#this hit harder later on when they were dating and he met ellie

[mycharacterdump]

𝐆𝐀𝐁𝐄 + 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐂𝐀

You were screaming at the Evangelicals They were screaming right back from what I remember When you said I will never be your vegetable Because I think when you're gone it's forever But you know I'd stand on the corner Embarrassed with a picket sign If it meant I would see you When I die.

[tempesrature]

The Case of the Murdered Witch Doctors | Chapter 9

Chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 The Charm of Lost Things (Oneshot Follow-up) Creative Process Note Commissioned Art Piece

Pairing: Ride or Die | Ellie x Colt Summary: “It was worth a wound--it was worth many wounds--to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask.” - Arthur Conan Doyle, The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes.  Word Count: 2k+ Warnings: PG-18 (blood, injury, wounds etc.) @rodappreciationweek @lovehugsandcandy

~*~

“Damn, who the hell is her friend? Kamilah Sayeed?”

Colt looks up at the giant mansion in front of him as Ellie hops off of the Cavalieri and stands next to him. She sighs when she realizes that, once again, she was tricked by Ana.

“She didn’t say. Said that they were some rich werewolf she met in the 70’s. I didn’t even question it and just believed her like an idiot.”

Colt grins as he slings his arm on her shoulders. “Yeah you’re an idiot but you make up for it with your pleasing personality.”

Ellie glares at him but it doesn’t last long when she realizes that he’s doing it all in an effort to make her feel better, maybe to even comfort her. This is an unknown and dangerous situation after all.

She steps away from him and she regards him seriously, her voice commanding and final. “Colt. We don’t know what we’ll be facing. I want you to promise me that if things get bad, you need to leave and call the Agency.”

Colt raises an eyebrow. “No.”

“Colt!” Ellie glares at him as she steps closer. “We’ve never fought against an albularyo before, we don’t know what to expect. Plus, I have the authority to be here. You don’t. If things go badly, you could get implicated and arrested—worse, you could die!”

“And what? I’m just gonna run and leave the girl I like behind? Fat chance that’s happening.”

Ellie falters as she takes a small step back and a fiery blush takes hold of her cheeks. “Uh…uhm. The girl you…like? You mean me?”

Colt chuckles wearily as he looks down to the ground and mumbles under his breath, “Lucifer why do I like this idiot…” before he looks back up at her with a piercing gaze, his eyes lighting up in a brilliant gold. “Yes, you Ellie. Do you know of any other half-witch detective’s I’ve been hanging out with lately?”

“I guess I didn’t think you’d be into me…in that way,” Ellie sighs when she realizes that this is the worse time and the worst place to have this conversation and they’re burning valuable minutes right now talking about this. “Anyway. Let’s talk about this later. We have more important things to do.”

“Noted.”

She quickly turns around and makes her way towards the massive front doors of the mansion. Colt jogs up next to her with a confident and cocky smile before he leans down and whispers into her ear.

“But I don’t think we really need talk about this. I know you like me.”

Ellie stops walking and whips her head to weakly glare at him. Colt merely grins as he raises his hand and hovers it near her heart.

“Or should we both check again just to be sure?”

Ellie opens her mouth, her retort already so close to the tip of her tongue, when the double doors of the mansion slam open. She whips her head to look at the person walking out of the doors, her body and senses in high alert.

“Woah Ellie, what are you doing here?” Ana walks out with a big grin as her eyes land on Colt. “With your vamp beau too. Something up?”

Ellie is aware of Colt moving closer to her, almost shielding her away from Ana, but Ellie moves away from him and regards Ana seriously.

“Ana. We need to talk.”

Ana blinks confusingly as she gestures to the inside of the mansion. “Sure, come in. I’ll get us something to drink. Sorry vamp beau, I don’t have blood on tap.”

“Ana we know,” Ellie steps forward and lets her magic pool in her palms as he manifests the cuffs she’ll need to restrain Ana. “I’m putting you under arrest for the murder of Ernesto Kilat and Malina Kilat. You will be put under magic repellent cuffs for the mandated twelve hours. Anything you say, cast or manifest can be used…”

Ellie drones on as she goes around Ana, pulls her arms back and begins to lock in the cuffs around her wrists.

Colt observes the scene silently, his golden eyes alert and ready, and suddenly he feels it. In the air and on the pinpricks of his skin. The energy that vibrates so low in frequency that magical creatures would rarely be able to pick it up.

But he does.

And his eyes widen as he looks to Anna and sees the red glow bubbling underneath the surface of her eyes. Ana looks back at him, tilts her head to the side as a wide and knowing smile pulls at her lips.

“Shit—!” Colt moves fast. Faster than he’s ever moved before and he tackles Ellie to the ground. He tucks her head to his chest and shields her from the oncoming blast. His eyes squeezed shut.

Ellie only has a second to respond as she puts her hand out. Blue sparks crackle in the air as she forms a shield around them. It takes some of the hit but it shatters at the impact of explosion, filling the space with a loud boom.

“Colt are you okay?!” Ellie takes his face into her hands, her eyes full of fear and panic.

“I’m fine.”

He’s definitely not fine. His whole back stings and hurts. But it’s okay. Better him than her. After all, he has healing abilities and she doesn’t.

“I can’t believe you figured it out Ellie!” Ana laughs as strings of red lights with jagged edges hover behind her. “Shame that you did though. I really do like you.”

“You don’t want to fight this Ana,” Ellie says as she pushes Colt off of her and he sits up with a wince. She tries to keep her attention on Ana while glancing at Colt to assess his body for injuries. Her heart lurches when she catches sight of his ruined jacket.

“But I gotta Ellie,” Ana steps forward and the red lights behind her shoots out at them. Ellie quickly blocks it with her magic but the recoil sends her arm back. “I genuinely thought you’d give up or the Agency was going to bury this case like they usually do. But you didn’t! That was a shock.”

Ellie stands up and gathers her magic in her hands as she thinks of the best way to approach this. She thinks of her training but she’s never fought an albularyo before. So she knows she needs to observe and adjust accordingly to Ana’s attacks. She lets her magic seep to the ground. The blue sparks gather the rocks and earth and moves it to incase Ana’s body in a cage to keep her immobile.

“Why did you do it Ana?” Ellie asks as she tightens the cage around her body. “They were your parents. You cried for them.”

Ana looks at her with a bored stare. “And? I kept asking them to hand over the business to me but they kept saying no. I gave them plenty of time to change their minds. A decade in fact. I think that’s enough time, don’t you think?”

Ana nudges her head to the side and the red light easily demolish the rock cage around her. Ellie takes a step back. Her heart pounds hard against her chest in apprehension. Colt steadily gets on his feet and grips her arm tight in his hand. His vision is blurry but he pushes past it.

“El start fighting her like you mean to kill her,” Colt says as he reaches around his back. He pulls his hand and looks at the blood and pieces of burnt skin on his palm. He let’s out a curse. Shit. It’s bad.

Ellie sees his palm and she panics. He’s half-vampire. That’s half the healing speed. If he gets hit with another blast he’s not going to make it. He’s right. He’s right. She needs to fight like she means to kill. If not, they’ll both die.

“I’m surprised the vamp still stuck around Ellie,” Ana coos as she sends forth a string of sharp of red lights towards them. Ellie blocks it with a flick of her wrist while she formulates a plan. “I thought he’d drop you the moment Toby got arrested.”

“You did that?” Colt grits his teeth as he bares his fangs. His eyes taking on a menacing gold.

“Yeah, fun wasn’t it?” Ana cackles as she moves closer. The red lights moves to surround them in a circle that traps them inside. “Josh fucked up though as he always does. I told the idiot to leave the fang marks of Shaw or Toby and he left one of each on them. Take out the competition while I’m at it, you know?”

Ellie moves her body closer to Colt. Their arms pressing against each other. The red lights closing in like snakes ready to strike.

“Colt keep her talking. I have a plan,” She whispers to him.

Colt briefly flicks his eyes to Ellie and gives her subtle nod. He steps forward and shields her away from Ana’s line of sight.

“Yeah? That’s what you get for using a vampire addicted to Libation. They mess up.”

“Right?! It’s soooo stupid!” Ana sighs as she lazily flicks her wrist. The red lights slices the skin on Ellie’s ankles and she winces in pain but keeps herself steady. She places a protective barrier on the back of their thighs as she pours her magic all around her while she focuses on staying undetected. To be invisible. “I mean of all the things he could mess up! Damn and I dated that idiot!”

Colt grits his teeth in a panic when he sees how close the red lights are now. He glances at Ellie. She gives him a look.

A look that says continue. Colt reluctantly agrees.

“What did you do with the blood anyway?” He winces when a red light slices the skin on his leg. But he recovers easily. Those wounds will heal faster.

“Oh that?” Ana laughs before she coughs then thumps her chest. “I gotta drink it everyday for a year to become a true albularyo so it’ll continue to give me the anito’s power to control this,” Ana gestures dismissively to the red lights around her as her face suddenly furrows in confusion.

“You’re…drinking your own parent’s blood?” Colt looks at her in disgust and Ellie momentarily pauses to look back at Ana in horror.

“Hey don’t give me that look,” Ana coughs harder as sweat gathers on her forehead. Confusion now fully taking hold of her face “How can you judge me? You’re a fucking vamp-pire! I had to…I gotta…gotta get it some other way since the-ey didn’t wanna gi-give it to...me.”

Colt narrows his eyes and observes her. Ana’s breath comes out short and she’s coughing harder now. He glances at Ellie in shock and alarm but she doesn’t pay him any attention. She clinches her fist. Willing her magic to work faster as the red lights now lash and lick their legs and leave gashes of red on their skin.

“At least I’ve never killed anyone for their blood.”

Ana lets out a roar of laughter before she clutches her chest. Air is difficult to take in now and she’s gasping. “You should—should try it vamp beau. It’s su—surprisingly fast,” She wheezes and drops to her knees. The red lights flicker and writhe on the ground before they slowly start to disappear. Ana looks up at Ellie. She tries to glare but her eyes glaze over. “What’s—what’s happening?”

“Sudden drop in atmospheric pressure,” Ellie explains before she raises her hands with a wide grin. “You are now currently experiencing what it feels like to be 13,796 feet above sea level. Altitude sickness as some people call it.”

Ellie keeps her hold on Ana as her eyes start to roll back into her head and she drops to the ground with a muted thud.

She lays unconscious.

Ellie quickly manifests new cuffs with her magic as she runs towards Ana. She kneels in front of her and pulls the unconscious girl’s arms behind her back. She links the cuffs on her wrist before she rolls Ana over, places her hand over her nose and mouth, and quickly starts the oxygen therapy.

“Colt come here,” Ellie looks towards the dumbfounded Colt. “I need to keep her on oxygen therapy so she won’t die but I need to see your wounds.”

Colt sluggishly moves towards her before he sits with his back facing her. Ellie moves one hand to lift up his jacket and shirt and she winces when she sees the burns and blood spread out of his back.

“Take off your shirt and jacket. I’ll try to heal it as best as I can, okay?”

“El if you wanted me shirtless all you gotta do is ask,” Colt chuckles as he painstakingly takes off his jacket and shirt. Each movement accompanied with a groan. But the pain minimizes when he feels her magic start to spread out and coat his back and it surprises him how soft and warm her magic feels on his body. Despite the pain still taking hold of his senses, he can’t help but feel the sense of comfort spread out through him.

“I can’t believe you took that blast for me,” Ellie sniffs a little as she moves her hand to a particularly bad burn on the back of his shoulder, he hisses at the pain. “You could’ve died you idiot.”

“Hey, don’t call the guy who just saved your life an idiot,” Colt teases with a wince when she moves her hand to his lower back.

She chuckles wearily as her eyes land on the unconscious Ana whose breathing is now, thankfully, back to normal.

“Thanks Colt…I would be dead without you.”

“Doubt it El,” Colt chuckles as he looks down at Ana a little uneasily. “When I said fight her like you mean to kill her, I didn’t expect you to literally cut off her oxygen. You’re terrifying when you want to be.”

Ellie laughs a little as she finishes her ministrations on his back and finishes Ana’s oxygen therapy. She takes the time to assess the damage on his back and, thankfully, it looks a lot better now and with his vampiric healing it shouldn’t leave too much of a scar.

“And all this time, I’ve been holding back on you.”

“Thank Lucifer for that,” Colt chuckles as he turns around to look at her. His eyes immediately gravitate to the slashes on her pants all over her legs and the blood and wounds beneath it and he grits his teeth and lets out a curse. He can’t quite make out if they’re deep or shallow cuts but he knows it’s going to be painful once the adrenaline wears off.

Ellie tilts his chin to force him to look at her as her blue eyes bore into his golds. “Hey, they’ll heal. I’m fine.”

“Yeah but they’re gonna hurt like hell,” An idea comes to him and he smirks. “Let me help,” He says as he motions for her to sit. She does so confusingly and he takes her right leg and raises it up to his mouth.

“Colt what—”

“Vampire saliva remember?” He smirks at the wide eyed look of understanding she gives him. “You can look if you want.”

She’s definitely not going to do that. She doesn’t think she has the will power and mental fortitude to look him in the eye while he does it. So she looks away and muffles the soft moans that threaten to tumble out of her lips when she feels his tongue press against her skin. The sting of pain is instant but momentary and she tries to think of something else—anything else—to distract herself.

“Done. Give me your other leg,” Colt looks at her and smirks when he sees the blush practically covering her entire face. He raises her left leg to his lips and licks the first wound he sees. “You know Ellie, I change my answer.”

“What? Answer?” She glances at him just in time to meet his eyes as he’s about to lick one of her wounds. Her eyelids drop halfway as she bites the bottom of her lip.

“About how your blood tastes. I have a better answer.”

Now she’s curious. She looks at him fully and his golden eyes hold her darken blues. “How does it taste like?”

He licks one more strip of blood just below her knee before he delivers his answer with a wicked and devilish smile.

“Addicting.”

[thewnchstrs]

ONESHOTS

PAIRINGS

*** = smut

Dean

Scarred: after a hunt gone wrong, the reader has to undergo surgery leaving her with a permanent memory of what happened that night.***

Meet the Family: meeting your boyfriend’s family for the first time at Thanksgiving is already a nightmare, but sprinkle in a little suppressed family drama and you get a recipe for disaster. (AU where Sam and Dean were never hunters)***

Hold On: the life of a hunter becomes too much for the reader to handle.

The Waiting Room: Dean and the reader’s world collide when they meet in a hospital waiting room.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot: sparring practice with Dean turns into something much more.

Back in Black: it’s all fun and games until Dean Winchester catches you dancing in your room with his clothes on.

Twenty Years too Late: the reader has to come clean about the horrible things that happened to her in the past.

Friends: in times like these, it’s not safe to love who you love (based off of the song Friends by Ed Sheeran). *male!reader

Exorcist?: the reader uncovers something that leads Dean to have to reveal the truth about the Family Business. | Part 2

Hopeless: when Sam finds out about how the reader self harms, he urges her to tell Dean.

Not to Blame: reader has a history of self harm and is finally forced to open up about it.

Devil’s Backbone: the crucifix around your neck seemed to burn the moment you laid eyes on Dean Winchester, but you couldn’t find it in you to care (based off of the song Devil’s Backbone by the Civil Wars).

Wings: when the reader falls into a coma and is met with an unlikely circumstance, will she try to fix her rocky relationship with Dean or fall for someone new?

Just a Number: the reader and Dean are in an established relationship but there’s one aspect of it that Dean can’t get past.

Happier: even though Dean knows you’re happier now, he can’t help but miss you (based off of the song Happier by Ed Sheeran).

Sam

Death Wish: after Sam dies, Y/N knows what she has to do in order to bring him back.

O’ Death: a hunt gone wrong leads to the reader finding herself facing Death one last time.

Help Me Help You: after Sam finds out the reader has a prescription pill problem, he knows he has to confront her about it.

Underworld: Sam, Dean, and the reader run into one of the toughest demons they’ve come across in a long time. But she needs their help. male!reader

Here For You(Always): the reader struggles with anorexia, and when there’s an incident during a hunt, she has to come clean.

The Day: the reader is head over heels for Sam but doesn’t know how to act around him so Dean tries to help.

Chuck

More Than a Secret: when the reader finds out Chuck is God, she battles with how to deal with it.

NON-PAIRINGS

Sam & Dean & Reader

Multilingual: the reader has more skills than the Winchesters seem to know about.

Team Free Will & Reader

The Vessel: unaware that Lucifer is pulling the strings, Sam, Dean, and the reader have Castiel send Dean back in time to a doomed WWll submarine to retrieve the Hand of God. episode rewrite

It’s a Midwest Thing: TFW visits the reader’s hometown.

Sam & Dean

Barnum & Bailey: Sam and Dean meet a group of hunters who disguise themselves as a traveling circus.

Stanford: Dean finds Sam’s Stanford application.

FAMILY FICS

Daughter!Reader

Fifteen Going on Thirty: finding a box of condoms in your daughter’s room never goes over well.

It’s a Two Way Street: Sam’s seven year old daughter becomes possessed.

Runaway: when the reader tries to go on their first hunt alone, Sam is reminded of a time when he almost lost them. gender neutral!reader

Top Secret: Sam’s daughter is planning his birthday present until it all goes terribly wrong.

I Loved Her First: Dean reminisces on his life with his daughter on her wedding day. (based off of the song I Loved Her First by Heartland)

Winchester Sister

Dream On: after being captured by a demon, the Winchesters are faced with a decision to make. (OC Ellie)

Rescuer: when celebrating a hunt gone right, the reader receives some very unwanted attention from a man in a bar.

Fade to Black: after being injured during a hunt, Sam and Dean aren’t sure their sister will make it out alive.

A Very Supernatural Thanksgiving: what’s Thanksgiving without coming out to your family and then getting the sex talk.

#thinman: when a teenage girl is killed, the final selfie she took before the attack shows a shadowy figure in the background. Can Sam, Dean, and the reader find the ghost? episode rewrite

Burden: drinking and driving never mix.

Side Effects: the reader has been abusing her medication, and it’s only a matter of time before her brother’s find out.

Forbidden Love: the reader’s relationship with Lucifer is hidden for nearly a year until her brothers find out about it.

Torture Makes the Dead Man Talk: Sam and the reader are taken by Toni Bevell, a British Men of Letters who tortures them for information. | Part 2

Show and Don’t Tell: the reader has been with Charlie for almost six months, now comes the part of breaking the news to her brothers.

The Main Event: being a deaf hunter is just as hard as you’d expect.

Baby Blue: the reader gets caught doing something her brothers are less than thrilled about.

Mystery Spot: while Sam, Dean, and the reader are investigating a mystery spot, the reader is sent into a time loop where everyday is Tuesday. episode rewrite

Goodnight, Moon: when the reader runs away in order to get out of the Family Business, she finds herself ten years later in front of the two people she thought she’d never see again.

Home is Where I’m With You: the reader goes away to college, but leaving home is going to be harder than she thinks.

The Cure: watching after a demon is much harder when A) that demon is your brother, and B) when that demon escapes. | Part 2

She’s a Winchester: when Sam and Dean suspect that their sister is dating, they find something in the far corner of her bedside table that confirms their suspicions.

4 AM: the reader comes home drunk, but her brothers are up waiting for her.

Yellow Fever: the reader is infected with an illness that starts as anxiety, but moves to full-blown terror and stops the heart. episode rewrite

Dancing Queen: the reader gets an invitation to a school father-daughter dance, but John hasn’t been home in a few days.

The Babysitter: the Winchester brothers need a babysitter for their younger sister.

RPFs

Jared & Jensen & Misha & Reader

Captain America?: the reader has a secret boyfriend, and Jared, Jensen and Misha want to know who he is

Jensen & Jared & Reader

Lean On Me: all of the times the reader, Jared, and Jensen had to lean on each other when it seemed like they were all they had. (based off of the song Lean On Me by Bill Withers)

Jensen

(There’s No Place Like) Home for the Holidays: the reader’s first Christmas with her new family. (daughter!reader)

Midnight Dreamer: the reader hears something from Jensen’s side of the bed in the middle of the night.***

OTHER

Partner in Crime: Gabrielle meets the angel she’s been dying to meet.

Rock Never Dies: the reader intends to find and kill Lucifer except he’s now he’s international rockstar Vince Vincente.

With a Little Help From My Friends: a church sermon offends Lucifer, the angels and the reader defend him.

What Do You Expect?: Crowley is dragged to Comic Con. | Part 2

I Guess Angels Are Real: when Charlie is in a desperate situation, the reader agrees to help out, which leads to major flirting with the reader from Dean.

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 18

Hey loves! I hope you all had a nice weekend (I know some of you had an amazing weekend because you got to meet Chris), I spent the weekend with my aunt and uncle who are visiting from Australia. And my whole family is heading to the coast on Tuesday. So I’m super excited for that.

I went back and forth on when to post this chapter and I decided to just post it tonight. I would say more but SPOILERS, so I’ll wait and leave a post end-of-episode note.

Quick shout out to @heather-lynn @badassbaker @alievans007 and @nomadicpixel for helping me with this episode.

♥Becca♥

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: R-ish

Warnings: undescriptive sex, maybe some language

Episode Summary: This episode takes place in early April 2014 and is about Chris and Ellie's time together before he goes to film Avengers 2.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological. It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future. However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 17

Episode 18: Decisions

Early April 2014

It was still dark outside when Chris got out of the hired car and looked up at his house. He'd spent the last two weeks traveling from one side of the world to the other and back. He was beyond exhausted.

"Here you go, Mr. Evans," the driver said, setting Chris's suitcase at his feet. "Have a good day."

His feet felt like lead as he made his way into the house and he paused in the entryway to breathe in the familiar scent. He couldn't put a finger on what exactly it smelled like, but there was a fruity note that hadn't been there before Ellie had moved in and it balanced everything else and made it homier. Just like the woman herself. Before Ellie, this had just been his house in Los Angeles and home had been in Boston, but every day, this place seemed a little more like home to him.

With no energy to carry his suitcase upstairs, Chris left it out at the bottom of the stairs before dragging himself up to his room. Normally, he showered after a flight before going to sleep, but he was too tired to even do that.

The desire to sleep comfortably forced him to take the additional time needed to strip down to his boxer briefs before he moved to the bed. Pulling back the covers, he slipped into bed, knowing full well that he'd have to wash them later that day if he had any hope of enticing Ellie into bed with him that night. His last thought as his head hit the pillow was that he was happy to be home with Ellie.

-----

The morning started normally for Ellie as she and Daisy left the guesthouse and came to the big house for breakfast. It wasn't until they were heading upstairs to the office, a bit later, that Ellie saw Chris's suitcase at the bottom of the stairs. She'd known he was coming home today, but she hadn't known what time.

She was both excited and nervous that he was home. Excited, because, obviously, she liked him and enjoyed spending time with him. Nervous, because she remembered how distant he'd been after getting back from his two weeks of isolation and how she'd felt lonely and hurt because of it. She hadn't expected Chris to text her during his two week escape from reality and he hadn't texted her while he'd been on the press tour, either. But he had finally texted her yesterday to let her know he would be home today. Trying to be optimistic about the situation, she took that text as a sign that things would be better than last time.

Glancing at the suitcase, Ellie knew she wouldn't be able to carry her stuff upstairs and it at the same time. Taking two trips, she carried her stuff up to the office and turned on her laptop before she returned for the suitcase. She hauled it up the stairs and deposited it in front of the laundry room door to make it easier for him to do a wash later.

Hearing a scratching noise, Ellie turned and saw Daisy sitting in front of Chris's closed bedroom door, whimpering for Chris to let her in. Shaking her head, Ellie scooped the pooch up and gave her a kiss on the nose before carrying her dog into the office and closing the door.

"He's sleeping," she told the dog as she set her down. "He'll come find us when he wakes up." Or so she hoped.

While Daisy stared at yet another closed door keeping her away from one of her humans, Ellie checked her email, responding to a couple inquiries from prospective writers and deleting junk mail.

Before diving into her latest project, Ellie left the office to use the bathroom. On her way back, however, curiosity got the better of her and she quietly opened the door to the master bedroom. The room was dark, thanks to black-out curtains, but she could just make out the Chris sized lump in the bed. His soft snores made her smile and made it that much harder for her to leave the room and get back to work, but she managed.

Daisy was lying on her dog bed under the desk when Ellie returned to the office and didn't even lift her head to see who had come in, as if she was giving her owner the cold shoulder. Shaking her head, Ellie sat down at the desk and soon lost herself in her work.

-----

Chris had no idea what time it was when he woke up, but he knew he had to get up or risk dealing with jetlag for even longer. He laid in bed for a few minutes, replying to texts he'd received while sleeping before he forced himself to get up. Cringing at the smell of himself, he made his way to the bathroom to shower. 

When he exited twenty minutes later, he felt a little less zombie like, but not much. He pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before he stripped the bed and exited the bedroom. He nearly ran into his suitcase, not expecting it to be upstairs yet, on his way into the laundry room. After several choice cuss words, he carried the sheets into the room and dropped them into the washing machine and added soap before hitting start. Then hauled his suitcase into the room and sorted through it, tossing his dirty clothes onto the floor before dragging what remained into his bedroom to deal with later.

As he stepped into the hallway, he glanced at the closed office door, knowing that Ellie would be in there hard at work. He'd decided, on one of his many flights, that since he was only home for two weeks before he jetted off again, he would spend as much time with her as possible and worry about the future later. It was a half-assed attempt to put his mind at ease about things, but it had worked.

His stomach growled then, reminding him that it had been hours since he'd last eaten. So, even though he really wanted to see Ellie, he went downstairs to find something to eat.

-----

Ellie had been working for a few hours and was so lost in her work that she didn't hear the door to the office open. It wasn't until she heard a throat clear that she looked up to find Chris peeking into the room. She felt an excited rush through her body at the sight of him and relief that he had sought her out so quickly.

She started to smile but then it faltered as she really took in his appearance.  He was paler than normal, his eyes were baggy and there was a general air of exhaustion that radiated from him. "You look like shit," she remarked.

Whatever he'd been expecting her to say, that hadn't been it and it took him a second before he barked out a laugh. "Hello to you, too," he muttered, his voice still thick with sleep and maybe overuse.

The sound of his voice brought Daisy to her feet and the dog wagged her way towards him. "Hello, Daisy girl," he said as he lowered himself to the floor to greet her. "At least someone is happy to see me."

"For the record, I didn't say I wasn't happy you're home," Ellie stated as she put her pen down. "Because I'm happy you're home, too. But don't expect me to go around licking your face or begging you for tummy rubs."

"Is that a challenge?" Chris asked, glancing up at her with a quirked brow as he rubbed Daisy's belly. "It sounds like a challenge."

"It's not a challenge," Ellie assured him as she shook her head nevertheless amused by his antics. God she had missed him. "How was your flight?"

"All of them were too long," Chris replied as he stood up. "I'm just happy to be in one place for a couple weeks." He walked around the desk and peered over her shoulder. "Working?"

"Yup, gotta be done by the end of this week," Ellie told him with a stress-filled sigh. "And my sister Sydney is in town with her family, which just adds to my time pressure because I promised to have dinner with them tomorrow night and go to Disneyland with them on Friday."

"Where are you guys going for dinner tomorrow?" Chris asked, casually.

"We hadn't decided yet," Ellie replied, eyeing him questioningly as she picked up on his tone. "They're staying at one of the Disney hotels so they wanted to eat somewhere else. Why, did you have a suggestion?"

"We could have them over for dinner," he suggested with a shrug. "And then I could meet them. After all, I've met your other sisters and you've met all of my siblings. We could order in if you're too busy to cook. Or I could grill burgers or something."

"I'll send Syd a text," Ellie told him with a smile as her worries about the next two weeks seemed to vanish thanks to a single conversation. "I'm sure she'll say yes. She's curious about you, too."

Chris didn't bother to contradict her assumption that he was curious about meeting her sister, because he was, and instead said, "Let me know if they're coming and I'll handle dinner so you can keep working." He hesitated for a second before he leaned down and kissed her lips briefly. He wanted to do more with her, but he knew she had a lot on her plate and he didn't want to get in the way of that. Straightening, he gave her a smile before he left the room, closing the door behind him.

-----

The next afternoon, Chris questioned his sanity for at least the fifth time that day as he looked at the groceries that he had picked up for dinner that night. Ellie's sister had accepted his invitation and had given her opinion that hot dogs and hamburgers would be the best given her kids' picky eating tendencies. Ellie had helped him make a grocery list last night after dinner and then had turned him loose to get the groceries and take care of the meal since he had offered to do it.

He had tried to convince her to sleep with him last night, but she'd insisted that he needed a good night's sleep before he would be any use to her. He knew she'd been joking, but damn if she hadn't been right. He'd fallen asleep before nine last night and had woken up at nine that morning, feeling more human than he had in days. By the time he'd gotten out of the shower, he'd felt like a new man and not a sleep deprived humanoid.

He couldn't help but appreciate the fact that Ellie had recognized what he had needed, even when he couldn't. In the past, he'd been in relationships where both his partner and himself, admittedly, had been looking out for themselves only. It was a refreshing change of pace, especially coming off the global promotional tour.

In some ways, promotional tours, especially those for Marvel movies, were the hardest part of the job for him. Sure, he got to interact with his friends, many of whom were like family by now, but then there were hours upon hours of interviews in the same room and usually with the same questions; many of which were ones he was contractually unable to answer. Not to mention that those hotel rooms were sometimes the only places he saw in some of the countries whose stamps he had in his passport.

Then there were the long flights and the endless nights when sleep just wouldn't come. They both left a lot of time for thinking and, more often than not, overthinking about other aspects of one's life. Case in point, Chris had spent many a night going over every part of his and Ellie's relationship. He liked her, he liked her a lot, but was that enough? Was he enough for her? He knew she would say he was enough, but would that just be her telling him what she knew he wanted to hear? Logically, he knew that was a definite no, especially not after the way she had greeted him yesterday; she wasn't one to be dishonest with herself or someone else. Then again, if she didn't know how she truly felt.

Chris shook his head, ridding himself of the troubling thoughts that had plagued him for weeks. It was in the moments where his stress levels were high that his anxiety caught up with him the most. But he could and would fight them down. He put the groceries into the fridge and then went out to the garage where he had his exercise equipment. He preferred to work out alone and in the privacy of his own home, especially when he was doing two or three workouts a day to prepare for Captain America. He put on his headphones and stretched before he got started on his midday workout routine.

-----

Ellie's stomach was full of butterflies as she got dressed for dinner with her sister, Garrett and the kids. When Izzy and Riley had met Chris, he'd just been her friend, but now he was the guy she was seeing, which made for a completely different set of circumstances with introducing him to her older sister and Garrett.

After opting for a casual jeans and t-shirt look, Ellie made her way up to the big house and found Chris and Scott in the kitchen working on dinner.

"It smells great in here," she complimented them. "Are you having dinner with us, Scott?"

"Of course, I'm supposed to give Izzy a full report on the grilling that Chris gets from Garrett," Scott replied with a grin that turned into a grunt as his brother elbowed him. "I mean, I'm here to help balance things out, if needed."

"The only grilling will be on the barbeque so there will be no need for anyone to balance anything out," Ellie told him. Yes, Garrett had been like an older brother to her since she had been 14, but he hadn't grilled Eric the first time Izzy had brought him around, so why would he grill Chris? "We're going to have a nice dinner and everything will go great."

And so it did. Her sister and family arrived on time and Ellie made introductions. The kids, Noah (6) and Chloe (4), fell in love with Daisy and spent the whole evening wanting to play with her. Ellie had panicked for a few minutes at the beginning, when Sydney had asked to see the guesthouse; but when they'd gotten back, they'd found Chris, Scott and Garrett laughing and telling jokes like old friends. Even her sister had warmed up to the Evans brothers, proving once again that those two could charm anyone they wanted to.

After her sister and her family left and the kitchen was clean, Ellie took Chris by the hand and led him up to his bedroom. Because of his help yesterday and today, she had gotten her edits done and all she had to do tomorrow, before meeting her sister's family at the theme park, was to make some final notes for the author and drop it off at the post office.

To demonstrate just how thankful she was for Chris's help, she took him into the shower and gave him a blow job that left him unable to speak for the remainder of their time in the bathroom. By the time they made it to his bed, he was more than recovered enough to return the favor and then some. When it was all said and done, they were both left sweaty, breathless and exhausted from their efforts. And very, very happy.

The next day found Ellie in Disneyland with her sister's family. Never one to turn down a day at Disney when he had nothing better to do, Scott had invited himself along and was currently sharing his vast knowledge of Disneyland secrets with Noah and Chloe. With Scott happy playing tour guide to the kids, Ellie had encouraged Sydney and Garrett to go off and experience Disneyland by themselves. They deserved a break and, if it meant her sister couldn't ask her questions about Chris, well then, it was a win for both of them.

By the time they met up with Sydney and Garrett for dinner, Ellie was exhausted. She'd had a blast with her niece and nephew and they'd ridden nearly every ride both kids were tall enough for at least once. She and Chloe had done some sightseeing on their own as well while Scott took Noah on a couple rides for older kids. Compared to some of the other kids they had seen in the park, Noah and Chloe had been remarkably well-behaved and extremely polite. It had made Ellie proud to be their auntie.

After dinner with them, Ellie and her sister made plans to have dinner alone together the next night. Then Ellie and Scott left the park and went home while her sister's family returned to their hotel.

Upon their arrival home, Chris had taken one look at Ellie, looking adorable with her Minnie Mouse ears but showing the exhaustion of a long day, and laughed when she told him she was up for anything that night. Instead, he'd sent her upstairs to take a bath and had annoyingly been correct, she discovered, when she'd woken up in his bed the next morning still wearing the robe she'd put on after getting out of the bathtub.

With her shift at the bookstore scheduled to end thirty minutes before her dinner plans with her sister, Ellie put a little extra time into her appearance that morning and asked Scott to drive her to the bookstore so she wouldn't have to leave her car there overnight since she and Sydney would more than likely be drinking. Thanks to an accident that had tied traffic up, she was nearly twenty minutes late for her shift and things hadn't gotten any better as the day wore on.

By the time she'd walked the two blocks to the restaurant that she and Sydney were having dinner at, Ellie was more than ready for a drink. She found Sydney already at a table and nearly wept when she saw that Sydney had already ordered them margaritas.

"You sounded like you'd had a rough day," Sydney said, gesturing towards the drinks. "Dinner is on me, by the way."

"Bless you, you're a saint," Ellie replied as she took a sip of the icy drink. She closed her eyes, savoring the tropical taste of the drink. Then cringed as the brain freeze hit.

"You always drink too much too fast," Sydney said with a shake of her head.

"I forget about the brain freezes," Ellie muttered once the tension had let up.

The waiter appeared then and Ellie scrambled to choose an entree while her sister placed a complicated order substituting just about every ingredient for something else. By the time Sydney finished ordering, Ellie had chosen a chicken bacon ranch sandwich with a side of fries.

The sisters chatted as they waited for their food, mostly about Noah and Chloe, but about other topics as well. Their conversation waned a bit while they ate, but picked back up as they neared completion. It was only as Ellie was waiting for Sydney to finish eating that her sister got to the apparent point of her invitation to dinner.

"Garrett and I like Chris," she started Ellie and Ellie felt the hairs on her arms stand up. "But we don't like your situation. You living in his house and working for him."

"I work for his mom," Ellie replied in an automatically defensive manner. She wasn't sure where Sydney was headed with this conversation, but she didn't have a good feeling about it. "I don't work for him. There is a difference."

"Either way, we don't like it that you're living with him and dependent on him," Sydney said in her 'older sister knows best' tone that had irritated Ellie to no end as a kid. "We want to give you money so you can move out and find your own place to live."

Ellie's mouth dropped open in shock at her sister's words and she found herself unable to come up with the words to respond. Sydney didn't seem to notice as she continued to eat her Greek salad as if she hadn't just stuck her nose where it didn't belong. The longer her sister chewed each bite, the more Ellie felt the anger growing within her

"I don't need your money," Ellie said, finally to speak, surprised at how calm her voice sounded even to her own ears. "And I don't want it either."

"Ellie, be rational." Sydney stated. "If you and Chris break up -"

"If we break up then I'll figure something out," Ellie snapped in response. "Just because you met Garrett at age 15 and have had a charmed, happily ever after, doesn't mean the way you fell in love is the only way to fall in love."

"Oh god, Ellie, don't tell me you've fallen in love with him," her sister sighed. "Honestly, if I had realized -"

"It's none of your business if I have or haven't!" Ellie exclaimed as she stood up abruptly. "It's my life, Sydney, and I can live it however the hell I want to." She pulled a ten dollar bill from her purse and threw it onto the table. "Thank you for dinner, but I need to leave before I say something I can't take back."

-----

Chris could feel the anger radiating off of Ellie as soon she came into the house. He and Daisy had been lounging in the living room when Ellie had stormed into the house and slammed the door behind her. Daisy let out a timid bark of hello, but Ellie either didn't hear her or didn't care as she marched down the hall towards the kitchen.

Getting off the couch, Chris followed her into the kitchen and found her pouring herself a large glass of wine. "Didn't get enough to drink at dinner?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"Busybody older sisters ruin margaritas," Ellie replied as she picked up the wine glass. She tipped her glass towards him in a solo cheers before taking a long sip.

"Ok, slow down there," Chris said, reaching for the wine glass as Ellie lowered it, hoping to keep her from chugging the whole thing. "Tell me what happened."

As Ellie relayed the conversation she'd had with her sister, Chris found his eyes traveling to the cabinet where he kept the liquor. Wine might do enough for Ellie, but it would take a lot of beer to get himself properly drunk to forget the offer her sister had made to her. A shot or two of something though would be quicker, though. He had liked Sydney and her husband Garrett and he thought they'd liked him, too. Yeah, Garrett had asked him what his intentions towards Ellie were, but he had seemed to accept Chris's answer that he only wanted what was best for Ellie and he had no intention of hurting her.

"Can you believe the nerve of her?" Ellie ranted as she paced the kitchen with her wine glass in hand. "And I can't believe she included Garrett in this. I know damn well he had no part in it. This has Sydney written all over it."

Knowing she needed to vent, Chris let her and he found his own mind wondering. If Ellie's sister was uncomfortable with their living situation, how would his mom feel about it? He was certain that she and Tara had compared notes by now, but he also knew that his best friend wouldn't confirm to his mom that he and Ellie were seeing each other without his permission. Likewise, his mom wouldn't ask unless he mentioned something to her about it. And if he did, would she want Ellie to move out, too? Knowing his mom, she probably would, but he knew she wouldn't say anything unless she was asked for an opinion.

He knew Ellie herself had had similar concerns last fall, but she had moved past them. Or had at least decided they weren't a significant reason to keep them from seeing each other. That was all that mattered right? This relationship was between the two of them and as long as they were happy with the way things were, that was all that mattered.

Or so he told himself.

Shaking off his own thoughts, he saw Ellie taking the wine bottle out of the fridge to refill her glass. He wasn't sure how much she'd had to drink at the restaurant, but he knew that getting drunk wouldn't put her mind at ease enough to sleep. Stepping forward, he took the wine bottle from her and bit back a smile when she complained.

"Do you trust me?" he asked her.

"Of course," Ellie replied as she eyed the bottle. "Maybe not right this second, though."

"Getting drunk won't help you tonight," he told her. "But I know what will."

"What?" she asked, curiosity peaked.

"Go take a shower, I'll be up in a minute," he told her.

Ellie studied him for a moment before she obeyed and went upstairs to take a shower. Even with her brain a little fuzzy from the alcohol she had consumed, she knew he was right that getting drunk wouldn't solve her problems. If anything, it would make it all worse in the morning.

When she exited the bathroom some twenty minutes later, he was sitting on the bed wearing a towel, a sign that he had taken a shower, too. Wearing only a towel herself, she sat down beside him.

He could still feel the anger radiating from her, it was less than when she'd first gotten home, but he knew she wouldn't be able to sleep with her mind whirling at top speed over the situation. He'd considered taking her out to the garage to use a punching bag, but she needed her hands for all of her jobs and he couldn't risk her breaking something.

With the punching bag out, the next thing that came to Chris's mind was helping her work things out using sex. He had a feeling that if she could shut her brain off and listen to her body that she would be able to break free of the anger. It was a way he had worked things out in the past, but he wasn't sure if she ever had.

"Do you trust me?" he asked her, repeating the question he'd asked her down stairs.

"Yes, of course," Ellie replied.

"Let me help you relax tonight," he said as he stood up. He undid his towel and let it fall to the floor before he got back onto the bed. It took her a minute to follow his lead, but when she joined him, he could see that she was with him completely.

As they made out and touched each other, Chris knew he had to make his move to encourage her to let loose. Taking a chance, he drew his hand back and slapped her ass hard. She jerked back in surprise, but he caught the spark in her eyes as desire replaced the shock.

What followed was the most intense sex they'd had together. It was raw and rough and she'd taken complete control of the situation. She'd paid a significant amount of attention to his body, giving him an amazing blow job, but also biting him in a couple places that he was certain would leave a mark.

When they'd finally joined together, she had been on top and she'd ridden him hard. But eventually, she'd begged him to fuck her into the mattress and he'd done so. It had been the early hours of the morning before they'd finally passed out from sheer exhaustion.

Ellie slept peacefully; her body relaxed. Chris, however, slept fitfully. His attempt to help Ellie had backfired on him, all the stress that had left her body seemed to have invaded his and he was plagued with bad dreams.

-----

Something had shifted the night of her argument with Sydney and not with her sister, but with Chris. Ellie knew that eventually, she and Sydney would talk things out; Izzy would force them to once she found out what was going on. Chris, though, had distanced himself from her in the days following the argument.

He'd thrown himself into his workouts and his boring protein meals in preparation for the movie. He was so ultra-focused that he moved around the house as if in a fog and only surfaced every now and then. When he would, he would search her out and things would be ok for a while, before he'd get lost in his head again.

With Scott away with friends so she and Chris could have the house to themselves for the majority of his last week in town, Ellie found herself feeling lonelier than she did when she was there by herself. A part of her wanted to escape to the guesthouse when Chris went into one of his moods, but she couldn't do that to him. Especially when he seemed to become himself around bedtime. They hadn't had sex since the night of her fight with her sister, but he held her close at night which made the days easier to manage.

With their days together winding down, Ellie planned a special dinner date for them a couple days before he was scheduled to fly out to Georgia. She'd told him about her plans a couple days in advance, in hopes that he'd be able to come out of his fog to enjoy the evening with her. And he had. He had even humored her request to dress nicely.

Keeping his diet in mind, she made lemon chicken with a salad of fresh greens. Then, just in case he decided he wanted dessert, she'd made chocolate brownies, but had hidden them away as to not tempt him.

He arrived in the kitchen, dressed in black slacks and a dark blue button down shirt, and holding a bouquet of flowers, just as she came in from putting dinner on the dining room table.

"These are for you," he said, holding them out to her. "I know they can't make up for how busy I've been, but I wanted to get you something."

"It's ok," she assured him as she took the flowers. "You're here now. That's the important part."

After putting the flowers in water, she put them on the dining room table for them to enjoy while they ate. He raved over the chicken, joking about how he'd forgotten that chicken could taste so good. Conversation flowed easily as they ate and then he helped her clean up the kitchen before convincing her to tell him where the dessert was.

They laughed as they ate brownies and it was like everything was back to normal. Especially when, instead of telling her she had chocolate on her lips, he leaned in and kissed her, cleaning the chocolate off in the process. One thing led to another and soon the skirt of her dress was up around her waist and his hand was in her panties. She panted in his ear as she came and he kissed her hard on the mouth.

He sent her upstairs while he checked the locks and made sure the house was secure. Then he followed her up to the bedroom, where he found her naked and waiting for him. He quickly discarded his clothes and joined her, claiming her body once again as his own. Their coupling was frenzied, but in a hurried, gotta have you now way; it was nothing like the last time they'd had sex.

The second round had been farther still from the intense, rough sex, now a week previous. Ellie had been hot that night, telling him what to do and biting him, but he preferred the softer side of her. The side of her that made him want to cling on tightly and never let her go. The side that spoke to his soul and promised that everything would be ok as she climaxed in his arms. 

-----

"I can't believe we're about to do this," Ellie said excitedly as they stood in an obnoxious holding room. She brought her left hand up to brush hair out of her face and that's when he saw the gaudy, Saturn-sized diamond ring on her left hand. "Getting married in Vegas seems absolutely insane. But exciting."

"Mom is going to kill you," his brother's voice said from somewhere behind him.

"She loves Ellie," Chris replied, glancing back at his brother. When he turned back to look at Ellie, she had changed into a white dress version of Elvis's iconic white jumpsuit, which the Elvis impersonator who was officiating the wedding was wearing.

There were some terrible Elvis-related puns, but that didn't matter, because he was marrying Ellie. It didn't matter that they'd been apart longer than they'd been together during the year they'd known each other. At least not to Chris. And Elvis didn't seem to care either way as long as their credit card hadn't been denied (it hadn't).

The ceremony went quickly and soon Chris was leaning in to kiss his bride. When they parted, they were no longer in the quickie wedding chapel, but in a bathroom. Ellie's eyes were full of happy tears and there was a positive pregnancy test on the counter. They were going to be parents.

He heard her say his name and when he turned to look at her, her belly was showing the advanced stages of pregnancy. Damn that had gone by fast.

He blinked and became aware of her screaming in agony. Blaming him for doing this to her and he knew they were in the delivery room in the midst of her delivery. But where had the time gone?

A baby's wail caught his ear, but even he knew it wasn't that of a newborn. It was a different kind of cry. The type of a cry that a parent should know what to do with, but he had no clue.

"Chris, please, just pick up the baby for five minutes, that's all I ask," Ellie's exhausted voice said from somewhere in the fog that was suddenly around him.

He soon found himself standing in the doorway of his bedroom, a suitcase by his feet. The room looked exactly as it had since he'd moved in, which he found out because Ellie tended to sprinkle her joy around the house. He'd found it annoying at first, but it had made her happy so he'd let it go. But there was nothing in the room that said Ellie to him.

"Damnit, Chris, please!" she exclaimed.

Spotting the portable crib, Chris crossed the room and picked up the baby. He studied the baby's face, trying to figure out if it was a boy or girl, but he couldn't tell and the white onesie didn't give him any hints. The child obviously didn't like him, however, because they started crying harder once they were in his arms.

Ellie let out an exasperated sigh and appeared at his side, taking the baby from him. "Shh," she said to the baby, cuddling him or her to her chest.

"Guess I should work on my baby soothing skills," Chris remarked.

"That would require you to be here more than a weekend a month," Ellie said in a tone that made it clear that they'd had this conversation before.

Turning to look at her, Chris found his eyes pulled to a large suitcase on the bed. A chill raced up his spine and he glanced back at the suitcase by the door. "Are we going somewhere?" he asked, even though his gut told him he wasn't the one leaving.

Ellie sighed and seemed to steady herself before she turned to look at him. "I can't do this anymore, Chris. You're never home. I can't do this by myself. My parents have offered to take us in until I figure something out."

"Don't do this," he begged, his voice just above a whisper. "Please don't leave me."

"You leave me, us, all the time," she replied. Her voice held no emotion and yet it cut deep into his heart. "Doesn't feel great, does it?"

"I'll quit acting! I'll quit everything, just don't leave me," he cried out in desperation as he watched her walk towards the door with a suitcase in her hand and a baby's car seat in the other.

"That's not the answer and you know it," she replied. "I'm doing this for both of us, Chris. Maybe someday you'll have time for me, for your family, but we both know it isn't right now. You're too busy to be a husband and a father. I should have listened to my sister and moved out before you started playing house."

As the door in his dream closed, Chris woke with a start. Feeling tears on his cheeks, he wiped them away and then glanced next to him to make sure Ellie was still in bed next to him. She was and was seemingly undisturbed by his dreams.

Climbing out of bed, Chris made his way to the bathroom and splashed his face with water. He'd been having these dreams for a week now, each one becoming worse than the night before. He couldn't recall all of the dream, but her words 'I should have listened to my sister' echoed through his mind. He shook his head, attempting to get them to go away, but that only made it worse as other phrases from the dream joined them: 'You're never home' and 'Maybe someday you'll have time for me.'

Still haunted by the dream, Chris left the bathroom and went into the walk-in closet. He knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep with the dream still fresh in his mind, but if he could distract himself for a bit, maybe that would help. After pulling on a pair of shorts, he grabbed his suitcase off of the shelf and he started to pack what he'd need while he was gone filming the second Avengers movie. He wasn't scheduled to leave for another couple of days, but there was no time like the present to pack.

Knowing that he would spend most of his time on set, he didn't pay much attention to what he threw into the suitcase. The clothes he packed would be for everyday; if a nice outfit was needed for an event, he knew Marvel would send the information to his stylist who would then send him an outfit to wear. He kept adding clothes until his suitcase was nearly overflowing and then he zipped it closed.

Standing in the middle of his closet at three in the morning, Chris should have felt tired or at least calmed from the activity. Instead, the voices in his head were still harassing him, but instead of just being Ellie's voice, they were now other voices that he knew and trusted. All saying virtually the same thing: you don't have the time to be the man she deserves.

With panic expanding in his chest, Chris pulled on a t-shirt and a hoodie then shoved his feet into a pair of sneakers. He couldn't stay in the house a moment longer; he needed to leave and think. Grabbing his suitcase, he quietly left the closet, pausing only to grab his cellphone, before heading towards the door.

He avoided looking at the bed, because he knew that if he did, he'd lose the courage to do what he had to do. He'd promised Ellie that her job would never be in jeopardy regardless of what happened between them and he intended to keep that promise. He knew now that he couldn't be the man she needed him to be and it was better to cut those ties now before their feelings became too strong. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered before he left.

Episode 19

Author’s note: Before y’all come after me with the pitchforks and torches, I just want to remind you that this episode takes place two years BEFORE the first episode in which Chris and Ellie are engaged. So have no fear, they do end up together. This is just a little stumbling block they have to get past. As I told one of my friends "it can't be all World Series and Super Bowl wins" for them.

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

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[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 15X17

I liked this episode, thought I understand why a lot of people didn’t. Meredith was drastically under used in this episode. She only had a few scenes and outside of standalone episodes, which this one was not, that rarely happens.

Meredith has an interesting monologue this week. It also serves as a handy reminder of what a terrible mother Ellis was. Bailey says a big fat ‘Nope’ to the lamb in the bag. We all concur. Meredith and DeLuca’s interactions at the beginning of the episode imply that Meredith and DeLuca briefly break up and are now getting back together. Ugh I wish they would stay broken up!

Meredith gives him a coffee as a peace offering implying that she was wrong to agree with Carina and raise the alarm about his Dad’s project. Meredith wasn’t wrong. Just because DeLuca’s Dad might be right about this project doesn’t change what he did. Ugh. I already hate this storyline.

The interns/residents are cutting into fish. Yuck. That was an awful transition. Parker’s back though! I like him. Are they interns or residents? They keep flipping back and forth with the terminology. I love Schmitt’s line, “We’re making fish people!” Haha! It turns out the fish skin is for a burn patient. It's a really cool and inexpensive procedure.

Maggie is invited to a Morning Show to talk about the scandal. I predicted this was going to be a shit show and I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t. Jackson is wonderfully supportive! Bailey goes and talks to Alex about DeLuca’s Dad’s project. She raises the questions we’ve all been asking. Helm comes and tells them they need to go the lab. Alex and Bailey show up to find the DeLuca’s arguing in Italian. This can’t be good.

It turns out one of the lambs died and it throws the viability of the project into doubt. Alex tells them to stop arguing and tells Carina and Andrew to figure out what happened and write a report and give it to him so he can make a decision. Carina stresses once more that their father is not well and this project is not a good idea. DeLuca ignores her. Carina’s right. DeLuca’s being a blind fool.

One thing that caught my attention when DeLuca and Carina were arguing in front of Alex is that Alex approved their father’s project even though he knew he was mentally ill, did not have a diagnosis, and is not receiving treatment. Why wasn’t DeLuca’s Dad seeing a psychiatrist and getting a diagnosis a condition of him doing the project here? It seems to me that would have cleared a lot of things up and been a lot more realistic.

We then cut to Teddy and Owen talking in the ambulance bay as they wait for an incoming trauma. As usual Owen is a complete asshole. He’s passive aggressive and disrespectful to Teddy like he is to all of the women in his life. Teddy should not have to put up with his crap. Owen then decides to have a conversation with himself and Teddy says nothing, but he keeps acting like she is. He needs to see a therapist about this. Stat.

The patients in this episode are a married couple that are involved in a car wreck. The man has less serious injuries that can be easily treated. The woman is a different story. Her injuries are more severe and she’s 5 months pregnant. My heart really hurt for this poor couple. Teddy and Owen are assigned to the case. Teddy brings Carina in to help with the pregnant woman.

Carina tells her the baby is fine, but then Teddy asks to speak with her outside. It turns out Teddy has to give the patient bad news and Carina didn’t realize. They might have to do an operation which would result in the removal of her uterus which means the fetus/baby would have to be taken out. It’s too early in the pregnancy for the baby to survive and the fact that Carina told her the baby would be fine makes it so much harder for Teddy to tell her and for the patient to hear the news.

Amelia goes to a conference about alternative pain relief. Also she cut her hair! She looks gorgeous! Link also cut his hair. They’re accidentally at the conference together. Hilarity ensues. They have some great awkward scenes together. Amelia and Link keep running into each other awkwardly and it’s a joy to watch. They go to this weird sound bath and it makes Amelia literally dizzy. She wants to sit down and Link says they should find somewhere to sit, but Amelia decides to sit on the floor in the hallway of their hotel because she’s real like that.

Amelia confides in him about how much she misses Betty and how doesn’t know if she’s okay. Everything feels unfinished as Cristina would say. She thinks she sounds like a mess, but Link says she sounds like a parent. He’s also hilarious and they almost kiss or go back to one of their rooms, but Amelia pulls back and declines. She realizes it’s too soon to get into a new relationship and Link’s into it but not if she isn’t. Amelia does not know what to do with herself. It is very confusing for Link.

It turns out Link’s talk is about opioids in medicine. He talks about a young patient he had and what he prescribed him and what happened. It ended badly and then he says he would prescribe the opioids again. Amelia walks out. This is why Link did not want her to come to his talk. This episode is painful in so many ways.

Jo’s gotten her DNA test results back. She’s nervous and wants Maggie to help her open them because as someone who is adopted she’s gone through a similar thing. They do this in the tech room while Parker is looking at some scans. In real life they would not be doing this with Parker present. Jo’s negative for most of the scary stuff ie. Alzheimer’s and Parkinsons. I love Jo’s line, “It says here I’m mostly British!” Haha! This joke is so meta it works! Jo’s the best!

Jo finds out she has a first cousin whose also done the DNA test. Now she’s curious. Parker offers to help find her. She’s conflicted. Later, Maggie does the Morning Show at the hospital. It’s actually goes pretty well. Jo comes to talk to her and winds up talking to Jackson. She gets no answers on whether or not to look up her birth mother.

Meanwhile Webber comes to talk to Jackson and finds out why they are using the fish skin. Webber asks what they did with the rest of the fish and Jackson says it’s medical waste now which makes literally no sense. Why is Jackson wasting perfectly good fish when he was eating fish on a boat last season? His character makes no sense sometimes.

Bailey and Helen met in the cafeteria. It’s very cute. Helen wants to go home but she’s scared to make the journey. She doesn’t know how to tell Alex. She’s knitting a very long thing. Owen spends most of the episode being a worry wart and Teddy’s got no time for it. Like a badass.

Teddy falls asleep while watching over her patient. The patient goes into distress but she’s so tired with the pregnancy that she sleeps through it. Teddy wakes up and realizes her patient needs to be operated on.

DeLuca and his Dad are in the lab. His Dad says that Carina’s turned on him. DeLuca calls him on his BS. He finds out that Carina has a patient whose baby won’t survive. Next we find out that he went behind Carina and Teddy’s backs to talk to the patient and her husband. That’s a big no no! The procedure has only been barely tested on lambs, not people.

Meredith comes to check out Jackson’s cool new procedure. They chat. Jackson references DeLuca as her boyfriend. To which Meredith responds, “He’s not my boyfriend.” Yeaaah! Music to my ears! I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again I feel like to Meredith, DeLuca is a hot date and someone she’s having fun with. To DeLuca, Meredith is the love of his life. Jackson says that Maggie and Richard think DeLuca is her boyfriend, but Meredith doesn’t see it that way. Very telling. I love Meredith’s line, “Hey! Can he breathe underwater?” Haha!

Bailey and Alex have some truth talk about mental illness, prejudice, and the necessity of treatment. DeLuca finally sees Carina’s point about their Dad. We see DeLuca’s Dad breaking things. This is what Carina was trying to tell everybody. He promised the patient something they can’t deliver and now they have to tell her they can’t. This is heartbreaking to watch. This part had me tearing up. This one hits close to home for me. It makes me grateful that I’m alive and my Mom is alive and that our medical team was able to save us 26 years ago. Not everyone gets lucky.

After Teddy and Alex have to tell the patient and her husband the terrible news Teddy leaves because she needs a minute. Owen follows her and asks if she’s okay. What kind of stupid question is that? Is she okay? Owen in what universe would Teddy be okay right now? Teddy breaks down and collapses in Owen’s arms. He comforts her. At which point Tom comes down the hallway and sees them. He cut his trip short to come see her and that’s what he finds. Great. Now he’s got the wrong idea.

This is just unnecessary drama. Alex pulls DeLuca’s Dad’s funding for obvious reasons. He argues and blames everyone. Carina has had enough. She’s out. It’s a good think Alex is used to this kind of thing. Other people might crack under the pressure or the shock. After him and Carina leave Alex looks at DeLuca. Alex’s face is all ‘Really bitch?’.

Webber’s does a fish fry on the roof with the tilapia! Aw Helen made Bailey a hat! Alex talked to his Mom and Bailey was right. He’s going to fly back with his Mom to Iowa. Back at the conference Amelia is packing up when Link comes to her door and says she missed the best part. We get more of Link’s back story. His young patient Jason died in a car wreck under the influence after Link prescribed him opioids for his pain. After Jason died he quick medicine and went to work in a bike shop. He eventually got mad at a system that wasn’t working and got back into medicine.

Amelia gets it now. He says that maybe they can fight to change the system together. Him for Jason. Her for Betty. He was going to say they could be Batman and Robin, but then he realizes they’re both Batman. So he says Batman and Batman. I dig it. She tells him she’s in a weird place. He says, “I can roll with weird.” I love him!

He asks her to dinner. She says yes then decides screw it and kisses him instead. Link is very sweet. He takes a step back and says he feels like he’s taking advantage of her because she’s in a weird place and he finds her insanely pretty. Amelia decides to go for it anyway because she wants to and Link’s into it. As she says, “The feeling is mutual.”

Amelia makes it clear this is a one night stand. He’s cool with that. But we all know that the people who have one night stands on this show wind up married so ... Get it Amelia! Yeah! Cut to the hospital. Jackson made a merman today so him and Maggie are getting it on! Helen says goodbye to Jo and her and Alex head out for their flight. This hug between Jo and Helen is everything!

Meredith comes to see DeLuca. She knows the project isn’t going well, but doesn’t know its been scrapped. They were supposed to go have sex at his place so that’s why she’s there. DeLuca is extremely immature and stupid as usual. He tells her to go ahead and say ‘I told you so’. Because apparently he thinks Meredith is the kind of person to say I told you so in a situation like this. She calls him on the fact that she’s not and it bothers her that he thinks she would.

Just another example of how he doesn’t know her at all and how wrong for each other they are. He’s so immature! Also Derek did this a lot and Cristina frequently called him out on it. Meredith does NOT need more of that BS in her life. We also find out that DeLuca’s Dad is going back to Italy. That was fast! There’s a nice shot of all of the former and current Chiefs of Surgery. Jo’s made a decision. She asks Parker to find her birth mother. It turns out Parker already did. Her name is Vicki Rudin. She lives in Pittsburg. Jo was not expecting that!

Well that was interesting! It was a darker episode for sure. Now onto next week’s promo! Next week is all about tension! DeLuca and Meredith are awkward and avoiding each other. Yes!!!!! Please break up! Bailey, Maggie, Quadri, and Schmitt are some kind of badass dream team! Amelia says she and Link should avoid each other for a while. He says okay in a very sexy way. My guess is they hook up before the end of the episode! Owen is being a jerk and wants to get back together with Teddy now that Amelia’s out of the picture. Sigh. He never learns. I hope Teddy doesn’t take him back. She deserves better.

Tom lays down the law!!! He tells Owen if he’s going to make a play for Teddy he should rethink that because he’s going to fight for her! Yes! Go Tom! He previously told Amelia that letting his wife walked out his life into the arms of another man after they lost their son was one of his biggest regrets in life. He’s not going to make the same mistake twice.

That’s all folks! Until next time.

Au revoir!

[still-i-rise-diaries]

Hey hey! My day was rough again. I'm currently in the middle of a PTSD/depression episode. They can last anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of months. I was hoping I had just an off day yesterday but it looks like that's not the case. So today we aren't going to talk about much. I'm too exhausted to go into much detail. Probably give an overview with a few details. We are up to my middle school and high school years now. Outside of family stuff my middle school years weren't that bad. I mean I went through that awkward stage and had my fair share of drama, as every normal preteen would, but for the most part it was pretty easy. High school was a lot harder.

Freshman year was nothing but drama for me. It was my worst school year by far. I was just super confused and uncomfortable in my skin that I would be a bitch and cause drama for absolutely no reason. I was awful. I ended the school year with no friends. Literally spent my entire summer by myself. Well until my parents sent me to stay with my grandparents for a month. They wanted me off the couch so they sent me to work as a hostess at my grandparents restaurant. At the time they had a hostess working there that was a senior. We hit it off right away and she invited me to go hangout with friends after a week of living with my grandparents. Hilary was dating a guy that was 2 years older and he had this really really cute roommate, Derek. He was tall, sandy colored shaggy hair with blue eyes who wore Rocks and Affliction clothes. He definitely gave off this bad boy vibe but man did I think he was cute. We started "dating" right away pretty much but it was a toxic relationship. We would just party every time we hung out and he would cheat on me almost every weekend. This went on for about a year. However, he was the person I lost my virginity to. Up until this point I only "dated" 3 boys and I would end things 2 weeks later. I just had a hard time connecting with people. I would lose interest really quick. So I consider Derek as my first boyfriend even though it wasn't the best relationship.

He came from a super wealthy family who were from California. He originally moved up to Southern Oregon with his brother. His parents are lawyers and he grew up very privilege. He never really had to work for things. Him and his brother lived in one of their parents vacation home. Towards the end of the year I ended up getting pregnant and was super scared because I knew that I wasn't ready to be a mom. I felt like I couldn't tell my parents because of everything going on with my dad. I ended up going to Derek's house to tell him that I was pregnant and just wanted some support and help. He really didn't say much and after about 20 minutes or so he said that he needed time to think. The next day when I went over to talk to him, his brother told me that he had left for California and thought we had broken up the night before. That was the last time I would see or talk to him for almost a year.

So I was alone and pregnant with no idea what to do. I had heard about girls going to this clinic that helps when you are pregnant or in need of birth control. I made an appointment and a few days later my abortion was scheduled. To this day it is my biggest regret. I feel like that might have been my only shot at being a mother. A few years later I found out that I couldn't have kids naturally or the chances of me carrying a child full term is very low. I feel like it was karma for terminating my first pregnancy. Like the universe was getting back at me.

About 10 months later I got a call from Derek asking if I would like to go to dinner. I agreed but when we got there I realized very quickly I shouldn't have. Right away he started talking about how he was soo sorry and that he should have never left me like that. He asked if I ever had the baby. When I told him that I terminated the pregnancy he took it better than I thought but he said that he wanted to start a family with me and that I was the love of his life. This made me very nervous and uneasy considering this is the first time I had seen him since he ghosted me after I told him I was pregnant. I was confused how he changed his mind all of a sudden months later, ya know? He was also acting wayyyy different than when I met him. He seemed more energetic and jittery. Next thing I knew Derek pulled out a ring and set in front of me on the table and asked me to marry him. I said no obviously and was laughing at the same time. I mean, I was 16 years old! I was not ready to get married and neither was Derek. But he didn't seem to agree and took offense to me laughing and saying no so he left me at the restaurant. 2nd time in my life I was left and ghosted but it wouldn't be the last nor the one that hurt the most. I didn't see Derek until after college but we aren't there in our story yet.

Well I think that's all that I have to talk about for tonight. Again, sorry if the entry is all over the place and has grammar errors. I just can't be bothered tonight. Thanks for taking the time to listen none the less.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE WORTH IT, YOU ARE LOVED.

Signing off with love, 

<3 Ellie

[hundredbillionbottles]

Everything Works Out In The End

I wrote in my first blog entry way back in January that my ride from the airport to what has become my home felt like the start of a movie, the way I wearily gazed at the lights from the fleeting cars and streetlights blurred against the passenger seat window. The movie ended at Neusa Lake, out in the green and the hills of Cundinamarca. Our house-parent Clemencia was taking us out for one last excursion, in which a short speedboat ride took us to a shore, where we had a bountiful picnic facing an island shaped like a giant shoe. We played cards and read a little bit and collapsed into the strong spells of sun that pierced through the overcast. Dom, George and I went for a wonder round the surrounding woodland before emerging back out to the edge of the lake. Lying completely still and undisturbed, like a giant stretch of cellophane, the lake reflected the grey and swirling cloud exactly, thus stretching the sky to twice its size. For a moment no one said anything… then I said “Oh shit guys we might be about to have one of those lake-staring revelations”, to which Dom replied “Yeah this is probably the moment we realise what good friends we’ve become”. The three of us half-heartedly chuckled. Role credits.

It was a lovely day out, attaining a tranquillity which was necessary after the recent jam-packed weekends away, but I won’t say too much about it; I’d like to dedicate this entry, as it is my last one in Colombia, to the people I’ve met over the past five months and my overall inner experience. The is a well-known joke, rightfully so, about the notion of going on a gap year and ‘finding yourself’. Don’t panic, I’m not about to scrawl a few paragraphs justifying that notion. I already knew who I was before coming out here, even more so the person I wanted to be; what has happened in this country is I have met people unlike any I have met before, and the way they live and act has given me the means to become that person. And as I draw nearer to the sudden transition from seeing them every day to not for a very long amount of time, I feel ready to borrow parts of their character and staple them to my own, so that I can remember them through my actions and not through some artificial scribbled tattoo that says ‘Colombia2k17 Boys’ or whatever. I will borrow Liv’s direct honesty and tenacity to get things sorted out, Greg’s astounding work ethic and insistence that if he can imagine something then he can make it happen, the way George belts Miley Cyrus’ ‘Party In The USA’ in fluctuating octaves whilst getting ready for a night out. I’ll borrow the focus that Stephen puts into his art and his refusal to sit still for more than a few minutes to ward off any hint of stagnation, Marce’s bizarre dress sense and constant bouncy nature, Guillermo’s general kind and welcoming aura towards new people such as myself. I’ll borrow Christina’s sheer lack of giving a shit. I’ll borrow Ela’s inspiring ability to see the good in almost everything and to make time to pursue all of her hobbies and interests, without letting any of them fall completely by the wayside. And of course, I’ll borrow Dom’s absolute composure, the total calm which surrounds him to the point where he can just wing it almost all of the time, always ending up unscathed, all the while repeating that “everything works out in the end”.

These are people I needed to meet exactly at the point in my life that I did: at the start, at the pivotal, terrifying cross-road point in any 18-year-old’s life where they just don’t know what the hell is going on. This goes for the friends I made at Nailsea School and the friends I made at my job I had before leaving; these people have given me direction and blocks on which I can build. And maybe the traits and attitudes I’m borrowing from them conflict each other in some ways, but that doesn’t matter because you don’t have to limit yourself to being one type of person. In fact, you can be every kind of person. You can completely well-rounded and you don’t need to travel half-way across the world to begin to achieve that, you need only to surround yourself with positivity; positive people; positive actions; positive thoughts.

If you’ve kept up to date with my blog then you’ll know that this experience hasn’t always been easy and it hasn’t always been fun; the whole thing began with me sobbing into an ice-cream on a plane hovering over the Atlantic Ocean, and I would go on to cry many more times. There was the time I cried after hanging up a Skype call with my friend Ellie back in February, realising the length of time that lay ahead of me before I would see her or any of my friends from home again. There was the time I blubbered down the phone to my Mum and Dad because my head was batting around too many conflicting emotions for my heart to take. There was the time I wholeheartedly and hysterically broke down altogether because I hit my head on one of those poorly placed, sticking-out triangles of wall…. There was the time when I was off-work ill and Ela came home briefly to bring me tea and biscuits, and I cried when she left because no one had ever been that nice to me before. There was the time I cried at an amazing message of support I received when I was going through a rough patch, from my Uncle who had undergone a similar experience to myself at my age. There was the time I cried with laughter at the sight of a man on ecstasy suddenly halting his delirious dancing, ducking down and crawling through the crowd to get to the front at an impossible, mole-like speed (he was later christened Moleman). There were the three other times on that same night when I cried with laughter, each time at separate things.

For every time I’ve cried with sadness I have cried harder with joy, and contrary to the words of landmark Colombian author Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and the words at the top of this blog page, I don’t wish to “eliminate the bad and magnify the good”. I originally stacked that quote at the top of my blog to symbolise how I wanted to focus mainly on the great things about this country and not the horrendous perception of it amongst most of the English people I’ve spoken to in the past year and a half. Of course the good should be magnified, always the good should be magnified, but I can’t disregard the bad as insignificant. The bad is the ultimate teacher; it allows you to build yourself and learn from mistakes and become the best possible version of yourself. Yes there were bad things about this experience, yes there are bad things about Colombia, but when the badness fades away, what is left in the space is room for improvement. If everything ran smoothly, worry-free from the off, then I’d return home only as a version of myself that was exactly the same as before he left, except now he eats way more avocado.

To anyone that has been reading my blog, to anyone who has dropped me a message of support or just dropped in to say hi, to anyone who has in any way been part of my time in Colombia, thank you. Thank you for everything.

I’ll see you again soon, I promise.

[whitefeather79]

THE KISSING BOOTH PART 2: A KRISTANNA FANFIC

[atlaswriting]

“I’m looking for the truth,” I say, setting his hand back down on the table, “I know when you’re not being honest with me. I know when you’re hiding something—,”

My fingers wrap around his wrists and finally I pull away, “Sure.” I say, “Blame the tequila.”

Once again I try to distance our bodies, and I almost do—but then he stands and uses his hips to pin me against the counter, “Nothing is wrong. I’m just stressed and I haven’t been sleeping. I’m cranky and taking it out on everyone around me—my teammates, Ellie, you. I’m sorry, okay? I won’t make jokes about the past anymore.” He leans down, presses his mouth to my ear and says, “I need to shower after dinner, will you join me?”

Ellie comes back juggling way too much food for three people. As she sets it down I look up at Abram, “I’ll think about it.”

She starts opening takeaway containers stealing food from each one before finally grabbing the plates, “I might have to leave in a little bit, I’m just waiting on a text from—,”

“Oscar?” I ask, staring at her over the steam, “Twice in two days, things aren’t moving a little fast are they?”

“If she wants to bang the English teacher, let her do it,” Abram shrugs, “Maybe it’ll bring all of our grades up.”

I roll my eyes, “I don’t need nepotism, Abram. And I wasn’t talking to you.” Focusing my attention back at on Ellie, I lean down on my elbows, “Alcohol?”

She shrugs, “Maybe.”

“What does he drink?” Abram asks, “He seems like a whiskey drinker.”

“Shut up, Abram.” Ellie bites, “Elise, I’ll be fine. There’s nothing you need to be worried about. It’s different this time.”

Stabbing a few soggy fries with my fork I shake my head, “What makes you so sure? You deserve to be more than some booty call. What makes you think he isn’t going to go running back to—,”

“Elise!” Ellie shouts, slamming her fists down on the counter.

“You know what? I’m not even hungry,” I push away my plate of food, “I have to go help Knox with an assignment anyway.”

♡ ♡ ♡

Click to down MMS message.

Abram!

Well you didn’t stay long enough for the shower.

So I wanted to show you what you were missing.

You do realize I’m not alone, right?

Yes.

Did Justin like what he saw?

I’m not even with Justin.

Are you jealous?

Lol.

Why would I be jealous?

We both know you’re mine, anyway.

I can prove it to you later.

Add some more marks to your neck so he knows.

What do you say?

message read, 10:24 pm.

♡ ♡ ♡

I would be lying if seeing Abram glide across the ice, handling the puck with ease didn’t make my annoyance start to fade away. He keeps a firm hand on his stick, moving through bodies much larger than his, aiming and then sending it over the goalies shoulder and into the net.

UCLA pride sweeps through the rink as students and family rise to their feet, shouting drowned out only by the goal horn.

Ellie arrives late into the second period, sweater pulled up to her chin and hair falling over her shoulders with purpose, “What did I miss?” she sits in the empty seat beside me.

“Abram scored one, the kid Abram hit—I forget his name—,”

“Brantley.”

“Yeah, him, he got a hat trick. But, UConn’s goalie couldn’t stop a parked car, so I don’t think that’s saying much.”

Ellie sinks against the back of her seat, “Maybe winning will help him sleep. He’s been up a lot, lately. When he does sleep all I hear is yelling.”

My lips are weighted down with revelation, “His nightmares are back? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought they would stop. They started up again after you two ended things, but went away. I thought they would this time.”

“Ellie.” I say, guilt sinking into my bones. I don’t react to Abram’s second goal, body feeling more like a comet, displaced and moving too fast. She brushes her hair back, and the sight alone is enough to jar me from my own thoughts. Quick hands pull at the neck of her sweater and tug it down as far as the fabric allows. “Ellie!” I say again, “God, did he strangle you?”

“With his mouth.”

“How are you going to explain this to Abram? He’s going to find out you and—,”

“It’s like a divorce,” Ellie explains, “you don’t tell the kids you’re trying again because then they’ll get their hopes up. I’m not falling back into love with him, Elise. We’re just having sex when we’re drunk.”

Another buzzer signals the end of the game, “I don’t know who’s going to hate you more—Abram or your liver.”

♡ ♡ ♡

“I’m surprised Brantley is even inviting you over, considering his face has your name written all over it.”

Abram shrugs, “We don’t take fighting that personal.”

“Seemed pretty personal to me.”

“Elise let it—oh, what is he doing here?” The three of us stop and look up at Justin as he starts walking toward us, arms wrapped around his body, despite it still being over eighty degrees.

“Don’t hate me, I invited him.”

He stops short, “I didn’t know if I should go in.”

Abram’s face pulls into a childish pout, “That’s normally what you do at parties.”

Sending my elbow into his ribs, I release Abram’s hand and loop my arm through Justin’s, “Knox and Jolie were going on a date, I didn’t think it would be polite to leave him home alone on a Friday night.” I explain, “Have you even tried to make friends here yet?” I look over at Justin, “Silly question, of course you haven’t.”

Once inside, Abram and Ellie make a straight line for the drink. “I wish you had come to the game, it’s a lot of fun.”

Justin rolls his eyes, “For some reason, I doubt that.”

“This is why people don’t like you. You’re stuck up.” I grin up at him, “Next game, you’re coming. I don’t care if I have to drag you out myself.”

Music takes the place of any sense and there’s something satisfying about watching people check their inhibition at the door. My eyes fall onto Ellie and Abram dancing, alcohol splashing over the sides of their cup—if they weren’t so tragically platonic, I could see why Brody or Natasha would think what they did.

At one point, Abram reaches up, fingers touching Ellie’s neck and she slaps him away. He lets his hand fall to his side, confusion settling across his face as he watches her storm away.

“Abram!” Shouts another voice from across the room, booming over the loud music, “Come collect your girlfriend’s boyfriend before he gets his ass kicked.”

I look at my side, noticing just now that Justin wandered away—we both reach him at the same time, watching as he argues with the goaltender whose cheeks are turning redder by the second.

“All I’m saying is that: I don’t understand why you want waste your time chasing a ball—,”

“Puck.” Someone corrects him.

“Puck. Like a bunch of Neanderthals? I suppose it could be because you don’t have two brain cells to rub together and this is your only chance at a life above a fast food restaurant.” Pleased with himself, Justin turns around to face me—but instead is met with Abram’s fist.

“Abram, you idiot!” I yell. “What is wrong with you?”

Pulling his beanie off his head he stares down at me, “Me? What is wrong with him? He’s surrounded by hockey players, talking shit about hockey players, Elise. That seems like something someone with no brain cells would do.”

“Il est comme un chien sauvage.”

I almost want to step away—allow Abram another hit, but the thought of him spilling anymore blood makes me sick and I drag Justin away. I ignore Abram yelling until we’re outside and the disappearing music makes it harder to.

“You’re really going to choose him over me, Elise?”

I should have stopped walking—should have listened to my gut as she tells me to drop Justin and turn back, but I don’t. There’s a bigger part of me, loaded with passive aggression that pushes me forward.

♡ ♡ ♡

It’s concerning that Ellie and Abram don’t bother locking their doors, despite living in Los Angeles. So when I sneak in, I lock the door behind me.

It’s quiet—there’s a light over the kitchen on but for the most part, the apartment is undisturbed. I slip off my heels at the door, letting my bag fall off my shoulders and start toward Abram’s room, apprehension sitting like a fist in my stomach; my hand hesitates at the door.

Leaning back, I peak into Ellie’s empty room and the desire to call her, pull her back from making a bad decision outweighs wanting to apologize to Abram—until I hear him start to yell.

Soft at first, begging just above a murmur but soon the quiet turns into a scream and full on thrashing. I rush into the room, trying to shake him from his nightmare but it does nothing. I crawl on top of him, lock my legs around his waist and try to keep him pinned beneath my body—but like a mechanical bull; it’s hard to stay on.

Finally I lean down, hold his cheeks between my hands and press my lips to his—his fight slows and hands fall to my waist, I pull away only when his breathing as levels.

“What are you doing here?” His voice is hoarse, scratchy with fear and hard liquor.

“Saving your life, apparently.”

I move off, slip between the blankets next to him and wrap my arms around his torso, pressing my forehead against his neck.