#this is a weird conversation to me both since it’s v serious and bc idk what im talking about

[overthinkingtaleblr]

(I haven’t kept up with vt or pie in a while) but I think I remember something about Toast having a alcohol problem? Mainly whiskey if I remember correctly?

What do the others think about it when Toast is drinking or perhaps even drunk? How do they react?

See it’s something I don’t particularly like to think about because it’s so… real? Alcoholism is a very different problem than ghosts and unrealistic drugs, and it’s a problem I can happily say I’ve had no experiences with. The downside is that I’m not entirely certain how it specifically works, and I run the risk of making a serious issue into a joke or overdramaticizing it… all of that being said, I can try to give my own two cents, just know that I barely understand why people drink to begin with outside of social pressure or addiction. So i guess.. trigger warning, everything’s under the cut.

Toast does have an alcohol problem, and I do think whiskey specifically was said to be his drink of choice. By the time most of the videos take place, he does seem to be drinking much more responsibly, but we do hear sometimes about how much of a problem his alcoholism used to be. I do think he is accused of being or seeming drunk in some videos, so there’s a chance he hasn’t fully finished his sobriety journey, but I don’t think we see him go on a ‘bender’ until Kind Of the Retirement Arc… but i do think of him as a very depressing drunk. Like he weeps openly hunched over the bar looking a mess and stuff.

Long story short, Ghost leaving was a catalyst that led Toast to drink excessively again. I say this because we do see Spooker and Colon react to it and they’re a little uncomfortable. Toast does not seem to be capable of drinking copious amounts and still have the ability to help at PIE the next morning. As I remember it, he’s a wreck, completely unable to help and not even trying. Therefore, I don’t think Colon or Spooker would be either comfortable with Toast’s drinking, or even know how to help him. They’d both understand that him consuming the alcohol is out of grief and trying to numb himself… and a lack of coping mechanisms, but neither of them can relate so this experience of his is very alien to them both. So, they only just leave him to his wallowing, putting the company before the founders to ensure lives can continue to be saved.

Colon gives me the vibes of someone who would drape a blanket on him while he’s asleep in an area he shouldn’t be sleeping, clean up bottles he left behind, help him out with hangovers, etc. It’s kind, but he knows it isn’t enough to fix the problem. He doesn’t really talk to Toast when he drinks because he isn’t sure what to say that wouldn’t possibly encourage him to do it more. He’s trying to act as the leader of the team while the bosses are out of commission and it’s really rough when the official leader is a grieving mess.

Unlike Spooker, who is too confused to be really helpful right now. Spooker joined the team while Toast was in jail for arson, I believe, so he’s seen a team function without Toast. He was there when Ghost disappeared for the puppet arc, so he was there to see Toast manage the team without Ghost. Now Ghost is gone again and Toast is… self-medicating? For some reason? He severely underestimated how badly Ghost leaving would affect him, and doesn’t understand what the difference is between then and now. This is also part of the reason why he ignores Ghost’s boundaries and tries to get him to rejoin the team. He thinks Toast’s behavior is sudden, surprising, and uncharacteristic.

Ghost has been with Toast since the problem started, and I imagine he takes it way more seriously than he lets on. I do think Toast’s relationship with alcohol has always been a little. Bad. Toast has had a pretty understandable reason to desire self-medication for a long time. He went through a lot as a kid, left his family, and lost his wife, returned to his family, and lost his best friend multiple times before he was thirty. He’s experienced a lot of death and clearly is better at helping others than himself, and Ghost knows all of that. He’s been with Toast thsi whole time. I think he tried his best to help Toast out after Mary died, and i think he was a good help, but because of Toast’s actions during the puppet arc, i think he thought Toast wouldn’t have a problem if he left the team forever. I think the team was able to get Toast help Before Ghost re-joined, but I also think Ghost gave them some advice.

His siblings are also a bit worried about it. And yeah.

[racketballz]

i think the word i was looking for instead of hostile was stand offish 😭😭 like there’s no doubt buttercup’s direct when it comes to addressing problems, but i feel like that’s more-so when the situation isn’t based around intimacy..? like it took butch finally walking up to her to launch their reconciliation, so i wonder if on her part, if butch didnt come up to her she’d not only be beating herself up abt it but butch too subconsciously, like overthinking it to the point she starts avoiding him 24/7 if dat makes sense idk there’s more i wanna say but this is already think piece length she’s a very complex character (also your ppgyarus are so cute i am in Love❤️)

Oh true! I THINK THIS IS A TOUGH-Y but buttercup is so interesting to break down :~)

I think that she’s in that like ~phase~ yknow idk if I can make sense of this like enough for it to be understandable LOL but in the original ppg buttercup when she’s conflicted whether it be apologizing or like she’s like debating on whether something is morally just and good or bad she kinda freezes and gets frustrated I think this was something like that but a grown up version! Like she stutters a lot and she tends to ramble and stresses herself out when she’s caught in the middle of decision making! She doesn’t like addressing other people bc she’s scared and she often acts like her decision could be detrimental to her and her perception there’s a lot of pride getting in the way yadda yadda yadda

I think we might just be seeing it in a different way since it’s with Butch and she’s older! I think the reason why maybe she has the luxury of being silent because she knows how he is (this is a little fishy to me in terms of my interpretation I think we might have to wait for more occurrences but we know butch is quite keen with buttercups emotions to spot when she isn’t or is uncomfortable! Butch is incredibly direct compared to buttercup because he doesn’t much get clouded by other variables! The part that may or may not be fishy is whether or not buttercup actually knows that he’s that perceptive of her! *i don’t think she does lol*) THAT OR I think she truly is just sitting with herself we don’t quite see exactly what kind of shit she’s going through since I think it was through butchs very SURFACE perspective (I think I need to reread this part I just don’t particularly remember buttercups pov and I just remember butch staring a lot) and he obviously didn’t want like some weird estranged relationship with someone he finds comforting so his immediate gut reaction is to address it as something that wasn’t a big deal. (This could be a conversation for another day LOL but that’s why they never get together I don’t think they think their relationship is REAL ????)

I think that says a lot of these two which that they really don’t wanna address things SERIOUSLY When it pertains to intimacy- like I think butch more than buttercup so that’s why he is able act as a stop sign when it comes to buttercups inner turmoil when she’s like looking for a route or is lost and often conflates it as something not so serious!

But I feel the need to compare buttercups behavior with Mitch v. butch (though these are very different scenarios but 2 peoples she’s been intimate with) is that mitch and her broke up it took them MONTHS to reconcile and even then it felt like both buttercup and Mitch were treading lightly! And it wasn’t out of malice or anything I think that it was how it just happened to unravel. The conversation that she had with butch immediately after pops out to me asking him if he’d ever like cared about people it becomes very difficult with these situations how to navigate. I don’t know if his approach to these things have changed but YOU CAN TELL HE DOESNT GET IT. There were little things here and there even within that chapter like him being obviously jealous of her with her old friends and being happy and a bunch of other stuff to the ultimate occurrence of him almost dying which shifted buttercups entire behavior with him that she is starting to feel the need be careful around him because of it. (Another aside thought: but I wonder if that will come up or if butch even minds but buttercup kinda looks at him like a piece of glass sometimes and he generally doesnt like being perceived as weak I wonder if he cares since it’s her he might have a different reaction hmm then again he doesn’t care about his perception me think TAPS CHIN much to think about!!)

So I don’t think that she is stand offish with ill intent! But yes! I think she was taking herself out of the situation because she didn’t wanna say or do something that could ruin their relationship because she sees him as someone who is (somewhat) precious now??? But butch was able to just cut the wire because he doesn’t understand to a certain extent WHY he’s hurts he just wants it to STOP. So even tho he has occurrences of him being attached emotionally and having negative emotions with being left alone it seems he doesn’t attribute that to her he kinda just is like blaming it on the situation ??? And honestly I don’t even wanna give him that much credit I think he is basically like a toddler like if something hurts I simply just want to stop hurting instead of thinking as to wHY you might not like this kind of pain

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

[mcrtiniblues-blog]

hey guys ! i’m kat and atm, i’m either splurging at sephora or on my way home so i can’t be on for this first wave of activity. i kinda whipped everything up between endless exhaustion from my daily routine and people constantly looming over my shoulder at work and at home, so don’t mind my theme and everything, i’m still trying to figure out what i like and that means taking a while to set up my pages sklsd plus i wasn’t expecting us to open so soon, so i’m unprepared af, BUT ! we’ll make do with this intro for now.. didn’t have enough time to finish amla’s before i got off work. now, all of that being said, this is a monster of a post, so get settled as i introduce sovana’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, plots and what not will be up later on !

( jeon somin, cisfemale, she/her. ) hey that’s hyunmi “halle” chae over by the fountain! i wonder if they took a coin out. i heard the twenty-four year old’s been in sovana for three months and they’re known to be pretty darwinian but also charismatic. a song that describes their life would be challenge by lolo zouaï and blades gliding along the surface of ice, classical music on a rainy day, & silk bedsheets always reminds me of them.  

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

this is mostly a carbon copy of an intro i’ve made for her in the past, so while some random points seem a Little dated or repetitive, they’re valid enough to stay here sfdlgkdg

i’ve had inspo for her ever since last year’s olympics and really wanted to use her Somewhere and Successfully, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner — aka sho — to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; hers and sho’s highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld they prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities both in canada and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

which is how, miraculously, she got accepted into uni in seoul ( still figuring out which, rip ). her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, she deemed it inevitable sfkljfdgk

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and seoul and was back on the ice in no time, joining the uni’s skating team under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it since it’s in pyeongchang, however the stars didn’t align when she just missed obtaining qualification on sk’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a few months since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she began seeing when she was “ prepared ” to give it a shot again.. so right after graduating

wrapped up a season dedicated solely to training ( meaning she’s currently on hiatus from the sport, but she knows a good few people think her career is Over now — and it pisses her the Fuck off ) before her sister convinced her to have a proper break that wasn’t Just to appease someone else

.. even though it was to appease her sister. but she let it slide bc the kid’s the Only person who can do no wrong in halle’s eyes and she might as well keep her from stressing

literally the only instance she’ll ever, in her lifetime, Cave to someone SDFLKGSDFKL

so she picked sovana as her retreat at complete random and has been here since april

it’s a little weird to think of her Not being in her usual spots so this is as much of a ride for y’all as it is for me, the bitch doesn’t have many hobbies after all SDFKLSDF

studied history despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves history ok ??

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once. when she was like nine. with some other chick’s skating partner that she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club back in toronto implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport/career but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane hyunmi ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she really just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

or, for a better way to describe it though it sounds like i’m just repeating myself: she gives off Proper head bitch vibes ( subtract the Need to feel powerful in being a piece of shit to anyone who walks past you while being surprisingly thin-skinned ) but she’s really just a blunt and serious brat with a super dry and at times menacing sense of humour

so don’t think i’m taking the piss out of anything on purpose or that she acts out of malice.. i had a better way of phrasing this but completely blanked, sorry SDFKLJDKL

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out korean or her conversational-level french far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was really pretty on all of the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine, but also dance — helps with her choreo for routines too so

oH also probably still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

she’s pan but….. girls disappoint her far less than guys so she has a preference djfgskgdkf

all of that being said, it clearly plays into how she’s perceived by others, so —

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

Even numbers. Fuck you 💙

:’) 🖕💙

Under the cut… oh my god… lord give me strength… if any of y’all wanna get to know me… read this monster X’D

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

I think a bit of both?? I’m the type of person who’d willingly get lost in a strange city but also suddenly develop a stutter when I try to communicate with my fellow humans. :)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

lmao no.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Kind ones. Who can tolerate me.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

An ex friend/abuser atm. :))))

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

What qualifies as deep?? I guess, my Dad?? Maybe??

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Dodie Clark - Monster

Easy Life - Pockets

Lorde - Buzzcut Season

Zack Hemsey - The Way

Fits and the Tantrums - Roll Up

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Yeah, I think so?

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I kissed my Mum on the top of her head. So, yes. XD

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

That would be Jesse. So, yes. Hope he doesn’t find this blog yikes. X’D

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Yes on one side. No on the other side.

22. Where would you like to travel?

America firstly. Then all over the place to visit other friends. I promised my Mum I’d take her to San Francisco one day, so I gotta keep that promise.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

PETS :DDDDD

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Try my best not to murder anyone while I get my cup of tea liquid life ready. XD Say hi to doggos and beep babies. Check to see if any of my friends need me urgently. Then eat toast.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My pets. My parents. My friends.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

I really don’t mind getting married or living in sin. XD It would depend entirely on what my partner wanted, I’d do whatever would make them happy.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

No one. Guess you could say I’m demisexual.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Does horseback riding count?? I’ve dabbled in a bit of cricket. But my lungs don’t like intensive exercising, especially cardio stuff.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Story of my life, every single time. I’ve never told anyone I liked them. I’d rather die than make them feel bad or uncomfortable bc I know they don’t feel the same way.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

At the moment all I can think of is my crush lmao. :’)

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Absolutely nothing bc I’m a dropout. XD Be a completely self-taught author, hopefully.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Online, I’m probably just really tired and don’t have the energy to be upbeat and/or talk to people. In real life, it’s nothing abnormal; I hate my voice so I don��t talk much and I like quiet. If I’m not using a bunch of emojis (you know how I normally do) when I’m talking, you know I’m either being super serious, or I’m pissed off, or both.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

NEITHER YIKES I LIKE MY SOLID EARTH THANK U VERY MUCH

46. What are you paranoid about?

Being annoying.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Nope. Not really planning on it, either. I’m kind of curious as to how I’d be, though. Like I have deep-rooted buried anger issues so I might be angry, but I’m also depressed so I might be a puddle of tears and sadness, BUT my personality is v energetic and happy so… who knows, dude. X’D

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Blue and grey. It has “yo” on the hood. :D

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

Biologically male. please.

54. Favourite store?

?? don’t have one. 

56. Favourite colour?

Navy or a kind of dark aqua-navy kind of colour, like a bit of a green tinge as well? I’m also really fond of yellow too.

58. Last thing you ate?

LEFTOVER HAMBURGER AND IT WAS DELICIOUS I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVED HAMBURGERS!!!!!!1!!

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Yeah, dog training competition with our German Shepherd when I was 11.

62. Been arrested? For what?

No yet lmao.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

I’ll be sure to tell you about it when it happens. XD

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I don’t have any irl friends so… HELL YEAH!!

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr. Obviously.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

I could literally just list all my Tumblr friends here. I’ve learnt not to get specifically close to any one or two persons. So… all my beans!!! Love you!!

72. What colour are your towels?

Blue! :D I was forced to use the pink towels in the set when I was little and not out as trans so now I surround myself in all the gendered blue bullshit X’D

74. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

….. maaayyyybbbeee.

76. Favourite animal?

D O G

78:Chocolate or Vanilla?

Neither.

80. What colour shirt are you wearing?

It’s my very yellow button down!! :D

82. Favourite tv show?

S E N S E 8

84. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Never seen either oops.

86. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

88. First person you talked to today?

Enna aka Cinnamonpuff aka steverogershield

90. Name a person you hate?

My brother, Mackenzie. :)

92. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Anyone who mistreats animals.

94.How many sweatpants do you have?

I rarely wear anything but sweatpants, so I have 8. THEY’RE COMFY OKAY. And since it’s usually cold or hot here with no real warm in between, I’m either wearing shorts or sweatpants. It’s only in the rare in-between weather (like now) that I wear my jeans.

96. Last movie you watched?

Can’t remember. I watched the first season of Jessica Jones tho, so… show instead of movie. XD

98.Favourite actor?

TERRY CREWS

100. Have any pets?

YES!!! 3 dogs (one German Shepherd named Ria, a Whippet named Granger, and a mutt named Maude), 3 chickens (Haymitch the black one, Cinna the dark brown one, Effie the pale brown one) and 2 ducks (Peeta and Katniss.) THEY’RE MY BABIES AND I’D DIE FOR THEM!!! :’D

102. Do you type fast?

LMAO APPARENTLY I DO??? My Dad thinks I must type gibberish and makes me type out what he says because he doesn’t think I can type that fast. I only type with 2 fingers normally too. X’D

104. Can you spell well?

w e l l (idk. maybe.)

106. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yup.

108. Have you ever been on a horse? 

Many times. I LOVE them SO MUCH.

110. Is something irritating you right now?

Yeah.

112. Do you have trust issues?

No. *insert canned audience laughter here* Yes, I do. Big time. Just bc I’m friendly doesn’t mean I trust anyone.

114. What was your childhood nickname?

Matt, actually!! :D

116. Do you play the Wii?

Used to, now I don’t have one anymore and it wasn’t my favourite console.

118.Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Y E S. GIMME!!!!!! :D

120.Favourite book?

Bird by Crystal Chan.

122.Are you mean?

I think I definitely can be very cutting when I lose my temper. But I haven’t done that in years now and I try very hard to be a good person. Luckily my first reaction is normally hurt, so by the time the anger kicks in I normally try and get out of the situation before I can say something harsh.

124.Can you keep white shoes clean?

NOPE. I can never keep anything clean, probably why I like dark colours so much. I literally do not own any white clothes anymore because they always get stained within a few hours of me wearing them asdfghjkl. 😅

126.Do you believe in true love?

Kind of. I believe that no relationship is ever perfect, but if people gel well and COMMUNICATE OFTEN AND HONESTLY the relationship can be amazing. I guess it’s its own kind of perfect relationship. I definitely think there’s people you get along brilliantly with, better than anyone else. There’s somebody in the world for everyone! :D

128.What makes you happy?

Animals. My friends. My OCs. :’)

130.What your zodiac sign?

Pisces!! I definitely think I’ve grown into it over time. X’D

132. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

??? depends on whether I like them back or not, obviously. If I do, I’ll probably scream for a solid week and then decide if I want to drag them into my mountain of bullshit with a relationship, or leave it be. If I don’t, let them down as gently as I can. Also I’m a raging bi, so gender wouldn’t matter. :P

134.Favourite lyrics right now?

My all-time favourite lyrics are from The Judge by Twenty one Pilots:

“When the leader of the bad guys sangSomething soft and soaked in painI heard the echo from his secret hideawayHe must’ve forgot to close his doorAs he cranked out those dismal chordsAnd his four walls declared him insane”

136.Dumbest lie you ever told?

“Did you let Haymitch jump on your back again?”

“Uh… noooo.”

“Then why do you have massive scratches in the clear shape of chicken feet on your back?”

“UHHHHHH-”

i”M A HUFFLEPUFF OKAY I’M NOT GOOD AT LYING X’D

128.How tall are you?

I’m not.

140.Brunette or Blonde?

Like, people I’m attracted to, or for me? I honestly don’t care attraction wise. For me, I guess brunette bc I think I look really weird with pale hair lmao.

142.Night or Day?

NIGHT. Dear god, night.

144.Are you a vegetarian?

NOPE. Honestly think I’d go insane if I didn’t eat meat. XD I mean, I would if I had to, but I’d really prefer not to.

146.Tea or Coffee?

TEA. I hate coffee, I’ll leave that to other people. XD

148.Mars or Snickers?

SNICKERS. Mars are good but… Snickers!!!!

150. Do you believe in ghosts?

Hell fucking yes you bet I do pal!!!!!!

[livingllz-blog]

The Story of Us: Part 2

WEEK 5:

This week, you went to colorado for hockey. We went to lunch and hung out the night before you left and I started ignoring your attempts to talk to me in person and just gave one word responses and even BABUSHKA-ed out of your room. You texted me later asking if I were upset w you. In all honesty I was upset w myself since I felt like I was dragging you along and couldn’t decide on how I felt. We talked that night before you left and I told you to keep your options open and maybe meet a girl in colorado (HAHA) bc I realized I couldn’t live w myself if I hurt you. Since I couldn’t decide on how I felt, you suggested we kiss. I honestly got so scared. I didn’t want our first kiss to be awkward and forced. But I also was afraid if I felt nothing in the kiss, it would hurt me or worse, you. I realized it was kinda a mistake and I really should have but by then, you were on your flight to colorado.

That Friday night/Saturday morning I called you. In tears. You were out to dinner w your whole team but made time for me. I cried about a douche that tried to get w me and I was honestly upset he didn’t wanna be friends after I said no. It was stupid but I was drunk and just couldn’t understand the situation. You cared mostly about whether or not he touched me in any way I didn’t want him to and once you found out I was safe and okay, you comforted me in the fact that you would be home soon and everything would be okay. That was enough for me to fall asleep

You returned from colorado saturday afternoon. I was really excited to see you esp after you sent me a snap saying “*winky emoji* tonight” and then never showed. Your excuse? “was tipsy yesterday”

That was the first time you lied to me and cancelled.

WEEK 6:

You suggested we get sushi that night after your business pitch meeting that “shouldn’t take long” and I was beyond excited. I love sushi. But then you had to cancel on dinner bc your meeting went too long and once you were free I wasn’t. But you didn’t even cancel on me did you. No I had to figure it out myself.

That was the second time you cancelled.

But ig it wasn’t that big of a deal bc you asked me to come up that night and somehow I ended up sleeping over again. We had class the next day and from some miscommunication, I ended up walking to class alone. You thought I said something else besides meeting up and when I asked why you didn’t just ask to clarify, you said “cuz actions speak louder than words?” “And what were your actions” “Too just keep laying there with you?”

You even suggested we have a cuddle sesh. The next day, I even met your sister and you bought me bubble tea. I gotta say it was nice. I could see us doing that more in the future.

Then the next night, you invited me to the hockey house. And then last minute you cancelled and said it wouldn’t be fun. I waited the whole night for this party and I was so disappointed. So my roommate (V) and I went to pi kap instead. Then we went to delta sig where I saw your friend (D). We took pictures together and decided to walk back to race together. We were originally gonna meet you on the lawn but it was so cold outside I called and told you we would be waiting on the couch. You immediately got really angry, frantically asking what couch (you assumed the one in my room) but I only meant the couch in the lobby.

This was the first time you got jealous. But not the first time you got salty. The most salty I’ve ever seen you.

The three of us walked to get my roommate from (U) and then we walked to get pizza. I made casual conversation w (D) and you just sulked behind us not talking to anyone. At one point (D) saw someone he knew and when he stopped to talk to them, you pulled my arm and said “let’s go, he’ll catch up later”. At the pizza place, I was looking out the window for (D) to make sure he was coming and you said “whatever. Who care’s where (D) is”. When we left the pizza shop, you didn’t leave w us and when I asked, you said “I wanna stay here”. I had to basically babysit you the entire way home, your mood only lightening up when (D) went back to his room. I got out of the elevator on my floor w my roommate (V) and you reached out to me and said “where are you going?” I said “to my room to eat my pizza?” You replied “maybe I’ll see you later tonight”. I honestly didn’t want to. You were acting so weird all night and I just wanted to eat my pizza and sleep. But then later you texted “so you don’t want to hang out with me?” And I knew it wouldn’t be good if I didn’t come up so I did. When I walked into your room, you had your head in your hands and it sounded like you were crying when we talked. You kept mumbling something about (D) and leaving you to go dance w him. It was so funny bc it obviously wasn’t what I wanted. But you couldn’t see that. You were too blinded by your jealousy. I then tried to put you to bed and you kept throwing salty comments at me but I knew you were drunk and upset so I just let them all slide. You asked me why I wasn’t getting into bed w you when I tucked you in and I told you I wanted to sleep in my bed but you weren’t having it. You were so convinced I was going to leave you for (D) after you went to sleep. HA.

The next night, we had our third talk. And in that, I basically friend zoned you. I didn’t think I could deal w how clingy you were the night before and this was all before we were even dating. I told you I was so busy and I didn’t have enough time for a relationship and that it wouldn’t be fair to you.

WEEK 7:

The next two days after our talk, you were really salty at me. I asked you to go on a walk w me and you said no. I asked you to go to dinner and you said you just left. Finally after you asked to hang not so well “what you up too” *3 mins pass* “fuck it nvm”. We ended up watching stranger things and cuddling, so ig it worked kinda well. We even had a cuddle sesh the next night too, even tho I was sick. I hadn’t eaten anything all day and decided I should at least drink a smoothie but going out into the cold wasn’t a good idea for me so you memorized my order and actually got dressed to walk out into the cold just to get a smoothie for me. My heart swelled. How were you such a good guy. I didn’t think I deserved you and you were so whipped for me.

WEEK 8: where things start going downhill

You said we couldn’t hang out anymore or cuddle bc “I teased you too much”. Okay can I just say, while we were cuddling, I didn’t understand why your dick was OUT OF YOUR PANTS. That’s not a thing!!!

This weekend, we hung out friday night and I fully thought we were gonna sleep together. And when we woke up? I was gonna ask you out. But of course things never happen as they should. You were really salty that night when I said I would go back out to another party, you said “just go. Idk what you’re still doing here” I stayed in w you, for you. And when I was ready for bed, you said I’m gonna sleep here tonight. Even tho there were ppl fucking in your room. Why couldn’t we sleep in my bed? Bc you wanted to sleep in yours. That’s such bullshit.

That is the third time you cancelled. And the worst time of all.

The next night, we met up outside of our building and I thought we were just gonna go up to your room, but instead you took us to the hockey house to play flip cup. I was surprisingly really good. We even had a 1v1 and I beat your ass haha. If I wasn’t already drunk before, I definitely was now. But I still remember everything that happened that night. We played more flip cup and even did some dancing together. I love dancing, I can’t believe it took us 8 weeks to dance together. Can’t say you’re too bad at it either. Also, can I just say leading up to tonight, you have always respected my boundaries and not tried to push me to do anything I didn’t want to. You never forced yourself onto me or kissed me when I didn’t want it. While you’ve made the situations, going the 90%, you ALWAYS waited for me to put in that last 10% when I was ready. That was something I really respected about you. Tonight was kinda the same, while we were dancing, you did try and kiss me but instead I asked what the hell last night was about, you not wanting to sleep w me. You said “can we talk about this later” and I just went on dancing and you moved on. I ended up talking to this guy that went to PSU since my best friend goes there and I was asking him about their parties. I noticed you eyeing us, so I included you into the conversation but if anything that just made you more salty and we left almost immediately after that. On the walk home, I asked you again about last night. For some reason you seemed really hesitant but we pinky promised to tell the whole truth. You said “I don't understand what we are. Normal ppl don’t just cuddle as much as we do and it never leads to anything. We haven’t even had our first kiss yet!” So I kissed you. Under the tree next to the parking lot outside our building. “What I only get one kiss” And I kissed you again.

Honestly I expect a kiss to have fireworks and be amazing. All the other guys I’ve kissed, there has been nothing in the kiss. But with you, I felt something more. Not fireworks and the whole shabang, but I did feel a little spark. Maybe it just needed more time. After all we only knew each other for 8 weeks.

But then as we stood under our building roof, you holding both my hands bc it was cold and it also made it more intimate and dramatic, you said that you needed more from me. You wanted to fuck me. “Don’t use that word tho (fuck), it’s not the only thing I want from you. I also want a relationship”. But I had told you already, I’m not having sex until marriage to which you replied “I know you’re a good Christian girl. But 10 years is a long time. What if it’s in the moment tho? What about true love”

Whoa whoa whoa. What about true love??? We’ve known each other for 8 years. You can’t be serious. You can’t be saying you love me..can you? So I asked you “do you love me?”

“I like you a lot and I feel really comfortable around you”

“I feel comfortable around other ppl but it doesn’t mean I love them. Do you love me? Yes or no”

“Yes I do”

WOW what a truth bomb.

But by the end of the night, it’s agreed that we have differences of opinion and one of us has to decide. There’s no compromise here and I’m not folding on what I believe. So if he truly likes me so much, loves me, he needs to decide he’s not having sex, not having sex w me. He asks for some time to thing about it and I tell him of course, he should think it through. But I’m not worried. Sex is such a little thing. It shouldn’t be a deal breaker, esp if he likes me so much.

The night before thanksgiving break, we’re playing Kings in your room and the card is never have I ever. Your roommate (C) goes “never have I ever waited until marriage”

Ouch. What hurt even more? When someone asked (C) why he said that, he replied “I wanted Liz to drink”

So you told your roommates something extremely private about me, and then they used it against me. That’s fucking messed up.

I talked to you about it the next morning before I left for break and you apologized for him. You said it was never your intention to hurt me and I knew that was the truth. I willingly forgave you.

Throughout thanksgiving break, the time apart makes me realize I like you more and more. I can’t wait for us to talk after break bc then we can finally start going on dates and seeing what the future has in store for us.