away a tear you didn't know you had.

“No, that’s not why. I’m sorry, it’s just-” you paused, seeing a familiar car parked across the street as you let out a shaky breath, putting your hand over your mouth.

“(Y/N/N), hey,” you saw a worried look on Derek’s face, while he looked into your eyes.

“Can we go back to the loft?” your voice broke slightly before Derek nodded softly.

“Yeah, of course. Come on,” he held your hand while leading you into his car before the two of you drove off.

---

“Here,” Derek wrapped a blanket around you, while you sat on the couch, your eyes bloodshot.

“I’m sorry for all of this,” you whispered.

“You didn't do anything wrong. Just, please talk to me,” you nodded.

Derek stroked your hand softly, you realized you were shaking.

“Derek… a few years ago, I had this… really bad…” you paused, tears rushing to your eyes as you sniffled, before letting out a shaky exhale.

“H-He went to jail, but then he got out,” your voice broke as you saw Derek tense.

“That's why my mom called me this morning, she was telling me. I saw his car when we were at my apartment, a-and I don't know how he found me, or-” you stopped yourself, before Derek wrapped his arms around you tightly.

You felt a sob erupt from your chest as you buried yourself in his arms.

“I’m sorry I didn't tell you before, I’m so sorry I lied to you,” you cried.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, (Y/N). Look,” he wiped your tears, looking into your eyes as you looked back at him.

“You don't need to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. I still love you, no matter what and I’m here with you through this. Do you have a restraining order or anything?” Derek started.

You nodded softly.

“Okay, that’s good. I’m not leaving your sight, I guess we’ll have to get used to spending every second of every day with each other. He is a shitty person, you deserved better and I can't believe you… you deserve the world. We're gonna do this, together. I’m right here for you,” you let out a shaky breath before Derek pressed his lips against your forehead.

“I’m scared,” you cried softly.

“It's gonna be okay, (Y/N/N),” he held you tightly, as you rested your head on his chest.

He continued to caress your arm, keeping you calm.

---

After waiting a few minutes after you fell asleep, Derek lifted you gently, placing you in the bed before he clenched his jaw, his eyes bloodshot, filled with anger and tears.

The thought of anyone even looking at you the wrong way made him mad, he couldn't imagine what happened. All he knew was that he loved you, and he was there for you.

He put his jacket on, grabbing his keys before exiting the loft. 

For (Y/N)

Taglist:

@bellabadacadabra​

@sonnydoesrandomshit​

@aprilfire18​

@confuscita​

@teen-wolf-obsessed4life​

@eunoia-kth​

@shortimaginewriter​

@linkpk88​

@lokisgoldscepter​

@mrs-scottmccall​

@thetiny-hufflepuff​

@noncannonships​

[cenestpasaudrey]

Review: Teen Wolf

I started watching Teen Wolf two Saturdays ago (May 29th?? I think) because I was bored out of my mind and I wanted something entertaining and light that I could listen to while I work on my work files. I was actually thinking of just playing The Vampire Diaries in the background since I've already watched it a couple of times but it was gone on Netflix. Then I checked out the recommended list of similar stuff and then I found Teen Wolf; so I was like, hey, why not.

Luckily (but not surprisingly), I liked it. Also, I found out that I finished the series during its actual 10th year anniversary which is dope. If I was watching it during its actual run, I think I would have been a little obsessed with it.

Few episodes in, I swear I really was like "Stiles is such a great friend! I want him as my friend." a couple of times. He's one of my favorites and I liked watching him so much that during the time when Void Stiles happen, I could totally feel how dark the episodes were. He's like one of the sources of comedy in the entire series and I felt that that was taken away too. Regretfully, he was missing during most of season 6 and to be honest if I was watching this during the actual run, it would've affected me. Deeply. The episodes that made me cry was when they were trying to remember his character because he was erased (6x8 & 6x9).

My second favorite character was Malia Tate. She's just so candid and frank. She has no filter which made her actions and suggestions either funny or ridiculously rude and yet, she didn't care. She had her own agendas and issues to deal with but her loyalty to the pack was always there. I loved her highlighter scenes and you could tell that she really was like Stiles in a way. When Dylan O' Brien was not present, she brought a lot of the comedic essence in the show.

My third favorite was Danny Mahealani because he was just so loyal to Jackson and at the same time, was a funny and kind character to others. He's a nonjudgmental character to the point that he knew his friends had supernatural powers and he didn't do anything about it. He just went by as if everything was normal and treat them exactly the same. Too bad he had to leave after season 3.

I think one of the things that separate Teen Wolf from the other supernatural series/show/movies that I've watched is that they've dealt with money problems. Like sure, Scott McCall was really powerful because he was the "True Alpha" but he had real life problems as well which couldn't be solved with him being a werewolf. Despite all the adventures that both him and Stiles had surpassed, there were still some issues that they can't get away from like hospital bills, rent and other stuff money-wise.

I agree that the ending is quite open-ended and there are still stories to tell about the characters. (Step-brother for Scott, maybe? Haha.) But I probably have a different reason why I want another season/movie/whatever. I wanted an extension because I wanted to see to it that that SOB Tamora Monroe got what she deserved. Haha. I hate her! Possibly because she was a guidance counselor who disguises herself as a concerned person but is really a big hypocrite trash that every word she let out is total BS. Like, she hated the sheriff for covering up the real identities of the people saving their small city but Gerard Argent hiding some things from her was fine. Girrrrl.🤨

Lastly, for the ships, I started to ship Malia with Scott when he was able to make her transform into a human after being a coyote/werecoyote for 8 years. I was like this is totally a meet cute. I mean, with all due respect from Stalia (I like them too but I really was going for Stydia because I think they were totally endgame), I thought that they could be together and that would be awesome and they did! I was like... "Finally! A show that pulled through!!! A good slow burn romantic relationship with no one dying on their wedding day, no one had to sacrifice his/her life to save a family member and no one had to be a gossip monger website administrator irl."😤

Okay, gun to the head, I ship Scalia but I ship Shelley Hennig and Tyler Posey more--not in an obsessive way, of course. Just in a "if-they-would-be-together-that-would-be-nice" way.

Anyway that's it. Photos ctto.

Rating: 4/5🌟

[winterscaptain]

fear itself.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: part two of the 100 arc! this installment covers the events of faceless, nameless. i am living for the feedback! please keep it coming. i can’t wait to hear what you think as we go through this (very emotionally wrought) section.

an ajf fic arc that happily stands on its own! one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven

words: 4.5k warnings: canon-typical violence, language, hospital setting

summary: four hours of sleep and aaron’s missing. what else could go wrong?

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | requests closed!

4:02am “Just got home, so I’m calling like you asked. Shoot me a text when you get back to the apartment, if you aren’t already asleep. Call me when you’re up and we can work on that Nebraska consult, maybe in the early afternoon? Goodnight. Sleep well.”

8:13am “Hey, it’s me. I know I’m not supposed to be worried about you, but we were called in a half hour ago and you’re still not here...so...give me a call when you get this. Bye.”

8:48am “Hey, it’s me, checking in again. You’re probably still asleep, but I’ve never known you to sleep more than seven hours...so if I don’t hear from you by eleven I’ll drag you out of bed myself.”

9:51am “We’re headed to the crime scene. Garcia’s sent you the address. I know JJ’s been calling you too, so just...I dunno? Call us back? Bye.”

10:20am “If you’re getting these and ignoring me, I hope you know you’re taking years off my life right now.”

11:08am “Um...Call me back. I’m starting to worry. Well...not starting. I’ve been worried. But I’m getting...really worried.” 

11:37am “Aaron please call me and let me know you’re alright. You’re scaring me.”

+++

Needless to say, it’s been a weird day. Why you expected anything else after that wretched Canada case and four hours of sleep, you have no idea. 

You had a horrible dream last night, on top of everything else. The image of Aaron broken and bleeding beside you hadn’t left your mind since it first appeared in Foyet’s kitchen. You tried to shake it off every time, but it was persistent. 

We’ll worry about that later. 

You check the time again, trying to ignore the weird feeling in your gut. 

Where is he? 

Your phone rings and your heart leaps. Guilt (and a little bit of embarrassment) pricks at you when you’re disappointed to see Emily’s name on your phone. You answer. 

“You have to get down here.” Her voice isn’t frantic, per se, but the urgency is undeniable. 

“What’s going on?” 

She takes a breath. “I just got off the phone with Garcia - I have crime scene techs and SWAT on the way to Hotch’s apartment, and I need you here.” 

All the blood in your body seems to rush into your head, and you lean heavily on the nearest object - the dining room table. “What?”

“I - I don’t know. All his stuff is here and there's -” She stutters for a second. “There’s blood on the carpet, broken glass, and a bullet hole in the wall by the kitchen. No Hotch.” 

An eerie kind of calm washes over you, and you straighten, making eye contact with Derek. “Okay. Let me just -”

Derek gets a call, but keeps his eyes on you. “What’s goin’ on, Baby Girl?...What do you mean ‘Emily just called SWAT to Hotch’s apartment’ what -“

You break his gaze as he nods at you and turns to the rest of the team. “Emily, I’ll be right there. Don’t go anywhere.” 

+++

You make it to the hospital with Emily. You flash your credentials and it gets you exactly where you want to go. 

When you see him, your breath catches. He looks awful - drawn and small and wrapped in what seems like miles of gauze. Emily grabs your arm, but you’re not sure if it's for her benefit or yours. 

This is, after all, your worst nightmare come to life. A little chill crawls up your spine. This whole thing has you feeling six different kinds of scared. 

The nurse lets you into his room, telling you he’ll be out for another hour, at least. “He needs the rest.”

Emily leaves you to retrieve coffee. You take the opportunity to sit beside him and slide your hand under his, careful not to disturb the IV. Your hand shakes - whether from anxiety, fear, fury, or all of the above, you’re not sure. 

“If you die, Aaron Hotchner, I’ll kill you.”

You hear a little laugh from the doorway and you pull your hand from him. Emily shakes her head, two cups of coffee in her hands. “You’re fine. I'm not going to tattle.”

You squint. “Tattle?”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re so clueless it’s almost cute, but he’s worse.” She throws her head toward Hotch with a fond smile, handing you your cup of coffee.

+++

The rest of the team arrives in a flurry a little while later, and the nurse has to warn them off as Aaron starts to wake. 

They quiet down, surrounding his bedside. You haven’t moved, making it your mission to keep your eyes on him at all times. 

His eyes flutter before closing again. “Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital,” you say, keeping your voice quiet and steady despite the tightness in your chest. 

“How did I get here?”

Derek gets that one. “Foyet drove you.” 

Aaron takes a breath. It’s shaky, and you imagine he’s in a lot of pain. Emily leans forward, looking for his eyes. “Can you remember what happened?”

He tells you, slowly, about how Foyet broke into the apartment, waited until he was home with his guard down, fired a shot, and then...He trails off. A heavy breath leaves him. “What did he take?”

You have an answer. “There was a page missing from your day planner, the Bs from the address section.” 

He closes his eyes and his breath grows faster, his heart rate increasing. After a moment, he collects himself and asks Emily, “What did he leave?”

“I don’t know.” 

“He also leaves something with his victims.”

Emily shakes her head. “I looked through your entire apartment. Nothing felt out of place.”

“Where are my clothes?”

“Right here.” You reach over, grabbing the bag and removing his bloody shirt with only the barest moment of hesitation. He reaches for the envelope of his personal effects and you press it into his hand, saving him the effort. 

Tears prick at your eyes as you watch his hands shake, opening his wallet. He’s eerily quiet, and you catch a glimpse of a photo, tucked into the fold. 

Haley and Jack. There’s blood on it. You recognize it from the desk in his home office space. 

No. 

Aaron’s come to the same conclusion, falling back on the pillows with a look you can only describe as defeated. It scares you. You swallow, pushing your tears back. 

That’s the last thing he needs right now. 

“Haley’s maiden name is Brooks. I always listed her in the Bs in my personal information in case it fell into the wrong hands.” Your hand, like JJ’s, has fallen over your mouth. 

Oh. 

Of course. 

Of course, he keeps her under Brooks. All he wants to do is keep her safe. 

You hope, one day, that someone will love you that much, will want to protect you with the same ferocity, will think of you before anything else. 

You could only be so lucky. 

He swallows and continues. “He knows where they live.”

Derek makes assignments. You’re to stay right where you are, while the rest focus on locating Haley and Jack. 

When it’s just the two of you, he closes his eyes again. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if -”

“They’ll find her. They’ll find Jack. They’ll be safe.”

You have to believe it, too. They’re too important to you, to central to your life, now 

He shakes his head, his eyes cracking open. “Why didn’t I just take the deal?” Clearing his throat, he continues, his voice a little stronger, but still rough. “He told me I should have. I never thought -” He cuts himself off.

You hand him a cup of water, and he takes it gratefully. Idly, you note he hasn’t looked you in the eye yet. 

“Do you want an answer to your question?”

He doesn’t answer you, looking across the room. 

You lean into his eye line. “You didn’t take the deal because you have the most integrity of anyone I’ve ever known. Anything he does is on him. It’s not on you.” 

“But,” his voice breaks and the smallest of tears falls out of his eye. It tracks down his temple until you gently wipe it away with your thumb. “But I could have stopped all of this.” 

“No,” you whisper. Your hand lingers on the side of his face. “No. He’ll be this way wherever he goes. The only way you change that is by catching him, Hotch.” 

He finally looks at you, his brown eyes exhausted, hurting, and bloodshot. You card your fingers through the hair at his temple, putting the oxygen cannula back over his ear. Soon, he closes his eyes again, his vitals evening out as he falls asleep. 

“We’ll get him, Aaron.”

A few tense minutes later, your phone buzzes in your pocket. When you see the caller ID, a shot of adrenaline zings around your body. “Haley?”

Your name is a sigh of relief in her mouth. “SWAT scared the hell out of me and I just - I don’t know.”

“Oh, Haley I’m so sorry. I should have gone over there with the team but -“ Derek knew my stress wouldn’t be useful. 

“No, no. It’s fine. They’re getting Jack from a friend’s house, but they told me what’s going on. I’ll see you when I get to the hospital. I just -“ She laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “I just freaked out.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

Your heart pulls. “I love you, too.” 

She hangs up, and you stuff your phone back in your pocket. 

Aaron wakes again when you pull a case file from your bag, but you’re not sure it’s your doing.

Shit. 

He looks around a little frantically for a moment, still disoriented. You rise and cross the room, finding one of his hands. 

“Hotch, it’s okay. You’re still in the hospital.” 

“Haley?”

You nod. “They got her. She’s safe and she’s on her way with Jack.” 

He finally relaxes, sinking back down into the pillows. “Thank you.”

You nod and resume your place on the other side of the room, patting the back of his hand as you let him go. He’s quiet, if not a little fidgety. You look at him for a minute. He takes a talking breath. 

“After the first one, it kind of goes blank.” His breath is still a little unsteady, and you take your chair next to his bed again. “There were nine, apparently.” 

Your breath catches. It’s not new information, but it’s still raw, sharp-edged. 

Awful.

He swallows. “He taunted me.” His eyes beg you to understand, to keep him from flying off the rails. 

“He’s a bastard, Aaron.”

He levels you with a withering stare. No shit. 

“I know you know that, but it’s worth repeating.”

“I don’t want -“

You interrupt him, knowing exactly where he’s going. “You’re not going to become a victim. You aren’t a victim.”

“I don’t want Haley to -“ 

You press a hand to his arm, mindful of his bandages. “One day at a time. They’re safe today.”

His lip quivers and his voice leaves him in a whisper. “That’s not good enough.”

+++

Eventually, Haley arrives looking a little worse for wear. 

Her haircut’s really cute. 

The thought almost makes you laugh. 

Of all the things to notice...

You startle a little as you remember where you are and rise, ready to give them space. She waves you off, giving you permission to stay. 

“How do you feel?” She asks. 

Aaron sits up a little more, not without effort, and says, “I’m gonna be okay.” 

That’s not what she asked, stupid. 

He continues. “Did they explain to you what’s happening?”

She nods. “They said the marshal's service is taking us straight from here and putting us into protective custody.” Her eyes meet yours, and you dip your chin. She’s right. 

Aaron apologizes to Haley for the first of what you imagine will be many times. 

Her lower lip disappears between her teeth. “Do you know where they’re gonna take us?”

“No,” you answer. “We don’t. And that’s the point.” 

“I can’t know where you’re going,” Aaron adds. “If you have any contact with anyone, he can track you.”

That shocks her a little, and you can see she’s getting upset. “Jack has school. He has friends. I have a job now. I have -” She cuts herself off. 

“I know.” He levels a steady, solemn gaze upon her. “And I’m sorry. We will catch him and you’ll come back.”

She looks at you again. “Are you sure we’re in danger?” 

You nod, almost imperceptibly, and Hotch answers. “Yes.” 

“And what about you? Are you gonna be safe?”

There it is. 

She does love him. 

You knew that, of course. Seeing them together during visits at home or out to dinner or otherwise in the presence of that other, that was never in question.

Your heart tugs. 

Twenty-five years... 

“He wants to see me suffer. Knowing that my son is out there and that I can’t see him is better than killing me.”

Haley wets her lips and swallows. 

That’s her tell. 

You figure she’ll burst into tears pretty soon. It was only a matter of time, and you don’t blame her in the least. You’ve had tears threatening you all afternoon, and this wasn’t even happening to you. 

“Jack wants to see you.”

Aaron’s jaw gets a little tight. “I want to see him, too. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

You hear what he can’t say, too. I don’t want to scare him. I don’t want him to see me like this. 

“Look,” she says, exasperated. “I know you’re trying to protect him, but you both need this. Please.”

He nods, resigned. “Okay.”

Haley looks over and offers you a shaky smile, trying to break the tension. “He also asked me if you’d be here. He’ll be thrilled.” 

That almost does you in. “So will I,” you tell her, meaning every syllable. 

With another brisk nod and wipe of her face, she leaves the room to retrieve Jack. Aaron sits up a little straighter and you help him. He tries to suppress his wince, but fails. 

“Do you need another round?” 

He shakes his head. “I’ll be fine.”

“Just let me know.” You settle back into the corner, the case file in your lap. 

Haley and Jack return, and she brings him to Aaron’s side, lifting him up onto the bed. 

Aaron meets his eyes and tells him that he’s okay, giving him a little preparing for what’s about to happen. “But, what do I tell you whenever I go away?”

“That you love me.” 

You hide your face, looking out the window as tears finally fall from your eyes. Haley’s eyes are on you and you know it. You wipe at your face and take a quiet breath before turning back, pretending to pay attention to the case in your lap. 

In your periphery, you can see Aaron looking over Jack’s face as if to memorize it, as if he doesn’t already know every plane, every curve, every angle of his son’s face. “More than anything in the world.” 

They exchange a few more words before he brings him close and kisses his forehead. You glance up, and they look so alike in their profiles it almost makes you smile. Haley’s crying, too, and she meets your eyes. 

Something passes between you, but you don’t have a name for it. 

You don’t need one. 

Haley takes a breath and tucks her hair behind her ears. She redirects Jack’s attention to you, and his eyes light up. She helps him scramble off the bed and he books it around the bed to you. 

You close the case file and open your arms to him. “Hi, bud.” It’s hard not to scare him with the feverish way you hold him close, your fingers wound in his hair. 

There’s a failed attempt to avoid thinking about the uncertainty of the future, when you’ll see him again. 

If ever.

Stop. 

The pair of you lean back for a minute, and you brush his hair away from his forehead. 

“Are you going away, too?” He asks. 

You shake your head. “I’m gonna stay here with your dad.” 

“Are you going to keep my dad safe? I’m going to keep Mom safe.”

It’s Aaron who looks away this time. 

“Of course, my love.” You offer him something you hope looks like a smile. “We always keep each other safe. We’re a team, like you and your momma. I’m so proud of you.” You check in with Haley, who’s looking away, the back of her hand swiping at her cheek. When she turns back to you, you tilt your head a little. 

Want a minute? 

She nods. 

You stand, Jack still tucked against your chest. “I think,” you say, as he sits back in your arms, “Miss Emily and Miss JJ are back and might have something fun for you over there.” You tip your head toward the waiting room. “Wanna go see?”

He nods, leaning back into you and playing with your collar. You pat Aaron’s knee and squeeze Haley’s shoulder with your free hand as you pass. 

Aaron watches you go, your low murmuring comforts to Jack lost in the ambient hospital noise. When you find JJ and look back, giving him a small (if not a little watery) smile, he looks over at Haley, guilt closing up his throat. 

“I’m so sorry, Haley. I promise, when this is all over, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” 

She gives him a half-smile and sits on the edge of his bed. She reaches for him, and he takes both of her hands in his. There’s silence for a moment as they sit together. She studies him. 

While it doesn’t bother him (she has been looking at him for nearly twenty-five years, after all), he does feel more exposed under her gaze than he’s used to. 

“You should do something about that, one of these days,” she says, looking over her shoulder. You’re still visible in the window, talking to JJ while Jack is still glued to you. His little arms are tight around your neck, his head tucked under your chin.

Aaron’s brow furrows, but the EKG picks up the increase in his heart rate, much to his embarrassment. “What are you talking about?”

Haley laughs, a light, watery, delicate thing, and turns back to him. It almost brings a smile to his face. “Do you think I don’t know what you look like when you’re head over heels, Aaron Hotchner? After eighteen years of marriage and twenty-five years knowing you? Give me a break.”

His jaw grows tight, but he holds her gaze. 

“You used to look at me like that, you know.” A little smile plays at her lips and she looks down, almost shy. “Still do, sometimes.” 

“I love you, Haley.” 

She squeezes his hand. “I know you do.” A sigh leaves her and she looks over her shoulder again, just catching a glimpse of you and JJ out in the hall with Jack as you go scavenging for something sweet. There’s a little smile at the corner of her mouth when she turns back to him. “You are so loved, Aaron.” 

“I don't…” He huffs, frustrated. “I don’t feel -”

“I’m not saying you have to do anything, but it might do you some good to just…” She sighs, throwing a hand up in a kind of searching gesture. “I don’t know, be honest with yourself. Think for a minute.” 

His teeth worry the inside of his lower lip as he thinks about it. He does care about you. But love? 

He thinks of the way his chest feels too small whenever you laugh, the way he always goes above and beyond to make sure you’re safe in the field, how he looks for you when you’re out of the room, how he looks for you when you’re in the room. 

The way you are with Jack brings him to his knees every time. The sound of his son’s laughter under your tickling fingers never fails to bring a smile to his face. 

You’ve helped him heal what seemed like an insurmountable chasm between him and Haley, and though it’s not perfect, it’s better than it would ever be without you. 

You always take a second to straighten his tie and ensure his suit jacket lays flat across his shoulders before leaving the plane, just like he always takes time to count the rounds in your magazines or tuck your tag back into your shirt collar. 

He always feels so warm under your fond and attentive touch. With a little bit of alarm, he hopes you feel the same under his. Safe. Cared-for. 

Loved. 

Oh. 

Oh no.

He knows the realization is clear on his face when Haley laughs again, surprising them both. She swipes at her eyes again, clearing any remaining tears. “You know, I can’t say I’m surprised you didn’t know, but it’s still funny, even with all this.” She shakes her head. “You haven’t changed much, have you?”

His face breaks out into a little smile as he looks back at her. “Oh, quit.” 

“I’ll never quit giving you hell, as long as we live.” Haley reaches out, pushing gently against his shoulder. He takes the shove like a champ, even through the ache in his chest and abdomen, thankful she’s not treating him like he’s made of glass. 

“Don’t I know it.” 

They look at each other for a minute before Aaron sobers, the mirth evaporating between them. He already misses her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all of this. I’m hoping it’ll be...temporary.” 

“I do have a life, Aaron. And Jack…” She sighs and her eyes fill with tears again. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I wish there was another way to keep you safe, but -” He cuts himself off, knowing there’s nothing he can say. 

She swallows again. She already misses him. “How am I supposed to keep him safe when there’s nobody I know to help me?”

He sighs, but speaks with conviction. “Haley, you’re strong. You lived with me in this job and you’ve practically raised Jack all by yourself. You’re a great mother.” 

Haley’s actively crying now, trying to stem the tears with her fingers. It’s not working. After a moment, she collects herself. “Can you catch this man?”

“I will catch this man.”

+++

When she leaves Aaron’s room, you bring Jack to her. You take a moment to lightly fuss over them both. 

Her blue eyes find yours. “Take care of him, please?”

You nod. “I will.” 

“He needs you.” 

She says it with a simple kind of conviction that makes your chest pull. You put a hand on her shoulder, trying to communicate everything you can’t say into your touch. “He needs you more.” 

“No, he doesn’t.” Her lips twist in an odd sort of smile and she wraps you in a hug and kisses your cheek. “I’ll see you soon.” 

You hold her tight, Jack trapped (and whining a little) between you. “See you soon, Hales.” You pull back, looking deeply into her eyes. “We’ll get him.” 

The U.S. Marshals arrive, and you have to let go of each other. You press a kiss to Jack’s forehead and tell him you love him one more time, and wait until they’re in the car and out of sight before you break down. 

You don’t know where he came from, but Derek wraps around you, catching you before your knees hit the ground. You don't know what you’re crying about, really. 

It could be the overwhelming task of catching Foyet.

It could be Hotch in the room down the hall with nine stab wounds to his chest and abdomen. 

It could be the indefinite absence of your dear friend and her son - a boy you love more than anyone except maybe -

Nope. Don’t go there. Not now. 

Sobs wrack your chest, and your head hurts and your throat is sore by the time your body lets you breathe. 

Derek’s there the whole time, rubbing your back and keeping your face hidden in the crook of his neck and shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay, kiddo. It’ll be okay. He’s okay. We’re gonna catch this son of a bitch.” 

“It’s just so much, Derek.” 

He sighs. “I know. I know.”

+++

“Did you hear what happened this morning?”

You’re woken by Dave’s voice, coming from the doorway. Cramped and crunched into the corner of an uncomfortable chair, you stretch and what feels like every joint in your body cracks. 

“No.”

When did Aaron wake up? 

You look over at him and he glances at you before returning to Dave, who’s leaning on the door frame. 

“We had a situation. Unsub had already killed two people. Said he was gonna keep killing unless a man used his son as bait.”

“What happened?”

Good question. 

Belatedly, you realize you’ve neglected your case duties all day in favor of holding vigil over Aaron’s bedside. The weirdest part about it? The rest of the team let you. 

Why? 

“We kept the boy safe. Worked the profile. It was a happy ending.” 

That’s good, at least. One fucking happy ending today. 

It’s like Dave’s reading your mind as he asks Aaron, “Do you know why I’m telling you this?”

“Yes.” Aaron’s gaze is impassive, but there are universes behind his eyes. 

“No other group in the world could have pulled off what yours did in a matter of hours.” Dave checks in with you, and the corner of your mouth lifts. 

Sorry. 

He shakes his head just a little. No sweat, kid. You did your job.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Dave, but -”

Dave cuts him off. “We’ll get Foyet.”

“I promised Haley I would get him. But the truth is, if he stops killing we have no way of tracking him. He stopped killing for ten years just for the pleasure of watching Shaunessy’s life fall apart.” 

He’s crying again, and your heart breaks. You’re surprised Dave can’t hear it crack all the way across the room. 

“What’s Jack going to remember about me in ten years?”

No. 

“Hotch, look at me.” You rise from your chair and sit on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb his position. He turns his head just so, his brown eyes locking onto yours. “We’ll get him. We will get him.”

We have to. 

+++

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[pangtasias-atelier]

Fattened Up Devils

This was planned a whole ass year ago but then I kinda fell out of Obey Me. I wanted to write this but just kinda haven't lol, so take this 2k outline/kinda heaadcanons

Size ideas/focuses

Diavolo:

Supportive of the human's antics, saying it livens up the place and makes it so that devil's don't look as scary. Is also got a little pot belly but doesn't mind, happily accepting the lunches the human gives him at school everyday.

Lucifer:

Skinny, not even a single pound gained. Still tsundere and caring as ever. Same ol' activity as always. Still just flabbergasted about wtf the human is doing to the devils around him, but also kinda salty that the human is spending less time with him.

Mammon:

Barely able to move, lazy and whiny. Out of breath, always wants the human to be by his side. Acts like a child. Huge gut and breasts. Clothes super tight/ripped. Tries to go to school, always gives up after breakfast, too tired and full to walk. Stays home now.

Leviathan:

Extremely huge ass. Super lazy, just stays at home now. The others can have the human as long as they stay with him. Binge watches anime and binges. Sweatpants, doesn't care about being called a shut-in/neet anymore.

Satan:

Pretty big. A soft large round shape. Still attends classes. Tries his distant stuff but never works anymore, his extra pudge making him lose all credibility. Doesn't admit it but really enjoys having more time with the human at school. He gets super flustered as the human smiles at his "cool" act.

Asmodeus:

Husky but make it hourglass. Always as fashionable as ever. Points out their weight and always tries to sell it as the new hip trend. Has a modeling job still. Also flaunts and teases others about it. Especially the human, but it doesn't work so instead he whines to them as they comfort him.

Beezlebub:

Even hungrier than before. Pretty fat. Like Belphegor but bigger ass. Magic casted on Beezlebub by the human to help suppress it so he can think for some time. But when it comes back, he's just an eating machine. Starts trying to outpace himself and eating more, the human helping him. Skips classes sometimes.

Belphegor:

Need for sleep is even more severe. Like Beezlebub but bigger stomach. Often uses the human as a pillow but also allows the human to use him as a pillow, more like a bean bag. Skips classes most of the time. Not as demanding for the human, kinda goes with the flow.

Human:

Pacts with all 7 demon brothers. Practicing magic at RAD, getting extremely proficient with it. But uses it for "mundane" things. Basically to help out with cooking. All magic energy spent in a day to just help cook enough food for all 7. Not having gained a pound, as skinny as Lucifer. Coddles each one, always listening to them and doing them favors.

Plot/layout

A general run through of the human's day.

Lucifer wakes up, refreshed and ready to start a new day. Quickly but immaculately getting ready, find that all the others are already awake before him. Again. Still not used to the sight, but he doesn't react as an enchanted plate and mug passes by right in front of his face. A simple everything bagel with cream cheese and black coffee Lucifer's breakfast.

Sitting down, the table is an absolute mess, no thanks in part due to all the others nearly stuffing his face.

Beezlebub is eating more food than a county fair, just absolutely famished and not even trying to, while Leviathan is trying to keep up as a show that he enjoys the human's food most of all. Actually keeping up, but struggling to, out of breath. Mammon is complaining about how hard it is to feed himself. Before shutting up as the utensils begin to feed him quickly with whole pancakes, waffles, french toast, omelettes etc, rubbing whatever he can even reach of his vast gut. Belphegor is slowly but surely picking away at his food, murmuring about how good it is. Satan has a, relatively, small plate but still packed with food. He actually tries to help the human, but is instead just kinda pushed back to sit down and relax. Asmodeus laughs at him, saying to eat what the human gives them. Patting his stomach, he says that all this weight is from the human loving him.

Asmodeus and Satan already dressed. Mammon has some boxer shorts and a too tight shirt. Levitation is in sweats. Beezlebub in jeans and a tight shirt. Belphegor in a shirt and tight pants.

Lucifer tries not to scowl or cough on his bagel by that point. Getting up after a bit, he goes to head out early for school, something with Diavolo planned.

Still at the House of Lamentations, Leviathan is groaning and stuffing his face as much as he can but still loses to Beezlebub. Complains and is about to get angry until the human reassures them that they did a great job, rubbing their huge gut. Levi grumbles before the human helps them get up, Levi waddling away and back to his room, huffing and rubbing his gut. Spell cast on Beezlebub, he and Belphegor leave to their first class, both leaving early to make stops and grab some more food. Mammon whining about how stuffed he is, he groans as he leans back. Huffing, he tries to stand back but falls back down. The chair splinters right underneath him, falling on his fat ass. Still whining saying the human should spend all day with him cause they did this. Asmodeus laughs and pokes at Mammon, Mammon too fat to stop him. Satan coughs, saying goodbye and thanks for breakfast again, face a bit red. Asmodeus leaves a bit after too. Using magic, the human gets Mammon up and helps them back to their room. Mammon whines for breaks all the time, but the human gets them back to his room and helps him lie down, Mammon all tired out.

Back at RAD, Lucifer checks the time. Seeing that it's still quite some time before the humans classes start, the human smart in taking classes later in the day. Meets Diavolo, has a meeting about the logistics of club rush or whatever, something irrelevant and I don't have to google much shit on. Lucifer extremely aware of Diavolo's pot belly. Diavolo not taking the meeting seriously, asking Lucifer probing questions about his brothers and the human, which Lucifer dutifully answers. A knock on the door, Diavolo tells them to enter and it's the human. They say hi to Lucifer before greeting Diavolo and handing them their lunch. Diavolo excited, he greedily hugs the human, saying Lucifer should take advantage of their great cooking. Lucifer suddenly notes the little onset of a double chin on Diavolo and just how much food can be packed in that bag.

Human goes to a class, knows no one, handwave it off. Have a small 20 min. gap. Goes to see Belphegor, Belphegor having lunch. Sees the table tip over a bit from Belphegor's weight. Sitting all alone, joins them, talking. Sees Belphegor is drowsy, buys them a coffee, putting a fuckton of sugar in it, to help wake them up. Almost time to go back to class, Beezlebub shows up, carrying a large amount of food. Sits down opposite of Belphegor. Asks human what's for dinner, human laughs before Belphegor asks the same, both ravenous. Human says curry before rushing off to next class.

Class is art, professor announces having a live model for this one. Asmodeus walks on, grinning and all cheery, knowing the human is in this class. Asks if this is a nude one, but professor reprimands them, saying to keep their clothes on. Asmodeus grumbles but does so. Keeps an eye on the human as they make their pose, everyone drawing. Human ignores all of Asmodeus bs, getting to work. Diligently gets all of Asmodeus' folds and curves, the drawing of Asmodeus even looking a bit fatter.

Leaves class, Asmodeus whines about how they still have a class after this and it's not fair that the human only has 2 classes twice a week. Human says it's not their fault for getting everything done back in the human realm. Human heading back home, sees a couple of texts.

One from the group chat of all 8 of them, Belphegor complaining about how hungry he is. Then it's about how everyone else is now hungry. Ends with Lucifer saying how ridiculous they all are. Human says, they'll make curry, just got out of class.

Sees another text from Leviathan. Asking them if they could buy some limited edition snacks, 2 of each (one for eating and one for collection) since they don't feel like leaving his room. Human agrees, then panics as someone taps their shoulder.

It's Satan, apologizing for scaring them and saying his classes are done too to walk back home together. Satan says it's fine to go do Leviathan's errand together. The two shopping, also ends with the human buying a lot of food and snacks. Satan doesn't understand how they didn't realize the sheer cost of it all. Human says it's okay, Diavolo is paying for it all as part of the exchange program. Also has some of Satan's favorite snacks, hot crisps. Two walk back together, hands full of bags. Chilly, Satan gives human his coat before they can argue. Then realizes how huge it is on them, trying not to think about it.

Back home, starts cooking dinner, assures Satan it's fine. Easy work with magic, everything ready in time. Sends text ten minutes before hand, everyone knowing that it's for Mammon who takes forever. Everyone still already seated, Leviathan second to last. Mammon asks what, everyone says they've been waiting. Lucifer angrily mentions the broken chair he heard from Asmodeus. Mammon says whatever, it's not the first thing and he's not the only one either, Leviathan breaking his computer chair and Beezlebub and Belphegor also breaking the couch in the recreation rooms. Asmodeus laughs before Mammon rats him out too, saying he broke a table from one of his selfie sessions and sitting on top of it. Then Mammon says Satan also broke a vase with his stomach from turning around.

Everyone minus Lucifer ready to fight, the human announces dinner, serving everyone. Plenty enough, everyone minus Lucifer gets seconds, some getting thirds and fourths.

After dinner, everyone heads back to their rooms. Human grabs snacks, goes to Leviathan's room. Gives them snacks, sees the empty boxes of pizza. Leviathan apologizes, saying that he knew curry wouldn't fill him up. Human says it's okay, feeds him the last half a box while two do a rewatch of an anime. Leviathan embarrassed and not even paying much attention with how close the human is, resting against his gut as they watch it.

After a couple episodes, the human goes to Mammon's room after getting a text from them. Arriving, they see Mammon is stuck on the floor, their chair broken. Whining about the cheap wood, he tells the human to help him. Instead they lie on his stomach playing on their phone. Mammon says it's not fair before asking nicely. The human helps them up. Patting and rubbing Mammon's stomach, they decide to start cleaning up the kitchen.

In the kitchen, the human starts washing the dishes. Every once in a while, someone walking in to grab some more food. Just finishing up, Lucifer walks in. Sees how "haggard" the human look, hair all unkempt, forehead glossy, asks to speak with them privately in the library.

Lucifer makes sure that his brothers aren't treating them like a servant or anything. Human assures him that they're fine, if they didn't enjoy this then they wouldn't be doing all of this.

Lucifer asks what do they mean by "this"?

Human explains doting on ,taking care of etc

Lucifer asks what about their weight.

Human nonchalantly says that they like their men to have some meat on them. Actually, make that a lot of meat.

Lucifer simply nods, saying that's all. Human walks off. Lucifer remembers the text in the group chat, everyone asking the human whether they liked men to have muscle or be skinny. The human instead saying "neither ;)"

Letting out a hmmph, Lucifer simply heads back to their own room. Having a plate of the human's cookies, Diavolo sharing it with him. Lucifer takes a bite before eating an entire cookie. Lifting up his shirt, he places a hand on his flat stomach. Thinking about the human's words, he eats another cookie.

[setterspirit]

you were staring

❥ ‑‑‑‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑

“obviously not,” osamu muttered, shaking his head disbelievingly at his friend. “what’s got you so- thoughtful?” osamu pushed. he wouldn’t let suna shake him off, he needed to know why his friend seemed so confused.

“well-” suna paused. should he tell osamu about you? the sting of familiarity the moment he laid eyes on you? his eyes jumped from his friend to his food to you the moment your laugh rang out throughout the small soba shop. osamu, having picked up on the shift in his gaze, turned his head to follow suna’s eye-line to you, sitting with mai and tsukishima, laughing and talking animatedly as mai joined you and tsukishima just sat and listened, the only movements he made to show that he was listening were small nods of his head and the rolling of his eyes.

“well-” suna paused. should he tell osamu about you? the sting of familiarity the moment he laid eyes on you? his eyes jumped from his friend to his food to you the moment your laugh rang out throughout the small soba shop. osamu, having picked up on the shift in his gaze, turned his head to follow suna’s eye-line to you, sitting with mai and tsukishima, laughing and talking animatedly as mai joined you and tsukishima just sat and listened, the only movements he made to show that he was listening were small nods of his head and the rolling of his eyes.

“well-” suna paused. should he tell osamu about you? the sting of familiarity the moment he laid eyes on you? his eyes jumped from his friend to his food to you the moment your laugh rang out throughout the small soba shop. osamu, having picked up on the shift in his gaze, turned his head to follow suna’s eye-line to you, sitting with mai and tsukishima, laughing and talking animatedly as mai joined you and tsukishima just sat and listened, the only movements he made to show that he was listening were small nods of his head and the rolling of his eyes.

“well-” suna paused. should he tell osamu about you? the sting of familiarity the moment he laid eyes on you? his eyes jumped from his friend to his food to you the moment your laugh rang out throughout the small soba shop. osamu, having picked up on the shift in his gaze, turned his head to follow suna’s eye-line to you, sitting with mai and tsukishima, laughing and talking animatedly as mai joined you and tsukishima just sat and listened, the only movements he made to show that he was listening were small nods of his head and the rolling of his eyes.

“date tech’s ex-managers and karasuno’s ex-middle blocker?” osamu questioned, turning back in his seat, shifting so he was sat comfortably in front of suna.

“managers, plural?” suna questioned, ignoring the comment about tsukishima. he faintly remembered the blonde that came in with you, she was sat at the bench when his team played date tech. he would never forget the annoyance he felt upon continuously getting blocked out by that pesky #1. he knew only one manager was allowed on the bench, so if you hadn’t been sitting on the bench, then just where had he seen you? simply walking around the venue? no, he would’ve barely bat an eye at you if that had been the case.

“yeah, i don’t know the name of the (h/c) haired one, but i know the name of the blond one, nametsu mai,” osamu replied. he’d seen mai at the tournament and had thought she was pretty, had even worked up the courage to talk to her. he still followed her twitter, but they’d fallen out of contact the moment college rolled around. “the (h/c) haired one was in the stands when we played, i think. and we saw her congratulating her team when they won against us. she seemed really close with that really tall middle blocker, captain, and setter. other than that, i don’t know much about her.”

suna was nodding carefully as he listened, eyes wandering from osamu to his food and back again. a quiet settled between the pair as both got lost in their own thoughts, the only sound within the dining area of the shop was the murmurs of you and mai, and the occasional laughter that would be exchanged between you, tsukishima, and mai. eventually, osamu claimed he needed to leave so he could open his stall, suna quick to follow his friend as he went to dispose of his food and dish ware, taking the boxes he’d had prepared for komori and washio before heading out of the shop with suna on his heels, though before he exited he cast one last glance at you.

you stayed a while longer with tsukishima and mai, having finished your food a bit ago, and now you were just chatting away with mai, tsukishima looking extremely bored as per usual. eventually, having checked the time, tsukishima claimed they needed to leave. the trio got up, disposed of their dish ware, and then headed back to tsukishima’s car, getting in and then heading to the arena, which was thankful in sendai, not too far from where you lived, actually.

❥ ‑‑‑‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑

you, mai, and tsukishima had arrived about forty minutes ago, entering the venue and quickly taking your seats. you had been quietly talking with mai, knowing tsukishima would get annoyed if you involved him in your conversation yet again. the stands had slowly started to fill up, seeing as the game — or warm ups, rather — were set to start soon.

whispering something to mai, you quickly got up from your seat and headed to the bathroom, tsukishima casting you a suspicious look though he didn’t say anything to you as you left. when you weren’t back in ten minutes, his eyebrows knitted together in concern, so being the ever so worried cousin he was, he quickly shot you a text to see what you were doing. he didn’t need to wait too long for a reply when he heard his phone ding a minute after he’d sent the text.

shaking your head at the phone screen, you shut the phone off, slipping it in the back pocket of your jeans as you waited in line behind one other person for the onigiri you’d heard so much about.

osamu was quick to catch sight of you, though he didn’t do much besides continue to work diligently as he continued to work through orders. when it was your turn to order, you stepped up and gave the grey haired man your order, smiling softly at him and then stepping to the side as he prepared your order.

he was quick to start up a conversation with you, claiming he recognized you from the inter high national tournament in his third year. you smiled fondly at the memory as you responded to his questions and you asked a few of your own. it was nice, he was nice, and it made you want to stay a bit longer to chat with him, which you did. you stayed even after you got your order, until yamaguchi approached the stall, greeting you with a beaming smile, as he spoke with osamu, who seemed to also recognize him as well. the pair soon got caught up in a small conversation, and that’s when yachi seemed to appear out of nowhere, approaching the stall a few spots over. smiling at your favorite karasuno manager, you called out a “yacchan!” and strided over to her, giving her a hug once you reached her. she hugged you back just as excitedly before she went to order food for herself. you stood with her, talking excitedly with the younger blond. you could feel your phone going off every few minutes, most likely tsukishima questioning where the hell you were, but you were too busy catching up with yachi, and then yamaguchi, that you simply decided to ignore the buzzing of your phone.

suna had received a weird text from osamu, something about learning a girls name or whatever, but he didn’t even know what the grey haired man was talking about, so deciding to walk over to his friend instead, he spotted you again, animatedly talking with the blond ex-manager of karasuno.

suna froze in his spot, eyes not leaving you as you continued talking with the shorter girl, eyes twinkling in a way he’d never seen in anyone before, a huge smile on your face as you and yachi shared a laugh. now, suna had never believed in this “love at first sight” bs, and technically, technically, it wasn’t his first time seeing you, but rather his second, but somehow, the way you were smiling, the way you were laughing with yachi was different from when you were with mai.

when you moved away from the stand you had been at with yachi, your voices slowly becoming distant, only then was suna able to move again, walking towards osamu, giving the amused looking man a questioning look.

“you were staring,” was his greeting as soon as suna stepped up to the stall. suna simple rolled his eyes at his friend, quirking an eyebrow in a silent question. “what?” was osamu’s only response, he wasn’t a mind reader after all.

suna let out a sigh, rolling his eyes at the grey haired man. “well? what was up with the text you sent?”

“oh right!” osamu replied, a big smile coming over his face as he looked over at suna. “i found out mystery girls name,” was his answer, a smirk of victory on his face.

suna stared at osamu. on the inside he was extremely happy about this bit of news, but the fact osamu had him leave his seat, leave washio and komori, that irked him. osamu just continued to smile at the unimpressed looking middle blocker, eyes twinkling teasingly as he continued to speak.

“we got to talking, honestly, very interesting girl,” osamu continued. “obviously i didn’t hear her whole life story, but she did tell me a few things, she moved away from japan around the age of 8, i think is what she said? came back her first year of high school, was a manager at date tech, things like that.”

suna froze at the mention of you having moved from japan at the age of 8. she had moved from japan at the age of 8, his best friend in elementary school. could it really be you? could you be that friend he never got to see after she told him she would be leaving japan and she wasn’t sure if she would be back? “what-” suna’s voice cracked as he stared at osamu, trying to hide the desperation in his voice as he spoke up. “what did she say her name is?”

“l/n y/n,” osamu replied, eyeing the change of emotion on his friends face after he said the name.

suna couldn’t believe it, a name he hadn’t uttered in years, hadn’t heard from, heard about, or talked about, suddenly back in his life. just like that. “y/n?” he questioned, osamu nodding warily as he greeted his employee and then walked away from the stall to head back to their spot, suna in tow.

after the game, suna declared to himself, he’d search for you, be it in person or online. he just needed to know if it was you, his best friend from elementary school.

TALK ABOUT SURPRISES

[ masterlist | two | three | four ]

word count; 2k+

fast facts;

fact #1; fights between washio and suna are almost daily occurrences. kita just wants them to shut up most of the time so komori descalates the situation as best as he can. osamu can easily pick up the signs and helps out bc hes scared of angry kita. then again, who isn’t scared of angry kita?

fact #2; y/n was debating on giving futakuchi the godfather role, but after some hard thinking, she gave it to tsukishima because he was more trustworthy than futakuchi.

fact #3; mai was almost always the one on the bench whenever date tech had games. it wasn’t that she wasn’t great at the job! mai would just wrestle her for the rights and she was almost always win, but eventually y/n just gave up fighting for the position because mai can be scary when she doesn’t get what she wants...

fact #4; y/n moved away from hyōgō, away from japan when she was 8 because her dad got a job offer in another country, and naturally, your little family picked up and moved for him. because of this, it resulted in y/n becoming trilingual, being fluent in japanese, english, and french — japanese because that’s her mother tongue, english because that’s the universal language, and french because she had moved to france with her family. when she was to start high school (according to japan), y/n’s mother wanted her to go back to japan to learn, as she liked the japanese schooling system better than the french schooling system.

fact #5; you had noticed suna, too, trust me. you thought he was hot, but you hadn’t realized you might’ve known him besides volleyball games. he had definitely matured from that awkward, energetic grade schooler, whereas you had also matured, but suna could never forget about his childhood best friends smile that could seem to brighten up any room, eyes that twinkled when she was unspeakably happy.

✨) summary; l/n y/n is a single mother living with her 5 year old son in sendai. suna rintarō is a professional volleyball player, the middle blocker for the ejp raijin. the msby black jackals vs the schweiden adlers is a game between two of japan’s v league division 1 teams that bring together many old rivals. y/n is dragged to the game by her cousin, tsukishima kei, claiming she needed to get out and do more than just work and take care of her child. reluctantly, she goes along with the usually salty blond — leaving her 5 year old with a babysitter — to watch the game between two of tsukishima’s ex-teammates. suna makes the executive decision that he will be going to the game to support his former teammate and setter, miya atsumu, with komori asking if he could accompany the middle blocker so he could support his cousin, suna readily agrees and they also invite washio to go with them, knowing he’d want to see bokuto as well. a chance encounter at the game of old reunions brings together two old friends and feelings start to re-emerge. follow y/n and suna as they get to know each other again, fend off any unwanted attention, and work through parenthood in “talk about surprises!”

updates every monday!

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[facelessxchurch]

Skul and Val have literally surpassed Mary Sue levels of overpowered and ridiculous backstories. I mean they crossed the line a while ago but now it’s been nuked

Yeah, not gonna lie, SoW made me somewhat hopeful phase 2 would improve, but DoA and the Grimoire just dragged the entire series down jfc-

For those that don't care to read the Grimoire pages, here is a summary of the BS 'dark story' that's been included in the Grimoire:

Skulduggery father, Abrogate Raze, is Gog Magog, the god of the Apocalypse. But bc the other Gods didn't like him they stripped him of his power and cast him to earth and he forgot he was a God and thought he was a mage instead. He married, produced some offspring. Killed his wife. Then started worshipping Gog Magog and founded the 'Convenant of the Destroyer', realized he's that God and slowly started recovering his memory and powers.

Skul and three of his siblings tried to kill him but he enslaved them instead and knowing their true identity changed their magic. Only Skul got away and later showed up with the other remaining siblings and they tied him up and buried him alive in a coffin.

But he is spreading the knowledge about himself through some sort of 'virus' and taking over the minds of other mages from his imprisonment (like Abyssinia and Argeddion) bc the more people know about(/worship) him the stronger he becomes. .

And, oh no, he's getting stronger and this is the 'cursing the reader' thing that was mentioned in the advertisement and why they called it a 'Grimoire'.

Landy thinks he's being slick. He aint. And Skul's dad is probably gonna be a big plot point/major villain in the next book and Landy's gonna be like 'oh no, it's bc ya'll read the Grimoire and made him strong enough to escape his coffin', showing once again that his target group is underdeveloped 8 year olds as these are the only target audience that would be impressed by this.

They don't want their name attached to this, but they said I'm free to do with the pages what I want, so here they are:

[editorialsonlife]

Well

Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.

LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN

Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.

WORK

Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.

Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.

Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.

Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.

So there's a lot to toss up there because......

HOME

We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.

Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.

So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.

We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.

Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.

either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.

We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.

PERSONAL

Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.

My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.

Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.

and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.

Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.

Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.

thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!

[suckitsurveys]

1. Can you remember what you were doing at 8:15 this morning? Yeah, working.  2. In your phone’s contacts, who is the first person listed under the letter ‘R’? When did you last see that person? Rachel. I saw her about a year ago. 

3. If someone is sticking their nose into your business where it isn’t wanted, how would you deal with that? Would you say something to them? Entirely depends on the situation. 

4. What did you have for lunch today? Or, if you haven’t had lunch yet, what do you think you will have? I haven’t had lunch yet. I’m on my lunch break right now but I’m not super hungry. I might make these fried mushrooms I bought at the store yesterday.

5. Is there someone you desperately want to see/speak to atm, but you can’t? I’d LOVE to see Ellen this year. She was supposed to visit in 2020 but, yeah, the world went to shit. We’re now aiming for summer 2022 after she graduates. 

6. Do you and your significant other have a special song? What is it? We have a few.

7. If you HAD to sing something on karaoke, what song would you choose? Tiny Dancer is a good one. Or something 80s. 

8. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? Thursday I was super nauseous.  9. What time is it now? Are you tired? 11:50AM. Weird, it’s been exactly 2 hours since a survey last asked this question lol. I am always tied. 

10. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? That’s a lot of questions. I rarely wear makeup.

11. What if you found the last person you kissed, in bed with the last person you texted? Same person.

12. The last person you held hands with - have you ever kissed them? Yes.

13. Can you remember what your parents bought you for Christmas last year? Yeah.

14. Think about the person you fell hardest for. Why do you think your feelings for this person were so strong? How is he/she different compared to everyone else you’ve had feelings for? The person I fell hardest for is my husband. We had an immediate connection and I felt comfortable and like I could 100% be myself around him. He’s sweet, caring, compassionate. And hilarious as fuck. We get along SO well and I just love being around him.

30. Have you ever caught your friend cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend? If you have, what did you do about it? If you haven’t, what do you think you would do? The fuck happened to 15-29?

31. When your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? Lol. My last relationship was bullshit. It ended in April 2011 and I got with my now husband in July 2011. I was already thinking about being with him that whole BS relationship, tbh. Me and that guy got together because we were both bored. I’m so happy that phase of my life is over. It was gross and shitty. 

32. Has any of your friends ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend that you found attractive, and you would secretly have liked to have for yourself? Eh.

33. How many guys do you know named Matthew? A couple. 

34. Think about the last person that made you cry. Would that person be there for you if you needed help? No one person has made me cry in a while. I’ve been crying more over situations.

35. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to sleep last night? Do you remember what you talked about? My husband. We were talking about the storm and if it had fully passed. 

36. Has someone of the opposite sex made you cry at any point during the last 24 hours? No.

37. Is there anything you would like to say to your most recent ex? Nah, but I hope he knows he’s irrelevant af. 

38. If your friends are sexually active but you aren’t, does that bother you? Have you ever felt pressured to have sex before you were ready, because your friends had done it? I’ve never felt pressure from friends to do it before I was ready. 

39. In your opinion, what is the difference between having a crush and being in love? Have your own experiences helped you to realise that there is a difference? There’s definitely a difference. A crush is like an infatuation. In love is a deeper, actual connection. 

40. Did the last person you hugged have any of these letters in their name: T, R, K, P, J? Yeah.

41. What’s the most unhealthy thing you’ve eaten in the last 24 hours? Ice cream.

42. What was the last compliment you received from someone of the opposite sex? Something related to sex the other night, giggle giggle.

43. Who did you last say ‘I love you’ to? What colour are that person’s eyes? My husband. His eyes are brown.

44. If you took away the first and third letters of your name, what would you then be called? Anah.

45. Name 7 things that make you happy, and explain how it might affect you if you had to give them up. I’ll name 7 things but I’m not gunna do the second part. My husband, my kitties, my nieces, my friends, sushi, bubble tea, the beach.

46. Think about your Facebook profile photo. What kind of assumptions do you think a stranger might make about you, from seeing that photograph? Would any of these assumptions be correct? I don’t know. I’m sure there are a lot of assumptions that are made of a fat girl with blue hair. Some may be correct. 

47. You buy a bar of chocolate, but you decide that you don’t want to eat it now, and put it in the fridge. When you go back later, half of it’s gone - someone else has started eating it! Who are you most likely to blame? A ghost, because Mark wouldn’t eat it. 

48. Choose 5 friends, and talk briefly about each person’s longest/most serious relationship. Who was the relationship with, and how long did it last? Wtf, no?

49. Do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? Explain. No? If they’re happy, what’s the issue?

50. Is there something happening in the near future, that you’re looking forward to? Yes. I have Wednesday off and we’re going to the pool. And in July Mark and I are going to a little lake house. Then in August I’m going to Boston!

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

[roarsaidthedinosaur]

all #s ending in 5

omg thank u bud this was VERY many and VERY fun 😘

5. What is the creepiest toy ever made? honestly probably furbies, i had one that when you took the batteries out would glitch and move its eyes in like a half blink and NO THANK U demon bird doll

15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you?they let you talk to people you love that are very far away. it says that i’m a big mush

25. When was the last time you felt awkward? i am awkward literally every time i take a breath but the last time i FELT awkward was this morning asking someone to repeat their question to me and then still answering the wrong question lmao ITS NOT MY FAULT everyone is wearing face masks and a solid 40% of my listening comprehension comes from lip reading

35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. oooooh man okay this is rough because i try to give people the benefit of the doubt always and like i genuinely believe that most people think they ARE good friends even if theyre not a good friend to you specifically. but i think the worst friend i have ever befriended is one of the girls from my sorority in college. i dont think she realized she did it but she would always comment on my weight (which is funny bc i was like...... p average in college lol ive always been chub but i was like maybe a size 8??) and when she started working out she would always be like “oh do you want this shirt/shorts i lost too much to fit into them anymore” and i was like uh no im good i dont want your fat clothes lmao anyway we still message once in a blue moon i harbor no animosity tbh she just really didnt get why she was being rude i guess

45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? yes i am funny and cute

55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.) i like painting and drawing and writing a lot but i do them for different reasons. painting is for being sad, drawing is for feeling inspired, writing is to clear my head

65. What is your opinion on beauty in today’s society? i think it’s changing a lot and more people are realizing that a lot of the stereotypical standards are bs, but as long as people are happy with their choices then i’m happy for them. but i think the most beautiful people are the soft ones

75. What is your life story in 6 words? sad girl, made friends, happy girl

85. Favorite memory of your family. it was probably when we went down for our first vacation to south carolina to a condo my dad’s cousin owned, i was probably like 6 or 7? we were allowed to have fruity pebbles for breakfast AND pepperoni pizza for dinner AND we went mini golfing AND fishing AND to the beach it was the perfect week. we hd a very fun time at my brother’s 30th birthday too a couple years ago

95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? yosemite but also all of the places i was supposed to go in the last 4 months but couldn’t :’(

105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? this is a long one lol two years ago i called my family to tell them when i bought myself a car, it was before i even pulled out of the lot bc i was so excited. my dad threw a fit over the phone about getting the old license plates back and mailing them back to him RIGHT AWAY (which, they would not give them to me until the title cleared, i am not stupid and had already asked about this) and you could hear him yell through the phone and the car salesperson was trying very hard not to look like they pitied me so i hung up as i pulled away and didn’t talk to my dad for like a week. the license plates are still in the trunk of my car btw and my dad has never asked for them again so guess they didnt matter THAT much, huh dad

115. What is one thing you want to be good at?singing

125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? tbh i’d prob break even. i try to be a good egg but i have done some real mean things when i was younger, intended or not

135. What is the worst excuse you’ve ever come up with? “i have to go, my brother is picking up supplies”

145. What is your opinion on second chances?yes good but thirds are on a case by case basis

[blissfulsaturn]

Story time:

March 2nd, 2018

A month before this date i went to the movies and watched The Maze Runner : The death cure. I went alone because two of my friends bailed on me (for weed/girlfriend) and my own brother, because he was ill. So i went alone and had a blast. What is totally normal for me is to get addicted to the characters and read fanficion and search for pages about them etc. The 3rd part of TMR came out 2 years later than when it was scheduled because the main character (Dylan O'Brien) got injured on the set and the movie couldn't continue without him. Back in 2016, I was addicted to them, and yet again in 2018. I shipped two characters Thomas (Dylan) and Newt (Thomas Brodie- Sangster), and they were everything to me. I've been reading and writing about them, watching the interviews of the entire cast, BTS, stalking so many pages because of them...which is totally normal for me.

On that Friday morning, i had a class at 8am and it was also the day of my big presentation on which I've been working the entire previous day. I woke up and rushed to YouTube to see if there's something new about Newtmas. And then i saw a fanvideo that caught my attention; a thumbnail showed two pairs of legs, big and small, lying on bed, intertwined. Back then, i had no idea they were Elio and Oliver, during their first night. I didn't watch it, i saved it, and then i saw that Thomas BS was in a show called Godless, there was a trailer. I didn't watch it, i just made a mental note to watch the TV series when i come back home. Yes, that was my goal for the day.

I went to class, kicked ass with my presentation, got a perfect score and, because it was snowing, i wasn't rushing back home, i love the snow. My grandmother lives 20 minutes from my University so i decided to go and visit her. On my way to her i called her, she didn't answer, so i went outside her door and when nobody answered, i turned around and went home. I enjoyed the snow on my way back home.

On my way home i scrolled through Google and saw that there were Oscar nominees. The Oscars were 2 days away. I read about some but the entire attention was focused on only one movie and on one actor : Call me by your name and Timothée Chalamet. I had no idea what was it about or who he was (i didn't recognize him from Interstellar). So i read about the plot and my God, i swear to you, when i saw that it was an LGBTQ movie and that Armie Hammer was the other character :SOLD!

I've been a fan of Armie's for years and he's always given me such gay vibes and the fact that he starred in this type of movie, I thought "Finally, something where he'll shine!" and my gentle giant did shine. As for Timothée, i read his name and thought "Huh, he's probably a tall black haired dude", and he waaaaas, i had no idea what he looked like until i got home and searched his name. I was sold, he was, still is, beautiful. I was hooked to the both of them almost immediately.

So I got home, ate something, and somewhere around 8 or 9 pm I started watching Call me by your name. I never made a bathroom break, never played with my phone, never paused it; my full attention was on the movie in front of me. I don't think i changed the way i was lying while watching it. It was like i couldn't blink or breathe or speak. When the movie was over, i cried like i never cried before, it took me about 30-40 minutes to gather my shit and go drink some water so i don't dehydrate. The next morning, i couldn't stop thinking about it. I had to study, but instead of that, i watched the movie again, and the next day as well, and 30 minutes before the Oscars. I watched the Oscars from 2am til 6am, never missed a second and cried again when they won the Best Adaptive Screenplay. Then i took a short nap of almost an hour, got up, went to class. The next day i found the book online and read it. Again...crying like a maniac. And after that...i haven't been the same since. My addiction grew so much that in the first year i lost count after watching the movie for the 20th time, I now own 5 different versions of the book, a fan account on Instagram and a blog here on Tumblr, plus, the multiple fanfics/one shots i wrote about them. I have Elio's bracelets, my Elio shirt, i don't look at peaches the same way and thanks to Elio i now know how to finger them so i get the seed out, and the big finale : why this movie shook me so much is because i, myself, have an Oliver in my life. It hit so close to home.

My day is still filled with everything related to Timothée, Armie and Call me by your name. I've changed so much, in every way possible and i have this movie/book to thank only. They had such an impact on me, i don't remember what my life was before this. I never watched that TV show i wanted or went back to shipping Newtmas.

Two years ago on this exact day, my life changed and changed for good. It's something i can't explain and yet, I'm in a mood to talk about all of this for hours.

🍑🍑🍑

[chaotic-noceur]

regarding pragma.

read it here

Dear @softpedropascal

wow this took so much longer than I thought it would whoops.

So, first off- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you have the bestest day ever cuz you deserve it!

I’m incapable of forming coherent thoughts so um...here’s a cumulative post of my running commentary because my binge reading plans got disrupted so this seemed... neater? Idk. anyways, here you go. 

Part 1

No matter how many meetings and mediations you two went through, he still found a reason to keep dragging this out.

I read this as ‘meetings and meditations’ and was very confused for a sec 😂

That hat. You got him that hat. He still wore it?

omg u gave the hat a backstory. adkgadflhg 😍

He was tempted. God, was he tempted, but he shook his head and stood up straight. 

This just. Yes. We love a respectful man. 

I love all the little hints that you’re dropping about the reader and Frankie’s backstory. 

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Part 2

He told himself long ago that be would never forgive her for what she did,

WHAT DID I DO OMG.

“Can’t you, I dunno, sign for him?” he asked.

😂😂Frankie. Sweetheart. Who do you take me for? I can’t forge someone’s signature. I don’t have the skills for that. 

There was a reason he didn’t say goodbye. He was afraid to. He was afraid that if he said them again, he would have to go another five years without seeing her. Or has it been longer?

mY hEaRt

Pope and and Frankie’s ENTIRE interaction. 😍 I love that he can see right through Frankie’s bs, loves him anyways but will give it to him straight. 

He was too busy thinking about how if he had gotten his shit together, he could be living here with her, taking walks to his favorite lake every day.

asdfgadfkglhdf!!! Boo it ain’t all your fault 😢 (or is it 😏)

It’s funny how the simplest touch can cause the most complex feelings—feelings that he had sworn he buried deep inside of him somewhere. It was a complicated thing trying to be angry at her because in that moment all was forgotten and forgiven.

the DEPTH. in these sentences. oml. I’m so ready to learn about this complicated backstory.  

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Part 3

“I can make him sign ‘em,” he offered.

YES. I love a low key threatening boi.

“Yeah, until you decided I wasn’t good enough,” 

“Did you want to show me what I could have had with you if I wasn’t such a fuck up.” He sighed and put his hands on his hips.

AFGHSKF OMG MY HEART.

“I’m trailing water and mud all over the place but just remember that I saved your life before getting mad, okay?” 

“Nothing. Just like saying your name.”

ahhhh these are precious!!  

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Part 4

“Yeah. People do that right? Day dates?” He honestly wasn’t sure. Dates weren’t his forte.

🥺 someone help him. He’s so cute omg. 

“We might’ve made out a little too,” he mumbled.

aksfhksdfg look at him turning into a flustered boy!!!

“No. I just…stopped looking up,”

Babes. Idk if the double meaning was intentional but like. Wow. That hit hard. 

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Part 5

and has a name like ‘Bill’ or ‘Tom’.”

oop. We love a subtle Redfly dig 😂

!!!! IDK WHAT TO BLOCKQUOTE BUT OMG FRANKIE BEING PROTECTIVE. THE READERS BACKSTORY. FRANKIE KISSING AT THE PAST BRUISES. ANGRY FRANKIE OMG. 😭

I’m sorry there’s probably some more amazing stuff after that but t’was not a good ace day so i skipped the smut

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Part 6

You hid your body from him at first and when he moved your hands, you covered your face. Then he told you to never hide from him—he would always think you were beautiful

🥺🥺 this is so soft omg

sorry skipped the smut but im sure it was beautiful

“I’m not going anywhere.” You moved his arms so you could kneel in front of him. “I’m staying.”

*incoherent screaming*

“You can ask me for anything. I would give up everything I for you.”

The whole ending scene was AMAZING okay but this. This line right here. Big hurt omg. He knows the weight of what he’s saying. He knows how hard the road to recovery is and how many things are gonna try push him off that path. But he says it anyways. And it really really shows just how much she means to him. Brava! 

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Part 7

lmao I really need to start reading the warnings 😂

She was never going to be sad longer than necessary if he had anything to do about it.

WHERE CAN I GET A FRANKIE OML 😭

“That no matter where we were, when we look up, we’re looking at the same moon.” He looked at her though she was still looking up. “That always kept me going, you know?”

THE SOFT. AHHHHHH

The moonlight seemed to shine directly on her and make her glow like some ethereal being. She was an angel. She had to be. The stars twinkled above them but he had his own right here right now.

eXcUsE mE. wHo gAvE yOu tHe rIgHt tO wRiTe sOmEtHIng tHiS bEAuTiFul

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Part 8

“Stop ruining my romantic moment, please.

HAHAHAH I LOVE!

I can’t even- Omg. This whole chapter. I have no words

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Part 9

“I can’t,” he said, voice broken. “Please just let me…let me hold you. Let me…”

IDK THE FULL CONTEXT TO THIS (really hating my ace-ness rn cuz this last line is so heartfelt) BUT OMG BROKEN FRANKIE I JUST. ARGHHH

you realized that you were embracing your entire world right then and there. Letting it go would be the hardest thing you’d ever do.

take my heart and crush it why don’t you omg. 😭😍

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Part 10

She was hurt again. And it was his fault again.

I can’t do it. I can’t be alone anymore.

asdfghjk GURL. WHO HURT YOU OMG. LEMME HURT THEM BACK. 

His world spun and he felt like he was falling. He fell and fell into the abyss with no one there to save him as the bag felt like it was burning a hole in his hand. Is it hot? He felt hot. Burning up. Had he finally died and gone to hell? God knows that’s where he belonged.

No. It’s just an overwhelming darkness. Nothing. And that’s what he wanted, right? To feel nothing.

*VERY INCOHERENT SCREAMING* This is beautiful writing omg. The raw emotion in this. Holy hell. 

oml. That transition from pure pain and angst into love just *chefs kiss*. Frankie deserves so much 😭

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Part 11

“It wasn’t supposed to make you cry,”

wHat eLsE wAs iT sUpPoSeD tO dO omg. 

This whole chapter was SO CUTE!!! The way that Frankie just knows things about her. UGH. 

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Part 12

“What if it’s big and pulls me in?!”

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY OMG

“I don’t wanna die,” he whispered.

His life felt as though it was falling apart all over again and he realized it was because she was the one that held him together and now that he was leaving, everything was one big mess again.

*inaudible screaming*

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Part 13

That ending tho! I love that you gave them their own little thing with the moon. Its so sweet 🥰and the Pope-Frankie friendship moments. *melts*

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Part 14

okay i was gonna blockquote but there was too much to quote This whole chapter felt so raw omg. If you’re pulling from real experience then I’m so sorry you ever had to go through that *pulls you into the biggest hug ever* (assuming you like hugs, if you don’t... i send you an affectionate ‘rubbing my forehead into your shoulder’)

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Part 15

“You could’ve walked in here with your head shaved and I’d still love it…but…please don’t.”

😂 yessss give me the humour in this sad

still haven’t learnt to read the warnings oml 🤦🏻‍♀️

ahhhh the soft reassuring Frankie content!!!!

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Part 16

“Probably because it’s Wednesday,” he said.

“It is?” you asked.

“Yeah. What day did you think it was?”

I FEEL SO ATTACKED OMG. What even is time anymore.

asfadsdfgdhk Its so SOFFTTT. Is this what it’s like to fall in love??😭

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Part 17

hallelujah i’ve finally learnt to read the warnings

ngaww Frankie being all excited and soft 🥺🥺 are they going camping?? are we gonna get Frankie in his element??

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Part 18

I’m as flat as a board back there.

I feel attacked and this wasn’t even directed at me oml 😂😂

tHeY aRe sO iN lOvE oMg 😍

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Part 19

I get it, it’s embarrassing, but I’m not judging you for it.

YES. In this house, we don’t judge people who are struggling to find jobs!

“I wouldn’t say them if you didn’t deserve them. You deserve good things, Frankie. You may not feel like you do but you do. Always.”

He sighed and rubbed your back. “If you say it then it must be true.”

*incoherent screaming* we all deserve good things okay 😭

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Part 20

thank you for the warnings that i’ve finally learnt to read before reading the fic

What if I’m a lost cause? Just some pathetic druggie who can’t get his shit together…mooching off his girl.

NOOO You’re not just some pathetic druggie Frankie😭😭

“Sleepovers? Do I get to paint your nails? Do your hair?”

Our love has aged gracefully kinda like us.

THE SOFT OMG 🥺🥺

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Part 21

“With all due respect, sir, I’m not and have never been an addict. Yeah, I did drugs. Yes, I hurt your daughter and she had to leave, but you know what, we’re together now and nothing’s gonna change that. She’s forgiven me and she loves me and that’s all that matters.”

YAS. I love this change from nervous wreck to confidence! 

This is so happy and soft and sweet oml. My angsty soul doesn’t know how to deal. 😭

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Part 22

Sweet baby jesus. It was soft. And then it was not. And then it was soft again and I just. *incoherent screaming* GURL. 

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ludus

I’m gonna have a house right on the other side of the lake.

asdfgI I Have Feelings.

GURLLL. This was so innocent!! They’re both so young and cute and asgalsfjghsd. 

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eros

“Are you running away from something?” she asked, and he bristled. “From me because you love me and don’t know how to say it?”

*incoherent screaming* well shit. you go gurl! you call him on his crap!

I skimmed the smut but like Frankie being a nervous wreck is 🥺

If you wanna see someone else while I’m gone, you can.

*more screaming because OMG if only he knew what that would lead to*

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ania

O damn. I kinda loved his slow descend into darkness... The fact that the reader still clings on to hope and love and just, damn. I’m lost for words. 

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coda

... 

...

that’s all my brain feels right now. that was dark, but like. a good dark. It was heart wrenching but beautiful and- “I won’t be able to find you if I’m lost myself,” THIS. I just. *chefs kiss* but also, *ugly sobbing*. 

[booksanditsseriesormovies]

GX Month Day 10

(September 9): Free Day/Introductions

Ready for Story time (in fear of sounding like a Youtuber)? Ok here is how I got into GX and my 3 favorite characters in the series...

So I was one of the many that grew up with Duel Monsters. I was like 8-9 y/o when my friends and I got into the hype of it, some friends of mine even played the card game with hand drawn cards because it was hard to come across the real thing in Latin America at the time. 

But I was never able to finish it and I dropped it. Until I was in college (seriously how many got back into their childhood likes in college), where I finished it in like a month and a half and left a hole in me after I finished. So the next logical step was to watch GX to keep myself going in the YGO train...

And I just couldn’t. 

It was just too different and I loved DM way too much. And the first few episodes of GX gave me a huge whiplash theme wise (fun fact: that’s happening to me rn and that’s why I am rewatching S3 of GX instead of watching 5Ds, I watched like 5 episodes and I’m still too attached to GX to enjoy it). 

Like how did we go from this

to this

The fact that we get bombed by tons of fillers (including Judai dueling a freaking monkey) so early in season 1 was not helping. So after like 20 episodes or so I dropped it, not really convinced. That was like 3 years ago.

Fast forward to quarantine. I was going through my list of pending anime to watch and I came across Yu Gi Oh GX, and I decided to give it another go now that DM wasn’t so fresh on my emotions. And I had also read several comments saying that you had to get through season 1 and 2 because season 3 and 4 were spectacular and totally worth the watch. 

And so I started watching it and while I got into it thinking “okay I just want to get to season 3″ I found myself truly enjoying season 1 (at least after the never ending completely irrelevant fillers). People found Judai annoying and I have to say from what little I’ve heard of the dub, yeah he is annoying there. But in the sub I ended up really digging Judai’s carefree personality and how he just honestly loves dueling. 

My only point of comparison so far is DM and Judai’s attitude to dueling is such a contrast to Atem’s much more serious one (though both are great and fit their characters and storylines well). In fact, after seeing Judai in season 4 I seriously missed the carefree Judai of season 1 and 2, like it caused me pain to see how badly season 3 had broken this poor boy and made him harden beyond recognition. Thank God for BBT because we see that he is back to being a happy boy.

Then I got into season 2 and we got introduced to this magnificent being

Edo Phoenix started off as the character that made me roll my eyes because of how damn full of himself he was, smugly beating the living daylights out of Judai and Ryo (so bad both of them experience a full on trauma induced breakdown, seriously). But he just grew on me as he started drifting away from Saio a bit and we learn of his tragic backstory with his dad and DD (and when he nonchalantly cut off Judai’s fishing line after he caught his steak I swear to God I laughed out loud in public because of it). 

And then he showed up again season 3 all of a sudden and he got grouped with Ryo and the power vibes were off the roof (like that scene of them defeating those Supreme King’s minions with Cyber End and Plasma #iconic). And he got some nice character growth, saying he was helping Judai fins Johan because Judai had saved Saio before. And then him dueling Amon (that piece of s***) to save Echo...thanks season 3 for killing off my child.

Forever salty that the last we see of Edo is him getting punched by Ojama Yellow

BUT in season 3 we got introduced to this man right here

And I never looked back. This person, this lovely Crystal Boy is my favorite boy forever and after 5 min of knowing him I knew that would be the character I would lose my shit over in these series.

I just love everything about Johan, his bond with the Crystal Beasts, his natural sense of leadership, his resolve to become a bridge between humans and spirits. But most of all, how he is the first true friend Judai has IMO. Johan sees Judai as an absolute equal, and in the span of a few episodes he develops a much more deeper bond with him than most (if not all) of his other friends in 2 seasons. I feel like, if Judai represents the Gentle Darkness, Johan is his Light counterpart (like Darkness and the Light of the Destruction...but good), that’s why they are so similar. My dream is that they would have explored this had season 4 not been cut short, maybe Johan was also a reincarnation seeing as he and Judai felt they had known each other before.

I think it was absolute BS that he wasn’t around for most of season 4 considering he was the catalyst for the second half of season 3 (wth s4 writing team). But at least he came back to duel Fujiwara with Judai and he made him laugh for the first time in like 50 episodes (everyone say thank you, Johan). It was in the middle of a duel to save Humanity but who cares those two children were having fun teasing Darkness. 

Well anyways, Judai, Edo and Johan are my boys. I love them a lot so please love them too. And love GX because half the flake it gets is undeserved tbh.