#this is before casey goes into therapy lord knows she needs it

[nordidia]

Hi hi! Just wondering what you think the friendship dynamic between Raph and Cass would be like? I've seen CJ and April the most often in your Raph doodles but rarely if not ever Cass, and that got my curiosity up!

(I think of them as besties who does skating and trashing property with Dee lmao-)

whatever in the fresh hell this is

[caseyjroberts]

1. Luka - Suzanne Vega

“Yes, I think I'm okay, I walked into the door again If you ask that's what I'll say, and it's not your business anyway I guess I'd like to be alone, with nothing broken, nothing thrown Just don't ask me how I am”

Casey’s early childhood was extremely difficult. He was raised by abusive and neglectful drug addicts until he was removed from their care and placed in foster care at eight years old.

2. All I Really Want - Steven Curtis Chapman

“All I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in A shoulder to cry on if I lose, shoulders to ride on if I win There's so much I could ask for but there's just one thing I need All I really want for Christmas is a family”

Casey spent five years in foster care, and it was very rough on him. He struggled with trusting people, but he was desperate for somewhere to actually belong, and someone to love him.

3. When Love Takes You In - Steven Curtis Chapman

“When love takes you in everything changes A miracle starts with the beat of a heart When love takes you home and says you belong here The loneliness ends and a new life begins When love takes you in”

He was thirteen years old when the Roberts family took him in and began the adoption process. He was equally thrilled and terrified, both afraid of what a real home would actually mean, and that it would all fall through.

4. This Is Home - Switchfoot

“This is home Now I'm finally where I belong, where I belong Yeah, this is home I've been searching for a place of my own, now I've found it Maybe this is home, this is home”

It took six months for Casey to finally realize that things were permanent, that the Roberts family really did love him, really were going to keep him, and he was truly safe there. He broke down crying in his room once he did.

5. Courage Is - The Strange Familiar

“Courage is when you're afraid but you keep on moving anyway Courage is when you're in pain but you keep on living anyway We all have excuses why, living in fear something in us dies Like a bird with broken wings, its not how high he flies but the song he sings”

Even after his adoption, Casey had a long road to learn to cope with his past, both his early neglect and abuse, and the years of being bounced between foster homes. It was a difficult time, but eventually with love and support from his new family, and a lot of therapy, he was able to put the past behind him for the most part, though it would always affect him.

6. I’ll Stand By You - The Pretenders

“I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you Won't let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you Take me in, into your darkest hour and I'll never desert you I'll stand by you “

Casey very quickly became extremely protective of his two younger siblings. They had all had their own struggles in life before their adoption and bonded quickly, becoming very close and Casey took his position as older brother extremely seriously.

7. She’s Everything - Brad Paisley

“She's the voice I love to hear, someday when I'm ninety She's that wooden rocking chair I want rocking right beside me Everyday that passes I only love her more Yeah, she's the one that I'd lay down my own life for And she's everything I ever wanted and everything I need She's everything to me, yeah she's everything to me”

He fell hard and fast for his high school sweetheart Isabelle. The two were head-over-heels in love, engaged in their senior year and married the summer before they started college.

8. I Run To You - Lady Antebellum

“This world keeps spinning faster, into a new disaster so I run to you I run to you baby And when it all starts coming undone, baby you're the only one I run to I run to you “

It wasn’t exactly easy, struggling as a young married couple in college, especially when once they had a surprise pregnancy and then a baby to raise as well, but somehow they always made it work. They insisted that they were soul mates, it was meant to be, and so it would always work out.

9. Isn’t She Lovely - Stevie Wonder

“Isn't she lovely, isn't she wonderful Isn't she precious, less than one minute old I never thought through love we'd be Making one as lovely as she But isn't she lovely made from love “

Abby had Casey completely wrapped around her finger from the moment that he saw her. Though he had initially been afraid of being a father, afraid he might end up like his birth parents, but the moment she was born he knew there was no way he could ever hurt her. He promised to never, ever let her suffer any of the things he had.

10. Homesick - MercyMe

“I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now”

Abby was three years old, and Casey and Isabelle had been married for six years when a drunk drive crashed into their car, injuring father and daughter, and killing Isabelle. Losing his wife very nearly broke Casey and he spent months running on autopilot, barely functioning, taking care of Abby, but not himself.

11. Fix You - Coldplay

"And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones And I will try to fix you “

The only thing that got Casey through losing his wife was his family. Abby was a reason to keep living, and his parents and siblings were his rocks, supporting him through his grief.

12. In My Arms - Plumb

“Your baby blues, so full of wonder Your curly cues, your contagious smile And as i watch, you start to grow up All I can do is hold you tight Knowing clouds will rage in, storms will race in But you will be safe in my arms Rains will pour down, waves will crash around But you will be safe in my arms”

After having to watch Abby injured from the accident, and losing her mother so young, Casey redoubled his determination to protect her from the world, to never let her have to know any pain that he could protect her from. He couldn’t bare to ever watch her suffer again.

13. There You’ll Be - Faith Hill

“In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky In my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life I'll keep a part of you with me And everywhere I am, there you'll be”

Over time, Casey slowly began to come to terms with his wife’s death, but he knew that the grief of her loss, and the memory of her would be something that he would always carry with him.

14. My Little Girl - Tim McGraw

“You're beautiful baby from the outside in. Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again. Go on, take on this whole world. But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl. “

Casey is blown away by how fast it feels like Abby is growing up, but he is also immensely proud of the person that she is becoming. His daughter is still very much his whole world.

15. One More Day - Diamond Rio

“Last night I had a crazy dream, a wish was granted just for me It could be for anything I didn't ask for money, or a mansion in Malibu I simply wished, for one more day with you One more day, one more time One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied But then again, I know what it would do Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you”

Though it has been years since the death of his wife, Isabelle is still a constant on Casey’s mind and while he has more of a peace about her loss now, he can’t help but wish that they had more time.

16. One Call Away - Charlie Puth

And when you're weak I'll be strong, I'm gonna keep holding on Now don't you worry, it won't be long Darling, and when you feel like hope is gone, just run into my arms I'm only one call away, I'll be there to save the day Superman got nothing on me, I'm only one call away”

Casey’s protective instincts have begun to extend even past his daughter and siblings. He has a tendency to take people under his wing, and he does his best to always be there for them.

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 135, December 2018

Last Saturday night, I attended the CinFull Fitness Christmas break-up held at The Main Cafe Bar Restaurant in Berwick. Considering that I had to work for 9 hours and quickly got myself changed after work (into an ugly Christmas sweater of course), I was amazed at how “awake” I was. The restaurant was a lot more fully booked than I expected and I could tell that the staff were flat off their feet. I easily found the table that Cinamon booked for us so I just decided to walk on over.

The sad reality is that I hardly ever go out socially so tonight I was making the most of it. Still, I was being sensible with my alcohol intake especially when I had to get up early for work the next day. Cinamon made up these cute little gift bags with a personalised name tag, each containing some bath bombs and choccies. It was a really sweet and thoughtful gesture. I decided to order the poached chicken with chips, which ironically was the first meal to arrive considering I got there a bit late.

Even though social situations will continue to be a challenge for me, I was doing my best simply tuning into the conversations happening around me. As I’ve stated before in previous blogs, it takes a while for me to be comfortable enough to open up about myself to people. I guess it’s a self-defensive mechanism of mine, being cautious about who I trust and trying my best not to get hurt. I’m certainly not a closed book either, simply just shy and reserved.

I could also tell that these girls (and guy) were all pretty relaxed around me. That actually puts me at ease because I know girls can have preconceived notions about men but the truth is that they have nothing to fear. I try to be the most easy going, friendly, caring, humble man because that’s my nature. We did have plenty of laughs and somehow I managed to stay for over 2 hours, which is a pretty big achievement for me.

I didn’t even need to rush over to the toilet once (for a mental regroup) so that shows my progress with being in social situations. I enjoyed my night and I’m really looking forward to smashing more fitness and confidence goals in 2019 with CinFull Fitness.

On Monday afternoon, I had an appointment with my occupational therapist Ambika from Everyday Independence. I was feeling a bit nervous and apprehensive today as I really didn’t know what I’d be in for. I did my best to create a calming, relaxed space in the dining room with my folder full of notes, a notepad, glass of water and radio playing softly in the background. At least I could say that I was physically prepared for this.

The appointment seemed to go pretty smoothly as Ambika gauged what I needed assistance with at home and together we put together a helpful weekly planner to add household chores to including cooking, cleaning, dusting vacuuming, sweeping, wiping certain rooms of the house. She also made it realistic and manageable, considering I don’t do many of these tasks currently, in order to build up motivation and confidence gradually.

She’s set me the task of preparing my own recipe for dinner including writing out a shopping list and buying all the ingredients. Sounds simple enough, it’s just the “doing” part now. Ambika also recommended a few apps I could use to help with moods, coping strategies for stress and anxiety as well as daily planning and checklists. These are Daylio - Diary, Journal and Mood Tracker, Headspace: Meditation and Mindfulness and Google Keep - Notes & Lists.  

On Monday night, I attended my last Boxing class for the year with Cinamon Guerin at CinFull Fitness in Narre Warren South. It’s hard to believe that it’s been five months since I’ve joined this group and I can definitely see the improvements I’ve made with my confidence, focus, determination and drive. I’ve always been slow to warm up when it comes to learning boxing techniques and combos but it doesn’t take me long before I’ve “got it”. https://www.expertboxing.com/boxing-basics/how-to-box/the-beginners-guide-to-boxing

It was just a couple of us tonight (Sam, Sarah and myself) but I was content with that. I was actually worried that I wouldn’t get there on time with all the local peak-hour traffic making me run late but I made it. We did some EMOM (Every Minute on the Minute) drills which involved 10 jabs, 20 uppercuts, 30 highs and 40 hooks plus 4 side to side straddles, 10 star jumps, a squat hold and 10 V-crunches. Plus some continuous walking combos which made us all laugh.  

I’m hoping that in the new year, I’ll be able to come to classes more regularly and even stick around for a “double” one time. But right now I know my limits in terms of physical fitness. It’s something I need to continue to work on so that I don’t get as tired or fatigued as often. It’s about forming better habits and smashing through goals gradually. It doesn’t matter how many times I go off track, I’m going to keep bringing myself back.

On Tuesday morning, Mum and I attended the City of Casey - School Crossing Supervisor’s Christmas social function held at Zagame's Berwick Hotel. Switching the venue from last year’s event at the Lynbrook Hotel to here seemed like a good idea on paper considering how large the turnout was. Sadly, they still ran into a few problems such as using a “random bingo number” system to organise everyone’s meal orders. It was chaotic and messy to say the least especially with Sonya having to yell out the numbers instead of using a microphone. Going table by table would have been much more efficient but never mind.

We were lucky to sit in a comfy circular booth near the rear of the Sports Bar with Mum’s friend Val plus Kay and Ray. They put on a Morning Melodies performance for an hour, playing a mixture of Christmas songs (Hark Now Hear The Angels Sing, Blue Christmas, Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree) and a few classics including ABBA’s Dancing Queen and Honey Honey, You’re The One That I Want by John Travolta & Olivia Newton John and Sugar, Honey Honey by The Archies.

After the drama with the main meals was over, Dreena (the School Crossing Co-ordinator) announced a few years of service awards and drew out some door prizes. Mum was lucky enough to win one which I was very pleased about. As expected, I got asked the question of what I’ll be doing next year. I always find it really daunting and hard answering because I never really know myself. I’ve lived this year pretty much day to day.

It’s like people expect you to have your life mapped out for the next 5-10 years but in reality, I’m lucky to plan a month in advance. However, I am considering enroling in one of the free TAFE courses such as the Certificate IV in Mental Health as I have personal experience as well as a keen interest in that area. Plus I still have a burning passion for creative writing including blogs and music/movie reviews and also getting back into art again. So there you go. Hopefully that’s a satisfying enough answer for those wondering.

On Tuesday night, I went to the final Body Balance class for 2018 with Astrid held at YMCA Casey RACE in Cranbourne East. I was still feeling very tense through my upper back and shoulders after my boxing session last night so I figured some yoga and pilates stretches should help with that. We did the new release (number 83) which features tracks including Towards The Sun by Rhianna, Die Young by Sylvan Esso, There She Goes by Leon Bridges, I Need a Forest Fire by James Blake & Bon Iver. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/fitness-classes/bodybalance/#facType=modal&filterType=0&classes=bb

Overall, this wasn’t a bad release. The balance tracks and Pilates were the most challenging parts for me but I did what I could given my limitations. Here is a breakdown of the exercises: Tai Chi Warm Up (Overhead arm circles, Flowing Water arms), Sun Salutations (Forward Fold, Low Lunge, Downward Facing Dog, Plank, Crocodile, Baby Cobra), Standing Strength (Warrior 1, Warrior 2, Joyful Warrior, Intense Pose), Balance (Half Moon pose, Falling Star pose), Pilates Core (Foot circles, V-crunches, Bicycle crunches, Bow pose), Twists and Seated Poses (Swan pose, Wide Legged Forward Fold with Side Stretches, Half Lord of the Fishes pose), Hamstrings (Butterfly pose, Happy Baby pose) and Relaxation. https://www.livestrong.com/article/39660-body-balance-class/

On Friday morning, I had my first appointment with a speech pathologist named Amon from Everyday Independence. Was it going to be like the opening scene from Everybody Loves Raymond? (THEY’RE COMING! Come and sing a song of joy!). Probably not. That’s just my anxiety trying hard to freak me out. New person alert. Oh shit! It’s something I need to seriously confront in order to gain more self confidence really. And the reality is that he’s here to help me. https://www.everydayind.com.au/our-therapies/speech-pathology/

Today’s assessment involved being asked a lot of scerario-based questions related to my communication skills and how I talk with people I know and people I’m not familiar with. It was pretty difficult and confronting at times especially the part on making conversation. This is an area where I have huge issues and a lot of sensitivity about ever since my childhood. Plus it’s really draining answering questions for 1.5 hours. https://www.everydayind.com.au/therapy/communications-skills/

Luckily, Amon was very friendly and easy going. It was just tough coming up with decent answers like how I respond in certain situations and trying to remember specific examples of times when this happened. When you’re in a brain fog or you simply can’t come up with anything, it’s embarrassing as. But Amon was quite patient during these awkward silences and didn’t push me too hard.

We also came up with a couple of goals to work towards over the next 12 months. This includes: Being more confident and using strategies to make conversation with others, especially people that I’m not familiar with. Developing friendships with people I feel comfortable with and be able to spend time socially with in the future. I rated my level of importance has high for both of these goals. Hopefully 2019 will be a more successful year for me in terms of achieving more self-confidence and better communication.

“The cold wind is blowin' and the streets are getting dark. I'm writin' you a letter and I don't know where to start. The bells will be ringin' Saint John the Divine. I get a little lonely every year around this time...I've got to know (Nobody ought to be all alone on Christmas). Where do the lonely hearts go (Nobody ought to be all alone on Christmas). Oh cause' nobody ought to be all alone on Christmas.” Darlene Love - All Alone On Christmas (1992)

“All around the world. Anticipation. 'Cause here it comes again (you see). No matter where you are. It could be near or far. But it still feels like Christmas time to me. I tell you what you already know. Forget and ready to let it go. The countdown has begun. Whether you're in the mmh. North, South, it's all the same. Let your troubles fade away. Get ready to love everyone.” Kylie Minogue & Dannii Minogue - 100 Degrees (2015)