#this is EXCUSIVLY about the character

[notsurewhatgodslookingfor]

dear lord i am losing my mind i want to make him suffer i want to let him smoke than put it out in his thigh just to hear the noises he makes. i want to overstimulate him and shove my dick down his throat and make him gag and see his eyes water. I want to tie him up all pretty and leave him like that for hours so i can admire him. I want him to be domesticated to me and me alone. I want his bite marks.

[eldritch-araneae]

I've been thinking suddenly how patriarchy fucks over everyone and sometimes it even gets you where you don't expect?

Like crying, you know how it seen as sign of weakness and excusivly feminine thing, so man cannot cry but surely its okay for woman?

And it's a moment when you realise it's not. Even if you afab, crying is still seen as something really bad and annoying. You always must hold your emotions inside, otherwise you're weak and unprepared for real life and won't get shit done.

I can see this part of generational trauma that passed to me from my mother, and to her from her mother and on. In addition to this, I was so badly abused in school bc I used to cry a lot. And it got so bad that I can't cry normally anymore (can't physically, it's really hard to squeeze a tear out of myself even if I really want to) which resulted in serious anger issues.

Which explains so much why male character crying feels so cathartic to me, and this is why I often draw/write about this. To cope. And yet, I had to be careful to not show this to my irl friends bc they didn't like how I always made guys "weak".

Thankfully, generally in fandom spaces, I never encountered the same attitude and considering how often the majority of a fandom are afab this makes me wonder if they too were forced to repress crying by society and feel the same way as I do.

When you think about it, it's so messed up that having anger issues is more acceptable than having crying as a coping mechanism. Because you can be angry and be "useful to society", but for some reason you absolutely cannot when you are upset and crying.