#this has been on my mind for agessss

[socialc1imb]

Do yall know what my controversial nitpick of the Jash Fandom is? All of the people who go “stop infantalizing heart thats a grown man who shot someone!” Etc etc

Why does this drive me insane? Because, one, people will always see a character differently than you no matter who the character is. There’s literally no such thing as a character with one, and I truly mean only one interpretation. Two, why can’t they? Why can’t someone have fun and do what they want? It’s not harming anyone, nor are they telling you to change your thoughts to match theirs. If it bothers you that much? Block them. Who gives a damn. Three, the album is literally left to interpretation. The Big Man who wrote it has said it himself. Aspects are left to interpretation for a reason. Four, the album deals with (what can be) super delicate topics, ie mental illness, depression, suicidal thoughts and ideations. Hell, it even deals with the vague ideas of murder, depending on how you look at it!

Depending on how you look at it.

Have you considered that like. Most, if not all listeners of Jash’s music take those characters and they project onto those characters (pointing back at the “left to interpretation” point). Maybe they want the Emotional and Depressed CCCC Character™️ that they relate to to feel joy and not be constrained to only sadness and responsibility? Maybe they deal with such things as age regression or similar coping mechanisms that they project onto a character they love? Maybe—just maybe—that’s just their interpretation.

There’s literally no difference between having hcs or interpretations that differ from (the already loose) canon. If that were the case, way more people would be getting onto artists for making Soul Feel Joy. Or like having emotions at all. Hell, giving Soul a personality at all makes no sense considering that, in canon, we know so little about him, truly (if you argue “no we know this and this!” I can assure you most arguments would once again be from interpretation or widely accepted hcs).

Lmao anyways this got long and passionate but personally, the longer I’ve spent on the internet and in fandoms, I find it tiring that every other post in the tag is “remember not to infantilize heart!” because at the end of the day. It really does not matter. Block and move on, no one’s going to stop just because you said so.

[honeyboylovee]

endearing

Pairing: Idol!Mingyu x gn!reader

Word count: 1.1k

Genre: fluff, established relationship!AU, implied friends to lovers

Warnings: mentions of overthinking

A/N: Long time no see… I am finally done with my end semester exams and I can now post this one which has been in my drafts for agessss. But here you go besties, a cute and fluffy Mingyu blurb.

To say that there were a few instances where you were endeared by Mingyu would be an understatement.

Mingyu always had this effect on you. No matter what he’d be doing, you’d always find it cute and oh so lovely!

It started when you were still friends and you were at a party thrown by a mutual friend. Other than them, you only knew Mingyu at the party. And so you stayed next to him…You stayed from when you saw him at the makeshift bar sipping his drink, till the time he walked you to your car. He said it wasn’t safe to enter a parking lot alone, late at night.

That day, you drove home with a lingering feeling of guilt inside yourself. Sure, you liked Mingyu’s company but you didn’t want to hold him back from socialising just ‘cause you weren’t the best at talking to new people.

Months later, you shared this concern of yours to him. His reply was instant and short but it did wonders in calming you down.

‘That’s something I wanted to do for you, lovie. And if I’m doing it for you, it won’t hold me back.’

That’s when you realised that Mingyu always had a way with his words. And the way he would comfort you with just a few sentences was so endearing to you.

———————————————————————————

Another instance was on one of your initial dates. He suggested you both visit the street food market in your city.

While you stopped at various stalls to try the delicacies, you couldn’t resist looking at Mingyu’s face. He looked so content with all the dishes you both tried, the ones that you loved, and even the ones that you didn’t like so much.

‘Hmff! I don’t think I can eat anything more.’, he exclaimed as you relaxed on a bench. The cool breeze left behind a soothing effect on your face.

‘Oh…I thought we’d go have some ice cream at your favourite dessert store.’

‘Ofcourse we will.’, he said eagerly.

‘Didn’t you just say you won’t be eating anything else?’

‘Ice cream is always an exception, baby.’, he said immediately, winking at you.

You couldn’t argue with that.

That was when you realised…again. You found Mingyu’s habit of always being so content while eating so endearing. And maybe this is weird. But who are you kidding, you always think that he’s so adorable.

———————————————————————————

Your boyfriend had recently been to Italy with his group members. They had been ‘kidnapped’ by the staff of their own company along with Na PD. And while they were in Italy, your schedules didn’t match at all due to the different time zones.

And so you found a different way to stay in contact. Mingyu started sending voice notes summarising the occurrences of his entire day, to you. And while narrating these, he spoke oh so fast… He spoke as if he had a time limit to finish these voice messages. You’d always ask him to speak slowly in order for you to understand them.

And his response was, ‘This is how I always speak, isn’t it?…or maybe I got too excited’, he chucked and continued, ‘I’ll try to speak slowly next time, yeah? Don’t want you to miss on any of the details, lovie.’

So when you get a notification of the next voice message, you rush to listen to it. And you have two reasons to do so. One was obviously because you wanted to know about his day. And the second was to see whether he remembered his promise of speaking slowly.

After listening to the first few seconds, you were assured that he didn’t remember at all. And now you didn’t mind him speaking fast, maybe ‘cause you know that he speaks fast only when he’s very excited.

And you loved that. His habit of speaking fast when he was excited was endearing to you.

———————————————————————————

It was Sunday afternoon. You ordered burgers and fried chicken for lunch. The said lunch was done and the plates, washed. So Mingyu and you decided to watch a movie, the one that you had watched several times but never got bored of. It was your favourite ‘cause it had a happy ending(and because the male lead gave off strong Mingyu vibes). But you’d never tell him that.

You were sitting on the couch with your boyfriend’s head on your lap when you noticed that he was falling asleep.

‘Mingyu, you can go take a nap in the bedroom. That’ll be more comfortable, baby.’

‘Hmmm…no, let’s finish this movie.’

‘We know the ending, right. If you’re tired you should sleep for a while.’

‘I’m not tired, lovie. I get sleepy around you ‘cause I’m very comfortable with you.’, he said in a low voice, ‘You know, I read this somewhere that if you always feel sleepy around someone, that’s probably because you feel safe around them. And I realised that I’ve slept several times in your lap and while cuddling with you.’

You were speechless when he said that. Finally after a good minute of taking his words in, you couldn’t help but peck him on the forehead. That kiss was your response to his revelation. He simply took your hand in his and placed it on his cheek while he dozed off again.

His ability to say the most heartwarming things so casually was so endearing to you.

———————————————————————————

You were on a trip to the beach with Mingyu. Both of you loved the beach. It was your favourite place to go to even with a slight rise in the temperature. It was almost an hour later of being in the water and swimming when you caught sight of Mingyu standing at a distance where his feet would easily touch the land and he was facing the other side. You swam closer to him to see what he was up to. As you reached behind him, you could hear him chuckling softly. ‘What’re you laughing at?’, you asked him.

‘Oh baby, I’ll show you something, okay? Just do as I say.’

You nodded and looked up at him in anticipation after his instruction.

‘Okay, put your palms under the water and do a ‘thumbs up’ sign but only your thumbs should be seen outside the water.’

‘Umm, I don’t know what it’s gonna do, baby. I don’t get it.’, you said, confused.

‘Just do it for me, lovie.’

You did as he said, only keeping your thumbs out of the water. Looking at your thumbs that were now wrinkly from being in the water for too long, Mingyu burst into giggles. You watched him as he let out his cute, high-pitched giggles but you were still so confused. How was this funny to him?

Clearly he read the confused look on your face and spoke up, ‘I find silly things like this funny.’, as he continued to giggle while looking at your thumbs.

Maybe you’ll never understand the fun part in your wrinkly thumbs. And you don’t want to, as long as you can make Mingyu giggle. Even if it means doing several such silly tricks. Because Mingyu’s laughter was always so endearing.

[koithelittle]

cg!mulder moodboard + headcanons!!

note; can you tell I love bunnies?? anyways- I made this absolutely agessss ago, started the headcanons after I made the moodboard but I've been in and out of the mindset to write/write agere stuff since I've been struggling with my regression lately but!! I'm here and I have plans to write more and I've got ideas. my inbox and requests are open!!

paci credits; littlemothshop on ig

navigation

other moodboards

(headcanons below the cut !!)

• the sweetest when he finds out about your regression, he's patient with you, kind and considerate. he'll sit there and listen to every word as you explain it, and he's especially patient and soft if he finds out because you impurely regressed. perhaps a meltdown after a really bad case, something that triggered you and caused you to break after a build up of stress.

• he'll rest his hands on the sides of your upper arms and just smile and hum and nod as you talk.

• he loves resting his fingers and hands on your face. during cuddles he'll rub your cheeks or forehead with his thumb, and he loves playing with your hair.

• if you have hair long enough for it, he'll put little braids and styles of the like in it for you, sitting you between his legs and just styling it!!

• little forehead kisses as reassurance

• records your favorite episodes of your TV shows on VHS so he can watch it with you or have it on for you (his personal favorite of your favorites is beakmans world, obvs)

• he loves getting to wrap you up in blankets and just hold you

• he's a smidge bit overprotective, when you're little he tends to keep you away from anything that could possibly danger you and helps you with any task that you could get hurt with

• so, crafts? safety scissors only. and he has to watch you. cooking? nope, only with close supervision. you can get ingredients, though no cutting or stirring over the stove. that's *his* job.

• he doesn't really mind any sort of nickname you give him but he always favors foxy or baba. daddy is okay too, but he likes the other two the most.

• has little sensory bins for you both to play in (he's a child at heart, also- autism)

• there's a rice box, sand box and a moon dough box. he has them all set up as little sort of dioramas. little toys stuck in them, some play shovels or anything that you can play in it with.

• he's a sucker for your pouts. one simple whine and a poke out of your lip and he is *melted*

• he has a hard time putting his foot down on rules he may have (maimly bedtimes and candy since those are the ones you fight the most)

• he just loves seeing you happy and giggly

• stims when you stims, and dances around with you in whatever room you're in

• at work, if you start to feel smaller, he tends to notice quickly and always makes note to keep a closer eye on you. and if you're in reach, he'll pull you in to lean against him or pull you into a hug

• when you dress up in his clothes for fun (usually his suit) he adores it. just awes at you and coos at you and tells you how adorable and sweet of a baby you are!

• loves cooking for you. he's not horrible at it, but he learned how to make/prep all of your safe foods so he has those recipes in hand all the time!

• he has a whole box of pacis/teethers/treats/toys/etc just for when you're little, calls it your baby-box

• loves having you in his lap while he works at the dining table. he'll have his work in front of him and just be rubbing your back with his hand as you cuddle up to him and babble and coo.

taglist; (lmk if you want to be added!)

[luvistqrzzz]

your moots as taylor swift songs?

omg ive been waiting for an ask like this for agessss 😭!! plus its taylor so yay🤭... i only added the moots ive interacted quite a lot so im really sorry if you're not here and lmk if you'd like to be added here <3!!

+ i couldn't help but ship my moots with their biases (a bit) sorry ><

@hysgf as mine- this song is comfort, just like mika <3 its always so easy to talk to her?! on top of that i can def imagine her and hee in this song, like a sweet college couple yk but still figuring out and growing in their relationship ^^!

@lonelystudio as paper rings- titli is such a cheeky and cute person to be around and you cannot change my mind on the fact that this would literally be her with taesan like??

@heetoldme as dorothea- paris is such a sweetheart just like this song :(!! this song has the young and nostalgic vibe which reminds me sm of her! she and heeseung in a kind of second chance love <3!

@yenqa as london boy- yen has the sassiness and fun i imagine the song possesses along side jay being the london american boy 🤭?! it'll all so classy and fluffy aaa them going around the city like those aesthetic couples

@whoschr as fearless- talking to chae always feels like petrichor 🤧! heeseung and her would have one of those classic first love stories in high school and they'd be dancing in the rain as this song plays

@staryyeon as 22- rin seems like the one to go on late night adventures and be fall in love with strangers (read: jungwon). she'll meet jungwon just like that and would (quite literally) be swept up her feet 🤭

@str0l0gy as end game- iris is so cool and super sweet she literally seems like this song (plus her blog theme only makes it better hehehe). and her and jake having those street racing e2l au o.o

@seungiepup as me!- della is so fun (also her humour🫂)!! the song is so bubbly it reminds me of her,,, and her and heeseung as idiots to lovers mutually pinning for each other (that would definitely happen🤦‍♀️)

[benkybot]

7 26 29. hi btw

Hii!!

7. Who are you jealous of?

People who know how to make music, I've been trying to learn for agessss and it's really weird, like I know there's classes for learning individual instruments but I'd like to learn how people make music on the computer and stuff cuz that looks so fun

26. What's your favourite season?

Okay so this is not a controversial opinion anywhere but Tumblr but I love Summer. I don't mind the overwhelming heat I'm like a cat I just lay down and soak it up. I also love it when the trees and plants are really in bloom and the sky is blue and everything's that much brighter it is good for my soul.

29. What's the most overrated movie?

Probably Halloween by John Carpenter. I don't like most slashers because they stick to a very rigid, plotless formula but this one is the worst offender for it. The main character has no stake in the plot until the last 30 minutes while 2D silhouettes of what are supposed to be other teenage characters are murdered without putting up a fight or running or whatever, they just stand there and scream and then get stabbed. Then the last 30 minutes of this movie finally involves the main character in the plot where it's just repeatedly she injures him, she thinks he's dead, he gets up again, she runs away. They do this same cheap scare four times until he just runs away instead of pursuing them again (to make room for the sequel). The cinematography is good and Michael Myers is pretty spooky but I don't know how people can enjoy this movie when it's just a carbon copy of every other slasher's worst story points

[huntingingoodwill]

tell me more about travel journalist emmett

no.

jokes let's get into it

first of all thank you for asking because this has been swirling around in my head for agessss i'll talk about the main concept/how he and reader meet (i've got a whole angst storyline where he um... cough abandons you cough and that's my favourite part of the concept because i love to make characters s u f f e r so if anyone reading wants to hear about that... drop us an ask but for the sake of keeping this post from being eons long i'll cover the fluff first)

i've always liked the concept of emm travelling a lot in a non-apocalypse au, so the idea of him being a travel journalist/maybe war/foreign correspondent popped into mind. lone wolf wandering type beat

he always crashes at his friends' houses because he's always in some new country, a few days away from his next assignment, so he'll just pop in for at most a week and then he's on a plane heading to his next location

him and reader meet while they're guests at their mutual friend's house, and she's kinda intimidated by him at first 👀 he shows up on short notice and he's so so quiet and he disappears all day without a word and always looks at her when he thinks she's looking away

but slowly they get to know each other and she realises he's actually pretty sweet 🤮🤮🤮

one day reader's friends cancel on her and she's left all alone with nothing to do and emmett's like "...you can hang out with me today. only if you want. you don't need to." she's curious so she goes along with him and on account of him being a well-travelled man he brings her to all these cool things and she sees what he does all day and she's like... he’s a living breathing person!!

him bringing her to his favourite bookstore and cafe, bringing a flask of tea to share with her at the park 😭

reader gets caught in the rain coming home late from a party one night and as soon as she walks through the door he's there to wrap a towel around her and pat her hair dry like "you'll catch a cold" "were you waiting up for me 😏" "uh... ����no."

he lends her his books and they chill on his bed as he watches and listens to her talk and it’s just... heaven is a bedroom

@fischerpricetoys talked about them sitting side by side as he points out places on a map that he's been to and talks about his experiences and- fluff

they both won't admit they like each other but their friend's watching them at breakfast as reader tries to feed him food off her plate "say ahhh!" "no, you eat it, you need to eat." "i'll live, come on, just a bite" and he rolls his eyes and lets him feed her. it is glaringly obvious to everyone around them

in an ideal world they’d run away together and travel the world side by side but i like the angst so in my head,,, it all goes wrong and him being a journalist comes more into play :) so yk. if any of you’d like to hear about it. you know who to call.

okay thanks for the ask!! hope you liked my ideas :))

[babyflossy]

ethereal | l.ty

pairing; demon!taeyong x reader

requested; yes! this was requested agessss ago haha,,, i hope you like it!!

summary; you’re not sure when your nighttime hallucinations started, but if they always appear in the form of lee taeyong, you’re not going to complain

genre/warnings; smut (fem receiving oral, sex, sex with a hallucination (?bro i literally don’t even know what to class this as?), overstim if you squint, kinda creepy maybe?), might class this as a kinda halloween esqe fic? sexy ethereal demon taeyong i guess

word count; 2.7k

when you wake in the middle of the night, hot air clinging to your body with a vice like grip, the only thing you feel is frustration. the window is still open from hours earlier when your ceiling fan proved futile as an attempt to combat the heat, a flimsy breeze floating through the room every now and then. a light layer of sweat shines off your skin and you feel weighed down with the grogginess of sleep and the jarring suddenness you had been pulled from your slumber.

in the corner of your room, safe from your vision due to the shadows, is a person. he stands straight backed against the edge of your wardrobe, wide eyes watching you intently as you pull the thin covers off your body, swinging your legs over the side of your bed to stand up. it’s been a while since he’s encountered a human as captivating as you, and the way the moonlight glistens off your skin pulls him in.

you rub your eyes with your hands and stretch your arms behind you as you realise sleep will not do you the favour of coming easy tonight. the cream silk of a nightdress hangs off your body and appears as if it’s floating in the dim light of the early morning. lee taeyong notices this and wishes for nothing more than to have the privilege to rid you of the item of clothing.

he should be used to this, the hunt before the reward, the chase that he always wins, but there’s something different about you. something that makes him want to take his time. you stand out in his mind against all the other humans he’s conquered, like a golden ticket inside his mind’s eye.

in this hour of the night, you are nothing short of the goddess he can only dream of. captivating, enamouring.

he wants you. and he will get you.

the third night you spend sleepless is when you start to loose it. the heat still wisps around you uncontrollably, impossible to catch relief from beside standing in the open door of your freezer. it follows you around and you start to question how you’re going to last the rest of summer if the heat doesn’t calm down.

it has you feeling on edge, useless. needy.

despite your efforts to ignore it, you can’t help but feel hot in a completely different way. the past few nights have been sleepless yes, but they haven’t been void of dreams that haunt you in the day. dreams where ethereal beings come and grant you your deepest wishes, your darkest desires. among all of them, there’s a reoccuring face that strikes so deep within you you almost feel empty at the thought he’s not real.

you’re not sure how you know his name, but lee taeyong is never far from the forefront of your mind.

a week passes of little sleep and even less freedom from your incessant lust-filled daydreams. you’re at the end of you tether and you’re convinced you’re hallucinating when the object of your grief stands before you.

the hour is just as late as when he first laid eyes on you, the night equally as static and humid. you want to scream, this strange man stood before your bed in the middle of the night, a predatory look upon his face, but you can’t seem to find a voice.

the white of his shirt shines like pearls against his skin, he is shimmering even without any light in the room. his hair is similar, a deep brown that still manages to appear illuminescent. his sharp features are paired with big eyes that stare down at you on your bed, frozen and unable to do anything other than stare up at him.

you can’t remember how long he’d been there. how did he get inside? why do you feel like he’s been there the entire time? the feel of the surroundings haven’t changed since he’s appeared and you come to the conclusion that he’s been there the entire time, invisible to the untrained eye and yet holding enough power to completely overtake a room. there’s the faintest quirk of a smile on his face as he peers down at you, like you’re a prized possession he can’t quite believe is real and right in front of him.

it’s off-putting, the way he stares at you with such needing intent and yet stands so unmovingly. he’s like a statue, you realise, a perfect replica of the most beautiful things the earth has to offer all in one place, one being. involuntarily, you feel a hand reach up to him, carefully, as if he’s a appartion from your imagination that will drift back into nothingness if you move too suddenly.

when his hand reaches down to meet yours, his skin is impossibly smooth, cool and yet soft. it feels like marble under the pads of your fingers as you drag one along the pad of his middle finger and into the palm of his hand, tracing the bluish veins that sit just under the surface of his wrist. there’s diamonds in his eyes as he stares at you, linking your fingers together and pulling the back of your hand up to his lips. unlike his hands, they are warm and your hand burns from the contact.

“angel, you’re so perfect.” the words are nothing more than a mere whisper on the wind that is now flowing through your bedroom, the temperature has dropped from impossibly hot to the perfect tepid warmth that sits against your skin nicely. his eyes trace your own, taking in the colour of your irises and the shine of them under him.

“who are you?” the voice doesn’t sound like your own but you fail to care, focus unable to stray from the stranger’s perfect face, your insides swirling when he quirks one side of his mouth up in a gentle smile.

“you already know, my dear.” there’s a wistful lilt to his voice and you jump slightly when the pad of his thumb brushes against the swell of your lower lip, eyes watching his movement carefully. you had never felt so safe and yet so on edge before.

“why are you here?”

“you ask too many questions.” it was less of a statement and more of a command to stop. it works immediately and you find your lips glued shut, unable to resist completely submitting yourself to this being before you. “there we go, isn’t that better?” he pokes with an easy smile at the silence that now settles between you. something about the praise is detrimental to your insides and a shiver of anticipation jolts through you.

for a moment, neither of you moves, there’s nothing but the perfect stillness of the night and the glowy cast that surrounds him to distract you. and then he starts leaning down closer to you, setting your hands that remain intertwined beside you on the bed and forcing you to move backwards until your feet leave the floor. slowly, like a lion approaching its prey, he crawls forward until your back is flush against the mattress and he is hovering on his free hand above you.

again, there is a second of painful silence where the world stops around you. in this moment, there is only you and this being who you somehow know as taeyong and the air between you, so full of expectation and the buzz of what’s to come.

and then he’s leaning down, slotting himself in the space where your legs naturally separate for him and pressing a first, soft, kiss to your lips. this is the moment where taeyong realises you are different from every other human he’s touched like this. your lips hold a warmth others can only imagine to possess, an addicting trace that leaves him breathless and suddenly uncertain of himself.

once his lips are separated from yours, you lean up to attach them once again. it fills you with such a new sense of want you can barely control your hands when they reach up to fist the fabric of his shirt, finding it almost impossibly soft against your skin, slipping through your fingers like sand.

when you touch him, taeyong mimics your action and lets himself lean into you so he can use his hands to toy with the thin straps of your nightdress. they skim around your neck and trail delicate twirls down your collarbones that have you shivering at the coldness. his hands continue on their pursuit downwards until they reach your breasts, kneading the soft flesh through the fabric. he swallows your moans when he rolls one of your nipples between his fingers, the other hand pulling the strap down to reveal more of your skin.

as soon as your skin is bared in front of him, he tears his lips away from yours and drags them down your neck to your breast. his fingers continue their assault of your other nipple when he takes one into his mouth, sucking slightly and loving the way you arch up into him. the feeling is overwhelming, the coldness of his hands compared to the heat from his mouth. it has you weak and helpless in his grip.

when he satisfied with the purple bruises adorning one breast, he lets your nipple go with a pop and moves to treat the other the same way, gentle but firm hands and the teasing graze of his teeth on your most sensitive areas.

you don’t notice his hand slipping between you until his hand toys with the waistband of you panties and you almost moan from that alone. it’s nearly too much for you as taeyong finally delves his fingers under the last layer of fabric separating you, every nerve in your body tuned into him and nothing else, your skin in flames and you mind wandering the plane between conscious and more than that. you are so hyper aware to the feeling of him on top of you, every place your bodies touch is engrained in your memory, a channel of the feelings you share.

he indulges you with an experimental swipe over you clit before choosing to rub painfully slow circles around the spot you want him most. you could cry with need, your emotions so uncontrollable due to your desire. it’s as if taeyong can tell you can’t take it as he moves exactly when you’re about to speak up, thumb setting a calm pace against your clit.

you sigh, body melting against his own as he plays your body like a perfectly tuned harp. his mouth stays latches to the sensitive skin of your breasts and the feelings are too intense. the coil in your stomach is tightening at an ever increasing rate and the moans you let out are sinful.

just as you’re about to tip over the edge into euphoria, taeyong stops the movement of his fingers, head moving away from your skin and leaving you cold and bare. you’re too lost in your craving for him to say anything, but he can feel your frustration in the way you tighten you hands in his shirt. just as he removes his hand from your panties, he scoops some of your wetness up with his fingers and holds it between you before sucking his fingers into your mouth, eyes nearly rolling back at the unbelievable sweetness.

in all his years, taeyong had never found someone so perfect.

instead of upsetting you further, taeyong pulls down your panties and pushed himself down the bed, settling himself happily between the soft skin of your thighs. he grips them in his hands and pulls them to either side of his head, leaving forward to lick up your folds teasingly slowly.

your head falls back at the feeling and you’re already lost to the pleasure. he makes quick work of you, mouth sucking your clit into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue whilst his fingers slip up into you. he strokes at your sweet spot, hitting the spot so relentlessly you can do nothing but lie with your mouth dangling open and breathless pleas leaving you. waves of pleasure rain down on you and this time, taeyong doesn’t stop when he feels you approaching your high, instead opting to quicken the pace of his tongue and curl his fingers inside of you.

you think you scream when you let go, but you can’t really tell beyond the overwhelming feeling of taeyong. everything around you is amplified as he works you through your high, hips stuttering up against him and legs quivering, shutting around his head.f

he give you a moment to recover before he’s crawling back up your body, a sinful smile on his face.

no words are exchanged as he gifts you another kiss, this one so different to the first few. it’s dirty and lewd and you can taste your essence on his tongue. you stay like that for an immeasurable length of time, drowning in the taste of each other. eventually, taeyong pulls away first and you feel a hardness pressing against your thigh. in preparation, he lets his cock glide between you folds to gather your wetness before lining himself up with your entrance. right before he pushes in to you he captures you in another kiss to distract you from the stretch.

it’s painful, but addicting. you wallow in the pits of your lust and realise you’ll probably never feel like this again, never feel such a staggering amount of emotion at once. you feel everything and nothing at all, like you’re in a daze where the only concrete thing to ground you is this man who shimmers into existence at late hours of the night and early hours of the morning. and you love it.

for the first few thrusts, you can tell he’s holding back, trying to give you a second to adjust to the feeling. you wind your fingers into his hair and tug, meeting his eyes and silently telling him to keep going. it’s all he needs before you feel his hips pull back and slam down into you.

your sight blurs as your eyes roll back, legs wrapping around his back and allowing him to reach the most prized areas inside of you. just like everything else about him, it’s perfect, so flawless you feel tears brimming at the corners of your eyes. he carries on for a while with that same rhythm and it doesn’t take you long before you’re hurtling towards another orgasm.

taeyong slows down to let your pleasure simmer down before continuing, chasing his own high as well as pushing you towards your own. his hips fatler from their original cadence into a messy movement that has you meeting his thrusts halfway. you start to clench around him involuntarily and he drops his head to the crook of your neck, tugging your skin between his teeth and sucking harshly to balance his pleasure.

you fall apart at the same time, synchronised heart beats going a mile a minute. the air in the room is charged and you feel electrified, like you’re on fire but also at the bottom of a freezing lake. the feeling of taeyong spilling into you makes you shiver, the warmth shocking your system. he continues pushing into you for a few moments before pulling out, rubbing his hand up your slit to see the way you jolt in overstimulation.

your eyes are still screwed shut and you feel him roll off you onto the bed beside you, the air rushing to your lungs easer without the extra weight. there’s silence for a while before you finally open your eyes with a smile and look over to taeyong.

the sight before you shocks you, makes your blood turn ice cold. taeyong lies facing you with an innocent smile on his face, but where his glittering eyes once looked at you with such adoration, two black pits stare back at you. the room is suddenly freezing and you flinch when his hand comes to rest on your waist.

too scared to move, you only screw your eyes shut and hope the sight disappears. to your relief, when you open then again there is nothing but a dent in mattress left behind and the cold winter wind blowing through your open window.

a/n; i hope you liked this!!! i enjoyed writing it even if it is kinda more filthy than usual,, reposted because of tags

[sapphicscullyy]

With You

100. “We could... you know, go together, if you wanted.”

Thank you so much for the prompt @bitshortforastormtrooper. I’m sorry it took agessss to get around to but please enjoy. This can also be read for your convenience on ao3. Tagging @today-in-fic

+++

8:29 am 27th August J. Edgar Hoover Building

Scully blustered her way into the office and shut the door behind her, slumping back against it with her eyes closed. She took several deep breaths before opening them again, attempting to cool the flush in her cheeks, only to find Mulder staring at her, concern in his eyes. The bastard. He didn’t say anything, just waited to see if she would explain her strange behaviour. Scully sighed.

“I just spoke to Skinner in the elevator,” she began slowly.

“If it was about the late case report, don’t worry,” he said quickly, “I was just about to head up there now to hand it in.”

“No, it wasn’t that.” She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “He asked me if I was attending the Director’s Ball on Friday evening. Of which Skinner informed me that he had given you both of our invitations several weeks ago.” Her tone implied that this was more of an interrogation than a statement.

At least he was smart enough to look slightly guilty. “He may have mentioned it.”

“Mulder…” she groaned in exasperation. “It’s in three days,” she stuttered, “and I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Scully, you could wear anything, even one of your old pantsuits with the massive shoulder pads, and you would still look amazing.” 

She glared at him even as the blush returned to her cheeks. “I am not wearing a suit.”

“Why don’t you take the afternoon off?” Mulder suggested lightly. “We only have paperwork to do today. I can deal with it.”

“Are you sure?”

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

She huffed a laugh, deciding not to think about the answers to his question. “Thank you,” she said.

Silence filled the office for a moment, then the rustling of paperwork as Mulder collected some files from the desk.

“Are we-” Scully faltered, then continued tentatively. “Do we have to bring dates?”

“I think everyone has a plus-one invitation; I’m not taking anyone, though.” He stood, not meeting her gaze as he shuffled the papers in his hands.

“Why not?” 

“I’m not sure anyone would want to go with Spooky Mulder.” He laughed as though he had told a joke. 

“We could… you know, go together, if you wanted.” Scully swallowed, suddenly overly conscious of the lump in her throat, barely daring to breathe in wait of his response.

“It’s alright, Scully. You don’t have to stick with me. You could have any man you wanted.” He stood from behind the desk, file in hand, and walked over to where she was still standing by the door. He gently moved her aside as he opened it. “I’ll be back in a bit,” he said, flashing her a grin, the one that made her go weak at the knees every time, and shut the door behind him.

“What if I want you?” she whispered to the closed door, her words too loud in the empty office.

+++

2:43 pm 

That afternoon, Scully pulled into a parking space in front of a small boutique shop that she often eyed as she drove past on the way to work each day. She had only been inside once before, and it had been a few years ago when she had treated herself to a day of therapeutic shopping after a particularly gruelling case. She had bought a new pair of heels, which she had only worn two or three times since, but the feeling of buying them had been worth it. 

A small bell above the door chimed as she entered. A woman popped her head out from behind a rack of clothes, greeted Scully, and told her to yell out if she needed any help. Scully smiled at her in thanks and wandered along the rows of dresses, running her fingertips lightly across the fabric. 

She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to wear to the event, so she chose a few dresses at random to try on, hoping to find something that would work, or at least narrow down her choices. 

“Would you like to try those on?” the voice of the saleswoman behind her made her jump. She had a hand outstretched for the dresses draped over Scully’s arm. “Let me take them to the changeroom for you while you keep looking.” 

“Actually, I’m ready to try them on now.” 

“Of course, come this way.” She led Scully to the changeroom, drawing aside the large curtain for her, but she paused before closing it. “May I make a recommendation?” She didn’t wait for a response. “There’s a dress that’s out the back and I think that it would look perfect on you. I’ll go grab it while you try these ones on.” With that, she closed the curtain, leaving Scully by herself. 

The first dress was a red, strapless number that came to just below her knees. The fabric pooled nicely around her figure, and she had a pair of heels and a clutch at home that would go quite nicely with it, but she was concerned that there was too much skin being shown to be considered ‘proper’ for a work event, though she knew Mulder would most likely appreciate it. 

As would every other straight male in the room. She silently chastised herself for letting her mind wander to such a dangerous topic. 

The second dress she had picked up was a shade of green that she knew immediately would not suit her as she held the dress up to her body in the small changing room mirror. She replaced the dress on its hanger without even bothering to try it on. 

As she slid on the third dress, she thought it might be the one. The black fabric was smooth against her skin and the neckline and figure were modest yet flattering. But as she stepped out from behind the curtain to admire herself in the larger mirror, she noticed the slit along her left leg, nearly going up to her hip. She sighed at her reflection. She didn’t particularly want to be that exposed in front of her male colleagues, especially since she knew Skinner would be amongst them. She wouldn’t be able to meet her boss’s eye for days afterwards. 

At that moment, the saleswoman walked back in, another dress draped over her arm. She stopped when she saw Scully.

“Oh honey, you look absolutely stunning,” she exclaimed.

“Thank you,” Scully dipped her head at the compliment, “but I’m attending a work function and I’m not entirely convinced by this.” She gestured to her exposed leg.

“Of course,” she shook her head knowingly. “Here, give this one a try. I think it will suit you perfectly.” She handed Scully the dress from her arm.

Ducking back into the change room, she removed her current dress and slipped on the one the saleswoman had given her. Black, silky fabric that clung to her skin but almost appeared to be cascading down her body and onto the floor. The straps were thin and the neckline was low, although not dangerously so. The back dipped just low enough that she wouldn’t be able to wear a bra, but so that her ouroboros remained hidden.

The woman gasped quietly as she emerged from behind the curtain. “That dress looks like it was made just for you.”

Scully examined herself in the large mirror and felt her own breath catch in her throat. She did look amazing. Even with her hair and make-up having deteriorated throughout the day, she felt as though she could walk into any ballroom and fit right in. 

She couldn’t even begin to imagine how Mulder would react upon seeing her in this dress. Would he stop short at the sight of her? Or perhaps he would only give her a quick once over before he swept her into his arms, unable to keep away for any longer than necessary. 

The shrill ringing of her cell phone pierced through the fog of dangerous thoughts that had filled her mind. 

“Excuse me,” she said, stepping back into the changing room. She rifled through her belongings and found her phone. “Scully,” she answered.

“Scully, it’s me,” he said, as a loud crash came through the tiny speaker.

“Mulder? Is everything alright?”

“Just fine,” he replied unconvincingly. She heard the crackling rustle of papers being shuffled. “Do you know where you put the file on Cordelia Knox?”

“Mulder, you put that file on the massive pile on your desk, which I strongly suggested that you sort out before you lose something.”

She heard more rustling. Then a muffled bang. “I found it.” She laughed quietly even as her head fell into her hand. 

“Are you sure you don’t need my help?”

There was a pause. “Have you finished shopping?” he asked tentatively.

“Not quite.” She may have found her dress, but she wanted to buy a nice pair of heels to go with it.

“Then I have everything under control.” Another crash sounded through the phone. “Go enjoy yourself, Scully. You deserve it.”

+++

8:29 am 29th August FBI Director’s Ball

Scully was bored, tired, slightly drunk and extremely sick of the hot and clammy hands of the men who, because she had agreed to dance with them, believed that it was in their right to put said hands wherever they pleased on her body. She had been passed between the arms of the FBI’s worst perverts and creeps for the past hour and the only thing she wished for was a warm bath to wash away the lingering feeling of the many hands off her body. The man she was currently dancing with was no different from the others, in fact, they were all beginning to blend together. His hands sat hot and heavy on her lower back, making the skin itch and boil beneath the fabric. 

There was a small, fickle part of herself that thought of that spot on the small of her back as Mulder’s. It was the same part of her that made her continuously scan the crowds over the shoulder of her dancing partner in the frail hope of seeing him. The same part of her that desperately hoped that he would see her despondence and sweep her far away from this place and all the people in it.

There was a high chance that he wouldn’t turn up at all; perhaps struck by a sudden ailment in the hours between leaving the office and the expected arrival time of the event. She usually didn’t mind his near-perfect streak of missing work events, as usually, he dragged her along with him to wherever he thought was a better place to be, which was anywhere else, really. All she wanted now was to be with him wherever that may be.

She snapped out of her thoughts as she felt the hands of her dance partner slip dangerously low on her back and she was so focused on attempting to keep them in a more respectable place that she did not notice Mulder step forward from the crowd at the edge of the dance floor, his eyes flying from face to face. She did not see the way he stopped dead at the sight of her in the wandering arms of another man. How his eyes sparked first with wonderment, then with indignation. 

But then he was there, standing at her shoulder, politely asking for a dance and sweeping her away without waiting for an answer from the other man. He was inconsequential now that Mulder was there.

In the instant that he pulled her towards him, there was not a single soul present in the room that they were aware of, besides each other. He held her close, but his touch on her back was light and innocent, his fingertips deliciously burning the skin where her tattoo resided. 

“Hi,” she whispered, tilting her head back so that their faces were aligned, noses only inches apart. 

“Hi,” he responded, and she heard everything that he wanted to tell her at that moment. In the way he breathed that single word. She heard his wonder and his passion, and she heard his apology. She could see it reflected in his eyes, swimming there and exposed for her to see. An apology for letting her go alone, for being an idiot, and for all the arms that have held her tonight that weren’t his.

And she forgave him. 

The music was slow and steady, a heartbeat thrumming in the air. She slid the hands which had been resting on his shoulders further up and looped them around his neck. They remained completely oblivious to the world around them as they swayed in place together, unaware of the stare and murmurs of their coworkers, not noticing how they diverted their attention to something else with a quick glare from AD Skinner. Men came up to them to ask Scully to dance, but they went unheard and ignored, skulking away after it became obvious they had no chance of interrupting.

He pulled her closer to him, and she turned to rest her head against his chest, listening to his heart beating out of sync with the music, so she danced to his rhythm instead. Both of them shifted slowly from side to side in synchrony, creating their own metronome. 

She was pulled out of her trance-like state as the music changed to an upbeat song which she was no longer able to drown out with the sound of his heart beating in her ear. She extracted herself slightly from his arms and looked up at him, meeting his eyes. His face was clouded in an indecipherable storm of emotion, but when she smiled softly up at him, it cleared and he returned her small grin.

“Let’s get out of here,” she said, and his smile grew even wider. He moved the hands that had rested on her back and took her hand in his own, holding it tight as though he might lose her in the crowd, and led them off the dancefloor. They wove through the tables and people surrounding it, ignoring the people who looked their way in curiosity. 

The heavy doors to the event hall closed firmly behind them and an instant deafening silence filled the foyer. But it was quickly broken by the echoing sound of her heels clicking on the tiles as Mulder tugged her towards the revolving door at the entrance. A tiny laugh, one that could almost be described as a giggle, escaped her lips. They tumbled out of the door onto the street, both attempting and failing to hide their grins.

He hadn’t let go of her hand.

A cool evening breeze drifted down the street, curling around her bare arms and shoulders, so she stepped closer into him, stealing his warmth by proximity. But, for the second time that night, he pulled her closer, an arm wrapping around her waist, hands still entwined.

She tilted her head up and he tilted his down so that their noses were only an inch apart. 

“Where are we going?” he whispered, his breath tickling her lips.

“Does it matter?” she breathed.

“No.” 

There were words that remained unspoken, but she heard them all the same. 

As long as I’m with you.

[nsfwketamineharry]

Tobi: I think he would be very loving and kind. He would listen to you and your needs, but he would need some work with his skills. Vik: I just feel like he's into spicier things. Head is too vanilla for him, but he's skilled. Harry: He would pour his heart and soul into making you feel good, but he's awkward at even the best of times. But, you know what they say, practice makes perfect ;) Simon: I don't know, but I feel like he's quite boring in bed. He'd be alright, but nothing special [2/2]

Hello hello hello I am back with analysis :) (head rankings) Jj: Experience trumps all, I just feel like he would have the most developed technique. Ethan: I think he would be very deliberate with his actions, and determined to please. He would be passionate and intense. Josh: Man's been out here for agessss and I think he would have developed a good technique (kinda like Jj). I think he would be very responsive to your body and listen to your physical cues. [1/2 I couldn't fit it all ahhhhhhhh]

After looking at your analysis I would have to agree with you! I don’t like Simon at the best of times, nevermind thinking about him sexually. Missionary Minter comes to mind. Missionary is a tad vanilla.

My only concern would be: Josh has been with Freya for ten years. He would be very accustomed to her. And genitals are not one size fits all x

[positiveparker]

blue boy | p.p

hey loves, sorry I haven't posted anything original in agessss!! I have been super busy with school. I am sorry this is super rushed and bad but feedback is always appreciated!! :)

- pairing ; peter parker x reader

- warnings ; fluff! swearing!

- masterlist

- request ; soooo being peter’s chemistry partner and having a huge crush on him. Then him having a huge crush on the reader but she has never told him the name of who she likes and so she talks about her crush on peter and one day he gets fed up and admits his crush on her and yeah

not my gif

“you like someone right (y/n)?” Peter stuttered, he had a stubby pencil intertwined in his pale fingers, writing the title in his grubby notebook. His writing was scratchy and messy, I kind of liked it though. It somehow had its own personality. The way he curled his ‘y’s’ and slit his ‘a’s’ in the middle somehow fascinated my running mind. 

“yeah, yeah, of course” I shrugged. 

My insides twisted. I leant down closer into my notebook and pressed the tip of my pen into the crisp paper. I let my hair fall to the side of my face, this way I could peak through the strands and stare at Peter without him noticing. Every lesson I would analyse every inch of him. The way his brow furrowed in deep thought, the way the corners of his lips curled up when he knew the answer to a question. Everything about him made my fascination grow. Of course I was dying to tell him I liked him, but I guess part of me was scared my love for him would be unrequited. 

Today he was wearing a blue button down shirt with his usual grey hoodie over the top. His face was deep in thought. I watched the way his chest rose and fell effortlessly as he took a deep breath every so often. I wish I could look at him without having to hide. 

“yeah yeah same” Peter nodded, his lips spread into a straight smile. He fidgeted with his pencil, tapping it against the hollow desk. Peter gazed up at our teacher who was droning on about Relative Atomic Mass. I tried focusing on the words coming out of my teachers mouth, somehow they always seemed to brush past me. I guess it gave me more of an excuse to ask Peter for extra tutoring. He was so smart and I envied him. 

My eyes couldn’t focus, they were stuck in my head, envisioning various scenarios about Peter. Every so often I would lean down to write something in my notebook and sense his stare from next to me. I didn’t want to look back though, just incase I was making something out of nothing. “okay class we are going to do a practical!” My teacher hollered, Peter pushed his arms into the edge of the table and casually scraped his stool backwards. He stretched upwards and went bouncily over to the back wall. Most of the class was crowded around the glass cabinets against the wall, they were heaving full of bunsen burners, pungent chemicals and thin flasks. 

I followed Peter and shoved myself amongst the flailing hands. I reached in and touched the tip of a flask, trying to desperately pull it out with my finger tips. During my struggling another warmer hand brushed against my fingers and pulled the flask away, I knew it was him. His warmth seeped into my soul, rooting my feet into the earth. He always managed to comfort me without even opening his mouth. I whipped my body around to peer behind me. There he was holding up all our equipment. He had the glass flask I was trying to reach, effortlessly clasped in one strong hand. 

“thanks” I said softly, our eyes locked for a second and in embarrassment I quickly darted mine to the dark grey, plastic ground. I hated being awkward but for some reason I almost couldn’t linger my gaze on his for too long. I was scared my crush on him would get too strong and it would be even more painful keeping it from him than it already was. We went back to our seats and awkwardly set up our equipment. Looking into his eyes was like liquid obsession being poured into my brain. The more I stared and noticed the little things about him I secretly learned to love, the more I found myself not being able to control my feelings. The rest of our lesson together was spent in awkward silence. 

Everyone else around us was bubbly and talkative. I wanted to know what he was thinking. What thoughts he was associating me with. I was scared he thought I was weird. I wanted to be able to read every positive and negative thing he thought about me, in the hope I could iron out the negatives and be as perfect as possible for him. Every so often in my peripheral vision, I could see him parting his lips to say something. Every single time my heart clenched. He would stop mid breath and carry on adding water to our mixture. I obviously tried avoiding his touch but almost on cue we both reached for the small clear bowl of magnesium. Our hands touched, his over mine. Warm seeping into my cool skin. My heart took a huge, deep sigh. I was expecting him to take his hand away immediately, but in unfamiliarly lingered. Seconds turned to minutes and we both stood, not even looking at each other, but lightly touching. It hurt because his hand felt like it belonged over mine, it was like a missing puzzle piece I had somehow been looking for my whole life. 

*dingggggg dingggggggggg dinggggggg dinggggggg*

The bell blasted in the class’s ears and I yanked my hand violently out from under his, grabbing my backpack from beside me and shoving my books into it. Usually we were forced to pack up our equipment before we left but I had to leave, my emotions were taking over and I was scared that they wouldn’t stop. I slung my bag over my tense shoulder and rushed out the door leaving him behind me. I hoped my teacher didn’t notice but that was honestly the last thing on my mind. I went to my usual thinking spot, under the bleachers. I slid past the passing crowd and slipped under the moss green tin bleachers  overlooking the field.

Something was tearing at my stomach and plucking on my heart strings. It was the most overwhelming feeling and I couldn’t stop it. At the same time I didn’t want to, it was like nothing I had ever felt before. Pain and happiness at the exact same time, morphing and melting into each other. Exhaling, I flopped back on the cool grass feeling the small slits of sun peering through the gaps in the bleachers on my cheeks. I muffled out the noise of the crowds passing around me. Footsteps banged above me and voices rang through the metal. I felt like a tap, overflowing and pouring with thoughts about him. I could turn it off or twist it shut, I couldn’t even adjust the amount. They all just filtered out aggressively, all at once. For some reason more and more voices started to crowd, I hoped they would leave since it was the end of the day. Then my heart sank suddenly, there was an after school football game and I was sat under the heaving crowd.“shit, shit, shit” I repeated whispering into the ground. From next to me I could see hundreds of feet passing and clambering onto the bleachers. I crawled stealthily to the gap I had come through and waited for everyone to pass. I tried picking out familiar voices and then one loud one filled my ears and overpowered the rest.

“where’s Peter, I hope he isn’t here at the game, he hates sports!” Ned’s booming voice rang past me, his scruffy new balance shoes paced passed my head. 

I wanted to grab him and ask him where Peter was but I almost couldn’t. I wanted him to find me. I knew he wouldn’t but the scenarios in my head started to take over, they somehow seemed more believable than usual. After a few minutes the feet filtered away and clambered up onto the bleachers, there was my chance. I grabbed my bag from my side and crawled up and out from under the layered metal. The crowd was silent for some reason, I felt like everyones breath was on me.

“(y/n)?” Peters soft words somehow slapped violently into my back. Like every single feeling all at once. 

A few gasps rang from behind me. His voice was louder than usual, I turned to see a small figure in the middle of the football field clasping a white megaphone. Everyone around us was looking, this time I didn’t mind the attention. Peters face was ashy white with nervousness, he shakily pulled the megaphone away from his lips and started running towards me. he passed the crowds sat on the bleachers. I met him in the middle pacing slowly in his direction. I dumped my backpack on the cement ground and then his body was wrapped around mine, hundreds of eyes still lingering on us. 

“(y/n), there’s something I have to say” He admitted, pulling away slowly

“me too” I replied, my voice was brittle and fragile. He had me at my most vulnerable. 

“you first” He insisted lowly 

“no…you!” I laughed fruitfully

“fine, fine, I didn’t want to admit it at first. I was scared, I was scared about loving you because I didn’t feel good enough” He poured out “You are so much more than you think (y/n) because every little thing about you makes me want to love you more” His words rang against the metal of the bleachers and back into my heart. Clenching and twisting in my stomach. 

“Peter I-“ I started to say “-I think it is just better if I do this” Then every little inch of will power in me leant up to his face and brushed my lips softly against his. My heart was beating so strongly I felt like he could hear it. Every little piece of passion went to my lips and focused on the feeling of him. The moving mass around us started to rejoice as my arms snaked around his neck and his curled casually around my waist. The shouting and cheers clenched around my heart, it allowed both of us to become grounded back to where we were. Peter leant away and started smiling around at the people around us. I looked up at him and the small dips in each side of his smile. The scenarios I had dreamed about somehow came true.

TAGLIST ; 

@tomsfireheart @feelingsareharddd @lovelyh0lland  @hazeyholland @t-o-m-holland @lookclosernow @choke-me-sweet-pea @whatareyouhidingpeter @spidey-pal @cutiepie-holland @radd-but-saddd @pinkcutepug 

[per-se-phonie-blog]

the shit show is here !

welp it’s winter and i’m depressed again. i lasted longer this year though, it didn’t start until december. i know what triggered it;

-breaking up from school: i’ve lost ll order in my life and have free will, and quite frankly i don’t know what to do. i’ve watched 4 movies today alone and haven’t left the house in 2 days.

-the impending doom of art coursework i refuse to do. school sucked the joy i found in painting.

-my lack of piano. i miss playing it. i don’t have a working wire for it, and can’t find one anywhere on the internet. big sad. :( i think playing was the only thing keeping me sane...

-mUsIc dIaRiEs!!!!11!1! school has also sucked the joy out of music, for the most part.

-weeabo. that shall be her name on here cause she an absolute weeb, worse than me. the other day we had a music performance, and i wanted the sing  and uke for spring day by bts, but i’d lost my voice. i hadnt lost my fingers though, and so i messaged weeb asking iif she still remembered the words and if she wouldn’t mind singing for me, to which she responded “sure! i’d love to!”. come the day, we have an hour to rehearse before we leave, and i pestering weeb to go through it, while she’s prancing around on chairs with TL and QG (talent lady and quiet gorl). so i keep asking her, then she turns around, pulls a face and says, “ughhh i don’t really wanna do thissss”. so i turn around and start angrily crying. I had no voice so literally no one but red noticed, and she’s a saint, i love red so much, thank you for cheering me up and helping me. so i’m crying because it now mean’s i cant do anything in the show which i’ve been waiting for for agessss, and i even prepared and asked her ahead of time, but it’s not the first time i’ve been let down by her for being selfish. i know i sound like a spoiled brat but she does this all the time, and i’m fed up of being treated like this anymore. i might stop talking to her for a bit, cause she needs to learn a lesson.

-the fact that i have to choose between spending christmas eve with my family or with saboi (my boyfriend) and his family. i feel really bad cause i know saboi wants me to go and so does red, but i’m getting along with my parents for once and i wanna spend time with them.

-i have nobody to rant to. i feel like a burden to everyone else, yet also that i’m everyones person to vent to. i’m not sure i have the mental capacity anymore. i’m overwhelmed.

-i can’t get across emotions. i don’t like talking about feelings as a person, to people, i find it difficult, and i just cry, i’ also finding it difficult to show affection, or hold conversations. i love saboi, i really do, but i’m finding it hard to talk to him because i just don’t know what to say. this s the only place i find easy to put across what i want to.

-insomnia is back. can’t sleep until like 2, then i sleep until 11am or something stupid. it’s ruining productivity.

-orchid. she hates those flowers, so that’s what i’ll name her. i love her. she’s my soulmate. but she’s getting to be too much. i feel llike i know her more than i know myself. and yet i feel detatched from her. i’m not too sure what to do. i feel like i’m her counciller yet i feel obliged to listen. i feel like if i’m not there she’ll die. that nearly happened the other day with sloth. sloth cuts for attention, and started messaging me about hhow she wanted to die. well me too, but i dont message anyone because i feel like i cant. i even told sloth at the beginning, i dont feel like i can deal with it at the mment but she made me feel like she’d kill herself if i didn’t convince her otherwise. i feel that way constantly with orchid. i’m scared. i’m too involved with her, she keeps calling me but i don’t want to pick up. i’m scared i’ll have to convince her not to die. but it’s not only that. it’s at school too. she locked herself in the toilets, crying over exams during tute a few weeks ago so i had to come and get her, and i couldnt help but feel jealous. why can’t i be crying for once. why do i always have to be happy and strong.

-the thing that orchid involved me in that deserves a whole post of it’s own.

-my parents. not that they were a trigger, i’m just constantly worried about their relationship together, and the one i recently found with them, especially my mum. i told her a lot of things during the orchid incident, and i feel like i might just be able to tell her more things.

-the fact that i wont be able to tell anyone about this blog

-outside is always dark.

my next posts will be on orchid, sloth, my parents and stuff to do with them.

[blackthornings]

rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people tagged by: @aryaes tysm! (not tagging 20 people) tagging: @fleurdalacour @fcyscnd @jemcarstoirs @fck-tamlin @nikolailatnsov @tibcrias @feysandsmut @nestarchron @mncmosyne the last … 1. drink: bubble tea :) 2. phone call: my brother 3. text message: my best friend. it was "hi, munchkin" 4. song you listened to: lust for life by ldr 5. time you cried: like yesterday? i think it was over adelina amouteru or niklas malikov 6. dated someone twice: hahaha no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no 8. been cheated on: does it count if they cheated on me w/ a pinecone 9. lost someone special: yep 10. been depressed: not the mental illness but i do get sad 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nah i'm an angel favorite colors 12. to wear - red, coral, peach, black 13. all the colours in the sky at dawn 14. iridescent siiiilver in the last year have you … 15. made new friends: yep :) 16. fallen out of love: yes 17. laughed until you cried: it's unavoidable when u have friends like mine lmao 18. found out someone was talking about you: yes it was awkward af 19. met someone who changed you: yeah 20. found out who your friends are: yeah <3 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: nope i hate facebook culture general 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them i think? i haven't used it in agessss 23. do you have any pets: had three goldfish and two birds once. they're all dead. (do my plants count?) 24. do you want to change your name: yes it's never on anything in a gift shop 25. what did you do for your last birthday: eh 26. what time did you wake up: 10am lmao 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: ballet. i had a weird impulse to start doing plies 28. name something you can’t wait for: the day i finally get a life 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: she's sitting next to me right now in the car 31. what are you listening to right now: the rain on the car roof, the squeak of wheels, the occasional annoying comment from the satnav 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes i know SO MANY TOMS why is this name so popular 33. something that is getting on your nerves: my brothers. they are driving me insane. they can't answer any question normally, it either has to be a bad insult or a primary-school-level joke 34. most visited website: tumblr 35. hair colour: blackkkk 36. long or short hair: longish 37. do you have a crush on someone: wish i did 38. what do you like about yourself: i haven't killed all my plants yet? 39. piercings: ears 40. blood type: no clue. the type that mosquitos love 41. nickname: january, jeanne, anna, jo, joanne, rhubarb, munchkin 42. relationship status: single till the day i die 43. zodiac: libra but i don't believe that stuff 44. pronouns: she/her/idiot 45. favourite tv show: shadowhunters (even though it sucks), stranger things 46. tattoos: not ever getting one lol 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: nope 49. piercing: ears (im sure this has been asked twice) 50. sport: netball n running 51. vacation: i wanna see america and the northern lights and visit russia and France and basically the whole world 52. pair of trainers: nike more general 53. eating: sushi 54. drinking: bubble tea 55. i’m about to: sleep or read or finally get an answer in my dms 56. waiting for: a lot of book releases. a life. 57. want: to feel happy when i wake up in the morning 58. get married: a loooot later in life 59. career: i'm taking gcses that will help me be an architect so that i guess 60. hugs or kisses: both but i wouldn't mind a kiss from the right person 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: taller 63. older or younger: the same age 64. nice arms or nice stomach: stomach 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant 67. kissed a stranger: no lmao 68. drank hard liquor: no 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: yes. yesterday 70. turned someone down: yeah it was super awkward because he was rly cute about it but i just didn't feel the same way 71. sex on the first date: no 72. broken someone’s heart: yes (i'm SORRY) 73. had your heart broken: *angsty emo voice*: when was it ever whole? (sorry that was Fake Edgy™ but yeah lol) 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes. 76. fallen for a friend: yeah. do you believe in … 77. yourself: occasionally 78. miracles: yep 79. love at first sight: yeah 80. santa claus: no haha 81. kiss on the first date: na 82. angels: yes other 83. current best friend’s name: emily and she is an angel we should all protect <3 84. eye colour: sepia/mahogany brown 85. favourite movie: oh idk. all the hunger games?

[kaleidoscopic-writing]

Just wanted to let you know I thought the first chapter of Mind Over Matter was great! Looking forward to read more :)

Oh my gosh thank you so much!! This story has been in my head for agessss and I just finally got the courage up enough to post it! This just means so much to me! Can’t wait for you to read what’s to come!

[mossball3000]

The aesthetic question thing. Can you answer all of them?

(Wow this is from agessss ago lol.)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? Yesterdaydaisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Having amazing friends (both offline and online).1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?Idk honestly, I’m happy a lot of the time, but one happy memory that comes to mind is hanging out w/ my friends at school. Or talking to my crush who happens to be my friend lol.matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? I would talk to people more & admit my feelings more. Also I would probably take more risks.black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? Uhhh no, but my top three things would probably be tell my friends & family how much I appreciate them, admit my feelings to my crush & get high. On weed. (Don’t judge me ok)pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. Well I have this awesome friend and she’s just so supportive of me & so, so nice & she’s just one of the best friends I could ever hope for. Honestly, I don’t deserve her as my friend.moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? I HAD THE BEST FUCKING CHILDHOOD EVER! MY PARENTS NEVER PUSHED GENDER ROLES ON ME OR MY SIBLINGS AND I WAS HAPPY ALL THE TIME (except when I literally had a life crisis when I was fucking 8 but let’s ignore that).stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? I honestly don’t remember lol.plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. There’s this internet friend I have that I would LOVE to meet irl and just talk to for ages! So yeah. Them.converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? As long as they don’t judge me or tell anyone else, yeah. lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? Uhhh I’ve never had a 3am conversation lol.handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? To my friend: “I really appreciate you, you know.”cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? BROWN EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. YOU HAVE THOSE DARK BROWN EYES THAT YOU COULD GET LOST IN BUT IF THE SUNLIGHT SHINES ON THEM JUST RIGHT THEY GLOW SO NICELY. AND THEN THERE’S LIGHT BROWN EYES & YOU CAN SEE THE DARK FLECKS AROUND THE PUPIL AND IT’S JUST AHHH yeah I’ve had crushes on lots on people with really nice eyes.In short I FUCKING LOVE BROWN EYES.sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. “It’s fine, I’ll just wing it.” My life. Enough said.oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? I Don’t Know What The Hell I’m Doing Or What Exactly Is Going On But My Life Is Still Fucking Awesome: An AutobiographyAlternatively: Why The Fuck Am I Another Lovestruck Teen It’s Annoying & Cliqueoveralls: what would you do with one billion dollars? Uhhhhh donate to charities, buy presents for all my friends & family, buy something for myself then SAVE IT UP.combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?Uhhh yes?? I think?? Honestly no I don’t mind either way.winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.Dear twelve year old me,Don’t you fucking dare tell him that you like him. Don’t email him. Don’t say it was a dare. Stop getting crushes, it’s annoying. Don’t-Andddd vise versa.pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? Damn that’s hard, I would say punk.tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. Tattoos: I wouldn’t mind having one. Piercings: Fake ones. Other than that no.piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? Uhhhh no, since I have no real need to.bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.N/Amessy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. YO CAN SOMEONE HELP ME? THANKS!cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. I’ve never been to a concert.grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? I would love to get a letter from an all-knowing being telling me everything I want to know.space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? I have a desk & it’s pretty unorganised since it’s basically 70% covered in random stuff.white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? Brush teeth, toilet, plait hair, sleep.old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? I honestly think their parenting methods are pretty shit most of the time.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? Electric blue roots, bc I think it would look cool.

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? My four closest friends and one of my internet friends (although I wouldn’t want them to feel left out or anything so I’m actually not sure about that BUT ANYWAY). We’d probably just wander around Sydney doing random stuff, I guess.11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. I wish for PERMANENT world peace, for global warming to disappear and to meet my internet friends.painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. A white sheet with holes in it (including holes to see through) draped over my whole body.lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? I’ve never been drunk or high.thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? Murder everyone I love/innocent people.storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? Only listen to one song for the rest of my life (providing I still get to see everyone).love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love. Idk reallyclouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?YESYESYESYESYESSSSSS!! In fact I was planning to get my hair cut short (like a pixie cut) but I never got around to it lol.coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? I don’t have stuff from Starbucks.

[atasteofchocolates]

Update 19/08/2017

I have so much to write about it’s unreal!  

So first of all I have just had the shock of my life! Sam has been asking Jade for them to have a baby... MY BROTHER WANTS A CHILD! We never thought this day would come! Mum so desperately wants a grandchild and now that I think of it... I’d love to be an Aunt. Apparently Jade said maybe in the next year or two but Sam actually wants one. Pretty sure mum and I had a heart attack in Costa. 

Secondly the other day I gave Blake my blog again to read my previous blog post. But I randomly got a message saying he loves me and he’s sorry that sometimes he can be a dick etc. Pretty much he read down on my blog to where I wrote about him not messaging me for a long time. It really hit him hard and ever since he’s been a lot more attached? That word doesn’t really explain what I mean but it’ll do. Pretty much over the past two days he’s been sick and on both nights he has asked me to call. Usually when he’s sick we don’t ever call but he has wanted to for the past two days. The first night he was scared because he has woken up shaking, sweating and throwing up. So I called and sat with him, telling him what to do to help and calming him down. Last night he couldn’t sleep because he was in pain and he rang up crying. He said his whole body hurt, his head felt like it was going to explode and his throat felt like razors. So once again I sat with him, he managed to fall asleep but I didn’t hang up. I know when I’m sick I wake up multiple times so I wanted him to know that when he wakes up I’ll still be there. I watched Reign while he slept and every now and again i’d here his breathing. It was calming for me to know while he’s sleeping he isn’t in pain. He woke up and said “Bub? Baby? I love you.” And asked if i was okay before falling back asleep again. Eventually he woke up fully. It was 1am for me and I had been in bed with my eyes closed kinda half sleeping. He sounded loads better and more like himself. We spoke properly for 20 mins before he had to get ready to spend they day with his mum and told me I should sleep. I like that he’s coming to me for comfort. However he also read my blog post from agessss ago. When we were a few weeks into the relationship and I wasn’t 100% sure if I wanted to date him. So now he is more conscious about annoying me even though if I could message him all day I would because nothing makes me happier then talking to him. 

This week has been really difficult for me. My anxiety has been through the roof almost every day. I’ve been late to NCS on most days because of my anxiety and I don’t feel like I have done much to support the group. However it has been nice hanging out with my new friend Hannah. We have loads in common like random music taste, dying our hair and love for doctor who. I feel comfortable around her however I feel like I’m spending a lot of time with her and not enough with everyone else. I want to make loads of friends on this trip, not just one even if she is a really good friend. We spend our lunches on the beach watching all the dog walkers and talking about our families and stuff. Then we usually play naughts and crosses with our security cards in the sand. I don’t know if I’ll stay in touch with her after this though. It would be good if we did but she is going to a different college so I’m not sure. 

I’m starting to get nervous about Blake coming down. Like even though there is a chance he might not. To him he is 100% going to be here in 4 months. He talks about it like he has already booked everything even though he hasn’t. But because of this, i’m getting nervous. It is probably not helped by the overwhelming anxiety this week but I can’t help but think about how I’ll feel on they way to pick him up. He will most likely be at a London airport so it will be a 3 hour journey at least. I don’t want to be anxious when I meet him but i’ve never been in a real relationship before. In December we would have been together for 8 months which is the longest i’ve ever been in one. I haven’t dated many people as I find it hard to trust. I trust Blake 110% but there is always a voice at the back of my mind whispering am I good enough? What if he wants to do things I dont? He most likely will want to do things I’m not comfortable with but we have talked about it loads and he said he would never force anything on me. I want my dad to go with me to pick him up, I know my mum will want to be there but I really want my dad to go. When I went to meet Nishat last December I almost had a panic attack but my dad got me out the car and we went for a walk and bought some mints before singing to the Moana sound track. I didn’t panic. I’ve never met a guy internet friend before and I’m always more shy around guys. But Blake isn’t just a guy. He is my boyfriend. I’m hoping that because We’ve skyped a lot and have talked over the phone that i won’t be as nervous. We say I love you over skype and I don’t freak out. We hug our laptops and send kisses down the phone (cringy I know) but I don’t feel awkward. So... Will I be that bad after all? I freaked out when I met bety but A) I’d never met anyone online before. B) I was in a foreign country. and C) We had only skyped twice and had never phone called. When I met nishat I was fine but we had called a lot, I was in England and we had skyped loads. Blake is the same as nishat in those terms. It’ll be in England, then in my home, my safe place. I’ll be with family. We have skyped and called loads. But also... I love him. So I should be okay. I have 4 months anyway. Now point panicking now.