#this is DEFINITELY some cocomelon shit

[apollos-boyfriend]

youtube.com/watch?v=slogyR0ixGA heres a guide to speaking portuguese just so you never second guess it ^^

i’m being gaslit on my own blog. in my moment of weakness. i can’t believe this

[flippinpancakes64]

Hi hiii !! I luv your work sm !! I was wondering if i could request something like the cullens with a very sweet/gentle look about them, (pastels, like coquette) but they love heavy metal, horror, they collect odd things like bones and such ! I love the way you write and all your work so far !! <3

The Cullens with a Reader who has an opposite aesthetic

Thank you so much for the kind words!

I was having so much trouble trying to come up with a title for this btw

And I definitely understand this one. My car is completely decorated with pink cutesy stuff and then I blast mcr so

Anyway thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

He got whiplash the very first time he saw you

He could hear the music playing through your headphones, but he did not think it was coming from you

He thought he must have been going crazy or something

But he loves it

Blah blah insert something very deep and philosophical about you two being very similar

He thinks of himself as two very different things

The one that people see, the beautiful man

And then the monster he is on the inside

So he feels like you two are one in the same

Alice:

She absolutely loves it

She loves anything to do with fashion in the first place

And she thinks it’s so fun that you’re such a polar opposite on the inside

It always amuses her whenever she asks you what you’re listening to and you give her an earbud

Only for it to be like death metal

She enables this btw

Anytime she sees something cutesy she buys it for you

And if she sees any bones she gives them to you too

“Hold on Jasper there’s a deer skull over there, I need to get it for my partner”

“…what”

Jasper:

He would love you the same if you wore a trash bag

He doesn’t particularly care

He’s not really too “hip” with subcultures to know that bright pink and screamo music don’t really go together

So he doesn’t really see anything odd with it

As for collecting weird stuff like bones and various horror paraphernalia, he’s a little confused

Like what do you mean you want his scraps after he’s done hunting?

But he’ll do it anyway

He always makes sure to clean off a piece of whatever he ate that day to bring it back to you

He just loves seeing you happy

Rosalie:

In a way, she’s the same as you

She presents herself as a stereotypically beautiful woman

But on the inside she loves rebuilding and fixing up cars

So that aspect she can understand at least

What she’s a little confused about I is your love for horror movies

I feel like she doesn’t get them

She just thinks they’re all funny

She’s tried to sit down and watch them with you before, but she just can’t get into them

“The color of the blood in this movies is so wrong”

“That’s not what zombies actually look like”

“These people are so stupid! Just leave the house and go to the police!”

And she’s a little grossed out by the bones thing

She might bring you back a bear tooth if you ask nicely, but don’t make it a habit

Emmett:

He’s so down

He loves it

Some guy tried to make fun of you once, asking if you were listening to like cocomelon or something at school and you just unplugged your headphones and cannibal corpse started blasting

He didn’t talk to you again after that

He thinks it’s hilarious

And I feel like he would like his partners to be a little freaky

Like hell yeah babe I’ll bring back a mountain lion femur

He secretly thinks you’re a witch or a sorcerer or smthn

He won’t ask though

That’s between you and your spell book

Esme:

She was so confused at first

She got to know you at first, hanging out with you a couple of times, and then randomly on like the fifth date you asked to aux

She was shocked to say the least

And don’t even get me started on when she first saw your bones and other weird stuff

She definitely rethought the relationship

But she loves you and who cares if you’re a little weird

She’s not gonna bring home anything for you tho sorry

If you want weird shit you’re gonna have to go get it yourself

I have a feeling she doesn’t really like horror movies either

She jumps too easily

So you guys are gonna have to agree to disagree

Carlisle:

He doesn’t really care too much

Not in the way that he doesn’t care, but in the way that you could literally wear anything and he would still love you

He is a little shocked by your music and movie tastes at first, but ultimately he doesn’t care

He’ll sit down and watch your movies with you as well

They’re not his favorite, but he can stomach them

He won’t talk bad about them at all

He’s very respectful

And if you ask him to, he’ll bring back all of the bones you could ask for

He’ll clean them up for you and everything

He’s just a spoiler at heart

Vampire! Bella:

She loves it

She thinks it’s so fun that you look so different from what you actually like

She was pretty shocked at first

Definitely did not expect it from you

But she’s pleasantly surprised

She enjoys horror movies and heavy music too, so you guys get along

She’s always down to let you aux or pick out the movie you guys watch

And she’s always ready to bring you home whatever you want

You want specifically a moose skull?

Well, she was going to go hunting for a bear, but she’ll run up to Canada for you

[drifloonz]

hellooo. Can I ask for some dad steven headcannons?

i've been ignoring too many of my requests SOOO yes!! you may :)

dad steven headcanons!!

these are long sorry. or not sorry. whichever works. smile

____

♡ ok first of all. if this man impregnates you or anyone uh. he'll either be really into the idea or really fucking scared. usually a mixture of both. nervous and very anxious excitement.

♡ like he's always wanted children but in the state he's in now, he has always seen it as something unachievable for him nowadays

♡ who's getting pregnant? YOU decide!!!!!

♡ alternatively adoption exists which yeah that works too

♡ presumably, if this is a scenario where he's dating someone either the reader or like someone else, then PRESUMABLY he's gotten his life at least a little back together enough to clean his house a bit and clean Himself up a bit and generally just take care of himself and his surroundings more to be liveable enough for him, you, and presumably a child.

♡ single father steven is also very good. either or. but if he's a single father and a baby just drops in front of his doorstep he would take it but panic really hard ( he may at the dead of night fly to some adoption center and hope to god they take this random child... but he's also deathly scared of bad things happening especially w. waves hands at his whole story. so he might be too overprotective already to do that. )

♡ either way into actual dad hcs

♡ he used to babysit a shitton when he was younger, mostly with red and blue, so he's got the skillset for it. and he's also used to wanting to be a good rolemodel! it's just that these skills are so tucked away after the Depression Spiral that it's hard to get him back, but he definitely tries - for his child.

♡ honest to god if you asked him to name his child he'd either make an entirely new name or, because he's unoriginal and had a whole spiral over it, would name her miki or something very similar if she's a girl.

♡ welcome to the world Cool Charizard ( legal name ) /j

♡ ... it'd also be funny if whenever he has a child its always Girl because . yea. yea. Narrative curse.

♡ either way they basically don't have access to the internet bc i don't think steven even has that shit because he's poor as hell. at most he has phone data somehow that he probably isn't paying for. somehow.

♡ maybe his rent gets paid for him bc he was champion once idfk /j

♡ i thnik people are just too scared to properly enter his house and tell him to pay taxes and or rent he just gets to keep his shitty bigass house for free

♡ also it would be weird considering i think that the entirety of kanto tried to sweep him and his whole situation under the rug BUT THATS UNRELATED. SO!!!

♡ basically his kid is not an ipad baby thank god.

♡ even if his partner has one he's going to be like. vaguely scared of technology and also thinks itd be a really bad idea ( it is ) to just raise their child on that shit. the baby gets one cocomelon video a week /j

♡ thank god he probably still has his tv's that somehow still work so he just will let them watch baby shows in the living room sometimes instead of fucking cocomelon . thatd be horrendous.

♡ sometimes watches kids shows with his kid in his lap or next to him. usually falls asleep pretty quick into doing that

♡ he DOES tuck them in goodnight.. sometimes tells them stories.

♡ steven is really really really really overprotective over his child/ ESPECIALLY if it's like. straight up his child with you or whatever. that was a labor of LOVE!!! this also means he loves them very much but he's very dodgy with them going outside and whatnot. at least without his supervision.

♡ he'll be silly for his child and his child only. he'll make funny faces for them to giggle at and things like that and try to do fun things w his lil baby. etc etc. it's very cute to look at but if you use it against him he's going to glare at you really hard and squint judgementally

♡ honest to god i've said this so often to my friends . steven is ABSOLUTELY the type of guy to accidentally drop his baby while trying to hold them or throw them into the air a little and go "Oh shit. Sorry". brad lisa the painfulcore type dad except like less morally neutral bc his situation isnt the same

♡ lets the baby nap in with him a lot. sometimes you can walk into his bedroom and see him with all of his long ass hair splayed out on the bed and the baby also splayed out on the bed ... stevens gotta get his beautysleep!!! so does his kid!!!

♡ stevens really not sure whether to keep miki ( the charizard ) a secret from his child or not. because he knows that like. miki wouldn't hurt his baby almost definitely but he's still kind of scared of the possibility of either of them hurting one another accidentally or not... so at least until theyre older miki's probably a thing he tries not to mention.

♡ in general he also tries to not talk about himself or his past at all to his kid. he doesn't want them to know the ugly sides of himself.

♡ he just pretends he's a normal guy. if they somehow find out otherwise he'll either sigh deeply and tell them the truth, likely as some sort of life lesson to them ( either on safety, cautiousness, boundaries and trust w the trading incident or 'Hey if this happens to you maybe don't do what i did' but im not sure if he's self-aware enough to think of him as in the wrong entirely in that situation ), or he'll just say "must be a different guy" ( they look exactly the same in photos other than how disgruntled steven is now ... )

♡ he absolutely has a baby carrier. i think he always has wanted to carry a baby like that bc he thinks its all cute and funny. he probably smiles at you when you look at him wearing that with your little googoo in it. it looks so odd on him that it's kind of funny

♡ steven is absolutely a dilf tbqh... imagine dadbod steven NOW.

♡ sorry for sidetracking so much. anyways, he's the type of dude who OVERprepares. like MONTHS in advance, he's already buying a shitton of baby clothes, food, bottles, various furniture, etc. how is he buying these? well. either with your money or he's stealing that shit. or he somehow actually has money now. he might've mugged the various people who try to sneak into his house and 'mysteriously' die. who knows. It's a living! Kind of..????

♡ due to his general aversion of society he's kind of torn over wanting to go to a hospital or just doing it in a tub or something if its a situation where he has a partner. i think ultimately he'd do it in a hospital, despite his fear of people, because he's really scared of something going wrong. he'll wait with like. bated breath. scared as hell.

♡ he will cry the second that baby is in his arms. 100%. trust me. like. silently, probably - at least for the first few seconds. but theres a lot of tears. and a smile.

♡ he hums little lullabies to his baby and will gently move them back and forth... while the babies probably chewing at his hair a little.

♡ also yes he lets the baby play with his hair... his hair is that childs stimtoy ( whatever this means )

♡ s!3v3n is also surprisingly calm and good to the baby. the baby would either be fucking terrified of s!3v3n's face or think its silly and laugh at it. s!3v3n particularly likes to make silly faces where his tongue sticks out real far ( he can just do that when hes like that dw abt it ) and he goes crosseyed

♡ =P =D => <- s!3v3n making silly faces for a baby ( pov )

♡ ok this has all mostly been pregnancy and baby hcs. actual kid hcs uhhh... he probably really wants to homeschool his kid bc hes very overprotective but if you talked him into it he'd reluctantly put them in Actual Public School so they can have like. a social life. lol. bc otherwise theyd be EXTREMELY fucking isolated considering stevens been vanquished to Pallet Town's Shadow Realm ( aka pallet town 'A little to the west guarded by rocks and past the forest' edition ) and steven really doesnt want them to be lonely bc it sucks and hes been isolating himself for most of his life at this point so he knows it sucks

♡ he gets more comfortable going outside. most of kanto has forgotten about him anyways - he just specifically avoids going out to pallet town. if his kid wants to go there and hes not a single dad he'll have his partner do it for him. but he likes to go take walks with them and go to playgrounds. plus, he doesn't even have to whip miki / M' out in the wild grass - pokemon avoid him anyways. lol.

♡ as bittersweet as it is, if his kid wanted to be a pokemon trainer he WOULD have the best tips and tricks on it... he was the undefeated champion and arguably the first ''pokemon master'', whatever that term even means. ( presumably ''trainer champion'' instead of ''probably appointed to be in that position for someone to fight'' champion. like lance. or The Other steven. or smth. )

♡ he'd probably find a way to get his kid a starter... he still lives in kanto and close to pallet town too, so he can pull a silver and like. steal a starter. or he could just send his kid on their way ""without supervision"" ( hes lurking in the forest keeping an eye out just in case ) to ask oak about it

♡ if they pick charmander it is 90x more bittersweet. amen. but i think bulbasaur would be cute too bc its the only starter not picked and not relevant in strangled red + my own personal bulbasaur bias.

♡ although stevens going to tell them not to trade pokemon for obvious reasons - either thru a ''spooky tale'' / urban legend ( that is just his story but he tells it much more vague. like. ''... well i heard sometimes pokemon don't come back out.'' ) or just straight up says some shit like ''yea don't trade pokemon. it's bad.'' without elaborating

♡ regardless. he's still being very overprotective and unless his kid doesnt budge on it hes preferably not letting them go explore the world on their own until theyre like... 13-16

♡ even then. hes usually kind of trailing behind without telling them bc he legitimately has nothing better to do.

♡ ... also if the kid doesnt have a rival , like, no one at school or no one who they meet in their journey, then steven might. like. sigh deeply. get a few pokeballs from god knows where. catch a new team comparable to their kids level range. and be their rival. who is also their dad of mid 20s to early 40s in age. for some reason. people question it but he doesnt care he just wants his kid to have fun

♡ funnier option that i dont think he'd do ( probably ) is he pulls a clavell ( or team rocket ) and acts like a totally different guy when all that changes is his fit and maybe his haircut. except he prob pulls it off well. he'd still be obviously steven but his cap is backwards and his hair is tied up and his little jacket or w/e is around his waist and thats all that changes. his shoes might be untied for the 'stupid kid / teenager' look but then he trips over his feet and ties them bc its not worth the image

♡ alternatively ; its just s!3v3n. thats kind of steven but different right ( JOKING. HE WOULD NOT DO TH

♡ this hypothetical would be way funnier if he regained his entire reputation somehow of being a cool and strong pokemon trainer that he had when he was actually a trainer bc ppl forgot abt champion steven. and hes just like. "Okay. It's a neverending cycle of torment huh." under his breath when his kid cannot hear

♡ if asked for his name in this state hes just like uhh. uhhhhaa,.f uh. uh. stephen... thhhheee. third.

♡ he's probably not doing the thing mike and or blue did where hes the last e4 fight who isnt even an e4 member but is your rival. thats a bit too bittersweet for him. this whole exercise is fun but he doesn't wanna FULLY relive his glory days a year before his awesome trauma spiral. he also may or may not even do the gym leaders for the same reason. hes just a guy who his kid fights sometimes that is classified as a rival by technicality

♡ also yes he still has miki. he always has miki. shes just probably tucked into a bag or smth so ppl dont ask about why he has a cracked fucked up pokeball. she only comes out if his kid is in serious danger and he needs an intimidation tactic, or at worse, a method to quickly harm or kill someone with

♡ eg if a serious evil team situation happened and genuinely harmed his kid or threatened to their asses are not leaving unscathed.

♡ sorry this specific 'fake rival who is also your dad who also used to be the undefeated and first trainer champion of kanto' scenario is extremely fucking funny to me + fun in general. but moving on

♡ type of guy to dress his kid when theyre like a baby who cant think for themself in the stupidest halloween costumes ever. big pumpkin costume. hes about to crack into laughter when he takes a picture of them in it . or a charmander costume . because its steven. ( yes hes in a giant charizard onesie and yes if you make fun of him or his kid hes going to kill you dead

♡ he does go trick or treating w them too. he like. feels normaler on halloween. it was probably one of his favorite holidays even if pallet town was small an he probably got 50% apples and shitty non name brand stuff and 50% actual candy from the neighborhood homes

♡ type of parent whos going to squeeze his kids hand real tight when they get a shot or anything like that

♡ semirelated. hes tall and his hands are big but hes still gunna hold his kids hand everywhere even when theyre older until his kid complains enough ab it being embarrassing.

♡ has to crouch to talk to his fucking kid on eyelevel a lot of the times that his back hurts. like. more than it usually does.

♡ solution; just pick them up and talk to them while they are lifted into the air if theyre ok with it

♡ piggyback rides for his kid. 100000%. hes a piggy back ride type of guy. along with other similar things. would it be called grumpiggyback riding because its pokemon... anyways

♡ i think when his kids older they probably have a lot of inside jokes and steven likes to banter with them a little. playfully. and also likes to make jokes with the most deadpan ass voice bc his kid finds it funny, probably.

♡ stevens never had parents, so being a parent to someone else is... foreign, but also not really? as mentioned he did constantly used to babysit blue and red. and he was overall the teenage childhood role model for many kids in pallet town... but he himself was mostly raised by mike. so. either way, he very much loves kids and taking care of them. so tldr. hes a really good dad.

♡ i have more ideas but if you want any specific dad steven hcs explored jusrt ask me bc i have thoughts on this.

[all-seeing-ifer]

my assumption about you is that you are thinking about ats s4 again

humiliating to admit as ever but. yeag. can i be so fr right now i am definitely reaching that point i always get to in a special interest right before it gets replaced by something else where i don't even want it in my brain like i'm kind of sick of thinking about it but i can't stop it's like a broken tv stuck on one channel. every time i think about ats season 4 i feel so absolutely zonked out of my fucking gourd but it's llike quicksand i keep getting sucked back in. anyway disclaimer this isn't a serious vent about my mental health or anything I'm actually fine this is very normal for me and will probably pass soon however for the moment it is doing some cocomelon shit to my brain slightly

[goingtochurch]

THE EARTHSPARK REVIEW NO ONE ASKED FOR EP11: HASHTAG OOPS

First and foremost

alt mode time

i know the leaks came out a while ago bUT I AM STILL SO HYPE FOR THEM

him in all of his glory

the best boi

THE best

Hashtag is a cocomelon child you cant tell me otherwise

twitch is also adorable

i would kill for her in a moments notice i gotta be honest

thrash is also trying his hardest though

ALSO THE S H O V E

"yeah you scanned yours on accident- MINE has meaning c:"

true siblings

jawbreakers lITTLE HYPE TOO

I ADORE THEM

I AM GOING TO KILL SOME PEOPLE IF THEY GET HURT

i smell the tism and i love you

oH WOW who could have ever known that things were gonna go wrong immediately after they said "itll be fun!" or something like that

i love twitch but twitch can be smol brained

bumblebee comin in clutch though

hacker voice "im in"

this looks exactly like what i thought the internet would physically look like as a kid

schloder stans where u at come get ur mans

HUBBAND TIME

HU B B A MD AAAAAAAAAAAAA

I would

let him do anything

i do not care

this is a really nice angle

stealth 1000

"nothing happened!" im pretty sure it did hashtag

i am

very certain everything happened

also how did they not hear bumblebees loud af footsteps

"loud af grippers" - my watching buddy

kudos to him for the screenshots

life saver

and the king who got the singular best derp in the west

nightshade u good

also i am pretty sure those two agent are dead

like

whaT WAS HOLDING YOUR HAND OUT GONNA DO

YA GONNA PULL A JURRASSIC PARK????

RAPTOR TRAIN THAT MFER????

SKULLCRUNCHER DOESNT LIKE YOU

"idk about u but skullcruncher sounds like a lovely gentleman" - my watching buddy

get bodies u two pricks u deserve it

also hubby may have died

i need

to know if hes okay

i dont think he did qwq

nightshade definitely has the tism

that whole five month hiatus was them building the base and tbh go u (insert gender nuetral term for royalty

that electricity bill about to be eXPENSIVE

dot should be very mad

what do park rangers even get paid

not enough for this shit thats for sure

awww wholesome end moment

there was no good way to segway to this but

hold gentle like hamborger

[smolcinnamonchipmunk]

The first httyd movie is literally my favourite movie in the world but I so badly want the franchise to die, they keep dragging its lifeless corpse around to make money, the future show and 3rd movie sucked and I fear it will keep getting worse

I'm sorry, Anon, but it seems we're in the worst timeline where anything beloved and original is just going to be paraded around like an empty husk for profit to parents that think animated films are only for kids and they can't enjoy them due to a general deterioration of quality and inter-generational appeal of animated movies

That is to say that there's been a general dumbing down of animated movies and shows over the last decade while adult movies remain rather adult, tearing down any middle ground between the two and leaving teens without their own media and parents not wanting to watch animated stuff because of things like Cocomelon and shit. Which in turn leaves older cartoons that are nostalgic are being converted into live action to cash in on adult nostalgia while almost definitely getting rid of some of the 'edgier' humor and dumbing it down. HTTYD is not a very risque movie by any means, but I can see some jokes like the 'That shield has a flower on it, girls like flowers' bit being cut out because "Dreamworks doesn't stand by the misogynistic joke standard for early 2010s humor" or something along with the change of Astrid's race being used by both pro and anti live action sides as a charge point

Regardless, I'm incredibly disappointed to see such a standalone franchise, or hell even just the first movie (cause that's the best one and the Toothless design is the best one, no I will not be swayed on this), be dredged up for profit in what is likely a lackluster remake that I will refuse to watch. The designs look bland at best and are almost insulting given the amount of concept art that they could have gone with instead of a fucking one-for-one goddamn shot-for-shot shit they have

[princehendir]

It may be a cop out but I think Varric being pregnable would be a lateral move tbh. Not more or less weird but definitely different weird.

Also something something party banter with Isabela about birth control something something

Wait hold on varricbela birth control banter is doing some cocomelon shit to me. Can we all just collectively hold space with this for a moment.

[shmowder]

Honestly I put yulia in the neutral tier since I’m very similar to her in some regards and I’m having a crisis every other Wednesday so like I could get high with her we can have a crisis as a team! But no yeah in retrospect not really a neutral option unless you enjoy depression…or unless she mellows out while under the influence which isn’t probably likely

Oh yeah if you get high with Aspity some sort of horrific thing will occur to you during or afterwards that’s one where you dug your own grave now lay in and oh god the idea of giggly happy high Daniil is absolutely beautiful he’d absolutely demand you never speak of that to anyone ever as if anyone would actually believe you to begin with if you attempted to tell them that.

Thought of some more characters after sending the original ask so I’ll give those thoughts as well because oh boy did I start thinking a lot about this most of it while I myself was under the influence, I’d probably put Nina kain as well into the it could become a terrifying experience to be high/get high with her genuinely do not think that experience goes well for you that just seems like it ends poorly, Lara seems like she could go either way as well it might be a good experience or it could get depressing as all hell that or she’d become oddly productive no matter how it goes I love Lara so I don’t care which it becomes I’ll get high with her still. Including the executioners since it’s too funny not to, this assuming you could get high with them which would be a horrifying experience in which it would feel like you are dying….probably because you die afterwards or similar to Aspity something bad happens to you in some way shape or form but then again you dug your own grave buckroo. The last character I have any thoughts on how they’d be around to smoke with is vlad the younger and I think that’d be a miserable experience I don’t think it’d anything expect absolutely miserable I don’t know why you’d want to get high with him anyway but if you do it won’t be fun at least that’s my opinion.

-immune anon

honestly who am i to rain on your parade if the "half-empty glass" woman is your cup of tea. Pass her that joint.

For Vlad Jr, I understand where you're coming from.

But I don't think it'd be that bad. He's the type who thinks "this ediable ain't shit" five minutes later. "Can the kin worms communicate with the worms in the ground below?"

He remains collected for half an hour through the trip before it all hits him at once. He either freaks out or becomes the most mellowed out version of himself.

In both scenarios, he's the type to go full conspiracy theorist. Making connections between unrelated things, uncovering mysteries that were allegedly hidden in plain sight.

Vlad Jr. as your trip sitter is when his virtues shine through....kinda of. He doesn't let you wander off into the street in your current state, at least. But he mind put you through the "🐭🐭🐭🐭🐰🐭🐭 Spot the rabbit!" cocomelon quizzes type shit. Out of curiosity.

Casually bringing up the embarrassing stuff you did the next day. "Hey, remember yesterday when you showed me your animal print sock collection, then proceeded to cry on the floor in a fetus position when you couldn't find the other pair to the frog socks? Well :) I paid some people to break into your house and search for them, here you go. It apparently was at the bottom of your laundry basket. You must have missed it under the pile of clothes."

Or mentioning how he found some pebble shaped candy in the store, so you don't have to go and eat rocks like you kept talking about while high last night.

It's like he is trying to be helpful–but his definition of help isn't the most appropriate or useful.

[okthatsgreat]

HEY @shsl-roomba I WROTE OUT A WHOLE REPLY TO YOUR QUESTION AND THEN TUMBLR DECIDED NOT TO PROCESS IT LMAO! and then when i tried again it deleted the entire ask so </3 Um!

im gonna copy and paste here THE ORIGINAL ASK WAS ALONG THE LINES OF "how would your ocs react during the tragedy (if they weren't remnants?)"

you guys are being so nice asking these questions btw this shit is like cocomelon 2 me

YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright SO!!!!!! this list is going to be decided based on how likely they are to survive in an apocalyptic/post-apocalyptic scenario IGNORING the possibility of them becoming remnants................ i reckon despair still definitely has a say in all of this just because of the nature of this catastrophe but i will try avoid them becoming "remnant-like"/evil if that makes sense !!!!!! ALSO this is ignoring the possibility of them getting like. nuked or smth

FROM MOST TO LEAST LIKELY TO SURVIVE!!!

• sae: knows how to survive off of very little, lives in a (mostly-- her afi is still alive and kicking probably!!!!!!) secluded fishing shack off of the coast of iceland where the nearest town is like a forty minute drive. she is (as her ultimate would suggest lol) an extremely skilled fisherman and sailor, so should it REALLY come down to it she could man a solo ship into the ocean for a few weeks and be totally fine. not only that but she is remarkably well adjusted to this life already and will have little difficulty adjusting should a catastrophic event hit the majority of the population. sae is fine with seclusion, very physically strong in the rare chance somebody does attack her in person, knows how to live off of the ocean, and lives far away from heavily populated areas. honestly disregarding the loneliness that will definitely start creeping in on her and having to deal with people dying all across the world she will be so fine gfjhkdghksfhfdgdfjk. she would be more than happy to keep her and her afi safe, and maybe the occasional wandering survivor should they approach with good intentions

• naomi: sae is the outlier in that i know for a fact she would be extremely likely to survive, but EVERYBODY ELSE on this list has a much higher percentage of getting themselves killed LMFAO. that being said, naomi has been a bit of a survivalist for most of her life and is definitely scrappy enough to make her way around. now when i say "survivalist" i don't mean she's like. a hunter or knows much about outdoor living, which is definitely a disadvantage for her, but she's survived periods of time with limited/no food or shelter. obviously this wasnt an apocalyptic scenario but she could definitely apply some of her knowledge she's gained from that time!!! it would be hard to catch her, so if she were to get herself killed it would probably be because she seriously fucked up somewhere along the line or she died of hunger/freezing. AND ALSO IMPORTANTLY naomi is not the most headstrong character and despair is certainly just as much of a threat to her as other people are. paranoia could be helpful in some cases in keeping her safe but it will really end up damaging her in the end, not to mention other people if they ever manage to run into her. likely wouldn't hang out in a group (but honestly i could see it in an au that is nicer to her lol. a group of like four or five that takes her in and tells her to chill the hell out)

• erin: NOW I KNOW SHE SEEMS REALLY HIGH UP ON THIS LIST so let me start off by saying a few things. number one the jump in survival rate has SERIOUSLY plummeted from naomi to erin, like they are NOT in the same realm of conceivably surviving LMFAOO. number two while in any normal apocalyptic scenario erin would suffer, i can really really clearly see one scenario where she ends up being ok. like in a normal scenario she would really have to toughen up and drop the pippy act immediately (which, if push came to shove, she could), and while she isn't extremely strong or knowledgable about survival she is very ruthless. despair would hit her like a TRUCK at first, mostly because her entire life was dedicated to that kids show of hers that is now gone forever along with most of its audience, but once she gets over that (IF she does) she would absolutely grow a backbone and help out. does that mean she survives??? not necessarily. but in the event she does end up getting over the despair she would likely join a group of some kind and help out in any way that she can. ALSO. I KNOW THIS IS KINDA CHEATING SINCE TECHNICALLY THE EVENTS OF ULTRA DESPAIR GIRLS IS "AFTER" THE TRAGEDY. but if we are considering those events then erins survival rate just shot wayyyy up because i can really see the kids of towa city taking a liking to her due to her children's show and just kidnapping her as a second servant LMFAOOOO. some kinda jester even. and ohhhh my god she would get so fed up with nagito. she survived a whole tragedy and reshaped her entire personality only for THIS asshole to give her grief good fucking lord

• ryobe: ryobe is a lot more cunning than he first seems, and while he knows nothing about survival or fighting (should it come down to it which it likely will), he could reasonably work his way up in a group of survivors. while his refusal to relent his goofy personality in such an upsetting situation would definitely earn him quite a few enemies, it probably DOES help him to get through a lot of the trauma in general. unfortunately it is also very likely his downfall as well. he doesnt have this "whole world gets ripped out from under him" moment like erin does and when he finally does realise he needs to get a bit of a grip it is wayyyyy too late. he would really piss off a lot of important people and in an apocalyptic scenario where everybody is extremely paranoid you need to be able to resolve conflicts in a peaceful manner. and the second he gets kicked out of a group (if he even MADE IT to one in the first place) its OVER. he can not survive on his own, both mentally and physically

• mika: she's got more of a grip on reality than ryobe does but she doesn't have any particular skills that will cause her to excel in this scenario. can't fight, not particularly charismatic, not particularly cunning. it really all comes down to luck and she famously does not have a great track record with this

• yoshito: a huge softie with, unfortunately, zero relevant skills. he either goes mad or dies before he gets the chance to. i cant see a scenario where he ever fights back like a few of his classmates with similar strength would, he isn't very fast, and he is not equipped to handle loneliness. the only thing i could possibly think of that he could use is his knowledge of certain shelters and food banks, but ALL of them are likely to get targeted in an apocalypse like this so he's pretty shit out of luck in general lol. he'd stay hopeful for as long as he possibly can, but i can't really see him making it super far. best case scenario he becomes a future foundation member

• rie: nothing in her life had prepared her for this and i really don't think she would make it. while she would probably have a "whole world gets ripped from under her" moment like erin did she would not adapt quickly and even if she did push through she is not nearly as ruthless or determined to survive. physically weak, probably losing her mind a bit and letting that charismatic side of her slip, and has no clue how to find food or shelter. not to mention the lifestyle adjustment would also be extremely jarring for her as well, even if she is probably more adjusted to living on very little than most would expect of her. overall just cant really see it, in a beautiful world where everything goes right for her she might be able to pull herself out of trouble by the skin of her teeth

• billie: girl whose whole purpose is to be mid then die. family guy death pose................... TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and of course. andi computer

THANK YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! <333333

[daryldixonsjizzrag]

Random modern John Marston hcs and also things I think he'd like (might add more tmmr) some Javier x John stuff (fluff) is mentioned so just keep scrolling if u don't like that - He LOVES canned cheese. Like the American whipped cream bullshit. Javier would constantly be screaming at him wondering where there's 5+ cans of cheese in the fridge. - Septum piercings. Javier gave him one. He cried a little but refused to admit it. When it healed the kissed once and somehow got their piercings stuck and had to figure out how to get them unstuck. - DRUM KITS!!!! That mf would be so loud on them. He got multiple noise complaints from the neighbours but seriously didn't give a shit (he also watched hop as a kid and that's partially what got him his interest in drums and rock and stuff). - Alternative rock. The amount of times Javier hasn't been able to sleep because he could hear "I WATCHED A CHAAAAAAANGE IN YOUUUUUUU" Being screamed by John is just way too many to count. His fav band would definitely be Deftones. He usually entirely ignores the lyrics and only pays attention to them when he's blasting the music in public, realising how fucked they can be and changes the song to the cocomelon theme or smth idk. More under the cut

- Weed. It's self explanatory. - His childhood comfort character was probably Scooby-Doo. He also really liked Shaggy and as he got older grew a theory that Shaggy was hiding a bong somewhere in that van (It's so canon don't lie). - HE WAS A MYSPACE EMO EVERYONE!!!!! - Looked up porn on a school library laptop once because he was dared to. Deeply regretted it. But he didn't????? Idk I'm very sleep deprived. - He either wears amazingly tight skinny jeans like the shit all male teachers wear or the baggiest pants to ever exist in the history of clothing. No in between. - Javier took him to a emo/goth shop once. Probably ALT CVLT was the first goth shop John ever went to. He got some pants, one of those weird chain harness things and a rat skull. I'm absolutely losing it rn and I think at some point I just started writing shit ab myself but 😜 OH WELL /hj. Below are just some random thoughts I have about him from time to time he looks like a wet kitten. it's very cute. Even though his hair is greasy af. woah I just blinked and had this vision of John with like really skinny legs that was enlightening. I think about him alot. like alot alot. I cried whilst looking at pixel him earlier this morning. I was simply just riding to armadillo and started crying because he makes me IMPLODE with serotonin. I subconsciously changed my sleeping schedule to match his pls help. I could put all this in the tags but NO. My brain doesn't want that. I'm only getting 6 hours of sleep per night and I feel like I'm going to die.

[makedamnsvre]

so mad at my sister for being obsessed with chickfila like she was on the phone with her boyfriend like "i wish you didnt have a severe and potentially fatal peanut allergy so that you could eat chickfila" are you insane. i wish i could do some kind of like evil cocomelon pavlov shit like playing hypno stuff while shes asleep to like associate chickfila with some kind of horrible trauma so that whenever she even thinks about it she gets horrible flashbacks or ptsd or something. i hope every chickfila gets bombed and they go bankrupt and that the people who own chickfila are brutally killed and cannibalized live on national television in High Definition

[rontra]

If you’re looking for Zatanna recs I recommend her Seven Soldiers run and Zatanna: Everyday Magic! Both do pretty good justice to her character methinks

me and anon are looking yes! let's have a look here (pages rustling)

Everyday Magic - ah, a cool 50 pages AND THEY SAY SWEARS IN THIS ONE! they let constantine say fuck on page TWO. we must always remember to never forget the jld 2017 incident NOBODY SAYS THAT

she has a lil ego in this one which i do like. its pretty snappy and brisk they keep it moving at a nice clip. god it's definitely from 2003 though isn't itMFGJBHG

anyway i don't love the art but you KNOW i love her little JACKET. with the Z?! thats so fucking cute of her. that's good jacket content. (+ the boot cut jeans and big stompers...girl absolutely)

i had fun. the last bit dragged a bit for me but at the end of the day it is only 50 pages so it's done in one. EASY!

Seven Soldiers - i don't know anything about this line at All but all the other comics in it are names i dont even recognize. god help us all. this one is a bit more ribald which isn't my usual cup but it's moving along quick enough so i'm not bored either...oh but most importantly her magician costume is back in Many Many Lingerie Variations which is doing some cocomelon shit to me trying to keep track of them

i love that they give her a little scrunkly in this one. that's so important. also she is COMICALLY deep in her failgirl era and everybody knows it 😭 girl you were too fucked up for the justice league!!!!

hmm... this one's not really my taste. i liked parts of it some scenes really entertained me + there were some exciting page layouts here and there but overall the Vibes weren't my thing. still there was some genuinely funny bits in there and you know i love a failgirl so i don't hate it either. i would not cast it into the flames it was fine

liveblogging my HERstory class. they can go in the corner here i'm expanding the canvas. room for more if anyone has 'em

[kittycatcock]

you are doing some cocomelon shit to me i haven't looked at pony porn since i was 16

i mean. same if im being quite honest... but that artist is so gooooood, im definitely willing to reevaluate pony porn as a viable medium for expression. y'know.. now that it's trans gender

[spoonbenders-archive]

DHMIS 6 truly is the definition of "you are doing some cocomelon shit to me"

[boatemlag]

a lot of martyn art on the dash im not complaining it's definitely a welcome addition but its doing some cocomelon shit to me

[freckliedan]

we literally did say that then which was confusing our timeline reckoning ! we definitely were saying... a Lot and definitely were saying it before the dapg hiatus bc dan howell was doing some cocomelon shit to us. but ! we have pinpointed the stoned hysteria to february 2019.

“Weed and dan studies” is so real 💀 do you remember in like early 2019 (?) when you visited and we smoked out of my bong and i pulled the bowl out for you and we watched all the pinofs and had a psychic mind melding moment and decided that they were going to come out

babes i think about that all the time sharing a psychic link with you is such a blessing 💞 not kidding that was so real and becoming untethered from time and just yelling to each other in perfect understanding was an incomprable experience. we were so right and also how the fuck was that in 2019