#this is a meme and I feel like Im gonna puke so take it or leave it

[whitebookposts]

the real reason the kingdom died

[whiskey-nips]

Gonna start scribblin’ up in here

I havent used my blog as a place to put my writing in a long time. Until recently I havent felt the need or desire to write. For years I accepted that I was in a stage of “experiences” I had no desire to publicly write anything nor did not feel creative because I was too busy having experiences and I knew that eventually after this phase was done, my creativity would come back and I would use all these harvested experiences and have a sort of eruption of expression and create something that would be fufilling and feel productive to me. Im glad that im in a new stage of life and have left the “taking everything in, to be processed by a later date”.

I’ve been having lots of deep talks that revolve around introspection, love, acceptance, life in general, with people that I love, but have challenging relationships with at times. I have been talking to them and at the same time worrying and concerning myself with them too much. I worry about them not understanding me and concern myself with their problems, while trying to figure out the best advice and help I can give them. Then suddenly, I had a dream that told me to stop fussing with them. In my dream I was sitting on top of an old, stubborn horse I used to ride by the name of Bandit and no lie I was attempting to herd literal cats. Wiley, bastard, mean, hissing kitty cats, like they were cattle. It did not work out. What did work out was accepting that I should’nt spend so much time pouring out mass quantities of myself to others. I could still be on the best horse while herding, but regardless still would be trying to herd the impossible cat. I gotta tone it down for my own benefit. I’m still there to talk to my friends and loved ones, but I at the same time, think about keeping myself sane.

So keeping myself sane, requires me to figure out things I can control and maybe should be facing my own fears and struggles. Which is writing again. Not just writing, but writing publicly in hopes to do something meaningful and fufilling can occur with my outpour of expression, emotions, epiphanies, experiences. I coulpd possibly find connection and recognition in terms of the simple joy of others getting to know me better and connect with others in a different way. After all we are in a strange period of time and there has to be this magical cosmic relaization that hey! making and keeping friends and having healthy relationships is important. You never know when a mass pandemic is going to hit and millions of people die, all your coping mechanisms go out the window because they all require you to leave the house and be social and that’s a big no no and you dont know when you will hug your friends again and you may feel terribly because you even forget what some of them look like. 

I’m afraid to write publicly because I know other aspiring writers personally and everything they write sounds so self important and arrogant. Thats the last thing I wanna be or come off as. I do however want to keep my communicating up to snuff and for my loved ones to know me. I used to be a zinester under a fake name and it gave me so much joy. I probably put out 4 to 5 issues of a zine and had friends really love and appreciate it and me, I even fell in love at one point in time with another zine publisher that led to a very interesting, turbulent, albeit fun relationship. One day I’d love to be back at a zine fest awkwardly talking to others and trying to convince them to trade zines with me before they could look at the cover of mine to discover it was a zine called cat queefs and the material was everything to be expected.

To be seen is to be known, and to be be seen is to be vulnerable, and being vulnerable is terrifying and not to mention an open invitation to rejection, but here I am trying this thing, because dispite the risks I gotta do something with everything pent up inside my twirling, obessesive, scrambled egg mess of a brain and heart. 

TLDR: For whoever that follows my blog for all the silly fun pictures and memes. Sorry there may be less of that cause I’m gonna start using this for weird personal writing because of mental health and the fact that my brain is full of stuff and glitter and I gotta puke and spew it out somewhere. better place than any.

[itsbuckysworld]

Little One

Request: @hat-r said: hiiii can i have an imagine where the reader is part of the cast and its an off day for taping so she goes to work out w the cast and evans and seb notices a guy checking her out and they go extra protective since shes young like holland and they see her as their little sister, thank youuu

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader x Sebastian Stan (platonic)  Guest Appearance: Anthony Mackie, RDJr, Elizabeth Olsen, Mark Ruffalo, Tom Holland, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Benedict Cumberbatch.

Warning: NO INFINITY WAR SPOILERS. Just cute platonic fluff. A random guy being v pushy.

A/N: I got this request and really liked thinking about Seb and Chris being protective over you, that just melts my little babbu heart. I bet they would be so cute and caring, and the cast as well, so it was very fun to write this. Smooches! xoxo, - L 

MAY I JUST ADD I WROTE EVERYTHING IN THIS WRONG? LIKE A COMPLETE DIFFERENT THING IN THE SAME WAVELENGTH AS YOUR REQUEST, AND THANK GOD I REALIZED BEFORE I FINISHED IT, BUT I WROTE A FULL 1K WORDS OF SOMETHING YOU DID NOT REQUEST AND THEN I WAS LIKE WAIT WHAT AM I WRITING THIS IS NOT WHAT THE PERSON REQUESTED! SO IT TOOK ME A LITTLE LONGER CAUSE BASICALLY I WROTE TWO BLURBS. Maybe i’ll finish the other one day and post it separately lmao im stupid. 

REQUESTS ARE OPEN FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!

Y/N your name   |   Y/L/N your last name   |    masterlist

To say you were the happiest person on earth would be an understatement. You were beyond ecstatic to be working next to the avengers once more, and now with the full team, no less.

When the Russo brothers called your manager to inform you that your character played a role in the Infinity War movie you nearly fell out of your seat. You had always loved all of the Marvel Universe, and two years ago when you were cast for a small yet somewhat important role in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, you couldn’t care less about the size of your part, you just wanted to be there. In the end it seemed like your character played an important detail in Infinity War as well and there you were being called back to set with the world’s mightiest heroes. 

The first week of table reads gave you the chance to meet the few of the team you had yet to know and thanks to the previous movie you were in, you were quickly engulfed in Mackie, Scarlett, Sebastian and Chris’s arms upon arriving. Out of the whole cast you knew them the most, and throughout the filming you had formed quite a bond. 

Sebastian even pulled out a chair, forcing you between him and Chris as you joked around before getting serious and in character for the script reads. 

Now, almost a year later, Infinity War was almost wrapped up and it had been the most amazing time of your life. The cast was a delight and the team making all the movie magic happen was even more so. You were glad to have landed yourself a spot in the middle of the crazy family that The Avengers were on and off set. Getting a chance to talk all girl-things with Scarlett and Elizabeth, cracking jokes and sharing memes with Tom Holland who was around your age, having arguments over food with Mackie and Chris Hemsworth, and sharing words of wisdom and never-ending banter with Benedict and Robert. Not to mention teasing Ruffalo over the fact that you had read the full script, and he couldn’t know because of his tendency to spoil everything. It was a very gratifying experience, and you didn’t mind the early calls and late nights a single bit as the movie geared up to be one of the greatest from Marvel so far. 

And it was that family-like mindset they shared, on and off set, that quickly made you the little sister of the bunch. This was your third big role ever, so it was fair to say you were kind of new to the whole filming industry. CA:TWS had put you out there, and landed you a couple of guest appearances here and there, along with an upcoming TV show that even had Sebastian cast for a couple of episodes later in the year about which you couldn’t be more excited about. It was always fun to have him and/or Chris around, and they had named themselves your protective on-set-dads thanks to the love they had for you.

That protectiveness shone through each time you insisted on doing your own stunts and they double and triple checked with you more than the actual stunt team, just making sure that you were ready for that 13 feet drop or that mortal flip. “It’s okay, dads” you’d joke, but smile at them thankfully because it was nice that they cared. 

But you could only do your own stunts thanks to the amazing workout schedule and routine the film helped you obtain. The whole cast needed to be on top of their physical activity for the movie and you were grateful for the bonds you made because you had never been a fan of the gym, except there was always someone ready to train with you on off days and the gym was never boring for once. 

It was one of those rare but wonderful break days, and a couple of you decided to go train together. Chris and Seb hit the weights, starting with their arm routine, as you rushed to join Mackie who had arrived earlier and was doing – of course – legs.  “Gotta get those quads ready for action Y/N” Anthony joked the moment you sat by him ready to stretch and follow his routine for a bit. “I’m doing a bit of everything today, Mack. Didn’t exercise at all last week” you give him a soft smile and continue pushing and pulling your limbs to warm up. 

A mere thirty minutes later you were doing a set of warm up lunges and squats without weights by the aerobics section of the gym. Your legs were already burning, and you had to admit you had a love-hate relationship with lunges. God did they hurt but god did they work. 

And you weren’t the only one who was thinking that they worked. Right behind you, but still at a safe distance – the few spaces the gym-logic demanded people respectfully kept between you and the next person going through their workout – was a man, in his late thirties and with the type of workout shorts you always thought were too short for men to wear to the gym, could affirm that yes, lunges do work, as he stares you up and down without you noticing. 

He had started looking the moment you walked into the gym with three other dudes, his mind wondering if he could get in on that action. And when you finally separated from them, his ogling turned more obvious and more careless. He was eating you with his eyes and you hadn’t paid attention to him, to engrossed in your work out and focused on getting the best results to care for stupid distractions.

Not to busy to stop being protective and attentive, Chris and Sebastian had taken note of the man very early on. They hadn’t said a thing because every body looks when someone enters the gym, and they were getting looked at by girls all around too. It was normal to peek out of curiosity, to wonder ‘aren’t those the actors?’ or something of the sort, but they never stopped looking over every once in a while, just making sure the staring stopped or it was as innocent as when they looked at you in your skin tight suit that resembled Scarlett’s, when on set.

It wasn’t like that. 

As Chris set down the dumbbells and started switching positions for Sebastian’s turn, Anthony approached them. “Gonna hit the showers” they both nodded and their eyes followed Anthony’s body for a moment before landing on you. “Dude” Seb announced, slapping Chris’ shoulder and lifting his chin in your direction. Immediate worry and slight rage coursed through their veins. “Are you serious?” Sebastian muttered under his breath, running a hand through his hair to get the medium length strands back in check. “What the hell’s wrong with this pervert” Chris murmured, the two men not realizing that their feet had started to slowly move them towards you, ready to take off in case you needed their help. They let Anthony know that they had noticed the creepy weirdo since they arrived but now he was being really disrespectful and not at all innocent or cautious of his looks.

The man started stepping closer to you, chatting you up as you took a break from your routine and that’s what immediately set them off. They couldn’t tell what the creep was saying to you from where they stood, but they could tell you were uncomfortable and his intentions weren’t the best. Hopping over bars and equipment they charged over to your shrinking body. If this dude laid a finger on you or made you an ounce more uncomfortable and creeped out than you already were, they would put their good superhero training to good use and cause a ruckus for sure. 

“That’s a good routine you’re doing there” they heard the man say as they closed the few feet between their bodies and yours. “Uh” you didn’t know what to say, all you wanted to do was run or tell the man off, but he looked like the type to not leave after a simple warning. Looking to your side to find Sebastian and Chris, with their mean faces on and bulging muscles thanks to their workout, had never made you feel more relieved.  “Everything okay here?” the blonde one said, putting his body between yours and the guy’s, eyeing him up and down, forcing him to step back and not invade your personal space any longer. Before you could say anything, let them know how uncomfortable you were, Sebastian laid a hand on your shoulder, giving you a reassuring smile before turning back to angrily stare down the guy.  “Hey man, just making conversation with the pretty girl” the sleazy man said with a grin that made you want to puke. “I think the pretty girl doesn’t want to talk, so take a hint, yeah?” Sebastian murmurs, blue eyes piercing, as if he’s telepathically communicating to the guy ‘back the fuck off’. It seems to work because he’s taking a small step back. “Jeez, didn’t think people had guard dogs in 2017” “Well she has a couple of those, and they bite” Sebastian smirked at him, one smirk that let him know if he wanted to so much attempt anything against them or come close to you, he wouldn’t live to tell it. “Chill dude” the guy said shakily, clearly scared off as you relaxed into Sebastian’s embrace “Of course, dude” Chris faked a dry laugh along with the line, one of his hands placing itself on the man’s shoulder and squeezing, hard enough that you can tell it must have hurt “Tell you what” he smiled at him “how about we don’t harass young girls at the gym anymore, yeah? And then we’re all ‘chill’ ” He let the guy go with a small shove and you looked from behind Chris’ broad shoulder in time to see the creepy man scurry away and out of the building.

Your cheeks flush red at the situation, how you totally froze when the weird guy approached you and how you felt a little embarrassed that Chris and Seb had to swoop in and save the day, yet grateful that they did, like the superheroes they were on camera.  “Are you okay? Did he touch you?” Chris asked worried, hunching down to your height and running his electric blue eyes over your frame, looking for who knows what, but just making sure you were 100% perfect.  “I’m okay, and no he didn’t. I just... that was weird, I feel gross” “It’s okay, doll” Sebastian finished, pressing a quick kiss to your temple and pulling you into his arms for a quick hug. “We’re always looking out for you, little one” and you smiled up at him, moving your arm to get Chris in on the hug as well. You felt very protected if they were around, like you would never be alone and in danger if they had a say in it. “Yo, I saw a little bit of that, everything okay?” You heard Anthony say. He had a fresh set of clothes and his gym bag on his shoulder as he rushed to where the three of his friends shared a comforting hug. “Just a creep trying to hit on Y/N here” Evans said with a grin. “Yeah but my two over protective and ever so caring dads roughed him up a bit” you say, a little more calm now and poking your blonde and brunette friends on their side. Anthony chuckled lovingly, crossing his arms in front of him. “Well you’re about to have a third dad scaring off creeps whenever you need, cause I care about you too, Y/N” Anthony said causing you to laugh and bring him into the hug as well.

[tophbiefong]

❤ Shoutout to my hunnis @beliamyblakes& @bellxmyblakes for tagging me ❤

Rules: you must answer these 83 statements and tag 20 people

Under the cut bc its pretty long soz 

Last… 1. drink? lemon lime sparkling water (that sounds so boujee but its actually not) 2. phone call? my mom  3. text message? I sent my bosses a meme lmaoo  4. song you listened to? I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys (I just recently bought a ‘BSB Greatest Hits’ cd and its all I’ve been listening to) 5. time you cried? a couple hrs ago for absolutely no reason Have you ever… 6. dated someone twice? lmao nah 7. kissed someone and regretted it? hells yah 8. been cheated on? nope 9. lost someone special? yes 10. been depressed? 4 sure 11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve got a puking-phobia so I’ve figured out how to get hella fucked up and not puke favourite colors: 12. blue 13. grey 14. pink in the last year, have you… 15. made new friends? so so many, and I’m so happy about it!! 16. fallen out of love? nah 17. laughed until you cried? aw hell yeuh 18. found out someone was talking about you? idk for sure but probably 19. met someone who changed you? oui  20. found out who your friends are? I’ve known that shit since a week after I graduated high school  21. kissed somone on your facebook list? ew yes (~regret~) 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? almost all of them, except distant family members who’ve added me  23. do you have any pets? two dogs  24. do you want to change your name? I will forever wish my first name was my middle name bc Brooke is gross (both the name and the person ayyyeee) 25. what did you do for your last birthday? went to a boujee restaurant wit my fam and had my first legal drink (it was a mojitio and I hated it bc mint is gross) 26. what time did you wake up? 9:21 am bc my ma was calling me askin about oranges 27. what were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping, which literally never happens   28. name something you can’t wait for: moving to van with Danni ( @beliamyblakes​ its gonna happen i s2g) 29. when was the last time you saw your mom? literally 2 seconds ago 30. what are you listening to right now? Supernatural on the tv 31. have you ever talked to a person named Tom? ew yes, my mom works with a douchey guy names Tom and I hate him sm  32. something that is getting on your nerves? being an adult 33. most visited website? probably netlfix or youtube 34. hair colour? dirty blonde wit a red streak (I didn’t copy a fictional character wtf r u talkign abt ??) 35. long or short hair? I love my long hair, but I recently cut it all off for the summer 36. do you have a crush on someone? no one irl but bob morley 4ever n always 37. what do you like about yourself? lmao nothing ?? i suck ?? 38. piercings: 6 on my ears and my nose  39. blood type: does anyone actually know this ???? 40. nickname: B, kate calls me Brooketh, my mom calls me Ethel 41. relationship status: single (BUT SOMEONE PLS TAKE ME) 42. zodiac: Leo  43. pronouns: she/her 44. favourite tv show: the 100, b99, this is us, the office, parks and rec, bob’s burgers, gravity falls is a new one, teen wolf (even tho it pisses me off so fuckin much) 45. tattoos: the ‘I solemnly swear’ HP quote on my right foot, and I want like 12 more 46. right or left handed: right 47. surgery: I had my appendix taken out when I was 6 48. sport: I used to swim competitively, and I wish I still did  49. vacation: I’ve literally never gone on vacation, but I go up my grandparents cottage a lot in the summer 50. pair of trainers: blue nikes if we’re talking actual running shoes, but I prefer flip flops in the summer and uggs in the winter 51. eating: nothing rn 52. drinking: lemon lime sparkling water still  53. im about to: start working on a special sth 4 my bbs 👀👀👀 54. waiting for?: someone to love me  55. want?: the motivation to actually do the shit I say I’m gonna do  56. get married?: yes, but imma be single forever so it doesn’t matter  57. career?: IDFK 58. hugs or kisses?: both, but kisses more  59. lips or eyes?: eyes (mine are blue, but i love brown eyes so much) 60. shorter or taller?: taller 61. older or younger?: older, bc ppl my age are idiots  62. nice arms or nice stomach?: for me ? stomach  63. hook up or relationship?: relationship 64. troublemaker or hesitant?: hesitant, I worry waaaay too much & am therefore v cautious   65. kissed a stranger: nah 66. drank hard liquor: oui oui  67. lost glasses/contact lenses: nah bc im v cautious 68. turned someone down: yes (and deeply regretted it after) 69. sex on the first date: no thx 70. broken someones heart: i really don’t know 71. had your heart broken: yes  72. been arrested: IM V CAUTIOUS 73. cried when someone died: yes ?? obviously ?? 74. fallen for a friend: yes do you believe in… magic 75. yourself? lmao no  76. miracles? not really  77. love at first sight? maybe  78. santa claus? nah 79. kiss on the first date? If the date was good and I like the person 80. angels? nope 81. current best friend’s name? Alexandra, Danni, and Kate  82. eye colour: blue  83. favourite movie: The Little Mermaid 

tagging: @starboybellamy @clarkegryphus @bellammy @the-princess-and-the-king​ @griffinnblake​ @as-inevitable-as-morning​ and anyone else who feels like it