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kim-seungmine · 6 years ago

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i’ll hold your hand (don’t let me go) - part 2 /2

title: I’ll hold your hand (don’t let me go) – part 2 / 2

characters: (fem) reader x hwang hyunjin of stray kids (feat. kim seungmin, han jisung of stray kids, lee chaeyeon of iz*one, myoui mina of twice + other skz members)

genres: fluff, angst, slice-of-life, college au

warnings: language, mentions of bullying & death

word count: 7.5k words

synopsis: hyunjin is no longer fearless and you feel that he’s slipping away from you... or is it the other way around?

a/n: you can read this as a stand-alone but it’ll be much better if you read the first part first. you can find the masterlist in my bio because i can’t put links here!

CHAPTER 2: ... but I love you

It’s finally spring, your favorite season because walking down the street when it’s -19C is definitely not your thing. But it’s also Monday, everybody’s least favorite day ever, no matter what the season is. When Yang Jeongin, Hyunjin’s roommate, tells you that the latter hasn’t woken up yet (it’s past 12PM), you have no choice but to pay a visit to the boys’ dormitory.

The security isn’t too tight during the day, so you manage to slip into the building easily. You stop in front of room number 320, knocking on it softly. Jeongin opens the door, welcoming you with a dimpled smile you always melt at. “I think he’s got a class at 3,” he says, zipping his backpack as he walks past you. “I did everything you told me to do, but it’s been 2 years and nothing ever works unless you do it yourself.”

Jeongin waves you goodbye, leaving you alone with your sleeping boyfriend. “Hyunjin,” you begin, shaking his body with all your might. He doesn’t budge, so you decide to act as if it’s Saturday and he’s staying over at your dorm because you live in a single room (you don’t know how he manages to sneak in, but Hwang Hyunjin surely has his ways).

You lay down beside him before circling your arms around his torso, burying your head in the crook of his neck. “Jinjin,” you try again, using the nickname he loves so much. Hyunjin lives for nicknames, he’s given you so many he can’t even remember them, but you only have one for him. Jinjin. You don’t really use it, but everytime you do, Hyunjin turns into a clingy but obedient big baby.

His eyes flutter open, and you place feathery kisses on his neck. “Please wake up,” you whisper against his skin, looking up to see him smiling at you. Hyunjin nods, wrapping you into a tight hug. “Can Jinjin sleep for five more minutes?” he mumbles.

“What will you do if I tell Jisung that you’re referring to yourself as Jinjin… in third person?” you threaten, smoothing his bed hair. Hyunjin whines, and you’re trying not to chuckle because this is serious. “You can’t make Jeongin and me do this all the time.”

“I know,” he answers, rocking you in his arms. “But it’s just sooo hard to wake up.”

You sigh, pulling away to look at him in the eyes. “Next time I’ll just let you miss classes. This is going to be my last time doing this, okay?”

“Okay,” he replies, and you give him a peck on his lips. “Alright. Now can Jinjin start getting ready so he can walk his beautiful girlfriend to class?” you tease, earning a hard pinch on your cheek.

Hyunjin sits up with you still in his arms. He gives you one more kiss before getting out of bed. “Please let me live, Y/N!”

It only takes Hyunjin twenty minutes to get ready. He’s already dressed in the red checkered shirt you gifted him last month and a pair of faded jeans. “You’re trying to turn me into Jisung, aren’t you?” he asks while looking at his reflection in the mirror.

“I just think that you look good in checkered shirts, that’s all,” you reply, feeding him a piece of kimbap you bought from CU*. “Speaking of Jisung, are we still meeting his friend tonight? Do you still have dance practices with Minho?”

Hyunjin opens the door, taking your hand in his before stepping out. “What’s a dance practice?!” he asks dramatically. “I only know staying up all night to design a living room!”

“I’m serious. He’s been asking to meet us so many times this week but we barely responded,” you say. Hyunjin mutters a tired, “Aigoo,” but takes out his phone to call Seungmin.

“Wow, you answered,” he exclaims, putting his phone on loudspeaker so you can hear their conversation. “You better not bail on us tonight, asshole. I don’t want to hear Jisung weep about us not being supportive.”

Seungmin scoffs, you can hear him closing his book. “What the hell? You’re the one who keep canceling! Y/N, tell him!”

You jab at Hyunjin’s waist, causing him to yelp loudly. “I’ll drag his lazy ass, Seungmin. Don’t worry,” you promise him. Seungmin laughs, telling you to take care before ending the call. You turn to Hyunjin who’s busy massaging his waist. “Do you have something you want to tell me?” you ask.

“Like what?” he challenges, squinting at the bright sunlight as both of you exit the dormitory. You’re swinging your intertwined hands softly, pondering whether you should ruin the blissful moment right now. “Like what?” Hyunjin repeats, causing you to stop on your tracks.

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

“Nothing happened, baby. I’m just tired,” he reassures you, dropping a kiss on the top of your head. “Now let’s get Jinjin’s beautiful girlfriend to class, shall we?”

Jeongin has saved you a spot when you arrive in class. You two went to the same school, but you never actually met him although Seungmin used to be his tutor and talked about the younger boy quite a lot. Sometimes you regret not knowing Jeongin sooner; he’s a brat, but he’s a sweet brat and he’s taught you a thing or two about life.

“So, what method did you use? Scream in his ear? Play his ‘HWANG HYUNJIN WAKE UP!!!’ alarm for a whole ten minutes? Pretending there’s an earthquake and the whole world is falling apart?”

Plus he’s endured being Hyunjin’s roommate for 2 years and put up with his sleeping habits.

You smile sourly at him, cringing when you recall the whole Jinjin-please-wake-up scenario. “He loves me that much, I guess,” you mumble. Jeongin smirks at you, lowering his voice so only you can hear him. “You used ‘the girlfriend method,’ didn’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, the usual. Kissing the life out of him, calling him pet names, begging him to wake up. You went down the soft path, I bet.”

You just stare at him in disbelief, while he’s only giving you a smug smile. “Hyunjin sleep talks. I know a lot of things.”

The professor has entered the class, but you’re too distracted by Jeongin’s words to notice. “What do you know?” you ask, almost fearfully.

Jeongin points at the professor, signaling at you to start opening your book. “Well, let’s say that I know who Jinjin is,” he tells you in a sing-song tone.

You want to smash your head against the table. Dating Hwang Hyunjin is definitely not easy.

The café where Jisung wants to meet you isn’t far from your campus. You and Hyunjin are walking hand-in-hand, with Chaeyeon trailing behind you. “You kept hollering at us to meet you and your new friend and now you’re saying you’re going to be late?!” she yells at Jisung over the phone.

Jisung is now a—quoting Seungmin—somewhat superstar. He’s started a hiphop crew with a friend from his academy, and they’ve started to get attention from the public. You’ve only seen his friend on Instagram, so you’re really curious about him.

“He’ll be here soon,” Chaeyeon informs with a tired tone as you’re entering the café. “Is this why Jisung insisted we have to meet here?” Hyunjin asks, referring to the bright neon sign outside that reads “YOUNG WINGS.”

Chaeyeon stifles a laugh, nodding in agreement. “He deadass chose a café that has the same name as our group chat. Yep I guess he’s that sentimental.”

Hyunjin and Chaeyeon then get into an intense battle of recalling Jisung’s most “embarrassingly sentimental” moments. Just as you’re about to interrupt, Seungmin enters the café, huge eye bags under his eyes.

“Dude, are you okay?” Hyunjin panics, pulling up a chair for Seungmin to sit on. “When was the last time you slept?”

Seungmin looks even thinner compared to the last time you saw him, which was three months ago. He’s dyed his hair red at the start of the semester, now the color has washed away and his roots are showing. Red looks amazing on Seungmin, you swear to God, but now it just makes him look more tired.

“Let me order you a drink,” Chaeyeon says, making her way to the counter. Hyunjin scoots closer to his friend, offering his shoulder. “Here, sleep. I’ll wake you up when Jisung arrives,” he suggests as you slowly push Seungmin’s head to Hyunjin’s shoulder.

“Do you know any of his SNU friends?” you ask Hyunjin, who only shakes his head slightly. “No. Does he ever talk about them? It seems like he doesn’t do anything but study.”

Chaeyeon returns with a cup of jasmine tea, setting it down in front of a fast-asleep Seungmin. “Oh God, he’s dying,” she whispers, taking off his glasses. None of you says anything for a while, just listening to Seungmin’s soft snore while staring at the door.

“That’s them,” Hyunjin breaks the silence, waving his hand at Jisung and his pink-haired friend before turning to Seungmin. You almost want to stop him from waking the redhead up, but Jisung’s loud voice already makes him stir.

“What’s going on?” Jisung’s voice drops as his eyes land on Seungmin. Chaeyeon only sighs, politely telling Jisung’s friend to sit down. “Should we just let him sleep?” she wonders, asking for Jisung’s permission. The blue-haired boy nods, but Hyunjin grunts in protest. “Can we switch? My shoulder is aching already.”

“I’ll do it,” Jisung offers. “I’m gonna order first.”

Chaeyeon averts her attention to the man sitting beside her. “Jisung as talked about you a lot!” she chirps. He smiles, showcasing his dimples. “I’m Bang Chan. I bet Jisung has talked about you guys a lot more than he talked about me!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I even know your names already! You are,” he stops to point at Hyunjin. “Tall, goddamn handsome, pillowy lips. You must be Hwang Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin looks at him in awe. “How the fuck did you memorize all of that?” he mutters, earning a proud smirk from Chan. He darts his eyes to you, clapping his hands excitedly. “You! You’re Y/N, right? The one who made Jisung start doing all of this.”

You raised your eyebrows as Chaeyeon gasps. “What did he tell you about me?”

“Nothing, actually. Just the fact that Hyunjin gives you heart eyes all the time.”

“And me? How about me?!” Chaeyeon squeals a bit too loud, forgetting that Seungmin is still sleeping on Hyunjin’s shoulder. Chan laughs, pretending to think hard before flashing her a smile. “You’re Lee Chaeyeon, Jisung’s favorite girl.”

Chaeyeon’s cheeks turn pink at his statement, causing Hyunjin to whistle. “He won’t shut up about you,” Chan explains, nudging Chaeyeon playfully. “Although all you do is nag at him.”

“Jisung can’t survive without Chaeyeon’s nagging,” Seungmin suddenly quips. He pats Hyunjin’s back, mouthing a thank you before stretching his body. “And you’re the perfect, almighty Kim Seungmin,” Chan utters, almost starstruck.

“What’s with that look?” Seungmin asks him, sipping his lukewarm jasmine tea. “There’s literally nothing you can’t do. I kept asking Jisung if you were real,” he shares. Seungmin only laughs, reaching out to give Chaeyeon a pat on her head. “Thanks for the tea.”

“Jisung said you have a lot of idol friends!” Chaeyeon exclaims. Chan shakes his head bashfully. “Out of all things he told you that?” he chuckles. You and Chaeyeon are into idol groups thesedays, so you pester Chan to tell you who are the ones he’s friends with.

“Well, I’m friends with Wanna One’s Daehwi and Woojin. I know Pentagon’s Yuto too. Hmm, who else?” he muses while all of you are focusing on him. “Ah! I’m close with Stray Kids’ Lee Jungjin. He recently released a solo album, you guys know him, right?”

The whole table freezes, shooting Hyunjin a worried look. “I see,” Seungmin responds with an awkward laugh. “So are you guys preparing for the audition? Jisung said you two are going to Show Me the Money this year.”

Chan notices Seungmin’s lame attempt to change the topic, but brushes it off.

“Yeah, we are. I think it’ll be a good experience for us,” he says, looking relieved when Jisung comes back.

“Man, the line is long,” he sighs, putting down his chocolate float on the table. Chaeyeon gives him a look that pretty much says, “Please save us,” and he complies, although you’re sure he doesn’t know what the hell is going on. You grab Hyunjin’s hand under the table, lacing your fingers with his.

Hyunjin squeezes your hand, turning to Chan with a hardened expression he’s trying so hard to hide. “I just remembered that I have something to do,” he announces. “It was nice meeting you, Chan. Good luck with the audition, and don’t hesitate to knock some senses into this stupid squirrel if he’s being annoying.” Jisung is about to retort, but Seungmin stops him.

“Call me when you finish, I’ll pick you up. Both of you,” Hyunjin tells you, pointing at Chaeyeon as well. Chaeyeon nods as Jisung stares at you in confusion. Hyunjin gives you a quick kiss on your temple before heading out of the café.

“Did I say something wrong?” Chan asks, looking guilty and confused at the same time. You, Seungmin, and Chaeyeon exchange glances, wondering whether Chan should know about what happened between Hyunjin and Jungjin.

Jisung is busy with his phone, his fingers typing impatiently and you instantly know that he’s texting Hyunjin. You wait until he gets a reply, while Seungmin and Chaeyeon try to dismiss the conversation.

“Chan I’m going to talk about this just once and you have to keep it a secret, okay?” Jisung instructs. You heave a sigh when Chan nods; you’ve always wanted to know more about Jungjin, but Hyunjin always refused to talk about him in details.

“Lee Jungjin was the one who bullied Hyunjin, along with some other trainees. And he was also the one chosen to replace Hyunjin in Stray Kids when his parents pulled him out of the group.”

Hyunjin is already waiting for you in front of the girls’ dormitory building when you arrive. Seungmin, Jisung and Chaeyeon bid you goodbye, but not without silently asking you to update them about your boyfriend.

“See you later, loverboy!” Jisung shouts as Chaeyeon drags him away. Hyunjin immediately wraps his arms around you the moment you get close enough to him. “Chaeyeon’s not going home?” he asks as Seungmin waves at him.

“They’re going for a drink,” you explain, booping his nose with yours. Jisung is going to concentrate on his audition and wants to spend some time with all of you before going M.I.A for a while. You wanted to join, but you knew Hyunjin was waiting for you and wouldn’t be in the mood for socializing. Today was the first time you saw Hyunjin incredibly upset after two years, and luckily your friends think it’s important to console him.

“When’s Mina coming back from New York?” he asks. Mina is currently on tour with her ballet company, and you know that affects Hyunjin more than he wants to admit. One of his best friends is cementing her position as a top dancer, something he desperately wants to pursue as well.

“Probably next month. Hopefully Jisung and Chan pass the preliminary round so Mina will get a chance to see them perform live,” you mutter, squishing his face with your hands when he starts to pout. “How are you feeling?”

Hyunjin sighs as you release your hold on his face. He seems hesitant to tell you; Jungjin is a topic you guys never talk about after high school ended. “I was just… mad. I thought I was doing okay. I no longer want to punch a wall everytime I see him on TV or billboards. I thought I forgave him.” He pulls at his hair in frustration. “But when Chan brought him up… I’m sorry. I ruined the night, didn’t I?”

“It’s fine. Forgiving someone who did something horrible to you isn’t easy. It needs time,” you reassure him. “But will you-”

“I will,” Hyunjin cuts you. “I’ll call Jisung later.”

“You have to stop doing that.”

“What?”

“Reading my mind. Only Seungmin can do that.”

Hyunjin laughs, giving you one last kiss on your cheek before pushing you towards the building. “Good night, Y/N,” he says. You smile at him, your heart feeling heavy as he turns around. This is the beginning of another break down, you can feel it. Hyunjin hasn’t been like himself lately, and what happened tonight only makes it worse.

“Jinjin!” you call out, running to catch up with him. You grab his hand, tiptoeing to capture his lips with yours. Hyunjin rests his hand on the small of your back, bending down so you don’t need to stretch your body. He sighs, trying to whisper how much he loves you in between the kiss. His eyes look slightly brighter when you pull away. “What is this? Usually I’m the one stealing kisses from you,” he asks in an amused tone. You place another kiss on the corner of his lips, hoping that your next few words will make a little difference.

“I’m here for you, Jinjin,” you whisper.

Hyunjin chuckles, light and happy and you’re praying that it will always sound like that.

“I know.”

Jisung and Chan turn out to be the biggest sensations on Show Me the Money, with the show constantly highlighting their friendly rivalry and sweet bromance. Tonight is the semifinal, and Jisung has invited all of you to watch him perform live. “If I get eliminated, at least I’ll have people to cry with later,” he said.

Hyunjin has gone full hip-hop for tonight, sporting a black shirt and ripped jeans with a metal lip ring adorning his bottom lip. He’s wearing his usual silver cross necklace along with some new ones, and also a white bucket hat. You don’t know whether you should be embarrassed, but you gotta admit that your boyfriend looks hot. “Will we get to see Zico? Will the producers come out?” He cranes his neck to see the stage better, his hand resting on your hips.

Chaeyeon, who’s also gone full hip-hop with her black leather jacket , stockings, and denim shorts, is pumped up with equal excitement. “I don’t think so but they’re supposed to be backstage? We’re basically breathing the same air!”

“There are a lot of hip-hop concerts and festivals you can go to, you don’t need to embarrass us like this,” Seungmin comments. You laugh, trying to ignore other girls (and boys) who keep checking Hyunjin out.

“Have you been to one?” you ask, waving at Mina when you spot her entering the venue. “I’ve been to hundreds,” Seungmin corrects you, causing Hyunjin and Chaeyeon to immediately whip their heads to him. “What? Day6 isn’t the only band I like.”

The conversation is cut short as the MC appears and Mina joins you. All of you scream on the top of your lungs throughout Jisung’s performance, in which he spits fire and exudes such a mindblowing charisma that everyone here will never even imagine that Han Jisung a.k.a J.One gets blasted by all of you (especially Chaeyeon) at least twice a day.

“If he keeps this up, he can really advance to final round, don’t you think?” you whisper to Hyunjin, who’s not bouncing up and down anymore. He’s focused on Jisung, following his every movement. The audience cheers as the song ends, shouting “J.One! J.One! J.One” so loudly you think you’re going deaf. Hyunjin keeps his eyes on the stage, watching Jisung saluting the crowd as the lights go out.

He’s looking at the stage with so much longing and sadness, and the familiar feeling of seeing someone you love falling into a limbo tugs at your heartstrings.

“There’s something wrong with Hyunjin.”

You look up from your book to see Jeongin standing in front of you with a worried face. “It started a while back, but I thought he was just stressed with assignments or something.”

“What happened?” you croak, wanting to hear everything while expecting Jeongin to say that he’s joking. You and Hyunjin haven’t really been talking these days, mainly because he constantly shuts you out while you feel like giving up.

You’re not giving up on Hyunjin. Not now, not ever!

Jeongin bites his lips, trying to relay the information as calmly as possible. “At first he was just mumbling nonsense in his sleep. Then he started shouting, I can’t describe it but it was really scary,” he says. “He does nothing but working on his assignments. Like, can you imagine Hyunjin being studious? He won’t even talk to me. When I asked him why he was all serious and gloomy, he said he’s trying not to get lost.”

Lost. This is it. The beginning of the end.

“I don’t want to be rude but, are you guys fighting?”

You shake your head. “He’s just… a bit stressed out, that’s all. I’m just giving him space.”

“I think Hyunjin needs you, Y/N.”

You know that. You fully understand how much Hyunjin needs you right now. It’s just, it’s hard. It’s hard for you to constantly trying to cheer him up, to make him know that everything’s going to okay.

“If Hyunjin makes you worried, if his behavior is stressing you out, you can ask to get a new roommate, Jeongin. It’s okay,” you tell him, but Jeongin scoffs. “I’m staying. This is our Hyunjin, Y/N. I’ll figure things out if you don’t want to.”

Jeongin doesn’t even look at you during the entire lecture. You, meanwhile, keep looking at his direction, hoping he’ll give you a chance to explain yourself. But do you even know how to explain your feelings to yourself? You’re never good at the whole “I’ll always be there for you” thing; you always want to run when things get hard. You avoid everything, as if nothing is more important than living without worries.

You’ve promised Hyunjin so many times that you’ll always hold his hand, to never let go. But now you’re not sure anymore.

felix: park jinyoung is back in korea

felix: i think you should know

felix: he just called me. asked for your number

You nearly drop your phone when you read Felix’s message. Jinyoung left Korea shortly before you moved to JYP High. Shortly after you broke up with him. You know he didn’t leave only because of you, but if you stayed by his side, maybe he wouldn’t have left.

y/n: did you give him to him

y/n: felix

felix: you know theres no way i’d tell him “y/n has a new bf now pls move on” right

felix: you cant avoid him forever

y/n: i know

Hyunjin is sitting in front of you, looking out of the window while sipping his Americano. “Baby?” he calls out, tapping your fingers. You look up, forcing yourself to smile when you meet his tired eyes. You decided to pay him a visit at his dorm while Jeongin is out of town with his friends.

“Yeah?”

“Something bothering you?” he asks.

“What? Nothing.”

“You sure?”

“I should be the one asking you that,” you say sternly. Hyunjin frowns, snatching your phone from you. He opens Felix’s messages, and his eyes become darker as he reads all the recent messages. You reach for his hand, trying to get your phone back. “Hyunjin.”

“Who’s Park Jinyoung?” he demands.

“No one.”

“Your ex-boyfriend? Or are you cheating on me?”

“Hyunjin, please.”

He stops, handing your phone back to you before crossing his arms. You never meant to keep Jinyoung a secret, but you’re not proud of what you did to him. It only reminds you of how selfish you are, how bad of a person you are.

“Jinyoung was my boyfriend in high school,” you explain. “During the 11th grade he and his brother got into a car accident. He survived, his brother didn’t.”

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything, but signals you to continue. “I cared about Jinyoung, I really did. I still do, but he wasn’t the same anymore after the accident.”

“Anyone wouldn’t be okay after such a tragedy, I know. It didn’t make me like him any less, but then he… refused to talk to anyone and kept throwing tantrums. I tried to help him, but after a few months I couldn’t take it anymore. I gave up.”

You finally have the nerve to look into Hyunjin’s eyes although what you’re going to say is going to break his heart. “I broke up with him. I told him I couldn’t stay anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Hyunjin. I know I shouldn’t have done that. I feel so, so sorry. You must be disappointed-”

“Is that why you’re with me now?” he cuts you off. “Because you feel sorry for me? Because you want to redeem yourself?”

He stands up, eyes brimming up with tears as he walks towards his door and opens it. “I knew it,” he mutters through gritted teeth. “Poor Hwang Hyunjin got bullied and now he’s all fucked!” he shouts.

“You’re not, Hyunjin. You can still dance again—”

“I don’t want to disappoint my parents, okay?! I’m all they have so I can’t do whatever I want just because I feel like it.”

Hyunjin is already crying at this point, and you’ve never felt this broken before. The past two years feel like a dream, a sweet dream you both refuse to wake up from. Reality bites, and it bites you hard.

“You didn’t even ask why I chose to go to college,” he quivers. “I told myself that I would stop dancing after high school. No more training. No more auditioning. I have to get myself together. For them. For you.”

Hyunjin takes a deep breath before gripping your shoulders. His next words feel like knives jabbing at your heart. “If you can’t handle me anymore, you can leave. You’re tired, aren’t you?”

You desperately want to tell him no. I love you, Hyunjin, you’re not a burden.

But nothing comes out.

“How have you been?”

You wish you can choose not to answer that question, but you smile, hoping that it will conceal the sorrow in your eyes. “I’ve been okay. How about you?”

Jinyoung clasps his hands together as if expecting your response. He only stares at you, like he’s rehearsing a scenario in his head. “I’m fine. Much better,” he answers, and you release the breath you didn’t know you’ve been holding.

“Look, Y/N. I just want to apologize for everything I did back in high school. It must’ve been tough for you.”

You shake your head while he’s smiling at you, as if knowing how you’ll react—once again. “No, Jinyoung. I’m sorry for leaving you when you needed me the most.”

The Jinyoung sitting in front of you right now is the extreme opposite of the Jinyoung you left. He’s no longer drowned. He’s no longer lost. He’s alive and well and whole, like the first love you cherished and treasured.

“I was angry at you for a long time,” Jinyoung confesses. “One day I found my old phone, the one I used before we broke up.”

“I read all the messages you sent me. You asked me whether I ate, whether I felt okay. You panicked when I skipped school. You apologized; damn you kept saying sorry although I was the one being an asshole.”

“It’s okay. You were grieving—”

“That’s not a reason,” Jinyoung says. “I thought I was the most miserable person on Earth. Maybe I was, to some extent. But then I realized that you were hurting too. You were close to my brother as well.”

“I wasn’t the only one who lost him. You did too. And then you lost me.”

Jinyoung chuckles when he sees you tearing up. “Don’t cry,” he coos, patting your head. “I thought I was alone, that nobody understood me. But you were there. Felix was there. Everybody was trying to understand me.”

“Felix told me you have a boyfriend now?” he asks.

You almost nod your head. “I don’t know anymore.”

Jinyoung smiles knowingly (now that you think about it, Jinyoung really reminds you of Seungmin), offering you tissues to wipe your tears. “You’ll figure it out, you’re not a bad person, Y/N. I’ll testify for you if you need me to!”

No matter what side you’re on—good or evil, love or hate, truth or lie—the choices will always be there, ready to attack you at the most unpredictable time. You won’t call yourself a good person; God you probably don’t deserve even half the things you have right now. But you’re going to fight for them. You’re going to fight for Hyunjin.

So you smile, and this time it’s a genuine one.

“When are you guys going home?” Seungmin nags, glaring at you and Chaeyeon who are sprawled on his bed, laughing at random Instagram videos. The two of you barged into his house two hours ago, completely sabotaging his study session… on purpose.

“Come on, Kim Seungmin, get a life!” Chaeyeon replies as you sit up, eyeing him from head to toe. “You seem totally out of it. You okay?”

“Why won’t I be okay?”

Seungmin doesn’t really bottle up his emotions anymore, but there are times when he scares you with how flatly he dismisses questions about his well-being. “You’re not going through the same crisis as Hyunjin, are you?”

Chaeyeon sits up at your question, and Seungmin laughs. “I’m fine. I work hard, but I also play hard.”

“By going to hundreds of hiphop concerts?” Chaeyeon teases.

He rolls his eyes at her. “I have other friends, for God’s sake. Didn’t you guys see all my Instagram updates?”

When neither of you responds, Seungmin grabs a notebook from his desk. He flips through the pages quickly before stopping on a page full of flowcharts and notes. “I’m starting a project. I hope I can somehow use this as my graduation project. If not, well then, I’m screwed.”

Chaeyeon takes the notebook from him, humming in approval as she reads all the details. “You’re starting a website? For kids like us? What do you mean?”

“I went through so much shit after I told my parents I wanted to become a baseball player,” Seungmin explains. “Then I got into singing, but I never want to go through that again. It was hard, but things got better eventually. I enjoy what I’m doing now.” He turns to you. “So, to answer your question, no. I’m not going through the same thing Hyunjin is dealing with now.”

You give him a playful smirk. “Although Seo Changbin signed with KIA Tigers?”

“Although Seo Changbin signed with KIA Tigers.”

Chaeyeon fakes a yawn while she, in fact, is hiding a smile. “Sooo… in conclusion?”

“There are kids like me, and then there are kids like Hyunjin, who will never be able to live peacefully before doing what they’re really passionate about,” he continues. “There are kids like Jisung who can be so confident and insecure all at once.”

“In conclusion, I want to create a space for everybody. To let them know that there will always be a place for them no matter what kind of shit they’re dealing with. That’s it. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk!”

Now Seungmin is exchanging looks with Chaeyeon, and you figure it’s time to talk about the elephant in the room.

“Let me get this clear. You and Hyunjin didn’t break up, right?” Chaeyeon asks, munching on the potato chips she’s sharing with Seungmin.

“None of us said that word, but I don’t think that’s important now.”

“How is that not important?” Chaeyeon presses, and suddenly you realize how weird the situation is. You’re talking about your relationship with Hyunjin with Chaeyeon—who had feelings for Hyunjin and Seungmin—who had feelings for you.

“Let’s talk about that later.”

“Y/N.”

Chaeyeon sighs, grabbing your slumped shoulder so she can look directly into your eyes. “I had a crush on Hyunjin. You love Hyunjin. That’s a whole different case. You can talk to me.”

“I didn’t sing in front of the whole school for you guys to break up like this,” Seungmin says, causing you to blush when you remember that he dedicated Day6’s First Time to you. You have to admit that you haven’t listened to the song ever since he did that.

“I let Hyunjin down.”

“Everyone lets somebody down,” Seungmin replies.

“Yeah. Thesedays Jisung always calls me in the wee hours in the morning and I never pick up. Now he’s sulking."

“Lee Chaeyeon, you and Jisung are practically dating.”

“We’re not!”

Seungmin mimics Chaeyeon’s expression before punching her shoulder playfully. “He’s just too scared to confess and you’re just too proud to admit that you like him.”

“Stop it!”

Jeongin has bombarded you with messages, but all of them can be summed up into one sentence: Hwang Hyunjin is a mess. You’ve been waiting for the right time to talk to him, but now you find it ironic.

You’re looking, searching, yearning for the right time while losing it at the same time.

After Seungmin and Chaeyeon convinced you to stop dragging this around, you finally texted Hyunjin. Now you’re alone in the middle of the night, reading Hyunjin’s simple “okay” after you asked him to meet you at a small playground near your dormitory where you often hang out together. A familiar shadow walks in your direction, and before you can stop yourself, you have run towards it.

Luckily, it does turn out to be Hyunjin.

“Hey.”

He stops, frowning when he notices that you’re not wearing any jacket. “It’s cold,” he comments in a disapproving tone, but you only shake your head. “I’m fine.”

“Y/N.”

“We have more important things to talk about than me not wearing jacket, Hwang Hyunjin.”

“Okay,” he replies, leading you to one of the benches. Hyunjin takes off his jacket and drapes it around your shoulders. You inhale, staring into his tired eyes and you want to kill yourself for making him even more miserable than he already is.

“I’m in love with you,” you mutter, using the exact same words he used when he first confessed to you. Hyunjin blinks before averting his gaze to a stray dog near the bushes. “How can you be in love with me? Not the one everyone knows, but me.”

“Because you’re my Hyunjin. I love the smiley, clingy, energetic, hard-working, brave, and somehow flirty Hyunjin. But then I realized that even if you’re struggling or stressing out or feeling lost… you’re still you. You’re still the one I’m in love with.”

“Who do you talk to when you feel sad?” he asks firmly. “Not me, right?”

Hyunjin’s eyes don’t seem tired anymore. They’re now burning with anger, and you have no idea how to respond to that. He then pulls you into his embrace, caressing your hair softly although you can feel how upset he is. “I wanted to be angry at you but this is happening because of me. You’re tired, sad, and confused because of me. I’m dragging you down.”

“You’re not,” you counter. “There are times when I’m lost too, Hyunjin. But no, I don’t want to leave.”

He pulls away, sighing as you smile at him. “I’m sorry,” he pleads. “Am I being selfish if I still want to start over? I want to take care of you, Y/N. I want to listen to your rambles, I want to eat ice cream at 1AM during winter with you, and I want to wake up to you calling me Jinjin. But I also want to hug you when you feel sad, I want to hear all your problems, I want to help you solve them. Just like what you’ve been doing for me all this time.”

He starts to smile as well when yours get wider. “No,” you answer, tucking your head in the crook of his neck. “That means you love me.”

“I do,” he quickly says, wrapping his arms around you again like he’s afraid that you will change your mind. “I don’t deserve you, but will you let me try?”

You hum, relishing the comfort of his body heat as he lifts you so that you’ll sit on his lap. “Do you want me to sneak you inside the dorm?” Hyunjin offers, trying to take out his phone from his back pocket.

“You have a ball of sass as your roommate,” you remind him. Jeongin will roast you for another fifty years if you end up sneaking in and kicking him out of his own room, even though you’re sure that Hyunjin will have to endure more than that.

After making exaggerated scenarios of how Jeongin will react if Hyunjin really ends up bringing you back, you spend the rest of the night curling up in Hyunjin’s arms, constantly checking if there are people around. Your boyfriend, meanwhile, makes it clear that he doesn’t give a damn. He kisses your cheeks every 2 minutes (you’re shamelessly counting and proud of it), listening to all sorts of stories you tell him.

“What are you going to do now? Are you going to drop out?”

“No. I haven’t told my parents anything,” Hyunjin states. “I’ll just start dancing again for now.”

He shifts under you, lifting your chin to look into your eyes. “Are you feeling better?” he whispers, his gaze mirroring his shaky voice.

“You’re here. How can I not feel better?”

Hyunjin beams at you as he leans closer to crash his lips on yours. “I’ve missed you,” he rasps, cupping your face to kiss you harder. You want to reply, but everytime his lips make contact with yours, you feel dizzy. Hyunjin whines when you’re pulling away, so you comply, letting him kiss you more slowly. He then trails open-mouthed kisses along your jawline and neck before nipping your collarbone. “Jinjin,” you call out breathlessly.

He looks up. “Hmm?”

“Just promise me one thing.” You reach for his hand, feeling his slender fingers wrap yours in an instant. “Don’t ever let me go.”

“I promise.”

“You’re friends with CB97 and never told me about it. I’m rioting!” Jeongin stomps his feet on the ground as he has his ticket checked. Jisung and Chan are Show Me the Money’s newest winner and runner-up respectively, and the two are inviting all of you to their first solo concert.

Felix is recording his surroundings with his phone, pushing Jeongin’s head out of his way as he’s shooting the empty stage. “Jisung will take photos with us, right Y/N?”

“Why are you so obsessed with taking photos with Jisung?” Hyunjin shudders. “I swear it’s nothing special.”

The freckled boy points at his phone. “Gotta do it for the ‘gram, man.”

Mina, who just arrived in Seoul this morning, waves her phone in front of you and Hyunjin. “I have a surprise for you, Hwang Hyunjin!” she squeals as Chaeyeon grabs her phone to read news from an entertainment website.

“Ballerina Myoui Mina has been added to the Dancing with the Stars lineup,” she reads loudly. Seungmin, Jeongin, and Felix clap at this while you and Chaeyeon are grinning, knowing what the news is about.

“When asked about whom her partner, she said,” Chaeyeon pauses, gesturing at Mina to deliver the good news herself.

Mina clears her throat. “She said, ‘This has never been done before but I begged the producers to cast a friend of mine.’ “

Hyunjin perks up at the word friend, but says nothing while Seungmin mutters a surprised, “Ah!”

“’And that friend is my best friend from high school, Hwang Hyunjin.’”

All of you gather around Hyunjin, giving him a tight group hug. Other people are eyeing you with annoyance but none of you cares. Seungmin and Jeongin are beyond ecstatic, trying to attack the tall boy with kisses.

“Myoui Mina!” Hyunjin exclaims as he shoves Jeongin off. “You’re the best!” he shouts, causing Mina to laugh. Everyone has realized that the graceful and famous Mina is here in the middle of audience; they’re now snapping photos of her while whispering to each other.

“Oh anyways, I also have a surprise for you.” Hyunjin takes out his phone to show you a poster of Lee Jungjin. “He’s holding a concert. I’ve booked tickets for us.”

You squeal, smooching his cheek hard. “I’m proud of you. So proud.”

The music is getting louder and soon, Jisung appears on stage. He just stands there, looking at his fans with so much gratitude. “He’s looking at them like that but can you guys guess what he’s thinking about?” Chaeyeon asks.

“Hmm… he’s forgetting his lyrics?” Seungmin guesses.

Jeongin adds, “He forgot his lyrics and now writing the new one inside his head.”

“This is Han Jisung we’re talking about,” Chaeyeon scoffs. “Pay attention. He wants to pee.”

You snort, about to voice out a witty reply but Jisung has greeted the audience. “Chan and I originally wanted to start with a club banger. But then we decided to dedicate our first and last songs to our loved ones, especially to our friends and family who are here today.”

He points at your direction, waving back at Mina who can barely contain her excitement. “I started writing this song during high school, when I was insecure and unsure about what I wanted to do,” Jisung continues. “I just found out recently that I never finished writing it, so I did it and now I’m going to perform it for the first time.”

The crowd goes wild as the instrumental starts to play. “This is for my friends, my family; the ones who never leave no matter how many times I’ve made them worried.”

“Also, Lee Chaeyeon!”

Jisung stops to locate Chaeyeon, smiling when he finds his girlfriend fiddling with the hem of her blouse, feeling uncomfortable with the attention she’s getting. “Don’t worry, you’ll hear the song I wrote just for you later.”

He smirks, eyes glinting with mischief that always annoys Chaeyeon. “I’m breaking up with him,” she mutters through gritted teeth while glancing at her shoes. “I set my Instagram to private because of this bastard and his popularity and now he’s embarrassing me in public! He’s dead.”

Mina giggles, forcing her to look at the stage because Jisung continues to stare at her (and all of you). When Chaeyeon finally looks up, he gives her a different kind of smile you’ve never seen before. “This is ‘I See,’” he announces.

“Truthfully I’m very much weak-hearted

If the night is really dark, I’ll be too scared to sleep.”

Hyunjin glances at you, who’s burying your face in his chest because you’re crying. He chuckles, wrapping his arm around you. “Was this one of the songs you read on his notebook?” You nod, sobbing harder as Chaeyeon approaches you with teary eyes. She hugs you from the side, crying along with you.

“Eh eh thank you for worrying about me.

Thank you!”

Soon, all of you are huddled together, with the girls crying and the boys cursing at Jisung for making them cry too. “I can’t believe I’m tearing up at what Han Jisung is rapping,” Seungmin sniffles, smacking Hyunjin on his back when the latter laughs at him.

Jisung crouches down as he gets to the last few lines, wiping his own tears. “He’s already crying and it’s only the first song. Unbelievable,” Chaeyeon sobs.

“Just wait right there, I’ll reach it someday

Stop the clock for a while

The flower will blossom someday

This rocky fantasy

I’ll make sure that I’ll reach that mirage and catch you.”

“J.ONEEEEEEEEE!” you shout as the song comes to an end. You look at each of your friends; Felix who’s gone through everything with you, Mina who’s helped you to feel better about yourself, Seungmin who’s sacrificed a lot for everyone, Chaeyeon and Jeongin who have always been honest to you, and Jisung who’s made you feel loved and appreciated.

And then there’s Hyunjin.

He may not always be the dreamy, mesmerizing Hyunjin you fell in love with back in high school. But this Hyunjin—the one who’s facing his demons, the one who’s showering you with more and more love each day, the one who’s fighting for his dreams—is the Hyunjin whom you want to spend the rest of your life with.

“Mina, will you take a photo with me too?” Felix suddenly asks as Chan enters the stage.

“Lee Felix, stop being such a fanboy!” you protest.

Mina nods, flashing Felix her sweetest smile. “Sure! Who else wants a pic with me?”

Seungmin turns to Felix, wiggling his finger in front him. “Don’t do it,” he warns. “I did that once and my comment section was flooded with my friends asking me to introduce them to her.”

“Shut up!” Chaeyeon snaps. “Please appreciate my boyfriend who’s invited all of you to this holy concert.”

“You want to break up with him, remember?” Hyunjin jokes.

Everyone bursts into a hearty laugh, and you realize how far all of you have come. You and your best friends have survived many obstacles together, and you’re sure there will be more hardships in the future. But you’ll be fine. You have each other, and it’s safe to say that all of you have made a silent promise to always hold each other’s hands. To never let go.

* a convenience store in Korea

AND THATS IT!!!! I’ve finished the most tiring project ever. I hope you can somehow relate to this and feel better about yourself. I really love our little group of friends, I love writing about them a lot. Oh, the translation for I See’s lyrics (this is one of Jisung’s solo mixtape anyways!) belongs to @/seungmnis on Twitter!

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dimpled-doll · 7 years ago

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All the acting asks??

HERE COMES THE RAMBLES:

Dream role & why?: Probably Katherine Plumber from Newsies, at least at the moment. I have a whole list of dream roles but Katherine definitely tops it. She’s such an amazing character as she’s this woman fighting for a place in a man’s world which makes her both incredibly strong and hard-willed, as well as vulnerable and desperate as she strives to be successful and follow her dreams. And she’s also such a badass?? She takes crap from no one and is just so quick witted, she could sass me to my grave and I’d thank her.

Dream role that you’ll probably never play & why?: Probably Michael Mell from Be More Chill or Jesse Tuck from Tuck Everlasting, which is very annoying because I’m a female and they are not (more often than not I'm too old, too white or too female to play a role which makes me sad but that's okay I know I can't play every role)

Favorite role you’ve played?: So far, definitely Heather McNamara in Heathers. People are probably getting so tired of me talking about it, but she’s just such an amazing character who goes through so much character development and ahh I’m so happy to have gotten to play her.

Favorite show you’ve been in?: If I mention Heathers again someone is gonna throw something at me, so my other favorite is probably the show I’m in now. Into the Woods is a really fun and interesting show that’s been presenting some unique challenges as an actress that I’m enjoying tackling at the moment. Plus I love fairy tales so it’s lots of fun to get to bring them to life and live through them.

Favorite costume you’ve gotten to wear?: I got to wear a beautiful green medieval-style dress when I did The Wizard of Oz a few years ago, though it was paired which a horrendous green wig and painful green heels. (But the Heathers blazer outfit can’t be matched and will forever hold a piece of my heart)

Favorite line or lyric you’ve had?: “I want a squirrel, and what I want, I get!” -Willy Wonka

“If I say the wrong thing, or I wear the wrong outfit, they’ll throw me right over the side!”- Heathers

First show you were ever in?: I was in a lot of church “musicals” when I was young, but the first ever MUSICAL I was in was The Wizard of Oz. (which I then did again a few years later as the same ensemble role, so if I ever have to hear “The Merry Old Land of Oz” again I will probably smash my head against a wall)

Do you have a type cast?: Definitely young, and apparently mean/sassy (?) in some way/shape/or form.

Favorite show & why?: I have so many favorites it’s so hard to choose! Two of my favorites are probably Les Miserables and Newsies though. I guess I just love the idea of young people banding together to fight an oppressive power? Seriously though, I am such trash for so many musicals that it would take me too long to list.

Biggest on-stage fail?: I haven’t done anything too drastic, but I had to get lifted during a dance number recently and the guy picked me up bridal style and my dress flew up and the whole audience got a nice look at my underwear (it was an ending pose too so I couldn’t really fix it quickly). Another great story that didn’t really involve me but was in the show I was in. At the end of Act 1 of Heathers in Our Love is God, JD was about to shoot Kurt when, all the sudden, “Take On Me” by A-Ha blares through the theatre (as it was cued up to play during intermission along with various other 80′s songs) and everyone backstage lost it. The actors on stage had to play it off though, so JD starts dancing subtly while Kurt watches in horror, Veronica is trying to disguise her laughter as tears, and Ram’s body is suspiciously convulsing in a way that is definitely not laughter because he’s dead)

A role you weren’t right for (if any)?: I don’t think any large ones so far because I haven’t had that many, but I played a nun in The Sound of Music once which most people would probably say is pretty unfitting for my sinful ass.

Have you ever been a part of tech or a different production aspect of a show rather than acting in it?: I’ve assistant directed for a few children shows at my church, but other than that I’ve only really done small bits and pieces when someone needs help, but I’m really hoping to learn more and engage myself in different parts of theatre soon because I find everything that goes into a production fascinating and just as important as the acting in a show.

Pre-show rituals?: It depends on the show because a lot of different companies develop traditions and rituals for before a performance, but for me personally I just like to take a couple minutes to myself to breathe, drink some water or tea, say some quick prayers for myself and everyone in/involved with the show because it helps calm me, and just try to relax and go over my line/lyrics/choreography and just anything I need to remember and just tell myself that it’s okay to mess up sometimes as long as you’re doing your best and to just try to give everyone the best show that I can.

Vocal class (ex. tenor, alto, mezzo, etc.)?: Mezzo-Soprano, maybe Soprano 2 on a very good day.

Dancer or mover?: MOVER

Favorite script-marking method (ex. page markers, highlight, underline, circling, etc.)?: I usually always use page markers (color-coated and marked with the song or scene if possible) so I can easily find a scene, and I like to highlight if it’s a copied script or one I’m allowed to mark permanent marks in, but if not I just underline and then make character notes on the sides.

Favorite tongue twister?: A Big Black Bug Bit a Big Black Bear (Bubblegum was one of my favorites growing up though).

Favorite warmup?: Lip trills and humming are amazing on the go and when you need a soft introduction/haven’t warmed up yet, and Never Never Never Never No (idk if anyone else knows it but it’s one from my vocal instructor) is always good in the type of young, sometimes bratty roles I play to get my mixed belt going.

Favorite part of being in a show?: I love the community it creates, every time I’m in a show I get to create and be a part of a little family and it’s a wonderful feeling. Performing just also gives me such a rush because I love creating and telling a story to people and evoking emotions in an audience and making people think and feel things, theatre can have such an impact and awake so many emotions in people and it’s so thrilling and exciting to get to be a part of that.

Least favorite part of being in a show?: A lot of times, especially in less professional theatre, there is a lot of drama that is caused that is hard to escape which can get super frustrating when you’re just trying to have a good time and put on a great show. It’s also really difficult when you have other things going on at the same time as when you’re in a show because, for me at least, I tend to focus most of my energy into a show, but then my outside work and obligations pile up and things can get really tiring and stressful.

Worst audition story?: There are so many. I’ve shaken and cried when I was younger though the whole thing, I’ve messed up lyrics, messed up accents, chosen terrible songs, I’ve literally had people on the production team tell me how bad my song choices were or say “I hate that song and I hate the musical it’s from” and I also completely chickened out at an audition once and had a panic attack in the bathroom and had to have my mom come pick me up.

Funny show story?: I probably have plenty but I can’t think of any off of the top of my head right now, but I literally have a full post of funny quotes (+more in the comments of said post) on my blog already from Heathers with things ranging from a full minute long Yea Boi to “You call capital letters thick?”

Tips/advice you have for anyone just starting in theatre/are thinking about trying out theatre (if any)?: If you’re passionate about it, don’t give up. You’re not gonna start out perfect, and most likely you’re never going to be 100% perfect, but you have to push yourself and keep trying no matter what. If you work hard and believe in yourself (as sappy as that sounds) it get you so much farther. You’re not gonna get every role, and not everyone is going to love you, but even when it seems like it’s hopeless and that you’ll never get a role or get cast and you’re doubting yourself and your talent, you have to keep pushing through and persevering. If you are passionate and determined enough, it pays off. It takes time, but never give up on your dreams, and never give up on yourself.

Why do you do theatre?: I kind of answered a bit above, but a huge part of it is because theatre has had such a big impact on my life and helped me through some pretty rough times and I want to share and help others as well. There are so many shows that have such powerful and important messages that deserve to be shared and heard and I love being the voice delivering them. It’s so exciting to get to build a world and a story and just take an audience on a journey. I’ve always loved becoming a completely different person and experiencing and developing a whole different world and view on life, it’s so exciting for me when I get to create a character’s history, psyche, and world. Most importantly though, theatre unites people. It’s a group of people experiencing the same thing through different eyes and different experiences, but still receiving the same ultimate messages. Theatre can make you laugh, theatre can make you cry. Theatre scares, theatre excites, theatre relates. Theatre brings awareness to issues from mental health to racial equality. There are characters for everyone- from a teenage boy with social anxiety to a high heel loving drag queen. I have seen theatre touch so many people’s lives and bring them hope when hope was gone, and I’m so blessed to be a part of that power and magic.

Wow that was very sappy and very rambly….. whoops?

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