#this is NOT an invitation to hate on s3 to me

[lilacs-stash]

how do you feel about the ppl that love ii season 2 but hate invitational's guts?

I think they can't handle fun. I think they don't get that stories can be good without being the heaviest thing ever. Also just can't handle change. Yeah

[chainofclovers]

Beard/Rebecca/Ted, past Beard/Jane | M | 5500 words

.

A tale of self-loathing, sexual dysfunction, very good people, and what is sure to be the greatest summer ever. :)

.

The only reason Beard is awake this early in the morning is because Lavender is crying. It’s cool and dim in Rebecca’s bedroom, the perfect conditions for sleep, and he’s been deeply asleep until now. Even the crying layered over the slight electrical hum of the baby monitor is soothing in its familiarity, but Lavender gets louder almost immediately, upgrading from dissatisfied whimpers to a proper caterwaul...

[pwnyta]

Noble- lol kinda want an AU where that pink haired guy is Stones ex and Robotnik fucking hates him.

Me- LOL

Also me for the next few weeks-

--

I call this AU ''The Lost Prince (of Wendimoor)'' right? sketchy cover page concept-

If I had a nickle for every time I locked on on a doe-eyed, yearner played by Lee Majdoub in love(allegedly) with a 6'2'', red-tinted man who is a master at his craft from a series with world warping technology, a fucked up moon, and a child hero...

I would have 2 nickles etc.

ANYWAYS. The story is about Agent Stone who is secretly Silas Dengdamor. Somehow he got warped/trapped on Earth and had to rebuild his life since Earth is a far less forgiving place than the planet of Wendimoor and he had to accept that Panto might not be able to help him. BUT he finally managed to apply all the fighting skills taught to him by Wygar and eventually ended up in GUN which lands him in Robotnik's circle.

Little did he know Panto has been trying to find Silas this entire time, using warp rings to traverse the galaxy when the search for him on Wendimoor resulted in nothing. (Hes left the defense and care for the kingdoms to Litzi and Wygar)

Panto finally makes it to Earth after escaping some shenanigans on some other planet and in the chaos lost his warp rings somewhere. SO he too has been stuck on Earth which is fine for him because he was gonna be searching for Silas anyways. (He actually loses his rings on Earth and Sonic finds them and is a little concerned/excited for another alien to meet... I didnt draw any of that LMAO) ANYWAYS after nearly a decade Pantos search finally comes to an end.

(V Im putting the rest under the cut cuz theres a lot of doodles V)

Ivo doesnt share food, of course.

Panto can only tolerate so much.

A rock stuck between a hard and harder place bout to be ground into a fine DUST.

BETRAYAL!! (?)

SO ANYWAYS. something something Sonic shenanigans but before the final battle somehow Sonic and Panto meet... maybe like Panto sees the little pouch he kept his rings in and gets them back. Something... Panto returns to Silas (& Ivo) and tells them he has a way back home for them (he and Silas) but Silas hesitates and then cant bring himself to go... not when Ivo is watching them (TOTALLY NOT BOTHERED AT ALL. HES NEVER BEEN BOTHERED EVER IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE IN FACT). Panto understands and says he has 2 warp rings left (Sonic used a few to fuck around maybe IDK) and should at least visit Wendimoor because Wygar and Farson (and even his mother) miss him and he should get a proper good bye. Stone invites Ivo to Wendimoor... whether or not he goes to check it out IDK... I feel like might be curious enough but also maybe he'd think itd be too awkward IDK I DIDNT DRAW THIS PART BECAUSE I DONT KNOW.

When they get back shenanigans, Sonic v Ivo fight and Ivo ends up on the Mushroom planet. Stone insists on waiting for Ivo at Mean Bean and Panto stays with him and they reconnect nice and proper! Panto accepts his life of villainy as long as he can please Silas.

something something... S3 where Ivo is injured and is being taken care by mostly Stone... and Stone is being helped by Panto (Ivo rejects Pantos help at any given moment but also kinda feels bad about it because Stone has been running himself ragged.)

Some misc Stobotnik and Pantlas! doodles-

Panto doesnt understand SIlas' affection for Ivo but then after sorta getting to know the guy he starts seeing Ivos dumb way of kinda returning affection (something that Silas is a little blind to himself). BUT if Ivo is SO important to Silas, Panto will keep him safe.

Eventually Panto brings up the stuff between Ivo and Silas as well as Silas' love for the other man and Silas feels bad but Panto WILL share food... if it means so much to Silas. And frankly Ivo is a jackass and maybe wont even do anything so he wont have to bother worrying.

IVO STILL DOESNT SHARE FOOD.... (The food wasnt his to begin with BUT IT DOESNT MATTER.)

The only thing that keeps them from killing each other is the fact the person they care most about would be upset by it.

I thought WAY too hard about this and yet...

NOT HARD ENOUGH.

[xoxoemynn]

All these years later, 1x05 remains a top tier episode:

NOTE THE GUSTO

Ed standing Like That as Stede "loots" the books

Stede already sulking to his boyfriend that their prisoner doesn't find him scary and Ed immediately stepping in to give him some tips, setting Stede's heart and dick all aflutter

Flashbacks to Ma Teach, the five minutes of screen time that launched a thousand fics

Ed's expression when he holds the red silk!!

The way Ed's eyes get bigger and bigger as Stede tells him all the reasons he'll probably hate the party

Ed immediately inviting Frenchie along fuck yeah

LUPETE REAL

"Actually I think I'm just so-so, but I've decided to carry myself like I'm cute." ICONIC.

Jeff...the accountant.

Also a MOMENT for Ed in all his purple finery and his HAIR and the little bows in his beard!!!

What does a viceroy do? Whatever the fuck he wants, babe!

Ed's expressions throughout all the palpitations talk

THE FIRST PYRAMID SCHEME!!!!!

Fang blushing at being complimented for his stunning cheekbones

The way Stede kind of rolls his eyes when Ed begins showing off his musical abilities aklajdslkadja I love this dynamic so much and I wish we got to see more of it

Lucius and Fang's whole dynamic during the sketching scene

"They are such dicks about spoons."

Ed's adorable angry puppy face and little huffs

and the way Stede immediately goes "I'll handle this," hello dom Stede you are hot af

also again the whole Ed and Frenchie dynamic this ep it's so good it's all so very good I love this ep I gotta go dig up the meta

STARK REVELATIONS Stede Bonnet you fucking badass I love you

I own 'alf ze pyramid TEWWWW!!! genuinely makes me laugh every single time I love all the dramatics I love the flair it's so GOOD

That LOOK Ed gives Stede, he is FALLING IN LOVE WITH A PROPER MANIAC

Shout out to Abshir, I like to think that beloved Nigerian prince would have made it back to S3 somehow

"We're just not those kinds of people." BREAK MY HEART RIP IT OUT STOMP ALL OVER IT THEN WIPE IT UP WITH THE RED SILK PAINNNN.

YOU WEAR FINE THINGS WELL AND ALL THAT COMES BEFORE DURING AND AFTER OH MY GOD IMAGINE FALLING IN LOVE JUST LIKE THIS IMAGINE IT

And then we wrap it up with ANOTHER BADMINTON vowing to ride these cat bandits straight into hell?! IN WHAT OTHER SHOW DOES THAT LINE WORK SO WELL, THE *GRAVITAS* OF IT ALL, I AM ORDERING A BILLION MORE BADMINTONS FOR THE ROAD.

10/10 episode, sheer perfection, no notes. God I fucking love this show.

[sofixt0k]

If we are right, and we are, I believe in Byler because I was both.

I was Mike, I wasn't thinking about love until the girls around me stopped playing hide and seek and started talking about boys. Until they started asking me if I liked any boy. And I felt completely out of place with them, so I invited a love interest from a city where I had relatives, so I could tell them about him and seem normal. I was never homophobic, but I didn't think I could be gay until I was Ten (I invented this whole boy thing when I was eight/nine). I also started to act totally stupid for not being myself, I was an idiot when I was 11/12, I know I was pathetic, I wasn't myself, I was still trying to be normal in everyone's eyes. And it wasn't just about pretending to have feelings for boys anymore, it was about pretending that I didn't like certain things, like video games, youtubers, music, clothes, definitely... I thank the pandemic, because without it I would never (or maybe I would have arrived too late) have my moment to be with myself and find what I want.

And I was also Will, the fact that I realized at age 14 that maybe (definitely) I had feelings for my ex-best friend that I had from the age of five to eleven. How did it get to a point where I started to get stressed out because everyone around me only talks about love and there are only couples (maybe I'm still stuck in this and it still makes me feel out of place). As I literally said the same sentence "I'm not going to fall in love." ( I don't remember exactly if it was like that, sorry ), As I have also complained to certain people like Will did with Mike in s3/s4, and that my complaints NEVER had to do with love, what always mattered most to me was friendship. I've always felt like an oddball, and it's weird, you know? I've already graduated, I'm starting university this year, and at school I always got the best grades, the teachers loved me and I laughed with some colleagues, but that doesn't stop me from always, and maybe still... feeling like a mistake.

Sometimes it's inevitable not to want Byler to be endgame when I often see myself in them, in some way I hate anti-Byler when they say it's nonsense because I feel like they discredit me too.

I have suffered bullying, I have received homophobic comments, I have been teased for being a nerd, but I have long since accepted the fact that I was born to do it. I have let myself be consumed by my problems and thoughts and that has ruined me, since I do not talk about things with others (Mike) and I am disinterested with my feelings, and I only seek well-being of those I love (Will).

So yeah, I'm mad at the obsessive milkvans who hate the Bylers. There is already a LOT of "normal" straight teen content out there for you to relate to.

Stranger Things is literally about WEIRD THINGS, nerdy people, rejected people, people with family problems, people with personal problems, gays, machismo, heteronormality...

Byler is not about wanting two men to kiss and get married and adopt blah blah, it's not a fetish.

This is about a story. Byler is about being a Story. A story that many of us on the margins, including myself, can relate to.

And a story that will go down in history (excuse the redundancy), being portrayed as one of the most realistic versions of what "fitting in" and being "normal" means.

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @steddie-week.

Seen Nothing, Heard Nothing

Day #4 - Prompt: Trade | Word Count: 833 | Rating: T | CW: Steve's S3 Injuries, Spooky Vibes, Language | POV: Eddie | Tags: Canon Divergent S3, What If Eddie Crossed Paths With Steve and The Upside Down Sooner?, What If Steve and Robin's Run-In With The Russians Happened Just Bit Differently?

"Hello?"

Eddie freezes. Utterly fucking freezes. The stilted male voice that has come from somewhere around him sounds ethereal, floating. Like it's an echo. Bouncing through the trees. Like it might be right next to him, but also far, far away.

Ignore it. 

That's what his grandma always taught him. You've seen nothing, you've heard nothing. 

Mind your own business.

"Hello? Is somebody there?"

The voice is familiar, less creepy this time, but he can't place it. The familiarity doesn't mean safety, though. Mimicking known voices isn't at all unusual in the realm of weird, and it's best to not engage. Rule one: Do not invite anything of that world into your own world.

So, Eddie ignores it and keeps gathering up his stuff, acting like he's not in a hurry, even if his heart is hammering behind his ribs.

"I need some help."

Then he hears the rustling through the trees along the well-worn path, and his heart drops. It sounds like something is tromping towards him, getting loud and louder with every step. 

He slings his backpack over his shoulder, and takes three big steps away from the picnic table, away from whatever that thing is, without running. Not that he has anywhere to go. Not really.

That's the way out, and unless he wants to just stumble through the thick woods, getting lost, he's kind of trapped.

He's never felt scared here before, and he hates it.

So, he decides he'll just forge past whatever it is. Without acting like he's heard a damn thing.

He really hopes it's invisible. He can ignore noises, voices. But if he has to see something? He's gonna freak the fuck out and get himself disemboweled, for sure. He'll scream like a little bitch and freeze.

Then he'll run.

He just knows that about himself.

You've seen nothing, you've heard nothing. 

You've seen nothing, you've heard nothing. 

You've seen nothing, you've heard nothing. 

He keeps telling himself that as he walks up the path, trying desperately not to run. Hawkins is weird, but it's never been this kind of weird, as far as he's seen.

But this has scared the shit out of him.

"Eddie? Eddie Munson?" 

Eddie stills. That voice is closer, and crystal clear.

And definitely Steve Harrington. 

"Thank god. Dude, are you deaf, or what? I've been asking for your help for ten minutes. Goddamn."

Okay, not a monster.

Just a dumb jock.

Eddie wheels around, snarking, "What's the matter, Harrington. The big bad wolf take a bite out of ya?"

And the next words, the next bit of sarcasm, dies in his throat. 

Steve's face is wrecked. His body, too, Eddie suspects by the way he's limping along. Eye nearly swollen shut, covered in a dark purple bruise. He's missing a shoe.

And he's in a sailor suit. Like the ones from the ice cream shop in the mall. Does Harrington work there? Surely not.

Eddie drops his bag, and bounds towards him, "What happened to you? Who did this? Or what?"

Steve looks at him from his one good eye, and sways. 

"Robbin'," Steve says, and Eddie grips his shoulders, forcing him to back up until he can sit down on the bench of the old picnic table.

"Robbing? You were robbed?" Eddie asks, and Steve's mouth is swollen, too. Blood staining his front teeth, dried on his face where it came from his broken nose.

"No. Robin," Steve repeats.

"Who's Robin?" Eddie questions.

"Robin. Buckley."

"From band? Robin Buckley from band did this to you?"

Steve looks exasperated, and like he wants to cry at the same time.

"No. No. The Russians. She made a trade. I said no, I did, but she was scared, and I was…this," Steve says. "We have to go back. I just need help. They drugged me."

"The Russians?" Eddie asks, his eyebrows shooting up. 

Steve nods, "Under the mall."

"How'd you end up out here in the woods?" Eddie asks. Because he's a long way from the mall, even if what he's saying is true. That's on the other side of town.

"They dumped me," Steve says. "I think they thought I was dead."

"Well, you look it," Eddie says, and then regrets it. 

"We need to find Nancy Wheeler. She'll know what to do."

"Steve, are you sure this is really something that happened? And not just in your head after whatever accident you've clearly had?"

Steve sighs and holds his head in his hands. He's missing a fingernail, like it had been plucked right off. Like he was tortured.

Shit. Okay.

"Okay, okay. We'll go back. We'll find Robin."

Eddie isn't at all sure what he's agreeing to, but Steve can't do anything by himself. Not in this condition. They'll find Nancy Wheeler, and Eddie isn't sure what a little priss like her is gonna do, but whatever Steve wants, they'll try.

"Thank you," Steve breathes, and as sure as Eddie is that he'll regret this, he's in it now.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddie-week and follow along with the fun!

[etoilesombre]

Hi im a new here i finally watched black sails after someone convinced me. And im changed. I'm. Yeah. I'm not who i was before. It's a bizarrely good show?

I'm so so so glad that so many ppl on ao3 agree with me that flint and silver need to fuck. Have fucked. Will fuck.

This will be all i think about for the next month or so.

If you have fic recs do let me know. I'm in dire need.

Hi my friend and welcome to hell! It's the best, right? ("Month" is a HIGHLY optimistic estimate about how long this will consume your brain...)

So honored that you asked for recs! I don't think I've ever compiled a general list of favorites, I had a great time and I think I'm happy with the results. This is by no means comprehensive, and obviously HIGHLY reflective of my own tastes, which are... uh.. I am known to not enjoy nice things very much. I invite others to reblog with their own favorites. Here we go...

Notes: These are in vaguely chronological order. I'm including word count and brief descriptions so you know what you're getting into but no warnings or anything, that's all on AO3. They are all silverflint and all explicit (I think, there might be one or two 'mature' in there but, this is the they need to, have, and will fuck list.) I didn't include any of my own work because presumably that's how you found my blog so you're aware, but I do have a pinned list, and if you want recs for mine or to talk about any of these just message, I will talk about silverflint all day.

Overall Recommendations:

The Most Unexpected Things by forbiddenarchives (~20k words) I think this one is a great starting point. It is very.. fic flavored fic, if that makes sense, in a great way. Hits the spot. The author's description is "season 2 if everyone were 5000% hornier" and that is accurate. Note this is marked as unfinished, but the place it wraps up feels totally reasonable to me.

As Good as Gone by spinninginfinityboy (~5.5k words) Complicated hot weird semi-hate sex on the way to Charles Town. A thing with a Spanish Dubloon that is emblazoned on my brain forever.

Combat by equestrianstatue (~10k words) A two part series, which I think captures the push-pull early frenemies vibe of s1-2 perfectly. Also the writing itself is stellar.

All alone in a moonlit shanty by PrimalScream (4.3k) Celebrating a good day hunting, Flint gets very drunk and tells the crew a dirty story. Silver tries to put him to bed, but he has different ideas. By far one of the lighter things on this list.

after the winnowing by princesskay (~14k) Set after Silver loses his leg, early in his recovery. Silk pajamas, multiple orgasms and overstimulation as well as their usual codependent fuckery.

What It Feels Like Not to Hurt by Robotboy (~9k) Another recovery fic. As the author says, it's 9k of slowburn watersports but really it's about Silver's pain and autonomy and humiliation and. Just. Even if it's not your usual cup of tea it's hot, give it a try.

vigia by doomcountry (~3k) A short, perfect rendering of their dynamic during early s3 raid times. Heartwrenching character study, excellent porn.

The Sack of James Flint by princesskay (~107k) So, yes, this is a novel length sub!Flint cock and ball torture series. I would make the argument that it is one of the best character studies in the fandom, for real. Absolutely worth your time, but fuck, it hurts your heart as much as your captain's balls in the end.

Concurrence by ember_firedrake (~2.5k) Mid s3. The first time they call each other by their first names. Now, that's not actually a thing I think they do, but, good porn and lower angst.

appreciation by nysscientia (~8k) Flint cultivates a certain aloof persona, but Silver sees right through it, and eventually they kiss about it.

Don't Fear The Ships (Fear The Black) by Farasha (~10k) - Silverflint use learning to sail as a coded way to flirt and talk about feelings (and eventually they kiss about it).

A Ship Is A Republic by Robotboy (~20k) A slow burn fic set during the inter-season sword training times. Love this dynamic, this author does power bottom Flint and sub Silver so fucking well.

deliverance is ours by the light of the stars by piratecaptainraven (3.1k) Flint sees Silver and Madi together, and doesn't stop watching when he should. They don't technically fuck in this, but its SO much pining, and the writing is poetic and gorgeous.

frail and fragile bars by ajaxthegreat (~21k) Possibly the hottest thing I've ever read, this rewrote my brain chemistry. Slow burn-ish. It captures that late season love and dependence and resentment and power struggle.

Cold, Dark, Depraved by notfelix (~10k) When fucking fixes absolutely nothing. This hurts in a way that feels, to me, similar to canon. I hate it (affectionate).

Opportunist by anonymous (~6.1k) This was part of the kinkmeme event (see below) and it fucking changed me. If I recommend one fic and only one fic to process the ending, it's this. It's awful. It's necrophilia and light cannibalism. It's the only thing I can imagine happening after, if Silver actually shoots Flint on that island. It makes me feel bad in the best way.

hand in unlovable hand by brinnanza, Jaynovz (~9.9k) Affectionately known as the worst ending AU, this is actually a great followup to the last one. How Silver copes, after Skeleton Island.

Bonus: AUs. I don't generally read AUs, but these two worked for me, in very different ways that still felt very silverflint.

did the twin flame bruise paint you blue by Jaynovz (138k) Novel length mod AU where silverflint broke up, and we see their relationship along two different timelines, before and after. Toxic fucked up goodness, lots of BDSM dynamics, bonus silvervane! All set in NYC.

holy ghost fire by ajaxthegreat (~52k) Appalachia horror au! The author clearly knows the area, and silverflint is already a ghost story, so it works really well. If you've ever been there you'll know how right it feels, if not, just trust me.

extra bonus: fic event collections and rec lists

kinkmeme

built on sand

beach blanket black sails

@jaynovz has also compiled a number of much more specific rec lists, which can be found at #jay's esoteric rec lists

[bisexualbrainrots]

I just realized I did a thing for my 911 what if that could actually kill me (positive)

Like, I brought Sal back in like a guest role, he and Tommy reconnect in s2 after Tommy's out.

And throughout s3 there are bits and pieces of their friendship, simple things like going out for drinks, game nights, Tommy talks about him at work and stuff.

And so, Sal met a woman, Gina, in s2 and by the end of s3 he announced to Tommy that they're getting married. Tommy is happy.

And like, in s4 they send the invitations and Sal personally tells Tommy he added a plus one for him just in case, asks if there's someone *raised eyebrow* and Tommy's just like *nervous laughter* 'cause there is but technically there isn't someone (Does casual sex with your coworker who you used to hate but now you don't know how you feel about him counts?).

So, one night after they have sex Tommy simply blurts out the question, and Buck is like confused but also interested. They talk about it and he agrees to go.

Cute wedding shenanigans, Tommy tears up during a speech he made while Buck looks at him like 🥺, they have a dance, get a little (too) horny, and obviously have sex.

And Buck and Tommy are still in this messy casual secret fling that nobody can know about. And they're still idiots about it.

Edit: because I thought more about it.

And also, Tommy asks Buck if he doesn't mind kissing or dancing in public since well they're still a secret. Buck asks if there's anyone that knows them and besides Sal and maybe Gina, nobody does.

So, this turns out to be the first time they get to do things out in the open and don't have to hide or be in areas where nobody knows them.

And if they look at each other's eyes when they're slow dancing and feel *something*, they don't talk about it.

[williamwheeler]

"santana, too mean. kurt, too controversial. mercedes, i've said it before, i'll say it again: lazy b-o-n-e-s. the clear winner is rachel."

insane that what jesse says in funeral – which is framed as him being an asshole who just wants rachel back – is what the narrative will punish these characters for in season 3.

santana is too mean. nothing new here. it's true that she was being awful to finn. so, really, she had it coming when finn decided to Fight Back by... outing her to the entire school. which led to her being outed to the entire state. but really it was santana's own fault for being such a meany. so finn gets to sing girls just wanna have fun and all is good again. what the hell, sure.

kurt is too controversial. always has been. the gay kid who dresses weird and has a high voice, who can't pass for straight. he tries out for tony (a role he needs for his college application just as much as rachel needs maria) but, despite being talented, he's just too controversial. so he tries again and this time he actually gets laughed at, both by his peers and by his educators. kurt's special, a unicorn, and while that will always be his greatest strength it will also be something that prevents him from getting the songs he wants, the roles he wants. and he just has to accept it.

mercedes is too lazy, apparently.

it's funny that in night of neglect the explanation of Why is mercedes not as much of a star as rachel is that she's not assertive enough. which is just. not true. ever since day one, mercedes has been the one who most frequently challenges rachel for solos. but, unlike rachel (most of the time), she is willing to put her feelings aside and be a team player. she doesn't hog the spotlight all for herself, and she doesn't storm off when things don't go her way (until s3 and she is Immediately kicked off the club.)

but fast forward just a couple of episodes to funeral, where mercedes is being undeniably assertive ("don't bother warming up, rachel. i'm going to wrap this thing up like a christmas present.") so the reasoning for why mercedes isn't as big of a star as rachel – that jesse actually changes to her not being a star at all – turns into her being lazy. which comes out of nowhere really. (really, what other explanation is there for this other than mercedes being black and overweight.)

and then season 3 starts off gaslighting us that "mercedes can't dance" and "mercedes is lazy" and "mercedes is uncooperative" by having her showing up late and complaining or not showing up at all to booty camp. she gets yelled at by mr schue. as it's all over shows, she feels alone and like everyone is against her. and i can't blame her for that since no one stands up for her (and it's been years and i'm still upset at how much kurtcedes was abandoned in favor of hummelberry. just let him have more than one friend jesus christ.)

meanwhile, "the clear winner is rachel" is basically the tone for the season. rachel gets maria even though she admits mercedes was better. rachel gets to be prom queen. rachel gets into nyada despite butchering her audition because of her solo at nationals (and imagine that everyone that failed their audition invited carmen tibideaux to see them perform again, would she go? insanity.)

this isn't me saying i hate rachel and that she doesn't deserve good things happening to her. but one of the things that made me fall in love with her was her ambition and her willingness to dust herself off and get back up after failing – she knows she's talented and she won't give up until everyone knows it too. so, to have her being coddled and getting everything handed to her leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

in conclusion, season 3 sucks.

[inspireland]

Some considerations after some shit I've seen on here and on twitter in the last few weeks.

As usually happens, people end up derailing important conversations towards extremes because they just can't help scratch that self-righteous itch, thus missing the crux of the problem in the long run and creating useless fandom tension when we should be presenting a united front on such serious problems.

The way Assad has been treated by AMC should be criticized openly and vocally. It's racism, evidently so. That's not debatable. Yes, s3 is gonna be Lestat-centric because they follow the books, but s3 isn't here yet and the blatant exclusion of Assad from... well, everything until now, unfortunately, should not be ignored. Trying to dismiss the issue is shady af - you're either naively ignorant (in which case, stop talking about a topic you know nothing of and wake up, it's 2025) or you're racist (in which case, you have no place here, in the fandom of a show full of amazing, IMPORTANT poc characters. Idc about book!canon character palette, this conversation involves the show and Assad specifically.)

That said, the way some people dress their hateful vitriol towards Eric/show DM/DM shippers, by using this issue specifically, is also despicable. Threads/posts start with a good point about the issue and by the end, it's obvious that whoever wrote them actually had beef with the above mentioned and wanted a "justified" reason to talk shit, while simultaneously framing any valid criticism of their absurd behavior as supporting the racism AMC has been displaying towards Assad and partaking in fetishizing him.

That's ultimately deflecting from the cause instead of helping it.

I've been in fandom long enough to see all those behaviors repeat again and again and again and it's so tiring and unproductive.

At the end of the day, I invite all reasonable Assad/Armand/DM/iwtv fans in general to ignore such polarizing voices, be them on one extreme or the other, when they're screaming into the void seeking attention, and to address them instead when they're pushing their hateful rhetoric in public spaces, thinking they're doing someone a favor.

But most importantly, I invite you all to focus on supporting Assad, first and foremost, because the way his presence has been erased is concerning beyond just the future of the show. It's a symptom of a larger issue of racism in media, another instance in a long list of such mistreatments.

P.S.: Before anybody comes with "is this about x post/tweet/person", please, I'm too old for this shit - as previously mentioned, this is me having a think after a long string of vitriol I've read on here and mostly twitter, with a sprinkle of tiktok comment sections. My memory is too shit to remember who said what and I honestly don't care, so it's not taking a dig at anybody specifically, although if you feel targeted in some way, I invite you to pause and also have think about what I've addressed. I'm not here to play games, I just needed to take this out of my head and the only reason I'm posting it here is because the other two platforms suck in terms of long-text format. Also, English isn't my mother language and I'm dead tired because capitalism, so if I fumbled wording/grammar, I apologize. I'm posting this without giving it a read so hopes and prayers.

[calderacitylovers]

Zutara SlowBurn FanFiction: Personal Favs, part I

·        I AM STILL HERE by owedbetter Published: 2017-10-09 | 77K words | 7 Chapters

After the Last Agni Kai K heals Z with the help of bloodbending. Very sweet.

 ·        THE SUMMIT by AJLenoire

Chronicles post-war years, as Gaang and other characters gather for annual summits to keep peace and build relationships between the Four Nations. Katara yearns for a bigger purpose than the Avatar’s companion and slowly grows into a shrewd diplomat. Very sweet slow burn ZK story. Has mature scenes.

 ·        CLOTHE ME IN SEASONS, DRESS ME IN SNOW by sadladybug Published: 2015-01-05 | 62K words | 7 Chapters

Follows old Zuko as he reflects on his life and what would have been if he kept Katara closer. Absolutely beautiful, but also a devastatingly heart-breaking story about loss and pain.

 ·        SILENT DECLARATIONS by Megara Pike (Megara_Pike) Published: 2021-01-20 | 2,6K words

A short story based on animation by Hayley Wong. Z finds K asleep in her study and carries her to bed. Very sweet, gentle story.

 ·        COVERED IN YOU by evergreenonthehorizon Published: 2021-04-02 | 55K words | 14 Chapters

Eight years after the war Z convinces K to take on a role of a Southern Water Tribe ambassador in the Caldera city. Both are completely clueless about each other’s feelings. Features political talks, big gestures, and a ball. Very cute, sweet slow-burn story. Has mature scenes.

 ·        TEN STRIDES IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION by evergreenonthehorizon Published: 2021-04-03 | 29K Words | 12 Chapters

A collection of short stories filling in the gaps between some of the events of ATLAS3 and up to the Last Agni Kai. Features accidental cuddling, embracing in the rain, sharing a bed for warmth, post-Ember Island Theater discussions, being discovered, waiting to be kissed, Suki & Katara being good friends, battle plans, Zuko & Sokka getting drunk, slow burn & angst. Very sweet.

 ·        THE SWAY OF THE SUN by TheBlackBriarSparrow Published: Published: 2019-10-14 | 102K Words | 27 Chapters

Two years post-war Gaang reunites in Caldera city for a secret party in honor of the overworked Fire Lord’s birthday. Rebels attack the palace setting a thrilling consequence of events in motion. Adventures, investigations, and fights ensue. Z & K work together and enlist old friends to help find missing people. Beautiful slow-burn story with an exciting plot.

·        A WARM EMBRACE by ewinkie Published: 2020-10-06 | 19K Words | 7 Chapters

An ATLAS3 rewrite from Southern Riders to the Last Agni Kai. Katara and Zuko have to hide in a cave following their encounter with Yon Rha. Comforting turns to cuddling, which turns to waking up on Appa's tail in each other's arms. Katara is shocked at how comfortable she is. Zuko is shocked that Katara doesn't hate him for it. Features sharing a bed, being discovered, slowburn, and lots of teenage silliness.

 ·        FOLLOWING BLUE by Boogum Published: 2018-11-07 | 39K Words | 10 Chapters

ATLA S2 rewrite. After Katara falls from Appa’s saddle during a pursuit, the Blue Spirit becomes her reluctant companion and helps her reunite with her friends. Ba Sing Se scenes are completely rewritten, and Z ends up joining the Gaang much earlier. Thrilling beginning, sweet middle, average ending.

 ·        ANOTHER WORD FOR ALCHEMY by FanPanda13 Published: 2014-08-19 | 108K words | 24 Chapters

Five years post-war Aang summons old friends for a summit and invites them on a trip to investigate mysterious locations where he experiences loss of bending. Features Gaang setting Z & K up, travelling on Appa like in the olden days, lots of sparring, royal courting, magnificent navy ships & war ballons. Thrilling story with fun banter between old friends. Slowburn, mature content.

 ·        CONSUME ME WITH FIRE, FLOOD ME WITH DESIRE by Dacamia Published: 2020-08-14 | 86K words | 24 Chapters

Steamy ATLAS2 and ATLA S3 rewrite. Z & K accidentally meetup on their way to Ba Sing Se and decide to travel together. Features aged-up characters, lots of intimate scenes, staying in a beautiful cave, helping villagers, betrayal in Ba Sing Se, reunion, forgiveness, etc. Explicit mature content.

 ·        ROOTS AND WINGS by zukoscomet Published: 2020-08-14 | 250K words | 25 Chapters

A series of short stories of Z & K as they grow closer, confess their love for one another and start a family.

 ·        THOSE WHO FAVOR FIRE by hiwasseelane Published: 2021-05-02 |29K Words | 13 Chapters

An ATLAS3 rewrite. Sweet, teen-appopriate.

Here’s a link to Part II of my personal favs.

Here’s a link to Wholesome Zutara Short Stories.

[buddiebeginz]

In the middle of a rewatch right now and I'm at s4. I know what I'm about to say is unpopular because I've had people angry at me before when I've made posts about it but I feel like one of the characters who the show and fandom too often treat like they can do no wrong is Maddie. I love her and I especially love her relationship with Buck but there are some storylines with her that forever drive me crazy.

I think all of the characters have made mistakes at different times that's part what I love about the show. That all of the characters are relatable and we've watched them grow and change and have to really deal with the messes they make.

Maddie though I feel often gets a pass because of what she dealt with from Doug or because she essentially had to raise Buck.

In s3 Maddie used her position at the call center to stalk a woman. To lie to her and pretend to be her friend so she could try and save her from her life. I get that a big reason Maddie did this is because she wasn't in a good headspace after what happened in s2 with Doug but it was still all kinds of messed up. She even lied to Chim about it. Sue at the call center tells her she needs to go talk to a therapist and Chim calls her out for lying but for the most part no one makes a big deal about it even after she continues to get involved in that woman's life.

My bigger issues with Maddie though are connected to Buck. In s4 Maddie finds out Buck is going to therapy and he won't really tell her why. She gets worried about him and decides without telling him to not only tell her parents that he's in therapy but to invite their parents to come for a visit. Which I found to be so thoughtless. Whatever relationship Maddie might have with her parents it's clear they didn't have that with Buck. You can tell that by the whole baby box thing.

She should have asked him before talking about his private business with parents Buck wasn't even in contact with. She definitely should have talked to him before inviting them to LA. He should have had the option to not see them if he didn't want to. If you watch 404 when Maddie tells Buck their parents are coming he talks about how it's basically too late to do anything about it now. How Maddie waited until they were already almost there to even tell him they were coming. Maddie also talks about how Buck had been in Texas (for the Lone Star crossover ep) so she literally waited until he was away and had no ability to voice his opinion on them coming.

Even worse than just bringing the parents there is that Maddie kept Daniel a secret from Buck, long after both of them had moved out of their parents house. Like I could understand her not really having a choice when they were little and both still living at home. And I know Maddie had a lot going on with Doug for a while but when she came to LA she should have found time to sit Buck down and talk to him about their brother. Instead she decides to tell Chim before she ever tells Buck and lets Buck find out accidently.

I know some have argued that she was just trying to protect Buck but I'm sure she would have wanted to know if she was in Buck's position. Also keeping Buck in the dark about the truth of his own life and family for his entire life isn't protecting him it's just being cruel.

I will always hate how the show handled all of this stuff with Buck because I think he deserved to be angry at least for a little bit with Maddie and he deserved to be able to tell her how her keeping this from him made him feel and the show didn't give that to him. I'm not saying I didn't want them to make up of course I did and I love their relationship but I wanted some accountability from Maddie and the show never gives that.

[penguinlife]

This insomnia is killing me.

This is totally my opinion. I strongly believe that Nic believed Luke and the dancer had broken up in NY. They did hook up on the WT, I believe she was under the impression that A was confused and that Luke had given her the wrong idea that they were more serious than what they were. Leading to all the mixed messages answers.

A resurfaced at the London premiere, and I still believe it was orchestrated by his sister Lauren.

Now, before the cray cray, Luke haters misunderstand me. Luke has some issues. He is truly a nice guy. And with nice guys, they tend to get into situations because they are trying not to hurt people.

He and Nic put some distance between them after the WT. It is easy for them to compartmentalise. Their feelings are just their characters spilling over.

The throwaway comment that Nic made about her being a 7 haunts me. It presents as low self-esteem. She knows she is a good actress, and she is happy to receive compliments when it has to do with her work, but she hates it when people comment on her appearance, good or bad. I might be projecting here, but it makes sense to me. Every time she gets recognised for anything, she pivots to someone or something else.

She loves Luke and cherishes his friendship. I think she sees it to be all that it could ever be. I have been in a similar situation. Again, I might be projecting.

He and A rekindled their relationship over the summer but parted ways again just before S4 filming kicked off. By this time, Nic's walls were up.

After the new year, A again reapeared, this time at the family funeral. Again, I think Lauren was the person who invited her. Luke and Nic have been on a filming break. Similarly to the one they had in Nov/Dec last year. My guess is about a month. During this time, he and A started hanging out again.

This brings us to the SAG awards. I have a feeling A was going to be at least at the afterparty, but something last minute changed.

From the SAG awards red carpet, it did seem like it was coming more from Luke's side. Nic was more reserved. But their feelings for each other are real, and they can't hide it. Nic's walls are still up to protect herself. Yes, in my opinion, it was an overcompensation to follow A. Saying in a way that she won't let anything happen between her and Luke because, look, she is now friends with A. Also, I believe subconsciously she is forcing Luke's hand, claim A, make it official.

Now, I don't believe he will claim A. Actually, the opposite will happen. He believes himself to not be a pushover, unlike his character Colin. Because he is a truly nice guy, he acts out in a way that only hurts himself. Like how he took A to the Boss One event and the BAFTA afterparty. Someone most definitely in his team advised him against it.

Luke and Nic will be back on set tomorrow, and I believe they will confront what has happened.

Side note: Luke respecting S3/Polin/Nicola by not bringing A into the light has done what I thought it would. He has gained a lot of positive attention. He was essentially just part of the ensamble nominations, but he was as highlighted as Nic by all the major accounts. Yes, their interaction helped. But essentially, they only hugged each other. In of it self is super harmless and on the surface meaningless. It was the authenticity of the moment that made it blow up.

I listened to the Nikki Glaser episode of Armchair expert with Dax and Monica on my walk yesterday. She famously made a comment about Taylor Swifts weight, which was included in Taylor's documentary. She reflected on how it was 100% on herself. She was projecting as she was struggling with various forms of eating disorders. She was jealous of Taylor, one for wanting to look like her and two for wanting to be her friend. She apologised to Taylor, owning what she had said. Taylor graciously accepted the apology.

I so resonated with what Nikki was saying. I gained quite a bit of weight in my 20s&30s because of some health issues. Not having the funds to see specialists. I have always been told I was pretty. Sinse from a very young age, but when my late father made a comment a few years ago that it is a shame that I gained so much weight, I am no longer pretty, shook me to my core. I never thought I was pretty. But I suddenly realised I was being treated differently.

Covid happened, I got retrenched and received a really nice settlement. Could finally afford that specialist, psychologist, and dietician. 12 months later, and I am back to what I weighed at university. It has been hard work. Commitment and determination. No excuses and being extremely hard on myself.

Something inside me has shifted. I used to be body positive. All bodies are beautiful and have value. But lately, I find myself thinking very harsh thoughts. When I see someone who is overweight, I judge them. If I can do it, so can they. Why are you not taking care of yourself. Your health is the most important. If you could just stop eating takeouts or sugar. This is me 1000% projecting. It is my own issue. I miss eating nice food. I miss having to just sit and watch movies. Not exercise. Sometimes walking 5km is absolute torture. Everything hurts. My energy is at 0. Every step is extreme effort. But I am being so extremely hard on myself that I just hate on everyone who gets to not do it. I can admit that. I don't go and speead that toxicity on other peoples posts.

These people hating on NIc or Luke, you are telling on yourself. It is not on them. We don't know them. We make assumptions and guesses, but at the end of the day, we only see glimses of them.

Before making that nasty comment, reflect. Are you projecting, assigning labels, and judging what is on the surface?

[juxtaposed-nerd]

aapi heritage month headcanons pt. 3 !!!

just in time for s3 of dndads, let’s get into it! this one will probs be a lot but so much has happened in the past year 😭

- taylor LOVES chinese new year, he looks forward to it every year as the favorite (only) child and he eats all the dumplings he could ever eat and gets tons of red envelopes

- cassandra and morgan become best friends/mother-daughter relationship vibes post-doodler, like they are the most badass and cool women in the world and i do think taylor grows to love morgan so much and even though his relationships with nick/glenn are strained, at least he has the best mom and grandma

- as a voice actor for anime/cartoons i think cassandra really did fall in love w the art of anime and i’d love for her to guest at a con (make her the j michael tatum of her world PLEASE) and taylor gets a free ticket to weeb out as much as he wants <3

- in my heart glenn is trying his best, like he really wants that closeness (haha) and i think now post-doodler it's like literally what started as a father/son duo of him and nick now is genuinely a huge (kinda fucked up) family that is trying to mend itself and i do think it starts with chinese takeout !!!

- sidenote i think the close/foster/swifts etc are a great example of how freddie has subverted asian stereotypes fr and also how a family stuck in an absent/neglectful cycle has the ability to come together again

- the mending includes hermie too, hermie definitely deserves something more in his life and the chance get to be a kid w a home in the form of a big family w his bio dads (his normal parents are invited too) (and i also love the idea of normal being like 'grandpa henry! this is the guy!' and hermie being an honorary oak would be so cute 😭)

- hermie went and saw joy ride (2023) bc it was marketed as a comedy and came out bawling his eyes out from that one scene y’all adoptees know what im talking about

- tbh thinking about taylor's closeness w his mom and francis's w kimon wan literally asian moms are holding this show together

- the farnsworth’s are thai and german and they came to peachyville at a young age to give their newborn son a better life very starting nuclear family vibes, ed definitely learned thai for her, and now their son is a bowling champ!

- francis farnsworth and taylor swift are lowkey the spectrum of asian upbringing where it's like midwest asians vs socal asians 😳🤭 they live in different worlds

- kimon wan is an immigrant mom just trying to raise her family and her damn son wont stop being a loser 🤦‍♀️ literally milf w a shotgun (ed is a lucky man FR) (sorry anthony burch)

- when francis is having a really tough day then kimon wan will leave a plate of cut up fruit at his door so he knows he's still supported

- luo's golden wok is the first and only chinese restaurant in peachyville and they have to have the best pepper steak ever im calling it now

- tony collette would love and hate both jodie and glenn i think for different reasons but instead of calling them formosans he’d call them orientals 💀

- also tony collette is 0.0001% asian (chinese) and tyrus luo either DEFINITELY knows which is why he puts up w all the bullshit tony does or tony is determined to make sure that tyrus NEVER finds out ever

- they have a 'throwback' silent movie night at the drive-in and they show a meryl streep film and literally everyone falls in love w him 🥰

- billion millions was a crazy rich asian and he was an icon

- once again they mean the world to me! might end up posting more at some point who knows lol

-

checkout past headcanons: 2022! 2023!

[queen-haq]

Fic: Never You, Part 13 (Polin, Rated R)

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that’s more your jam

Chapter 13

The gardens were empty, giving Penelope the opportunity she needed to sneak into the Bridgerton house through the back.  She made her way inside and up the staircase, exercising caution so she wouldn’t be caught. Normally the house would be bursting with servants in every corner but the staff were busy with the dinner party Lady Bridgerton was hosting tonight. Fortunately for Pen, the dining room was on the first floor in the east wing and in the opposite direction of where she was heading.

As laughter and conversation flowed in the air, she couldn’t help but feel sad. In the past she would have been invited as Eloise’s guest and they would have spent a joyous evening laughing and gossiping together. Now she was no longer welcome, and the loss of their friendship was a gaping wound in her heart. 

Throughout the years Penelope had always admired and cherished Eloise, because her best friend was never afraid to speak her mind. Eloise didn’t care about convention or societal expectations, and Penelope had always been in awe of that kind of confidence. While Eloise probably wouldn’t agree, Penelope recognized that a large part of her friend’s strength and independence was borne from the unconditional love provided by the Bridgertons. Penelope hadn’t been that lucky, and consequently, was forced into the shadows – until Whistledown gave her the freedom of anonymity to speak her mind. Unfortunately Eloise wasn’t willing to listen or understand her reasons, and Pen suspected her friend never would. Maybe in the past Penelope would have simply ignored all of that and still begged to reconcile with Eloise, but over the past few months she came to realize it wasn't enough. 

Penelope was at the end of the hallway when she heard voices coming up the stairs. Immediately, she ducked into the library. After so many years of playing hide and seek in the house, this room in particular, she was familiar with many of the noises of the floorboard including the creak just outside the library door. That’s how she knew someone was coming in behind her. With quick steps she hid behind one of the shelves, choosing a spot that still afforded a partial view of the front to avoid being surprised. Her hopes of the intruder being a maid were dashed as soon as she spotted Eloise entering the library. Wearing a silver-blue dress, her hair up in a chignon, Eloise looked lovely as usual. However, it was the concerned expression on her face that caught Pen’s attention. Deep in thought Eloise paced the floor, wringing her hands together.

Something was wrong, Pen realized it instinctively. Was Eloise in trouble? Did something happen? Her first thought ran to the Queen. Had she threatened Eloise again? Panic surged through Penelope, only to be caught by surprise when Cressida came in abruptly.

Instead of exchanging greetings, Cressida and Eloise simply stared at one another. No words were shared. The energy between them was palpable, their attention locked on each other.  

Penelope was used to a sneering Cressida, always ready to disparage and cut others down to tears with her sharp words and insults. Yet the expression on the blonde’s face was now a complete contrast to the smugness she usually wore. There was vulnerability there, tenderness even. And Eloise appeared just as shaken, heavy emotions shining in her eyes.

“I didn’t think you would attend tonight,” Eloise spoke, her voice uncharacteristically fragile.

Cressida inched forward. “I couldn’t stay away.”

The air cackled with intensity. A strange feeling came over Penelope, reminding her of the butterflies fluttering in her stomach whenever Colin looked at her.

Cressida swayed forward, her movements tinged with a hesitation that was unlike her. The distance narrowed between them until Cressida was nestled right against Eloise, cradling Eloise’s face with a lover’s intimacy. Then, her lips closed over Eloise’s.

Penelope froze, unable to move. She blinked repeatedly, wondering if the scene in front of her was a figment of her imagination. How was this possible? This couldn’t be… could it? Ladies kissing ladies? Eloise kissing Cressida? How?

A multitude of emotions flooded over Penelope, her brain trying to make sense of what was happening. Arthur had once mentioned a male friend who harbored romantic love for another man and the thought had astonished her. Never exposed to such a thing before, she had been so curious and prodded him for more information - but he’d been reticent to divulge more. Despite that, it hadn’t occurred to her that women could also feel love and lust for other women. In hindsight, Penelope felt silly for not recognizing that inevitability. If men could, of course women could as well.

But why did Eloise have to feel that for Cressida? The same girl who had taunted and belittled Penelope for so many years. Anyone else – anyone – and she would have been so very happy for her best friend but not with Cressida. The betrayal was potent, akin to a punch in the stomach. And yet it was clear from where she stood whatever was happening between Eloise and Cressida had nothing to do with her. Their embrace was too sensuous and emotional for it to be a ruse. Which was perhaps worse, because it meant whatever Eloise felt for the other woman was true and sincere.

Suddenly Eloise pushed Cressida away, her breath labored. “Stop! We can’t. You know we can’t.” Her voice cracked as she turned away, clutching her chest. Penelope spotted all the conflicting emotions flit across Eloise’s face and her own heart ached for her best friend.

“Please leave,” Eloise ordered.

Cressida tried to reach for her but Eloise moved away, still refusing to look at her.

For the first time Penelope felt a wave of sympathy for the blonde, seeing the pained expression on her face. She knew firsthand how excruciating the anguish of rejection was. In the blink of an eye, however, the icy glare returned to Cressida’s face and she was fully composed again. “I will see myself out.” She walked to the door and left, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Eloise stood there, her eyes closed, and Penelope debated how to approach her. There was no doubt Eloise would be furious but Penelope had to console her friend, she couldn’t stand the thought of Eloise in agony. Before she could make a move, Eloise swiped the tears from her face and headed for the door to exit the library, leaving Penelope alone again.

***

Later that night Penelope was waiting in Colin’s chamber, growing weary. The whole purpose of sneaking into the Bridgerton home was so that she could speak with him but that had been hours ago and he had yet to come up. At first she had assumed he was lingering downstairs with the remaining guests, but then she covertly watched the guests leave and knew the party had ended. Did he even attend the dinner party? She didn’t know. All she could do was wait, which allowed her to ruminate on what she witnessed in the library.

Her heart sympathized with Eloise, pondering how isolating it must have been for her friend. She knew what it was to be looked down by the ton, how ostracizing it felt when you didn’t fit in with society. And being in Eloise’s position and loving someone who was forbidden? Another woman? The ton would flay her alive and Penelope’s heart shattered at the thought.

She closed her eyes, falling back on Colin’s bed. The sheets smelled like him, filling her senses and assaulting her with memories of him. The way his eyes darkened when she looked at him, the intensity on his face when she touched him - just the thought of him was enough to excite her. She loved him with everything she had, and he made her feel emotions that both thrilled and terrified her in a way no one else could. Was that how Eloise felt? Madly in love and frightened out of her mind? Or was it simply lust? Men were capable of intimacy without emotion, it was the very reason why brothels existed, but didn’t that mean women were too? What if the relations that existed between Eloise and Cressida were just physical? That was possible, wasn’t it?

She closed her eyes, feeling tired and exhausted. Where was he? It was clear he hadn’t attended the dinner party, or he would have returned to his chambers by now. That meant he was out elsewhere for the evening, and the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach led her to suspect he was at a brothel. Where else would he go so late at night if not there? Her eyes flew open, the anger rushing through her so furious and intense that it took every bit of resolve she had not to scream and rip the room apart. How could he? How could he do that? It was only yesterday he had been in her home proposing to her, and today he was already pursuing the company of harlots!

It was then she heard the door jostle open. She sat up, watching Colin enter the room, close the door behind him, and stop in his tracks instantly upon spotting her. His hair was unkempt, the top buttons of his blue shirt undone and his sleeves rolled up, coat dangling from his fingers. Their gazes locked. They inhaled each other in, as if they hadn’t seen one another for an eternity despite only seeing each other yesterday. She was used to feeling entranced around him, always seeking his presence in a crowd and stalking him silently from her corner. Did he feel the same way about her?

“I’ve had this dream often, except you’re always naked in them.”

The words were a seductive purr, soft and practiced, not revealing any signs of intoxication. Did that mean he was fully sober when he was whoremongering? Knowing he made such a decision with his rational mind rattled her to the core. “I don’t doubt it. Considering your rakish behaviour, I’m sure your mind is quite busy conjuring dreams of many women.”

His eyebrow quirked up, dark blue eyes gleaming with amusement. “You sound jealous, Pen.”

She stood up. “Where have you been?”

Dropping his coat to the ground, he sauntered towards her. His gaze held her captive, forcing her to look up at him when he came to a stop directly in front. “Are you asking me that as a friend or as my betrothed?”

“Your response would be different depending on who asked? Who would you lie to?” She tore her focus away from him, shaking her head. “Don’t answer that, it doesn’t matter. I’m leaving.” She walked over to the settee to pick up her cloak but he followed behind her, gripping her elbow to pull her close. With her back pressed against him, her body trembled when he bent forward to whisper in her ear.

“Do you really believe I will let you go?” His voice was a throaty whisper, equal parts soft and menacing.

“Were you at a brothel?”

He forced her around. “You’re the only one I want.”

She took a step back, trying to put some distance between them. “That’s not a no.”

“Of course it’s a fucking no!” He bit out through clenched teeth, running his fingers through his hair out of frustration. “Since you kissed me, I have no desire to fuck other women.”

“Good! I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else!”

A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Yet you won’t marry me because of some ridiculous idea about me falling in love with another. Why is that acceptable to you but not me fucking others?

“I would prefer to see you happily married than indulging in debauchery.” The thought of him with anyone was devastating, but at least she could live with the idea of Colin having the life he was meant to.

Her words were intended to comfort but they had the opposite impact. His throat bobbed, face conveying such vulnerability it made her insides coil. She watched helplessly when he physically withdrew from her, choosing to take a seat on the edge of the bed. There was a quiet lull in the air while his gaze bore into hers. Only minutes ticked by yet when he finally spoke again it felt like an eternity had passed. “How am I supposed to be happy when the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with would rather be my mistress than my wife?”

Her stomach twisted into knots, realizing how much her words wounded him.

“All I want is you. To build a home with you, a future. I want you as my wife, the mother of my children, but you won’t even consider it.” His eyes were wet with unshed tears. “Do you find me so lacking, Penelope?”

“Of course not!” Unable to hold back, she rushed to him. “You would be a wonderful husband. Any woman would be lucky to have you.” Standing in front of him, she cradled his face. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted since I was fourteen.”

His hands encircled her waist, digging into her hips. “Then why won’t you marry me?” There was sudden contempt in his voice as he demanded answers. “Is it because of him?” He stood up unexpectedly, forcing her to crane her neck. “Do you love him more than me? Do you desire him?” Fingers still curved into her sides, he tugged her closer. “Or is he titled and that’s why you chose him?”

“It’s because he values me!” The words expelled out of her in a swift hurry. “I didn’t have to convince him of my worth. From the very beginning he saw me when I’ve always been invisible to everyone.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Including you.”

And she saw his heart shatter on his face, the hurtful impact of her truth flooding over him. A part of her expected him to lash out, to defend himself, but he didn’t speak, simply watching her with a pained gaze. After a short bout of silence, he sat back down on the bed, taking her with him. One arm snaked around her waist, the other took her hand on his own while she sat nestled on his left thigh.

“You asked me where I was today.” His hand squeezed hers, as if gathering courage from her touch. “I was at Will’s club, determined to drink away my sorrows. And for the first hour I did just that, angry with you, with myself, with everyone really. And then I noticed Will with his wife, Alice. She helps run the club with him. Usually they are on the best of terms but things were strained between them today. Apparently they had an argument, but Will didn’t seem concerned. He assured me they would work things out, like they always did. And it made me realize happy couples do have moments where they fight. Just because I couldn’t recall my parents ever arguing didn’t mean that was true for everyone. And a quarrel didn’t have to mean the end of the world for both parties. Whatever the difficulties may be, it could be sorted and resolved.”

His eyes met hers.

“So instead of idling in the club, I went house hunting. We have several properties in the family so it took me a few hours but I think I found the perfect one. It has a giant library in the second storey of the house, with wonderful French windows that lead out to a balcony. There’s also a fireplace we can use in the winter when it gets too cold. It’s quite beautiful and reminds me of the library here. I know that has always been one of your favourite places.”  

It was surprising that he remembered that.

“In our letters you often mentioned wanting to see the world, so I was hoping we could travel to the Ottoman Empire for our honeymoon. I’ve never been there and I thought it could be something we discover together. Would you like that?”

She stilled. A part of her was thrilled at the idea, but could she really cast all her doubts aside and take such a risk? And what of Whistledown? Being with Colin meant she would have to give that up. Was she really prepared to leave that behind?

“It may have taken me longer but I do see you, Penelope.” His eyes marveled, shining with veracity. “You’re all that I see now. You’re the center of my world, the most important person to me. And these feelings that I have for you, they’ve altered me irrevocably. I'm not who I was before, because I didn’t have a purpose then. Now I would destroy anyone who gets in between us and I would have no regrets."

The change in him still unsettled her, she didn’t know how to respond.

“And I know you worry that I’ll hurt you again, but I I would destroy myself before letting any harm come to you. I swear it.” Releasing her hand from his grip, his palm smoothed up her body, pausing momentarily on her ample left breast that spilled over the neckline of her dress. Her breath heaved from the heat of his touch coursing through her skin. His thumb caressed her nipple through the fabric of her dress yet it felt as if there was no barrier between his hand and the hardened nub. Growing aroused, she squeezed her legs together, and it didn’t escape his notice, his eyes darkening. “Marry me, Penelope, and I promise to care for you, cherish you, protect you till my last dying breath.” He angled forward, kissing the spot where her shoulder and neck met, sucking on the sensitive spot with his tongue and making her melt. “And make you feel more pleasure than you could ever imagine.”

His mouth closed over hers, ravishing her and driving her wild. Threading her fingers through his hair, she returned his kiss with equal fervor, lost in the erotic chaos of pleasure.

When he pulled away unexpectedly, allowing them to finally breathe, she found herself wrapped around him, his body heavy on top, her legs encircling his thighs. His shaft was thick against her, beckoning her to touch him. And she wanted to, she wanted to so badly. Feeling reckless she reached below to undo his britches, but he grabbed her hands and pinned them on either side of her head. Breaths panting in unison, he finally spoke. “Tell me you’ll be mine,” he ordered, his voice rough with desire. “And I’ll give you everything you want.”

She wanted him. She loved him. And even though he didn't love her, he was saying all the right things to make her heart soar. Would it be so terrible to give into him? To choose the happiness he promised? Not everyone was so fortunate to get a chance at love. Eloise would never be able to pursue marriage with another woman if that’s what she wanted, and yet Penelope had the freedom to marry the one she loved. Didn’t she owe it to herself to follow her heart?  

“Say yes, Pen.”

“Yes.”

He didn’t move, as if frozen in place.

She tried again. “Yes, I’ll marry you… if you still want me. But there’s something I must do first.”

“What is it?” he prodded gently. 

“I must speak to Arthur. He needs to hear about us from me. I owe him that.”

Immediately Colin shifted back on his heels. His shirt was undone, his hair disheveled from her hands running through the strands. Even with the passionate anger stamped on his face, he was statuesque and beautiful. “No, absolutely not.”

She sat up, noting how his heated gaze trailed on her breasts. He was still aroused and it made her feel unexpectedly powerful. “I’m not seeking permission, Colin. I'm telling you this is something I must do.”

“You can write him a letter.”

“He is on his way to Mayfair. He's expected to reach here tomorrow. Besides, this is not the kind of news you deliver through a letter."

Colin jumped out of bed and started pacing the floor. “Then I shall be with you when you tell him the truth.”

“No, that would humiliate him further. I can’t do that to him.”

“Why? Why does it fucking matter how he finds out?”

“If you were in his position, wouldn’t you want to hear the truth from the person who wronged you? I owe him that at the very least.”

“And what about me?” Tears bespoke his hatred and frustration, tracing streaks down his face. “What happens to me when you’re alone with him and your feelings return? When he convinces you to choose him instead? Will you cast me aside when I'm not there to keep you from him?

There was fury in his tone but there was also fear, his voice breaking with it, and her chest constricted upon seeing how afraid he was of losing her. She scooted to the edge of the bed, stood up and reached for him, curving her arms around him in a tight embrace. 

He was rigid at first, refusing to give in. Despite his reluctance, it was only a few minutes before he hugged her in return.

For a long time they simply held each other, lost in the moment. Eventually he pulled back a little, lifting her chin to lock eyes with her. “If he tries to take you from me, I will kill him.”

She had no doubt he meant it, his words sending shivers down her spine. Standing on her tiptoes, she palmed his face. “I have loved you for as long as I can remember. That has never changed, not even when I was with Arthur. I promise you-”

His mouth closed over hers possessively, clearing her mind of all thoughts.

To be continued...

A/N - As always, thank you for reading. If you have the time to share your thoughts, I would be very grateful!

Taglist: @cringycat24, @josephine-waters

[for-hunger]

The differences between Hannibal and Lestat have been bothering me ever since I binged Interview with the Vampire, and I got frustrated enough to scribble 3 pages in my notebook. My conclusions are:

Institutional power. First and foremost, Lestat is connected to institutional power. In the context of IWTV, Lestat and Louis do not begin as equals, and are not able to meet each other as equals until the end of S2. (Edit: I am literally talking about him being white in the Jim Crow South) Lestat is always associated with ultimate institutional/group authority, both in New Orleans and in Paris- whether Lestat came to Paris with the intention to see Claudia (and/or Louis) die or not, he is the literal co-founder of the coven, and Claudia and Louis are being persecuted for fighting back against him. He even invokes the "Great Laws" when defending Claudia's murder.

In contrast, in Hannibal, Will is the one associated with this institutional power, even being the mentee of our ultimate lawful authority, Jack. The only time he is without this power is the brief first period of S2. Hannibal and Will begin the show as equals, and for the most part, are playing their back and forth cat-and-mouse game as equals (at least post-S1).

Betrayal. Although Louis shuts down in the face of Lestat's abuse, he never really stops being hurt by Lestat's continued betrayals. Will is hurt by Hannibal's betrayal (especially end of S1), but he knows who Hannibal is. He expects and is, in many ways, satisfied by and interested in Hannibal's continued insanity.

Daughters. Louis is the driving force behind the adoption of Claudia, and Lestat resists emotional involvement with her, is cruel to her, and, arguably, wants her dead regardless of Louis. Hannibal gives Abigail to Will himself, and has his own relationship with her. His murder of Abigail is in revenge for Will's shattering of their relationship, not about anything he hates in Abigail.

God. Hannibal is more directly godlike in comparison to the others in his narrative. Other people are vampires, but no one else can kill like Hannibal does in his world (in his absurd Bugs Bunny way). He even breaks the fourth wall (in S3) to directly invite us into his narrative. The motivation for most of what he does is curiosity rather than any central seduction (sometimes to his dismay), and his attitude is always tongue in cheek. This is also why it's important that he's not associated with institutional power- he rivals the power of God, he doesn't hide from God, he's the Devil, he is smoke, he is not bound by gender, law, time, space, the limits of the body, etc.

Ultimately, there are tons of similarities in these narratives: toxic ass murder husbands, dead daughters who are created and then sacrificed for the love of the husbands, consummation in blood, breakup in blood, European sojourn, temporary other marriages, murder as ascension, et al et al

and I'm certainly not saying that Hannibal is a good husband!!!