#this is actually a slightly condensed version from what i posted there 😔

[canarymemories]

hi finally compiling the thread i made the other day on twt abt the first chapter of recital so. welcome to me having far too much to say about my big bang fic skgh

chapter titling is similar to symphony (leo day fic) but instead of music terms, it's ballet terms. i'm nowhere near as used to ballet terms as i am w music terms so they won't have a deeper meaning (at least not on purpose lmao) like some of the symphony chapter titles do, but that's part of why there's nine chapters

a small aside: there is a specific structure i have in mind for the fic. there will be three arcs (if u want to call them that), the first three chapters is the first arc and then there will be an intermission chapter (up to this point is as far as i've confidently planned out so past this point, i can't guarantee anything but. nine chapters is the goal adkgsh). so then chapter 4 and 5 are arc two followed up by another intermission, then the final arc will be chapters 8 and 9. the plan is to stay mostly canon compliant until i don't agree w akira (or kinosei aslkhg), so i'll pretty much be sticking to the canon timeline

please listen to the playlist akdhg most of the songs do correspond to specific things/chapters so it's tied to the story itself plus i've listened to it too many times so. please tell me i'm so right about it 😔 the song i used in the summary of the first chapter is more of a chapter 2 song but i felt like it fit for the first chapter so adkgh (i have. So Many songs for checkmate so. can't wait for that one lmao) (chapter 1 songs are the first four in the playlist, the 5th one could go either way between ch 1 and 2) once more is posted, then i might actually sit here and go on abt why each of these songs is specifically here

writing choices 🎉 the one i want to talk about so so so so bad is the using nicknames in the narration bc if you've read literally anything else i've posted, you'd see that i don't do that, but bc recital is so close to izumi as the narrator, and this chapter is focused on his childhood, i thought it was fitting. there are a few instances of this changing throughout the chapter, such as makoto going from yuukun to makoto in the one flashback section and then staying as makoto when izumi is older, naru eventually changes to arashi.

and the one i really want to bring up,,, izumi's parents are always referred to as mama and papa but there is one singular instance where that's changed and that's during the argument at the end of the chapter.

and then she's referred to as mama again a few paragraphs later and this just goes into the point that i think izumi has a very complicated relationship with his parents. on one hand, they don't support him as an idol and have quite literally told him to his face that he's not successful enough to make it on his own as a model (next door), have treated him more like a doll than their child and they couldn't be bothered to actually ask him what he was interested in, but he still cares about them. he gets offended on their behalf more than once (in ! era at least), but it's just,, complicated. i feel like i can't really properly explain my thoughts here but i have Thoughts. but this is where the vaguely toxic parenting warning comes in from this chapter because the thing is, i don't think his parents were planning for him to feel the way he does about their parenting, they do love him and they do want to have him succeed just. maybe not for the right reasons, yk? ofc that doesn't justify their treatment of him or anything like that, there's just more to it than outright toxic parenting hence why it's subtle here.

what's a little less subtle is izumi's mom living vicariously through him, it's a bit more obvious with the modeling bit than the dance classes but idk it makes sense to me for her to have done them as a child too

baby modelgumi,,, they get their own point here bc i think those might've been my favorite bits to write and genuinely, the baby arashi bit is my favorite part of the whole chapter. they're just so alsdkgh oeugh cute i want to squeeze them in my hands 🥺🥺🥺. my note for this on my list of things to talk about is literally "baby modelgumi :pleading:" they hold a special place in my head and i hope in urs too

i was going to list stories reference but i might wait until i have more done and posted for that (plus i can't remember what story it is that arashi mentions izumi pushed her mouth into a smile as kids) but. portrait and canary hall mentions 🎉🎉

the argument. it's implied a few times in ! that izumi's parents don't really agree with him being an idol (leo says izumi was having isses at home around checkmate/war era). given that they put so much time and effort into having izumi model, i suppose that wouldn't be too surprising, but i think it's important to have some kind of breaking point like the argument scene bc in next door, izumi talks about how his parents treated him growing up and that just makes me think that he probably didn't have much say in his own life and there's just something about being an idol being his first big decision that idk hits a little different and there is more to an extent on this concept in the next chapter in comparing himself to leo and just kind of being like ,, huh...

last thing, so aside from the ending of the beginning section of the chapter, i feel so smart about the ending line of this chapter bc mama's pancakes come up in portrait and there's even a baby izumi homescreen line about it and it's meant to serve as an apology rather than her actually apologizing but i feel like u could take it a few ways but akhg felt so smart when i came up w the ending of the chapter. and i felt the same way when i thought of the first chapter ending and u guys will not like me for that one btu aksdgh <33

baby's first friendship next time 🎉🎉🎉🎉