#this is a good name I've decided because would shannon be able to put it in her books? no!!!!! so its perfect

[purplesoup-lad-le]

sometimes i wonder if one of those couple name generators would do better than what we've come up with.

I don't have to wonde anymore

[lovetheplayers]

Taylor's interview with Shannon Burns | CHUM 104.5 (April 30, 2019)

Taylor: Hey, it's Taylor.

Shannon: Hey, how's going?

Taylor: It's going so great. How are you?

Shannon: Good! Thank you so much for this chance to talk to you. It's an honor.

Taylor: Oh my gosh. Thank you for saying that; that's so sweet.

Shannon: Okay, so I want to start off by asking, Reputation--it was so full of, like, angst and snakes and things. What made you decide to go in a whole separate route for this new single?

Taylor: Well, I think I was feeling differently. You know with my albums, they're very reflective of kind of my mood and how I'm feeling and what's going on in my life, and so it's always very reflective of that. And so, yeah, I feel like I'm in a much brighter, more glittery place in life, so that's why the music looks more glittery and bright colors.

Shannon: Can we kind of expect the same kind of theme for the whole album?

Taylor: The album has lots of different kind of emotional tones to it, you know, just in the same way that, like, a person's never going to just be happy all the time. When I make an album it's not ever just going to be a happy album because, you know, we're hopefully complex individuals and as a songwriter you try to reflect that and, you know, I think that with this album it's definitely very—it's got a very diverse emotional spectrum of things that are on the album and that's why it's so hard for me to always pick the first single. Like, that's always the most difficult choice that I face because when the album is such a vast landscape of emotions it's so weird to have to pick one song that represents all of those. That's why it's good that you can put out, you know, a lot of music before an album comes out and kind of give people a taste for what the album actually is.

Shannon: What made you want to go with ME! for the first single then?

Taylor: I wanted to go with ME! for the first single because it's just sort of a celebration and it kind of bursts open this new world that I see as this new album. It's very—it's very flamboyant and colorful and sort of playful and mischievous. Like, it's definitely like a very playful song but at the heart of it... actually I think with a pop song and especially a very catchy pop song... Like, when I wrote it I was like, "Okay that's pretty catchy." So, like, we have an opportunity as writers to say something that other people are going to sing in their head consciously or subconsciously, right? Like, sometimes you don't even mean to have a song stuck in your head. But if you have a song stuck in your head and it's saying, "I'm the only one of me," like, that's kind of like a mantra, so you know I hoped that it would, like, go out into the world and, like, make the world a little bit happier. I don't know.

Shannon: And I definitely think that that song does it. It's perfect for that.

Taylor: Thank you.

Shannon: Yeah, so there's a ridiculous amount of Easter eggs that are in this new video. This isn't a totally new thing for you either but what made you want to start playing that game with fans in the beginning?

Taylor: Well I started doing this when I was about 16 and I put out my first album and put out, you know, the album booklet and I just had this idea where I would capitalize letters and, like, if you put the letters all together they would spell out a code, and I was like, "I wonder if any of the fans will pick up on this?" And they did right away and they loved it and told me that I should do more of that and so it's kind of—it's kind of escalated now to a point where I will plan out a music video months and months and months in advance and think about, like, "What can I drop here, what can I plant here?" And it's the more that they've had fun with it, the more that I've had fun with it because I think it kind of expands a music experience. It kind of makes it more of, like, a visual experience; it's kind of like a brain teaser; Kind of, like, something that makes you think about what you're seeing. It makes you go back and, like, notice the details and so that's kind of why I do it because it also kind of plays into, like, the mischief of this new era of music that I'm trying to put out which is, like, a little bit more playful than last time, you know?

Shannon: Oh totally yeah. I can see that. Is it frustrating watching people guess things online like the album title in the video and then seeing them get it but not being able to just tell them?

Taylor: No, no I—I definitely am going to tell them.

Shannon: Yes, but is it frustrating seeing that they they get it already but you, like, haven't said anything yet?

Taylor: Some of them have gotten it but some of them haven't so it's, um, they're very clever and, like, all their ideas are very well researched and they have a lot of reasons for why they have their theories which I think is great. Like, I'm a big Game of Thrones fan. I have you know, I've had theories going the entire time I've been watching the show and when my theories are proven wrong I'm not, like, disappointed; I just find it fun to have a theory in the first place and to see if it'll happen. But just—you know, just like some of my theories about Game of Thrones have been right, you know, a lot of their theories on the album title have been right. A lot of them will be, like, high-fiving each other when they realize they were right all along.

Shannon: True. I like that. Also, congrats on your new family member.

Taylor: Thank you so much.

Shannon: So you didn't actually plan on adopting him until you met him on set. Is that correct?

Taylor: That is correct, and we actually just put up today—on YouTube we put up this behind the scenes video of me meeting the kitten and, like, I literally meet him—I'm so glad they were filming this; like, I didn't realize there was a behind-the-scenes camera filming the whole time they hand me the kitten. And I fell in love with him immediately because he's so sweet. He loves people and so he just started purring as soon as I, like, held him and he is the sweetest, most loving little cat I've ever met in my whole life.

Shannon: What made you decide to go with the name Benjamin Button?

Taylor: I really liked the movie Benjamin Button. Benjamin Button in the movies is just such a good guy; he's always doing the right thing.

Shannon: That's true, that's very true, yeah. I like that a lot. Okay thank you so much for letting me have the chance to chat with you. I really appreciate it.

Taylor: Thank you so, so, so much. It was great talking to you.

Shannon: Alright have a great day.

Taylor: Have a good day.

[bloggingwithmattporter]

My Relationship and How It Ended

All through our lives, we wonder who our partner will be and how will we find them? Going out with friends, talking online for a while or just simply a bump into each other. At the age of 20, I was amazed at the thought of how i'd meet someone I could be myself around. Myself having an incredibly outgoing bubbly personality, I always knew that I could be seen by many people, but never knew that I would find someone who I'd consider to be perfect for me. For years I've been independant and achieved things by myself with no partner by my side, I didn't want anyone nor was I looking for someone. But yet, I always thought to myself "I wonder if my future girlfriend would be proud of me", which actually makes you realise you're more lonely than you thought, but hey, that's okay because you know one day you will find her.

Everything changed for me one night, a few weeks after I started a new job. I decided to go out one night, which i remember fondly enough that I would've rather stay in and watch some films, but decided it would be a great time to celebrate the job I acquired. When you were like me and decided to drink yourself silly every single week, you had to find reasons to go out. Little did I know, going out that night would change my life in millions of great ways, which is now terrifying to think about.

 After a fair few drinks, I decided to go out into another area of the club to share my loud obnoxious personality around. The moment I walked down there, was like a movie. I saw a girl, even in my intoxicated state, I could tell she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever laid my eyes upon. I instantly came up with a goal to make her laugh. It takes a lot to make me nervous, it was trait that I never had. I went up to her and at that exact same time, she walked up to me and introduced herself. You know how I said it was like a movie? I said that because when I looked into her eyes, everything around me froze, I was just standing there. After what felt like thirty minutes, I introduced myself then we sat down and had a drink. I wouldn't be able to tell you the exact conversations that we had, but I can tell you I interrupted her to inform her that I needed to do a pee followed by what I thought to be an FBI cross Ninja jump over the table, but according to her that was never the case... I still stick with what I thought it felt still to this day. When I returned we had another drink and spoke some more and introduced us to each others friends. One of my friends, Jordan, looked at me when I introduced her and smiled at me, for some strange reason, he knew I was interested, suppose I've never really introduced a girl to my friends before. As this night drew to a close, I lost her and eventually stormed out of the club because I had enough. Little did I know, she was asking about me when I left. I got home, surprisingly, and fell asleep.

I woke up to a message from her asking me out on a date. I immediately felt emasculated, but that was okay. Obviously I said yes. We went to a Shannon Noll concert, it was a perfect time spent together and the happiest i've been in a very long time. I still remember how it felt to feel true happiness after such a long time of being alone.  

As messages upon messages went by between each other, it was suddenly a week or two later. We had organised for me to stay over her place, have a couple of drinks and listen to some old school music, the best kind. As she's on the floor choosing the songs to put on and I am sitting on her bed, that strange feeling erupted in me again, true happiness. I didn't know at the time, but she was radiating something I haven't felt before, whether it was her great music choice or just being around her. As the night progressed, next thing we know we were in bed together 'cuddling'. We were talking about something that made me laugh, which at the end I did something I couldn't take back. I laughed and then said I love you, which i quickly recovered by saying "lol jokes, you wish". Yes, I actually said that and it turned out more funny than what we were previously discussing. This became a running joke for years to come. I remember laying there thinking "Why did I say that", I was confused about how it happened because it just completely slipped out, I didn't mean to say it but knew I felt it. This was when I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. In the end, it was a perfect night spent by someone whom I believed I loved very quickly. I had never felt this way about another person before. 

A week at work progressed and we decided to stay over again, same music, but this time we felt closer than ever. It was an amazing feeling for me and I was honestly just falling harder and harder for her. I knew the next time I saw her, I wanted to do something special, so I surprised her with a little getaway to a nice resort at the Sunshine Coast. When we got there, we checked in and went across the street to Woolworths to stock up on food and the dinner I was going to cook for her, Beef Strogonoff. When we returned, we got the keys and went to our apartment to find out that there was in fact, no kitchen. So it turned out to be a KFC night. This was when I knew she was the one for me, as we finished eating, i decided to rip the KFC bags and dress her up.. it was incredibly hilarious at the time and damn she could pull the look off. We got into bed and watched Eurovision trying to understand the words they were singing, it was great and it was definitely a great weekend. Once again, the kitchen became a running joke too, I could never escape it. After this weekend away, we sat down and decided it would be best if I moved in with her, as I’m always there anyways. So a month after dating, we were living together and I’ve never felt so much happiness, everything was perfect and working out for me.

Months and months went on, we sat there laughing about the possible arguments we would have because we have never argued before. I knew for a fact that I was so in love with this woman that I never wanted to lose her. We were perfect for a very long time. I’d get lost in her eyes every time she would laugh, or how her eyes opened wide when she was explaining a story or a topic she was passionate about. She has the most incredible smile with a beautiful laugh.. which includes her little snorting she does when the laughing can’t stop.

Every morning I would wake up, give her a kiss on the forehead and say good morning. Every night, I’d give her 10 kisses on the forehead, we both made sure to count as it all became a ritual. There were so many memories, inside jokes and little rituals we had that we got so used to that it all became normal. I was still in love with this woman at the age of 23.

Suddenly, cracks started to appear because of my inability to talk. I know, how does someone not know how to talk? That was and still is the hardest thing for me. I am so used to not sharing my feelings about negative things and instead keep it bottled up inside, its a very unhealthy thing to do and still to this day I'm slowly learning.

We were having many fights, breaking up but working our way back to each other every single time. We knew we wanted to be together and we were too stubborn to admit it at times, we were an incredibly competitive couple. Ask her about the monopoly game, she'll tell you she won..... thats because she did but I can assure you we never played monopoly again. I cannot elaborate on the amount of fights and quick break ups we had, we had a severe rough patch. But everything was perfect and I was still the happiest guy in the world.

The last time we broke up was around May 2018, the month we got together in 2016. This was a tough break up but we got back together a week later. I know, people may think how is this healthy, but when you're in love with someone, you'd do anything to make sure it works. Everything was perfect for many many many months. We discussed getting our very own place and we started to buy furniture each paycheck so we would be able to move into a house that wasn’t partly furnished, having kids (even agreed on some names to respect my mother which meant a lot to me) and more importantly, the engagement I was going to do at the start of the year.

I started an incredibly bad addiction to video gaming every day for hours on end, instead of the usual couple of hours a week. I became lazy and didn't appreciate what I had right next to me the entire time. Nearly 3 years we spent together, you would think that I would be more attentive. I just forgot about every thing in my life and was just committed to video games like the person I was long before I met her. I stopped wanting to have sex and I stopped wanting to go out on weekends with her. This all hit home and completely shattered me after she told me she was getting male attention elsewhere. I stormed out with all my stuff and didn't look back once.

A week has gone by and I just sit here in silence every single day. I've eaten half a sausage roll that made me vomit, a few chicken balls and a handful of chips, against my will. During my silence, I realise how much I have changed. I have gone from the alcoholic version of myself to a guy who found out he was ready to settle down, the mature Matt I thought I wouldn't find until I was very much older. I'm not going to lie, this last paragraph is hard to type because I just fall back into the ifs and buts. I know for a fact, all I had to do was to get off that Xbox and give her attention, clean the room when she asked, give her the intimacy that we both required but I slacked out on and most of all, show her the amount of appreciation I have for her since we got together. I feel as though I never want to show another woman intimacy or become close again, unless it’s with her. The constant knot in my stomach won’t dissapear. The world knows just how much I do love her and all my good friends know how much I appreciate and love her, it just turns out I forgot to reassure the most important person to me.

I realise that I don't blame her for any of this because I guess it is all my fault. Every girl in a long lasting relationship needs to know that feeling that their partner does in fact care about them. I just guess for me, it is too late for that. I would do anything to go back to the life we had with me bringing an insane amount of changes that would make any girl feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Not only did I lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend and the only person that knew exactly who I was and who I am still to this day. She knows more about me than anyone else on this planet and i'm not afraid to admit that. She was my definition of a soul mate. I've never felt more comfortable and open with someone in my life and I highly doubt I'm going to find that feeling with anyone else for a very long time and even then, the chances are slim. All our inside jokes and memories haunt me every single day because they were the happiest times of my life. Every song that comes on the radio, its hard to listen to. All the songs on my phone, I can't listen to because each one takes me back to a time with her. It's hard to watch Netflix alone because I watched basically everything with her many times over. It's hard to get up in the morning and go to work, because every morning I would drive there knowing how close our future home was and how ready I was to propose to her, she was the reason why I got the new job a few weeks ago. The memories are suddenly everywhere and every day you're just caught up in constant nostalgia. The pain doesn’t disappear.

If I could go back in time and change everything, I would in a heartbeat. If she messaged me and told me she wants me back, I'd be there in a heartbeat too. With Christmas and New Years coming up, this is going to be a hard problem for me to recover from for the rest of the year. We had so many plans, I had many plans she didn't even know about. Nearly 3 years down the drain because I was too stupid to show her the amount of love and appreciation I have for her.. it truly fucking hurts. Being so ready to settle down, just for it all to come up above your feet isn't the best feeling.

The hardest part about break ups, is trying to forget about the imagined future you two had planned together. Our future looked so perfect. Going from being so happy, to suddenly depression hitting you straight on the head. The emptiness and loneliness is something I haven't felt in my life and I wouldn't wish it upon my worse enemy.

I don't expect many people to read this, but if you do, thank you for letting me vent and taking it on board. If you're in a relationship, please, tell your partner you love them and that you appreciate them, that's all it takes. Listen to them, talk to them and be there for them through everything life throws their way. Don't get caught up in technology or social media, they can easily become the source of break ups in this generation, which fucking sucks. Put your phone down and just show your partner that you love them. Never would I have thought I’d lose the one piece of me that meant more than anything else on this planet.

Most importantly, to her. If you're reading this, please know that I love and I miss you more than words can explain. I'm sorry that I didn't show you just how much you meant to me and just assumed you knew. You were, and still are, my world. The things we have done together are things I'll forever cherish and miss. You were my soulmate and I wish I could just show you all the changes I'd make to prove just how happy we can be. I would do anything to have you laying in my arms again and hearing you laugh. You are the only person in this world that I need and I’m honestly shattered to know I wasn’t that person for you. My friends keep telling me to move on.. why would I want to, and how could I move on when I know I’ve already met my soul mate? I’ll forever miss and love you.

I honestly thought typing this would make me feel better, even in the slightest amount, but in the end I guess it just made things worse for me. The hardest part for me was leaving someone who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. I don't know where I would be or the type of person I would be if she didn't enter my life. She brought out the best version of me that was possible.

 If you're going through a rough time, talk to a friend or family member. Please know, it's not embarrassing to seek professional help.