#this is another rambly half headcanon half prose thing but ghghghg

[flatstarcarcosa]

sorry but thinking about how zaeed and i always gloss over the whole 'he locked me in his bathroom for an improv detox' thing with everyone and how it's always fucking funny, from our POV, but always for a new reason bc different people ALWAYS react differently depending on how they view literally everything about the entire situation.

but also consider:

doctor chakwas

when he comes back that one day after a mission on the normandy and finds that i've slid into detox because my implant is overdue for replacement. i'm literally sitting in the shower in my underwear because i kept getting hot flashes and not knowing why, among all the other shit that comes with it, and eventually just got as far as halfway naked for a shower before i just ran out of energy and shit.

i'm not doing great, and it's not UNTIL he thinks 'reese is having detox symptoms in a bathroom again this is familiar' that he realizes that oh, that's what that fucking intermittent beeping on his equipment has been the past few days. it was the goddamn reminder from the implant that it was coming due.

he fucking configured it because he knows i always forget and usually the alarm reminds him, but with shepard picking him to go in the field he just, for the first time EVER, missed it.

like, i'm very much sick because all but a couple of my regular, non-junkie type meds are still ones you can get dependent on. a lot of anti depressants can cause HORRIBLE withdrawal/detox if you're removed suddenly without a taper.

so he just scoops me up in a couple towels and takes me over to chakwas all fucking soggy and shit, and she too wonders why if i'd already been feeling so fucking shitty for a couple days, i didn't come see her, and by this point zaeed's just taken over answering for me, and he comments about how i dislike doctors intensely, to put it mildly.

chakwas isn't able to replace my implant, it's a legal device that was acquired illegally and as such the normandy doesn't have the tools to replace it since no one on the expected crew list has anything similar. she does, however, have most of the meds it regulates, and is able to give me a few extra things to help with the additional symptoms until the next time we can dock and actually fix my implant.

zaeed elects to let me sleep it off in the med bay, and comments later when he comes back after getting himself a shower and some food that well hey, it's not like it's the first time i've detoxed in a bathroom.

"what in god's name does that mean?" chakwas asks.

"most of those meds that implant shits out is either managing their incurable insanity or their addictive tendencies," he says. he tells her how, a few days after we met, i ruined the mood by suddenly spouting "ah fuck i'm ODing again" mid sentence before i dropped to the floor.

"they're goddamn lucky i'm good at math and put again together with them croaking out 'bag'," he adds. after all, if anything useful came out of my time with Rust it was to always have an emergency OD kit on hand.

it was in with the rest of my crap, and it was while digging through my shit to find it that zaeed also found just how many different fucking drugs i had on me.

"that is lucky," chakwas agrees. "those kinds of things can keep someone alive until they get to the hospital, and have for centuries."

"right," says zaeed, crossing his arms. "i...didn't do that."

"...what did you do?"

"packed up their shit to toss them out, then sat and thought about it for a bit, then i tossed them and their shit in my bloody bathroom and dried 'em out."

chakwas says nothing, and blinks at him.

"you did what?!"

"it worked out, didn't it?"

"you could have killed them! do you know how it easy it is to kill someone by withdrawing them improperly?!"

"i know the first three days had me wishing it was a lot easier!"

"good god, massani!"

after that, karin kicks him out of the med bay and refuses to let him back in until i'm awake. she gets that it was...an unusual situation, she can allow him that, and it's not that she suddenly doesn't trust him around me or in general but, still.

it was a horrible twisting of 'medical care', and if he knew enough to get me through the initial overdose and get me stable, he damn sure knew enough to also get me proper care after. if he wanted or decided on a whim to be responsible for me, he should have done it all the way and done it correctly.

as a doctor, and as me temporarily under her care as her patient, she just doesn't want to hear anything else, or any other excuses, about it.

she also takes the time to double check the readings from my implant and the medications and dosages, just in case. it's not as if either of us gave her a full medical history, but the implant has enough information for educated guessing and a second look.

she does not, however, foresee the way i panic when i wake up 18 hours later and find myself alone in the med bay without zaeed, and he can't resist a smug "i goddamn told you so" when she has to concede and let him back in before i'll allow anything else to be done.

"my best guess, you were about 30 seconds away from seeing what i meant about them clawing at the door," he adds.

"my opinion isn't changing," chakwas says sternly. "you're a smart enough man to have known better."

i roll my eyes.

"you told her about my bathroom sabbatical when we met, didn't you?"

"what? she asked!"

"and i simply told him he could get the hell out of my med bay," she says, crossing her arms.

"you realize that's been like...8 years ago now, right?" i ask. "seems like a weird hill to die on, doc."

"it's a perfectly normal hill, from my perspective," she says. "i understand neither of you are bothered and it seems fine, but the kind of damage that can be done during an improper detox, even if it isn't fatal, can still be immense. for all we know the medications you need now can be as a result of complications from that that are just getting misdiagnosed as your previously untreated mental illness."

zaeed and i do swap a glance, and we each do file that away, somewhere. mentally. for later.

if we both have one.

shepard's mission isn't done, which mean zaeed's contract isn't done, and there was no guarantee he'd be around to spend those credits cerberus paid him.

"naaaaaaaaaaaah," i say instead, "i was always fucking crazy. sane people don't end up junkies, doc."

"that's not how addiction works," chakwas starts to say-

"i've never met a sane addict in my life," i say, hopping off the exam table. "and i bet i've known more addicts in person than you have in theory, doc."

i stress the word, bat my eyelashes, and give her a grin that clearly says we're dropping this now and i'm trying to be polite. she catches the message, clears her throat.

"regardless, thank you," i add. "i finessed this implant back on illium ages ago because it makes it easier for my meds, but i can lose track of when it's coming due for replacement. i normally have pill forms of all those meds on me for when i forget, but with this mission coming up so fast, they got overlooked."

"you're welcome," says chakwas. "and please, as long as you're both still part of this crew, if you're feeling unwell just come by. it's why i'm here."

"don't mind if i don't," i drawl in a sing-songy tone. the med bay door beeps open, and the smell of stew coming from the kitchen draws me over. zaeed pauses at the door, considers something for a moment and then sighs, turning back towards her.

"it's nothing personal, you know," he says. karin turns in her chair.

"you think i'm so thin skinned i take it personally whenever someone doesn't like doctors?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"i think any good doctor would take it personally if someone feels safer with me giving them medical care," he says. her eyebrow lowers, and her face softens for a moment. "and you are. a good doctor, that is."

the door beeps shut behind him, and she watches through the window as he yells across the crew deck. chef gardner says something in response, and whatever exchange the two men have causes me to begin scooping as much beef stew into my mouth as i can before zaeed can reach me and pry the bowl out of my hands.

doctor chakwas remembers then that chef gardner makes his beef stew with a special wheat flour and beef bullion powder combination as flavoring and thickener, and she says nothing 6 hours later when i slink back into the med bay and ask for something for gas and nausea relief.