#this is NOT an invitation to hate on s3 to me

[yackers]

controversial maybe but something about kt, eddie and fabian’s chemistry in 3a just wasn’t quite as good as it could’ve been? like they spent soo much time together in wacky scenarios and in pairs they were really fun and interesting and I just don’t feel like the writing carried that through into the trio??

[lilacs-stash]

how do you feel about the ppl that love ii season 2 but hate invitational's guts?

I think they can't handle fun. I think they don't get that stories can be good without being the heaviest thing ever. Also just can't handle change. Yeah

[chainofclovers]

Beard/Rebecca/Ted, past Beard/Jane | M | 5500 words

.

A tale of self-loathing, sexual dysfunction, very good people, and what is sure to be the greatest summer ever. :)

.

The only reason Beard is awake this early in the morning is because Lavender is crying. It’s cool and dim in Rebecca’s bedroom, the perfect conditions for sleep, and he’s been deeply asleep until now. Even the crying layered over the slight electrical hum of the baby monitor is soothing in its familiarity, but Lavender gets louder almost immediately, upgrading from dissatisfied whimpers to a proper caterwaul...

[plasky]

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @steddie-week.

Seen Nothing, Heard Nothing

Day #4 - Prompt: Trade | Word Count: 833 | Rating: T | CW: Steve's S3 Injuries, Spooky Vibes, Language | POV: Eddie | Tags: Canon Divergent S3, What If Eddie Crossed Paths With Steve and The Upside Down Sooner?, What If Steve and Robin's Run-In With The Russians Happened Just Bit Differently?

"Hello?"

Eddie freezes. Utterly fucking freezes. The stilted male voice that has come from somewhere around him sounds ethereal, floating. Like it's an echo. Bouncing through the trees. Like it might be right next to him, but also far, far away.

Ignore it. 

That's what his grandma always taught him. You've seen nothing, you've heard nothing. 

Mind your own business.

"Hello? Is somebody there?"

The voice is familiar, less creepy this time, but he can't place it. The familiarity doesn't mean safety, though. Mimicking known voices isn't at all unusual in the realm of weird, and it's best to not engage. Rule one: Do not invite anything of that world into your own world.

So, Eddie ignores it and keeps gathering up his stuff, acting like he's not in a hurry, even if his heart is hammering behind his ribs.

"I need some help."

Then he hears the rustling through the trees along the well-worn path, and his heart drops. It sounds like something is tromping towards him, getting loud and louder with every step. 

He slings his backpack over his shoulder, and takes three big steps away from the picnic table, away from whatever that thing is, without running. Not that he has anywhere to go. Not really.

That's the way out, and unless he wants to just stumble through the thick woods, getting lost, he's kind of trapped.

He's never felt scared here before, and he hates it.

So, he decides he'll just forge past whatever it is. Without acting like he's heard a damn thing.

He really hopes it's invisible. He can ignore noises, voices. But if he has to see something? He's gonna freak the fuck out and get himself disemboweled, for sure. He'll scream like a little bitch and freeze.

Then he'll run.

He just knows that about himself.

You've seen nothing, you've heard nothing. 

You've seen nothing, you've heard nothing. 

You've seen nothing, you've heard nothing. 

He keeps telling himself that as he walks up the path, trying desperately not to run. Hawkins is weird, but it's never been this kind of weird, as far as he's seen.

But this has scared the shit out of him.

"Eddie? Eddie Munson?" 

Eddie stills. That voice is closer, and crystal clear.

And definitely Steve Harrington. 

"Thank god. Dude, are you deaf, or what? I've been asking for your help for ten minutes. Goddamn."

Okay, not a monster.

Just a dumb jock.

Eddie wheels around, snarking, "What's the matter, Harrington. The big bad wolf take a bite out of ya?"

And the next words, the next bit of sarcasm, dies in his throat. 

Steve's face is wrecked. His body, too, Eddie suspects by the way he's limping along. Eye nearly swollen shut, covered in a dark purple bruise. He's missing a shoe.

And he's in a sailor suit. Like the ones from the ice cream shop in the mall. Does Harrington work there? Surely not.

Eddie drops his bag, and bounds towards him, "What happened to you? Who did this? Or what?"

Steve looks at him from his one good eye, and sways. 

"Robbin'," Steve says, and Eddie grips his shoulders, forcing him to back up until he can sit down on the bench of the old picnic table.

"Robbing? You were robbed?" Eddie asks, and Steve's mouth is swollen, too. Blood staining his front teeth, dried on his face where it came from his broken nose.

"No. Robin," Steve repeats.

"Who's Robin?" Eddie questions.

"Robin. Buckley."

"From band? Robin Buckley from band did this to you?"

Steve looks exasperated, and like he wants to cry at the same time.

"No. No. The Russians. She made a trade. I said no, I did, but she was scared, and I was…this," Steve says. "We have to go back. I just need help. They drugged me."

"The Russians?" Eddie asks, his eyebrows shooting up. 

Steve nods, "Under the mall."

"How'd you end up out here in the woods?" Eddie asks. Because he's a long way from the mall, even if what he's saying is true. That's on the other side of town.

"They dumped me," Steve says. "I think they thought I was dead."

"Well, you look it," Eddie says, and then regrets it. 

"We need to find Nancy Wheeler. She'll know what to do."

"Steve, are you sure this is really something that happened? And not just in your head after whatever accident you've clearly had?"

Steve sighs and holds his head in his hands. He's missing a fingernail, like it had been plucked right off. Like he was tortured.

Shit. Okay.

"Okay, okay. We'll go back. We'll find Robin."

Eddie isn't at all sure what he's agreeing to, but Steve can't do anything by himself. Not in this condition. They'll find Nancy Wheeler, and Eddie isn't sure what a little priss like her is gonna do, but whatever Steve wants, they'll try.

"Thank you," Steve breathes, and as sure as Eddie is that he'll regret this, he's in it now.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddie-week and follow along with the fun!

[etoilesombre]

Hi im a new here i finally watched black sails after someone convinced me. And im changed. I'm. Yeah. I'm not who i was before. It's a bizarrely good show?

I'm so so so glad that so many ppl on ao3 agree with me that flint and silver need to fuck. Have fucked. Will fuck.

This will be all i think about for the next month or so.

If you have fic recs do let me know. I'm in dire need.

Hi my friend and welcome to hell! It's the best, right? ("Month" is a HIGHLY optimistic estimate about how long this will consume your brain...)

So honored that you asked for recs! I don't think I've ever compiled a general list of favorites, I had a great time and I think I'm happy with the results. This is by no means comprehensive, and obviously HIGHLY reflective of my own tastes, which are... uh.. I am known to not enjoy nice things very much. I invite others to reblog with their own favorites. Here we go...

Notes: These are in vaguely chronological order. I'm including word count and brief descriptions so you know what you're getting into but no warnings or anything, that's all on AO3. They are all silverflint and all explicit (I think, there might be one or two 'mature' in there but, this is the they need to, have, and will fuck list.) I didn't include any of my own work because presumably that's how you found my blog so you're aware, but I do have a pinned list, and if you want recs for mine or to talk about any of these just message, I will talk about silverflint all day.

Overall Recommendations:

The Most Unexpected Things by forbiddenarchives (~20k words) I think this one is a great starting point. It is very.. fic flavored fic, if that makes sense, in a great way. Hits the spot. The author's description is "season 2 if everyone were 5000% hornier" and that is accurate. Note this is marked as unfinished, but the place it wraps up feels totally reasonable to me.

As Good as Gone by spinninginfinityboy (~5.5k words) Complicated hot weird semi-hate sex on the way to Charles Town. A thing with a Spanish Dubloon that is emblazoned on my brain forever.

Combat by equestrianstatue (~10k words) A two part series, which I think captures the push-pull early frenemies vibe of s1-2 perfectly. Also the writing itself is stellar.

All alone in a moonlit shanty by PrimalScream (4.3k) Celebrating a good day hunting, Flint gets very drunk and tells the crew a dirty story. Silver tries to put him to bed, but he has different ideas. By far one of the lighter things on this list.

after the winnowing by princesskay (~14k) Set after Silver loses his leg, early in his recovery. Silk pajamas, multiple orgasms and overstimulation as well as their usual codependent fuckery.

What It Feels Like Not to Hurt by Robotboy (~9k) Another recovery fic. As the author says, it's 9k of slowburn watersports but really it's about Silver's pain and autonomy and humiliation and. Just. Even if it's not your usual cup of tea it's hot, give it a try.

vigia by doomcountry (~3k) A short, perfect rendering of their dynamic during early s3 raid times. Heartwrenching character study, excellent porn.

The Sack of James Flint by princesskay (~107k) So, yes, this is a novel length sub!Flint cock and ball torture series. I would make the argument that it is one of the best character studies in the fandom, for real. Absolutely worth your time, but fuck, it hurts your heart as much as your captain's balls in the end.

Concurrence by ember_firedrake (~2.5k) Mid s3. The first time they call each other by their first names. Now, that's not actually a thing I think they do, but, good porn and lower angst.

appreciation by nysscientia (~8k) Flint cultivates a certain aloof persona, but Silver sees right through it, and eventually they kiss about it.

Don't Fear The Ships (Fear The Black) by Farasha (~10k) - Silverflint use learning to sail as a coded way to flirt and talk about feelings (and eventually they kiss about it).

A Ship Is A Republic by Robotboy (~20k) A slow burn fic set during the inter-season sword training times. Love this dynamic, this author does power bottom Flint and sub Silver so fucking well.

deliverance is ours by the light of the stars by piratecaptainraven (3.1k) Flint sees Silver and Madi together, and doesn't stop watching when he should. They don't technically fuck in this, but its SO much pining, and the writing is poetic and gorgeous.

frail and fragile bars by ajaxthegreat (~21k) Possibly the hottest thing I've ever read, this rewrote my brain chemistry. Slow burn-ish. It captures that late season love and dependence and resentment and power struggle.

Cold, Dark, Depraved by notfelix (~10k) When fucking fixes absolutely nothing. This hurts in a way that feels, to me, similar to canon. I hate it (affectionate).

Opportunist by anonymous (~6.1k) This was part of the kinkmeme event (see below) and it fucking changed me. If I recommend one fic and only one fic to process the ending, it's this. It's awful. It's necrophilia and light cannibalism. It's the only thing I can imagine happening after, if Silver actually shoots Flint on that island. It makes me feel bad in the best way.

hand in unlovable hand by brinnanza, Jaynovz (~9.9k) Affectionately known as the worst ending AU, this is actually a great followup to the last one. How Silver copes, after Skeleton Island.

Bonus: AUs. I don't generally read AUs, but these two worked for me, in very different ways that still felt very silverflint.

did the twin flame bruise paint you blue by Jaynovz (138k) Novel length mod AU where silverflint broke up, and we see their relationship along two different timelines, before and after. Toxic fucked up goodness, lots of BDSM dynamics, bonus silvervane! All set in NYC.

holy ghost fire by ajaxthegreat (~52k) Appalachia horror au! The author clearly knows the area, and silverflint is already a ghost story, so it works really well. If you've ever been there you'll know how right it feels, if not, just trust me.

extra bonus: fic event collections and rec lists

kinkmeme

built on sand

beach blanket black sails

@jaynovz has also compiled a number of much more specific rec lists, which can be found at #jay's esoteric rec lists

[calderacitylovers]

Zutara SlowBurn FanFiction: Personal Favs, part I

·        I AM STILL HERE by owedbetter Published: 2017-10-09 | 77K words | 7 Chapters

After the Last Agni Kai K heals Z with the help of bloodbending. Very sweet.

 ·        THE SUMMIT by AJLenoire

Chronicles post-war years, as Gaang and other characters gather for annual summits to keep peace and build relationships between the Four Nations. Katara yearns for a bigger purpose than the Avatar’s companion and slowly grows into a shrewd diplomat. Very sweet slow burn ZK story. Has mature scenes.

 ·        CLOTHE ME IN SEASONS, DRESS ME IN SNOW by sadladybug Published: 2015-01-05 | 62K words | 7 Chapters

Follows old Zuko as he reflects on his life and what would have been if he kept Katara closer. Absolutely beautiful, but also a devastatingly heart-breaking story about loss and pain.

 ·        SILENT DECLARATIONS by Megara Pike (Megara_Pike) Published: 2021-01-20 | 2,6K words

A short story based on animation by Hayley Wong. Z finds K asleep in her study and carries her to bed. Very sweet, gentle story.

 ·        COVERED IN YOU by evergreenonthehorizon Published: 2021-04-02 | 55K words | 14 Chapters

Eight years after the war Z convinces K to take on a role of a Southern Water Tribe ambassador in the Caldera city. Both are completely clueless about each other’s feelings. Features political talks, big gestures, and a ball. Very cute, sweet slow-burn story. Has mature scenes.

 ·        TEN STRIDES IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION by evergreenonthehorizon Published: 2021-04-03 | 29K Words | 12 Chapters

A collection of short stories filling in the gaps between some of the events of ATLAS3 and up to the Last Agni Kai. Features accidental cuddling, embracing in the rain, sharing a bed for warmth, post-Ember Island Theater discussions, being discovered, waiting to be kissed, Suki & Katara being good friends, battle plans, Zuko & Sokka getting drunk, slow burn & angst. Very sweet.

 ·        THE SWAY OF THE SUN by TheBlackBriarSparrow Published: Published: 2019-10-14 | 102K Words | 27 Chapters

Two years post-war Gaang reunites in Caldera city for a secret party in honor of the overworked Fire Lord’s birthday. Rebels attack the palace setting a thrilling consequence of events in motion. Adventures, investigations, and fights ensue. Z & K work together and enlist old friends to help find missing people. Beautiful slow-burn story with an exciting plot.

·        A WARM EMBRACE by ewinkie Published: 2020-10-06 | 19K Words | 7 Chapters

An ATLAS3 rewrite from Southern Riders to the Last Agni Kai. Katara and Zuko have to hide in a cave following their encounter with Yon Rha. Comforting turns to cuddling, which turns to waking up on Appa's tail in each other's arms. Katara is shocked at how comfortable she is. Zuko is shocked that Katara doesn't hate him for it. Features sharing a bed, being discovered, slowburn, and lots of teenage silliness.

 ·        FOLLOWING BLUE by Boogum Published: 2018-11-07 | 39K Words | 10 Chapters

ATLA S2 rewrite. After Katara falls from Appa’s saddle during a pursuit, the Blue Spirit becomes her reluctant companion and helps her reunite with her friends. Ba Sing Se scenes are completely rewritten, and Z ends up joining the Gaang much earlier. Thrilling beginning, sweet middle, average ending.

 ·        ANOTHER WORD FOR ALCHEMY by FanPanda13 Published: 2014-08-19 | 108K words | 24 Chapters

Five years post-war Aang summons old friends for a summit and invites them on a trip to investigate mysterious locations where he experiences loss of bending. Features Gaang setting Z & K up, travelling on Appa like in the olden days, lots of sparring, royal courting, magnificent navy ships & war ballons. Thrilling story with fun banter between old friends. Slowburn, mature content.

 ·        CONSUME ME WITH FIRE, FLOOD ME WITH DESIRE by Dacamia Published: 2020-08-14 | 86K words | 24 Chapters

Steamy ATLAS2 and ATLA S3 rewrite. Z & K accidentally meetup on their way to Ba Sing Se and decide to travel together. Features aged-up characters, lots of intimate scenes, staying in a beautiful cave, helping villagers, betrayal in Ba Sing Se, reunion, forgiveness, etc. Explicit mature content.

 ·        ROOTS AND WINGS by zukoscomet Published: 2020-08-14 | 250K words | 25 Chapters

A series of short stories of Z & K as they grow closer, confess their love for one another and start a family.

 ·        THOSE WHO FAVOR FIRE by hiwasseelane Published: 2021-05-02 |29K Words | 13 Chapters

An ATLAS3 rewrite. Sweet, teen-appopriate.

Here’s a link to Part II of my personal favs.

Here’s a link to Wholesome Zutara Short Stories.

[juxtaposed-nerd]

aapi heritage month headcanons pt. 3 !!!

just in time for s3 of dndads, let’s get into it! this one will probs be a lot but so much has happened in the past year 😭

- taylor LOVES chinese new year, he looks forward to it every year as the favorite (only) child and he eats all the dumplings he could ever eat and gets tons of red envelopes

- cassandra and morgan become best friends/mother-daughter relationship vibes post-doodler, like they are the most badass and cool women in the world and i do think taylor grows to love morgan so much and even though his relationships with nick/glenn are strained, at least he has the best mom and grandma

- as a voice actor for anime/cartoons i think cassandra really did fall in love w the art of anime and i’d love for her to guest at a con (make her the j michael tatum of her world PLEASE) and taylor gets a free ticket to weeb out as much as he wants <3

- in my heart glenn is trying his best, like he really wants that closeness (haha) and i think now post-doodler it's like literally what started as a father/son duo of him and nick now is genuinely a huge (kinda fucked up) family that is trying to mend itself and i do think it starts with chinese takeout !!!

- sidenote i think the close/foster/swifts etc are a great example of how freddie has subverted asian stereotypes fr and also how a family stuck in an absent/neglectful cycle has the ability to come together again

- the mending includes hermie too, hermie definitely deserves something more in his life and the chance get to be a kid w a home in the form of a big family w his bio dads (his normal parents are invited too) (and i also love the idea of normal being like 'grandpa henry! this is the guy!' and hermie being an honorary oak would be so cute 😭)

- hermie went and saw joy ride (2023) bc it was marketed as a comedy and came out bawling his eyes out from that one scene y’all adoptees know what im talking about

- tbh thinking about taylor's closeness w his mom and francis's w kimon wan literally asian moms are holding this show together

- the farnsworth’s are thai and german and they came to peachyville at a young age to give their newborn son a better life very starting nuclear family vibes, ed definitely learned thai for her, and now their son is a bowling champ!

- francis farnsworth and taylor swift are lowkey the spectrum of asian upbringing where it's like midwest asians vs socal asians 😳🤭 they live in different worlds

- kimon wan is an immigrant mom just trying to raise her family and her damn son wont stop being a loser 🤦‍♀️ literally milf w a shotgun (ed is a lucky man FR) (sorry anthony burch)

- when francis is having a really tough day then kimon wan will leave a plate of cut up fruit at his door so he knows he's still supported

- luo's golden wok is the first and only chinese restaurant in peachyville and they have to have the best pepper steak ever im calling it now

- tony collette would love and hate both jodie and glenn i think for different reasons but instead of calling them formosans he’d call them orientals 💀

- also tony collette is 0.0001% asian (chinese) and tyrus luo either DEFINITELY knows which is why he puts up w all the bullshit tony does or tony is determined to make sure that tyrus NEVER finds out ever

- they have a 'throwback' silent movie night at the drive-in and they show a meryl streep film and literally everyone falls in love w him 🥰

- billion millions was a crazy rich asian and he was an icon

- once again they mean the world to me! might end up posting more at some point who knows lol

-

checkout past headcanons: 2022! 2023!

[buddiebeginz]

In the middle of a rewatch right now and I'm at s4. I know what I'm about to say is unpopular because I've had people angry at me before when I've made posts about it but I feel like one of the characters who the show and fandom too often treat like they can do no wrong is Maddie. I love her and I especially love her relationship with Buck but there are some storylines with her that forever drive me crazy.

I think all of the characters have made mistakes at different times that's part what I love about the show. That all of the characters are relatable and we've watched them grow and change and have to really deal with the messes they make.

Maddie though I feel often gets a pass because of what she dealt with from Doug or because she essentially had to raise Buck.

In s3 Maddie used her position at the call center to stalk a woman. To lie to her and pretend to be her friend so she could try and save her from her life. I get that a big reason Maddie did this is because she wasn't in a good headspace after what happened in s2 with Doug but it was still all kinds of messed up. She even lied to Chim about it. Sue at the call center tells her she needs to go talk to a therapist and Chim calls her out for lying but for the most part no one makes a big deal about it even after she continues to get involved in that woman's life.

My bigger issues with Maddie though are connected to Buck. In s4 Maddie finds out Buck is going to therapy and he won't really tell her why. She gets worried about him and decides without telling him to not only tell her parents that he's in therapy but to invite their parents to come for a visit. Which I found to be so thoughtless. Whatever relationship Maddie might have with her parents it's clear they didn't have that with Buck. You can tell that by the whole baby box thing.

She should have asked him before talking about his private business with parents Buck wasn't even in contact with. She definitely should have talked to him before inviting them to LA. He should have had the option to not see them if he didn't want to. If you watch 404 when Maddie tells Buck their parents are coming he talks about how it's basically too late to do anything about it now. How Maddie waited until they were already almost there to even tell him they were coming. Maddie also talks about how Buck had been in Texas (for the Lone Star crossover ep) so she literally waited until he was away and had no ability to voice his opinion on them coming.

Even worse than just bringing the parents there is that Maddie kept Daniel a secret from Buck, long after both of them had moved out of their parents house. Like I could understand her not really having a choice when they were little and both still living at home. And I know Maddie had a lot going on with Doug for a while but when she came to LA she should have found time to sit Buck down and talk to him about their brother. Instead she decides to tell Chim before she ever tells Buck and lets Buck find out accidently.

I know some have argued that she was just trying to protect Buck but I'm sure she would have wanted to know if she was in Buck's position. Also keeping Buck in the dark about the truth of his own life and family for his entire life isn't protecting him it's just being cruel.

I will always hate how the show handled all of this stuff with Buck because I think he deserved to be angry at least for a little bit with Maddie and he deserved to be able to tell her how her keeping this from him made him feel and the show didn't give that to him. I'm not saying I didn't want them to make up of course I did and I love their relationship but I wanted some accountability from Maddie and the show never gives that.

[for-hunger]

The differences between Hannibal and Lestat have been bothering me ever since I binged Interview with the Vampire, and I got frustrated enough to scribble 3 pages in my notebook. My conclusions are:

Institutional power. First and foremost, Lestat is connected to institutional power. In the context of IWTV, Lestat and Louis do not begin as equals, and are not able to meet each other as equals until the end of S2. (Edit: I am literally talking about him being white in the Jim Crow South) Lestat is always associated with ultimate institutional/group authority, both in New Orleans and in Paris- whether Lestat came to Paris with the intention to see Claudia (and/or Louis) die or not, he is the literal co-founder of the coven, and Claudia and Louis are being persecuted for fighting back against him. He even invokes the "Great Laws" when defending Claudia's murder.

In contrast, in Hannibal, Will is the one associated with this institutional power, even being the mentee of our ultimate lawful authority, Jack. The only time he is without this power is the brief first period of S2. Hannibal and Will begin the show as equals, and for the most part, are playing their back and forth cat-and-mouse game as equals (at least post-S1).

Betrayal. Although Louis shuts down in the face of Lestat's abuse, he never really stops being hurt by Lestat's continued betrayals. Will is hurt by Hannibal's betrayal (especially end of S1), but he knows who Hannibal is. He expects and is, in many ways, satisfied by and interested in Hannibal's continued insanity.

Daughters. Louis is the driving force behind the adoption of Claudia, and Lestat resists emotional involvement with her, is cruel to her, and, arguably, wants her dead regardless of Louis. Hannibal gives Abigail to Will himself, and has his own relationship with her. His murder of Abigail is in revenge for Will's shattering of their relationship, not about anything he hates in Abigail.

God. Hannibal is more directly godlike in comparison to the others in his narrative. Other people are vampires, but no one else can kill like Hannibal does in his world (in his absurd Bugs Bunny way). He even breaks the fourth wall (in S3) to directly invite us into his narrative. The motivation for most of what he does is curiosity rather than any central seduction (sometimes to his dismay), and his attitude is always tongue in cheek. This is also why it's important that he's not associated with institutional power- he rivals the power of God, he doesn't hide from God, he's the Devil, he is smoke, he is not bound by gender, law, time, space, the limits of the body, etc.

Ultimately, there are tons of similarities in these narratives: toxic ass murder husbands, dead daughters who are created and then sacrificed for the love of the husbands, consummation in blood, breakup in blood, European sojourn, temporary other marriages, murder as ascension, et al et al

and I'm certainly not saying that Hannibal is a good husband!!!

[queen-haq]

Fic: Never You, Part 13 (Polin, Rated R)

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that’s more your jam

Chapter 13

The gardens were empty, giving Penelope the opportunity she needed to sneak into the Bridgerton house through the back.  She made her way inside and up the staircase, exercising caution so she wouldn’t be caught. Normally the house would be bursting with servants in every corner but the staff were busy with the dinner party Lady Bridgerton was hosting tonight. Fortunately for Pen, the dining room was on the first floor in the east wing and in the opposite direction of where she was heading.

As laughter and conversation flowed in the air, she couldn’t help but feel sad. In the past she would have been invited as Eloise’s guest and they would have spent a joyous evening laughing and gossiping together. Now she was no longer welcome, and the loss of their friendship was a gaping wound in her heart. 

Throughout the years Penelope had always admired and cherished Eloise, because her best friend was never afraid to speak her mind. Eloise didn’t care about convention or societal expectations, and Penelope had always been in awe of that kind of confidence. While Eloise probably wouldn’t agree, Penelope recognized that a large part of her friend’s strength and independence was borne from the unconditional love provided by the Bridgertons. Penelope hadn’t been that lucky, and consequently, was forced into the shadows – until Whistledown gave her the freedom of anonymity to speak her mind. Unfortunately Eloise wasn’t willing to listen or understand her reasons, and Pen suspected her friend never would. Maybe in the past Penelope would have simply ignored all of that and still begged to reconcile with Eloise, but over the past few months she came to realize it wasn't enough. 

Penelope was at the end of the hallway when she heard voices coming up the stairs. Immediately, she ducked into the library. After so many years of playing hide and seek in the house, this room in particular, she was familiar with many of the noises of the floorboard including the creak just outside the library door. That’s how she knew someone was coming in behind her. With quick steps she hid behind one of the shelves, choosing a spot that still afforded a partial view of the front to avoid being surprised. Her hopes of the intruder being a maid were dashed as soon as she spotted Eloise entering the library. Wearing a silver-blue dress, her hair up in a chignon, Eloise looked lovely as usual. However, it was the concerned expression on her face that caught Pen’s attention. Deep in thought Eloise paced the floor, wringing her hands together.

Something was wrong, Pen realized it instinctively. Was Eloise in trouble? Did something happen? Her first thought ran to the Queen. Had she threatened Eloise again? Panic surged through Penelope, only to be caught by surprise when Cressida came in abruptly.

Instead of exchanging greetings, Cressida and Eloise simply stared at one another. No words were shared. The energy between them was palpable, their attention locked on each other.  

Penelope was used to a sneering Cressida, always ready to disparage and cut others down to tears with her sharp words and insults. Yet the expression on the blonde’s face was now a complete contrast to the smugness she usually wore. There was vulnerability there, tenderness even. And Eloise appeared just as shaken, heavy emotions shining in her eyes.

“I didn’t think you would attend tonight,” Eloise spoke, her voice uncharacteristically fragile.

Cressida inched forward. “I couldn’t stay away.”

The air cackled with intensity. A strange feeling came over Penelope, reminding her of the butterflies fluttering in her stomach whenever Colin looked at her.

Cressida swayed forward, her movements tinged with a hesitation that was unlike her. The distance narrowed between them until Cressida was nestled right against Eloise, cradling Eloise’s face with a lover’s intimacy. Then, her lips closed over Eloise’s.

Penelope froze, unable to move. She blinked repeatedly, wondering if the scene in front of her was a figment of her imagination. How was this possible? This couldn’t be… could it? Ladies kissing ladies? Eloise kissing Cressida? How?

A multitude of emotions flooded over Penelope, her brain trying to make sense of what was happening. Arthur had once mentioned a male friend who harbored romantic love for another man and the thought had astonished her. Never exposed to such a thing before, she had been so curious and prodded him for more information - but he’d been reticent to divulge more. Despite that, it hadn’t occurred to her that women could also feel love and lust for other women. In hindsight, Penelope felt silly for not recognizing that inevitability. If men could, of course women could as well.

But why did Eloise have to feel that for Cressida? The same girl who had taunted and belittled Penelope for so many years. Anyone else – anyone – and she would have been so very happy for her best friend but not with Cressida. The betrayal was potent, akin to a punch in the stomach. And yet it was clear from where she stood whatever was happening between Eloise and Cressida had nothing to do with her. Their embrace was too sensuous and emotional for it to be a ruse. Which was perhaps worse, because it meant whatever Eloise felt for the other woman was true and sincere.

Suddenly Eloise pushed Cressida away, her breath labored. “Stop! We can’t. You know we can’t.” Her voice cracked as she turned away, clutching her chest. Penelope spotted all the conflicting emotions flit across Eloise’s face and her own heart ached for her best friend.

“Please leave,” Eloise ordered.

Cressida tried to reach for her but Eloise moved away, still refusing to look at her.

For the first time Penelope felt a wave of sympathy for the blonde, seeing the pained expression on her face. She knew firsthand how excruciating the anguish of rejection was. In the blink of an eye, however, the icy glare returned to Cressida’s face and she was fully composed again. “I will see myself out.” She walked to the door and left, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Eloise stood there, her eyes closed, and Penelope debated how to approach her. There was no doubt Eloise would be furious but Penelope had to console her friend, she couldn’t stand the thought of Eloise in agony. Before she could make a move, Eloise swiped the tears from her face and headed for the door to exit the library, leaving Penelope alone again.

***

Later that night Penelope was waiting in Colin’s chamber, growing weary. The whole purpose of sneaking into the Bridgerton home was so that she could speak with him but that had been hours ago and he had yet to come up. At first she had assumed he was lingering downstairs with the remaining guests, but then she covertly watched the guests leave and knew the party had ended. Did he even attend the dinner party? She didn’t know. All she could do was wait, which allowed her to ruminate on what she witnessed in the library.

Her heart sympathized with Eloise, pondering how isolating it must have been for her friend. She knew what it was to be looked down by the ton, how ostracizing it felt when you didn’t fit in with society. And being in Eloise’s position and loving someone who was forbidden? Another woman? The ton would flay her alive and Penelope’s heart shattered at the thought.

She closed her eyes, falling back on Colin’s bed. The sheets smelled like him, filling her senses and assaulting her with memories of him. The way his eyes darkened when she looked at him, the intensity on his face when she touched him - just the thought of him was enough to excite her. She loved him with everything she had, and he made her feel emotions that both thrilled and terrified her in a way no one else could. Was that how Eloise felt? Madly in love and frightened out of her mind? Or was it simply lust? Men were capable of intimacy without emotion, it was the very reason why brothels existed, but didn’t that mean women were too? What if the relations that existed between Eloise and Cressida were just physical? That was possible, wasn’t it?

She closed her eyes, feeling tired and exhausted. Where was he? It was clear he hadn’t attended the dinner party, or he would have returned to his chambers by now. That meant he was out elsewhere for the evening, and the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach led her to suspect he was at a brothel. Where else would he go so late at night if not there? Her eyes flew open, the anger rushing through her so furious and intense that it took every bit of resolve she had not to scream and rip the room apart. How could he? How could he do that? It was only yesterday he had been in her home proposing to her, and today he was already pursuing the company of harlots!

It was then she heard the door jostle open. She sat up, watching Colin enter the room, close the door behind him, and stop in his tracks instantly upon spotting her. His hair was unkempt, the top buttons of his blue shirt undone and his sleeves rolled up, coat dangling from his fingers. Their gazes locked. They inhaled each other in, as if they hadn’t seen one another for an eternity despite only seeing each other yesterday. She was used to feeling entranced around him, always seeking his presence in a crowd and stalking him silently from her corner. Did he feel the same way about her?

“I’ve had this dream often, except you’re always naked in them.”

The words were a seductive purr, soft and practiced, not revealing any signs of intoxication. Did that mean he was fully sober when he was whoremongering? Knowing he made such a decision with his rational mind rattled her to the core. “I don’t doubt it. Considering your rakish behaviour, I’m sure your mind is quite busy conjuring dreams of many women.”

His eyebrow quirked up, dark blue eyes gleaming with amusement. “You sound jealous, Pen.”

She stood up. “Where have you been?”

Dropping his coat to the ground, he sauntered towards her. His gaze held her captive, forcing her to look up at him when he came to a stop directly in front. “Are you asking me that as a friend or as my betrothed?”

“Your response would be different depending on who asked? Who would you lie to?” She tore her focus away from him, shaking her head. “Don’t answer that, it doesn’t matter. I’m leaving.” She walked over to the settee to pick up her cloak but he followed behind her, gripping her elbow to pull her close. With her back pressed against him, her body trembled when he bent forward to whisper in her ear.

“Do you really believe I will let you go?” His voice was a throaty whisper, equal parts soft and menacing.

“Were you at a brothel?”

He forced her around. “You’re the only one I want.”

She took a step back, trying to put some distance between them. “That’s not a no.”

“Of course it’s a fucking no!” He bit out through clenched teeth, running his fingers through his hair out of frustration. “Since you kissed me, I have no desire to fuck other women.”

“Good! I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else!”

A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Yet you won’t marry me because of some ridiculous idea about me falling in love with another. Why is that acceptable to you but not me fucking others?

“I would prefer to see you happily married than indulging in debauchery.” The thought of him with anyone was devastating, but at least she could live with the idea of Colin having the life he was meant to.

Her words were intended to comfort but they had the opposite impact. His throat bobbed, face conveying such vulnerability it made her insides coil. She watched helplessly when he physically withdrew from her, choosing to take a seat on the edge of the bed. There was a quiet lull in the air while his gaze bore into hers. Only minutes ticked by yet when he finally spoke again it felt like an eternity had passed. “How am I supposed to be happy when the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with would rather be my mistress than my wife?”

Her stomach twisted into knots, realizing how much her words wounded him.

“All I want is you. To build a home with you, a future. I want you as my wife, the mother of my children, but you won’t even consider it.” His eyes were wet with unshed tears. “Do you find me so lacking, Penelope?”

“Of course not!” Unable to hold back, she rushed to him. “You would be a wonderful husband. Any woman would be lucky to have you.” Standing in front of him, she cradled his face. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted since I was fourteen.”

His hands encircled her waist, digging into her hips. “Then why won’t you marry me?” There was sudden contempt in his voice as he demanded answers. “Is it because of him?” He stood up unexpectedly, forcing her to crane her neck. “Do you love him more than me? Do you desire him?” Fingers still curved into her sides, he tugged her closer. “Or is he titled and that’s why you chose him?”

“It’s because he values me!” The words expelled out of her in a swift hurry. “I didn’t have to convince him of my worth. From the very beginning he saw me when I’ve always been invisible to everyone.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Including you.”

And she saw his heart shatter on his face, the hurtful impact of her truth flooding over him. A part of her expected him to lash out, to defend himself, but he didn’t speak, simply watching her with a pained gaze. After a short bout of silence, he sat back down on the bed, taking her with him. One arm snaked around her waist, the other took her hand on his own while she sat nestled on his left thigh.

“You asked me where I was today.” His hand squeezed hers, as if gathering courage from her touch. “I was at Will’s club, determined to drink away my sorrows. And for the first hour I did just that, angry with you, with myself, with everyone really. And then I noticed Will with his wife, Alice. She helps run the club with him. Usually they are on the best of terms but things were strained between them today. Apparently they had an argument, but Will didn’t seem concerned. He assured me they would work things out, like they always did. And it made me realize happy couples do have moments where they fight. Just because I couldn’t recall my parents ever arguing didn’t mean that was true for everyone. And a quarrel didn’t have to mean the end of the world for both parties. Whatever the difficulties may be, it could be sorted and resolved.”

His eyes met hers.

“So instead of idling in the club, I went house hunting. We have several properties in the family so it took me a few hours but I think I found the perfect one. It has a giant library in the second storey of the house, with wonderful French windows that lead out to a balcony. There’s also a fireplace we can use in the winter when it gets too cold. It’s quite beautiful and reminds me of the library here. I know that has always been one of your favourite places.”  

It was surprising that he remembered that.

“In our letters you often mentioned wanting to see the world, so I was hoping we could travel to the Ottoman Empire for our honeymoon. I’ve never been there and I thought it could be something we discover together. Would you like that?”

She stilled. A part of her was thrilled at the idea, but could she really cast all her doubts aside and take such a risk? And what of Whistledown? Being with Colin meant she would have to give that up. Was she really prepared to leave that behind?

“It may have taken me longer but I do see you, Penelope.” His eyes marveled, shining with veracity. “You’re all that I see now. You’re the center of my world, the most important person to me. And these feelings that I have for you, they’ve altered me irrevocably. I'm not who I was before, because I didn’t have a purpose then. Now I would destroy anyone who gets in between us and I would have no regrets."

The change in him still unsettled her, she didn’t know how to respond.

“And I know you worry that I’ll hurt you again, but I I would destroy myself before letting any harm come to you. I swear it.” Releasing her hand from his grip, his palm smoothed up her body, pausing momentarily on her ample left breast that spilled over the neckline of her dress. Her breath heaved from the heat of his touch coursing through her skin. His thumb caressed her nipple through the fabric of her dress yet it felt as if there was no barrier between his hand and the hardened nub. Growing aroused, she squeezed her legs together, and it didn’t escape his notice, his eyes darkening. “Marry me, Penelope, and I promise to care for you, cherish you, protect you till my last dying breath.” He angled forward, kissing the spot where her shoulder and neck met, sucking on the sensitive spot with his tongue and making her melt. “And make you feel more pleasure than you could ever imagine.”

His mouth closed over hers, ravishing her and driving her wild. Threading her fingers through his hair, she returned his kiss with equal fervor, lost in the erotic chaos of pleasure.

When he pulled away unexpectedly, allowing them to finally breathe, she found herself wrapped around him, his body heavy on top, her legs encircling his thighs. His shaft was thick against her, beckoning her to touch him. And she wanted to, she wanted to so badly. Feeling reckless she reached below to undo his britches, but he grabbed her hands and pinned them on either side of her head. Breaths panting in unison, he finally spoke. “Tell me you’ll be mine,” he ordered, his voice rough with desire. “And I’ll give you everything you want.”

She wanted him. She loved him. And even though he didn't love her, he was saying all the right things to make her heart soar. Would it be so terrible to give into him? To choose the happiness he promised? Not everyone was so fortunate to get a chance at love. Eloise would never be able to pursue marriage with another woman if that’s what she wanted, and yet Penelope had the freedom to marry the one she loved. Didn’t she owe it to herself to follow her heart?  

“Say yes, Pen.”

“Yes.”

He didn’t move, as if frozen in place.

She tried again. “Yes, I’ll marry you… if you still want me. But there’s something I must do first.”

“What is it?” he prodded gently. 

“I must speak to Arthur. He needs to hear about us from me. I owe him that.”

Immediately Colin shifted back on his heels. His shirt was undone, his hair disheveled from her hands running through the strands. Even with the passionate anger stamped on his face, he was statuesque and beautiful. “No, absolutely not.”

She sat up, noting how his heated gaze trailed on her breasts. He was still aroused and it made her feel unexpectedly powerful. “I’m not seeking permission, Colin. I'm telling you this is something I must do.”

“You can write him a letter.”

“He is on his way to Mayfair. He's expected to reach here tomorrow. Besides, this is not the kind of news you deliver through a letter."

Colin jumped out of bed and started pacing the floor. “Then I shall be with you when you tell him the truth.”

“No, that would humiliate him further. I can’t do that to him.”

“Why? Why does it fucking matter how he finds out?”

“If you were in his position, wouldn’t you want to hear the truth from the person who wronged you? I owe him that at the very least.”

“And what about me?” Tears bespoke his hatred and frustration, tracing streaks down his face. “What happens to me when you’re alone with him and your feelings return? When he convinces you to choose him instead? Will you cast me aside when I'm not there to keep you from him?

There was fury in his tone but there was also fear, his voice breaking with it, and her chest constricted upon seeing how afraid he was of losing her. She scooted to the edge of the bed, stood up and reached for him, curving her arms around him in a tight embrace. 

He was rigid at first, refusing to give in. Despite his reluctance, it was only a few minutes before he hugged her in return.

For a long time they simply held each other, lost in the moment. Eventually he pulled back a little, lifting her chin to lock eyes with her. “If he tries to take you from me, I will kill him.”

She had no doubt he meant it, his words sending shivers down her spine. Standing on her tiptoes, she palmed his face. “I have loved you for as long as I can remember. That has never changed, not even when I was with Arthur. I promise you-”

His mouth closed over hers possessively, clearing her mind of all thoughts.

To be continued...

A/N - As always, thank you for reading. If you have the time to share your thoughts, I would be very grateful!

Taglist: @cringycat24, @josephine-waters

[the-chessboard-is-personal]

ii s3 liveblog

I'm a bit sad rn so sorry if my reactions are bad this time

1 - I'm not supposed to relate to Balloon am I. y'know. the guy that did something bad in the recent past and now everyone hates them even though they're trying to change.. sigh. wHAT? h. how is he here?? HOW IS SHE HERE??? ...does MePhone look different from how he was in the first half of s2? it's been a bit since I watched that but I swear there's something different about him. oh, new intrthe island is alive. warp pipe.

2 - yup sure :) 👍 right okay BOW is glitching now. something to do with chairs and maybe she lost her memories? she was obsessed with chairs before she died, so..oh fuck I'm taking as many notes as Cabby huh

3 - oh I thought I had something to say about this one. sorry

4 - if the floor gets eliminated, how will that work? .yo WHAT is going on with candleMUMBO JUMBO CATCHPHRASE ... I. I don't think that's what polishing a screen does.?

5 - what if Box wins lol ..oh. wait there was no formal elimination, I guess that got replaced with Box being pulled this episode

6 - them ,,,,,they,both of them,, the cool(s) -> ☯

7 - well call me a camera because [screenshots the auras file]. . . . . . . . . . a. ..nobody knows about this joke yet but if I had a- uh. nickel. for every time a series I know about had a character named Bow with trigger words, I would have two nickels. which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice what is going on with Bow and chairs. HEY MARSHMALLOW TOO?? yes I will keep doing this strikethrough bit

8 - oh fuck I just realized. "iii" as in Inanimate Insanity Invitational but also as in 3 (roman numeral) because it's season 3. also just based on the title I have a bad feeling about this episode (<-half-right??) wait WHAT. MePhone what the fuck does that rnean. whhaaAAAA- oh. agdjhk s ghdclod damn it the commercial is pLOT RELEVANT. hhhhey quick question. how uh. how do we know that everyone's back in the right body..? like. there were some characters who weren't onscreen after they all died again. uhh

9 - th. this episode is probably not like. actually worse than the other ones or anything. but, with the bias I had already formed because I distrust people with the name of the one this episode is a collab with, some stress I was already feeling today before even starting this liveblog, something Balloon said at around 9:14, said pre-liveblog stress making me associate the whole "animation machine" thing (which is seen as bad) with something I like but everyone else hates, I personally have nothing good to say about it.

10 - why is Cabby gold. oh it's whoever has the Immunity Cookie. wait did Cabby forget about TBD because her file was burned??

11 - bat? pokemon. the game you're thinking of is pokemon. wait did he say backstab HOW DOES HE KNOW CANDLE SAW BETRAYAL?? ..yeah I was wondering how that would work

12 - I knew it. I knew Cabby would forget stuff that isn't in a file! urghhh can they Please vote out silver spoon already. he's not gonna WIN, right?? sorry. but I don't like him.

13 - oh the intro reflected Bot's change in appearance. neat! nononoononoNONOONNO GAUhokay. listen I know it's probably not going to happen but I really want YinYang to win. and holy shit that "for the rest of your life" was foreshadowing.

14 - okay off to a start that makes me want to punch something. okay. okay. it's not a real ad. good. HUH HE GLITCHED holy shit, damn uzumaki lookin rooms what is this /positive(?) ☯ 👈 GRIAN INSTINCT (which. to be fair, mood). p u r p l e . PURPLE ACKNOWLEDGED. WHAT WAS THAT! ohhh what the hell. you fuck off this INSTANT you silver shitface. ohh I hate him. I hate him more than I hate Cobs. ..does Cabby not have parents? SPLRINGY IS FAKE. SPRINGY IS A ROBOT OR SOMETHING MADE BY COBS I'M CALLING IT NOW. please please please kill the spoon kill the spoon plEASE- ARRGHHH

15 - seeing as the next episode has Blueberry in the thumbnail and is called The Great Bluish Bake Off, I have a slight prediction on who will win the rejoin. wait what. yeah I'm gonna be honest I don't think it was murder. NO NONONOONO DON'T NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAUGHHH,,,,,

16 - why....why am I finding Nickel so relatable. w h a t . now I've never had oatmeal raisin cookies, but I don't think they're the Number One Cause of global warming. I know it's a cartoon and awHAT THE HELL HE JUST DIED

(between 16 and 17) m. MePhone knows. MePhone knows what's going to happen when the season ends, doesn't he? that's why he doesn't want it to. that's why he's desperate. but the question remains, what does he know that the viewers don't?

17 - wait this episode is from 10 months ago. is- is the series not over? damn it! I prefer to binge watch stuff so I don't forget while waiting for new episodes. oh don't even fucking go there. 14:01 FUCK OFF.

(between 17 and 18) y'know I was trying to watch this to ESCAPE all the drama and discourse everyone hates me for. this just feels personal at this point. but hey, who cares about me, right? onto the next damn episode!

18 - there's another 4 under that 4. are they all 4s. ohhh noooo, what an inteeense moooooment. wow it's really fucking difficult to care right now.

19 - again final episode so I'll break this into sections. kinda

..,.Cabby..I think I understand a bit more about my own..situation because of Cabby. wait wait. "built" to? BUILT to?? HMMMMMM 4S is still here?? what ??? ? well at least the one that YinYang wanted to win won..!

and that's season 3 huh.

well. that was kinda filler? tbh?

and the message in episode 17 sucked- ..eh. hold on. I'm getting too angry over some discourse. I need a break from typing this.

okay after like half an hour I realized something. they were trying to win an award. I like AI art, but I don't think it should ever win any awards in competition with human art. the two are fundamentally different. I don't think there should be any competitions that have both, especially high prestige ones. that line at 14:0whatever was too far though.

my opinion is that human art and AI art are both art. but they're VERY different forms of art, and should probably be kept that way.

overall I liked the season. sure, YinYang didn't win and episodes 9 and 17 are...like that. but it's not that bad tbh.

probably gonna watch the rest of s2 tomorrow, but for now I just want to play minecraft.

[maxphilippa]

Nickel's sense of guilt and fear of change. [Character/II S3 Episode 14 Analysis, part 1/?]

Today, the longest episode of Invitational has dropped, and I have many thoughts of it as well. Might do more posts analyzing the events that ocurred as of now in canon, but I would like to talk about the heaviest part in the lore and how most people are not getting it completely (in my opinion), and that being: Nickel's current point of view of Balloon and his relationship with Suitcase and BB.

We all know that Nickel's actions hurted the Grand alliance, but what happened in the episode is that they showed how apparently, Nickel doesn't get exactly that things were completely fucked up.

In the episode, he mainly focuses on the good memories he had with BB and Suitcase, and doesn't even seem to hate Suitcase either, unlike what most people thought (me included to an extent, though I did see him being hurt mostly with their relationship and what happened in s2), but.

Nickel doesn't realize that he actually fucked up with them a lot, and that's the main issue.

Like, sure. He knows that stuff were messy at points but that's all he says. He mainly focuses on the good moments he had with them, maybe that's a product of him growing once he got eliminated and came to terms with himself that "well yeah there was a bit complicated shit but we still had fun together", but deep down he feels a sort of... guilt? Regarding Suitcase.

But even then, Balloon scolds him for trying to erase the times where Nickel made all of them feel bad. Hell! Even then Balloon recognizes that Nickel hurted Baseball deeply! And he says how Suitcase was the only one who had enough courage to stand up for her! Because hey! Nickel did use the same treatment that he used with Suitcase on Baseball! But the difference is that BaseBall kept making excuses for him!

The person who Nickel has been, alongside Baseball, "ignoring" of some sorts, has been Suitcase.

But here's the thing as well: Nickel doesn't know how to make things better again.

Nickel doesn't understand... feelings and complex emotions to put it shortly. He's afraid of change, and the way he just ignores the bad stuff that happened and tries to say that it's the only way that things can work, is... somewhat sad. Nickel doesn't understand a lot of stuff. He probably thinks that, at the end of the day, those were just little conflicts and that there was more good than bad.

But... that would mean he would also be running away from his consciousness over what Suitcase told him.

About how none of what they had was real.

He doesn't realize the damage he has done because hey. As much as you all like to think that Nickel didn't have his reasons to be a dick towards Balloon, he did. He actually did. He even mentions it in this episode, that if Balloon didn't try to manipulate everyone just as S1 started, maybe things would be different.

Nickel SAW and KNOWS Balloon's by his awful actions, and he wanted to protect BaseBall and Suitcase from him, since he thinks that Balloon CAN'T be trust-worthy after everything he did in S1.

That's why he was so aggressive as well towards Balloon. Yes, he cared for BaseBall, but he also cared for Suitcase deeply. The thing is that Suitcase was Balloon's friend, and Nickel can't bring himself to think that someone who he saw being such an awful person, could possibly be targetting someone who he cares about as well. So that's why he tried to push Balloon away for so long. He tried to keep his relationship with Suitcase and BB, he even says it in S2 when Suitcase confesses that she voted for him.

But of course, this is even more complicated. Both Nickel and Balloon fucked up, but Nickel fucked up for a longer time. Balloon was actually changing, and Nickel did only take the protective stance when this was happening. Which like, Nickel was right on that. He had his reasons to NOT trust Balloon. The problem is that he couldn't accept that Balloon was changing, and that he wasn't realizing that his actions were hurting both BB and Suitcase.

What I think that people don't get, or what hurts me the most, is the fact that Nickel is in denial. But it's merely the fact that when he hears Suitcase's voice, he doesn't get angry or mad, or even panics, no.

He's just... shocked.

What are you supposed to tell someone who went through hell, thanks to you, even if you tried to protect her from whom you thought was bad? What are you supposed to tell the friend who you tried to protect and instead hurted them in awful ways?

What are you even supposed to do in that situation?

It's not only that, but the fact that he didn't even think twice when walking towards her, didn't even question if she was truly Suitcase. Like, he immediately went on and tried to explain himself to her-

He completely forgot about everything because he wanted to talk to her and, I do think that he feels guilty for what he did, but he can't put it to words/can't understand it completely after all- but his first instict after seeing Suitcase is to talk to her about it.

He wants to explain himself to her- maybe even apologize, but he doesn't know how.

The thing is that Nickel is smart. With logical stuff, not feelings, according to Adam himself. And that fucks it all up for him.

Nickel can't handle change.

Suitcase can understand change.

Balloon is always changing.

And BaseBall can't keep up with it.

And that shows it here.

Nickel is a complicated character. Guilt is eating him constantly but he lacks emotional intelligence. He can accept that stuff went wrong, but seem doesn't understand what or why they did go wrong.

He regrets what he did to Suitcase most likely judging from his behaviour the mere second he saw her, but he can't tell why exactly. Same thing as Nickel probably realizing that he keeps on messing up the more he clings into that mentality. He tries to move on from the past, but he can't. He even says it. There's no way to make things feel better as of now, so that's why he pretends.

But there is a way.

He just... needs to talk it out with Suitcase and Balloon.

That being said, thank you for reading this.

[the-other-art-blog]

How can anyone honestly believe Cressida changed???

Sorry, but I do not buy the whole "my dad is mean and my mom pressures me so much and society puts me against women. so that's why I have been the biggest bitch for the last three years."

And it's very telling how some people are ready to forgive her, but they treat Pen as if she murdered someone and is beyond redemption.

May I remind you that Cressida was one of the people who judged Eloise and called her a "radical ruffian" after LW published her column about her.

Are we to believe that weeks later, she had an epiphany and decided to be kind to Eloise? No! She noticed the rift between Pen and Eloise and decided to go after El. She gets a Bton connection and leaves Pen alone and defenseless. Cressida has a direct beef with Pen, like all bullies she has a fixation against one person.

What's interesting is that despite their supposed tight friendship, El hasn't invited Cressida to have tea with the family every Sunday. It's like El knows that this is not a real friendship and Cressida will never replace Pen or at least whatever they have is not even close to what she had with Pen (I realize that this sounds like I'm talking about a romantic relationship, but so what, they're the second love story of s3). Also, the fact that the rest of the family hates Cressida doesn't help this relationship.

In 3x01 she bullied Pen TWICE. If El hadn't distracted her, Cressida would have said something mean to Pen. In fact, that's why El called her because she knew she was going to bully Pen. Then, obviously, during the ball, even El apologized to her.

Even in this gif below, and any other time, El looks embarrassed and regretful to be with Cressida. She is miserable and deep down (or maybe not so deep), she knows what she is doing is wrong.

I'm convinced that the only reason why Cressida did not spread Pen and Colin's deal was because El had already called her out on her bullying in ep1. When El tells her that Pen may have a chance with Debling, she laughs! Why Cressida, why is it so far-fetched that Pen may attract the attention of a wealthy lord?

Oh, but my favorite is when Cressida said she tried to befriend El in s2. Like hell she did! First, she mocked her when it seemed El had screwed up her meeting with the Queen. But when El charmed the Queen (ten seconds later), suddenly she's offering her "a spot "an opening" in her circle, as if friendship with her was a selected club where only the worthy ones had access (Blair Waldorf who? And yes, it's an insult).

Cressida also complains about her lack of proposals as if she were a poor debutante who never got the chance to attract a suitor. The reality is that as the beautiful and popular single daughter of a lord, Cressida could have gotten married quickly. She didn't because even the horrible men of the ton could not stand her. Madame Delacroix said it in s1:

But to me, the biggest clue that she is still the ton's biggest bitch is her promo video. This last bit tells me that she's still the same.

Now, I'll be discussing spoilers for episodes 5 and 6 (because there's no way to avoid them unless you go offline). So, if you don't want to know, stop reading.

I will also be discussing potential spoilers that relate to s4.

You're reading this at your own risk!

So according to the ss that I've seen of ep 5 and 6 and the teaser, they are following the storyline from RMB where Cressida lies and tells everyone she is LW. In the book Lady D offers a reward, in the show, it will be the Queen. We know that Lord Cowper is practicing some economic violence by restricting Lady Cowper and Cressida's allowance until C marries someone wealthy. 5000 pounds is a huge amount of money in Regency England, so C will want it, plus all the attention from it. I don't know much else because I did not watch the recap videos. But this shows she's still an awful person.

Onto Benophie rumors.

Ready?

It is widely believed that the Cowpers are Sophie's family. Why? Because Lady Cowper's given name is Araminta. There were also mentions in s2 that Lady Cowper stole a servant from another house, something the Araminta of AOFAG did. That and a few comments on ig posts that mention Sophie were liked by the actresses. I'm very confident with this theory, especially with the amount of screen time the Cowpers have this season, including their domestic life. I'm sure Sophie is there working as a maid. I don't know if she is Lord Cowper's illegitimate daughter, but somehow she ended up there.

Behind the scenes, this is a recurring change adaptations use to economize in characters. The Cowpers and the Gunningworths can blend into one easily. Plus, imo, the Featheringtons already give the evil step-sisters vibe that would seem repetitive to people who haven't watched the show. They would seem to be mere replacements for the Featheringtons after they leave the show in s3.

If so, then Cressida fits the Rosamund character perfectly. Both are ultra-mean women, both spinsters, both capable of being cruel to someone like Sophie.

What about Posy? Here's where things get complicated, some believe that Cressida's redemption arc will make her a combination of Rosamund AND Posy. I think that is an absurd idea since as this post argues, there's no such redemption arc. Posy is a beautiful character who suffered domestic abuse from the very people who should have loved her. And I do not trust anyone who villanizes her for not speaking up earlier. She was the bravest person in the book for stepping up and defending Sophie, even at the risk of suffering Araminta's wrath. If Violet hadn't adopted her, who knows what would have happened to her.

I'm open to changing my mind after watching part 2, but right now, I would rather lose Posy completely in the show than give Cressida traits of her personality. Let her live in the books with her vicar! If Sophie has to lose her sole source of kindness in her house (aside from the servants), like Pen lost Felicity, then so be it.

ONE LAST THING: IF YOU HAVE MORE DETAILED SPOILERS, DO NOT SHARE THEM HERE, PLEASE!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ANY MORE OF THE SEASON UNTIL I WATCHED IT ON JUNE 13TH. DON'T MESSAGE ME OR REPLY WITH SPOILERS.

WHOEVER SHARES MORE SPOILERS HERE WILL BE BLOCKED AND YOUR REPLY DELETED

[ultfreakme]

Thoughts on Jessie Gender's video on NATLA

I really admire Jessie Gender's videos usually, she's the one whom I usually go to to see videos on gender and queerness in media. I like her stuff a lot and respect their work.

But the NATLA video left me going "no, wait, that's not what happened" a lot. I can't summarize the video, I suggest people go watch it if they want to know but I disagree with practically everything for the most part.

I'm not anybody on the internet. But what I do have is a lifetime of growing up on ATLA, a degree in Sociology and English Literature, coming from a culture that ATLA is based on, studying about colonial rule, researching the cultures ATLA is based on in my spare time and a love for the original. Does that establish some legitimacy? If for some reason you feel like you need to go hate on Jessie for this, DON'T. DO NOT. This is me just critiquing because I think the video content was biased and I want to honestly engage with the points made because everyone has a tendency to demonize the adaption without looking at it on its own merit. With that said:

Point 1: Sokka's sexism is taken out to make the show more palatable and his arc in the Kyoshi Island episode undermines Suki to prop up Sokka.

She says that Sokka's sexism and him addressing it is a show-long arc, and him deconstructing that is him fighting against the colonial sexism of the Fire Nation.

Sokka's sexism is explicitly dealt with in one episode. He's shown to be overtly sexist in the first 4 and never again except for little comments here and there that every other character makes as well and goes unaddressed. His sexism is not because of the Fire Nation- FN is very inclusive of women as warriors. Sokka's sexism is an anomaly because no one but him cares that Katara isn't just sitting home mending clothes(Bato, Hakoda, none of the men on the ship they are on in S3 say a word and she takes off to join Aang in the Fire Nation islands).

If Sokka's sexism is not systematic to the Southern Water Tribe or caused by the Fire Nation, what kind of commentary on sexism is this?

She also says Suki is played down and demured to give Sokka confidence when she's teaching him, taking away her arc as she pines for the new boy who she likes because he's shirtless. Sokka's throughout the episode shows insecurity and a more subtle form of sexism where he's trying ton prove he's as good as her. He's trying to show off his strength to her, and failing miserably and when he realizes she bested him, he walks away. He goes into it assuming he's better than her but walks away realizing shit she is GOOD. Then he goes to her dojo to observe the practice and follows along, Suki invites him in seeing him fucking up the forms outside and teaches him.

Suki falls for a tackle Sokka does in the og and live action. In the OG, it's shown as Sokka ACTUALLY being better. In the live action? He isn't. One lesson doesn't make him better, she transitions from actually teaching him to kinda flirting until she completely stops. She's not weakening herself for him, both of them are expressing romantic interest. How did Sokka, a boy who that morning was defeated by them, get better than SUKI in a spar she put genuine effort in? I think that's frankly more sexist than the live action take.

Additionally, Suki was meant to be a one-off character meant to teach Sokka that sexism is bad. She existed entirely to serve Sokka's character arc and had no independent motivation in season 1. In the live action, we see her talk about wanting to go into the world, and see her growing motivation through Aang's presence of wanting to not just protect Kyoshi Island, but the world. She became what she is only in season 2 and 3. Sokka's sexism arc didn't even pan out well because he never addressed the issue with Katara after that episode, the first and most affected victim of his sexism.

Sokka wearing the armor in the original, is a joke. Aang calls their uniform a dress while laughing (it's not, like it's not even constructed like one, the bottoms are loose pants called Hakama). He isn't put into the uniform to show solidarity, it's a joke, and we are meant to be laughing at Sokka for the most part. Queer fans have reclaimed and redefined that scene to be like drag, but that wasn't the original intention of the show because we get jokes on Aang's masculinity which never actively get refuted from Toph in season 2. Katara of all people points out Sokka wearing a poinytail in a demeaning manner multiple times, a supposedly girly hairstyle. If the original wanted to honor Sokka embracing gender fluidity, they wouldn't consistently mock him for being choosy about buying a bag and wearing a ponytail(which in-universe has cultural importance to him).

All signs of 'femininity' in Sokka are played for laughs in the rest of the show(down to the scene where he draws a rainbow, and his master Piandao simply rolls his eyes).

Sokka is also never once shown as a better warrior in the live action- his story is the opposite. Sokka yearns here to be an engineer, a scientist tinkering away with new inventions. His father Hakoda and the SWT discourages this because there is no value in that for them. Value is shown for them to come from physical strength, which Sokka NEVER has in live action season 1(him having biceps and being shirtless is not a glorification of strength). He's good, but he's nothing special. His true highlight is in his intellect and the show implies pretty well that Sokka doesn't need to be physically strong or a warrior to fight back against oppression.

That's his defining line in the show teasers "you do not need to be a warrior, to be a hero."

Point 2: The sexism arc isn't replaced by anything more nuanced.

It is! It's replaced by the biases against bending. Sokka discourages Katara from bending because the Fire Nation attacked the SWT to eliminate waterbenders. Both Katara and Sokka hold fear for waterbending, a part of their own culture, specifically because of the Fire Nation's hegemony and hierarchical beliefs. Waterbending = preservation of culture and Katara says these exact words in episode 1. Sokka stopping her is him being under the colonial hegemony of the FN because waterbending is what brought Fire Nation soldiers to their shores to kill their mom. That's the new arc and it has follow through to the end. Instead of Sokka telling Katara to kick ass because he isn't sexist anymore, the live action Sokka says it because he's embraced waterbending and his own culture now through seeing Katara grow and letting her choose for herself what's best for her (instead of smothering in his faux warrior persona, which they literally discuss when stuck in the cave). This arc is exclusive to the show, there's no comment on the cultural significance and erasure of waterbending in the original.

It's made more explicit in Katara's arc, where she needs to get past the fear the Fire Nation has put in her of the dangers of her own bending, and embrace that her people wanted to protect it (Kya sacrificing herself, Gran-Gran hiding the waterbending scroll).

Point 3: Showing the genocide of the Air Nomads is disrespectful

In the original, the Air Nomads are nothing but a memory. At all times. We never see the influence of the Air Nomad culture on Aang, or see them alive and thriving at any point. We see them fight back on the live action, and the actual genocide is a few short minutes, interspersed with Aang sinking. It's not a lingering process and it shows the abilities of Air Nomads. Jessie says this is purely aesthetic and to be cool, but there are significant moments that happen here.

Establishing the powers of Air Benders- this is the first and last time we'll get to see Air Bending on this scale and this shows what they can do

There's a scene where two air nomads nod to one another, and the air nomad switches from defensive to an extremely offensive move. It shows that this isn't typical for the Air Nomads, and that they are being pushed to their limits

This is a festival, they were defending themselves and it's important to show that the Air Nomads didn't just go silently without a fight and were ambushed on an important day.

To show the Fire Nation's cruelty and the extent of their power during the comet specifically.

To give weight to WHY everyone Aang runs into is so critical and hateful of the fact that he was gone, and to also show why Aang never refutes them and the weight of what he's lost (and also that even if he were there, he couldn't have done anything)

It's not just to be cool, it's honestly not cool to watch and taking Gordon Cormier, a child's quote to say that's what everyone's impression is, is disingenuous despite the disclaimer given. The kids' quotes always get taken out of context. Reviewers and Avatar fans who went to the premiere were disturbed overall by the violence. They did not think of the Fire Nation as "cool", they saw the Air Nomads like that. Like don't we want people to think of the Air Nomads in a positive light for fighting back?

Their culture gets little to no expansion in the original, and whatever Aang has left of them is actually slowly stripped away in the original.

Aang is made to okay the destruction and modification of the Northern Air Temple when destruction is shown as wrong during his rage and grief in the Southern Air Temple. The new settlers have used the gliders of Air Nomads to device weapons that fly, which were then sold to the Fire Nation. The Mechanist and his people continue this and create more weapons to fight the war in the temples(albeit this time agaisnt the fire nation but the cycle of violence continues using devices and cultures of a peaceful people). A once-peaceful place, is now a center for war innovation and Aang is told to accept this because he must let go of the past to look to the future.

The above, in comparison to Aang simply saying "I should let go of the past and look to the future" is FAR more disrespectful of Aang's culture and past. The live action keeps Gyatso's memory a constant companion to Aang, he is terrified of letting go of the past and it hinders him from simply living.

Point 4: Violence is shown as good and the cycle of violence is perpetuated.

She says Kyoshi demanding Aang to fight back and hit hard is showing that Aang needs to embrace strength and power. That everyone telling him to fight and be alone means strength is given importance, and that the same is shown when Zuko says "sometimes the weak can become strong, sometime you just have to give them a chance."

Kyoshi is wrong. She is willfully portrayed as powerful, but harsh. Roku(though his screentime was small) disagrees with her and tells Aang to find his own way of fighting and that is ultimately what Aang follows.

Kyoshi doesn't come off as correct, she's demanding and harsh, unforgiving. Aang initially lets her take over because he is scared of the power he holds and she promises she can control it to help others. Aang doesn't want power(he literally says 'I don't want these powers'). In the finale, he gives in to the ocean spirit and does what Kyoshi asks; save everyone, even if it costs his own life. But it is shown as a tragedy. Katara calls back for him and tells him he shouldn't have to sacrifice himself, that he has a place in this world as he is no matter what others tell him and he listens to THAT. He says he will save the world not alone, but with his friends, in the memory of the Air Nomads to ensure it never happens again.

Physical strength is only a priority to Katara's character. Sokka doesn't fight in the end, he's begging Yue to not sacrifice herself and is protecting her. He's not some macho man. Aang is also not embracing power.

Zuko says that line not to show that he can grow stronger, but that people should get second chances. He's a hurt kid wishing his father had the compassion to let him grow. But he doesn't and Zuko walks away from it thinking physical strength and bending prowess is important, crushing his compassion. That line on a meta level isn't even about physical strength. It's about mental fortitude and character, and the strength to be compassionate.

Jet was mentioned as being portrayed as more wrong, but in the original he was ready to sink a village of innocents. in the live action he genuinely helped Katara with her waterbending and was justified in wanting to kill the mechanist(who collaborated with the fire nation) and King Bumi (who is neutral, incompetent and has let the Fire Nation run rampant in the city). He's more sympathetic here because he's doing it with a concrete reason, and he didn't even manipulate Katara the way he did in the original. She was genuinely charmed by him.

A big problem I had with Jessie's video was putting in clips from some right-wing channel between critique of NATLA....which....why? Huh? And these were used to say NATLA is leaning into fascist tendencies and smoothing out any critique of colonialism when it really isn't. I think NATLA is very explicitly saying the same message as the original. Not in the same way, but it is. The show actively engages audiences and the characters in discussions of cultural erasure and the problems of valuing power(the latter especially through Zuko and Azula).

There are million issues with the live action (Sokka's casting, ableism in Zuko's burn scar, the writing issues, pacing issues, the lack of screen time for Aang and focus on the Fire family). The ones Jessie Gender discussed though, are not it.

[bagofdo-ritos]

Can you share some jon headcanons? I'm curious to hear your thoughts about him!!

ohohoHOHO you’ve opened a (distortion) door that should’ve been kept locked:

- he’s chronically ill, and refuses to use any helping hand like a walking cane on days where his joints physically refuse to work because “i can’t let my coworkers lose respect for me”

- respect has always been a big thing for him because his grandmother was extremely old school when raising him and she drilled respecting everyone into his head while growing up (not to mention the only adults he saw were her friends who were also elderly so he was always described as “such a proper young boy”)

- HORRIBLE at handling his alcohol. he refused every post-work drinking invite tim would try to drag him to

- he does the mom thing when someone tries to show him something on their phone. he puts on his glasses and squints and leans back and he’s just so confused

- wore glasses s1-s3, and after the coma he just stopped needing them

- despite his attempts to be respected, tim has a blackboard in the break room that’s labeled “cat jon” and a list of everything they’ve seen jon do that resembles a cat. stretched like a cat. jumped like a cat in shock when tim laughs loud. constantly grumpy (like a cat). post-s4 he straight up just lives in the archives and sleeps there, tim walks in on him curled up on himself, asleep. like a cat. and lets just say there was a new bullet point on the list that afternoon.

- he hates halloween. even pre-institute he just found it so stupid and he hates getting ugly kids knocking on his door. in fact he just hates all holidays. he’s a grinch. georgie used to make him go to all these uni parties because if not she knew he would lock himself in his room forever.

- he wants to be organized. key word: wants. he cannot for the life of him keep his stuff organized. it’s a mess but he knows where everything is, ya know? problem: copious amounts of stress can mess up memory. throughout the story he just. forgets. where everything is.

- post s4 he has to actively remind himself to blink

- horrible sneezing habits. he sneezes like a father, and the first time he sneezed in the archives martin was walking past him with tea and flinched so hard he spilt it all over himself (jon used that to further his point of martins incompetence)

- he can cook. if forced to. or in dire situations. his oven has been untouched since his rented his apartment with the sole exception of boiling water for tea (he got a kettle a week later cause he couldn’t be arsed.)