#this has been my 2 am rant about my own style fluctuations

[elkaseltzer]

ive been looking at a lot of my art recently and ive been noticing im kinda dissatisfied with how it looks, and when i was in the middle of drawing the piece for ffm i finally realised what it was.

i went back and looked the harp scene piece i did for osas, the old selkie piece i did, the lucifer piece i did for trt, and then i looked at some of my more recent stuff, and i realised that a lot of my whimsy is gone.

i like having a kind of cartoony style. i like having "anime noses" and eyes. i like chunky line art and exaggerated proportions. i think that in my effort to improve my artistry skills, i began to force myself to draw more realistically. and thats not what i want!

anywho. this is to say that hopefully a lot of my drawing mojo will come back to me now that i remember how i enjoy to engage in creation. recently whenever a piece has started going awry ive just been giving up on it QWQ

also, i am putting all of the pieces that i mentioned below, to provide a better idea of what i meant if anyones interested

pieces i appreciate more:

never realised how much i draw lucifer this is kind of embarrassing anyways. i like my proportions here. for me, i think its mostly about how i do the faces. alastor in the OSAS piece there is one of the better ones ive done (which is ironic because lucifer in that one is one of the not as good ones. i shouldve redrawn him but i was lazy). drawing him is so hard for me, and i have no idea why. i can never get his energy right. the death of alastor piece is a little more on the line, but i think thats more the shading than anything (and the shading was done that way purposefully)

pieces i appreciate less:

its always fucking alastor. lucifer in these pieces? love him. greatness. my little pookie bear. but i just leaned to far into "real person proportion-ness" with al to properly enjoy these ones. they dont feel like him, and they arent drawn in a form that gives me joy. the dance one is mighty close, but falls just a little short

[a-god-in-crime-alley]

So I’mma do a quick rant on Tim and the whole “forever 17” thing people are always going on about.

Disclaimer: some of this is based on my own experience with how I changed as I got older and comments from people that I went months and years without seeing.

I’m AFAB so it’s not quite the same. But I’ve never been one to remember a skin care routine and have relied on good genetics and good hygiene to make this point.

When doing some calculations for another post (you’ve probably seen that post I reblogged about the batkids ages) it hit me WHY it doesn’t look like Tim has aged.

Sure it might just be a style choice because DC wants to keep a chokehold on their Teen audience with Tim. (Even though Damian is RIGHT THERE!!! DC stop making Damian look like Tim for the love of GOD!)

A lot of people don’t actually CHANGE that much from ages 16-24 as long as they are keeping to the same exercise routines and diets. With the exception of Tim’s Brucequest, he kept to a fairly stable routine for Years!

The reason most people change so much early on is because they drop off their usual exercise (gym class) and repetitive diet (school or packed lunch). So you see people’s weight fluctuating (this can have an effect of visible face shape) hair either thinning or thickening and skin either clearing or getting more acne.

Add this to Tim probably having pretty good genetics (his mom looked like she was maybe pushing 30 when she died but was probably closer to mid 40s. Both Janet and Jack were around 10 years older than Bruce, who would have been mid 30s at the time.)

Tim not showing any signs of facial hair can also be down to genetics. Some cis men just NEVER get more than a single chin hair, maybe a max of 5 sparsely scattered along their chin. Those guys usually just pluck them out. They never actually have to shave. Though I think we Have seen Tim shaving again one point. Can’t remember when.

Either way, it makes sense for Tim not to actually look his age in any more than muscle mass. He’s noticeably built compared to how he was when Damian was introduced. (When the artists are going for a more realistic art style.)

Then considering his most recent dimensional adventure to save Bruce after the shit with Failsafe, you see just how much older he looks next to his mother (from that universe) and she didn’t seem that surprised with how he looked. Meaning her version of him is probably around the same age, and anyone who read that issue can see she looked pretty young.

Add all this to the fact it’s Canon that Jason is 23! He’s only at most 3 years older than Tim but is probably closer to 2 years older. (With Jason being 15 going on 16 when he died. And Tim was 12-13 by the 6 month mark after Jason died and Tim became Robin.)

So in conclusion, DC needs to stop acting like Tim’s still a Teenager and acknowledge that he’s a lot closer to 21 (hell, if we go by proper calculations he SHOULD BE 21).

What I’m saying is give us Tim going out for drinks with his older brothers. Have him show up at Jason’s after something bad happens and ask if he’s still up for that drink (in reference to that one time Jason offered to get a 16 year old Tim into a bar.)

Give us Funny Drunk Tim shenanigans to balance out that Dick is a miserable drunk! Have Jason get stuck babysitting both of them because he’s the only one that can actually hold his alcohol. Have the Girls be watching and laughing from across the bar because they unintentionally had their Girls Night and the same place the guys had their Boys Night.

Please DC, I am Begging you!

[a-gay-gathering]

Life Update for my Nonexistent Followers :)

So, obviously since COVID, lots has changed in all of our lives. Unfortunately, my language learning hasn't been progressing particularly fast due to school stress, and I haven't played the baritone since before quarantine back in March. I'll overview some more stuff below xx

School 📖

I've begin Grade 11, starting my two years in the IB Program, or International Baccalaureate Program. Where I live, the school year is now divided into ‘quadmesters’ due to COVID, and I just finished my first quad this Friday. I'm proud of myself because I did much better in my 2 courses than I thought I would.

Friendships 👩🏾‍🤝‍👨🏼

Since quarantine hit, I've become significantly closer to both of my main friend groups, and one of which I might consider myself closer to than with my own family. It feels good to know that there are people you can tell anything to, and people that trust you to hear their closest problems as well. In the other friend group, there has been some drama and some people needed to be kicked out, but there are a couple people I have gotten very close with.

Sexuality 🏳️‍🌈

While I do still identify as gay, and am mostly attracted to men, and occasionally nonbinary people, I have been questioning for quite some time know whether or not I was on the asexual spectrum. I thought I had it sorted out, because I do experience sexual attraction sometimes, but I realize now that I fluctuate between several different aspec identities, and so I also identify as aceflux now. Even though I always thought I was a very romantic person, I found myself going months without feeling amy attraction towards anyone at all, and have realized that I am most likely aroflux as well.

Gender ⚧

Throughout the previous year, I went through 4 different identities after realizing I was nonbinary, but I don't think I ever felt truly comfortable with the terms for very long, so although I have a very particular experience with gender, I have decided to just use nonbinary and genderqueer. I started identifying as a demiboy, then agender, then genderflux, and then finally bigender, before settling with my current terms.

‘Outness’ 📢

So, in probably early-mid April, I deicded to come out as nonbinary to my closest friend group, after choosing the name June, which lasted for several weeks before I switched to Gray as my name. About a week after, I came out to my other friend group, where I have been using they/them pronouns. Just recently, I wanted to try using ze/hir pronouns, which I have said to the closest group, and to some of my closer friends in the other group. As for family stuff, I've been teaching about different sexualities gender identities without him realizing I'm part of the community. I've gotten some slightly more feminine clothes, such as a button up with roses on it (edgy, I know) as well as a pair of dangling earrings. I've been growing my hair longer as well, but the progress is slow on that front.

Witchcraft 🔮

While I am still apart of the Wiccan faith, I haven't been studying it too much and I still told my mom about it at all, so for the foreseeable future, I will remain in the broom closet.

Pronouns 👋

The final thing I wanted to talk about is my pronouns, which I've already mentioned. I do mainly use they/them pronouns irl, as well as with my friends, but I have been experimenting with neopronouns, particularly ze/hir. On this platform, I will also be using xe/xem and I'll give examples on how to use them below :)

they/them:

That's Gray, they're my friend. I baked some cookies, so I'll give them some. Their style is cool, and I'm glad to be a friend of theirs. I hope they give themself a pat on the back.

ze/hir:

That's Gray, ze's my friend. I baked some cookies, so I'll give hir some. Hir style is cool, and I'm glad to be a friend of hirs. I hope ze gives hirself a pat on the back.

xe/xem:

That's Gray, xe's my friend. I baked some cookies, so I'll give xem some. Xyr style is cool, and I'm glad to be a friend of xyrs. I hope xe gives xemself a pat on the back.

In conclusion...

Thank you! It feels good to be back on this platform, because even though I don't really have anybody that follows me, it is a space to rant be myself. I'll see you soon hopefully :)

[sorrowschengmei]

okay, i think i made my decision.

i am leaving tumblr.

why? i could give THOUSANDS of reasons. i could show a screencapture of my blocklist/blacklist and their HUNDREDS of people/tags. i could talk about my experiences within the rlo and klux fandoms since 2016. i could talk about my general fandom experience since 2012. but there are three main reasons.

1. Tumblr isn’t benefitting me professionally as a social media anymore. 

Apart from the whole emotional/personal/social issue with tumblr, now there’s a professional issue as well. After the NSFWpocalypse the kind of people that both run and use this website became VERY clear for me. These are people that operate on a ‘holier-than-thou’ morality code and won’t hesitate in ruining an artist’s career just because they dislike their style/their ships/their shipping tropes. Others just don’t care about artists and their well being in general, and if they can sell an entire community for one corn chip they WILL. 

I can’t play around with this. I’m an aspiring illustrator dealing with transphobia, joblessness, nazism, mental health issues, my own disability. I can’t risk building a fanbase in a place i can be expelled from all of a sudden, and i can’t risk getting my personal info doxxed because someone decided in 2015 I made a drawing of Hux where he looked under 21 or wrote a fic where Rey suffers physical violence from Finn. Tumblr is a platform that permits fandom issues to grow QUICKLY into real-life issues and frankly, i have enough issues to care about in real life. 

2. I just found out my Stylish extension is hacking me.

As a result of my years-long stress peaking on downright suicidal competitiveness, I installed an extension that blocks my follower count from my own eyes, so I can post whatever I want without freaking out about losing followers. Turns out the only extension that does it is also a huge information tracker. It’s been basically doxxing me to their servers since i installed it in March. Once again, I have no interest at all on being doxxed, but my mental health will be UTTERLY harmed if i start being aware of my follower fluctuations. No mental health = no art = no work. 

3. I have a Pillowfort now.

:D i did it. A very kind person gifted me a key. It’s Kylo-of-Sorrows as well.

I’m not giving up on my interests or my art, you can find me around in several social media. 

Instagram? I have one.

Twitter? Two, one for ranting/sketching/arting and other for NSFW. [Thanks the internet gods twitter still is a safe place for the porn artist!].

I still have an account on good old dA [it’s quite recent actually].

Facebook also has a constant stream of my art [only fully rendered work, tho]

For anyone interested on hiring me or professionally networking, I opened an Artstation recently. I sell trinkets at RedBubble and if you want a cute custom SW icon, you can tip me at Ko-Fi! 

I want to follow you as well!! Send me your alternate social media, let’s build new mutualships.

[be aware all my social media is multi-shipping but my SFW twitter, that is kylx-only. pillowfort comes with a native blacklist system so you can avoid triggering ships easily]

I’m ALWAYS on at discord as well. If we have common interests, it’s likely you’ll find me around there.

I’ll still be around for a while, until i make sure all my friends and followers followed me into my new social media. I may use this blog as a reference archive as well.

Hopefully 2019 will be a safer/healthier year for all of us.

[schmergo]

I went to the Museum of the Bible

Okay, buckle in, because this is gonna be kind of a lengthy post. My mom got free tickets to the highly controversial new Museum of the Bible in DC and I, with heavy misgivings, decided to come along and see what was up. I have to say, I thought it was a lot better than I expected, though I am still suspicious and cynical of several aspects of the place. So here is my detailed review! Here's what you need to know about the museum first: 1. It was founded and funded by Steve Green, the President of Hobby Lobby, aka the company that went to the Supreme Court because they didn't want to cover employees' birth control, saying it went against their religious beliefs. 2. He was also fined $3 million for smuggling artifacts from Iraq (which did not appear in the museum's collection). 3. The museum is technically non-sectarian (though with a Protestant bias), and does not address hot-button issues like evolution/creationism, abortion, LGBTQ+ rights, or how the Bible "should" be interpreted. Its galleries include tellings of the stories from the Bible, the history of the compilation and transmission/translation of the Bible, and the impact of the Bible on history and culture. It always hints at a Christian interpretation but does not outright evangelize. Some people may find this claimed non-political and nonsectarian interpretation more insidious than an outright Christian oriented museum. 4. The museum is free, but with a suggested donation. I would personally not suggest donating anything if you're interested in checking it out so as not to put money in the Hobby Lobby Guy's pockets, but that's just me. Now, I have to address my own personal biases. I am a Protestant Christian (United Methodist, to be specific), but I'm also strongly opposed to what constitutes contemporary "American Christian culture." I'm a believer not only in God but in human rights, evidence-based science/evolution, separation of church and state, charity, equality, and empathy. To me, these values are compatible with studying Jesus' teachings, and I'm deeply critical of people who use Christianity to justify selfish and narrowminded decisions. I also am an elementary-age Sunday school teacher who likes to emphasize the importance of Biblical literacy in self-professed Christians, which this museum champions (you'd be amazed how many Christians aren't actually familiar with the Bible), and in studying not only the stories, but the themes and lessons behind them (which this museum does not do. It allows guests the freedom to interpret the material according to their own beliefs- again, some might like this and some might dislike it). This museum is huge. We were there for about five hours and still didn't see everything. It was also absolutely PACKED with guests. The line to get in snaked down the block, and there were some long lines to get into the "hottest ticket" exhibits. We started off our day in the most popular, multi-media exhibit, The Hebrew Bible, which is a mix of videos and walk-through visuals with exciting lighting, animation, and voiceover, telling the narrative of major Old Testament stories. This exhibit is a pure storytelling "experience" and does not display any artifacts or purport to be a factual account, which I actually love because it is not claiming that all of these accounts are literally true or trying to show historical evidence. It's a little cheesy but less cheesy than you might expect- it feels like an elegant Disney World attraction but with a more artistic and slightly more abstract style. I especially liked the burning bush (the voice of God was represented as multiple voices in unison, at least one of them female), the white room full of rainbow light after the ark, the Red Sea made of string and projected waves, or the watercolor style of art of the Judges/Samuel movie. This experience is as non-controversial as possible, though the one issue is that it portrays the entire Old Testament as a consistent story about how God's people moved closer to and farther from God throughout history, fluctuating in loyalty, which I've heard is contrary to how the Tanakh is generally interpreted. This also implies that the New Testament completes "the story," which shows a Christian bias. The next exhibit was a recreation of the village of Nazareth, which WAS cheesy and Disneyesque, but fun. It felt like the museum at Jamestown Settlement, where you can walk in the little houses and see how people lived in another time. There were living interpreters there, and I liked that the people who played the villagers were racially diverse. There was a mikvah, an olive press, a temple, and typical Jewish homes. Less diverse was the short movie about John the Baptist and King Herod, who were both played by white actors- in fact, Herod was John Rhys-Davies (aka Gimli) in all his bellowing rolled-r scenery-chewing glory. He seemed to be having a grand old time. The New Testament movie was poignant but a slightly more cartoonish style of animation than the Old Testament films. Its art style reminded me of the illustrations on Pottermore. There are a lot of contradictory versions of stories in the Gospels, which was not acknowledged in this movie, but they kind of found a way around this by having the movie told from the perspectives of different people who encountered Jesus in first person (John, Saul/Paul, Mary Magdalene, Thomas, a centurion at the crucifixion, etc), showing them as varying accounts rather than one narrative. I know about the differences between the Gospels, but not everyone does, and this could be interpreted as an oversimplification. One thing I loved about this movie was that they never showed Jesus' face. They allow the audience to imagine him as they see fit. My family got lunch after this. There's a big restaurant called Manna on the top floor that serves middle-Eastern inspired foods and it was quite good. (There are vegetarian, vegan, and kosher options.) I had a platter with falafel, salad, and pickled vegetables, as well as some mango juice. This place gets CROWDED and there are long lines, but you can't re-enter the museum once you've exited unless you get back in the big queue around the block, so you can really only eat here or at the coffee shop downstairs. There's also a biblical garden and observation deck up there. Next, we went to the floor that talks about the history of the Bible, and this is where things get complex. I am less knowledgeable about this stuff than the actual text of the Bible itself, so I can't tell you what was of questionable accuracy here and what was legit, but this floor was definitely poised as being more serious and academic, while the one above it was more about narrative and entertainment-- so obviously, I was side-eying it more. This exhibit is definitely slanted toward the concept that the Bible has been transmitted and translated throughout time with remarkable accuracy, but also explores the differences, inaccuracies, and variations between different Bibles. It starts with a collection of ancient tablets and documents. I have read that some of these have questionable provenance and authenticity, especially fragments of the Dead Sea scrolls. Some of the signage alludes to these questions, some does not. Many items are on loan from other institutions, while others are replicas and facsimiles of items in museums like The British Museum (always labeled as such). The articles of the museum I've read are very severe about questions of authenticity/provenance, partially because of the Hobby Lobby scandal, but also because this is such a new museum. Museum practices have changed over time, and many of the artifacts at the British Museum and the Met are unethically acquired, too. Bear that in mind when visiting any museum (I could rant to you about the Parthenon marbles!) Still, a new and expensive museum like this one should be more careful. The most interesting ancient items in this exhibit were accounts from non-Jewish ancient cultures that told a different version of events than the Bible-- a king claiming to have killed a Hebrew King and thanking his own gods for the victory, while the Bible says that God punished that Hebrew King for not being devoted to him. It was cool to see two sides of the same story. But what I REALLY loved here was the collection of Bibles from the Middle Ages and Renaissance, because I love old books. Like, I took a class at the Folger Shakespeare Library about this stuff. There was a Gutenberg Bible, some absolutely gorgeous illuminated manuscripts (including one belonging to Henry V's great-grandmother and in immaculate condition), Tyndale Bibles, one of the very first edition of the full Bible in English... It was sobering to see that Henry VIII commissioned churches to display Bibles in English two years after Tyndale was executed abroad for translating the Bible into English. My favorite thing in the entire museum was a "Wicked Bible"- a reprint of the King James Bible that accidentally left out a crucial word and said, "Thou shalt commit adultery." Needless to say, most of them were destroyed, and the printers got in trouble, but this one survived. I also liked the small exhibits on which books were included in which versions of the Bible and which were left out/ considered apocrypha. The "Drive Thru History." introductory movie here is incredibly annoying and trying too hard to be cool, by the way, so feel free to skip that one if you go. It does a disservice to a serious collection of books. I also popped into the second floor exhibits before I left, but I didn't stick around for long. This has exhibits on the Bible's impact on US history and on culture in the world. The culture one honestly was so overwhelming and sprawling that it hurt my brain (especially since I had already been in the museum for 4.5 hours), but I did get a kick out of seeing Elvis Presley's Bible. This might be the most propaganda-Y part of the museum, but I didn't take much time to find out. There's also a video booth where people can share their own feelings or experiences about the Bible. The American history section was interesting and surprisingly daring, though. It talked about how the Bible was used to back up positions on different sides of issues through history- pro- and anti- slavery, women's rights, whether to be independent from England. It showed that the Bible has been used for good and bad throughout history and has some cool documents on display- a first edition copy of Uncle Tom's Cabin, Elizabeth Cady Stanton's "Women's Bible," the handwritten manuscript of the Battle Hymn of the Republic. The displays let the public vote on tricky questions like whether they agree with Thomas Jefferson's decision to cut up the Bible and keep the parts that he felt applied as advice to daily life. (73% say no.) Also, in a section about politicians making reference to their personal faiths, there is a clip of Barack Obama singing "Amazing Grace." Nice to see that this museum explicitly denies the "Obama is a secret Muslim" conspiracy. There were more exhibits that I didn't get to see, including some traveling exhibits on loan from the Vatican, an Israeli museum, and a Bavarian museum. They also have a full-stage production of the Broadway musical "Amazing Grace." I will say, I gave a hard side-eye to the large gift shop, through which visitors exit, with the "Museum of the Bible" logo branded on everything from mugs to t-shirts to sunglasses. I would have preferred a tasteful bookshop with maybe a few knick-knacks like cross necklaces and Noah's Ark toys, but I guess I'm an old party-pooper. Overall, I actually had a lot of fun at this museum and got to see some very cool and rare books, but I also was naturally more critical toward this museum's decisions than I normally would be when visiting a tourist attraction. I was happy to see a crowd diverse in age and ethnicity who were discussing the exhibits rather than just zooming through (I did see one guy in a MAGA hat, though- frankly, I thought there might be more). The employees were all really nice and helpful even though the place was outrageously crowded. Would I recommend visiting this museum? Maybe! I think I would recommend it to Christian people who are already knowledgeable about the Bible and willing to think critically about what they read and see. I think it would be a good place to bring kids (mid-elementary and up) and talk seriously about some of these topics and controversies. The kids in my Sunday school class seem to have a hard time remembering sequence of events in the Bible, thinking Moses was the same time as Jesus, calling King David a 'Christian,' etc. This might clarify some stuff. I saw a lot of little kids there, and they were having fun, but I feel like I wouldn't take kids that young there because they wouldn't be able to understand the more complex topics. I don't want to just give them candy-coated pretty stories! I probably would not recommend this museum to people who come from very different faith traditions or none at all, whatever this museum's attempts at secularity. I will say, I'm unsure what the Museum of the Bible's agenda is, because it certainly doesn't seem built to convert anybody. The more cynical part of the says it's built to spread the message that the Bible is so important to history and culture that it should be taught in schools. The less cynical part says that it's built to encourage Christians to explore and become more knowledgeable about their faiths, because we're from a time when the majority of Americans identify as Christian, but very few have read the Bible or can answer basic questions about it. I think that's dangerous, because lots of people seem to adhere more to "Christian" culture than Christian scripture, and that leads to a mindset completely divorced from what I see as Jesus' teachings. I don't personally have a problem with its location near the Mall and the Capitol, because if anything else, I see it as a sign of the separation of Church and State. The museums on and around the mall explore different cultures and fields of study, so does one-- but I hope people who visit DC for this museum also visit some of the Smithsonian museums. Learn about Natural History, African-American history, Native-American History, not just the museum about your own religious faith. Please feel free to ask me any questions about the museum!