#this is a very doctored sailor mercury gif

[artnoonewants]

On his way to start a war ✨

Several people compared him to a magical girl after this post, so here you go

Thank you @screams-externally for taking over the colouring when my hand hurt

[make-a-little-mischief]

Greetings to all! I proudly present the first post from my sister Lauren. It is an examination of one of her favorite characters from one of her favorite Matin & Lewis movies.

*Disclaimer: This post is the most seriously unserious, hysterically inflated yet totally insightful in depth analysis of one of cinema's most uncomplicated highly complex characters; please keep your tongue firmly in your cheek at all times and read with a degree of whimsical appreciation. Thank you.

PART ONE

My Sniffly Sailor Bold: Exploring The Unexpected Ethos Of Sailor Beware’s Melvin Jones

“Melvin. - MELVIN?!” First inquired on Colgate, the riddle resurfaced in Sailor Beware. We are introduced to a young enlistee in the Navy, Melvin Jones.

The quiet type. Goes to bed at nine. Sees a movie now and then. Reads some books. Plays checkers. Yet the question persists: “Melvin?”

Why do we ask about Melvin? Who is Melvin, deep down? The answer is right before our eyes, and troubling.

Melvin Jones may just be the most existential character explored by Martin and Lewis in their partnership. Our first clues to his true nature lie right in his introduction. As he sits outside the recruitment office, he speaks with the “doorman” (a.k.a. Chief). Melvin explains that his doctor has recommended ocean travel for health reasons - his allergies. Yet Melvin cannot afford a vacation, hence enlisting in the Navy.

We know two things: he has health issues, and he has financial troubles.

Then, when he meets his soon-to-be and seemingly only friend in the Navy, Al Crowthers, Melvin elaborates on his health issues. He’s allergic to women’s cosmetics. His own mother would not risk getting too close to him.

A picture begins to develop: A young boy, whose own mother would not provide for him comfort and closeness on account of his health. He could have love or life, not both. This suggests that perhaps the reason a young man with such a gentle disposition opting for the naval life goes deeper than simply “doctor’s orders”: while it may be a lonely life, with much risk to his safety, it is a life devoid of women & may in fact be the only place where he could live a full life - if not a very long life.

During the enlisting process, he is asked for his surname, which he mistakes as the recruiting officer calling him “sir.” To this, he informs the officer that he does not have to “talk so polite to [him]. No one ever does.” First no motherly love; now, no basic respect. What background must this young man have experienced to never encounter someone being as barely polite to him as to call him “sir”? The picture grows darker…

In his physical examination, we learn that he has had erysipelas, appendicitis, mumps, whooping cough; eye, ear, nose, AND throat trouble; hay fever, and other illnesses unnamed. He appears to also have no sense of taste, as he consumes a thermometer -

It is likely that for the rest of the film, we are witnessing a man suffering from mercury poisoning; he lacks blood pressure, which is no surprise, as we can hear, he lacks a heartbeat as well.

But, all illnesses considered, Melvin shall indeed receive his ocean travel, as he is accepted into the Navy. The only thing left to do is to type his blood….

A feat Herculean in nature, we soon find out.

Melvin flees from the needle, seeking sanctuary behind the doors of a blood bank where he meets Miss Hilda Jones. The one woman to whom he is not allergic. A light of hope in the apparent darkness of Melvin Jones’ existence to this point.

Hilda enquires about where he was born. A Freudian slip reveals that Melvin may know where he was born, but not why.

Furthermore, as he believes she is asking about his trips to a financial (not blood) bank, Melvin explains that he has gone to the bank three times to get loans. It appears his financial troubles were grimmer than a simple lack of travel funds….

While we don’t see him getting his blood drawn at the bank, we do, afterwards, see the Navy attempt to type his blood - and come up short. Melvin’s friend, Al, witnessing this anemic event, makes a joke…. only to trigger another concerning reaction from Melvin:

[AL]: You sure you’re living?

[MELVIN, MELVIN?]: Am I sure I’m living? [laughs]

[concerned] I don’t know.

Continued in part 2...