#this is also meta in a way because maybe im bdubs coded and maybe im screaming from a tower he loves him he carss he does

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*fighting the 'Etho doesn't care about Bdubs as much as Bdubs cared about him' allegations from the highest tower that I built and stand alone in on the hill I will die on, the people closing in from all sides*

I GET IT. I FEEL THE SAME WAY. I just think that Etho feels Bdubs loyalty is slightly too close to pity especially when he never wavers in it despite Etho not giving him reason to. To trust your friends, to believe in your friends, it can't be absolute fact - you have to hold space in your heart for doubt.

*kicks someone from the ramparts*

It can be both true that Bdubs gives Etho his undying love in a way that doesn't feel returned, and that Etho does return that love in his own way (which happens to be more logical and less self sacrificial). The out of context Siken quote "if you love me...you don't love me in a way I understand", it's both of them! It's someone who keeps hearing "I owe you everything" (Bdubs) AND who thinks that it's not true and is tired of hearing it (Etho).

*pulls a sword from a body and turn to stab someone approaching from behind*

It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean it feels fair. I ask myself frequently why they both act this way. But how much Bdubs cares about Etho is just as much about who Etho is as it's about who Bdubs is. You can't separate who Etho is from how Bdubs cares about him. And Etho is someone that cares. He does. I said I was gonna die on this hill and I meant it.

*jumps into the crowd of people below, duel-wielding daggers*