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theghostpinesmusic · 1 year ago

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Eagle Cap Circumnavigation (2/4)

I woke up on the first full day of my Eagle Cap circumnavigation feeling much less sick, and therefore more optimistic about my ability to do the whole hike without it turning into a death march. I didn't know at the time, as I finished packing up my camp and headed east toward the nearby Cliff Creek Trail, that I was starting what would turn out to be the longest single day of hiking I've done (so far) while carrying a full backpack.

Maybe I should have seen this coming, as I didn't have a very firm plan when heading out that morning, and lack of an end goal usually leads me to hike more, not less. I knew I wanted to head north, toward the Lakes Basin, but Mirror Lake, in the heart of the basin, was quite a distance from Crater Lake (GaiaGPS said 17 miles and 5,000 feet of elevation, and it usually underestimates). In-between were a number of great camp spots like the Frazier Lakes, Glacier Lake, and Moccasin Lake. I had to think about how to balance how far I wanted to travel on this day as well as the next day to reach my final camping goal, which was Hidden Lake on the other side of Eagle Cap. Knowing I'd be spending a lot of time on the trail alone and in my own head, I hadn't bothered to figure this out before getting to the trailhead, enjoying the excitement of the idea of deciding what to do intuitively, as I hiked. I just knew, as an outer limit on my mileage for the day, that I did not intend to walk all the way to Mirror Lake and would definitely stop before then.

Should I just post the photos of my camp at Mirror Lake now, or have you already guessed what happened because you've read this blog before?

Okay, so, like the first day, I somehow started the second day of the hike by getting lost. This trip report is making me seem like an absolute doofus, so in my admittedly shaky defense I will say that both the trail emerging from the East Eagle trailhead (where I got lost on day one) and the trail emerging from the east side of Crater Lake (where I got lost on day two) were churned up quite a bit and featured a number of "unofficial" spin-offs due to people riding horses in the area while the ground was muddy. I'm not strongly for or against horses in Wilderness Areas here, just making an observation and a meager defense of my own stupidity.

In this case, I managed to follow a sort-of trail for nearly a mile (in the right direction, east, but, as it would turn out, about five hundred feet uphill from the "real" trail). I had some reservations about this trail from the get-go, but I stayed on it all the way until it dead-ended nearly a mile from Crater Lake at an impromptu, empty camp site. Then there was no trail and I had to accept the fact that I was lost again. Whoops.

Fortunately, once I realized I was in trouble and took a moment to hike out to a more meadow-y, open part of the not-trail, I could actually see other backpackers five hundred feet below me traversing the same hill on the trail I was supposed to be on. So, I started my day, more or less, with an extremely sketchy descent down an old drainage filled with loose rocks until I reached the trail. At least this area was gorgeous, with the face of Marble Mountain looming in front of me, and Red and Granite Mountains hanging seemingly nearly overhead. My knees, though, would remind of this unplanned descent for the rest of the day.

Once I was back on the (real) trail, things were pretty straightforward for awhile. I took the Cliff Creek Trail to where it dead-ended into the South Fork Imnaha River, spent a minute trying to find a place to cross that would allow me to keep my boots dry, shimmied across a wet log, then had a friendly chat with another solo backpacker who was taking a lunch break on a little island in the middle of the river. The backpacker told me that she had camped at Frazier Lake the previous night after finding the wind to be overwhelming at Glacier Lake (a common occurrence, in my experience). I filed that information away for later, then continued north(ish) from there.

After another mile or so, the valley really started to open up. I could see the odd-looking cliffs of the Cusick Peaks and a little of Cusick Mountain hovering to my right, while the striking face of Jackson Peak reared up further ahead.

Up until now all the hiking I'd done since parking the car had been on trails I'd never traveled before in the Wallowas. I knew Hawkins Pass was coming up soon, but I knew very little about what it was like other than that you gained nearly a half-mile in elevation between the intersection with the river and the top of the pass. I had some general hope that it would be "cool," based on other passes I'd crossed in the Wallowas previously that provided views of some absolutely insane landscape (Glacier Pass, Polaris Pass, Tenderfoot Pass, and Ivan Carper Pass come to mind), but I was a blank slate otherwise.

So, as I was gearing myself up both physically and aesthetically (?) for my first crossing of Hawkins Pass I encountered another solo hiker, who was doing the same loop I was doing, but from the opposite direction. We traded stories and ideas for future hikes for a few minutes, and then he proceeded to try to describe how crazy Hawkins Pass was while his eyes bugged out of his head. I heard the words "enormous glacial cirque" and then I was more or less off and running (in a manner of speaking) from there. Why else come to the Wallowas in the first place, but for ENORMOUS GLACIAL CIRQUES?

The (still) long approach to the climbing portion of the pass was both absolutely beautiful and seemed to drag on and on, as each turn in trail revealed another (but not the final) exposure of the previously-advertised enormous glacial cirque. It felt contradictory to rush through such a beautiful landscape, but each turn revealed an even better view, leading me to plow through the lead up to the pass proper like a five-year-old plowing through a stack of presents on Christmas morning, each gift only serving as motivation to find and open the next one.

When I finally saw the full scale of the thing, it knocked the breath out of me for a minute. Obviously, photos don't really do it justice. This was my first-ever hike in the Wallowas with a wide-angle lens, and all it really did was make even more clear how hard it is to capture the landscape with a camera in any meaningful way.

After the big reveal, it was lots of climbing and lots of wind. The trail winds ingeniously up and to the north (left in the picture), eventually giving you a wonderful view of the valley you just spent an hour or two hiking up.

As I got higher, the path got narrower, and the wind became a bit of a liability for someone with a moderate fear of falling-from-heights, but before too long I'd reached the top of Hawkins Pass.

Coming from the south side of the pass, which was all fall foliage and (I think?) limestone rock faces, the north side presented a view and palette that was more familiar to me as I neared the area of the Wallowas that I'd hiked in before.

From here, I could see for the first time terrain that I knew: Eagle Cap and Glacier Peak reared up in the background, and though I'd never seen them from this angle before, the Frazier Lakes laid out in the valley below like a teal necklace a giant had dropped and left behind.

I wound down the north side of the pass, at this point so used to hiking uphill that the quick, nearly-1,000-foot drop felt like a reprieve instead of yet more work. I stopped for the first substantive break of the day (as opposed to a few previous less-than-five-minutes breaks) at Little Frazier Lake, which seemed to be lacking decent camping sites but provided a great view of the pass's north-side cirque.

Post-break, I continued on downhill a bit further before reaching the intersection between the West Fork Wallowa Trail and the Glacier Pass Trail. This was the first time, fifteen or so miles into the trip, where I stepped onto ground I had walked before. From the trail intersection, I could see where Lindsey and I had camped at Frazier Lake in 2017, while completing a counter-clockwise take on the Lakes Basin Loop hike. After having my mind blown by Hawkins Pass, it was a bit sad to know there wouldn't be any other "new" surprises until I reached the west side of Eagle Cap, likely midway through the third day of the trip. On the other hand, it was comforting to be somewhere I was more familiar with, especially after struggling to follow the trail a few times back in the "rougher," southern part of the wilderness. Also, one of my absolute favorite parts of the whole wilderness was coming up soon: Glacier Pass.

As I mentioned above, the Frazier Lakes had been the first potential stopping point for me on day two. I reached them about two hours earlier than my imagined "slowest possible" time, though, which meant that when the decision to stop and camp or not was actually upon me, there was plenty of daylight left and I chose pretty much immediately to pass them up in the name of using more daylight to cover more miles and set myself up for an easier third day tomorrow.

The good and bad news, then, was that the next step was climbing Glacier Pass, an absolutely gorgeous glacier-carved pass leading up and then back down into the famous Lakes Basin: I'd be climbing 1,400 more feet up, then deciding whether or not to camp at the beautiful but notoriously windy Glacier Lake, then descending 1,000 more feet down if not. Past Glacier Pass, I'd likely be hiking in the twilight, and would have to hope to find a spot to camp in the busiest area in the wilderness after nightfall.

The scenery around Glacier Pass is another one of those things that's almost impossible to capture with a camera, but it's emblematic of what makes the Wallowas incredible to me: the scope of some of these glacial valleys is just unlike anything I've seen anywhere else I've been. To reach the top of the pass and look back to see another hiker a half-mile behind you (as I did during this hike) looking like an ant squirming around within an impossibly huge landscape is an overwhelming experience. And then you keep walking.

Like with Hawkins Pass, I have thirty or so more photos I could share of this pass-crossing, but it's probably best to just get on with it.

Glacier Lake was as stunning as always, emerging as does, in reverse, from the West Fork Wallowa River, if you're following the trail up from the south as I was. Glacier Peak leaned over top of the whole tableau, reminding me yet again that I haven't summitted it yet, and Eagle Cap occasionally peeked coyly out from behind the background hills, egging me on toward the Lakes Basin that it presides over like a monarch.

I've never camped at Glacier Lake because, as beautiful as it is, there is always a freezing wind tearing across its surface. In 2017, Lindsey and I had planned to spend a night there, and ended up descending to Frazier Lake instead to stay warm. In 2019, we had also planned to spend a night there, then bailed for an already-established camp at Moccasin Lake after the wind once again scared us off. I was really into the idea of this trip being The Time, was convinced I'd really be camping there, finally. There was even a great, open camp spot right on the lake, a rarity in a part of the wilderness that is usually a little overpopulated by humans. But there was also the wind. Again.

I didn't have a lot of daylight left at this point, but rather than motivating me to stop, set up my tent, and enjoy shelter, it underscored exactly how cold it was going to be once the sun went down on the shore of Glacier Lake. My hands and feet had mostly gone numb from the gale the moment I reached the lake, and it wasn't going to get any warmer until tomorrow. I stopped and thought about it for a minute, chatted with a few established campers, and then decided to continue on to the top of Glacier Pass and beyond. Maybe next time.

Glacier Lake looks unreal from near the top of the pass. I almost turned around and went back. Almost.

This was already much further than I'd planned on hiking, already the furthest I'd ever hiked in a day with a full pack, and, likely the most elevation I'd ever gained in one day with a full pack. Getting a new personal best (time, distance, elevation, etc.) tends not to mean a lot to me as I'm generally not very competitive even with myself. Instead, it's usually more esoteric "rewards" (like the view from Hawkins Pass) that motivate me; however, at this point in the day even the descent of the striking north side of Glacier Pass, a view that filled the sky with old friends (Eagle Cap, Sacajawea Peak, the Matterhorn, and so on), and the spectacle of the Lakes Basin coming into view below me were overcome a bit by my just being tired and hungry and having feet that hurt.

I did in fact descend all the way into the Lakes Basin, and continued on past a super-busy Moccasin Lake (where a nice older woman offered to let me set up camp nearer to her than would normally be polite, as she was concerned about me still being out and about in the darkness) to a surprisingly less-busy Mirror Lake. In the midst of summer, finding a spot on the granite slabs along the shore of Mirror Lake is a bit like finding rental property...well, basically anywhere these days. For some reason, though, everyone was camped out around Moccasin Lake instead on this particular night. So, I swooped in just at sunset and grabbed a wonderful spot right near the lake, with a perfect view of Eagle Cap.

I set up the tent right as it got truly dark, had to cook and eat in the dark, and crawled into my tent for the night almost immediately afterward. I had covered way more distance than I'd expected to in one day, but my third day, the hike to Hidden Lake, was still going to be a bit of a doozy.

In the end, my GPS watch recorded the trip from Crater Lake to Mirror Lake as an 18.25 mile hike, with 4,200 feet of elevation gain. I realize that for some, that's just an average day on the JMT, but for me it was a lot. I slept like it.

#backpacking #hiking #photos #camping #traveling #eagle cap wilderness #wallowas #eastern oregon #mountains

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art-of-mathematics · 2 years ago

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Today I found a very helpful source of how PTSD might have elevated/altered effects of distress in people on the spectrum (and also probably other people with a neurodivergent neurotype) compared to neurotypical indoviduals. It's also more likely that trauma can correlate with more severity of PTSD symptoms in neurodivergent/ASD individuals due to extra involvement of the neurodivergent nervous system.

And this has serious implications on the treatment for neurodivergent trauma survivors.

The article by Dr. Megan Anna Neff (neurodivergentinsights, neurodivergent therapist):

PTSD vs. AND Autism

(Source: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/misdiagnosis-monday/ptsd-and-autism)

While I have set up this series to distinguish autism from common misdiagnoses, this week’s topic is more complex. You can see from the Venn Diagram there is much overlap among the experiences, sensations, and risks associated with PTSD and autism. Given the high rate of co-occurrence, it is more likely that missed diagnosis happens (vs misdiagnosis), where a person’s PTSD may be accurately diagnosed while their underlying neurotype (autism) remains missed. When they do co-occur this creates some additional complexity in the clinical presentation. I’ll cover these topics as well as provide clinicians will some ideas on how to adapt traditional trauma treatment for the ND in mind.

Misdiagnosis

Given the co-occurrence of Autism and PTSD, it is likely rarely a misdiagnosis (it's likely accurate), but the autism may be missed. PTSD is rarely an inaccurate diagnosis, however when PTSD is used to explain away the autistic traits and experiences it may be considered a "misdiagnosis".

Our field has much to thank for the recent development of trauma-informed care and treatment. I am thankful for the work of Dr. Burke Harris, Bessel Van der Kolk, and countless others in bringing awareness to trauma. I'm thankful for the work done to create trauma-informed spaces as more therapists, educators, and medical providers are working from a trauma-informed lens. And while I fear minimizing these crucial advancements, I believe it's important to consider the potential risk of trauma becoming the new "it" lens from which the mental health field sees everything. I've talked with countless people whose autism was missed because their traits were explained away through the framework of PTSD or c-PTSD. In our enthusiasm to help bring healing around trauma, we (the mental health field) are vulnerable toward making trauma the new "lens" from which everything is understood.⁠⁠ The field is at risk of falling into confirmation bias as we quickly reduce all sensory and dysregulation experiences to trauma.

I fell prey to this confirmation bias myself. I have spent much of the last ten years (since becoming a mother (i.e. increased sensory load) in a foggy, disconnected, and dissociated space. As a therapist in training, the only explanation I had for this was trauma. I spent three years in depth therapy, wondering with my therapist if I may have repressed trauma. It turns out it wasn’t trauma; my body was simply responding to being sensory overloaded by disconnecting. It NEVER occurred to me this could be a response to my neurotype/sensory profile. And here lays the problem--too often, clinicians hear dissociation, self-harm, and suicidality and run automatically to trauma without considering the undergirding neurotype. After sharing my story, countless people have reached out to tell me their stories of being in therapy searching for repressed trauma and engaging in trauma treatment with limited results. There are many reasons it can be hard to tease out autism from PTSD; below is a list of overlapping characteristics that can make it difficult to distinguish between the two:

Overlapping Characteristics:

Sensory Sensitivities: The nervous system/amygdala goes on hyper-alert in the aftermath of trauma as a means of trying to protect against future harm. This looks similar to the sensory profile of a hypersensitive autistic.

Increased amygdala activation: Wiring around the amygdala, “safety alarm,” becomes more sensitive after trauma. Research on amygdala and Autistics is mixed, but many of us have more amygdala involvement during certain activities (i.e., eye contact).

Difficulty regulating intense emotions: Associated with brain chemistry (amygdala) and sensory profile, it becomes more difficult to self-soothe and regulate difficult emotions.

Increased risk of substance abuse: Substances can be a powerful method of regulating a hyperactive nervous system. Both groups are at an increased risk of substance abuse disorders.

Self-harm behavior: Elevated within both groups. Self-harm functions to ground, self-soothe, regulate the nervous system.

Dissociation: This is a common trauma response, can also be a response to sensory overload. Common among both groups.

Suicidality: Autistics 3 times more likely to die by suicide. Suicidality is also more common among trauma survivors.

Increased risk of victimization: Trauma survivors are at a higher risk of re-victimization. Similiarly, recent research has demonstrated that autistic women and genderdiverse individuals are more likely to be survivors of violent victimization. Some risk factors include the challenge in social reasoning, missing contextual cues, and tendency to take things literally. In one study, Autistic adults were 7.3 times more likely to endorse having experienced sexual assault from a peer during adolescence (Weiss and Fardella).

Given the significant overlap, it’s easy to see how one may miss the autism in favor of a PTSD diagnosis, especially if a trauma history is present. And, most neurodivergent people do experience trauma, whether it is the big T trauma of victimization or the small t trauma of marginalization, bullying, and discrimination. This brings us to point 2, the intersection of Trauma and Autism:

Understanding the Intersection: Trauma and Autism

Autistics are much more likely to experience PTSD than the general population, especially women, AFAB, BIPOC, trans, and genderqueer autistics. Research shows Autistic women have a double vulnerability—more vulnerable toward victimization and more vulnerable toward developing PTSD following a traumatic event. Autistic women are 1.5 times more likely to be victimized than their neurotypical peers. In addition to being more vulnerable to victimization, we are also more vulnerable to develop PTSD following a traumatic experience. There are various theories about why this is: more active amygdala’s, inflexible nervous systems, more difficulty regulating emotions, and our tendency to take in the sensory experience with more intensity. In fact, Rumball et al. (2020) found that we develop PTSD at higher rates even when criteria A is not met (for non-clinicians, that essentially means a less intense trauma).

Here are a few sobering facts about the intersection of autism and trauma:

💙 Rumball et al. (2020) study found that approximately 60% of autistics reported probably PTSD in their lifetime (compare this to 4.5% of the general population) (Rumball, 2020).

💙 Haruvi-Lamdan et al., 2020 study found that 32% of their Autistic participants had probable PTSD compared to 4% of non-autistic population

💙 Fenning et al, 2019 research demonstrated that autistic children had more reactive nervous systems. This aligns with similar research that has identified the autistic nervous system to be less flexible (Thapa and Alvares, 2019). Less flexible nervous systems have a more difficulty time coping with acute stressors and may contribute to increased hyperactivation of the nervous system following trauma.

💙 Neurodivergent (ADHD/Autism) neurobiology is more vulnerable and reactive: (Beauchaine et al., 2013)

💙 We are more vulnerable to social victimization and marginalization. In the Haruvi-Lamdan et al., 2020 females with autism (but not males) reported more negative life events, particularly social events than typical adults.

💙 Our sensory profiles mean many of us absorb sensory experiences with more intensity. The memories and sensations thus code in our minds and bodies with more intensity.

This double vulnerability is rarely talked about as a part of Autistic Awareness or within the clinical literature on trauma. The lack of awareness around this is unfortunate as any good trauma treatment must consider the neurotype that is undergirding the experience of trauma. Unfortunately, few clinicians are trained in how to do ND affirming trauma work. It’s to that topic we now turn….

Neurodivergent Trauma Treatment

As the above statistics show, ASD/PTSD co-occur at unfathomable rates. When ASD is missed, the trauma treatment is negatively impacted. It is critical to treat autistics trauma with a neurodivergent adapted approach. Just like our pathway to trauma is not the neurotypical pathway, neither can our treatment be the same as neurotypical treatment.

Don’t Skip the Basics: Grounding and relaxation strategies are the foundational blocks of any good trauma treatment. It’s necessary that the person have tools and practices that help them to re-anchor when the trauma hijacks their body. Because our nervous systems are less flexible than a neurotypical, it is harder for us to get back to baseline once triggered. If progress feels slow, that is okay; again, it takes us more work to get back after our nervous system has been hijacked.

Consider Somatic Therapies: We need more attention to our sensory profile (grounding, bodywork, encouraging natural forms of movement, etc.). ⁠Our sensory system is likely in intense overdrive. Our bodies are already a difficult place for many of us to occupy; trauma is like throwing gasoline on top of a sensitive sensory system. Somatic experiencing and other body-based approaches to trauma should be considered. However, given the intensity of the body experience, autonomy and empowerment for the client to move at their pace must be considered.

Adapt Exposure Therapy (If Used): Exposure therapy is often treated as the gold standard for PTSD treatment. However, this can be quite dysregulating for the Neurodivergent person if not adapted. If used, it is critical it is adapted & client-led. Please don’t flood your autistic clients. Sensory experiences outside of our control are dysregulating; we must control the sensory experience. Proper attention to pacing and recovery is essential. Initial treatment must focus on increasing interoception and regulation skills before working through exposure.

Be cautious of CBT: CBT is aimed at confronting unhelpful beliefs about the world and self. The clinician must realize that these “maladaptive schemas” were not just developed in the trauma but also derived from years of being marginalized by society (often on an unconscious level). Thus, it is possible that attempting to reframe some of these negative beliefs will have a rebound effect of increasing shame and confidence in beliefs. The insistence of reframing may also result in loss of trust in the therapeutic relationship.

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mooshs-crack-headcanons · 4 years ago

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Hey Moosh, nice to see you around again, I hope I'm not too late :) May I ask for Kiku and Yamato finding their s/o (with whom they are together still very shortly) asleep in a place not suitable for sleeping (like by a desk) and carring them to bed? At some point s/o wakes up, kisses their cheek and falls back to sleep in their arms. Thank you very much! I hope you received many interesting requests :)

Obvious Wano spoilers ahead!

Kikunojo

Kiku is a very hard worker, spending countless of long tiring days at the Okobore tea house greeting and serving everyone with a kind smile and resisting the urge to slice up anyone Urashima who would constantly harass her with marriage proposals, all in the while she would be constantly gathering information for the rebellion. So given this, not even with just her work schedule but making sure to tend the needs with everyone in Okobore and keeping her identity concealed from Orochi’s men, it is fairly hard to get any quality free time with her.

She of course feels really bad about it and tries to make sure she gets at least one date with you a week however it seems that luck just isn’t on her side and she find herself being dragged away by errands, helping someone who's injured, or by taking long detours just to avoid walking past Orochi’s men or Beast pirates that might’ve have the faintest clue to figure out who she is, so she ends end returning home late most nights.

It was on one of these nights that she came to your shared home late that she had noticed something off: you were absent from your normal place on your shared futon; the lantern in the kitchen was still lit which was odd, you were always asleep by this time she returned home. A loud metal crash brought her out of her thoughts and immediately she was on guard for any possible danger and she cautiously clutched her sword at her side.

With ease she silently made her way to the doorway of the kitchen and was ready to attack any intruder that would come into her line of vision. Was the rebellion found out? Was this an assignation attempt sent by Orochi? Had they gotten to you and the lantern was a warning from you not to go any further and get the hell out of Wano immediately? Another loud crash brought her out of her worried pandering. No, they would still have to be in the house to make noise like that. Bracing herself Kiku quickly dashed into the small kitchen with her sword ready to taste it’s first blood for a very long time.

What she saw in the kitchen was not in fact an intruder.

It was you laying on top of the cabinet, your face planted against an open book and a light amount of drool spilling to the old worn down pages below you.

The sight brought a loving smile to her face as she put her sword back into its sheath and set it back onto the kitchen table. The next thing that caught her attention was the several old pots and pans that were scattered on the floor. She looked at you and how your leg was dangling off the end of the cabinet and how it swayed back and forth on the shelf below where the pots and pans usually were kept. The samurai sighed to herself as she made her way over to pick them up, getting a good look at them and how they looked like they hadn’t been used for quite some time, reminding her on how you and the rest of the people of the ‘leftovers’ town were barely surviving. Shaking off dark and unwanted thoughts Kiku quickly put the foodware up and away before going over closer to you and getting a good look at the position you laid in. Surely sleeping up that couldn’t be good on you.

It wasn’t long before Kiku had you scoped up off the cabinet (which was effortless given her height) and made sure to get our book and placed it on the kitchen table next to her sword before blowing out the lantern and carrying you to the other room and setting you comfortably into your shared futon. Once she got you settled she laid herself at your side and pulled up the covers, cuddling closer to you in the process with her arms around you.

The two of you laid like that for the next few hours, Kiku not fully falling asleep during that time but watching how you flipped and turned in your sleep instead. Eventually when your face was snuggled deeply into her chest that your eyes slowly flickered open. She watched how you half asleep looked around to take notice that you weren’t in the same place you remembered only resting your eyes a bit a little while ago before you looked up at your lover who was loving staring down at you did a soft smile spread across your face and you leaned up to press a soft kiss to her cheek and muttered a quick: “I love you, my snow.” before going back to her chest that became your loving pillow.

As you eventually fell back asleep did Kiku allow herself to succumb to her tiredness, her fingers tracing small sothing lines up and down your back as her eyes grew heavier and heavier. One of the last few thoughts she had before letting herself fall to unconsciousness was the promise that she made herself to once Kin’emon and the others return with Momonosuke-sama to Wano and the rebellion finally begins and they fight like hell to bring down Orochi and Kaido and finally get justice for Oden-sama, that she’ll take you out on more dates more often and that she will do something that show you mean the world to her.

She’s willing to go through anything to have that future with you, even if she has to lose a limb for it.

Yamato

Yamato has a lot of hiding places.

With running away from his father and the rest of the Beast pirates being a common occurrence on Onigashima (not that he actually leave or anything with the special shackles that have been around his wrists for the last twenty years and all) the Tobi Roppo find this is an annoying occurrence when he’s needed for important ‘being a son of a Yonko’ duties (listening to his father’s drunken rambling about the future of Wano and becoming King of the Pirates) it's kind of a given.

Attics, stairwells, the basement, closets, you name it he has a hiding place everywhere on Onigashima. Meaning he has great places to meet up with you when the two of you need alone time from his father and the rest of the crew. When the two of you are alone and truly in private like this can he feel just a little bit freer and he can cuddle, kiss, and talk about Oden all he wants without his father catching him.

Yamato knows all too well the cruelty his father can do so he tries his best to keep your relationship secret as much as possible (but there's just some times he can't help himself and he just has to attack your cheeks with kisses)

When Yamato finally does make it to the attic that night, it's later than he originally wanted, finding he had a little bit more trouble getting here without being spotted. The attic above the festival hall was one of the most special hideout places for the two of you since it was the place where the two of you first got together and it would be a real shame if his father placed a new patrol up near a place with so much emotional attachment. Once he quietly closes the door behind him and stands to his full height does he quickly get rid of the mask covering his face and tosses it to one of the nearby sake containers laying around. With a stretch to pop out his joins from constantly having to squat down and tuck himself in small spaces all day. Looking around for any signs of you, troubling he finds none. The soft grin from earlier when he was making his way up to the attic, purley excited to give you tons of kisses, disappears as he looks around to see if you’re around anywhere. Was his initial worry about arriving too late right? Were you upset thinking he ditched out on you? The last thing he wanted was for you to cry.

Feeling absolutely disappointed in himself with not being able to come up here much earlier, he removes the kanabo from his place and sets it down on the ground and sits himself up against another one of the sake barrels. A sigh leaves his lips as he adjusts to sit with his legs crossed and props his face on the face of his knuckles and he places his elbow on his thigh. He would have to think of something to make things up with you but he couldn’t think of anything that could be great enough. What would Kozuki Oden do?

It was at the moment of pandering that he noticed the quiet shuffling and muttering behind him, it caused him to jump back and turn around, his hand already gripped tightly to his kanabo. Standing up he made his closer to the barrel once again, arm already ready to swing, and reached over to pop the lid off the barrel. The sight of what was inside of the barrel made his caution immediately vanish as he placed his weapon back down to the floor once more.

You were crouched down in a sitting position, your legs obviously crammed to your stomach due to the limited space given and you talked quietly to yourself as you lightly snored away. The sight absolutely melted his heart.

It took quite some effort for Yamato to get you out of the barrel without disturbing you but once he did he held you with one arm closely to his chest as he made his way over to the set of boxes he had alway placed in the corner of the room. He kicked the out of the way (gently to both not break them or to wake you) to get to the hidden futon he had up here so that the two of you could have comfortable cuddles up here. He gentle sets you down on the (slightly old and dusty) mattress and tucks you in before settling himself beside you, his long hair tickling your face and making your face adorably scrunch up a bit before nuzzling your face into his chest.

Yamato has to bite his lip very hard to keep the adoring squeal in his throat and urges to kiss you all over your cute face at bay. His hands trace up and down your sides as he listens to your soft breaths as quiet nonsensical mutters in your sleep as you eventually found asleep on top of him and lightly drooling onto his clothing (not that he mind anyway, he finds it really cute)

Yamato isn’t sure how long the two of you have been up there once you wake up, raising your head off of his chest and looking dumbly down at him. With a couple of blinks to get the leftover feeling of sleep from of your eyes do you wipe the wetness from your lip and question your lover what time he’d arrived and also mentioning it was quite the hassle he’d caused for you being under Ulti’s service and being sent to search mindlessly all over Onigashima and that you were bored out of your mind pretending to look for him because of his Oden dispute with Kaido that morning.

Yamato gives you a soft laugh before apologizing saying that he hopes he wasn't that much trouble before feeling his cheeks flush a warm red as you press a kiss to his cheek with a quiet: "Not at all." (he's good at serving affection but always tends to lose his way of speech when he receives it) You readjusted yourself on his chest as you close your eyes and listen in to his quicking heartbeat before you ask him about his day in hiding.

The two of you rambled on and talked about a lot of things; his father, Wano, him promising to train with you as soon as he gets the chance, Oden, and how soon things are going to change in Wano now that the twenty years are almost up with the fire festival not that long away. When you eventually fall back asleep, it's it the very early hours of the morning and not that long until sunrise. Yamato knows he should wake you up so the two of you can separate and not get caught together, but he just feels so relaxed with how he's holding you that he just has to let you sleep for just a little bit longer, knowing fully well his ass is on the line the moment his father sees him.

He looks down at you with a small smile and brushes some hair out of your eyes, to see you resting peaceful like this is definitely worth Kaido kicking his ass any day.

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