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#this is . So long and i literally still dont kno anything abt her personality
bawkrya · 2 years
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Uuuh something something flag (i want to hear about cdramas)
ok HI well you caught me at the most devastating time where im fixated on the worst of the three cdramas i rotate in my brain (or ginal sin again) LOL, im going to force yall to sit down and perceive my hyperspecific version of chi zhen (my girlfriend) in my brain
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SO! if you have the patience take my essay length "summary" of OS/and how i perceive it to have more context for who chi zhen is and what he does
my transgender king. and NOT in the way u wld expect. chi zhen is like. Removed from a lot of things, but i think she esp wld be for LGBT stuff & similar topics. like he didnt know what a bisexual was until one of the girls at his club explained it to him removed. If you put this man through covid 2020 lockdown he would come out trans in some way which is WHAT I DO TO HIM!
ive kind of given her my gender which is no gender but in the opposite way where hes transfem vs me being transmasc. she still aligns with more masculine things but also sophie called him her 'favorite pretty girl' as a joke once and he had to sit down and dissect the feelings it put in his brain. i literally use she/her or he/him for her depending on what flows better with the sentence in my brain.
if i do commit to the rewrite though it wld be very very subplot that IS noted, but he literally wouldnt even have time to properly think about it in depth bc hes u know, trying to kill someone, someones trying to kill him, etc............ but also for the rewrite i am wanting to do 'spinoff' where i jst invest some writing into 'downtime' story for like. character development. Filler basically but its not being injected as to prevent the rewrite from getting too long bc I Promise You It Will.
2. going 2 go over this before my actual next point i wanted to go over but this mf has autism. he wears sunglasses p much everywhere & honestly jst seems like he has a sensitivity to light. the way he goes about certain social instances in the show. and i dont think we were shown Much of how she is in the courtroom but she very much seems to be a patterns sort of person when it comes to solving situations.
also i am autistic.
3. the actual thing iwanted to go over: herspecial interest is colognes/perfumes and he can identify a VERY good portion of such jst by smelling it. i literally dont know why this is wht i chose for him but hes Definitely like insanely prissy about personal hygiene and (covers the show with my hand) dresses herself well and i just think he shld have a cologne/perfume collection.
chi zhen doesnt really have too many REAL personal belongings, hes been in jail, where he lives is very purposely hidden so he doesnt really have an Option to keep many personal items. But. I think he wld have a pretty decent collection of different cologne/perfume. which is fueled when people give him such for birthdays/holidays
i dont think she wld specifically have a preference bc different perfumes suit different people, on top of different styles of perfumes and all that. ipersonally dont know enough abt perfumes to even go in depth for it but she would kno the intricacies. She would.
its not smth he like talks abt all the time bt by god u ask him one (1) thing related to it and it can turn into a good 45 minute conversation b4 she realizes whats happening and immediately goes :| BC IT GETS HIM EMBARRASSED ........... but he likes it a lot and of the ppl who kno abt her interest they usually ask her for suggestions on it bc she likes assigning certain scents 2 people. like a planned filler scene i got is based on her getting like really suddenly angry/antsy while trying to go over a case and its literally bc lu li unexpectedly changed colognes w/o saying anything and he fucking lectures him for it
but yeah um i thikn that is all i am goign to willingly post abt publicly for my hyperspecific hcs for this guy bc 4 some reason i think the cringe police will come and kill my ass if i go into anymore depth. i lvoe this mf so fucking much i want to dissect him like you would tear off a young branch from a tree and split its bark in order to see the stringy inside
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ophclias-blog · 6 years
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🤕Hit 👊 or miss😳 I guess 🤔they 👉never ❌ miss, huh 😕😕? You 🙌got 🤪a boyfriend😍, I bet 🎰😶he 😨doesn't 👎kiss 😘😘 ya🤭 mwah💖 😻He 🧐gon' find 🔍🔍 another girl 👶 🤩and he 😮won't😤 miss👌 ya🙀 He 🤤gon' 😲skrrt and hit 👊👊 the dab😎 like 😄😄 Wiz 🤠Khalifa🤑
some background…her parents own some very successful luxury hotels all around the world....her mom was low key a celeb before marrying her dad she was an actress who got famous bc of a Nude scene in one of her movies do with this info what u will SBDJWBJ and her dad was born into an empire of businessmen basically...now they have ophelia ! she has two older sisters who she literally never sees bc they’ve been abroad basically her whole life so thats nice we love abandonment xx 
she had a baby at 15 her baby daddy ? hit it & quit it & her mom was like JSBXJDWBDJ horrified bc shes a Good Christian now ! who only cares abt the family reputation so she sent ophelia to her grandma’s house to have the baby & lied to everyone & said ophelia was in boarding school in france 
JSDBJWBDJW then after the baby was born her mom literally didnt let her have any part in raising the baby & the mom basically just pretends that ophelia’s baby is actually ophelia’s little sister & u know…..this was all…. a lot for a 15 yr old so after the baby ophelia was super disconnected from her home she was never there bc she couldnt like stand to be around the baby bc it brought up a lot of bad stuff for her & now the baby is like five & ophelia has no relationship with her at all like its ////: fun times xx 
SO YEAH SHES GOT A VERY STRAINED RELATIONSHIP WITH HER MOM bc her mom is very much like controlling and manipulative so ophelia was always closer to her dad bc he was softer with her & he gave her more freedom & for a while she at least had him in her corner until he was caught by his assistant embezzling funds…and was threatened by his assistant who was gonna go to the cops
….so he faked an accident & had the assistant killed in a car crash but he needed help covering his tracks so he had ophelia help him by guilt tripping her like “if i go to jail u wont have anyone do u really wanna be left alone with ur mom" … SO U KNOW ! JSDBJSWBDJBWJDB NOW SHES JUST QUESTIONING EVERYTHING AT HOME !
personality wise she is LITERALLY boo boo the fool…..she values other ppls validation WAY too much especially validation from guys whew ! has a super unhealthy relationship with men and is 100% willing to be used by them just to feel needed when i say she is a fool and a CLOWN i mean it she really is especially for dick ! JBSDJBWJDBWJ 
um she is desperate to please and desperate to keep her reputation intact….is literally in the middle of a breakdown because of almost being kicked out from the elites TWICE also bc her dad made her a muder accomplice also bc she is “dating” satan himself….yea…shes way too nice unless u genuinely like have tried to ruin her life or reputation shes probably just a dumb bitch and nice to you ready to be your friend…
honestly shes just the type to constantly make excuses for ppl treating her like dirt bc she wants to be loved and valued we love that ! the only time she gets like . crazy is if her reputation is being threatened then its demon time bitch really made a sex tape to get a professor fired bc she was abt to be expelled … her family name means everything to her ? even though her family sucks ? maybe so ! 
idk what else to say she is genuinely boo boo the fool also the person most likely to gone girl herself JSBXDJSBD she is literally those women who would be diagnosed with hysteria back in the day /:
this meme is literally ophelia at all times
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phantom-bleu · 4 years
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God PLEASE gush abt Timekeeper and all ur feelings abt them
ok lol *goes off* PLEASE THIS IS SO LONG im a little fucked up over timekeeper🙄 if u guys have any cool idea s. please . please talk to me
so croissant cookie tends to get bored with things over time and do more complex or daring things to stave off her boredom right. I think in timekeepers history, croissant did this by inventing more sophisticated and powerful time travel devices, eventually leading up 2 building the sonic embroider. which in principle is her finest work but in practice is way too much power 4 a regular cookie to have; the sonic embroider lets her see millions of years into the past and future, and see every branching path of the same timeline and go into an infinite number of other timelines on top of that, and the sonic embroider lets her do this in seconds. knowing literally everything that can possibly happen in the future, and seeing time on such a grand scale is too much for croissant to comprehend and still lead a normal life, so over time she goes completely off her rocker and many years down the line we get timekeeper who is deranged <3
timekeeper does not care abt gingerbrave or his friends, or most cookies because they can take a peek into a million different parallel universes where gingerbrave exists and in none of them does he have a grand impact on the timeline. I think that being able to see so many timelines that are all billions of years long massively devalues the worth of personal decisions or individual lives unless you have a huge historical impact. when u look at it the way timekeeper is forced to, the other cookies are just variables that decide if an outcome happens or not so its hard for them to empathize or show compassion because at the end of the day it literally does not matter if they do or dont. its like 1 drop of water in a sea of time yknow
i also think that bc of this timekeeper is perpetually bored and extremely lonely. nothing can surprise them bc they already saw that it was going to happen. they already know everything abt every person and have seen their life play out, so ppl dont interest them. destroying timelines and causing chaos and time paradoxes etc etc is probably one of the few ways they can entertain themselves nowadays because the very least thats something they cant predict the outcome of... and i dont think theyre just doing this to hurt others, they dont even seem 2 care abt their own life bc in the story croissant threatens to change history so tk never becomes the tbd director which would cause them to not exist.... that doesnt freak tk out at all though, in fact it excites them. so i dont think they do these horrible things to upset people, they do it for the adrenaline rush and simply dont care abt how it affects others, even if theyre the one affected
I think this is why they are so interested in croissant and having her join them bc croissant is unpredictable to them- there r plenty of times in the story where croissant takes timekeeper off guard, or moments where timekeeper says they couldnt have predicted something croissant does. And i think having someone who they cant predict, someone whos actually on equal terms as them for once is EXTREMELY exciting for timekeeper whos pretty much doomed themself to be one step ahead of everyone else.... croissant isnt one step behind them, so shes someone they can bond with almost like a normal cookie? and so they go to very extreme measures to get croissant to join them, partly bc they simply believe the ends justify the means but also because they are extremely desperate for a true companion
this is a silly one but: when croissant dropped cosmos gear into a time rift, timekeeper found it first, and time shenanigans meant they n cosmos gear spent years together and became the bestest of friends while only a few minutes passed between croissant losing the gear and going to search for it. hence why cosmos gear is both their pets at the same time, time travel means it can essentially be with both of them at the same time
this is also only tangentially related to timekeeper but hear me out. i think somewhere between making their first timecraft and the sonic embroider, timekeeper made a very compact timecraft which u can wear as a watch😏😏😏 but they were a little clumsy and dropped it in a rift somewhere and 1 thing after another happens and eventually the blue cheese family got their hands on it..... and none of them kno anything abt “tbd protocol” or like, anything abt the ethics of time travel, And theyre also huge assholes so basically they go around fucking with the timeline in ways that they definitely shouldnt which does Very Very Bad Damage 2 their history resulting in 1. the family completely collapsing and 2. roguefort and walnut getting trapped in a time loop in the future that they cant get out of bc no one has the power 2 go and undo the damage on the timeline :| thankfully timekeeper Does have that power etc etc etc 12345678910 abcdefghijklmnopqrs timekeeper/roguefort real *drops mic*
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absolutiions · 4 years
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´   ・   .   ✶   ⧼    madchen   amick,   non   binary,   she   &   they   /   fucked   my   way   to   the   top   by   lana   del   rey   +   eyes   the   color   crimson   and   hands   stained   in   crimson,   too.   victim   of   the   underworld,   you   are   not.   you   came,   not   to   sit   silent   at   his   side   as   dutiful   wives   do,   but   to   whisper   in   his   ear.   pouted   lips   smeared   ruby   stoke   the   flames   of   his   darkest   impulses   and   his   deepest   desires.   you   are   the   conqueror.   you   are   the   queen.   and   may   god   have   mercy   upon   anyone   who   underestimates   this   :   because   you   will   not.    ⧽   ━━   don’t   look   now,   but   that’s   ATHENODORA.   the   TWO   THOUSAND,   FIVE   HUNDRED   &   TWENTY   TWO  (   varying   physical   )   year   old   GIFTED   VAMPIRE   has   been   here   in   seattle   for   three   minutes,   and   is   considered   a   member   of   the   VOLTURI.   they’ve   always   been   MACHIAVELLIAN   &   INDOMITABLE,   but   i   guess   this   town   just   brings   out   the   worst   in people   ;   apparently,   they’ve   been   way   more  INSOUCIANT   &   SUPERCILIOUS   than   usual.   it   wouldn’t   surprise   me   if   they   knew   what   was   going   on.   click   HERE   to   check   out   her   stats.
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they   told   you   that   you   were   a   nobody,      so   you   became   the   QUEEN.   (   now   everybody   knows   your   name   )
SECTION ONE OF THREE : background / human era. trigger warnings for talk of pregnancy, death, abuse
born circa 502 bc, in a little village that has no lasting name nor impact in ancient greece. 
five of the children born to her parents survived to adulthood, and since she was the last one... it is almost like, her whole life, she has been suffering from younger child syndrome. who knew !
she very literally grew up in a diff time, so when i say she wasn’t rly close to any of her siblings, i don’t mean it in a like... horrible way. it’s not a reflection of character. they just didn’t have a tight sibling bond, though she loved them greatly. 
same w her parents. they were unexceptional people who lived unexceptional lives, and though she was grateful for, u know... their creation of her - they were not close. they did not, in laymans terms, have the lorelai and rory gilmore dynamic. 
her whole family were content to live their dismal lives, and... tho athenodora did not vibe, she, again - grew up in a diff time. of course she dreamt of more. of course she prayed to the gods for something better. but she was achingly aware of the fact that no such future would ever exist for her. such is life in 400 whatever bc, bumfuck, greece.
she was just barely eighteen when she was married to athanasios, to secure land, or smth, because those were the times. of course it was something like that. 
he was... fine, at first. a little small minded ( that wasn’t the ONLY thing that was small, haha ). he, like everyone, was content to live the same old life, and athenodora just... wasn’t. she had been raised on stories of grandeur, and her parents had thought she would settle for the regular - it should not have been a surprise that she didn’t want to, but gods, did she try.
she never loved him, she can safely say ; but she wished that she did. for a long while, athenodora thought it would be easier, and thought that she could do a lot worse. unfortunately... she cld not.
their lives were meant to follow a certain pattern. they had gotten married, and now he would work all day, make them money, tend their land. she would stay home. cook. clean. raise the children that they were sure to have. athenodora was capable of almost everything expected of her, except for the most important part - she couldn’t seem to give him children. not strong sons. not beautiful daughters. 
at first, he told her that it was fine. 
after a year or so, he still told her that it was fine, but she could see in his eyes that it wasn’t.
two years after this, he called her the ancient greek version of defective for the very first time - and things only got worse from there.
he had always been a perfectly fine husband, until he was not, and athenodora had always wanted to love him, until she did not. she prayed to the gods every morning and night, to give her what her husband so desired. to give her that which would make her life better, even if she knew it would not heal the wounds already caused.
sometimes the gods r not dicks. a miracle! she becomes pregnant, aged twenty four ( i kno it sounded like she was a crone but again please remember the times ). she always thought it was just what was best n only athanasios would care, but , wow... suddenly. she cares. she has never felt this level of love with anything, until now.
but, tragedy :// straight white men ( idk, i just feel like her husband was the root of all evil ) are not so easily satisfied. who wld have guessed he wld continue to be an abusive asshole even after his wife succeeded in getting pregnant? i bet i shocked u all. who wld have guessed that a huge part of his problem wld end up being that suddenly, athenodora clearly cares abt something - and it isn’t him. again. got you all!
over the course of her pregnancy, he becomes, for the first time, a real threat to her - or maybe, athenodora simply never took him seriously until there is another person to think of. either way, she TRULY fears him and what he’s capable of by the time she gives birth, and after he makes some passing remark abt their baby, she yeets the FUCK out of there in the middle of the night, eirene ( baby ) only a handful of days old. she takes what she can carry and nothing more, and she... makes it pretty far, thanks to the kindness of strangers. you love to see it.
she settles somewhere ( she considers to be ) far away, and she makes up a good story : her husband died in a war ( there were probably a lot of time, i dont know ) and she was widowed, left to care for their young daughter alone. i know. its really original. they didnt have tv shows back then to rip stories from though.
stays in a hovel on the edge of their village. think the shittiest home you’ve ever seen and then make it shittier. there are rumors about her being a witch, and she kind of appreciates them, because it keeps kids out of her yard. and shock of all shock : in spite of being... u know. a woman. and not very skilled. she finds a very hot ticket job - working for the very wealthy volturi family who live on the other ( opposite ) outside of town, but like, in a considerably better home, obviously. 
honestly, i don’t kno what the ancient greek equivalent of that secretary in new moon is, but that’s the vibe we’re going for, here. she’s like, a chambermaid or smth. and she makes a tidy little sum. doesn’t question her weirdo bosses that much. doesn’t know what anemia is because im p sure it wasnt discovered by then, but presumes they have it.
and maybe, just maybe, it’s the finesse of the century : or maybe, just maybe, it is destiny. in no time at all, she has caught the eye of the volturi’s most eligible bachelor(tm) : caius volturi. many another worker is made upset by this fact, as athenodora is very quickly alotted VERY special treatment as the apple of his eye, which includes, i don’t know... hand delivered baskets of pomegranates, a nicer home and in due time, the simple pleasures of the flesh.
so that’s pretty neat. and life’s pretty fine. she feels like an ancient greek sugar baby, and honestly, isn’t that all she’s ever deserved? she’s got some nice digs ( i don’t think she’d have called them that ) and a man who worships the ground she walks on and who spoils her with pretty things, and most importantly : she is taking care of her daughter, who i absolutely didn’t forget about. eirene is the literal light of athenodora’s life, and everybody knows it. if i say jean valjean and cosette vibes, can we all pretend we get it?
and then it goes to shit. as things do.
her daughter is fourteen years old, when her father finds them ; and she doesn’t know, she never knows, if he was seeking them out or whether it was all DUMB luck. regardless of it all, he is stood inside her home, his breath coming in angry half pants, and athenodora is convinced that this is it. that her end has come. that her freedom is over. she dies, she thinks, or she returns back to the house that was not her home with him. these are her options. 
she tells her daughter to leave. she stops him from following. when she is shoved and her head hits the table, she is aware of the option he has chosen for them more than all else - but the gods, or perhaps, just one - intervenes.
until this night, athenodora had never known the truth of the volturi. but when her beloved saves her from athanasios, she sees him for what he is. she UNDERSTANDS. and she isn’t frightened. she should be, for sure, she should be running as fast as she can - but all she can think in that moment is that she is free now in all the ways she has never been... and caius, her love, is something so much larger than this life. 
for the first time, the godhood that athenodora has always dreamt of is within her grasp. she makes him promise that once eirene comes of age, he will make her into the same creature that he IS. she makes him swear a solemn oath, and he who has been so infatuated by her for so long cannot argue.
four years. this is all it takes, and then eirene is eighteen - capable of standing upon her own two feet. athenodora leaves her everything - all the gifts she has ever been given, all the wealth accumulated, the home. everything she will not need, once she is gone. and she says a final goodbye.
caius turns her himself. the greatest gift he could ever give her.
and reborn, athenodora is MORE than everyone in her life could ever dream of being. she is the queen of the underworld, the goddess of death. she is all of this, and more. at his side, she finds GREATNESS. and once she had it, athenodora decided she would never again be without. 
SECTION TWO OF THREE : volturi era.
became cool. became powerful. very emma frost of her, rly 
didnt rly care for the rest of the coven outside of caius but sometimes u gotta hang w scrubs 
didyme dies sometime after her turning, and that kind of fucks everybody up
not so much her bc like i said she didnt rly care but... caius b frightened of losing her, i guess
kind of throws a spanner in the works 
she spends a lot of time ‘locked away’. not , like, literally ( bc that’s gross! ) but... caius takes over protective to the extreme
uses this time to harness her power and fuck
not always in that order
also spends a lot of time telling him he deserves to b leader
deserves to b the new aro
who needs powers?
not u, caius
go kick their ass baby i got ur flower-
( he doesn’t go kick their ass but man she wishes he wld )
she’s genuinely devoted to him, however, as much as it sometimes seems as if she’s using him as a means to an end
she DOES do that with a LOT of people, but caius... that’s her baby! her darling! her sweetie pie! fuck everybody else in this house caius, she respects YOU ! 
she jus wants to see him be the best there ever was, and he’s.... p... happy to giv her everything she wants, so their dynamic is actually p equal 
we love to see it
anyway lots of years happened and now she’s here
seattle sucks -athenodora’s official review
but she’s fucking SICK of aro’s shit and thinks her 2020 birthday wld be the best time for an official change of pace
obviously aro can read minds so he knows athenodora has high aspirations but he has learned his fucking lesson w killing ppls mates, i guess
lucky for her!
that’s all i got
hehe
SECTION THREE OF THREE : power.
athenodora is an ungifted vampire in twilight canon, but to that i say : fuck ya chicken strips. in equinox, she be special. her power is life force manipulation, in a pretty unique ( and dare i say ) way.
she was a forty two year old woman, when she was turned. she had lived a life, and she had the MARKS to show for it. but the very first time that she drank human blood from the vein, athenodora realized that she was not as unexceptional as she had always been lead to believe she was. vampires do not change. they’re frozen in time, like statues, portraits, photographs... and yet, before caius’ very eyes - athenodora did what no other vampire could. mere seconds passed, and suddenly ; she was stood before her beloved, decades younger. it lasted as long as her thirst was sated, with her age returning to her as her eyes darkened once more. and it happened all over again, when next she fed. 
over time, she’s come to understand it well enough. she has a particular love of younger humans ; those in their twenties, and thus, physical primes. she thinks that is, in part, down to her gift ; she seeks these out to drink from because when she feeds, she’s not simply drinking their blood, but also, their life force. she’s taking theirs to add to her own.
like many gifted vampires, she has spent time learning what she can of her gift, and learning whether there is some other way to apply it. it took almost two thousand years, but eventually - athenodora discovered that with a touch, her fingertips to their skin ( and a great deal of focus ), she could render another changed, also. it lasts for only a short amount of time - an hour, maybe a little longer, depending on how strong she is. but it works. and it makes her think that, in all her unlimited time : she might just be able to do even more. be a danger. manipulate life force in a way that can DESTROY. she’ll keep on working on that for as long as she lives. 
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hvlly-blog · 5 years
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- ̗̀ ❛ muse 22 , kim chungha , she / her . ❜ ̖́- did you hear about the monaco trip ? it’s legendary at ucla. holland “holly” min is going, i’m so jealous. their instagram makes it seem like they’re pretty vivacious and they’re all about an empty locket around a delicate neck  &  strawberry flavored lip gloss. can you believe they’re only twenty-one and they’re going on a free trip to monaco for the summer ? hopefully they don’t let their quixotic side show too much on the trip. 
hello… im xan ( she / her pronouns ) im 21 and its been...200 years since i’ve made an intro post or rped so JSDBJW go easy on me ! fun fact half my keyboard is broken…..so if i take 10 yrs to reply sometimes just kno….a bitch is trying her best ok... literally just winging all of this as i type if u thought i had a plan think again JSDBWB *jungkook vc* lets get it....
pause . before we get it JDBWJDJ we can plot here over ims if discord isnt ur scene !! BUT i am....way more likely to respond to discord messages bc its easier !! so u can find me on there @  A GIRL WITH LUV 💖✨🌙#8172 
idk what is triggering for any of u so if mentions of AGE GAPS, DRUG ABUSE, CAR ACCIDENTS, or SEX ADDICTIONS is sensitive stuff pls proceed with caution !!!
BACKSTORY: so . this is holland but she thinks her name is UGLY so she goes by holly 
she was born and raised in los angeles and her parents both own / run a luxury chain of rehab centers for ppl with $$$ ( u already know i want a plot involving this xx ) they are new money ! so holly really does not understand ... the spoiled lifestyle since her parents raised her pretty conciously on stories abt how they struggled as immigrants coming to a new country & making it & all that jazz
as a kid her parents would host / try to charm a lot of potential donors or clients so they’d make holly “entertain” them like as a kid she’d just be cute or maybe sing a song from chorus or just be impressively well-behaved but the older she got...the more her mom would demand from her /:
as all this was going on her parents started to have issues so instead of working it out.... holly’s dad just started traveling a whole lot to other states & countries where they had a business so growing up he wasn’t really in the picture . rip !
back to holly ! so her mom had a few close business partners and “friends” that where around holly’s family pretty much all the time and there was this one guy who was relatively younger than most of the men but still significantly older than 14 year old holly who had a huge crush. basically this man tried to take advantage of that bc hes UGLY .
one day holly’s mom caught this dude alone with holly and being way too friendly for comfort and instead of flipping on the dude she flipped on holly and was like we could lose our business and i think it’s all ur fault for causing drama” and holly was literally like What the Fuck !!! her mom cut off all ties with the dude but she still made holly feel like it was her own fault woo !!
more stuff her mom did ? yea ! one night when she was 17 she was out with this guy who had celebrity parents just eating at a nice place and drinking after and as he was driving her home, they get into a big car accident. turns out that the guy she had gone to dinner with had a coke addiction & was literally high the whole time & the only reason holly’s mom had set them up was so he’d check into their rehab center bc his famous parents were considering it but she never told holly any of that so holly was PISSED but relatively unharmed from the accident besides some bruising
basically by the time college came a bitch was ready she moved out, trying to have a fresh start away from her home life ! but college was also messy basically over the years holly developed a big dependency issue where she literally...craves attention and intimacy sososo bad bc she never got it from her family so ! she looks for it in other ppl like she needs to feel that validation so bad & she does that with really unhealthy sexual habits low key bordering addiction ! 
oh also ? since her family was never the family vacation type JSBDWJBDJ she’s never left california before so a bitch is VERY excited and if u try to make her feel bad for it . she will tell u to fuck off and let her have this !
PERSONALITY + TIDBITS: honestly one of the most sociable ppl u will ever meet she was literally raised to entertain and please so its super easy for her to make friends !! literally one of those ppl that just.....know everyone and ur like how the fuck !!! an avid social media user...are u even friends if u dont have a snap streak ? not to holly JSBDJWBDJ definitely her guilty pleasure aside from u know...sex ! 
speaking of sex she really.....ho(e)lly gets around ... 100% a chaotic bi but her trust for men is abt at a solid 0 ! she will still desperately seek validation from them though so thats fun ! she can be a gossip bc shes a gemini ... but she never does it on purpose she just ... tells funny stories & realizes half way through she was talking abt a friend’s tinder date horror story ... oops ... share secrets cautiously ! 
for someone who makes friends like its nothing shes pretty hesitant to share any real info abt herself bc she fears being rejected and abandoned ( not just romantically ) more than anything else like shes one of those ppl who ur like “oh yeah i know her!” but if someone asks u to tell them one important thing abt her ur not gonna know wtf to say
also she’s usually very amiable but if ur just .... a horrible person .. shes gonna be honest about it SDBSJWB shes got some strong opinions ! but also very unrealistic expectations in others so a lot of the time shes just ... disappointing herself for hyping u up inside her own head
she was an english major ! bc i love to self insert <3 JSDBJWBJ but she low key wishes she did something with film bc she loves editing videos & making videos abt her friends so if ur her pal ... u 100% have abt 50 videos ur a star in ! she tried to learned to speak french 100% for the aesthetic of it but only remembers like 5 words….she used to play the fucking ukulele but stopped bc her mom was like holly grow UP JSBDSJBJW shes scared of the dark /: like legit scared if she is sleeping alone a light has to stay on....and yea i dont know what else this is long enough JSDBJSWBJW IM SORRY
im out of ... juice UHHH but some basic ideas for plots are stuff to do with her family ( family friends, maybe ur muse or their family is somehow involved with her parent’s rehab center, or ur muse or their family could have been one of those business partners...whew we have possibilities !!! ), shes an only child so i would die for sibling type friendships, hmm also fwbs or just hook up connections bc those can get uhh Dramatic since she is so dependent on sex, also would die for like confidants bc thats rare for holly like sharing her deep feelings or whatever ... enemy plots are sexy but im gonna be real honest here . i suck at purely hateful connections so if u want a mean plot we gotta have depth ! JSXBDSJDB um romatic stuff too also more platonic stuff like best friends or party buddies thats literally enough i’ve been typing for HOURS . plot with me .. or Perish xx
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faunusrights · 6 years
Text
OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTERS 10 + 11
we had a week of peace and now we’re gonna get annihilated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no clue how long this liveblog may end up but hell and high water i’m combining them both
she tore the jade pendant from her neck and flung it into the darkness.
let’s give a warm welcome, to sadness,
i’m very excited for all-new cinder content hhhhhhh if u havent gathered by now I Love This Bitch and I Love Her Many Problems so im thankful for this gift 😞
Cinder was a ruin, her pride carved and served like slabs of meat.
i can FEEL diesel n kc rly patting themselves on the back for every bit of wet meat they can toss at me!!!!!!!!!! U HEAR THAT I CAN FEEL U!!!!!!!!!!! but also i still love this shit w/ all my heart!!!!!!!!!! IM NEVER GONNA STOP SAYIN IT
She had never looked at Glynda’s files.
im so sorry cinder baby but that whole thing? is still HILARIOUS oh my GOD i cannot believe you fucked up that badly. u shoved yr entire head into a beartrap. u absolutely crapped yr pants on that one. yr gonna be thinking abt that on yr deathbed,
/looks at the chapter title again
hhhhhhhh im. so pumped. its gonna be hard to talk abt most of this w/o doing a million fingerguns a minute but i’m gonna try my best
Cinder approached the mirror and touched its silvered face with black-tipped claws,
I SAID IM GONNA TRY MY BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She was iron barbs beneath the nail bed, glowing coals underfoot, the singular capacity to do harm. She was a beast, armed with fang and claw and a deep, dark void where her compassion should have laid, and she was dressed for dinner.
HHHHHH god YES THIS IS THE CINDER IM THIRSTY FOR............ i literally cannot say anything that isnt a massive 👈😎👈 but AAAAAAA
like im reading thru this and i cant cherry-pick lines this whole bit? is SO GOOD...  kc n diesel are Yet Again obliterating me w/ their mastery of the narrative style of offal hunt and i just love all of this i rly wish i could explain how offal hunt is EXACTLY MY BRAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F U C K
The final touch on her mastercraft disaster: the four sawed-off horn stumps which grew among her silver-streaked hair.
HOOOO B O I i am. Losin it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER HORNS.......... CINDR...............
Wretchedly, she wondered: did Glynda even respect her now?
any other villain: my plan didnt work and im mad >:( cinder fall: my plan didnt work and now im mad but also mostly sad :(
CINDER’S TRYING HER BEST GOD.......... i literally hate how the remaster has made her So Soft, Actually... I BELIEVE IN U CINDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YR BEST
Every part of her was hot and hollow. She was sick with loathing.
i LOVE HER.... CINDER I HOPE U KNO THAT YR LOVED... god tho i dont like how SAD I AM RN... cinder’s so small and the world is so big and wants 2 Shit On Her blease
honestly like. im rly- LOOK I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT. this is why im rly lovin the new cinder content because in the first version we only got glimpses of her internal machinations and now we’re in full-blown Always Sad territory and everything is suffering :)
She blinked. Her double did not.
‘well’, thought murphy. ‘that’s terrifying.’
she’d only survived thanks to a keen instinct for danger, cultivated during her tenuous teenage years.
i NEED. I NEED. CINDER BACKSTORY. all these lil nuggets dont constitute a meal! I WANT A BIG MAC AND FRIES. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS BABY DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also again. the body horror of offal hunt? peak content. Im Lovin It
its getting harder to divine what is and what is not a 👈😎👈 because we got bits sprinkled around and theres only rly a spoiler potential if u glue em all together so im still being extra careful and the answer is blared in everyones faces so this whole kondor scene will go uncommented unless some Bullshit Happens which it will, so,
When she had become so invested in Glynda’s approval? When had a desire to be recognized as something inhuman, something ferocious, something black and terrible and capable of keeping up with Glynda Fucking Goodwitch turned into this?
oh! oh! i have the answer! i do! i know the answer! it’s you a lesbian,
The spectres of her youth haunted this city, owl-eyed children and fox-eared teens. They’d been a second sort of family, the only kind she’d had within these walls, and she’d wondered what had become of them in the past decades, but…
It was too sentimental, and she wasn’t meant to be a creature of sentiment.
oh boy okay wow
okay so actually this bit made me cry??? fuck OFF im losing it!!!!!!!! LET HER BE SENTIMENTAL!!!! LET HER HAVE PPL TO CARE ABT!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY CRYING IM GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!
She would go barefoot from this point on, her heels clutched at her side. When she left the hotel room to steal into the night, she promised herself not to look back.
im sorry im just. so sad rn. i havent cried over a fic in YEARS and we still have another chapter ago i hate this SO MUCH..............
here comes chapter 11 
if i cry even once more im going to stab!!!!!! im not sure what BUT ILL STAB!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even without his wings, the Manticore would easily have been twice the size of any of the other Grimm, far outstripping them in sheer bulk.
HATI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATI HATI HATI
holy shit we actually get to see him this time!!!!!!!!!!! WE GET TO SEE THIS LEGENDARY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CHONCC,
also hes a manticore now which is, Radical, may i just say, and just a little bit sexy,
The effortless grace in each move betrayed power most Grimm would not live to achieve. Once he stood, he had to dip his head low to meet her eye to eye. His canines were the length of her forearm.
if u werent here for the remaster? we never even SAW hati but now hes here, hes Big, and rly thats all that matters,
Like a child who’d been allowed to lie and lie until at last they’d strangled themself in the web they’d spun, Cinder couldn’t speak. Could only wait on his verdict.
every single one of cinder’s inherent themes is killing me and this business w/ family? stop. im dying. this is rude
The scant space between them popped and cracked like an sparking flame, warm and effervescent, and this time, Cinder lingered, hugging Hati close.
IF I CRY ONCE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF U ASSHOLES MAKE ME CRY ONCE MORE I WILL DOXX YOU,
aaaaaaaaaaaaaah im loving this content i rly dont have words for it dhjfgsdfgjh i just, rly like the words, and the order theyre in, and i honestly keep forgetting to liveblog it cause i just wanna READ EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tempting as it was—as it always had been, ever since she’d left the relative safety of the wastes and learned what happened to scraggly-limbed teens with horns and fangs and gleaming eyes—
with every chapter i desperately have 2 kno more abt baby cinder i HAVE to know i am so. UNBEARABLY CURIOUS... baby cinder what happened... what happened 2 u....
A lantern’s glow warmed her, bleeding into the darkness leeching at them both. It was a gentle gold across her skin, and like an answering signal from a distant outpost, Cinder saw a flush of light through the dark fur lining Hati’s throat, as though flames licked at his insides.
i forgot. that cinder glows like that when she feels Loved or full of pride and you know what i dont like these chapters. they were made to hurt me and i Dont Like That (im mclovin it)
From the safety of Hati’s neck, she found it easier—after all this time, he was still her bastion.
WHEN YOU REALISE? THAT YR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?? STOP,
For a regular person, the machine would be able to draw out short bursts of power, the likes of which no Semblance could ever channel. The taxation would eventually destroy the soul so deeply, so thoroughly, as to leave it empty for good.
For a Witch? For—
the fact. she cut herself off before she could think ‘for glynda’. has me on the FLOOR. this bit is just So Much i dont like it
Glynda Goodwitch would not abandon this hunt. Cinder knew it, had read it from her palms like an open book—Glynda Goodwitch did not know how to stop. If it had been anyone else on Remnant, they might never return, might never pull themselves back into action after today—but Glynda did not have a shred of self-preservation.
me, knocking against cinder’s head: u kno for someone w/ so many schemes in yr brain yr pretty dumb and gay, huh,
firstly let’s talk abt cinder’s “””””””””””””””””””self-preservation””””””””””””””””””” instin-- whats that? not found? yes
[Glynda’s] eyes were empty, hungry, insatiable.
i feel like ive read this line before! lets jump back a chapter--
In [Cinder’s] eyes, there was a subtle, endless hunger.
WAKE UP CINDER SHE’S YR SOULMATE!!!!!!!!!!! THE COFFEE’S READY U CAN SMELL THE BACON FROM HERE WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With a fluid leap, they were in the air, the ground quickly shrinking beneath them. Pressing her face against his neck to shield herself from the wind, she closed her eyes and prepared herself for what was to come, trusting Hati to deliver her safely.
that said i ADORE my boy hati is literally the best part of offal hunt kc and diesel do not interact,
He was frozen in horrific anticipation, like watching an imminent tragedy and being absolutely helpless to stop it. Like all the tension was mixed with grief and hopeless, futile fear.
when will offal hunt be nice to me. when will any of these characters get to be happy. hello. im full of sadness.
The sound was like a saw working back and forth, but resonating inside her head, rattling every tooth in her jaw, deafening to her ears.
im literally gritting my teeth at this i can hear it in my own head and its Very Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
okay god i can barely handle to quote anything more this bit is hurting ME so lets swiftly move on before I Die
Cinder closed her weary eyes, sinking into sleep like a shallow grave.
BE NICE TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE NICE TO HER JUST THIS ONCE, PLEASE, IM BEGGING YOU,
They only knew death, only ever sought death; fangs and claws slicked with blood, magic rending meat and marrow apart, and everywhere that choking, scalding heat, spilled blood like magma, like the core of a planet.
hmm... that seems like a 👈😎👈 ~reference~
They were all alert, ears pricked, hackles raised like Hati’s. They all fixed on the same spot, somewhere beyond the darkness of the cave opening, and though she could barely think, she knew:
She was out of time. The Witch was here.
oh no.
okay so THATS CHAPTERS 10 AND 11! i only cried ONCE and u kno what thats. a Victory. these two chapters were VERY GOOD i rly loved em and i can tell new readers r gonna have a blast w/ this shit!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile i, a veteran reader, am full of peril,
terrible.
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sundrenched-smilez · 6 years
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What sort of world do Strumm and Shiver live in? What race (species?) are they? Do they have magic? Are they native to the world/city/plane they live on? I assume they know each other or are related to each other, if they're new at the same time -- how do they know each other?
What sort of world do Strumm and Shiver live in? 
i want to make this a world where recovery is encouraged. it’s a magical and powerful place, and so many people can do all of these extraordinary things, so why can’t we bring them up when they’re trying to function, to get better? they deserve that chance, and we should give it to them. this is an affectionate world, that teaches love and mercy. it can still have it’s cruel moments, and we’ll explore that thru strumm, but only after the matter, while they’re recovering, and trying to move past what happened. which is why i’m calling it “a delicate tale of recovery” bc i think that these things require a lot of attention, and care. it certainly isn’t an easy road to getting better, but thru the brambles and briers, there is a path, and u can make it thru. 
aside from that, magic is everywhere, it’s a near-constant, and it’s beautiful. people make elaborate shops that r so custom-designed that u recognize them as much as u would a person. no two shops r the same!! like magic, they have their own spin on them. it’s something i’m excited to explore as i flesh out this world. :~))
What race (species?) are they? 
i’m not sure on this yet tbh!! not human, and i think there’s multiple, but that’s something i’ll have to explore. I think that bodies can be shaped depending on what kind of magic they manifest, if it’s powerful enough. there are probably examples of metal Base witches that r made out of metal, in part, or entirely. or by choice!! you embody your magic, and reap what u sow!! there are some ppl who can change parts of their bodies at will, and some that are completely embodying their magic, like plant ppl, or those who have rough earth-skin, and can change the material. this isn’t for sure yet, but is a possibility. maybe corruption from magic is a thing!! we’ll have to see where the story goes :~)) it’s mostly going to focus on recovery as a main theme. i have the first few panels thought out, and then i’m going to play it a bit by ear until i get some time w the characters to hear what they need to go thru, u kno!!
Do they have magic? 
they do!! they have rly diff magic from each other, and i think everyone does, really; some ppl get water manipulation, others can make clay sculptures from mud, and marble from ordinary stone. i like to imagine there’s as many magics as there r ppl. some correlate, but it’s more common that two people will have differing magics than the same, and ofc, even if u get two with the same power, they’ve had different upbringings, so they’ll have different styles and flavor to them. someone who can summon and wield water could use it like a whip, while someone with the same power might summon water-constructs shaped like animals to attack. it’s all about training, and how creative they can get with it!! the more imagination u have, the stronger u are as a witch. witches can have more than one magic, but typically they’re born with one, and then train others under witches’ wings. (sometimes literally)
strumm’s base magic is creation. at its root, their magic can b used to create anything they can imagine. it’s really powerful, but has its setbacks. it takes a lot of focus, and concentration to make something complex. they don’t need to know exactly how things work to make them, but it goes a long way. I think people have a Base, and then their Spin on it. strumm’s Spin is mainly life, but also dreams. their ability to create is typically used to make their thoughts and dreams come to life; whether this be storms coming out of nowhere, candles popping up into existence, or giving ordinary things life. I think they made one of their blankets into a cat, and it eats yarn when it’s getting a little rough for wear to patch itself up. they made a bear for their friend joyce (who i’ll also talk about) that dispenses cough/cold medicine. it also works for situations, sometimes, and they can gently push fate into play. they were thinking of a song all day, and then heard it on the radio; or miss a person, and a few hours later, they run into them/get a message. little things like that. it’s an unreliable way of forecasting, and is a result of their imagination being pretty active. they can’t control it, and honestly they shouldn’t even be able to do these things with creation as their base, but it’s such a strong spin that they can. they can’t super control it yet tho, so it’s more of a subconscious thing when forecasting happens. 
shiver’s base is food control, and her spin is sweets, usually. she can cook really well, and hasn’t ever burnt anything, nor had it undercooked. if she wants to, she can create some foods, but the process can toy with her emotions, depending on what food. so, as a result, she usually sticks to chocolate, and desserts, bc they’re sweet, and that’s something she can live with being. she’s got thermal manipulation over any food she chooses, and can also dictate its form. so she could make a chocolate bar into a cup of hot cocoa if she wanted, and she usually does, bc it’s less work than dispensing it. she’s rly upbeat, comforting, and warm, and a bit of a mess. sometimes she withdraws for a few days to focus on her, and her friends r understanding of this. in dealing w others’ emotions, she tires herself out. she can move food around by concentrating on it, as a form of telekinesis. her favorite to move around is drinks!! they’re a lot of fun, and it’s good practice on maintaining diff forms w/o having to worry abt botching things up. 
joyce!!!! i’ve not thought abt her a lot yet, aside from a few traits, and appeance. they’re like the mom friend, and relentless abt teasing and “calling out” their friends, and joking. if anyone even hints toward being uncomf, she’ll stop immediately, tho. i think they use she/they bc i can’t decide on one. their base is weaponry, and their spin is stained glass and metals. there are many magics that can aid in fighting, and some witches will spar with each other regularly to hone their skills, and compete. joyce loves this. they can make any weapon they think of out of glass or metal, or a mix of the two. her favorite to use is stained glass, bc it’s pretty, and bc it’s a glass cannon!! it’s sharp as hell, and powerful, but breaks in one hit, but since they have manipulation of it, they can just reform it into a different weapon if they want!! the only requisite is that (for now) she has to be holding some of the original piece. so she’s got a pair of earrings that they never take off!! :~)) same goes for metal, but that’s a lot easier not to shatter. but just in case, they have some piercings from a big pole of stainless steel. they’re able to use other materials, but they’re rly protective, and choose to focus on these two. they could make a sword, and once it hits someone else’s weapon/construct, etc., change it into a ball and chain, and trap them. their fighting style is really fluid, as a result. they’re also vry strong bc they metalwork, and like the physical toll of it, and being a bit sore after a job well done, and it helps them wield heavier weapons.  
Are they native to the world/city/plane they live on?
i think there r different worlds, bc that’s so fun, and how could i not do smth space related,, it’s me. joyce is from another planet, pyrrh (like peerh), shiver and strumm live in the same town, but strumm is from a neighboring one. they don’t have guardians, so they take care of themselves. (houses dont cost money!!! in this world!! bc fuck that. there’s just an application process, and it’s all formality, like ok yeah, u want this house?? sure, sure, just dont break it, and also mail us smth once u get settled in ok to make sure ur livin there, so we dont repurpose it or anything) i’ll explore how they travel thru diff worlds at some point!! but atm i’m gonna have 2 think on it.
they all live on the same plane!! one where they can harness the inherent magic of existence to fit their own expressions, their own worlds. there r multiple planes, tho 
I assume they know each other or are related to each other, if they’re new at the same time – how do they know each other?
strumm met joye one rainy afternoon, as they were coming home from grocery shopping, and kept wishing they would get a ride from someone, and joyce, being the sweetheart that they r, had to save this poor thing from being soaked further than they were. strumm was trusting enough to get in their car, and joyce hasn’t left them alone since. gave them their number, name, and a charm to keep them safe, and went “this person is under my protection now, they’re entirely too kind, and i want to see them grow.” n they hit it off and became fast friends. every tuesday, they get coffee, and sometimes hold hands. there’s probably going to b a relationship between them?? but also, platonic handholding is important, and joyce does this with all her friends. joyce loves physical affection, and is a big (very buff) softie, n is expressive abt her feelings.
shiver and strumm r childhood friends!! they met in a park, and napped together when they were 5-6, and started hanging out and showing each other their magic, and bonded over being able to create things!! i think base magic manifests at a very early age, and is developed over the course of several years, and never rly stops growing. they like to eat blue foods together, and will bake all the time, it’s fun!! shiver has blue hair, and grey eyes like rain, and the warmest smile you’ll see. they’re pretty cold all the time, and love curling up under blankets, and will tend to cling to ppl if she’s comf w u. also affectionate, a bit quiet at first, but once she knows u, she’ll go on n on abt life w u, and talk til she’s blue
shiver and joyce met each other thru strumm!! they’re friends, and will talk every so often, but hang out less than they each do w strumm, but they’re getting there!! they’ve had a few sleepovers, n r comf enough to sleep all over each other, n cuddle and watch movies!! im making this a vry affectionate world bc i don’t see enough of it, and i’m going 2 make it more prevalent!!!! joyce made a ceramic mug for shiver as a witching day present once, and it gets a lot of use, it’s shiver’s fav thing that they own. 
witching day is a holiday where u use ur abilities to make gifts for ur loved ones, n spend time w them!! there’s also competitions for fun, and matches that u can fight in, and it’s like a big fair, and everyone gets a paid weekend off. 
this was incredibly helpful in shaping the world a bit, thank u for asking!!! i super appreciate it!! lmk if u have any followups 
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eludum-a · 6 years
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oh boy is it time 2 talk abt despair chi/aki again?? bc here we go!! (and a lot of these r based on my Mains for each character n her interactions w them)
basically. jun/ko CANNOT STAND chi/aki. like at all. she’s stubborn, she’s too Good, she’s BORING... but still, in my despair verse, she tries to convert her anyway. and in doing so, she locks her up n throws away the key, leaving a physically, emotionally, and mentally tormented chi/aki whos desperate to please her... for a while
see, jun/ko wasnt rly thorough w her despair conditioning of chi/aki bc it was taking so long, she rly cant stand her, and she’s notorious for getting bored of things. so she moved on. she put away the actual despair conditioning aspect of it and went for just plain torture, probably around halfway thru, and then she died with nobody other than izu/ru (who doesnt rly. care that much) knowing she’s even alive or where she is
so she gets out of her hole in towa city eventually, dicks around w ko and the demon hunting game for a bit, and when he leaves with monaka (who she cant stand, partially for jealousy reasons) shes like. welp!! time to go home.
n she does. but the kicker is, probably that entire time in towa city she was never directly involved in anyones death. she let the monokumas handle it. then she goes home and gets in a fight w her mom, who kinda sees how twisted she’s become, and she tries to lock her in her room. they get in a Physical Altercation and chi/aki. stabs her to death.
and even though shes reeling and actually horrified by what shes done and she probably throws up, she thinks hm!! maybe this is a way to be worthy of junko-chan, by reveling in this despair!! so she burns her house down (almost catches herself on fire in the process) and proceeds to take more active part in. u kno. tormenting ppl n stuff
and as she’s doing this, she grows more and more unaffected by the process... starts seeing ppl as npcs. u kno, like in a game. she starts to revel in the chaos n destruction just for the sake of it, NOT for the sake of despair. after a while she completely loses that aspect of her own corruption. she stops caring about despair and is just going full grand theft auto sandbox world style on everybody bc she no longer actually views them as people
granted, her mental and physical health are also in the pits during this. she doesnt take care of herself AT ALL. but it’s less deliberate “i must inflict despair upon myself for my beloved junko-chan” and more just. lol who cares what happens to me im just gonna run myself into the ground doing what i wanna do bc i’ve never felt free enough to do it before
except. she doesnt think of herself as the “protagonist” of this game. she might not view herself as an npc, but if anybodys the protagonist, its iz/uru. she’d follow him to the ends of the earth even if she complains abt it all the time. she views herself more as an (annoying, stupid, incompetent) sidekick and even tho she never says it she feels hashtag blessed that he puts up with her for any amount of time and grows attached to him as a person AND as like. a weird kind of savior sort of person. she would do anything for him in reality so long as it means he’ll stay with her. a n y t h i n g (even if she might bitch abt it while doing it)
these feelings dont rly go away post despair. she’s not nearly as violent, and she takes better care of herself most of the time, but she’s still absolutely in the frame of mind of “what i want doesnt matter. what matters is that my friends are happy. i will do literally anything for them, including die, if it comes to that”.
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goldenscript · 7 years
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neighbor!jennie
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author’s note: this is in the same universe as neighbor!monsta x <3
the friend crush (turned actual crush) candidate neighbor
in other words, she’s that girl you’re dying to befriend and to get to know and all that wonder stuff
she’s pretty, sweet from what you can see in your comfortable nook beside her home, and she definitely sounds like a blast to be around
minus the times where you can practically hear her and her screeching at each other for only god knows what
last you remembered it was over the last eggo waffle but you’re not gonna judge bc waffles are pretty damn good
you know she’s also a very attentive roommate to her roomie considering she’s always buying groceries and staying up to wait for her roomie too
which also brings up the mention that the walls between the apartment spaces are so damn thin, you can literally hear everything so it’s no brainer than you’ve learned all these things abt jennie by observation than actual talking
ofc you’d love to talk to her!!! you’ve been dying to for so damn long that it actually feels painful whenever you see chances to bc you don’t take them
like
at
all
your friend taehyung’s been nagging you to do it and even your roommate jiwoo who’s been nothing but an observer of you observing jennie and to say the least the two of them just want you to come out of your shell just to say hey bc that doesn’t hurt
right?
well it doesn’t but it does hurt ur pride when jiwoo purposefully locks you out of the apartment for reasons unbeknownst to you (lmao lbr u kno why but ur in denial bC YOUR ROOMIE WOULDN’T DO THT TO U RIGHT?????,,,,,,,,,,,,,)
absolutely, postively incorrect
bc she does and ur stuck in the hallway wondering if she’s actually asleep or if she’s punking you bc you forgot milk tht one time sophomore year (mind you, y’all are third years rn n you rlly wouldn’t b surprised if jiwoo did that ‘cuz of milk tbh she’s that typa person)
and you’re abt to call taehyung and ask if you can stay at his place when you hear a voice that isn’t warbled from a thin wall and is actually directed at u
“ummmm,,, are u ok?”
you actually fumble with ur phone and that causes her to giggle and wow it just sounds so freakin’ nice but holy shit is she really talking to you rn??? is that really happening???????
you’re absolutely baffled but u manage to nod and tell her that your roommate locked u out and she actually pouts on ur behalf and ur actually starstruck a lil’
it’s one thing to hear and observe these actions from jennie but it’s a complete game changer when she’s performing such actions,,,in front,,, of you,,,, and ,,,, for,,, u,,,,,,,,,,,,, FOR YOU
all u can focus on is ur heart pounding incessantly and u swear it’s ur nerves bc hey friend crushes can still make u nervous y’know n ur so engrossed in this tht u don’t even notice that jennie’s grabbed a hold of ur hand and is leading u back to her place
aND UR BRAIIN IS SUDDENLY LIKE !!! bc holy fuck is that really happening???
you squeak out a ,,, “what”
and she just giggles at you n says “it’s no biggie, my roomie’s out with her bf n i can’t just leave a pretty face like yours out! someone might snatch u y’know??”
“t-thank u,,,,”
“jennie” she smiles tho u kno her name n u kno it well tht it actually makes u super happy that she even knows urs bc after u say it she just grins at u and says “i know”
and basically at her apartment, u see how neat and nice it is with all the black and pink decor on her end w/ roses n these really gnarly looking motorcycles tht she winks at u abt bc her baby’s still in the shop rn and she even offers to take u on a joyride somewhere bc you’ve never once been on a motorcycle but u wouldn’t mind going on one
it’s a first for her but it actually makes her light up to see someone showing interest in something that she adores!!!
u eventually find out tht next to motorcycles she actually rlly loves event planning n that’s why she’s doing communications as a major bc one day she’d like to be in her own pr firm n showcase new and vibrant things that’ll benefit others bc next tht she loves helping others so if what she does can helps others then she’ll feel fulfilled in life
it explains a lot considering she’s always helping people,,, like always
from making sure her roomie’s fed to volunteering at homeless shelters to even tutoring young children, she’s even trying to get into a peer mentor program at the local middle school (a lot of it happens at different times in the year but she has no issues with any of it bc it makes her happy)
srsly she works to the point of overwork and even her roomie has to drag her out by the ear just to get the girl to relax
and evidently this is one of those days where she is relaxing (by helping u lolol) but also she rlly appreciates the attention and attentiveness you’re showing her bc you love listening to her talk and explain what certain things are and it makes her so so so so happy ok
at first it’s miniscule things that make her happy from those little hang outs you two will do now that the ice has been broken to even the times you’ll actually accompany her to a few of her volunteering tasks and she’s so certain she’s found a great new friend, a wonderful friend even tho u can honestly say that the friend crush has become more bc holy shit ??? jennie’s amazing how could u not see her as something more y’know?
and even tho ur certain she doesn’t feel the same and jiwoo calls bullshit like every chance she gets with u, the ultimate game changer happens,,, The Sludge
so two doors down are Changkyun and Jooheon, the resident rappers who have had the notoriety of suffering from the horrific gross substance tht no one can rlly label to a T but to say the least it’s Terrible and Nasty and just N O
so even tho those two were struck with it bc of their lack of pay in the water bills, that gross stuff is just traveling all around the floor - even kihyun and hyunwoo and other residents have suffered thru it so on a very unfortunate day it struck jennie and her roomie’s
fortunately her roomie got a place with changkyun meanwhile jennie was kinda left without,,,, n on tht day u actually see her outside of ur apartment door looking v torn n ur like “jennie???”
her eyes go wide and she manages a wave n u ask what happened n she just deadpans n says “The Sludge” so you understand
and instead of waiting for her to ask bc you kno a part of her wants to but the other part that hates being a burden is lingering so you just invite her to stay n u give jiwoo a heads up and tht blonde roomie of urs is like “w/e she’s staying in ur room”
which she does cuz u force her to bc it won’t hurt u to stay on the couch esp when there’s a guest
she’s pretty begrudging abt it but she manages to deal n she actually enjoys the way you’ve decorated everything and notes just how nice it all is and ngl but she doesn’t miss the photo of u n her on ur bulletin board of ppl you care abt n it makes her feels so warm and touched,,,, it’s like the first instance of her becoming certain of her feelings for u
it’s all small ofc but the more she stays with u, the more ur on her mind n the more she enjoys her times at ur place (which ur loving btw bc she’s a wonderful roommate who will help cook n does grocery shopping bc the damn Sludge is still infesting their apartment)
she does what she can to help and jiwoo loves it and you love having her around so much
in this close proximity you’re able to really see those little things abt jennie like how she loves milk ice cream, how she’s very meticulous in the way things are placed, and how she copes with her stress by organizing even if it can be a bit of an issue
like lisa and jisoo have had their entire desktops cleaned n organized to an utter t after jennie’s done with it (jisoo: “there’s srsly never a simple sleepover with her man”)
but for some reason, she won’t do that to your stuff? like ok she doesn’t organize stuff just cuz she wants t disrespect the owner; most of the time it’s ‘cuz they gave her permission but with you??? she’s not sure and she hasn’t asked
it’s different cuz with her friends they let anyone touch their stuff
but you?? she doesn’t wanna just be anyone to you anymore
she wants to go on motorcycles rides with you and take you to her favorite beach when everything’s too much
she wants to take care of you and show you how much she cares and how much she loves those little things abt u even if u hate those beauty marks and “blemishes” and all that other stuff
she wants to hear you talk about ur favorite book and why then watch the movies to talk abt how lame they were or how you loved a movie and why
she just wants to do anything and everything with you and it’s really just eating at her bc this isn’t another event to plan or really something she can just organize away
hell she can’t even ride her motorcycle away bc all she can think abt is the way you practically lit up when she offered to give u a ride n she decides to just take a risk and stop you after one of your classes
you’re a little confused but you go with it bc she seems pretty distracted by something n u need a break from stats anyway so when she hands u her helmet u take it and watch her put on her space
she tells u to hold on and u do for dear life even if ur screaming at ur heart to shut up bc this is the first time you’ve been this close to her and it makes u tighten ur grip bc you dont want her to disappear
funnily enough, she doesn’t want u to either and she just relishes in ur touch
and so you both wind up at that beach and it’s so beautiful n ur in awe bc holy fuck tht ride was amazing and this,,, T H I S is amazing!!!!
she finds you so adorable and she’s just like “yeah,,, yeah this is.....”
n you look at her in confusion, sitting beside her on the shore even if the cool sand clings to ur legs, “what’s wrong? you seem off lately?”
and she shrugs, looking torn once again bc she’s thinking back to how you accepted her in, always offered a hand to her whenever she needed it whether it was helping her carry a box of event programs or even tutoring her in a class, like,,,, she never realized how much she enjoyed you taking care of her bc she’s constantly taking care of others
so she just blurts out “i like you” she goes for it bc why the hell not??? it’s better to get an answer this way
you’re shocked ofc but eventually you’re like “fuck, me too”
bc having her there? so goddamn close???? those feelings really bloomed and it’s silly and cliche but you can’t help but smile and say “jennie i like you too”
and lemme tell ya rn, she couldn’t be happier,,,,even when you both later find out that the Sludge was fixed nearly two weeks ago bc her roomie promised she’d get her back ,,,,, she just brings u close into her arms and u two watch the waves in ease and in this nice mutual satisfaction and rlly that’s all you both could ever ask for~
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wannasoftimagine · 7 years
Text
imagine park woojin as your classmate
project partners to dating partners :’)
(( AS REQUESTED // omg since ure a woojin stan can i get a request where y/n and woojin study in the same course after his wanna one activities (before he debuts in brand new music) and got closer after a project andddd you can write whatever after that LMAO :^) THANK YOU ))
okay so ure a fan of wanna one
who isnt tbh
and lucky u bc it turns out tht ure going to college w the one and only park woojin!!!!!!! (srsly tho what r the chances)
u forgot tht woojins age is kinda similar to urs bc he always acts like a tough guy on stage or a little kid off stage and u forget that hes a student like u
anyways
its a little weird to get used to seeing him in person after all the pictures n videos uve seen of him online
like?? hes a Real Person??? what a wild idea
and even tho ure both in the same college course, u try to keep ur distance
as much as ud like to befriend him, hes still an idol (even tho he hasnt debuted w brand new yet) and its rlly hard for u to start up a conversation w someone famous
also ure lowkey worried tht its going to ruin how much u admire him, and that actually talking to him will destroy how highly u view him
little do u kno hes seen u around campus before n thinks ure pretty cute
;))
okay but anyways
u make sure to stay out of his way bc the last thing u want is to bother him by asking for a signature or picture or smthn
u try and keep a minimum of like 10 yds between u at all times
(bc itd be even more embarrassing if u tripped right in front of him and that was the first thing he noticed abt u)
but lucky for u, life doesnt care what u have planned
bc its only a month into the semester and u already have a huge project assigned
of course, it’s a partner project
it might be okay if u were able to choose ur partners, but ur teacher insisted on trying to help everyone “bond w their classmates” so its all completely random
unfortunately for u, u get sick the day that ur teacher assigns partners
so u have no idea who ure paired up with
ure stuck asking some of ur classmates, but none of them rlly remember
everyone was a bit busy stressing out over their own partners tbh
and u keep asking around a bit, but u only know so many ppl in the class so eventually u kinda give up and hope ur partner isnt too bad
u settle on focusing on ur other classes, studying for future exams and reviewing ur notes in the library
even tho ure not sick anymore, u still feel a bit drowsy from all of the different medications u took and all of the work u were trying to catch up on
so. all excuses aside u fall asleep
prob not the best plan esp since some of ur things are balancing on the edge of ur desk
but the heart wants what the heart wants, and it rlly wants to sleep
ure having a rlly weird dream abt pirate monkeys when ure jolted awake by someone bumping into ur side
u look up to see someone sprinting away from u and like okay. thts a little weird
u try not to think abt it too much bc ure still kinda sleepy
so u settle on gathering ur things so u can head back to ur dorm and decide whether or not u want to study, sleep more, or find something to eat
as u collect everything, u notice a little post it note that hadnt been there before
in messy handwriting, it says “i didnt want to wake u but im ur partner for the partner project. im woojin and u can text me at [xxx-xxx-xxxx] whenever u want to meet up i hope u sleep well”
u realize that ur partner is prob the one u saw sprinting away from u earlier after he accidentally bumped into u lol
somehow u momentarily forget that ur partner is THE park woojin and ure like aw cool this woojin guy seems nice
then ure like WAIT A SECOND
ure highkey in shock and keep pinching urself to make sure its real
so u end up taking the rest of ur stuff back to ur room and wondering how u should text him
eventually u decide on a simple greeting and ur name, and u ask him when hes free
u have to send the text and then throw ur phone onto the floor bc U JUST TEXTED PARK WOOJIN ABT MEETING IN PERSON. GOD BLESS
ure suddenly super grateful abt every decision tht led u to this moment
anyways
ur phone buzzes on the floor so u scramble to pick it up
only to realize tht its a text from ur mom asking how ure doing
u text her back and tell her not to worry, then attempt to clean ur room a little instead of waiting for woojin to text u back
u just finish reorganizing ur closet when he texts u
its a quick text, smthn along the lines of “im free tmrw afternoon, do u want to meet by the cafeteria” so u agree quickly and hope u dont seem too desperate
and u KNOW its not a date
u guys havent even spoken to each other before so???
but ure still rlly nervous bc its WOOJIN and u want to impress him, even if ure just going to spend most of ur time talking abt boring coursework
u both settle on a time to meet and u pretend not to freak out
anyways skip to the next afternoon
u get there a bit early but ?? hes there already ??? ldsjks
and he looks Really Cute like hes wearing a sweater and ripped jeans and looking like complete boyfriend material wow ure p sure u can feel ur heart stop in ur chest
hes a bit awkward but uve heard abt how shy he is so u try not to take it personally
as soon as he sees u he blurts out tht u look nice and that is not helping the way tht this feels like a date
u guys end up moving to a bench in the shade bc its rlly nice out and this way ure able to talk freely without worrying abt being too loud
he explains the project a little, and u guys go back and forth offering up ideas
he always nods super enthusiastically whenever u suggest smthn and its honestly the cutest thing uve ever seen
its so weird for u to remember that this is the same guy uve seen videos of online bc what the heck
anyways
neither of u are extreme geniuses in the class, but ure both still pretty smart
ure pleased to find tht u guys complement each other well, w different areas of interest inside the same field
it helps ur project run a lot smoother than u thought it would, so u guys split up the work and agree to do as much as u can before u meet up again
ur conversations are still a bit stilted bc ure both still shy w each other, but overall u seem to get along well so ure happy
u text each other every once in awhile to talk abt the project or ask questions
u meet up a few more times in the next couple weeks but its all work and no business
still, over time u find urselves joking around with each other a little more, teasing each other and talking abt urselves instead of the project
of course, all things must come to an end
so all too soon, the day u submit the final project arrives
and ure a little worried tht woojin is going to disappear from ur life again
bc maybe he’s only been this nice to u bc hes just a sweet guy, but as soon as the project ends he wont care abt talking to u anymore
after all, its not like u guys meet up for meals or to hang out that often - even when ure just relaxing w each other, theres always some part of ur convo tht centers around the class
so as ure freaking out over this
he texts u asking if u want to come over to his dorm while he submits it
and mb u guys can just hang out afterwards?
obviously u agree and u cant stop smiling
when u show up at his dorm, hes wearing sweatpants and a tshirt and he looks adorable as heck when he invites u in
u guys sit on his bed as he loads all the stuff on his laptop and u try not to be hyperaware of the space between u two
woojins also screaming internally but somehow u dont notice the way he keeps staring at u out of the corner of his eye
u click the “submit” button together and HIS HANDS ARE SO GENTLE also theyre shaking a little???? huh
u assume its just bc hes Extra Nervous for the project but honestly? no hes just never been this close to u and hes freaking out
but anyways
u decide to go out to eat off campus afterwards to celebrate being done
a lot of the places have long waits or are too expensive so u just eat at a chikfila
its rlly casual but its fun and u guys argue abt whether chicken nuggets or chicken sandwiches r better and u cant help but think abt how much fun ure having w hiim
u end up blurting it out to him on accident and ure v v embarrassed
but he laughs and admits tht he rlly likes spending time w u too
so u promise each other to keep hanging out afterwards
it gets to the point where weeks later, ure still texting each other to complain abt classes or ask abt the other persons day
it still feels like a dream tbh
but u guys enjoy each others company whenever u can
most of the time u end up meeting each other at the cafeteria or studying together in the library, but u both just rlly like spending time w the other person
this routine continues for awhile and its prob the best part of ur life
but at one point ure trying to sneak up on woojin and surprise him when u see him talking to himself
as u creep forward, u realize tht hes actually on the phone, and he looks kinda stressed
it feels a bit invasive so ure looking around trying to find a place to go while he finishes up his phone call
but then u hear him say ur name so. consider u INTERESTED
and he keeps getting flustered and shutting down anything tht the other person says which is weird bc hes p shy, but hes never usually tht adamant and blushy abt something
eventually he tucks his phone away and lets out a Huge sigh so ure like,, hey u good
and he laughs it off but u can tell hes a little antsy, so u decide to tell him tht u overheard a little bit of him on the phone, and u ask him what it was about
he literally turns into a tomato its so funny u wish u had recorded it
but hes like “HOW MUCH DID U HEAR”
even tho u tell him u didnt hear much, he refuses to believe u and he spends the next few minutes pouting
u keep trying to get him to talk to u normally, but he refuses
finally he ends up grumbling smthn and ure like ???
and after a few half hearted efforts to repeat himself hes like “just tell me u dont like me back”
and. WHAT.
he pouts again and its so sos sosososoos o so cute u think ure going to combust honestly
“i kno u heard me tell him tht i like u!!!! just tell me u dont feel the same and leave me alone to cry”
and u have to reassure him tht u definitely didnt hear that BUT ALSO what???
n hes literally mortified when he realizes ure serious
but he has this rlly cute determined expression like “ok well now u kno i like u!!!!! y/n, please go out w me???”
n its like OF COURSE and u tell him tht u like him too and he keeps smiling and acting shy
honestly u both just make each other super happy
when u start dating, its not too diff from when u were friends, except now ure more affectionate w each other
both physically and with ur words
he loves hyping u up, and u feel the same
esp when he starts practicing more to debut w the rest of the bnm boys
u support the heck out of each other and can always count on the other person to be there for u when u need it the most
honestly its super soft and ure totally proud to be a lowkey campus couple even tho u have to keep ur relationship on the down low bc of dispatch
still u both care for each other a lot and u wouldnt trade what u have for the world
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leaughrilke · 8 years
Note
TELL ME! I always love your thoughts!
BLESS U
so the all the kids love their moms a Whole Heck of a Lot right and obviously kara and lena love their kiddos more than words can describe and its not that there’s any favoritism??  at all, like none, its just that stella is sort of naturally closer to lena??  in the same way that finn and maia are sort of naturally closer to kara, like there’s a certain sort of distance created when you’re a kid and you physically can’t Be a certain way around one of your parents
so there’s not distance per se but just....things that kara can do with finn and maia that she cant do with stella and things that lena can do with stella that she cant do with finn and maia 
and its not a Thing but then it sort of becomes a Thing ??  not so much for finn and maia bc lena and kara have gotten creative in making sure that lena’s always been able to be as involved in their lives as kara 
but heres the deal: maia and finn have kara’s powers and kara trains them.  that’s cool, thats fine, stella gets why she does; kara takes them to the deo with her a lot and they punch cars together (especially maia, she’s got a Lot of Rage to work through) and they go flying and kara helps them practice control over their powers and stella can’t help but feel a little left out??  bc for the most part, because her siblings are in control of their powers, they have the option to do everything she can with lena but stella doesnt have the same option with kara
and she hides it rlly well!  she does!  bc its not kara’s fault and its not finn and maia’s fault, its just how they are, and stella decides it has to be her fault which in turn feeds into the dark thoughts she already has bc, you know, empath that acts as an emotional sponge for the world
kara and lena both notice little stella withdrawing, kara notices its more around her than lena and is like..heartbroken.  just fucking devastated bc holy shit what did she do how did this happen she fucked up she fucked up and lena tries to comfort her but she’s p worried too like fuck whats going on 
and it doesnt help that stella can literally feel everything that they feel???  so she just shoves her feelings down even more and bounces back and then it boils over and this one in her class says her brother said that her brother is a word that makes stella shake with anger and she just hauls off and punches the girl
lena’s usually the parent the school calls first but she’s in opal city for a conference so lena calls kara, then the school calls kara and she’s in the middle of an interview and she let lena go to voicemail bc if its urgent she’ll call back but then she’s like “crap, it’s my daughter’s school” and her subject (idk wonder woman or smth) is like “omg no don’t worry, family first” and is super understanding when kara bolts
and like.......she would have expected this from maia, maybe (maia, who still takes the supplement that suppresses her powers bc she doesnt trust herself not to, maia, who gets so numb she just sometimes hits stuff just to feel something) but not stella??  not tiny little stella that used to sob when she accidentally pulled lena’s hair as a toddler or completely forgot kara had superstrength and would apply bandaid after bandaid when she bumped her elbow on the table
so she gets to the school and stella’s just Not Talking, in full shut down like she gets when she gets fried from the world (its sort of sensory overload??  thats the best way to describe it) and she shies away when kara reaches for her, tries to tip her face up to get a better look at the black eye she’s got forming
pls note that stella’s maybe eleven and still Small and she looks even tinier to kara now, looks more like the baby she pulled out of an abandoned car on the pier, and kara’s heart twists and twists at the way stella wont look at her
so she lays her phone on the chair next to stella and marches into the principals office and, while she agrees that stella shouldnt have resorted to violence, she also fully trusts and believes that her daughter wouldnt do anything without reason and she just verbally eviscerates the other mom, who tries to make it out like her daughter hasnt been harassing stella for years or anything (bc kara fucking commits every name to memory, every person that has ever hurt her kids, remembers their names what they said or did and she seethes bc she cant ??  fix all their problems for them???)
and when she marches back out, stella’s playing candy crush and has managed to escape with only suspension for the rest of the day and she still wont look at kara but she grabs onto kara’s hand with surprising force and kara’s like Okay, everything is going to be Okay
eventually stella says it, not to kara, but to alex bc she cant face her mom, either of her moms, with this, not when she’ll feel everything kara feels and she cant handle how it’ll hurt her to know that stella feels so angry and so useless, feels like she cant keep up with kara so she doesnt feel like she should even try, like she doesnt deserve to be kara zor-el’s daughter 
so alex asks if she cant tell this to kara and stella sort of sobs out a please and alex is a lot better at compartmentalizing, which is a skill stella appreciates bc it means all she can feel is alex’s love for her, kindness, warmth, not the way alex’s heart is breaking for her youngest niece
so alex tells kara and kara is fucking devastated like holy shit how did she not see this and alex and lena both are like hey its okay, she buries her feelings, thats part of her powers and lena’s like i didnt see it either but none of it helps bc kara’s like i failed her, i failed my kid
stella usually carpools w/ her best friend home or to lena’s office after school but kara all but demands an afternoon off, storming into snapper’s office and throwing him for like.....several loops with the way she basically tells him she’s taking this thursday and every thursday hereafter off.  and she calls ari’s mom to tell her that she’s picking up stella and she’s the first car at pick up and she picked up stella’s favorite drink from starbucks on her way over and her heart sort of twists a little at the obvious surprise on stella’s face to see her but she works extra hard to box that up and it must be working because stella’s stormy expression has already cleared a bit by the time she makes it to the car
when they pull up to the deo, stella figures that it must be time for her like biannual brain scans, to see how she’s matching up with other telepathic aliens bc they still dont know that much abt her species, but then kara’s guiding her down a different hallway, still just chatting with her abt her day and stuff like that
they walk into one of the Many training rooms and stella’s like ?????  and kara tosses her a gym bag from a locker that stella notices has her name on it and is like i know it’s really hard to not be able to do what your brother and sister can and i am so sorry that i never saw how much you’re struggling.  and i know its not fair that you dont get to punch cars with us, but you can punch this punching bag and talk to me and stella’s sort of overwhelmed??  but in a good way for once
so thats how they start spending thursday afternoons.  kara has alex teach stella proper form after that first day and then they figure out a routine—kara greets stella with a snack afterschool and they head to the deo and dont talk about the heavy stuff until after stella’s changed, after kara’s wrapped stella’s hands, until stella’s gotten a few good punches in, kara steadying the bag.  then it all starts coming out, all the terrible thoughts stella has, all the horrible things she feels that arent even her feelings to begin with, all these awful orphaned emotions that she takes on without meaning to
the system works rlly well bc stellas too wrapped up in her own head, in her words and in making sure she’s in the proper stance, throwing her weight the right way to notice anything kara’s thinking or feeling which is good bc she’s a kid and she shouldnt be worried about her mom’s stuff, she should just feel safe enough to let kara carry some of the burden
THIS GOT RLLY LONG AND I HAVE MORE SO ITS UNDER THE CUT SRY
IM GOING TO SCREAM ABT THE DYNAMIC BTWN THE KIDDOS FOR A MINUTE OKAY
finn is the Ultimate big brother but he is So Soft oh my god.  like??  he Will Not hurt anyone, he refuses to but the absolute second it looks like someone’s fucking with his sisters he makes it seem like he is absolutely willing to hurt someone.  he’s only hit someone once, and that’s this one guy that was pulling shit with stella he shouldnt have been (stella was visiting finn at college and definitely wasnt supposed to be at the omega phi party but well u kno how dumb teenagers can be) and finn punched him once, with nowhere near his full strength and the asshole cried and finn only felt a little bad
but !  for the most part he’s not the beat ppl up for my sisters kind of brother, he’s the do you wanna talk about it brother, the you’re on your period so i ran over to the corner store and got those stick on heat packs you like and also three pints of ben and jerrys brother, the your date bailed and youre crying in your room and think i cant hear it so i cancelled my plans and now we’re going to have a movie night on the couch, mama ordered chinese food brother
he’s the one that follows maia and cleans up the mess she’s made but only after he’s wrapped her up in the tightest hug he thinks she’ll tolerate and promised not to tell moms anything.  he’s the one that helps her keep a lid on it most days, appearing from a classroom and pulling her into it when it looks like she’s about to rip a locker door off its hinges.  the one that intervenes with teachers on her behalf after she blows up in class, smoothes things over so their moms dont have to get involved or ever know about it
he’s the one that acts as a buffer for stella a lot of the time, especially when they’re very little.  he keeps by her side when she’s very small, still unsteady on her feet and that’s their holding pattern, her stumbling and him right beside her and offering her his hand.  he’s the one that acts as a go between for her when the world overwhelms her and, ranking just below their moms, is one of her favorite people and one of her Certified Safe Places.  the list is a small one (basically consisting of lena, kara, finn, alex, maggie, eliza, and j’onn), it’s v prestigious in his opinion
sweet child of mine, i could wax poetic abt how soft and gentle finn is with his sisters and his mothers and the world in general
MAIA IS SUCH A FIRE STARTER OH MY GOD i love her i love her so much but she is destructive as hell.  like the best way to describe it is this—u know how soft finn is?  he’s kara danvers.  maia?  kara zor-el when angered.  she screams and she rages and she’s a hurricane and she breaks things and burns things but she is so fucking careful with the people she loves and even though she loves flying, she loves not worrying about hurting them more so she keeps her powers suppressed for like.....basically from birth to when she’s about twenty or so and she’s a mess but she’s a mess you call when you’re in a fight in a denny’s parking lot and you know she’ll show up even though it’s 2am and you started the fight
and she loves her family so so much??  so much it hurts???  and she’s not good with feelings like finn and can’t read ppl like stella so she doesn’t know what to do with the way she feels most of the time so she beats ppl up for her siblings without them even having to ask 
she finds finn locked in the girls bathroom once and doesnt even say a fucking word, she just storms into the boys locker room and starts threatening ppl until they point her to the ringleader and he well he never messes with finn ever again and quite honestly flinches whenever maia danvers walks into a room
stella gets called a freak?  technically maia doesn’t beat the kid up that said it, bc he’s like twelve, but she still intimidates the hell out of him.  in college, stella comes out and like most ppl r cool w/ it but this one dude in her freshmen seminar calls her a dyke and stella doesnt even necessarily tell maia, but she’s in the city and has brunch with her the next day and can fucking see it in her face and so she does beat him up
most ppl at school dont realize their mom is Lena Luthor bc she’s mostly known as mrs danvers or maia/finn/stella’s mom/other mom and she rlly looks v different when she’s at the school or at a recital or performance or game, usually in casual clothes with her hair down and sunglasses on, so no one ever rlly puts it together but once maia heard these kids saying that any luthor still standing is a threat, you know? and she sort of destroys them
i mean, to be clear, they r alive
they also dont ever say the name luthor within their high school ever again
when she gets older, she sort of mellows out thanks to age and maturity and also a fuck ton of therapy but she still verbally destroys ppl and is that person that’s always like they’re not treating you right?  leave their ass
and stella oh little stella
she’s like very much the baby of the family, like there’s abt five years btwn her and finn and three btwn her and maia and she idolizes her siblings even if she’ll never voice it
she is also a giant brat sometimes like she mercilessly blackmails them for rides and party invites and whatever else she wants (obviously not mercilessly, never about the big stuff, never about anything real) and they know she’d never follow through on her threats but they give her whatever it is she wants anyway bc that’s sort of part of the game they play, you know?
she also takes like.....a lot of care for them.  like as much as they protect her, she protects them.  she’s usually the first line of defense when things get shitty, bc she feels it??  and is sort of forced into noticing first.  when finn starts getting nightmares, it’s stella that clambers into his bed and starts telling him stories.  she’s the first to get a Bad Vibe from maia’s bf and she fucking acts on it, tells their moms.  she knows when her siblings are happy and she cheers them on so fucking loudly and she knows when theyre hurting and she’s the first to bring them kleenex and snacks
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troublish-blog · 8 years
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( omg the kind asks are so pretty! ) atoms, roses, moonlight, and sugar please 💕
i knowww they’re so nice
atoms: what’s the one thing you love most about yourself?
nothing my #cool catchphrases and maybe my long eyelashes?? idk i don’t like my eyes that much i’d probs rather brown
roses: who is somebody you love and/or appreciate?
(obligatory @fallxng-stars bc she’s so !!!!) but my best friend prbably deserves this mention bc she’s probably more willing to put up w. me than anyone else even when i’m being the worst most awful person ever???? i’m able to tell her like….anything there probs isn’t anything i absolutely wouldn’t tell her and she knows more things abt me than anyone else and idk sometimes i’m a really bad friend and i get mad at her for literally no justifiable reason ((or i’m being a huge hypocrite)) and she still takes it all in her stride idk how?? i wouldve ditched me by now tbh!! and idk i feel like i dont really repay her enough bc i kinda expect her to be like that or sm but yeah idk it’ll be allgoood and i hope we r friends forever love you bro
moonlight: what’s one way you feel you are kind to others?
i always try 2 save bugs’ lives… idk i guess i’m always willing to listen and i’ll help people with pretty much anything?? even like strangers that’s completely fine w me and idk i’m really bad at….voicing it i super awkwardly tried to compliment someone today and kfdslsd it wasnt even aaa but idk i think actions speak louder than words anyway so yeahhh
sugar: what’s one thing you’re grateful for?
that i was born in a first-world country and have heaps more opportunities than other people, that my parents aren’t that bad most of the time, that i existed at the same time as u kno who (even tho no one kno who that is. .. ..), that i’m like not physically impaired or anything, that i have food idk a lot of stuff u shouldn’t take for granted!! also my sis defs grateful for her
thanks love!!
send a kind ask pleasepleaspels
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spartalabouche · 8 years
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(all for both skylar and kitty, or whichever you prefer to answer it for) 1-3, 5-12, 14-19, 21-26,28-38,40,42-50
OK i did ALL OF IT
1.What is your OC’s favorite color?
kitty likes red skylar likes purple
2.Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?
kitty collects rocks! skylar collects Literally Anything given to him hes a bit of a hoarder but only when it comes to gifts. he cant bring himself to get rid of anything given to him
3.What kind of things is your OC allergic to?
kitty is mildly allergic to oranges. skylar isnt allergic to anything
5 already answered
6.What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite?
skylar loves any and all cats (including kitty(;3)) but tigers are his favourite. kitty likes bears
7.What element would your OC be?
skylar would be. water i think? i think kitty would be earth? but idk.
8.What is your OC’s theme song? 
idk lmao i dont do theme songs 
9.Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC?
been meaning to find some but i havent yet. i should get on that
10.What deadly sin would best represent your OC?
skylar i think would be envy. kitty maybe..wrath? i dont think that fits too much but its the best out of the seven.
11.What are your OC’s hobbies?
skylar likes to sew, kitty likes to cook
12.How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?
skylar is very patient. but maybe a little past patient to being just kind of a pushover. but he is very patient. kitty is a little less patient but i wouldnt say shes hot headed? shes a little irritable the days around the full moon but other than that shes pretty ok
15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why?
kitty would like a lizard! she just thinks theyre cool. skylar wants a cat. 
16.What does your OC smell like? 
skylar smells like... warm. like warmth has a smell and thats what he smells like. kitty smells like fruit shampoo
17.How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job?
theyre both highschoolers n dont have jobs but skylar wants to be a nurse. kitty isnt sure what she wants to do n thinking about it scares her a lil
18.What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?
skylar is terrified of being alone, its the reason he was in his situation before he met kitty in the first place. he will do anything for you if he thinks you will leave him if he doesnt obey.
kitty is terrified of hurting the people close to her, mostly after when she attacked skylar bc of the blood moon bs. after a few more moons they figured out what the deal was but shes still afraid that something could happen and she could attack someone again without warning. before that.. im not sure? i havent thought much about that
19.What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song?
skylar likes sufjan stevens n things similar, kitty likes the ready set n things similar
21 already answered
22.What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?
when hes with the right people skylar is a vry good student but before he met kitty he was in the principals office a lot and his grades dropped bc he was so exhausted emotionally from being w the ppl he was friends with and it took a toll on his mental health and his ability to focus and slash or care about school.
kitty is a good student in the classes that can keep her attention (usually science and history) but she has a real tough time if shes not Really Interested in whatever shes supposed to be learning, it just doesnt stick with her well. attitude wise tho shes a good student. she doesnt get into trouble unless the trouble finds her first and then shes too stubborn to back down lol
23.What is a random fact about your OC? 
...........i cant think of a random fact that isnt already mentioned lmao
24.What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?
skylar is pretty depressed and negative about His life but very positive abt others? if that makes sense? he thinks everyone has a reason to live and deserves to live. kitty is p much the same but shes not depressed rlly. shes pretty positive all around. 
25.What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them?
WELL. a looong while back i wrote a vent fic about dave like getting the shit beat out oif him or whatever. and skylar was one of the bg characters. he was very remorseful but didnt do anything to help dave or apologize and was just like.. in the bg for no reason? but then i was like i kinda....wanna do more with this guy. so i kinda like made an alternate ending to what i had where skylar helped dave after instead of leavin him where he was. and then i got attached lmfao.
kitty was made specifically for skylar! for a long while i thought skylar would always be like. a stand alone character it just felt rlly weird giving him a second Permenant character that wasnt terrible for him and then one day i was like WELL.....what if.......this Girl and then kitty was created
26.Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?
skylar and kitty are each others Most Important Person. kitty brought skylar out of a dark place and skylar is kittys rock when she gets overwhelmed or breaks down. theyre good for each other. best friends.
there is not a single person however that is not important to skylar he cares abt everyones opinions all the time. kitty tho.. theres someone but im not sure?? who exactly? havent gotten into that or anything.
28 answered
29.If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?
man idk. skylar is too scared of death to think about it and kitty just doesnt thing much abt it
30.Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?
kitty would like to get married, shes indifferent about kids. skylar would like to get married and have at least one child !
31.What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory?
most traumatic.. for skylar probably . being kind of forced to hurt people?? not necessarily forced by other ppl but forced by himself ofc. but it was still traumatic. 
kitty... im not sure. she hasnt really had any traumatic experiences so aside from attacking skylar which she could only remember bits and pieces of anyway idk !
33.Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? 
kitty could kill someone accidentally during a blood moon or if she was pushed too far in a non blood moon Wolf time she could probably kill someone but she definitely wouldnt mean to if she was coherent. shes a little more irritable during wolf times (i think i already mentioned that in this or the other one but) and if she gets too angry the wolf in her comes out a little more and she gets violent. shell only mean to maim but miiight go a little too far. hasnt happened yet though and she is determined to be sure it never happens.
skylar however. after like a year of hurting people hes sort of. learnt to dissociate in the process of it to cope. so if he was also pushed far enough, but like, thatd take more than wolfy kitty. like to the point of his family (including kitty) being seriously hurt or threatened seriously he could sorta. snap and have at it. and he could accidentally kill them. really unlikely though.
34.What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?
skylar tends to avoid social groups for long periods of time and if he is w a social group hes pretty quiet and will mostly just talk to kitty between her conversations with other people. uhh id go a little more in depth about how kitty interacts with people but i.. do not go to social groups and interact enough to see how an extrovert.. would interact with other people. at least i dont kno enough abt how theyd interact to be decisive abt it. sorry lol
35.How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?
skylar is def worried most of the time. he overthinks things especially when asked to do something, like hell overthink whether or not he did whatever thing correctly and overthink every little detail he worries a lot.
kitty likes to day dream! she likes to talk to skylar about her daydreams a lot n shell be able to go on for like an hour about whatever shes thinking about and skylar just likes to listen to her and she doesnt need him to participate a super lot just like. Listening makes her happy. shes got a lotta thoughts all the time
36.What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?
skylar wants Approval and praise. not like in a selfish way like i did this thing for u so i Deserve your praise and affection for it or whatever but just. its a dpd thing. he Needs it
kitty is... difficult. i really dont have her wants slash needs as fleshed out as skylars which is bad of me :\ i need to get on that.
37.What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do?
well kitty stims she likes to flap her hands and stuff but i think thats still pretty common. idk if skylar really does anything that other people dont do?? shrugs
38.What would your character do with a million dollars?
skylar would probably save it lol. kitty would impulse buy a shit ton of things at once until skylar was like wAIAt WHAT ARE U DOING and make her Calm Down
40 already answered
42.Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? 
skylar has scars on his cheeks, back of his arms, his shoulderish area and on his chest from kitty attacking him.
43.What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said?
skylars probably accidentally said a bunch of offensive shit being a Straight Cis White Boy but idk specifics man. kitty always corrects him tho and he does better hes tryin
44 answered
45.If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza?
skylar probably doesnt mind pineapple pizza? its not his favourite but hed be fine with it but kitty thinks pineapple pizza is the most Disgustng thing on earth. she would rather Die. 
46.Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?
kitty would probably curiously mess with it a little but skylar would be too paranoid to touch it lol
47.Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle?
kitty likes to draw furries because she is an Actual Living Furry but skylar doesnt draw much more than like. ur average bored doodling.
48.What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult?
well theyre both still teenagers but kittys parents have always been very supportive of her. they kno shes bisexual and she hasnt brought up bein partially nonbinary just because she doesnt want to yet and theres nothing they Need to know about that yet but theyd be supportive of that too. shes got really good parents
skylars dad was not a very good person, not like physically abusive or anything but he was a toxic person and he is no longer in skylars life. his mom however! is a very nice person. shes rlly patient with skylar nd was especially when he was in that rlly bad place and was getting into trouble a lot. she knew there was something going on
49.Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush?
skylar likes chocolate and kitty likes.. like all candy. i dont think sugar rushes are.. a real thing??? lmao but itd just be kitty when shes excited. skylar doesnt get sugar rushes
50.If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?
skylar is pretty afraid of death but i dont think hed try to fight it. hed probably isolate himself from anyone that wasnt his mom or kitty
kitty would probably kind of just hide it like not tell anyone if it was possible. shes like. the moderate amount of afraid of death n i think if there were ways she could try to avoid it that would at least Extend her time a little she would definitely do that as much as possible but if she knows there wont be much she can do she wont waste too much time with it. shed just make the time she has count
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kkukkung · 8 years
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Im crying in the school bathroom rn I seriously love wonho so much I'm in pain why is he my ideal guy in every way he's so amazing and handsome and sweet but whO CARES BEVause he don't kno me haha am I right
big mood all the time im always in pain bc he rly................ doesn’t KNOW i would let him shave off my eyebrows if he wanted 2
tardy replies as usual under the cut!
(sorted from oldest to newest)
I wouldn't even care if wonho was a high maintenance boyf tbh I'd just sit and comb his hair all day and tell him he's pretty
hdjkfh this was so long ago but i think i was mostly kidding abt him being a high maintenance bf... like he would do so much giving? but i guess the only thing he’d need is constant reassurance that his s/o loves him imo jfdhgjk... i also think he’d b someone who either doesn’t settle down ever or does it very late in his life!
annie 🌹literary queen ❤️ literally crowned with a laurel wreath! not be drum attic but this midsummer nights monsta au is so!!!! give me sistar as the four star crossed lovers then drag me to h*ll and give me this doctor faustus au i'm itching for with kihyun as faustus and k.will as mephistopheles bc i love to watch my faves s*ffer but don't let me rip until i get my much ado about nothing au with the entire cast of starship ent and a lil cameo from giriboy!
(in refence to this monsta x as shakespearean archetypes ask!) fjdshgkjs shh i lov u... why is k will as mephistopheles so Accurate esp no.mercy k will lmao. um u should write all of these? in fact if... if anyone has mx literary aus.... hmu...... i’ll n*t
another thing about that incident is that it seems like the fan doesn't think Changkyun and Jooheon undersood them?? (an extension i guess they assumed they don't understand english very well) and that's pretty problematic. it seems to me that when they didn't respond the fan assumed they didn't understand and kept repeating it, as a joke. but they literally did That to the two with the most proficient english in the group... it's rly a mess all around. it's disrespectful through and through
(in relation to that gross “d*ddy” incident from a while ago) ik i feel like some intl fans think korea is a land completely culturally and linguistically alienated/divorced from the rest of the world or something and while cultural relativism is real to some extent... the idea that koreans are completely unaware of ~outside~ things is deeply racist. like mostly white ppl think that diasphoric poc are completely Different from them? when my mum went to the states 15 years ago some ppl literally asked her if there were newspapers in china lol...
i just randomly thought of monsta x as sesame street characters mostly bc i wanna see kihyun and wonho duke it out as bert and ernie (kihyun w/ the waste paper bin on his head and wonho asking 'where's the waste paper bin' and kihyun saying 'ask me that again and look into my eyes') and also minhyuk being elmo tbh...
JKGHKJDF PLEASe!!!! when will something like this b photoshopped... minhyuk as elmo is... spot on... i remember once elmo appeared on a now-discontinued late night talk show program i used to watch when i was in primary school and he was like “elmo likes wasabi, that’s why elmo has no eyebrows” and idk why ive never been able to forget this????? very lmh. also this made me think of a monsta x muppets au n minhyuk is the pic of ass-gape kermit.... next post of mine will b monsta x as kermit reaction pics
Hyungkyun is such an under appreciated ship. Like, they just get each other so well? Why do people overlook it. ㅠ.ㅠ Do you have a moment that made you ship them? How would you describe their dynamic?
it’s bc they’re intp x intj they don’t rly... Understand each other with minimal effort/real communication lmao it’s very efficient. both quiet lil darlings who aren’t emotionally That Open but enjoy their own little space together sometimes?? their dynamic is like... they’re weird in different ways but they’re v chill together. u can tell hyungwon is super fond of changkyun like he has this Expression when ck does anything at all.... i think these two rly love each other’s personalities bc they’re both kind/gentle/peaceful types and their overall ?? vibe is just highly compatible... they’re absolute darlings... v soft together... i can’t think of a favourite moment but i rly rly love their birthday messages for each other last year like changkyun’s message for hyungwon was like “ur rly cool bruh ur rly such a great person” and hyungwon’s message for changkyun was rly... just him obviously doting on him n finding him cute jksfdhg i lov them a lot :(
soyou: i know how to make hair pretty :))) knetz: dirty fckn iljin why can't she be out there being being PRODUCTIVE in society by having babies and learning how to be a good wife for her future husband ://// smh how dare she be successful now when i'm stuck doing what society wants me to do but also anonymously attacking ppl i don't personally know on the internet bc THATS respectable the irony of ugly knetz is so transparent
The whole thing about Knetz and wonho's "scandalous" past reminded me of something. As a PSA to those people who are so insistent and pushy that idols aren't allowed to have sex/date/be anything but straight: Fuck all of you. You do not own these people, and if you really cared about them you'd be happy if they were happy. Like tbh, if anyone that famous and busy could also balance out a relationship at the same time, I'd be so happy for them. It really bugs me how all idols are supposed (1/2)(2/2) have this squeaky clean innocent image where they have to look and act a certain way and have these stupid fucking dating bans because once they don't meet up to that image their success suffers. Idols already give up so much privacy, and the last thing they need is millions of people scrutinizing every little thing they do. I don't even know where I started this rant from, but basically, GIVE IDOLS PRIVACY AND DONT JUDGE THEM FOR THEIR PASTS OR FOR BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS OR WHATEVER
yeth ty for highlighting the gross obsession w purity and productivity (like the first anon said -- a very confucian sort of ideal)... i don’t rly have anything else to add here i think. also i would fight for soyou i fact i would fight lmh who said she was his ideal type in no.mercy era... she’s rly one of my faves and the way she was slandered for the hairdressing thing was one of the most ridiculous things knets ever did lmao honestly yuk
u a kihyun stan now👀👀👀
im a @fhiz​ stan it’s the same thing tbh
ahh so i saw your tags on that jh gifset! as one of the few jh stans (or maybe there are way more than i think there are lol) i rly love his "reversal charm." he has a lot of what i lack as a person: a strong presence and a lot of confidence! i respect him so much as a person alth i rag on him a lot LMAO. sorry if this is a bit long winded but i just rly wanted to put this out there ;;
this is rly cute i lov hearing ppl talk abt their faves lovingly it rly... Heals Me. i think it’s strange how underappreciated jooheon is in this fandom especially bc he’s usually the one who catches ur eye first bc he’s so hyped by starship as being a one-in-a-million talented rapper u know? and he rly shines in mvs and no.mercy but............. y does he have the least fansites jkfhdg ?? you’re v right abt the reversal charm thing but i feel like sometimes it’s very overdone like... on lots of shows he’s asked to do aegyo when rly he should be asked to... idk... rap or dance or something?? i actually think jooheon is the most serious member of monsta x sometimes bc he seems to have a sense that he’s.. the pillar of mx if that makes sense? and that’s why he’s always pushing himself and working tirelessly like he feels very Responsible for this group, more than anyone else. idk if that makes sense!!! i love him and i want him to... unwind a bit bc sometimes he looks so stressed and tired but he still feels the need to pretend to be energetic like my heart rly hurts for him :/ this got so emo im sry i do rly love to hear that u respect him sm i love jooheon stans :(
i can see what u mean about jooheon being 1 of the most masculine. (iirc u also talked abt kihyun being that in a post a while ago) like with his face and his physique he really is striking; his body=like that slim,upside-down Y that you'd learn to draw men w/ in Anatomy 101 , but i think.. ,--not that u asked, but,, i think the jury's still out on if he's comfortable w his masculinity with the way he acts feminine lyk misogynistic comedians Can sound like dead ringers for women,? idk & i take +
(not sure if there was a 2nd part to this? there’s nothing else in my inbox so i’m sry if there was and tumblr ate it) yeth i think i meant that his demeanor is the most ~~masculine~~ whereas i think kihyun is still the most... idk... mature-masculine?? if tht makes sense, and i definitely agree w u on that second point! i didn’t think of that at the time but now that i... do... think abt it... ur right and also the way he comes back from it by putting on the >swag demeanor again in an attempt to polarise it is definitely a bit 👀👀👀 he probably doesn’t want to risk his Manly Rapper Image for real u kno? that said it’s ingrained in kpop that behaving cute --> “girly” entails that sort of “comedic” high-pitched voice + compact body language etc.... like i’m not condoning that ofc but i definitely think it’s broader than this particular case! :/ hm
maybe i'd be doing better in school if i could major in kihyunology ;~; i stan him but i def think we still don't know much about him even after all this time after debut. especially when i look at him compared to wonho who wears his heart on his sleeve (bless him i love wonho sm, gotta protect this bun at all costs!!)...but ya it just makes me wanna learn more about him like who is the real kihyun??
i want to write a kihyun meta when i have time... i feel like i Get him a bit more these days but it’s also very hard to put into words bc u kno when u kinda sorta mb get some1 but it’s a feeling rather than anything conveniently expressable gkjdhfjk.... idk if anyone wants to send in some Kihyun Thoughts + Meta feel free! :>> i don’t think he’s actually... as complex as we sometimes make him out to be lol like his behaviour is actually kind of predictable? more on his later
wait is the february comeback actually true? ugh i'm so conflicted cuz on one hand i'm excited if there's really gonna be a full length album, but i also think they need more rest but then there's the matter of getting their first win and idk i'm super psyched but i'm also worried that the boys are being overworked
i still feel like they had a comeback like yesterday lol like looking at their schedules stresses me out bc they do so much..... im glad wonho got to go to his mum’s cafe recently tho! all we can do is have faith in them rn and when it’s time... stream, buy things if ur able to, spread the news and the hype etc. i am definitely Worried abt some things like the competition they’re up against but.... gotta have faith u kno... and i feel like all active idols are kind of... permanently worked very hard but i think currently only jooheon and shownu are a bit Overloaded. also has the date been confirmed yet... it’s february already...
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GUESS WHO HAS TO ANSWER ALL THOSE QUESTIONS TOO
eat my ass! 
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?my girlfriend
2. Are you outgoing or shy?depends on the sitch 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?im seeing sierra in like 2 hours so her 4. Are you easy to get along with?i think i’m alright5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?i think so6. What kind of people are you attracted to?the nice kind7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?i think so 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?colbert my dad who is drunk in hawaii right now :////9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?no all i do is make jokes abt sex im 1210. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?who even knows11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?it says i cant wait to see you either!!!!12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?ooooooooooooo1) hot knifer by peach pit2) alrighty aphrodite by peach pit 3) storms by fleetwood mac4) california dreamin’ by the mamas and the papas5) one by birdtalker 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?i luv it14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?nope not really15. What good thing happened this summer?this whole summer was really good but being in wa was probs my favorite part16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?duh17. Do you think there is life on other planets?aliens r REAL18. Do you still talk to your first crush?nope19. Do you like bubble baths?i love all baths20. Do you like your neighbors?not really, i like the people who live two doors down though21. What are you bad habits?smoking and biting my lip22. Where would you like to travel?everywhere?!?!?!23. Do you have trust issues?i think a little bit24. Favorite part of your daily routine?sleeping25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?the whole thing26. What do you do when you wake up?lay in bed, get dressed, do my makeup, have coffee, leave27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?a little darker would be nice28. Who are you most comfortable around?my best friends29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?nope
30. Do you ever want to get married?i dont know31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?yes finally32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?obama and jesus33. Spell your name with your chin.no34. Do you play sports? What sports?none sports35. Would you rather live without TV or music?ugh probably music but its tough36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?no i don’t think so
37. What do you say during awkward silences?i start screaming 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?a possum39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?i love thrift stores lol 40. What do you want to do after high school?go to university and all that jazz41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?not everyone42. If youre being extremely quiet what does it mean?im probably tired as fuck43. Do you smile at strangers?all the time44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?how abt i kill myself instead
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?my alarm clock46. What are you paranoid about?someone breaking into my house
47. Have you ever been high?yes 48. Have you ever been drunk?only 8 days a week!!!!49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?uhhhh no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?i don’t rly wear hoodies so i don’t know51. Ever wished you were someone else?oh yes 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?i wish i was taller53. Favourite makeup brand?i don’t rly have one54. Favourite store?i like urban outfitters 55. Favourite blog?dicnysian ;)))))))))))))))56. Favourite colour?yellow!57. Favourite food? hmmmmmmm i like strawberries a lot and any sandwich with cucumbers on it58. Last thing you ate?p(ass)ta
59. First thing you ate this morning?p(ass)ta60. Ever won a competition? For what?uhhhhhhhhhh i don’t think ive ever won anything61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?LMAO I GOT SUSPENDED FOR VAPING IN A TRUCK ON CAMPUS 62. Been arrested? For what?no63. Ever been in love? yes
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?i don’t remember it lol65. Are you hungry right now?mmmmmm yes
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?ive only got like one tumblr friend left (@ emma)67. Facebook or Twitter?facebook68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?nope70. Names of your bestfriends? squidni and colbert71. Craving something? What?im hongry but idk what for72. What colour are your towels?uhhh all sorts72. How many pillows do you sleep with?a billion73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?nope74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?like i have 1 left i think75. Favourite animal?pups76. What colour is your underwear?black77. Chocolate or Vanilla?vanilla with sprinkles78. Favourite ice cream flavour?vanilla with sprinkles79. What colour shirt are you wearing?purple
80. What colour pants?blue
81. Favourite tv show?ahs is a hell but i also really love parks and rec and grace and frankie is getting up there
82. Favourite movie?but im a cheerleader is my fave but i tonya was RLY good83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?what kind of animal likes mean girls 2 more than mean girls 184. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?mean gorls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?uh idk the mean girl86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?nemo
87. First person you talked to today?squidni or sierra i can’t remmeber88. Last person you talked to today?uh squidni89. Name a person you hate?BROOKLYN LMAO90. Name a person you love?squidni 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?BROOKLYN LMAOOOO92. In a fight with someone?no93. How many sweatpants do you have?like 394. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?like 3
95. Last movie you watched?i tonya!96. Favourite actress?sarah paulson duh97. Favourite actor?i love miles teller98. Do you tan a lot?no never99. Have any pets?two doggios100. How are you feeling?alright101. Do you type fast?ish102. Do you regret anything from your past?like everything i am literally filled with regret103. Can you spell well?i think so104. Do you miss anyone from your past?sure i do105. Ever been to a bonfire party?i think so? ive been to parties with a fire idk if that counts106. Ever broken someone’s heart?who knows 107. Have you ever been on a horse?yes i used to take horseback riding lessons108. What should you be doing?cleaning109. Is something irritating you right now?not particularly110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?oh yes111. Do you have trust issues?you already asked this112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?my math class113. What was your childhood nickname?hoo boy lets not114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?i live in a different country from the one i was born in115. Do you play the Wii?i love the wii
116. Are you listening to music right now?hell yeah!117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?love it118. Do you like Chinese food?LOVE IT119. Favourite book?fried green tomatoes probs120. Are you afraid of the dark?nope121. Are you mean?i dont think so
122. Is cheating ever okay?only on tests bby123. Can you keep white shoes clean?i cant keep black shoes clean124. Do you believe in love at first sight?no
125. Do you believe in true love?hmmm i think so
126. Are you currently bored?yeah127. What makes you happy?getting drunk with my friends128. Would you change your name?in a heartbeat129. What your zodiac sign?Libra130. Do you like subway?yes i never eat there though
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?tell that mans to snap out of it132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?you asked thiss too!133. Favourite lyrics right now?every lyric in storms by fleetwood mac134. Can you count to one million?in theory i could135. Dumbest lie you ever told?when i was little i told someone i was allergic to deers136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?closed137. How tall are you?5′ 2″138. Curly or Straight hair?mines wavy i guess
139. Brunette or Blonde?im a redhead
140. Summer or Winter?summer141. Night or Day?night142. Favourite month?july
143. Are you a vegetarian?lol nope144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?milk chocolate
145. Tea or Coffee?thats tea hunny146. Was today a good day?it was alright so far147. Mars or Snickers?snickers but only if theyre frozen148. What’s your favourite quote?i don’t kno149. Do you believe in ghosts?sort of150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? Hark! I hear the legions coming, (Hear the cries of triumph well,But, proud Caesar, dead I scorn you, Egypt, Anthony, farewell.) 
It’s from a poem in this book i stole from my dad
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[TIME SENSITIVE / URGENT] toxic friend
i kno u guys must get like thousands of messages and im so sorry for cluttering ur inbox and pushing this to the front of the line but im just. desperate and really scared and i need to know what 2 do abt this as soon as possible!!! also as a preface i apologize in advance if some of the way i word things in this come off as offensive or incorrect, etc - i truly, genuinely do not mean any harm so please feel free to correct me if i say something that isnt okay!!! also this is REALLY scattered and mega long so bear with me im really sorry! (also im so. so scared the person in question is gonna see this o H MY GOD so i may need to message this blog again asking for this post to be taken down maybe bc im really paranoid im so sorry!! i hope thats ok but i just dont want to risk her seeing this if this all blows up in my face ohrkjdghkjghfdgj!!!) (TW: SUICIDE MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION)
ok so. almost 2 years ago in early 2016 this girl i’d never met before drew me this incredible gift art for my birthday. we started talking and we found out we have a lot of things in common - we both draw and write, we’re just a few months apart from each other in age, we have similar interests and fandoms, n we live less than an hour away from each other and are one state away from one another - so we immediately hit it off n became super close friends. she was amazingly talented n super friendly and nice n stuff so i wanted 2 be friends w her anyways!!!!! @ the time she was in an online relationship with someone several years older than her who lived across the country, and she mentioned a few times she was feeling unhappy and insecure in that relationship and that long distance was really difficult but she was too devoted to her partner to break it off. the most important thing 2 note is that my friend has several severe untreated mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd among others), regularly self harms, and is suicidal. im pretty sure im neurotypical (or at least i definitely am not suicidal / depressed, etc), so while i couldnt relate to a lot of the things she was going through, i always tried to be a listening ear to her and give her advice / support when i could because i knew she was going through a lot of rough stuff. she told me she doesnt have any friends in real life, her parents are separated and her family does not support her or even really know / care about her mental health, and she can’t access any professional help from teachers / counselors / therapists due to her severe anxiety and financial issues for some of the latter options listed. as her relationship with her partner began to crumble, i started bearing a lot of the weight of her struggles - she would vent to me and i would always have to be there for her to support her. i told myself that because she was mentally ill and didnt have any support i would take on that role so she wouldnt have to suffer. over the summer of 2016 she almost attempted suicide like…. twice??? and i talked her out of it and it was terrifying and really exhaustimg to constantly be worried about her.
then almost a year ago, in the winter of 2016, she started getting… clingy? we started talking a lot more and i didnt really get like any bad vibes from her but we were pretty much joined @ the hip and stuff and we started telling each other all of our secrets (so this is when i found out her relationship with her girlfriend was starting to crumble, which i didnt previously know) also she started constantly drawing me stuff??? like Drowning me in gift art and i felt really bad for not being able to reciprocate but she told me not to worry and that she used art as a coping method and stuff. at this time, i was going through some stuff too - obviously not as severe as depression / self harming, etc, but i had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with someone i knew from school, and i was doing my best to distance myself from romance in general since i didnt feel mature or confident enough to be in a romantic relationship yet. i told my friend that i was uncomfortable about the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and she seemed to understand.
anyways right around my birthday this year she revealed to me that she was madly in love with me (???!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?). mind you we had never even talked to each other / video called or ANything like that and we had only sent each other One (1) selfie and. it made me really uncomfortable because she said that like i was her moon and stars and her whole world and everything and she constantly dreamed of me??? and that she had been secretly like writing me love poetry and drawing me Even More Art i didnt even know about and…… it was. really overwhelming. it bothered me for so many reasons besides the fact that we had never communicated outside of like chatting / sending messages back nd forth like…. ok she was still in that long distance relationship at the time even though it was crumbling, and she KNEW!!! that i was uncomfortable about romance but she told me anyways and stuff!!!!!! and AHHH it was just really bad. so i panicked over it for a day or two because i was scared that if i Firmly Said No that she would spiral into a depressive episode and actually fatally harm this time but i wrote her this huge long letter letting her down very, very, VERY gently and apologizing for ever leading her on and stuff. and. she never actually wrote back to that letter or told me that it was okay???? which….. should have been a red flag 2 me but. we moved on as friends even though we did this conscious of the fact that she still loved me like that and i didnt feel the same way. looking back on it i regret it so much because i told her that like i would Always Be There For Her Forever and stuff and??? gfkjhgk yeah it wasnt a good time.
its been almost a year since then. in the spring i got my first smartphone and we added each other on a lot of social media stuff including snapchat and moved all our conversations there, then we decided to call each other and exchange phone numbers and see how that worked. i didnt really think much of it and was excited to hear her voice and have a conversation with her but…….. suddenly that one call turned into two and two turned into three and within a few weeks we were calling each other like All The Time (at least once a week if not more) and like making these really fucking elaborate schedules to call each other????? WHICH LIKE i dont think is a normal thing friends do idk if im wrong but!!!!! i literally call None of my other friends except for her, and a lot of that is bc i actually get really anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone?? (also not to mention my mom doesnt really like me talking on the phone either….) but i never really told her that it made me uncomf or that it was difficult to mnge like i guess it just kinda.. Happened and became the norm. so now on top of constantly messaging each other multiple times a day now we were calling frequently too and there was suddenly a lot more pressure in our relationship because i had to stress out over making a large amount of time in my day to talk to her. i graduated high school this spring and having to balance the extreme emotional load of that major change with like… suddenly having to fall all over myself to make time to talk to this girl i didnt even really know?? was just really bad and i regret it so much because i feel like i missed out on fully experiencing it i guess. im really really passive and im TERRIFIED of confrontation and i dont like saying no to people or telling them if im uncomfortable because They Will Get Mad At Me and it was especially worse bc of my friend’s mental health and so she and i would talk for hours on end because i was afraid that if i got tired and ended the conversation without a legitimate excuse she would get mad at me and hurt herself. since we could fit way more conversation into like… long long hours of talking and talking, we ended up like. just telling each other literally Everything and she “eventually” fell out of love with me and started trying to meet people who she actually knew irl to date!! which was. kinda good bc she met this one girl and they hit it off but then it turns out she was just….. queerbaiting my friend??? which Sucked so that obviously didnt work out. and then she met another girl on this dating app and they started going out and my friend started talking to me less for a little while. it turns out though……. that my friend’s new girlfriend lives in my town??? like i dont know her but bc of that my friend and i almost met in person bc the two of them met up and went out together and stuff and they were gonna drop by and see me but that didnt work out. im getting off topic here but my point is……… she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she started seeing other people.
sadly she and her gf recently broke up. their relationship was also really unhealthy just like…… All Of Her Relationships and that other girl broke up with my friend because she said she needed space (she was depressed too and needed to recover and my friend was being too clingy and attention seeking and stuff so she just ended it in the middle of the night over text.) ofc ive stuck around for all of this and my friend has vented about every tiny detail of this relationship to me and its…. been So Stressful. now that shes single again she’s more depressed than ever - over the summer when she was dating that other girl she stopped self harming but she started again when their relationship started going south and now im really scared she’s gonna hurt herself, esp bc she tried to commit suicide again a few months ago which was terrifying. also another thing thats made me REALLY uncomfortable!!!!!!!! is that she Keeps Bringing Up the fact that she was in love with me whenever we talk on the phone??? like Every Single Time We Talk, Without Fail. even when she was talking abt her new gf with me sh was like. comparing her attraction to her gf to her attraction to Me and talking abt how they were similar and different and. i never had the guts to tell her it bothered me but god it just does So So Much!!!!! because we were never in a real relationship and she doesnt even really know me KDSJFHKHGAHHH im rambling so much this makes no sense at all and this is so long im so sorry ahhhh but im… Stressed!
so….. we’re running up on two years since we’ve met and one year since she told me she loved me. im in college now and she’s still in high school, and she’ll be i college next year too. again, i dont think that im depressed or mentally ill, but ive been struggling a LOT with the adjustment from hs to college and its been really really rough on me emotionally. now that my friend is single she’s been solely relying on me and trying to get me to call her multiple times a week because she needs the extra support now that she doesnt have her girlfriend anymore… but she doesnt seem to understand that i i just dont have enough time or energy to give all of myself to her and fall all over myself to make her feel better, especially when i already feel suffocated by her to begin with AND when im suppposed to be starting this new life and putting all of my focus into that. we’re mutuals on every single social media i have and i feel like im constantly being crushed by guilt whenever i do anything for myself or post stuff bc she can see what im doing constantly. and like she asked me to turn my read receipts on when we started moving from snapchat to texting and i have them turned off regularly so i did and it was really uncomfortable. i keep bending myself over backwards to mke sure im making her happy bc im all she has left.
neither of us have good relationships with our moms and so we’re always sneaking around to call each other and lately ive been calling her at school because obviously my mom isnt there and its less of a hassle to sneak around her and and talk……. but its a double edged sword bc i keep having to isolate myself and skip clubs / studying / hanging out with friends and socializing to talk to her and listen to her vent and its just so exhausting and i feel like im starting to seriously fall behind in other areas of my life im supposed to be getting better in. its hard enough adjusting to this and missing high school and stuff and trying to learn how to be an adult and be independent, and having her weight over my shoulders just is making things so much worse. but if i tell her that she’s choking me she’ll hurt herself (she’s literally said to me, Multiple Times (and recently!!!) that if it werent for me she’d be dead by now or she would kill herself and stuff and im the only thing she’s living for at this point. which. i dont know how to feel about that). i feel so trapped and i can’t say or do anything that indicates that im uncomfortable because she’ll get mad at me and make these passive agressive little side comments or do these alarmed emoticons and stuff or give me the silent treatment for a day or two (which is always scary bc like its Good when she’s not talking to me but when she doesnt im scared that something horrible happened to her!!!!!) and its just. god. ive started lying to her and coming up with fake excuses to get out of calling her because the thought of having to go isolate myself in these empty courtyards or nooks and crannies of my college campus is growing more and more uncomfortable and terrifying to me and i just cant fucking be honest about it because i suck. when i talk on the phone with her i have to be really fake and smiley and stuff and all she does is ramble about how horrible things are going for her and then i have to try and give advice when i just am so bad at talking and socializing already and im dealing w my own stuff and its… Awful. im so so weighed down by this nd i know that if she knew she’s being a…. b*rden to me right now she would be devastated and harm herself and stuff so i cant say anything and im spiraling out of control with THI s but you get the point im just really uncomfortable Always!!!! and i feel like my own emotions are completely 100000% inferior to hers because she’s gone through so much more than me and stuff???? and idk if thats True or if its just the way i feel but i just cant do anything around her bc shes like a ticking time bomb and anything i feel or try to do to protect myself from getting hurt will be selfish bc shes hurting way mre than me!!!!!!!!
anyways her birthday just happened a couple weeks ago and i bought her a tiny present and drew her somehting (i felt super guilty about not doing More for it though because shes done so much for me and also literally nobody except me remembered her birthday, not even really her own family). i havent mailed it to her yet (i told her i would send it this weekend, which is why this is marked as urgent) but we just exchanged addresses for the first time so now she not only knows my name, my age, what i look like, my Entire Backstory Ft. My Deepest Darkest Secrets, and how to reach me whenever she wants wherever she wants, but now she knows Exactly where i live and where i go to school too lol yay!!! anyways im getting really really anxious because i just had my midterms for college and didnt talk to her for an entire week last week but this happened right after her gf broke up with her and i think shes mad at me for taking a week off of talking to her. we were gonna call again today but i weaseled my way out of it bc it was so overwhelming and now i have to mail her this gift this weekend and my mom and other fmily members are all yelling at me about it and demanding that i just like…. Not Send It To Her because i dont owe her anything and tht i should just cut her off but if i do she’ll hurt herself nd she follows me everywhere and knows all of my secrets and stuff and idk im just scared that if i end our friendship she’ll try to ruin my life!!!! Like i dont think she would be petty like that or turn people against me or anything but she’s so obsessed with giving all of herself to other people nd she’s literally said she cant function without being 100000% devoted to somebody and like even after she’s broken up with all these other girls she still…. is obsessed with them and angsts over them and stuff and she does that with me even though i never even dated her or anything aND ITS JUST bad
like. idk i just really needed to get all of that out and im sorry it was so so so long and i dont even know what to do but i guess i marked this urgent because like. do i send her the present???? should i try to just like quietly distance myself from her real subtly so she wont notice or should i just straight up tell her that i cant breathe around her anymore and i just. really need space??? or like to not be friends anymore even though we know everything about each other??? am i being manipulated or is it jsut All In My Head that our relationship is toxic??? like idk if i shoud even cut her off completely or aNYTHING or if we could like even go on being just acquaintances from now on and saying hi to each other from time to time. and i feel so mean and bad for writin all of thisstuff about her when i know shses so vulnerable and i havent concretely communicated Any discomfort around her so if she saw this she would immediately know it was about her and do something Terrible to herself nd she constantly spams me with memes about depression and wanting to die and like…. blows up my phone with like 50 text messages at once and its just so so so much to worry about and i!!! just!!!!!! cant function like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!
anyways that was a huge disorganized mess and im kinda shaking and i dont even think i got all of it down or communicated how trapped and helpless i feel. ive never been in any situation like this before and i hate that she’s…. yeah. she’s really like manipulated me and stuff and i dont know how to get out of it. every time i think about it i feel like bursting into tears because im just so stuck and i dont even know if the way im feeling is even valid or if its all just lke. in my head or something and this is how friends really are Supposed to be because ive never really had a great social life either and my best friends are honestly my brother and sister and they mean everything to me and so i have friends outside of my family but like idk i never like. really was that close with any of them nad stuff nad idk this isnt about me BUT i just uhhh. am kinda crying a little bit and im sorry fo rbeig a big baby about all of this its all my fault for being a Human Doormat and letting people walk all over me nd tellin myself that i can bear that weight when i really have never taken good care of myself before Ever In My Life and stuff. but anyways im gonna stop rambling now and just… to whoever reads this or responds to this or whatever just thank you for hearing me out even if you think im wrong / crazy / Terrible for feeling this way because it just has been so much and i dont know what to do.
Hey there!
There's a lot going on here, but the bottom line seems to be this; you're in a friendship that you don't want to be in, and that you feel is unhealthy for you.
You are not her therapist. You can't fix her, you can't treat her, you can support her, but that's it. You aren't responsible for her. You're forcing yourself to put all this time and energy into something that you're super uncomfortable with, and don't want to be doing, and it's draining you and destroying your own mental health. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to want to help people, but you HAVE to put yourself first, or else you'll burn out and you won't be able to help anybody.
At the very least, you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and tell her you need to tone down your relationship. What's happening absolutely isn't fair to you. All you can do to help her is your best, and right now, you're not doing your best because you're not taking care of yourself.
I know you're concerned about her hurting herself or killing herself, but you have to understand that you are not responsible for her. If she does something to herself, it's not as a result of your actions. She's traumatized and mentally ill, and those factors are what causes her to hurt herself. Not you. You are not and can not be responsible for her. Period. If she tells you she's going to kill herself or severely hurt herself, you have her address. Call 911 and ask them to dispatch help to her house. She might hate you for it, but an angry person is far, far better than a dead person. That action very well might save her life, and get her the help that she needs, so don't be afraid to do it.
As for the present, it's totally up to you. You did promise it to her, and fulfilling that promise might help you let her down a little bit more gently. At the same time, giving her a permanent reminder of you could hurt her. Maybe you should ask her? Tell her about how you're feeling and that you can't keep going with this intense of a relationship, and have a conversation about that. During that conversation, you could ask if she still wants the present. She might get angry, or it could help soothe her, or maybe she'll have a totally different reaction. It's hard to know.
This conversation is going to be super, super hard. It's going to be hell, quite frankly. She's a super sensitive person, and she's probably not going to take it well. So remember what I said before, about her not being your responsibility, and do a LOT of self care working up to the conversation and after the conversation. I'd recommend making a self care kit, and putting things in it that help calm you down. My personal self care kit contains nice smelling lotion, soft fabric, stuff to play with, gum, tea bags, and notes from friends reminding me that they love me. You could also be texting a friend during the conversation, so that they can reassure you and help talk you through it.
You may not be going through the same things she is, but your feelings and your struggles are valid. You don't need to destroy yourself to help someone that's "worse" than you are. You need to take care of yourself, and keep yourself as healthy as possible. You aren't any less valuable simply because you're not traumatized or self harming. Your mental health is important, and you need to do what's right for you.
I hope this helps!
♥ - Fawn
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