#this is also one of those little route comparisons that i like to look at like... how the one clem didn't romance/befriend and save

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

"Violet would do it for us" "Yeah, she would.

"Louis would do it for us" "...I guess"

WHAT WAS THE REASON. WHY.

I think I know why.

So, yes—when we're trying to get James to help us, Clementine has to walk through the barn with his mask on. AJ's understandably anxious about this, and here's how these optional conversations can go:

Clementine: You know Violet would do it for us. AJ: Yeah... She would.

Clementine: Louis would do it for us. AJ: Yeah. I guess.

So... why? Why this small difference in the way AJ reacts? Or, even in the way Clementine phrases it?

I think it's easier for us who like Louis/clouis to look at this negatively, like "Well, what the hell? That seems unfair."

But, we gotta remember which route this appears in. AJ doesn't say this in Louis' route, he says it in Violet's route where Louis is captured.

In that route, we obviously spend less time with Louis. More importantly, he doesn't get to grow as much as a character. That's the nature of this game; you know less about the one you don't choose.

The player probably didn't go hunting with him, didn't appeal to him, didn't follow him, and definitely didn't save him... meaning the perception of him might not be the greatest depending on the player. Especially if that player is still pissed about his vote... and I think AJ might be echoing some of that doubt.

Violet in Louis' route, at the very least, earns some favor by voting to keep Clementine and AJ. Hence why Clementine is pretty confident that Violet would do this for them and why AJ agrees... even though through meta-knowledge we know that Violet despises Clementine for letting her get captured. So, we could argue that she wouldn't do it for them in that moment. It's all part of the irony that ep3 likes to play into... y'know, "Imagine how Violet will feel when she finds out you came to rescue her. You'll have given her hope again."

Oh, will she have hope again, Lee? Is that what she's going to feel when she sees Clementine again? Are you sure?

But, in Violet's route, Louis is shown to be apologetic but not to have stepped up. He doesn't get the chance to. Hence why Clementine states he'd do it for them without the "you know" and why AJ seems more doubtful.

And the thing is, anyone who knows anything about Louis knows that he would do it no matter the route... but he'd also complain about it, y'know?

Fine, he'll climb up and distract the walkers, but he's gonna make a half-hearted threat about eating first Clem and Violet if he dies. Fine, he'll rub walker guts all over himself, but he's gonna be grumpy about it. Fine, he'll carry the bomb when they infiltrate the boat, but he's gonna be anxious about it the entire time.

Like... sometimes, that's just how Louis is?

If it were him James handed that mask to and asked to walk among walkers, Louis would be like, "Fine, but only because Clem, AJ, and my friends are my reason for existing and without them, I'll die anyway... and because I'll look good in these walker skins."

On the other hand, Violet's more of a "just shut up and do it," kind of gal. You hand her the mask and she'll be like, "Ugh, fine. Let's get this over with."

So yeah, there's a purpose for the slight against Louis there. You don't know him unless you choose him, and if you don't, the game adjusts accordingly.

I also see this sentiment of "Why would AJ say that??" at the end of Louis' route where AJ has the option to question why Clementine's trusting him with an important task.

But, like... you don't have to pick that option. Y'know? I understand being annoyed that it's even there; I was annoyed, too... but, if you like Louis and you understand his arc, you're not going to have AJ say that. Because you know better. You didn't just hear the jokes and the piano. You're making sure AJ didn't stop listening, either.

In my opinion, that choice is there to test you.

So yeah, anon, I hope this reasoning helps.

[sprinklenoodles]

I'm baaaaack! I got a doozy of a piece too! For The Heir of Despair!

Read all that was there and I am here to share my thoughts in a slightly coherent way! Sorry in advance if I repeat myself! First, Byakuya, my boy. Oh my gosh are you an irredeemable prick! I say this in a good way by the way! Like, you wrote him good in the sense that I am routing for his downfall in some way and was very excited near the end when he slightly didn't get his way. Bravo! You have succeeded in making me dislike my boy! (I still love him <3) But, anyway, reading what's here really got my brain thinking! Like, what might happen with Byakuya and Junko. In fact, Here's a lightning round of fun little questions that make my brain do acrobatics in a skating park! Not for answering of course! That's be lame! I must expel these out though haha!

There! Got it out of my system!! As for some other thoughts, I enjoy the canon divergences! Obviously the main gimmick is itself one, but you get what I mean! Also, I have no way to segway into this but I was no joke quoting and spouting a bunch of goofy crap and like, I can't just NOT give a peak into the innerworkings of my mind. So, here. Take those and a bit of tidbits on the context I said them in. "Leave that little guy alone!" - Said mostly for Chihiro and Makoto, both when Byakuya was manipulate, mansplain, malewife-ing his way through existence. Less malewife though. Or scratch it. No malewife-ing for him. Not in this time line u_u "Byakuya! Have you learned nothing!" - Just any time Byakuya was doing stuff I found worthy of mocking him for. Might have to re-read everything to find the specifics cus I unfortunately did not count those moments in a spread sheet T-T "You're no good, Byakuya! You'll never be shit! You're just like your father!" - I find this one funny cus I legit find Kijo a saint in this in comparison to his son. It's both because the man hasn't really done much and he's not the focus. I also had a realization though that the reason I want this Byakuya to suffer so much is because I know he can do better than this! Like, Byakuya as a character! Unlike Kijo, he has the potential for redeemable qualities which makes his reveling in his own ego less camp, more pathetic. Like, Kijo makes it fun because he sucks, he will never improve, and that's that! And it's not like Byakuya can't be that fun camp! He just has to not be a monster! I like this factor in this Byakuya though in this fic. It really encapsulates how bad he could be. How he can surpass his father in horrible behavior, and actions. Like, it's sick reading how much he enjoys all of this and you did a really good job at it! Also, I have no idea how to fit this either but I DID mentally joke to myself that I wouldn't mind Junko actually cutting of a limb from Kijo just to make Byakuya suffer a bit (even if it probably won't be much sadly) and I have no idea how to take that... I think that, weirdly enough, I like ridiculing this Byakuya. I want him to fail. And like, it's insane you're writing can do that!! Be proud!! Like, this isn't even the type of fic I normally read and I've been able to enjoy it. You wrote many variants of just one rich guy and they're all distinct enough to feel different about them but similar enough where you can see where the divergences lie and I really like that!! And, it's oddly cool reading something and knowing that I could never write this. This goes for all your fics by the way but like, it's really cool reading this and just knowing that someone's able to write something I could never. I'm too much of a softie for Byakuya, even when I'm mean to him heehee! No clue if this makes sense by the way. I'm kinda blabbering now so I might end it here! But yeah! You got some cool stuff!

Aaahhh!!! Thank you!!! LOVE the art as always, it looks AWESOME!!

And yeah, Byakuya is NOT a good guy. He's very much a prick and supposed to be like that.

As for your questions, I obviously can't answer those... Though, the answer to some are no and some are yes... That's all I'll say.

And Chihiro is really going through it, with Makoto joining him soon. Byakuya will unfortunately not be leaving them alone 😔

Kijo is strangely enough a better person here, though he still ain't good. Like, he is very much on board with the killing game. He doesn't really like that Byakuya is in it cuz he doesn't want his heir to die, but that's all.

He's also very petty tho and is quite offended Byakuya kept him in the dark about everything. It's why he agreed to the motive. And unfortunately, no missing limbs for Kijo. That is reserved for another dad only in an AU that isn't mine...

But Byakuya is not nice, yeah. And like you said, he could be much better but he simply doesn't want to. He likes the way things are and loves to manipulate some of his classmates.

And that makes people not like him, just as intended. He's the protagonist but one you want to fail. Cuz if he doesn't, that means something bad for the rest of the cast...

But thank you!! I really like writing these different versions of him and it's really not as hard as it might seem. Tbh, it comes kinda natural if anything! Though, I get being the softie to Byakuya, I myself would never hurt him... Other than the countless times he got injured in my fics... :D

[mintsuwu]

Midnight Mysteries AU Q&A!

Hello! I´ve been opening asks on Twitter recently and a bunch of people asked stuff about the AU. So I thought it would be fair to share the information here as well to keep everynyan updated! I´ll also take the chance to reply to asks that I have pending in my inbox as well.

Which Midnight Mysteries characters would be magical fellas, like "madoka magica, smile precure"?

Probably Poppy or CraftyCorn, the latter was a unicorn after all 👀

Detective Bubbaphant looks like he needs serious therapy /aff

Oh trust me, HE DEFINITELY DOES.

Every single Critter in that AU needs therapy. That´s partly the reason why Rosie (Bobby) became a psychologist /hj

Can I give Officer Kicks a hug?

Sure you can!! Don´t approach him when he´s angry though.

Do you allow OCs/Fanfics or such for your AU?

Yeah, I absolutely do and it makes me so happy that people would like my AU that much! 😭🙏💖

Does CatNap have a tragic backstory or personal goal or is he bad just for funsies? :00

He sort of has a tragic backstory, not too much, but he definitely has his motives... And even though his intentions could be sort of good, his ways are not the right ones (?

Chat, what happens if Officer Kicks is angry?

Dear user, I pray that you never encounter an angry rooster in your life because one nearly attacked me when I was little and it was... Quite the experience-

That aside though, he has an awful temper and can even get violent at times. Kickin´s character development simply hasn´t kicked in yet.

Are LoolaLamb and CatNap dating or does he just like messing with her?

They have been engaged for years. They married out of convenience and their relationship isn´t fully romantic, but CatNap actually cares about her in a way and is kind of possesive of her.

How did you come up with the Midnight Mysteries AU?

Funny enough, the idea simply came to me one day in which I was listening to the Spy X Family openings, and since my previous hyperfixation was The Great Mouse Detective my mind suddenly thought "What if I made an AU inspired on both things?" That added to the fact that I always kinda imagined Bubba as a detective and knew I had to draw it sometime.

Does CatNap just manipulate or make deals with the Sugary Scoundrels to cause trouble?

Sort of! As those two grew up in the orphanage that he runs, it´s more or less their way to repay him the favor, even though they spend most of their days out on the streets roaming around. But they are also lowkey intimidated by Catnap... Though, Bunzo has it worse with Mistress LongLegs in comparison. PD: The girls, specially CatBee, really admire Loola! And the latter is quite fond of them too.

Will the Midnight Mysteries AU have a similar story to Poppy Playtime, or does it only have the characters in common with the original source?

It will most likely have a slightly different route as PPT´s story is not done yet, but there will be events of the AU based on it! For example, The Hour Of Joy took place as well, but the motives behind it will be different.

What year does the Midnight Mysteries AU take place in?

Historically wise, it would take place around 1930-50, I don´t have an exact year but I know it would hace to end in 5 given how Poppy Playtime takes place in 2005.

What was MM Catnap´s childhood like?

I still have to think better on it, but he was a wondering performer! Perhaps specialized in acribatics.

What sort of things did Huggy and his siblings do before working for the railroad? What were their parents like, were they even around?

Their parents died when they were still yound, so Huggy had to raise his siblings by himself. They were later taken into a circus, but things weren´t very nice in there... After leaving the circus he took part on several crimes, being the brute force of the villanous gang while his siblings were unaware of their brother´s felonies. But when he took part in The Hour Of Joy, Huggy decided to change his ways from then on and did his best to leave the past behind along with his family.

What are Angel´s pronouns in the AU?

He/They!

Is Angel close or affiliated to any of the characters from the AU (DogDay for example?)

Yeah! He is allies with Poppy, Kissy and DogDay. Angel shares a parent-son relationship with the latter as they practically raised the poor dog after he had gone through a negative moment in his life.

Is CraftyCorn in the MM AU, or does she have yet to be revealed?

... She used to be(?

Is Billie actually a boy looking for his dad, or a kid playing innocent to help CatNap?

He´s mainly looking for his dad! But I love that twist ngl...

Did DogDay get that scratch from CatNap or something else?

Yes, he got it from CatNap in a fight.

Is Billy´s mom, by any chance, Mistress Long Legs? Does she know?

Yes, she does know but perhaps she wouldn´t recognize him at first as she didn´t raise him and Billie wouldn´t even know how she looks like. Darwin tried not to tell him much about her and her deeds, or at least he wanted to wait and tell him until he was old enough.

How did Darwin go missing, did Billie witness it?

He got kidnapped, and Billie did witness it. He caught sight of the kidnapper but couldn´t catch up to them when he tried to go after his dad.

What happened to Angel?

Many things...

Does Angel have the ability to die and revive in the past before they died? The Angels from the other universes are able to do that too.

No... Or at least, they haven´t tried out yet, so who knows!

"Traitor"? Did Angel used to work for the Prototype before rebelling against them?

Indeed, Angel betrayed their comrades in a very critical moment and since then they all have been searching for him... CatNap mostly. Which is why they usually remain hidden, outcasted and only keeping contact with selective people.

[lemon-dokuro]

Yesterday, I watched Sound Holic's 2007 Touhou fan film, Touhou Project Side Story ~ Memory of Stars.

The plot is about Kaguya's father, the Moon's ruler, coming to take her and Eirin back. Makes heavy use of sci-fi aesthetics and is mostly set in space. Naturally, because it was released before Bogetsusho/Silent Sinner in Blue, all it had to go off of for the state of the Moon civilization and Kaguya's relationship to it were the 8th Touhou game and maybe Reisen's route/interactions in the 9th. It's a little interesting to see the creators' interpretation because of that, but... It was recieved very poorly by the japanese Touhou fandom in 2007 when it came out, you can even find comparisons to the infamous Cookie series. The reception is understandable — it really isn't good. I actually wouldn't call the story or the premise bad, they're just kitschy in a way characteristic of the otaku culture of its time, but they are ruined completely by the wonky presentation and especially the incomprehensible pacing. I don't want to recap it here because the anime isn't even that long or hard to find, but if I did, I'd have a fair bit of trouble. It feels like one of those 90s OVAs that tries to cram 4-6 volumes of a manga in about 40 minutes, so most things happen too fast to have an impact. There's a whole character that makes absolutely no sense because she has too little screen time and too little actually explained about her (Sphere Sieben, the redheaded space commander lady). Sakuya is there for a barely explained reason. Mokou comes out of nowhere in the middle (well, at least that had a point, ridiculous as it was). And considering this, bizzarely, the movie also has a lot of pointlessly drawn-out scenes where not much happens, like they were trying to pad out the runtime, even though there's a lot of substance they could have added. I have no idea what kind of constrains they were working with, but it's not like they couldn't have just written it more tightly. If not better, then, you know, at least. Even though I don't think the general premise and the story are bad per se, they are very unfitting for Touhou. The creators are obviously going for space opera aesthetics, which is a really weird fit for Touhou. They don't even really try to make it fit. Egregiously, Kaguya's presumably biological father, Luna Marius, has a sci-fi-ish western-style name for absolutely unexplained reasons. Of course, that kind of naming difference is not implausible at all, but it's a really weird creative choice, especially considering it's never adressed, not even in a throwaway line or anything. One could say it's emblematic of the work not compromising the conflicting aesthetics in any way. The visuals are often criticized for obvious reasons. They are great to me because I'm an oldschool doujin fetishist, but it's clearly all very stiff, mildly inconsistent, generally amareurish and feverishly oversaturated with bright flashing effects half the time. The backgrounds mostly consist of said effects. A lot of the animations are obviously reused. That being said, the original character designs are pretty well done. The bunny girl looks especially good, the artist absolutely nailed the early windows Touhou design style. Also, naturally, because Sound Holic is mainly a music circle, the soundtrack is decent. It's not remarkable, but there's nothing wrong with it, it's standard for 2007 Touhou arrange tracks. There's not much to say about the voice acting either — standard for doujin anime. The voice actors are inexplicably pretty well-known, but it's not that uncommon to see big names on the most random 2000s doujin projects. That's probably how these people become popular in the first place.

Well, what can I say overall. It's a weird little movie. I can't recommend it, but maybe you'll get a laugh out of it, or maybe you'll like the visuals as much as I did.

Also, that rabbit's names are both mochi types...

[theneighborhoodwatch]

something funny I noticed is that some of the commercials were selling adult products (tobacco, sleeping aid…) even though in-universe Welcome Home is a children’s show. I find it a bit odd since I can’t think of any real life examples of children’s media using their image to sell products like those.

hiiii let's pretend i'm not answering this 5 months later lol

iirc, the hooplah/tobacco ad Seems to have been a reference to this series of flintstones winston cigarette commercials - although in the flintstones' defense, it was not Necessarily considered children's programming around the time that these would have aired. i was going to write about how with this angle it feels very similar to how wally's interview is discussed in this ask (i.e. putting a character that Looks muppet-y/retro enough in a scenario designed to be reminiscent of those properties to demonstrate just how Unlike them they are, despite appearances) in addition to maybe demonstrating the slow and steady but Alarming approach of an appeal to advertisers taking priority over artistic integrity (especially given that hooplah products were also directly advertised to children, albeit not Actual cigarettes lol) yknow, like - start with something that is grounded enough in reality that any concerns can be be quickly brushed off with "eh, product of its time i guess" and then have the horror escalate in such a way that it makes you ask why you ever accepted the initial event(s) to begin with.

but i wonder about an alternative possibility... i wonder if it's a sign of welcome home - the show - yearning for some kind of maturity, but only being able to imitate either a child's frame of reference for what an adult is, or a corporation's. with all the comparisons people make between ronald dorelaine and jim henson in speculation, i wonder if dorelaine (or whoever was running the show) did want to eventually take welcome home in a more mature direction, but felt that he would never be able to do so, either because there was pressure to keep welcome home the same program it was when it first aired, Or because if welcome home Did eventually go down that more mature route, it would have only been allowed to grow into one specific Type of maturity that did not completely suit any of the characters involved. that no matter what he did it would have been just a little bit off for at least one neighbor although that's not to say things aren't still off Now lol. i wonder about a lot of things....

[blacktofade]

ok i combed through your blog for long enough that i think this is a safe space to do a little discussion of ccs personal lives. if not, you don't have to answer this. but: i know we are all very happy for skizz to be able to go full time with youtube and twitch but i am 99% sure i know what company he worked for — i don't think it's ever been too hard to find the info so maybe most people do? but i've never seen anyone say it directly. if it wasn't common knowledge before, this is going to make it extremely easy to find out — anyway, that company is going through fucking massive layoffs and cutbacks right now, which was announced in private to employees the same day that skizz made his announcement. i don't know how well it lined up other than the day, but the major shit he would have been in either pushed him to jump into professional youtubing and streaming even though it isn't as secure for him as people on the outside might think, or at the very least made the decision feel much better in retrospect.

the graph of the company's stock crash is painful even if you are entirely disconnected from the industry, it is historically awful. like the situation for the company as a whole is not, at this point, bankruptcy bad, but it's not-entirely-unwarranted-comparisons-to-late-90s-early-00s-era-nortel bad. which is… Very Bad. they're cutting approximately 1 out of every 7 employees (15,000 people) over the next couple of months, and in just one day wiped out $30 billion-with-a-b worth of value from the market. it's an absolute nightmare for the people working there, because nobody knows if they're going to be one of the ones getting laid off yet. the company's giving early retirement packages to push out some of higher earning workers, and even if skizz made his decision to leave after knowing the layoffs were coming, the chance he was included in that is very small. but i do hope he got a good deal, if he could.

in conclusion: it's very likely this choice was even scarier than anyone in the fandom previously thought, so… idk everyone please subscribe to skizz on twitch if possible!!!!!

This is absolutely a safe space for CC real life discussions, mostly because I know I'm way more deranged than any anon could be. I know things that would make CCs sweat.

I'm also going to name and shame the company, Intel, because Skizz has mentioned it before, so I'm not considering it a secret -- plus he's no longer there. It's also real shitty what they're doing and my heart goes out to their employees. I dealt with something similar recently and can confirm that these guys will have to wait weeks/months to find out if their job is safe and it will be the most degrading, dehumanizing experience ever.

I keep hemming and hawing about my 1000 IQ assumptions (lmfao), but he 100% knew about the layoff. Whether he heard about it and bounced or whether he took a volunteer deal is up for debate, but there's no way he didn't know it was coming. These companies are not subtle and Skizz is a smart man.

I am quietly praying he was able to take a volunteer deal though, because severance packages at those kinds of companies are WILD. Like, for some actual example numbers, a coworker of mine got 23 weeks of pay (8 weeks base + 15 weeks for years of service), which they received as a lump sum. Skizz says he's been with Intel for 20+ years so he'd be looking at base + 40 weeks. Dude would most likely get a year's salary lump sum (minus taxes), which would definitely help him going the full-time route.

Intel won't be going anywhere anytime soon, but their employees are going to be overworked and underpaid for the foreseeable future and we should be glad that Skizz is free! He's his own boss and, yes, we should all go support him to show he definitely made the right choice! He's such a delight and I will continue to be unwell and horny about him!!

[crescencestudio]

Devlog #35 | 09.26.23

Hi everyone!

Hope the beginning of Fall has been kind to you all <3 To be Frank, it has not been Kind to me LMFAO. But I'll get into that, so let's dive in yippee!

Before I do, someone liked this post recently, which was such a throwback. It was before the full demo was out and everything!! I was so young and full of life. I'm going to sprinkle some comparison shots of the new assets with the old ones to break up the text and also walk down memory lane with me! (Full GUI not shown as I'm still waiting on the assets)

Chapter Cards (Left: After | Right: Before)

The "Progress"

I'm going to structure this devlog a little differently from the usual template. The main reason being, for those of you who didn't see, I have not been feeling Myself recently.

This month I found myself all out of sorts. While I felt like I was making progress and doing so much everyday read: fighting for my life, when I looked back on things at the end of this month, I didn't feel like I really did much.

On a higher level, I finished fulfilling Kickstarter physical rewards, opened a Kofi shop of the remaining merch, edited Druk's route and continued writing Etza's route, updated assets and code for the updated demo, and then general commission stuff (BGs from Vui, soundtracks from Peter, etc.).

But overall, Alaris felt largely like it was kinda sitting at around the same spot as it did when I entered this month. Which made me a little sad! I had wanted to make So Much Progress on Alaris because next month I won't be able to work on it really. Then, I realized I haven't taken a break from game development since I started it two years ago HA!!!

The Real Progress

Development for me has been back-to-back. Chapter releases every 1-2 months during my first half year of development, Full Demo release shortly after, Kickstarter shortly after, Full Game Development shortly after. When I was feeling burnt out from Alaris, I made intertwine. Then I was Heavily Involved in the development of two games shortly after.

All of this on top of my IRL responsibilities, which include a job, PhD school, and well, functioning as a normal human occasionally.

And then here we are at the end of September 2023, and I'm wondering why even though I creatively want to work on Alaris, I find my brain literally just getting too tired to think.

Etza CG (Left: After | Right: Before)

I think ever since the Kickstarter, I've put a lot of pressure on myself to consistently put out LOTS of updates for each monthly devlog. I don't want people to think I'm not working on things or I'm not committed to delivering after giving me their hard earned money. But now, with two years under my belt, I'm realizing that is... HMM maybe too high of a standard to put on myself for my first game ever. There are many much more seasoned developers than me who don't put that pressure on themselves (which is Good and Healthy).

So this month, I debated scrounging around and gathering all my crumbs to give you all a devlog that you'll be satisfied with. But I decided ultimately that wouldn't be good for me and would honestly not be the most transparent way to present the current process of things.

And so. Here I am. Head in my Hands. Letting you all know that while I'm not "burnt out," I am.... only human LOL (one human at that). And so some months, like this one, will just not have much progress to report. Not because I'm not working on it or any other deeper reason. But because it's physically impossible and unreasonable for me to be continuously pushing out a steady stream of content.

In-Game Sprites & BGs (Left: After | Right: Before)

Next month, I'lll be taking a vacation. It's actually my first Big, Official one in a Long Time! I'm very excited for it. And while I did initially think about working on Alaris while I was traveling on trains or things like that, I decided to respect my own need to be a Human and just take a break for once in my life. I don't even want to say I Might work on things, because that sentiment alone will pressure me to make some progress. So yes. Next month, there will be no devlog or updates. But please rest assured, I am "working on Alaris" by letting myself just Exist and Rest Up!

Not an Alaris screenshot but it is market research that deserves to be included because I played House in Fata Morgana recently and it was Phenomenal!

Thank you all for understanding and your continued support. I'm extremely appreciative to have such a kind and patient community. Hope you all have a wonderful October filled with Fall Treats, and I'll see you in November! <3

[captain-mj]

I beg of you- on my hands and knees- to please write more Warrior! Ghost and Spoil! Soap-

I crave it-

Totally chill if you don't wanna tho! Take your time, do what you wanna do!

Love your writing and TikToks regardless!

Hell yeah! I've been getting a ton of requests and I'm super excited for this part!

Also, I did put this on ao3 under the same name. If any of you guys are on there!

Soap was slow to get out of the bathtub. Very slow. He waited until the water had went from tepid to bone chilling when he slunk out of it. 

It gave him plenty of time to think about his… predicament. 

The thing was, he wasn’t scared Ghost was going to kill him. Despite grabbing his weapon, he didn’t look like someone who was about to stab a man. 

He looked at him with a disturbing hunger. Soap had stared into him, seeing something half starved stare back. And then Ghost had left him. 

Soap carefully reached his hand out of the door to grab the clothing. He couldn’t see Ghost but that didn’t mean he wasn’t there. 

The clothes were far too big, falling around him almost comically. Ghost’s shirt hit his mid thigh and Soap had to lace the pants up tight to keep them from falling down his hips. He chanced a look in the mirror, a little surprised. 

Soap had dalliances before. Mostly with women but men too. He looked like them. Some pretty lass or lad who had stolen his shirt. Was that on purpose?

No. Ghost was just tall and big and Soap was… a little more average sized. The comparison was just in his head. 

He finished getting dressed and that’s when he made a decision. Clearly Ghost wasn’t as nice as he was trying to play himself to be. His reputation had preceded him by quite a bit. Playing coy now wasn’t going to get Soap to trust him. 

So Soap was going to test him. He unlaced the top part of the shirt slightly, letting it show off a bit more of his chest. He fixed his hair so it fell a little more artfully and a little less staticy mess. 

Maybe he could convince Ghost to get him some things to fix his hair better. Seducing him might make him a little more apt to give him stuff. Though, Ghost hadn’t exactly been treating him badly. 

Soap thought of the hunger in those eyes again and shuddered.

Sick bastard. 

He left the bathroom and went looking for him. Ghost was on His bed, laid out, still fully clothed. He had taken his boots off but still had his socks off. If Soap didn’t know any better, he’d think he was asleep. His arms carefully crossed across his chest. 

The floor under Soap creaked and he looked up, staring at Soap.

“I knew those clothes would be too big for you.” His eyes stayed on his face the entire time. 

“Why did you give them to me?” Soap puffed his chest out a little, hands going behind his back.

“I don’t want to deal with your corpse when you die from the cold.”

“Ah…” Soap flushed down and he saw it. Saw Ghost’s eyes follow the color down.

“Come here.” Ghost mumbled and Soap followed. Here it was. Proof that Ghost whatever his last name is was an monst-

Ghost had gotten leather cuffs with fur inlining. He shoved Soap to his side of the bed and rolled over, facing away from him again. 

Soap blinked, looking down at himself. No, he looked good. Had he misjudged the situation? Or was Ghost just very good at self control?

Only one way to find out. 

Keep pressing. 

In the morning, Soap watched Ghost cook instead of looking around. He had done plenty of that yesterday. Nothing in the house held any particular interest. There were no escape routes besides the door. The windows were either too narrow for him to fit through or led straight into someone’s garden. Not to mention almost all of them were covered in thick fabric or pelts, basically anything that would prevent someone from looking in. 

Ghost was interesting though. He cooked quickly, efficiently and, in what was a shock to Soap considering where Ghost was from, did season his food. Maybe not as well as Soap would’ve, but it explained why the stew was so good.

A plate was shoved at him. 

“Are you seriously still not going to eat with me? You saw me as naked as the day I was born yesterday. Can’t even lift up your mask?”

“I didn’t look.” Ghost stared him down.

“What?” That caught Soap off guard. “Are ya suddenly a gentleman? You threw me over your shoulder like a rowdy toddler the other day but you wouldn’t take a look?”

“I didn’t look.” Ghost said a little more firm. He looked away from Soap, like he was ashamed, but Soap had a feeling he was telling the truth. 

“Do you want to? I have some stunning tattoos.” Soap was taunting him again, testing him. Ghost just needed to push a little. It’s all Soap wanted.

“No.” Ghost turned away from him and fixed himself a plate, leaving Soap to stare at his back. He walked off with it, disappearing somewhere in the house. Soap didn’t go looking for him. 

The food was, again, pretty good. Fancy a warrior knowing how to cook so well. 

Soap waited until Ghost was polishing his blades to take one, gently throwing it back and forth between his hands. “They’re pretty. Make them yourself?”

“No. Have a friend that does it.” Ghost watched him carefully, hand following the blade as it arched through the air. “Be careful. Don’t want you cutting yourself.”

Soap hummed. “You should know I’m good with my hands by now.” Ghost’s hands clenched hard and he glanced away. 

“Don’t need them rusting.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. They must be expensive.”

“A fair penny, but quality is worth it.”

“Aye, just like whores.” Ghost flinched. The action caught Soap so off guard he took a half a step back.

“Aye. Just like whores.” Ghost echoed his statement, looking at him heavily. “Considering you were free, what does that make you?”

Soap flushed all over. “Ah fuck off you bawbag.”

“Speak English, MacTavish.” With Soap still standing up and Ghost sitting down, he had to look up. Unlike when Soap was on that couch, Ghost could actually make out his features. But Soap could see his eyes. This close, with most of the kohl rubbed off, Soap could make out his eyelashes. Pretty, blond and full. 

“You a bonnie under that mask?” Soap asked softly, feeling the sudden tension as he leaned forward. “That why you cover up?” 

Ghost looked trapped for once and it sent a thrill through Soap. “Ah. Worried I’ll jump your bones?” He leaned a little closer.

The hit wasn’t hard. It clearly wasn’t meant to hurt him, just get some distance. Landed right in his gut though and took his breath away.

Ghost stood up and it wasn’t that hunger Soap had been searching for. It was rage. Harsh and unsettling and directed right at him. 

Stupid. Stupid fucking idea.

Soap started to back away desperately. Hoping for a way out he knew wouldn’t be there. He hit the wall and froze as Ghost advanced on him. 

When Ghost’s fist came up, he tensed and his eyes shut quickly. The blow never came. After a moment of quiet, he opened his eyes to see Ghost’s not even an inch away from.

“Don’t ever fucking talk to me like that again. Don’t fucking call me pretty or a bonnie or whatever dumb shit your brain comes up with. Understood?”

Soap nodded slowly, finding it hard to breath. 

“Listen to me, closely. Because I’m not going to repeat myself. You’re here because I wanted to piss off my general. That’s it. I don’t want sex from you. I don’t want your compliments. I don’t want you to appeal to my better nature because I don’t have one. If you need something, tell me and I’ll try to get it for you. But we’re not fucking friends.”

Soap stared into those eyes. He thought he had seen them once. A sword had went through his side and there he had met death. 

Today, he must’ve met him again. 

“Yes, sir.” Soap got out. “I’m sorry.”

Ghost pushed away and Soap realized the blow he had been expecting had landed by his head. The wall had a slight dent from it. He tried not to think about that. 

“You cut yourself.” Ghost commented after a moment. Soap looked down to see that yes, he did indeed do that. He also tried not to think about the fact that he had a weapon and it did not cross his mind once to use it. 

Ghost grabbed alcohol from his cabinet and bandages. 

“I can do it myself.” Soap tried weakly but Ghost just ignored him. He took off his gloves to bandage him. Soap decided to focus on those instead of his own. Ghost could handle his cuts. 

They were callused. Little scars all over them, probably from similar things to what Soap had just done. The guy handles knives for a living and you have to start somewhere. 

No rings. But right at the edge of his shirtsleeve, Soap thought he caught a flash of a bracelet. 

“Done.”

“Thank you.”

Ghost grunted in response and put the alcohol away. Soap took note of that.

“What’s your name?”

“Ghost.”

“No. Like.. your actual name. Doesn’t have to be the full one, but I’m curious.”

Ghost was quiet a while. So long that Soap assumed he was being ignored. He watched him put everything up and then clean the bloody blade.

“Simon. Haven’t been called it in a long time, but it’s Simon.”

“Simon. Good name. Suits you.”

[armpirate]

Soundleasure | Choi San || CH. 36

Pairings: Soft!San x fem!reader || Strangers to lovers, fake dating

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, online sex, ghosting

Warnings: inexperienced!San, fem!reader, masturbation, online sex, camboy, first times.

Summary: You can do whatever you please and be whoever you want on the Internet. And San knew that a little bit too well.

After finally following all the signs the universe was throwing at him, he started living a double life that no one was aware of. Everyone in his daily life knew him as Choi San, the reserved and quiet boy who wouldn't raise his voice, and would barely communicate with anyone outside of his comfort group. But only a few knew him as Soundleasure, the man with a sexy voice and a filthy mind that had their toes curling just with his narrations.

He never thought of the possibility of those two lives ever meeting, he had always tried for them to follow a parallel route and had always played safe to keep his friends from ever suspecting that side even existed. But his plans will start to crumble when he gets a little too close with one of his subscribers and she invades his real-self and altergo's universes without being able to stop it.

Y/n will not only help him to keep his secret from his circle, but will also show him there's more of Soundleasure in him than he'd like to admit. 

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Aprox. time of reading: 21 minutes

The large ballroom glittered with gold accents and shimmering lights, transforming the corporate space into an elegant celebration of success. Y/n stood near the entrance, adjusting the hem of her sleek, fitted dress. Her eyes scanned the room, taking in the laughter and conversation that filled the air. His father had worked so hard in the past month to get it to work out -it was an event meant to celebrate their progress and motivate everyone to work even harder in the coming year.

But that year, it felt different.

For one, San was attending with her. That alone was enough to make her feel both excited and nervous. And then there were all the guests she'd invited. All of their friends made it easy for her, in comparison to how it went for her the previous year. She found herself walking around the room, although she always ended up in the same corner with the same group of people. She had a place to escape, instead of being forced to socialize all the time with people she didn't want to talk to, and that helped a lot in her energy.

Although her attention kept being stolen by one person in particular.

When San arrived, he immediately drew attention with his charming smile and easy presence. That black suit he was wearing, with that long coat, made him look even more attractive than he already was, and Y/n knew she wasn't the only one thinking that. One quick look over his shoulder, and she caught at least four girls checking him out from the distance, before they quickly shifted their attention to their glasses after being aware of her eyes.

She held onto him, while his hand kept its place around her waist as they walked around the room, exchanging cordial greetings, before they went back to their small group.

—This party is so cool —Meghan puckered her lips while looking around, cheering for her while lifting her glass—. I don't know a thing about cars, but you do know how to throw a big party.

—So, in exchange for a good year, you throw a big party to motivate the staff? Shit, my boss doesn't even pat my back —Mingi mumbled.

—Maybe because you didn't do anything to receive a pat on the back for —Jongho attacked.

As the night wore on, the party was in full swing. People mingled, the music pulsed softly in the background, and glasses of champagne were passed around. San was immediately surrounded by coworkers and friends, his natural charm drawing people toward him. Y/n watched him from across the room, smiling as she saw how effortlessly he fit in, heart filled with joy to see his smile as he talked with that same group of people he had been working on.

Their eyes connected even when either of them was surrounded by people, it was an immediate effect neither of them could change, because they just were connected that way.

Although she wasn't the only one who liked having her eyes on him -while hoping he had his on her. Y/n noticed someone else lingering at the edges of the room -Mia.

Mia kept her distance, clearly aware that San was constantly surrounded by friends and colleagues. Every time Y/n caught sight of her, she saw the woman watching from afar, her expression unreadable. Though Mia had caused her fair share of tension between Y/n and San, she seemed to understand what her place was. And, in case she didn't know, she made sure to let her know when she approached San. And he replied to her almost immediately, even in the middle of a conversation, interrupting it just when he saw her walking close to him.

Like her, it made him feel at ease whenever she was near. She gave him a sense of tranquility he couldn't explain, but that helped to move in those waters as if he belonged there. And Y/n understood it, if it was difficult for her, she couldn't imagine how difficult it was for him.

—Everything okay? —she made sure, resting her cheek on his shoulder.

—I thought it'd be worse —he giggled.

San didn't think it through when he made things official with Y/n in his department, he just wanted to let anyone who was harassing her know that he was there to back her up whatever happened. And the thought of the consequences to that action didn't hit until he put on his suit that evening and realized he'd probably deal with jokes in a more carefree environment. He was sure neither of his colleagues would be as brave to make those jokes in the office and, even less, in front of Y/n.

But he was worrying about the wrong thing.

As his coworkers moved away to get some new drinks, Y/n spotted the influencers she had invited. There were so many new faces, so many new roads yet to cross that she felt proud after taking one look back into that year. Her participation on big decisions in the company were starting to pay its results, she was starting to see reflected everything she had worked so hard for all of her life.

—Y/n, babe! —one of the young ladies approached her— This party is lit! The vibe is sooo much better than the last one.

Y/n lifted her glass, not using words while expressing she was glad to hear that.

—They weren't in the exposition, right? —San whispered.

—Nope, she probably doesn't even know what company this party is for.

San simply scoffed, caressing her temple with his lips, before walking with her towards the group of young people that kept glancing at them.

She could feel their eyes on her as they moved closer, clearly angling to chat with San as well, and she could only hope they wouldn't try to steal too much of their time, because she was dying to spend some alone time with him.

The influencers eventually drifted toward her boyfriend, who handled their flirty energy with a smile, but kept his distance, clearly mindful of Y/n's presence across the room, trying not to show off how he was slightly uncomfortable by some of the comments. It was a delicate balance, one that he managed with practiced ease.

But just as she started to relax again, something else caught her attention -Tom.

Her ex-boyfriend had been reaching out more frequently, under the guise of "catching up", but his intentions had been murky at best. And now, here he was, casually strolling toward where they were, a drink in hand and a disarming smile on his face.

—Y/n, you look stunning, as always.

San's grip on her waist turned a bit harder.

—Thanks, Tom —she answered politely—. Enjoying the party? I haven't seen your father.

—He kidnapped your father to have a talk without the loud music bothering. So I guess he's been outside since... well, since we arrived.

Typical of Tim.

—It's alright though —he shrugged—. If I have to hear a single word about business, I'll throw myself from the fourth floor.

San thought that maybe that wasn't a bad idea. Not a bad one at all.

—I've been thinking about you lately —he continued, ignoring the vibe that told him they didn't want to speak— and everything that's been going on.

His tone was casual, but there was something probing about his gaze, as if he was fishing for something. It wasn't the first time he'd made her feel uneasy with his questions and comments, but that night, there was an extra edge to it. Y/n felt her guard go up, unsure where that conversation was headed.

—A lot's been going on, Tom. Not sure what you're referring to.

—Shit, are you kidding me? The project is evolving so fucking fast I can't believe it —he clapped, rushing to pat San's arm—. And I'm afraid we have to thank you for it.

—We have a hard-working team —San commented—. We have a good lead —he pointed out, looking at Y/n and stealing a smile from her.

—I know! The team's so lucky to have her watching over the project —Tom continued—. But they're so lucky to have you, too —he pointed back at San—. Not every day you can count with someone who's been required to work for big companies doing what you do, and being sent back to an internship.

Before San could respond, Jennifer brushed past them, her eyes flicking between San and Tom with an expression of faint interest.

—I'm sorry —she apologized with a low tone.

—It's alright, Jen —Y/n smiled at her—. Are you having fun?

—Yes! Thank you —she smiled at her—. Do you need anything?

—Oh my god, no —she shook her hand in the air, stopping her secretary from working as such in a party—. Just have fun.

Tom lingered for a moment longer, his probing gaze making Y/n's skin crawl. But she stood firm, refusing to let him rattle her any further.

—Well, just like her, I think I'm third-wheeling a bit, so I'll get going —he announced, lifting his glass again—. Have fun.

As Tom disappeared into the crowd, Y/n let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. The encounter had left a sour taste in her mouth, and the party, which had started so light and celebratory, now felt heavy with tension.

San was about to make sure she was okay, when Wooyoung materialized at their side, his wide grin and enthusiastic energy instantly breaking through the unease.

—You looked like you were about to murder someone over there. Do you need any help?

—It's fine, Woo —she shook her head—. But I'll save the offer for another day, and I'll ignore how willing you are to kill someone.

—I can make it look like an accident —he insisted, bending a bit more towards San.

—Tempting, but no —San cut him off—. Go back to the party.

As Wooyoung helped to get the air to feel lighter, Y/n couldn't help but glance over at San once more. He just kissed her temple once again, pulling her closer to his body before inviting her to keep talking to the few people remaining of her greeting before they could finally concentrate on each other.

Everything seemed to be working fine, everyone put on a happy and friendly mask that helped her get through the evening. Yet, despite all that, Y/n couldn't shake the feeling that something was brewing just beneath the surface. It was like hearing a ticking bomb from afar, but not knowing where exactly it was hiding to prevent it from e. xploding

As the party continued, Y/n made a point to stay close to him, enjoying the warmth of his presence even as the chaos of the event swirled around them. Mingi and Wooyoung kept things light, their constant bickering a source of amusement, while the rest chimed in with stories of their own.

—So, are you going to admit that Y/n's totally out of your league, or should I do it for you? —Meghan teased him.

—I'm very aware, thank you —he grinned.

—What do you mean? He's the catch here. Right, Y/n? —Seonghwa rushed to intervene.

—He is —she admitted.

The teasing and laughter were a welcome distraction, and for a while, Y/n allowed herself to relax, to lean into the comfort of the people around her. But as the night wore on, the underlying tension never completely faded.

Despite the laughter, the drinks, and the light-hearted moments, there was an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach. But for now, she let herself be pulled into the moment -into the warmth of San's touch as he guided her to the dance floor, into the safety of his presence amidst the crowd.

He had it so easy to get her to forget about any worry that crossed her mind.

His head rested on her forehead, stealing another smile from her while he blindly smiled like a fool. He never thought he'd be able to find someone that complimented him the way Y/n did, he had always daydreamed about having someone that'd be the reason he woke up every day. And Y/n managed to become all that and more.

—What? —she mumbled, almost able to hear his loud thoughts.

—I'm so lucky —he rested his cheek against hers, giving her a small kiss on the curve of her exposed neck.

She smiled, hiding her blushed cheeks behind his shoulder as she moved in sync with him.

—You're the one who's made my days better, so I'm not sure who's the lucky one here —she whispered back.

—Do you know that dress looks so good on you? —he asked, subtly moving his hand over the curve of her waist.

Any color suited her, and any shape got to stand out the features of her body with barely any effort, but that silk brown silk dress made her look out of that world.

—And do you know I can't wait for you to rip it off? —she tested him, surrounding his neck with her arms.

—Don't make me think twice about that, because I'll have you on my lap in the bathroom in less than a minute.

—I don't think they'll miss us.

For a second, for a really short moment, that idea seemed too fine to give up on, and the more they stared into each other's eyes, the more inclined they were to do it. But they were stopped right when San held her hand to aim for the bathroom.

—What is it? —he asked, when the lights in the ballroom turned off to highlight the huge screen leading the room.

—My father always prepares a short video, it's like a summary of everything that happened during the year —she shrugged—. I told him not to do it, because no one here pays enough attention to it. They all just hope those five minutes to pass by to go back to their fun. But I guess old habits never change.

Something went wrong when she looked at her father, next to her mother, looking confused as they approached her.

—I thought you told me those presentations were a waste of time, and that it was better to send it through emails.

She came up with that idea. It was faster and it required just one click, without interrupting anyone's conversations.

—What? —Y/n shook her head— I... I'm not...

The video began like any other corporate montage. Images of the company's growth and achievements flashed across the screen, showing clips of meetings, production lines, and project successes. People in the crowd murmured approvingly, some even clapping softly at their collective progress.

San stood beside Y/n, his hand resting gently on her lower back, offering a sense of quiet support. His presence was reassuring, and she found herself leaning into him, the earlier tensions of the evening starting to melt away, and she found herself calming down and silencing her paranoid side.

But then, the video shifted.

At first, it was subtle -a picture of Y/n flashed across the screen, accompanied by a silent congratulations for her role in the company's growth. She stiffened slightly but brushed it off as nothing out of the ordinary. She was a high-ranking member of the team, after all. This was probably just a personal acknowledgment.

Then came a line of text.

"Congratulations to our rising star, Y/n, for her recent personal milestones."

Her heart skipped a beat.

—Personal milestones?

Before she could fully register what was happening, the images shifted again. This time, they were personal -far too personal. Pictures of her and San began to appear on the screen. The two of them at lunch together. Walking hand-in-hand. A candid shot of them laughing during a coffee break. Every image was intimate, as if someone had been following them for weeks, documenting their relationship.

"Congrats on the new couple"

—San...

He straightened beside her, his posture rigid as the images continued. His expression was a mix of confusion and growing anger. The video wasn't just a celebration of the company's success -it had turned into a twisted invasion of their privacy.

Then came the text that made Y/n's blood run cold.

"Meet San, the 'experienced engineer'... or is he?"

The crowd was starting to murmur now, confusion rippling through the room as people exchanged glances. Y/n's breath caught in her throat. Her stomach churned with dread as the screen displayed a series of damning claims.

It wasn't just that San was exposed as a uni student -it was everything. They revealed he wasn't the experienced engineer he was said to be, but rather still a scholar working through his studies and that had no experience in the field as they both made them all believe. And worse yet, they dragged out details of his side job. San let go of her hand when the characters reflected how the only experience he had was as an audio porn content creator after his father was fired from Classic Cruise.

"Soundleasure, it's a pleasure to meet you outside the sheets"

Y/n's heart pounded painfully in her chest as the video framed it as some dark, shameful secret. Her fingers dug into the fabric of her dress, trying to ground herself, but it wasn't enough.

The screen cut to a final, devastating moment.

"At least we know if the company goes bankrupt, they both will have a secured profession"

A video began to play -grainy, but unmistakable. The audio alone made her freeze in horror. It was a clip from one of San's recordings, the voices all too clear. Her voice. San's voice.

Their voices.

—Is that...? —one person from the crowd commented.

—Oh my God, it's them.

Y/n felt the world tilt as she realized what was happening. Someone had taken one of San's recordings -one that featured her- and was playing it in front of everyone. Even though there was no visual footage, the voices were unmistakable. The intimacy of the moment had been stolen and twisted into something humiliating.

Neither of them could explain how that video got there, when he didn't even get to post it to his channel. He was sensible when it came to her privacy and, considering the current circumstances, he didn't want to risk her being exposed.

The room erupted in shocked whispers, some people glancing toward them with wide-eyed disbelief, others hiding smirks behind their hands. The tension in the air was suffocating.

San's body tensed beside her, his fists clenched at his sides, his jaw tight with barely contained rage. Y/n could feel the heat of his anger radiating off him, but she knew that her own panic was threatening to bubble over. Her breath came in shallow, rapid bursts, and she could barely hear anything over the pounding in her ears.

Y/n's heart shattered at the helplessness in his eyes. They had both been exposed in the worst possible way, and now they were standing in front of everyone as if their most private moments were nothing more than gossip fodder.

Before she could respond, the video abruptly cut off, leaving the room in an awkward, stunned silence as the lights were slowly turned back on.

Y/n wanted to run. She wanted to escape from the prying eyes, from the judgment, from the crushing humiliation that was settling over her like a weight she couldn't bear. But instead, she stood frozen, unable to move, unable to breathe.

San moved first. He walked across the people without glancing one single look at them, and Y/n followed right after him. They didn't need to hear the whispers to know that the damage was done. The people who had once looked up to her were now staring at them like they were something scandalous, something to gossip about over drinks and office rumors.

They pushed through the doors of the ballroom, stepping into the cool night air, but it did little to ease the storm of emotions swirling inside Y/n. The humiliation, the anger, the betrayal -it was all too much. She could feel her chest tightening, her breathing becoming more erratic.

San hadn't said a word since they'd stepped outside, but the tension between them was palpable, like the air before a storm. His jaw was tight, his hands clenched at his sides. Y/n took a shaky breath, trying to find the right words, to somehow make this better.

San's expression darkened as he ran a hand through his hair, his breathing tight with barely suppressed fury and panic.

—San, speak to me —she asked him, caressing his back.

—I... I didn't see this coming —he whispered to himself.

But she did. She should have. Those two months of silence shouldn't have been a good sign, considering the last one she received was a clear threat against their relationship, which she should've communicated to her boyfriend as soon as it reached her phone.

—What?

Y/n's eyes hurried to him, feeling immediately trapped and unable to escape his inquiring look before she gulped.

—I received one text —she confessed—. It was two months ago, the same day we recorded that audio —her voice sounded so weak as she realized how stupid she was—. I thought that... maybe... I thought that they gave up when I stopped receiving texts, and I decided to forget about it.

She tried to piece together the meaning behind that text, but the only thing that stood out was the malicious intent behind it that slowly was turned into smoke that disappeared. She could've never imagined it was a long-term warn. Whoever had done this wanted to hurt them -wanted to destroy her reputation, San's reputation, and their relationship in one fell swoop, and they were

—Forget about it? —San felt puzzled at that answer, and the danger that came along with it—. A freak gets your phone number, breaks into your place, apparently threatens you, but you decide to forget about it because you didn't hear of them?

—I needed a break —she panickedly answered.

The stress that person put her through pushed her to her own limit, almost making her lose herself.

—A break? I see that worked out pretty fine.

San's hands were on his hips, trying to calm himself down while looking away, because he didn't want to let his thoughts and feelings wash over Y/n and destroy her even more.

—I didn't think they'd go this far.

—You didn't think. That's the problem —he attacked—. You're so smart, so resolutive that I can't believe you just let this slip because you saw a sign to let your guard down. I seriously can't understand it —he clicked his tongue.

—I saw a chance to go back to my life, to focus on everything I cared for, and I took it. Because all of this was just too much.

—And didn't you think of, at least, keeping me updated? —he attacked, suddenly turning to her— What was all that that you were worried about me, and how I was going to be the next target, huh? It affected me as much as you.

—Because I knew you'd insist on keeping an eye on it.

When she told him she was going back to her place a week later she moved into his place, San gave one thousand reasons as to why she shouldn't go back until the investigation was over. And she was sure he was going to keep that same attitude if she had told him about the last text she received.

—I guess your choice was way better —he ironically nodded, looking away once more before his eyes went back to her—. That's why that video was posted —she opened her lips to speak, but he roared faster—. I know you'll have everything swept under the carpet by tomorrow morning, but this will hunt me till God knows when. You've played with all control I had with the only thing I needed to keep as a secret.

—San, I'm affected by this as much as you.

—Right. Because the expensive heiress isn't dating the great engineer she made everyone believe.

His words felt like a slap, and for a second she was stunned by the intensity of his reply and the words he used.

—Are you serious? That's the last of my worries. I love you for who you are and it isn't fair you're saying this.

—Is it a lie? —he frowned— You changed my clothes, changed my background, changed my profession only so I'd fit in the standards that were set for you.

—Should I remind you who started with this?

—I never changed who you were for that.

—You didn't need to! —she attacked— I can't believe you're trying to attack me for something that you started, because you were unable to tell your friends the truth.

He was so focused on the video itself that he forgot his friends were there to witness it all, learning every part of his secret.

San took a deep breath, his shoulders slumping as if the fight had drained out of him. His voice was quieter now, but no less painful.

—I can't do this right now —he whispered.

Y/n felt the tears she had been holding back finally spill over. She reached out to him, desperate to bridge the distance between them, but he stepped back, putting more space between them. The rejection stung, and her hand dropped to her side.

—I'm sorry about the way I reacted to you, I'm sorry about bringing up our lie and doubting your intentions, but I can't with this. And I don't think you can either —he said calmly.

—San...

—I've insisted to you countless times that we're a team, we make decisions together, and again you kept me aside because it was more practical for you.

His words were like a dagger to her heart. She wanted to argue, to tell him that he was wrong, but a part of her knew that there was some truth in what he was saying.

—Are you breaking up?

His silence was more hurtful than any nod or any words that could've come from him.

—Please —she stepped towards him—, let's talk it out calmly.

The silence that followed was unbearable. Y/n stood there, her heart shattered into a million pieces. She wanted to fix this, to make things right, but she didn't know how. She didn't even know where to start.

San let out a long, weary sigh, and for a moment, he looked like he was going to say something more -something that might offer her a glimmer of hope. But instead, he just shook his head.

—Get back inside. It's too cold out here.

With those final words, he turned and walked away, leaving her standing alone in the cold, tears streaming down her face. His hands were closed in fists as he tried to hold himself back from running back to her when he heard the first whine. Too focused on her to realize the tears running down his cheeks without an effort.

Y/n's legs felt weak, and she sank onto a nearby bench, her chest heaving with sobs. She had never felt so lost, so utterly heartbroken. The man she loved was slipping away from her, and she didn't know how to stop it.

She sat there for what felt like an eternity, the weight of everything pressing down on her like a heavy blanket. The humiliation, the guilt, the pain -it was all too much.

Although she knew it had just gotten started.

Taglist: @brown88

[suzuran777]

Lamento stageplay news + visuals

Just one more day left until the live performancs of the Lamento stageplay start! The stageplay was of course already announced last year, but as they finally started tweeting the countdown pictures, I wanted to write a blog post about the visuals and information they've released so far, comparing some of the stageplay visuals to the official game illustrations!

Similar to the DRAMAtical Murder (DMMd) and sweet pool stageplays, the Lamento stageplay will also have different routes for each main character, Asato, Bardo and Rai. I'm going to assume that the first half of the stageplay will be some kind of common route, while the second half focuses on the route of each different character. Something that is new is that this time the stageplay will have "musical elements" as well, so I'm not sure if I should call it a stageplay or a musical (I'm just using "stageplay" this time as the official account also seems to call it that). Even though in the game Konoe's song is just a melody, the actors did tweet about singing, so I am curious what they will do!

Ohyama Yoh, who composed 19 of the 37 songs of the Lamento original soundtrack also tweeted that there will be 11 new songs (+ addictional background music). I think it's super cool that they're working together with the original composer again to create new songs for the stageplay! I remember the DMMd stageplay also had a new song by GOATBED, which they even performed live a few times at the end of the show. The previous stageplays were about two hours long, but this time they mentioned it will be at least 3 hours, which makes sense because Lamento is a lot longer than sweet pool and DMMd.

I'm really impressed by the costumes and wigs so far, the ears and tails also look so fluffy... I really wonder what they will look like in motion and what the battle scenes will look like. Most of the visuals of the individual characters they've released so far seem to be based on the in-game sprites, but what I found interesting is that Rai's, Asato's and Bardo's pictures seem to have the same pose as the Kotobukiya figurines! You can see the comparison below, the pictures of the figurines are from the Kotobukiya official website.

Another new visual which was released quite recently seems to resemble another official illustration, which I've seen in the artbooks before and which was also the cover of magazine B's Log, specifically the December 2006 issue. Some of the details are a bit different, for example Konoe is not holding Leaks' mask in his hand anymore, and this time they added Shui to the illustration as well, but some other things such as Bardo's pose make it quite obvious this picture was their inspiration. The way Shui and Leaks stand next to each other kind of reminds me of the Rhapsody to the Past drama CD as well? One thing I noticed is that they're not really trying to hide Leaks' face this time, which was actually quite a big reveal in the game.

Next are some of the other illustrations they recently showed us during a short livestream which was available on Twitter for a limited time. Luckily they also posted the pictures on the official account! These won't be sold as merchandise, but they're given away as a bonus for those who attend all three versions of the show. I guess one thing I never noticed before is how little promotional/extra art Bardo got back then, so in this case they had to use one of his in-game CGs. For the other characters they mostly seem to use some of the extra/promotional art. Anyway, you can see a comparison below! I think it's fun to see how they re-created the pictures with the actors.

The last picture they recently showed during the Twitter livestream uses the cover illustration of the official world guidebook! Unfortunately no Bardo in this one either. This is one of the items they are selling as merchandise, it seems to be some kind of booklet (they call it a "pamphlet" but it's 32 pages long). I really wish they would sell the merchandise online, but for now it's only accessible for those who have a ticket and who buy it inside the venue. Maybe if they have any extra stock they might sell it online?

Update: The stageplay will also be livestreamed on DMM TV! The ticket to watch all three routes is 10000 yen (about 66 USD, which is cheaper than the in-person tickets at least!) which also gives you some special bonus videos to watch. First is Bardo's route on February 24th, followed by Asato's and Rai's routes on February 25th. Be aware that it is region locked and not all VPNs work, so unfortunately I can't help much with that! For any further updates you can check the official Twitter account!

Cast list: Konoe: Maejima Yoh Rai: Kato Sho Asato: Hiraga Yusei Bardo: Seto Yusuke Razel: Kimisawa Yuki Kaltz: Okamoto Yuki Verg: Iwata Tomoki Froud: Muramatsu Koki Kagari: Asaba Maya Tokino: Fukuzawa Taiga Firi: Kita Tsutomu Kil: Yoshun Sakamoto Ul: Arai Yuya Shui: Osaki Natsuki Leaks: Matsui Yuho

[mageofseven]

Surprise Birth- Diavolo Route

I finally got around to writing this one!

For those who may be new or simply don't remember, I originally wrote a series for most of the Boys where they and MC have a children. After starting that, I was asked to make a version where neither MC nor their lover knew about the pregnancy till MC was giving birth. I did this for all of the Brothers and now I'm doing this for Dia and MC's child.

Unlike with the original birth (which can be found here), MC's pregnancy will be no where as difficult as before and will be much more covert, hence why she doesn't know about it till she gives birth.

Also, just a warning. This Surprise Birth turned out pretty different from the other. I was really struck with inspiration so I added more world building elements to this one than I have the other. I think this was a good addition and I'm very proud of my work, but please tell me what you think!

Lucifer, Mammon, Levi | Satan, Asmo | Beel, Belphie

•▪︎▪︎◇°●♡●°◇▪︎▪︎•

MC remembers it; the night that changed everything. A night where only after it happened did she realize she knew so little about the Devildom, despite calling it her home.

Dia had just bought her a new dress for a party. It wasn't going to be a fun one, according to him. It was one of many the prince had to go to. For royalty, a party is just work under the guise of relaxation and fun. In truth, the man found them to be very draining; that's why he had asked MC to join him. At least he'd be able to spend time with her instead of secretly counting down the clock till he can leave in a polite manner.

Devil, she was nervous, but she was determined to go and support her boyfriend no matter what. And he was so excited too! He had his designer make this beautiful red lace dress. It was long, but with a deeper 'V' than she has ever worn and was cut along one side to show off her whole left leg.

(Btw the way, I love this dress so much! I'm dropping in the pics so you can see too okay bye)

She loved it--except it didn't fit. The woman really didn't realize until that moment that she actually gained weight. With hindsight, the woman wished she would have looked into why she had suddenly gained the weight, but at the time, she had no reason to think it was anything serious. She assumed that she had just been snacking too much lately.

It was so embarrassing for her to admit to her boyfriend that the dress didn't fit. After all, he went through all that trouble to have a dress be designed for her and the amount of grimm he spent on it was probably more than she could make in a lifetime.

Still, Dia didn't care at all. To him, it was such a trivial thing to have his designer make the dress a bit bigger, even though it was last minute, and he didn't care that her stomach bulged out just a little more than before. In his mind, his Queen was still gorgeous; she could weigh double what she weights now and it still wouldn't matter to him.

Diavolo was insanely sweet, as always. Once the new dress came and MC's hair and makeup was all done, the couple headed out to the party at the Abalams' estate.

She remembers being all starry-eyed at the party. Classical music being played by a live orchestra, demons of so many genders and styles wearing the most beautiful clothes (though some wore very little at all; MC thought her dress was a bit revealing, but in truth, her dress looked more conservative in comparison with the other guests' attire), food the human couldn't even identify but was actually excited to try (as long as Dia said they were safe for her to eat).

The woman was so excited...until she noticed all eyes on her. MC didn't know if it was because she was a human attending a party for the demonic elite or if it was because she was attending as the date to the literal demon prince.

Her grip on her boyfriend's arm tighten, causing him to lean in and whisper in her ear.

"My Queen, breathe. And smile. All with be fine."

The woman took a deep breathe like he told her and gave her best attempt at a smile for the other guests.

That's when a woman came into view. She was wearing...something. There wasn't a single thread of cloth on this woman. Instead, she wore an intricate series of metal and gemstones. It hid very little of her body and made a slight jingle with each step, reminding the human of a cat with a bell on their collar. Her long white hair was wrapped in two bun on her head, big enough to cover the pale horns behind them. Somehow, she gave off this air of both fitting in with her environment and contrasting with it.

"Dia!" The woman threw her arms around the prince, who smiled back.

"Lady Abalam, glad to see you're cheerful as always."

Lady Natalona Abalam, as she was then told, was a lust demon and the oldest daughter of Matriarch Abalam, a well respected pride demon.

The Abalams were one of Diavolo's biggest supporters in the Primordial Senate, a group of the oldest families in the Devildom with enough political influence to make the royal family weary.

Not too long ago (by demon standards), the Abalams and the royal family were at odds politically. The Abalams were proud members of the Aldatu faction, a political party within demonic society. They believe change is always beneficial. With change comes chaos and chaos is the path demons have walked since the beginning of time.

Back when Diavolo was growing up, his family was backing the Traditionalist faction, a political party that believed order was not just meant for the Celestial realm and could be used in small does to keep their society in line and to continue following the ways of the Old Ones.

When Diavolo's father fell into his deep slumber though, Dia essentially was given fully reign for his family and his kingdom. Though a stressful change, it was also one where he felt like he could make a real difference and really believed true peace could be brought to the Three Realms, that each race could learn from and understand one another.

Such views were heavily discouraged by the Traditionalists and so he used his authority as prince to change alliances. Honestly, this woman never realized just how much effort he truly put into things. Diavolo did more than build a school and start an exchange program. He fought in the trenches that were his people's politics, gained allies and enemies alike in order to push his people and the people of the other realms into a new age.

MC felt ashamed. How was she only learning all of this now? Yes, most of this work took place long before she was born, but these were still realm altering accomplishments of her boyfriend's and she never knew.

The demon woman pulled back and smiled at MC.

"Awwww, you must be that cute little human he always talks about~."

MC blushed.

"Hi, ya, I guess I am--."

The demoness threw her arms around her.

"You are just too cute!" She gushed. "I could just eat you up~."

The woman broke the hug and stood back.

"Kidding, kidding." She laughed. "Trust me, I am so not my sister."

Diavolo laughed with her before changing the subjects.

"Oh, I heard about the incident. How's your fiancée healing up?"

"Oh she's fine, believe me." The demoness smiled. "Honestly? She bruised her ego way more than anything--shit."

Dia raised an eyebrow.

"Is everything alright?"

The demoness laughed.

"Just...give me a minute please." She said before slipping by the couple and running the fastest she could in her heels towards another demoness who had grabbed one of the waiters by the collar and lifted him from the ground. "V, put him down or so help me!"

Apparently, V was Lady Viviana Uwan; a wrath demon and Lady Abalam's fiancée.

That interaction was one of many that night that taught her what her boyfriend's job really was and gave her a glimpse at Devildom society that she never truly saw.

By the end of the night, MC was overwhelmed with all of the knowledge she had collect. It's scary, in a way, when you realized the place you've loved for so long was more of a stranger to you. Funnily enough, RAD didn't prepare her for the 'real world' here in the Devildom any better than the school in the Human realm prepared her for the 'real world' there.

Not to mention all she's learned about her boyfriend. Like, how is she learning all about his accomplishments from strangers? Why has Dia never told her about any of this?

Noticing the change in his Queen's mood, Dia excused himself from a conversation and led MC out to an empty balcony overlooking a garden.

"Are you getting tired, Sweetheart? You aren't looking too well."

MC shook her head and leaned against the marble railing. She stared out at the garden with this faraway look in her eyes.

"I don't even know the Devildom, do I?" She asked softly. "Do I even know you?"

"What do you mean?" His eyes widened.

He reached out to take her hand, but the human pulled hers away before turning to face him.

"The state of this place is so divided it's deadly." She told him. "Its so different than everything we learn at RAD. Student walk away not even knowing the real status of the realm they study in. We don't even have a political science class to explain the basics of this stuff."

The prince's frown deepen.

"RAD...is suppose to show the students the best of us; especially to the transfer students." He explained. "It's to show that even with our darker side that we are redeemable, that we area capable of peace and understanding."

"Then why hide it from me?" The woman started tearing up. "And why not tell me about all you did to make this possible? The school, the cultural exchange, the societal changes? You treat it all like a small thing that just happened to work in your favor, but you worked for it. For hundreds of years! And I never knew..."

MC had no clue why she was crying and in truth, part of her knew being upset over this stuff was silly, but the woman still couldn't hold it in.

Dia reached out and pulled her into his arms. He rubbed her back as he gave her a minute to just cry in his arms.

"I admit, I'm at a loss for worlds." He kissed her head. "I'm sorry that this has been an overwhelming night for you. We'll head home now."

MC pulled back and wiped her face with her hand. She started to nodded in response before noticing movement in the corner of her eyes. When she tried focusing on it, her head was overwhelmed with a sharp pain. She close her eyes and raised a hand to her head.

"What is it? Sweetheart?"

MC just shook her head.

"Nothing, I... I saw something thing over there."

Dia turned around to see what his girlfriend was talking about and the next things the human knew, he was pushing her inside the building.

And then she heard an explosion.

MC opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry and bouncing around. She hear ringing in her ears and, seemingly in the distance, heard screaming.

It took her a minute to realize she was being carried. She heard Dia, who also sounded far away, to close her eyes, to not look at 'them'.

Then she passed out once again.

After that, MC remembers waking up in Dia's bed. Her brain was fuzzy at first, but she slowly started to remember the party. Body aching, the human started to slip out of bed, but stopped when the bedroom door starting opening.

Barbatos came in with a silver tray filled with food.

"Ah, I figured you'd be awake." The butler smiled his usual smile.

"Where Dia? What happen--"

"My lord is finishing up some business. I'll let him know you've awaken, but first, you must eat."

Thats when the human learned she had been unconscious for the past 36hrs. The party had been attacked, but both herself and Diavolo were okay.

Later, she learned from Dia that the attack at the party was led by the Traditionalists...and their target was MC herself.

The Aldatu viewed MC as a pleasant curiosity. The Traditionalists, however, viewed her as a symbol of everything that has gone wrong in their realm.

No where was safe for the human; even if Diavolo sent her home to the Human realm, these demons would just track her down. All Dia could do for his girlfriend was lockdown the castle, armor the building up with wards and defenses, and prepare for civil war.

And that's how MC's months of isolation began. Her boyfriend was out leading armies. Lucifer and his brothers were out fighting a new war...and the woman felt like it was all her fault.

MC spent her isolation deep in depression. She felt like all she did was eat and sleep so when she gained weight, she blamed herself for that too.

Some days she was so worried sick about her boyfriend and the brothers that she'd find herself in the bathroom, puking.

Occasionally Barbatos would come check on her and ease the pain in her heart just a bit, but mostly it was just herself and the occasional Little D in the fortified castle for months on end.

Eventually, an end did come for MC, but by the devil was it a painful one.

After months of isolation and weight gain, the woman start having these horrible cramps. The Little Ds didn't know how to help her, but promised to send word to Barbatos so he could instruct them on the matter.

Twelve hours of this pain came and went. The woman was leaning against the post of the bed, heavily sobbing and praying to universe that if she has to died, just do it. End her suffering because that's all she wanted at this point.

A pool of blood was under her feet her feet and half a baby was hanging out below her, but she couldn't recognize anything over the pain she felt.

She didn't even hear the door open.

After months of war, Diavolo was home. Barb told him that he had gotten a message from the Little Ds that MC wasn't feeling well so he rushed to his room and practically slammed open the door, just to find his girlfriend bent over the bed, blood dripping down her legs, and a baby hanging between them.

"MC!" Dia rushed to her side just in time to catch her as she fell, her vision going black.

She saw a glimpse of her boyfriend before the darkness came and before she slipped away, the human felt some peace.

He's okay. He came back to me.

~

Diavolo sat out in the hallway, head in his hands. Barbatos had brought him a chair to wait in over an hour ago and he's been here ever since. He had one doctor in his room with MC and another in the room down the hall, tending to his son.

His son. In any other situation, this man would be downright overjoyed right now. He's a father. He has a child with the woman he loves more than his own existence. But everything is wrong.

He fought a war to keep her safe, but in the end, he also neglected her. He didn't know she was pregnant. Devil, there's so much he would have done if he had just known. Instead, his Queen suffered for months her own and as she birthed his son, the baby's overdeveloped horns cut through her. His son could have killed her just as easily as the extremists that originally targeted her. If he had been a bit slower returning home, what would have happened to his Sweetheart?

Honestly, Diavolo has never loathed himself more in his entire life than he did right now. MC is the most precious being to him in all three realms. How could he have let this happen?

MC's doctor came out to let the prince know that his girlfriend was stable. He gave Dia a list of potions and salves that needed to be given to her twice a day for the next few weeks at minimum, but otherwise she should make a full recovery.

Dia thanked the doctor before rushing into the room, finding his beloved awake, but incredibly pale from all of the blood loss she suffered.

"Dia?" The woman spoke tiredly, still seeming a bit out of it. "What happened?"

Diavolo knelt at the side of the bed and took her hand in his, pressing them against his heart.

"You had my child." He said, broken hearted. "I'm so sorry I didn't know."

"I...what?" Her eyes widen. "I thought I was dying."

You could have.

That thought crushed the man. The prince laid his head on the human's torso and silently cried.

"Sweetie..." MC took her other hand and stroked his red hair. "It's okay; I'm okay."

But you almost weren't.

Instead of speaking that thought, the demon just shook his head.

"I almost lost you..." The demon raised his head. "But never again, I swear to you that I will never leave your side again."

He gave her a gentle kiss.

"I...I want to be with you forever," He said softly. "Or however long this life will give you to me. And I want to dedicate myself to you in every way I can."

Dia took both her hands in his and stared down into her eyes.

"My Queen...please marry me."

MC just stared in disbelief.

"You would marry me? Even though I'm human..."

"Why would you say that? I've never had an issue with your humanity."

"But other demons have." She reminded him. "You literally went to war because of me."

"And I'd do it again," He placed a hand on their cheek. "Because nothing and no one is more important to me than you."

Tears streaked down MC's face.

"Do...do you mean it?"

"With every ounce of my being."

The woman sniffled before nodding.

"Yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

The two cried together as they kissed and held each other.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door followed by it being opened.

"Pardon the intrusion." The butler smiled. "But I assumed you two would be ready for him."

The man stepped inside, holding the baby swaddled in a soft red blanket

Dia grinned the biggest smile of his life.

"Of course!" His eyes darted to MC before softening. "Let my future wife hold him first."

"My, so much has changed here in the castle so fast." Barbatos remarked as he walked over and carefully laid the babe in his mother's arms. "Congratulations, my lord and lady."

MC stared down at her son, feeling so much disbelief but even more love. She didn't know...she had no clue she was going to be a mother, but as she met her son's eyes, ones he shared with his father, the human couldn't help but be so incredibly grateful that things ended up the way they did.

The two named their son Ashur.

[slowandsteddie]

Y’all voted on this.

“Hey there, big guy.” / “You aren’t Eddie.”

I was really really excited to write this, honestly.

It is VERY important that you read the CW on this one.

I might be working through some things I personally went through on this one, so it’s… darker than I’d normally go.

CW: Steve is drugged, very heavily implied sexual assault (maybe skip the pink font?), ptsd, mention of bad parents, drinking as a coping mechanism, underage drinking, bartender looks like Billy (isn’t btw), very brief mention of Billy’s death, mentions of drugs, mentions of weed

Lots of hurt and little comfort.

Parts of this feel kinda rushed to me, and there’s one part where that is on purpose. But, uh. Not a fan of the ending of this bc it’s late and I’m sleepy. But also I don’t wanna edit this or dwell on it or it won’t get posted at all. So. This is where we are.

Potential for a part two.

2536 words.

—

After the night that Nancy called their relationship bullshit, Steve had sworn off alcohol and any drug stronger than the weed he used to help himself sleep when he was home alone. And he had been able to stick to it, too.

Until Starcourt.

When he had nearly been killed by Russians, confessed his love to a lesbian (while he, himself was mostly gay), and saw Billy Hargrove murdered by some thing from the Upside Down.

Yeah, life was pretty fucked up. And if he found solace at the bottom of a bottle, that was his problem.

No one but Robin needed to know. That girl was his Platonic soulmate and she got to know practically everything. Hell, he had lost track of how many times they had slept in the same bed, just so they could know the other was still breathing. They clung so tight to each other that it was like they were trying to nestle into rib cages and grasp onto bones so that they couldn’t be ripped apart again.

It helped with the nightmares and the panic to have someone so close to him who understood. Someone who knew what he went through without him having to explain it. Someone who knew that the fire cover up was complete shit. Someone who wasn’t a kid that he had to protect and hide his pain from.

Don’t get him wrong, he loved those kids. He would die for them. He’d kill for them. He’d wreck the beautiful car of his dreams for them. He’d even pretend to be okay for them, no matter what. But he could never confide in them. Not about what he went through. Not the way he could with Robin.

The thing about trauma bonding with someone is that there doesn’t have to be secrets. They already knew the worst thing that you have been through, so everything else would be a cakewalk by comparison.

During the day, it was easy to be goofy and laugh and hide the fact that he had been through absolute hell. But at night, everything came back to him. Him screaming that he just worked for Scoops and not being believed. Him offering free ice cream for life, just to get out of there.

Offering his body when that didn’t work because he didn’t have anything else and he knew his parents wouldn’t pay a ransom, even if the Russians had decided to try that route. And if they took him up on that offer, no one had to know. He didn’t even have to know. He could just pretend that the drugs took those memories too and not think about it.

The night time was what had him drinking again. The sun would start setting and he’d find himself reaching for that bottle, as though he needed it as desperately as he needed air and open spaces.

Even when Robin was over, he couldn’t close the door before taking a shower. Though, that didn’t matter much, when she’d go sit on the toilet and talk to him, with nothing but a curtain between them as the water poured over him and he sobbed as silently as he could while he cleaned himself and she chatted away about some random thing that he couldn’t follow, no matter how hard he tried. On particularly bad nights, Robin would find him in the shower, and wearing his t-shirt and shorts, she would help him wash his hair, his body, while he could only lean against the wall, feeling as though he would shake himself apart.

But, he needed to get better. He couldn’t be a mess forever. He couldn’t rely on his best friend always being available to help him through the rough patches. Most people would see the therapist recommended to them after going through things like The Upside Down and days of torture at the hands of Russians in a base under the mall that they used to work in.

Not Steve.

Oh, no.

That made too much sense.

Instead of therapy, he decided that going to a gay club in Indy would be a great idea. It had been long enough that his injuries had turned to scars. Sure, his ears rang a lot and sometimes his vision went a little fuzzy if he turned his head too fast, but he was fine. Really.

He had called and told Robin where he’d be. He didn’t need her panicking because she went to his house and he wasn’t there. He also called Henderson, just to make sure one of the kids knew he wasn’t home. They all talked constantly so the message would get around.

Just because he was stupid, didn’t mean he was irresponsible.

Steve was dressed in his favorite jeans, the ones that made his ass look nice, and a yellow polo. He didn’t really have many options in terms of shirts because it was almost time to do laundry again. He hated the washer though, as he still had times when his ribs panged when he tried to lean over too far. With that stupid washer, he always had to lean too far. There was no other way to make sure he got everything out of it.

He took the time to style his hair properly, even when the effort made his arms shake and the muscles in his hands and wrists spasm. Being tortured had some lasting effects and it was annoying. He was so tired of it. Tired of being forced to remember what he went through, even while doing the most mundane things.

He flipped the collar on his shirt up to try and make sure that the scars on his neck weren’t too obvious at first glance. That was as good as it was going to get as he refused to wear makeup to cover it up.

Then, he walked out to his car after locking the front door. Here goes nothing. He slid into the car that he hadn’t actually driven in a few weeks and started her up. She purred as though it was only yesterday that she was last turned on.

Steve mouthed the directions to himself before buckling up, turning on the radio, and beginning the drive.

Time passed, though he wasn’t sure how much of it. But he did get to the club without incident. He parked his car and locked the door before putting the keys in his pocket.

His favorite thing about this place was that they didn’t ID, something that he remembered from when he had came here before Starcourt. He had just wanted to dance with fellow queers. The first few times that he was here, he had been given water when he went to the bar.

He was glad to find that this time the bartender asked him what he’d be drinking. He was glad that the blond with curly hair and a charming smile didn’t even bat an eye over his request for a shot of whiskey, and just poured the drink.

“First one’s on the house.” God, even his voice was charming.

“Thank you,” Steve replied gratefully.

He threw the drink back and didn’t even make a face over it. The familiar, warm burn of the alcohol was a welcome one.

“How much for the second?” He asked, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

“For you? A dollar a shot.”

Steve placed a 10 dollar bill down. “One shot and one mixed drink that would leave you with what you consider an acceptable tip.”

“Yessir,” the bartender replied with a smile.

It wasn’t fair that the older male had ocean eyes he could get lost in.

Steve took the shot like nothing again, running a hand through his hair. He thanked the bartender, again, before taking his mixed drink and moving to the dance floor.

He was having fun. There were a lot of people and loud music and he had some liquid courage that was also helping to keep his chronic pain under control. After a few songs, he finished his drink before going to take his glass to the bar.

He was dizzy, but he just assumed that was from turning his head too fast a few minutes ago when someone started dancing behind him. He told himself that it had just been because he wanted to know if the guy pressing against his back was cute or not. (He was.)

Steve’s thoughts were incoherent, but he had moments when his brain didn’t seem to work right, especially when he was under the influence. It was his new normal ever since his brain had been starved of oxygen. But he couldn’t think about that again. Not now.

He asked the bartender for water, noticing the name tag this time. Billy. Oh, the painful irony.

He drank it down pretty fast, fully intending to thank him for it after. But then there was an arm around his shoulder and he was moving on to help someone on the other side of the bar.

“Hey there, big guy,” the other male said while squeezing his shoulder.

“You aren’t Eddie,” he said stupidly. It was in that moment that Steve realized who he had a crush on, but that wasn’t important right now.

“I can be whoever you want me to be, handsome.”

Steve pulled away. “I’m sorry, but no. You really can’t.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. That was a bad joke. Eddie sent me to take you home.”

“He wouldn’t have sent anyone to get me.” He said defiantly. “He’d come himself,” he added to cover up whatever he had said.

The world was spinning worse and he turned to walk to the bathroom. He was being followed and he knew it, but what other choice did he have?

By the time Steve got to the bathroom, he was mostly out of it. But, he got flashes.

—

The door being locked behind them.

His pants being unbuttoned.

Trying to struggle but it was just so hard to lift his arms.

Being shoved against the counter.

Heavy breathing in his ear.

Pain.

Sliding down.

Curling into a ball.

Clutching his own shirt.

Eddie.

Eddie.

Eddie.

—

When Steve woke up again, the first thing he noticed was that he was in the trailer. The second thing he noticed was that he felt like shit. Everything hurt more than it should for just a hangover, and he didn’t even want to think about why his hips and thighs felt the way they did.

He tried to sit up, groaning over the effort before letting himself lay back down on the couch. The toilet flushed, the water ran, and then there were footsteps coming back toward him. He didn’t know why he flinched and tried to hide in the blanket he had over him, but he did.

“Hey there, big boy,” Eddie said softly.

Steve whimpered. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t like being called that anymore. It was something that the older male had called him ever since they started getting friendly. Ever since he had started buying weed from him.

“Wanna talk about it, Steve?” He added.

He shook his head.

“Why’d the bartender call me when he found you instead of Robin? Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that you thought I was safe.”

“I don’t know. Was kinda falling apart. I guess I wanted drugs more than…”

“More than your girlfriend?”

Steve snorted. “She’s my Platonic soulmate. Capital P. Not my girlfriend.”

Eddie tilted his head. “Want me to call the soulmate?”

Steve shook his head quickly before groaning and holding his temples. “My car?” He croaked.

“I took Jeff with me to pick you up. He drove ‘er back. Your car is in my driveway, safe and sound.”

Steve made a sound and let his eyes close.

“Steve. I’m not going to make any choices for you. But you were assaulted. The only reason that bartender didn’t call the police was that he didn’t want to out you.”

His eyes fluttered. “That… that explains it.” His body chose that moment to let him pass out again.

When he was conscious again, he was still on Eddie’s couch. He could hear the other male talking on the phone. He did his best to pretend that he was still asleep. But he was crying and the sniffling gave him away.

“Hey man, do you want Robin to come here?”

“No,” he said too quickly. “I just… I need a bit to comprehend. Tell her an hour, yeah? Then I’ll go with her and get out of your hair.”

Eddie relayed the message and hung up.

“He drugged me. But I still knew what was up. He flirted with me, but I wasn’t interested. I said he wasn’t you as though I had some kind of right to want it to be you who was flirting, man. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Of course it was only the apology that Eddie picked up on.

“Because I have no right to have a crush on you after how I treated you. Because I have no right to tell you that I have a crush on you after what happened to me.”

“If that’s how you feel, then I have no right to tell you that the feeling is mutual and that I have every intention of finding the guy who did this to you and making him pay. I have no right to feel so possessive and protective. I have no right to tell you that I always run away, but right now I just want to fight for you.”

“Mm. You’re right. We have no right to be having this conversation when it’s too much for me.”

Eddie was about to get up.

“Hold me?” Steve asked so quietly.

And his request was honored so gently. He might have been whimpering and flinching, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing the older male’s shirt and clinging to it.

When Robin barged into the trailer, exactly sixty-one minutes later, Steve flinched and his hands gripped on to Eddie’s knees tightly.

Eddie was sitting sideways on the couch, his legs spread so that Steve could be seated between them. His back was against the older male’s chest and his hands had been playing with the loose threads over Eddie’s knees before he was startled. Eddie had been trying to braid Steve’s too short hair as they listened to some music that neither male was paying enough attention to in order to place.

As soon as he saw his best friend, he was struggling to his feet before stumbling over to her with all the grace of a newborn giraffe.

“R-Robbie.”

“Stevie.”

“I shouldn’t have gone.”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself.”

They were clinging to each other, both of them shaking.

“Promised to never leave you again.”

“It’s okay. We’ll get through this. Also, Eddie is driving us home because I refuse to let go of you.”

“I am?”

“You are.”

“And then you’re staying, too.” Steve added.

“I am.” There was a smile to Eddie’s voice at that.

Despite everything, Steve liked him and felt safe with him. Hopefully Eddie would never do anything to break that.

[iamvegorott]

Magicians Don't Need Superheros Pt8

First: Link Prev: Link Next: Link

----------

Marvin glared at the figure, shifting his legs back and holding up glowing hands, ready for a fight. He waited for the other one to move first, to get a read on its movement and react accordingly, but he wasn’t prepared for the figure to start laughing and then turn into a bright light.

“Shit.” Marvin cursed, covering his eyes with his arms and leaning away. 

“The lecture we would get if we fought in here would be so annoying.” 

Marvin lowered his arms, blinking until his vision came back and he saw a man standing in front of him. The man wore all black, torn black jeans and a black t-shirt, he had gauges in his ears like Jackie did but, unlike Jackie, the top of his ears narrowed to a point, almost elf-like. He also had several more piercings that went along his ears and one in his eyebrow. His eyes still had that previous darkness as his other form but with green iris’ that changed hues with each breath. But the thing that stood out the most about the man was the thick, jagged scar across his neck. 

“Who are you?” Marvin asked. 

“Oh! I love a good introduction.” The man jumped up on the bed, posing in a way that reminded Marvin of Jackie. 

And Marvin really didn’t like that comparison. Something about it didn’t sit right in his stomach. 

“I am an amalgamation of time and space, matter that goes beyond any conscious understanding, stable and unstable in the same form. Past, present, and future under my fingertips and-” The speech the man made was cut off by Marvin grabbing his leg and yanking. Marvin made the man lose his footing, and fall to his rear on the bed, and he then grabbed the front of the man’s shirt and pulled him off the bed, making him fumble across the room a bit. 

“I just wanted your name, not a monologue that would make a B-movie villain cringe.” Marvin snapped. He also wasn’t the biggest fan of those shoes on his bed, who knew where that man’s feet had been? The man kept his back to Marvin as he laughed before turning around and giving him a grin.

“I thought you’d like a dramatic spiel considering your connection with Jackie.” The man gestured at Marvin with a hand. “You’re even doing the boyfriend sweater thing.”

“The-” Marvin looked at himself. He hadn’t even registered that he’d been wearing Jackie’s jacket this whole time. “It’s not that.” He unzipped the jacket and took it off as he spoke. “Jackie’s just a good person and didn’t want me to freeze.” 

“And you still have his phone.” The man hummed. Marvin put the jacket on the bed and saw the outline of the phone in the pocket. 

“I stole it to try to get back…” Marvin was going to say ‘home’ but the word escaped him. “It hasn’t been returned yet because too much has been happening to think about it.” He didn’t know why he was defending himself to the stranger. He should just open the door and kick him out.

“Too busy fuc-”

“I will gladly push you off a roof.” Marvin really wasn’t in the mood to deal with this anymore.

“Would I get a soft landing as well? It was so cute how you always made sure Jackie never got hurt.” The man giggled and casually strolled across Marvin’s room. Marvin went to the wall where he had thrown the scissors, pulled them out of the wall and a soft green glow covered the blades. 

“I could always go a different route. Let you be a little special.” Marvin pointed the scissors toward the man. 

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” The man tilted his head and giggled again. The grin that’s been plastered on his face grew too wide for it. Marvin threw the scissors again, the magic causing the throw to be unnaturally fast. The man dodged the blade, showing that he had just barely missed as some chunks of hair floated down to the ground. “I was meaning to get a trim.” The man looked at the scissors that were now embedded into the wall, only the handles sticking out. “And that’s going to be a bitch to patch.” 

“I was aiming to add a new scar to your throat,” Marvin stated. 

“Nice to know you’re not boring. You’re one of the fun ones, like me and Jackie.” 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“You know fun. More than just a basic ‘human’.” The man used his fingers to make the quotes. “It was just me at first. Henrik and Chase are too normal and JJ has some stuff but he doesn’t really do anything with it aside from talking to you in your head.” He tapped at his temple with a finger. “And then there’s…well, I’m going to leave you to meet him on your own.” The man chuckled and continued talking without giving Mavin a chance to question what that meant. “It was an interesting time when it was just me as the fun one in the House. I could do whatever I want whenever I want but then Jackie showed up and that little shit’s strong enough to hold me down and isn’t afraid to. And then Chase has to use fucking feelings for things and I don’t want to stab him anymore because I now have empathy for the fuck and that’s so boring.” The man held out the last few words as a whine. 

“Let me take a wild guess that the others are like that as well. Some more human than others?” Marvin wished the man hadn’t dodged and he could just yell for Henrik to take him away to tend to the wound and he could finally sleep. Maybe he would pull a Henrik and yell for Jackie instead. If the man said that Jackie could handle him, then he could handle him instead of continuing this. 

“Sounds lovely,” Marvin grumbled. The idea of actually yelling made the growing headache feel worse. 

“When was the last time you actually slept? You sound like a grump-ass.” The man laughed. 

“And you sound like the definition of a mental disturbance.” 

“I take that as a compliment.” 

“You can take it, shove it up your ass, and leave.” 

“At least take me out to dinner first.” 

“I’d rather starve.” 

“Without Jackie’s help, you might have~”

“Get. Out.” Marvin was done with this. Either he was going to turn the man in his room into a pile of ash or he was going to leave. Marvin didn’t care which option it was at the moment. Headache be damned.

“Fine, fine, fine.” The man waved a hand and scoffed. “You’ll be in a better mood after getting some sleep. Still might not like me, but the banter will be more fun.” He went to the door and paused. “Wait, names, always forget about that. People call me Anti.” Marvin didn’t say anything and just got to work removing the top blanket from his bed and tossing it to the ground. “One more thing before I go. Like I said, you might not like me, but as time goes on and you become more and more involved in what your world is now. You’ll wish I was the bad guy.” Anti’s voice dropped with his last sentence, eyes shifting to pure black. He grinned, giggled one more time, and left, letting the click of the door be the only sound left in the room. 

[hillbillyoracle]

Pen and Paper Planning

Maybe you like me are endlessly drawn back to pen and paper. I have often felt more at home in a good notebook. For a long time I thought there just weren't many options for notebook systems in comparison to "productivity" apps but over the years I've collected a number of them that I pull inspiration from for my own system. I've been told my little compilations are helpful so I thought I'd share what I've found here with some notes about each.

Bullet Journal

The OG. I think bujo has gotten a bad rap by people who've only every interacted with it via aesthetic routes like instagram. I found out not to long ago that there are people who don't know what the original system entails at all so I thought it was worth mentioning here.

Check it out here.

I recommend it less as a "productivity" system and more as a style of rapid/micro journaling. Does journaling feel like it takes forever and just isn't worth it - this is the system for you. When you go into it with that mindset, it's a lot easier to get the benefits. Wouldn't really recommend it for full blown tasks management and planning but the creator is upfront he never really intended it for that.

Everbook

This is more of a folio style as opposed to a notebook system but I think there are aspects that translate nicely to notebooks. It's definitely more of a productivity system too - very GTD influenced according to it's creator. I like it for it's modular approach to tasks, inspiration, and tracking.

Check it out here.

I recommend this if you like multi-notebook systems and are focused on getting tasks done more so than reflection/introspection.

Analog by Ugmonk

Basically a glorified notecard but this one has been a real game changer for me with regard to my daily tasks. I keep my today card clipped to the cover of my journal. You don't need to buy their fancy system for it at all and lots of people have hacks of it. Easy to combine with 1-3-5 Lists and the Bento Method as well.

Check it out here.

I recommend it for people who prefer a more flexible way of planning their days than what traditional planners offer.

Strikethru

I've not gotten to try many aspects of Strikethru yet but there are some I'm definitely looking to incorporate in another journal. Strikethru is a much more task oriented system than a bullet journal. It features a "live list", "dump" "vault" and calendar. I think it best replicates what you do what many to-do apps. They have their own journal you can buy but it can be set up in your own notebook.

Check it out here.

I recommend this for people who are doing large projects with lots of moving parts.

Theme System by CPG Grey

I love CPG Grey's ideas about yearly and seasonal themes. He created a notebook to compliment those ideas. It basically is composed of a section on fleshing out your themes, daily reflection pages, and habit tracking. I like the light direction while still being freeform enough for most goals.

Check it out here.

And here.

I recommend it for people who's primary use case is self improvement oriented. If you're looking to move the needle forward in some area of your life, themes are a great way to start.

Commonplace Book

I think the best way to think of a Commonplace Book is that it's a sketchbook for ideas. I think too often with digital systems it's easy to get caught up in worrying about capturing all of our ideas or optimizing them to be found again - which only really adds stress and unnecessary complexity. What I like about a commonplace book is not only it's usage throughout history but it's simplicity.

Check it out here.

And here.

I recommend this for people who are looking to do a lot of creative or intellectual work and don't want to get distracted by screens to capture what inspires and moves them. Also for people who prefer to refer to their inspiration in a more tactile way.

Maurice Moves' Notebook

When I first found this method, it had very few views. When I went to look it up again, it had taken off. I'm so glad because it feels like an underrated system that can be easily paired with some of the other. It's basically a series of pages he uses to work through goals or just directions he wants to move in life. I've never see a system that's both so orderly and thorough. I especially appreciate is way of working backwards from his desired results to develop his plan.

Check it out here.

I recommend this for people who are trying to achieve big things but aren't totally sure how to get here. Seems very neurodivergent friendly too depending on what you personally excel with.

1-3-5 Lists

I first learned about a similar concept from Esme Weijun Wang's ebook "Productivity Journaling with Limitations" but I can't seem to find it on her website anymore. This website has one version of it but the version I've been using is slightly different.

The first task is my "win the day task" - if I only do this it was a productive day. It's achievable based on the resources I have that day. On low energy days , the task might be a simple chore like laundry or a health activity like walking. On a high energy day, it's usually something that moves me forward in some way - tackling projects like redoing my room or organizing all of our papers. Most days are inbetween though.

The next three have historically been "to not cause myself further trouble" tasks but I've been experimenting with making them one home/work task, one health task, and one relationships task as mentioned in this Ali Abdaal video (in Part 3).

The next five to six tasks are usually just easy wins - things I can get to if I feel like it but I feel no pressure to complete.

I recommend this system for people who are working with variable energy, health, time, or other resources. I could see it being helpful for folks with children or who are caregivers as well. I've found it useful as someone with chronic illness.

Sorry this section is a bit of a mess, when I originally put it on here I thought I could just link to Wang's ebook but alas. If anyone has the link, please drop it in comments.

Bento Methodology

This is another one that can be paired with another system. While the video I link to is talking about it in terms of an app, I think it's similar to the 1-3-5 system in that you can just use it inside of any other to-do list or task system you might be using. I appreciate it's nudge to do deep work and it's clear criteria for each compartment. I use this when I have more energy and want to use it to the best effect. Whenever I use it I always feel like I had a really meaningful day in terms of my efforts.

Check it out here.

I recommend this for people who want some structure to their day but still want flexibility from day to day to pick what they work on.

And I think that's most of them. I hope something here inspires you to pick up a notebook and get to writing. Best wishes!

[salivacitrus]

VIVIMILO POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have yet to finalize the outfits for the s/i design in fullbody form but here she is. here's vivian

i'll do violence and manipulation variants as well, it's just that vivian also changes appearance in those routes so i'd have to redraw her to correspond to her outfits in those routes lol EDIT: hi i did the two route variants

some bullet points about vivian under the cut

comparisons with eris

you might notice already the similarities in appearance to eris, namely the curly hair and heterochromia. this was intentional; vivian and eris are similar in a lot of ways, namely the desire for a perfect love and rotten personality, and vivian as a self insert was made to take eris's role.

of course, they also have stark differences; while eris's methods are rather calculating and require a lot of forethought, vivian is rather spontaneous and impulsive. vivian's shaping of milo isn't as carefully constructed as eris's, as vivian likes a more natural-feeling relationship. however, she still very much wants a corrosive and suffocating love, and will absolutely enable milo's obsessive tendencies and push him into it more and more until she can barely breathe... and then some.

furthermore, while eris's show of affection tends to be pretty mild, vivian is absolutely smothering in her love. she's a yandere as well, and her obsessive tendencies are much worse than preroute milo's. the reason she wants a perfect love is because she's loved in this intense and suffocating manner all her life, only to be met with rejection and disgust, and has always wanted someone to love her in the same way she loves. a give and take that's reciprocal in action.

while eris tends to be cold and relatively lucid, vivian... well, she's fucking insane. neurotic, emotionally unstable, delusional, the works. the classic "keeps up a sweet and cute persona, has overwhelming mental issues that freak out the normies." but it's okay, because she and milo can have overwhelming mental issues that freak out the normies together.

elaborating on vivimilo

vivian is absolutely the little spoon. she is very, very small. she's a big fan of the size difference between her and milo, in both height and body type.

she love love LOVES fashion, hence her appearance changes in violence and manipulation routes that i mentioned earlier. she's also always wanted to borrow her partner's clothes, especially if they're much bigger than her and especially for the sake of trying to put together cute coords with the clothes. personally, i feel like the hoodie that we see with milo P is one that he's had for a long time, so the color's kind of faded and weird-looking, and i think vivian could coordinate an outfit with it that looks very cute and fun in a more purposeful manner.

vivian LOVES pet names and likes to alternate between several different ones. sweetheart, honey, dear, the classics. her go-to is darling, that's her absolute favorite. doll and love are close seconds.

it's hard to say where she falls on the intro/extrovert scale. i think she's best described as an extrovert with extreme social anxiety. she'd LOVE to be more social, as she really likes the attention, but she tends to freeze up when actually trying to converse. it's a struggle.

words are fine, but she's much better with expressing her love through her actions. she's very touchy-feely and wants to be near her darling as often as possible. she's not very good at remembering to care for herself, but she'll try to care for milo as best she can, or at least remind him to care for himself.

definitely confesses first. it takes her a bit cus she gets really nervous and she's super afraid of rejection, but she's definitely the one to voice her feelings first. not like she's very good at hiding her affection, anyways. i think that before they start dating, she and milo have super obvious, super embarrassing crushes on each other that literally everyone can sense from a mile away for weeks on end, but they both avoid saying anything about it out of fear of making things awkward. category 5 BPD catastrophe. they both have panic attacks in the bathroom over this shit. and then vivian finally confesses and they're both sooooooo so in love.

afraid of squashing the bugs. her main concern is the bug getting anywhere *on* her cus it feels icky. considering that milo's terrified of the bug and keeps hiding behind her, she gets the nearest shoe to squash it herself. can only really squash with a shoe rather than use the cup/sheet of paper method cus she gets too panicky. she's rather imprecise as-is trying to squash the damn thing.

can't drive. is fine with being a passenger, but is otherwise afraid of cars. her spatial awareness is dogshit, and she gets so freaked out about being behind the wheel that she dissociates. it'll be a long while of practice before she can be trusted to drive to places.

knows how to cook some very basic things, but these basic things turn out pretty good. can probably cook more complex dishes if the disability doesn't tire her out too much that day, or if she gets help.

as mentioned before, she's very touchy-feely. she gets a little more nervous about getting physically affectionate in public, but not by much. definitely takes advantage of milo getting easily flustered by getting super physically affectionate at opportune times. she thinks it's so cute when he's like that.

leans more overprotective, although it's difficult to describe. she's used to being powerless in situations where her darling's being mistreated, so while it takes her a bit to step in to do anything about it, she'll still glare real nasty at anyone who treats milo even slightly too harshly.

has more relationship experience, although most of it was LDR since she's the kind of nerd who has more friends online than IRL lol

horny as hell, to the extent that she tends to hold herself back when expressing her sexuality out of fear that she'd be overstepping. when she's given the okay to express her sexuality unfiltered, she can get pretty needy. definitely the more dominant out of the two lol that man is submissive as hell

i think it would be difficult for me to elaborate on the awkwardness and jealousy levels but like. y'know the vibe. i'm getting so fucking sleepy so uhhhhhhhhhh yeah that's the post

[yellowocaballero]

You played the golden deer route!! (I think?) What's been your thoughts so far just like in general but also in comparison to blue lions? Claude and the golden deer are just so fun!!

I have not finished yet! Yes I am like 5/6ths done with the Golden Deer fic. I did something that I really shouldn't do, which is like consume 1/4th of the media and go "okay I could make a fanfic out of this" and then write a long-ass fic just based off initial impressions (this is how Theater of the Absurd happened - if you're wondering why everybody was so drastically out of character, that's why). I'm still only mostly done with the Academy phase, so no spoilers!

Thoughts so far? Claude is so funny. I am genuinely so, so fascinated by him. He's one of those characters who clearly has an entire existence and situation and insanity and you're just barely privy to the surface of it. Our C support is me walking into his room (why did I do that?) as he concocts poisons. He's a mad scientist. He wants to dissect his friends like they're insects. He's incredibly self-absorbed. He's convinced he's the smartest person in the room. He's on his gap year and he's taking a vacation with the white people and the country he leads is not his biggest priority. He wakes up in the morning, looks at himself in the mirror, and says "I'm a SCHEMER I'm a TRICKSTER I'm IMPENETRABLE I'm NOT LONELY". He has a biracial narrative and it's left him with a superiority complex because the alternative is to always be inferior. He'd be a better leader if he cared more.

I love Hilda also. She's so cunning but so kind, and her competence is underlined by her severe self-esteem issues. I haven't really connected with most of the Golden Deer - their ensemble narrative is not NEARLY as strong as the Blue Lions or Ashen Wolves. They aren't all part of the same story, I feel like. I'm still working on their supports (which are mostly C and some B right now...I kinda substituted most of them on the battlefield for the AW...sorry I have faves). Most of them are either a little annoying or uninteresting...Lysithea baby girl...Lorenz is actually deeply Felix coded in that he's kinda the sanest. He cares about all of the actually important things that nobody else cares about when they really should, and a lot of unimportant things,

I didn't expect this to happen, but Claude as your BFF actually deeply underscores how 1) Dimitri is insanely in love with you, and 2) Dimitri's bugfuck. Claude's so normal about everything. Makes me go "Wow Dimitri was normal about fucking nothing".

I'm looking forward to the War Phase and seeing how things change. These kids are fucking disasters in their lives and to each other, which mirrors their disaster country. Right now Claude's the most fascinating aspect to me. I'm not plugged into the fandom, but from what I can see his complexity and depth is kind of slept on - he has a comic relief role in dynamics, but I can already tell it's pretty constructed. Writing him as a jokester is like writing Dimitri as a preppy, perfect, adorably awkward nerd. Yes, that is a major part of how they present themselves to the public. I can't entirely call it a lie. But if you think that those performances are genuine, then you're buying what they're selling. Claude, Dimitri, and Edelgard are liars, and if you stay surface level in your depiction you're scrubbing out what makes them good characters. Also, especially in Dima's case, The Point