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devilsainz · 1 year ago

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First, Thank you @watercolor-hearts for tagging me! when i saw it i knew it wouldnt be an easy task (mostly because i love to talk a lot lmao) but i liked the concept and felt that it would be interesting way to dive more into the ships i am fond of.

Pairing/Shippy list!

Here are the rules:

1. List your top seven ships.

2. Put them all in order for your love for them; 7 to 1, 1 being your favourite.

3. Name the fandom.

4. Put a picture of the guys in question.

7. Ziam (Zayn/Liam Payne) (One Direction)

weird way to start this list, since its not f1 related, and i very much believe it's a dead ship now. But honestly they deserve this honorable mention for being the first ship i adopted, and i didnt even care about One Direction or their music around that time (in fact i cant remember even how i stumbled upon this ship lmao). These two together just had so much chemistry for me, either on stage, interviews, or anything really. also they were my introduction to this whole idea of "ship" (Larry was the absolute more popular one obviously, but it was Ziam that really SUCKED me in like a vacuum cleaner). Unfortunately, Liam's distasteful comments last year bursted my bubble about them (even though he has explained this year he wasn't in a good place, and i personally think they are okay with each other, even though still distant), but i still like to watch their compilation videos on youtube sometimes, it's quite bittersweet :')

6. Martian (Sebastian Vettel/Mark Webber) (Formula 1)

honestly i feel i just dont put these two higher because they feel somewhat new to me, like i need to dive into them more. I just think its such a fun ship in the sense that it has a looot of things going on at the same time, their very public rivalry and the famous multi 21, mark's angry face at that one press conference, it could be so so angsty but they just make me laugh (also, the making love on track quote is now burned into my brain so in no way they could be out of this list).

5. Christian horner/Toto wolff (Formula 1)

okay okay this is the part yall realize im actually crazy. but... they DO have chemistry when they are interacting, even in their non-amicable moments, and i do love myself some good enemies to lovers. Obviously it helps that i think they both are very actrattive, sexy middle aged men that have hunger for victory and i believe they hold so much respect and admiration for each other, considering they are the two most sucessfull TP's at this point. Also, HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

4. Versainz (Max Verstappen/Carlos Sainz) (Formula 1)

(i wanted to find that ONE gif where he lifts carlos a little so bad but this one will do) Oh, this one really rocketed fast into my favorites. I just think they are just so wholesome. I always feel Max is warmer towards a certain number of drivers, and Carlos is one of them. And i dont even ship them in a ... kind of way, even tho it makes sense in my head the narrative that both were each others "first's" before going into bigger ships. Its just that it feels so special that both debuted together as teammates and, both took different trajectories in the way their career planned out, but theres still a genuine connection between them, at least in my view.

3. Maxiel (Max Verstappen/Daniel Ricciardo) (Formula 1)

I know its weird because i dont really post about them. But this falls into the same category as versainz for me, except that here there's a kind of dynamic that it makes me go "hmm... interesting". I always like to see max smiling and being happy because this boy went thru so much in his childhood, and oh how Daniel knows how to bring this side of Max. If Max can be warmer to certain drivers, for Daniel he has a whole SOFT SPOT, and i think that's very endearing. IMO, Daniel feels like the person that changed him in deeper ways we know, that one person that was indirectly a "life teacher" to him maybe, and thats special to me.

2. Brocedes (Lewis Hamilton/Nico Rosberg) (Formula 1)

Oh, the ANGSTY in this one. yes, this one deserves the ANGSTY in all caps because to me that's them. Oh to have lived through their divorce must have been heartbreaking but what a freaking cinematic ship this one is. I just can't ignore it. How it feels to me that Nico is the one who wears his heart on his sleeve, while Lewis has that chilling Capricorn control over his emotions is so. just so. And the fact that Nico's legacy is forever entangled in Lewis' name. If a movie screenwriter would come up with this, i'd think it would be overdramatic, but no, theyre actually this unhinged.

Charlos (Charles Leclerc/Carlos Sainz) (Formula 1)

how do i even start talking about these two idiots? Okay, so obviously i think they're both very attractive and that definetely helped me to ship them lmao. But thats kind of reductive, because these two have sooo much chemistry in my opinion, even before their ferrari days, there was so much potential waiting to bloom, and it did. I love their banter, their competitiveness, how they can get childlike around each other sometimes. How they are so physical, how they make each other laugh (let me not talk about their gazes to each other or i will not end this today). I love how Carlos doesn't hide he wants to compete with Charles (which brings him unnecessary hate sadly), and how both respect each other in this stance. There's a bit of angsty underneath this soft/fluffy surface too (more from Carlos' perspective imo - but lets not forget Charles and Silverstone 2022 too - this is my charlos angsty origin story), but they still find their way, and that kind of compels me even more into them. I just think theres so many layers, multitudes, in the way we can create, write and read about them. Absolute favorites.

Tagging @schumiatspa and @sainzjpeg 😊

obviously, feel free to ignore if you dont want to play, no hard feelings around here ❤, and also 7 ships are quite a work! if you're not tagged but want to make your list, feel free to do it and consider yourself tagged by me 😘

#tagging game #charlos #maxiel #brocedes #martian #versainz #christian/toto #ziam

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jennilah · 7 months ago

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I think i started to follow you bc of tiny!cas, like eons ago, let me tell you seeing you get into different fandoms over the years has been a delight.

I remember seeing post of you going like 'hey these slasher film kinda go hard' and look at you know.

I mean this in the best way possible, I feel i've been watching a house plant grow, every now and then catching my attention and being amazed by the changes

omg thats such a sweet way of describing my... well happy autism awareness day everyone, its a nice way of describing the way i naturally transition through my Special Interests lmfao

actually, for the holiday, let me infodump about this very aspect of my brain to anyone who isnt aware how this works for me. (also every autistic person is different, so this is just how this symptom manifests in me)

ill say "phases" to simplify, though thats an unfair word because it implies im "over" my past phases. 99% of my past phases are pretty much there for life, but in the back of my mind. (So long as I didnt have a "bad breakup" with it for some reason, which is rare but happens) The ability to become a raving lunatic about it is dormant until someone asks the right question.

There can only be one interest (sometimes 2, with one being the less dominant one) at the forefront of my brain at a time, though. that defines the "phase".

so for example, my recent Halloween phase is "over" and I am 100% fully into Saw now, but I still absolutely love Halloween and Michael and Jason and all those guys. as evident by me still happily sharing gifsets and art and buying merch etc if it tickles my fancy. They're just hanging out in the background of my mental display case.

yea whoever follows my tumblr for a very long time has watched it happen in realtime. the transition between interests. i know for a fact which phase I started this blog on. if you're here from the beginning, youve seen, in order:

-Durarara!! -Deus Ex -Supernatural -Godzilla -Detroit: Become Human -There was like a few weeks where it was HLVRAI -And then it was plants. There was a year-long stretch with no Special Interest and I was latching onto odd things (and I was very inactive here) -Halloween & Friday the 13th -and now, Saw

I have many other things I love, but they don't clamp around my brain in quite the same extreme way.

my phases can last any amount of time, anywhere from a few short intense months to 5+ years, its completely random, completely unpredictable. even the interest itself is impossible to predict. its not something i choose, its something that happens to me.

sometimes i avoid watching things for a long time because im still very emotionally attached to my current phase and im genuinely afraid the shiny new thing will replace it. all art or fic ideas for the previous phase? theyll be abandoned. all I will want to create will be related to the new thing. (though I will sometimes draw it anyway, like digging up old toys to play with once in a while. The likelihood just drops considerably)

which is why right now i pretty much put a pause on the other franchises I plan on watching. I'm genuinely gripping onto Saw like someone is tryin to take it from me.

and then sometimes im like "haha yeah right. ill be fine. ill eat my shoe if my brain latches to this" and then put on the movie and by the credits roll im a new person (yes thats what happened with Saw. I really had no idea.)

this is also why im terrified of even just "checking out" things that have, like, a toxic fanbase or something, because i cant stop a new phase from happening if it does. and its really hard to keep it to myself, fuck

(do u know how mad i was when i realized i was attaching to hoffman the evil dirty cop??? i was so scared of drawing him, dudes. but thankfully everyones been cool abt it and we're all very aware of his awfulness & we have fun w it)

and every time my brain changes and i do get obsessed with some new thing, i get really scared and worried and hope I dont bother everyone who followed me for something else :(((( and yet, every time, im absolutely floored by how many people choose to tolerate my newest nonsense and stick around anyway

anyway ive lost the plot of what point i was making here OH YEAH thank you!

tl;dr: that would be the autism! thank you, it WILL happen again! that is a threat! 🥰

#jennilargh #jenna answers

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lovebvni · 21 days ago

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hey hows u? hope this ask finds u well! so I dont know where I got this feeling or even the urge to question who I am. obviously I have this name that my current parents gave me but it still doesnt sit right for example my grandmpa was adopted, my mum was also adopted along with her brother so whats to say im not adopted and dont remember it? cause if you think in the realm of celebs there is so much shit we dont know about them or even what they get up too

I asked the pendulum these questions and keep getting a yes for the ones that are like am I adopted, got a yes, is xxx my real name, got a no and now im like what the fuck... its like I get these random hunches to ask my pendulm certain questions either about me or something else, oh yeah i also asked if i was born before my actual birth year and it said yes :o

i once asked what my classmates first impressions of me where and i cant remember but it was something along the lines of they thought i was weird? ik our nationalities was never going to get along its just a given atp but now im thinking about it its genuinely bizzare af

then i think im in the completely wrong timeline too. ppl acting shady or weird towards me in ways that havent made no sense.

idk if this ask makes any sense or not but whats ur real thoughts on reality or time travel or whatever u personally call it? im watching a tiktok compilation its actually really interesting called timeline jumping stories and one lady constantly has a vivid memory of having a son in another version of her, and a second lady had a vivid memory of her being 5/10 years old etc etc with her mom in her moms bed.

also my dreams dont make no sense because it always feels like im being chased watched or followed by something or someone. just tonight i had a dream of being on a ferry like ship and i think i was younger kinda by myself in it. i dont use shifting subliminals but i use regular subliminals for current timeline stuff and its just bizzarre to me now... it makes sense to me but i if i say it to anyone else they be like get some help.

i’m sorry i have like no idea what you’re asking me but im going to answer this in the best way i can.

yes, parallel realities can merge and overlap; something that was once true can change because you shifted realities.

i believe your pendulum is right, and you can be born before you originally anticipated.

time travel, reality warping, deja vu, all of it falls under the laws of the universe.

there are so many different timelines, and everything can change in an instant.

time travel is real. reality warping is a form of reality shifting. that’s it !!

i hope i answered ur question xx

#abyss .answers #reality shifting #shiftblr #shifting #shifting community #desired reality #reality shift #black shifters #shifting motivation #shifting realities

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thisisanude · 3 months ago

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it hurts so bad it hurts so bad God God God i’m fucked i’m fucked this is so painful i don’t know how to deal this hurts so bad i feel like my body is shutting down i feel like i can tdocsnhthjgg and there’s no solution there’s no fix because there’s no way i could ever 1) come out to my family and 2) leave my perfect boyfriend that my family loves and that i also love and have so many good memories with ???? but why am i so sad why does it feel so bad how am i going to get over this im literally nonstop feeling this awful feeling of impending doom and it’s just getting worse and seeing her feels so good but hurts a lot like so bad and i can’t do this i really don’t know what to do i need to make a choice i don’t want to make it i really don’t want to please don’t make me please don’t i hate this so bad and the guilt of emotional cheating is eating me up so bad actually eating me alive. like i can’t eat i feel bad all the time and to be fair im anxious about a lot of things rn but this is one of the top and nothing makes me as guilty as this. i’ve never felt this guilty before i really haven’t. in front of my boyfriend, in front of my family. not to mention this is how my relationship right now kinda started. like not fully but kinda this time with a lot more nuances. in my past relationship i loved him but i was never in love with him i don’t think. i knew i didn’t wanna be with him forever. and i wanted to break up months if not a full year before actually breaking up. i was just too pussy to do it and i was going back and forth with it but i was questioning our relationship and i wished i was single but in like a lowkey way like if he broke up with me id be ok type of way but i cant break up with him also i still like having a bf IDK. but my current boyfriend i was in love with for multiple years and even tho we’ve had periods in our relationship where it was rough we always came back and i really genuinely always thought we’d be together forever. i mean we’ve been together for 5 years and i feel like our lives are so intertwined like i have so so so many memories with him so many periods of my life where im like heavily with him and so many gifts from him and so many inside jokes and inside fun and i don’t understand what happened i really don’t i’m so lost im so lost i don’t know how this could’ve happened i just want to be honest honestly but i can’t i can’t i can never hurt him hes so precious and i love him so much. i don’t understand how i can love him as much as i do with my newfound issue like im doing the thing that hurts him the most by having feelings for someone else how dare i say i love him. im such a bad person i want to tell everyone they’re right and they need to stay away from me and i dont deserve to be happy and i just want to die honestly this makes me dissociate so heavy that maybe its a good thing that my mri was moved because im gonna be dissociating more heavily now. im not ok at all this is too much i cant handle it i feel so bad i dont know how to be a real person i just want to feel normal i just want to be ok. i keep thinking about spring semester and how good it was like up until april i would say except april was really good but really bad at the same time because that is when i realized it. i really wish i could have both of them i really wish that i was polyamorous but he is really not so thats never going to happen. but this makes me think back and think why did this happen like did our relationship also go downhill without me noticing. and it felt like we were having some upsetting fights not long before then like the one in august and then another 2 in november ? but then december felt really good with him it felt like things were getting better we had another fight in january but i don’t even remember what it was about. and it’s been a long time since then wow i feel like a fully different person. it’s crazy how much things have changed. i don’t know who i am anymore. i really don’t. i’m scared. i’m really scared. i just want to go home and feel normal and feel grounded and

#mine #love #dc #a #gay #life

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videostak · 1 year ago

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am doing some cleaning and am like yayy organizing n shit yayy but also genuinely have so much stuff that i dont kno where to put T-T like ughh neeed more shelves... but also need that takc piano in my room fr... ill def be able to make do with the space i have. like i can totally make it work since i do have like a legit spacious room. maybe i can get a different nightstand with shelves or smthn idk theres still LOTS of options. also stilll dont kno wht to wear 2mrw T-T like it could be freezing in the morning (literally leaving like at 5am) but is gonna be hellishly hot during the day. think i will wear these jean shorts that i seeldom wear often and havent worn out yet but make my butt rly look nice and firm :) and just like that generic red and blue striped sshirt lol. or a generic shirt like that. just a lot of outfits are out of the question cause of not being able to wear docs tho also might weaer that striped top i posted yesterday wait was it yesterday or two days ago i cant remember lol. but like that one idk its v risque for a male like me to wear out but have been feeling sort of confident lately and might wanna try it out. lol. tho ill seee. could jusst decide last second to wear the most non androgynous short outfit i can muster if i feel a lil too nervous to go out like that . tho idk. also rly wishing my sisters car had a cd player cause the next sogn on shuffle is from cocteau twinsss head over heels album and like i wish i could just listen to that whole album on my 5 am drive like that would be the most healing thing ever. i have the cd thats that and also the sunbursst n snowblind ep on one cd and its one of my fav albums.

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toastyliltoasts · 10 months ago

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📷 Just a pic of me as a baby

🍫 Chocolate :D

✨️ Yeah but that includes my irl name so- (Ones that dont go like crackhead/ fucking idiot 😀)

🎵 I've said this once and I'll say it again, Wilbur Soot/ Love joy is my current obsession who's songs have been my 'current' obsession for the past 5 or 6 months :> but its Concrete - Lovejoy

✏️ Of course my man, they're just really cringe

😏 Holy shit back tf up but yeah-

💛 Yeah ! On both ears

🐰 Uuuh- Maybe like their personality or how they act around people/ friends/ family etc

🍪 Oh deffo chocolate chip.. Maybe like throw some salted caramel chunks in there too because SaLtY-

🐶 Dont take this personally but dog.. I just love dogs

🎧 Ear buds cuz I dont have to charge them (charging sucks-)

🌼 And I quote "Bye, Love you" (Why am I going so soft lmao)

🙃 Uuuuuuh- Idk- You cant read in your dreams ?

🦉 Oh night owl, definitely

🧸 Either the couch or the bed ig ?

🏳️‍🌈 Nope

🦋 Really, Fucking, Dumb (/hj uh funny ? secretive, simp ?)

👖 Bro jeans all the way, I hate how sweatpants stick :p

🥤 Very sad cuz we dont have Starbucks in my country :(

🧡 Just like really bright, neon yellow.. Dont really hate it but dont love it either..

💎 Uuuuuuuuuuuuh you probably expecting a cheesy answer but I dont do cheesy unless I absolutely have to- my mom

☕ Fuck- Definitely coffee.. Its just personally easier for me to make

🦖 Uh mammoth, dodo or ground sloth ? (Just googled it lol)

🌙 I would say almost an year (I started reading Merlin fanfics on here on the December of 2022) but I didnt make this account till a lot later

🌴 Food pls.. (Can you tell Im not that smart yet ?)

🐸 I kinda dont know how to but I'll give you a description.. Baggy clothes but a little leaning on the girly side accessories, love just straight up wooden stuff and plain colours (Ik Im doing a shitty job but I genuinely dont know how to describe an aesthetic)

🔮 Pediatrician (Those doctors who treat kids)

💙 Single as a pringle.. Also asian parents so brrr so-

🌿 Just a plain ass baggy gray shirt and a pair of jeans.. I love comfy thats all

🎤 Is this a genuine question lmao ? Yes, I know all the lyrics or sometimes some of them of my favourite songs.. (Full Lyrics = Your New Boyfriend - Wilbur Soot | One Day, Concrete, Normal People Things - Lovejoy | Drivers License, Traitor, Good 4 U, Deja Vu, Happier, Enough for you, Favourite Crime, Jealousy, Jealousy, Hope Ur Okay - Olivia Rodrigo ||

Some of them = Internet Has Ruined Me, I'm in Love with an E-Girl, The Nice Guy Ballad - Wilbur Soot | Portrait of a Blank Slate, Taunt - Lovejoy | Vampire - Olivia Rodrigo)

🤎 A really dark brown that tRanCenDs into a black

💌 Depends on what Im doing.. Whether Im like solving a math question and Im too lazy to write down a long number so I read it out loud so I can remember it or Im, strangely, acting out sort of skit-like stuff..

💄 Tbh no.. I dont like makeup cuz they make me look like Im from the undead lmao-

🌸 "You talk a lot but that's why I love you" Stfu Im not admitting that it was from a Wilbur Chatbot on C. Ai *cries in the corner*

💞 @kimjeonej @edirazirollyx @listenheresweaty @poraphia @haunted-headset

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen?

🍫 Cheese or chocolate?

✨ Do you have any nicknames?

🎵 Last song you listened to?

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction?

😏 Are you on discord?

💛 Do you have any piercings?

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person?

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

🐶 Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

🎧 Headphones or earbuds?

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud?

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?

🧸 Favorite place to nap?

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

🦋 Describe yourself in three words.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants?

�� What’s your go-to Starbucks order?

🧡 A color you can’t stand?

💎 What’s your most prized possession?

☕ Coffee or tea?

🦖 Favorite extinct animal?

🌙 How long have you been on tumblr?

🌴 Desert island item?

🐸 Describe your aesthetic.

🔮 What’s your dream job?

💙 Relationship status?

🌿 Describe your favorite outfit.

🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?

🤎 What color is your hair?

💌 Do you talk to yourself?

💄 Do you wear makeup?

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

💞 @ your favorite blog.

Reblogs are appreciated!

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zeenbean · 3 months ago

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yapping about school, again

a lot as happened since my last ranty post, like that i have gotten B on my final grade from english(as a secondary language) but nobody really follows this blog so much so they would actually know what am i talking about.

in multiple posts ive been whining about my secondary laungage english teacher bcs shes dumb af and doesnt even know english past average 9yo vocabulary(except the slang💀) so when i use my fancy fancy worlds on her(telling her that taking drgs is NOT silly) she ofc gets mad. and that is, how she made my final grade from exact 9 marks from the second semester. 2 of them were group activities(two A`s), 5 quick tests(one A, one B& three Ds) and the rest unit reviews(one A and one B, but the b was my falut bcs im not gonna remember in front of what words u put the, a or nothing. but that were the weird ones like i dunno i cant remember bcs the only ones i remember are the ones that are obvious ones help) im a person who to function needs to have EVERYTHING planned. also when the teachers are all extremely chaotic i cant focus when i have to sit in place where i dont normally sit(i sit there for four years there, last place on the left but idk how other classrooms are build so it differs) its even worse. like this btch will be like so okey i know i said were gonna write the test tomorrow but i dont feel like it so were gonna do it today and than theres me who had planned to study today afternoon bcs it works for this types of tests best for me, also i had to practice on my saxophone yesterday bcs i ALSO had some MORE IMPORTANT EXAMS so now the whole thing is messed up & i have the saxophone exam today but im gonna be stressed form this test and it will completely ruin my day and maybe even a week.

im gonna browse more on the school system in hour school bcs its really messed up. like i wanted to transfer for this year but some therapist-not-therapist who is payed by the school told my mum that that is a not good idea bcs "every school has its dark side" yes. i know. but i asked my friend a simple question. "do your teacher provide materials from the lessons ex. presentations" and she was like EVERY TEACHER DOES THAT. HEAVEN ON EARTH.

like yeah only three from 20+ teachers does that in our school. and were really small school, only one building, the friends school has SIX.

it kinda is related to this and its really me problem but i struggle to keep writing notes in class. like one time i couldnt even get myself to hold the pencil bcs i had a bit dirty notebook(my bottle cracked and everything got wet and as it dried i had stains. so i couldnt write notes in the name notebook but i didnt wanted to buy a new one so i just wrote it who knows where and i was always loosing it. but i feel that the whole idea of notes doest suit me and some other people. i can pay attention, can write it dow beautifully like when i want to i can have the best looking notes in class but WHAT FOR. like it genuinely doesnt help me a bit. i can rewrite it like with the blurting technique but i still forget everything the next hour. and that isnt even with notes, thats with textbooks, some like non fiction books(i love books about like space or sum but i remember shit. like i can remember that on the page five there was this "in some insignificant galaxy(milky way) in some insignificant arm of the galaxy(orion arm)(btw i had to search it up bcs i dont know the exact term in english and it hurts my soul that there in the recommended questions there was "are we in the milky way rn)were rotating around some insignificant star(the sun) and living on some insignificant planet(the earth)" but i dont remember ANYTHING ELSE. LIKE THIS RANDOM THING BUT NOT THE REST OF THE A LOT MORE SIGNIFICANT THINGS?(if anyone recognizes the quote pls don judge me im halp asleep)

okey im not gonna get mad by my inability to absorb information

than when the teacher doesnt even want to help me by giving me like the presentation or like the book where they take these exercises from than its har to be motivated to learn and like in some cases even not able to properly learn the things. i have a friend(that one who i asked about her school) who i literally wish i had her brain bcs were on about the same level of inteligence but she can absorb information like a average human being. like pls help me.

but back to the teacher, there is this one who is really weird, he doesnt really like me but when you email him about anything related to geography he will explain, give sources and you can always ask for like a graded presentation(kinda rare there for someone to give you request presentation). thank you for being the most insufferable person on the whole school but who somehow does his job.

i shouldn't even talk about our principal who is like the embodiment of satan and god of gaslighting in one if someone like that exists. bro will be like "were the BEST school in town!" and than hires a known person who hase fake degrees and has been accused of being predatory towards students. like bro pick i side.(fun fact i one time i got so mad that i went to his facebook under a fake name and started to like spit some real good arguments under his homophobic and transphobic posts and one time i got extra silly and made a bit personal joke and he blocked me💔)

like im so so so much sorry for his ELEVEN FREAKING KIDS and especially the girls bcs he said(in a very insignificant physics lesson) that theyre mistakes. bro how can you be so fucking disgusting towards your own children that you sometimes even bring to school. in front of the whole class.

hey so this is probably it bcs im getting more and more tired and tomorrow i have to wake up really early

also i know my spelling here is completely diabolical but who cares int the internet does anybody here seen th post about how bad english technically doesnt exist? think of that now

#rant #my post #school #school system #teacher(omg why only tag is student x teacher oh i forgot im on tumblr.)#high school #teaching #experiences #life #life ig #help what am i tagging #school problems #school posting #english teacher #whining

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imsociallyanxiousgetoverit · 2 years ago

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Im finally watching The Owl House instead of just seeing spoilers on Tumblr so Im gonna live-post my reactions cuz Holy shit do I have some things to say right now-

1. Camila sounds nothing like I imagined

2. LUZ DONT THROW BOOKS AWAY WHAT THE FUCK

3. Eda sounds nothing like I thought????

4. Luz… baby… you didn’t see the door with a giant eye and- ya know what- not worth it

5. Why is Eda not sus about a human? I am definitely missing something

6. Is Alex Hirsch the voice for the guard?

7. Why hand come off?????

8. Luz is self aware. This is good.

9. HOOTY??????? THE FUCK????

10. Luz! Don’t just grab people and creatures!

11. Wait- have I been mispronouncing Luz’ name? I thought it was Luhz not Looz

12. Eda! Blackmail and manipulation isn’t cool!

13. by the way both Earth and Boiling Isles conforming places are so disgusting like the fuck

14. Luz I love you and im concerned by your lax reaction to this new world

15. the warden is disgusting

16. h- thats not how physics work??? how are the doors opening???

17. Eda you’re great for protecting the child first

18. Luz is so cool for rebellion tho

Done! I think Im gonna rewatch each episode again when I don’t pay attention enough so I can write these. Hard to remember my questions if I pay attention too hard but ya know I wanna express how I feel too

1. wait these people are overreacting sometimes. the snakes and spiders? yeah absolutely valid to run. The sausages and eyelids???? Y’all overreacting. I mean the wasted food sucks but like its obviously just sausages guys. The eyelid thing is just something at least one kid does every year and its gross but not scream and run worthy. These people are so rude. At least the principal and Camila are concerned about Luz cuz of her seemingly not recognizing what is and isnt real vs just being dicks about her hobbies. It could be much worse in that way. Also Camila worrying about Luz’ lack of friends is good, too. Some kids do fine alone, but most really do need a support system other than family.

(ugh why is the next line down here thats so annoying)

2. Boiling Isles is like- lawless??? Clearly the warden gets away with his crazy arrests (kinda like Warden from Danny Phantom) cuz he’s just a dick. Like how is the guy selling person-eating icecream allowed but a fanfic writer isnt???? Like this is all clearly a reference to queerness cuz like fanfic doesn’t bother anyone else unless you see it out whilst that icecream could absolutely hurt some random civilian. The shit queer people used to and still get in trouble for with no valid reason- this also could be referencing race as well cuz it is disgusting how many POC are arrested or hurt due to plain racism rather than justice by law.

3. oh my godex I have been saying Luz’ name wrong! I thought it was Luhz! Is it Looz cuz its short for Lucida? Also the fact Eda thinks she’s clever for a human makes me worry everyone in Boiling Isles will think Luz is dumb just because of her species which is hella speciest and yeah im worried

4. ): giraffes are cool. Eda why

5. I kinda hate Hooty not gonna lie. Also ??? Eda why you leave your stuff outside ???

6. I just realized that the Conformitorium may actually be a proper prison that just has too many lax laws. Also how tf did does Luz open and close the door????

7. Luz’ willingness to just trust Eda is concerning. Also the BK crown is funny. Eda is a softie

8. oh the doors are opened normally itd just hurt ouch. Is the scene of them falling done by that Baxter dude cuz its kinda smooth af

9. I really hope Luz’ speech means something to kids and teens. It feels cringely bad to me but im also literally 20 so its not meant for me

10. Luz… you cant just offer up your services for ANYTHING! Standards! Boundaries! Her age is showing here. (what is her age? is she like 12?)

11. That photo thing is absolutely real. Some people think its a dramatic movie thing but Ive done it genuinely. Who had the sleeping bag? Eda or Luz? Also love her phone case. Cannot imagine sleeping without a blanket.

Properly done this time! I think I’ll watch the next one once through then ask questions though cuz this took far too long. Ill remember the questions eventually.

#the owl house #first reaction #episode 1 #uh #tw conversion camp mention #tw racism mention #I guess #oops im a bit too into analyzing stuff heh

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melissa-titanium · 3 months ago

Text

more stuff because i genuinely am going to lose sleep over this.

- v and j's dynamic. we HARDLY get to see it. we now know j already had knowledge of the solver. (i suppose this adds an extra layer to j's "sure thing, boss" in ep 6 when cyntessa nonchalantly tells her to watch the ship. but they didn't expand on that so, whatever i guess.) so why exactly did v never tell n and uzi about it? genuine question by the way i cant remember if v didn't know j knew or not

- why did lizzy not give a fuck about doll. like. why does no one talk about this im not kidding. she dropped her so FUCKING FAST

- i feel like cyn and tessa's dynamic isnt explored enough. again though, this would need a lot of expansion on cyn/the solver to even get to this point... but i just wish we saw the gap between heartbeat's flashback (with cyn hiding behind tessa) and ep 5 (tessa's obvious annoyance w/ cyn.)

- how did copper 9 just... bounce back from presumably a SECOND CORE COLLAPSE???? thats what it was, right??? either way some crazy shit was happening then suddenly t he fucking classroom is back where it was. everythings fine now guys

- i need 2 add more. uhm. later

im going to use this as an opportunity to specify. i don't like bitching about this without a purpose. so with that in mind, i think there's some ways this could be remedied. considering this show, at its core, is comedy centric, i feel like there's little wrong with how things were executed in terms of tone, but in terms of things like. pacing. consistency. all that good stuff. stuff i think we can all agree it's quite lacking.

these 'expansions' on the plot aren't sectioned in terms of episode to episode and aren't ordered chronologically by any means. this is solely my own thoughts about how particular characters and scenes and points of the story could have been handled better, particularly ones that i touched on in the above paragraphs.

most general headcanons have been solidified in the fandom for a while in the gaps between episodes (eg, ep 3 & ep 4 -- how did uzi learn her solver abilities so fast? training montage episode between them that we never saw!) so for stuff like, ep 1-5 i won't excessively be touching on.

this is under the assumption that this show can run as long as it wants with as much budget as we want. i won't be splitting things into entire chronologically ordered episodes as i said before, these are just concepts.

- j and n's dynamic. we get a slightly deeper look into the dynamic between n and v, especially with how it grows throughout the series in a meaningful way, but most of th dynamic we see between n and j is. "she's mean. he's pathetic. this doesn't turn out well for n." but like. genuinely, why? why does she behave this way. i'm not among the crazy j mfs (bless u guys) who analyze her to hell and back but my BASIC understanding of her character is that she's prideful, can seem egocentric at times, and has little tolerance for screw ups (but we don't see her enact these punishments onto herself assumedly because of her possible belief that she's got it all figured out?) but has an EXTREME respect for authority. above all, personally her most notable traits are her attachment to j, and her dislike for cyn and n (outside of her general distain for everything non-corporate.) the reason she dislikes cyn isn't particularly obvious to me. i always believed it was because she sees someone who makes tessa uncomfortable & reacts accordingly, but i think her dislike of cyn is a possible rare showcase of disliking someone openly without tessa's approval. N, on the other hand... what malicious deed could he have possibly done to her to make her feel the need to treat him the way she does? is it a power trip from needing to escape feeling so lowly as a worker drone in the mansion, and n is just an easy target? does she think she's doing him good by roughing him up & being rude, toughening his hide by berating him constantly? or is she really just a huge bitch.

WELL! my thought is that... it's jealousy. we see j's respect for tessa, and we see tessa's care for n. sort of like when your parent has another kid and suddenly all of the attention goes to them, except changed around so that every single person involved in the scenario is an emotionally and physically abused child. all in all, the situation is so sad, and i feel like it could have been expanded on more -- because this is ALL just from speculation. i'm stretching a LOT of pieces of canon and filling a lot of the gaps and sewing some of the cuts together with pieces from my thoughts, which is exactly why i think this should havebeen expanded on. not only would it add more depth to j's character, it would add an extra layer to her interactions with n and tessa.

- ep 5, dive deep into v's memories as well. this way we could have gotten more expansion on v's character & how she interacted with j, tessa and cyn -- n too, ofc, but the other three are important too and imo need more development.

- tessa's dynamic with her parents. more expansion on how tessa came to acquire the alphabet gang & cyn. why exactly were they dumped? how did they manage to get their way out of the tradh piles and back to the surface?

- doll. introduce her in ep 1 with her fully established personality. i had a particular scenario concept in which right after lizzys nd doll pass the nurses office, we get a shot of them talking to eachother and we, the audience, notice how freaku doll is. dive deeper into her family, what was her dynamic with yeva? perhaps ep 3 could give her a creepy scene of her hugging her moms corpse and lizzy happens to walk in and its good cause it gives them some screentime of friendship. also ADDRESS THE TOXIC PARTS OF THE RELATIONSHIP. lizzy obviously seems to hold doll to very little regard, making jokes about her DEAD FUCKING PARENTS, switching on a dime when she found someone she considered "better," and not giving a single fuck, not even a LITTLE ONE, when she finds out doll's dead.

- explore the doorman family dynamic more. i know nori's kind of shrouded in mystery until later on, but we could at least have some scenes of khan looking at pics of him and his wife when he argues with uzi, seeing how exactly they interact. both of them clearly miss nori -- uzi craving someone in her life that understands her, and khan, duh, misses his fuckign wife.

ok im genuinely passing out on the phone rn i have more tmr i swear

i have a. lot to. fucking say. about the finale. a lot.

#mel roars

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dysfunctionalcrab · 4 years ago

Text

babysitter

pairing: georgenotfound x reader

pronouns: gender neutral

description: george is left to babysit your niece

warnings: mentions of a future family? just in case that makes you uncomfortable.

[y/n/n] - your nieces name

[y/s/n] - your siblings name (gender neutral too)

note: i’m not too sure about this imagine, please a like or reply if you actually enjoyed! - niss

you woke up to the sound of your alarm blasting your ear off, if you hadn’t turned it off right there you probably would have gone deaf.

george was sleeping like a baby beside you, you could hear his quiet snores. you were surprised he didn’t wake up to the sound of your ear-piercing alarm.

turning on your phone, you glanced at the time that read 12:30. you sighed in annoyance as you registered that you only had half an hour before you had to be on your way to university. so you got up and began your normal morning routine, brush your teeth, shower, have breakfast and finally get dressed. however, as you were packing your bag, almost ready to go, you received a notification from your [sibling]

[y/s/n]: we’re 5 minutes away!!!

[y/s/n]: thank you so much for agreeing to do this :)

fuck.

it completely slipped your mind. you had promised to take care of [y/n/n] for today, your 7 year old niece, while your [sibling] was at their job interview. regardless, you texted them a quick ‘no problem’ before rushing upstairs to wake up george.

he was still sleeping, but now he was completely hiding under the covers with one arm sticking out. you hated to interrupt his beauty sleep but this was more important. you began to shake him awake.

“babe,” you shook him

“wake up,”

“george,” you removed the covers off his face

“wake the fuck up!” you started poking his sides. usually, you would be a little less... harsh, but you were panicking.

finally the boy rose from his slumber, groaning and stretching all his limbs. he blinked a couple times before meeting your eyes

“good morning,” he said softly, as if he completely just disregarded your tone of desperation and worry.

you pulled him by his arm and he sat upright,

“you need to get up right now,” you told him

“what’s going on?” he questioned, clearly confused as you weren’t giving him any context

“you need to take care of [y/n/n] for today, i have classes today, and i need to leave in 5 minutes and [y/s/n] has a job interview and there’s nobody else to take care of her,” you rushed out all in once sentence.

“are you serious?” he narrowed his eyes at you. “you know how bad i am with kids, especially [y/n/n] , she hates me,”

that was partly true. unfortunately, your niece wasn’t exactly fond of george. ever since you even started dating,m, [y/n/n] acted cold towards your boyfriend, it only got worse when you moved in with him. she always refused to play a game if george was going to participate, or never accepted any high fives or hellos from him. you felt sympathy for george. this child despised him and now you were asking him to look after her.

“please, i’m begging you,” you looked at him with pleading eyes. his eyes softened up after recognising the urgency of the situation.

“fine,” he agreed. you sighed out of satisfaction that you didn’t have to stress out [y/s/n] over finding a new baby sitter.

“thank you so much,” you pressed a small kiss to his lips appreciatively.

right at that moment, you two heard the doorbell ring. you urged george to get ready as fast as he could while you went down stairs and greeted your [sibling] and your niece.

“auntie/uncle [y/n]!” [y/n/n] yelled as you opened the door, immediately rushing into your arms. she looked a lot taller than the last time you saw her

“how’s my favourite girl?” you picked her up and swung her, before placing a little kiss on her head

you gave your [sibling] a quick hug. they handed you a bag full of toys, teddies and colouring pens, along with a spare set of clothing just in case [y/n/n] got a little messy throughout the day. and some quick reminders about her favourite foods or how to get her stop crying. you’d looked after her before, so all of it was pretty familiar to you

“again, thank you so, so much, you have no idea how much you’re helping me.�� they told you. your [sibling] gave [y/n/n] a kiss on the cheek and told her to be a ‘good and kind little girl’ before finally exiting the household.

george, at last, made his way down. wearing a decent pair of jeans and a hoodie, giving an awkward wave to [y/n/n]

you checked the time and knew you had to get going. you had to explain to her that uncle george was going to be the one looking after her today. and after one whole tantrum, you managed to convince her to be a good girl by promising to give her a big reward afterward.

finally, you kissed [y/n/n] and george a goodbye , then shut the front door behind you.

george and [y/n/n] stood opposite each other. there was an uncomfortable silence in the air. george felt so...he didn’t even know. what do you say to a child who hates you? [y/n/n] tightly clutched her bag of toys.

“so, [y/n/n],” george cleared his throat, he bent down to her level. “i hear you like toy story?”

[y/n/n] pouted “i don’t like you” she said, and stomped away.

george sighed. this was going to be a long day.

and it was.

it started off with [y/n/n] innocently using her colouring pens and drawing random things, you know, as children do. but when she ran out of paper, she made her way to your office, where all your uni work was. she grabbed the closest piece of paper that was sitting on your desk, deciding it was going to be the next canvas for her art. this paper just happened to be a very important assignment.

when george caught her in the act, he had to physically tear her away from your office, in defiance of all her kicking and screaming.

then, when george accidently left the door to your shared bedroom open. [y/n/n] waddled in without him noticing, she started playing with all of his devices. his computer, his microphone, and somehow she got a hold of his headphones, and took out the battery. george didn’t realise until he noticed the cover missing. he tried to ask her nicely where she threw the battery. but she insisted that she wasn’t going to give it back unless he stopped being ‘mean’

when lunch time rolled around, george put a pizza in the oven, he remembered clearly that [y/n/n] loved pizza, specifically pepperoni. nothing could go wrong here.

but when he called her to the kitchen so she could receive her lunch. she just stared blankly at the pizza, and then at him. she crossed her arms

“[y/n] usually makes a smiley face with the pepperoni”

george just felt all his will to live just disappear

coloured pens and toys were spread out all across the living room floor, [y/n/n] was sitting in front of the tv, george put on one of her favourite shows which thankfully distracted her for a bit, allowing him to relax. he pulled out his phone and texted you

to [y/n] <3 : help me please

to [y/n] <3: i cant take this anymore, i’m literally dying rn

to [y/n] <3: come home quick

he exhaled heavily, throwing his phone to the side. he was so exhausted.

[y/n/n] was roleplaying with her toys, making them move around and doing squeaky little voices. george smiled at the innocence

“purple bear doesn’t play with us anymore. princess giraffe, mr. george took her away from us,” she spoke in a high pitched voice

george’s ears perked up. how funny that she had a teddy named ‘mr. george’. curiously, he watched the little girl.

“koala george, is a meanie, he stole purple bear and now they don’t want to hang out with us!”

it didn’t take a genius to find out what [y/n/n] was displaying through her role playing teddies.

that was why she didn’t like george. before they got together, [y/n] mentioned they almost spent every weekend with [y/n/n], playing with her and having fun with her.

she felt abandoned by [y/n] and felt as if george had taken them away from her .

george felt at fault as he noticed the girls eyes started to water.

“does purple bear love us any more?” she continued to play.

george decided it was enough and he switched off the television. he joined [y/n/n] on the floor and grabbed the teddy that was supposedly ‘koala george’

“[y/n/n]” he spoke softly. the little girl looked up at him expectantly. he held up the teddy.

“is this supposed to be me?” he questioned her.

“that’s a koala bear,” she answered

“no-, [y/n/n],” he said. he thought about how to ask her, and just chose it was best to be flat out with the child,”

“did i steal auntie/uncle [y/n] away from you?”

the question took her by surprise. she gazed at him with big wide eyes. she thought about her answer and grabbed the purple bear, which was supposed to be you.

“they don’t play with me as much anymore, they’re always with you, because of you, they don’t love me anymore,” she pulled a face, it wasn’t angry, it wasn’t annoyed.

it was a genuinely sad face.

george was sure he physically felt a pang of guilt in his stomach. he never even comprehended the fact that a child could feel so rejected.

“listen... [y/n/n],” he said gently. he thought about his words. comforting someone wasn’t exactly his strongest point, particularly not a child who detested him “[y/n] will never stop loving you, okay? they love you very much, and i’m sorry you feel like i stole them ”

[y/n/n] continued to listen.

“but don’t forget that [y/n] has so much love to go around! look, they love you, and they love me, they love grandma and grandpa too! they will always love one another even if they can’t see each other often,”

[y/n/n] stayed silent. she fiddled with the purple teddy, folding its ears and patting its head. she loved that bear. it was actually gifted to her by you, when she was first born. she brought it to her chest and hugged it. george tried a different approach.

“listen, how about- this weekend, we can all go to the park together, and have a picnic. you, me, [y/n], and your parents too,”

she continued to just stay silent. george didn’t know what to expect, she was unpredictable, was she going to throw another hissy fit? or start to cry? he wasn’t sure

“can we also get ice cream?” she asked

george smiled and felt himself relax. thank god. “all the ice cream you want,” he told her

[y/n/n] stood up and giggled. like her whole entire mood did a whole fucking 180. “okay! let’s go play dress up now!”

———

7:45 pm. you finally arrived home. you were tired out of your mind. [y/s/n]’s interview was delayed by two hours and was currently half way back home, meaning you had enough time to spend with [y/n/n]

you unlocked the door, expecting to see a giant tsunami of toys and colouring pencils and pens, but what you saw was the most heart warming thing ever.

george was sleeping on the couch, his head resting on the armrest. he had a couple pink bows in his hair, his lips were painted a hot pink, he was wearing a couple sparky bracelets and a purple floral necklace.

in his lap, [y/n/n] rested her head, she was wearing a fairy costume with matching pink bows and sparkly bracelets.

you quickly snapped a photo of this wholesome moment. because, who wouldn’t? you spent a few minutes just watching the two sleep, they were probably just as tired as you.

moments like these made you really appreciate the people you had in your life. the people you love so dearly much.

you didn’t want to disrupt the ambience but you felt it was better for your [sibling] to collect your niece when she wasn’t covered in glitter and an overload of pink accessories.

you quietly woke george up,

“baby, wake up.” you shook him awake, gently. in a very different way than you did this morning. he opened his eyes. and immediately smiled upon seeing your face. you ran your thumb across his cheek

“it looks like you two had a lot of fun,” you teased.

he quietly chuckled. “she’s okay,” he told you. looking down at the little girl sleeping in his lap.

you slowly and carefully picked her up, removing any accessories you thought may seem uncomfortable to sleep in. she was a heavy sleeper.

you carried her upstairs, tucking her into you and george’s bed and placing a kiss upon her forehead. you turned back to george and rushed in for a bear hug

“thank you so much for doing that,” you said. “i love you so much, i know it probably wasn’t easy, she can be quite the handful,”

george chuckled. “handful is an understatement,”

“you’d better be willing to dress up like that with our own kids one day.” you stated, hugging him tighter.

his face broke out into a small smile, having thought of an image of you two playing with you future kids. he kissed top of your head and then your nose

“maybe one day”

———

masterlist

#georgenotfound imagines #georgenotfound x reader #georgenotfound #mcyt x reader #mcyt #georgenotfound imagine #mcyt imagines

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potofbees · 2 years ago

Note

Favorite Half-life Game(s)

Favorite Moment from the series

Favorite Side/Lesser Known Characters

Cool fact or headcanon you like?

Would you keep a vortigaunt as a roommate or have a pet headcrab? Both are friendly, btw!

i dont have a lot of coherent thoughts but these were fun to answer 👍👍 o7 THANK U for questions

1) ok fav game DEFINITELY halflife 2 itll probably always be my fav game all time. i am playing it as i write this its just one of those games that feels new and fun to play every time

i imagine once i finally get around to playing half:life alyx it will be my favorite just cause ive seen such good things about it and how its the best vr game of all time and how genuinely immersive it is and all these wonderful tiny details and the story and etc etc i need to play this game or im going to explode. watched the ending cutscene and it made me realize how mentally ill i am abt this series

2) oh god favorite moment i have so many but probably in hl2 barney's "fuck you" to dr breen that gets cut off so they can keep the games rating. always love devs skating around that 18+/mature rating

3) favorite side character(s), father grigori i have no specific reasons i just like him a lot, also not really a side character but judith mossman she gets such a bad rep i would treat her right. girl i would make a character analysis on u that is respectful of ur character development

FUNNY answer however. is specifically the fisherman from the later lost coast tech demo/cut level from hl2

this is peak character design. it cant get better than this sorry character designers uve been outmatched. he means so much to me

4) fav fact is a loaded question because i know an ungodly amount of information about the halflife games but ill say it has to be that the packs of houndeyes in the first game take naps. theyr sleepy

also fact specifically for U is that there were cut easter eggs for the would-be dreamcast port of the first game and this specific one i remember is that sometimes when u broke a supply crate a sonic adventure disc would be one of the items that fell out. never became official but theres videos of it its so funny

i also really like the headcanon that gordon uses ASL. im taking a class on it i really just think sign language should be taught more and should just generally be more common for accessibility reasons so i think its swag when people headcanon silent protags as using sign language

5) HARD question i love all the aliens in these games but id say vortigaunt cause i have like an embarrassing little detail that when i played the black mesa remake i got the pacifist achievement for interloper without knowing it existed because i didnt wanna kill any of the vortigaunts :( they were my buddies in the 2nd game i just could not hurt them. they would be such a great friend. plus i already have cats so i dont need another feral beast that latches onto me yknow

THANK u for questions btw this was fun i gotta send u more funny questions

#asks

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flooficandii · 3 years ago

Note

whats ur top 5 or 3 or 1 idk of valorant ocs you still cant believe arent in the game yet

okok cool question im gonna go based off offfff?? valotumblr ocs and artstation ocs so this is gonna be kinda messy

no particular order, these r all off the top of my head

zero (@solitudexviii)- both her lore and her kit are like. REALLY well thought out and shes such a fun concept that i really wanna play plus shes really well designed like this woman is a whole bahama mama so . Yeah

bios (@ninadrawsstuff)- I REALLY DO LIKE THE IDEA OF AN ORGANIC TECH-TYPE CHARACTER??? and hes a sentinel too which is like PERFECT w my playstyle,,, i adore his lore and his coat and visor and his vine motif HES JUST RLLY RLLY COOL

merino (@spirohugo)- he genuinely does look like he could be in the game which makes him the perfect clickbait thumbnail /j but SERIOUSLY hes so cool hes one of my favorite fan agents ever!! its so cool seeing the fandoms different takes on water-based agents

finn (sean budanio on artstation)- DUDE. DUUUUUDE HIS DESIGN IS SOOOO FUN...I REMEMBER MY FIRST TIME SEEING HIS CHARACTER DESIGN AND MY JAW JUST *DROPPED* LIKE THATS HOW COOL HE IS.. the sunfish aesthetic + the concept art literally gave the vibes of an actual released agent which is my most favorite thing to see in fan concepts fr

phase (leandre teko on artstation)- another youtube clickbait oc BUT LIKE. HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY. HES SO COOL? THE CONCEPT OF HIM CONTROLLING SOUND WAVES N SHIT...THE DJ-ESQUE AESTHETIC HE HAS.... SO GOOD TBH,,,,

tbh theres a lot more ocs/fan concepts that id go on and on about bc i am an avid concept art dweeb so this is like... the small window into my brain

my favorite flavor of ocs r the type that look and feel official and thats honestly the kind of art/design direction i wanna take with nuniq so HEHEHE yah

#anon i rambled and its all your fault/lh

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therealvalkyrie · 4 years ago

Text

Painter’s Hands and Guatemalan Coffee: Part 5

very pretty, very beautiful

Pairing/setting: Levi Ackerman x Female!Reader, modern!college!AU

Summary: When you catch your idiot boyfriend cheating, your grumpy roommate is there to pick up the pieces and watch your back as you toe a carefully drawn line in the metaphorical sand.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: intoxication, swearing, feelings, nightmare, fluff, mentions of a deadly car accident

AN: WHOAH OKAY. So I’ve been thinking about the last half of this chapter every second of every minute for the last two days. It has haunted my dreams, y’all. Thanks to that, you get this before the weekend! Yay! Special thanks to @ghostlightprincess, @anlian-aishang, @cant-spell-slay-without-lay, and @horseanon--simpforall for helping me edit and giving me many encouragements and compliments which, quite frankly, made my head the size of Jupiter. I love you all dearly. As always, let me know what you think in my comments/DMs/askbox!! Don’t be a stranger!! And be kind to yourself and others<3 ~valkyrie

—

(read chapter 4 here)

“I think you’re very pretty.”

I think you’re very pretty?

Fuck. Shit.

“I-I-I mean,” Levi feels his throat tighten and cheeks set ablaze, “You’re very, uh, very beautiful.” He says it because it’s true, and the truth is what Levi relies on when his brain is short-circuiting. You’re more than pretty, more than something as trivial as very pretty, you’re gorgeous and smart and funny and it makes his palms sweat. Recently, you’ve been everywhere: in his bed, in his arms, in the periphery of his life even outside of the apartment. It’s overwhelming, this is overwhelming, how his hands are on you and how you’re looking up at him with insecure, anticipatory eyes. They’re glassy and red-rimmed, pupils blown to saucers.

Oh. That’s right, she’s high.

Levi lets his hand drop from the top of your head. He tries to move his other hand away from your cheek, but you grasp his wrist to keep it there. He can feel his own pulse fluttering under your fingertips.

“Very beautiful?” It’s soft, hopeful.

He forces himself not to retract the statement (because it’s true) out of self-preservation.

“Very beautiful, kid.” He can say it without stuttering this time. It’s important that you believe him, and it’s equally important that this is as far as it goes.

You close your eyes against the pet name and turn your face into his palm for a split second, press a swift kiss to it and then drop your hand to your lap. His heart stutters. He drops his hand, too.

“Thank you,” the words fall past your lips, careful and distant, as he takes a step back.

He needs some space. To get his head on straight, to scream into a pillow, to talk some sense into himself. Can’t risk this, not with you, not with you.

“Your, um, your pajamas,” he points to the end of the bed where they’re sitting in a neat pile, then turns tail and strides out of your room, shutting the door behind him.

In his room, his jelly legs finally give out and he flops onto his bed.

Fucking hell.

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

What kind of question is that? Do you not think you’re pretty? Do you care if he, specifically, thinks you’re pretty, or was it intended more generally? Very pretty, very beautiful. What does that even mean?

Levi may not be eloquent in the least, may not know how to confess that you make his every breath burn in his chest, but he does know how to paint. He stands up, wiping sweaty palms on his flannel pants and examining the painting on his easel. His mom stares back, her eyes sparkling, her hair tumbling over one shoulder in ebony waves. It had taken him the last few days to get the curls just right, and when he added the last highlights of shine, it’d finally felt complete.

“Sorry, mama,” he murmurs as he lifts her to set her against the wall under the window.

A new canvas procured from his closet finds its place on the easel. He sifts through his supply drawers for a moment, setting paints and brushes and charcoal neatly on his desk.

He takes a deep breath, situates himself in his wheelie chair, and leans forward to start sketching.

—

It’s 5 AM when you start screaming in a long, shuddering cry, causing Levi to jolt up in his seat, paintbrush poised over your left temple. It breaks off into sobs that make his gut twist and hands clench. A long moment, then you’re letting out another keening wail and Levi is out of his seat. Paint splatters from the brush where he drops it on his desk and his chair rolls back as he runs, ripping doors open and narrowly avoiding furniture in the dark.

You’re sprawled out, thrashing on the bed, sheets tangled with your legs. Levi sits on the edge of your bed, brows pinched in worry, and reaches for your shoulders. This is okay — he can touch you when you ask for his help. When you whimper and reach for him in your sleep, he can pull you close and smooth a hand across the planes of your back. It’s when you’re looking at him, all trusting and expectant for something, that he’s unsure.

He says your name, low and urgent, once, twice, before your eyes open mid-sob. They’re wide and terrified, your jaw tight, muscles clenched. “It’s me, kid, it’s just me,” he intones, “It was just a dream, you’re safe, it’s just me.”

Your heaving chest slows for a second, hitches somewhere in your sternum, and then you’re launching yourself forward and into him. He catches you there, steady against his chest.

“Breathe.” He sets an example with his own deep breaths.

It’s a long minute before he feels you relax at all, before he feels you sigh against his neck. Your arms are tight around his middle and you must be stronger than you look because after a while it starts to pinch. He doesn’t mind, though, just traces patterns on your back and stares at the pale wall.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He feels you shake your head.

“Do you want to go back to sleep?”

You hesitate before you whisper, “Only if you stay.”

Levi thinks about the wet paintbrush currently drying to his desk. He thinks about the mess of clothes on your floor. He thinks of the half-finished painting of you in his room. “Okay. I’ll stay.”

You pull back, and he gets a look at your face in the near-dark. Your eyes are still acutely haunted, but they’ve regained awareness. He lets you take a moment to wipe at your cheeks as he reaches to gently disentangle the sheets and spread them more carefully over your legs.

He looks up at you again to catch your sad eyes with his. Your head is tilted quizzically, knowingly, sympathetically all at once as though he were the one who just woke up screaming. It makes him itch.

“What’s that look for?” he grumbles, toeing his slippers off and tucking them under your bed.

“Nothing,” you hum. “Come here, please.”

He blinks at you for a second. That’s my line. But he goes, crawling into bed with you and slipping under the covers. He lets you tug his arm gently so that he’s on your chest. He gets comfortable there, one arm thrown over your waist and head rested over your heart. Your own arms find a home cautiously around him. You exhale with the grounding pressure of his body on yours and let your mind sink into calm release.

—

The knock on your door breaks your attention from your laptop. You sigh, finish typing your sentence, and push your blue light glasses up your nose before standing up to answer it.

You’re not expecting anyone, but maybe Levi is. He’s been holed up in his room all morning, Chopin drifting lazily under his door, probably studying. Like you’ve been trying to. The second series of knocks on your door makes you jog the last few steps to pull it open.

“Hi—” the greeting dies in your throat when you see who’s standing there.

“Hi,” Annie says. She’s standing, nonchalant as ever, in her winter parka and leggings, holding two to-go cups and a pastry bag.

“What?” It’s a breathless question, genuinely confused. It doesn’t harbor the animosity you would expect — you’re not sure you can feel anything other than queasy right now.

“I got your voicemail.”

You blink in confusion. She rolls her eyes and thrusts the to-go cups at you with a brief “hold these” before reaching into her pocket for her phone. You just stare at her while she taps and scrolls for a minute. She looks the same as before you stopped speaking: blonde hair tucked into a bun at the back of her head and hoodie peeking out of the collar of her jacket. Maybe a little more tired, though Annie always seemed to be tired.

She holds up her phone for you to hear as a voicemail starts playing and, to your further shock, your own tinny voice spills out. It sounds like you’re crying, and slightly muffled.

“Annie, hi, um, I know it’s late but I couldn’t think of anyone else to call, I just,” sniffle, “I know we’re not talking and I’m still mad at you, like REALLY MAD, okay? But I couldn’t think of who else to call and long story short I think I’m in love with Levi and he might’ve just rejected me but I just couldn’t tell—”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” you cut in across your own voice, stepping into the hall with her and toeing the door almost shut behind you. She stops the voicemail. “But why are you here?” You know why she’s here — Annie never backs down from anything, and you had started the conversation, even if you’d been drunk and high and half asleep and you don’t really remember doing it.

“You called, here I am. That’s what best friends do.” Her tone is even.

“Not best friends who fuck their best friends’ boyfriends,” you snap, anger finally bursting from your stomach and into your throat.

She closes her eyes impatiently, sighs, then looks at you again not quite pleadingly.

“Look, if you want me to leave, I’ll leave. But I’m here now and there’s more to the story that you aren’t aware of.”

“What else could there possibly be?”

“Let’s go for a walk and I’ll tell you,” she offers, then holds up the pastry bag. “I brought coffee and donuts. They’re jelly.”

Jelly donuts are your favorite.

You look down at the cups in your hand. You look back at her steady blue gaze. More to the story.

“Fine.” You turn and kick the door open a little too harshly. “Just let me get dressed.”

She follows you in, even though you don’t extend an invitation, and closes the door softly. You put the cups down on the coffee table and watch her sit in her usual spot on the couch to wait for you out of the corner of your eye. You scowl but say nothing.

It only takes you a minute to shuck off to pajamas and pull on jeans, a sweatshirt, and boots. You don’t bother with a bra.

You knock lightly on Levi’s door and call through, “I’m going for a walk, so make sure to lock up if you leave. I have my keys.” You jingle them as evidence and he grunts in acknowledgment. “Let’s go,” you turn and address Annie, who stands.

The walk down your street to the river is short and habitual, your feet carrying you while your mind races. You can feel the anger and hurt, visceral and stabbing, in your chest. But there’s also something tender there, too, something that acknowledges how you missed your best friend. Something that screams at you to tackle her to the ground and feel her stoic comfort. Instead, you shove your hands deeper into the pockets of Eren’s jacket and kick a pebble, sending it skidding down the sidewalk.

The pair of you reach the walking bridge over the river and pause at the railing. The sky is overcast, threatening a snowstorm. A car beeps downtown, reaching you distantly. Annie hands you a coffee and a donut. You lean against the railing and avoid her gaze.

“So. You wanted to talk. Talk.” You bite into the donut.

She sighs through her nose. “I know what you saw. We… we did kiss, but we didn’t do anything else. We never had sex.”

“Hmm.” A sip of coffee.

“I know you have no reason to believe me, but it’s the truth. I’m guessing you didn’t exactly listen to Reiner when you broke up with him?”

“I didn’t have time for his bullshit excuses.”

She breaks off a bit of her donut and stares at it contemplatively for a moment, “I know you don’t owe either of us anything, and this isn’t meant as an excuse, but will you listen to why, at least?”

You press your lips together, sneak a look into her devastatingly blue eyes, and nod. What harm can it do? And you have to admit there’s a large part of you that’s been wondering at the why, even if you’ve refused to hear it.

“Okay. Tell me why.”

She takes a deep breath and leans her elbows on the railing before starting to speak, low and pensive.

“I’ve known Reiner and Bertholdt a long time, since we were kids. We’ve always been this… this odd group. You wouldn’t think we were close if you didn’t know us. But it wasn’t always just us.” She pauses, looking distant. “Do you know Porco Galliard?”

Galliard… “He’s a sophomore on the lacrosse team, right?”

“Yeah. Do you know what happened to his brother?”

“He has a brother?”

“Had. Marcel. He was a year older than us but somehow ended up in our little group. And a couple of years ago, senior year of high school, we were all in a car accident. He was home on winter break and we’d all had a little too much to drink, and we convinced him to take us to Denny’s for midnight milkshakes. And, well, there was a winter storm coming in and it’d been freezing rain that week, and we crashed. Marcel died. It was… I hadn’t…” She pauses, tilting her head back to the sky, blinking away tears. “It was horrible.”

Your eyes have gone wide, cast downriver. You don’t know what you’d expected when you walked down here, but it certainly wasn’t this. It wasn’t Annie, only rivaled in her stoicism by Levi, choking back tears and wiping snot from her nose.

“Hey,” you start, voice gentler than it’s been all day. “You don’t have to—”

“No, no, I want to, just... give me a second,” she interjects, wringing out a hand. She takes a deep, purposeful breath.

“Okay,” you whisper, looking back out across the water.

“It, uh, it hit us all really hard, brought us really close together. That’s why we all ended up at school here, actually. It kinda made us realize that, like, time is limited, you know? We don’t have forever. And Bertl, he…” she smiles, watery and reminiscent. “When he asked me out, it felt like a long time coming. It was just about perfect. He felt safe and like home, and… well, you know how in love we were. But I could see that it alienated Rei, at least a bit. He tried not to show it, but I could tell he felt like a third wheel. He was already drifting away from us, still struggling with all this guilt.”

Your breath catches in your throat. That’s a familiar feeling. Guilt. And yet, you’d never noticed it in Reiner, apparently never got close enough to shine a flashlight into his darkest shadows. He’d always seemed so… sunshiney. You clearly hadn’t given him enough credit to dislodge the aura of jock frat boy he projects so brightly.

Soft dough squishes under your fingertips where you’ve resorted to playing with your food instead of eating it as Annie continues.

“And then he met you and fell in love so fast. I was so relieved, I mean, you and I were roommates and it was just perfect, right?” You look at her and see a flicker of hopefulness still there. “I thought maybe you two getting together would bring him back to us, that maybe we’d be alright after all. And at first, it did. But then you moved off campus for sophomore year and he started drifting away again, though he was at least anchored to you, this time. It scared me, it really did.”

She kicks the bottom of the railing lazily, as if to expend the sadness there rather than in her words. The first fat flakes of snow drift down around you. One dances away on your exhale.

“He’s so withdrawn, sometimes, in his own head, and I never know how to reach him there. I didn’t know if he had told you about Marcel, or anything, so I couldn’t go through you. I don’t… I didn’t know what to do, so I just... let it fester. That night, when we kissed, I hadn’t seen him physically for a month. It hurt.”

She looks at you imploringly, like the weight of everything she’s saying lies on deep hurt. You can relate to feeling as though there’s nothing but hurt and guilt and drifting.

“So I figured out where he was from his Snapchat story, abandoned my group project, and went over there to see him. I didn’t know what I’d say or do when I got there, just that I had to get him back, somehow. He was already plastered, you know how he gets, and he wasn’t listening to me, so I just… kissed him. I don’t know what I was thinking, I didn’t know you were there, I didn’t even know you saw until he called me the next day after you broke up with him to chew me out.

“So, long story short,” her voice breaks on a mournful, almost hysterical laugh, “I fucked up the three most important relationships to me in one night because I couldn’t use my words.” She wipes at wet cheeks, not looking at you. “So, um. Yeah, that’s the why, I guess. I don’t expect you to forgive me, or him, but I just… I needed you to know. It wasn’t like, this elaborate affair.”

You aren’t sure how to right your brain from the way it’s tilted off kilter. It’s so much, so different from what you’d built up in your head. There’s no conspiracy, no grand intention to break you.

Even with all this new information, what stupidly slips out first is, “Did he kiss you back?” You blanch, turn to her with wide eyes, “Sorry, that’s not exactly im—”

“No, it’s fine,” she meets your eyes. “He did kiss me back.”

“Oh. Okay, um…” you trail off, bite your lip. You don’t know what exactly to say. Your skin is tight with the urge to forgive her immediately and wholly, but logic holds you back. Now that you know the truth, you need time to heal and get some perspective. You straighten up from where you’d been slouching against the railing. “Okay. You’ve been honest, so I will be, too.”

She stands up fully as well, facing you with one hand on the railing.

“I don’t know how I feel right now,” you start. “I think I need some time and perspective. But, I… I can see now where I went wrong, too. I assumed the worst, didn’t let any communication happen.” You swallow down the lump in your throat threatening to choke your voice. “And, I wasn’t there for Rei like I should have been. I had no idea — no idea! — what he was going through.”

“Well, he didn’t exactly tell you—”

“And why is that?” Your voice breaks, squeaks with the question. “Did he feel like he couldn’t confide in me? Did I make it too much about me and my trauma? I wasn’t exactly shy about telling him my shit.” You take a long draw of coffee. “Anyway. I should probably talk to him, shouldn’t I?”

She nods. “He’d like that.”

You’re both quiet for a moment, watching the sparse snow flurry around you. Annie finally starts eating her donut.

“I’ve missed you,” you confess into the storm. “A lot.”

“I missed you, too.”

Your chest aches with both the cold air and the conflicting feelings of relief and regret.

“Why, uh… why didn’t you tell me all that stuff about Marcel?”

She leans on the railing again, takes a sip of coffee before answering. “I was still working through it. Still am, rather. I didn’t know how to bring it up, or that it was relevant.”

You hum, nodding. “I get that.”

There’s another silence, but it feels lighter, less charged. There are still questions bouncing around your mind, but you decide it’s better to process through them on your own rather than blurting out something stupid. Perspective.

“So,” she shoots you a look under blonde eyelashes, “what’s this about you being in love with Levi?”

“Aw, shit,” you laugh, leaning your elbows back on the railing and giving her an imploring look. “It really snuck up on me.”

“Is that so? Can’t say I’m shocked.” Her tone is dry, a little amused around the last bite of jelly donut. She wipes her fingers on her leggings and faces you. “And you think he rejected you.”

“Well, I…” you cringe, thinking back to last night. “He called me very beautiful.”

“Doesn’t sound like a rejection.”

“It was the way he said it! Like it physically hurt him to admit, and then he just ran out of the room,” you whine, scrubbing a hand down your face.

“I think that’s just his emotional constipation.”

You look at her sharply, mouth agape, to catch her eyes dancing and the corner of her lip curling upward slightly. “Annie!”

“What? I’m right.” She finishes off her coffee, tilting back the cup to catch the last dregs of it. “He likes you, or he’s an idiot if he doesn’t.”

You narrow your eyes in doubt, mirroring her half-smile. “Hmm. We’ll see.”

“Yes,” she promises, crumpling up the pastry bag in her fist and stuffing it in her pocket. “We will.”

—

(read part 6 here)

#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #aot fanfic #attack on titan fanfic #snk fanfic #shingeki no kyojin fanfic #female!reader #levi ackerman #annie leonhart #swearing #intoxication #painter's hands and guatemalan coffee #valkyrie writes

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majjiktricks · 3 years ago

Note

2, 5, 6, 10, 13, 21, 23, 24, 31, 33, 34, 42 48, 54, 64, 74?

god damn this took some thought... its 2am tho i'll blame my slowness on tired brain LOL

questions from this post!

2. First game you played? my first console was a ds lite so it had to be a game from that... i wanna say it was pokemon heartgold? that sounds right...

5. Game with the best soundtrack? this is SO hard... i love video game music very much... i can do top 3 maybe... pokemon b/w, stardew valley, the witcher 3. i would list ace attorney but i dont actually know what soundtracks go to which games because i always listen to series soundtrack compilations LOL

6. An underrated game from within the last few years? i genuinely dont think ive played anything recently released that hasnt gotten its due attention... most of the games i consider underrated are older or simply old enough to no longer get the attention they once did. if 2017 is "recent" then prey 2017. its a beautiful game with a good story and solid gameplay. i think it was overshadowed by other projects by arkane, but it still deserves attention.

10. Prefer PC or console? PC absolutely. i am much more comfortable with a mouse and keyboard than i am with a controller. that said, some games ARE significantly better played with a controller (yakuza, furi, hyper light drifter, etc)

13. Scariest game you've played? i tend to avoid horror games because i get little enjoyment out of being scared in a mental sense. i enjoy thrill rides and carnival games, but not thriller media, yknow? the scariest game ive ever played was prey 2017 by arkane studios because i didnt know it was a survival horror game when i bought it LOL

21. If you had to play one game for the rest of your life, what would it be? something multiplayer so i could do it with my friends and never run out of things to do. maybe ARK survival evolved, or minecraft. ive been playing overwatch since it first came out, so maybe that.

23. Favorite genre of video game? rpg or immersive sim i think. rpg because i love fantasy-scifi and those tend to come in the format of rpgs, and immersive sim because i LOVE it when you get to pick exactly how you get to accomplish your goals.

24. Ever cried because of a video game? i cant remember exactly. i probably have. the closest thing i can remember is being really emotional about the ending to yakuza 6, but i dont remember if i actually cried or not. tears of frustration, however, ABSOLUTELY.

31. Game with the best theme song? legend of zelda series. i cant think of a more iconic theme that works for any game of its catalogue.

33. Favorite female npc? my brain's immediate answer is mia fey. i cant explain exactly why but i love that lady very much. shes only around for a short time in the games but man. i also remember really liking josephine in dragon age inquisition, though its been so long since ive played it, i cant remember why.

34. Favorite male npc? i.. hmm. i like quite lot of them. to pick one? fenris dragon age. hes up there in the amorphous unranked blob of npcs i like.

42. A game you will never forget (in a bad OR good way)? borderlands 2. ive played that game so many times (of my own volition or not) that i have most of the story and quests memorized and can quote verbatim a decent number of lines if i encounter the scene theyre played it. i love the game to death, dont get me wrong, but i will likely not play it again for a looooong while.

48. A game you've always wanted to play but have never gotten to it? final fantasy and/or kingdom hearts. i read the kingdom hearts manga for a short time as a kid and was fascinated by it, but ive just never gotten around to picking any of them up.

54. A sequel you really want? a sequel to deus ex: mankind divided. i just wanna see adam jensen again... man deserves a proper ending to his story, and mankind divided was NOT it.

64. Describe your favorite video game using only three words. this requires me to establish a favorite video game... have you noticed i am bad at picking one-above-all favorites yet? hmmm. bodyguard's revenge quest.

74. Which game has the best lore? i cant speak for the "best" lore but for the lore i was the most invested in? probably dragon age. ive played all three games start to finish, read most of the lore in the games, and own almost all of the comics and one of the books.

#jazz noises #inbox #ask meme #coffeemakesmeahappybean

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